The Myth of Thanksgiving | History Hyenas

Summary

History Hyenas – The Myth of Thanksgiving

Podcast: History Hyenas
Hosts: Chris Distefano & Yannis Pappas
Episode: The Myth of Thanksgiving
Date: November 27, 2025

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Overview

In this high-energy Thanksgiving special, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas blend irreverent humor, personal stories, and some wild historical detours to explore the messy, often-misunderstood origins of Thanksgiving. While roasting themselves, their families, and each other, they dig into the myths and realities around America's most complicated holiday—from the story of Squanto and the actual events at Plymouth, to the misconceptions about smallpox blankets, and the modern chaos of family gatherings around the turkey. Expect plenty of laughs, tons of tangents, and a surprising amount of historical insight.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Thanksgiving Traditions: Food, Family, Football, and Dysfunction

[04:14 - 10:00]

• Chris and Yannis joke about their holiday plans and the characters at their family tables, poking fun at everything from eating habits ("Thanksgiving for me is a time that I give thanks… and with certain members of my family, a time where I have to be on Zoom calls from… Rikers Island." - Chris, 04:22) to the obligatory family fights and cultural disparities (Coquito traditions, and political divides between in-laws).
• Food is central to their banter—Greek lamb vs. classic turkey, handing out turkeys to the poor, eating off paper plates ("They're all gonna get smallpox. Yeah. They're all gonna…giving them blankets." - Chris, 10:04).
• Both mock the performative aspects of Thanksgiving charity and the sometimes questionable hygiene in communal or kid-cooked food.

2. Mixed Heritage & Cynical Family Portraits

[02:13 - 02:55; 17:14 - 19:20]

• The podcast’s in-house crew gets playful nicknames highlighting their backgrounds, leading to an extended riff on identity, Massapequa’s Native-sounding name, and the long-gone presence of actual Native people ("There's no more Native Americans in Massapequa because Republicans came in there and said, get the fuck out." - Chris, 02:33).
• Yannis jokes about the Greek-American family guest lists sounding like "a medical exam" or "names that sound like viruses" (18:43).
• Cultural clashes come up with marriage jokes, such as being labeled "the gay Democratic in-law" in a conservative spouse's family ("Because to one side of your wife’s family, your family is… being Democrat and being gay." - Chris, 19:38).

3. The Dark, Messy Truth Behind Thanksgiving: Miles Standish, Squanto, and Colonial Atrocities

[30:03 - 52:36]

• Chris introduces Miles Standish, a violent enforcer at Plymouth, describing him as an angry, short, red-haired "Joe Pesci of the British" who personally murdered Native Americans and displayed their heads as lawn decorations ("He used to… cut off Native American guys’ heads and put them on spikes outside his house." - Chris, 31:03; "Like Vlad the Impaler, but a squeak." - Yannis, 33:27).
• The guys remind listeners that the Thanksgiving myth is sanitized, glossing over deadly conflict and brutality.
• Yannis and Chris break down the smallpox blanket story, debunking the idea as largely a myth based on minimal historical evidence, insisting disease spread was more accidental and due to lack of immunity than intentional genocide ("The smallpox blanket is largely a myth." - Yannis, 35:07; "Smallpox could not even survive for that long on a blanket to infect someone." - Yannis, 38:22).
• They discuss how legends (and scapegoats) form—one "bad apple" can change history, with people following simple, often wrong explanations for complex events.

4. Squanto: A Complicated Founding Figure

[46:25 - 52:43]

• Chris tells the story of Squanto, kidnapped by Europeans, taken to Europe, escaped slavery, and returned to find his tribe destroyed. He became a key interpreter and mediator, teaching the Pilgrims how to survive and playing both sides to enhance his status ("He was one of the only persons alive on Earth in 1620 who spoke English, understood native diplomacy, and understood European intentions." - Chris, 46:41).
• Squanto is painted as a double agent—helpful to the Pilgrims, but suspected of betrayal by other Native Americans ("Here's the part that might make Nick go purring: Squanto was actually kind of a double agent, and he played both sides." - Chris, 50:45).
• Ultimately, they say there’s no Thanksgiving without Squanto, and the first feast was possible largely because of his mediation ("Squanto is the reason we have Thanksgiving. Without Squanto, there is no Thanksgiving." - Chris, 52:43).

5. Family, Gratitude, & Modern Absurdities

[21:05 - 24:02; 56:21 - 61:21]

• Both hosts dig into what they're grateful for, with Chris and Yannis each listing deep (and often hilarious) gratitudes—from "the program" and "family health and happiness," to "cold beer," "the Knicks," immigrant food, and "Manifest Destiny."
• Family stories include tales of relatives with disabilities, odd eating habits, and the relentless tease of being surrounded by characters—"nobody spends Thanksgiving at a bar unless they're a divorced dad" (28:34).
• They make a point to thank their fans, especially those who subscribe and support their work—a sendup of Patreon culture and the freelance gig economy.

6. Thanksgiving in the Modern Era: Absurdities, Warnings, and Odes to Excess

[29:10 - 62:12]

• As always, the boys riff on personal quirks—Chris adopts a new family puppy, admits his "obsession" is shifting from his kids to the dog, and details how he bakes peanut butter pumpkin ice cream sandwiches with music and wine ("You're baking like a lady." - Yannis, 12:51).
• They warn listeners—especially their own, mostly male, perhaps "horned up by turkey" audience—not to "have sex with the turkey," in a deadpan bit ("Don't be a human baster out there… If you get horned up by the turkey, go into the guest bathroom… don't ruin it for everyone else." - Chris, 17:29).
• Ongoing jokes about wrestling, Snap benefits, and the free vs. paid tiers of podcast fans ("The people I'm not thankful for are the free members who just join and just sit there and look at all the lockdown." - Yannis, 59:27).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the sad reality for Native Americans:

  • "There's no more Native Americans in Massapequa because Republicans came in there and said, get the fuck out." – Chris, [02:33]

• Thanksgiving Dysfunction:

  • “Thanksgiving for me is a time that I give thanks… and with certain members of my family, a time where I have to be on Zoom calls from… Rikers Island.” – Chris, [04:22]

• On Miles Standish:

  • "He used to… cut off Native American guys’ heads and put them on spikes outside his house." – Chris, [31:03]
  • "He was like the Joe Pesci of the British." – Yannis, [31:48]

• On the Smallpox Blanket Myth:

  • "The smallpox blanket is largely a myth.” – Yannis, [35:07]
  • “Smallpox could not even survive for that long on a blanket to infect someone.” – Yannis, [38:22]

• Cultural Satire:

  • "If there's two things that don't go together, it's silence in the Puerto Rican community." – Yannis, [13:23]

• Squanto’s Role:

  • "He was one of the only persons alive on Earth in 1620 who spoke English, understood native diplomacy, and understood European intentions." – Chris, [46:41]
  • "Squanto is the reason we have Thanksgiving. Without Squanto, there is no Thanksgiving." – Chris, [52:40]

• On Simple Explanations:

  • "People just like easy explanations, whether they're true or not." – Yannis, [38:08]

• Absurdity and Modern Warnings:

  • "Don’t be a human baster out there… If you get horned up by the turkey, go into the guest bathroom… don't ruin it for everyone else." – Chris, [17:29]

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Segment Timestamps

• [02:33] – Massapequa, Native Americans & the Republican riff
• [04:14] – Thanksgiving food and family dysfunction
• [10:04] – Jokes about paper plates, smallpox, and family chaos
• [17:14] – Ethnic holiday guest lists & MAGA family politics
• [19:20] – Marrying into conservative families
• [21:05] – What the hosts are thankful for
• [29:10] – Big Guy’s Thanksgiving Dinner (NYC blue-collar traditions)
• [30:03] – Miles Standish and the first Thanksgiving’s violence
• [35:07] – Debunking the smallpox blanket myth
• [38:22] – How disease really spread
• [46:25] – The real story of Squanto
• [50:45] – Squanto as double agent and Thanksgiving peacemaker
• [52:43] – Squanto as Thanksgiving’s founding figure
• [56:21] – Hosts reflect on gratitude and modern Thanksgiving absurdities
• [60:01] – Thanksgiving odes to New York, food, and immigrant culture
• [62:18] – End of show—thank-yous and love to the fans

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Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, unscripted, and wildly comedic. Chris and Yannis riff off each other, their families, and history itself with a combination of brash honesty, streetwise mockery, and genuine affection for their roots. They blend the chaos of New York family life with brutal truths about American history and the strange rituals of Thanksgiving, always with tongue firmly in cheek and plenty of classic bits.

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For New Listeners

Expect no solemn history lesson here—this is a raucous, candid, and frequently politically incorrect celebration of Thanksgiving’s weirdness. You’ll get a mix of actual historical facts—debunked and reframed—the boys’ homegrown anthropology on family, food, and culture, and an unfiltered, heartfelt gratitude for both their “cuzmunity” and the misfits who made Thanksgiving possible (Squanto, this one’s for you).

Transcript

[A]

Coca Cola for the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers for the optimists, pessimists for long distance love for introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new Coca Cola for everyone. Pick up some Coca Cola at a.

[B]

Store near you guys. Happy, happy, happy Thanksgiving. We are going to give you a wild history of Thanksgiving and tell you what we're doing on Thanksgiving. And it is a very, very funny episode. And buckle up and listen on low. Don't listen around your family or else you might get in trouble. Come see me December 31st, New Year's Eve shows. Count Basie Theater. Christy, comedy.com or history hyenas is back dot com.

[A]

Yes, sir. See me in Stanford, Connecticut, December 5th and 6th. Austin, Texas, December 11th through 13th. West Nyack, New York, at the Palisades Mall. Levity Live, December 19th through 21st. And then catch me in Cobbs the day after New Year's Day. Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco, January 2nd and 3rd.

[B]

Because you got a big December.

[A]

I got a big December coming up. Listen to this episode. You're gonna enjoy it. Gobble, gobble, gob.

[B]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of History Hyenas. Happy Thanksgiving. Hopefully you have a turkey wing in your ass right now listening to this episode. Macaroni and cheese in your pants. I'm Chrissy D. That's Yanni P. And we are your Thanksgiving tits.

[A]

We are the Thanksgiving boys. Were a couple little Indians sitting across from a couple of white men saying how? Saying pasta, mashed potatoes.

[B]

It's what it is. We have Jesse the Jew on the ones and twos.

[A]

And then half Jew, half Jew, Jesse.

[B]

The half Jew on the ones and twos.

[A]

In 10 years, it'll be full Jew again. Right now the heat's on.

[B]

So what we're going to call him then, just to make it simple is he's half Jew Jesse.

[A]

He's half Italian Jesse for now and again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If things get out of control, remember, he's going to be walking around. What's the matter? Me.

[B]

Me. So we got half Jew Jesse. And then we have. And then we have Nick the Indian off to the side. Nick is from. Is from a Latino country at the Guatemala, Honduras, one of them. But he does look Native American. And he is going to Thanksgiving in Massapequa, which is probably the most Native American sound the name on Long Island. But basically what happened is, is there's no more Native Americans in Massapequa because Republicans came in there and said, get the fuck out.

[A]

Yeah, that's the new Jamestown. They said, we built the fort and we want you on the other side of this wood wall.

[B]

Yeah. Long island guys cave and said, we're building a fort here in Massapequa and we're going to name it Target.

[A]

Yeah. Nick. Nick. There's no other way to slice it. His people got the short end of the stick on Thanksgiving.

[B]

It's what it is. Yeah.

[A]

Thanksgiving. Originally, the Indians, which I. They're really native people, but, you know, as we said, Christopher Columbus just said, you fucking Indians. Now.

[B]

This is what it is. Yeah.

[A]

Christopher Columbus basically treated the native people the way do we do in New York. When someone says we're Ecuadorian, we say, nice to meet you, Puerto Rican guy.

[B]

That's what it is. Now, Nick has done a very smart thing with his hair. What he's done is in preparation for Thanksgiving is he has, you know, the long hair on the sides and a beard, and then he has a hat on, so you think he's got a full head, but then when he takes his hat off, he's bald in the middle. And that's what we call a pre Scalp.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is how he saves himself from getting scalped. I already did myself. Yeah. So you. I'm good, guys.

[A]

That's the way you do it. It's called the Eminem. You diss yourself, so they diss you.

[B]

So. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

On the top, he looks like Jason Alexander. From the back, it's the Ovana.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

It's a little bit of a misdirect.

[B]

Yeah, it's what it is. Yeah. From.

[A]

It looks like he's wearing a Halloween hat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Comes with hair coming out the side.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. It's just what it is. On the sides, he looks like Alexander the Great, long flowing hair. And in the middle, he looks like Jason Alexander.

[A]

He does. Yeah. Actually, yeah. Yeah. Thanksgiving is a time that we give thanks, but more importantly, we watch football. Big.

[B]

Big. Yeah. And Thanksgiving for me is a time that I give thanks and with certain members of my family, a time where I have to be on Zoom calls from. With Rikers Island.

[A]

That's what you got to do.

[B]

What I got to do. So there's just a couple of virtual visits that have to happen around 4pm from my Thanksgiving table to a little place called Now.

[A]

I used to do social work for Lutheran Social Services. And, you know, Thanksgiving is a big.

[B]

Time and we're doing social work again. Nick is on SNAP Benefits.

[A]

It's a time where, you know, Thanksgiving is a time where the poor always get turkeys. You know, Nino Brown like to hand out turkeys. Have you ever. I think it's a good thing if we all figured out a way to get on one of those lines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Get on one of those lines and wear an apron and scoop mashed potatoes and hand it to a guy who's body odor is less than decent.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

I've done it.

[B]

Now, here's the thing, because I've also.

[A]

Spent Thanksgiving at my brother's school a few times and got served mashed potatoes by somebody who has down syndrome. And I am ashamed to say I couldn't eat it.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's not. And no, don't be ashamed. Say that.

[A]

It's what it.

[B]

Don't be ashamed to say that. It's just, you know, it's like my kids are. My daughter's in preschool and they're having like a Thanksgiving thing where all the kids are going to get together and make pies and soups and all the parents have to go, and I'm not going to eat it because the last thing I want is booger soup. I don't need. I don't need a pecan pie with my daughter's boogers in it. So. And the other kids coughing on it. So what you'll do is you'll politely pass and say that you have some type of stomach ailment or that you're fasting, but you'll be there in support. I'll put the, you know, paper mache turkey on my head. I'll do all that. But I'm not gonna eat food from little children. I'm not gonna eat food from people with down syndrome. I love people with down syndrome, but it's just. There'll be a little drool in it, and it's just not what I want right now. Yeah, that's why I feel like you could be honest about that.

[A]

If there's any moisture, like, leaking out of their face, you just can't do it.

[B]

It's just what it is.

[A]

And what I did was I just. Even though I was like 8 or 9 years old, I just simply said, I am protesting Thanksgiving dinner.

[B]

That's all it is.

[A]

Because of the colonial aspect of this whole thing.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

Cause.

[B]

And it's just. You have to just be honest with who you are and what you're about. When we used to go to that pizzeria in Bay Ridge, I couldn't eat because that waitress had one arm.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And a lot of times she would serve the pizzas and there was one time where there was a little ricotta cheese on the nub and I just couldn't eat there. That's. Now that doesn't make me a bad guy. No, it just doesn't. It just makes me an honest, truthful person that I'm not just going to eat. You know what I mean? I just don't want parsley on the nub and then I can't eat the pizza. That's all it is. I just thought that that was an odd choice.

[A]

In retrospect, that's probably not the best thing to have a one armed waitress considering you gotta carry things to and from the table and people walk in with an appetite and they may lose their appetite.

[B]

Well, you at least gotta come in. You at least gotta come in with a prosthetic arm. Like at least look like the Winter soldier. When you're giving me my pizza.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Don't come in with your full nub out. Again, I respect it and I know it must be difficult for you and I'm sorry, but I'm just being honest. But I, you know, it looked like a Tootsie Roll with an infection at the end. I just can't deal with it.

[A]

Yeah, just put a cup on it or something.

[B]

That's all it is. Yeah, perfect. Genius marketing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Put the cup from the restaurant over there over the nub just while you're working. Fake hand on 100%?

[A]

Yeah, something like that.

[B]

Hundred percent. That's all I'm saying. I'm not meaning to be disrespectful and I hope the girl's not listening. I'm just being honest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I'm not naming names, I don't know her name, but I just couldn't eat at that restaurant because she had pepperonis on her nub.

[A]

Yeah, I'm not trying to be able bodiest or anything like that. It's just there's certain jobs that requires two hands and two feet. Being a waiter or waitress is one of those things.

[B]

That's all it is.

[A]

If somebody rolled up in a wheelchair, I would say, listen, this is maybe not the right job because you're taking up a lot of space at the restaurant and it's taken a long time to bring me my water.

[B]

What it is now, speaking of down syndrome, my father will be at Thanksgiving, so that's good. And it's going to be nice. Now he's lost his teeth, so the issue is he's lost his teeth. He has no teeth. So how's he going to eat turkey with no teeth?

[A]

He's got to put some in.

[B]

Or do we just feed him mashed potatoes?

[A]

Does he get fake teeth?

[B]

He's not.

[A]

He hasn't had the fake teeth put in.

[B]

Well, he has the fake teeth, but he lost them because I'm pretty sure my daughter flushed him down the toilet.

[A]

That's going to be an issue. Then you're just going to have to feed him applesauce.

[B]

Applesauce and mashed potatoes.

[A]

Now, I'm Greek, so, you know, we carry our.

[B]

You guys just eat a little boy.

[A]

We eat lamb. Yeah, Lamb.

[B]

Because lambs are. That's the thing. You guys like to eat babies. Because lambs are just baby sheep.

[A]

They're baby sheep. And, you know, a lot of people think wolves are the number one predator of lambs. Greek human beings.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Number one predator.

[B]

Lambs.

[A]

Yeah, we kill those things.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

And we hang them up, we put them on a spit, and we put them outside. And all the children think that we're cooking our dogs.

[B]

The thing is, is you start to. A lamb, usually the last thing it ever feels in its life is just the bite. Little tickle of a mustache. And you don't know if it's from a guy or a girl because they're Greek.

[A]

That's all. That's. You just don't know. And we are Greeks. We are the Puerto Ricans of Europe. Or as Chris likes to call us, the Sea Knicks. Way song. Chien.

[B]

The sea digs the Sea dings or the sea Nicks. This is a. This is an interesting way to get around it.

[A]

Yeah. Just to see Nick.

[B]

That's all it is.

[A]

Way song.

[B]

So basically, Massapequa with Nick.

[A]

You go to massive people with Nick. So what you're basically saying if you're at home is just. If you know what Nick's ethnicity is, just think about what the word that would go there is.

[B]

And what I encourage you to do is whomever you know, you. If you have members of your family from that culture, you just call them a C. And then whatever first name that is.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So now, because the truth is this. Truth is.

[A]

Don't tell me lies. Tell me the truth.

[B]

The truth is this. Because we're gonna. We're doing.

[A]

I love when you pop that bottom level out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And pop that bottom level out like it's a bunk bed that slides under. Yeah.

[B]

Now, the truth is that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. The truth is, this is I'm having Thanksgiving at my house for. For the first time and a lot of Jasmine's family's coming over, so I know one thing and one thing only.

[A]

They're all gonna get smallpox.

[B]

Yeah. They're all gonna giving them blankets. And I'm going to eat Thanksgiving off paper plates.

[A]

That's for sure.

[B]

That's just what it is. And I actually like that. It's easier cleanup. Yeah. Make absolutely no mistake.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With one side of my family, it's just plastic knives and forks and paper plates. And I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you're just going to have to just understand that we're not using the good china.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you got to understand two things. If you eat Thanksgiving at Christy's house, you're going to be eating off paper.

[B]

Plates and you won't have turkey. You're going to have a little thing called me.

[A]

You're going to have a little thing. Porny. And Lynn will be there, but she'll be two Xanax is deep.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Lynn. Well, actually, no. What's very interesting is Lynn has opted not to come.

[A]

She's not coming.

[B]

She's not coming. She's gonna go to my aunt's house, which is fine. And be Janet. No, the other. Another one.

[A]

Because she, I think beep this all.

[B]

I think it's one of those things where she's not coming because she's saying, she's saying, you know what? I just don't want to go this year. I'm gonna like, spend it my side of the family. But it's really because I think my dad's there. Right? Yeah.

[A]

That's going to cause a little conflict.

[B]

In the kids brain. It's what it is.

[A]

Parents at war had that same problem as well.

[B]

Yeah. So now, so Thanksgiving, I hope you guys are, you know, hopefully listening to this, enjoying your Thanksgiving meal. I know football is on, you know, can have a little turkey, can have a little sides. I've. I got a bunch of pies. I went to the market near my house and I got a bunch of pies. I got a cherry pie, a pumpkin pie, and a sweet potato pie.

[A]

Wow. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm gonna eat all of it. Wow.

[A]

You really do Thanksgiving like a midwestern white woman with neck fat.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

You go to the outdoor farmer's market. You just pick out all the homegrown pies.

[B]

An apple pie we got. And also what I've done is I made little treats for the kids. And I saved a couple extra for me.

[A]

You made them.

[B]

I made them.

[A]

Put on an apron. And you cook?

[B]

Yeah. What I did. Ready for this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Ready for this?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What I did was. Is Thanksgiving festive? I baked homemade. This is true. I homemade baked peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and I put pumpkin ice cream in between them. And I made little pumpkin chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches for the kids. And there are seven kids at the house, and I made 14 because I want to have a couple.

[A]

You want to have a few?

[B]

Yeah. And I just said, oh, maybe.

[A]

Do you know how to bake?

[B]

Well, it's pretty easy.

[A]

Martha Stewart. Chrissy.

[B]

Yeah, it's what you do. It's pretty easy to make the peanut butter chocolate chip cookies because they, you know, already come pre made. You just put them in the oven.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I put. I wait for them to harden when they come out, and then I put the ice cream on them and I froze them. And they're just really yummy. Yummy in your tummy.

[A]

Those are delicious. I'm just. I'm surprised that you're sitting there baking. Do you put music on when you bake?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Do you put on, you know, I don't know, comfortable shoes?

[B]

I put on. I put on music.

[A]

I drink a little wine. You light a candle.

[B]

Yep. I have an apron on.

[A]

Are you a. Yeah. Because you're baking like a lady. Like a lady.

[B]

And that's. I always do. Anytime I'm doing anything in the kitchen. Yeah. Doing the dishes, anything like that. I always put on a little tunes or sometimes I put on little podcasts you put on. And I listen along, but I always have music or podcast going. And it actually pisses Jasmine off because she's like, why can't you do anything in silence? And I'm like, because I just need a little tunes.

[A]

Yeah. A Puerto Rican asking a white guy, why can't you do anything in silence?

[B]

He's a little wild.

[A]

Ain't that the pot calling the kettle Puerto Rican?

[B]

Yeah, it's funny. Yeah.

[A]

Cause if there's two things that don't go together, it's silence in the Puerto Rican community. Yeah.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

It' it is like oil and water.

[B]

Oil and water. Now maybe just two for a little side dish. Maybe we'll just eat the dog. Yeah.

[A]

How's that going? How's that going?

[B]

Well, I didn't speak Spanish yet. Speak Spanish. Its name's Josephine. And I already. I gotta be honest with you. I'm in love with the dog. The dog. Three days ago, I had to sit in the ER with the dog for about six hours because we thought it had parvo because it was diarrhea everywhere and it was like, so little and so lethargic, but I took it. I sat in the ER with the dog, the. The doggy, er, animal, er. And it was great. Everything's fine. And I gotta be honest with you. Yeah. I'm in love with the dog. I really do love the dog. It's got these beautiful blue eyes. It's a little Siberian hug, a little Aryan.

[A]

And you like that?

[B]

Yeah, I kind of like it. I've been teaching it to do that with its paw. Yeah.

[A]

You like, you like the fair skin.

[B]

And the blue eyes? Yes. And. And it barks at certain people and I, I. But it howls, actually. Siberian huskies howl. Yeah. So it's. It's very, very nice. I'm finding myself because, you know, what happened is what happens to so many families. The reason why I got the dog is because my kids were like, we want the dog, we want the dog. And I. And I did. I denied. I resisted for years, for a year, and then finally I caved. And we've had the dog for about five days. And within three days, my kids aren't interested in the dog. Right.

[A]

That's how.

[B]

That's just what it is. But now I've become obsessed with the dog and I actually. Cause it's just a puppy, so we can't take her out yet. She doesn't have all our shots. But I'm looking forward to like, walking the neighborhood with her because I actually like being around her. I just like how, like, I tried to take her in the bed last night and I. Jasmine said, no, we're not doing that. We're gonna make sure the dog is trained. So she's smart for that. But it's like, I actually feel a little guilt over how much attention I'm giving the dog and love to the dog that I realize there's things that I used to do with, like, my little daughter. Like, I always, like, hold her up above my head and, like, get silly with her. And I did it yesterday and I realized, oh, I haven't done this with her in, like, three days because those times I'm just spending with the dog.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I think it's going to be very good for you. And when you say walk, what you mean is migrate. You're going to be going on migration.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're going to be walking about four, six months.

[B]

Well, it's One thing, as you know, my family, I know how to deal with the migrants.

[A]

You know how to deal with the migrants. And you also know how to move.

[B]

I do know how to move. I like to move.

[A]

Yeah. So if that thing wants to go on the go, the thing is that things always want to go. To want to go outside and be on the go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so you guys are two peas in a pod.

[B]

It's what it is. And all I'll do is I'll throw in my headphones, I'll put on Cyndi Lauper. Cyndi Lauper on Spotify?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I just fucking dance, baby. I just hop and I walk down that road.

[A]

You take that little German wolf for a little stroll.

[B]

A little. Because you're a stroll bowl.

[A]

You're stroll bowling.

[B]

I'm a stroll bowling.

[A]

Chrissy strolls you like a nice puzzle.

[B]

I've been affected with a little disease called strollio.

[A]

Yo, got.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I like. We're a couple kids with strollio.

[B]

We're a couple of kids afflicted with strollio.

[A]

I love a stroll.

[B]

Cuz I'm a strollio. String cheese big.

[A]

Yeah. We're a couple of strollionies.

[B]

Yeah. And it's what it is. We like to walk. I like the dog. I really like Thanksgiving. It's one of my favorite holidays. Halloween is number one, but Thanksgiving is number two. And the other thing that we have, my mom's not gonna be there, but normally she does nice biscuits. So we asked. What I did was my mom made biscuits the night before and I went to the neighborhood and I got ma's biscuits and I got them and I'm gonna heat them up real nice.

[A]

Are you gonna pass them out to the neighbors?

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna pass them out to the neighbors. We invited the neighbors over and then my.

[A]

The.

[B]

The woman, the wife. My neighbor wife asked Jasmine who was coming over. She said yes, but she said, oh, who's coming over? And then Jasmine read some of the names on the list and she said, actually, we have plans.

[A]

She said, the Guzmans. Yeah, the Rodriguez. The Guzmans. The Rodriguez and the Guzmans and the Rodriguez. Yeah.

[B]

No, because my family, it's going to be great. So a lot of people be there. We're going to have coquito, nice little Puerto Rican eggnog. And what's nice about coquito is it gets you banged up quick. It's like a milkshake with vodka and it gets you banged up quick. And then normally there's a fight. Yeah, there's A big, big fight.

[A]

They got to get it out.

[B]

Yeah, they got to get it out. And there's a big fight, and it's fun. And there's a lot of dancing in my family. The only thing I caution, because I've done this many times, and especially a lot of our fans, our male fans out there are lesbian fans, because I know a lot of people out there. I've been seeing on the [e-mail] historyainia I know a lot of you guys out there are into fatties. Like, Nick likes a big fatty. Like just a fat, you know, overweight woman. And I get that. I like that, too. And turkeys on. There's a lot. There's a high incidence because turkeys have that big fat ass. There's a high incident of people trying to have sex with the turkeys. So I'm gonna caution you. Don't be a human baster out there. Don't try to baste a turkey with your own jizz. If you get horned up by the turkey, go into the guest bathroom or wherever it is and relieve yourself. Don't ruin it for everyone else.

[A]

I actually think this is one of the instances of you probably projecting onto the population I've tried to protect with.

[B]

A couple of Thanksgiving teas.

[A]

Yeah. I don't think there's a big problem with people trying to fuck their turkeys.

[B]

Yeah. Cause I asked Nick if there's a big problem. People aren't trying to have sex with their turkeys. They're called wrestling fans. Nick, you ever try to bang out your turkey? Yo. Yo.

[A]

Yeah. Now, if you look at the guest list for my Thanksgiving, Greek Thanksgiving, or any Greek party in general, it's just the guest list is really just gonna look like a medical exam.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's really gonna look like you're trying to get into medical school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's just a lot of names that sound like viruses.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Papalopases. The Pappas.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You're gonna look at that list and say, is that contagious?

[A]

Yeah. You're gonna go, conta Costas. What part of the body is Conta Costas?

[B]

Yeah, it's just.

[A]

That's what my party is. And there's always lamb present. We do do a little bit of the turkey, but the turkey, it's a little dry for Greeks. We like sweet meat. We like baby sheep.

[B]

Baby sheep. That's what it is. And I know one thing and one thing only. If there will be from one side of your family, from your wife's Family, There will be just a lot of praise for Donald Trump at Thanksgiving.

[A]

There will be a lot of praise.

[B]

There might be a member of your family who might even bake some homemade American flag cookies with Donnie T's face on it. I don't know.

[A]

Whenever my family and my wife's family gets together, it's just funny to watch family try to figure out things to talk about that aren't politics.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the known thing that you can't talk about it.

[B]

Yeah. Because to one side of your wife's family, your family is. They just got a couple of things against them, and that's being Democrat and being gay.

[A]

My family, all of them are very lived out.

[B]

Lived out.

[A]

And her family is very conservative.

[B]

And the thing is, is if it'd be interesting to talk to your wife's side of the family, because you may openly say, oh, I have two or three members of my family that are gay and your wife started family, say there's about 10 or 11 of them that are gay. There's about three times. They think there's about three times as many gay people in your family than you do.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Right. Guess what? Because you're one of them.

[A]

I can't believe that their daughter married a gay.

[B]

Yeah. That's what was spoken about at the wedding.

[A]

Could you imagine when Britney showed me to her father and she did it by going, he's a comedian. And showed her the Maurice video.

[B]

Yeah. I can't imagine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The only thing that her father probably liked about it is that you said the N word.

[A]

Wei Shang Chi ain't. The funny thing is all the nurses that worked for him, they all knew who I was.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And they were like, oh, that's that lady.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your daughter married a lady. Yeah. Yeah. That's nice.

[B]

Yeah. It's just what it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There was probably, like, it was probably a lot of honey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you sure? Yeah. Honey, are you sure?

[A]

Are you sure?

[B]

You sure this is a guy? Because I. Baby, you know, I got you back, but are you sure?

[A]

Cush. What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?

[B]

Because I gotta be honest with you, first of all, I'm thankful for the tariff.

[A]

Are you thankful for the program?

[B]

Cause I'm thankful. Let's go. Our year in review.

[A]

Let's go. Review.

[B]

I'm thankful for the program. Okay. I'm thankful recently for my dog. I'm thankful for this podcast. I'm thankful for meeting Nick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm thankful for the program. I'm thankful. I'm thankful for my family and my Home. I'm thankful that everyone's got their health and happiness. And I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the Knicks. Yeah, the Knicks, they could do good this year. Yeah. And I'm also thankful. I'm really thankful for. I'm thankful for China.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. What are you thankful for?

[A]

Well, my name is Sean Terry, and let me tell you a few things. I'm thankful for.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

I'm thankful for Mick Sauly's bar. I'm thankful. I'm thankful very much for my good friend Mike behind the bar. He's been behind the bar 20 years. I'm thankful for the New York jets who keep trying, keep bringing misery but joy to my life. It's a marriage. It's a commitment. You know, I'm never going to abandon them, but it is tough at times. I'm thankful for 47th Avenue. I'm thankful for bagels. I'm thankful for pizza. I'm thankful for the MTA and all the hard work those guys do down there. I'm thankful for the guys in my ladder 14. I'm thankful for those guys. I'm thankful for board game night. I really love that. I'm thankful for being an FDNY firefighter. I'm thankful for Republicans. I'm thankful that for sanity. I'm thankful for Jesus Christ, Virgin Mary, of course. I'm thankful to my 15 kids, my 1400 cousins, and my 17,000 aunts and uncles. I'm also thankful for the Iraq and what they did to stand up to the British.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thankful for my Celtic roots. I'm also thankful for construction boots. I'm also thankful for my one pair of Levi jeans. I'm also thankful for sweatshirts. I'm very thankful for those. And I'm thankful for my car hot jacket. I'm very thankful for those. And I'm very thankful for my occasional Marlboro Light. When I've had four or five Bud Lights, I go outside, I have a nice fucking marble of light. It never seems to give me a problem. People get addicted. I don't have that problem now. Beer, cold fucking beer is the thing I'm most thankful for. Thank you, Jesus Christ. And I'm also thank you to the Native Americans for giving us such a nice fucking country. I'm sorry you had to go. Yeah.

[B]

I'm thankful for the Native Americans for giving us the great part of Long island called Massapequa and Ron Conquer Ma.

[A]

I'm thankful for Manifest Destiny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what I'm thankful for. I'm Thankful for Florida. Yeah, I'm thankful for Disney. I'm thankful for cruises.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for Norwegian cruises.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what me and my wife. And I'm thankful for Jewish agents calling me in the middle of a fucking.

[B]

Yeah, I'm thankful for Israel. They're doing the right thing. I'm also thankful for. Real quick. I just also want to say I'm thankful for President James Garfield because I started watching his show on Netflix, and originally I started watching it because I thought it was about lasagna, but it's about President James Garfield, and he's a good guy. And I want to tell you about him right after this because you commented the other day when I was walking down the block, you saw me, you said, wait a second. Wait a second, honey. What the hell kind of jeans are those? They're gorgeous. And I said, rag and Bone.

[A]

Now, here's the situation. Like I said, if you watch my Blowing the Light Special, I'm wearing a Rag and Bone shirt. I have three pairs of Rag and Bone sneakers. Yeah, they're one of the best clothing companies. They're one of the best brands. Quality clothes.

[B]

We don't even really have to sell them.

[A]

No.

[B]

Rag and Dragon Bone, you know, it's great quality. Yeah.

[A]

It's awesome. It's one of the best, for sure.

[B]

Yeah. They've spent 20 years obsessed, making jeans that get better over time. Now Jesse knows where these owners live, and he told me he's going to rob their brownstone and bring in some. Some product.

[A]

That's right. Yeah, they are. They're really good. The clothes feel, like broken in right away.

[B]

They really do.

[A]

They're stylish. Their jeans are built to last.

[B]

They really are. I got a pair. What I like about mine is because, you know, I got a weird body. I got big, fat ass and wide hips, but then it kind of goes in. And so the jeans, the way that they fit, they kind of fit my wide ass, but then they taper off at the bottom and they hug my ankle. Nice.

[A]

Yeah. I'll be honest. I'm being completely honest. I wear rag and bone. And I can't mention other things in this ad, but I'll say it after the ad, but Ragamone is one of the only things I wear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not even making that up.

[B]

This is the truth.

[A]

I'm glad that they're advertising because rag and boat's like, one of my three favorite things to wear.

[B]

Now. If you want to upgrade your denim with Rag and bone from November 23 through December 1. Enjoy 25% off site. Just a few exclusions, but mostly 25 off during the biggest sale of the year. Plus, our listeners can stack our exclusive promo code hyenas for even more [e-mail]. that's 25% off site wide and extra savings when you use promo code hyenas. When they ask where you heard about them, please support our show and let them know we sent you. And let me tell you something, I swear to God, I don't do this with a lot of places. I'm immediately going on ragbone.com putting in promo code hyenas and I'm getting a nice discount.

[A]

I already did it. And when they said, where'd you hear about me? I said myself.

[B]

Yeah, Hex clad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pots. I have them at the house. Yeah. Cause these pans are legit. Okay. When the hexclad box came to my house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My family went wild. Normally my wife will just give pots and pans away to her members of her family that wants some of the stuff. And she said, no. Yeah. She said, we're keeping the hex clad and we cook with it. Yeah, we cook with it. Hex clans pans. It's awesome. They got these six piece sets and 12 piece sets that are just. You may. Because I gotta be honest with you, I feel like a chef. I feel like Anthony Bourdain in the kitchen because I got these hex clad pots of pans.

[A]

Yeah, they're really good. It's the perfect starter bundle for any kitchen. And includes three of their most popular pans with matching lids, giving you everything you need to handle daily cooking with ease. From breakfast to dinner, these pans deliver pro level performance, effortless cleanup, and durability that lasts a lifetime.

[B]

They really do. Because I gotta be honest with you, the eggs that wife makes in the morning, they taste a little bit better with Hexclad.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

They really actually do.

[A]

Everyone's always looking for quality cooking pans.

[B]

They really, really look nice. And now, you know, even though obviously it's in her nature, she always wants to go barbecue in the park. I said, we don't have to do that anymore. We got Hexclad.

[A]

For a limited time, Hexclad is having a massive Black Friday sale. Head to hxc l a d.com to get up to 15 off. This is by far the biggest discount they've given all year. That's 52.

[B]

It's mostly mostly off. That's crazy because 52, that's about as old as Giannis. Yeah.

[A]

That's hexclad.com for up to 52% off. You heard that. Right. After you purchase they will ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that the hyenas sent you there. The thing about an Irish kids home is you can go there and you can be pretty sure you're going to get a bland meal.

[B]

Yes. That you will get really good beers and probably a little pumpkin flavored beers and some staminas, but you're not going to get a very tasty meal. Here's the thing. Oneals is a big. Are big fans of ours. Oneills bar in Maspeth. And what's interesting about them is they have an Irish bar but they got good food.

[A]

Yeah. What do they got? Shepherd's pie.

[B]

Yeah. Maybe I'm going to go to o'.

[A]

Neill's for Thanksgiving because nobody spends a Thanksgiving at a bar unless they're a divorced dad. Yeah.

[B]

Nobody spends a Thanksgiving at a bar unless their names is James Dee. Nobody spends a Thanksgiving at a bar unless you're in my group chat.

[A]

That's what we're talking about.

[B]

That's what it is. Yeah. Now, cuz, the big guys dinner. We do a big guy. A big guy's dinner every.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Go to that restaurant.

[B]

You want to come this year?

[A]

Because that.

[B]

Can I ask the guys if you could come this year?

[A]

That is like almost like a disappearing kind of culture in New York.

[B]

What?

[A]

Just like a bunch of city workers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sitting around slinging slurs over turkey.

[B]

Because we got 25 guys going to this dip.

[A]

How many of them are cops and firefighters?

[B]

24. I'm the only one who's not.

[A]

And Debo, but he's a baggage hand.

[B]

But he's a b. Yeah, but he's an honorary. They say he's an honorary firefighter. He's like, he's like the firehouse dog. You know, like they give him a helmet, they let him run around.

[A]

I don't. Yeah, I don't think it's right that you have to be a certain height and strength to be a fighter. I don't think. Yeah, because a guy like Debo could come in handy because what you could do is you could run at the fire and then toss him into the second floor window.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Rescues.

[B]

And then he could do rescue that. He's got buckets and tails and it's nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So what do they do? They just show up at the fire and they give him like a Little toy fire hat.

[B]

They, yeah. Give him a bunch of water guns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he runs around, he has a good time. And what speaking is nothing funnier than.

[A]

Him telling ladies that he's a pilot.

[B]

It's just what it is, cuz. And if he doesn't make his grinder name the Flaming Squeak, I will. So. Because speaking of squeaks, I want to talk to you a little bit about this Thanksgiving guy. You ever heard of a man named Miles Standish?

[A]

No.

[B]

Because Miles Standish, he was a guy was probably at the initial Thanksgiving first ever dinner in the 1600s, but the kid was squeak, five foot four, fire engine, red hair. Okay, this kid definitely already five foot four, fire engine, Red hair, angry. So, you know, one thing and one thing only. He's a Mets fan, right? That's those guys like that Rufe for the New York Mets. And he was an angry, angry kid. Now he was. I find him fascinating because Standish, he was a guy that even though he was invited to the first Thanksgiving, the kid used to like to go out into the fields when they were warring against the Native Americans and just cut off Native American guys heads and put them on spikes outside his house.

[A]

Everybody has things they like to do.

[B]

But back in those days when there's no video evidence of anything, he just came to the Thanksgiving dinner and said, I love you guys.

[A]

Yeah, love it. There was no like bad vibes following you around because nobody saw it. No.

[B]

Now he was saying, because he was an Englishman, he was saying that these Native. The Native Americans are always trying to attack the settlers. They're trying to attack the English settlers. So he said, I got to defend. I got to defend this fort.

[A]

Short guys like to defend, right?

[B]

They'll always defend you. I, to, to his, to his credit, anytime there's been a big bar brawl with Debo, he always defends, right? He always defends. Now he stands, now he gets kicked out of the way, corner. Somebody field goal kicks him. But he always defends, right? And I appreciate that about him a lot. That's why he's a great friend. He's. He'll always defend.

[A]

You little guys are always aggressive, like Chihuahuas, which are basically the Joe Pesci of dogs.

[B]

Yes. And so this guy was like the Joe Pesci of the British. He was a little squeak guy, angry, would kill you. And so what he did, there was something that he did where he basically launched this attack. The. Oh yeah, the Wesley Gusset killings. Wesley Gusset, which also sounds like a town in Suffolk county, could be Very easy. West Augusta killings. It was an atrocity, basically. Standish learned that several Massachusetts warriors, Native Americans, were going to attack English settlers. Okay? So he traveled there with only a few guys. So think about it. He's got a little short squeak of a guy, and he's just got a few guys with him. And he lured the Native American leaders into a small building, and then he personally stabbed the warrior peck suit to death with the guy's own knife, which is real disrespectful. Native American. You don't kill a guy with his own knife.

[A]

No, that's. That's what you call sneaky and cheating. That was. That's not good. No, that is a sneaky.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Whacked him.

[B]

He whacked him. Yeah. And now he, you know, it was an atrocity because he destroyed the. Basically, they had a nice little truce going, the settlers with the Native Americans, and he just, you know, killed it all. And he killed the truce. And the colonists were really alarmed by how brutal the kid was. And he would take men, severed heads as proof, roof, and you know, put the kid. Which, you know, like, you know, like, you like to put out, you know, a little Christmas wreath you have up, you know, a little me Thanksgiving turkey outside the house. You do something nice. He would have severed Native American heads. That's what his, like, decoration. That was his ornaments. Right. That was on the Christmas tree.

[A]

Right, right. For the holidays. That's how he decorated his lawn.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah. So, you know, he was a scary, deeply disturbed now, you know, like.

[A]

Like Vlad the Impaler.

[B]

Exactly, but he was Vlad the Impaler. But a squeak once. He was like a trophy of Vlad the Impaler.

[A]

Right.

[B]

A little baby one.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so, you know, when you're. When you're, you know, thinking about Thanksgiving this year, I mean, I know it's fun. I know we're watching the Macy's, you know, holiday parade. I know we're eating, we're drinking, but you got to understand, the way this thing got started, cuz was kind of a deep, dark history. It wasn't. This wasn't just settlers sitting around nice, all nice with fucking Native Americans. This also. Do you know about. What's his name? What was the Native American's name? Squanto. You know about Squanto?

[A]

I know about Tonto. Tonto and the Lone Ranger, the kids.

[B]

Hold on, let me. Let me. Let me. Squanto.

[A]

While you look up Squanto, I just want, you know, we don't tell you much accurate data here. But you know what is very interesting is that a lot of people don't know that. And this is typical about how things become, you know, legend.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

One guy hears something and they blow it up. One guy can ruin something, right?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You notice how we all have to.

[B]

Take our, like Zoran Momdan. Yeah.

[A]

Like we all.

[B]

Just kidding.

[A]

We all have to take our shoes off at the airport because one guy tried to.

[B]

The shoe bomber.

[A]

Yeah. Tried to put something in his shoes. Now everybody's gonna take their shoes off. So the squeaky wheel. And a lot of times that squeaky wheel is a squeak. But they always get the grease. They always get exaggerated. Things get exaggerated. You know, when we talk about Native Americans and the white colonialists who came, you know, the Protestants that came, you always hear about smallpox blankets. Now, the smallpox blanket is largely a myth.

[B]

Did you know that?

[A]

Yeah, it's largely a myth.

[B]

So you're saying it's largely like it doesn't work.

[A]

No, it's. It comes from.

[B]

Because if it doesn't work, then I spend a lot of money for nothing.

[A]

Weighs on seeing. It's estimated that the smallpox. Smallpox was already spreading and decimating the Indian population. It's estimated by historians like 90% of the native American population was killed by smallpox that just spread naturally after they came in contact with filthy whites.

[B]

That's a good. That's a. By the way, a good nickname for just a squeak who looks a little dirty just calling the kids smallpox.

[A]

Unfortunately, the reason was. Is because the Native Americans were listening to the Joe Rogan podcast and they were.

[B]

Joe Rogan? Yeah, you just sundowned a little. I said Joe Rogan.

[A]

Yeah, they were listening to Joe Rogan podcast. They were just anti vaxx.

[B]

Anti vaxx.

[A]

So they just had a higher per capita incidence of death. So it comes from one primary source, which was a night was a 1763 year 1763 letter from British officer Lloyd Jeffrey Amherst approving a plan suggested by Colonel Henry Boquet to try giving smallpox infected affected blankets to Native Americans during Pontiac's War. There's also one journal entry from Fort Pitt where officers recorded that they gave a Delaware delegation two blankets and a handkerchief from the small pox hospital to inoculate the Indians. So that's the only. Those are.

[B]

So in other words, it really. You don't think it happened the way.

[A]

They said it happened because, like, it was already spreading and like, you know, it's like one guy had a plan to do it. Like, you know how one guy can you Know, it's like, it's like people say Saudi Arabia did 9, 11.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

Like the thing. But Saudi Arabia is an ally of the United States. Right. They would never want to. They would get nothing out of it. Right. But Al Qaeda hated the Saudi Arabian royalty. They hate the House Assad, so they wanted to do it. So attacking us is also attacking the House Assad. But because a lot of the hijackers were Saudi Arabian citizens and there was some evidence of maybe some rogue intelligence funding, then they just go, Saudi Arabia did it. Cuz it's just we're always looking for the simplest way to explain things and. And then we just go, this is what happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because when it's much more complicated.

[B]

Much more complicated. But if in fact smallpox was put on blankets and then effectively started to try to systematically wipe out the Native Americans, and that is the way that we tie the Chinese to Thanksgiving. That's how you tie that. Right.

[A]

You can blame it on them.

[B]

That's how you can say that's how you also in recent history kind of done something similar. Yeah, they did a little smallpox blanket 19.

[A]

Yeah. But it just shows you a lot about humans and how they think. Right. So, you know, like, if you're a libertarian, you just always go, it's the government's fault.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

The government's fault. The government did it. Cause if you're a communist, you just go, oh, it's the capitalist fault.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People just like easy explanations, whether they're true or not.

[B]

Least path to resistance.

[A]

Yeah. Because here is even a better way to think about it. Smallpox could not even survive for that long on a blanket to infect someone. Can't do it.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

You know, it's like it's a, it's surprisingly fragile outside of the human body, and it does not survive well on porous materials like cough. It needs moisture, organic material, to remain viable. On dry surfaces like blankets of cloth, it loses infectivity quickly, usually within hours. So I mean, it's not even a good plan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it was just some guy who hated Native Americans wrote in his journal, like, let's just try to kill him.

[B]

This goes to show you how many times throughout history where it's literally one guy that can just change the whole course of everything. I mean, you know, imagine a world where like Hitler was never born, like World War II doesn't happen the way it is. It's like you think it's like all these billions of people, but most people are just good. They're trying to do but it's a couple of bad apples. Like, for example, be honest.

[A]

Most people aren't good, right? You want to know what most people are? You want the honest answer?

[B]

Tell me. I want honest. Giannisauer.

[A]

Let's be honest. Most people are stupid. Yeah, they're fucking stupid.

[B]

But stupid is safe.

[A]

Stupid is safe. But most people are very impressionable, I think.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I think they're good in the sense that they themselves are not bad.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I think they can be easily led astray by somebody who's bad. I think that's really what the wheels of history are, right? Is one fucking charismatic guy who's just, like, narcissistic, but knows how to play to people's biases. And he just cooks up. He cooks shit up.

[B]

Yeah, it's just what. It's just what it is. Well, yeah, I think it was. I think it was Voltaire that said, history doesn't repeat itself. People repeat themselves. So it's just people. It's not history. You blame it on history, but it's just people doing the same. Those same things. Like, they don't learn. Because I. I just learned that in the 1500s, there was a plague epidemic of syphilis. Right. And people were getting it from. They were going to.

[A]

And you're speaking from experience, right?

[B]

Right, Yes, I was live.

[A]

And I know he's talking about. Yeah, he's wrestled with it.

[B]

It's what it is. Not. Not syphilis, but close. What did you get? Chlamydia.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So.

[A]

So a relative.

[B]

So syphilis. So syphilis was rampant. It was a pandemic in, like, 1500s or maybe even a little bit early or early 1500s. But anyway, they felt they had. Did have the knowledge to say, okay, we know that people get sick when they come out of a bathhouse. Bath houses are, you know, seems like there's something in the bathhouse they weren't able to. To kind of put together that the reason why it's coming, because gay guys.

[A]

Were fucking in this. In this.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

In the steam room.

[B]

It was a sex fest, Right? The bathhouse was an absolute sex fest. But they said, what's probably happening is in that bathhouse, your pores are opening, so therefore disease is getting in. They didn't say it was the sex. They said it was disease getting into your pores. So for about 250 years in certain parts of Europe, nobody took a bath because they believe that bathing would open up your pores and it's going to make you sick. So you have to understand? For 250 years. Think about how long that is. Okay. Nobody took a bath because they thought it was bad for you. That's one. And it was. I forgot the doctor's name. But it was one doctor's opinion that took off. And then all of a sudden, nobody's taking baths.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They.

[A]

They used to also think for a long time that a woman who gave an opinion was. Which.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which. I'm not saying that was a good thing or a bad thing, but it was definitely more of a peaceful time.

[B]

Yes. It's what it is.

[A]

The time for your state of mind.

[B]

It's what it is. That's why in my backyard, I have a long wooden plank and I got some rocks and some lighter fluid. And anytime jazz goes a little bit more than usual. 1. I said get on the stage.

[A]

Set one on fire.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sort of like a little purge to send a message. Maybe they'll cool down a little bit.

[B]

What it is.

[A]

Yeah, just set one on fire. Same way Vlad the Impeller would leave one skull on a spike. Yeah.

[B]

Just leave one out there.

[A]

Leave one witch out there.

[B]

Now when we come back, I want to talk to you about a little figure who probably started it all, who probably started Thanksgiving. His name is Squanto, and from the picture he looks like Jasmine. Cause we talk about this product on a monthly basis. If you are looking to get something for a loved one or a friend or family member before Christmas, Uncommon Goods is the spot. They have things you never seen before. That's why it's called Uncommon Goods. Take the stress out of gifting with these thousands of unique high quality finds you're not going to see anywhere else. Cuz what do you like about Uncommon Goods?

[A]

I love that it's all these products from like smaller, lesser known brands that are high quality.

[B]

That's what's important. Nick likes that. Yeah.

[A]

If you want to really get something that is a little different.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something high quality. Something specific to someone's likes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's all nicely conveniently located on one page.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

You know, everyone goes to main scenes. The scarf did not know. Now go to Uncommon Goods and be.

[B]

A little on the beam, cuz uncom. When you make a purchase at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a nonprofit partner of your choice. And I can confirm that's true because we bought Nick on Uncommon Goods.

[A]

That's where we got him.

[B]

And they've donated more than $3.1 million to date. That's a lot of money. I'd like to put that in my vanguard.

[A]

Yeah this is worth to just go to the website in peruse and take a look for yourself. So just go. Go to uncommongoods.com don't wait. Cross those names off your list before the rush to get 15% off your next gift go to uncommongoods.com hyenas that's uncommongoods.com hyENAS for 15% off Uncommon Goods.

[B]

Where we're all out of the ordinary. Bang. Cuz you know what this puppy is right here cuz.

[A]

Is that a Ridge wallet?

[B]

That's a Ridge wallet. Look at this pup. It's awesome. I love this wallet. I got all my cards in there.

[A]

Let me. Let me try to see if I could steal your info.

[B]

You can't steal my info. Cause it's made of steel and they got this technology that block the big thing. Nobody's very few people are pickpocketing out of your pocket anymore. Now it's all digital pickpocketing. And the Ridge wallet they can't get your cards on. Notice my identity's never been stolen. Why? Because I'm safely snuggled in the Ridge wallet in Bay Ridge in Ridgewood.

[A]

I like that. I like that a lot. So say hello to Ridge Ridge 2.0. The most refined version of the Ridge Wallet. They've been perfecting the wallet for over 12 years. Chrissy.

[B]

That's a big thing. And they got over 50 plus colors and styles to choose from. Plus you can get a wallet that features every NFL, MLB or college team. So if you listen to Debo you can get a nice New York Jets Ridge wallet.

[A]

That's right. That's right. They got the RFID blocking technology like Chrissy said keeping you away from digital pickpockers. Over a hundred thousand five star reviews. It's a gift people would love to receive. So right now also the Ridge Tracker card. Losing your wallet is the worst.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So but you can get the Ridge Tracker card so you'll always know exactly where it is. Before panic mode sits in for a limited time.

[B]

Ridge is having their huge big Black Friday sale. Head to R I d g e.com to get up to 47% off your order. That's a wild number to come up with. But that is what is in the print. They are going to give you 47% off. A lot of other places will give you 46%. They give you 47% because they have a huge big Black Friday sale. So go to ridge.com this is by far the biggest discount they've given all year. And it's big, and it's on Friday. That's ridge.com for up to 40% off your order during the biggest sale of the year. After you purchase, they will ask you what you heard about them and tell them, I heard them. I heard about these Black Friday sale from the history hyenas. And I want to get 47% off, and I want to get 47 inches of that big Black Friday sale up in me.

[A]

I want you to go get yourself a hard Ridge wallet and stick it right in your pocket.

[B]

Yeah. All right, tell us all about Squeaky Squanto. Squanto, first of all, he's from the Pawtucket tribe, which I think is a city in fucking Rhode Island.

[A]

Yeah, could be.

[B]

Yeah. Pawtucket tribe who was famous. He helped the pilgrims in the 1620s survive. He spoke fluent English. So this is. You have to understand, this kid was like a very, very smart kid. He was one of the only persons alive on Earth in 1620 who spoke English, understood native diplomacy, and understood European intentions. So the kid was actually mad smart. Probably. People don't even know where the hell he came from, how the hell he even learned English. But the kid was just. He was just like an alien. He knew. So he was kidnapped.

[A]

Well, he probably learned it from English people.

[B]

Well, yeah, he was kidnapped by the Europeans as a teenager, but they still. The way that he understood it was crazy. He's br. He was smarter than most. And he told them. He basically told Squanto to come aboard his. This guy, Thomas Hunt, tricked Squanto. He said, come aboard my ship. I want to trade. And then they just kidnapped the kid. They just kidnapped the kid, and they imprisoned him in the ship's hold. And Squanto was literally. He was trafficked to Europe. I don't know about sex traffic, but the kid was trapped. He might have been sexed up. I don't know. So he goes to Spain, then he escapes slavery. He was fully enslaved. Escapes, lived in Europe, learned English, learned Spanish monks helped him escape. Monks are good people. And when he returned to America, he found that his entire tribe got killed. Not by smallpox blankets, though. They killed him. The settlers killed his tribe. So that's not to good. So the. His whole tribe was gone. The whole Paxa tribe was gone. Some people believe it was European disease, but as Giannis just said, the smallpox thing was invented. The bodies have been buried, homes collapsed. So this made him just a guy with no family. Was like Tom Hanks in that terminal movie, right, where he's just doesn't have A country. He doesn't have a family. He's just in jfk, walking around.

[A]

That movie really predicted, like, Edward Snowden situation.

[B]

It really did.

[A]

Yeah. Or the other guy, the WikiLeaks guy. Oh.

[B]

Trapped in Julian Assange. Julian Color. Yeah, Julian. Yeah. Minaj. So the Pilgrims then come in 1620. So Squanto's just walking around. Okay. The kid doesn't have a family. He doesn't have a home. But the kid does speak English. He speaks Spanish. He's kind of cute. And he doesn't have smallpox. So they're looking at him like, okay, this guy will do good. Now, Plymouth, where the Plymouth Colony, that is very famous, that we all know, that was built directly where the Pawtuxet village was. That got wiped out. They built Plymouth there because Squanto was like, this is good land.

[A]

Land.

[B]

So they built it in the way. Squanto helped the settlers build it in the way that he knew how to build. So Squanto's a big asset, and he basically saved the Pilgrims lives. He showed them how to plant the corn, how to fertilize with the fish. They would eat eels for protein, I guess. There's a lot of protein in eels.

[A]

Well, yeah, you could get a sushi with eel. Oh, yeah, I love eel with the sushi.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. He's told them which plants were edible, which was poisonous, how to store food, how to survive New England winters. Because New England winters came. They're not easy to get through, kid. A lot of snow. It's a lot of ice, kid.

[A]

It's a lot of fucking snow, kid.

[B]

A lot of snow. And you don't have Ben Affleck and these guys in the town to tell you what to do, kid?

[A]

No. It's fucking really bad.

[B]

Yeah. You don't have.

[A]

It's fucked up. I'll tell you.

[B]

You didn't have fucking Ben Affleck over there to say, guys, if you really want to escape the winter, just get in the mosque. People are good people.

[A]

Yeah. You don't have your fucking mother telling you to come inside your fucking quack sucker.

[B]

So he was the translator, the negotiator between the Pilgrims and the Native Americans. The. And so Squant is the one. Without Squanto, you see how we have one man who can make an impact negatively, but then you have one man who can make an impact positively. And without Squanto, there is no Thanksgiving. Because this first Thanksgiving meal was negotiated and only done because Squanto was in the middle of it. He was the interpreter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like Shohei Ohtani. I don't know what that guy's saying unless the interpreter is gambling all his money.

[A]

Now, from Nick's perspective, Squanto is just the ultimate Benedict Arnold.

[B]

Yes. I mean, this guy's just a traitor 100%.

[A]

He's just really, you know.

[B]

Yeah. Squanto, Nick was like, why don't you kill the Europeans?

[A]

Yeah. Like, what are you doing?

[B]

Helping them tell them the. Which plants are good to eat, but it's really the poisonous.

[A]

Yes. Why didn't you do? You had one mission in Washington, mission only, and that was to get the information on Ivermectin to stop the smallpox.

[B]

Yeah. Now you.

[A]

To get the ivermectin.

[B]

Now, here's the part that might make Nick go purring is Squanto was actually kind of a double agent, and he played both sides. So Squanto used his position to gain power.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he told tribe tribes that the Pilgrims controlled the plague. He told the tribes that the Pilgrims did this to you? Right. Then he told Pilgrims other tribes were threatening them. So he told one side of the tri. One side, the Pilgrims, that they were getting all this disease from the Pilgrims. And then he told the Pilgrims, there's other tribes that want to kill you. Then he acted as the interpreter between both of them, and he tried to build his own following. He basically tried to say, listen, they don't like you. They don't like you. The only one you should like is me, Squanto. And at one point. And then this guy Massasoit eventually did not trust him. This some big time Native American leader figured out, said, this guy's a little bit of a double agent. This squeak. You can't trust his fucking squeak. And he saw him as manipulating diplomacy for personal influence, which is exactly what he was doing. The kid sounds like a politician.

[A]

Yeah, the kid was good at it. He was like me. When I'm around my liberal friends, I pretend like I'm liberal. When I'm around my conservative friends, I'm very conservative.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

I play both sides.

[B]

Welcome to my life.

[A]

I'm Squanto. I'm Squantinopoulos.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it is, is. So he demanded this guy Mass Masso demanded Squanto be turned over for execution. But the Pilgrim said, no, we like this guy. And then tension rose sharply, and that could have started a war, but instead, Squanto was so brilliant that he basically said, instead of killing everybody, why don't we just sit down and break some Bread and have some turkey and some biscuits and some macaroni and cheese.

[A]

Why don't we have a couple of tacos and margaritas, ladies?

[B]

Yeah, that's what he said. Yeah. Now here's where it so Thanksgiving. He negotiates a very successful Thanksgiving. 1621, I believe is the first Thanksgiving.

[A]

That was before we were born.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. So Squanto was the one who gathered and harvested the celebration the autumn of 1621. But then the kid died. In 1622, he suddenly became sick and died. Maybe smallpox, we don't know.

[A]

So is this the reason why we celebrate Thanksgiving because of a guy named Squanto?

[B]

Squanto. That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Of a double agent. Fucking rat fink.

[B]

Squanto is. Squanto is the reason. Squanto is the reason we have Thanksgiving. Without Squanto, there is no Thanksgiving. Wow. Yeah.

[A]

Do you think they had margaritas though at the first Thanksgiving?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I mean it's a Mexican thing, cuz. Just a little tequila. Yeah, well, passion fruit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't think there was a little margarita?

[B]

That was a Mexican thing? What are you talking about?

[A]

Margaritas are Mexican. These guys are Mexican.

[B]

Oh, you think? Oh, you're saying Native Americans are Mexican?

[A]

Yeah, they're all. I mean, that's why they look that way, right? Indians.

[B]

They are. Right.

[A]

Natives, you know, so I mean Nick is probably by his look, his phenotype, he's probably got a lot of what they call mestizo, right. Which is native genes would probably a little what they call white rape in there, right. So it's a little, you know, that's like. That's like the bacon you put in the. In the Bloody Mary, right. It's what it is. But he's mostly a Bloody Mary.

[B]

It's what it is. You're a Bloody Mary. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

So yeah, I mean when you look at like a lot of South Americans, they. They look very like India, because they are.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Ye.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So they made margaritas. Cuz thing is tacos.

[B]

They're all pieces. That's the thing is they're just pieces.

[A]

I like.

[B]

I really like exotic. Well, some of them are pieces. I'm thankful for the program. Yeah.

[A]

But to you, I think a lot, even when you see like a short Mexican woman in the train station selling mango slices, you get horned up.

[B]

I just get horned up? Yeah. Yeah, I just get horned up. I want to jump in the backpack usually, but I can't because there kids.

[A]

In it because your harem would look like a community college brochure.

[B]

That's what it is. Yeah.

[A]

Jesse's hair would look like just the country of Haiti.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my harem would just look like Scandinavia.

[B]

And Nick's harem would look like SummerSlam. It's what is. Nick wants to bang out male wrestlers big cuz he.

[A]

His ultimate goal is just because Schultze was part of wwe.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

He wants to go from here to flagrant just so he can sniff Schultz's seat. He wants because he was at WrestleMania.

[B]

Yeah. It's what it is.

[A]

Because I haven't watched wrestling since I was 12 years.

[B]

I don't know what's going on. I got it. And I know it's a huge audience and it's a great audience and it's a great product, but I just don't. I just don't watch it. And I'm sure it's amazing.

[A]

It's fun. It's like. It's funny. It's fun. It's really fun.

[B]

It is fun.

[A]

Like, I get it. Totally. I understand why people like it. I just. Yeah, I got into real sports, but I do appreciate whenever it's on.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It tickles me. It's very funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jesse was a big comic book by a big wrestling guy, too. He was a fucking finger sniffer. Make no mistake, you don't end up sculpting fat people in the. Your finger sniff.

[B]

Finger sniffer. That's incorrect.

[A]

That's incorrect.

[B]

Maybe when I was like eight.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Yeah. I haven't watched. I used to. I remember I used to go down the neutrals and watch it in my aunt's house because she was the only one that had cable. And we would watch Monday Night Raw. And I used to. I used to love that. Eat saltine crackers.

[A]

And I used to watch it on Univision, I believe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Dusty Slink.

[B]

Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink, Pink.

[A]

Row Warriors. Raw Warriors.

[B]

Is that accurate?

[A]

Junk that dog. Dog. Negro. Negro. Negro. Junkyard dog. Kaimi Animbaras. Dos muchachos.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

V. Smack man coming. Boom.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Boom how?

[B]

Boom. Zoom.

[A]

That's how you want dick. Does that sound familiar?

[B]

Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah. I mean, what's what it is, guys? Cuz do we got Patreon names today? We could do the live show. No. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So what we want to say to you guys is we're very thankful for you. I, Yanis Papps. I'm very thankful for this podcast I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for peace. I'm thankful for box breathing. I'm thankful for laughter and positivity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for spirituality. I'm thankful for Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawke. Big, big, big thankful for Ethan.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for the Before Sunrise trilogy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thankful for Training Day, which I can watch whenever it's on.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I'm thankful for Instagram. Fucking horse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like looking at those.

[B]

Yeah. I am.

[A]

I am thankful for female athletes. I love their bodies.

[B]

Yeah. I'm thankful for. Thankful for Jeannie Burchard.

[A]

I'm thankful for Jeannie Burchard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for my wife. Most important, she. I'm thankful for my dogs.

[B]

Yes. I'm thankful for your children.

[A]

My children.

[B]

Yes. That's the big one.

[A]

Importantly, my children. I'm thankful for sneakers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for aunts.

[B]

I'm thankful for Sergio Chacon.

[A]

I'm thankful for Sergio Gicon. I'm thankful for discovering my passion for boxing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for my decent blood pressure.

[B]

Yeah. I'm thankful for being 215 now. You're not 220 anymore.

[A]

In between.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

I'm thankful for pizza.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm thankful for being born in fucking New York City.

[B]

Yeah. I really am thankful for being born in New. I'm thankful for being born in the original 13 copies.

[A]

I'm very thankful for that. That I don't live in fucking Montana. I don't know what those people do out there.

[B]

Even though you have to go there.

[A]

I have to go there. And if you've listened to this, I've been there. I'm thankful for.

[B]

How was.

[A]

Was great. Yeah.

[B]

You got eaten by a grizzly.

[A]

It was 9 degrees and I couldn't go outside, so I just hung out. That's probably what it's going to be, but it's a beautiful nature. I'm really thankful, really, for being brought up in New York. I really am happy that I'm a New Yorker. I'm thankful for everyone who does comedy. I'm thankful for everyone who does content and keeps people busy. I'm thankful for employers. I'm thankful for aoc.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm thankful for all the billionaires.

[B]

Yes. I'm thankful for the S&P 500.

[A]

I'm thankful for the S&P 500.

[B]

Thankful for Vanguard. I'm thankful for low expense ratio.

[A]

I'm thankful that you kept that sign through our hiatus Because I love that sign.

[B]

Yes. I, I. There were times where I was going to break it and I did it.

[A]

There was times that we tried to auction that off.

[B]

Yeah. And we just couldn't get any buyers. And to be honest with you, I had to keep that sign with me because I have multiple members of my family who are blind. And that thing is braille.

[A]

I'm thankful for Nick.

[B]

I'm thankful for Nick.

[A]

I'm thankful for Jesse.

[B]

Thankful for Jesse.

[A]

Thank you for my long friendship with Jesse. I'm thankful for the baby Socrates sculpture that he did.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I'm thankful for every single one of our fans.

[B]

I'm thankful. So thankful for our fans.

[A]

So thankful. Most importantly, to our subscribers.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

To our matriarchy. To our cuz munity. I am most thankful for them. To be honest with you, the rest of you are really freeloading fucking toots.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. You're freeloading fucking toots. The people I'm not thankful for are the free members who just join and just sit there and look at all the lockdown.

[B]

I'm thankful for every YouTube video. Yeah. Every YouTube viewer. But I'm not thankful for the free toots.

[A]

I'm not. We're not thankful for the free fucking toots. Okay. You guys are like prostitutes that are closed.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I don't understand.

[B]

I want to have sex with you.

[A]

I do want to have sex.

[B]

You're on the patrons because I want you to open up your asshole and send it to me.

[A]

Yeah. I'm thankful for the season.

[B]

Me, too. I'm thankful for four seasons. That's why I'm thankful to live in New York City.

[A]

Yeah. And I know you're thankful for sweets.

[B]

I'm thankful for black and white cookies, for pumpkin muffins toasted with butter. For pistachio croissants, for the little nonparelli cookies. I'm thankful for immigrants. Yeah.

[A]

How can we forget immigrants?

[B]

Well, without immigrants, there are no sweets. So I'm thankful for immigrants because I know that they're the ones mostly making them. And I just want to say thank you so much for making all the food that I really like.

[A]

Yeah. I'm thankful.

[B]

I'm thankful for lemon potatoes.

[A]

I'm thankful. I'm thankful because my family were immigrants. I'm thankful for all immigrants. I'm thankful for immigrant food.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm thankful. I'm thankful for Winston Churchill.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For holding the line even though I know he started World War II.

[B]

Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It's the courage to continue that Counts.

[A]

Yeah. I'm thankful to my Greek ancestors for fighting off Chrissy's ancestors.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Very thankful for that.

[B]

But eventually my ancestors did win because we're just German snow monkeys.

[A]

You do our snow monkeys? Oh, you won for a little while, but you ultimately lost and you had to apologize big.

[B]

It's what it is. Because I have something in common with Adolf Hitler is also because he had the war one, and then he just tried to move to Russia. And that's what I do at my house. I just keep moving.

[A]

You got to give credit to the Jews. They were able to work out a payment of reparations from Germany. If there's one thing the Jews will do, whether they're dead or alive is cut a deal. Jews that were dead. What? You know what? We're dead, but let's talk business. Yeah.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

And they were able to get reparations.

[B]

Now, Jesse, anything you're thankful for? No, I ain't thankful for.

[A]

And I'm spending Thanksgiving at scores.

[B]

Anything, Anything you're thankful for, Nick? I'm. I'm thankful for you guys. I'm thankful for Tracy.

[A]

I'm thankful for wwe, Thankful for John.

[B]

Cena's last year as champion.

[A]

I'm really going to miss Sam.

[B]

I'm. Thank you for all the Latinos on Roosevelt Avenue. The ones that cut hair for $10 and give hand jobs for $40 and sell tacos for $3.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I'm thankful for my zora mandami towel that stays up to cover my boobs.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that's it. Because basically snap benefits. And snap benefits. Yeah. That I'm definitely not on. Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Nick is thankful for low cost of living.

[B]

Yeah. I like that. Yeah.

[A]

There is ways in New York to. To still live on a low budget.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's dollar slices.

[B]

There's. Yeah.

[A]

Ways to do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's snap benefits to liab about.

[B]

It's what it is.

[A]

Yes. There's ways.

[B]

Nick just finds a way.

[A]

If you find a way. He's a little survivor.

[B]

Little survivor. And we're also, as we said, mostly thankful for you guys for listening to the show, for supporting the show. I hope you laughed. I hope you enjoy your turkey dinner tonight. And please, as I said, if you are one of our fans who really likes the overweight girls, please do not have sex with your turkey.

[A]

Don't do it.

[B]

We're having [e-mail] history aidas. Yes. We're going kind of crazy over there. And if you don't know A lot of what we like to do, especially with the live shows, we really, really, really like to read out the Patreon names. The newest members of the matriarchy. We have so much fun. And then we like when the crowds kind of give us feedback on who they think should be the winner. So we're going to read out our newest Patreon names right now. I got them right here. Yeah, I got them right here. Do I have a pen? Yeah. Okay, so here we go.

[A]

So you guys are going to help us decide side.

[B]

No, you can't. Where are you going, sir? He's like, yo, don't fucking worry about it. Okay. So some names, sometimes people just want to have a regular name and they don't want to, you know, they, they. We call it straight to the back. They just don't want to be identified. It's like they're going straight to the back of a porn video store and they just don't want to know and they don't want work to find out. Joseph is not going to make a funny name because he's lawyer, right? It's just not gonna happen. So that's what happens. So sometimes people just write regular names. So welcome to the matriarchy. Anthony Miglio. Maglio. I don't know if you're here. Jeff Riffey. Anthony Hacker. Then we have Leroy Frisbee in three fifths to Juma. Okay. Decent. Not gonna make the list, though. Ethan Salvio. Keaton Smith. Cody Kleesner. Then we have Chrissy. Looks like Freddie Freeman's retarded brother. On the list.

[A]

Put it on the list. They like it.

[B]

It's on the list. So we have somebody.

[A]

Dodger. He's a player on the Los Angeles.

[B]

And people have told me that. That I do look like Freddy Freeman's brother before. And I. I can't say it's not painful. Then we got. I listened to the Pearl harbor episode on plane rides. Oh, he said, it's blur here and I'm sorry about that. I walked in one that. I can't say that in public. Not in front of my Korean gay friend.

[A]

We want to apologize to the.

[B]

The East Asian community. Sorry about that, Daniel Harris. Then we got. Mamdani's rap name was Edie Namin. Okay. Borderline genre. Oh, no. Gene Leon, Parkin B. Then we got. Hey, babe, take your frisbee off, babe. I can't get hard unless you take your Frisbee off, babe. On the list. That's one for. That's one for Corey and Joe. Joseph. Yeah. This community guy's leaving. Wink. Yeah. You're like, I gotta get to Mass. Now we have tucked it back. I'm for the table, okay. The kid said he's tucked back, so now he's for the table. Great. Which means he'll get cracked open. Greg Cravens. Then we got stuck 15 milk duds up her ass and sucked until I got 25 back.

[A]

You gotta get at the catapult for that one. Catapult?

[B]

Yeah. That is called.

[A]

That is what they call a contender.

[B]

Contender, contender, contender. And then hours later, Joseph had a medical malpractice case.

[A]

But I love. I love that this person's doing commerce through their ass with milk, though.

[B]

Yes. Manuel Alvalado. Then we got Bailey J's right hand man. Bailey J, our trans friend. Then we got the name Schlomo Hayward. An unassuming Chicago born K. Wor word. Walked into one. Apologize. That's not okay. Cory and Joseph don't like that and I don't like that.

[A]

We do not condone that. That is wrong.

[B]

Chris. Sir. Stop clapping at that.

[A]

Stop clapping at that.

[B]

Brandon hall, pro coup. Then we got young stroker, the Body snatcher, Nico Stravopoulos.

[A]

Wow. That's a. That is a diner monkey award, Nick.

[B]

Then we got. I cracked 1942. And frankly, the fumes don't know what that means. Walked into one, but not okay. It doesn't sound good. Stanley Tucci's Harry Poochie. On the list.

[A]

I think. I think the crowd. Yes.

[B]

List.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Put it on. Call me. The new pasta Beef Bernes became an oil monkey toward our Frisbee world domination. Hashtag Alu Akbar. Krister. Not okay.

[A]

It's not okay.

[B]

Cody Hicks. My wife is Puerto Rican and I'm gay as fuck. That's from this guy right here. Okay. Ben Ken Underwise. Yt. Kevin Anderson. Then we got. I live in Smithtown, so, you know my car is in immaculate condition, AKA no dings. Okay. Gotta listen to the show to know what we're talking about. Million dollar idea. Sell Dustbusters. Jesus Christ.

[A]

Do not condone that.

[B]

Sorry about that. Horrible thing. That's a horrible thing. Not a kind of actually decent business idea at that time.

[A]

The thing is, there's probably a Jewish guy listening to this guy going, oh.

[B]

Maybe we can make some money off that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Adam Russell, Devin Horan. Then Cody Baker. Then we got Jay Harvin. 15 Sal volcano. Thank God that era's over. Walked into one. That's just a fan having fun.

[A]

Just a good guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're Just having fun.

[B]

Sean de Plaza. Then we got. I said glam. Okay. I said glass of juice. Okay. Dahl. Griff. Then we got Mom Donnie on NBC. Tv. I can't. Some of these guys just fucking. It peters out. I don't know what they're. I don't know what they're even saying. Samantha Ray. Samantha Gonzalez. Sharon Kurant. Josh Guevara. Mamdani's bacha bazi boy. What does that mean? What's a bacha bazi boy?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Let's ask our resident Muslim.

[B]

A. Okay. Say I'm Italian, but I'm actually a Leroy Takia.

[A]

You should get rid.

[B]

Get rid of this part. Bring back the 90s. Donnie T. Now we have I slow push farts to itch my hemorrhoids in public. It's interesting to me. I mean, it's very interesting.

[A]

That's a contender to me. No. All right.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, come on. Come on. This is.

[A]

His hemorrhoid is itching.

[B]

He controls his fart in order to tickle it with the wind.

[A]

I thought that deserved a bigger reaction.

[B]

Kyle Benson. Joel and YAML Zhang. Now what? Oh, sorry. Now fumeless. Now fumeless. Toots. Thank you. Washcloth. Condoms. Wonka put his willie in Charlie's Chocolate Factory. There you go. Is that true?

[A]

I think it's more of a Drexler. Drexler. Drexler.

[B]

Straight kid. But my wife begs to differ.

[A]

Chicken finger.

[B]

Chicken finger. Okay.

[A]

I'm going on the reaction of the crowd.

[B]

Zachary Chadwick. Luke Cook. Nikki. Andrew Russell can only fit three fingers in my ass. So I am not gay. That doesn't necessarily mean that though. Right? Right. That's what he's saying. Depends. Depends if you got a tight little or not. Connor.

[A]

I never thought about that as a litmus test. But possibly that. That could be the way you find out.

[B]

Yeah. 100%.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

7 inches soft. Kids got a very nice piece. Yes. They're like, bring him to o' Neal's cat. Carlton. Anthony Michael Henry. Steven Mossad's Arctic Task Force. AKA Greenland's Frisbee Team six. What that means. Ping makes my ding dong grow longer than Kim Jong Un's backed up colon.

[A]

What is it again?

[B]

Ping makes my ding dong grow longer than Kim Jong Un's backed up colon. Oh, because I said that Kim Jong Un tells his people he's never taken a shit in his life.

[A]

Right?

[B]

That's a true thing. And tells his people.

[A]

But that's like. That's what my Wife wants me to believe. That's what all women want us to believe. That you do is you shit fast. You make. You pretend like you're going to take a piss. And then you push it out.

[B]

And then you flash, flash, flash. They asked me to be Donkey Kong for Halloween. I said okay, but listen. I'm going to do blackface and be generally racist all day.

[A]

We don't condone it. It's not okay. That is not okay. That is. That is. That is a security.

[B]

Luke Shelton. Gabriel Samuelson. James Clegg. My girlfriend's a Frisbee when I come in her. I call it an inside job, boys. The Jewish. Our Jewish brothers think it's okay. Is that.

[A]

I mean, that deserves.

[B]

That's. Our Jewish brothers say it's okay.

[A]

It's okay. Put it on the list.

[B]

That is.

[A]

That is one. The Knesset approves of. That one.

[B]

Joe Stewart. And here we got a Sauce Monkey War. Cristina. Morfu Gawin.

[A]

Christina.

[B]

Then we got Cindy lopped off my balls. Because girls just want to have fun.

[A]

But I don't. I'm going to put that on the list.

[B]

The list.

[A]

That is a chicken figure that belongs on the list.

[B]

Leo Marquez. Aiden Mean. Gabriel floreno. P troop 82. Laser beam fractured but whole. Ricky in the woods. Matthew Soper. Okay. Reach around for Momdani. Krister got on the list. Very enthusiastic about Madame Eric Menren. Ruth Bader Gisenberg.

[A]

List. You got to put it on the list by the reaction.

[B]

Yeah, okay. List it. List it.

[A]

The reaction was great.

[B]

Diego. I wish Chrissy was the Mayo monkey who snuck into my family. We all have at least one Guzman. I don't know what that means for. Is a little wordy. All right. Gianna Barghazi. Then we got the Scutoro School of Fine Art and Finger Painting. That's Jesse's school.

[A]

Jesse Sports.

[B]

Dan Buckmaster. Hayden Wright Dorklovich. John Vassallo. Leanne the Garlic Slicer. Chris Rosal. You remember.

[A]

That was. Is that her from the Garlic Slicer?

[B]

The original might be. Leanne the original Garlic Slicer. Then we got Fart My Pretty Dick. Call me Gorgeous. Cockus. Cockles. Okay. Just a cutie with a booty. Jeshua. Paul Einreich. Aaron Shavari. Cerebral Palsy what it is. Screws are on tight.

[A]

Cerebral Palsy is what it is. The screws are on tight.

[B]

Are we at 20,000 members yet? Because Mommy needs a new pair of titties. Because we did say when we get to 20,000 members. If any of our female fans want New tits.

[A]

We'll pay for it. We'll pay for one pair of tits.

[B]

That's it. Matthew Furbush. Chris Davis. Portuguese Kid. Kid So not allowed to have black fatigue. I don't get it.

[A]

Don't quite understand that one.

[B]

All right. Cobolio. Jonathan Sexton. Zach Sussman. Hurting for a squirting. Josiah Hallman. It's feeling a little crusadey, my fuzzy Cuz. He Muzzy Wuzzy Jaden. Ulawa. Cameron Stallman. Ent Amusements. Shout out. Ayg. Chris and Yanni's boy band should be called Two Balls Deep. Okay.

[A]

Drexler.

[B]

Shirt Cocking with the Boys.

[A]

Shirt Cocking.

[B]

Yes. Josh B. Not a Leroy. But my papa still Left me.

[A]

We do not condone that.

[B]

Justin Ensley. Hog Blaster. Tom Schoenfield. Call me a lesbian pirate and Scissor Me Too. Timbers.

[A]

What? Scissor Me Timbers is definitely going on the list.

[B]

Scissor Me Timbers.

[A]

Pirate. Scissor Me Timbers is a contender.

[B]

What if to erotic asphyxiation and public humiliation.

[A]

That we do not. We do not condone. You making names like that?

[B]

Nope. B. Schmidt. Justin Ensley. Chris Rubin. Hog Blaster for 2069. Charlie CA. Tom Schoenfield. The King of Pop. Michael Jacking Off Sons.

[A]

You gotta. But you gotta list this. Yeah. You gotta listen. It's a strong list.

[B]

And then last but not least, do not send feet pickies [e-mail]. okay?

[A]

Drexler. Drexler.

[B]

So here's the list.

[A]

Strong list. You got to help us decide.

[B]

Okay? Here we go. I'll start from the beginning. Beginning. Chrissy. Looks like Freddy freeman's brother stuck 15 Milk Duds up her ass and sucked until I got 25 back that one. Stick around. Okay. So you can. You can.

[A]

You can. Drexler.

[B]

Chris Freeman. Freeman. Stanley Tucci's Harry Poochie. Still Chicken finger. No, I don't. They're out. Hey, babe. Take your Frisbee off, babe. I can't get hard unless you take your Frisbee off, babe. That's him.

[A]

That's stupid. Yeah, that's funny.

[B]

So those are staying. Ruth Beer. Jisenberg. I don't think it made it.

[A]

It didn't make it.

[B]

Call me a lesbian pirate and scissor Me Timbers.

[A]

That's sticking. We're going to have a. We're going to have a tight race here.

[B]

The King of Pop. Michael Jacking Off Sons. No, that's out.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

I slow push farts to itch my hemorrhoids in public.

[A]

I mean, that's got to stick around. Around. That has to stick around.

[B]

My girlfriend's a Frisbee. When I come in her, I call it an inside job. That's hang around.

[A]

I mean, that's got to stick around.

[B]

Cindy lopped off my balls because girls just want to have fun. No, it didn't make it.

[A]

It's a chicken finger, but I love it.

[B]

Okay, so here, here. Here's. Here's the contenders. Here we have stuck 15 Milk Duds upper ass and sucked until I got 25 back. Hey, babe, take your Frisbee off, babe. I can't get hard unless you take your Frisbee off, babe. Call me a lesbian pirate and scissor me timbers. Still in.

[A]

That's in.

[B]

I slow push farts to itch my hemorrhoids in public. My girlfriend's a Frisbee. When I come in her, I call it an inside job. I mean, I think.

[A]

I think it's. I think it's.

[B]

I think it's pretty clear, right? Call me a lesbian pirate and scissor me timbers.

[A]

Scissor me timbers.

[B]

They are the winner.

[A]

At Etsy, we know the holidays are.

[B]

Already exciting, but we can't help adding.

[A]

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[B]

Get up to 60% off gifts from small shops with Etsy cyber specials.

[A]

Terms apply for gifts that say I get you shop Etsy.