623: Love, Polarity, and the Void: Finding God Through Relationship with Adam Roa

Summary

Highest Self Podcast® – Episode 623

"Love, Polarity, and the Void: Finding God Through Relationship"

with Sahara Rose & Adam Roa
October 7, 2025

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Episode Overview

This rich, vulnerable, and insightful episode brings together host Sahara Rose and poet/artist Adam Roa to unpack how love and relationships are at the core of spiritual growth and self-realization. Through Adam’s evocative poetry and their heart-opening conversation, they explore themes of the sacred void, masculine and feminine polarity, the continual search for home and connection, and how heartbreak catalyzes evolution. The dialogue covers the complex energetics between masculine and feminine, partnership desires, conscious dating, sexuality, and the pain and gifts found in surrendering to love.

Listeners will find a nuanced, contemporary take on spiritual and relational wisdom—balancing the mystical, the real, and the humorous.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

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1. The Risk—and Gift—of Loving Deeply

[00:00 – 01:19]
Adam Roa:

• Shares the pain and beauty of opening deeply to love: "The risk that comes with loving so deeply is that you have a thousand mini breakups. If you allow yourself to love that deeply, you will get attachments. Love seeps into places inside of us that haven't been touched by other people.... But I have never regretted falling in love. I have never regretted allowing myself to love." (00:00)
• Frames heartbreak as essential to growth and art.

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2. Opening Poem: "Running"

[04:06 – 11:19]

• Adam performs his poem “Running,” a personal narrative about a stranger’s comment that he’s “running from something,” which prompts deep introspection.
• The poem weaves themes of trust, being led by intuition, childhood wounds, the feeling of home, the search for soul partnership, and whether we are fated or have free will in love.
• Notable excerpt:

  "It's a feeling I have in the depth of my heart. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not far... It's the reason I'm here, why I came from the stars... It's a feeling of home that I hold in my heart. I just haven't found it yet. But I feel it." (08:40)

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3. Love as Spiritual Journey

[11:19 – 15:46]

• Sahara: Relates to the poem, describes love as God’s master plan for growth—how relationships, heartbreak, and yearning move us toward our soul’s evolution.
• The feeling of “void”—that longing for a love or life not yet experienced—is God’s way of propelling us forward.
• “It’s the journey of becoming along the way.” (01:19)

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4. The Void, Polarity, and Masculine/Feminine Dynamics

[15:46 – 20:23]

• Adam: The "void" is the feminine principle—representing infinite possibility and desire for more.
  • “The void, right? And to me, that’s the feminine... The feminine will always want more. But the reason is because you have a coding and a physical way of being in touch with the more.” (15:46)
  • Links the womb as the physical portal between spirit and earth, and source of the feminine’s oracular power.
• Masculine energy’s purpose is to meet/fill the space provided by the feminine, and both energies must harmonize within and in relationship.
• When the feminine (or women in relationship) voices a desire for “more,” it stretches the masculine to meet, which is a spiritual process for both.

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5. Sacredness of the Womb & Balanced Energies

[19:57 – 21:08]

• Sahara expresses gratitude for Adam honoring the feminine, especially the womb, as “the holy grail.”
• Adam: “I would totally bear a child. 100%. I think that’s so cool... There’s got to be no experience on earth like you carrying and growing another soul inside of you.” (20:44)

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6. Manifestation, Compromise, and Relationship Dynamics

[21:08 – 28:10]

• Sahara: The feminine dreams up the relationship, the masculine fills it—how does compromise fit in?
• Adam: Cautions women: “Just because you feel it doesn’t make it right... Women often wrap their desires in spiritual language as if it’s a divine download...” (22:16)
• The shadow side of spiritual women: feeling their intuition/oracle perspective always “trumps” the masculine.
• Adam’s personal experience: sometimes, being the more evolved or spiritually experienced partner isn’t honored.
• The unconscious hierarchy in dating (women assuming men aren’t as emotionally or spiritually advanced).

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7. Receiving Feedback and Spiritual Bypass

[28:10 – 33:44]

• Adam: Describes a vulnerable example where his emotional honesty was met with deflection, not empathy. Points out the “stage 2 consciousness” of reducing everything to personal manifestation.
• Sahara: Recognizes her own projection of idealized “conscious masculine,” and acknowledges how women’s pain shapes relationship expectations.
• Years later, ex-partner apologizes, reflecting spiritual growth over time.

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8. Surrender, Safe Containers, and Partnership Energetics

[33:44 – 41:29]

• Adam: Stresses that for true feminine surrender, the masculine must earn trust by deeply considering her needs.
• Discusses the maintenance of polarity, feeling supported, and the “girl-next-door”/nurturing archetype as ideal partnership.
• “My highest priority in partnership now is to feel peace... When I’m with this woman, my entire system settles.” (36:30)
• Both speak to shifting desires—from passionate “crazy love” in youth to more grounded peace as they age.

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9. The Challenge of Meeting in Depth

[41:30 – 48:23]

• Sahara: The struggle to find men who are both deep/communicative and have masculine provider energy, without becoming their spiritual teacher.
• Adam: The modern renegotiation of gender roles, and the reality of not wanting a partner with “massively career ambitious” energy, seeking instead a woman who sees family and partnership as her purpose.
• “I felt a lot of shame and guilt through society of saying I want a more traditional woman who’s there to help support me in achieving this vision.” (46:45)

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10. Career, Family, Power Couples & Polarity

[48:23 – 57:05]

• Both discuss examples and challenges of “power couple” dynamics (e.g., running businesses together), and the rarity of couples who maintain both career equality and passion/polarity.
• Adam and Sahara agree: the most important thing is authenticity—some women feel truly called to family, not business.

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11. Dating, Intentions, and Conscious Broadcasting

[57:36 – 65:40]

• Adam: Navigates how publicly stating desires for partnership may energetically shift what’s attracted to you—should you “hold it close”?
• Sahara: Discusses dating strategies, discrimination, and the importance of time/prior relationship experience.
• Both: The balance between “broadcasting” your desires and not diluting intention.

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12. Deep Presence, Flirting, and Sexual Energy

[65:40 – 72:27]

• Adam: Loving at the "edges" makes for the greatest art—and cautions the rare, potent way men are present can sometimes be misread as sexual interest.
• Sahara: “A lot of men are afraid of being vulnerable because then she's going to get attached...” (68:39)
• Adam: Asserts men have greater ability to compartmentalize, so bear responsibility (60-70%) for protecting women’s hearts when in short-term dynamics.

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13. Navigating Love Bubbles, Attachments, & Mini-Breakups

[72:27 – 83:05]

• Both explore the emotional aftermath of short-term relationships—Adam shares he’s cried over weekend flings and learns something from every love, even those that end quickly.
• “The unique way that Sahara loves me will hit areas of my soul that no one else has necessarily hit in that way...” (80:32)
• Deep willingness to be hurt is essential for personal growth.

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14. Sacred Sexuality, Boundaries & Conscious Intimacy

[83:18 – 92:13]

• Sahara: Many women regret breaking their own boundaries in sex, not loving.
• Adam: Holds kissing and sex as sacred—will only engage if it feels like a "net positive" DNA exchange.
• Shares his practical tool: Conversation around “desires, fears, and boundaries” before intimacy—creating safety, clarity, play, and honoring mutual limits.
  • “Can we have a conversation?... Here are my desires… my fears… and my boundaries… What are yours?” (86:35–92:13)

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15. Closure Rituals & Conscious Endings

[92:13 – 97:26]

• Adam: The importance of intentional closing conversations and rituals, even for short-term encounters or open relationships. Sharing how clear completion enables both to move on without energetic residue.
• Sahara: Recognizes unresolved endings fuel much of the regret around casual experiences.

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16. Final Reflections & Takeaways

[97:26 – End]

• Both affirm the unique “love story” each person is living, and the courage required to love openly, messily, and honestly.
• Listeners are invited to continue these discussions and bring the lessons of conscious relating into their own lives.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I have never regretted falling in love. I have never regretted allowing myself to love.”
  – Adam Roa (00:00 / 81:46)

• “Love is the journey of becoming.”
  – Sahara Rose (01:19)

• “My highest priority in partnership now is to feel peace. When I'm with this woman, my entire system settles. My nervous system settles.”
  – Adam Roa (36:30)

• “We get better at anything and everything, the more we're willing to get hurt.”
  – Adam Roa (81:46)

• “The void [is] the journey of filling it is the journey of becoming and creating and enlivening.”
  – Sahara Rose (11:19)

• “If you tell me that you don’t want to have sex, that's a boundary for you. I’m not even going to try... I 100% will honor your boundaries.”
  – Adam Roa (91:14)

• “The womb is the physical doorway between the spirit world and this world.”
  – Adam Roa (16:30)

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Essential Timestamps

• 00:00 – Adam on the pain & beauty of loving deeply
• 04:06–11:19 – Adam’s poem “Running”
• 15:46 – Adam on the void, feminine, and polarity
• 22:16 – “Just because you feel it doesn’t make it right”—calling out spiritual ego/shadow
• 36:30 – Seeking peace over passion in mature partnership
• 46:45 – Shame around desiring traditional relationship roles
• 65:40 – Life as the ultimate art project; power of holding intentions
• 80:32 – Learning from every love, mini-breakups, never regretting loving
• 84:51–92:13 – Kissing, sexual boundaries, and the “desires/fears/boundaries” conversation
• 93:12–97:26 – Conscious rituals for closing relationships

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Conclusion

This episode is a must-listen for those on a spiritual path, lovers of poetry, and anyone grappling with the complexities of conscious relationships. Sahara and Adam’s openness is both healing and provocative, combining sacred wisdom, new frameworks for relating, and actionable tools for conscious love. Their conversation is an invitation to see love and heartbreak as necessary portals for soul growth—and to approach each relationship, however brief, as a sacred container.

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For full resources and the links mentioned—including Adam’s upcoming book “Crazy Love” and the viral “Sex, Love, and Jenga” video—check the episode’s show notes or connect directly via their socials.

Transcript

[A]

The risk that comes with loving so deeply is that you have a thousand mini breakups. If you allow yourself to love that deeply, you will get attachments. Love seeps into places inside of us that haven't been touched by other people. And when that goes away, whether it's two days later, two months later, two years later, when that goes away, there will be a feeling of transition and loss that is hard and painful. But what I have found to be consistently true is I have never regretted falling in love. I have never regretted allowing myself to love. And that remains consistent. I would choose every single love that I've ever had again because I learned something. I grew, I experienced something. That now becomes the words and energy wrapped in my poetry. It becomes the way I can speak on a podcast. It becomes the version of me that I can bring to my future wife and my kids and talk to my daughter about what it means to teach a man how to love her. And like all of these things that I'm so excited for are the result of how deeply I was willing to love. And I think that we get better at anything and everything, the more we're willing to get hurt.

[B]

Just flow, surrender let go Trust flow, surrender let go I'm the one I've been waiting for Trust flow sooner let go Trust flow sooner Let go Trust flow sooner let go I'm the one welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, matters of the heart, but make it modern, fun, and grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. If I've learned anything in this life is that the love journey is the spiritual journey, that the more we learn about ourselves through the heart openings and heartbreaks, the more we become the version of ourselves that we are meant to become. And sometimes I think God was like, I have a master plan. I'm gonna put these different loves in your life as little, you know, dangling carrots that are going to get you to go there and do that thing and move to that city and become that version of you. Because that sometimes is the only energy that would propel us to make these giant shifts in our life that only love can. And that really, it's the journey of becoming along the way. So I love musing on these topics. And my fellow soul brother that you're gonna have for the second time here on the podcast, Adam Roa. He is a fellow Capricorn. This week is our birth week, by the way, and poet, artist, entrepreneur. We were just here at Mind Valley, and he performed a beautiful poem. And last time he was here on the podcast, which was now, two years ago, he shared another piece, which I'll link below. And it's just so interesting because both of us were love devotees. You know, like. Like, love is our North Star. It's our spiritual path. And I feel as souls, like, when we choose that, and you might have chosen that, too, it's like you are confronted with all the things of, like, is this love? Could. Could this be love? And, like, finding love even in that, while also holding faith in something that you've never yet experienced, but, like, know to be true. Like, the love that you know that God put you here to experience, and you know that that deep desire wouldn't be within you if it wasn't a part of you. But now it's again that journey of how. How we get there, which sometimes comes from conversations like this. So he's going to be dropping us in with a beautiful po Running, and we'll see where the journey takes us. Without further ado, let's welcome Adam Rowe here on the podcast.

[A]

Ah, thank you for having me.

[B]

Sahara, drop us in.

[A]

This is gonna be a deep one. I just feel it already.

[B]

We're running. And before we get into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe. That allows you to stay in the loop for future conversations. This podcast is also on YouTube, so you could be watching us in person, Spotify video and the Apple Store. So be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with future conversations. And let's get into this one.

[A]

Yeah. So this poem is called Running, and it's based off of a true event that happened when I went out to a restaurant by myself. So do you want me to direct it to you or the camera? What would you.

[B]

Camera.

[A]

Okay, here we go. This is direct to you, the audience. Take a nice deep inhale and exhale. Last night, I went out to dinner by myself. Sat at the bar next to an older woman who, well, had no problem telling me how she felt, how she really felt. She started to ask me questions about my life. She asked me where I lived. I said, I travel full time. She asked me what I did. Well, I work remotely online. Well, are you married with kids? No, I haven't yet met my wife. Well, how long has it been like this? Six years. A long time. Oh, now it makes sense, she said with a smile. What makes sense? Oh, it's just interesting, she said. Interesting? Yeah, interesting. Now, I don't know if you've ever been in this situation where you're out somewhere and you get into a conversation with a stranger who seems to have had a revelation about you. Like God has given them some big clue about what you're supposed to do or why you are the way you are. Well, the part of me that believes in astrology, like the stars can tell me what I need, or the part that pulls out an oracle deck to give context on what to do next, that part of me believes God speaks in mysterious ways. He's everywhere. And so this old lady sitting there might just be an angel sent to me personally with a message from God. Now, I also had this thought. I saw this lady get here before me. She still had two glasses of wine and a martini, so she might be crazy, but it's worth a shot. So I said, lady, you can't say interesting and then just stop. If you figured out something about me, please tell me what you got. Well, she looked at me close, like she was sizing me up. Took a deep breath, like she was going to say something tough, and she said, well, son, you say you want to settle down, but for six years now, you've been traveling around, so it's pretty obvious you're running from something. Oh, shit, this is getting deep. That's what the bartender said who'd been eavesdropping, But I wasn't sure that I could agree. You see, it felt more like a fortune cookie. Speaking generalities, Running from something. Running from what? I've been following breadcrumbs. I've been living with trust. Every time God asks me for something, I feel like I show up. So if I was running from something, don't you think I'd know what? I don't know where I'm going, but I don't need to. So what? I'm not running. I'm flowing. This lady needs to shut up. And just like that, this evil little succubus was paying her bill and getting ready to go. But on her way out, she stopped to let me know. I don't know what you're running from, son, but it's pretty obvious you're running from something. And just like that, she was gone. And I was left alone with my thoughts, wondering if she was wrong or if she was right. And I've been running all along. And so I sat with that question for hours. I meditated on it, journaled about it, scoured every part of my mind, Rewinded time in hopes I could find that spot. I could be blind. And then I stopped notice that I was caught in this Loop of something I used to do. You see, I grew up with a repressed memory of childhood abuse. So my body felt off. And I always assumed there was something wrong with me. And I was always confused because even if I felt something strongly, I would still doubt it was true. But that's not how I want to be. I want to breathe with certainty. And certainly there's hurt in me, but that just means I'm a human being. And not just any human being. One that got out of the dark and picked himself up and worked real hard to find his way back to trust. And worked real hard to open his heart back to love. I didn't get this far because I'm running. It's because I never gave up and I never will. Because if I was running, it's not from something. It's towards something I feel. It's a feeling I have in the depth of my heart. I don't know what it is, but I know it's not far. I can't describe it to you, but it's as true as you are. It's the reason I'm here, why I came from the stars. It's this thing that gives hope when everything falls apart. It's in every poem I wrote. It's the core of my art. Like God left me a note I can't read in the dark. It's a feeling of home that I've known from the start. It's a feeling of home that I hold in my heart. I just haven't found it yet. But I feel it. I feel it. And it feels so warm and nurturing and nourishing and soft. And I keep running towards it because I'm afraid if I stop, then I'll never find it. And it's not a person or a place. It's all of it combined. It's a feeling more than anything, even if I cannot describe it. But when I ask God how I get there, he's awfully quiet. But I trust this feeling as my compass because God must have designed it. And please save me the lectures and the New Age perspectives about how home is already inside me and if I keep searching outside myself, it'll always keep hiding. I've read the books, too. I know what they say and I don't know how to describe that. In some way, this is different. I don't know what this is. It's. It's like a glitch in the Matrix where I already feel my kids. Like I'm moving backwards in time and they've already Lived such a strange experience trying to describe what it's like. As if I drift through a wormhole. Each night I go to bed all alone, but I sleep next to my wife. And so when I don't wake up in our home, something doesn't feel right. I feel her. I feel there. I feel them. It's not a question of if. It's a question of when. But is it possible to only feel a lifetime that begins when this lifetime ends? Like that movie I saw. Is this real or pretend? Is the outcome already written? Or does the ending depend on the actions I take? Is it free will or is it fate? If I'm creating my reality, can I make a mistake? Can I take a wrong turn? Wind up in the wrong place? And if I'm following her, does that make this a chase? If I can run out of time, does that make this a race? And if Father Time's undefeated and I can't beat his pace, but the love of my life is the prize for first place, then I'll never stop running, even if I'm running in place. Because you're not here yet. And so there's still some steps I must take. And whether it's luck or God's grace, if a step's all it takes, then I will put one foot in front of the other until I stand at your gates. And the smile on your face will let me know it's okay to finally stop running. Because I finally found your embrace. And you'll say, take off your shoes. I actually want you to stay. And it'll be true. Why? I was never running away. I was always running to you. It's why I'm still running today.

[B]

Honestly, it's time for you to get out of the spiritual closet. Because you have incredible gifts that you are here to share your message, your story, your wisdom. I know it inspires your friends, your family members, your colleagues, everyone you meet. But it's time to actually be able to share it with the world. But I know what you might be thinking. I don't know what to post. I don't feel like I'm a confident speaker. I hate the sound of my own voice. Well, if this is you, I was exactly in your position. And this is why I've created my Speak with Soul method that has led to me and over 3,000 people moving from awkward to confident speaker in just 21 days. So in this method, I go so much deeper than giving a TED Talk, but rather, it is about the energetic transfer you are here to admit. It's about the tone, texture, quality of your voice, how to share a story, how to be a channel, how to really listen to what your soul is here to express beyond the mind and into the body and spirit. So you're gonna learn about what type of speaker you are, how to effectively share your story and end off the 21 days recording your own podcast intro. Which, by the way, you need to have me on one day. So if you're interested and curious, I have a code for 20% off right now. You can head over to the show notes speakwithsoulcourse.com and use coupon code podcast for 20 off. Again, that is speakwithsoulcourse.com coupon code podcast. And I have that link in the show notes and I'm so excited to see what you create. And without further ado, let's get back into the episode. I feel so seen in that poem. And it's so, first of all, just. Can we just take a moment? Let's just all breathe that in. Like, it just, it felt like a conversation. It felt like, like in the reality shows when they're like in the confessional booth and it's like, this is how I really feel, you know, just like. And then you would just throw in rhymes. I'm like, whoa, okay, this is a poem too. Is just so beautiful, so heartfelt. And I feel so seen because I've definitely been asked that question as well. What are you running from? You know, And I've sat with that as we're spiritual people, we're like, let me take it all in. And then I think, well, if I didn't run from la, I'd be there in the fires right now. And if I didn't run from London, I would have never experienced all of the growth I did in la. And if I didn't run from Boston, I would still be in my hometown. If it's like our society tells us, you should just be happy where you are, you know, be happy in your hometown with your high school friends and your high school sweetheart. And if that's not enough, you're demanding too much. And then when we. Sure, you can take the Buddhist perspective of, like, live in dirt and be happy and we can take that. But when there's something and. And again, that piece of the desire, that desire embedded in your heart for not even greatness, but like, for being fully met, you know, it's like, if that is your North Star, you can feel that attunement. And I do feel. It's like as you get further in the journey, you get closer, you know, you get closer, you get closer, you get closer and look and maybe it's the, there will never be the, the total fit, you know, but at the same time it's like I've never regretted running towards ever. You know, it's always something in my intuition was telling me this chapter is done, the city is done, this person has done this, this role of your life is done. And yeah, then there is that void of like this thing that I'm searching for, doesn't even exist. Or is this make believe Santa Claus thing. And often you find something else. You know, it's not necessarily that, that thing that you thought, but you find something else. And I think that void continues in for the rest of our lives. You know, I think of Dubai, where we are right now, and how 20 years ago it was just a barren desert, you know, and someone had a void and that void within them was like, I want to make this the greatest city on earth. And you know, and it, and it came from that. Now we're in, we're in his experience, you know, and, and I feel that God put that void, that not whole, but that space inside of ourselves. Because that space, the journey of filling it is the journey of becoming and creating and enlivening. And I wonder because I'm also not in that relationship, et cetera. It's like, yeah, like does one ever get there? And they're like, ah, and now it all makes sense and like this is it. Or maybe there are some of us that will always seek more. What do you think?

[A]

Well, you say the void, right? And to me that's the feminine. And so the design of how the masculine and feminine actually interact is at the core energetics of what creates our reality. And I say masculine, feminine. But you could say yin yang, you could say alpha Omega, you could say shadow light, however you want to describe it. But we have an inhale, exhale to reality. There is a binary code to this. We live in duality. And so to understand that because we live in an infinite reality, that means that there is always the possibility for more. And so it's in the awareness that more is available that the void gets created. We gain access to this. Wow, there's more available. That is the feminine. The reason I believe that the feminine has access to that. And you look throughout history, in all the like mystery schools and whatever, the feminine has been the oracle. And the reason why the feminine energy, I'm not even going to say women specifically, even though that's generally how it's been. But like the oracle exists in the feminine body, in my opinion, because of the womb. And the womb is the physical doorway between the spirit world and this world. And so that means that you as a woman have access to the infinite liminal space by which souls come from that I don't have access to as a man in the same way. And that to me is what gives that oracular magic and availability. And I say very openly, the feminine will always want more. You will always want more. But the reason is because you have a coding and a physical way of being in touch with the more. And then as the masculine, my coding literally, figuratively, metaphorically, is to fill whatever holes provided by the feminine. That is like the thing. And so my design is to meet the feminine, fill the space. And so I become more in that process. And that's the yang energy. It's the doing energy of becoming more while doing efforting. And I think that the part of us, and we have these energies inside of us, there's a feminine part in myself that expands through relaxation. So when I get quiet, when I get still, when I tune into my emotions, when I sit amongst the trees, I will expand into more possibility. That's what will happen. And then it's up to me now to tune into my masculine yang energy and go, you know what? It's also time for me to take action, to become the version of me that can meet that more. And that's the dance of the divine feminine and the divine masculine that we can understand both within ourselves, but also inside of partnership. So that when my woman comes to me and says, I want more intimacy, I want more connection, I want more play, I want more financial abundance. Whatever it is that she feels is possible for us, then I know it's going to trigger my deepest karmic wound of not feeling enough as a man that I'm going to fail to give it to her. I can see that, and I can move through that and become the man capable of meeting her in that. And when I meet her in that and I'm the man that can give her more intimacy, she's going to feel safe, she's going to feel met. She will face her deep karmic wound of being too much, and she'll have to move through that in order for her to actually voice the more that she feels. And when she voices that, we create the same dance where she's become more, because she feels contained and met and safe with what she last asked for in her Expression. I feel like I get to go on the journey of becoming more, coming more to fulfill the thing that my partner is calling forth in me. And that, to me, is a fundamental way that this reality is working and being created. And when you talk about the void space, that's what comes up for me.

[B]

That was so beautifully expressed. And it's especially healing to hear a man speak about the power of the womb, because we women have been talking about it for so long. But to hear a man be like, this is the portal of life, like, this is the holy grail, like, this is the 3D printer of reality, it's like, thank you. You know, and like, to see as such. And we just need more men, like, really understanding the sacredness of that. So thank you for that. And we're going to cut a clip so the shit goes viral.

[A]

I mean, I just think that I find it to be. I'm maybe weird. And I've been called lots of names by men and women for the level of appreciation, love, respect that I have for the feminine. I'm that dude. If given the choice, I would totally bear a child.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

100%. I think that it's so cool. It's so dope. There has got to be no experience on earth like you caring and. And growing another soul inside of you. That's insane to me. And so, like, if they were like, hey, do you. Let's do one in one. You have one, I'll have one. I would totally sign up.

[B]

It's amazing. It just shows how balanced you are in your energies. And it's interesting as you spoke about that the feminine having this void. It made me think that maybe the. The puzzle piece between the divine, masculine, feminine is the feminine dreams up the relationship that she desires. You know, I desire a tantric sacred union, or I desire a power couple traveling the world, or I desire this. And she gets really honest with herself of, like, the full vision of what it looks like. And, like, creates that puzzle piece. And then it's a matter of finding the masc in who's like, his full dream that he's maybe not dreamed of yet would be that puzzle piece. And now it's his journey of, like, filling it up. But then I think what the hard part for the feminine is, you might say, I desire a relationship where we're in spiritual practice together and we're this and we're that, and then all the men who are like, well, sorry, don't want that. I don't want that. And. And the rejection and then that Is what I want ever going to be met? You know, maybe this guy, he wants to make some kind of puzzle piece with me. I, like, simultaneously fit what he wants. So, like, what do you think of that and compromise in relationships? What are your thoughts on that word?

[A]

Well, I think that there's a number of issues inside of this that are important to understand and become aware of. So first of all, this is to all you women out there, because I know most of the audience listening to this is women. Just because you feel it doesn't make it right. Quote unquote. The number of. Of women who wrap their desires in spiritual language as if it's a divine download and it's their oracle and their, like, high priestess, goddess, whatever the words are around.

[B]

Are you calling us? We just loved you and you're calling us out. What is going on?

[A]

I've met so many women while I've been single for a while. So I've done a lot of dating in this community. And I, as your type of spiritual woman, I'm done with this dating inside the spiritual community. I really am done with that. Because the thing is, you have a connection to the more you have a connection to the infinite. But a lot of that connection is based on possibilities that aren't even this timeline. They're not even this reality necessarily. You're in an infinite void space where everything is possible. And so you bring the possible into the space. I want a woman that sees who I can become. That's what I want. And then a woman who trusts my discernment of getting us there and the discernment of me getting us there. If you said to me, I have a vision for our life of I want to have babies, but I want to spend like three months every year abroad where we can, like, immerse ourselves in a new language and teach our kids this and whatever. And I'm like, okay, cool, I got you. I'm going to get us there. And now at that stage, it's important for you to surrender into my leadership to get us there. And part of where now I'm going to speak to the men. That is often overlooked because I think that men want just. That means just do whatever I say. Whatever I say goes. And I think men, you have to earn that level of surrender. And the way that you earn that level of surrender from your woman is you just need to make sure that she knows that all of your decisions include her in them. So that means when I say I'm going to build that life for us, babe, I Got you. You know, every decision I make on there is not just for me. It's. I am considering your feelings. I am holding your heart. I'm aware of your likes, your dislikes. I'm aware of your little quirks. I'm aware of how important our family is. And I will never do anything to jeopardize our family. I include all of that in my decision making. And because you know I do that, my decisions are something you can surrender into. Because how I actually get us in the log masculine Yang 3D way of getting us to that vision, that's the actualization through the masculine imparting his will on reality that I bring as my half of this union.

[B]

So what was the shadow you were seeing with spiritual woman in this?

[A]

It was a. Because I'm the oracle, I'm always right. And so if I gave feedback, if I disagreed, there was almost like a. A sense of, you're the high priestess, and everything you say should be is like, the thing that needs to happen. And. And there was a. I think a lot of women. Now we're getting personal. I'm gonna anger a bunch of the audience, but let's go there.

[B]

No one else is telling us these things.

[A]

I'm just being real. Because this is stuff. These are conversations having with men. We talk about this. And one of those things, for example, is a lot of women are used to dating men, and the woman is significantly more evolved spiritually, emotionally, has done way more. Personal development is by nature, personal development is an exploration of emotion. So women are just more attuned to what personal development actually is like early on. And so the woman is usually more evolved in that way. I would say nine out of 10 dates, the woman will have done more of that work. In my case, it's flipped more often than not. I have done more in this realm. Whether it's plant medicine.

[B]

I think you've done like 30 ceremonies.

[A]

60 ayahuasca ceremonies, iboga journeys. Like, that's the plant medicine. But then esoterics, multiple trips to Egypt, mystery school studies, then nlp, eft, tre, ifs, name all the acronyms.

[B]

Like I said, you're a wizard. I.

[A]

That's my world, and I geek out on it. And so when I go into these dates, the. I notice that the woman enters with the assumption a lot of times that she's more evolved. And because that has been her experience in this way, and so she doesn't give me the benefit of the doubt, like, when I say something to her, it's not met with the level of respect that I think it deserves, and I understand why, but I don't think enough women understand that because this is unconscious for a lot of them. You go on 20 dates and 19 out of those dudes are not able to meet you emotionally or spiritually. You're going to assume most men are there, but that what that does is create this sort of hierarchy in the mind of a pedestal of thinking, wow, I'm never going to be met. And therefore it affects the energetic from the very start. And I've experienced a lot of that.

[B]

So what is an example of a way that a woman kind of asserts her oracle and doesn't receive feedback?

[A]

I'll give you a very clear example. I went out to spend a few weeks, I won't say where because I don't want to have people guessing on who this was. But I went out, spent a few weeks with someone and we were exploring partnership. And it was just a fight, man. It was just. I felt so everything. She was fighting my masculine leadership. It was just so much of this without getting into details. But then I was maybe two weeks into the three week trip and I finally was breaking down and I'm at my altar. I set up an altar when I travel and I pray in front of it every night and I'm there and she knocks on the door and she says, can I sit with you? At this stage, I just don't even want to be around her, but I'm like, yes, sure, come. And so she sits and I'm praying and I stop and I turn to her and I say, hey, you say that you want a king. And I feel like I am, that I know what I bring in partnership. And I've been here two weeks and I feel so deeply emasculated in this dynamic. And she looks at me and she says, well, king, you're choosing that. And that's an example of. Do I realize at some level I'm choosing all my experiences? Sure. Do I realize at some level I'm responsible for my own emotional state? Sure. But is that partnership? Is that you actually seeing me as a conscious, aware, loving human, sharing with you vulnerably how I feel after two weeks with you and you just straight up turning it on me as if, like, that's all my fault. And I like, so that's an example of the type of stuff. And this is someone. Goddess Vibes does all the water ceremonies and the moon rituals and the blood ceremony, like all of it. And coaches, women and all of it. And I see This a lot. It really is super pervasive. And I. Men are scared to talk about it, but we talk about it behind closed doors. We just don't want to get so many. It's. You get attacked. It is really hard sometimes to speak about this topic without really angering people, specifically women, about this thing. And I think part of that is because you, as women have been suppressed. You've been repressed, you've been subjugated, you've been. The patriarchy has done massive disservice to you, and there is a sense of that doesn't get to happen anymore. But that patriarchy and the wounds of that is carried in your DNA. Trauma markers are passed down genetically, and if we're not able to rewrite those together, they'll never get rewritten.

[B]

Thank you for sharing that, because that's really vulnerable. And thank you for sharing it here on this podcast where a lot of goddess drink, Moon Blast drinking, which we are hanging out. You are safe here. We receive you. And I feel what this person could have used more of at that time is just empathy, you know, like, empathy to you. Just vulnerable. Like, you were clearly hurt in that moment. You're like, you're in your prayer, you're in your practice, and to have someone even come into that moment and, you know, that's a big vulnerability. And then to share how you felt and, like, the, like, intellectualizing of, like. Well, you chose that. And, you know, and I think that, yeah, sometimes. And it's like the levels of consciousness that stage two, consciousness of, like, we make everything into. Well, your thoughts created your reality, so you must have manifested that. And just like, moving beyond to, like, we're all just humans who feel things and feel hurt. And, you know, something in the medicine really showed me within myself last year was the ways that I even projected the conscious masculine man as this, like, Jason Momoa figure. That was like, a role that I wanted in my life, but he was like a Barbie, you know, it wasn't. It wasn't real, you know, and it's like that same person might have times that he's not even fully choosing you, you know, and will you still be able to work through that? You know, And I feel for us women, we, because of the amount of pain and heartbreak and finally, we're stepping up. We're sharing our. We're sharing our truth. We're sharing what we deeply desire. But then there is that, like. And the men are also in this process as well, you know, and. And it's rare to see a Very spiritual and a very spiritual man or even same sex in relationships. And this could be a very good conversation of like, I will say why.

[A]

Yeah, I will say that years passed from this, this experience. Years pass and I get a message out of the blue, hey, can we get on a call? I said, sure, get on a call. And she shares with me. I've done so much work over the last two, three years and a lot of it was around my masculine. And I want to apologize to you because I can see now all the things you were doing back then that I wasn't able to receive. I can see the ways I fought you at every turn and I just couldn't see it, couldn't receive it. And I just, I would love to see if you're open to kind of trying again sort of thing. And that was years later and I've had that happen three times.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And so I, I don't think that it's a. Like I get where it comes from, but I think we need to be able to have these conversations where you hear from. I like to consider myself very self aware and having done a lot of work, I have tons that I need to. I'm not perfect by any means. I'm still doing my work every day and hearing from me. Who's aware of these dynamics? You as women, as the ones who have. The more that you're calling the men forward by, by understanding these dynamics and what's going on and catching them within yourself. You can communicate in a way to the man that activates the part of him that wants to meet you, that wants to actually become that man. But you can communicate it in a way that isn't emasculating and isn't just disregarding the effort that's going into it and doesn't make it seem like you're always right no matter what, because you're the oracle. It just doesn't get communicated very well generally. And that's why I think it's so important to talk about because most men wouldn't be able to voice this to you with awareness of what's going on. They'll just get triggered and then they will project that out to you because most men are going to go into a fight and that's where they're going to Gaslight and that's where they're going to make you feel like you're too much. That's where they're going to call you. You want so much, it's never enough for you. All of these sorts of things that can happen when a man feels underappreciated or very insecure about his ability to actually meet you.

[B]

So interesting. Now that you want someone outside of the spiritual community, does that mean someone who's outside of coaching or. Or someone who's not on a spiritual journey? Someone who maybe they're on a creative journey or another kind of journey?

[A]

Well, it depends on your definition of spirituality.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So for example, the last woman that I was seriously thinking there could be something there, she is the most in tune with her cycle that I'd ever experienced. Really deeply in tune with it. Spent tons of time just out in nature, connecting, going on three hour hikes multiple times a week, and just walking in the forest and laying in the grass, gardening. And so that type of spirituality where you are embodied, you're connected to your. To this way, this world that has its own spirituality to it.

[B]

So you're looking for like Earth mama, maybe to balance your vata, you need someone more kapha.

[A]

I'm personally looking. What am I looking for? Well, in some ways, I've given up on trying to decide my type. My friends say, they said to me, I don't know your type because you're whatever. But I will say that I used to value passion. You hear my poetry and you hear this passion. And I want fairy tale romance, Crazy Love. That's the name of my book. And I just, I want crazy Love. And that used to be my highest priority. So if I didn't feel that, I went, oh, it's probably not it. I'm Now I turned 40 in a few days. And my highest priority in partnership now is to feel peace. I really deeply desire to feel. When I'm with this woman, my entire system settles. My nervous system settles. I'm at ease. There's no drama. It's just a breath of fresh air. It's an exhale. And she is the one who tells me, hey, it's been a lot of zoom calls. Let's turn the phone off and let me give you a back rubber. Let's take a bath, let's go on a walk, take your shoes off. Let's go barefoot and walk grows our garden like, feeds like, comes inside and says, hey, I want you to lick these seeds so we can plant them. You know, like that kind of stuff. There's a. There's a feeling, like from the poem, there's just a feeling I have of peace that is now what I seek in partnership.

[B]

So beautiful that these little suggestions that she would make because that, that is an arc. I'M imagining this person right now. Maybe she's very into herbology and, like, lives in Colorado. And, you know, like, I'm just visualizing her for you right now. Maybe she's listening to this podcast right now. He's an amazing guy in real life, too.

[A]

Thank you. You know me behind the scenes.

[B]

Exactly. He's a real deal. And it's so important for us to know that. And it's interesting on the other side, I feel for women, so I never date guys in the spiritual world, but I want to now, because what kept happening was. Was not met at all, and then take on the role of their spiritual teacher, you know, which is so unsexy and depolarizing. And the thing is, we know a spiritual journey is not like, here's some crystals. Now you're good. It's like, oh, you're gonna have to get into your traumas, and that's gonna take you a really long time. And, you know, it's. And like, I just know that journey, it's. It's yours. You know, it's not something I can hold space for. It's something that they have to genuinely want to. And I find, like, maybe the kind of people attracted to me, specifically attracts people. Listen to this podcast are people who, like, really want to have a spiritual awakening, but they haven't gotten themselves there. Then they meet you, and they're like, oh, you're gonna, like, do it for me.

[A]

But don't you think that there's some aspect of that, that's the role that you play?

[B]

Yes, I think in all ways, the feminine, we are more connected to spirit. And those of us who are literal, like, spiritual teachers in some kind of way, will. But where are they starting from?

[A]

Right?

[B]

Are they starting from. I've never meditated, done breath work, gotten to personal development. We're starting here. I'm addicted to weed, vape porn, which is what most of the world is, you know, and then there's different. But then, okay, so there's that base level. Then there's the level of, like, they go to, you know, personal development workshops and this and that. And then it's like they're so obsessed with the healing. It's like their whole lives, you know.

[A]

When they just start when you first awaken.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like, everything now.

[B]

Yeah, it's like me eight years ago, you know, and they're like, have you listened to this binaural beats? And have you done this and that? And. And then, like, what's interesting is most people who then get into it. They want to write a book. They want to maybe start a podcast one day. They. These are all things I've been doing for 10 years, you know? So then it's like, oh, can you tell me how to write a book? Can you tell me. So then it's like, now I take on. Would take on role of, like, a business coach, which I definitely don't want to be. And then there are, you know, few and far between the embodied masculine men like yourself, who I've never been in we and you haven't. I.

[A]

Our Sex Love Jenga piece. One of the questions is, when are you in Sahara Rose gonna start dating?

[B]

Exactly. Um, and we will link that below. We did a hilarious video called Sex Love Jenga on YouTube. It's so funny. And you guys submitted your questions about sex and love, and we were just, like, off the cuff answering them. It's hilarious. We're gonna link it below. And so I am calling in, like, a masculine partner, but I'm also observing the parts of myself that's like, what are the parts of me that are gonna be questioned?

[A]

You know, I think we don't know that though.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Do you know what I'm saying? Like, the. I think that you and I are both analyzer types, and I could spend all day long telling you what I want in partnership. I can tell you this, this, this, this, and this. And the actual partnership that I need, the one that. That really is my wife and mother of my children, that partner is going to expand me in ways that I can't see.

[B]

But if you don't want it, how will you continue saying yes to become in it? Unless there's insane chemistry that's, like, just generally pulling you there.

[A]

I don't think it's even an insane chemistry. So as a man, what I've noticed is that there are certain women that compel me into action. And it has nothing to do with looks. I mean, there's the standard looks of. Of, yes, I am physically attracted.

[B]

Do you have a physical type?

[A]

I'm all over the.

[B]

I feel like men don't. Women do. I'm like a casting director of my type, you know, But I feel like man is just like. It's. It's interesting because you would think women. We'd be more energetics, but every woman I know is like, blonde, blue eyes or dark hair, beard, whatever.

[A]

Yeah, well, I feel maybe that has to do with your. The. The, like, single egg versus tons of sperm thing where it's. It's a who you're looking for as a mate and who has the characteristics that you inherently biologically feel would make a good match for you on a DNA level.

[B]

And I feel like it's like I've always felt maybe my soul before incarnation knows, like, he's going to look like this. So, like, I'm looking for him in every person. But all I can remember are these physical characteristics and that's helping me weed out faster.

[A]

So for me, and I had this experience where I was doing. I was teaching workshops and I was put up in this hotel for 10 days and I was teaching these workshops. And I had a number of women that made it clear that they would love to spend some time together to varying degrees. And I just never. It was just nothing. And I went, well, I'm here. I could and I didn't. And then there was one woman who was local, who just, every time I just was drawn to. And I went, who is this woman? And didn't know anything about her. She wasn't. There was no big business ambition, anything. But there was just something that I cannot put words to. But I was compelled. I was drawn to her. And I said, I want to get to know you. Can I take you to dinner? And that is a very vital key component where I think too many people move through the world with their list and they're trying to check off the things. But I can just speak for myself as a man. There are certain women that compel me into action and that's what I want. And they're often not the. I just had one of the we're here for the mindvalley event. And one of the women that I've been friends with for a long time said to me, I've noticed that you have kind of a type. And I went, really? Most people don't think. She said, like, girl next door. Like loving, joyful, girl next door type. Right. As opposed to. There's a lot of model types around.

[B]

Do you feel like people who are like, public facing big personalities, entrepreneurs need to be with someone who's more behind the scenes and supportive.

[A]

I'm looking for Magdalene energy. That's me. And what I mean by that.

[B]

Well, which aspect of Magdalene?

[A]

Well, I'm looking for the. My trajectory is going to continue to. My platforms are going to grow. My stages are still going to be there. My visions are huge. I want to impact hundreds of millions, billions of people. Like, I want to do that. And, you know, because you're in the space, it actually takes a lot of energy and a lot of Courage and a lot of work behind the scenes to be able to do. I think the misconception is that, wow, you get all these accolades and stages and social media following as if that's all great. It actually there's an energy that it requires. And so on a daily basis I have to have my practices in order for me to even be able to hold that amount of energy and what I'm becoming into. And so when I was in my 20s, I was in a 10 year relationship from 23 to 33. And when I was in that relationship, I needed a woman who would light a fire under me. I needed that at that age. And then I have gotten to a place where I don't need that anymore. My fire burns bright. I am ambitious as hell. I am so ready to take that on. But what I need is someone that I can come home to after three days of events or leading a two day workshop like I just did in Miami called the Art of being you. After holding that space, I can come home and she gets it and she sees that and she knows how to nurture my flame and nurse me up and love me up in a way where can go back out and do the big thing. And that's what I'm looking for. And in exchange for that, my trajectory makes it where I can pay for everything I can create. I can provide a lifestyle that gives a lot of freedom and flexibility. And I want her to have passion, but she doesn't have to be the one to make the money. So whatever. That passion is amazing because I'm attracted to someone who has purpose and passion. But that might be running the family, that might be being a mom, that might be the home garden, that might be curating our friends and families for weekly dinners like I don't know. But I think that as I've gotten older, I felt a lot of shame and guilt through society of saying I want a more traditional woman who's there to help support me in achieving this vision. But I think there are women out there who actually can feel a real sense of purpose in my purpose. And it now becomes ours and we.

[B]

Just play different roles and that's important for. And there's so many women that naturally want to play exactly that and who are like, I like resonate so deeply with everything you share. I wouldn't be the one to speak on stages and write poetry, but I want to put my life force because that is what we're doing as women. We're putting our entire life force, our, our being like you Know the goddess Sita. It's like we are literally throwing ourselves into the fire for our man. And so there he has to be someone that, like, deeply inspires us like, that we are literally giving our. Our vessel to procreate his seed and existence and ancestry and humanity and. And that's why I feel so many spiritual women have a hard time really standing behind someone that really lights up their flame and inspires them. Now, now on the flip. And I wonder what it's like, because this archetype of a woman that you called in, I feel she would be able to have deep conversations with you and also meet you on an emotional level because, you know, she's in her feminine in that role. If we flip it to women, you know, let's say. I'm saying I want a man who.

[A]

What do you want? Hit us with this podcast. Come on.

[B]

No, because I'm. Okay, here's my. My thing that I see, okay? There are definitely men who make more money than me and would want to provide for me and find me so inspiring and whatever, but they don't have depth. I can't have a conversation like this with them. You know, it's like, I speak with them, they're like, oh, that's sick. Like, imagine I will say the most profound sick. You know, And I'm just like. And then you feel so lonely in that. You know, you feel so unmet in that, that you're just like, well, screw that. Like, I. I've made my own money for a reason, so I don't have to settle with what my mom and all the women in my family did. Someone who just provides for me financially, but not emotionally. And then you'll meet the men who are so great with their communication, and they're fun, and there's great banter, and they're adventurous. Those type of men often don't even want a relationship. Right? And whether it's. I don't even think they're polyamorous, they mostly say, I'm not at the place in my career that I want to be. And. And it's not just me. This is across the board what I see. So I see the woman who get with a successful man, and they're like, oh, I gotta, like, take him to all the workshops and teach him about tantra and, you know, and it becomes a project. But at least I. He's in the masculine in that way. And maybe this is my role as the feminine. And they. And they accept that. And then you see the woman who are with you. Know, even if it's like two speaker coaches, I feel there's often this like competitive energy that like, you know, and often what happens is the woman who has children is the one who gives up her career and then, you know, exalts his. But then I, I again, I don't know what's going on behind the scenes, but sometimes I wonder if there's like a, I gave everything to you, especially if you're doing the same thing. So I don't know. I know there's no formula and I can't come up with it in my mind, but let's try.

[A]

Yeah, you speak to something. I was just having lunch with someone and he was sharing how. There was a study that recently came out that said very specifically for men, it's never been harder to find a partner for men. And I said, that's really interesting. What is that? And a lot of that has to do with the masculine nature of the feminine right now in terms of the boss babe thing that happened and a lot of women now carrying that energy of I want my career and I want my thing and I don't want to be dependent on a man in a lot of those ways that you just spoke to some of them. And that's become pervasive in western culture to a huge degree. But at the same time, a lot of those same women want some more traditional values. They want a man who is going to be in the masculine providership. But there's a renegotiation of what that looks like in modern society that I don't know that this is hard for me to say because I don't actually know. But what I would say for myself is I don't want a massively career ambitious woman in that way. And the reason is because I see our family as a business in a non romantic way. But like figuring out what does this business need, need, what do our kids need, what does my husband need, what do I need in order to be able to show up in that way? What about the nest? What about the home? Like what does this need? And to think about it the same way that you and I think about our business that requires its own thing. And then on top of that there's the actual union. And what does this union need? What do I need to provide my wife so that she can feel loved, appreciated, she can feel sexy, she can feel lit up, she can feel all of the things that light her up in a way that she overflows that energy back into me and our family. And I don't know how to also add her career or a business we run together or whatever. I've done that. I've created businesses with my past partners and I've just noticed that the business and the relationship, that takes work now you add a family to that. And I just don't have very many examples of seeing it done where I go. That's the type of relationship I'd like to have, where they have the family and the passion in their union and they're both running major businesses. I'm not saying it's not possible, but that's not. I don't dream of that. You know what I mean? And so. So I don't know. I think it's something that we need to be in conversations about, but it's also something that it's important for us to destigmatize the roles that are played. Because I think at a certain point it almost became looked down upon to just want to be a wife and a mother. It became something. It was like, no, now's the time. Become the boss, babe, the CEO, the thing. And, and I think it's beautiful if you feel you're on this planet to be the best wife and mother that you possibly can, that really feels like a purpose for you. Amazing. And you'll have your passions and your other things, but just to know that that's a purpose for me. I know that fatherhood is an absolute purpose for why I'm here. There's no doubt my ovaries are on fire. I feel like I really want to become a father. And I just know that, that, inshallah.

[B]

This is the year. So recently I was invited to my friend Lily Singh's movie gala and I wanted to wear something form fitting, goddessy, sexy. But here's the thing. It's like you can always see my underwear. I swear, it's. It's always been a thing for me and I didn't really want to not wear underwear for this. And I was so happy because I had just gotten Skim's new collection, the Fits Everybody collection. And oh my God, it is like nothing I've ever tried before. Like, the way it molds onto your body, it literally feels like you're not wearing anything at all, which I love because I kind of hate the feeling of wearing underwear. So I'm replacing all of my underwear at them asap. So I also want to give a shout out to the fact that their neutrals aren't just one skin color, but they really can match. Like whether you have more olive skin tone or a lighter or darker skin tones. Skin tone. So it's actually nude for everyone which I feel is very inclusive. So personally I love their high waisted thong and also their bralettes are so cute especially if you're doing yoga or pilates. It actually can just be a top. So head over to skims.comsahara to give it a try yourself and after you place your order be sure to let them know that I sent you there. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select high self podcast in the drop down menu that follows. Again that's skin games.com Sahara and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust you in the guidance. Well I do want to just to put into the zeitgeist an a piece of evidence of a couple that we both know. My business partners Neitha and Ajit, they are Both coaches, entrepreneurs, CEOs, extremely ambitious people doing kind of similar things though different skill sets. They have a family, they travel a lot, they just moved here to Dubai. And it's interesting because I'm like they actually show me and, and, and look and this is their way of doing things. But how they make the relationship work and they keep the passion is they really prioritize like non negotiably their weekly date night. They're like, you know, check ins together, their trips together like it is just as important as everything else. So I feel because they put so much effort and energy and they really, because they both are such personal development people like make sure it happens. And most of us would just be like oh whatever we talked, we're all good now, we don't need to do that weekly meeting thing. Right? We're good. And so I've seen them do it so I know that it's possible in case a woman's listening to this of like oh my God. So all the men just want like traditional wives and I'm never going to get married. I think the it's just the most important thing to be authentic to yourself, you know.

[A]

And I think it's possible. I agree that it's possible. I don't know. I know them obviously personally, I don't know their level of polarity, passion, fun play. I don't know those actual dynamics behind the scenes. We're all human. We have those different things. I just know that, that the desire to build together, have business together. I've had partners where that was a dream and it's not anymore. If that winds up happening in A really powerful, solid way. And that gets in there. Cool. But it's way down the list of things that. That I would even necessarily need or want.

[B]

Yeah. And. And same for me. I would. I would say in my 20s, that was definitely like a thing of like making a. Our couple. Exactly. Yeah. And my, you know, my first marriage. My first marriage. But that relationship really of. We both had our own businesses and we're really side by side on our laptops next to each other. And I think it really supported me. And I can't imagine if I was single all of my 20s, I would have never built what I built today. You know, that allowed me to not. Because now I see dating, it's so much freaking distractions and time and energy that it just caused me to focus.

[A]

Are you dating actively?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. You are? Is it something? Because there's two different angles on this. Right. I've heard some people say you need to get serious about it. At a certain point, you get serious about it and you say, okay, if you really want to find a partner, you got to put yourself in positions to up those chances. And so go on. On three dates a week, like, make it an actual thing.

[B]

I can't find three guys I'm attracted to in one week. I mean, I'm so like, yes. And I feel like people say that. Go on 100 first dates and see what happens. It's like you go on 100 first dates with Muggles and you already know it's not going to go anywhere, you know, Like, I don't feel I'm like a number as just do quantity and hope one sticks. I'm so much more discerning because, like you, I have limited time. But I would say I'm definitely dating more in Dubai than I was in la, because in la, I feel like I kind of just knew the people there. And there was just this consciousness of, like, lack and scarcity. Consciousness in LA of a lot of, like, I want to be an actor, I want to be a celebrity, I want to, but I'm not. And. And I'm someone who, just because of the nature of like, blogging and that, then pod. I just do things right. So there was that. Whereas in Dubai, there's all different types of people. But it's. The more the consciousness piece is definitely, like, newer here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I would say before, though, in my 20s, I wanted that, like, power couple, we do something together. And now I'm like, I think the biggest thing I want is time with that person. And that has also been A struggle because you know if most men who are are on their mission have little time, you know. And so kind of the what I'm my desire is someone who's already built their thing enough to have the time to prioritize relationship. I would love to be with someone who's been divorced to be honest because I feel like through that you really learn about relationships and sit with it and get to know it in a way that I would have never. You know though you can through big breakups in other ways.

[A]

I was with someone for 10 years exactly. Felt like a divorce.

[B]

Someone who's been in a significant relationship. Whereas if someone's like, you know, and therefore they've never been in a long term relationship, it's sort of like I don't know, is this really when you want to start? But yeah, it's the time piece that sometimes I meet people in scrape and it's like I already know like if you're like waking up at five in the morning for calls and then on calls till midnight at calls that's just. I was in more of a stage of my life like that before. I'm not in that now. I've already built my thing that I can like we're going on a fun yacht thing tomorrow with our friends and like doing these things that I would love to have my partner partner be a part of one like thing that I had though even at mind valley of like would I bring this? Could this person hang with the crew? You know and it's like could they be friends with the friends and it not like I would love to be in a partnership where you see them it's like ah, it makes sense that they're together.

[A]

Yes, yes. You just spoke to my heart because I, I want, I want that, that person where when you bring them around and it's just you see them from across the room and you're proud, you're proud, you know, you want to show off your partner and you can't wait to introduce them to your parents and you just have so much fun together. And I think that it's interesting for me because as my platform has grown and as more opportunities come for me there's also a that thing of why are they really interested? What is it that's attracting them, that sort of experience and it adds just an extra wrinkle, you know. And I think something that is coming up for me right now because we've been talking about what we want in partnership for a while here is I had someone recently reach out to me, a friend of mine, and she said she had a. A download about me that she would love to share with permission. I said, sure, share it. And she told me, I'm curious your thoughts. She told me that the message was, if you really want partnership, then you get to hold it differently. Because right now you're sort of broadcasting that you want it. And a lot of women pick up on that. And there's a lot of hooks and things, and you can still want it and desire it, but just hold it a little bit more for yourself. And I thought that was a very interesting message to receive because the reason why I've spoken about it openly is because of sort of that law of attraction manifestation. Just speak what you want. A lot of times we don't speak our goals, whether it's in partnership or in business or whatever. We don't say our goals because there's a part of us that's afraid that we won't make it, or rejection or it'll sound stupid or desperate. There's like, fears that can be a reason why people don't speak their goals into existence, distance. And you just own it. Say, this is going to happen. This is what I want. And. And yeah, you are broadcasting. You're broadcasting to the universe, what you want. But then that message came in and I went, that's really interesting. I'm curious your thoughts about that balance of this is what I want, or if it's actually not healthy and doesn't help.

[B]

Yeah, it's interesting because I was doing breath work the other day on the way in the car on the way back from Mindvalley when I had podcasts that night. I was like, oh, this is my only time. And this. A similar kind of message came to me of, like, when you are dating different people, talking to different people, open to different people, there is this like, like, flirtation, open energy. And it's like. Like, I think about my future husband and it's like, would he want me, like, living in that? You know, like. Or we know our sexual energy is the most powerful energy we have of, like, full, like. Like, I feel like we are taught that dating is just kind of be a little bit open to everyone and, like, see what happens, you know, and it's like to actually really have that discernment, this someone, like, I could actually see a future with and then turning it on as opposed to turning it on and kind of like, let all the bees come and, like, see which one I want to keep around. And so it was a similar level of like, really, like, hold yourself, like, hold that flirtation energy and keep channeling it through your body and focus it on what you really desire. Because in my life, the way that I've written books or started a business or anything is not because I dabbled in a little bit of this and dabbled in a little better. And I'm going to have that experience. Experience too. And you know, sometimes that happens along the way without you trying. But I wasn't setting the intention of. I just want to try a million things. We're taught to date like that though, you know.

[A]

Yeah. For a certain period of time.

[B]

For a certain period.

[A]

Learn what you want.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Various things and.

[B]

But for me, I'm like, I've made the conscious choice of like, I don't need to date for experience. Like, because what I keep finding out is no, the very initial vision that I had was the truth, you know, and it's like how many different reflections you have of like, oh, yeah, yeah, there's a reason why I didn't do this or there's a reason why I didn't do that. So. So yeah, I think holding that. And with the broadcast piece with social. Are you referring to like just talking about on social media?

[A]

Yeah, we've just done a significant shot.

[B]

Well, let's hope this doesn't it up for us.

[A]

Where I've. I've been very vocal about what it is that I want and what I desire and that I am single and that these like, that's a broadcast of a certain. In a certain look, you're gonna get.

[B]

A lot of DMs. I'm not gonna lie to you. You're here on this podcast. You're speaking to the archetype right now, so you're gonna get the dm, but it's up to you of like, you now know through so much experience and you can feel into the energy of what you want. But I don't feel like sharing our. I think that's like that old like, evil eye kind of perspective of like, don't tell people, like, what's good happening in your life because they're going to evil eye. You got to protect it in this. And I don't feel God would have given us this gift of vulnerability and communication and like being such love devotees and like a desire to speak like this feels natural and this feels. I don't think. And it's helping people. I don't think God. I think God has actually placed us on this path to go through these lessons and share about Them because of the ripple effect it's having on other people. And we are each living in the unique love story that we are designed to share.

[A]

I really like that a lot. And I have a poem called Crazy Love that there's. There's line where it's. It say, I will play my role, role for the whole world to see. I will embrace my role as the lover, the fool, the crazy one. In many ways, I think that art, great art, exists at the edges of the human experience. So whether that's the highest states of bliss or the highest, deepest states of heartbreak, but the edges are where great art emerges from. And I see life as the greatest, greatest art project ever. We get to create ourselves however we want and move through the world and design our reality the way that we want to, based off of our internal, like, choices and mindset. And so it's a giant creative process, this whole thing. And I want to look back on my life and look at it and go, go. That's a masterpiece. That is art. The way I lived my life. And that means that I'm living at the edges of the human experience. And so I speak to that openly. I write about it in poetry, and I don't shy away from that aspect, but it does attract a certain energy to it. And I think what you spoke to in the first part of your response around learning how to hold our attention, intention, and our sexual energy is just massively important. And I. I'm a very friendly person. You know, I move through spaces. You see me, I love to dance. I'm always on the. On the dance floor. I'm trying to get other people involved in the dance floor. When I see people, I drop in deep. I'm very present with people. That's just who I. And I found that I've. As I've gotten older, I've realized how rare that actually is and how a lot of times that can be. The only time a woman may receive that from a man is when the man's interested in her. The level of, like, all I see right now is you and tell me how are you actually doing? And. And I'll do that on a dance side of a dance floor and just with just someone I barely know. And like, how are you actually doing? Oh, you're going through a breakup. I'm sorry to hear that. How's your. Your heart? And just that a lot of women haven't received that except for guys that are pursuing and so learning how to navigate, that's been. Been really interesting and tricky. But My hope is that it's giving a new reference point. You know, like, we get to be the change we want to see. I want to see that type of interaction between you and I drop in super deep when we see that, like, people deserve those type of relationships. And more strangers can interact with a deeper level of connection and vulnerability. And if we're not willing to connect go first, then how are we ever going to change?

[B]

And I feel a lot of men are afraid of really being vulnerable and intimate because they're afraid, well, then she's going to get attached to me, right. So then they go the opposite of like, breadcrumbing woman and, you know, hot and cold because they think that then she's not going to like me as much. But the opposite happens, that it actually just becomes this like, you know, the. The arcade effect or the lottery effect of like, sometimes you get a response, sometimes you don't. And that's actually making being a unhealed woman more obsessed with them. So I feel if more men actually really showed up with that vulnerability and asked these deep questions and weren't afraid of having a truly intimate experience, she would actually be like, we didn't work out, but that was so beautiful. As opposed to, he was into me, but then he was kind of breadcrumbing and I'm not sure. And then all the confusion that comes with that, that actually leads to a lot more heartbreak.

[A]

Yeah, it's direct communication and compassion in the way that we deliver that is really important. And I've found at this stage, very few women that I've dated or had lovership with, no matter how upfront I am in the beginning, and no matter how clear I am of, hey, I'm only actually here for 10 days or two weeks or I don't think that this is going to be a long term thing. And I just want you to know, are you okay? If this is us having a beautiful little bubble for a week or two weeks, are you okay with that? Knowing that there's no promise of a future, and no matter how upfront I've been, it's very, very rare to find someone who can hold. Hold that.

[B]

And so from the beginning, they say, no, I'm incapable of doing that because I know my heart.

[A]

No, they say. They say, oh, yeah, I get it.

[B]

And then at the end, they feel the heartbreak.

[A]

At the end, there's a desire for more. And there's. At the end there's a. And I get. There's some biology to that. I get a lot of that. But what I've come to realize from the last several years of being single is just, I think as men, we have an ability to compartmentalize our emotions that women don't have. And as a result to that, in many ways I see it as a man's responsibility if maybe 60, 40, 70, 30, to really think about the woman's heart. Heart in a way where I'm going, despite the fact that she says, oh yeah, I'm good, let's play house for two weeks. And, and yes, I get it. This is not going to be a long term thing for me to go. I can, it's, I can feel it. It's that, that is not true. And as a man, I need to not think with my dick and actually feel with my heart in a way that allows me, me to utilize the biological differences that allow me to compartmentalize my emotion. It's like, this will be so hot. This will be so good. She's so lovely. We have such a deep connection and go, this will hurt her. This will be very, very hard. And I get to make the hard decision first before the end of the two weeks. And I think that I would encourage more men to assume that responsibility. Not totally, but at the very least open conversation about it. And two, a deeper level of discernment about. Do you really think, do you really think that, that they're capable of holding that in that way?

[B]

Thank you for sharing that. And it's a conversation I have with a lot of my friends are like, you might meet someone and you know that they're not your person. Right. But there's a lot of synergy and maybe you're only in the same place for a specific amount of time and it's like, like, can you like, experience the love bubble with them and genuinely, like, be okay and satisfied at the end? And we've all come down to now, you know, yeah.

[A]

All your friends, all your female friends.

[B]

That I'm like, I would literally. And it sucks because then sometimes you're like, damn, I wonder what I would learn if I explored this. Like, and then I'm like, I also don't want to look back on my deathbed and be like, I could have had all these like, loves in my life that I didn't, you know? But then I'm like, but I'm just gonna be crazy for the next month. And I, I don't know if it's going to be because then I'm, I'm just not able to think about anything else.

[A]

And some of it's biological. Right. The act of sex happens inside of you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It happens outside of me, but it happens inside of you. That in and of itself is a major difference. You are allowing someone inside of you.

[B]

And now, and especially when there are so few, like, embodied, attuned, like men out there. So then when they do have that experience, and it's also what we talk about, the feminine wants more. So it's like, once you pop, you can't stop, stop. So sometimes it's just easier to stay in the celibacy because you're like, making love to God than, like, open up the Pringle jar, you know?

[A]

Well, let me ask you this question, because I love deep. I love deep. And I've. I've studied tantra and I've done these things. So I bring presence to everything, right? And so I've had situations where I say, hey, I got five days. I have this beautiful space that I've rented that I'm going to go to. There's no promise of a future. There is no thing. I'm only here five days. You live here. I don't think our lifestyles line up in that way for something long term, but obviously there's a connection. It's something I'm open to exploring. Are you okay?

[B]

There's a couple things you said that we would hang on to here.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's no promise for a future. Means he's open to a future. He said promise, and he didn't say there's none.

[A]

So her response. Response, because this really happened. Her response was, no, I get it. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend at the end of this. I get it. And I was like, cool, cool. And so then I go, amazing, had the conversation, go out, spend a few days together, and it become. It's. I give it my all. You know what I mean? I'm incredibly present. It's beautifully intimate. There's dancing and music, and she's falling in love. And I love to cook. I cook and like, these different things, right? And so. And it happens. It happens and it happens. And then I was. I was at. She sent me a message afterwards, seeking more. Essentially, I went, I'm. I'm sorry, I'm confused because I thought we had had this conversation and she said, yes, I realized that. But what we shared was so deep that I thought something may have shifted. And so I'm feeling her in my heart. I know she's amazing, too.

[B]

And why don't you want to be with her? I don't get it. Did you not have a good time?

[A]

No.

[B]

What's wrong? What's wrong?

[A]

And I think that again, there's this thing as a man, and I want to actually know your opinion. Are we supposed to hold back? Do you know what I mean? Would it have been better to hold back and be like, okay, I'm not going to play the guitar, I'm not going to cook. I'm going to hold back. Things that might be seen as romantic, they're just things I love to do, but I'm going to hold back. Which you said that you experience also as well, men holding back, which doesn't feel good either. But it's hard and complicated on what's the right thing or the healthy thing to do in situations like that. So what do you think?

[B]

So what is the answer? Like, you had an amazing time with her, you don't want to see her again.

[A]

So I'll throw a couple examples so that I can mix up in case people try and figure anything out. But a lot of times it's lifestyle and desires for what life looks like. So if someone, for example, is building their business in a, like, brick and mortar and has that thing and it's in a place in the world where I am, I'm never living there. Like, that's just not where I want to live and raise a family.

[B]

I'm gonna be honest. Most women would be like, I'll sell my business and be with the love of my life.

[A]

Yeah, but. But I would feel like if you.

[B]

Pursued her, 9 out of 10 woman wouldn't be like the. They would rather be with the person that they want to be. Be with.

[A]

I mean, maybe. Yeah, maybe.

[B]

So don't let that start.

[A]

And then there, there's certain, like, I've dated celebrity level sort of of people and big ambitions, big social media followings, that sort of thing. And to be honest with you, I don't want my partner to have be talking to her camera. Like, I. When you're around. You know this because when we're around a group of influencers, the type that are on their phones a lot, lot, it's very easy to get sucked into that energy and suddenly the phone's out. And I don't want that. I actually am working and I designed things in a way where I'm trying to be on my phone as little as possible. Actually. I want, as I told you, to be gardening and sitting and writing poetry and not on digital devices. That's what I want for my life. And I'm aware that the path that I've chosen and what I'm doing, doing will require it from me. But I don't want to come home from that and enter into a space where now there's photos of the dinner being cooked and there's sort of, it's just. So that tells me that at least logically and through experience, I don't desire to date someone who is also an influencer and wants that as a thing because of the lifestyle that I want.

[B]

So with these women, it's like, like they were perfect for that time and space as an experience, but it's not something that you would see yourself in a long term relationship with.

[A]

Yeah. For those things, imagine like a professional musician who's touring six months out of the year. That's, that's not, that's not the lifestyle that I want because I, I tour already. So me being with a woman that tours as well, there's going to be months at a time that we don't see each other. That's not what I want. I find it already destabilizing enough with. If one of us is doing that now, two.

[B]

No, but my question is more like you have these love bubbles and containers with women that you go into it knowing, I would never be in a relationship with her, but I'm here in Guatemala for the next five days and this is kind of the best pick.

[A]

Yeah. So I guess the way that I view it is that our souls came here on a cosmic scavenger hunt. And there are things that we signed up before, before incarnating to learn and experience. And if I was God and I'm thinking, how do I make sure that you have the breadcrumbs to go on this scavenger hunt? The breadcrumbs are love. And so you are going to fall in love with people, with places, with activities and things. Adam Roa is going to fall in love with poetry. Like I did when I was at an event and the last person to speak was a spoken word poet. And I'd never seen, seen performance poetry before. But as soon as it happened, it was like a lightning bolt hit me and I went, I can do that. And I've fallen in love with people that does. It never even becomes intimate, it never becomes sexual in any way. But that connection led to something and we meet those people. And I think that I say yes to that. I say yes to. I don't know what it is, but I love, love this and I'm going to follow that because to me love is the breadcrumbs that guide our soul through this life.

[B]

I think the difference maybe, between men and women is that for you, you can have that experience and walk away like, oh, that was such a beautiful experience. And for women, we're thinking about it for a very long time.

[A]

I. I think about it for a long time, too. I've you.

[B]

But we're often thinking about it in the like. And now I no longer have that, and I don't know if I'll ever have that again.

[A]

And I can say that I've cried over weekend flings. I think that there's the risk that comes with loving so deeply is that you have a thousand mini breakups. It happens. If you allow yourself to love that deeply, you will get attachments. That love seeps into places inside of us that haven't been touched by other people. The unique way that Sahara loves me will hit areas of my soul that no one else has necessarily hit in that way. And when that goes away, whether it's two days later, two months later, two years later, when that goes away, there will be a feeling of transition and loss that is hard and painful. But what I have found to be consistently true is I have never regretted falling in love. Love. I have never regretted allowing myself to love. And that remains consistent. The only time that I feel the opposite is when I'm still in the grieving process.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But on the other side of it, I would choose every single love that I've ever had again. Because I learned something. I grew, I experienced something that now becomes the words and energy wrapped in my poetry. It becomes the way I can speak on a podcast. It becomes the version of me that I can bring to my future wife and my kids and talk to my daughter about what it means to teach a man how to love her. And like. All of these things that I'm so excited for are the result of how deeply I was willing to love. And I think that we get better at anything and everything, the more we're willing to get hurt. Think about snowboarding. I love to snowboard. You will get better faster if you're willing to get hurt, if you're willing to push it right to that edge where the fall will hurt more. But you're pushing the edges. You're doing the jump, you're doing the rail. And that's the same with just about everything. If you're willing to put yourself out there at the edges, you will face rejection, you will face failure, you will face bankruptcy, you will face physical pain, you will face emotional pain. And if you are willing to do that, you will speed up your growth to a massive degree. And. And I just continue to be willing to do that in the realm of love.

[B]

That was so beautifully expressed. And we know you're right. We never regret falling in love. What I've noticed in myself and my friends is we never regret falling in love, but we often regret having sex. And.

[A]

Are you still celibate?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, look at you.

[B]

Congratulations. Thank you. And I feel like that is how I've been able to move through things a lot quicker. Whereas I see a lot of friends who I don't think any woman that you played the guitar for and cooked for is ever regretting that, by the way. Like, I think that that actually becomes like a pinnacle experience that sets the standard of what she's calling in later on and has shown her it's possible. Right. I think what women regret is breaking our own boundaries. Because he doesn't actually want to take you out on a date, but he wants to come over at midnight and you're like, oh, this is all I can really get from him. So I'm just going to say yes, you know, or like not speaking our truth of how we felt just because we don't know if we're going to have access to a guy that tall or that good looking or that rich or that what. Again, those are the things that women end up regretting. And you know, I agree with you. Like, heartbreak is the greatest fuel, the greatest art can turn you into who you're meant to become. But I think there's a difference between like a true heart opening and heartbreak versus these temporary people coming in and out of your life, you know, and it's like seeing the womb again as an altar, you know, a temple. Would you just allow like random people to come into your temple? Like, hey, I'm here for a night, can I crash? You know, it's like there is rituals you do before coming to the temple. There is prayers. There is, you know, is, is this the temple you want to be in? Because when the feminine, she opens up her, her temple gates, like it, it is a huge opening, you know, and again, not all women, some women are more able to have casual sex and it be fine. They tend to be more in their masculine though, right? Like I, I have found or disconnected.

[A]

From their hearts or just having done. I've, I know women like that who've just, they're in the sexual space, right? In the like kink, bdsm. They, they have done a, of tantra and if like I, I Know, women who've done a ton of work and hold sex differently where it's not. Because the sacred doesn't always have to be serious. And I think that's something that's really powerful.

[B]

Yeah. And different. Different perspectives. There are definitely women who are on that path. But if we look at, like, womb teachings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, all ancient cultures will never say, say, have sex with whoever you want. There's no energetic repercussion to that there. We will always hold on to that. And so I feel for women, while mentally we might love the idea of just, like, being in the love bubble and having amazing sex and, like, it just replenishing us, you know, there's also biologically that when you have sex with a man, your body thinks you might be pregnant with him for four weeks, so you actually do biologically want to attach to him for four weeks.

[A]

DNA if you have sex without a condom, Right?

[B]

Yeah. For up to seven years, actually. But for the first four weeks, your body's like, I might literally be pregnant with this child. I need. I need to be obsessed with him. I need him near me. And until you get your period and your body's like, oh, I'm not pregnant. And then there's like, a level of detachment and. But I find that with most women, when it comes to things that are, like, casual, they're holding onto the hope that it could be something more. So it would just have to be so again, like, maybe you can explore your love without having sex. I think there's so, like, we just had BB on the podcast. You can do sensual dates. You can even make out for hours. There's still going to be an energy exchange, but maybe not as much, you know, so there's just a lot of ways you can play with attraction and romance and sexual energy that aren't necessarily penetration.

[A]

Well, I 100% agree. And also, I hold it differently. I. I won't kiss someone unless I think that their DNA will add to my life. That's great, because when we make out, your DNA enters into my body and mine into yours. And so is that a net positive or net negative to my life? And that's how I hold even kissing. And so if I hold that standard, then there are women that I'm attracted to, and I'm like, okay, well, I am able to have more casual sex. That's something that I've found myself. I didn't used to. This was years ago. If we had sex, I was in all kinds of spaces about our future together and all this. She could be the one and all these things. And now I've been able to get to a place where I can have these bubbles and know it's not going anywhere, that sort of thing. But I also still hold it because it is rare. I go through months of celibacy at a time and that might not seem like long to some people, but just literally going, hey, I was just in San Sebastian writing my book and so I was celibate for more than two months. And so I think that in those periods of time, because of how I hold it, it's. If this is someone that I actually feel will elevate my life and I will elevate her life, I would be proud to kind of like mix our code. Then I would make out, sure, we can have, we can kiss and if it's aligned, I'd be willing to have sex. Usually a lot of times. There's been plenty of times where I've said I'm not available for sex. I'm available for this, this, this and this and have those open conversations about what you're available for. I personally find that a tip women, but men specifically, as the lead here and leading the feminine on a date, let's say you're out at dinner, it's going great. There's a lot of flirtation, different things, there's a sexual chemistry and you are like, hey, do you want to go back to my place to continue this? And she says, yes. This may sound incredibly unromantic, romantic, but I have found it to be absolutely amazing for me and something that I do regularly, which is I have a conversation that is a framework of desires, fears and boundaries. And I say, can we have a conversation? Usually like maybe an Uber ride or whatever, but before you walk into the house and you're making out or anything like that, it's let's have a conversation where we're in non heated moment and so say, okay, here are my desires. I want to have physical intimacy. That's a desire that I have. I want to continue to spend time with you tonight. I am very open to you spending the night and I am desiring to see where this goes as maybe a possible partnership. Like those are my desires to explore that. My fears, my fears are, are that if we sleep together that there's going to be attachment right away that is going to cause blank, blank, blank, blank. My fears are that because I know I'm leaving next week and I travel and I'm going to be speaking, I'm going to do this, that there's going to be expectations that I need to be facetiming you, messaging you all the time and like create a certain communication expectation that I may not be able to meet. My fears are, are that despite me having this conversation, that you might feel differently even on the other side. And I say my fears and then I say, here are my boundaries. When I leave a week from now. I desire to stay in communication, but I will not feel any obligation. I will not be guilted or shamed or whatever. And my boundaries are. For tonight, I don't actually want to have sex. Sex. I, I'm open to everything else, but not penetrative sex. Tonight. My boundaries are. I have a meeting tomorrow at 11am so I am fully present now all the way until 10am but at 10am I actually need you to leave so that I can prepare for my meeting and start my day. That's a boundary and these sorts of things. And I just have that conversation and I, I go first, first and then I say, what are your desires, fears and boundaries and what that does for me? Because as a man say we're, we're making out. And then my head's going like, should I like, do I take off the. Where, where do I push it? And it's, there's this thing and she's in her head.

[B]

Does he want me to stay over? Does he not? Are we going to talk after this? So I love this.

[A]

And so by creating the container, I go in knowing whether she's even open to sex, whether she's open to spending the night, whether, whether. And I've expressed all these things and now we can play within those parameters and I trust myself where if you tell me that you don't want to have sex, that's a boundary for you. I'm not even going to try. It's not a oh yeah, this is fun conversation, but I'm going to try. No, absolutely not. And so, and I say that, I say I 100% will honor your boundaries. So please don't say a boundary that later you're going to say, can I change my boundaries? Because I'm in the heat of the moment, not going to, going to want you to do that. And so but like I think that creates a level of safety where it's like, we know what we're in. Let's play in that fully to the edges of whatever you said. Non penetrative. Amazing. Everything else is fair game. Cool. You want to take a bath together. Awesome. Like whatever that is within that I found so freeing.

[B]

It really is. Because then you're not like. Like, you know, when you're not sure where the boundary is. So you're trying to, like, not let things get heated up too much because you're like, oh, well, I can't, because I don't really go here. But it's like, if you know that that's the boundary, then it's like, you can play all out. You can tease, you can. And it's like, actually makes you want to go more. And I think that's what's so hot about, like, pda, you know, it's like, why is it so. Because it's like you can't go further. So it's like you're pushing the limits. You're trying to turn the other person on. Because there's that. And that's what, like, kink and power dynamics and stuff are. When you have a boundary, you have your sandbox to play and you can go all out and have. And I think, I mean, likely just us being woman, we still probably will wish you would FaceTime us and call us and things after. But at least we're like, okay, he was honest with me and I can appreciate that.

[A]

Yeah. And. And I have maybe off air I can show you the. The most recent sort of situation I was in where the WhatsApp that I received and gave back, the closing of something that was beautiful.

[B]

And closings are so important too, because. Yeah, what happens is you just. They, like, perpetually watch your stories forever, but you don't talk. And then it's like. And then it's this, like, thing of, like, they didn't even wish me happy birthday. But it's like you're not even talking. It's like, you know, because there's no ending. And it's so interesting, too, because with these, like, casual things, you end and it's like you're kissing and it's like, romantic, and then it's like, goodbye. Like, yeah, it's straight. I think a closing is very important.

[A]

Having a closing conversation is very, very important. And I also feel that it's. Every time you do it, every time you end something in a beautiful way, you shift the zeitgeist. Collectively, that woman and that man now know it's possible to love deeply, connect intimately, and still wind up walking separate ways as friends. And that for me, when that. The first time that ever happened. So the first time I was in a sort of open relationship dynamic was years ago, and I just travel all the time. And so the thing was, when we're Together. We're together. There's no. I'm not going to be going out on dates while we're in the same space. But we go two months, three months without seeing each other. And while I'm away and you're away, we have the ability to be open. We have some rules around that, including, you have to let the other person know that something happened within 48 hours. And just if they want to ask questions, they can ask any questions. You're 100% honest. So there's rules around that. And I only ever acted on it once. But to have an experience where I'm out, I meet someone, we have a very conscious, intentional thing that was so amazing. It was beautiful. And it wasn't what I had with my partner, but it was. Neither of us regretted it. The next day, we literally have a happy ceremony and close out and say, we may never see each other again, but I just want to close this out in a good way. We cut our tethers, we cut our cords, we do the whole wizard witchy energetics, and we wish each other well. I've never seen her again. And. And the next day, I FaceTime. My partner and I have a conversation. I say, hey, that thing that we've talked about, it finally happened and I just want to let you know I will answer anything openly and honestly. And as I shared what had happened, I checked in with her, how you doing? And she said, I can feel the part of me that's searching as if I should be angry, but it's not my truth, I'm not actually angry angry. And it was a massive paradigm shift for both of us to have me one for the first time in my life, have a quote unquote, one night stand, but to have that experience, have both of us not regret it, feel really great, and both walk away just going, hey, that was amazing. And then to have my partner not feel less than and to have me feel more connected to my partner because it gave me even a deeper appreciation for the partnership that I did have, be like, okay, this sex was great, but it's not that. The deep soul connection that I have with my partner, all of those things completely shifted my paradigm because these are things that you hear about, people talk about them, but until you experience it, it's almost impossible to comprehend. And I'm using that extreme example even just in closing out something where you might have dated someone for two weeks, three weeks, and you realize it's not the thing, send the message, have a really beautiful closing of I really have Appreciated getting to know you. I've learned this, this and this. I appreciate this about you and thank you for these moments. And I'm realizing that I'm not actually invested in turning this into a long term relationship and I think it's fair. It's, it's. We both deserve that and are both calling that in. And since I can't give that to you, then I think that we should probably cut this and, and just send that message. You would be shocked at how well that can go if it's done with love. And then both of you leave that experience. Carrying a new paradigm in your experiential body.

[B]

The closing of the container. It's so important with everything in life. And even if it's someone you haven't talked to in months, you know, but it's still maybe lingering in your consciousness, maybe you're still angry about. It's just like sending that message even just for you, you know, just to clear it. I think. Yeah, if we were able to. I think the reason why we regret a lot of these short term things is because of how they end. Wow, this was such a beautiful conversation. Thank you so much for being here. We. This is like a conversation we would actually have in real life and so I'm glad we got to like have the listener be a part of this. So where can people. You have a book coming out soon. We're going to link that as soon as the pre order is available and connect with you, read your poetry, join your courses and just vibe with you more.

[A]

Yeah, so my book is coming out very soon. It is titled Crazy Love unless the publisher decided I have to change it or something. But look for Crazy Love. And I have a podcast. I have an instagram Adam Roa, AdamRoa.com, a YouTube channel. I have two poetry albums on Spotify under Adam Roa. The last one, if you're all about relationships, it's called the Journey Back to you. So there's a lot of places that you can find me. And I have an online community called the Create community where we come together and we move towards our goals by learning how to love ourselves, love others and love life.

[B]

Well, thank you so much for sharing today. It was so beautiful, transformed, been such a vulnerable and profound journey. And we're going to link the sex, love and Jenga video that we did below, which was so much fun. So be sure to check that out. I was on his podcast as well, which I will link. So share this with your friends. This is such a good one. To put into the group chat and be like, what did, what do you think about this? What, what does, what do these short term containers mean for you? Have you ever done a love bubble? Like, what is your type of what you're looking for? Power couple, traditional. Like there is just so much here to talk about with the group chat and share it on your stories, to have deeper conversations. Share with your partner, share with your situationship, share with everyone.

[A]

I want to see it. I want to see these responses.

[B]

I want to hear.

[A]

I feel like we could like have.

[B]

Like a round table. We need to do that. We're going to do that. Comment on YouTube, tell me what you think. And as a free gift for leaving a comment on YouTube or on the podcast store, I will send you my Womb meditation which we talked about the importance of the womb. This is an eight minute meditation you can do to connect to your sacred womb space and receive her answers. So leave a review, take a screenshot and email it over to me@saharaamsahara rose.com you can find that email and all of the links mentioned today in the show Notes. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one.

[A]

Sex Love Jenga, which is a really unique spin on a podcast where we asked you for four questions. Sex, Love, relationships, all the things. Many of them were really naughty and we wrapped them around Jenga blocks and we played a game of Jenga and we didn't know which questions we would get and we really went there.

[B]

You guys have some dirty minds. You really took us there and we found out Adam's true tendencies in a relationship and sexuality. So if you want to know the real deal of what's going on behind these cameras, be sure to watch Sex Love and Jenga. I whooped his ass naturally. And it was so much fun just diving into all of your deepest thoughts, fears, kinks, fetishes. We really went there in this game.

[A]

And it's, it's really good. The two of us together are raw, unscripted, authentic. And we don't agree on everything.

[B]

We agree on absolutely nothing.

[A]

And so if you'd like to hear us tackle taboo topics with just a level of self awareness and authenticity that I think is needed in, in the world today, check out Sex Love Jenkins Manga. It is a really fun ride.

[B]

Can't wait to see what you think. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance.