Wildest Escape in History

Summary

History Hyenas Podcast Summary: "Wildest Escape in History"

Podcast Information:

• Title: History Hyenas with Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas
• Episode: Wildest Escape in History
• Release Date: February 20, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of History Hyenas, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas delve into one of history’s most ingenious slave escape stories. Celebrating Black History Month and President's Day, the hosts aim to shed light on the remarkable tale of Ellen and William Craft, runaway slaves whose creative efforts towards freedom remain inspiring.

Overview of Ellen and William Craft's Story

Ellen and William Craft were enslaved individuals in the mid-19th century whose escape from Georgia stands as a testament to courage and ingenuity. Ellen, a quadroon—of one-quarter African American and three-quarters European descent—used her distinct appearance to their advantage.

Planning the Escape

The Crafts meticulously devised a plan that leveraged Ellen's ability to pass as a white male. By disguising herself as a wealthy Southern gentleman and William posing as her slave, they could navigate the restrictive societal norms of the time.

Yannis Pappas [01:00]: "We're just trying to find creative ways to escape, and Ellen knew exactly how to use her looks to our advantage."

The Journey North

Their escape began on December 21, 1848, from Macon, Georgia. Utilizing passes they had earned over the years, they boarded a train to Savannah under the guise of a Southern gentleman with a broken arm—an injury fabricated to further conceal Ellen’s true identity.

Chris Distefano [03:38]: "She put on a broken arm sling and acted like she couldn't speak, making it easier to blend in without raising suspicion."

From Savannah, they continued their journey by steamboat to Charleston, South Carolina, and ultimately reached Wilmington, North Carolina. Here, a sympathetic conductor provided them with better accommodations, recognizing Ellen's ruse as a Southern gentleman.

Yannis Pappas [47:00]: "The conductor in Wilmington was so fooled by Ellen's disguise that he offered them a suite, thinking she was a legitimate passenger."

Challenges and Close Calls

Throughout their trek, the Crafts faced numerous close encounters with authorities. Their ability to maintain their disguises was critical in these tense moments, showcasing their determination and quick thinking.

Chris Distefano [43:22]: "Ellen’s act as a deaf slave owner was brilliant—it deflected any suspicion and allowed them to move freely."

Life in England and Return

After successfully fleeing the United States, Ellen and William settled in England, where slavery was abolished, providing them the freedom they sought. They gained education during their time abroad, which was instrumental in their post-war contributions.

Years after the Civil War, the Crafts returned to the U.S. to give back to their community. They founded a school for freed African Americans in Georgia, ensuring that their experiences would aid others striving for freedom and education.

Yannis Pappas [55:49]: "They didn't forget where they came from. Their school was a beacon of hope for many newly freed individuals."

Insights and Discussions

Throughout the episode, Distefano and Pappas interweave humor with historical facts, making the narrative engaging while respecting the gravity of the subject matter. They highlight the unconventional methods used by the Crafts, emphasizing the couple's resourcefulness and resilience.

Chris Distefano [30:48]: "This is like the Ocean's Eleven of slavery—not once, but twice escaping with style and smarts."

The hosts also touch upon the broader context of Black History Month, reflecting on how pivotal stories like that of the Crafts are essential in understanding America's complex history.

Conclusion

History Hyenas successfully brings to light the extraordinary escape of Ellen and William Craft, blending history with humor to educate and entertain listeners. By focusing on lesser-known yet impactful stories, Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas honor the legacy of those who fought for freedom with creativity and bravery.

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Notable Quotes:

• Yannis Pappas [01:00]: "We're just trying to find creative ways to escape, and Ellen knew exactly how to use her looks to our advantage."
• Chris Distefano [03:38]: "She put on a broken arm sling and acted like she couldn't speak, making it easier to blend in without raising suspicion."
• Yannis Pappas [47:00]: "The conductor in Wilmington was so fooled by Ellen's disguise that he offered them a suite, thinking she was a legitimate passenger."
• Chris Distefano [43:22]: "Ellen’s act as a deaf slave owner was brilliant—it deflected any suspicion and allowed them to move freely."
• Yannis Pappas [55:49]: "They didn't forget where they came from. Their school was a beacon of hope for many newly freed individuals."
• Chris Distefano [30:48]: "This is like the Ocean's Eleven of slavery—not once, but twice escaping with style and smarts."

Final Thoughts

For those interested in learning more about innovative and courageous escapes in history, this episode serves as an inspiring reminder of the lengths individuals will go to attain freedom. History Hyenas continues to blend informative content with comedic flair, making history accessible and entertaining for all listeners.

Transcript

[Giannis Pappas]

Sad. How are you now? I'm coming to you from Macon, Georgia. It is Black History Month, but also President's Day, and we're celebrating presidents that were alive when slavery was happened. So it's a little bit of a yin and yang. Welcome to the story, where we're gonna talk about a couple of should be known better runaway slaves that were very creative. My name's Giannis Pappas, and I'm sitting here with handsome. You're just handsome.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Your hair finally looks good. You got rid of your Christopher Reeves curl, and now you're starting to finally just kind of grow into that handsome white look. And now you look like a guy who didn't grow up in Queens. You could be a soho kid.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuz I'm very happy that you changed the accents there. Cuz I was real close to calling myself Confederate Chrissy and just going off, but thank God you changed the accent. So now it could just be me with my hair spiked up to the ceiling.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Is that your buck over there? He looks like a strong hand. I could use him.

[Chris Distefano]

Cause I gotta be honest with you, that voice that you're doing, that Southern voice is the. Is for me. I want to find that voice in a woman, and then that's the perfect voice. If I could find just a hot chick that looks like jazz, but it's got a voice like you. I'm in a Southern voice.

[Giannis Pappas]

If Leonardo DiCaprio could do it, I could do it. Do you think he felt uncomfortable on that set where he was going, you know, he was grabbing the skull and going, they're inferior. I mean, right in front of a. All these black actors? I mean, it must have been just a little uncomfortable. Or do you think it was liberating? Because you think deep down every white guy's got that evil in it because we are the only race that has Neanderthal DNA.

[Chris Distefano]

We are.

[Giannis Pappas]

And maybe that's why the Israelites are right and we're just lepers and we're evil. Are we just evil?

[Chris Distefano]

Right?

[Giannis Pappas]

Like we have evil streets.

[Chris Distefano]

You're saying. You're saying that. You're saying white people have Neanderthal. Neanderthal DNA and only us, but Israeli people don't. Israeli people do not have Neanderthal DNA. What with you said the Israelis don't have Neanderthal.

[Giannis Pappas]

I didn't say that.

[Chris Distefano]

What did you say?

[Giannis Pappas]

I said, oh, because.

[Chris Distefano]

I was going to say, because they may not, you know, the DNA, but they do live in caves.

[Giannis Pappas]

Wei Song. No, I was just joking. Yeah, I know, it was the way Shakshi. Whatever the way shocking goes, it just, y'all know we're just joking here. We're just trying to have a good time.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, what it means is that they have found that the white man has, is the only one that had interbred with the Neanderthals. Oh, so we all have a little Neanderthal DNA. I mean, look at your forehead.

[Chris Distefano]

So we're savage yet.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, you. I think mine was. When you do your 23andMe, it will tell you how much Neanderthal DNA you have. And you and Jesse got some. Cuz look at those foreheads. Yeah. And look at me. I got, I got none.

[Chris Distefano]

You got a little head.

[Giannis Pappas]

I got lady DNA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I think, I think you're right. And I think that, I think that. Yeah. Cuz if I, if I was living in the. Oh, sorry, Leonardo DiCaprio. You were saying. Yeah, I do think, I do think that he absolutely was probably getting a hard on.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

When he was saying in those movies when he had to say they're inferior because the kid's name is Leonardo DiCaprio. And if your name's Leonardo DiCaprio, there's just a little bit of racism baked into the name.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, you can't, your name can't be Leonardo DiCaprio and you have not said it at least once. I mean, you dropped a couple of N's. I mean, it's just what it is. I don't like the rules, but I do play by them. If Your name's Leonardo DiCaprio, they might have said it when he was born.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right. It's just baked in like a love for sauce and gravy and lasagna because you're gonna hear your parents drop a couple of.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it, it is. And with the name Leonard DiCaprio, even though I know he's a Hollywood actor and he's got to go a certain way. But the kid voted for Trump because that name votes for Trump.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think, I think he couldn't even, I think his hand was trying to go the other way. But then, I mean, it just went Muslim. I mean, they just, they just wanted it. That's just what they are. They want, they, they just, they're kids that just don't want others in their neighborhood.

[Chris Distefano]

Because by the way, what. We're going to do a great episode today on. We're going to do a great episode today on actually the first trans slave. Believe it. Or not. This is really true. Ellen and William Kraft, we're going to tell you a wild story, but I do want to do an episode on Musso maybe next week. I want to do a Mussolini because I want to be able to tell the people how he was actually great.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ladder 14. Yeah, that's just notice different opinions if you go. If you look, what you got to do is watch Alex Jones and he's got a different slant on how Mussolini really, you know, he was building railroads.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he was really just an Italian kid who loved his mother.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was just a misunderstood kid. That's the thing. Yeah. Because it was at the time everyone was rebelling against their parents. They did the Rebel Without a Cause movie with James Dean. Everybody's going, all your parents are bad. And Mussolini. Cellini's like, no, you gotta respect your mother. That's it. You gotta love your ma. She, you know. You mean she. She cooks a nice gravy for you on Sunday. She's good Italian kid. Is all you say. Yeah, that's what Schmidt said. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

She's good Italian kid. And he would have said. If he was alive today. He said, you know, I really like the fucking Chinese kid on the lake is LeBron James.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's really what he said.

[Chris Distefano]

It would have called him a Chinese kid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Look, he was just the kind of guy that was going, look, I grew up in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn. If you're not familiar as a traditionally Thai neighbor. He's like, look, there's just a lot of Chinese collective fucking cans.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I don't know why they're going through my gar. Garbage like squirrels.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I saw a fucking lady carrying a bag on a head. A fucking 800-year-old China. Yeah. I mean, what the fuck is this, Bangkok? Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

He would have said, listen, Darlene. What? I'm not paying up for a rent. You want me to pay the fucking money for a ring camera put out there? If I want to record everything that's going in neighborhood, I'll just have a Chinese guy stand outside my door.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Like, oh, he was just a kid. Mussolini was the type of kids just going, look, I just fucking feel more comfortable if they're in the laundry mats.

[Chris Distefano]

That's awesome.

[Giannis Pappas]

Crawled out of laundromats like roaches and now they're collecting cans.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what Mussolini would say to people say, guys, it's not that I'm a racist, but don't you guys just want to be comfortable?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Don't you want to sit in this country, just be comfortable?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. When I go to a pizza place, I want my Italians cooking my pizza. I want my cooking my, my. Yeah, general sauce. That's what it is. I want my. I want the Chinese to be iron in my shirts. That's what it said. And why are they not in a laundry mat?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's what it is. When I go to a pizza, I want the Italians in the front making the pizza, but then I want the Mexican in the back really making the pizza.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what I want. That's what I saw. So he was just a kid who was just.

[Chris Distefano]

That's all.

[Giannis Pappas]

He liked organization. He felt like things got a little disorganized, that's all. That's what you mean?

[Chris Distefano]

That's what I meant. That's why. That's why, you know, because. And if you look at a picture, you know, bald head, shortcut. That's why we called him Mr. Clean right in the neighborhood. The kid came and cleaned a few things up, but the episode's not about him. It's about Ellen and William Craft.

[Giannis Pappas]

But can I ask you a real quick question? That's both you guys.

[Chris Distefano]

I want you to talk to my hair.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, talk your hair. Which is, I mean, because it is you, you, you. You're putting it together again.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, yeah, the kids. Am I, am I the comeback kid or what?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you're the comeback kid. And you have a calmer look on your face and like, you know, you, you were breaking out a little. You had stress rashes and stuff and your nail back. They're not that bad. I feel like was cute and sweet for you this week and it wasn't chewing feet. Cuz sometimes it's either cute and sweet or chewing feet.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And so I would check in with you and said, is cute and sweet over there in LA or is it chewing feet? And you said one foot in the mouth.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's one foot in the mouth. And yeah. And. And the reason why I'm just feeling nice and calm is because I've been thrown out of my house again. I live in a hotel.

[Giannis Pappas]

And that's.

[Chris Distefano]

So I'm just back living by Newark Airport. It feels good. So I'm just back in the element because. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you feel comfortable living out of stupid.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm back. I'm back by Newark Airport and it's just where I need to be, cuz. And I've been wearing the same outfit all week and it's just slks. I mean, you Know, I kid, I didn't have a jacket. So the kid just went to the Staten Island Mall and he picked up a nice piece from Zara.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Cuz, you know, it's, that's a coincidence that we're gonna be talking about a couple runaway slaves today during Black History Month. Because your life, you live like a runaway slave.

[Chris Distefano]

That's how it is. That's how. I mean, because you've never, you're on the ride because you've never met anyone, you've never met anyone in your life who, who, who has, you know, had relative success in, in a career and lives out of garbage bags like me. I mean, because you've never seen anyone, you've never seen anyone who's walking. I mean, half of my clothes still to this day are just in hefties in the basement.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just, you, you, you like life on the road.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm a kid that likes life on the road. And I'll look you in the eye and say, I don't want to be on the road. I just want to be home. I want to be my family. But then I'm also signed, texting my agent saying, get me to Toledo.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. There's something about being in transit that is kind of calming, you know?

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because when you're stuck in a situation, you just feel trapped. You're like, I got, I got to move, I got to run.

[Chris Distefano]

I got to run away.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got the heart of a, of a, of a, of a slave seeking freedom.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what. No, because I got the heart, I got the heart of a young Kenyan man.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You're a marathon runner.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I'm a marathon runner.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ye.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Because. But this, I mean, but this is a wild story. This one came from you because, because you know me when you ask me, what topics do you want to do? We'll ask the fans, what should we do? And then Yanni will say, what should we do? And my topic, my choice is always someone who is gay in history.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Either that or you're always pitch Jack the Ripper, which we're probably going to do in the Patreon. You always pick. You've been pitching Jack the Ripper for years.

[Chris Distefano]

We're going to go to patreon.com history we're going to really talk about Jack the Ripper, who his DNA was finally uncovered. And the story gets wild. And I have to be honest with you, just a quick little briefing. It doesn't. Jack the Ripper doesn't really scare me as much. As he used to now. Because when you find out through the DNA, and we'll explain it more, you find out that the kid was a Polish immigrant. So now that I know that Jack the Ripper just looked like Lukash, I don't give a fuck.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right? So your friend Lukash.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, my friend Luke. Gosh. Who's the doctor? The show. I mean, Jack the Ripper looked exactly like this kid. So now it's like, who cares?

[Giannis Pappas]

And now the thing about this news coming out, that they got the DNA and the kid was a Polish immigrant, now people are gonna start going, see, that's why we need a wall and we can't have immigrants. So everyone's just gonna close the border.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, no, what's gonna happen is the news came out. The news came out that Jack the Ripper was in fact, a Polish immigrant. And then for no reason whatsoever, Germany just launched a bomb in Poland. We're just gonna do this again and we're just gonna invade Poland.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was in Chicago this weekend, and, man, is that a Polish town?

[Chris Distefano]

That's a big Polish town.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's a big Polish town. It really is. There's a lot of. And on stage, I said, And I didn't know that that was a Slurpee. I thought that's just the way you refer.

[Chris Distefano]

No, you can't say that one. That.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's bad.

[Chris Distefano]

That's.

[Giannis Pappas]

Even.

[Chris Distefano]

I knew that one.

[Giannis Pappas]

So what do you call. Just like the way you say Greek or black.

[Chris Distefano]

No, you just call them cleaning ladies.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ways on cheating. They do.

[Chris Distefano]

They really big time cleaning.

[Giannis Pappas]

They're big time.

[Chris Distefano]

But. Yeah, you can't say that. That. That's actually. That's. That's.

[Giannis Pappas]

So what do you call them?

[Chris Distefano]

Just polls. Yeah. I mean, gosh, this is every episode. He might have just put down his kawumpki.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I'm sorry.

[Chris Distefano]

It's a chest of shit.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'm sorry. Look, Cash. So pol is the way to go. He's a Polish guy or a Pole.

[Chris Distefano]

You would say Pole. Polish so bad. Yeah. You can't say why? Because you just can't.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just the word Pole with an ack at the end.

[Chris Distefano]

There was a kid. There was a group of kids on my basketball team in college. Polish kids. I went to. I played ball. A lot of Polish kids. And they used to call. They were like, you know, they were like, you know, kids that, like, listened to rapid shit and they called themselves UPN United Polish Heads. And they were like, yo, we upn.

[Giannis Pappas]

I said, ninjas.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. They said, United Polish.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I was like, damn.

[Giannis Pappas]

Calling them pierogi monkeys.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, that's. Oh, yeah, yeah. Pierogi monkeys. Yeah. What is it? Derogatory term for polls? I mean, who knows where it comes from? Honestly, too, dude, Is there any derogatory terms or is it just. People have decided that a word means something and then we off the fucking follow it when it's like, does it really bother you, dude? Or you. It's, you know, everything with human beings. Like, are you going to be a follower your whole life?

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, what you got to do is you got to take the words and then like, just make them terms of endearment. Like the way black people do with the N word. Seriously, you just take one letter out of it. So instead of Paul.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Oh, it's. You could call them poles.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Oh, that's my polar Pola. Yeah. That's my polar without decay. That's my polar. Right.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

You'll listen to my polar.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was here talking to my other pole eyes. I love these polis. You know what I'm saying? You don't know me like that. Yeah. You don't know me like that. My polar. Just like that.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because it's Black History Month. The gays also have a month. Yes, the gays also.

[Chris Distefano]

June, right?

[Giannis Pappas]

They have June.

[Chris Distefano]

They have June.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And they got a flag.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah, they got a flag. Which I saw a video. Somebody posted a video the other day. I'll send it to you, Jesse, after the app. There's the trans flag.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And it's like, you know, pink and white, whatever. And there's a video of this guy being like, dude, every time I see a hot chick, she has that flag in her bio. Get me to that place, I want to fly there. And he doesn't know. It's just because it's the trans flag. Yeah. It's a trans are hotties. And that's. And they are.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

No, a couple of them were at my show in San Fran.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And you know, dude, it was hard to not yell my room number out on stage. It's what looking directly at them.

[Giannis Pappas]

When someone puts that much effort into their. Into femininity.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know what I mean? It's like you almost just. It's like watching a kid grow up from nothing.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And make it right. You just kind of want to cheer him on. You just kind of, you know someone. You're like, this guy came from the ghetto and he became a multi millionaire. I mean, this guy started as a guy.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And now he's a hot woman.

[Chris Distefano]

You just.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's something to be applauded. And they deserve to get banged out for that.

[Chris Distefano]

They do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They put a lot of effort into that.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And, and, and, and you know, we didn't do that in San Fran. We stayed. True. But I did, make no mistake, I did go back to the Marriott down by the wharf because that's all I could afford because there's NB Weekend. And I did, I did crank off a little bit a couple of trans people in the audience.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what you.

[Chris Distefano]

There was a guy out there that looked like Steph Curry. And make no mistake, I glued on myself hard.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, here's, here's my.

[Chris Distefano]

Let's be honest with you, a couple of times where I've been really lonely, where I just went back in time and I snapped off a little bit to the Maurice video.

[Giannis Pappas]

You snapped up a couple of times.

[Chris Distefano]

Where I've just been climaxing, hearing dust. And it's just what it is because I got a little glue on my phone and the last video has just been Maurice ad Set. The music video.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, because would you rather ban. Bang out a snap off a hot push through a hot trans woman or Cheryl Miller?

[Chris Distefano]

You're saying the option.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, I know I'm splitting hair.

[Chris Distefano]

Cheryl Miller.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Because if I saw Cheryl Miller and I saw like, you know, a hot trans woman and someone said which one of them had a. I'd go. Your guess is as good as mine.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

What's the death?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean, for, for 99 of time.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I just thought Reggie and Cheryl were the same guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

I thought it was. I thought it was. Yeah. I thought he was just. He was like putting makeup on for a movie called She's Gotta have It or something.

[Chris Distefano]

No, I would, I would, I would. I would definitely bang out Charmel. I mean, I bang out Reggie Miller too. I just don't care. I don't discriminate what it is. You know, you just kind of. I just have fun. As we said, I'm for the table. Yeah, we're all for the table.

[Giannis Pappas]

For the table. And history. It was mostly for the table.

[Chris Distefano]

And are we going to talk about Ellen and William?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. When Genda, this is the first time gender, you know, became a little amorphous because they came up with a plan. Now, Ellen herself was a quantoon.

[Chris Distefano]

What's a quantoon mean?

[Giannis Pappas]

I Think I'm.

[Chris Distefano]

I hope I'm saying that it sounds like something I rent and take out on the lake.

[Giannis Pappas]

It does.

[Chris Distefano]

What is that?

[Giannis Pappas]

It's quantum or a quatroon. What is it?

[Chris Distefano]

What's a quatro?

[Giannis Pappas]

I think it means she was a one fold at the time. I think you could say the better way to say is Negro.

[Chris Distefano]

1/4 Negro. Yeah, she was.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think. I think if we're talking historic.

[Chris Distefano]

A quadroon.

[Giannis Pappas]

A quadroon.

[Chris Distefano]

It sounds like my. It looks like what my hairstyle would be called right now. I got the quadroon.

[Giannis Pappas]

I got the quadroon. Yeah, I think it was a quarter. So it was a person with one.

[Chris Distefano]

Quarter African American or aboriginal and three quarters European.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. So she was a quandro, meaning she was a very light skinned woman. She was a Holly Berry attack.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, I love Holly.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, she was probably lighter than Holly Berry. She was really light skinned and she fell in love with a. With a slave named William.

[Chris Distefano]

So she was. So she. But she was enslaved, right?

[Giannis Pappas]

She was enslaved. She was her mother. Her father was the rapist and.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, really?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Well, you know, I guess they call that now because they're going like. Even if it was like sort of consensual, it's like it was dynamic. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like Thomas Jefferson. I mean, you know, who knows? The only. The only people know is her mom and her dad. But probably that power dynamic really is not great.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because one's a slave master. A slave.

[Chris Distefano]

So it's. But the, the truth is, the uncomfortable truth is, is that most of the slaves just got banged out.

[Giannis Pappas]

And I don't even know. Do you think that was racist or do you think it was? Because just like guys will bang what's in their house. I mean, look at Arnold Schwarzenegger banged out his housekeeper. And he could do a lot better than that.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean. Yeah, he just banged. I mean, he was dating. He was with Mariah Shriver at the time. And then he banged out that girl.

[Chris Distefano]

Housekeeper.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And it's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Can you pull up a pic of her? Just for fun?

[Chris Distefano]

Let's pull up Schwarzenegger's housekeeper.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he banged out his house.

[Chris Distefano]

Maybe we should name this episode Schwarzenegger's Houseke.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, so. And I think Ben Affleck got in trouble. Didn't a lot of people. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You just bang out. Yeah, it's just what I mean, she's not bad though.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Because I mean, what.

[Chris Distefano]

Whoa.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But she didn't look like that when he banged her out. No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, I mean.

[Chris Distefano]

And they have a kid together. No.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. He banged her out. I think he was banging her out more than once. Because I.

[Chris Distefano]

If I can't just be 100% honest with you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, she kind of just looks like, you know, the women that show up to my family barbecue, you know?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah. And.

[Chris Distefano]

But it's nice. But I mean, honestly, dude, in these picks right here, I take her over Maria Shriver. That's just a bad pick of Maria Shriver.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, but Maria Shriver's a piece.

[Chris Distefano]

She's a piece of. She's a Kennedy, right? Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And Chicago is a piece. It's a piece of a city.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout out. Chicago, Illinois, My favorite city outside New York. San Francisco. Chicago, Boston and New York are my four faves.

[Giannis Pappas]

But you're into San Francisco less for aesthetics and more for culture.

[Chris Distefano]

For culture. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I love the culture.

[Chris Distefano]

I love the hills. I love the. I love the hills.

[Giannis Pappas]

I always wonder why there's not just more piles of dead old people at the bottom of those hills.

[Chris Distefano]

I think that San Francisco kind of much like these European, like ancient cities where everyone's just healthy. San Francisco's got that terrain. I didn't know. They build. It's like. They build stuff like floating on a hill.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They. They have the most in shape homeless people. Like, one of them chases you. He will catch you. I mean, they constantly doing.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Hill climbing. And this time I got to see San Francisco the right way with Paul Pelosi. I got the way you want to do it. Paul Pelosi's passenger seat.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That was nice.

[Giannis Pappas]

He'll take you to all the guys that secret will keep a secret. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, gay. That was a gay thing that got caught, and it's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

You think so?

[Chris Distefano]

100%. I think they had to make it seem like this guy's crazy. But in reality, I think Nancy walked in on Paulie just banging the kid.

[Giannis Pappas]

Out for the YouTube censors. That's officially a conspiracy theory.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, that's right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, I don't even think the guy claimed that he was banging out Paul Pelosi. He was there to hit Nancy Pelosi the head with a hammer. I don't. I think the kid just had what they call a leaky roof. Yeah, he had a. He had a wet spot. The kid just had a hold.

[Chris Distefano]

The roof, it's one of those things where it's just divided because it's like one of those things. If you asked me, hey, Chris, who did you vote for this presidential election? My answer would be, Paul Pelosi's gay. And then, you know. And then, you know where I voted. Yeah, he's David the Pop.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I just found out, too. So this guy broke it in the house, David, to Pop. The kid had a leaky roof.

[Chris Distefano]

And the kid got 30 years.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he got 30 years. And I just found out there was a homeless guy that broke into Eminem's house. I didn't know that.

[Chris Distefano]

What?

[Giannis Pappas]

It was just standing over him, said he was going to kill him.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, would be funny if Trump pardoned him.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

He said he did not do wrong.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. By the way, Trump. Trump this weekend said, and we will.

[Chris Distefano]

By the way, get to the trans slave.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we will. We were going to get there, so stick around.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

But it is funny that Trump this week said that you, if you're trying to save the country, you can't break the law. It's a little bit of a scary statement. I think both sides of the aisle were like, whoa, what's going on? Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Wait, what do you. What does he mean by that? What do you mean?

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, that's what nobody knows he's doing. Typical Trump. Just very controversial tweet saying, like, I can't break the law if I'm trying to save the country. So kind of just saying, like, I'm beyond, you know, you, you can, you could read into that going like, hey, I can't commit a crime because I'm the leader. And then you're going, okay, yeah, pretty soon, you know, does that mean we're. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, he's saying. He's saying he can't break the law.

[Giannis Pappas]

No laws violated if he saves the countries.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean, you know what, cuz? Here, here what it is, cuz? Look at our blankie.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, we got a blank.

[Chris Distefano]

We got it. I, by the way, shout out to the manager of the. Shout out to the manager of Cobb, San Francisco, John. I believe it's named Big Hyenas fan on the Patreon. He's been on the Patreon since day one. He said he got me an American flag. He gave us a card, and then he got me a whole bunch of cookies and sweets because he knows I love sweets. And he said, I got you the San Francisco black, and whites are a little bit better. And he said, dig down. And I thought it was going to be something, you know, like a different variation of it. And it Was just a chocolate coated balls and I appreciate that. I'll send you those pics and we'll put those up. So just want to give a quick shout out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, babe, you know me. I like it when my guys are rock hard. I like to see everyone in here rock hard. It's. I'm about a rock hard penis. I like erections. And the best way to get that is bluechew. Bluechew. Thank you for sponsoring this episode and giving me a stiffy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, Bluechew's putting its money where its mouth is and offering you a month free. That's what it is, guys. A month free. The process is simple. Sign [e-mail], consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll. You'll receive your prescription within. Within days.

[Chris Distefano]

It's simple and it's strict and it's discreet. To the door. Nobody in my family knows that I'm getting boner pills to the house. They don't know at all. My stepson doesn't know. Nobody knows. And the best part is it's all done online. You don't have to go to the doctor. No awkward combos, no waiting in line at the pharmacy. You just get boners sent to the door. And you know what else I like about them? You know where these tablets are made? Right here in the USA in the Gulf of America.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're USA made. You take them anytime, day or night. So you can plan ahead or be ready whenever the opportunity arises. Best part, it's all done online. Like Chris, he said, you don't got to go to any doctor's office. No waiting lines at the pharmacies, no nothing.

[Chris Distefano]

No nothing. Make life easier by getting harder and discover your [e-mail] and boy, do we have a special deal for our listeners that probably can't even hear this right now because their ears are just covered by their boners. So try your first month of Bluechew free. Just go to bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.

[Giannis Pappas]

I love rocket money, and I use it, and I've been using it even before, you know, we restarted this podcast. I love it because it keeps track of your expenses. It lets you know what's going on. It's connected to your bank account and it lets you know, oh, wow, I still got this subscription going. I need to cancel.

[Chris Distefano]

There's so many subscriptions out there that you don't even realize you're accidentally paying for twice. You made one, your wife made one, whatever. Rocket Money goes in there and it finds them and it cleans them out. Okay. This just cleans them out. Rocket Money is probably one of the best apps you can get.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes, yes.

[Chris Distefano]

I love it. And it's just, it's, it's basically you see all of your subscriptions in one place, you know exactly where your money's going, and you don't, you know, get caught up anymore paying these high bills because you paid all these 19 different subscriptions. Rocket Money says, what are the ones you need? Here it is. They just clean it out because it's like a vaccine for your app.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And if you like to get those free trials. Yes, you like to get those free trials. And it's so hard to remember because you get so many free trials, which is a screwed in move. Like, hey, I just want to use it for free for now. Rocket Money will remind you, hey, cancel this.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because that's how I get banged out sometimes.

[Chris Distefano]

All of us.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. Now you guys got a lot of money to sign up for our patreon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's really nice to just see all the subscriptions in one place so you know exactly where your money is going easily. Create a personalized budget, which is another aspect of it that I really like. With custom categories to help spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where your money is going. You get alerts if bills increase in price, which is also great because that happens a lot of times. You're not paying attention. There's unusual spending activity also helpful. Or if you're close to going over.

[Chris Distefano]

Budget, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com hyenas today. That's RocketMoney.com hyenas RocketMoney.com hyenas so she.

[Giannis Pappas]

Was a quandroon, which means she was very light skinned and she fell in love with William.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

And William, who was a slave, was a slave.

[Chris Distefano]

So yes, Ellen Craft, light skinned woman as you said. Father was. Father was white, who was a slave owner. Mother was black, was a slave and then she's a slave meets William who was just a regular slave. He was just black slave.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were both regular slaves. He was just a little dark worker.

[Chris Distefano]

But Wasn't Ellen because she was more light skinned, like, treated a little fairer or. No, she was.

[Giannis Pappas]

She was treated a little fairer. Pun intended.

[Chris Distefano]

Fair skin.

[Giannis Pappas]

Her original master got supposedly so annoyed that everyone kept thinking that she was her daughter because. Because so she.

[Chris Distefano]

She.

[Giannis Pappas]

She sold or she gave her as a present to her daughter.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. Actual daughter. The wife. The. The guy. The. The wife. Oh, right. Because also too, the wife is like, I don't owned. Because the. The. The. The wife had to deal with the slave owner. Slave master's wife had to deal with. You banged out our slave and had a baby and she's right here. Yeah, right. That's also a big part.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah. It's just.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, the guy had an affair, but it wasn't an affair back then. It was like, See, back then, because slaves are property. It wasn't an affair. It was like. It was like just. It was like, I'm having sex with my couch. Yeah, I own it.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's what he would just say to his wife. Like. Yeah, unfortunately, he would say something like, I'm. I was just doing a home renovation.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. Yeah. Like that would just be like, caught being caught jerking off.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Like, I'm just. I'm just jerking off, babe. It's just a slave, which is up, but it is the truth. It's a Ruth. It's a. It's a truth baiter.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's an uncomfortable truth. Probably they just kind of looked at it differently or, you know, the wife probably got mad, but they couldn't do anything because, I mean, women couldn't do anything because back then you could give them a talking to.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They didn't really have any rights, you know.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's just kind of. They just. They just got tuned up.

[Giannis Pappas]

They got. Everyone just was getting tuned up. It's unfortunate that he's slave owners.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. There were no Amanda Serrano yet.

[Giannis Pappas]

There was no feminist movement yet. There was me too movement. Was. It wasn't. Back then, it was called the I movement and it was the white eye movement.

[Chris Distefano]

Now I'm not saying. I'm saying I am. I am 100% for everything that's been happening with the feminist movement. I have daughters. You have daughters. I love it. I really do. I love it. I'm only speaking very, very, very specifically in degree of difficulty in life. Yeah, the degree of difficulty in life for white men back then was probably almost a 6 all probably had no difficulties back then. You know, you kind of do what you want. The wife talks back. You just, you get a. And that's on patreon.com history hyenas. That's patreon.com I know what you. History hyenas.

[Giannis Pappas]

I'll. Trent, basically you're saying you had an open road. There wasn't for you.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying you didn't even have.

[Giannis Pappas]

To do any manual labor.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm saying it's wrong.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's 100 wrong. I'm talking about just fun.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And degree of difficulty being almost at zero.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You have to do any work and you just bang who you want and the wife can't say or do anything.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And it was. I think it was a very different country back then because it was very state to state. It was almost like two different countries. There was certain by state. Like some states didn't have slavery or less slavery or, you know, you were in the north. It was totally different than the South. It was totally different culture.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean, in some ways it's still like this today. I mean, look at there, between like Texas, you know, and Oregon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's American.

[Chris Distefano]

Oregon, you know, there's Men are on birth control. Yeah. Portland.

[Giannis Pappas]

The only thing we have in common is the language in a lot of ways.

[Chris Distefano]

Seriously, it's totally. I mean, the people in Maine are not. They're not having a border crisis.

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, but they're a border state, too.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, exactly.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's. It's very different. It was different back then, and they wanted to get out of basically their country and go to another country which was like Philadelphia or Boston.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, Philadelphia. That's. Imagine how bad your life has to be if you're looking to escape to Philadelphia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's got to be tough.

[Chris Distefano]

Imagine how bad that is. Just you'd rather be front rod in Eagles Parade.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Than live where you're living.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, that's bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they came up with a nice little plan. They came up with a nice little plan because back then it was not easy to escape.

[Chris Distefano]

I would say it was almost impossible because if you got caught, you were going to get killed.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Just imagine the game of Frogger, but instead of cars, there's just guys with guns and. And, and bloodhounds.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Tracking you down.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And they weren't yelling, there's a frog. Were yelling something out there.

[Giannis Pappas]

We own something else.

[Chris Distefano]

And it's just not okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it was not okay. It's not good.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep.

[Giannis Pappas]

It Was not good. And we're glad it's changed.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm 100%.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Thousand percent glad it's changed. And I do, and I do fully stand by that. I'm glad it's changed. I was just, you know, doing a thought.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, no, we're just a couple of kids of immigrants who have nothing to do with this story.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, absolutely zero, by the way, with this story. Absolutely zero. And, and we have both said before, if we ever were alive back then, we, we would be. Even if we were born in the south, we would be sympathetic and we would get to the north and we would be drummer boys at the back of a, of a battle. We got the battle of Gettysburg. Playing the drums. Yeah, Playing the drums. Trying to help anyone we could, you know, escape to safety because we're just not mean spirited kids.

[Giannis Pappas]

I would have totally been. I would have totally been like an operative on The Underground Railroad.

[Chris Distefano]

100%.

[Giannis Pappas]

I would have helped these slaves escape.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, you would have been 1000%. As soon as they, as soon as they got to your state lines, you would have just been preaching radical acceptance. And then they would have just dealt with you for about a mile and started running back the other way.

[Giannis Pappas]

Slavery.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It would have been like, yeah, maybe it was better.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean, could you imagine? They get there, you're like, radical acceptance. You just have to box. Breathe, babe. You just have to box. And then they're like, you know what? Put me back in chase.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're like, I thought this, I thought the summer days were long in Macon, Georgia, but man, that yach's never.

[Chris Distefano]

Had a Y. Cuz you're kind of getting ripped now. What's going on? Isn't he kind of getting ripped? Did you work out and shigle.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, I don't really. Chicago.

[Chris Distefano]

You're starting to get a vein in your bicep.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, and I'm not. I'm not.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you on test?

[Giannis Pappas]

No, it's just, it's just push ups.

[Chris Distefano]

And, and, and boxing that' every day. Not every day.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, I don't box every day. But yeah. Yeah, but I do, I do try to do push ups as much as I can.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's called the jailhouse. I try to do a jailhouse workout.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Room. That's like, you know, because that's what you are when you have kids is you're basically like a prison guard just standing around.

[Chris Distefano]

You want.

[Giannis Pappas]

Sure. They don't.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, what I would do is because a lot of times, a lot of Times I would do like push ups, sit ups. And then, you know, if the kids wanted to play with me, I bet girls like, just give me a second like dad, because you're in your mind. Like I got to finish my 100, I gotta. Whatever. But now I just make them a part of it. Now I squat with them, I throw them on my back. Yeah, I just. Because you are working out to play with your kids.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. When you pick them up, you do back exercises. You gotta think of it like that someone should make a workout video with toddlers and show how you can maneuver them.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like weights come side to side.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm sure they, I'm sure they have.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You got to get creative.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And this is what these two did. They got creative. And this is a love story. Yeah, this is an optimistic love story.

[Chris Distefano]

Really is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cuz look, she had a good situation. Well, okay, not a good situation.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

She was in slave, but they wrote a book. Right. A Thousand Feet to Freedom or Miles.

[Chris Distefano]

To Freedom Years later because they couldn't. When they, when we're about to tell you the story about their great escape. They couldn't even read or write because slaves were forbidden to read or write. They learn how to read or write years later and recount their story.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right. They recount their story and they even admit like, you know, it was, it was, she had a decent situation. Meaning she was like you said, she had her own room.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

With the, with the daughter she was given as a gift that whatever family she was with, she had her own room. Treated pretty well. Yeah. But they were in love and they just. And he didn't have that horrible of a situation either. I guess his master, they would let.

[Chris Distefano]

Him go out on, on pat. They were, they were considered like, you know, high ranking slaves, whatever you call that, where they were very frequently given passes to leave. They could leave their enslavement and then they, you know, would come, you know. But we shouldn't say that. Yeah, yeah, I didn't mean that.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's probably the way they look.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the way. That's what I said. That's the way they looked.

[Giannis Pappas]

They said that these, these, they were these. Slave recall.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's basically what that way they thought.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the way they thought.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Good recall.

[Chris Distefano]

It's pretty wild to think that human beings used to be like that. Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

Really crazy.

[Chris Distefano]

It's wild. And now. Because the only way it is still happening now. But that's in Saudi Arabia.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. That's a different place.

[Chris Distefano]

They are. Do you Know by the way, another episode we're going to do. Do you know that it's just really Arabia and the Saudi family is a family and they're. That's the Saudi Arabia not know that the Saudis are a family. So we're going to do a whole episode on the actual Saudis.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because the. It is just Arabia. They named it Saudi Arab be because they bought a nation.

[Giannis Pappas]

Now look, they're getting into a lot of sports. They got like a soccer league that they're paying these guys, all these guys. Golf, whatever. If you guys want to get into the podcast game. Yeah, we're listening. We, we're listening to offers. If you want us to do this out of Imam or wherever. I'll do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, I will do it. Yeah, we, we are listening because make no mistake, the ants have dried up a little bit.

[Giannis Pappas]

We would definitely cackle that whole part. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Throw Patreon.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, but it's just say something Y. I like when you throw a random stray at our infrastructure.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's just what it is. Cuz. Because sometimes when the Patreon stalls and the AD stall, you got to just shake it up a little bit. And that's the way I like to shake it up. I like to throw a few strays.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, but the Patreon is fun, fun, fun.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean it is what it is. I mean if you go into the kids, if you go into the kids bedside table, you just. There's good. He's going to just have a, a strap on with a tool belt.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

And it's not for him.

[Chris Distefano]

It's not what. Yeah, it's, it's. It's just got just a little extender over there and there's just what you could do. People are into what they're into and I respect and accept everybody.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I do. It's no, it's no big deal.

[Chris Distefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's no big deal. People need to do whatever they got to do to balance themselves out.

[Chris Distefano]

It is cuz the kid tried to stick assembly and there's nothing you can do. And it's just what it is. And you know, and we are. I don't know if we are on the Patreon or We're on the YouTube, but we're here. Yeah, but we are here. We're on the airwaves.

[Giannis Pappas]

Those are my types of favorite. Those are my favorite episodes. But we just don't know which parts of this are going to be Available to whom?

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, it's just kind of like playing Whack a mole.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Patreon.com history hyenas for the uncackled versions of all our episodes every week and our weekly bonus episode and additional content. Join the matriar.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, and we might just bring WEPA in the morning back because I got to be honest with you, I'm sick of doing everything else. So we might just start doing this every day. We haven't decided yet, but we probably will. Cuz. Cuz make no mistake, once it gets really nice out. Yeah, I want to start walking around just doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's nice to stroll. I mean, I love a good stroll. Humans are meant to stroll. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Take me for a walk, cuz.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put a leash on me and take me for a walk.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm a stroll Bowley.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cuz we're both a couple of sports fans that like to put some juice on the game and spin the wheel.

[Chris Distefano]

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[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris Distefano]

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[Giannis Pappas]

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[Chris Distefano]

Here's the wild part of this story.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they're the crafts, but not the Craft family that owns the New England Patriots. Not them. That's a guy kind of slave. That's a kind of a. That's a different kind of slave. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

They own Tom Brady.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They own different types of slaves.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. So this. So. So what they do is they devise this plan. Now what Ellen Craft, who, as we said was a quadroon, who was 14 white, 34 European. So she looked. Looked white. She would disguise herself as a wealthy white southern man. Okay. Not a woman. She's disguising herself as a man. So she's going full trance, which nobody did back then publicly. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And to be able to get away with it without any testosterone.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is very, very impressive because we don't.

[Chris Distefano]

Know if she was a piece or not.

[Giannis Pappas]

We don't know. I assume she couldn't have been a piece.

[Chris Distefano]

Right. Because she was able to look. Well, it depends who you're talking to, because she might not have been a piece to you, but she might have been a piece to me if she looks like a guy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Well, I mean, she was a really, really, really fair skin. Only caught her black, and then she ended up having a relationship with a black guy, so I could only assume she was really fat. Way song. She ain't you. I just did the George W. Bush duck. Yeah, yeah. What did it remember? The guy threw the shoe at him.

[Chris Distefano]

I ducked it out. So we got Ellen. Ellen is disguising herself as a. As a wealthy white southern man. Now William, who is her husband, is acting as her enslaved servant, which he actually is. Is still, you know, he is in this situation. He is a slave, and so is she. She's acting like the wealthy white southern man. He's acting like the enslaved servant. And then they traveled. They got on a. On a train and a steamboat from Macon, Georgia, where we're coming to you live from, to the free North. Their goal is to get to Pennsylvania. That's where freedom is. And they say to themselves, first, the plan starts where they say they set out. It's December 21, 1848. They got on the train from Macon, Georgia to Savannah. And they said if they ever got captured, they were going to get punished big. They're probably going to be. And Maybe even hung. That's possible. They could have gotten hung.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Nobody likes that. That's. They paid a lot of money for these people. They don't like that.

[Chris Distefano]

And they. But here's what happened is they gained enough good points from their masters over the years where they were given passes to say, hey, we just want to go away for a couple of days.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And they. And they said, no problem. Because they, they would let. They would always come back. But this time, of course, they're not coming back. And only white passengers were of course allowed on trains. And if you were, the only way a black person was allowed on is if you had a slave with you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It was very ingenious. So it was actually William who came up with this plan because guys just.

[Chris Distefano]

Got a bit bigger brains. It's not. And it's not that I'm saying that. Negative. I like to deal in facts.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

And they just have heavier, bigger brains.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right, right. Which was, you know, unfortunately, some of the science that they used back then to rationalize slavery. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And it's not right.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not right. The woman. It's true.

[Chris Distefano]

It's true.

[Giannis Pappas]

But that's the good thing about that, is it. It's a cross racial line.

[Chris Distefano]

And I just don't understand why the President's, you know, presidential race even tries it anymore. It's like, we're not voting for this lady with shoulder pads.

[Giannis Pappas]

Way song Sheen. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And it's fucked up and I don't love it. But again, you just got to deal with it.

[Giannis Pappas]

You got to deal with the situation at hand and not the one you wish was the situation. Right, right. Which is what you said George Washington was good at.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Dealing with what was wished. Right, Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And that's why you like George Washington.

[Chris Distefano]

That's why I love George Washington. Because George Washington was always assessing the situation as it was, not as he wished it would be. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And like I said, I love that we're in Black History Month, but right now there's no holidays for that. But there is a holiday for two slave owning presidents. It's just one smack middle.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Of.

[Chris Distefano]

I like that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Of black history.

[Chris Distefano]

I like that, too. They own slaves, and this is the. This is the date that they were given off. Also, Hulu has. They're doing this thing where they give one comic a special every month for the past 12 months. And they could pick any comic they wanted for the month of February. And they picked me, Chris, Stefano. My special is coming up February 21st on Black History Month where they could have had multiple other black people doing comedy specials and they didn't give them Black History Month. Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

No, through this whole era, I mean, it was almost like the blacks got pushed to the back of even the woke movement. It was like, yeah, trans gay, yeah, Indian. I mean it was, Everyone was ahead of them. Women. And then blacks were just like, hey, when are we gonna like, why don't you just give us all.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuz that's a good bit. I never thought about that. Washington and Lincoln are slave owning presidents and they got Black History Month. Or at least Washington did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, right. So Lincoln didn't have a slave. You're right.

[Chris Distefano]

But Washington did. Yeah, that's a funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's funny. Washington just had slaves and they were.

[Chris Distefano]

Celebrating his birthday and they were like, congrats to you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, congrats to you. We're gonna, we're gonna celebrate. Celebrate your birthday in the middle of Black History Month.

[Chris Distefano]

So okay, they, they boarded, they boarded a train from Macon, Georgia to Savannah. Yeah, they're on the train.

[Giannis Pappas]

But wait, let's first talk about the plan.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, tell me about.

[Giannis Pappas]

So the plan is great. So he goes, listen, she's like scared of it. She's like, oh my God, if they catch us. You know William, you know.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's like, baby, baby, just chill. You know, he probably had like a real smooth kind of Barry. Whatever, baby, you got, got this girl. Yeah, come on, come on, girl. Let's go, girl. Smooth like. And he said what we're going to do is he cut her hair. So he cut her hair. You know, boys don't cry style. Made a little buzz cut, that right? And then he goes, you're going to pretend to be my master, but you can't. We can't have you talk because they didn't know how to read or anything like that. So what we're going to do is we're going to put your arm in a slang and say that you got some sort of disease and we're taking you up north. You got to see a doctor in Philadelphia.

[Chris Distefano]

No, they said that. I think her arm was broken. She got hurt in battle, I thought. Right. Not a disease. I think they said that her arm, they say like make it like a man's injury. Like it got hurt in battle.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. So that. Yeah, yeah. What kind of battle would be going on?

[Chris Distefano]

I don't know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he got.

[Chris Distefano]

You got hit by goddamn Native Americans.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Or it would have been fun if they came up with like a story like, oh, there was A slave revolt, you know, and I had some slave attacked me. Like, you know, they had to do something to just deflect the fact that this was, this was a lady, this was a quandro lady in a dude's outfit. She probably had the top hat on because he went and he bought the costume piece by piece. Yeah, I don't know. You know, he must have been getting a little bit of money here and there. I, he's like a cabinet maker or something. So he's piece by piece. This plan took a little. It's like Ocean's Eleven for slavery.

[Chris Distefano]

And they planned it, they planned it out. They planned it out and it was a whole thing. And they got this woman just in, you know, they, they, they put her arm in this thing. Because what you have to do is you have to, when you're getting on to the trains or the steamboats, you have to sign. You have to basically sign your name or sign in the slave and show documentation. So they figured the arm thing, cuz he's a white gentleman, they'll just say forget it, dude, you're a good guy, you're one of us. And let him through.

[Giannis Pappas]

And also she couldn't speak, sounded like a woman. And she probably had more of a slave accent or something like that.

[Chris Distefano]

So they also didn't know how to read or write. So that's why she couldn't sign her name. She didn't know how to write.

[Giannis Pappas]

And so they thought of that problem and they go, hey, but we can't have you talk at all cuz you sound like a lady or whatever. And then he goes, you know what, we're going to make you deaf.

[Chris Distefano]

Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

So she was a deaf slave owner who was probably a squeak. Yeah. Because she was a woman. It was really a woman.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And whose arm was in a sling. So it's like, it was really like the same strategy that Ted Bundy did. Cuz when someone's injured you don't, you know, when you're like a victim, nobody you don't want to criticize, be like, hey, are you really a lady escape slave? You don't want to do that because I don't know, you just feel bad for the person. So it worked.

[Chris Distefano]

So it worked out. And then they would, they bound her. She bound her chest so she could deepen her voice just in case. So she could sound even more deaf.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Cuz I guess if she was not speak because you know.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, this here.

[Chris Distefano]

I go to Dawson.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, this here, this my savior. He's a good Buck, he works harder today. I gotta go north and get my arm fixed by Dr. A.T. hawthorne in Philadelphia.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm a. I'm a. I'm a white man. I'm not a black woman.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, because when you think about it, deaf people don't sound masculine or feminine.

[Chris Distefano]

They just sound deaf.

[Giannis Pappas]

They sound deaf.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Thank you. No, I'm going have my Negro coming in at the con. That's fine with me.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm going to Philadelphia. I want to. The Eagles plan now.

[Giannis Pappas]

Do you think when they got off in Savannah and then Charleston, you think they did a little cute touring? They had to. They.

[Chris Distefano]

I know that if that was us back then and we were trying to get it with this plan, we would just get caught in Savannah because we would be in antique shops going, it's.

[Giannis Pappas]

So cute out here.

[Chris Distefano]

Oh, my God.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cute and sweet. We may miss our steamer, but we're strolling and enjoying the sights of Charleston.

[Chris Distefano]

If you and I went to Charleston, it would be really, really hard not to just start skipping because I would be so happy.

[Giannis Pappas]

I love.

[Chris Distefano]

I would skip from square to square.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Let me taste something right? Charleston is so fucking cute. It's so we could fly there for the day.

[Chris Distefano]

When it gets nicer out, why don't we. When it gets nicer, why don't we just do an episode from Charleston?

[Giannis Pappas]

Let's do it.

[Chris Distefano]

I love Charleston. And then it's good, because I think I could just go and I can go with a friend and I don't have to deal with fucking going with a woman.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I just want to go with my friends because I don't have to do shit I don't want to do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, look at the positive. You're sleeping in a hotel, but you are working on your Hilton points.

[Chris Distefano]

It's true.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, I'm a Barry. I'm a Marriott Bonvoy rewards member.

[Giannis Pappas]

So you're working on those.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

You those up.

[Chris Distefano]

And I love. And I want to just shout out my videographer, Steve Cicconi Riceroni. Thank you for. You know.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's your squeak.

[Chris Distefano]

That's my squeak.

[Giannis Pappas]

Everyone needs a squeak on their team.

[Chris Distefano]

Squeak in the. Yeah. And in the middle of the night at the hotel in L. A. Just got a little nervous and knocked on his door at 3am and he just went in the second bed. And it's just what it is. Because I always like to get. I always like to get two queens rather than one king. Just in case you get a little nervous. I could have the opener. Just come sleep in the second bed.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is. And Sergio Chacon knows that very well. I mean, the kid just. We just bunk up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bunk up. Because I would say I didn't have the money, but it's really just because I'm scared of ghosts.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And it's also funner. It's kind of funner to just bunk up and you could talk, watch games together. Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Yeah. It's not wrong with it. I kind of see what you, what you, what you talk.

[Chris Distefano]

I like it. I enjoy. Then you just start to get lonely.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. The only problem is when you got to take a. And then like, you know, the other guy's taking. The other guy's got to take a. Yeah, stuff like that.

[Chris Distefano]

But that's. But that's what sinks are for you. I mean, it's not my room. All right, so Here we go. December 21st, 1848. Right. They're on the train. They're getting out there making Georgia to Savannah. In Savannah, they get through safely to Savannah. Even though it's cute, they just wearing blinders. They say, we. Savannah's cute, cute, cute. But we got to get on this steamboat. And they boarded a steamboat from Savannah. The thing is, I don't know how they didn't get caught. They went from Savannah to the next cutest city in the world, Charleston, South Carolina. I mean, they were surrounded by cute.

[Giannis Pappas]

It was really cute. But they kept their blinders on. And we're going, we. We got to make it north. And then they just. Yeah, they. They got on another boat.

[Chris Distefano]

That's the way they would go. Is. Is. Is. You know, is. I like to take the Staten island ferry. These kids would take the Staten island steamboat.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They had to go through multiple slave states, so they just couldn't breathe right. Until they got over the.

[Chris Distefano]

You have to understand how deep into southern slave territory making Georgia is. It's about as deep as deep can get. It's about as deep as the Matchbox cars in my asshole.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right? Yeah, it's in there. It's in the colon.

[Chris Distefano]

Surgical intervention.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Only way. So they are traveling. They're getting further and further north. They go from Savannah to Charleston to finally they get to Wilmington, N.C. and a friendly conductor there who was on the train on the steamboat actually helped Ellen, offering her better accompanied accommodations because of her broken arm. So they actually put. They upgraded the kid into a suite even though she was a slave. They thought there was a southern white gentleman with a broken arm. So they Gave her a nice. A nice little suite.

[Giannis Pappas]

Or maybe it was a guy who is an undercover gay who, like, this is this nice little twink. Yeah. Because, you know, she looked like nice twink.

[Chris Distefano]

She did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. To the gay community. Like you're going like, oh, this is a dude, but it's a twink.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, let's just be. Let's just call it what it is. She probably looked exactly like Elliot Page.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And it's just. What is. She was Elliot Page in a sling with a corset on. And make no mistake, that's what I like.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's probably what she looked like.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. And so they actually did at one point get. They, they randomly. This was just so random. They saw one of Ellen because Ellen, you know, know, was, you know, the, The. The quadroon slave. So she was in the house a lot. She was always dying. She was always waiting on her slave owners guests. They actually saw one of the slave owners friends.

[Giannis Pappas]

This is where it gets wild.

[Chris Distefano]

On one of the trains. And they just had to make. She just had to make believe like she was not the slave.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they.

[Chris Distefano]

And they. And. And that's when he started trying to talk to her. And that's when she came up with the deaf stuff.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

As she pretended to be deaf and unwell, avoiding suspicion. So he was like, oh, you know, how are you? And she's like.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I mean, they had a lot of.

[Chris Distefano]

Close calls, which is up. But what would you do?

[Giannis Pappas]

I think it was. I think it was brilliant. I mean, they solved every problem that they had. They thought it out like, okay, we can't read or write. We can't talk. You know, so let's just do it this way. I'm deaf. I'm. I'm infirm. I got a broken arm. You're my slave.

[Chris Distefano]

It's either you act like you're deaf or you're gonna have to suck your way up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You have to start sucking.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

That's really. This. You shouldn't have to see this guy. And he's. You're just gonna have to make. You're just gonna have to hope that he's gay. And he's just gonna have to believe he's getting sucked off by another southern gentleman.

[Giannis Pappas]

That. And that may.

[Chris Distefano]

That may have happened. That's how Paul Revere got out of. You know, the story of Paul Revere.

[Giannis Pappas]

He sucked off a guy.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what I say.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Paul Revere got caught. We're gonna do an episode on Paul Revere. Paul Revere got caught by three British soldiers when he was doing his midnight ride.

[Giannis Pappas]

And he sucked them all out.

[Chris Distefano]

All of a sudden, there's no history. The history just says Paul Revere was let go. And I'm like, how do you think they. He got let go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right?

[Chris Distefano]

The kid got down on his knees and started sucking for freedom.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Soldiers just let him go and then he continued his ride. Yeah, they would have killed that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, you could. You could really get out of any jam by offering a blowjob.

[Chris Distefano]

You got to offer it up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Always think that if you want to kidnap and be like, look, can I just suck you guys off?

[Chris Distefano]

That's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

You know, you accidentally murder someone, drive a drunk, you just say that you're on it. Can I just suck you off?

[Giannis Pappas]

Can I suck you off? Blowy just feels good.

[Chris Distefano]

A blowy is. Yeah, I would rather.

[Giannis Pappas]

Would you do blowies over sex?

[Chris Distefano]

That's exclusively what I do. Because guys don't have vaginas.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can't really just bang guys out. You take. There's a whole prep.

[Chris Distefano]

Too much.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's a whole prep that comes with fucking.

[Chris Distefano]

But how should blow. No, the thing is. The thing is, I prefer blowies.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

I prefer. I prefer blowies.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Right, Right. Yeah. No, blow is real nice.

[Chris Distefano]

Blow is real nice. You get it? And then.

[Giannis Pappas]

So this story could have been called blowing your way to freedom.

[Chris Distefano]

And I.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's the way we wrote the book.

[Chris Distefano]

And I understand why the kid. Marilyn Manson removed a rib.

[Giannis Pappas]

Why?

[Chris Distefano]

Because he. To blow himself. You never heard that story?

[Giannis Pappas]

No.

[Chris Distefano]

Marilyn Manson removed his two lower ribs so he could give himself blowjobs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Is this a fact or is this.

[Chris Distefano]

I mean, Jesse, you've heard this, right? I'm not making this up.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, I heard it. I don't know if it's true, but I heard it. But it's. It's. It's.

[Chris Distefano]

It is. And I get it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I get it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Because I don't think Paul Revere blew three red coats.

[Chris Distefano]

Well, because that's what the fun.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. That's what the Smithsonian says. And Charles Manson, that is in the music hall of fame, he removed the rib to blow himself.

[Chris Distefano]

Not Charles Manson. Marilyn.

[Giannis Pappas]

Marilyn Manson. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It would be funny if they say, no, Marilyn Manson did not have ribs.

[Giannis Pappas]

Removed, but it's funny to think he did.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. The rumor that he did is a well known urban legend. Well, I. I don't believe you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the thing is, everyone that Listens to this episode. Really knows what your group chats are like. Just by listening to the historical facts you rattle off.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. You just have a funer view of history.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. But that's why we're your history teachers and you should listen to us every week because we're just telling you somewhat the truth. But it's just fun.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. It's just we, we just spice it up. We put it.

[Chris Distefano]

We put.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're the condiment that goes on your.

[Chris Distefano]

History because history and truth are what you make it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Nobody knows. Nobody was actually there. So I'm just going to give you a version of it that is just a little bit more fun.

[Giannis Pappas]

Nobody knows.

[Chris Distefano]

It' a little bit more fun. And it's, it's okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

So here's the boring part. Just to finish the story. They get to Philadelphia, right. And I guess at that point they start eating cheesecake steaks. They start rooting for the Eagles. They start, you know, maybe they pregame. They probably pregamed.

[Chris Distefano]

They got there, they got some keystone Natty lights.

[Giannis Pappas]

They.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, they did. You know, they did all your garbage. They were just doing all the Philly.

[Giannis Pappas]

Stuff that they went out to Harrisburg to check out James family. They did what you did.

[Chris Distefano]

They did what you do. They went to Shane Show.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, they went to Shane show and then, then the Slave Fugitive act comes out and that's bad news. That's a boo boo if you're a runaway slave because now they can go into northern territories and recoup you.

[Chris Distefano]

Really?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

The Slave Fugitive act. Oh, of 1850. That's right. That's a piece of history. People don't realize is there was a time during the Civil War if you could just get to Northern. If you can get to the northern states, you were free. But in 1850 Fugitive Slave act they would let you. The northern states would let the southern slave owners in and get your slave back.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Because messed up with the slate. What the south didn't account for is like they probably a lot of them were starting to get away because they just were underestimating how fast blacks were.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ways on cheating. And so a lot of them started getting away and they're like we got to change the legislation.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Because I mean you can't get these guys.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's not fair. You gotta. Gotta enable us to come over to your side and get them because we just can't catch them.

[Chris Distefano]

The kids took off. But here's what the crafted. That was smart. They went to England.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Because England outlawed. See, here's the problem. When people. Here's the issue.

[Giannis Pappas]

Here's the issue.

[Chris Distefano]

Here's the issue with history.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Is people will say. You'll get people nowadays that say, well, everyone had slaves. It was. Back then. Was just a different way of life. You don't understand. They really weren't racist. And the issue is this, is that England outlawed slavery about 150 years before the Americans did. So that means there were people there for 150 years going, that's not okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

We would just say, no, no, no, it is. We got to pick cotton.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

So. So we. There is a lot of truth to the south just being kind of animals with this and not. You know what I mean? The south just being pieces of shit and enslaving people.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And even when they still really technically didn't need it because of the Industrial revolution, they just still wanted it. They still wanted.

[Chris Distefano]

They just probably still. In present day. They probably still just want.

[Giannis Pappas]

They want it. Probably still.

[Chris Distefano]

It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, I'm sure if you go to certain parts of Mississippi, they don't even know that it's stopped.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. I think there's a lot of places in this country still that if you go to. They don't even probably have electricity and things like that.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah, they just don't.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean, I've never been to Mississippi, and I don't want to go. I never been to Arkansas, and I don't want to go. There's some places you. I don't want to go.

[Chris Distefano]

Little Rock, Arkansas, is cute, though.

[Giannis Pappas]

You've been there.

[Chris Distefano]

It's cute. Yeah. Because they got hot springs in their natural hot springs. So I went.

[Giannis Pappas]

What was it like? What was the vibe there like?

[Chris Distefano]

It's like a little town.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

It's nice. It's, say, capital, where the Clintons are from. So I. Bill Clinton. So I liked it. I thought it was cute. Yeah, I did.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, do the blacks know they're free there?

[Chris Distefano]

The blacks. You don't see many blacks.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

So I don't. So. But no, probably there aren't some that don't even know because they all.

[Giannis Pappas]

Fudgeing. Got out of there.

[Chris Distefano]

They got out of there because. Yeah. That. The last place you'd want to be is in the south if you're black.

[Giannis Pappas]

You know, slavery had to be bad if they went to Chicago and stuck it out through that fudgeing winter.

[Chris Distefano]

Winter. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like, that's a lot better than where we were. Coming from.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

I mean that winter is fudgeing brutal. That cut, that cold cut cuts right through you.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. I mean the, the.

[Giannis Pappas]

But if you're going to go to Chicago, go to Chicago during the winter because it's just too cold to shoot.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

So it's the safest time to go to Chicago.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Because the bullets will freeze and you were in a cute, cute hotel. The Chicago Athletic Association. It was cute picks. It's cute.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's cute. So then they go to England and they have five kids.

[Chris Distefano]

They have five kids. So they get to, they get to England, they're free there. They're, you know, work. They are treated like, you know, first class citizens, fellow human beings. And then. So this is where they have five kids. They learn to read, they learn to write and then they return to the US after the Civil War. And what they did is they opened a school for freed African Americans in Georgia. So they actually, which is interesting. They actually went back to the scenes of their crime. They went back to Georgia, which is wild. Yeah, I wouldn't, I wouldn't go back there.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that just lets you know that they were like really committed to helping blacks and they went, went back there. They founded these things to help blacks and they wanted to fight against slavery and help blacks. So they went back. They didn't forget about where they came from. They went back and they reinvested in the hood.

[Chris Distefano]

They. That's which you like to see it.

[Giannis Pappas]

You like to see that.

[Chris Distefano]

You love to see it. They're like Pitbull. Yeah, the singer, pit bull. He likes to reinvest back in the hood.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. So that's what they did. And then they lived happily ever after and their, their descendants moved on and they, they, they.

[Chris Distefano]

And they wrote a book.

[Giannis Pappas]

They must, you must really love America if you live in England for 20 years free and then you come back.

[Chris Distefano]

Back and think about that journey.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's how great America is, despite all its flaws.

[Chris Distefano]

The thing is, here's what I'm. We're number one by a lot, America. We just are. And you know these other countries that make believe that they're like even close to us, it's a little insulting. Yeah, we're just number one by a lot.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're number one by a lot. You can make something happen here. Even a slave escape with a costume and changing your gender. Your dreams can come true. If you want to become, if you're a little black boy and you want to grow up and become like a Nazi, we can make that happen.

[Chris Distefano]

No Problem?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's. Anything you want to be in this country, your dream can come true.

[Chris Distefano]

What do you want to do, babe?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, what do you want to do?

[Chris Distefano]

You want to be. What do you want to do? You want. You want to. You want to be a black kid? Become a Nazi? No problem. We got you. You want to be a boy and swim? Swim on the University of Penn women's team. We got you.

[Giannis Pappas]

We got you.

[Chris Distefano]

Any swim on.

[Giannis Pappas]

You want to be a rich Jewish girl that grows up in, like, the suburbs and then goes. Becomes a radical black professor at a university and change your name to La Bombayera. Yeah, we got you.

[Chris Distefano]

Got you, baby.

[Giannis Pappas]

We got you. You want to be a president of a local NAACP chapter. But there's one problem. You're the. You were born in the whitest family possible. Yeah, we gotcha. We cut. It's possible.

[Chris Distefano]

Whatever. Whatever you want to do.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

We're here for you. We are the United States of America. And it's just, you know, I feel like a story. Story like this is something that gets overlooked a lot in history when we should. I mean, listen, Harry Tubman was great.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

But I mean, they should have Ellen. They should have Ellen Clark on the. On a.

[Giannis Pappas]

On a Clark, but. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

What's her name?

[Giannis Pappas]

Kraft.

[Chris Distefano]

Alan Craft. They should have Ellen Craft. Yeah, they should have Ellen Craft on a dollar bill, too, as the white man. Right.

[Giannis Pappas]

That would be great.

[Chris Distefano]

Don't have her as a woman. Have her as the disguise.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, in the disguise.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. And say. Because then it'll let people go crazy. You're just going to put another white man on the 20 billion? Say no, you piece of shit. That's Alan Craft. That's a black woman dressed up as a white man.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's a. That is a cross dresser right there.

[Chris Distefano]

That's what that is.

[Giannis Pappas]

That would be very nice. Yeah. Anything you want to do.

[Chris Distefano]

You can be okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

You can be here. Look at us.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're making our dreams come true. If you are. If you're a white kid and you want to grow up and be a black basketball player, Tyler Herro, you can.

[Chris Distefano]

Do what it is. That. That, that on that $20 bill right there, that is a black woman dressed up like a white man. That's Jordan Carlos.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Good friend of our show. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Good friend. Good friend out there.

[Chris Distefano]

Shout out, Jordan.

[Giannis Pappas]

So they returned after the Civil War. They opened that school and I assume they lived happily ever after. And they had family barbecues and they made plates for their relatives.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

And they. They. Mac and cheese and greens and all that stuff.

[Chris Distefano]

And they had Yummy, yummy in my tummy.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. They just had a good life and lived on from there. So. It's a beautiful story. It's the wildest. It's a wildest slave escape story probably.

[Chris Distefano]

I would say. I would say. Yeah, that's. I can't think of one as. As interesting as that. I mean, that's the one. I mean, you know, risked it all for love.

[Giannis Pappas]

They were in love.

[Chris Distefano]

They risked it all for love. They're like Harry and Meghan.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Very similar.

[Giannis Pappas]

Very in love like that.

[Chris Distefano]

Risked it all for love.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Harry was a. Was. Harry was willing to give up his title.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Royal title. To be in love with Megan. Just as. Just as William was willing to give up, you know, possibly being killed just because he was in love with his wife.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. And so they. They made it. They made it to Philadelphia and where it is. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And where they then later on died of a drug overdose in Kensington.

[Giannis Pappas]

And that's just the story of how Philadelphia lives.

[Chris Distefano]

What is. They got. They got little hooked on crank.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And no, it's just what it is. They got arrested in Philadelphia just immediately. The kids were doing crank and there's nothing you can do.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's nothing you could do. That's the. What you say, fiend. The end of that story. So shout out to all our black fans. We love you. Happy Black History Month. And we're glad slavery is over.

[Chris Distefano]

We are glad.

[Giannis Pappas]

We're happy about that.

[Chris Distefano]

Glad slavery's over. And we're glad that February is Black History Month. And. And yeah, we just love it. We think it's a good month. And happy birthday, George Washington.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, Happy birthday, George Washington.

[Chris Distefano]

It's just what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's just what it is.

[Chris Distefano]

Slaves. And it's a good bit by honest. And it's a fucking great point.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's what happened. So now we're going to go read our Patreon names. We understand you guys may be a little upset about the length of them.

[Chris Distefano]

We're doing a five minute max.

[Giannis Pappas]

Five minute max. But unfortunately we're way behind because.

[Chris Distefano]

Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

There's so many. I mean, we got 14,000 people on the patreon.com history hyenas and people go.

[Chris Distefano]

Every week and then there's another thousand that joined. So we appreciate you guys going to patreon.com history hyenas. You know, obviously the funniest name wins. PPW. We're only going to do this for five minutes, so. And then you can just. And Then. And then we will have a great Patreon episode [e-mail] and let me just say this.

[Giannis Pappas]

They always won't be this long. We just have to catch up.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

And then they'll. They'll be week by week and what it is. So just. Just stop fucking complaining about everything.

[Chris Distefano]

Yes. Stop fudgeing complaining.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

You sound like my fucking family.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And go to Christy comedy.com yanispoppascomedy.com history is his back dot com. All our stand up dates. My big one. September 11th, Madison Square Garden, New York City.

[Giannis Pappas]

And also see me in Philadelphia. Yes. February 28th of March 1st. Where I will be celebrating my march.

[Chris Distefano]

Because I might just come to that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Come with me.

[Chris Distefano]

I might just come to that. You want to just.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just kamikaze them and do a fucking live podcast?

[Chris Distefano]

I kind of do. And then I kind of want to. I want to go there like William and Ellen Clark. I want to go there and I'll just be the white woman. And you'd be.

[Giannis Pappas]

Let's do that.

[Chris Distefano]

Can we do it and get on Amtrak that way?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, fine. So I'll be there. All right, here we go. Newest members of the Patreon. First up is V. Gone because her family found out she swallows more Mavis than Jeffrey Dahmer.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put her on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

Are you sure? That's disparaging.

[Giannis Pappas]

I know, but walked in.

[Chris Distefano]

I'm fine.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Here we go. Peen peen. Butt of jizz. Okay, you don't go to Valhalla. You voted for Kamala. Okay. Oh, you don't go to Valhalla if you voted for Kamala. Sorry about that. That was a bad read. I apologize.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Dom Mega fume Sauce monkey buccino.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's a Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

He wins our sauce monkey award.

[Giannis Pappas]

And also dumb double double award.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we go. Then we got. Is it still sex if my balls are in your butt?

[Giannis Pappas]

Yes. That's inventive.

[Chris Distefano]

That's inventive. Yep. Then we got Ghis Elaine Maxwell somehow from prison. Thank you.

[Giannis Pappas]

Thank you.

[Chris Distefano]

The fountain of youth is a squirter.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken. Definition.

[Chris Distefano]

Tell me. Guy Factory, meaning blowing. A lot of people walked into one. Bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, bad.

[Chris Distefano]

Bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, bad, Bad.

[Chris Distefano]

Sorry, I cannot. Oh, man.

[Giannis Pappas]

You didn't get it.

[Chris Distefano]

I missed it. No, no, no. I can't even repeat.

[Giannis Pappas]

Well, he's very inventive. Cuz he said. He just said factory. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

And I walked into a bad. That is not okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

That is not okay. Yeah, yeah, I. It is funny though, that these guys are figuring out inventive ways to get.

[Chris Distefano]

And that is. That is not okay. Yeah. Daniel S. Harryman. Ricky Steinfeld. Justin Roundtree, Chodi P3 Wolfsburg. Then we got Send Chrissy to North Korea to make his Pyongyang. Yang. Matt McCuster. Oh, thank you, Matt. Matt Shane podcast. Then we got Fuzzy Wuzzy Scuzzies. Take a back hold on Fuzzy Wuzzy's Cuzzies. Oh, this one I can't read.

[Giannis Pappas]

You walked into another one?

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. Walked into another one. Can't do that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Just read it for the Patriots. Family. Oh, oh, oh, okay. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Family one. I can't do it. I can't do it. Yeah, I. I legally actually can't do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got man lean. Then we got the shy cuck, Lou Vic. I'm here to spite a eunuch.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Broland. Chrissy Glutes. Non toot. Kamala Kazi. No shoot. Yannis Yamis. Your ultimate Frisbee supply store. Andrew Renfrew. Father Bills. Krill. Spill Drill. Cooper Lane. The voices are getting louder, cuz. Grant. Grant Pierce.

[Giannis Pappas]

Voice to get louder is very funny. Chicken Finger.

[Chris Distefano]

Chicken Finger. Joshua David or Ryan Kemu Jr. Then we got I'm Sofa King. We. Todd did. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Walked into one. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

I walked. Oh, yeah. I'm. So. We toded. Sorry. Okay. But funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Boo Boo 12. Anthony Donatelli. Pausable. Pausable. Clones. Drones in China. A Chinese. Oh, clones, drones and Chinese.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drexer.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

John Miller. Gpando. Joshua Roa. Daniel Santana. Michael D. Ballard. Then we got Z1 4590. The master of bait. Make no mistake, Jesus wore a Frisbee. It's what it is.

[Giannis Pappas]

He was a Jew.

[Chris Distefano]

He was a Jew. Okay, now back.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Make no mistake, I'm a honky cutie with the glue gun. Saluti. Who's never met a Frisbee. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Kid must be from somewhere in the deep South.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Drew Slater. Emperor Skid. Marcus Ham. Reuters. The first.

[Giannis Pappas]

Emperor Skid. Marcus.

[Chris Distefano]

Amber Skid. Marcus. Hemroideous. The first. Like hemorrhoids.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Roy Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Good one, Drexler. Here's to getting honor and coming honor. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Girth Brooks.

[Giannis Pappas]

We had.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. Jonathan Castranda. Alex Harshaw. Andre. Then we got $3. Bill Clinton's love child. Triscuit. Head doctor, Senator, Real Republican, Rusty trombone. Alone with Al Capone.

[Giannis Pappas]

I was just in Chicago.

[Chris Distefano]

Alex P. Thick, but it's really not that thick. Robert Fish. Then we got David McDonald. Mike Roser. Juggernaut614 Austin Funkhouser Ryan William Stephanie Novanti D Dog Pound Come all over my back. Harris.

[Giannis Pappas]

That's actually really good one.

[Chris Distefano]

Not bad.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, that's a Drexler.

[Chris Distefano]

Drake Henria Salvatore Manzella. They call me Mr. Spiffy Dick.

[Giannis Pappas]

Mr. Spiffy Dick's a chicken finger.

[Chris Distefano]

Horn Pub. Scott Driggs, Evan Pierce. Zachary Palmer. Mo the Jeweler, San Antonio, Texas.

[Giannis Pappas]

Screwed in.

[Chris Distefano]

Screwed in. Babe Ruth Gator him Himsburg.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Big Mike's chunky. Smells a little funky. But make no mistake, it makes my monkey until I go spunky. It moves my monkey until I go spunky.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right? Good one, good one, good one. Jammed up, Bad read.

[Chris Distefano]

Jammed up Glue gun. But my girl lets me use hers.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put her on the list. Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

There we go.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Foot ass liquor. Suzika, sommelier at ucf. Tzatziki Somalia at ucf. Funny.

[Giannis Pappas]

It's funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Sunned my glue gun and got John Cougar Melon on camp. Got John Cougar Melon man camp. Sorry. Pit destroyer. Pol Pot's cock snot slingshot. Archduke Franz Ferdinand. The ogff.

[Giannis Pappas]

We should do an episode on him.

[Chris Distefano]

Let's do it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Franz Fernand I like.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. Chubby bug. He wants his tubby latch. Lapis a tuara Huffalu. Sorry.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Rod, put your country in the microwave.

[Giannis Pappas]

Ok. Yep.

[Chris Distefano]

Latina colonizer Alexander Belaney. I'm not gay. Go Yankees. Princess Peace of Bay Ridge. Jeremiah H. Father Bill's defamation lawsuit. Paying $5 so Chrissy doesn't kill himself.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

3. There's something wrong with Puerto Rican women. Okay. Can't do that one. Yeah.

[Giannis Pappas]

Walked in 1Ks.

[Chris Distefano]

NASA for TA. Ooh, you're a girl.

[Giannis Pappas]

What?

[Chris Distefano]

Like, what is it? No safer too. What's that? Director no safer. He like. He's like. Does like horror movies. Nosferatu. Nosferatu. He goes Nosferatu. Ooh, you're a girl. That's a good one. Yeah, good one. Sorry. History higher than giraffe Pussy Namin, big blackhawk, Chad German with brown eyes and hair. Hoping the Second Reich will finally accept me. Okay. Nicholas Ghos, Hunter's mama. Giving quiet and slow to Big Mike Obama. Okay. Yanni steroids. Chrissy Hemorrhoids. Your boy ain't no Leroy. But my girl has no cream or sugar. Chrissy, the German queen of Jew fumes. Aw, shits.

[Giannis Pappas]

Aw, shits.

[Chris Distefano]

Aw, shits.

[Giannis Pappas]

Pretty good.

[Chris Distefano]

Harley Sternberg. Blippity Boppity Rui. Booster seats for Squeaks llc. See the world a different way. Uncle Sam's Naughty Wet Market. Wei Sean seen Chrissy plus Yanni P In the back of a Honda C TBG Western Hemi Muzzy with a hairy hummus hose Quiet Slow blow in my dojo Golden Steenberg, Trey Sullivan, Joseph Knapp, Alex Netzle. All right, few more and then we're. And then. And then we'll stop before you guys get mad anxious. Alt Right Squeak with his thumby wummies Genghis Cuz met the wizard of Cuz and put it in his buzz. David Brown, Doug Knapp, Toby Whittle, Chris, it's your Garner. Please pay my invoices.

[Giannis Pappas]

Funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Funny. Aunt Jemima's Chicken Fried chooch. Okay, Cool.

[Giannis Pappas]

Pooch.

[Chris Distefano]

Sorry. Andrew Montague. Jeff Burns. Sit across from me and pee in my chest. No, no bidet. David McClure. Uncircumcised. Peace in the Middle east versus the Frisbees. Geez. Jeffrey Dahmer's cookout extravaganza. Vincenzo. The Sicilian sauce Monkey who took PTO on January 6, 2021. Crivello.

[Giannis Pappas]

Put him on the list.

[Chris Distefano]

He's on the list. We got two sauce monkeys on the list.

[Giannis Pappas]

Pay time off.

[Chris Distefano]

Yep. Ladder 14 in the streets. Buddha cheddar in the sheets. Okay. Like that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Like that. That's a Drax.

[Chris Distefano]

That's like that. Tongue punching my uncle's fart box.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Straight to the back like Rosa Parks. We've had that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Nate Barnazzi. Yes.

[Giannis Pappas]

Contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. That's a simple one. That's a good one.

[Giannis Pappas]

The chicken.

[Chris Distefano]

That's a good one.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Oh, God, that's good.

[Chris Distefano]

Cracker with a snack or taste. Tallywacker. Steven Salinas. Log Jammer. Bumper snorkel. Please free me. I'm in. Ladder 14 basement. Giuseppe. Cameron Cremont. Kyle. Jeffrey Dahmer's Leroy Bok Choy. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Drexler. Okay. Jeffrey Dahber. We had the best Jeffrey Dahmer. Anthony.

[Chris Distefano]

Anthony Dominguez. Then we got being a silly goose. Letting the sploosh loose. Okay, I walked.

[Giannis Pappas]

I walked into one.

[Chris Distefano]

He's killing himself.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, he's killing himself.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. He's killing himself.

[Giannis Pappas]

Kill himself.

[Chris Distefano]

But it's still not good.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, not good. Don't do it.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay. Chinese gerbil paws.

[Giannis Pappas]

You Chinese gerbil paws. Just give him a chicken finger for the cushion. Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

Walk into one girl saying he wants my girl's butt on his face. Yeah, do that.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah. Tushy cushion is funny.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

As good as Fumari Tree on the bicycle seat.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got Arnold Schwarzen.

[Giannis Pappas]

Can't do that.

[Chris Distefano]

Not. Okay. Then we got Fats. Then we got Baja Blast My dong. Lemon sucker fucker. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Chicken picker.

[Chris Distefano]

Chrissy D. Ruptured my stink whistle. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay.

[Chris Distefano]

James Young, Andrew Glaze, Nihad Ajanik. Then we got cleaning Jew yumes. Okay. I don't Jew Ooms.

[Giannis Pappas]

I think you walked into one.

[Chris Distefano]

I walked into one. Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Cleaning Jew fumes.

[Chris Distefano]

Jew fumes. Jew ums. I. I don't know. Can't do it. P.P. butthole. Jordan Marino. Papa says if I win, I go free. Chrissy D. Kenneth PenderGrast. Helen Duarte. SSD. Connor Wilkin. Matthew Park, Luke. And then last but not least, Chrissy D's realtor. Hashtag Chrissy D. Chrissy D's realtors therapist. Hashtag Buy high, sell low.

[Giannis Pappas]

Right.

[Chris Distefano]

Yeah. It's what it is. Okay, so, all right, so we got. We got not too many bangers, but we have. But sometimes this is good because this is. This is a good list.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, it's a great list.

[Chris Distefano]

All right, so here we go. So I'll read them from. From front to back. So we started off with. Is V gonna. Is V gone? Because her family found out she swallows more Mavis than Jeffrey Dahmey.

[Giannis Pappas]

Gonna. We're gonna. We're gonna direct slip.

[Chris Distefano]

That's out. Yeah, but fun, inventive. Okay. Okay. But can't disparage the family.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we got. Is it still sex if my balloon are in your butt?

[Giannis Pappas]

We're going to Drexler it. Okay, funny. Jesse likes it.

[Chris Distefano]

We're going to Drex. Jesse liked it. But we do have to drex it out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Okay.

[Giannis Pappas]

Any other day, guys.

[Chris Distefano]

Any other day. Then we got jammed up glue gun, but my girl lets me use hers.

[Giannis Pappas]

Oh, it's a contender.

[Chris Distefano]

That's still it.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, still in with there. Yeah, that's a contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Then we have Vincenzo, the Sicilian sauce Monkey who took PTO on January 6, 2021. Crivello.

[Giannis Pappas]

He's in the game.

[Chris Distefano]

He's still in the game. And then Nate Barnazzi.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah, in the game. So we got three. Let's read them.

[Chris Distefano]

Let's read them out.

[Giannis Pappas]

Yeah.

[Chris Distefano]

Nate Barnazzi.

[Giannis Pappas]

Contender.

[Chris Distefano]

Vincenzo, the Sicilian sauce Monkey who took PTO on January 6, 2021. Crivello. Or jammed up glue gun, but my girl lets me use hers.

[Giannis Pappas]

Okay, we got a lot of those. So I'm just sorry to you two guys or girls or whoever made those. Any other day you would have won. But on this day, it goes to Nate Barnazzi.

[Chris Distefano]

Nate Barnazzi, you are ppw. Go to History News is back. Thank you guys for playing. The Patreon episode starts right now.