Highest Self Podcast® – Episode 639

Title: Stop Looking For Love And Do This Instead with Brandon Collingsworth
Date: January 27, 2026
Host: Sahara Rose
Guest: Brandon Collingsworth

Episode Overview

This soulful, honest, and profoundly relatable conversation centers on redefining the pursuit of love and relationship in a modern, often confusing world. Sahara Rose and poet-mystic Brandon Collingsworth delve deep into the difference between searching for completion through another and cultivating self-love that transforms relationship dynamics. Their discussion weaves through topics of healing, trauma, standards, attraction, initiation, and the emerging paradigm of intimate connection. Sahara and Brandon ultimately illuminate how the journey to love—both for self and with others—is layered, non-linear, and full of hard-won wisdom.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What is Love?

• Mission of Love (04:00–06:28):
  • Brandon shares making "love" his mission after a pivotal heartbreak in 2019.
  • Quote: “The longest journey you'll ever go on is the 18 inches from the head to the heart.” — Brandon (05:14)
  • Declaring love as his mission, the universe then exposed him to everything that is not love, starting deep inner work.
  • Love is not merely a feeling but a path, encompassing pain and joy—something ancestral as well as a legacy for future generations.

2. Self-Love as Foundation (07:19–12:04)

• Inner Work First:
  • “The journey of love always starts in our inner world first...we can't ask for what we are not.” — Brandon (07:22)
  • Both men and women must cultivate self-love to attract nourishing relationships. Without it, we show up with "cups half empty."
  • He distinguishes true self-love from narcissism: “Self-love is love for no other reason than the fact that you are one of one.”

3. Embodying and Recognizing Self-Worth (12:49–16:11)

• Practical Advice for Self-Love:
  • Treat yourself as sacred; set standards for how you’re treated.
  • “Oftentimes when people are not present to their value, they allow people to step into their worlds with dirty shoes on, to desecrate the energy.” — Brandon (13:04)
  • Reiterates the need to shift familiar but unhealthy patterns—what feels comfortable isn’t always good for us.

4. The Relational ‘Dojo’ and Doing the Work (18:05–21:24)

• ‘Sadhana’ and Gifts:
  • “Do the sadhana, receive the cities.” (Cities = gifts in Sanskrit.)
  • The gifts of self-work (confidence, peace, healthier relationships) may not appear immediately but are the result of ongoing inner work.
  • “Part of the beauty of relating is entering into the relational dojo.”—Brandon (19:34)
• Stepping into dating, even if awkward or after heartbreak, is necessary for growth and testing inner tools.

5. Trauma, Healing, and Intimacy (21:54–25:12)

• Trauma as Universal:
  • Everyone has trauma, and in conscious partnership, traumas can be “brought to the altar” for true intimacy.
  • “Self-love creates space for all of that stuff to live...True self-love is a container that holds it all.” — Brandon (23:09)
• Intimacy is letting oneself be fully seen—men especially crave being seen beneath hardened exteriors.

6. Dating in a Digital Age – Challenges and Advice (25:12–35:22)

• Common Female Experience:
  • Many women experience apps as superficial and encounter non-serious connections.
• Lowering Standards?
  • “No lowering the standards ever.”—Brandon (26:44)
  • Balance between standards and flow is emphasized.
• Connection in Real Life:
  • The importance of courage and organic connection over digital matching.
  • “If you walk into a room and your human instrument is healthy...there’ll be one person that captures your attention.” —Brandon (28:17)
• Approaching and Openness:
  • Both men and women fear rejection, but “People have lost the art of just connecting.” — Brandon (30:30)
  • Simple greetings (“Hello, how are you?”) are more effective than overthinking.

7. Expanding Relationship Possibilities (39:49–45:38)

• On Types and Attraction:
  • Attraction patterns are often tied to unresolved trauma and change as we grow.
  • “Types are meant to change. And I think types change when we change.” — Brandon (41:38)
  • Soul connection, shared vision, and depth matter more than rigid 'types' as we mature.

8. Boys, Men, and Initiation (48:24–53:08)

• On True Masculine Maturity:
  • Maturity (“from boy to man”) comes through initiation, often lacking in modern Western culture.
  • Initiation can happen through heartbreak, loss, or community-driven accountability.
  • Notable Quote: “A lot of men have never been initiated...life is going to initiate you.” — Brandon (49:10)

9. Modern Female Initiation (53:08–57:08)

• Self-Initiation and Community:
  • Female self-initiation is possible even outside traditional tribes, primarily via supportive communities and deep self-inquiry.
  • Sahara shares her experience with feminine initiation via plant medicine.

10. The Power of Patience and Non-Linear Growth (57:08–59:12)

• Healing Takes Time:
  • “It takes time to fall back in love with yourself.” — Brandon (55:47)
  • The transformation post-heartbreak can bring repeated new layers of self-understanding, requiring ongoing patience.

11. The Emerging Paradigm of Relationship (60:08–61:31)

• Sacred Collaboration:
  • The “new paradigm” is not about patriarchal models, but about “two sovereign humans coming together to co-create magic.”
  • It’s characterized by honesty, depth, choice, and respect for both the masculine and feminine.

12. Language, Manifestation, and Narrative (65:45–67:32)

• Monitor Your Spell:
  • Stories we tell (“There are no good men”) are spells—we must reframe self-talk for abundance in love.
  • “The fastest way to change your reality is to change yourself.” — Brandon (66:53)

13. Soulmates – Myth and Reality (67:34–70:45)

• Multiple Soulmates:
  • Brandon views soulmates as master teachers; he’s had several, each offering a different life lesson.
  • “But I've had three soulmates already...they were all so sacred.” — Brandon (68:09)
  • Soulmates might be many, and their purpose is for growth, not always lifelong partnership.

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Self-Love:

  • “Self-love is love for no other reason than the fact that you are one of one.” — Brandon (09:53)

• On Patterns:

  • “If a person has only known toxic energy...they might think that is the norm.” — Brandon (14:32)

• On Courage:

  • “It takes courage to put ourselves out there...to ask the big questions, to stand in your desires.” — Brandon (24:02)

• On Initiation:

  • “A lot of men have never been initiated...life is going to initiate you.” — Brandon (49:10)

• On Changing Your Reality:

  • “The fastest way to change your reality is to change yourself.” — Brandon (66:52)

• On Soulmates:

  • “Every morning during my sadhana, I give them (my soulmates) gratitude because I wouldn't be who I am without them.” — Brandon (69:10)

Important Timestamps

• Introduction & Topic Setup: 00:00–03:30
• Brandon’s Love Mission: 03:44–06:28
• Self-Love & Standards: 07:19–16:11
• Relational Dojo & Doing the Work: 18:05–21:24
• Trauma, Intimacy, and Healing: 21:54–25:12
• Navigating Dating Apps & Advice for Women: 25:12–35:22
• On Types, Attraction, and Evolving Standards: 39:49–45:38
• Masculine Initiation, Boys vs. Men: 48:24–53:08
• Feminine Initiation & Community: 53:08–57:08
• Patience in Healing: 57:08–59:12
• Paradigm Shift in Relationships: 60:08–61:31
• Language and Changing Narrative: 65:45–67:32
• Soulmates, Lessons, and Growth: 67:34–70:45

Tone and Speaker Attribution

Sahara Rose brings her signature warmth, modernity, playfulness, and self-aware vulnerability throughout the conversation. Brandon Collingsworth speaks with poetic sincerity, grounded wisdom, and compassion for both feminine and masculine experiences. Both maintain a candid, encouraging tone, emphasizing both the beauty and the challenge in the journey toward love.

Final Takeaways

• Stop looking externally for completion; cultivate a rich self-love and inner world.
• Relationship is a practice—a relational dojo—where life’s real lessons are learned.
• Maintain high standards with gentle flow; openness and awkwardness are vital to genuine connection.
• Expand beyond old “types;” growth often requires embracing the unfamiliar.
• Healing and finding love is non-linear, requiring patience and ongoing self-inquiry.
• Soulmates are many, each teaching us essential lessons, not just “the one.”
• Rewrite your own narrative about love—what you speak and believe is what you attract.

“Trust the intelligence of love...it knows things that we don’t.” — Sahara Rose (61:31)

Connect:

• Sahara Rose: Instagram | Courses, Books, Community
• Look out for Brandon Collingsworth’s upcoming book and poetry on Instagram.

For More:
Listen on your preferred app, join the conversation, and stay tuned for more explorations into the heart’s most important questions.