627: This Is How To Have Serious Bestie Friendships That Pass The Test Of Time with Rosie Acosta

Summary

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Highest Self Podcast®

Episode 627: This Is How To Have Serious Bestie Friendships That Pass The Test Of Time with Rosie Acosta
Host: Sahara Rose | Guest: Rosie Acosta | Air Date: November 4, 2025

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Main Theme

In this heartfelt, candid conversation, Sahara Rose and her best friend Rosie Acosta explore the art and spiritual significance of deep, enduring female friendships: how to find, nurture, and maintain "serious bestie" relationships that last through life's many seasons and changes. Drawing from personal anecdotes and unfiltered advice, they address loneliness, evolving communication, friendship “tiers,” age gaps, and boundary-setting—offering practical tools as well as musings on the soul-level impact of true connection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Rare, Transformational Nature of Serious Friendships

• Soulmate Friendships vs. Surface Friendships (00:00–03:00)

  • Sahara opens with a reflection on generational shifts: we desire "soulmate" friendships that are as profound as romantic partnerships, but even rarer and harder to maintain.
    • “We want those soulmate friendships that go through chapters, that grow, that understand us... it’s even rarer to keep because we’re not, as a society, prioritizing it as much.” – Sahara (00:16)
  • Women's lives often outlast their romantic partners—your female friends will likely walk the journey with you until the end.

• Modern Loneliness and Finding Friends (03:30–05:40)

  • Sahara discusses the epidemic of loneliness and how spiritual growth can naturally shift one’s friend circle. After major personal evolution, not everyone "gets you" anymore.

Sahara & Rosie: Friendship Origin Story & Tips for Making Connections

• How Their Friendship Began (06:00–09:00)

  • Both started podcasts around the same time and reached out for a collaborative swap—Sahara emphasizes following your “dharma” (soul’s purpose) and making the first move.
    • “When you’re invited to events or opportunities, use that as your opportunity to invite people you want to get to know better. Friendship hack 1!” – Sahara (07:35)
  • Their close bond was cemented on a group trip to North Carolina, intentionally choosing people to deepen connections with.

• Friendship as Relationship: The Role of Conflict & Investment (09:05–10:30)

  • Rosie compares building a friendship to dating: “You really get to see who people are when you encounter conflict... it still took time for us to get close.”

Friendship Tiers, Styles, and Communication Habits

• Friendship Tiers: Best Friends vs. Besties (10:10–14:00)

  • Sahara distinguishes between her “number one best friend” (Rosie) and besties (“soul fam” with different textures of closeness).
    • The closeness often depends on logistics, communication styles (frequent voice notes vs. in-person drop-ins), and mutual needs.

• Maintaining Long-Distance Friendships (14:26–16:00)

  • Consistent, authentic communication—mostly through voice notes and sharing life updates—can sustain closeness regardless of geography.

Navigating the Loneliness Epidemic and Adult Friendship Challenges

• Challenges of Making Friends as an Adult (16:00–24:00)
  • Rosie explains that as people age, natural communal experiences drop off; priorities and schedules (with kids, jobs, relationships) grow more complex.
    • “It does require effort as you get older, quite a bit of effort.” – Rosie (16:49)
  • The necessity for tolerance and compassion (especially post-Covid and amidst political divisions) is emphasized.

Where and How to Find New Friends

• Practical Tips for Meeting Kindred Spirits (27:00–33:00)

  • *Join groups (e.g., Rose Gold Goddesses), go to classes, or attend local events based on your interests.
  • *If you attend an in-person class, remember: “You’re going to a class because you want that in-person connection... all luck comes from new friends.” – Sahara (28:48, 29:10)
  • Make the first move: compliment, ask questions, or connect via Instagram/voice notes or Zoom calls.
  • Bumble BFF and similar apps are less effective than shared-interest environments.

• Creative Approaches for Introverts (33:01–35:55)

  • Rosie suggests book clubs, movie nights, or intimate gatherings at home for those less comfortable with large social events.
  • Scheduling and intentionality matter; prioritize friendship like you would romantic relationships or work.

The Role of Life Phases, Romantic Relationships, and Age Differences

• Life Stages and Shifting Dynamics (38:20–44:00)

  • Friendships ebb and flow with life transitions (marriage, motherhood, moving, etc.). To keep them thriving, create new experiences together—like travel or joint projects.
    • “With a lot of old friendships, the whole friendship becomes based on what happened in the past... create new memories.” – Sahara (42:40)

• Navigating Age Gaps in Friendship (61:45–67:07)

  • The friends reflect on their eight-year age difference and advocate for having relationships across generations:
    • “I think I’ve always said have friends of different ages... it’s so important to see a different perspective.” – Rosie (63:06)
  • Age can sometimes show in life-stage decisions, but mutual respect and support override gaps in experience.

Boundaries, Power Dynamics, and “Not Being Creepy”

• How to Reach Out to Potential Friends Without Overstepping (44:25–52:20)

  • Don’t “grip” too tightly—respect the natural pace and mutual interest.
    • “That desperation—we can sense it. You know, people sense desperation. And that is not a great way to start any relationship.” – Rosie (47:55)
  • Sahara shares her experience with an overly eager acquaintance: set boundaries by matching their investment and not overextending yourself.
    • “Instead of being like: ‘hey, these are a lot of voice notes, I don’t have the capacity...’ I just would never send a voice note back, I would respond with text and keep it like: ‘oh, I’m so glad you’re doing better, sending so much love.’” – Sahara (55:00)

• Power Dynamics in Friendship & Pedestalization (57:15–58:56)

  • It’s important to maintain relationships where both feel equal. Fan energy or one-sided admiration can create an imbalance, so Sahara tends to avoid blurring student-friend lines.

Friendships & Conflict: What If You Dislike Your Friend’s Partner?

• To Intervene or Not? (68:21–76:02)
  • Should you tell a close friend if you dislike their new romantic partner? Both agree: only offer opinions if truly asked, support autonomy, and don’t issue ultimatums.
    • “If somebody’s not asking you for their opinion, it’s because they already know what your opinion is and they don’t want to hear it.” – Rosie (75:40)
  • As with other life choices, support and loving presence usually go further than unsolicited advice.

Celebrating, Prioritizing, and Uplifting Friendship in Women’s Lives

• Women’s Lifelong Companionship (76:30–78:00)

  • Women should recognize that their closest friends will likely outlast most romantic relationships. The call: raise the priority of “serious bestie” friendships as pillars of life.

• Community Call-to-Action (78:00–end)

  • Sahara invites listeners to use the YouTube comments to introduce themselves and make friends: “If you listen to this whole podcast, you’re someone who values friendships—let’s all bring the friendshipers together so we can have those soul-mate, fun, laughing but equal parts deep friendships.”

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Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “We want those soulmate friendships that go through chapters, that grow, that understand us. And it’s rare, just like a romantic relationship to find, but even rarer to keep.” – Sahara (00:16)
• “Friendship hack 1: When you’re invited to events or opportunities, use that as your opportunity to invite people you want to get to know better.” – Sahara (07:35)
• “It does require effort as you get older, quite a bit of effort.” – Rosie (16:49)
• “All luck comes from new friends, because when you make a new friend, you’re inviting a whole new world into your life.” – Sahara (29:10)
• “That desperation—we can sense it. People sense the desperation. And that is not a great way to start any relationship.” – Rosie (47:55)
• “If somebody’s not asking you for their opinion, it’s because they already know what your opinion is and they don’t want to hear it.” – Rosie (75:40)

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Important Timestamps / Segments

• [00:00–03:00]: Introduction to the importance of deep, long-lasting friendships
• [06:00–09:00]: Sahara and Rosie’s friendship origin story + practical tips for making friends
• [14:26–16:00]: Communication styles that sustain long-distance friendships
• [16:00–24:00]: Loneliness and the challenge of finding friends as adults
• [27:00–33:00]: Tips for how and where to meet new friends in a meaningful way
• [38:20–44:00]: Navigating life stages, romantic relationships, and sustaining connection
• [44:25–52:20]: Setting boundaries and not coming across as overly eager (“creepy”) when reaching out
• [61:45–67:07]: The value of friendship across age differences
• [68:21–76:02]: Navigating disagreement, boundaries, and support when your friend’s choices concern you
• [76:30–78:00]: Reframing friendship as an essential, lifelong priority

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Tone & Style Highlights

• Warm, conversational, and intimate—true best-friend energy with plenty of laughter and honesty
• Both practical and philosophical: spiritual context meets actionable advice
• Empowering, supportive, and deeply real

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For Listeners

If you’re craving soulmate-level friends, feel isolated in your spiritual journey, or struggle to maintain meaningful connections as life changes, Sahara and Rosie offer hope, tools, and reassurance: friendship is a sacred, dynamic practice, and it’s never too late to find and nurture your “ride or die.”

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Connect:

• Sahara Rose: @iamsahararose | Rose Gold Goddesses: rosegoldgoddesses.com
• Rosie Acosta: Instagram: @rosieacosta

Community Invitation:
Introduce yourself in the YouTube comments with “I am this friend” and a note about yourself—find other kindred spirits in the Highest Self community!

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Transcript

[A]

I think what our generation is learning is like, no, we don't want those. Nice to have gossip over coffee. Whoever's at the kids park will do. Friends, we want those soulmate friendships that go through chapters, that grow, that understand us. And it's rare, just like a romantic relationship to find, but even rarer to keep because we're not, as a society, prioritizing it as much. Because here's the facts. Women outlive men. Like, at the end of the day, whether you're married or single or have kids or don't have kids, women are going to be the ones holding each other's hands when we pass. Like. And that is how it's always been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Health podcast. My name is Sahar Rose, and on this podcast, I love to talk about spirituality, but make it modern, fun, grounded, and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. So it's been a year since I've done a conversation with my personal bestie, Rosie Acosta. These are some of your favorite episodes. A listener today reached out to me and said, your podcast feels like the spiritual sleepover I wish I could be a part of. And it literally brought a tear to my eyes because to me, like, that's what life is about. It's about, like, you know, the girl talk, the diving into the deeper things we experience. And I. I feel like being a human is so freaking emotional, and we ride so many waves, and just to have someone to talk it out to, to go through the nuances and details, who gets us that we're not, like, saying something, and they're like, wow, you really think a lot, you know, and it's like, okay. They respond to what you said as a whole rather than, like, dissecting and diving in. And I love those. Those friendships that you have and are and are really so rare is more and more that I experienced. And that's what today's conversation is going to be about. But those that I could be like, have you ever felt like time is passing so quickly, but you wish you were in this reality, but you also want to be present where you're at and, like, this thing that it feels like only you've experienced in someone, to be like, oh, yes, I felt, da, da, da. And, like, be able to go there and again, even if it wasn't their personal experience, just to freaking get you? Like, I feel like it is so rare to feel understood by a friend. And it's interesting because here in la, just yesterday, I saw this billboard that said, Friend. It was like friend.com and I was thinking, wow, there are so many people in the world who are seeking those friendships. You move to a new city, how do you make those friends? You know, for me, I'm single and meeting someone to be in a relationship with is quite challenging. And that's something that people are actively seeking. There's many dating apps, there's single mixers. People are talking about setting each other up. Like it's a mutually understood topic of like, if you're single, you're proactively looking for someone to be in a relationship with, but it's not one of if you don't have like a strong friendship circle that you're out there, your friends are like, oh, I think you would be friends with this person. It's actually quite rare. And it's something that I try to do with everyone that I know. Just yesterday I had one friend who she's like my Instagram friend who she's interviewing on her podcast. She's a mom. And you know, and then I just realized she would get along well with my other friend who lives in Florida and is a mom and this. And I like put them on a message together and I connected them and I shared with them. Why. And it's like very few of us are actually thinking that way. I mean, even with dating meeting, like, very few people are actually like, you would actually get along so well with this person. I feel like only after the fact, we're like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Rather than being proactive. And so there is this massive loneliness epidemic. Especially when we shift and evolve so much in our spiritual journeys. Like the people that we jived with before simply just don't get us today. And not just having a spiritual awakening, but when you go deeper into it and you kind of get out of the whole like conspiracy theory crystal alien matrix and you start to get deeper into why does this actually matter into my life. And you start to ground and become more connected to embodiment and, you know, more around. Yes, I am this intricate soul. And like, how is this going to make my, my physical experience more elevated? And I feel like the people who actually get there is a very, very small circle. And in this conversation, I want to talk to my bestie about how to find best friends in today's world where, you know, people are more apart than ever before, how to maintain friendships despite long distance and travel. You know, we've been long distance besties for the past year and, and soon we'll be back to being in that. And so I've noticed a lot of friendships fall apart when one person moves, you know, and how to actually maintain that same level of closeness and not have it kind of transition into that, okay, we're never really going to see each other. Let's slow fade away. But like, actually, like, let's proactively feed this friendship and how to. How to handle when there may be conflicts, there may be someone they're dating, someone you don't approve, or, or you're dating someone they, you know, all these different things that could come up. So we're gonna have a deep, nuanced, sleepover style conversation about it. Welcome. You're our third. And before we get into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe. That allows you to stay in the loop for future conversations. This podcast is also on YouTube, so you could be watching us in person, Spotify video, and the store. So be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with future conversations. And let's get into this one. And welcome back here, Rosita.

[B]

Thank you. I know. Casio. Wow. You know, I realized as you're talking about a sleepover, the first thing that came to mind was we. We've not had a sleepover since India.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And we didn't even have a pot. We've not even talked about India. And that whole experience, guys, we went to India. And, you know, there are so many things that you said that reminded me of conversations, obviously, that we've had. And. And it's really interesting because the first thing that I thought was, wow, like, we've really weathered the storm.

[A]

Oh, frill, Frill. Eight. Eight years. Wait. For people who are new to this, shall we give our recap story of how we became friends? So this is why following your dharma, your soul's purpose is the most important thing you can do. And everything happens as a result. I started my podcast in 2017. Rosie had started hers, I think in 2016. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And somehow, you know, I kept doing these solo casts. I was channeling, I was riffing, and the podcast grew pretty quickly. And then Yoga Journal featured it on their list of top seven podcasts for yogis. And so I went through that list of who do I jive with? And there were like three people I reached out to on there. One of them was you. And I said, I love your podcast. I really resonate with what you share. Would you like to do a podcast swap? And you were like, absolutely. You invited me over and that was our first time meeting to do the podcast swap. And then from there, I remember really liking you, but you lived on the other side of town. I was on the west side. You were in Laurel Canyon. But knowing I wanted to spend more time with you. And so I think I invited you to one event, and then we, like, happened to be at another event, like a book launch thing. And then I actually got the opportunity to go on a Punch of Karma at the Art of Living center, and they said you could bring three people. So instead of bringing three people that I knew, I decided to invite three people that I wanted to know better. So friendship hack 1. When you're. When you're invited to events or opportunities, use that as your opportunity to invite people you want to get to know better. And so I invited you to come to North Carolina for this Punch of Karma and the two other girls. I just felt like we would all kind of have a synergy. And we did. And the four of us kind of became a bestie group for a couple of years after that, and it was great. And then, you know, weathered some storms. Two remaining us, which happens in friendship groups, and here we are. So, like, the two things I want you to take away are be true to yourself. Share who you are so then you'll be seen for who you are. Reach out to people. Don't be afraid of making the first move. Start a podcast or a YouTube channel or something that you're interviewing people. Because if I was like, hey, Rosie, I'd love to pick your brain over a cup of coffee, you would have said now. But because I showed up with some amount of value. Right. Like, you're going to. You're going to get on a podcast from it, you know, I'll promote you, you promote me. It's like knowing each other in this also biz way, which I think is a great way to actually start friendships.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then the weaving of it. And then I think it was the North Carolina trip that really locked it in. And then I was like, will you be the bridesmaid of my wedding?

[B]

Really interesting about that is yes to all of that. And when we recap it, I'm like, wow. It was just so. It was so natural. But I also want to add that it still took time for us to get close. And I really do feel that friendships are just like relationships. You really get to see who people are when you encounter conflict. And it was a great, great group. And I. And I miss it. And I think it served us at that time. And just like what happens in romantic relationships happened in. In that friendship, I think you know, everybody has different schedules and people grow apart and you know, you can either choose to navigate the storm with your person or not. I feel like part of what has created our bond has been we have a similar conflict resolution style. Sometimes when people ask me, like, how do you have a best friend? Like, what makes a best friend?

[A]

Yeah, because people say bestie is a category, but no, for us it's a person. Like, she's my straight up number one best friend and it's just what it is. And it's rare because it is a relationship.

[B]

Don't say that. People are going to get mad at you.

[A]

I'm sorry, I. Then I have, okay, I have my best friend and then I have my besties.

[B]

Define the difference. Let tell people why you have a tiered experience that's really important.

[A]

I think everyone bestie is a tear for most people. It's like that's how girls do it, you know, Honestly, it's time for you to get out of the spiritual closet because you have incredible gifts that you are here to share your message, your story, your wisdom. I know it inspires your friends, your family members, your colleagues, everyone you meet. But it's time to actually be able to share it with the world. But I know what you might be thinking. I don't know what to post. I don't feel like I'm a confident speaker. I hate the sound of my own voice. Well, this is you. I was exactly in your position. And this is why I've created my speak with you soul method that has led to me and over 3,000 people moving from awkward to confident speaker in just 21 days. So in this method, I go so much deeper than giving a TED talk, but rather it is about the energetic transfer you are here to admit. It's about the tone, texture, quality of your voice, how to share a story, how to be a channel, how to really listen to what your soul is here to apply, expressed beyond the mind and into the body and spirit. So you're going to learn about what type of speaker you are, how to effectively share your story and end off the 21 days recording your own podcast intro. Which, by the way, you need to have me on one day. So if you're interested and curious, I have a code for 20% off. Right now you can head over to the shownotes speakwithsoulcourse.com and use coupon code podcast for 20% off. Again, that is speak with soul course.com coupon code podcast and I have that link in the show notes And I'm so excited to see what you create. And without further ado, let's get back into the episode. I would say to me, my besties are. They are my soul fam. Like, I have a very, very deep connection with them. A different texture connection with them. You know, some of my friends is like, we travel really well together. Some of them are like, we're our business is the thing that brings us together. Some of us, it's like we get into these deep conversations. Each has its texture. The difference between you as my best friend and the bestie tier is my besties are more like they will always be in my life. They're people I've had in my life for eight years as well. But it's seasonal in terms of our closeness. So it's like, you know, with one of my besties, we were living together and in Bali, so she was like. She, at that time was the closest person I was with because we were living together, talking about everything and that. But then when we're. We're not in the same place, we don't keep in touch with each other as much. We keep in touch, but we're not sending each other voice notes of everything that we're doing. It's just her communication style is not that, you know, she's someone that's very in person and when she's with you in person, sis. But she's just more of an internal processor, so she's not like, hey, I had a thought. I've never heard her send a voice note like that. So we'll go months and I don't know when's the next time I'll see her. It may be many months. And then when we see each other, it's always great. And then I have other friends that when I'm in la, we really drop in. And if not some. Some of my friends, they're not into voice noting at all. Like, one of my besties, I was actually quite offended. I was in London at the time two years ago, and her and I were very, very close in our single chapter. We both went through heartbreaks at the same time. We were traveling together in Europe and then I stayed on and I sent her. She was like, give me an update. I sent her this voice note of my update and I didn't hear from her for a week and then 10 days. And then she was like sending me funny reels but not responding to my update. And I felt like I just spent all this time updating you and I'm not even Hearing a response. And she was like, babe, when I see a voice Note More than 2 minutes I can't handle. Like I never listen to it. And so that's just who she is. And so I've made peace. She'll always be a bestie, but it's more when I'm with her, you know, And I think that's how most, most friendships are. I would say the difference between you and I is it actually makes no difference where we are. I actually don't think we're closer when I'm in la. Do I think it's the exact same?

[B]

Do you think that it's because our relationship started as close long distance? So we've been.

[A]

We were close, we were long distance, we were close, we were long distance. So I think it's like our friendship is of course, when I'm in person with you, I get this and I don't, I don't get that. But I would say we're still. And that's the thing with. Also I think when someone's in the same city, we don't. And we're trying this time because it's a shorter amount of time. But everyone gets. Especially when I was living in LA for the whole year, it's like, okay, you're here for the whole year, we have time as opposed to. And I'm here for like one month. It's like, okay, like, can I see you Saturday? Can I see you this, that. But I think it's our communication style. We both are external processors of what we go through. I think I process more. You just share and I just listen to that. But it's not a process for me, it's a figuring out. But we both enjoy. I like hearing about your life. For me, I'm never felt overwhelmed by it at all. I am, I enjoy it. It kind of gets me out of my own life and into like this whole other reality where I'm like, you know what? She should have did, you know? And I feel like if, if I don't know what's going on in your life and time passes, that's when it turns into a catch up. I don't feel like I ever need to have catch ups with you because we're in this constant flow of exchanging what's, what's up for us. Before we get into that, I know what people are thinking. I want that. How the do I find this? How do the fuck. It's like, oh yeah, soulmate. Like we're soulmates, you know, how, like how do I Find that. So what advice would you give for people?

[B]

Yeah, I mean, I. Look, let's just first of all address the fact that we are in a loneliness epidemic. And post Covid did change a lot of relationships. Right. It changed a lot of things. And people is. Mental health was, was really taxed during this time and we somehow managed to still, you know, hold each other up.

[A]

And a lot of friendships fell apart because of political views.

[B]

Yeah, political views. And not having happened with us too. It did. And I think that, I mean, that's a whole separate topic. And I actually, it's relevant because I feel like the reason why people are having such a difficult time right now is because of politics, because we don't have the capacity for tolerance. So first of all, as you age, it does get more challenging. Right? So let's just, just, you know, put it all on the table. As you grow older, in your 30s, 40s, even 50s, you have less Q rich experiences like school or activities or college. You know, you, you have less experiences or opportunities to be with people that you, you know, have to get to know and, and do activities with, group projects, et cetera, et cetera. And priorities start changing as you get older, have kids, maybe you're in a romantic relationship. And, and those things begin to really inform how you prioritize your time. And, and it can be very challenging. So I do want to say that it is very hard. And, and even having a relationship with the people in your life can be a dance, you know, like, I think it's really important to not, you know, I'm not going to shit on people. I don't like to do that. But it does require effort as you get older, quite a bit of effort. And, and I' talk about this before too. And, and you often give people really great opportunities and ideas. I mean, you do events like there's, there's meetups, there's different ways that people can cultivate new relationships. However, we can't fast forward it, we can't make it go from 0 to 100 because I feel like relationships that start like that, just like a romantic relationship where you can and be in this relationship. I've had it. I know you've had it before. And where you find somebody and you just feel like, oh my God, they're amazing. I want to spend time with them, I want to travel with them, and then all of a sudden it just, it crashes and burns as quickly as it started. So those are just a few things to become aware of and to acknowledge that that's the landscape that we're navigating right now, now, when it comes to building tolerance and compassion, I think that's a whole separate ball game. And. And we can totally get into if you want. I think it's. It's pertinent to our experience because even for us, you know, we might not agree on everything. Most of the time we do, but. But if we don't, we don't. Yeah, we play the devil's advocate just for fun, because we just, like, think it's important for us.

[A]

I'm definitely more of the spiritual one. You're more of the pragmatic ground one. You're becoming a. And psychologist and therapist and literally going down that avenue. You are very spiritual, but your passion is more of this. And my passion is more of the mystic side.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and so. And I think we. I love hearing your perspective because I'm around a lot of spiritual people all the time, and you're just suit. You don't get caught up in emotions. You don't. Oh, my God, it's a sign. And you definitely don't say what's going to make me feel good and definitely.

[B]

Not give people some content.

[A]

And I like that. I like that. The Capricorn in me is like, thank you. And I feel like I'm like, there's more to life. There's a magic to it all. It's all divinely connected. Oh, the holy gods have come down and spoken to me on this. And, you know, maybe remind in. In especially if you're studying, like, to become a therapist. It's so bleak. And mental health, and it can feel like the entire world is in this massive crisis. And then I feel like I bring more of this perspective of, like, everything's getting better every single day, you know?

[B]

Well, no, absolutely. And I feel like what you do for me is remind me of my spiritual practice. You remind me of the importance of joy, of being able to look outside of this pragmatic, very dogmatic, rigid world. Right.

[A]

Sun and moon. Yeah. You know, and your house is all, like, black walls and gray is your spirit and mine. There's always a pink and gold.

[B]

But it's important to be able to have the two. The two different. I. I always find that really interesting because there was a time in my life where I just wanted to hang out with spiritual people. I'm like, I just want to live in that world. I want to. What?

[A]

But if you met me today, I don't know if you'd be my friend.

[B]

I probably would not.

[A]

That's the fact you wouldn't have chosen me. I would be too spiritual for you.

[B]

Yeah, you would have been too.

[A]

I caught you at the right leg, that you were still like a yoga teacher and doing that and medit. So that's the interesting thing too is, like, in friendships, people change.

[B]

But I.

[A]

Before we go into this, I really want to. How do we find those friends? So you've shared with us the loneliness epidemic, and that's facts. And what. When you were saying that, I was just thinking that's why dating is so hard, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you don't have those third spaces where people are meeting. That's why when you travel, you go to Italy. First of all, they're hot. Second of all, you meet so many people. Like, in Bali, I was meeting so many people because people go to a drum class. People talk to each other more at the gym. Like, I think because everyone feels a little bit more like a vacation, they're more likely to connect with. It's like when you're on vacation, you just start talking to the random person at the pool. Then you're like, let's have dinner. And, you know, end up going on an adventure. When you're living somewhere, it doesn't happen. I think AirPods, first of all, they're horrible for you, the EMFs. It's like putting microwaves in your ears. But I think what AirPods are doing is creating this loneliness epidemic. Like, I was at the Gold's Gym here in Venice. Lots of hotties. But what am I going to do? Hey, sir, take out your AirPod. I'd like to have a word with you. It's like, I don't know. He could be listening to his Joe Rogan on hour seven, you know, Like, I don't know. Also, like, I don't know if he's in a relationship or not. Also, I'm a woman. I don't want. I don't want to approach a guy. I see girls do it there. Like, I saw this girl. I told you. Yeah, this cute boy. He was stretching. They had not even made eye contact. She was behind him, and she came up, poked him, and I was like, on the mat, next house, kind of watching. He takes out his AirPod. She's like, what's your name? I'm like, bold as a. And they talked. They exchanged numbers. I'm like, damn, that's why you work at a girl's gym. Like, you got it like that. Like, you know, it was ballsy as I can never. But she got. She got his number. But I don't know, like, I just feel like it's still going against like the laws of like the masculine pursuing the feminine. It's not how I want it to be, but it's just. Just feels like in today's world.

[B]

Let me ask you something though. If it was a girlfriend, a girl, would you approach a girl that you were like, oh, she's got a cute out. I don't know, like what attract, what attracts us to a friend?

[A]

Okay, like the girl's bathroom. Why is the girl's bathroom a holy space? Because we're in it together. No one has their AirPods in. We're all like, do you need some of my perfume? Oh my God, your outfit looks so great. Oh my God. How do you do your hair? You know, I saw the, this funny reel and it was like this girl in a bathroom stall and she just screams out to the bathroom, should I text my ex? And they're all like, no, don't do it. You know, and it's like, that's girlhood right there. Like, I feel like to another girl I could just say, I like your outfit. And that is enough of an entry to a man. Like, I like your outfit. Like what?

[B]

There's a different dynamic though, in romantic relationships.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You know, when with. Even though the correlation is a relationship with a girl, whether you're like straight or gay or whatever, like building a relationship with anyone requires intimacy and it does require effort. And I feel like part of. Yes, absolutely what you're saying. People have their AirPods in, they're distracted, they're more interested in.

[A]

Wait, what do we do? We need to talk about the solution.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

So, yeah, so recognizing that it is challenging. Look, first of all, you, you need to ask yourself what type of relationships you want. Okay.

[A]

Where would this person be?

[B]

Yeah, where would this person be? What are the qualities that you offer as a friend? First of all, what kind of friend are you? Like, let's start there. What kind of friend are you? What kind of communication do you want? Are you going to be like Sahara's bestie tier group? Are you going to be. Be the I come in once in a while, I see you a couple times a year friend? Or are you going to be the daily I want somebody that I can go have coffee with or that I can voice note in the morning and is not going to get annoyed or that.

[A]

Can you really choose that before meeting someone? I don't. Because then that's sort of like. I mean, in a way that's what we're doing in relationships.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you dating to have children in a family? Are you dating to have fun? We. We come up with this is the role, and this is. Then we do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Otherwise we're wasting each other's time. But in friendship, I don't know if it can work that way.

[B]

I. I don't know.

[A]

I don't think you would have signed up.

[B]

Here's what I know. I know that I am a serial monogamist. I know that I'm a loyal person. I'm a loyal friend. And I'm like, a true ride or die.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, we will go to the grave. Like, that is what I sign up for. Right. So imagine I came to you that first day that you came over to my house, and I said to you, we're in it for life. Like, we're friends for.

[A]

I would have liked that. I'm like, ooh, yes, we're in it for life. Let's get matching tattoos.

[B]

Let's do it. I love a love mom.

[A]

Yeah, so do I.

[B]

Clearly, this is why we're here. The thing is only in with specific people. That's why I'm a Latina. Yeah, right. But certain people, you wouldn't be down with that. I can tell you two people right now if they. That, you know, that are friends of yours, that if they came to you and said, I want to be friends with you till the death, you would be like, no, I don't think it's.

[A]

The friends to the death. I think it's. If they were like, you can be my only. And. And I'll. And you can't say that. No. See, that's the difference between friendship and relationship. A relationship is there is only one. And so that's why you gotta come in with more clear expectations, because it is the biggest role in your life. Friendships are huge. But it's not like, here's the difference between a friendship. I can decide to move and we can make it work in a relationship. I can't be like, bye, I'm going to Antarctica.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Like that's a mutual decision. So I feel with friendship, it is more like you just got to get to know each other. And naturally it will be what it's going to be because there's also seasons and friendships. But going back to how to find. Here's here my tips.

[B]

Okay, I'll share my tips too.

[A]

So definitely places where you will have mutual interests in rose gold goddesses. My membership. There are so many best friends there. People who started a Podcast there. People who travel the world together, you know, because everyone resonates with this podcast and my message and the way that I show up, which is spiritual but fun and playful and sacred, feminine. Everyone's got that vibe. So it's already like 99 of the work is there and then there's obviously different, different energies. So Rose Gold Goddesses, if you're vibing with this, I'll put the link of that below. That's my membership community. Incredible way to make friends. We have different groups all around the world. So you can be like, hey, I'm looking for people in the Midwest. I' for people in Europe. I'm looking for people there. We've had a lot of goddesses travel and meet each other. We've had them host goddess circles and invite people to come. It's really all about connection. So I, you know, because friendship and bringing that together is such an important piece of who I am and my message, I wanted to share that. So Rose Gold Goddesses. And if not another group, you know, maybe you're super into interior design. You know, like going to interior design classes, workshops, shops, dancing, going to dance classes. But here's the thing, you have to also, when you're at a place that's not like it's so much easier to make a friend at an event where everyone is social. But if you go to a yoga class, there are people who are there just to do yoga. They're not, they're not there to talk. However, they're still humans. And I really believe if you are going to an in person class today, you want to connect because you don't need to be.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You could do your yoga class, your dance class class, everything at home, online, you're going to a class because you want that in person connection. And who doesn't want new friends and energy in their lives? Like, honestly, all luck comes from new friends. Because when you make a new friend, you're inviting in a whole new world in your life. Like, I was thinking about our friend Sada Simone and I met him through a membership community that I was in. He was teaching a meditation. I resonated with him, but then I took the step of messaging him. And then he said, I happen to be going to this yoga and science conference. You can and we can meet there. He wasn't going to meet up with me for a coffee or anything like that. He didn't know who I was. And so I went, happened to be at that event. Deepak Chopra was there. That's When I walked up to him, that's when I shared my book. And that's what led to him inviting me to teach on Chopra, which led to the forwards of my book. Had I not reached out to Sa to just be his friend, it wouldn't have led to Deepak writing them three fours of my books. So that immense luck, slash, you know, I do believe it was all aligned, dharmically aligned, came through the initiative I took of meeting a friend. And why I say new friends is like your old friends, you probably kind of already know who they know. But the new one, it's like, you know, a friend's like, oh, you remind me of this person, that person. Now, not every single friendship leads to that. That's not why we join friendships. But it can come. So joining groups, going in classes. If you go to a yoga class or a dance class or something, I think just compliment. If it's a girl complimenting them on their outfit, complimenting them on their hair, ask them a question them to show, and then they may be interested in continue the conversation. If not, like, no, don't sweat it. It's all good. And then Instagram, I've made so many friends on Instagram because you can really see the essence of what a person's about. And so, like, following them, commenting, if they follow you back, you kind of start commenting and then send a voice note like, hey, I really love what you're about. Da, da, da. And maybe you guys just start like there and then. And if you're never in the same place, sometimes I've said, let's hop on a zoom call. I would really love to get to know you more. And we've zoomed and then it's established a connection that maybe one day when we're in the same place, we'll meet. So I feel like Instagram is such an incredible way. What has not worked. I tried the Bumble BFF when I moved to Miami. I was like, I have no friends here. And it was just like shopping at Walmart. Like, it was horrible that it made me think, wow, if Bumble BFF is so hard hard, imagine Bumble dating. It's the same thing. You know, it can't happen, but, you know, you're just going, there's nothing in common. It's just a random person from the entire state. So those are the things I wouldn't so much focus on. Because a friendship does need to be based in something that you have together. You know, some of my other besties that I have in my life I would say my podcast, them knowing me from my work.

[B]

Work.

[A]

I've had people who recognize me from my work. I even had a recent friend that actually she was a student of mine and she didn't tell me this until we hung out. And she was like, by the way, I was your Dharma coaching institute. And I was like, why? Because normally I really keep a line there of, you know, my students. You know, I want to just be as a teacher. But, you know, she lives in Bali and she was on her own path and I actually resonate with her on a friendship level. So that was at first and really interesting. And then I feel like then making that effort of inviting them to events or hosting events. So I really love, you know, rituals and things like that. So I host lots of rituals and I invite different people to come. And that's a really beautiful way of like, let's do a new moon intention setting ritual, or let's go to the beach and do this. This girl actually invited me to, like, create content and which was really fun. So our first time, like, I think I had met her once very briefly in Bali, but we got together and we had this whole, like, altar set up and we were like, dancing and I was like. And she had a videographer and everything she was going to do do it anyways. Oh, yeah. So it was like, really fun because it was like, oh, I always want to make more content and like it. It was like a value add for me that I enjoyed it. And now I'm like, oh, I would for sure love to do more like, priestess circles with her again. So that's what I feel. What about you?

[B]

Yeah, I. I agree with all of that. It's so not anything that I would go do personally, but I think it's amazing and I think that people here obviously will resonate with that. I'm more of the, I want to do a book club at my house or I want to invite people or I want to go to a book event. Like that to me, is top tier. And in fact, I can think of three acquaintances that turned into friends because of a book event or going to somebody's book launch. So finding those similar interests, if there isn't one, create your own and do exactly as you said, social media, Find people, do a posting. You know, create a meetup. Like, meetup. I've been really into this. Not me personally, because I don't have the time right now. It's a separate topic. But the meetup community is really, really popping off, especially right now, because people want to do in person experiences. And I, I really love that you've always been so proactive in creating those experiences and finding those people like you. You have such a great personality. To get to know you or create experiences that lends itself to getting to know somebody new. You know, I'm thinking about the introverted extrovert, right? That's me. I'm definitely. I can go out in public. I can. I can be pleasant. But ultimately, it takes a really long time for me to feel like I can go spend time. And also, I'm in my 40s, so my time is very valuable. And. And that is the other hindrance that can happen for people, right. Because we prioritize our life, right? Like, what is going to be. I'm doing air quotes worth my time. And so I feel like that really stops us from meeting people. So if you're one of these persons that's like, yeah, Sahara saying the ritual and the circles and. And I've tried all of those things, and it's just really hard for me because I'm a mom and I can't get to this place or my job. I get out too late, and then I'm. I'm in traffic. And so by the time I get home, I'm too tired. I think it's really good to be intentional and to find things in advance, like, plan it in advance. You and I, we get to see each other whether we're in the same state or country or not. We usually plan it. We have to sometimes plan it weeks or months, months in advance, you know, And I think it's part of that intentionality, like, make it a point to do these things. Don't just sit around and. And lament that you don't have anybody in your life. You know, it's like you have to be proactive, just like with dating, you know, you. You can't be like, oh, I've not dated, but have you. But did you try? Like, have you actually put yourself out there?

[A]

Yeah. And I used to go to a lot ofmeetups on meetup.com when I first moved to LA 10 years ago ago. And I was by far the youngest person. You know, I was 24 years old. And it was. I would look up words like shaman, and I would, like, go to the people's backyards. All the women were in their 50s, and we do these, like, fire ceremony and rituals and stuff. And, you know, some of them I became friendly with. They were like, could have been my mother's age, but some of them I would go to coffee with and kind of. But it was. It kind of just showed me like, yes, this does exist. So I would say meet up. I've never met a best of bestie for meetup, but it is a way.

[B]

Well, you don't just become bestie right away.

[A]

Maybe it was my age and their age. I think that was the big factor. But most likely like a mom whose kids just went off to college doesn't want to be best friends with a 24 year old. But it could, it could. I mean, we are eight years apart.

[B]

Yeah. We're different. And, and I love that you are younger than I am. Yeah. You know, because I feel like it keeps me young.

[A]

Am I the new puppy that brings in the excitement? Here's what the kids are doing on these streets. Girl, have you heard these new slang.

[B]

You know what I wanted to ask you too on this topic of, of having multiple friends. Have you ever had friends that were jealous of your friendships?

[A]

Oh, God, of course.

[B]

Well, obviously not me, cuz I'm never jealous. I'm not the jealous type cuz I.

[A]

Am the number one best friend of I think like three or four people. But you're my number one best friend. I have a high capacity to friendship, okay? Like, I can hold a lot of friendship. Got a lot of love to give. Like friendship doesn't exhaust me. I can be the number one person in four people's lives equally. Like I am polyamorous with friendship. I really, I get it. I'm the Aubrey Marcus of friendship. Like, and I get it. No judgment. Like I can hold it all and like meet you all, like better than anyone has ever friended you before.

[B]

She can be the number one in a lot of people's lives.

[A]

I can, I get it.

[B]

You know, so, so, so you could be polyamorous.

[A]

Not in relationship. I can't even maintain one. But friendship though. I got you.

[B]

I got you though.

[A]

I think they're boys.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then there's girls. Girls I love boys. You know, it's less to talk about.

[B]

It's different. Do you think that you.

[A]

I have boy besties though.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think that having a romantic relationship plays any role in the depth of how you can cultivate like a for us, heteronormative relationship?

[A]

So this may be too much information, but I am someone that hates the feeling of wearing underwear. Like if it was up to me, I would just go commando all the time. But when I'm wearing like skirts and dresses, sometimes I'm like, maybe it's good to put on some underwear. And obviously I heard all the hype around Skims and I'm probably the last person to try it. But I was really impressed with their Fits Everybody collection for intimates. Honestly, the feeling is like no underwear I've worn before. Thongs used to bother me so much during the day. Like, I hate the feeling of having something up my butt all the time. But this fabric melts on the skin and you will forget you are wearing it. So everyone should experience this level of comfort in life. So you can shop Skims for Fits everyday [e-mail] and after you place your order, please be sure to let them know that I sent you select podcast on the survey and please be sure to select Highest self podcast in the drop down menu. And if you're looking for perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday collection is now [e-mail] and you can find that link in the show notes. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. So massively I actually sent a voice note to one of my besties, who she was. We lived in Miami at the same time and we were both married and so it was like we were in that same chapter of kind of like newlyweds in Miami. And she like lived walking distance to me. We were very close. Then I went through my divorce and she was really there for me in my divorce. Then she got pregnant and now has a baby. And so we are in completely different chapters of our lives. I'm single, traveling the world, making music, like super focused on my business and my message. And she her number one focus. And she's so pleased with motherhood. And it's interesting because before both of us, like, she really didn't want kids and I was like, not sure. And now it's like just this like totally flipped that I'm like, I don't really know. And she's like, motherhood is the best thing. And I sent her this voice note yesterday because everyone who's in my life now, my closest friends are all. Most are in relationships but child free and she's my only like bestie who's a mom. And it's actually really refreshing and like touches a different part of me when I go on her Instagram story because it's like just seeing the love that she has for her baby and just seeing her in this completely different role, it's like beautiful. It like makes me emotional. I'm like, oh my God, like she's a mom now. Like, you know, her baby's so cute and it's so precious and you know, I'll share with her what's going on in my life. And she gives completely different advice from, you know, being a long term happily married mother that my other single friends give. I do notice single girls when you become single, like you need your single friend friends because you're both, you're all going through a lot of the same things, the, the dating stuff, the loneliness stuff, etc, but I think I'm the only one still single of my single friend. I'm like, what happened to the troop? You know, like what happened the pack? No, I just, I find new ones but, but you always need someone. You got the stage of life friends, you know, so you got the single girlies. Like people who just had moms need mom friends, you know, I would say the children is what makes a bit of a difference, but relationship too. Like I had a bestie that we were living in the same country at the same time and we became super close super quick and it was amazing and it was like a fun friendship. We would laugh so much together and it was like we brought out each other's inner children wild. And then she got into a relationship and we barely talk now, you know, and like also it was the fact that we don't know when we're gonna see each other again, you know. And so I feel with long term friendships you need to know you like most friendships aren't going to last. I mean, stats show most friendships have a life cycle of seven years, but over half of your friendships won't be there after seven years. And so our friendship, I know first of all, I will always come back to LA because my grandma, my aunt live here. It's like a base for me. So no matter what, we have that locked in. Whereas if you live in a random country and then that person's there and you never know if you're going to go back to that country again. It's one thing. But then also we try. It's hard with your school, but like when can we travel together and like do like an annual trip somewhere else? And I feel like with India, that was such a beautiful way of bringing in more new memories because with a lot of old friendships, the whole friendship becomes based on what happened in the past. Like my college, she was my best friend in college and you know, we kept in touch. But after years and years and years it's like there's no new memories being created. All of our conversations were about back in the college days. And it's like fun for a minute. And then it's like, it's like, you know, you kind of stop filling each other in because it's like too much to fill in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She's a mom and so it's like we'll always love each other, but it's just not obviously the same. I feel like to. If you really are invested in a friendship, like a relationship, it is making time to create these new experiences. So, like in India, it gave us a whole new host of things to talk about. And also you got to get a look into my new life and my new world. You got to see the kind of guys I like. You got to meet two of them. No, actually is cool because it was my college friend's wedding, so you got to meet some of my college friends and see that. And like, like India is such a huge part of my life. And like having that like the langas and being there. And now when I talk about like in India this, India that, like, you get it because you came.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, whereas if it was, was like it at least brought you along on one piece of my travel. And also we have been to Bali together too, because we did another panchakarma and you, you know it. So just going zooming back, let's say someone meets someone that they like, how do they take the next step of like, okay, I would like to build a friendship with someone without being like, creepy or needy?

[B]

Yes. That is such a great question. Especially because you don't want to feel stalkery. Although, like Sahara and I kind of love that with people that we like, it's like we don't think about.

[A]

If I send you a 10 minute long voice note, pressing my thoughts after the first time we met, what would you have done?

[B]

I don't know. I. I don't know because I, I probably would have listened in like minutes to it, you know, excited when I see long voice notes.

[A]

What's the longest we've sent?

[B]

I think the longest you've sent me has been like 18 minutes. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Does it have a cap on there? Because we use WhatsApp.

[B]

I don't know if it has a cap or not.

[A]

I feel like it's like a 30 minute cap, but then sometimes I'll send multiple of those.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I don't, I don't do that anymore. I was getting divorced. Okay. I had a lot to say.

[B]

No, that, that's. And, and look to me again. I don't know why you, you feel bad about it and I, I don't know why, because here's. This is a good. Actually think.

[A]

No, stop there. How can someone not be creepy?

[B]

So the way to not be creepy is to approach things from a non grippy place. Right. And I'm going to use myself as an example. When I was first starting out in this wellness industry, there were, there was like one really big author, I'm not going to say her name, really huge was doing the circuit, lots of media, very, very well known. And I just wanted to be her friend. I wanted to like mentor under her. I wanted to be the person that could text her. Like in my brain. We were best friends. I'm like this person gets me everything she writes about. I'm just, I see myself in her life. Like I feel like she knows my soul, how I wanted to figure out how to get to her. Right. And so she was really that bitch. Yeah, she was and she still is in, in many respects. And I, you know, followed her on all the social medias and I reached out to her on social media, she didn't respond. And I had just started my podcast at the time, it was yeah, 2020, end of 2015, 2016. And I reached out to, out to her via her website and you know, I was very professional about it, but I just wanted to be her friend so bad and I don't know how the stars aligned and I'm a big fan of, of cold emailing people. Like, don't ever be intimidated with how big somebody is. Like, you take your chance, be bold. You miss 100% of the chances that you don't take. Right. So I was bold and I did it and, and, and her team responded to me and I got her on the podcast and I wanted to just, just like girl out with her on this conversation and, and I wanted to just show her my personality and I wanted to tell her how much I, I loved her and without being too fangirl. Right. And I say fangirl in not a disparaging way because I feel like sometimes we use it in a disparaging way, which I feel is kind of sad because I've been a fan girl, you've been a fan girl. Like we know what that energy is like. It, it's just we're so desperate to be seen by somebody that we admire and, and I get that because I've been that girl. And I remember just breathing and taking my time and, and the thing that I've seen the cues that people miss is that because we, when we get Our shot to the friend, to the author. And I. And I will finish the story, I promise it has a good payoff. We feel like this is the only time I'm ever gonna have this opportunity. So then we're just, like, desperate, right? It's. It's the butterfly that lands on the palm of your hand and we just. We wanna grip it and be like, oh, my God, no, I wanna hold it. Because this may be the only time. And that desperation, we can sense it. You know, people sense the desperation. And that is not a great way to start any relationship. Not a romantic relationship, not a friendship. And so I kept having to check myself in the conversation. I asserted who I was, what I did my appreciation in a very, very authentic and genuine way, in a way that I felt good about, that I didn't feel too desperately. And I felt if she liked me, she would maybe follow me back on social media. Maybe she would see one of the five DMS that I sent her.

[A]

Make sure you unsend those. I did.

[B]

I totally did. I don't actually know at the time if you had the unsend, but, you know, when somebody doesn't follow you and they start following you, you can't. You don't have the history.

[A]

Oh, great.

[B]

Yeah. So I did learn that anyway.

[A]

Yeah. There.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But thinking we could be friends, right?

[B]

Please, can you please be my friend? And so after the conversation, she was like, yeah, let me know when this comes out. I'm happy to share. I didn't ask her to share anything. And. And the following day I opened Instagram and she was following me and I totally just like, I wasn't going to start DMing her, although I wanted to so bad, start having dialogue with her, but I just let it sit. When the podcast came out, she shared it. I invited her on again for the second time. And that second time I did invite her to a coffee date. I'm like, hey, she's not from la. I'm like, the next time you come to la, I'd love to take you out for. For a coffee. You know, no pressure. I'm happy to come to you.

[A]

I love that. No pressure. I'm happy to come to you. And the. You didn't instantly, you know, love bomb her. You kind of tested the waters. She came on your podcast again, which is really huge of anyone, let alone.

[B]

This big author, you know, especially at the time. I mean, she had her pick of. I was the. But I can guarantee I was the smallest podcast she had been on.

[A]

And she just. You could Tell. Okay. She must like me at some level.

[B]

Yeah, some. There. There was some level of. Okay, well she's following me now so she sees what I'm kind of doing in the world she's been on again and she absolutely took me up on that offer. And, and after a couple years, about two years, we. We started to text and we. It became a thing where.

[A]

Two years.

[B]

Yeah, it took two years. Well, because I wasn't trying to.

[A]

Yeah. And she's bus busy. But then it happened.

[B]

Yep. Then it happened. And, and, and now I'm still friendly with her to this, to this day. You know. And it's, it's one of those things that I have to think back. Like had I been that thirsty in a category. Yeah. She would put me in. In a different category and there wouldn't have been that level of, of I don't know, like respect or. Yeah. We wouldn't have had the same type of. Of connection that that we do now. You know. And will say too is maybe had I not had something of value because the podcast, you know, it started to grow and, and that was something that I was also creating an opportunity for her to share. Even though. Yeah maybe it was the smallest podcast at the time, I still came in with value. And if, if you really break down our relationship, how it started the podcast. Yeah, we, we.

[A]

We came same with me and Krista of almost 30. Same with so me and saw like then we podcasted. It was like my. Is how I've made so many of my closest friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's like, you know, Aaron Doughty, you know, if I was just like hey Aaron, let's go for coffee. You'd be like, who are you?

[B]

Are you.

[A]

Are you hitting on me? Like what. You know, and I was married at the time and we, I had him on my podcast and he's huge on YouTube and we were just jiving like the podcast just felt like a friendship and then after him and I would just text and then you sent each other voice notes and he's like one of my guy besties who I really like and now he's in a relationship with. With my other bestie that we were all. And they're together and it's so freaking cute. And they're going to do their hard launch here on the podcast which I'm very excited about. They're giving me that honor and so, so I love what you shared. There's so much there and I've been in different. I think there's a number of touch points Power dynamics and friendship. And so we can touch on that. But just what's more relevant I think collectively is just the not feeling creepy, just in general. And then we're can address power dynamics. I feel we need to test the waters and make sure things are reciprocal before adding more. For example, there's a girl in the spiritual LA community. We have a lot of mutual friends and I've kind of briefly seen her at things. I liked her, we exchanged numbers and then she just started sending me these really long voice notes. And you know, I was fine. I like a voice note. And I responded. It was like more and more and like processing and she's going through a dark night at school and this and that. It was like a lot because I've actually never hung out with her oneon one. I've only just seen her at events. And then she was like, I didn't hear back from you. Did you get my messages? And I was like, whoa, this is feeling like possessive girlfriend right now. And I don't know you. And I asked my other friend who knew her, I'm like, is she like this? I'm a little confused. She was like, oh, she's like this with everyone. She's just very like kind of clings on. And so for me, my nervous system was like, I don't have capacity for what she is wanting. I could feel she wanted to jump into like a very, very close friendship that you're process. And I just don't have the capacity for that in, in my life. And so I had to sort of like just take longer in my responses and like set the tone. And I think eventually she got the point and it's fine. But I do feel like I do need to keep a little bit of a distance with her because if you kind of give her a little bit, she, she goes all out.

[B]

How did you establish those boundaries? So I think it's really important to tell people like you said something so key. You're like, I took a little longer time to respond. So how do you set those boundaries with people like this?

[A]

One of my business partners on High Self Institute, he. He doesn't say his boundary. He be his boundary. Be the boundary. And it's so different than us women. We're like, boundaries. Here's the book, here's the conversation. When you said this, I felt this da da. And he's just like, if he doesn't want to respond, he won't respond. And so you don't even have anything you can argue with. And it's Taught me a lot. And so instead of being like, hey, these are a lot of voice notes. I don't have the capacity for the kind of friendship you're looking for. Which would have made her get really offended. This I was just like, I just would never send a voice note back. I would just respond with text and keep it like, oh, I'm so glad you're doing better. Sending so much love. And just sort of these like, ending things. Not like asking questions and engaging, not open ended. Yeah. And it kind of did take her a bit to get the cues, but eventually over time she did. So I've been on that end of like too much too soon. And then just bringing the power dynamic of it is like, obviously I have like a podcast, a social media audience. I write books, I make music. So a lot of people recognize me. So when I'm in spiritual places, a lot of people will recognize me and, you know, come up to me and sometimes they're really cool, but sometimes they'll be crying or, you know, know, like, I think when you're on a podcast, people really get to know you. And so they're like, you don't know yet, but like, you're my best friend and like, we're besties. And I get a lot of messages like that. And I'm so grateful that people listen to this podcast and like it because sometimes I'm like, I don't think anyone even listens to this because it's so hard to reach people these days. I'm like, I guess I'm just talking to a wall, but whatever. And so I love hearing that. But then they're like, let's hang out, let's this, let's that already it's set this tone of like, I won't feel safe to be myself when there's already a pedestalization that's there and that I want to be mindful of. And so, you know, I think it's important just for me to like, even respect maybe the role I'm playing in that person, person's consciousness to, to be that, you know, of course, maybe they were like, no, no, no, I want like all of you. But I kind of like, if. So if someone is like my student, like a podcast listener, someone in that, like there is a level of, yeah, like separation, transference.

[B]

It's what they're. They're putting you in a position. They have a, an ideal of who you are and, you know, whether it's true or not for them, they're already coming with so much expectation and that's.

[A]

Why even with hiring, I don't hire people who have been fans of my work. Because when I've done that in the past past, they think, well, it's just gonna be hanging out with you. This is the dream job. And it's not. It's work, you know. So like my main assistant, she had no idea who I was. I found her on Indeed.com and I love that because she doesn't care. And I mean, that's something I really like. I don't want that, like pedestalization. She's just like, here's a thing. And I can just be myself because it's not like I'm trying to keep any kind of image of myself that she needs. And so I feel with friends, people like to be friends with someone, someone that feels like an equal to them.

[B]

Yeah, this is true.

[A]

And so at that time, we both had new podcasts. Doing a podcast swap was in alignment because it was a similar size, similar reach. We were in similar stages. Same with Saw. He was also kind of starting Cassandra Bodzak. Like a lot of different people who are still my besties today. When there's a power dynamic of like, you know, and some. Sometimes it can, like, I've shared that girl who. She was my student and we became friends, which is very rare. You and this author. Author. But there needs to like, I think then have a strong inner sense of like, confidence. Otherwise if it's like, oh my God, I read all your books and I this and that. If you showed up with the author like that, she would have been like, oof, I feel a little bit unsafe. So for people who are like, you know, I don't put out content. I don't know if I'm going to start a podcast. Like, what could I do?

[B]

Obviously, if you're listening to this podcast, you're. I would imagine that you're clued in to, you know, these, these different types of modalities and topics and spirituality and philosophy and you already have a sense of self connection. I would say if you're not able to, you know, go to an event like Sahara said, like a drum circle or a dance class or a pottery class. I. I'm a big fan of like cre. Create your own building.

[A]

I think a book club is a great idea.

[B]

Yeah. So that's what I did when I lived in Portland or a movie club.

[A]

Y.

[B]

Movie club, you know, just. Just create your own tribe. So. So when I was living in Portland, it. I'd never lived anywhere outside of la. I Grew up here. I was born, went to college, met my person within a six mile radius of the hospital. I was born. Like, I've lived my entire life here. And so moving to a new place was hard. And I didn't think about, about, oh, I can't just call a friend or I need to use directions to get to where I live because I don't use maps here. I know where I'm going. I know how to get there. So I remember I would drive by and I'd see like two girls having coffee and I'd get so emotional because, you know, it's like you, you miss the closeness with somebody and, And I love Tor. We know I love Tor. But you need to have a different, different relationships in your life. You just need to. Like, I would, I don't even know what I would do without you in my life. Like, there's so many. They just don't. They don't understand. And it's funny because Tori understands. He's like, no, I, I understand. He's like, I, I don't know if I told you this, but Tori's her husband. Yes. He is my person right now. I'm irritated with him. A separate topic. But he, he's like, what you guys have is so rare and it's so special. And it's like, for somebody that I've been with for 22 years who's seen me go through all kinds of. Of ups and downs, and for him to say that our relationship, he's like, that is very rare. That's very special. It just makes me so much more grateful and so much more just. It makes me revere friendship so much more. Like, the older I get, the more I revere having friendships like this. And I say that because. Because I want people to. I mean, like, we met when I was in my 30s, right? So I want to give people that hope. So I was your age. I was the age you are now, essentially, when we first became friends. A little bit older, I think maybe in 35, 36.

[A]

You're 41.

[B]

I'm 42.

[A]

42. So yeah. You were like my age.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or 35. Yeah.

[B]

So in that framework.

[A]

Wait, that doesn't make sense. Because I was like 20, 27 or 28.

[B]

So then I was. Let's do the math. We're so bad at this. We've done this before.

[A]

Seventeen is when we met.

[B]

Okay, so 2017. So I was 26. Yeah. So I was 35.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was35. You're 34.

[A]

Huh? So also just age, like was it, were you like, oh, this girl's so young? Because I do have one friend who's younger. She's like, she just turned 30, but I don't really have younger friends. Friends?

[B]

Yeah, no, I, I remember thinking like, you're not, but you're not like typical. You, you were not normal for, for a 20 year old. Yeah, you were definitely not the typical 20, middle 20s gal.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz like our other friend that we were close with, she was like 13 years older.

[B]

Yeah, she was older than me too. Yeah.

[A]

But she's felt like my equal. Like I, I've always felt like an older person.

[B]

You were, you came in very. You're like a wise soul and you've always been, you know, and, and what's interesting is that.

[A]

Does it feel like because I'm younger.

[B]

Like your age shows sometimes is what you're asking? Yes, it does.

[A]

Okay. How, how, how so? And does it make you feel like an inequality?

[B]

No, I never, I never feel like it's. To me, I, I only see the, the benefits of, of it. You know, I, I've said it before, like, to me, having a friend that's younger is really important because it gives me a new, a different lens to see the world, you know, politically, spiritually. Like it really does lend itself to how your demographic sees the world. And I think I've always said have friends of different ages. I think it's so I have friends that are in their 60s, 50. I mean, my partner's 11 years older than I am. Like, like, so I have friends that are his age, you know, and I have friends that are my age. I'm in my 40s, you know, mid-40s, so. And I have, you know, a handful of friends that are, you know, your age. And it's amazing. I think it really is important to see a different perspective. It only helps. I think the only time. And I say the age is showing, your age is showing. There are certain things that we go through as women that only time and experience can teach us. Like, and it's not our job as friends to, to tell each other what to do. Right. We, we had this conversation very recently where I trust you and would I make different choices at time, different people choices? Sometimes, yeah. But that's not my choice to make. And, and I ultimately respect you and I respect your wisdom and your decisions and I, and I have to support you because that's, that's my role as your friend is to support you, not to make you feel like you're Inadequate, you know.

[A]

Yeah. Around the, the age thing I met this amazing girl and she's like 27 I think and she was like I, I was amazed like she, she had so many of the same realizations around relationship that I've had already at 27. And it's just I do think this younger generation because they have been exposed to social media so so much like higher level thought and consciousness and just like older souls are continuing to be born like you know, Indigo children, Rainbow children. So I was amazed but then also in the back of my mind I'm like but you haven't even gone through your Saturn return girl. Like you know, know I don't know if anything's it but who knows May maybe you don't need to go through the same experiences that my generation has gone through but I do like feel the part of me that's like you're 27. Like I don't think you know anything's no relationship is going to be forever at this point but who freaking knows. I'm just in the age of the women are all divorced and you know, in that era.

[B]

And you'll go through that and you'll go through, through another set and, and what is beautiful that I will say is I do feel that most of the time I don't think about the age difference until there are certain things that come up where I'm like well.

[A]

I think the age, the age difference thing for us only start to pop out with dating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because when I was married I lived a very normal married life that was quite boring, you know. Yeah.

[B]

But you know the thing is like you because I, I, I because I've known you in your 20s and now I know you in your 30s and, and I, I can say that there was a, A, a difference from when you were in your twenties to when, when you turned thirty. And yeah like the marriage and you were married at the time and there was a difference and obviously you going through your divorce like going through this whole other experience like but I've seen you watch, seeing you go through your experience I think is what's one of the most beautiful things of having friends of different ages because you're able, able to see these different transitions. You know like when you turned 30 like you, you definitely changed, you changed your focus, you changed your style. Like it was a whole different vibe and sexy dark night of the soul. Yeah.

[A]

Twerking.

[B]

But even then it's just like it, it continues to again expose you to a different path path. And, and for me I feel like I get to relive who I was at your age because again, you're coming to that. That time where we met. So I was at that age when we first met, kind of coming to the end of. Of a cycle.

[A]

Even the question about children. When I met you, you were very in that question of. Of do I want kids? Do I not this, that. And then, like, I share with you. Of, like, sometimes I'm like, I could never imagine having children. Like, for sure. Child food for life. And there's. Sometimes I'm like, holding Chaya's, pretending he's like my baby. And, like, my maternal instincts come out and I'm like, you're my real child. And, like, it is like you're over. Just start doing some things, you know.

[B]

And, well, there's a biological experience that's happening.

[A]

There is. Yeah. And so. So. But then you're menopausal now, and that's a lot of what you share about. And it's like, also, I get to learn about that. And it's interesting because. Because I'm friends with older people, like, every conversation about menopause these days. And like, you know, but it's like showing me, like, what is to come. And I think that's with the age things. I do want to just to on this because we did say it in the intro. What to do if you don't like the person your friend is in a relationship with.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's a whole.

[A]

You. A whole other one on this. Do you guys want a whole other one on this, or should we try to give a micro do? And if they say they want a whole another one. This. We'll do a whole another one.

[B]

Give me a scenario. Tell me a scenario.

[A]

A scenario is. Let's say your friend has been. Hypothetically speaking, I don't know. All right, let's just. I'm imagining random person that doesn't exist. Let's say your friend has been in relationships where she wasn't like, you know, she's learned lessons just like everyone else. It wasn't the right fit of a person, and there's a pattern. And then she's in a relationship with someone with a similar patterning there, but she's very in love with this person. She wants to be with this person. She's not asking for your feedback. She's not asking if you like this person. She's just telling you, I'm gonna be with this person. We're gonna get married. We're gonna have kids. This again. I Don't know. But you are seeing a pattern of similarities. And because you care about your friend so deeply, you're like, you know, I just don't want you to be hurt. Is this something that we can even have an opinion on? Or is it not our place as friends and you just gotta let people live their lives?

[B]

I'm gonna answer this how I answered this question before. What if this was you in the situation? How would you want somebody. Somebody would you want. Would you want me to tell you how I feel, or would you want me to just support you in that experience and then I'll answer the question as well?

[A]

I personally love to hear your unfiltered, unbiased truth, even if it's your bias. I want to hear your bias. I want to hear your perspective. That's why I've elected you in the role of my best friend. I've put you in that cabinet position because I want your opinion. Your opinion matters to me. And so I know that when you're falling in love, love, there's all of these hormones and feel. If being in love feels so good, it's a drug. And so you just want to keep doing that on top of when you're in your 30s and that desire to create family. And so, like, I have felt with someone, like, oh, my God, I really, really want to be with this person. And, you know, and then them not be the person. And I've had you share before, and I always ask you, like. And I think that's the difference of, like, I ask for opinions, maybe too much even. That's been some of my work to, like, what do I think about this? You know, Whereas some people don't want the feedback. They're like, I'm going to do what I'm going to do. And they're like, I'm going to tell you, but I don't want to hear back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So do you think it's just dependent on the friend and their style?

[B]

So one thing that I want to say is that I. I can't, in our entire relationship, think of a time where I've ever told you what to do. Really? I can guarantee you because you've said.

[A]

That here's what I would do.

[B]

I've said, here's what I would do. And I've asked you.

[A]

Yeah. You are so good at asking questions.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm like, that's my therapist coming out. Right. Because I'm very much about autonomy, like, especially with you, because I know how much power resides in the cabinet role. I.

[A]

You're the trump of my life supreme. You just decide for me. I'll just sit back. Rosie, should I eat this or should I eat that? I just got to wait until Rosie responds. No, there is a time that I didn't take my own decisions.

[B]

Oh, there's plenty of sleepless nights. Remember those? So to answer your question, and I say that because I know how sometimes times in our lives we, we give certain people. Maybe it's your parent, maybe it's a, A sibling, longtime best friend. And I always feel like empowering people to be autonomous is, is the number one. Now, what happens when your friend is not an autonomous.

[A]

When they're drunk in the.

[B]

Yeah, literally. So, you know, even, even when sometimes you're like, I just tell me what you think. Tell me what you think think, I feel like I still give you a, a very big opportunity for you to just figure it out on your own and, and ultimately make the decision that you need to make for yourself. I will tell you what I would do, but I. It's always like, but that's, but what.

[A]

If the friend is not asking? So did you just say, I'm so happy for you?

[B]

I wouldn't say that either. I mean, you know, when I, when I don't approve something, I just don't respond.

[A]

You know, you say next, you say, I'm over there.

[B]

This.

[A]

You don't hide it.

[B]

Myself seem like, oh, you know, she's so like yogic about it. And I'm just like, next one, please. Yeah, this looks like target. Please pass. Yeah, if, if somebody's not asking you and you see like a slow moving train crash, what do you do? Would you tell me?

[A]

I can't imagine what that would look like in your life because I feel most of those big changes like that happen in, in dating. I have told you with career.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've actually given you advice that you haven't taken. And, and that's okay. You know, like, I, I've actually am such a push for entrepreneurship.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I feel like whenever you come to me with business things, I'm like, okay, let's map out you're going to be the sleep expert and yoga nidra moons Blue, like, you know, the whole thing. And, and you've decided. No, I don't want to take.

[B]

Do that.

[A]

And like, I wouldn't have decided if I were to decide your career for you to be a therapist. That's not what I would have chosen. I would have said, be a coach. Put yourself out there, this and that. Like you don't need to go through all that schooling. It's the old paradigm. Like, that's how I think. But you didn't. That's your choice. You know, and so I've never been like, I. Rose, I don't think I can be your friend on this. You know, I'm so, I'm supportive, but I'm also like, probably when you're like, wanting a more entrepreneurial idea, the person you're going to go to versus you need support. I mean, I always say, like, about studying, I'm like, you got this because I think we shared the nerd thing. But you probably have other friends that are more like in that system than I am, you know?

[B]

Yeah. No, but I really respect and value your business savvy. For sure. Absolutely. I think just. And just because I don't take your brilliant ideas and they are brilliant, and advice. Advice doesn't mean that they're not good. Right. So.

[A]

And you're not offended.

[B]

Right. And.

[A]

And with relationships, people get offended.

[B]

Yeah. It's different.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you have to be really careful.

[A]

Because then it becomes. They choose the boyfriend. If you say something about the boyfriend, you get cut off.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then what happens when they finally break up? They come running right back.

[B]

Yeah. Which is probably what's going to happen.

[A]

It's always what happens. But then it's like, like, are you going to continue to be there if it's a pattern, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Well, so at that point, then you get to set the boundary. You get to be the boundary.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, so ultimately, I think my thought, my feeling for this is I, I would never tell anybody what to do. And, and if, if somebody asks me for my opinion, I will absolutely give it. If somebody's not asking you for their opinion is because they already know what your opinion is and they don't want to hear it.

[A]

Yeah. And I. And the times that I've been in this situation and they don't ask, I don't pretend. I'm. I'm like, I'm like, I'm so joyous for you. Oh, my God, this is amazing. I don't say that. I'm like, I'm happy if you're happy.

[B]

Yeah. And that's all you can do.

[A]

And I just say, keep in touch. You know, stay connected.

[B]

You know, imagine if you date somebody and that's what I say to you. Keep in touch. Stay connected.

[A]

Well, because I don't have a past of going MIA on my friends when I'm in a relationship. Most women do Yeah, I mean, you'll.

[B]

Go MIA for, for a little while. That's natural. And I support it.

[A]

If I start dating someone, I go more, more. I have more, more to talk about. It's when I'm working. I think that's the only time that I'm like, actually in my grind. So no, like, I'm like in the bathroom.

[B]

Right now.

[A]

So again, I think it's like, like, but my friendships are my priority. And I think as you get older, you start to realize your friendships are going to outlast most, most of your relationships.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And like, women see, we've been conditioned to see friendships from our moms of like, nice to have things, but you make friends for different stages of your life. You become a mom, you're going to make mom friends. You become this. There's always going to be a friend. It's not a priority. It just happens. And I think what our generation is learning is like, no, we don't want those. Nice to have gossip over coffee. Whoever's at the kids park will do friends. We want those soulmate friendships that go through chapters, that grow, that understand us. And it's rare, just like a romantic relationship to find, but even rarer to keep because we're not as a society prioritizing it as much. And so that's why, no matter what, I will prioritize my relationships and not let being in a relationship be like, I, I feel a lot of women use friendship as a coping thing to have connection until they're in romantic partnership. And once they're in romantic partnership and they're having that intimacy with someone, it's like the friend didn't exist.

[B]

And you have a lot of self awareness. That's the thing that you have to also remember. Remember you have a lot of self awareness. And, and when you go into relationship, you're constantly like, okay, am I making sure that I'm staying connected? Because you, you want to be equal to everybody and you want to make sure that your relationships stay intact because they've always been important to you.

[A]

Because here's the facts. Women outlive men. Like, at the end of the day, whether you're married or single or have kids or don't have kids, women are going to be the ones holding each other's hand hands when we pass, like, and that is how it's always been. And I feel we forget, like, our friends are the ones that are going to go through us, through the biggest challenges of our lives. And a lot of those challenges will include partnership. You know, and it's like, let's just start to really put friendships in like a higher category in our minds. And then we're going to just naturally start showing up in a different way. And then I do think we're just going to like magnetically attract those kind of friendships who see the world in the same way. So how about if you are feeling like this, just on YouTube, comment like I am this friend and message each other. That is the thing. Like I'm this friend. Here's my Instagram handle. Okay, that's the prompt. I'm a friend. Follow me on Instagram. Maybe add a little bit about yourself. If you love farm animals and if you love high city fashion, if you love a little something would be great. Or not. And go find each other on social media, message each other. Because if you listen to this whole podcast this deep in, you're someone that values friendships. And let's all bring the friendshipers together so we can have those kind of soul mate fun. Laughing but equal parts deep friendship. So thank you, Rosie, so much for being on. We're about to do another one that will be on next month, so be sure to subscribe to this podcast wherever you are and that's the best way to keep up to date with other conversations. Solo cast our next conversation. And Rosie, where can listeners connect with you?

[B]

Just on Instagram. Rosie Acosta, you know where to find me.

[A]

You know what to do. All right, we'll have her link in the show notes. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance. So trust your intuition, trust your inner wisdom, trust your inner guidance.