← Highest Self Podcast®
Highest Self Podcast®
635: This Is Why You're Unhappy.. And How To Change That in 2026 with Rosie Acosta
01:10:40
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- [00:00]
Sahara Rose
Question all of spirituality real, or did someone just make up a story because it makes us feel good.
- [00:05]
Rosie Acosta
We want time. We're thinking about, oh, this is gonna end.
- [00:09]
Sahara Rose
The only way to overcome that perpetual sadness of everything dies is just to create more life. Your life can change at any moment.
- [00:16]
Rosie Acosta
And is it gonna be worth the wait?
- [00:18]
Sahara Rose
How can humans deal with the existential feeling of being alive? Ultimately, what I came to is. The one I've been waiting for. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose and on this podcast I love to talk about spirituality, but make it modern, fun, grounded and relatable so it can actually serve your needs. So I love these conversations because I'm here with my personal best friend and we have some fun ass conversations. Conversations based on the things that we like to talk about, which is like the meaning of life. And, and this is going to be a real good conversation because we gonna talk about why us humans are indefinitely unhappy. You know what I mean? It's just a thing, a thing we all deal with, you know, down here on earth. So we gonna have a conversation about that. Why is that happening? God, Jesus, I gave you the wheel. You ain't steering in the right direction. Okay, and before we get into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe. That allows you to stay in the lo conversations. This podcast is also on YouTube, so you could be watching us in person, Spotify video, and the Apple Store. So be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with future conversations. And let's get into this one. Rosie, why Jesus stealing? Steering the whale in the right direction.
- [01:54]
Rosie Acosta
I forget how much of a country fan you are.
- [01:57]
Sahara Rose
I'm just a country girl in a small town.
- [02:01]
Rosie Acosta
Maybe you need a cowboy.
- [02:03]
Sahara Rose
I would be down, guys. Should I date a cowboy? I can do different kinds of reaction as well. You know, you can do a Nashville accent. What is the more.
- [02:11]
Rosie Acosta
Have you been to Nashville?
- [02:13]
Sahara Rose
I have no, actually. You've never been to Nashville. Wow.
- [02:16]
Rosie Acosta
I think you really like it.
- [02:18]
Sahara Rose
Eat some fried Oreos. You have an Elvis Presley sandwich. That sounds quite nice. You know Justin Timberlake's from there.
- [02:30]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, of course. You. You would absolute, absolutely know that. Oh my goodness. Why are we here? What is that?
- [02:39]
Sahara Rose
Is humans perpetually unhappy? Rosita?
- [02:43]
Rosie Acosta
Oh, my God.
- [02:44]
Sahara Rose
Are you from Mexico? I went there on vacation once. I quite liked your country. You'll have some real nice burritos.
- [02:56]
Rosie Acosta
This is my life. This is my life. This is. This is what I deal with.
- [03:01]
Sahara Rose
So maybe this is the answer. Hawaii to make.
- [03:03]
Rosie Acosta
Not.
- [03:03]
Sahara Rose
Not make humans. Are you Crying already?
- [03:05]
Rosie Acosta
Did I make you? No, my eyelash is, like, poking my eyeball. I'm like, okay, this is. We've been here for five hours.
- [03:12]
Sahara Rose
Okay, so let's actually talk about this while you adjust your eyelashes. This is why I keep my regular, normal eyelashes on.
- [03:20]
Rosie Acosta
Okay.
- [03:20]
Sahara Rose
Why are humans perpetually happy? Why did this conversation come up for me? So today I sent you this voice note. So I'm here in this, like, kind of crazy transition portal where I came to la, I got this Airbnb I would have for a month. It ended up being infested by termites all over the bed. It was hell. The lady's not refunding me. It was shenanigans. I booked another one. Turns out they didn't have parking. She's not refunding me. I'm talking. It was like, I have to pack all my. I have all my. From that I brought for Amsterdam, New York, this. So it's like kind of three suitcases and a dog, and I'm like, putting it into this tiny little Mini Cooper. I have, like, figuring out where to go, what to do. I end up at my. On my grandma's couch couch, which is a full circle to 10 years ago when I used to live with my grandma. And I was like, okay, divine redirection. Like, I guess I meant to spend the next two weeks living here with my grandma because she's 86 years old. And when else in my life am I gonna do this? And so, you know, the first time I slept on a couch, I could not sleep at all. But luckily they had some kind of like, these jail cell like room, hotel rooms. And I'm renting on the bottom. It's just like these tiny little, like, where they have offices. It's like they kind of put a bed in there. And I'm just like, okay, this. That'll do, donkey. You know, I'm just sleeping in there. Some guy's watching porn at 8:30pm in his office. So that was fun to listen to.
- [04:44]
Rosie Acosta
Which.
- [04:45]
Sahara Rose
Heard a couple of those, you know, at least. At least he's not cheated. Is it cheating if it's porn? That's another episode.
- [04:53]
Rosie Acosta
What do you think? Is it?
- [04:55]
Sahara Rose
No, it's not cheating. But I don't. I don't believe in the pornography industry.
- [05:00]
Rosie Acosta
What if you find somebody that you're totally obsessed with and he's like, hey. And. But if he's upfront with you about.
- [05:06]
Sahara Rose
It, that he's an addict or just.
- [05:07]
Rosie Acosta
Watches it, that he watches it copious amounts of it, no, we wouldn't be.
- [05:11]
Sahara Rose
A vibrational match if someone watches copious.
- [05:13]
Rosie Acosta
What if. What if he's just like. He does it for several hours in the morning, and then the rest several hours.
- [05:21]
Sahara Rose
I say, get a job, homie.
- [05:23]
Rosie Acosta
What if he has. Go to work. If he has a job, full on business, treats you well, is very.
- [05:28]
Sahara Rose
Why is he watching? See, this is why. Why are humans perpetually. Thanks for getting us off guard. Going back to my story here. So I'm listening to Homeboy in office 116, listen to his porn, trying to sleep, and I'm like, well, this is annoying. I want to go back to my life in Bali where I have a villa and a backyard and there are monkeys and, you know, but then I was thinking. Then I came back up to my grandma's, and I'm like, you know, asking her questions. What were your parents like? You know, and she was like, telling me about her dad, and I was like, when did he pass away? And she was like, oh, I think it was when you were born. I was like, I don't think so. She's like, oh, actually, it was when your mom was born. I'm like, well, those are significantly different times, you know, like. And I'm like, imagine your parent dying so long ago that you, like, she's lived, like, the half of her life without parents, you know? And, like, was she maybe in her 40s or 50s?
- [06:23]
Rosie Acosta
Wow.
- [06:23]
Sahara Rose
You know, and that's like, a kind of normal time for a lot of people when their parents die. And I'm like, whoa. Like, imagine, like, both of your parents died that long ago, and you're telling your life story to your granddaughter. And. And then she was like, telling me about memories with my grandfather who passed away and when he was passing and, like, how he was like. Like, I would die for you and the love that they had in the romance. And then she was showing me these beautiful Persian songs that are heartbreak, and we're talking about how heartbreak is this universal experience. And I was like, oh, this is why I'm here. Like, I. If it wasn't for the termites redirecting me, I would not be here. And then this morning, I was in this, like, paradoxical state where I was so grateful for this moment where I have with my grandma that I probably will never have again in my life. Like, I have not in the past 10 years had the capacity to live with her for two weeks, you know, so when you're in a relationship, you can't just be like, I'm, you know, you could, but you're less likely to. And it needed to be these catastrophes for me to be here. And so the gratitude of that, the gratitude of being able to be with my dog here, who has been staying with my mom, which has been this beautiful turn of events of my mom just, like, so opening her heart and loving this dog, and it, like, healing my parents marriage and, like, being this blessing in their life, too. But also, I'm just thinking about what Villa I'm going to get in Bali and also feeling like I want to get back to my life, and also feeling like she's sharing these beautiful experiences with her husband and her children. Like, I don't have that and like, I need to focus on that. And, like, I could just live here with my grandma for the rest of my life and listen to her stories and be here with my dog and choose that, you know, comfortable experience. But then I would miss out on this. I would miss out on the stories. I won't even have grandkids, you know? And so it just made me think of how there's this paradox in life where it's like, you're always winning in one thing and losing in another, you know? And I would say for a lot of us, we feel like happiness would be everyone and everything that we love all at once. Like, all of my friends, all of my family in the place that I love all at once. So I don't have to pick or choose, because right now it feels like I'm living this life that I love in Bali. My best friends aren't there, my family's not there, my dog's not there. Or I come back here and I'm kind of like, in this liminal space in between, not really where I want to be, not thriving, not able to write my book, not able to be my highest self. But I'm with all these people that I love, and it's like, what do you choose then? You know? And then I was thinking how we all want everything everywhere, all at once, but how, like, a wedding is that, you know? And that's why weddings are so important in people's lives. You have all of your friends, all of your family. I remember at my wedding, I was, like, overwhelmed because your grandma's there and your friends from college are there and all of your best friends now, and you're also the person you're getting married to. And it was like, how do you even energetically be able to hold it all? You can't. You know, you want to be present with every person so we think we want everyone, everywhere, all at once, but we can't even have that because there always needs to be a prioritization, you know? So we think we want everyone in our lives all in one place, but when we're actually in that experience, we aren't able to appreciate every single piece of it. Because when it's all at the same time, there's not enough spaciousness to. So I feel it's just making peace with that. Making peace with. When you're at the beach, you're not at the mountains. You know, when you're at the mountains, you're not at the city. When you're with your best friend, you're not with your partner. When you're with your partner, you're not working on your business. When you're working on your business, you're not spending enough time with your family. When you're spending time with your family, you wish you were on a vacation to Bali. When you're on a vacation, Bali, you're sad that you're missing Thanksgiving. When you're at Thanksgiving, you can't wait until you can get back to your normal life. When you're back to your normal life, you're regretting that you didn't spend enough time with your parents. And it's. It's. It's perpetual.
- [10:18]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [10:18]
Sahara Rose
And I feel that is why it's so hard to be happy. Because we're so attuned to what we are not having in this moment, and that makes us feel this existential guilt all the time. I'm not a good enough daughter. I'm not a good enough partner. I'm not a good enough. This. There's. There will always be something that you're not being enough for. But I feel this only solution is to look at what you are doing, what you are focusing on, like, while you are not with something. You know, I think our mind has a bias of what we're missing out on. And rather than, like, what we've actually put our energy and investment to. Maybe you spent the past few years alone. What a beautiful time that you got to spend with yourself someone else might be regretting. I wish. I wish I spent more time with myself, you know? And so I do feel it's ultimately trusting that where we're at is where we're meant to be. While Simon simultaneously choosing what we prioritize for this next chapter.
- [11:13]
Rosie Acosta
Our brain is wired for survival. Like, that is the nature of the mind. So everything that you're saying, I want to make sure that everybody knows that this is normal. Everybody does it. We all.
- [11:27]
Sahara Rose
We got a licensed therapist here telling us we're normal.
- [11:29]
Rosie Acosta
Okay?
- [11:32]
Sahara Rose
You matter.
- [11:34]
Rosie Acosta
You had her, right. Not. Not licensed yet. But it is so fascinating to me that the mind has this. This propensity to worry, to go into fear, to calculate what we're not getting, because it. We were time hoarders. We want time. We want time to be able to be efficient, to have more time. I'm going to do. I'm going to pack my schedule so I have more time, so I can accomplish more, so I can be with the most. I mean, you're experiencing it now, and you're exhausted. You're in a place that you used to live and you have family, you have friends here. All, all the, the biggest, the big meaningful relationships in your life have at some point or another been in this city. So you have a lot of people to see In a short amount of time, you're exhausted. You're not living in a place that is a permanent place. I mean, now you're staying with your. Your grandma, which is really great. So it's giving you some grounding, but you're already planning on what's next. Like, where am I going to go next? What's the next place? I want to be able to create that space so that I can reset, right? You're craving that. But in craving that, once you're there, you're not going to have this. And this is for most of us, right? We're constantly projecting into the future. We're worried about the past. And so what I mean by time hoarding is we believe that it is going to be more beneficial to us to preempt and think about all the possible scenarios of what is going to be the best use of our time, how we're going to experience the most joyful, the most ecstatic type of experience. And how do we. How do we get there and then how do we hold on to it? Because then when we're in that experience, we're thinking about, oh, this is going to end. So I'm not, not even able to fully appreciate the experience in the moment because I'm constantly in fear now. And look, if we take it back to yoga, that is, that is one of the Kleshas, right? So the Kleshas are their afflictions that we have, right? We have fear of. Of attachment. We have attachment, we have aversion, we have the fear of death, we have ego and we have ignorance, right? Those are the biggest afflictions that we have. And so when we're observing our life from, let's say, the Yogic framework, and the idea is to practice non attachment, right? The same with like Buddhist practices. A lot of Eastern practices talk about the importance of the present moment and being able to be here now. And it's the only time we ever get to experience joy, the only time we get to experience love is in the present moment. And it's true, and it's hard. And that is why it's called a practice, because we can talk about all of these ideals of what we want our life to look like or what we want our relationships to look like, but what happens when we're there and we're not actually experiencing them in the present moment. I really like this idea of, of novelty. We've talked about it before. You sent me, you know, reels, you know, of friendship reels and things. It's like how important it is to create new memories. We've talked about that in the past and, and even the, the story that you're saying now, that wouldn't have happened with your grandma staying at your grandma's, had this sort of turn of events not happened, you've now created a novel experience in the present moment that like you said, had you been in a relationship, had you been here with somebody, you would have stayed at a hotel, you would have got another Airbnb, you would have never spent this quality time. And this experience may not happen ever again. And you were able to have it. And so you have now reverence for that moment. And yet with all of that awareness and all of that knowledge, you're still in this space of, okay, but now, before we started recording, you're like, but now I'm going to go here. And now I don't know what to do next or where I'm going next, or what that's going to be like. And it's totally natural, it's totally normal for you to be in that space. But the question that you asked at the beginning is, well, how do we find that happiness? Where do we find that, that experience? And the only way to experience any of that happiness, joy, love, is to be in that constant, perpetual present moment awareness. That's hard. It's really hard. It's hard to do, especially when we have so many distractions that are filling the time. We have technology, we have, you know, families, we have relationships. Any bit of time that we have, we have to fill because that's just the kind of species that we are. We don't allow for the novelty we don't allow for the space that you're craving. You're craving that. You know, when you're in Bali, you always talk about, like, oh, I can, you know, go through the rice fields, and, you know, you go to drum circles and you're doing your practice and you're going to the gym. Like, you have all of this space, but then you don't have, you know, your friends that you might be able to go see or erewhon or whatever it is. Right. It's a different type of experience. And so it's not wrong for you to want those things. It's like, it's not wrong for us to think about what being at the beach. You're not at the mountains, but it's a choice. It's a choice for you to have that thought. You can be at the beach and think, oh, I'm not at the mountain. Or you could be at the beach and be like, wow, it's so beautiful that I'm at the beach.
- [17:43]
Sahara Rose
That's so well said. And there's also a sadness when you really sink into the present moment of.
- [17:50]
Rosie Acosta
Say more like.
- [17:51]
Sahara Rose
Like, when I was last night, I'm gonna get emotional, but, like, hearing my grandma speak about my grandfather and, like, hearing those words and, like, knowing I probably may never hear her say these words again, like, how lucky I am to, even at 34, still have a grandmother when so many have even lost parents by now. And I think, like, when I actually start to sink into the present moment of, like, this is a human being who was with me since I was a child, who's been with me my entire childhood, and she's telling me her life stories, and this might be the last time I ever hear it. Of, like, this heartbreak of, like, everything ends, you know? And it's like, when you actually, like, really feel into the finiteness of any experience, it's like. Like, there's no experience you will ever have again. Not one. We'll never be in this conversation again. We'll never been in any moment again. And I think with death, you also just really never know. You know, I think we'll never be in this conversation again. But there's this, like, I know we'll be in a conversation again, but I think when it comes to family and families getting older, it's like the aging parents, I feel this is a cloud that, as you get older, is, like, always with you, of, like. Like, I need to spend more time with my family. Like, I don't know how much longer. And I remember you know, when I was kind of really going through a lot of my work around my family, a few years ago when I was in Miami, I had this somatic experiencing therapist. And she was, she was older, she was in her 70s, I want to say. And I was talking about this guilt I had of like, I'm not, I don't. Not getting along with my parents, but I also feel like my dad could die any day. He's older. And she was like, I felt that way. And my mom is still alive and she's like 90 something years old. And like, I've had to learn to just put my boundaries with her. And it sort of relieved for me this like, perpetual, like, you know what, it doesn't matter what's going on with your dad, just accept him because he's going to die one day. And that was my thing of like, no, I also have my own life and I also have my own mental health. But the other end of that coin is like, yeah, her mom lived until 90 something. We don't all know that. Like, there's also a lot of people who are like, I wish I didn't like, have such a hard rule around how my parents were supposed to be with me because that was it. And like, you know, like, I keep re listening, oh my God, I'm totally gonna cry. Like, people saying they keep re listening to voicemails that their parents left for them. I'm like, oh my God. Like, it is so crazy just being a human because age is such a real thing. And it, it feels like the only way to overcome that perp sadness of everything dies. It's just to create more life, you know, to create more projects, children, ideas, friendships, novelty things to counterbalance this perpetual sadness that we're in of like, yeah, my parents are gonna die and my partner's gonna die and everything I know is gonna die. But, like, at least I'm building these own and like, maybe I can focus on that a little bit more. But the other part of it never goes away. And I'm like, what a design. God made that. Like, you really. I don't think can ever be like, fully 100% happy. And I don't think that's the point of it, you know, I think you have moments of it which are like moments of escape, kind of moments of oneness, moments of, you know, utmost bliss. I feel it when I'm dancing. I feel it when I'm DJing. I feel it when I'm making music. I feel it when I'm laughing and you know, sometimes those moments can last a few minutes, you know, and. And then the music ends and then you're like, oh, fuck, I'm in Bali on the other side of the world, and I don't know when my parents are going to die.
- [21:23]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, yeah, I hear you. And I think that it's so valid. And I'm with you. It is hard. And I feel. I empathize with you and your experience so much because it's not easy, and especially if you have immigrant roots or immigrant parents, that the value of your elders is so. It's so different. Right. It's way more revered. And there's also a little bit of guilt factor in there. Right. That they've made sure to embed us with, where, oh, I'm getting older, so spend more time. But we also have our own innate desire to want that. And I want to validate your experience because it is. We. I don't remember what episode this was, but we had a whole conversation about love. And remember, we said it was like the. The theme was, is it. Is it or is it not true that to love is to suffer? Do you remember that? And. And it's.
- [22:28]
Sahara Rose
It absolutely is.
- [22:29]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah. And it's coming back in this, this, in this moment because I feel like part of suffering, part of life is. Is suffering. And as you're saying this, I. I think about, you know, conversations that we've had and, and the beauty and life cycle of a rose and how beautiful it is. It goes from a bud to. To becoming this beautiful flower, one of the most beautiful flowers, and then it just wilts away and then it dies and it goes back into the earth and it's this process, like how painful it is to see something so beautiful wilt and die, but also how beautiful it is. Right. And I think it's important for us to be able to hold that grief and to not try and fast forward. I remember there was a, you know, an experience that during, you know, one of my miscarriages, when I was going through the fertility journey, that friend at the time I was talking to, and, and she's like, you can't focus on it. It's going to happen again. Like, don't focus on how painful it is and you'll get over it. Like, you'll get pregnant and you'll. You'll have a family and it's going to be great. Like, don't. Don't think about it. And I remember feeling. I understand why as friends, we go into that state of platitudes and we're trying to make somebody feel better, and it comes from a very altruistic place. I believe that. And I also think it's so hard to bear witness to somebody's suffering. And I think that that part is where for your people to bear witness to your suffering. I think that's. That's the key. You know, we've talked about friendships and what to do, how to find friends, but relationships like that is the key. If I can bear witness to your suffering, just like with love, if I can love you, all of who you are, everything you bring to the table without wanting or trying to change you, then you know it's real. The same thing with your grief. It's like, can I hold your grief? And I bear witness without trying to fast forward it or trying to, like, change your mind or trying to, like, reframe. Can I just sit here and watch your grief like that? That, to me, is. Is. Is one of the reasons why we're here.
- [24:50]
Sahara Rose
Have you always known deep down inside that you are here to speak on stages, to write, write books, to share your wisdom and story with the world? But the thing is, you feel like you are still not a confident speaker. Well, I got you, girl. I've created my Speak with Soul method that has trained over 3,000 people to go from awkward to fully confident speaker and get book deals, keynote speaking engagements, and so much more in just 21 days. So this is my flagship method that goes into aspects of speaking I have never seen any other teacher talk about. So going into the tone, texture, quality of your voice, what type of speaker you are, whether it's more motivational, inspirational, aspirational, how to tell your story, the hero's arc, how to have a captivating presence, all of the unseen, unspoken body language that is taken taking place, and how to then translate it into what we end with recording an intro for your future podcast. So I have seen incredible transformations from the students who have done the course.
- [25:58]
Rosie Acosta
We'll.
- [25:58]
Sahara Rose
We'll share some of the testimonials so you can see for yourself. And I did not start off speaking the way that I am right now. I did not start off as a solo caster keynote speaker. In fact, if you go back to the first episode of this podcast in 2017, so almost eight years ago now, you'll see my tone of voice was way higher. I wasn't as confident, I wasn't as grounded. And now so many people are like, I just listen to your podcast because I just like hearing you speak. And that is the difference that you can have by really diving into your speaking. So I reverse engineered what I did for myself of how I shifted from, you know, I was saying the right things, but just a different level of grounding and embodiment that I have now. And I put it all together in a 21 day super accessible course that you can start at any time. So head over to speak with soul course dot com. We'll have that link in the show notes. We also have a special discount for you for 20% off with code podcast. So be sure to use it and get started so the world can hear your story. All right, let's get back into the episode. And I feel that when we're unable to sit with our own grief and our own own suffering than when someone else presents us with it, we're like, no, no, no, it's going to be fine. Everything's going to be great. Because that's the story we tell ourselves. And the truth is we don't know. Every single human on earth carries pain and uncertainty and we're all walking each other home and doing the best that we can and we also just don't know. And coming back to the question of like, why is it so hard to be happy and like now what do we do about it? To me it comes, comes back to a lot of times I think it's, it's different. But a lot of these like peak life experiences, like moments of awe and wonder, I feel like those are the moments when I think of my life. I'm like, I'm so glad that I did that. Like going to the temples in Egypt, like those are memories. It's like a few days of my life but like I think of daily, you know, and just to be surrounded by something beyond me, like being in beautiful nature. I mean that's why travel is so fulfilling for people. It's like yes, travel comes with termites and uncertainty and missed flights and all of these like root chakra activated issues. But the reward you get on the other side, it's like to love is to suffer is to travel is to suffer too. And you get these rewards of it fundamentally shifts you as a person. And then so I feel the reason why my life has been so travel focused is like I love being with my grandma, I love being with my dog. And these are also mo like I also think love, moments of love are moments that you'll look back on for the rest of your life. Like I remember with my ex husband, like the last day that we had with each other, he was like, you're free. You're going to be traveling the world now. You're going to be like Malaika, this international, like, Shaman dj, and, like, you're gonna live the life that you've always wanted. Now. I was like, you're right. Like, I am. But, like, love is the most important thing. There is nothing that feels the way that love does. And. But again, it's like this paradox of, you're in the temples of Egypt and you wish that you were in love, and you're in this beautiful relationship and you wish you were free. It says you, you know, love and freedom. I find myself on this specific paradox of the trade. I think it's a huge one of the things that bring us love, familiarity, comfort, routine, stability, are having the home, having the consistency, having the old friends and the old family that you always visit and the relationship that you work through things. And it gives you that, which I think is imperative to our human experience. Because if we're just floating around Earth, it's. It feels like this anchoring is missing. And I feel, especially when people are single, you feel that way of, like, I don't really have anything I'm rooted to, so I'm in this kind of liminal space until something else connects me. Because when you're single, you're sort of like, you just don't know the direction of your life. Like, you could meet someone, and they live in Canada, Kansas, and you're gonna live in Kansas. You could meet someone and they do this for their work. It's like, who you're with as a partner makes the biggest shift of your life. So it can feel like you're in this, like, floating, unknown space. When you're single now, you can, like, I know some people who are single, and they say, no, I'm going to create the life that I want. I'm gonna ground myself. I'm gonna get my home, I'm gonna do it that way. But then they're in this, like, I'm not meeting anyone here. Maybe I should have been traveling more. Maybe I should have been putting myself out here. I'm here in the middle of Ojai. There aren't that many single men out here, you know? And so it's like, yes, now you have the home, the stability, but then you don't have this other end of it. Novelty, wonder, travel, freedom, new experiences. And you're like, I don't even have a home. And so it's like, I just feel. Making peace with it, focusing on what you have and also making it A priority to go to the other side so we don't get stuck in either.
- [30:51]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, and I like what you're saying, because as humans, we are capable of holding paradox. And you can absolutely be grateful, practice gratitude, and also be frustrated. Like, those two things can simultaneously exist. And it doesn't mean that you're broken or you don't know how to manifest. Right. Like, you're able to hold paradox and to hold nuance and to give yourself time to figure it out. You know, it's like so many. We're so pressured to have everything figured out and have everything be perfect. And, like, you gave the example of the wedding, right? Like, that's such a great, great example for life because you spend a good portion of a year, maybe more, planning this one day that you want to be so perfect, and everybody is making a plan. And now it's. And. And there's so much pressure because people are flying in, and it's going to be this experience, and you've got the outfits and you've put so much time into the music and the. And how the coordination, everything's gonna. And then the day of, like, shit's gonna go wrong, right? Shit's gonna go wrong, and it's gonna go by so quick, and before you know it, it's done and it's over.
- [32:09]
Sahara Rose
And most. Most brides I talk to after everyone has ptsd because something massive that you would have never predicted always goes wrong, you know, and then you're, like, so focused on that instead of like, wow, all of these people flew from all over the world just to celebrate me on this day. Like, wow, what a gift it is. And, yeah, I think it's, like, outcast. At a best, you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather. Like, that's back. You know, when I was in high school, I don't know if I ever told you this, but me and my friend started a future club because there were these boys we were friends with, and they started, like, they're all like, surfer vibes. Even though we lived in Massachusetts. They're, like, pretending to be surfers. Like, it's all about the present moment. And we were like, no, it's all about the future. And we were like, because you need to apply for college. Like, yeah, you need to make sure you have your path. Like, she was Asian too, so we're like, yeah, so the future club.
- [33:06]
Rosie Acosta
Oh, this explains so much.
- [33:08]
Sahara Rose
And I. And I think I've always found a lot of comfort in, you know, this moment might not be what I wanted, but I can plan a better future. And it's something that has kept me going. Like I love going through Airbnbs and looking out villas that I will probably never say in most but I like, like wow, I could just change my life. Like that has always been. I'm vata, you know that air energy, it's always exciting for me. But then what I catch myself in of the shadow of that is like. And then there's always something else and then there's always something else and this perpetual seeking. And I feel so many of us spiritual people that we're called seekers for a reason. Yeah, we are seekers. We're always looking for the truth. And I remember at a young age when I was deep in the spiritual journey, my mom's like, what is this truth you're looking for? Are like, the truth is most people hate their jobs. The truth is you just choose someone and get married and they're not going to be perfect. The truth is life is bills and routines and this and that. That's what the truth of life is. But here's the thing. I'm so glad I didn't listen to that because that's actually is some parts of my life. But I've done good job this very little of my life that I've not made that the truth. Truth. I'm like, no, I'm gonna do a completely different life where I'm going to not have a lease and I'm going to be living in places that people vacation and I'm going to be like having peak experiences all the time that sometimes I tell you, I'm like, I've had just this month more peak experiences than most people have in their lifetime. Not by chance, by choice, by discomfort, by letting go of a lot of things. I'm not there for the Thanksgivings, I'm not there for a lot of of the things. And, and look, it's not always how I want to live, but I've definitely front loaded a lot of these things right now. And now I'm in this place of like, okay, I'm actually now in a chapter of desiring more stability and routine. And if, but if it wasn't for me living out of my uncomfort zone for so long that I don't even know what a comfort zone is, I wouldn't be this version of myself that I am today. And so I feel like when we go through a spiritual journey and we're like, I do create my own reality. I can choose my own Things. But then it's this always, what's better? What's better? What's better? What's better? The beauty of that is you keep getting better. And the shadow of that is you're never happy about it as it is.
- [35:25]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah. And you know, the thing that I, I also want you to elaborate on or, or let people know, and I'm sure you do. But those peak experiences that come, they come at an expense. They, they're not. People don't get to see the behind the scenes, the, the luggages and the stuff they have to. The travel, the traffic, the, the, you know, it takes effort to be able to live this life. Like sometimes I think that people will see the outside or the finished product of like, you know, you doing these really amazing, incredible things and you're speaking in front of thousands of people and you're playing music and you're doing music videos. Like, people don't see the sweat of like carrying this equipment, being able to go from this place to that place, like getting all this, okay, wait, I gotta go to this place now. And it's just you and you. Right? Like, that's the part that I feel like there is a cost to everything. Exactly. It's like if you're not, if you're wanting that peak experiences type of life.
- [36:30]
Sahara Rose
There'S also peak lows.
- [36:32]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, there are people.
- [36:33]
Sahara Rose
But also, I mean, of course, just traveling, if you're a traveler, you know, just the baggage, the Airbnbs having issues, like so many different crazy ass experiences that like, like somehow I figured my way out. Yeah, those are the things you don't see on social media. And for me, I think those big travel days where it's like I'm packing everything and I'm in the airport and it's like that's why I'm having my nervous breakdowns. But Then I'm like DJing at Envision Festival and there's all these people singing my song. And it's like we're making a music video for shaky ass for your ancestors. And it's like so insane and it's like so worth all of it. And I think it's like, like everything in life, there's always an, there's always an opportunity cost, you know, and so I feel it just comes back to the word I keep using in today's episode is prioritization. And also chapters, you know, what matters to you most in this chapter, like if it's your single chapter, I do believe God gave you this time to go out on a limb. Like, there was this funny reel that I saw that was like, an average day for someone who's single. And it's like. It's like the single person's like. Like, hey, I met this girl named Shirley, and we decided to, like, go out, and she invited me to come to Italy with her. And so we're actually just gonna go.
- [37:45]
Rosie Acosta
To Italy and do, like, you just.
- [37:46]
Sahara Rose
Go with the flow because you're like, whatever. Like, I think there's that dangling carrot of like, I might meet someone. So you end up going on all of these adventures that you would have never gone on before. And then the moment you get into a relationship, you're like, bye, everyone. Like, you know, and sometimes to an extreme that then the person in a relationship, nothing changes. You get very comfortable. You get very stuck in your routine. And so I think it's really choosing. I don't think you need to make peace with where you're at. You can always change it. Like, you can be a couple that travels. You can be a single person that lives in the mountains and has a very big routine. I think it's, like, really taking those moments, and it's often only when the rug gets pulled under our feet of, like, what do I really want and how do I really want to live my life? And I feel like after my divorce is when I really started to ask myself that question of, like, how do I want to live outside of relationship, outside of what anyone else wants, outside of what my family wants? Like, just for me. And for me, it's always been this more nomadic life. It's always been Bali. It's always been dance and music and those types of things. And then I have to make peace with what can't come along on that journey. And it's a lot of things that I love, too.
- [38:52]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah. And I. I think, you know, you're using the A word, like prioritization. So what now? In. In this year, I don't know when this is coming out, but today, like, what are the priorities for you now, then?
- [39:08]
Sahara Rose
Well, this is coming out in the future, so everything's gonna be totally different. I'll probably have a different hair color and a different personality. No. Who knows at this moment that I can speak to, which is fall. This is going to come out, I believe, early of 2026.
- [39:22]
Rosie Acosta
Okay.
- [39:23]
Sahara Rose
So I don't know girls, where I'll be at, but at this moment, I feel I've been in this battle around making Bali my home of I've always wanted to be my home, but I have A lot of resistance from my mom of, you're never gonna see us. I'm never gonna come there. You're not even in our family. Like, a lot. A lot of guilt. And not just to that, but that is, like a big factor. And I think it's like, it can only hit a chord if it resonates, you know, and, like, the part of me that is like, wow, I literally am on the furthest point on earth that I could potentially be. That, like, being in Europe seems easy compared to next Australia. So I would say it's like the parent guilt. And I think just me claiming it, you know, me just claiming of, like, you can come visit. I plan to continue to come visit. That's my desire. But also the second piece of my desire is partnership. Like, I would say, looking. Looking back on the past three years of being single, I could see why I was not ready, truly, for partnership. I was needing to be by myself for a very long time, needing to heal, needing to date people that I didn't just see as my husband, because that's how I've been conditioned to be. Date people. Just because there was an interest, a curiosity, an inspiration. And then go back to, I haven't been on a date or had a crush on anyone in months. The longest amount of time that it's like, zero romantic interest in like four or five months now. And that's been like, before. I remember people would say that I was like, how do you do it? Like, I just need to have a crush to, like, get some energy going, you know? Now I'm just like, I don't even have the energy to have a crush if I know it's not actually going to go anywhere. I would rather just not involve my emotions like that because I feel a lot of times we think things are going to be casual and we know they're not it. But the heart. Heart wants to go all in. Especially when your heart is open. And so it's really hard to just. It's like, you know that feeling of when you're with your dog and you're like, oh, my God, you're gonna die one day. It's like, yes. So hard.
- [41:27]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [41:28]
Sahara Rose
But then to be with someone of, like, we might never see each other again. Like, we're not really in a relationship. Like, I've. There was one person I really liked this whole time, and it was that. And then it was. It sent me to a huge existential dread, you know, of like, you have the peak and the comedown was way longer and Harder, you know, and so I'm like, I just don't want to do that to myself again just because I know my capacity to love, that I only want to for someone that I see as, like, being my life partner. And that takes time. And I feel before there was a bit of an impatience around that of like, you know, the void in my life is I don't have a partnership. So I'm going to prioritize that, find the partnership, and then life will get back to normal. And I feel at this point, three years later, I'm like, I don't even know what normal means. And I can now resonate with how people become nuns. Like, I actually can feel like I'm like, wow. Like, I get it. Like, I haven't needed to go to therapy. And since I started stopped dating, I have no more problems. Like, my mental peace, clarity, alignment, productivity's up. Like, you know, so there's a sadness. If I don't have a partner, then I'm like, wait, I don't suffer. You know, I get why every spiritual lineage is like, yo, just let go of the whole romance piece. You won't be happier. It was so funny last night. My grandma was like, about romance, this. And I remember thinking how even me last year, romance was so important to me. Like, I loved romance and this. And I think you get a little tired of wanting something for so long.
- [43:02]
Rosie Acosta
And it doesn't come say more about this.
- [43:05]
Sahara Rose
It's like, you know, like the child. I mean, in a way, that's how a child can become avoidant. And I've asked myself, like, is this me going to avoidance or neutrality? Because that's a. Interesting line.
- [43:15]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [43:15]
Sahara Rose
But like, you know when a child is, like, waiting for something, waiting for something and eventually doesn't happen, and it's like they just, like, kind of stop.
- [43:22]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [43:22]
Sahara Rose
Wanting it. Extreme example of this is waiting for a parent's love. Wanting it, wanting it, wanting it. They're not getting it. They become avoidant. That's how people become avoidant. Right. But I've asked myself in terms of. I wanted a relationship so badly for so long, and it was this, like, constant. Like, any event I went to, he might be there. You know, any gym I was at, scanning the room, is my type there. Beard, long hair, dark futures, Lord Shiva. Is he here? Not here. Okay, fine. You know, like, it was this constant. Like, I remember even when my place got broken into in London, which was really freaking scary, and I was on my way there and I had no idea if my passport was there, my laptop was there, my money was there. If my place was all vandalized, what? And I remember thinking, and just like that, like, like a break in happens. But then the way I soothed myself was, and just like that, you can also fall in love. I'm like, how cute and innocent of me. I was like in the car on my way to see if all my is vandalized. And I'm like, but also one day I might fall in love. And like, that was the thing that, like in this now very bleak heart experience, we talked a lot about these beautiful experiences and that things that bring us down, this horrible experience. And I think that brought me up up of like, your life can change at any moment. You might meet someone and this whole chapter is done, and then you're. You're with your husband and you're in your forever home, and then you're telling him these stories and, you know, and I, and I catch myself too, like, even when I was with my grandma, thinking, wow, one day I'll tell my future partner about my grandma, you know, and it's this interesting, like, whether it is like, like a soothing mechanism or like a just trust in knowing that it's inevitable, that partnership. You know, I do believe that at some point in my life, it's bound to happen.
- [45:06]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [45:07]
Sahara Rose
But before it was like, oh my God, it like better be this year. I can't imagine still being single this time next year. It was like that. And now it's like, you know what? Like, a life partner is a big position. And when you want to become a lawyer, you're in four years of your bachelor. Four years, you know, you're doing your lsat. How much is law school? Three years of law school.
- [45:31]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [45:31]
Sahara Rose
Yeah. And then working at the law office, you're working way up. It's like at least 12 years, let alone being a surgeon or something. And so sometimes I think I'm like, wow, if it takes even just, just to get your freaking bachelor's degree is four years of preparation for your bachelor's degree. It's put a lot of trust in me that like, oh, you say you want sacred union, like you. The kind of relationship that I'm calling in, it's not something that you can just go from one relationship, not, not fundamentally change as a person and then jump into that quality of relationship. There is an incubation period, there is a preparation of yourself and of this person. And I would rather wait however long it takes and have my next relationship be that than go into a Relationship for the sake of not being alone, which I could. Anyone could, you know, go on, Bumble. There's a lot of people who will be in a relationship with you. And let's say you find someone you relatively like and then you break up in two you years. I would rather not, I would rather not do that dance. I'd rather. And look, I can't control it and I don't know. But I would say I've just made peace with beautiful things. Take time and I'm willing to wait.
- [46:44]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, I love that. That is great. I'm going to hold you to that. Insh. But it's true. You know, I, I, I always say this to me, I'm like, I'm so grateful I never got what I always wanted. Because in a sense, it is the same exact thing that you're saying. I'd rather it be the good thing, the thing that's worth the weight than the thing that I want in that moment.
- [47:12]
Sahara Rose
Because the weight also makes it more valuable.
- [47:14]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, it does. And it's a marathon. It's not the sprint. Right. We've talked about it, you know, with, with me going back to school and like, if I look at the scope of what I'm trying to achieve and how long that's gonna take, I'm like, oh my God, it's gonna be, be, you know, four more years or however long. Literally. Four more years. Yeah. So it'll be four more years. And okay, I'm. How I'm gonna be like 46 or 47 by that time? Like, I'm almost gonna be 50. Like, is it going to be worth it? You know, But I can't think about it like that. You know, you have to be able to look at it from the perspective of am I enjoying it? Why am I doing it? It. And is it going to be worth the wait? What if it's going to take five years? What if it takes six? What if something happens?
- [48:01]
Sahara Rose
What if I get sick?
- [48:02]
Rosie Acosta
What if something happens? Right.
- [48:04]
Sahara Rose
I feel to combat this, the constant uncertainty of being a human in this unknown, in this chaos, in this existential anxiety that we experience that Alan Watts talks about, it's to put ourselves on a pathway.
- [48:22]
Rosie Acosta
Way.
- [48:23]
Sahara Rose
That pathway gives us the sense that my energy is being focused on a direction that will get me somewhere better putting that in quotes than I am today. And some people's pathway is religion.
- [48:40]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [48:40]
Sahara Rose
Some people's pathway is relationship. Some people's pathway is family. Some people's pathway is school. And I find it's you Know, the truth is we're making up these pathways.
- [48:51]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [48:52]
Sahara Rose
We're making up relationships, we're making up school, we're making up religion. Everything is made up to give us the sense of control and that I'm going somewhere.
- [48:59]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [48:59]
Sahara Rose
That's the ultimate capital T. Truth. Nothing inherently has meaning. None of this. Like, is there really, really, really a meaning to our life? I don't know. I really don't know. I didn't make the rules here, but I would say my life feels better when I give it mean meaning. And so I'm a rock with that and for someone else, because I feel the times that I get into these liminal void Kali Ma states where I'm like, everything is made up. Nothing matters. We're not even going anywhere. It can be pretty depressing.
- [49:29]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [49:30]
Sahara Rose
But it's truth. It's a non dual space of, like, there's nowhere to go. And when I really tune into that, it can be a depressing thought because it's just like, what am I doing in this life? And this is, I think, that big existential crisis thing that, like, we don't really normally touch because it can feel so colossal of, like, what is the point of being alive?
- [49:51]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [49:52]
Sahara Rose
And I feel it is important for us to go there because when we touch those realms without being afraid of it, it's not like I. I go to this realm every day. Like, why am. And especially sometimes when I'm, like, deeper in and I'm like, God, literally, why did you put me here? Like, to help people. Like, they're gonna learn themselves. Like, you need me. You know? And it's like. Like, then I come back to, ultimately, it's what I want. And no feeling is true. Feelings pass, but also feelings feel real. And so even if I know the feeling of love is, on some level a chemical hormonal attachment, I still want to feel it.
- [50:30]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [50:30]
Sahara Rose
So it's like I could get really nihilistic and be like, there's no point of feeling or doing anything. And literally just like, go off to the Himalayas and have, like, zero and just put my arm up and it gets stuck there. You know, there's people who do that, but I'm like, you know what? Let me just play the game, you know, Let me do the things that make me feel good. And right now, that feels like, you know, falling in love, that feels like dance. That feels like, you know, beach. That feels like this. That feels like that. But I can't actually say that getting there is going to give me this perpetual State of happiness. I think a lot of. Of it is really the quest for it.
- [51:07]
Rosie Acosta
No, I love. I love that. I love to go nihilism. And I love the non. Dual space. I'm not depressed in it sometimes, but I'm a goth kid. I love being in that space. I'm a pessimist. And it's so funny because people meet me and they think, oh, you're such an optimist. You're so positive, and you're so this, and you're so that. And it's. And it's like, great. I'm glad that you see me in that way. And. And I. I love to. To choose that. I'm going to go back to what you said about, you know, being at the beach. You're thinking about the mountain. It's like, that's a choice, right? I don't care how long I have to wait, but I want to wait so that it's worth the wait. That's a choice. People get discouraged because you might get rejections. You might have bad experiences. You might have people that do up things to you, that might backstab you, they might cheat on you. They will do. And that's. That's the human experience. If you know that suffering is the baseline for living this life. And I understand that people, you know, decide to not do it. I. I totally get that it is hard. Like, being a human is. Is tough stuff. But I also believe that we're so powerful, and we. We still get to choose what framework we want to be in. Just like you're saying, create your pathway. Create your pathway. Create your pathway to living the life that you're going to enjoy. Like you said, do people even want my hell? What am I doing here? They're going to learn anyway, and they are, and they will. But what is going to allow you to be able to live your full experience? And it doesn't matter whether people are watching or not. Like, you're going to do what you do to ultimately fulfill your dharma. Like that. That is, if you believe in that, that. That is what we're doing. I can choose to live that nihilistic sort of depress, not even depressed. I don't think nihilism is depressive, personally, but I like the reality of the world. Like, don't, don't sugarcoat. Don't. Don't give me the rainbows and the butterflies. And I love both. But that's not what I want. I want the truth. Like, tell me what we're looking at. Put it out on the Table like, I want to see it. I want to see the heartbreak. I want to witness the grief. Show it to me as raw as you can. Because to me, that's the baseline that establishes my faith.
- [53:50]
Sahara Rose
Are you calling in your spiritual Soul Fam, those besties who get you on a ride or die level, People who you can gather with under the full moon and talk about your intuition and what you're manifesting and help rise each other up rather than tear each other down? If you are done with the sister, wound with gossiping, with all of the ways that women have been taught to, to see each other as competition, but rather you're ready to gather in sacred circle to share what you're calling in, to dance, to sing, to breathe, to dive deep into the ancient and sacred ways, then Rose Gold Goddesses is for you. Every single month, we gather in a sacred zoom circle where we hold space, we tune into the astrology of the month, and we do practices like rituals, ceremonies, dance, movement, and so much more. So if you're ready to connect your intuition, your embodiment, and do so with community, with Soul Fam, who get you on a deeper level, then I invite you to join Rose Gold Goddesses. You can find all the information below to join us for our next circle. And I can't wait to meet you inside. And I naturally am not that person. I'm quite the opposite of you.
- [55:04]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [55:04]
Sahara Rose
As a child was like, my life's purpose is to help me dolphins find the meaning of their lives of frank like and be in the Spice Girls. And, you know, I am. I play in the realm of fantasy. I could write romantasy books. I think I should. You know, like, I make up stories in my mind where everything is connected. And here's how in this, it gives me the sense of peace. My learning has had to be how to just look at things as they are, how to confront the shadow, look at the ugly. Take that red pill of like, oh, my God, this I don't like it here. And when I'm there, you know, I was in Bali just spending a lot of time by myself and just. I went to this Kali temple in Singapore and I feel like I really picked up on that true Kali energy of just like questioning all of spirituality, of like every story that we tell ourselves of. I chose my parents, you know, because of my soul mission and this is my soul contract. And I'm like, any of this even fucking real or did someone just make up a story because it makes us feel good? Like, what is the truth? Truth and ultimately what I came to is you just choose the story that, that makes you. That works with you. Is it the Bible story? Is it the spiritual story? Is it the Buddhist story? Is it the nihilistic story? Is it the this, like, I think even with nihilism, it's also a story. It's. Well, no, this is the actual truth. The actual truth is nothing. Because I'm the one who's willing to look at the dark thing and figure out that's another story of, you know, And I think the shadow of the goth kids is thinking they have everything figured out. Yeah. Thinking, oh, I'm willing to look at things. But it's like, nope, you're also still an inner child. You're also, you know, you also fall in love. You also have blind spots and stuff. And it's like all comes down to like self protection. I think we're all trying to protect ourselves from the things we don't want to happen.
- [56:49]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [56:49]
Sahara Rose
And so we think if we subscribe to any story, whether it's Jesus, whether it's new age, whether it's whatever in between. Like, you know, when I was in India, I was like, maybe I am a Hindu. You know, I was like, that makes total sense. Eureka moment. I've always resonated with the goddesses. I love these temples, I love these rituals. Like, this is it. I'm a Hindu. I feel at home. I feel a sense of belonging, I feel community. This gives me a pathway. I love listening to these mantras. I love Lord Shiva. Like, I am a Hindu mixed total self. Like, I have enough dharma tattooed on me. Like, all my books are out Vedic wisdom. But then I'm like, but I also love ancient Egyptian things. I also love indigenous culture. And I also kind of question everything. So it's like, like there was a comfort that taking on that label would have given me in that moment. And I jive with one, what one could call Hinduism, which by the way is also a made up name given by the colonizers to all of the different spiritual lineages happening there. But I found in that moment, ah, this is why when people are in these existential part moments, religion comes. You know, there's a huge movement right now in the spiritual community of born again Christianity. And oftentimes if you look at the trend of what happened was they were brought up Christian and then went on their journey of questioning everything, learned about different spiritual lineages, adapted to them, whether it's, you know, the chakra system, whether it was indigenous cultures etc, probably had that For a few years then their life still wasn't perfect. They thought they had it all figured out, but it seems not. So now the culprit of their pain, suffering, digestive issues. Oh, it must have been because I was working with tarot cards. Oh, it must have been because of the moon, because the moon is actually matrix that's here to possess you. Actually, the whole reason why my life sucks is because of this new age thing and it is demonic and it is the problem. And now I have everything figured out. It was under my, my nose all the time. In fact, I was born with it. In fact, I'm white. I'm actually better than everyone else. And it's, it is Christianity. And I have seen this play out with so many people, including some of my close friends. And it is really sad to see the racism that comes in because now all of a sudden chakras demonic. No, that's just another culture's understanding of life. Indigenous demonic, your highest self demonic. Everything that's not white, Anglo Saxon, Christian, which by the way, Yeshua wasn't, he was Palestinian Jew who did not look like those pictures they're showing you. But it gives you that sense that everyone's looking for. If I figured it out, I'm finally on the other side of everything hard in my life. And now that I have surrendered myself to God, God has my back and nothing bad will happen to me. Right God? Right God. I'm saying Jesus name, right God. And guess what? What Bad shit's going to keep happening just as much as when you were new. It's just as much when you're a kid, just as much as there always has been because it's always a 50, 50. That's just how this planet rolls. And so whether you want to accredit the good to Jesus and the bad to New Age, whether you want to credit the good to you and the bad to everyone else, whether you want to. It just is, it just is. As much as I'm. We don't know, is there a scale that Maat has on the other side? I don't know. It's what the ancient Egyptians would give a story to this. But, but once again, it's just a story. Just like every deity is a story. And so I feel part of this conversation is like I share all of this and even my own predilection of like maybe I jump on the Hinduism bandwagon or you know, the ancient Egyptian stuff really resonates with me. And there are times like when I'm in these Temples. I'm like, I just want to devote my life to the mysteries. Like I just want to be like female Robert Grant in these temples all day. Like, like this is all that matters. The awe, the majesty, the wonder. Like it doesn't even matter what my name, my identity is just this. But then you get out of the temple and you check your text and you know, keep humaning. And so I share this because there's no panacea. I wish there was. And I feel the only spiritual truth that one can take from all of this is that we don't know life will life. We can create the things that we desire and we must accept the things that we do not. Period. That's my new religion. Choose challenge every day.
- [61:20]
Rosie Acosta
Choose challenge. Find happiness.
- [61:23]
Sahara Rose
Choose challenge. Find happiness. Explain. Well, it's the tenants of your religion. Yeah. Whose religion are you joining? Both.
- [61:30]
Rosie Acosta
Right? No, it's going through the challenge. Build resilience. The stories that we tell are to pacify our discomfort. So choose discomfort. Find happiness.
- [61:42]
Sahara Rose
I love the word discomfort that people say, what are you looking for in a relationship? The number one thing, someone who can sit with discomfort. That is going to be the indicator of whether they cheat. That's going to be the indicator of whether they have addictions, whether they lie, whether they abandon. It's can you sit with discomfort? Because it's like these energies like again there's truth and everything. Like in Christianity they talk about lust, they talk about the seven sins. They're real. Like you know, I actually did this like full moon release ritual and I was like releasing what I'm letting go of. And I use the seven sins as my like template for it. So it's like I love to borrow. Everyone's got elements of truth to it.
- [62:20]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah.
- [62:20]
Sahara Rose
But it's like that they are these energies of lust, of greed, of even what's when that you eat too much gluttony. Gluttony like these are real human. Like whether you want to call them demons, whether you want to want to call them programs that we have. And I find when we cannot sit with that itchiness that might lead to one of these things, that's when we act upon them and then adds more guilt and shame adds the cycle. So all in all, how can humans deal with the existential feeling of being alive?
- [62:53]
Rosie Acosta
I don't know.
- [62:54]
Sahara Rose
Trust flow starting to let go.
- [62:56]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, that's it. I hope that you play that song. I, I, you know, it's like I, I love all of these practices. I'm such a huge Fan of autonomy and choice and faith. Like, I, I think you know, for you, your biggest lesson has been to, you know, venture into the, the shadow realm and, and mine has been to go into trust, flow, surrender, let go. To go into that state of we don't know everything. We don't even use the entirety of our brain. We don't actually know how things work. We don't actually have functional medicine. We don't, we don't know why the body does what it does. We don't know how sure we can have scientific assessments where we're judging on a bell curve and we've done research and we've tested subject, but we don't actually know. And to me, the mystery is, is where the faith lies. For me, the fact that we don't know. I don't, I don't want to know everything, you know, I don't, I've been.
- [64:14]
Sahara Rose
Like, oh my God, like, I can't wait until I die. Not that I want to die, but like, just ask God all my questions. I'm like, I got a list for you.
- [64:22]
Rosie Acosta
What?
- [64:22]
Sahara Rose
Why'd you do that? Why'd you introduce me to this person? Why did that go out?
- [64:25]
Rosie Acosta
Was it connected?
- [64:26]
Sahara Rose
You know, like, we want to know, but like, you know, like there's the naughty leaves out there in Tamil Nadu, India. And these naughty leaves, there are these, you know, millions of, of leaves written on like a literal like banana leaf in Tamil, 10,000 years ago Transcribed for all the people in the San Culpa in the spiritual world that they knew would be incarnated. And it writes your name when you're born, who you marry, name of your children, and when you date, die. It's all written on a banana leaf in Tamil Nadu, India. And I know multiple people, people I trust who've gone there and have found their naughty leaf. And so I was on a journey of I want to find my naughty leaf. I want to know. But then I realized, no, I don't. Because first of all, first I don't actually know if it's true. None of these people have died yet. So they have a, a date that they're supposed to die. And I asked her, I said, do you like knowing this date? She says, yes. Cause it helps me plan out my life. Life, but it's just a made up date, you know, so whatever for her, it's giving her. But I'm like, I don't want to know because it, I might like manifest it.
- [65:25]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, like the power of the mind.
- [65:27]
Sahara Rose
Yeah, exactly. Imagine it was like Tomorrow, you know, like, and then it's not like that would just rather.
- [65:33]
Rosie Acosta
Yeah, wouldn't you rather? I mean they've, they've done actual, I mean, talking about studies now, I'm going to go back to the research because I do love research. The research that we've done has shown us the people that are terminally ill, the ones that get told die quicker and the ones that, and there is, by the way, when people are like, oh, you have six months of. The doctors don't actually know. They don't actually know. There's no timetable, there's, there's a hypothetical assessment of what they've seen, but there's no date. So it is a huge disservice that people say, you know, this amount of time. And they've shown studies where they, when they tell people, they always go before. And when they don't tell people, if there is a determined time, they go past that time.
- [66:24]
Sahara Rose
Yeah, it's so true. And then you also hear about the people who are given like five years to live or five months to live and they go on. Like my friend Caitlyn, she was given several months to live and has lived, you know, 10 plus years since then and healed herself naturally. So, so, so yeah, I decided not to go down that though someone could. And I think all in all, it's just, you know, I remember one of my teachers, Malaika Darvill, her grandson passed away. He got a brain tumor when he was around 8 years old and ended up dying at age 10.
- [66:56]
Rosie Acosta
Wow.
- [66:57]
Sahara Rose
Beautiful soul. He was learning how to DJ. He loved to dance and so playful and full of life. And she asked him before he passed, asked Mana, what is the meaning of life? And he said, the meaning of life is to have fun. And those were some of his last words. And I come back to. And that's why fun has become my core value. Because we don't know, we don't know anything. And when we are having fun, I feel we are naturally present, we're naturally open hearted, we are naturally connected, we are naturally grateful. And, and it has after effects. You have fun the rest of your day, the rest of your week, the rest of your month, you're on cloud nine. And it's not related to whether you're in a relationship or whether you have money or whether you're doing good in your job or whether you're this. I think those are the things that don't matter that we give. We put all of our time and attention towards those. That's why I've oriented my life around having fun. People are like, oh my God, you're such an enneagram 7. You're such a Sagittarius. It's, it's like, no, because I know I not gonna be here for long and none of us are. And you know, I've still done the things. I've made a seven figure business and got married young and, and did all the things on the list. But ultimately, like, what I'm left with was how much fun I had, how much I laughed, how much I just enjoyed my time. Because guess what? We can even be at the most beautiful places on, on earth and not having fun and it doesn't matter. So it's not about checking things off or to do list just to say that we're there. I'm sure when you're traveling, you see couples fighting and people, you know, probably the worst of your sides come out. You're, you're there to have fun, but you're not. And so I make that my mantra. Like every single day. Can I just like, listen to music? Can I be more just light hearted? Because I feel I can actually be very, very deep, very, very philosophical and I love that side of me. But for me, it can bring a heavy heaviness to everything that I do that I'm like, let me counterbalance it with some Missy Elliott. That's why I started making music. Like, it gave me the sense of like, I. My world is spiraling apart and look, I made this dope ass Afrobeat song and I'm enjoying it. They're enjoying it. Like, great. Life is good in this moment. And that's why I've always resonated with the Rastas in, in the Caribbean. I'm like, they got it figured out. Just enjoy life. Life. So I, to me, that's what I take at the end of. That's my, that's my dissertation. And Rosie, do you have any final closing words?
- [69:24]
Rosie Acosta
No, I, I just, I want to have fun.
- [69:26]
Sahara Rose
Girls just want to have fun. All right, and where can listeners connect with you?
- [69:31]
Rosie Acosta
They can find me anywhere. Everywhere. You can just find me on Instagram. Rosie Acosta.
- [69:37]
Sahara Rose
Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for tuning in. This was a, this was a roller coaster, a real fun one. We had some fun moments. We got deep. I cried, I laughed, I smiled. I hope you did too. So be sure to subscribe to this episode wherever you listen to this podcast, if it's on YouTube. We got some nice outfits on. I hope you like them. I'm wearing a little bit of a winter look today. Hope you enjoy that. We got spa pop video as well. And we own apple. And you can also come back my backyard. I got some apple cobbler for you, some peach tay. And just keep enjoying like he living la vida loca, as they say. You know that Ricky Martin, I. I wish he was straight. All right, I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance.