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Highest Self Podcast®
639: Stop Looking For Love And Do This Instead with Branden Collinsworth
01:13:37
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- [00:00]
A
Do you think everyone's kind of trauma bonding or it's just like everyone has trauma?
- [00:03]
B
Both. What is beautiful is with the right person, you can bring your traumas to the altar. In holding it all, I think that it opens up the doors for true intimacy to come online. Even men beneath the hard exterior just want to be seen through a society that has told men to be overtly hard and suppress their emotional bodies completely.
- [00:26]
A
What advice do you have for women? Is this something that can be taught to men or is that just going to depolarize the relationship? It.
- [00:32]
B
It's a deep question. Respect.
- [00:33]
A
Why? Why we're here. Welcome back to the Highest Self podcast. My name is Sahara Rose, and on this podcast I love to take spirituality, matters of the heart and make them modern, fun and relatable so they can actually serve your needs. So if you haven't noticed, I'm quite obsessed with love and relationships. I try to talk about it to pretty much everyone that I know. And so I'm really excited for today's conversation because you're going to hear someone that I bet a lot of you guys already follow on Instagram or maybe you've just like reposted these like black quotes with white font. They're always like the same. You know, these men, they don't have to do all the reels that we have to do sometimes. But there are these amazing quotes about love. And I remember coming across his work years ago and it was wasn't until we were both living in Bali that we were able to connect and instantly just like soul fam vibes, having these really deep conversations about love, like capital L love, like universal love and also lowercase love, matters of the heart and heartbreaks and, you know, all of the things. So I feel we both really embody divine masculine, divine feminine energy within ourselves. But and also both and I wanted to just have a deeper conversation about love. In the state of this world today, I feel there is a lot of confusion, disappointment, unhealed heartbreak, let down, sadness. I mean, should the list go on about what it's like to deeply believe in love and often be met by forces that are not working on the behalf of love. And so it can be challenging for us. But also I do believe it is an invitation for, you know, anytime there's a challenge, right, like you're lifting weights or something, it's a challenge to have greater capacity. Capacity. And before we get into this episode, be sure to hit subscribe. That allows you to stay in the loop for future conversations. This podcast is also on YouTube, so you could be watching us in person, Spotify video, and the Apple Store. So be sure to subscribe to stay up to date with future conversations. And let's get into this one. And so I do feel this global renaissance of love, shall I say, is inviting us to. Through the often solitude, inviting us to actually question, what is love and why do we have it? And how can we actually have the real relationships that we desire? So he is a poet, a warrior, a mystic lightworker, a brother, a human, an undefinable being that we're going to allow what is meant to come through to come through. So without further ado, let's welcome Brandon Collinsworth here on the Highest Self podcast.
- [03:35]
B
Thank you.
- [03:36]
A
Did I do a good job?
- [03:38]
B
Amazing. Amazing. So honored to be here.
- [03:41]
A
Honored to have you here. Finally.
- [03:43]
B
We finally did it.
- [03:44]
A
Years in the making.
- [03:45]
B
Years in the making. In the spin of Bali, Always in divine time.
- [03:50]
A
Yes. So what is love? What is love? Baby, don't hurt me.
- [03:55]
B
Yeah. Love is my mission, first and foremost. And when I declared that that was my mission, it was like God, the universe looked at me and said, oh, you. You want this to be your mission? And that was when my training began.
- [04:10]
A
How old were you when that mission came through?
- [04:12]
B
2019. On the eve of a breakup. I was in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, dating this beautiful Venezuelan shout out to my master teacher, Alex. And she. She broke up with me. And her comment, like, right before she broke up with me was like, you're always on this mission. You're always grinding, you're always going after these things, but I don't know what your mission is, and I don't think you know what your mission is either. And she's like, and because I don't feel like a priority to you, I'm going somewhere else. And heartbroken. On the streets of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, I asked myself, I was like, what? What is my mission at this time? You know, I had achieved a lot of success in society's eyes, but I still felt empty. Felt like I was running around the world chasing something, trying to find something to give me significance. And I just started to really, really think about what it is it that everybody wants and it's love. And that's when I declared, love is my mission. And in declaring that, the universe began to test me. One of the things it began to show me is everything that is not love. And the deeper that I've gone on this path of love, the more I've realized that that's the only path that that it is there to walk. There's a quote that I love. It goes, the longest journey you'll ever go on is the 18 inches from the head to the heart. And for me, that's been the story of my life. A journey from the head to the heart. And at this point, I'm in full surrender to love in all its teachings and in all its intelligence and in all its complexities. The pain of it, the beauty of it, the expansiveness of it, the depth of it. And the more I lean into it, the more it continues to reveal just how powerful it is. And I think in this day and age, more than any time in history, love is the way. Love is the key. But what's cool is for eons, people have been talking about love. So it's just a continuation of the love that we are, the love that our ancestors were, and the love that we are laying down for the future generations to come.
- [06:28]
A
I love that love is your mission as a man, because it feels like a lot of men, their mission is power, financial success, notoriety. But you don't really hear of love so much. If anything, love is the thing that many men are trying to actively avoid, Right? Don't fall in love, don't catch feelings. Don't stick with her for too long because she's gonna put you in boyfriend role. Because it feels like love is liability. And so it feels for women, it's challenging to find men that prioritize love. And just like even your 2019 version of you, you hadn't yet. So what wisdom do you have for the women who are list listening right now to align with someone who is love centered?
- [07:20]
B
Yeah, that's a really, really big question. And the journey of love always starts in our inner world first. You know, we can't ask for what we are not. And the journey of self love, the journey of loving oneself, the journey of getting caught up in the beauty and the miraculousness and the depth of oneself, inevitably creates the soil begin to create nourishing environments for other people to come in, who also are vibrating from that same space and living in love as well. It's always an inner job first. It's the inner work that inevitably emanates to the outer world. And I think for not only women, but. But men as well. A few years ago, I was speaking to a whole bunch of MMA fighters, and he's laughing. It's his whole entire convention of MMA fighters, a lot of UFC fighters, and they were like, they wanted. They were wanting to know that one thing that was going to give them the edge when it comes to, like the fight. Thought I was going to say something about active visualization or, you know, breath work or, you know, resilience. And I looked at them all and I said, it's self love. And some of them got it, most of them didn't. But the truth is, when we're really standing in our self love, the entire texture of our life changes. When we truly begin to see ourselves as deserving, as worthy, as sacred, that vibration changes the texture of everything. So men or women, without self love, we will always be showing up with our cups half empty. But with self love, we are establishing an energetic foundation for love to come in. And that is one of the most important things that I think people are constantly missing when it comes to the pursuit of a significant other. A lot of people are coming into relationships from a space of I want to be completed. And as long as you're looking for somebody to complete you, you're always going to end up disappointed. But when we are standing in our self love, when we've created a beautiful sanctuary of sacredness and of reverence and of honor and of presence, then somebody, when they're invited into our space, it becomes somebody that just complements what it is we are. And so I think that a lot of people really have to turn inward and that is a very, very difficult thing to do. In my 20 plus years of working with individuals all around the world, I would say that 95% of individuals continue to live on repeat. They repeat the patterns, they repeat the habits, they repeat the thoughts again and again and again. To get what we never had, we got to do what we've never done. And I think that one of the, if somebody's going to do something different, make it about self love first. And then, you know, there's that like slippery slope of, well, what's the difference between self love and narcissism? Narcissism is inherently not coming from self love. Although it appears like it's overtly love, self love is love for no other reason than the fact that you are one of one, there never has been, never will be again. Another you, you are sacred, you are special. And in recognizing that in ourselves, it just changes the texture of everything. You know, I have four little sisters, I've dealt with a lot of boyfriends. A lot of times we attract what we expect or we attract what we think we deserve. So again, I have to point the finger. You know, when we point the finger outwards, we always have fingers pointing back at ourselves. And a lot of people who are in this paradox of the dating space and they're wondering why they're not attracting the. The one that is everything to them. The most important thing to do is point the finger back at oneself and ask, where am I? Still not fully loving myself? Why do I continue to let these type of people back in my life? I can only say from my own experience that once that standard changes, so too does the vibrational magnetism that we emanate and we put out. And in standing in our standard, it changes the texture of the people that come into our lives, both in business and in love.
- [12:04]
A
Yeah. Beautifully said. And I wonder, self love is such an elusive term. Like, I remember for so long you said, love yourself. I'm like, I love myself. Like, I take care of myself. I, you know, set boundaries. I take supplements. I do the things. And it wasn't until after my divorce that I looked in the mirror and I just, like, really saw myself for the first time. And I really, like. Like, my head was just crying and my tears. And I like, told myself, like, no matter what happens, I got you.
- [12:33]
B
That's it.
- [12:34]
A
Like, I. It doesn't matter what this journey looks. It doesn't matter who comes in and out of our life. Like, I got you. And so I'm curious for you, like, what are you? The actions and the ways that we can actually, like, on a deep level, really embody self love.
- [12:50]
B
Yeah, absolutely. I think. I think the first key is to treat yourself, or one should treat themselves like they are valuable. How would you step into a sacred ashram in Bali? With reverence, with respect, with presence. Oftentimes when people are not present to their value, they allow people to step into their worlds with dirty shoes on, to desecrate the energy and desecrate the space. The key is to really stand in our value. And when we stand in our value, again, the texture changes. I think that is so important. The second thing is to really begin to stand in your standards. Like, the standard that people come into our worlds through or on is truly an emanation of what we've allowed. So, like, when we're standing in standards that are of like, hey, you need to respect this space. You need to honor who I am. I know who I am. I know what I deserve. I. It changes the texture. And again, our relations are always showing us if we are standing in our worth, standing in our values, or we are compromising our worth and compromising our values. And that's a bitter pill to swallow, especially for those who are continuing to loop in toxic relationships. But again, like as we were talking about earlier, the more the tools are cultivated, the more work that we do on ourselves, the more the antenna of our own vibration becomes clear and clean. And you start to really feel when people are energetically not a match. And then that question is, can you listen to that? When you feel something is not right for you, can you then say, you know what, I'm going to listen to that and I'm not going to repeat the pattern again. My therapist once told me, if it is familiar to you, even though it is unhealthy, it will be comfortable. But if it's unfamiliar to you, even though it is healthy, it will be uncomfortable. So that's another thing is like if a person's only known toxic energy, if a person's only known low vibrational humans, if a person's only known cheating, lying and all that, they might think that that is the norm. So one of the most important things too is to begin to insert yourself into healthy. Just like when you go on, on the journey of getting in shape. As you get in shape, you start to vibrationally understand what it means to be in shape. You start to understand what it feels like to be in shape. The same thing comes with relationships. This is why it's so important for those who are on the journey to stop entertaining toxic and start, even if it's like just putting your toe in the water, start putting yourself in healthier situations where there are people that are living with the code, that are living from values and, and that are also doing the work. And another thing that my therapist told me was the only thing you need to do to attract healthy people is to be a healthy person. So there again the finger is pointed back to ourselves. And those have been game changers for me at least on my journey.
- [16:12]
A
Yeah, that's so beautiful. And you know, every person I heard this quote that everyone is either, I think it was like a mirror. So they're showing you a mirror, a window. So it's like a window to show you what's possible. Like this kind of connection with someone can exist. It's like a little peek, but it's not, that's not it. Or they're like the door that you walk in. And it's so true. And you know, the door is like a once in a lifetime, twice a lifetime. Like there's not so many people that you're going to like walk through life with, but you'll experience a lot of mirrors and some windows along the way. A lot of women listening to this podcast are in a place of really being on their own. They've been celibate for long periods of time, and they don't want to do, you know, the toxic thing. But they're in this place that, you know, some of them have told me seven years they've been celibate. And so they're wondering, is it even possible for me to be in a relationship where I feel met, or should I just kind of put that down and just focus on myself? Of course they desire to be, but when they go out and, you know, start dating, they're experiencing that again. So maybe there's still something inside of them. Like, what advice do you have?
- [17:22]
B
Yeah, well, shout out to all the women out there.
- [17:25]
A
We're the celibate queens here.
- [17:27]
B
Shout out to the women that are doing the work and, and huge, huge shout out to you, to you women for just being you. Like, let's first and foremost celebrate the feminine, because without women, this world would be nothing. And there is a reemergence of the feminine on so many level. Levels. It's so beautiful to see so many more women stepping into their power, stepping into their essence. You know, most of the workshops that I go to, it's women there. Most of the yoga teacher trainings you go to, it's women there. Women are really doing the work. And shout out to my brothers who are doing the work too. But I think it's predominantly.
- [18:05]
A
Can you just start a directory maybe? No.
- [18:07]
B
Right, right, Yellow pages. But it's really beautiful to see. There's an incredible quote that my master yoga teacher Dharma Mitra used to say. And he said, do the sadhana, receive the cities. So sadhana and yoga is intentional practice, like doing the work and the cities are the gifts. Part of doing the work is accessing the gifts. The gifts only are accessed through doing the work. And so maybe the gifts are not going to be presented right there immediately as soon as you put in the work, but eventually, as one continues to do the work, the gifts are going to appear. The gifts are going to appear in the form of more peace in your inner world. The gifts are going to appear in the form of more confidence. The gifts are going to appear in the form of attracting more high vibration people, more high vibration men. The other thing is, a lot of women that I do know, especially some of my soul sisters, they are wounded. And part of their walls that have come up is to keep men out at all costs. And although that might keep you safe, life is not meant to be lived that way. There's so much beauty in continuing to put yourself into the colors of life, even though you might have been hurt in the past. You have to trust that history will only repeat itself as long as you are not doing the work. When one truly does the work, the texture of the present moment changes and what we attract in changes as well. I always say, like, part of the beauty of relating is entering into the relational dojo. A lot of lessons are so pivotal to us being human only come from being in relation. And sometimes that means you step in and you realize, all right, this is really bringing up all my stuff and I need more work, I need to do more work. Or you step into a relation or relating or the dating space and you're like, actually my tools are pretty sharp. It's just like in martial arts. You can train in the gym all day long, learning to throw punches, learning to throw kicks. But it's not until you put yourself into the fight, into the battle, that you really know where you're standing. And so to those who are on the path of love right now, the most important thing is to step into love, step into the space, step into the container, step into the relational gym to see what comes online. Otherwise, it's easy for years to pass by and for all these walls to come up and for one to live in this super protected space where life doesn't really come to life. And so it takes courage, especially if you've been hurt, to step back into those spaces. But you also have to trust that the tools that you've cultivated over time are going to open the doors for a new standard of beings that come into your world.
- [21:24]
A
Do you feel that everyone that comes into your life is like, like some kind of subconscious agreement you both have that you're going to mirror each other's unhealed wounds and trauma and it's karmic and like, you find the person that matches your wounds and you play that out. Or do you think your wounds are just going to come up regardless and everyone that you're with is just going to bring up different wounds? Like, do you think it's like that telepathic of like everyone's kind of trauma bonding or it's just like everyone has trauma?
- [21:54]
B
Both. Yeah, both. I mean, everybody has trauma. And our, our traumas definitely influence our ability to relate and hopefully in a conscious container, because it's not like, you know, at 40 years old, all the work I've done, it's not like all my traumas are, are healed. But what is beautiful is with the right person or the right partner, you can bring your traumas to the altar and say, this is who I am, this is what I am. This is what I'm working through. Maybe it's, I feel anxious when you, you move this way, or I don't like this thing, or this thing triggers me again. Self awareness allows for these things to be talked about deeply. Self investigation allows for us to truly know thyself. And self love allows for us to bring our traumas to the altar of our connections without necessarily making it mean that we are less than. In fact, self love creates space for all of that stuff to live. I think a lot of people think that, like, once their traumas and everything's healed, that's when self love comes online. I don't agree with that. I think that true self love is a container that holds it all. And in holding it all, I think that it opens up the doors for true intimacy to come online. And intimacy is the act of being seen fully. And that's all we want to be seen men, we just want to be seen. All those egos that so many women talk about, these men that are so hardened when you peel back the layers, there's a term called normative male alexithymia in the dsm. This is the book on psychology, psychological disorders. And it's men's, men's disconnect from their emotional body through a society that has told men to be overtly hard and suppress their emotional bodies completely. So even men, beneath the hard exterior, just want to be seen. And I can only tell you that as a strong man and as a man who stands in my strength, that did not become fully formed until I also let my self be seen fully. And there's so much power in that. And so again, I think a lot of women as well don't want themselves to be seen fully. And let me emphasize, not everybody deserves to see you fully, but there are people that do deserve that. And in sharing who we are, it only opens up the doors for deeper connection. And it takes courage. It takes courage to put ourselves out there. It takes courage to date again. It takes courage to love again. It takes courage to choose again. It takes courage to go to therapy. It takes courage to do the deep work. It takes courage to ask the big questions. It takes courage to stand in your desires, but in doing so, it also opens up the doors for a higher level of living.
- [25:13]
A
So absolutely, I know what many women are thinking right now. Well, I would, I would love that. I would love a man that, you know, I could hold space for his emotions and he can hold space for mine, and we can dive deep. But, Brandon, the guys I'm coming across, like, they don't even ask me a question. And it's interesting because I know you are surrounded, but I think a lot of women, they're not surrounded by conscious men, so they go on dating apps, and majority of people on dating apps are there to hook up, you know, and so it's the only place they're meeting people. They're coming in hopeful to find love. And the guy's like, you know, whatever, let's have a wine night at my place. You're like, what? You know what? I deeply get to know you, and it's not what they're there for. And so a lot of women feel like I am not, like, meeting the kind of man who would even be able to hold that level of conversation. And so it's a matter of lowering my standards and teaching him, maybe bringing him into this world or just being on my own and waiting for the day to come that, you know, Brandon's twin comes along. You know, that's what they're. They're waiting for. They're like, great, Brandon, just clone yourself for all of us, please. So. So what advice do you have for women? Is this something that can be taught to men, or is that just going to depolarize the relationship?
- [26:37]
B
It's a deep question.
- [26:38]
A
Respect why we're here.
- [26:41]
B
Well, first, no lowering the standards ever.
- [26:44]
A
Okay, I guess we'll be celibate for seven more years.
- [26:47]
B
No lowering the standards. That is key. But also, it's important not to be rigid flow. Like, stand in the standards, but allow there to be some flow. And part of there being flow means that there is the courage for there to be flow. So rigidity is holding on to how things should be. Life is not meant to be rigid. Life is meant to be colorful. As far as, like, the men out there, I know so many great men. I know so many great men.
- [27:23]
A
And I named Instagrams. What's going on in the show notes? You're going to find out who all 12 of them are.
- [27:29]
B
Hundreds of great men. Hundreds of great men. So many men doing the work.
- [27:33]
A
Why don't you just do a matchmaker?
- [27:34]
B
I could. I really could.
- [27:37]
A
Come on.
- [27:37]
B
Because I know so many good men. I'm proud.
- [27:39]
A
If you matchmake me, you get to officiate the wedding. You heard it here first.
- [27:43]
B
I already have a. I already. I already told you, I have Somebody in mind.
- [27:45]
A
Make it happen, bro. I'm waiting. I got you.
- [27:48]
B
I have so many brothers that I'm proud of that are that are doing the work and they're there. And I have so many soul sisters who are saying the same thing that you are, that there's no guys out.
- [27:59]
A
There and you haven't seen what it's like.
- [28:01]
B
Well, I'm not.
- [28:02]
A
I want to go through a dating app with you and just show you.
- [28:05]
B
I've seen, I've seen. My soul sisters have shown me. It's wild. The thing is, again, like, to limit our ability to connect down to a square box on a phone, I think takes out the magic and the essence of connection of the pheromonical response. As we were talking about earlier, what I've learned in my journey is that if you walk into a room and your human instrument is healthy, there can be 100, 200 people there and there'll be one person that captures your attention. And in my experimentation, that person. There's always an opening for a connection there vibrationally. If one were to pursue that, like, nudge or that feeling, that inkling of what's there, in my experience, there's always something there. Now, it takes courage to approach people.
- [29:11]
A
Should women approach men? Whether you're.
- [29:12]
B
I think so. Yeah.
- [29:13]
A
I think, I think at the gym, let's say they have AirPods on. What are you going to do? Hey, stop listening to Joe Rogan. Do you want to ask me out? How does it work? How would you like to be approached?
- [29:24]
B
I mean, it's very attractive when a woman has the courage to say, hey, like, this is what I want. This is what I.
- [29:32]
A
She walks up to you, hey, you take these out. This is what I want. This is what I see.
- [29:42]
B
Maybe not those words, but, you know.
- [29:46]
A
Like, like, no, like, give us the play by play. Like, okay, there's a cute guy at the gym, but he has AirPods on. What do we do?
- [29:54]
B
I mean, it's a case by case scenario. Like to be 100. Do you trust yourself?
- [30:01]
A
I don't know.
- [30:02]
B
You don't know?
- [30:03]
A
I don't know my track record. No. Okay, let's just say it's like, what do you do you compliment their tattoos. Like, what's the. What's the move?
- [30:11]
B
I think it's just about relating. It's just about connecting. I mean, the essence of game. If I were to like, speak by like, my brothers, spin us some games. The essence of game is just connecting.
- [30:20]
A
But how does one connect in this world where everyone's so in themselves, like, I just feel like, hi, just.
- [30:27]
B
Hello. Hello, my name is. How are you?
- [30:30]
A
Interesting.
- [30:31]
B
Who are you? As simple as that. People have lost the art of just connecting.
- [30:35]
A
And I feel we are so afraid of being rejected.
- [30:38]
B
Us too. Yeah, Men too.
- [30:40]
A
Yeah. I know it's hard. Like petrified.
- [30:42]
B
Petrified. It's really hard. Yeah.
- [30:44]
A
And also afraid of he's in a relationship and I don't want to be that person approaching like a married man or us too.
- [30:51]
B
Yeah, us too. And that could always be the case. Or they're not in a relationship and they're all of a sudden they're like in life.
- [31:02]
A
So you just say, hi, how are you? That's your opening.
- [31:04]
B
Yeah. 100. If. If I'm feeling a connection. Hello, how are you? Now what's interesting, and I told you this earlier, there's been definitely some moments where I wasn't even actually attracted in a sense of romantically, but, you know, felt that there was an opportunity just to connect. Hey, how are you? And the walls of the woman that were. That I extended that invitation to were so thick that no connection was able to happen. I think also a lot of women, because of their wounds are actually putting walls up that is keeping them away from good men. I feel like. And this is, you know, it's not.
- [31:43]
A
Just, you can say the hard thing. We're listening. Okay.
- [31:45]
B
You know, it's not just you saying this is. So many of the women in my life are constantly reinfor this narrative that there is no good men. First and foremost, we need to throw that phrase out because there are so many, so many good men. And the second thing is like, there's no better way to connect than to connect. And all of the awkwardness and all of the weirdness and all of the funny things of being human come up when you connect. It's never going to feel just like, oh, this is easy all the time. But we've lost the art of connection. We've lost the ability to just go up to a person and have a conversation. We've lost the ability to be awkward because everybody wants to be perfect.
- [32:28]
A
We don't have any like parties and stuff that you would get to know each other. Like back in the day, you know, you'd all go to the speed dating club. I mean, not even speed dating, but like you like the neighborhood party. Right. And so you would see the same people. You can. You could talk now. It's like so much pressure. Let's say you match on a dating app. It's like you have one interaction. If that's not hitting it off, you never see each other again. Whereas I think a lot of crushes probably over time. That's why, like, people have crushes on their colleagues. Right. It's not like, happened to be. It's like, after seeing them day after day, month after month, you start to develop feelings. And so where do you advise women to go?
- [33:06]
B
I advise women to go into the relational gym.
- [33:09]
A
Okay, where's the address of that relational gym is?
- [33:14]
B
Get out there and meet.
- [33:16]
A
But, like, where specifically?
- [33:18]
B
It can be anywhere.
- [33:19]
A
The MMA convention.
- [33:20]
B
It could be. If that's your thing.
- [33:21]
A
That's where I'm trying to go.
- [33:24]
B
Sisters. She was like, two years not dating anybody, and we had this deep conversation. She's like. She's basically like, I forgot how to be a woman. I'm like, you did not forget how to be a woman. You've just literally stepped completely outside of relating. And she dove in. And in the course of a year and a half, she went through, like, two heartbreaks, and now she's in a beautiful relationship with a guy that is. Was completely not her type, but somehow somewhere became her her type. And it's so funny. We talked a couple of weeks ago, just having the conversation about that moment in time when she was like, I don't even know how to be a woman. The key is just to stop waiting for Prince Charming to roll up on his white horse looking all perfect, and it's just to get out there and start relating again. Now, where to go? I mean, I truly feel that when we're living our dharmic life and we're putting ourselves in the places and spaces that enliven us and empower us and inspire us, we're going to meet people that also are inspired by that space. And then, boom, there's a connection. Like the woman I'm dating now we met in a yoga class. That opened the doors for us to deepen in so many ways. And so, again, it's about getting off the phones and getting into life.
- [34:41]
A
Yeah.
- [34:42]
B
Now it is hard at times because the world has changed and it's become so digital. But I truly feel that as AI becomes this whole entire thing and everybody's becoming more and more digitized, there's something so beautiful about going back to nature. And part of going back to nature is trusting inherently in our natural beingness. It's trusting in the vibrations that we pick up on. It's trusting in the pheromonical response between woman and man. It's trusting that when there's a spark. There probably is a spark, and it's having the courage to follow through on the spark again and again and again.
- [35:22]
A
Have you recently gone through a heartbreak that rocked your world? And honestly, you're still maybe picking up the pieces. You've learned so much from this experience, but you also know there's so much more awaiting you and probably you have an intuitive sense that this was meant to happen for you to become your highest self. Well, I've been there. At the end of 2022, I found out that my then husband had been cheating on me and it was the most horrible news I've ever gotten. But now looking back on it, I can say it was my life's greatest blessing because without that I would have never left the marriage where honestly, we were quite incompatible in many different ways. But it took me getting to that level for me to actually see what was not working in the relationship and for me to set off and create this new life where I traveled the world for a year, started producing music, singing, rapping, dropped an album called My Body is an Altar that has hundreds of thousands of strangers, streams around Spotify creating music videos, moving to la, dressing in these really cute outfits, becoming my fullest expression, and most importantly, not having anything in my consciousness that I'm afraid of anymore. I have become truly liberated and that is the gift of a heartbreak. So all my friends would come to me when they would go through their heartbreaks. I know a lot of people are in it right now and this is why I've decided to click create my ultimate Heartbreak Healing course so it guides you step by step with the exact tools and realizations that I used on myself during my heartbreak that have allowed me to not just heal from it, but become this version of me that I am frankly obsessed with. So for 33 days, every single day, I will be guiding you through a practice journal. Prompt will be writing poetry, healing and transmuting so much. But most important importantly, taking this as the opportunity for you to become the version of you that you've always felt it was too soon to be. So I'm so excited for you to get started. As soon as you join the course, you can get started on day one. I have seen insane transformations and I can't wait to see what awaits you on the other side. So head over to iam saharrose.com heartbreak and use coupon code podcast for $50 off off again. That's I am Sahara S A H a r a rose.com heartbreak and use coupon code podcast for $50 off. You can find that link in the show notes. And I'm super excited for you to meet the version of you that's on the other side. Yes. And I feel that a lot of women, and I've been there myself. Like, I remember after my divorce, I was going place, I'm like, I'm not meeting anyone. Like, there's just no one. And looking back, like, I was so not ready, you know? And so I wasn't. Like, I was definitely giving off, and I probably still am, but I was definitely back then giving off massive. Like, I went to Mind Valley. I was like, I didn't meet anyone because I literally would just go give my talk and, like, come back, you know, just, like, so focused. I'm not making eye contact with people. I'm not giving open, receptive body language. So of course, if someone saw me, it's like, okay, this girl's clearly, like, here on mission. Or I would just talk to my friends the whole time. And I think a lot of us women do that. Like, we're like, okay, we're going to go out. We're going to meet guys in real life out in the wild. We're going to do it old school. And like, we all get ready for hours, and it's like a group of eight of us at, like a dinner table, and we're like, where are the men? Why aren't they approaching? It's like, one man's going to go to a group of eight women and like, you, like, I'm going to start a. Like, imagine the rejection you have to face of, like, walking away from that table and all eight girls, like, judging and laughing. And so I've learned, like, do things on your own, which is hard for a lot of women. And because we're so used to having, like, a bestie and a buddy. And I do feel when we're out on our own, we're just so much more open and approachable and even just, like, looking around the room, just, like, smiling at people and even starting conversations with people that we don't want to date. But I think it just gives off an energy of I'm open to converse and then maybe someone who's looking at you at the corner of their eye will start a conversation. And then I also think the type thing is really big that I think a lot of us women, and I don't know if men do this too, we scan the room for our type of. And if our type's not there, we're not available you know, and it's like, but maybe that person who is not your type could have been an amazing person. You never gave a try.
- [39:49]
B
In my experience, in my current situation, she wasn't my type. And it's proving to be one of the most beautiful connections that I've ever experienced. And that has brought up a lot and it's required me to like re think about what a type is.
- [40:12]
A
What is a type is a trauma. Yeah.
- [40:15]
B
Like when did our type become our type?
- [40:17]
A
Right. Because why change too?
- [40:19]
B
Yeah. And why is our type our type? Yeah. You know, if tall, dark and handsome, which it sounds like most women are into the tall, dark and handsome vibe. If that was your thing when you were in your 20s and you were untooled and not in therapy and had no like sense of self love, maybe your type is supposed to change as you actually get healthy. And part of my journey has been to let go of the old types that were my types when I was younger and immature and in my traumas to the man that I am now. And that's changed the texture of everything because you know, at 40 years old, 20 years from now I'm going to be 60. Am I still going to be like trying to like chase and type some 60 year olds? Yes. But like at 60, it's about family, it's about depth, it's about soul, it's about legacy and the woman in my life that is going to create that with me. Beauty is only like skin deep. It's really about the soul. And so types are meant to change. And I think types change when we change. I know some amazing men that would treat any woman that had an opportunity with them. Amazing. But a lot of women would never choose them because they're not their type.
- [41:39]
A
Is it they're not their type or they're not physically attracted?
- [41:42]
B
Physically, physically attracted. And maybe like not exactly their type. And that's what I'm saying. It's like sometimes it's, it's beautiful to be open to something you never experienced. Otherwise, how do you know? You know, a lot of people continue to repeat the patterns. Same type of boy, same type of guy, same type of man, same type of situation, same type of thing. Sometimes it's important to open up ourselves experiencing something new.
- [42:10]
A
What role do you think physical attraction needs to play in a relationship?
- [42:15]
B
I mean there's so many different studies that show that like men it's, it's very high on the scale and for women it's like number three on the scale. Whether that's true or not. I think it's a case by case basis. I think as a man we are attracted to beautiful things. But again, we are too, by the way. Yeah.
- [42:37]
A
I think women, we've just trained ourselves over history that we couldn't prioritize that. I think women just as much.
- [42:43]
B
Well, this is the day and age of the renaissance of women coming out and standing in their power and saying, this is what I want, this is what I desire, this is what, what I need, and not being ashamed about it.
- [42:55]
A
But then what's tough is often the men that women are physically attracted to. A lot of people are physically attracted to that same type of person. Right. And then it becomes hard relationally because that person has a lot of options.
- [43:10]
B
Any man that is standing in his power and his sovereignty, in his health and his vitality, there's always going to be many suitors. But just because there's many suitors doesn't mean that he won't and he can't just choose you. And that's important to remember. It's like when a man is embodied, there's energies that are going to want to be in that frequency because on a biological level, a woman's like, wow, that's, that's safety, that's shelter, that's providership. You know, it really comes down to biology on a lot of levels. But it doesn't mean that because there are many options that a man is going to entertain them all. A boy may. I'm learning that a man, what really makes a man a man is precision and choice and direction. And when our energy is leaking everywhere in multiple directions, it's hard to be in our power. And so another thing that's coming online, especially my brothers that are stepping into their 40s, stepping into fatherhood, it is the choice. The choice point of choosing one. And what's beautiful is in the choosing of one, when the power becomes concentrated, dedicated, devoted, so too does their expression. It becomes amplified. And so there's a lot of power and choice. And so I don't think it's about like this idea that there's not going to be many men or women that are attracted to an embodied woman or man. But it's remembering that when the tools are locked in and the intention is right, that really doesn't matter.
- [45:05]
A
Yeah, it feels like as a woman we reach this point that we're like, okay, my type isn't working and I need to prioritize something else besides physical attraction. Because if that's the number one thing, then you're gonna Go for like the hot fuckboy guy. Right. And then so eventually I have to move on and prioritize other things. But then it sometimes feels like. And I see the conversations my friends is like, but I'm not attracted to this person. Do you think attraction can grow over time? Like, you can just like. But they're such a good person. So I'm gonna, like, fall in love with that.
- [45:38]
B
I do. But I think it's a case to case by case scenario. I mean, if somebody's completely. You're just like, I'm not into this person at all. Yeah, probably should listen to that. But if they're cute and they're a vibe and they're. They're beautiful, I think that attraction can grow because, you know, again, shout out to my. I just had a. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna bring it on the podcast. But after, like a lot of times, like on a sexual. From a sexual standpoint, once you get past the sexual charge and energy of connecting, a lot of times for men, that attraction will, like, dissipate. We'll be super sexually charged, energetically attracted to that woman, and then that energy will dissipate. My father, this is why I was laughing, he would call it the afternoon discussion or the afternoon discussion room. And I say this because a lot of times initial attraction is predicated on sexuality, but there are deeper levels of attraction, deeper levels of intimacy that come online beyond sexuality. Sexuality is like the entry point for a lot of people's connections or relating. And then sexuality can also be super, super deep. But again, as I was Speaking earlier, about 20 years from now, is it going to be all about my woman being this perfect 10? It's not. It's going to be the soul connections that we have. It's going to be the shared stories that we have. It's going to be the trials and tribulations that we have. One of the most attractive things for me, especially, like going through both of my parents dying, was the women that were there for me when I was going through some of the most challenging moments of my life. That's attractive. And so it's important to remember, like, the initial attraction oftentimes dissipates. But what keeps people around is all the other levels of attraction that come online when we open our doors for that. And to be 100 with you, like, some of the most beautiful women that I've met or some of the most beautiful women that I've dated haven't been the most attractive on the inside. And that is something that is, like, really important for me to always remember. It's like, as men, we oftentimes see the shiny object, but in knowing that it's only skin deep and. And what. What lies beneath the surface is truly where the magic is. That. That, again, really changes the. The. The texture of how. How to relate.
- [48:25]
A
How can we know the difference between a boy and a man?
- [48:29]
B
The power in that question really lies in the aspects of initiation. And I feel like what truly creates the bridge from a boy to a man is the initiatory practices in the society that he, quote, unquote, you know, is raised in. Unfortunately, in the west, many men have never been initiated. Our initiations in the west are getting drunk. Our initiations in the west are getting paid. Our initiations in the west are, you know, having sex. Our initiations in the west are like fraternities, gangs. Yeah, yeah. Whereas, like, in indigenous culture, there it was a definitive moment where you were no longer a boy, and it was then time to become a man. One of my favorite psychotherapists, Francis Weller, speaks about this concept called suspended adolescence. And he says that a lot of. There's a lot of grown boys in men's bodies or boys in men's bodies. It's like little boys running grown men machinery, little girls running grown woman machinery. I think without the proper initiations, without the proper rites of passage, it's really hard for a man to become a man. Now life is going to initiate you. You're going to go through heartbreak. Some of my greatest initiations were heartbreak. Shout out to all my master teachers, the women that held space when I was both at my best and at my worst death is going to initiate you. Loss is going to initiate you. Society and the craziness of the world is going to initiate you. And so I feel like part of the. Like, when we're here long enough on earth, inevitably certain initiations are going to happen that are going to give us the opportunity to mature into a fully formed adult when it comes to men. This is why it is so important for men to be around embodied men. This is why it's so important for men to surround themselves with communities that are going to hold them accountable. This is why there are so many grown boys in these spiritual communities that we continue to hear about that are, like, completely desecrating the sacred and the feminine because there's nobody holding them accountable. So when we surround ourselves with a community of accountability, initiation is the byproduct. The little boy has to change. He has to transform. He has to Grow up. And again, I think that a lot of men are being called into their fully formed manhood. Will it all happen at once? No. But I think that there is a shift beginning to happen. And I think the same thing for women. It's really beautiful to see so many of my soul sisters standing in their feminine and embodying who they are, standing in their, their power and sharing their sensuality in a way that is true to them and speaking their truth. You know, we, we truly are standing on the shoulders of our ancestors. And it is really beautiful to see conversations like what we're having right now being had. Because this is new. This is not something that has taken place in the past as often as it is as it is now.
- [51:56]
A
So yeah, I remember when I sat with the medicine of Wachuma, it was a huge initiation for me from girlhood to womanhood. And she was showing me all the ways that girl consciousness lived inside of me. And look, girl consciousness, super fun. It's playful, but it's very appearance focused and void of responsibility and wants attention. Look at me. And it was showing me all of all the ways that lived in me. And you know, I was with my ex husband since I was 24 years old. So I. And then I was in a four year relationship before that, so I never had twenties. I was like a married woman, you know. And so it was almost like once I got divorced, I was like, oh, I get to like go to Trinidad and like wear this outfit. I want to do that. You know. And then it was like, okay, fine. It was like you had you're fun and you're a woman. And it was like an elder initiating me. And it was so helpful and healing and beautiful. And now I get to play with my little girl, like the girl in me and, and have fun with her, but she's not like ruling the show. It's like an archetype I can step into. So how do you feel that we can. If we're not in tribes anymore, how can we self initiate ourselves into womanhood?
- [53:08]
B
The essence of initiation was never just for the individual. In indigenous sense, initiating an individual was for the community. And so the community had a vested interest in that individual being initiated. And in our society, a lot of times we think that it's an individualistic pursuit. When we talk about I want to be initiated or I want to unlock or I want to get to that next level, I think the foundation of initiation is community. And for women, it's so important to build a community of women around you, whether it's just one of your homegirls or it's something deeper than that. But there's a lot of women beginning to gather. And these are the questions that come to the table and come to the altar of these gatherings is like, what does it mean to be initiated? What does it mean to be a woman? As a man, I would never in a million years try to tell a woman how to be a woman. Like, let me not even step into that realm, but I can, with so much love, hold the space for my soul sisters to go do their work. And the same thing for men. It's important that we surround ourselves in community so that we are being challenged and also called out when we are not living from alignment and living from integrity. You know, the other essence of initiation is trial and tribulation. And so I believe that there's a lot of fertile soil when we start to look at our traumas. You know, each and every one of us, regardless of our background, has been through some really challenging things. It's in those challenging things that there's gems and jewels. There are morsels of initiation in all of those. And so it's really important to remember that nothing happened to you. It happened for you. And this can be hard when we talk about some of the deeper traumas, you know, sexual traumas, racially charged traumas, societal traumas. But the moment we can shift the energy from happening to us, happening for us, that's the moment that the seeds of initiation begin to come online, because then we take the power back from that, and it becomes fertile soil for us to really begin to stand in and blossom from that space.
- [55:23]
A
And.
- [55:24]
B
And I think the other thing that is really important when it comes to the unlock is to really have a curious and inquisitive mind. Critical thinking is a lost art in this day and age, and a lot of people do not question why they believe what they believe. One of the questions I love is, if nobody believed what you believe, but you would you still believe it. So it's like one of the beautiful things that come aligned through deep inquiry is a deeper understanding of self. There's an ancient quote that goes, you know, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The second part of that quote is, when the student is really ready, the teacher will disappear. And so continuing to go in and just ask the big questions, get the support, get the therapists, the medicines, both in plant form and in human form, they all are essential. And the thing is, there's no magic pill. Again, I started our talk today with the quote that goes, the longest journey you'll ever go on is the 18 inches from the head to the heart. That could be a 20, 30 year journey. I mean, at least for me. It's taken me 20 years to get to a space where I'm good inside, where I know myself. A lot of people want the easy pass, the quick fix, but things take time. And it takes time to fall back in love with yourself. It takes time to, like, rewrite the stories and rewrite the narratives. It takes time to elevate the standards that one lives by. But it's. It's so worth it. The work works. One just has to do the work. And it's inspiring to see more and more people that I know truly coming to life and bringing their light online in a really beautiful way.
- [57:09]
A
Yeah. What I'm really hearing is the importance of patience. And I feel we're so used to things, you know, even spirituality, instant manifestation, thinking. And it happens. And it's definitely not the path of love.
- [57:21]
B
Right.
- [57:21]
A
You know, it takes time, like, just healing, truly healing from heartbreak takes way longer than people think.
- [57:28]
B
Takes forever.
- [57:29]
A
It takes a lot. Age, ages, truly. Seasons. There's so many seasons of it. And then, like, layers of being single and, like, really understanding who you are outside of any kind of influence. And there are depths and depths. And as you go further, you're like, wow, I'm such a different person than one month ago. And so thank God that version of me didn't get into the relationship because I hadn't healed. This little thing that now and then it keeps going. And then you're like, wait, but this is just gonna go on forever. So do I ever even get into relationships? I still keep healing. And it's like, God will show you.
- [58:01]
B
God will show you.
- [58:02]
A
You know, it's like when you're ready, they'll appear, and if they're appearing, you're ready even if you think you're not.
- [58:06]
B
That's it.
- [58:07]
A
And it's like, I always loved this, that, like, we can, you know, plan so much in life, but there are two things that we can't. Love and death.
- [58:15]
B
That's it.
- [58:16]
A
Those are the two things you cannot plan the timing for.
- [58:19]
B
That's it.
- [58:20]
A
And I feel like we often think, okay, well, I did the work, he's not here. It didn't work. And it's like there was another little cavity of the work that, like, you need to heal this, to heal this, to heal this, to heal this, and then have this heartbreak to create the synergy of this. That led to that. And it always makes sense in retrospect when you're in it. It's like I said no to the pattern. It's like, oh, this whole new identity in you needs to emerge that takes this many months to incubate. And it's like all these different. It's like chemistry and all these different levels of each little concoction that needs to happen. And then you meet the person and then a whole new journey starts. Race Synopsis and that is love, my friends.
- [59:04]
B
A question that I often like to ask people is, can you love yourself enough to struggle? Because there is struggle involved in every stage of it. Every stage of it.
- [59:12]
A
Struggle in the new relationship, struggle in the old relationship, struggle in the same. Just choose, you know, that's.
- [59:18]
B
That's it. It's. It's a struggle to pick up something new. It's a struggle to lay down the old. I mean it. Struggle is a part of the journey. But love creates space for the struggle to happen. And in the struggle, something new is formed, something new is born.
- [59:37]
A
I'm curious if you have in your human design the channel of struggle. I have it. And you might have it too. I think it's like your spleen and the root. I don't know if you know about human design connecting.
- [59:46]
B
I'm almost positive I have that.
- [59:47]
A
I have it too. And we learn all of our things through struggle. Because I'm like, I like a fellow brother that likes the struggle. That's a good one. Yes. I do feel we're in a new era of relating. Right. The old model of marriage, till death do us part. This is what it is. You don't. It's not working. What do you see as this new paradigm of relationship? What does it look like to you?
- [60:08]
B
I'm old school. I love the idea of one and going deep with one. But I don't feel like it's this old school mentality of the matriarch being suppressed by the patriarch. I feel like it's a collaboration. I feel like it is two sovereign humans coming together to co create magic. I feel like when a man is open to the magic of the feminine, she blossoms and she nourishes. And when a woman is open to the magic of the masculine, he protects and he reinforces purpose with precision. And I feel like that is the magic that is coming online. It's so beautiful to be able to sit with so many of my soul sisters and have such deep, inviting conversations. It's so cool to see so many women aware of Their wounds and to be able to say, you know what, this is something that I need to shift and I need to change. And again, I feel like intimacy and texture of relating is changing and transforming rapidly. I feel like the more and more people that are doing the work, the more and more these relationships that are coming online are going to be truly cosmic on all levels and create energy and love that we've never, ever seen. And I'm excited to be a part of it. I'm excited to continue to hold the frequency of love and trust that love is intelligent and love is hyper intelligent and all we have to do is surrender to it.
- [61:31]
A
Yeah. If there's anything I've learned, it is to trust the intelligence of love because it knows things that we don't. And maybe you two were meant to meet to have certain conversation or create this thing or like hurt each other in a specific way. And it's like Cupid is working up there, shooting his arrows like, you too. You got some work to do. Okay, Complete. Here's the paradox of it. But then the pattern. Trust, the intelligence of love. But also don't fall into the pattern that you're so familiar with. That's the dichotomy right there.
- [61:59]
B
That's it. That's it.
- [62:01]
A
And that's everything in life, but especially in love. I mean, sometimes it breaks my heart that I'm like, we humans just want to love so badly. Like, we're here to love, but then all of our pain and struggle, like, comes from said love. And then we're like, I guess we'll have to do without it in this lifetime, but we want to so bad. I'm like, God, what kind of game is this? You know? Hurt us so bad to think we want to do the most.
- [62:26]
B
It's, it's, it's the power of love.
- [62:30]
A
The power of love.
- [62:32]
B
That's it. Everybody thinks that it's supposed to be like roses and rainbows and care bears. It's deep, it's depth. That's why love is, is the mission, because it is all encompassing and pulls us deeper and deeper into life when we truly live and lead from love.
- [62:51]
A
Have you ever thought about just like being a monk and just like not having any kind of relationship? Just like completely devoting yourself to God, I feel, because sometimes I think that's my path.
- [63:04]
B
There's that path. I mean, that path is an option.
- [63:06]
A
Like, I'm maybe just here to be a priestess this lifetime.
- [63:10]
B
I'm choosing the feminine.
- [63:13]
A
Yeah, okay, but have you ever felt that, like, when you're maybe in between things that you're just like, you know what? I'm actually really good on my own. Like, I can just be without a relationship in this life.
- [63:22]
B
Me personally, I'm so good on my own. All my close friends, they are used to me disappearing by myself, chopping wood, carrying water. I call it the God Pocket, where I'm just in this, like, isolated, concentrated energy of myself. My work is in relation. That's where my deepest work is. I'm so good with just my.
- [63:42]
A
And I feel like men are more likely to be like that. They're so good on their own. That, like, relationship opening their heart. That's where the work is. Whereas women, we're naturally more. A little bit. And we want to be around the people and stuff that, like, it was the hardest thing ever for me to learn to be alone. It was so hard. I was just like, please, anyone who wants to stay with me, just, I'm not alone, you know? And took, like, really two years, I would say, to, like, really love my aloneness and to realize that being alone doesn't even exist because you're always with God. Yeah. After. Because I was so used to living with someone, sleeping next to someone, just knowing someone was there. And so then, like, just like, wow, I'm really here. Like, especially traveling. I'm like, I'm in a new country that no one even knows my name here. Like, it was just crazy. And I really threw myself into that. And when I would go into this deep feeling of, like, feeling alone, I realized that ultimately, I'm never alone because I'm all one. Like, I'm always one with. With God. And realizing that I'm always, like, having fun with myself, like, my thoughts, you know, I can create things. And it's so much better to be alone where I can do. Think of anything I want than in a conversation with someone that I have to, like, you know, dim my light for. And so now, finally being at this place where I love my aloneness, it almost feels like, okay, like, I finally made it here. Like, maybe this is it. Maybe I'm just here to be of service. And. And that's the path. But obviously from having this conversation, that's not it.
- [65:08]
B
For some, that is the path, and that's something that they choose. I think for most, they really, really thrive being in relation and in community. And there's nothing more beautiful.
- [65:19]
A
I mean, me and Christine are, like.
- [65:20]
B
In our platonic relationship, running around Bali, like. Yeah. Flexing.
- [65:25]
A
I think as women we, like, historically have always Lived with, like groups of women and in tribe. And so it is much more difficult. But it does feel like going back to the beginning. Women feeling like it's either going into a toxic relationship or being alone. So I'll choose being alone. And I hope what this conversation is giving is it doesn't have to be that.
- [65:46]
B
That it doesn't have to be that. Take both of those scenarios out unless they are, well, first take out the toxic relationship from here on out.
- [65:55]
A
Yes.
- [65:56]
B
Although, you know, we will repeat the pattern that is comfortable to us and familiar to us until we shift what's needed inside to stop repeating the pattern. But we deserve to be in beautiful relationships. And I think that it's time for women to start to change the words that they tell themselves. You know, words are magic. So if all of my soul sisters out there are saying there's no good men, you're casting that spell again and again and again. There are so many good men. That's a better spell. I deserve love, I deserve peace. That's a beautiful spell. I'm going to meet somebody that sees me and that is down to dance with me in all the ways. And my wounds are not too much for, you know, this individual. It's important to entertain a different narrative than that there's no good men because there's so many beautiful men and there's so many beautiful women out there. And it's all vibration when we really, I mean, people are like, oh, there he goes again on this vibration thing. But it really is. It really is like we attract what we are. And so that is the, the bitter, the bitter truth pill that, that is hard for some people to, like, swallow is like the fastest way to change your reality is to change yourself. And so if you're not attracting what you desire, it's time to switch some things up. Maybe that means the next cute guy that you see, you just go and spit some game.
- [67:32]
A
Hi, how are you?
- [67:34]
B
Hi, how are you?
- [67:35]
A
Hello. I'm never going to do that, but thank you for that wonderful suggestion. Last question I want to ask you is, do you believe in soulmates? Just been asked casually, do you believe it's like you heal and you're just a match and there's all these different people, or it's like you heal and like they're on their healing journey and you both need to be a certain level of heal for you to come into harmony.
- [67:57]
B
The definition of soulmate, I feel like it switches between people. Everybody has their own definition for it. But I believe that. But I'VE had three soulmates already. My first love showed me when I was, like, 20. She showed me how much I didn't know about love at all. That was her lesson, and it changed me forever. My second love, which was when I was, like, 32, was all about showing me how to receive love. And a few years ago, my final soulmate was all about teaching me to finally love myself. And so they were essential to my. My soul's journey. Heartbreaking. Every one of them blew me up inside. But they were all so sacred. And I do look at them as my master teachers. And every morning during my sadhana, I give them gratitude because I wouldn't be who I am without. Without them. And so another message just, all y' all out there, if you're going through heartbreak, hopefully eventually one day you'll look back and see them as your master teachers as well. Because God gives us exactly what we need, I believe, on all levels. And sometimes it just takes time for the lessons to become integrated.
- [69:18]
A
Do you believe the person that we end up with is a soulmate or the soul mates are, like, preparation, and we can end up with whoever?
- [69:25]
B
I believe so, yeah. I mean, I think that. I think we can have multiple soulmates. Some would argue you only have one, but I definitely believe that each person comes in our lives as a lesson and as a teacher for our souls. And so I think that fits the definition of soulmate.
- [69:42]
A
Yeah.
- [69:43]
B
And whether or not we end up with just that person, that one soulmate, or we have many in our lifetime, I think that it's a case by case scenario.
- [69:52]
A
Yeah. I mean, there's so much conversation around twin flames and soulmates and sacred union, and everyone has their own unique perspective. But I agree with you. I do feel we have multiple soulmates, different chapters of our lives teaching us different lessons that only that texture can. I can also see people taking very step back of, like, okay, so I'm just gonna, like, wait around for my soulmate to pop up. And I do. Maybe sometimes there's an instant love at first sight attraction in chemistry, but I think sometimes you. Yeah, maybe your soulmate was like the milkman every day that you're not paying attention to until one day, you know, Proactivity is huge. Yeah.
- [70:26]
B
Like, just getting out there, getting out there and, like, changing the reality, changing the narrative. You know, a lot of people live like Groundhog Day. I don't know if you've seen that movie that might be dating myself, but, like, every day, waking up, same thing, same routine, same behaviors. It's so cool that as humans, all we got to do is just choose a different narrative, choose a different reality, and everything can shift.
- [70:45]
A
Absolutely.
- [70:46]
B
And so get out there. And this is all my soul sisters who are going to be listening to this, who. Get up there. There's great guys out there. Stop holding back.
- [70:53]
A
Okay, so we're waiting for your directory of everyone's Instagram.
- [70:57]
B
Oh, I need.
- [70:58]
A
We'll have it in the show notes. We're gonna go to that gathering that you're gonna put together.
- [71:04]
B
Have you ever.
- [71:04]
A
Yeah.
- [71:05]
B
Eligible.
- [71:06]
A
Yeah. Have you ever thought of doing that eligible gentleman, little speed dating thing?
- [71:10]
B
I mean, I definitely could be. Could.
- [71:12]
A
That would be fun.
- [71:13]
B
Put something together like that.
- [71:14]
A
Okay, great. Well, you heard it here first. Okay. Everyone listening gets a ticket. All right, well, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, your incredible words. I know you have a book coming out, so when we have that link, we will share that. Appreciate it. And I'll share his Instagram as well. He has such beautiful poetry so you guys can follow. And thank you for being an embodiment of the divine masculine. It's so needed. Your words are like nectar. I receive. I feel my heart chakra opening. I'm healing. Thank you so much.
- [71:43]
B
It's an honor. And continue to shine your light and continue to share your truth and continue to shine this beautiful example of embodied feminine. And your words really resonate. It's such an honor to finally be able to connect with you. I know we've been oscillating in each other's frequencies for quite some time, but it's always amazing to be in presence with such an incredible individual. And what's really cool is oftentimes you, like, see people online, and when you meet them, you're, like, kind of let down. What's been cool about connecting with you is, like, you are all that and more. You vibrate so high. And what you put out there, how you live, who you are, is, like, truly embodied, and it's really beautiful to witness. So thank you for inviting me on and keep shining your light.
- [72:31]
A
Thank you so much. Likewise. And thank you all so much for tuning in. So if you love this episode, send it to the group chat. You know, have a conversation on there. Like, what do you guys think? Like, should we say, hi, how are you? To, like, random guys at the gym? Should we try that and have a conversation about, this is how we raise collective consciousness? Because it's so true. I mean, we can get into these, like, negative loopholes with our friends, and I feel like this is just, like, breath of fresh air here. It was very well needed after the solo cast I recorded today. I'm not gonna let you listen to those. So please review this this podcast, share it as a free gift. I'll send you my Womb meditation. Please leave a comment if you're watching this on YouTube. It's also on video Spotify video as well. And subscribe so you stay in the flow for future episodes. All right, thank you so much and I'll see you in the next one. Trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner guidance Close your eyes and listen. So trust your intuition Trust your inner wisdom Trust your inner gardens.