History Extra Podcast: "The 93 Penises of the Bayeux Tapestry"

Release Date: April 24, 2025
Host: Dave Musgrove
Guest: Professor George Garnett, Oxford University

Introduction

In the intriguing episode titled "The 93 Penises of the Bayeux Tapestry," host Dave Musgrove engages in a captivating conversation with Professor George Garnett from Oxford University. The discussion revolves around Garnett's groundbreaking research on the Bayeux Tapestry, specifically focusing on the unusually high number of penises depicted within this medieval masterpiece.

Unveiling the Uncounted: The Penises of the Bayeux Tapestry

[02:00] Dave Musgrove:
“Historians have counted a lot of things in the Bayeux Tapestry—animals, ships, hands, plants. But nobody had counted the amount of penises within it until Oxford historian Professor George Garnett took on the challenge a while back.”

Professor Garnett explains that while various elements of the tapestry have been meticulously cataloged, the presence of penises, particularly in the bottom border, had been largely overlooked until his detailed study.

[03:35] Professor George Garnett:
“Lots of scholars have counted virtually everything else in the Bayeux Tapestry. Animals, horses, dogs, donkeys, ships, houses, churches. And one of the striking things about the tapestry is the number of penises which appear in the bottom border, which people had previously thought to be simply decorative.”

The Findings: A Detailed Tally

Professor Garnett reveals his comprehensive count, identifying a total of 93 penises within the tapestry:

• 88 are attached to horses, indicating stallions.
• 5 are associated with human figures.

[04:24] Professor George Garnett:
“Most of them are horse penises. There are a vast number of well-endowed horses, but curiously, the other animals... are not depicted with penises. So we've got, I think, 88 attached to horses and a further possibly 5 attached to men.”

Interpreting the Symbolism: Beyond Decoration

Delving deeper, Garnett theorizes that the exaggerated depiction of penises serves a symbolic purpose rather than mere decoration. He suggests that these representations are deliberate allusions to themes of masculinity, power, and perhaps even subversion of the Norman conquest narrative.

[08:37] Professor George Garnett:
“I think that the designer is only interested in three of those 88. I think the rest, the remaining 85, are just to demonstrate that the horses in question are stallions.”

Further exploring the human figures, Garnett identifies specific instances where male genitalia are prominently displayed, linking them to Aesop's Fables and suggesting underlying messages about deceit, betrayal, and shameful actions within the tapestry's narrative.

[12:46] Professor George Garnett:
“Steve White is correct, that these are alluding to particular fables of Aesop. And I don't think there's much point in me going into detail about what is being recounted in each of those fables. But obviously, sexual activity is involved in every case. It is sexual activity which involves deceit or shame.”

Symbolic Hierarchies: Horses and Their Significance

The conversation transitions to the role of horses in the tapestry, particularly focusing on key historical figures like Duke William and King Harold II. Garnett posits that the size of the horses' penises symbolizes their importance and prowess, subtly reinforcing William’s ultimate victory over Harold.

[09:54] Professor George Garnett:
“I think the designer is male. He depicts Earl Harold, ultimately King Harold II, who is defeated in the battle on a horse with a much larger penis than Odo of Bayeux's horse. And by far the biggest is that of Duke William, who will be victorious in the battle.”

[10:26] Professor George Garnett:
“Might we imagine, then, it's similar to a very rich man having a posh sports car. Is that the sort of line that we're seeing there?”

[10:33] Professor George Garnett:
“I suppose so, yes.”

Authorship and Intended Audience: Decoding the Designer's Intent

Garnett delves into the probable intentions behind the tapestry's design, suggesting that the inclusion of such explicit imagery was a sophisticated method of embedding critiques or alternative narratives about the Norman conquest.

[18:22] Professor George Garnett:
“You're seeing them everywhere. I must be careful.”

He hypothesizes that the designer was highly educated, likely male, and well-versed in literary traditions such as Aesop's Fables, which allowed for layered storytelling and subtle subversion of official histories.

[18:34] Professor George Garnett:
“I think whoever designed it was learned. I've said that I think he was almost certainly a man.”

Furthermore, Garnett discusses the probable English origin of the designer, citing the use of English spellings and the blending of Latin and English in captions, indicating a nuanced approach to the tapestry's creation.

[23:07] Professor George Garnett:
“I think whoever designed it almost certainly drafted the captions... it's being very carefully designed by somebody in order to convey a number of messages.”

Contemporary Reactions and Scholarly Impact

Professor Garnett shares the mixed reactions his research has garnered within academic circles and the broader public. While some colleagues found his work entertaining, others criticized it, leading to debates about the role of gender studies in historical research.

[29:04] Professor George Garnett:
“My academic colleagues were mostly very entertained that I had at last moved into gender history... The Daily Mail picked it up and in their comments somebody was sounding off about the fact that professors at Oxford are paid to do this sort of thing.”

Despite the backlash, Garnett stands firm in his interpretation, emphasizing the significance of uncovering hidden layers within historical artifacts.

Conclusion: Rethinking Historical Narratives

As the episode wraps up, Professor Garnett underscores the importance of his findings in challenging and enriching our understanding of the Bayeux Tapestry. By decoding the symbolic imagery, historians can gain a more nuanced perspective of the Norman conquest and the societal attitudes of the time.

[27:29] Professor George Garnett:
“It is the document written in code. And as I've already said, Phaedrus, the translator of Aesop, says that that's the point of Aesop's Fables in the first place, to convey messages obliquely.”

[28:45] Professor George Garnett:
“He wanted to convey his serious doubts about the standard story which was told to justify the Norman conquest of England... an equivocal, highly learned attempt to subvert official history.”

Dave Musgrove concludes the episode by directing listeners to further resources, including Professor Garnett's full article and additional content available exclusively to History Extra Plus subscribers.

Key Takeaways

• Innovative Research: Professor Garnett's study highlights the Bayeux Tapestry's complexity, revealing 93 penises as symbols rather than mere decorations.

• Symbolism and Power: The depiction of genitalia, especially on horses, serves as a metaphor for power dynamics and the legitimacy of the Norman conquest.

• Subversion of Narrative: The tapestry subtly challenges the official narrative of the conquest through encoded messages linked to Aesop's Fables.

• Academic Discourse: Garnett's findings spark discussions on gender history's role in interpreting medieval artifacts, emphasizing the evolving nature of historical scholarship.

• Broader Implications: This analysis encourages a reevaluation of historical documents, advocating for a more intricate understanding of the societal and cultural nuances of the past.

For those eager to delve deeper into the "93 penises of the Bayeux Tapestry" and explore more salacious aspects of early medieval history, exclusive bonus content is available for History Extra Plus subscribers. Visit HistoryExtra.com to subscribe and unlock six months of full access for just 99p.