Simon Bolivar & Wok n Rollin In Venezuela | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas - "Simon Bolivar & Wok n Rollin In Venezuela"

January 8, 2026
Hosts: Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas
Special Guest: Mariana Atencio

---

Main Theme & Overview

Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas launch their first episode of 2026 with their signature mix of history, irreverence, and quick-witted banter. This episode centers on Simón Bolívar—his life, vision, and the region's ongoing struggle for unity—while connecting Bolivar’s legacy to Venezuela’s modern crisis. The recent U.S.-led extraction of Venezuelan leader Nicolás Maduro provides the episode’s modern hook, and the topic is enriched by the insights of Venezuelan journalist and former Yannis cohost, Mariana Atencio. Along the way, the Hyenas lampoon everything from AI’s threat to historians to the migration of Venezuelans and intersperse comedy with sharp cultural commentary.

---

Episode Structure & Key Segments

1. New Year Vibes and Show Format Shift (01:29–03:11)

• The hosts celebrate 2026, poke fun at Asian intelligence stereotypes, and recall making New Year's resolutions they didn’t keep.
• Announce a new format: "Rather than coming in with prepared history bits, we're just going to ask Grok and react to what Grok tells us, and we're going to learn along with you. And that is the new show. And suck my ass if you don't like it." (Chris, 02:07)
• Mutual self-deprecation: research wasn’t their strong suit, so they invite the audience to learn alongside them.

Quote:

“We never really get it right anyway, so why don’t we just learn it with you at the same time? We are as dumb as the audience.”
(Yannis, 02:29)

---

2. Maduro, Venezuela, and Audience Banter (12:01–21:13)

• Extended bit on the diversity and status of Latin America and their own crew’s New Year's tallies.
• Ramp up to Venezuela discussion by joking about European vs. Indigenous “good” and “bad” Spanish speakers.
• Set up for discussion of Simón Bolívar as “the Spanish George Washington” and frame Venezuela’s ongoing struggle for unity.

---

3. Simón Bolívar: The Liberator, Dreams, and Challenges (16:44–22:15, 53:35–62:23)

Biographical Highlights:

• Simón Bolívar (b. 1793, Caracas) was a wealthy, Creole (white Spanish descent) kid.
• Wanted to unify Colombia, Venezuela, Ecuador, Peru into a “United States” of South America.
• Nicknamed El Libertador; led armies, liberated multiple countries from Spain.
• Inspired by George Washington/French Revolution but failed to unite the continent due to language, cultural, and geographic divides.

Key points:

• Creole elites like Bolívar were looked down on by Spanish-born citizens.
• Unification impossible, unlike in the U.S., because “there wasn't that many cultures or languages. Everyone spoke English besides Native Americans. And they were leaving...” (Yannis, 18:28)
• Bolívar believed in strong central authority as a temporary step, but fragmentation prevailed.

Quote:

“He wanted to unite Venezuela, all these countries... but the problem was too, too much, too diverse, too much, much infighting. And so he... wanted to make himself the dictator, a benign dictator until Latin America can mature into democracy.”
(Yannis, 56:30)

Comedic Drift:

• Chris riffs: “For now, I'm just going to ask anybody who's just got a leaf around their dick if they could just wait outside...” (Chris, 58:37)

---

4. Nicolás Maduro: U.S. Extraction and Venezuela's Crisis (27:17–52:14)

Patreon Promo (skip ad content)

Setting the Scene:

• The unfolding drama of the U.S. orchestrating the removal of Nicolás Maduro is discussed, with context about his contested leadership and international alliances.
• Widespread laughter at "white people" protesting for Maduro—“there's not a single Venezuelan in those protests.” (Mariana, 33:00)

Mariana Atencio Interview (28:13–37:33)

• Peabody-winning journalist, Venezuelan expat, calls in for a grounded summary.

Key Insights from Mariana:

• Maduro’s removal shocked him; he underestimated Trump's intention.
• Venezuelans overwhelmingly celebrate his ouster: “Every single Venezuelan, truly, or the vast majority are ecstatic...” (Mariana, 30:31)
• U.S. media criticized for featuring non-Venezuelan protesters: “Are they actually, like, interviewing real Venezuelans about this?” (Mariana, 33:00)
• The population in Venezuela is under threat of repression, while the diaspora in Miami and Spain celebrates.
• On outside influences: “We were giving all of our cheap gas to Cuba, Russia, China, Iran... I would gladly welcome American companies coming in and rebuilding an industry.” (Mariana, 34:41)

Memorable Banter:

• Chris flirts playfully: “I would ruin my life to have an empanada with you in downtown Caracas.” (Chris, 36:24)
• Mariana: “That is a promise that in a free Caracas we're gonna do it. And we may even host a podcast episode down there. Who knows?” (Mariana, 36:47)

---

5. Modern Latin America: Migration, U.S. Policy, and ‘Pick Your Poison’ (39:01–52:27)

• Discuss the complications of U.S. foreign involvement—refugee flows, nation-building consequences.
• Nick (producer) offers the street-level gripe about new migrants, “They're not coming to fucking Farmingdale… they're coming to my neighborhood, Roosevelt Avenue, and I can't fucking stand it…” (Nick, 40:21)
• Chris and Yannis acknowledge Venezuelan happiness yet debate America’s role: “There's a good argument to be made that it never really works out exactly the way we want it.” (Yannis, 40:54)
• Wrap by observing that controlling Venezuela's oil benefits someone—America or China/Russia/Iran—and U.S. actions are simply choosing their preferred evil.

---

6. Bolívar’s Legacy: Successes, Failures, and Modern Relevance (53:35–62:23)

• Return to Bolívar’s elitism—only the “wealthy kids” had time to think about injustice.
  • “Poor people are just trying to survive.” (Yannis, 54:01)
• Covered his key campaigns (the Crossing of the Andes, liberation of Colombia), ultimate failure to unite the continent, and tragic early death (tuberculosis, age 47).
• Bolívar's “Grand Colombia” fell apart amid infighting, regional and ethnic divides, and lack of readiness for democracy.
• Chris: “It’s just hard…when, you know, you have guys out there that say the only way that you can really come to a decision is somebody has to go to the top of staircase and get their head cut off.” (Chris, 60:14)
• Bolivia is named for him, but much of the region remains politically and economically unstable.

---

7. Latin America's Economic Leaders & Safe Spots (62:23–66:20)

• Uruguay, Chile, Costa Rica cited as safest/best managed nations; Brazil is biggest economy.
• Guyana’s oil and the country’s unique Indian/Caribbean culture get a shout out.

---

8. Signature Hyena Bits: Fan Names & Closing Banter (67:13–end)

• Yannis and Chris riff on fan-submitted Patreon names, poking fun at offensive, absurd, or just hilarious entries.
• Typical banter: playful, self-effacing, and boundary-pushing.
• Naming the weekly “pseudo penis”—the honor for funniest/most outrageous new Patreon supporter—wraps it up.

---

Most Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On historians and AI:
  “In the top 10 jobs that will be probably not needed within the next decade, one of them like number eight was historian…all the history is just in the chat brain.” (Chris, 02:42)
• On the media’s Venezuela coverage:
  “Not every Venezuelan is happy! Look at these protesters against what they did to Maduro! …And then there's not a single Venezuelan in those protests.” (Mariana, 33:00)
• On Latin American unity:
  "He [Bolívar] wanted to build what he called a Grand Colombia, but it just didn’t work out. It was a little too chaotic...he ended up dying with no money." (Yannis, 59:33)
• Comedy highlight:
  “For now, I'm just going to ask anybody who's just got a leaf around their dick if they could just wait outside…” (Chris, 58:37)

---

Timestamps for Key Topics

• New Format & AI Talk: 02:05–03:11
• Latin America Banter/Spanish-Empire Take: 16:44–22:15
• Simón Bolívar’s Origin/Early Life: 17:11–18:36
• Mariana Atencio Interview (Venezuela Update): 28:13–37:33
• Discussion on U.S. Intervention & Continued Migration: 39:01–52:14
• Deep Dive: Bolívar’s Failures & Legacy: 53:35–62:23
• Economic Standouts: Uruguay, Chile, etc.: 62:23–66:20
• Closing Patreon Name Riffing: 67:13–end

---

Tone, Language, and Engagement

• Unfiltered, fast, and always comedic—Chris and Yannis toggle between real insight, offensive jest, and self-mockery.
• Candid, first-person accounts (illness, New Year’s resolutions, audience interaction at shows) keep the pod down-to-earth.
• Political commentary is laced with skepticism toward both American exceptionalism and simplistic left-right narratives.
• Mariana’s call grounds the episode, offering earnest analysis amid the Hyenas’ chaos.

---

Takeaways for Non-Listeners

• Learn about Simón Bolívar’s life, efforts to unify Latin America, and ultimate failure—framed through modern parallels.
• Get a rare, unfiltered Venezuelan perspective (via Mariana) on the widely cheered US toppling of Maduro—and the ignorance of much media coverage.
• Reflect on the persistent, complex, and often tragic legacy of colonialism, regional division, and foreign meddling in Latin America.
• Experience all of the above with the reckless, rollicking spirit of two comics who are as irreverent about history as they are about themselves.

---

For full comic effect and off-the-cuff energy, listen to the episode at:
History Hyenas Podcast
For in-depth Venezuelan context, follow guest Mariana Atencio's reporting.

Transcript

[A]

Babes, we got a great episode, the first one of 2026. We're going to be talking about Simone Bolivar. What's going on with Nicholas Maduro. And one of Giannis's old co hosts calls in.

[B]

Yes. Mariana Tencio, the esteemed Venezuelan journalist who used to be my co host at Fusion, calls in and gives us the scoop, the real scoop, on what's going on with Maduro and how actual Venezuelans feel about it. You can catch me on the road this weekend in Calgary, Alberta.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

And then you can catch me in Royal Oak, Michigan, which. It's a safer part of Detroit.

[A]

It's what it is. And you can see me this Saturday. I am in Charlestown, West Virginia. I am at a casino in Charlestown, West Virginia, where I have sold so few tickets I had to give money back to the vents. Enjoy the episode. That's just a true story.

[B]

Patreon.com history Hyenas, A lot of dub. White, brown and blackwoods.

[A]

It's what it is. And that's how we're starting the episode. Welcome to the first episode of the New Year. We are. We're just talking about how there aren't a lot of dumb Asian people. There's a lot of very smart Asian people. And I'll tell you where most of them are in the New York City area. They are at the steakhouse, Peter Luger's in Brooklyn. The most amount. It felt like Little Shanghai. I almost left calling it Peter Ruger's.

[B]

Yeah, they're there. They're in casinos. They're everywhere. In San Francisco, it looks like China invaded 10 years ago.

[A]

It's what it is. Welcome to 2026 New Year, New Me.

[B]

The Year of the Dragon.

[A]

This is the Year of the Dragon. And make no mistake, we're changing the concept of the show. Now, rather than coming in with prepared history bits, we're just going to ask Grok and react to what Grock tells us, and we're going to learn along with you. And that is the new show. And suck my ass if you don't like it.

[B]

Because, I mean. Yeah, I mean, we didn't officially change it to that. We were going to try it, but let's officially change it.

[A]

We just officially made a statement. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

We basically said, hey, listen, we are. We're tired of doing research because we never really get it right anyway, so why don't we just learn it with you at the same time? Because we are as dumb as the audience, so might as well just become the audience.

[A]

And that's what it is. And I also saw on one of those like revolving AI websites, whatever that always talking about like the doom and gloom of AI that in the top 10 jobs that will be probably not needed within the next decade, one of them like number eight was historian.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Historians, they're just saying are not needed because I mean all the history is just in the chat brain.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I could just talk to it like today I was talking to it about Simone Bolivar.

[B]

Right, right. Yeah. We just don't need historians anymore at all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We need are people who know how to juice up history a little bit. We need people who know to fictionalize it. We know the facts.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

We know what Hitler did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We need a nice closeted gay kid like Nick Fuentes to tell us to. That the kid had aura.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That the kid was cool.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We want an angle we didn't think of. We want an angle that the hundred thousand historians that studied original sources didn't come up with and that's that the kid had aura.

[A]

Let me tell you something too. We're just, we're back in our studio and we just saw our good friend who owns a Chris Italia who told me before the holidays that he was going to focus on losing weight. And I just saw him and he did not take that advice. I mean that kid is bowling ball.

[B]

It was a New Year's resolution that turned into a New Year's and not happening.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is a lot of what happens with New Year's resolution.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

I made a New Year's resolution that I was going to get down to my range acute, which is between 195 and 204.

[A]

10 pound 9 past cute is where you were ending off last year.

[B]

And then I ended up going to £15 past Q, which was when I was in the 2 twenties. I got food poisoning this weekend in San Francisco that shot me right back down to 2:14. So I don't know what you guys had on Cowshi, but food poisoning probably wasn't in your thinking and in your guessing, in your hypothesis for your gamble on what Yanni would look like. But the kids back to 2:14. So I am solidly obese.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But not dangerously obese.

[A]

Now here's the thing is I was talking to you while you were there in San Francisco. Shout out to all the history fans that went out to see Yanni and San Fran. Now I was talking to you during this time and what I was actually, because you were telling me how you Felt lightheaded and you don't. If you can get through it and you power through it, which I, as I told you, I mean, I look up to that. I couldn't believe that you could do that. I wouldn't have been able to do that, but it would have been fun. I would have really hoping for you to go do the shows and then get lightheaded and nearly pass out on stage. Because then that would mean in your 20 year career, you might be the first comedian ever to be carted out of his own show twice on a stretcher. You were carted out of the Comedy Connection, Providence, Rhode island, in 2019 on a stretcher. I got a call from your wife.

[B]

Is there anything funnier than getting carted out on a stretcher from a comedy club? But there's nothing physically wrong with you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I think from now on, my comedy shows should just have an EMT on site, just like at a marathon. Just.

[A]

I'll never forget, I was at my own gig. Okay. I was at my own gig. I believe I was in Baltimore. And I get, I look at my phone and I have three missed calls from your wife. And then I go to call her back, she doesn't pick up. And then I check my notifications. I was on Twitter at the time and about seven people said, yo, Yanni just went down and they were tagging me. And I said, what happened? I thought maybe he got shot. I had no idea. And then Brittany was like, hey, Giannis just passed out on stage. Do you know like if he took any medicine or anything like that? I said, the kid's wild is all I know.

[B]

I, I actually didn't go down. You know, I've never gone down. I never fainted. So. You never knocked me down, Ray. Yeah, you never knocked down.

[A]

Could you imagine paying? You know, you got your girl there, your wife, you got a couple of drink, you're there to see on, you're excited. And then within 90 seconds, the kids pass your table on a stretcher.

[B]

I got carted out on a stretcher.

[A]

10 out of 10.

[B]

Yeah. At a sold out show at the Comedy Connection where as I was leaving, a Greek guy handed me an icon and they stood up and clapped like I was a football player. Yeah.

[A]

Getting.

[B]

Getting let off the field, it was not one of my finer moments.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, now when you strapped in like around the.

[B]

Yeah, that's when we, you know, we talked about that Hijin as the first.

[A]

Right, Right. Yeah. We've got new members here and like we've Marcus really says you never stepped in the same river twice.

[B]

Yeah. And so that's where we came up with.

[A]

Now we can listen to this story without bubbling anger at each other. Yeah.

[B]

That's where we came up with Nets. No Nets. And that's right. Yes. We're holding. And then we decided to do a series called no Nets.

[A]

Johnny Nets. Yeah.

[B]

Did one with Shane Ghost before he was huge.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which we're gonna re release to use his name in the album. Why don't we take that down and rerelease?

[A]

Well, what's.

[B]

As if it's new.

[A]

What's great about Shane is he such like a comedy guy and a comedian through and through, is that he would. Even with all success, he would come back and do the show.

[B]

He will.

[A]

He just. And he'll say the same things. He doesn't care.

[B]

No, he'll say.

[A]

Which I love.

[B]

Yeah. But we could always just re release. I think we had him on like three times.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, dude, I did an episode with him. He was just sitting in my hotel room.

[B]

Yeah. We could re release the one with Nate, which was one of the worst episodes we ever had. It was just me and him fighting.

[A]

Yeah. I don't even think I was there.

[B]

No, you weren't there. No, it was just me and him having weird energy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So.

[A]

But we.

[B]

I love Nate and. Yeah.

[A]

So.

[B]

So that's how I started my new year.

[A]

That's how you started your new year with. But. But here's the thing. Is. Is what? Give it what? You know what. Giveth also taketh away. Because.

[B]

What do you mean? What? Jesus Christ giveth.

[A]

Jesus giveth all day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think that I. Because you did say to me that. And it's an interesting thing, you said that you weren't sure if it was food poisoning or just the fact you landed in San Francisco and it's just a high amount of Chinese people.

[B]

Yeah. Here's the thing. I was in San Fran and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna power through it. Yeah. There's a lot of power bottoms in the city. If they could take a big. I can take a little food. They got things going into their ass. I had things coming out of my ass. Which one of us was in worse shape. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I just powered through it like I was a little hairless Thai boy in the Castro.

[A]

It's what it is. Took it. You took it because you got a little thing we like to call yellow fever. Just kidding. Nick didn't laugh at that.

[B]

There Are loads of Chinese people there and they're beautiful people there that look like they want to have a conversation with you about some of the things that you might have tweeted. Yeah, they just want to talk to you about your tweets. They walk around like they have concerns about some of your opinions.

[A]

Yeah, it's just what it is. I texted Yanni. I said, you got to be happy to come at home. Big, big, big. You said, cuz I had a stomach bug big and had to muscle through shows. It was like the Jordan flu game but meant absolutely nothing and nobody cared. Garbage on side of the stage and diarrhea all day in hotel room during the rain. I said, yeah. I said worst things got to be anxiety going through the roof to get through shows. And you said, being good at this just doesn't matter anymore. The audience had a great time, but the, the hyena fans all wearing merch. Love them, but everybody just wants to be talked to. I said, yeah, the whole art form has become crowd work. What can you do? And then, and then we said, oh, then, oh, and then you actually, we are the sideline reporter. NFL sideline reporter Laura Rutledge was on the flight.

[B]

This is for the Patriot.

[A]

Right, but. Right, but I can say. I'm just saying she, she was mentioned. She was on the flight.

[B]

She was on the flight.

[A]

And that's all we talked about.

[B]

So we talked about that.

[A]

That's what we talked about. And then you said, yeah, go into.

[B]

The Patreon too early.

[A]

Let me just say this and then. Let me just say this. And then Jesse just put this because.

[B]

That, that little bit was Fun, fun, fun. Patreon.com history Hyenas will read.

[A]

So I'm going to read it now and just edit this and put [e-mail] history but it's just one.

[B]

Yeah, that's getting clipped out.

[A]

Yeah, clipped out, that Patreon.

[B]

Yeah. If you heard that that was on the main. And we clipped it out. We moved it. We did a little thing called the Maduro.

[A]

We took it from its home and.

[B]

We put it on an Apache helicopter and we moved it safely to the United States of america, which is patreon.com history.

[A]

Yeah, you said, you said, and this will also be a Patreon. You said. Yeah, it's just one.

[B]

No, but there was. Yeah. The kid that opened for me was his kid Paul. Very cool kid. He's a 6, 7 kid, used to hoop.

[A]

Right.

[B]

From Sacramento. Very funny.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And Chelsea featured as well. And she was extremely Extremely funny.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

[B]

So it was a good time. The shows were great. History hyena fans were great. One of the history hyena fans gave Chelsea the opener of $5 for some reason, and he gave her presents. For me some.

[A]

Yeah. Don't eat any of the. Just know if you. If we really appreciate the presence, but if you bake anything or make anything from your house, we just legally can't eat it. Yeah, I just can't take the chance.

[B]

There was about 10 to 15 people at the show in merch shirts.

[A]

Yes. So thank you for buying the merch.

[B]

Thank you for buying the merch. I mean, I don't even know do we get the money from. I don't even know how that works, though, the merch.

[A]

I don't know where it is or how to access it. I just know that the guy who runs through there. I just know that the guy who runs a merch company keeps wanting to have calls, and I don't want to have a call with anyone. I just don't want to deal with it. The merch is just not worth it.

[B]

But it's there for you if you're fat. We don't really make that much money off of it. It. But it doesn't matter.

[A]

Doesn't matter.

[B]

Get the merch. Yeah, you know, it'[e-mail]. it's at our website.

[A]

It's at History Hyenas is back dot com. Yeah, history. Or History hyenas pod dot com. It's what it is now. I just. Just quickly, just to catch up, because we haven't been, you know, we haven't seen anybody. We took a week off. We took a week off. So I'm so happy back. I do want to check Jesse and Nick's New Year's. Jesse, how was New Year's for you? What's going on in the Jewish community? Half Jewish, half Jewish.

[B]

Wait, can I guess your New Year's first? Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay. Woke up at about 9, 17 and 30 seconds.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Brush your teeth. Went to the refrigerator, got a bunch of the regular ordered smoothie material, which is a apple. Love apples. I love eating an omega apple tangerine, a couple of bananas. Yeah, some. Some whey protein. Like whey protein. It's good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put a little. Put a little creatine. Little creatine. A little zinc in there. A little zinc. Mix it up. Had a little smoothie. Right. Nodded to the. Nodded to the common law.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Said, how you doing? Got on the bike, Put the helmet On. Went to the studio, sat there, ate a tangerine. Ate a tangerine.

[A]

He loves tangerine.

[B]

Loves tangerine. Like tangerine. Bleep that out.

[A]

How many tangerines do you have in your house right now, Jesse? I'm actually off tangerines. I'm big on apples. Wow. Kiss back.

[B]

And he likes to call it Nike. He likes to call him nice crisp apple. He goes, you want a nice crisp apple?

[A]

Nice honey crisp.

[B]

Yeah. Nice honey crisp apple.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Eats a little fruit. He stares at his paintings a little bit. Right. He's got a podcast on in the background. Not a care in the world. Not an anxiety in the world. Waiting to have inspiration. Then he'll did a little bit.

[A]

Now tell me, tell me how that's not a wealthy, rich life. Tell me how that's Not a than 99.9% of the human population.

[B]

That is a better life.

[A]

Tell me he's not living a better life than Jeff Bezos right now.

[B]

The only person living a better life than him on New Year's Day who. What I'm basically saying is Jesse stuck to his routine and he will no matter what.

[A]

Which I. Which is longevity. That equals longevity.

[B]

The only person who had a better New Year's Day than Jesse is our friend Nick. Nick the Stick. Yes, Nick the Stick. Because Nick the Stick woke up. He woke up at about 3:45pm not from partying the night before, just from staying up and watching wrestling in Japan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where the time difference is different now, Nick.

[A]

I want to hear about Nick's New Year's and how.

[B]

Remember stone?

[A]

It was stoned. But I also, I want. I want to hear about everything besides the fact. Besides how many protests you went to to protest the arrest of Nicolas Maduro. I don't care about that.

[C]

I haven't done fucking anything. I haven't left the house. This is the first time I've left the house since New Year's.

[A]

Are you serious? Yeah.

[B]

Why did you get that? Lot of fortune at that Smooth.

[C]

Oh, I got it from. From Steve.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Steve. Cicconi rice a Roni.

[B]

Fuck yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Great hat, those. We'll take a picture of them with those. Are those. Are there.

[B]

Oh, you get a lot of 14 hat. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. So what? So are you being actually serious right now? You have not. Today's January six. Big day. Have you. Have you not. Have you. Have you not left the house since January 1st? For real? Five days.

[C]

No, I haven't. I've gone to Key Food and that's it. I have nowhere else to Go. And today is also three. The Three Kings Day.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[C]

Special day for all of us.

[A]

That's right. Yeah.

[B]

Three Kings Day.

[A]

It's the Spanish, but it's like the Puerto Rican Christmas. Yeah. I mean, it's what it is, right?

[B]

Yeah. But let's be honest, January 6th is really your Christmas.

[A]

That's my Christmas. Yeah, that's my Christmas.

[B]

Tell the people what you do on January 6th. What Chris likes to do is he likes to get a Nancy Pelosi pinata. Yeah. And he likes to put it up in the robe. And then he has the kids hit it. And then. And then the relatives come over and you and the kids like to zip tie all the relatives.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a recreation of a very holy night.

[A]

Yeah. What we do is on January six now is we watch a show called the Saints where they do all these autobiographies of the Saints. And that's on Fox Nation, Fox News. So we sit around, we watch that. And then also, this is also the year I've been engaged now for one year. Because I got engaged last year on January 6th, if you recall.

[B]

I don't recall, but that makes sense because it is a holy day.

[A]

Yeah. And this is what we call a Puerto Rican marriage, where you just stay engaged and never get married.

[B]

That's right. Today is going to be a day where we talk all things Latin American. All things Nick the Stick.

[A]

Yeah. We're calling. This is a big episode for Nick the Stick and his constituents, his Kinikowens. Is. Because is is.

[B]

Is.

[A]

We are. Nick is. Nick's fan group is called the Knickers. So. So Nick and his Knickers are. They're going to like this one because we're going to talk about all about Simone Bolivar, which not to be confused with Simone Biles, who are. Crack open.

[B]

She will get cracked open. The only, the only problem with Simone Biles is she's so little.

[A]

She's a squeak.

[B]

She's like 4, 6, 4, 7.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you really got to hold her up and put her on.

[A]

Yeah. But I'd still like to. Now, here's the interesting thing about Simone Bolivar. First of all, I was confusing him my whole life with Sergio's boy, Che Guevara. I always would get them confused. But, you know, Simone Boulevard was born in 1793. He's a colonial kid. He's a. You know that.

[B]

Yeah. And he's also what they call a Creole kid, which is another way to say he was a white kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was just a White Spanish kid. But much like the Montreal Quebecers, the mainland. Peninsula. What peninsula or whatever they called them were. The real Spanish looked at them like they were trash.

[A]

Trash.

[B]

Just the same way the French look at the Quebec.

[A]

Yeah. Like trash. Now, Simone Bolivar, which Elle called El Liberator. No, ella Libertador. The Liberator. Right, Nick. So he. What's interesting about him is the kid, he had a big idea, cuz he wanted to make all the Latin American countries, you know, Colombia, Venezuela. He was born in caracas, Venezuela, in 1793. He wanted to make all these countries, Ecuador, Peru. He wanted to make them like the United States, the La Estadocinidos. But they couldn't get it together and they couldn't become a country. Just like we almost didn't become a country, a unified country. We. There was a chance that the United States could have just been a bunch of different countries on the same landmass. Like South America is.

[B]

Yeah. You know, a lot simpler for George Washington to do it. First of all, because everyone was Protestant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There wasn't that many cultures or languages. Everyone spoke English besides Native Americans.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they were leaving.

[A]

He was like the Spanish George Washington. He was to a lot of the. Jorge Washington.

[B]

Yeah, he was.

[A]

And the North American, Hamilton.

[B]

Yeah. The North Americans had much, much lower population. And also they didn't have the Andes Mountains to kind of separate all these people.

[A]

Because you know what I like in Andes Mint. You ever have one of those?

[B]

No.

[A]

Chocolate? Andes mint.

[B]

No. I like Griffith. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I like Andy Garcia. Andy in the show Landman.

[B]

Yeah. He's a good guy. Yeah, yeah. He was terrible though, in the Godfather 14 or whatever it was, just didn't work. It was one too many.

[A]

So now you know, cuz. Because here's the thing about Spain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot of people forget that.

[B]

Stop calling me cuz. For this episode, call me Primo.

[A]

Primo?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So Primo, do you know, like Spain? A lot of people don't. Don't remember that Spain was very, very bad too. They were the original whites. Like bad whites.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so like when you say white people are bad, do you mean the Spaniards? Because they were the ones. First of all, everybody that speaks Spanish in Colombia, in Peru, in Bolivia and Ecuador, in Venezuela. Why do you think they speak Spanish? Because the Spanish empire raped it into them.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

If it was France, it would be French. If it was England, it would have been English. So don't get mad at me, Primo.

[B]

Right.

[A]

The Spaniards are the one who did that to you? Papi? Not me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They all Puerto Ricans. They were all indigenous types of native people that had their own languages and cultures and this and that, but somehow it's white people's fault.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just.

[B]

If you're going to be hateful, be specific. Okay. It was the Spanish that did that to you. The mainland Spanish primo.

[A]

Your trans American slave trade. Spanish. Portugal. Yeah. No, no, Blanco.

[B]

You did nothing to the South Americans. You did it to the Jews.

[A]

Yes. You're going to be mad at me if your last name is Finkelstein. I'll support it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I get that gripe, but other than that, no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love Spanish people so much, I've made more of them. Yeah.

[B]

And that's the thing. It always gets confused. Hispanic Spanish. What is it? And, you know, it's been interesting. The Spanish people from Europe, they've done a nifty little thing when they're in America. They've gone, oh, I'm Spanish. And people just go, oh, that must mean you're Hispanic. That must mean you're a protected group. They do a nice little thing that the Muslims like to do. I'm a protected group. Now it's go, whoa, you're Spanish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're not Puerto Rican.

[A]

Yeah. You're from Spain. Yeah. You're like a conquistador. You have a lot of money. You're like a white person with an accent.

[B]

Yeah, but. But Americans are so stupid. They just go, he speaks Spanish. He must be a protected group. It's like, no, no, that's European Spanish. Yeah, that's the bad Spanish. Yeah. There's bad Spanish.

[A]

Europeans are the bad Spanish. The bad bunny is not one of the bad Spanish.

[B]

He's not one of the bad Spanish. Profane is one of the bad Spanish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Carmen lynch is one of the bad Spanish.

[A]

Spanish. Javier Bardem.

[B]

Bad Spanish, Bad Spanish.

[A]

Ontario Bandanas. Good Spanish.

[B]

Good. Is he?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I thought he's from bad Spanish or.

[A]

Maybe he's bad Spanish. Who's the other one? Penelope Cruz. Bad Spanish?

[B]

No, bad Spanish.

[A]

So Del Toro. Good Spanish. Puerto Rican is good Spanish. Spain is bad Spanish. Isn't Argentina bad Spanish?

[B]

Bad Spanish.

[A]

Bad Spanish. These are the colonial Spanish powers. So you know Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru, Bolivia. I'd be mad at them.

[B]

Yes, them. If you're from Venezuela, Colombia, Ecuador, Peru or Bolivia, you cannot be bad.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You are only good.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Because of the colonial period. And we judge all of history and the rankings on the moral purity test based on whether you are a victim or a perpetrator of the colonial era. And that's just how fucking history works. There was no history before colonialism.

[A]

It just wasn't. And then here's the thing, Jesse. I'm sending this to you right now because a lot of people have been hitting me up asking if this is me. And I'm. I just want to clearly say that it, that it is not. And I'm going to show you that this is not me right after this break from fricking Whoever Cuz you know about Huell. H U E L oh, do I've been taking it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And let me tell you something, you can get it in your local Target, all right? If you're focusing on protein right now, which I am, because I felt like I got fat, fat, fat. So high protein intake is going to help me lose that weight. Fuel gets all your protein in a delicious shake. That's why I started using the high protein starter kit from Yule. It's five Black Edition ready to drinks plus the Black Edition chocolate powder. And it's honestly the first thing that made it easy for me to stay consistent because you know me when I'm talking about anything, I like the Black Edition, including guys.

[B]

That's what it is. And did you know, Chrissy, did I hear this right? That Huelled just launched in Target nationwide.

[A]

And I already said that your sundown. So what you need is a little Huel fuel.

[B]

See, the thing is I didn't take my heel this morning.

[A]

What it is. Yeah.

[B]

So on days that I'm running out the door, heading to the gym, I just grab a Black Edition ready to drink. It's a complete meal, 35 grams of protein, 27 essential vitamins and minerals, no artificial sweeteners, and it actually does taste really good.

[A]

Now the only thing, the only danger here is when you grab the Black Edition ready to drink, that has 35 grams of protein, 27 events, essential vitamins and minerals, no artificial sweeteners. But when you grab that Black Edition, you have to really, really focus. Do not put it in your ass because I know you're going to see Black Edition and say this goes in my ass, it goes in your mouth.

[B]

We always have to tell our fans.

[A]

Yes. Because the fans just sometimes don't know.

[B]

They just get their orifices confused a.

[A]

Lot, especially if they're in a hurry. Yeah, they say, oh, it's Black Edition. I know where this goes.

[B]

So if you want to try it, grab a bottle at Target or get the full high protein starter kit online with our co hyena20 for 20% [e-mail] hyena20 thank you to Huell for partnering and supporting the History Hyenas.

[A]

Cuz you know me and my favorite singer of all time is Ray J and he's got the earbuds, the Raycon earbuds. And I love them and I like to stick them in my ears and watch some of the work he's done with Kim Kardashian.

[B]

That's a great way to actually what I do.

[A]

Yeah, I listen to his music and I watch his videos.

[B]

That's a great way to use them. I wish I had mine with me right now, but they're always with me when I go on the road. They're so good. You know, regular earbuds block everything out. You can't hear someone calling your name, a car honking, anything.

[A]

They're actually dangerous.

[B]

Yeah. So these Raycon ones sit just outside your ear canal so you get a really clear sound, but you can actually hear if someone yells Ali Akbar.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that awareness is perfect for tackling your fitness resolution safely. Or anybody yelling Ali Akbar. You might have to tackle them.

[B]

Exactly. So Rayhound has over 3 billion customers and the sound quality is just as good as the way more expensive brands. That's the thing. It's a really high quality product, but it doesn't break the bank is what I'm trying to say. They're half the price because you're not paying for the same type of celebrity endorsements all over the place and all that retail markup stuff.

[A]

Yeah. And they got 36 hours of battery life, 8 hours of playtime, and 36 hours of battery. With the charging case, you charge them maybe once a week. That's it. And I'm telling you, I use those things a lot. And I use them for a lot of different purposes. And I only got to charge it once a week, cuz. Yeah.

[B]

And you can connect to multiple devices, switch seamlessly without hassle. It's really great. So just go listen to the essential. Open earbuds are now here to help you crush your New Year's goals. Go to buyraycon.com hyenas open to get 20% off of everything. Thanks Raycon, for sponsoring the history hyenas. We love you, Ray J. Because while he finds it, let me just say, Nicholas Maduro had a rough night of sleep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's rough, right? Yes. All you're doing is you're sleeping in your room.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

That does look like you that does.

[A]

And it's just.

[B]

And this is. This was in San Francisco. While I was in San Francisco. Yeah.

[A]

And we just have no volume in the studio.

[B]

We're gonna get it.

[A]

Just get the volume going.

[B]

We're gonna get.

[A]

Because this is what people are. This is what we call a bit of a mental illness. I mean, this guy. Yeah. That was just me in my yard.

[B]

He's reading it straight from Google Translate. It's the funniest thing ever. He's a white guy.

[A]

I mean, so people are. Have just lost their brains. There's leaked out.

[B]

We got a new series we're starting on patreon.com history hyenas. Our community. It's for our community. It's going to be called Leaky where we'll be picking someone whose roof is fully blown off and talking about them.

[A]

Yeah, I mean that, you know, it's people from history. So we'll make it fun. But it is just interesting to see all these like white people protesting about this Maduro stuff when 80% of the Venezuelan people are happy about this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right. And also Kamala Harris and Joe Biden had also had a $25 million bounty on his head. So what's the deal, baby? We've lost Yanni.

[B]

No, because right now you might have.

[A]

Another family member in crisis.

[B]

No, because right now my old co host from Fusion, Mariana Denzio, who is from Venezuela is texting me. So I said, can I call you now and talk about Maduro? Because that would. She's Venezuelan.

[A]

But is she going to get upset if we're in the pod?

[B]

I'm saying we are on the podcast right now.

[A]

What is she talking to you about?

[B]

Can you talk? She's an actual, like a, A Peabody Award winning journalist.

[A]

Right. She's. Peace.

[B]

We're just going to take a little call. Maybe we'll plug this in. You never know.

[A]

Okay, so we're back.

[B]

Yeah, we're going to, we're going to. We're going to find out from actually someone who knows Mariana Atencio. How are you, my love? I haven't spoken to you in so much, Yanni.

[D]

I miss you so much. Thank you so much for having me on. Such a fan of what you guys are doing. And the second I saw your clip, I'm like, I have to tell him how great this is.

[B]

Mi amor, mi cora, son vivida. We. I miss you. But we were sitting here, we're talking about Nicholas Maduro and we wanted to know from somebody who's actually an esteemed journalist, a Peabody Award winning journalist, an actual Venice Venezuelan. And I'm going to try to pronounce this right. What is the actual situation with Nicolas Maduro?

[D]

Listen, he didn't get the memo. He didn't think that Trump was actually going to do it. And today we found out actually from Trump that it was his little dancing, mocking Trump's dance that finally threw Trump over the edge and was like, this is so disrespectful. I'm going to pull the, pull the trigger on this operation. So I actually think that he didn't think that Trump was going to do it. It really caught him by surprise. They got done as they got them out of bed in the middle of the night. He, 24 hours before, was doing the little dance, gave this podcast interview, which is like a sort of like a ridiculous carpool karaoke type interview that he does, saying that his bunker was infallible and that the Americans were not going to come. And now look at what happened. So I think he's really screwed. He's looking at life, the rest of his life in jail because he's over 50 years old. And these charges are going to amount to at least 30 years, if not more. And this is just also, by the way, the tip of the iceberg. I've been covering this regime for the last 15 years. This is just what we know. I think that what we're going to uncover that these people have done are just truly atrocities in terms of human rights and, and corruption and drug trafficking.

[B]

Right. You are Venezuelan. What is sort of the overall sentiment amongst Venezuelans? I mean, the majority of Venezuelans, are they upset about this? Are they happy about this? I know Miami's lit right now.

[D]

No, every single Venezuelan yanis truly or the vast majority are ecstatic. We've been trying to get rid of this guy for years. We even tried to do it the democratic way. He lost the elections last year. He just wouldn't give up power. And we're elated that, that he's of Venezuela. We are just really concerned about the fact that the, the machine is still there. And if you look at Maduro's behavior, I mean, this guy was a buffoon. He, you know, it's like you left the circus without the cloud, but the circus is still down there. And you know, they just issued a bunch of decrees because I have, as you know, my, my family, a bunch of my friends down there, cousins, uncles, they just issued a decree saying that they're going to start kind of cleaning house and figuring out who helped the Americans that Anyone, they're doing kind of like these. They have, like, people with long guns and masks doing random traffic stops. Anyone that is caught with stuff on their phone talking about what happened, praising Trump, could go to jail. So I think we're going to see a wave of repression, and that's why you've seen Miami lit, like cities across the world, Madrid, etc. But nobody in Venezuela can go to the streets and celebrate. It's a lot of just kind of fear and silence, because the worst people are the ones that are left now, and now they know what the United States is capable of doing. So I think a wave of repression and fear is going to follow. And I really do hope that eventually Trump gets fed up with the VP he left in office and sort of the other three power brokers and gets them out, because that's really the only way that we're going to transition to a full democracy. I want the Nobel Peace Prize winner to assume her role as the rightful leader that we chose. But I also understand, Trump, that it would have been. Been a bit reckless to just yank out, you know, a whole system that has been in place for 25 years with the Cubans as, you know, heavily involved in security and oil and all that, and just putting this woman in place when she doesn't control the military or the money.

[B]

Yeah. Now, what do you. What do you think? What's your opinion on how the American media has been covering this? Have they been covering it with a full understanding of the situation, the nuance, the opinion of the majority of the Venezuelan people in mind?

[D]

One of the things that I have to call them out for, that really frustrates me as a Venezuelan, is that they show their life. Well, not everybody, because. And mostly because this is obviously partisan issue, as with everything in this country.

[A]

Right.

[D]

They're like, not every Venezuelan is happy. Look at these protesters against what they did to Maduro. And then there's not a single Venezuelan in those protests. Like, are they actually, like, interviewing real Venezuelans about this? So I think. I think the lack of Venezuelan voices is something I want to call the media out on. Portraying, like, protesters in favor of Maduro, where there isn't a single Venezuelan is not really reflective of how we feel as a community. And then other things, like continuing to call Maduro president. He's not the president. He lost in last year's election. The United States said he lost. They didn't recognize him. So outlets like the New York Times keep saying president and first lady. And that's not accurate, unfortunately.

[B]

Right he was. He was kind of voted out. Not kind of. He was voted out.

[D]

No, no, he was voted out. So you can say tyrant, autocrat, de facto leader, but stop granting him the title president because. And, and if you look at what happened in court yesterday, that was the first thing that he said. Maduro, he's just like, I'm still the president of the country. Dude, you never were the president of the country. You lost in the landslide. You're a dictator.

[B]

Right, right, right. One more question, and that question is how. And then I think my CO host, Chris DiStefano has a question, but I want to ask, what do you think? China, Iran, Russia, Cuba, how will they respond? And how true is it that they were sort of cozying up to Maduro and helping him? And was it true that they were investing all this money in Venezuela and in return getting cheap gas?

[D]

Gas 100%.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And we weren't even getting Gas Nation. Venezuelans had to line up for gas because we were giving all of our cheap gas to Cuba, Russia, China, Iran. So that's why I actually, I'm so glad you brought this up. I posted a substack article about this, like, about the oil people. Like when Trump says, like, we're going to take your oil, I would gladly welcome American companies coming in and rebuilding an industry and having that bring us back into the fold of like, Western nations instead of giving our oil to Cuba, China and Iran to further repression internally and keeping these regimes ideologically aligned with Maduro.

[B]

Right, Absolutely. And last question. Do you think that Venezuelan women are the hottest Latin American women in South America? Because I believe that that may be true.

[D]

You better. You better believe that I will not hear otherwise from you because you have firsthand evidence.

[B]

I do. I.

[D]

We work together.

[B]

I sat right there with you for a full year in Miami and I saw it right there. You are one of the most beautiful, one of the most well informed, one of the most respected journalists on this planet. And it's good to hear from you and thank you so much for enlightening us with a perspective and an informed perspective from a Venezuelan that.

[D]

Thank you, Giannis. Thank you for your questions and I want to thank your audience for listening in and caring. Truly, I feel, because we've been dealing with this for 25 years again and now the world is finally also paying attention and I really want to thank people for even caring and wanting to get better informed.

[A]

Hi, Mariana, this is Chris distefano, Giannis's co host.

[D]

I envy you, Chris.

[A]

Oh, well, I appreciate that and I just want to say thank you so much for bringing. Bringing your unbelievable knowledge and education to this podcast. Your articulation on this topic. You're so smart and so beautiful and I would ruin my life to have an empanada with you in downtown Caracas.

[D]

That is a promise that in a free Caracas we're gonna do it. And we may even host a podcast episode down there. Who knows?

[A]

Yes, we may. And I'm just praying to the God of the United States of Venezuela of anything that my wife doesn't hear this podcast because I'm actively in love with you. I gotta go.

[B]

To all our fans. Go follow Mariana Atencio on Instagram, go check out her sub stack and you can see all her videos on her Instagram from her media appearances and her coverage on Venezuela and whatever she covers in the future.

[A]

Yeah. And if. And if you see any direct messages from at Christy Comedy asking to your to see your feet, just know. I was hacked. It wasn't me.

[D]

I love you both guys. Glad to come on anytime.

[B]

Thanks, Mariana.

[A]

Bye, Mariana. She is a piece. I mean we are the same age. I mean she is a. She's a piece.

[B]

She's also very smart. She went to Columbia. She's a Peabody Award winning journalist. She's a real journalist.

[A]

Miami.

[B]

She lives in Miami.

[A]

And she's.

[B]

I think she's single. I know she's divorced. Oh. I think she has a. No, she's not. She has a spouse now.

[A]

Well, I'm getting married.

[B]

Yeah. So it is what it is. But.

[A]

But I was just having a little fun. God, God, please don't hear that. My family doesn't hear that. Okay, so let's see. Venezuelan. What I would like to do is I listen, is there a compromise? Yeah. Which I understand. Like, fine, we give Maduro back. That's what people want. But then all Venezuelan women come here, here. That's a good do that trade. Maduro goes back. But then it's a country of Maduro and only men. And then every Venezuelan woman.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's kind of like the new ice is they. We get them to the border and then we just have a little bit of a. We just judge, you know, like not a judge, but we just kind of look at them and we kind of can admit you entry or you go back. Yeah. I mean, what about that? Like, you know, like somebody like. She's coming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come. Yes. You're in.

[B]

Yes. Yes. Here's the thing is 9 million of them already left.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what we want to do is we Want to make it good. So the guys go, it's good to go back. And the ladies want to stay.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it'd be nice. Just have all the. Yeah. Venezuelan women. Yeah.

[B]

Now, Nick. What? Nick, you're not Venezuelan. I know that. So. But what is your position on Nicolas Maduro being taken out of power? Because it seems like the Latin American community has different opinions on this, but there were a lot of TikTok videos and a lot of Instagram videos which I watched over the weekend that were very funny with Venezuelans with Spanish accents just talking about people. White people. They go. White people, stay out.

[A]

You don't understand. You don't understand.

[B]

You're not from my country.

[A]

You don't understand.

[B]

Get out of my. Get out. Don't keep your mouth. How many of those videos did you guys say you saw those? Nick? Yeah. So what's your opinion on Nicholas Maduro? Because right now, let's be honest, President Trump has Nicolas Maduro on toast.

[A]

Yeah. He's just.

[B]

If you like Maduros, how about trying them on toast?

[A]

Yeah, you know what?

[B]

Leave us alone.

[C]

Okay, you got our guy. So now leave us the fuck alone. No, you're always going to get different opinions from, you know, because you can't lump us all together.

[D]

Other.

[C]

We're all different people. We're all going to have different opinions. Personally, this is all I know. History has just shown we invade other countries, we fuck with them, that's all we do. And then we create more refugees and everyone's going to be like, oh, now the Venezuelans are coming here. They're coming to my town. They're not coming to fucking Farmingdale. You know where they're going to go?

[A]

Where?

[C]

My neighborhood, Roosevelt Avenue. And I can't fucking stand it because you don't have any fucking room.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But what you will get is a nice increase in prostitution.

[C]

Yeah, it's already happening. You guys should come. Wow, you guys have no idea.

[A]

That's why Nick hasn't left the house, because people just came to visit him.

[B]

Yeah, Nick wants Venezuelans out of his fucking neighborhood. Wow. Nick just got very Italian. He said, don't come to my fucking neighborhood.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, you know, they're in.

[B]

Miami, cuz Bubbles, it.

[A]

Nick does have a point that we kind of just destabilized yet another region and then we're going to get mad when the immigrants want to come here and it's like we're the ones who destabilized it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, there's a good argument to be made that it never really works out exactly. Exactly the way we want it. Yeah. But there are a lot of Venezuelans who are happy about it. Supposedly they voted him out. Supposedly.

[A]

So what is the deal? He is not. Because, because, because they say that he actually didn't win the 2024 election and that's why the United States government is able to take him. Because you. There is a law in international law, like you can't take a head of state.

[B]

Well, he was, he was indicted in New York as a drug trafficker. So he was actually wanted by the United States legal system. System, him and a few other of them. So I guess intel and evidence showed that he was allowing drug trafficking routes through Venezuela to get drugs into the country. And so Trump just took that and ran with it. The other countries, the other administration before were saying the same thing. Biden actually put a bounty on his head for what, 15 mil, 25 mil, something like that. But Trump just went in and took them. And obviously the larger picture is about how much he's been cozying up to China, Iran. Yeah. And so Trump's saying, we're not doing that anymore. This is our hemisphere.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So he's saying, get out of my neighbor. Trump is basically saying what Nick said about Queens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's saying, get out of my neighborhood to Iranians, Russians and Chinese.

[A]

Now, how is it going to end? What is going to happen with Maduro? I mean, you can't kill him. That's not going to happen. Is he going to stay in the federal prison for the rest of his.

[B]

Life playing patty cake with Diddy right now, talking about the different type of oils that were confiscated?

[A]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[B]

I think that's all that happened because what a.

[A]

What a. What a celebrity row prison. You got Maduro's in there, you got Diddy's in there. You got Luigi Mangiones in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got a few guys in there. You got Tekashi 69 is going in.

[B]

Got a Cutox, is nine in there. And you had Jeffrey Epstein used to be in there.

[A]

What a nice one. And that, that prison is in Sunset Park.

[B]

It's in Sunset Park. And probably the owners of the stand will be in there soon.

[A]

That's right near Jesse, who knows Sculpting studio.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who know Jesse could get killed by accidental helicopter gun, machine gun fire.

[B]

Because if Venezuela retaliates, it could happen.

[A]

Because if Jesse ever dies before us, what we'll do is every Monday we'll just go put a tangerine on his gravestone.

[B]

We just will.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But what this did, I think also show was like, it was a little like a little show of strength from. From America going like, hey, we still. We still can operate with precision. Because it was a crazy operation. Distraction.

[A]

Yeah. They say that. I heard some theories online that this is not as crazy as you think. That there was some kind of secret deal made and the guards just let Americans in. But I don't think that's true.

[B]

I think there probably was some of that. I think there was probably.

[A]

Well, they killed his whole security team.

[B]

Yeah. Which is crazy. But I think there was also some kind of. He's not a very popular guy in Venezuela. Anyone who's supports him is kind of, you know, been brainwashed or is lives in fear or kind of, you know, the majority of people don't like him. They voted him out. I think the latest polling, like 20, 24 or something like, it's like 80% of Venezuelans didn't like him. Obviously one of the largest refugee crisis is because of him. Nine million fled the country because of him.

[A]

So the MS.13 comes out of Venezuela.

[B]

Yeah. So the diaspora of Venezuelans hate him. Right. And so they all wanted him out. So I'm pretty sure there was some assets on the ground that had some knowledge of it, some intelligence assets that were like, we'll stand down. I mean, his military definitely stand out. You can't just extract the President. Extract the president of a country that easily without milit. Without.

[A]

I mean, we sent like 12 guys over there.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it was like. It was like 12 dudes went in.

[A]

There, just took the presidente.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, it's basically Joe Rogan's security detail got in a helicopter and got this guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like watching an episode of Lioness and.

[A]

It'S the United States. So you know. You know that half our army was trans. You just got taken by some trans.

[B]

Kids, A couple of kids rolled up in skirts with semiautomatic weapons and took Maduro and put him on toast.

[A]

Yeah, that's another. That's another funny thing you said, but you know. Yeah, you. Another funny text too. Wait, I'm gonna send this one to you. Yeah, hold on, hold on. Yeah, I mean, we can actually throw.

[B]

That one up because it's very funny.

[A]

Very funny what you just said. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on. I'll send you the text. I gotta preface it. Hold on.

[B]

So the extraction was carried out big. It was carried out by elite US forces, the Army's Delta Force and 160th Special Operations Aviation. Aviation Regiment called the Night Stalkers. That you don't want to.

[A]

With the Night Stalkers.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And they had a little assistance from an FBI unit. The raid involved more than 150 aircraft. So I think they kind of, they kind of confused them. They swarmed with 150 aircraft, fighters, bombers, tilt rotors. Launching from 20 different dam, land, sea bases to suppress Venezuelan air defenses and provided cover for the ground team. US forces entered Maduro's heavily fortified compound at 1am and encountered significant resistance. Brief firefight. The team captured Medora's and his wife.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So two and a half hours they.

[A]

Were in and out. So I, and I said to Giannis, I said, well, this is going to have big implications because now US Took Venezuela, China, might take Taiwan, some to strategize whatever kind of tit for tat. And Giannis said, not if these two ladies got anything to say about it. Yeah, yeah. So that's just what it is, that at one point these were people leading our military. So these two ladies right here are going to stop all forms of war against the United States. And if you want to mess with us, you got to mess with these two ladies.

[B]

You got to admit, it's a little bit of a different vibe on the military scene between the Biden administration and Trump.

[A]

It is, yeah. Pete Hegseth has Catholic crosses and death to all Muslims tattooed on his body. And then Biden had these two, like.

[B]

It's a little bit of a different vibe for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When it comes to Taiwan, it's interesting because I think the fear is like, oh, they're going to retaliate and take, take Taiwan. But you can, I think, also make the opposite argument and go like, they're looking at Trump going, this guy just does not give a fuck.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he will resist.

[A]

Some of it is, some of, some of it, whether you hate Trump or like Trump, Trump, it's irrelevant. You got to just admit that some of this has to put fear in other countries leaders. This guy just went in and took somebody's president without a doubt.

[B]

I think, I think it goes like, he's not just, you know, Biden was all talk.

[A]

You can't deny that. He just was all talk.

[B]

It was more containment, I don't think. Just, yeah, maybe Biden, you could say that, but I think it was just containment. I think it was like. It got to the point where, I think, like I said again, I don't even think the heads of state matter as much as the people who are constantly in government, constantly in the military bands going like, all right, this is what's been happening in South America with China and Iran and Russia. And we're losing. We're losing influence down there. And it's time to say, we've been trying to negotiate, we've been trying to contain. But the Chinese are rolling forward.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so we got no choice.

[A]

Chinese are walking. Rolling.

[B]

Ladder 14 might be the name of the episode.

[A]

Just one.

[B]

Chinese are walking and rolling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we may need to just go from containment to actual rollback.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what they're doing now is. I mean, Trump, there's no question, all the bullshit you hear on line, this is about China, Russia and Iran. It's what it is about. Yes. It's about oil, blah, blah, blah. But it's really about, like, they're not going to have it. We're going to.

[A]

Well, we're not going to be able to go in there and get the Iranian leader like we did. No. No way. That would be a. That would be like an actual ground scale for real war.

[B]

That would be a problem.

[A]

You're not going to get him.

[B]

Yeah. What we're basically saying is if it's in our hemisphere, it's ours and we want you out. So China is fucking big in Latin America. And what China has done is given Nicolas Maduro Maduro quadrillion dollars. And in exchange, Venezuela has given as a loan. And in exchange, Maduro is giving them oil.

[A]

Oil. So now who's going to get. China still owed oil. So who's going to give them the oil?

[B]

That's yet to be seen. But whoever's calling the shots has an American flag pin on their jacket.

[A]

What now is.

[B]

Yeah, it's what it is.

[A]

So I know a big conglomerate of US Businessmen are going and women are going down to Venezuela this week, too, because they said there's just like a lot of opportunity down there now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the stocks went up, too. Stock market went up. So people in the business are like, good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I'm not, you know, I know it destabilizes people, but it just. People's numbers went up.

[B]

I mean, listen, if we end up controlling the oil or whatever, not a bad thing for business.

[A]

It ain't bad. It ain't bad.

[B]

It ain't bad. I mean, somebody's got to control it. And here's the thing, people go, oh, the Venezuelan people were. No, they weren't. No, they weren't getting any of it. It was just fucking going out. So basically, China and Russia and Iran Were going, hey, we're gonna invest all this money in your country. We're gonna protect you. We're gonna do all this. Just give us that free oil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so he was actually just. He wasn't even paying them back with money. He was paying them back with Venezuelan's oil.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like the real world operates like this. Pick your poison. Which evil do you want? You want the Americans or do you want the Russian, Chinese and Iranians?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nicholas Maduro chosen them. And we said, no, you choose us.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

We chose us for us. Yeah, it's for you.

[A]

It's what it is. And we're just doing this to balance out a little guy named Zoran Momdani.

[B]

We just want to get him balance.

[A]

It was funny on the group chat. Oh, yeah. Well, I'll. I'll tell you what my boy said in the group chat right after this. Cuz.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's the thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you know what I got everybody for Christmas, right?

[B]

Hard dicks. Yeah.

[A]

I got a hard cocks. Everybody open. Opened up a hardcock. A dick in a box, as Justin Timberlake would say. And I got those hard cocks from Blue Chew. Cause I have been having sexual dysfunction in my life. I haven't been able to get it up. I've just kind of had a sloppy. Just kind of half mushtick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then bluechew came into my life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And cuz I am rock hard. I was watching Landman yesterday and every time Billy Bob Thornton came on, I had a stiff.

[B]

The thing about it is it's not only good, right, if you have a little ED or whatever or, you know, you like to have. You're more of a people pleaser and you have performance anxiety.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It's also good for married guys who just need a little help getting up for their nine to five.

[A]

Yeah. Nine to five. Yeah. It's just what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just times having sex with the.

[B]

Wife after 11 years is just a nine to five. Five.

[A]

Just a nine to five. And it's just.

[B]

And blue choose. Just like a cup of coffee by the water cooler.

[A]

Blue Chew, it's just there. It dissolves under your tongue. Works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Elevation without hesitation. I mean, Blue Chew, cuz. And it just. It's what it is. I mean, the other day I saw Tank Sinatra and he had a mustache. And I just taken a blue Chew. And it was like, kind of like a Hitler stache. And I said, cuz, I'm sorry, Ari, don't mind me. I just took a Bluetooth. Now I'm looking at your Hitler stash and my dick is hailing.

[B]

We got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10 off your first month Bluetooth Gold with the code Hyenas. That's promo code hyenas. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety info. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring us.

[A]

I also want to mention Bluechew Gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. This ain't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is. This is the four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that rocket pumping, mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and the connection in your brain and body. So on the group chat the other day, and then we'll get back to Simone Bolivar. It was funny because they were, you know, when he got sworn in. Zoran Mamdani got sworn in, I believe on January 1, it was all this chatter. They were yelling. They were like, I can't believe he's going to get sworn on the Quran. This kid's going to get sworn on the Quran. And then I said, well, Mayor Bloomberg got sworn on a Jewish Bible. And then nobody responded. Nobody just said anything. And then they just. The next text was from pounding fly balls. He went, wow, giant suck. So it's just what it is.

[B]

Well, the Jewish Bible is the Old Testament.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think he got sworn in on.

[A]

Oh, on a Bible.

[B]

On the Old Testament.

[A]

On the Old Testament. So I guess kids were just looking for a way to be like, this is a travesty. But then you just say, well, other people didn't have on the. The Catholic Bible.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

It's what it is. Yeah. It's what it is.

[A]

Now, Simone Bolivar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What I. What was funny, interesting about him is the kid like. Like Zoran and like a lot of others, which is very. Like Teddy Roosevelt, he grew up very wealthy. Yeah. So that, to me, what is it about wealthy kids? Because you understand why a kid who's brought up in poverty would want to go and unite all his countries and be the leader, the military leader of a country. Country. But when the kids got a lot of money and wealth, why do they want to do it for?

[B]

Because they're the only ones that have enough time to sit around and think about injustices.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Poor people are just trying to survive. That's a good point. They also have the means to try to make something happen. Now this kid was unstoppable, dude. Simone Bolivier. I mean this kid, I mean they tried to assassinate him a bunch of times. He married some chick who ended up dying a yellow fever at 21. He never remarried.

[A]

The real yellow fever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not the Kanyani had in San Francis.

[B]

That's exactly right. Then he had a long term affair with this chick who was a revolutionary. And this bitch was tough as nails. There was actually an assassination team that came into his house to try to kill him. And this bitch fought them off with pistols and she got hit in the head with swords.

[A]

So that's just not. You're going to want to bang that lady out. That's kind of hot.

[B]

She is fucking loyal and hot.

[A]

Revolutionary puss.

[B]

Revolutionary Latinas are fiery.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

But this kid was a self taught general basically. And he was a military mastermind. And what he did was he liberated all these regions Colombia from the Spanish crowd. And guess what it ties into Venezuela. Because he was born to a Creole family in Caracas.

[A]

Caracas, Venezuela.

[B]

So he was Venezuelan.

[A]

He was Venezuelan. And that's why Simone Bolivar mostly identified with Venezuela, but also Colombia big because he was. He is credited with leading the charge to liberate them in 1819. That's. That's why Colombia is free from Spanish rule. Cuz. Because Bolivar did it. And like I said, Bolivar wanted to unite all these countries and make like a Spanish federation just like the United States. And he actually invited United States delegates at the time James Monroe was president and he invited the United States delegation to the little delegate to the conference they were having to unite the Spanish people and the United States showed up two weeks late. Yeah, well they just us didn't come.

[B]

Were they black?

[A]

That's. Yeah, it's possible they just showed up a little late and they said Sorry, we thought we were on black time. Yeah.

[B]

So his whole. One of his. The most famous things he's known for is the famous 1819 was the year.

[A]

Crossing of the Andes. Which I just said.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you just say that checked out.

[B]

Oh it was checked out.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz you're just thinking about. Wait, did you just say that I missed it? I just said the crossing of the Andes which led to the Colombia being free.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

And I also said that he was born In Venezuela. Caracas, Venezuela, about 25 minutes ago. So I have checked out what is the kids just checked out. You're on snooze.

[B]

I want to, I'm waiting to hear, get this call from Mariana. I want to talk to her.

[A]

Yeah, you're just thinking about her feet.

[B]

But he wanted to unite Venezuela, all these countries. And he, he, he. But the problem was too, too much, too diverse, too much, much infighting. And so he thought, he goes, look, all these Latin countries aren't ready for democracy. So he said, I want to make myself the dictator. A benign dictator until Latin America can mature into democracy. He didn't think they were ready.

[A]

He said they needed strong centralized authority. But that eventually avoided, that eventually caused chaos.

[B]

It didn't, it didn't work. The people were just not united. It was too many different languages, too many, many different races.

[A]

It's a lot different regions. But the United States was able to do it.

[B]

Cuz they were able to do it because they had less people. And like I said, it was just Protestants. They also were like landowners. And you know, sometimes, let's be honest.

[A]

You just got to let the white guys figure it out.

[B]

Ladder 14.

[A]

That's probably why the US worked. They just said, you know what, let's just let the white guys figure it out for 100 years. Then we'll start to give other people rights. But just, can you just let the white guys figure it out.

[B]

14. It's just simple, just.

[A]

I'm being a dick, but you know. Yeah, sometimes, you know, just let these guys figure it out, hun. And then we'll come in when we're ready. And then everything's nice. Everything's set up nice.

[B]

Yeah, just set it up is what you say.

[A]

You know, Set it up. It's like, you know, sometimes the kids are going crazy in the kitchen. I say, kids, why don't you just go, go watch tv. Yeah, they'll throw on spongebob for you. Throwing K Pop and the Demon hunters for the 19,000 time. Let me set up to set it up. Yeah, set up the table. Everyone come when they're ready. This way nobody's pouring their drinks. No.

[B]

You know, supposedly Simone Bell Vivier had. He had similar opinions.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was just like, all right, well yeah, he was, he had a paternalistic.

[A]

He was saying, let the whites let the Spaniards. Basically he was saying, let the elites, let the Creole handle it.

[B]

Figure it out.

[A]

Let the elites handle is the word. I should be elite elites.

[B]

He had no problem having the mestizos, the natives and the blacks fighting his army.

[A]

Yeah, unfortunately.

[B]

But when it came to the planning, he was like, you guys just can't. He said, can't work this.

[A]

Guys, look, listen to me. I understand everybody, you know, Grand Colombia, we want to have this one Spanish, you know, United States version of the United States. And it's a beautiful thing, but for now, I'm just going to ask anybody who's just got a leaf around their dick if they could just wait outside. Anybody who came in here with a spear and just leave leaves for underwear, I'm just gonna have to ask you to just. If you go back to the Andes mountains for a minute, and then we will contact you. We'll send a smoke signal when it's return. It says that just kind of. I mean, just a little bit.

[B]

A little bit, yeah.

[A]

What they said, it's just a little bit. They said this kid came in here riding a goat. He's just gotta go. You know, we can't have anybody with a chieftain hat on right now and war paint. We just need you guys to just come in here a little bit more civilized.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had big dreams and he thought it could all work. He advocated for republican government, the abolition of slavery, equality before the law. All the good stuff that he saw in the French Revolution.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And the American Revolution, which obviously he was inspired by. And he wanted to build what he called a Grand Colombia, but it just didn't work out. It was a little too chaotic. And he ended up dying with no money. He gave all his money to the cause.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know, died at 47.

[A]

Died of 47. Of tuberculosis. That. And they think he had a lot of other health problems. But. Yeah, it's just hard, you know, it's just hard in that region to try to get a United States of the Spanish Americas when, you know, you have guys out there that say the only way that you can really come to a decision, vision is somebody has to go to the top of staircase and get their head cut off.

[B]

You're unshackled. That I like.

[A]

Yeah, there's just some. It's just. Unfortunately, it was already the 1840s and they said, we can't have guys out there saying we gotta wait till full moon and cut somebody's head off. Unfortunately, that's not how we get the vote this time.

[B]

It complicates things. Yeah, go back.

[A]

Yeah, just go back and we'll send for you.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

But they wouldn't do that. And then the whole thing just fell apart. And then the kid Died of tuberculosis.

[B]

Cultural differences, racial differences.

[A]

So I'm saying, saying regional differences seem.

[B]

To really, really were a big thorn in his dream.

[A]

It's just what it is.

[B]

Didn't work out the way that he thought.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And unfortunately, he died kind of politically isolated and it didn't work out. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sort of.

[A]

Yeah. You can't. Unfortunately, you're not going to get far when you got people asking, do mules count as currency? It's not going to work. They're not trying to bar. It's the 1830s. They said, Guys, we're trying to have a constitution here. Yeah. We're trying to be like the United States.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I mean, coming in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, with spears and sandals. It's not going to work. You know what I mean?

[B]

With 14 ears of corn. I don't know what to do.

[A]

I don't know what to do with that. And no, I can't count your wildlife. I can't count your livestock as people. Okay. You got a monkey with this face painted the same as you. It's not going to work for us. Okay. You got your kids in a basket on your head. Unfortunately, we're trying to do real stuff here. We're in uniforms.

[B]

Right. Right. Right.

[A]

So, Nick, am I wrong?

[B]

Yeah. He has to say you're wrong.

[A]

Tell me the truth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Am I wrong about that?

[B]

You're right.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, it's just so. That's just how it happened. It didn't go down the same way George Washington went down, but he is basically the George Washington of South America. If George Washington had failed.

[A]

It's just what it is. And it's just. We are not saying we're right or wrong here. I understand that people can disagree. We're just reporting the facts as well.

[B]

We see them the way we see them.

[A]

History.

[B]

That's the important part is the way.

[A]

We see history is interpreted all differently. I mean, the facts are the same, but the interpretation is what makes a historian. Historian.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

It's just what it is. So that's what I think happened a little bit. And then, you know. But we did get the nation of Bolivia. It's named after Bolivar. It is. And that's nice.

[B]

It's an absolute banana republic. Yeah. And Venezuela is absolutely in trouble. Colombia is not that great. Great. I think Peru does good now.

[A]

The Peru does pretty good.

[B]

Chile does good. Right. They got gas, I think. Right. They got copper.

[A]

Colombia does great.

[B]

Is Colombia doing great? They're doing.

[A]

Colombia doesn't do. Do they not do great.

[B]

Not great.

[A]

I mean. Well, it's great if you want to go down there for a little boucher party to.

[C]

Medellin is doing good. 99% energy efficient.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Uruguay, they got so much energy they're sharing with Argentina and Brazil.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow. So you're so those. Well, Brazil's doing great. They're part of those. What's that Blocks the new currency Bricks. Brick. Sorry.

[B]

They're not doing as good as Argentina's rebounding. Kind of nice.

[A]

Argentina's who's number one Latin American country economy, I think. Is it. Is it Argentina?

[B]

No, it's either Chile or Uruguay. Which one is doing the best? Maybe Argentina is the biggest.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I mean Brazil definitely has.

[A]

So Uruguay is safe to go to. Uruguay is good first world country right next to.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Biggest economy is Brazil.

[B]

Well, that's cuz it's the biggest country. But they got the biggest butts. Yeah. Do you know that there's how. It's like 300 million people or.

[A]

Brazil's a big boy. It's a humongous country. I never been out there. You ever been out there?

[B]

Huge. No.

[A]

Long flight. No.

[B]

Do you ever want to go? No.

[A]

I don't know. Maybe I would go with the family. I don't want to go like by myself.

[B]

Yeah. Mexico's doing good. Yeah.

[A]

If I want central back days. Aids. So I would. I just would. I know I bring AIDS back to my family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I think. Yeah. Cause. Because. And you know, in a way.

[B]

Keep scrolling, Jesse. I'm curious.

[A]

Let's see.

[B]

How about per capita? Which country is doing the best? Per capita.

[A]

Per capita. Yeah. Uruguay. I didn't realize they were doing that. Well, that's good to know.

[B]

Yeah. I mean they're.

[A]

Guyana is the.

[B]

Is Guyana. Because they got.

[A]

They're right next to Brazil. Brazil.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Those.

[B]

Those are Indians. You know, the Guyanese are the ones who rule it.

[A]

Or Dude, I had an ex girlfriend who was Guyanese. Yeah. Little Guyana is a big part of Queens.

[B]

Yeah. They got what they have some natural resource. What did they find?

[A]

They. They border with Venezuela.

[B]

Yeah. And they got. They have.

[A]

Do they. Am I wrong about that? Or they border with Brazil.

[B]

They border with Venezuela. You're right. And there's actually some dispute. There was actually some dispute about the discovered oil off of Guyana that Maduro wanted it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Guyana's got oil.

[A]

Guyanese girls is. Guyanese girls can be pieces.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

Guya. Now Guyana is a country that Indian. They were the native people and the slave population became a race.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There was a big, big, big Guyanese like revolt. I'm telling you, my ex girlfriend is Guyanese. She's gorgeous. She's Indian. They look Indian.

[B]

Yeah. And they speak with like an act like.

[A]

Yeah, they speak like a Trinidad Tobago wife. Yeah.

[B]

It's like a mixture of booty, booty boo and yeah. Booty, booty, booty, booty, booty, booty bo. So Uruguay, Nick is right. Uruguay stands out as the safest country in Latin America. Lowest homicide rate in the region. Stronger, strongest democratic institutions. Low corruption. Highest or near highest GDP per capita in Latin America. Strong middle class, universal health care, solid education, stable banking system. Not prone to extreme booms or busts. The trade off slow. A small market. Stable, slower growth, but it's, it's stable. And, and then like I said, Chile, economically strong, most developed infrastructure in South America. High gdp, strong institutions, trade integration. They had a little social unrest in 2019 that hurt stability. But other than that, Chile could be number one.

[A]

Chile. The smartest girl in my physical therapy class was from Chile.

[B]

Take a look at this. Costa Rica, Safest, but much smaller economy. So Costa Rica is the safest.

[A]

The boys went down to Costa Rica. Let me tell you, they had a great good time.

[B]

They had a good time down there, huh?

[A]

Yeah. And I saw some pictures and it looked like a great time.

[B]

What did you see?

[A]

I saw some loopholes.

[B]

You saw a couple of.

[A]

Yes, I saw some fruit loop holes. Yeah. Now because. And also too, on the Patreon, I want to talk a little bit about James Monroe, the Monroe Doctrine, how it ties into Nicholas Maduro. Yeah. So. And we have a lot of fun stuff at the Patreon, a lot of things. We had to cut out this episode and we, me and Giannis read. I read out the, the text that Giannis and I had this weekend, and those are [e-mail] history for everyone's safety. So go listen.

[B]

And yeah, I mean, the Monroe Doctrine was a thing that was, you know, James Monroe did. And now it seems like we're in the Don Road Doctrine.

[A]

Yeah, we're in the Donald Trump Doctrine. And it's probably not as good, but it's a lot more fun if you're on our side. It's definitely.

[B]

The memes are better.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. So as always, as we did all of last year, we will continue this year year. You [e-mail] history hyenas. You make a funny name. You get it read out at the end of the episode the winner, the ppw, the pseudo penis of the week. And then at the end of the year, we will pick the grand winner of them all. But in order to win or be involved in any of this, you got to join patreon.comhistory. so welcome to the matriarchy. Wife puts on the earmuffs and blindfold when she goes down on me. We call it doing the Helen Keller.

[B]

Put her on the list.

[A]

Put her on the list. Wow. So we have somebody coming out of the gate for the next number. That's a good start to the year. Yeah, that's is the very first name off the list. The very first name gets on the list.

[B]

That's a great omen for our 2026 harbinger. Not an omen.

[A]

Colin Operated Frisbee. Michelle Brito. Thomas Adams. Latter Day Taint. Okay, wait.

[B]

Latter Day Taints. A chicken finger.

[A]

There it is. Like the Latter Day Saints.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Preston, Karen Michael Torres. Bert Kreischer's liver. Looks like a Leroy Roy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Steamy, dreamy. Arancini or chini. Balls are nice.

[B]

Yeah. There's cute.

[A]

Kind of looks like a piece, too.

[B]

Yeah. We need another category called cute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The girls. That was cute one.

[A]

Jesus and the Lady Brain Boys. Fix my leaky roof.

[B]

The Lady Brain Boys.

[A]

They call us the Lady Brain Boys.

[B]

That's very funny.

[A]

Very funny. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. The Lady Brain Boys. I'm gonna Drex for that.

[A]

That's all right. All right.

[B]

We're the Lady Brain Boys.

[A]

Yeah, I like that. I like the Lady Brain Boys.

[B]

Have you heard that before?

[A]

No. He. They said, Jesus and the Lady Brain Boys Fix my leaky roof.

[B]

I'm putting that on the list.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Calling me and you the Lady Brain Boys instead of the Hardy Boys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is a goodie.

[A]

Funny. Then we got. Don't tell my dad. Yep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Spaghetti Blowing gays. Zeus with the moose knuckle. Jared from Subway. Not the sandwich shop. Just a kid who's always commuting.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Drexler. It's funny.

[B]

Very funny.

[A]

Marcus Hill. Oh, we got a black kid. Yeah. Nice. Welcome Hard R Cafe.

[B]

Okay, that's walking one.

[A]

Sorry about that. Yep. Eastern Hemi. Salsa Monkey. AK Walked into one.

[B]

Good. Oh, that's a good one.

[A]

Yeah. What? Isn't it wild how, like I say, walk and roll?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then there's walked into one. I didn't see this. It happens almost every episode. Something we said that we think is for the first. It's like the Simpsons, how they predict stuff.

[B]

Yeah. It means it's in the air means you're tuned in.

[A]

Tuned in means you may be on.

[B]

The beam even though you think you're off.

[A]

Even though I'm off. And you know what actually was very comforting because I was really. I literally cried in my. In the gym yesterday. I literally. I have, like, a little space in my house or I have a little gym in there, you know, like weights or whatever. And I. And I was crying looking in the mirror, and Jasmine came in and was like, what's going on?

[B]

Why were you crying in your gym?

[A]

Because I really. I put on way. I felt like I got myself back in shape a few months ago, and I said, I won't let myself slip again. And then I slipped and I said, I can't control it. What's happening to me? Do I need to go on GLPs? I don't know. And I just was like. It was like one of those things, like Heather Graham putting the cupcakes in her face and just screaming at the mirror. And she just came down, rubbed my back. She had brought me some biscuits that. So she didn't give those to me. And so she said, why don't you do this, Chris? Why don't you take some pressure off yourself? You're doing good. She was like, okay, hey, I still think you look great. Why don't you just. It's. It's January 5th. She's like, why don't you just give yourself to March 15th, these next two months to just get back into the place that you were feeling a few months ago? It'll still be winter. You don't have to get in shape right now, tomorrow for anything. So why don't you just give yourself some grace? And that really helped me to just say, you know what? Okay, maybe I gotta slow it down a little bit.

[B]

I have two questions now. Subconsciously, do you think it's possible that you were crying because it was just January 5th, which is the almost. It's the eve of the anniversary. January 6th and January 6th didn't work. Yeah. And so you're sad about that?

[A]

Could be that.

[B]

And then my second question is, if you're sitting in your home gym crying in the mirror.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At any point, do you. You think to yourself, this might be a time where I need to go Google where some therapists are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, maybe it's time for a roof check.

[A]

Well, it's January 6th, and I've already cried three times this year, so that's not great.

[B]

Are we thinking about maybe just a roof?

[A]

Well, a roof.

[B]

I Think a couple shingles might be loose.

[A]

Well, also, too, I've realized that every single day since Christmas Eve, I've had at least one sip of alcohol, so that's not great either. And that's also not like me. That's 13, 14 days. I mean, yesterday we went to Peter Lucas and I smashed two German brews. Well, out of nowhere, by the way. It's not like. It's not like we're going out to dinner. I mean, I went out to dinner with my family, but it's not like we're at celebrating anything. I'm just having bruise.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Does that ever happen to you?

[B]

No.

[A]

Jesse, you drink a cocktail every day, right? I used to.

[B]

I actually stopped doing that.

[A]

Yeah. I was doing that for a really long time. And then seven days a week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I would have a drink every night when I came home before dinner.

[B]

Jesse's throwing hands with Sergio now. Yeah, I'm throwing hands, which is available to all our fans. If you want to get in shape and you live in New York or Westchester, go throw hands with.

[A]

Go throw hands with Sergio.

[B]

And I ask your money, but it's worth it.

[A]

And I could tell you from experience, us, you know, me, Jesse and Giannis, knowing Sergio for upwards of 15 years and US being very, very close friends with him, I can comfortably tell you that he does not give discounts. No, he does not give. Not give discounts at all.

[B]

He also, if you're really serious about it, he will punch in the face. Because after you left, we sparred. I took a jab squarely into the nose to the point where I stopped, and I said, I'll sue you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you.

[B]

I said, I'll sue.

[A]

Did I not tell you he was in a bad mood that day?

[B]

Said, I have a white client and.

[A]

I will sue you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because what happened was, is I was sparring with Sergio the session before Giannis, and I warned Giannis because I was 3 o' clock session, he was the 4 o' clock session. I said, he, Sergio's in a bad mood. Be careful. And then he punched you in the face.

[B]

Because he punched. I caught a jab straight to the nose that it made my eyes tear. And I turned around, I wanted to cry. Yeah, I actually wanted to cry.

[A]

It's what it is.

[B]

It hurt. Yeah. Yeah. Sergio, I'm going to sue you.

[A]

I'm going to.

[B]

I'm going to sue you.

[A]

Yeah. I hope that your taxes are good because Tulsi Gabbard's a fan of the Pod Yeah. Okay, so here we go. All right, so we're back.

[B]

Isn't it funny, though, that I really do believe she's listening right now?

[A]

Yeah. And she's a person. I love her.

[B]

Followed Chris and me at the same time. And that must mean she's tuning in. So how you doing?

[A]

You will get fucking cracked open. Hot Eastern Hemi Salsa monkey, AKA walked into one. Is that on the list? That's we got sucking the feta out of Giannis's lamb skewer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Then we got RUY leaky.

[B]

How funny is it? We just had a call. That's media now. I mean, she was just on msnbc. And then we just went to that.

[A]

I guess, in the YouTube. And then. Yeah, if you just heard that, we're bouncing back and forth here. Jesse's got what we call a job to do.

[B]

Take that. Plug that Maduro that into where we were talking about. Maduro.

[A]

Yeah. Jesse's going to need a tangerine to calm the down after this episode. So now we got Mamdani's meat missile.

[B]

Wait, that's a chicken finger.

[A]

Chicken finger. Then we have Italian in Texas. Call me Gente Vinnie.

[B]

Okay. Hente Vinnie. I like that.

[A]

Vinnie.

[B]

I like that chicken finger.

[A]

Rock hard on her ring. Camera. Safe word. Please text me back. Okay. Dustin Oaks. Chris Cipriano, David Ramos. Ich bain ain Jude and hisri Hyenas uber al stut from Fuhrerland.

[B]

You were able to read that flawlessly off instinct.

[A]

It's just one it in. I think it's just in me, right?

[B]

It's in there.

[A]

Yeah. Visiting Greece to see the sights and scenics. Okay. Scenics. Yeah.

[B]

You know, that's a walked in one. But that's one that you created.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's again, that's one of the sand castles you built.

[A]

It's just what it is. Yeah. Shabbat shalom. I'm here for the Frisbee orgy in your home. Oh, hi. Jesse.

[B]

Drexler.

[A]

Straight to the back, but gay in both holes. Holes. Okay.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

Put them on the list.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah. Because some people are gay in only one hole. They only do blowies on guys.

[A]

Yeah. But he does both because.

[B]

Are you gay in one hole?

[A]

I'm gay in one hole because I think I'm not doing it in the butt. Yeah.

[B]

Our fans help us sometimes with some of the jargon that is now going into the history hyenas lexicon.

[A]

Sabrina the Hyena. Gay in both holes.

[B]

Gay in both holes means he's a Fully charged, three dollar bill.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And gay in one hole means he's bi. Curious.

[A]

It is. Found out. My wife used to love purple crayons. It's what it is.

[B]

I don't know what that means.

[A]

I don't know what that means. Okay. Sucre Chapathi. Francisco Gamboa, Brett Buer, Joseph Polatowski, AKA Pierogi Monkey. Joceline Singh. Carpet rides to the white boy frat party. Okay. For a friend. Laughing to a fart. You farted again.

[B]

I farted twice. Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna Drexler, but it was really funny.

[A]

Should I put that on the list? No, no. It's a little hard. Yeah, yeah. Chrissy Cumshot. Matthew Bascal. When Yanni tucks back, his front bum has fumes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Jay the Wizard. Chrissy Chlamydian. Oh, like comedian. Comedian.

[B]

Good try. Very good try.

[A]

What the hell did I sign up for? That's an interesting question.

[B]

That's a good question.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's gonna be a wild ride, my friend.

[A]

Corey stazin. Paul Maynard Jr. Mexican Jumping Bean, aka Border Bunny.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Daniel Clark. Akash's wife.

[B]

Well, Daniel Clark it might be. I worked with him at Fusion, and he was also on some. He was that show that. If it's actually Daniel Clark, he was on the show that. That. What's the rapper from Canada. I'm just blanking from Drake. Drake. The one that Drake was on when he was little.

[A]

Oh. Oh, yeah, he was on that show.

[B]

He was one of the heartthrobs from that show.

[A]

Look, Daniel Clark. And you could be his.

[B]

Because I was friends with him. Yeah.

[A]

Zahadi.

[B]

Yeah. There he is now. He's a news producer and he. We worked at Fusion together, which is funny because we just had Mariana on there. It is another serendipitous moment you're in. If it's the real Dan.

[A]

Does he do comedy too?

[B]

No, no. That's another.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No.

[A]

Mart Hart. Then we got a conscious wife's cheeks get more claps than his stand up.

[B]

It's what it is we can't do. Then his stand up we can't do.

[A]

Yes, sorry. It's a good roast joke. And it's. We're disparaging. This isn't a friend in here.

[B]

It's not a court of law. So we do. We don't. We can't condone. We can't make a judgment on that. Yeah.

[A]

If it's just. No, I'll tell you this. I'll do this. If we. If there is Something that we get invited to the roast of our Cushing. We will use that as a joke.

[B]

We will use it as a joke because it is a good one.

[A]

Politicus. Then we got Epstein and Maxwell vacation rental service. Then we got Ethan Cocke. Like Ethan Hawke. Ethan Cocke.

[B]

Ethan Cocker.

[A]

Okay. Saudis own more comedians than oil. That's true.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Very true. Gumadio Chalmers, AKA Miami Feet glue Guy. Like Mario Chalmers.

[B]

G. They're big time. A little too inside. Because a lot of people don't know who Mario Chalmers is.

[A]

Gosh. Do you want to go to Miami and just do a live show down there? Yeah, yeah, just go down there.

[B]

I want to stay at Mariana's house.

[A]

Caesar H. Sky Burns. Then I'll come and pay. Had C. In a different way. Oh, okay. Derek Gonzalez. Malik Black. Oh, there you go. John Chrissy walked into hard pasta Monkey Alvarez. David Schmidt. Then we got voted for mom Donnie because my wife got fat.

[B]

What about the list?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, that's.

[B]

That's a 10.

[A]

I mean, a lot of fat ladies like mom don't. Okay, so East New York Pierogi monkey watching Planet of the apes. P.S. i don't have a TV, okay? Yeah, I thought it was okay.

[B]

We don't condone that. Stop it.

[A]

Stop that. Michael Knapp. Anne Frank's checkerboard. My.

[B]

Wait, I'm trying to figure that one out.

[A]

Checkers board and Frank's checkers board. I don't know.

[B]

Did anyone figure that out?

[A]

Know my dick don't reach. But she calls it a piece. Something don't add up, cuz. Okay, a bum using kids got small.

[B]

Piece in his opinion.

[A]

But she says it's sufficient, so what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A bum using shrimp as a Bluetooth earpiece. It's at least list.

[B]

Yeah, I think you got to list that.

[A]

Just funny visual. Yeah. Hail Glu. Yeah. Catherine Navarro Fisbee on Staten towel in Manhattan. Wei Zhong Shiite way.

[B]

Zhang Shiite on its own would have been on the list.

[A]

Yeah, my AI girlfriend left me for Leroy.

[B]

Very funny.

[A]

Drexler Blood Banko Dracula. Momdani's mom. Donnie's personal six year old ham Candle way song.

[B]

She can't do it.

[A]

Muslim reference. No good. Shannon Fleming.

[B]

Can't do that for our safety reasons.

[A]

Little chubby, but a decent beaver beater.

[B]

Really like it.

[A]

Beaver beater's funny.

[B]

Beaver beater's funny. It's a Drexler.

[A]

Okay. Brandon Goskawian. New Jew in your shoe leaving. New Jew glue ladder 14.

[B]

New Jew in your shoe Alone would have been good. Yeah, but we're. Yeah, almost.

[A]

Ebenezer Splooged in Not so Tiny Tim Dillon.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Bill Moore Morrow, Charlie Kurt.

[B]

That one got a big laugh out of Nick. I saw his stomach start to jingle.

[A]

Which one? Bill Morrow?

[B]

No, the Tim.

[A]

Oh, Tim Dylan. Yeah.

[B]

Read it one more time. I want to see if he moves again.

[A]

Ebenezer Splooged in Not so Tiny Tim Dillon.

[B]

God.

[A]

Oh, they got me with. I didn't want to read that. All right. Smooth Masturbation Theater. The Joe Chode Gang Experience. Omar Valencia. Ugly Waffle. The Leroy Got My Bike for Christmas. Oh, okay.

[B]

Another one. Walk.

[A]

Baby. No, dad, that's called a Coco Felon. Not good. Walked into one. Not great.

[B]

But hold up a second.

[A]

Hold up a second. Second.

[B]

Just hold on one second. Lad 14. Okay, that is the best one so far. Playing on Coco Melon.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, it's up to you, cuz. It's your call, but it's a walked in one.

[B]

It is definitely a walked into one. What do you. What do you do there? That is the funniest one.

[A]

Jesse's laughing hard.

[B]

He's losing it. Nick. Not so much. What does that go list or is.

[A]

That one Thumbs up.

[B]

Thumbs up.

[A]

All right, then. It's on. It's on.

[B]

I mean, sometimes you just got to supersede the walked into one because it's just too good.

[A]

Yeah. Undisputed Bento Boxer Vilgorago. Hitler's Undescended Right Testicle. I like that, Muhammad. My foreskin didn't stand a chance. Rashad Drexler. Fumail Fu males daycare. Sorry, no vacancy. C. AG2FY. The boys are back like Oasis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sam Roberts. Undescended testicle. A lot of undescended testicles. Jackie Onassis and Tits Got Brain on Zacute Film Oz. Pearl necklace or O's pearl necklace? Aoria. Kid Tudy's tax attorney. Yanni gains a chromosome when he shaves.

[B]

Okay. I look retarded with a beard.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz is aoc that Latin fume piece in the rep House.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Paris Morales. Donnie T. Please build the UK a wall. Major sandstorm.

[B]

That's a walk. Didn't one. I bet you not. Whatever.

[A]

Mo Muhammad. Mo problems.

[B]

Ladder 14.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. What are we doing that? I mean, we just got to let that one go.

[A]

Gotta let go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jose. Josh Man Savage. Richard Sass. Make no mistake. Wiener dogs are for the table. Evading lunacy. White Walker closed the gate behind me.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like that. I'm gonna put that on the list.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

If you don't remember from the First Reich, a White Walker is someone who lives on the other side of the wall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A Mexican.

[A]

Yeah. Max Galante. Then we got branded Van, not Elon. Musk is South African. Hide your Frisbees, Jap Bean. Call him a microwavable burrito. Sean.

[B]

Oh, that's walked in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That'S definitely from the firehouse. Some of these are coming directly from the fire.

[A]

That's what it is. Hefty schlong, Dinger captain. Now daycare center closed until further notice. And then last but not least, frankly, laser beams are awful at customer service.

[B]

Lot of 14. Okay, we're gonna.

[A]

We read enough names, right?

[B]

You think?

[A]

Okay. Yeah. All right, so here's. Here's the list so far. Voted for mom Donnie because my wife got fat. A bum using shrimp as a Bluetooth earpiece.

[B]

That was good.

[A]

Wife puts on the earmuffs and blindfolded. Wife puts on the earmuffs and blindfold when she goes down on me. We call it doing the hell and kill Keller. Jesus and the Lady Brain boys fix my leaky roof. Straight to the back, but gay in both holes.

[B]

It's a good one.

[A]

Black baby. No, dad, that's called a cocoa felon. And White Walker closed the gate behind me.

[B]

Okay. Okay, let's start from the top here. We're going to start Drexlering.

[A]

Voted for mom Donnie because my wife got fat.

[B]

It's a goodie, but we're going to drag.

[A]

Okay. It is true, though. A lot of you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's a bum using shrimp as a Bluetooth earpiece.

[B]

We're gonna keep that around.

[A]

Okay. Jesus and the Lady Brain boys fix my leaky roof.

[B]

We're gonna Drexler, but welcome to the lexicon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We are the Lady Brain Boy.

[A]

That's the new name. That could be the new name of the pod.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wife puts on the earmuffs and blindfold when she goes down on me. We call it doing the Helen Keller.

[B]

We're gonna Drexler it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Any other day, guys.

[A]

Straight to the back, but gain both holes.

[B]

That's a good one. We're going to Drexler it, but welcome to Lexicon.

[A]

Yeah, Good. Black baby. No doubt. That's called a cocoa felon.

[B]

Unfortunately, we got to keep that one around.

[A]

What it is. And then White Walker closed the gate behind me.

[B]

We're going to. We're going to dress for that. Hard to do.

[A]

So then it is between a bum using. I'm sorry, it's between a bum using shrimp as a Bluetooth earpiece. Yeah, it is Black baby. No, dad, that's called cocoa felon. I'm sorry, those are the two. It's between black baby. No, dad, it's called a cocoa felon and a bum using shrimp as a Bluetooth earpiece.

[B]

You know what? I'm just going for funny here. I'm not going for morality or political correctness in my opinion. Am I wrong? I'm just going to.

[A]

It made Jesse. It broke Jesse.

[B]

Yeah. Nick of the two.

[A]

Yeah, those are. That's the coco felt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Guys, we do comedy here. That's all it is. It's just a joke, you know. But congratulations, you are the first winner of 2026 Black Baby. No, dad. That's called the coco felon. You are the ppw. So your name up in lights at history hyenas is back dot com. Go get the merch. Tell your friends this episodes continues at Patreon.