Summary6 min read

History Hyenas: "Xi’s Batman Origin Story" | November 20, 2025

Overview

In this episode, comedians Chris Distefano and Yannis Pappas (as History Hyenas) blend riotous humor with a surprisingly insightful history lesson, exploring the rise of Xi Jinping—the current President of China—and China's path from Maoist communism to modern authoritarian capitalism. Along the way, they riff on dog ownership, pop culture, and the quirks of both Chinese and American societies, keeping things lively, irreverent, and hypertangential as always.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Siberian Husky Chronicles (05:39–14:46)

- Brendan’s New Puppy Misadventure

Brendan kicks off with a personal story about impulsively acquiring a Siberian Husky, despite knowing little about the breed’s difficulty:
- “Not only did he get a puppy, he went and got one of the breeds that are the most difficult even for experienced dog owners...” (05:47, Chris)
- “Do not get a Siberian Husky unless you're a fucking Eskimo.” (06:28, Chris)
The “trans-Siberian husky” joke comes from confusion over puppy gender—“I might have a Trans Siberian husky.” (07:38, Brendan)
Dog training challenges lead to comparisons with historical hardship.

- Dog Ownership and Breeds

Huskies, Dalmatians, and Chow Chows are discussed as examples of breeds ill-suited to the average owner.
“These things are bred for endurance. They're not bred for loyalty... You got to walk this thing to Florida for it not to chew up your fucking house.” (06:47, Chris)

2. China’s Modern History: Mao to Xi (17:14–35:36)

- “Xi’s Batman Origin Story”

The pivot: Brendan accidentally researched Mao Zedong instead of Xi Jinping, leading to a running gag about Chinese names all sounding similar to Westerners.

- The Maoist Revolution

Overview of Mao Zedong’s legacy: founding the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), launching the Cultural Revolution, initiating "purges" and "struggle sessions" to suppress dissent.
“A fun little fact I learned about Mao is he never believed in brushing his teeth. Instead, he would just wash his mouth with tea.” (17:33, Brendan)
“He didn't like to drink, but he loved when people drank alcohol around him...” (17:52, Chris)
Explanation of “struggle sessions”—public humiliations and torture of intellectuals or perceived dissidents (21:12–23:08).

- Communism & Social Dynamics

Marx and Engels depicted as “Brooklyn hipsters” with jokes questioning their sexuality as inspiration for communism (18:24–19:46).
Mocking the intellectual roots of revolution: “the only way those kinds of thoughts pop to your head... is usually after the... epinephrine release after sex with a guy.” (19:12, Brendan)

- Societal Commentary: Food & Capitalism

“We're the only country... where our poor people are fat.” (24:09, Chris)
Ultra-processed foods, colon cancer risks, and American eating habits are discussed humorously yet pointedly (24:35–28:52).

3. From Mao to Deng Xiaoping to Xi Jinping (35:36–41:28)

- Deng Xiaoping’s Market Reforms

Deng’s introduction of "socialism with Chinese characteristics" opens China to markets and foreign investment post-Mao.
“We need socialism with tiny [Chinese] characteristics.” (37:18, Chris)
“They allowed business, business, they allowed capitalism.” (38:19, Chris)

- The Hybrid Economy & Its Ironies

Discussion of China’s mixed economy—continued central control but capitalist mechanisms.
“You cannot have a thriving socialist country without capitalism creating wealth to then thus socialize.” (59:29, Chris)
Comparisons drawn between “hybrid” economies and contemporary American social realities.

4. Xi Jinping: The Batman Origin Story (41:28–56:06)

- Xi’s Traumatic Upbringing

Xi’s father was a high-ranking Communist who got purged under Mao, sending the family into disgrace and exile.
- “So they come to his house, they raid his house... When the kid's like 12 or 13...” (51:31, Chris)
- Xi is forced into rural hard labor (a “mud hut,” barefoot, seven years), which he later credits for his stoicism and political willpower.
Multiple family members subjected to public humiliation; his sister dies (“killed herself”—but possibly not by choice).

- Parallels to Fictional Trauma:

“President Z is very willful, very tough, very resilient and has a Batman origin story...” (41:18, Chris)
The hosts argue that trauma “bonds” Xi to the CCP even deeper; compare his rise to abusive family cycles in psychology.

- Xi’s Political Career

Denied entry to the Communist Party seven times due to his family’s dissident status, Xi eventually climbs the political ladder with dogged persistence (“like Putin, bro... works his way up little by little. Local politics. Boom. Boom. Boom.” —54:01, Chris).
Becomes General Secretary (2013) and then President, consolidating power into an effective dictatorship.

- Authoritarian Turn

Xi’s regime is described as more “Maoist” in recent years, especially regarding the crackdown on dissent (e.g., “disappeared Jack Ma”).
Contemporary parallels: “Authoritarians usually rise to power when things are out of control...” (31:26, Chris)

5. Broader Reflections and Social Satire (56:06–61:25)

- Communism, Capitalism, and Society

The hosts note that only capitalist reforms rescued China’s socialist system from collapse (“the only thing that works for communism is injecting a little bit of capitalism...” —59:39, Brendan).
Jokes about Chinese and Russian leaders hiding their real wealth: “Investigations have found that Mao is worth about 700 to 800 million.” (50:48, Chris)

- Philosophical Diatribe on Personal Responsibility

Brendan's blunt motivational speech: “Take a look in the mirror, baby. Gorgeous. Figure it out...you're not disadvantaged if you live in this country, right? You just gotta work harder.” (60:15–60:45)

6. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“It's not enough to just let it go run around the yard. You have to walk it.” (14:02, Brendan on huskies)
“As a bar is to an alcoholic, I am to a chocolate cookie.” (03:02, Chris)
“All the communist revolutions... the excuse is always we have to protect ourselves from western propaganda.” (22:19, Chris)
“Xi is kind of like a janissary...” (56:12, Chris, comparing Xi’s “indoctrination” to historical child-soldiers)
“The world's going to explode just because of this kid’s childhood issues...” (58:03, Chris)

7. Timestamps for Key Segments

05:39 — Brendan’s Husky Adventure
17:14 — Start of Chinese history/CCP discussion
21:12 — “Struggle Sessions” explained
35:36 — Transition to Deng, reforms, “hybrid economy”
41:28 — Xi Jinping’s traumatic childhood and rise
54:28 — Xi’s climb to power
56:06 — Reflections on communism, capitalism, and inequality

Tone & Language

The episode maintains the irreverent, hyperactive energy typical of History Hyenas, using crude humor, edgy analogies, and rapid-fire banter to enliven weighty historical content. Chris and Yannis often break up facts with pop culture references, self-deprecating anecdotes, and bits that push the envelope, especially with race-related jokes (often just over the line, typical for their style).
Language is explicit, uncensored, and frequently uses the comedic device of taboo juxtaposition.

Final Thoughts

This episode uses comedy as a vehicle for both critiquing and explaining the roots of contemporary Chinese authoritarianism via Xi Jinping’s “Batman”–style origin story. The hosts underscore how personal history, trauma, and the interplay of economic systems shape both leaders and nations—while never missing a chance for a joke or wild tangent.

If you want to hear a whirlwind tour of modern China, dog ownership misadventures, and why processed food is out to kill you—all with jokes that might get you canceled at Thanksgiving dinner—this episode is a must.

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Transcript906 lines

[00:00]
Chris D'Elia
Give it up for Chicago. Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand up special It Ain't Right is coming to Hulu on November 21st. Thirty years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht.
[00:17]
Brendan Schaub
And the boxes keep coming.
[00:22]
Chris D'Elia
Sebastian Maniscalco, it ain't right premieres November 21st. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers 20. What's up everybody? We got a great episode for you today. Today we're going to be talking about the history of China. Mao, Deng and king President Xi. It's a really good one. We're going to find out that we need to be communist. Yes.
[00:43]
Brendan Schaub
And we're also going to talk about I got a puppy.
[00:46]
Chris D'Elia
That too.
[00:47]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[00:48]
Chris D'Elia
Catch me in Bozeman, Montana November 22. Stanford, Austin, West Nyack, San Francisco, Calgary, Detroit, Morris Plains, New Jersey.
[00:58]
Brendan Schaub
Cute. And I will be this weekend, this Friday and Saturday, Houston, Texas at the Punchline Houston. And then Sunday doing the Paramount theater in Austin, Texas. So I will be Chrissy, Texas. And then December 31, New Year's Eve at the Count Basie center for the Arts in red Bank, New Jersey. Come celebrate your New Year's Eve with me. Chrisdomedy.com or History Hyenas is back dot com. Enjoy the episode. You're going to want to sit on the floor for this one.
[01:22]
Chris D'Elia
Patreon.com history hyenas for bonus content. Right?
[01:58]
Brendan Schaub
Well it get put into infrastructure.
[02:00]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, but this is the problem. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Somebody's been eating cookies. Here's, here's the point.
[02:10]
Brendan Schaub
I mean look at this.
[02:10]
Chris D'Elia
Oh, look at that. Can you close the door Because I'm saying some controversial shit.
[02:13]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, hold on. We got to get Chrissy. I mean I wish the camera wasn't rolling, right? Welcome to History Hyenas. Hopefully you just saw me fall off the chair. It's not because I'm fat. It's because the old producer Patty clips is fat and sat and broke the chair.
[02:26]
Chris D'Elia
You are a guy.
[02:27]
Brendan Schaub
Welcome to the show.
[02:29]
Chris D'Elia
Welcome to the show. You're a guy who's is big. You're a big guy.
[02:32]
Brendan Schaub
I'm a big guy.
[02:33]
Chris D'Elia
You're six foot one at least.
[02:34]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I'm a big guy. And cuz I don't appreciate that we're trying to keep me healthy here and on the beam. I told you I was off the beam and then you gave me a peanut butter cookie.
[02:42]
Chris D'Elia
I did not give you a peanut butter cookie. I said let's have two peanut butter cookies. I didn't specify who they were for.
[02:47]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. And then I said, let's get three.
[02:49]
Chris D'Elia
And then you said, let's get three. What I did is called enabled.
[02:52]
Brendan Schaub
You enabled?
[02:53]
Chris D'Elia
I enabled. Yes. Your sponsor would say, you can't hang out with that guy anymore. Yeah.
[02:57]
Brendan Schaub
You're an enabler with a capital N. Yeah.
[03:02]
Chris D'Elia
As a bar is to an alcoholic. I am to a chocolate cookie.
[03:06]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[03:06]
Chris D'Elia
I wanted that peanut butter cookie because I had a hunch because I saw a little. I saw a little kosher sea salt sprinkled on and I was in a Jewish mood.
[03:15]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, you were. And that cookie was banging. And Jesse, Jesse, the Jews in here on the ones and twos. And Nick is in here. Nick clips is in here. And don't you think, honey bunny, that I don't notice you got a haircut. You got the side shaved nice and tight. What you decided to do is go bald on the top and bald on the sides.
[03:34]
Chris D'Elia
When you support the show@patriot.com history Hyness, just know that when we reach a certain number, we will be buying Nim Nick hims.
[03:43]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[03:44]
Chris D'Elia
Well, maybe send him to Turkey.
[03:46]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[03:46]
Chris D'Elia
So the kid can get a full mullet because right now he's got a substitute teacher pedophile mullet.
[03:52]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is.
[03:53]
Chris D'Elia
All the top and party in the back.
[03:55]
Brendan Schaub
And if you want, don't. And don't be mad at us that Nick is on SNAP benefits because we've seen your Patreon comments. Be mad at him because he's game in the system. He's taking your tax money for snap Defeated. Snap mouth.
[04:07]
Chris D'Elia
Also, Nick is not a producer. He's our freelance clip guy.
[04:11]
Brendan Schaub
Yes, he's a clip guy. Yeah.
[04:13]
Chris D'Elia
Jesse is well paid.
[04:14]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[04:14]
Chris D'Elia
Don't you worry about it. Jesse's well paid.
[04:17]
Brendan Schaub
Jesse is not on snap.
[04:18]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, he's not on snap. Fine. But people go, what the fuck? Their producers had SNAP benefits.
[04:23]
Brendan Schaub
What it is. No, no, Nick meant Snapchat. He's on Snapchat.
[04:27]
Chris D'Elia
Snap.
[04:27]
Brendan Schaub
And the dick pics to minors on.
[04:29]
Chris D'Elia
Snapchat is what he is now.
[04:32]
Brendan Schaub
Cuz today we're going to talk about. Let's just be honest with the people what happened.
[04:36]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[04:36]
Brendan Schaub
Today you texted me yesterday and said, let's do an episode on Mao Zedong. So I did a bunch of research on Mao Zedong. And then this morning you said, did you look up stuff on Xi Jinping? I said, you said Mao Zedong and.
[04:48]
Chris D'Elia
I did say Mao. Unfortunately, what we did find out is not only do Chinese people look alike in person. But they also look alike on paper.
[04:59]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[04:59]
Chris D'Elia
Their names look alike.
[05:01]
Brendan Schaub
They look alike. I mean, cuz you're looking. You're looking at it. Do two hours of research on Ding Dongs.
[05:07]
Chris D'Elia
I mean, you might as well have done research on Bruce Lee. Who knows?
[05:09]
Brendan Schaub
Who knows? Who cares?
[05:11]
Chris D'Elia
Who cares?
[05:12]
Brendan Schaub
Lucy Liu will get cracked open.
[05:14]
Chris D'Elia
She will get cracked open because Asians don't age like other women. White women, unfortunately, when they're 40, they look 80. Asian women always just look 32.
[05:23]
Brendan Schaub
Lucy Liu will get her poop slurp with chopsticks.
[05:26]
Chris D'Elia
She will get slurped up. She will get punched through. She will get cracked open and cleaned out.
[05:31]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is. I'd like to put a little duck sauce on her butt. Yeah, she ain't.
[05:37]
Chris D'Elia
Cause you're just a duck sauce kind of guy.
[05:39]
Brendan Schaub
I like duck sauce. And also now, as I spoke to you yesterday, we'll just tell the people I went and got myself a puppy.
[05:48]
Chris D'Elia
Not only did he get a puppy, he went and got one of the breeds that are the most difficult even for experienced dog owners to own. It's called a Siberian Husky. I think they're the fifth or sixth closest dog breed to a wolf.
[06:01]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is. And it's a girl. It's a puppy girl. And we named her Josephine because now.
[06:06]
Chris D'Elia
Do you know anything about Siberian huskies?
[06:08]
Brendan Schaub
I know nothing except that they're from Siberia. So I put a little vodka in its bowl.
[06:14]
Chris D'Elia
Did you check Chat CBT at all for some of the traits of a Siberian Husky?
[06:18]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, and we tried to do everything Chachi Beat said. And this. This thing was up all night last night, and I'm tired. It is cute as a button dog, though.
[06:28]
Chris D'Elia
Cute as a button. Let me just say to my fans right now, to Chrissy's fans, our fans, every fan out there of any other podcast, anyone in the world, this message is going out to you. Please do not a Siberian Husky unless you're a fucking Eskimo.
[06:42]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[06:43]
Chris D'Elia
Please do not get a Dalmatian unless you are a fucking fire horse.
[06:47]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[06:48]
Chris D'Elia
These things are bred for endurance. They're not bred for loyalty. They're not bred for the house. No Needs to be walked for fucking three miles. You got to walk this thing to Florida for it not to chew up your fucking house.
[06:58]
Brendan Schaub
I know, guys. It's what it is. And I also. You asked me what a ChatGPT said, and ChatGPT told me to just get electric cables and shock this thing.
[07:08]
Chris D'Elia
Ladder 14. That's unfortunately what pit bull Breeders do in the inner city.
[07:13]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I mean. Cause this dog is cute, cute, cute. And it poops and pees everywhere. But I gotta be honest with you, I thought I was very against it. I said, I don't want to have a dog, blah, blah, blah. But after just one night, I'm like, I love this thing. It's little Josephine. And we had. Let me. Because we. We were told it's a girl, but it looks like it might have a piece. So I don't know if I have a hyena. I might have. You know how like they have the. The Trans Siberian Orchestra. I might have a Trans Siberian husky.
[07:39]
Chris D'Elia
It's very possible.
[07:39]
Brendan Schaub
It's possible. I mean. Cause look, here, let me show you a.
[07:41]
Chris D'Elia
If it's puss, was it bred in Portland?
[07:43]
Brendan Schaub
We'll send it to the group. But tell me. I mean, I think that this is. I think this is a Lapus. But my family now thinks that there might be a piece.
[07:51]
Chris D'Elia
Now do you. Do you feel like the dog is cute? Do you like looking at the dog?
[07:54]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I do like looking at dog. Is that a puss or is that a piece?
[07:56]
Chris D'Elia
No, that is a puss. Okay, that's a puss. She's just got an outie.
[07:59]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, it's what it is.
[08:00]
Chris D'Elia
That's all she is. She's just got lips. She's just got dumbbell lips.
[08:02]
Brendan Schaub
Because I threw it into Chachi and it said it looks like a guy.
[08:05]
Chris D'Elia
Cause your dog's piece looks like roast beef sandwich.
[08:07]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is. Because what, my dog's got a wide set vagina. Yeah. And we had. And then two dogs came over and I sent you that text. There was a moment, there was an hour of my life yesterday where I thought I went from having no dogs to, in the snap of a finger, having two Siberian husky puppies. And I was just accepting the fact that now it was a prank. My family told me that we're getting both dogs, but they actually wanted dogs for another family. And then we kept our dog. But for an hour there, I said to myself, what just happened? But then I started to calm myself down and breathe and say, hope is. Hope is my head. Hope is my hedge. Facts are my proof. I'm already winning. Because I said to myself, you know, I've been in this situation before. I mean, I went from one night being a bachelor having no kids to overnight having a woman pregnant with a kid who had a kid. So I went from having no kids to one and a half kids. Like that.
[09:00]
Chris D'Elia
Right.
[09:00]
Brendan Schaub
So I said, if I can do that, I can have two Siberian husky puppies and just throw them in the bathtub.
[09:07]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, look, there's very few things I love more than dogs.
[09:12]
Brendan Schaub
Ethan Hawke.
[09:13]
Chris D'Elia
Ethan Hawke's up there. It's very possible to have a great Siberian husky, but it is not possible unless you really work that dog. It's built for endurance. They are very independent thinkers. They have a high prey drive. It's gonna try to kill anything that moves.
[09:30]
Brendan Schaub
Escape artists too.
[09:30]
Chris D'Elia
They escape big time. They wanna roam.
[09:33]
Brendan Schaub
They he's a pup, she's a puppy and she already tried to run after a deer.
[09:37]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, they're independent thinkers with high prey drives. They're not really built for like obedience or people pleasing. No, they're more negotiators. He's going to whine a lot. They go, they, how? Yeah, yeah, they whine at you. They're going to eat up your furniture.
[09:53]
Brendan Schaub
She whined all night last night.
[09:54]
Chris D'Elia
They're very independent.
[09:56]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[09:57]
Chris D'Elia
Probably the last breed you want to get if you're a first time dog.
[09:59]
Brendan Schaub
And it's just what it is.
[10:00]
Chris D'Elia
And it's probably. I can, I can't think of a dog that lasts this for a first time dog owner.
[10:07]
Brendan Schaub
Well, it's just what it is because with me, I either go hard or I go home. And I decided to go hard.
[10:11]
Chris D'Elia
Me and Sergio were together when you texted me that we were eating at diner and we did a little boxing. Yeah, we did a little boxing. And we just both started laughing. Yeah, we both just started laughing again. Is he joking? I said, no, I think he's serious. He sent the picture and we both just started laughing and said, what is wrong with that kid? Did his head get dinged up?
[10:31]
Brendan Schaub
It got dinged up. Yeah.
[10:32]
Chris D'Elia
Well, they, they decided. And they threw you in.
[10:34]
Brendan Schaub
They threw me in. And the dog has beautiful blue eyes. And the only thing that calmed it down last night was playing the Russian national anthem. And I pumped that puppy in on Spotify. I swear to go, God, let me see if I have it. I pumped that this thing was crying, crying, crying like you couldn't freaking.
[10:50]
Chris D'Elia
Jesse remembers when Jesse had his pup. He told me once that he was this close to putting in a sock and throwing it out.
[10:55]
Brendan Schaub
It's crazy. And then I. And then I threw.
[10:57]
Chris D'Elia
Because you guys got hearts.
[10:58]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I swear I threw that on just as a joke. And it fell asleep.
[11:03]
Chris D'Elia
And it fell asleep, right?
[11:04]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, yeah.
[11:06]
Chris D'Elia
That's what you call. That dog is a loyalist nationalist.
[11:08]
Brendan Schaub
Now, what is your dog, Jesse? I got a little Wiener dog. Now. Okay. A great city dog for. But you got him as a puppy. Yeah, she's a pup. Yeah, we got her at like 8 weeks old.
[11:18]
Chris D'Elia
But before that, he had like a Ridgeback mix or some.
[11:21]
Brendan Schaub
Did you give it away? No, no, I kept him. But, yeah, in the beginning, I was really at my. Well, because this. My puppy is six weeks old. They said, really, it should be with its mother till eight or nine.
[11:30]
Chris D'Elia
Eight weeks.
[11:31]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Six weeks is. I don't know, because they. A litter.
[11:35]
Chris D'Elia
They.
[11:35]
Brendan Schaub
Some. Jazz knew someone who got a litter of puppies actually out in la. So they just got left at an adoption center.
[11:42]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[11:42]
Brendan Schaub
So they sent a video and then Jazz got hooked, and.
[11:45]
Chris D'Elia
I can't believe you got a Siberian.
[11:47]
Brendan Schaub
And then next thing you know, I'm dropping fricking $800 to put this dog on a plane with a pet nanny and flew it in from la. And then, I mean, because what are you gonna do? The thing is, too, is like, yeah, I would have stopped it. I would have stopped it if. If I didn't, you know, if it was up to me, I would have been like, no, I know it's cute, whatever. But when the dog is already in the house, when you get home from your shows in Philadelphia and your daughter, My daughter Delilah was hysterical crying on the floor from happiness. So what am I gonna do? Just invest in a trainer, dude. Get yourself a good job.
[12:18]
Chris D'Elia
Get a trainer.
[12:18]
Brendan Schaub
But then they said, Siberian huskies. You have to bond with it yourself.
[12:21]
Chris D'Elia
They said, you need to walk that thing. And when. I mean walk that thing.
[12:26]
Brendan Schaub
Miles.
[12:26]
Chris D'Elia
I mean, miles, dude, jog with it.
[12:28]
Brendan Schaub
Miles.
[12:29]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, jog with it, walk with it, train it. But the most important thing is walk with it. And when I walk. Not around the block, right? You gotta take walking hiking. It'll never be enough in the summer. You have to be really careful. You have to. You know why? Ticks? No, no, they're. They're. They're like double coated. They're arctic dogs.
[12:47]
Brendan Schaub
Right?
[12:47]
Chris D'Elia
When. When it's 40 degrees outside, that thing wants to sleep outside, Right? So it's. You can't.
[12:52]
Brendan Schaub
You're saying when it's 95 degrees, you gotta blast the AC.
[12:55]
Chris D'Elia
You gotta blast the AC. You gotta. You can't, like, walk it crazy in, like 90 degree weather.
[13:00]
Brendan Schaub
You gotta do early in the morning.
[13:02]
Chris D'Elia
When it starts panting. Just know Siberian Husky when it starts panting hard. Just like, you gotta get it back into cool air.
[13:07]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Like today. And I'm trying to do the trick, dog.
[13:10]
Chris D'Elia
The trick are like, the summer, they're Just going to be like. Which is good because the summer it's going to be laid out.
[13:15]
Brendan Schaub
Laid out. Just chilling, just laid out. Like today it went to go poop on the. It went to go poop on the carpet and I moved it and it poofed right on the wee wee pad. Because it said for a couple of days just have a wee wee pad before we go outside. And then I rewarded. I took the chew toy and I stuck it upstairs.
[13:29]
Chris D'Elia
That's what you got to do.
[13:30]
Brendan Schaub
And it liked it.
[13:31]
Chris D'Elia
The dog breeds, you look there, you can have a great. You're just gonna have to work really hard, right? This could turn out great. Yeah, you're gonna have to work really hard now.
[13:38]
Brendan Schaub
Josephine's a fun name, right?
[13:39]
Chris D'Elia
It's a very fun.
[13:40]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, old school fun name. Nick liked it.
[13:42]
Chris D'Elia
I had a basenji. There' breeds. The. These breeds are like ancient breeds or they're closer to wolf. I had one, me and Jesse. Jesse, we had that basenji. That thing was a living hell.
[13:52]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[13:52]
Chris D'Elia
I mean it was tireless but eventually I cracked it. Eventually it became kind of a good dog with. But the drive was the, the prey drive and the endurance was.
[14:02]
Brendan Schaub
It's not enough to just let it go run around the yard. You have to walk it.
[14:05]
Chris D'Elia
You have to. And you can't just walk it. You have to like, you have to like marathon walk with that thing.
[14:10]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[14:10]
Chris D'Elia
Those things are like at least because.
[14:12]
Brendan Schaub
It'Ll get our steps in now.
[14:14]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, you. It's great for that reason. Yeah, great. I mean for a first I've first time dog owner, I recommend it to you. Nice little lab.
[14:20]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[14:21]
Chris D'Elia
People, people, pits have a bad reputation. A nice. If you get a pit puppy, it's great. I recommend those types of things for first time dogs.
[14:29]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Instead I got an actual greyhound wolf. Yes. I just.
[14:33]
Chris D'Elia
What I did.
[14:34]
Brendan Schaub
I got a wolf.
[14:34]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. I mean, you know people, you know Chinese people, they get chow chows if you want, if you want one of your relatives to get bit, go ahead and get a chow chow. Get a wolf, get one of those Chinese things. It's going to bite your fucking arms. Because it doesn't play that capitalist game.
[14:46]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, it's what it is. Get a wolf. Now I know that our Chinese audience listening to this is getting hungry with all this dog talk. That's why we're going to go in.
[14:56]
Chris D'Elia
Don't forget about the Koreans as well.
[14:58]
Brendan Schaub
Oh, the Koreans, they like it yummy, yummy in your tummy. Because if I, if any of our Korean fans ever Come over and you put a little kimchi on my dog. I'm going to get upset.
[15:07]
Chris D'Elia
That's why it's very difficult to invite your Chinese friends over. Also without put your dogs in the garage. You have to hide the dog.
[15:14]
Brendan Schaub
I have to say there's no dogs here. Yeah, it's.
[15:16]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, you got to keep them.
[15:17]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. I'm not going to have Bobby Lee come over.
[15:19]
Chris D'Elia
No, you cannot. Not while the dog's there.
[15:21]
Brendan Schaub
No. No.
[15:22]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[15:22]
Brendan Schaub
So. Because I did all the research on Mao Zeding Dong.
[15:26]
Chris D'Elia
But here's the good news. Ji Mao. What's the difference?
[15:30]
Brendan Schaub
True and that's. And we're not meaning to be racist.
[15:33]
Chris D'Elia
Just call him Mao Zedong Dong.
[15:34]
Brendan Schaub
Right. Tell me about Xi Zhang Un. Right.
[15:39]
Chris D'Elia
Zhejiang Zhujiang Son Mao sucks Tong.
[15:43]
Brendan Schaub
Now let me ask you, does Xijiang Un also play for the Dodgers?
[15:47]
Chris D'Elia
He also does.
[15:48]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[15:48]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. Those are Japanese. They're all different out there. They're all different. They all different and they can tell the difference. A Mongolian knows what a Chinese. Chinese knows what a Korean is. And Ali Wong knows what a Vietnamese.
[16:00]
Brendan Schaub
Is and what a Chinese. Right.
[16:01]
Chris D'Elia
But we.
[16:02]
Brendan Schaub
Duh duh.
[16:03]
Chris D'Elia
Just like they don't know the difference between a Romanian, Hungarian, Greek or Italian. Yeah.
[16:06]
Brendan Schaub
Now these. Zhejiang does Xijiang Un. Does he. Would he like to see us Americans? Would he like to see our US in boiling hot water? Does he not like Americans or do you think he does?
[16:18]
Chris D'Elia
There's only one American he likes.
[16:20]
Brendan Schaub
Trump.
[16:20]
Chris D'Elia
Love, actually. Donald Trump. No, no, he did not like him. Hasan Piker. That's who he is. That's his favorite American. Right now, son Piker is in China doing a nice little tour about how great he is and he got. Somebody gave him Mao's red book or whatever, a little book.
[16:37]
Brendan Schaub
Hasan Piker's with this guy right now.
[16:39]
Chris D'Elia
He is in China. He' a tour of China and he's talking about how great it is. Interesting. He loves it. Okay, So I think that is his favorite American and that's just what it is. So we're going to take you today down a little a trip down memory memory lane. We're taking you down the Rari Pop. We're going to be the Rory Pop kids way song. Do a little. We're going to do. We're going to go down the Rory Pop layer. We're going to take a little trip. Nothing funnier than those elves becoming ours.
[17:15]
Brendan Schaub
Just what it is.
[17:16]
Chris D'Elia
It's just what it is when Rari comes over. Lot of four. Your mom's dog's name was Rari So. So what did you learn about Mao? And then we'll tie him in a Z because it all really starts with Mao and the civil war that was won by Mao and his friends in red.
[17:33]
Brendan Schaub
Well, what a fun little fact I learned about Mao is he lived to 82 years old. But a fun little fact I learned about him is he never believed in brushing his teeth. Instead he would just wash his mout with tea.
[17:44]
Chris D'Elia
Wow. Yeah.
[17:44]
Brendan Schaub
So he never brushed his teeth. So that tell. Because a lot of people yell at me that I don't brush my teeth enough and I don't floss. And I say, well, if Mao Zedong lived to 82, so can I. Yeah.
[17:52]
Chris D'Elia
Mao Zedong was what I understood from what I understand was a little bit of a control freak. He didn't like to drink, but he loved when people drank alcohol around him because he liked to watch people.
[17:59]
Brendan Schaub
Mao Zedong actually was born in 1893, and he was the first pick of the Houston Rockets.
[18:05]
Chris D'Elia
He was the first pick of the year. He was Yao Tse Tang.
[18:07]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. So. No, but what I found about him is he's credited with founding the Chinese Communist Party, the ccp.
[18:14]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[18:14]
Brendan Schaub
Goes back to Mao. He's basically Chinese George Washington.
[18:17]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. What happened was some of the Zionist Marxist propaganda made its way all the way to the Asian part of the world.
[18:25]
Brendan Schaub
It's just what it is, Zionist Marxist propaganda, revolutionary army, or as I just call them, Nick. So Nick clips.
[18:37]
Chris D'Elia
Because there's no way that Karl Marx and Frederick Nagols weren't at least late in homos. Two guys with families that like to hang out a lot. They both had a little money. They just hang out and like talk about the modes. The modes of production. Those were a couple guys that had a few late nights under the candlelight that at least touched fingers or. Or maybe smushed on the mouth.
[18:57]
Brendan Schaub
It's hard to. It's hard to come up with some of the ideas that Marks and Engels came up with without. The only way that those kind of thoughts pop to your head is typically. Usually after the epinephrine chemical release after sex with a guy. Yeah. There's no question what it is.
[19:12]
Chris D'Elia
That's no question about usually, and that's science.
[19:14]
Brendan Schaub
That's when your brain really is firing the most, is when you're removing your penis from a man's ass. You start to come up with ideas about society and communism and socialism.
[19:23]
Chris D'Elia
That's what happened A lot of the ancient Greek thinkers.
[19:25]
Brendan Schaub
Yes, exactly.
[19:26]
Chris D'Elia
This is a known fact. This is a known Fact. This is why you come to the show. To give you a couple of facts that you may not get in the history book. There's no questions. Karl Marx and Frederick Engels at least cuddled, but definitely made it cornholed.
[19:39]
Brendan Schaub
And look at this. And Marx and Engels, I mean, now they just look like two hipsters in Brooklyn who own a sandwich shop.
[19:45]
Chris D'Elia
That's what they look like.
[19:45]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[19:46]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[19:46]
Brendan Schaub
That Nick would go to.
[19:47]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. So the revolution happens in China. Karl Marx, Communist Manifesto gets big there and they overthrow. They overthrow the. What is it? The king? The queen. The Qing dynasty queen.
[20:00]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, go back. History of Mao Zedong.
[20:02]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, just.
[20:03]
Brendan Schaub
We had it pulled up.
[20:03]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, I was thinking.
[20:04]
Brendan Schaub
I think it was all the way to the left. Yeah, there it is. One more. Yes.
[20:10]
Chris D'Elia
So, yeah, it was the king. Yeah. Right.
[20:12]
Brendan Schaub
The queen.
[20:13]
Chris D'Elia
How do you pronounce that?
[20:16]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. They had a little Chinese civil war.
[20:18]
Chris D'Elia
They had a little civil war. The communists win and then he takes power and some people get purged, unfortunately.
[20:27]
Brendan Schaub
People get purged. Now, you were explaining to me what purges, because I only know the purge of the movie. Yeah, but you said what a purge is, is what they would do is they would take you if you were in opposition to them. They would take you out and basically just embarrass you and torture you in front of your friends and family. Right. Like a little show.
[20:40]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. When people want to know what a purge is, I'll tell you the definition. It's when Ethan Hawke and his family is in a house and people decide that they need to kill someone in order to keep the society happy. So once a year on Halloween or whatever, they just purge a guy and Ethan Hawke protects his family in his home. Yeah. And that's what a purge is. Yeah. And it happened in China. And it just keeps happening.
[21:00]
Brendan Schaub
It just keeps happening. The purge one was great with Ethan Hawke. The purge two absolutely sucked.
[21:04]
Chris D'Elia
Same thing as Black Call two.
[21:06]
Brendan Schaub
Black Phone two. Yeah, but we're good. We will get Ethan Hawke on the podcast.
[21:10]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[21:10]
Brendan Schaub
Did we post that clip yet?
[21:11]
Chris D'Elia
We haven't yet.
[21:12]
Brendan Schaub
It's gonna be a good one. Yeah, so. So, yeah, so actually it was called A struggle session. Is what the. What the name for. It was A struggle Session. Go up, Jesse. Because what it would do is if you go up down, how it works, so they would accuse you.
[21:27]
Chris D'Elia
That's what I call sitting through some comedian. Stand up.
[21:29]
Brendan Schaub
It's what a struggle.
[21:30]
Chris D'Elia
Struggle session or time rape.
[21:32]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, yeah. It's just what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Act. The Red Guard groups, the, you know, Chinese would go on to be. The CCP would identify these targets. Mostly teachers, intellectuals, you know, the smart people, people that were talking truth to power.
[21:47]
Chris D'Elia
People who like to have opinions.
[21:48]
Brendan Schaub
People like to have opinions. Yeah. So this is why, you know, women weren't safe back then. So play. You know, it's like, I understand it's your opinion you want a Siberian husky, but I don't know if it's best for the family. But here we are forced to stand. So the public display was. The victim was brought before the crowd and they were often forced to stand in painful positions, made to wear placards listing their crimes and paraded before spectators. I mean it honestly just sounds like doing stand up. It sounds like just a crowd were comic.
[22:20]
Chris D'Elia
What I love about all the communist revolutions is they do a bunch of stuff like this and the excuse is always we have to protect ourselves.
[22:29]
Brendan Schaub
Sure.
[22:30]
Chris D'Elia
Western propaganda.
[22:31]
Brendan Schaub
Sure.
[22:31]
Chris D'Elia
And then you just accuse this person of like having western thoughts or being a vehicle for western propaganda. And then you could just do with him whatever you want.
[22:40]
Brendan Schaub
Whatever the hell you want.
[22:41]
Chris D'Elia
That's all. It's always. It's just a little suspicion that you watched one episode of mash.
[22:46]
Brendan Schaub
Yep.
[22:47]
Chris D'Elia
And then you're out.
[22:48]
Brendan Schaub
And they would. And they would say down with. You know, they would physically harass them, verbally harass them. Tell people to confess your crimes. It's like in Game of Thrones. And they were shaming you.
[22:57]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[22:57]
Brendan Schaub
And they were throwing like the shit at you. What were they saying? What were they. What were they called? The people. What was that group called?
[23:02]
Chris D'Elia
They were the religious persecutors. Mandami voters.
[23:06]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[23:06]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, that's called, that's.
[23:08]
Brendan Schaub
They were called.
[23:08]
Chris D'Elia
They were called Social Democrats. Progressives.
[23:11]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[23:11]
Chris D'Elia
Just make no mistake, that's the mob that's coming and. And we just gotta wet their beak and keep em out of our foyer.
[23:16]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is.
[23:17]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[23:17]
Brendan Schaub
They would pray, then they would force you to confess, admit wrongdoings, renounce your past beliefs, praise Mao and the party and accuse others creating the chain purges. So that's what it is. Cuz I like to just wear a nice little gold chain. But these guys like their chains made of purges.
[23:32]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. So communism took over.
[23:34]
Brendan Schaub
Cause you got the sleeves rolled up today like you're a kaniki from Greece.
[23:38]
Chris D'Elia
No, they're not rolled up.
[23:39]
Brendan Schaub
It's just this is that one's because.
[23:40]
Chris D'Elia
You'Re just getting jacked, I think.
[23:42]
Brendan Schaub
Is your. Are you getting biceps, your arm getting fat?
[23:44]
Chris D'Elia
Again, I think I'm getting fat.
[23:45]
Brendan Schaub
Have you lost any weight since last.
[23:47]
Chris D'Elia
Week, you think down to 216. Oh, so you're back £3 down. But I fluctuate so much. But I'm on the road. I need to get back to 205.
[23:53]
Brendan Schaub
So did you get down to 216 because you'd have a pizza free weekend?
[23:56]
Chris D'Elia
I did have a pizza free week.
[23:57]
Brendan Schaub
That's what happened. Pizza is what gains all the way.
[23:59]
Chris D'Elia
It's really a big problem. Yeah, yeah. Which is, it's ironic because we're the only country, I think, in the history of the world where our poor people are fat.
[24:10]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[24:10]
Chris D'Elia
It's usually the opposite.
[24:11]
Brendan Schaub
And the rich people are skinny, rich.
[24:13]
Chris D'Elia
People are skinny and the poor people are fat.
[24:14]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[24:15]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. So it's not a question if you're poor in this country, There is food.
[24:19]
Brendan Schaub
100% there is food.
[24:20]
Chris D'Elia
I'm not saying that that's enough to provide dignity, but I'm saying that is unique, that I think you live right now in a country unlike before, where if you are poor, you can go to the dollar menu. Of course the food's gonna kill you eventually.
[24:36]
Brendan Schaub
But for that day, for that day I find. And then they just. All the studies out just came out yesterday and now it's all the big news today that they found what they really believe to be the link to colon cancer in the youth. It's ultra processed food more than anything else. More than meat, more than cheese. Ultra processed food is the absolute 100% link to it all.
[24:56]
Chris D'Elia
Now, when you say ultra processed food, do you mean Jews?
[25:00]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[25:01]
Chris D'Elia
I mean, I'm 14. Can't be a cause that's not Jewish.
[25:04]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[25:04]
Chris D'Elia
It's very hot on the Internet right now.
[25:06]
Brendan Schaub
Yes. Yeah. We're going to tell you what that ultra processed food was right after this break.
[25:10]
Chris D'Elia
Cuz he. Let's talk about my favorite nicotine product. I'm like Tucker Carlson. I love nicotine. I think it's as good as apples.
[25:18]
Brendan Schaub
I love it. I love a little Lucy in my mouth.
[25:23]
Chris D'Elia
This is a way like a Lucy in my poosy.
[25:25]
Brendan Schaub
That's it. What it is. This is a nice way to have another woman in your mouth and your wife are going to get mad at you.
[25:30]
Chris D'Elia
She's not going to get mad. It's 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. I love Lucy breakers. They're delicious. You get a little flavor blast in your mouth. Of course, my favorite, as always, is espresso. I like having my coffee with My coffee?
[25:46]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[25:47]
Chris D'Elia
Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release extra flavor and hydration.
[25:53]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is. If you're a little thirsty, have yourself a little. Lucy, you like espresso flavor? I like it too. What? Here's the thing. Here's the thing with these Lucy's baby is what I like about them is they always give a nice, nice, nice, nice discount. They do not let the fans down. So you want to. If you want to do this, listen to me. Level up your nicotine routine with Lucy.
[26:12]
Chris D'Elia
Go to.
[26:13]
Brendan Schaub
Go to Lucy Co Hyenas and use promo code hyenas to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, that's Lucy Co and use code hyenas to get 20% off. And then Yanni, tell about the fine print.
[26:30]
Chris D'Elia
Lucy products are are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.
[26:40]
Brendan Schaub
Rocket Money, baby. I listen. You know me. I like money. I like rockets, I like podcasts, and I like reading ads.
[26:52]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. So that.
[26:53]
Brendan Schaub
So this works for me.
[26:55]
Chris D'Elia
Yes, it works for me as well. I still use Rocket Money. I have been for years. No lie. It is a great way for you to keep track of all your spending, your budgets to see if one of the subscriptions you had raised their price. You could cancel. They cancel for you. It's just great for budgeting.
[27:15]
Brendan Schaub
It's great for budgeting, which we could all use right now. I mean, your boy has to budget. I got a puppy that costs a lot of money.
[27:22]
Chris D'Elia
That's right.
[27:22]
Brendan Schaub
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscription, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has saved users over $2.5 billion, including over 880 million in canceled subscriptions alone. Their 10 million members save up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.
[27:44]
Chris D'Elia
Yes, cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com/Hyenas today. That's RocketMoney.comHyenas RocketMoney.comHyenas okay, we're back.
[28:01]
Brendan Schaub
The answer is shoes.
[28:06]
Chris D'Elia
You're kind of behind everything on the Internet, right?
[28:08]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Right.
[28:08]
Chris D'Elia
So we got to just go with the trends because.
[28:10]
Brendan Schaub
What? The trends? Yeah.
[28:11]
Chris D'Elia
Or either. We just got to be. Just go with the trends. They're behind it. They're just behind it. Yeah, yeah. So I think they're even. I think they behind mom dummy.
[28:19]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I'm not kidding because I chat GPT yesterday. Give me some examples of ultra processed. And I swear to God the number one thing that ultra processed food said was Pop Tarts. And I was eating a pop Tart. I had, I was mid chew of a pop tart that my daughter didn't finish and it was number one on the list. So it's just what it is. But a lot of breads and stuff. A lot of things that you don't realize are ultra processed. Even some of our protein, like the, all the protein you put in. What a great example of a, of a reversal food though is Fajr yogurt. 0% which you said you've been eating.
[28:51]
Chris D'Elia
I've been eating that.
[28:52]
Brendan Schaub
That's big.
[28:52]
Chris D'Elia
So we want you to know if you're a first time dog owner, do not get a husky. Do not get a Chow chow. Do not get a Dalmatian. Also tell your doctor that you have some stomach pains. Go get yourself a colonoscopy. Yes. And try to eat less processed foods because all the evidence is pointing to processed foods being the cause of all the polyps.
[29:12]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is. And also get yourself a little psyllium, husk fiber.
[29:17]
Chris D'Elia
Yes.
[29:17]
Brendan Schaub
Get it going, get it flowing.
[29:19]
Chris D'Elia
Yes. We are a health podcast as well.
[29:21]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is. And I gotta be honest with you, and I hope we have the footage me falling off the chair because one of the legs broke. I do actually think I sprained my wrist. So Fatty's going to get a lawsuit.
[29:35]
Chris D'Elia
So Mao came from. Mao himself came from like a solidly hardworking agrarian like middle class family. He had more than most.
[29:45]
Brendan Schaub
Yes.
[29:45]
Chris D'Elia
He was a tough guy. And so communism takes hold in China, but it's not really working.
[29:52]
Brendan Schaub
Working.
[29:53]
Chris D'Elia
No.
[29:53]
Brendan Schaub
As it normally doesn't.
[29:54]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. And we say the buses can't be free. It's not really going good. It's not really going great. And so people start starving. They start starving is what really happens right now. Over. If you ask them over there, they'll probably say that the CIA, CIA did something. It's the CIA. Right. It's always the CIA.
[30:15]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[30:16]
Chris D'Elia
Is doing something. But what happened from a helicopter view is just, it wasn't working. People were starving. Millions and millions of people were starving. People were getting purged if they had different ideas or whatever. And because things are not going out going well. Mao gets a little paranoid.
[30:32]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[30:33]
Chris D'Elia
He starts going like, is there going to be a Revolution against me. So what he does is. He does. It's a little yearly sweep, right? Every dictator just likes to do a.
[30:42]
Brendan Schaub
Sweep, do a little sweep.
[30:43]
Chris D'Elia
You just take out the broom and.
[30:44]
Brendan Schaub
You do a little sweep and you.
[30:46]
Chris D'Elia
Make an example of certain people. Gaddafi did it. And once in a while you got to keep people in line and you make an example. You throw on the TVs, you do whatever. A little public execution.
[30:56]
Brendan Schaub
Look, humiliation.
[30:58]
Chris D'Elia
Some reeducation camps send people to hard labor and then they change their opinions.
[31:03]
Brendan Schaub
Do you think Donnie T's going to do a little sweep coming up to his sweep.
[31:08]
Chris D'Elia
Everyone's got to do a little sweep.
[31:10]
Brendan Schaub
Do you think? Because when are the sweeps going to start happening in this country? Make no mistake, I'd like to apply for a job as a street sweeper right now.
[31:19]
Chris D'Elia
I think he's doing a little sweeper of people whose papers are precarious.
[31:22]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is.
[31:23]
Chris D'Elia
A little sweep going on city to city. It's just going on.
[31:27]
Brendan Schaub
Nick is holding up a piece of loose leaf right now because I am a US citizen.
[31:30]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, it seems like people who have authoritarian tendencies usually like to do a little sweep. But authoritarians usually rise to power when things are out of control. So what really causes what? I mean, like I was saying before, what is the biggest communist propaganda this country right now? I think it's the libertarian tech, bro. I think that's the best advertisement for communists, right? It's like they're just flaunting their, you know, like wealth and their compounds and they're going deregulate everything. And taxation is theft. And people are going like, hey man, I'm just trying to get off my ebt. And they're going, we're trying to get to Mars. And you're going, what? Yeah, we're on different planets, right?
[32:06]
Brendan Schaub
Time for a little sweet.
[32:08]
Chris D'Elia
Time for a little sweep. I think maybe of billionaires hidden funds in Delaware.
[32:12]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is.
[32:13]
Chris D'Elia
I need you to pay up, okay? Because people like Chrissy, not me, I'm poor. People like Chrissy are going to be on the front lines. Once you see him driving a nice little car, they're going to try to storm your foyer. Even though he pays into the system.
[32:27]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I painted the system, but that's why. Cuz I've. I've got a couple of appointments for us on Wednesday. We got some nice leads on some studios in Dover, Delaware.
[32:38]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, we're going to Delaware. Where the Biden crime family is. Yeah, going to Delaware. We're all, I like to call it America's dirtbag. Switzerland.
[32:46]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, yeah.
[32:47]
Chris D'Elia
It's where people go to hide their money in shady shell corporations and llc.
[32:52]
Brendan Schaub
Rehoboth Beach.
[32:52]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, that's where Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos set up their little fucking tax havens.
[32:57]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[32:58]
Chris D'Elia
You go to the Cayman and they hide all their wealth and meanwhile the 10% of New York has to pay 74% of the taxes for the city. And you want to hang those people.
[33:09]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[33:10]
Chris D'Elia
That's what, that's the insight I'm having.
[33:12]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[33:12]
Chris D'Elia
So basically what's happening now. Now is most Mondami voters don't even know that 74% of the taxes of New York City are paid by the top 10%.
[33:22]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[33:22]
Chris D'Elia
They're mad at the top 10%.
[33:24]
Brendan Schaub
The rich are already getting taxed.
[33:25]
Chris D'Elia
They're already getting taxed out the ass because these billionaires are hiding their wealth. We just gotta. We gotta mug one.
[33:32]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, let's mug.
[33:32]
Chris D'Elia
Mug one. We need to do a purge on one billionaire that said.
[33:36]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[33:36]
Chris D'Elia
Which one's the most useless? Yeah. And defenseless. Sorry.
[33:40]
Brendan Schaub
Well, you better not touch Steve Cohen because he owns the Mets.
[33:42]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, we're not going to touch him. Just Warren Buffett, right? He's the nicest one. He's willing to pay more.
[33:47]
Brendan Schaub
He wants to pay more, but unfortunately.
[33:49]
Chris D'Elia
Nice guys finish last. What it is, let's just go to his little compound. Where is it? In Idaho? Where is he? He's in some. He's in the mid.
[33:56]
Brendan Schaub
Nebraska.
[33:56]
Chris D'Elia
He's in Nebraska or something. We just storm that, Right? Children of the Corn. Go in there, drink his fine wine, drink his blood, do whatever you got to do. Just leave my Tesla Y alone.
[34:07]
Brendan Schaub
What about Marky Z?
[34:09]
Chris D'Elia
Marky Z is another little scumbag. Okay? He likes to stay quiet, but he likes to let his, like, what is it? His little meta lobby do all the lobbying to the government for all his tag. He likes to stay quiet. He's more quiet. He just likes to go to the ufc. So it's like he goes like this. You figure it out. He hangs out with Dana White.
[34:25]
Brendan Schaub
Where?
[34:25]
Chris D'Elia
And Trump walks in. He goes, you figure out where I'm at politically? Yeah, it's like, dude, if you're watching the UFC and showing up to a.
[34:30]
Brendan Schaub
UFC event, we know where you are politically.
[34:32]
Chris D'Elia
You're not going to see. I can't remember his name. Who? I don't remember his name.
[34:39]
Brendan Schaub
Well, the kid Mark Zuckerberg did get honey potted. He did get his Wife.
[34:44]
Chris D'Elia
Well, it's not really his fault. I mean, you know, Jews and Asians, the. They both went to an Ivy League, and the Ivy League has been bringing Jews and Asians together since centuries ago.
[34:53]
Brendan Schaub
That's true.
[34:53]
Chris D'Elia
That's where Jews and Asians link up.
[34:55]
Brendan Schaub
Well, and. And it's good that we got a lot of Asian kids coming into the Ivy League schools because our kids don't want to go to school.
[35:00]
Chris D'Elia
No, they don't.
[35:01]
Brendan Schaub
So now we got the Asian kids. So I'm. I'm okay with that.
[35:03]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[35:03]
Brendan Schaub
Now, cuz, how does this all apply to my man Gigi? Ping pong.
[35:07]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. So Mao Zedong purges. Then there's a Cultural Revolution. Right. So. And by the way, do you know who Mouse Red Guard was? And the people who did his dirty work? They were all students. They were all like young people. Yeah, they're all young people. So, yeah, Gen Z, I'm looking forward to what you guys are gonna do.
[35:30]
Brendan Schaub
Be great.
[35:31]
Chris D'Elia
So the Cultural Revolution happens. Things aren't going so good.
[35:35]
Brendan Schaub
Okay.
[35:36]
Chris D'Elia
And Mao dies. China's not doing good. Abject poverty, people aren't going well. And then ding dong. Ding dong. Liu Daoding.
[35:46]
Brendan Schaub
Right. Well, dang.
[35:47]
Chris D'Elia
What's his name again? It's tough name. Another guy.
[35:50]
Brendan Schaub
Not Ping. Not Meizhou Dong.
[35:52]
Chris D'Elia
No, not. Just sounds like we're looking through a cover, trying to get to the back of the shelf.
[35:59]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. It's just what we're just seeing.
[36:01]
Chris D'Elia
Sounds like we're moving some glass. Wine glasses around.
[36:03]
Brendan Schaub
Thing is, it's like it's not. Not my fault because they would have very difficult time pronouncing. Yes.
[36:09]
Chris D'Elia
Dang Xiaoping. So dang shopping. He's the one. He's basically the Mikhail Gorbachev of China. Right.
[36:15]
Brendan Schaub
God, did he have the little birthmark on his head?
[36:17]
Chris D'Elia
He did. He did. And he had a little piece just like Miguel. Miguel Gorbachev.
[36:21]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Did he have a little piece? Miguel Gorbachev?
[36:23]
Chris D'Elia
I don't know. Yeah, I just.
[36:24]
Brendan Schaub
By the way, on the patreon@patreon.com history, we're going to talk about how scientific evidence now is uncovered that Hitler did have a little piece.
[36:30]
Chris D'Elia
I know.
[36:31]
Brendan Schaub
And one ball. So we're going to talk about it. I got picks.
[36:33]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. Is that true though? Or is that.
[36:35]
Brendan Schaub
No, that's right.
[36:35]
Chris D'Elia
Real. Is it real? Because I saw it in the post.
[36:37]
Brendan Schaub
No, but the post is real.
[36:38]
Chris D'Elia
Post.
[36:39]
Brendan Schaub
Alexander Hamilton made the post. Don't forget that.
[36:41]
Chris D'Elia
It's changed since then. No, it's changed a little bit.
[36:46]
Brendan Schaub
I want to Watch that Ken Burns documentary on the Revolutionary War?
[36:49]
Chris D'Elia
I think I've watched that one.
[36:51]
Brendan Schaub
No, but I thought it was new. Oh, yeah.
[36:53]
Chris D'Elia
Must have done another one before. No, he did the Civil.
[36:55]
Brendan Schaub
The Civil War.
[36:56]
Chris D'Elia
That's one of the best.
[36:57]
Brendan Schaub
Civil War is one of the best. 10 hours on baseball where each. Each episode is an incident. Ooh.
[37:02]
Chris D'Elia
And of course, the Jack Johnson. Go listen to our Jack Johnson episode. Underappreciated episode.
[37:06]
Brendan Schaub
Ken Burns. Shout out Ken Burns.
[37:07]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, shout out Ken Burns.
[37:08]
Brendan Schaub
One of the best.
[37:09]
Chris D'Elia
So Deng Xiaoping comes in in 78, and he goes, we had a tang tay here, and he introduced a market reform.
[37:18]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[37:18]
Chris D'Elia
And we do market reform. And he says, we need socialism with tiny cult. Witty. So things change. And that is when.
[37:28]
Brendan Schaub
What is socialism with Chinese characteristics? What does he really mean?
[37:31]
Chris D'Elia
Basically meaning we're going to. We're going to create some markets. We're going to.
[37:36]
Brendan Schaub
Wasn't like, oh, all math is being done in abacus. I just want to make sure. Yeah, I know. You know, they were.
[37:44]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. Socialism just with chopsticks.
[37:46]
Brendan Schaub
Right. Put down the forks with Chinese characteristics. So it's just kind of like there is that kind of what they have still right now, today, would you say?
[37:55]
Chris D'Elia
Yes, but now we're seeing a little bit of a turn back to a little Mao authoritarianism.
[38:02]
Brendan Schaub
They've had communist capitalism for long enough.
[38:04]
Chris D'Elia
Yes. So what they did was they opened the country up to foreign investments. They had little economic zones, and private property became a thing. Before that, everyone just had a unit. Right. They were just like, here's your unit.
[38:18]
Brendan Schaub
Nobody had. You couldn't buy your own house.
[38:20]
Chris D'Elia
Nobody had it was all the government just gave you, like, allocated things. And so now you. They allowed business. Business. They allowed capitalism.
[38:29]
Brendan Schaub
Well, the thing is, we have private property here, but it's like, even if you own your house with no mortgage, do you really own your house or does the United States government own the land?
[38:36]
Chris D'Elia
Well, I think you both own it, right? Yeah, I think you both own it. People always say that, but you both own it, right? You both own it, you know, until you pay it off. You took a loan. So.
[38:44]
Brendan Schaub
But I'm saying if you have a. But you're still paying property taxes, you're.
[38:47]
Chris D'Elia
Still paying property taxes. So. But those property taxes go towards things, right. I mean, you know, it's schools. Yeah. People got to mix up their algorithms a little bit.
[38:55]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[38:55]
Chris D'Elia
That's what really has to happen is you got to mix up their algorithm.
[38:58]
Brendan Schaub
I wish that social media would just do that. Would just do it for You.
[39:01]
Chris D'Elia
They really do. I mean. I mean, because I've been seeing that too. It's like. Because that's what's happening in Florida, right? He's going to Desantis. Yeah. Desantis is going. We're getting rid of property taxes. Like these things are all going to have consequences one way or the other.
[39:13]
Brendan Schaub
Right?
[39:13]
Chris D'Elia
We're trying to find a balance here.
[39:14]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[39:15]
Chris D'Elia
And what it seems to be is the only thing that works is hybrid economies. So can everyone just calm down?
[39:21]
Brendan Schaub
Right?
[39:21]
Chris D'Elia
Everyone just calm down. Let's just get the right balance and just. Let's just purge Warren Buffett's house and everyone calm down. One sacrifice. Yeah, it. That's it. We just need one sacrifice. Take all his money.
[39:33]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[39:34]
Chris D'Elia
Whatever. Give it to the people and let Nick shop at Whole Foods.
[39:38]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[39:39]
Chris D'Elia
Just even it out. Nick, calm down.
[39:41]
Brendan Schaub
What he hears. Hybrid economy. That's music to his ears. Because Nick's always thinking hybrids. He's always thinking trans.
[39:47]
Chris D'Elia
Trans. Hybrid. They're more hybrid.
[39:49]
Brendan Schaub
They are hybrid trans or hybrids.
[39:51]
Chris D'Elia
Solar.
[39:52]
Brendan Schaub
That's what I. I don't never call them trans. I call them hybrids.
[39:54]
Chris D'Elia
Hybrids. I like that.
[39:55]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Yeah.
[39:56]
Chris D'Elia
So they. They become, I guess, a more of a hybrid economy. You know, they still have a lot of socialism, but they introduce capitalism. And what happens? You can't deny the data. And for some reason, this isn't data, and Vietnam is not data. Within like 35 years, they become the second biggest global power in the world because of capitalism. Right, but what comes with that? A little inequality.
[40:21]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[40:21]
Chris D'Elia
But is there a such thing in nature that is. Is equality in nature?
[40:26]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[40:27]
Chris D'Elia
I don't think so.
[40:27]
Brendan Schaub
No.
[40:28]
Chris D'Elia
Right. You get two slices of pizza. One slice of pizza here, one slice of pizza here.
[40:31]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. One of it. It doesn't exist in nature anywhere else. I mean.
[40:34]
Chris D'Elia
Doesn't exist.
[40:35]
Brendan Schaub
The ones. The exact same DNA. Of all the lion cubs, the ones that the weakest just gets killed. It's just what it is.
[40:40]
Chris D'Elia
It's just a little bit of that is just baked into being alive. So. So ding, jingping opens it up. And before D jinping opens it up, we're gonna talk about our boy. We're gonna talk about our boy.
[40:55]
Brendan Schaub
Zi Jinping. But how did Xi Jinping. I wanna get to. Because you did more research on this. How does Xi Jinping. How is he the one who rose above all the other ones? Like, how is he the one. He's been the president for whatever, 20 years and kind of made it into. It's, you know, he's the president, but it's really like a dictatorship. Like how was he better than Xi Jiang Zemin and Hu Jintao? How do it? And he did.
[41:19]
Chris D'Elia
Because President Z is very willful, very tough, very resilient and has a Batman origin story which.
[41:28]
Brendan Schaub
That's what we're going to tell you about.
[41:29]
Chris D'Elia
That's what we're basically, he has a Batman origin story and in my opinion is trauma bonded to the ccp. And we're going to tell you about it right after this capitalist advertisement. Cause y'.
[41:40]
Brendan Schaub
All.
[41:40]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[41:41]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, you. When I saw you today walk into the store. Yeah. You know how I knew it was you?
[41:45]
Chris D'Elia
Because my dick was hard.
[41:47]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. And you had had it. Poke it out. And I said I know it's a Blue Chew.
[41:52]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[41:52]
Brendan Schaub
And I. And I yelled it as I was driving and I got into a car accident because my dick was driving my car.
[41:57]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. If you want to just salute the ladies on the street that are looking good, make sure you got a Blue Chew. Rocking.
[42:02]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is. I want to see those Blue Chew rings. This isn't just about performance. This is about legacy or like they like to say, third legacy. Give the group chat something to talk about. Take a picture of your Blue Chew and send it to the group chat.
[42:15]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. My boys are very impressed with my boner when it's rock hard from a blue chip.
[42:19]
Brendan Schaub
Because there's nothing, nothing like sending a 50 year old rock hard cock in your phone.
[42:23]
Chris D'Elia
That's what it is.
[42:24]
Brendan Schaub
And we've got a special deal for our listeners. As always, you get the first month of Bluechew free. Just use promo code hyenas at checkout and pay five bucks for shipping. That's it. Join BlueChew's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time. Head to BlueChew.com for details and safety info. And big thanks to BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast.
[42:48]
Chris D'Elia
Cause there comes a time where we advertise a product that we both really love. I mean we love all our products.
[42:55]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[42:55]
Chris D'Elia
But I am a regular user of Quint's.
[42:58]
Brendan Schaub
I love it.
[42:59]
Chris D'Elia
I love shopping at Quint's. I almost exclusively shop at Quint because it's high quality and it's just blue beautiful clothes.
[43:06]
Brendan Schaub
Cuz I did a show in Philadelphia this weekend and somebody from the crowd yelled what kind of sweater is that? And I said it's from Quints because it was. Yeah, it was. And it's nice and I like the way their clothes feel. And they're manufactured. I don't know how they get away with charging these low prices for such good quality stuff, but somehow they do it and it's legal.
[43:24]
Chris D'Elia
Yes. This season's lineup is simple but smart and easy. With quints. They got the $50 Mongolian cashmere sweaters. They look nice. They feel like an everyday.
[43:33]
Brendan Schaub
That's cheap from Mongolian.
[43:34]
Chris D'Elia
Yes, very cheap. And wool coats that are equal part stylish and durable. Just go and peruse. The clothes are very nice.
[43:41]
Brendan Schaub
Nice.
[43:41]
Chris D'Elia
And the clothes that they sent us, very quality. They're denim nails that fit everyday comfort at all. At all at. You're sundowning at a fraction of what you'd expect to pay. It's very affordable.
[43:54]
Brendan Schaub
Give and get Timeless holiday staples that last this season with quint. Go to quints.com hyenas for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's a whole year now. Available in Canada too. That's Q-U I N C E.com hyenas free shipping and 365 day returns.
[44:12]
Chris D'Elia
Quint.com hyenas it makes holiday shopping right now very easy. And whoever you get a gift for will be very happy.
[44:21]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, I like that Batman. Batman origin story. Which Batman? Christian Bale, Val Kilmer. He's got Michael Keaton.
[44:27]
Chris D'Elia
He's got more of a Christian Bale. Even.
[44:29]
Brendan Schaub
Even.
[44:30]
Chris D'Elia
Look at the Batmans. They're not all equal.
[44:32]
Brendan Schaub
Exactly.
[44:32]
Chris D'Elia
Christian Bale is obviously the best Batman.
[44:34]
Brendan Schaub
Batman, I think. So without a doubt, Ben Affleck's the worst one.
[44:38]
Chris D'Elia
Ben Affleck is the worst one in almost everything.
[44:40]
Brendan Schaub
Right? Ben Affleck. I really got to be honest with you. He. I mean, I, I like his movies and I like, I like him. But what I just want. I just. For the, for whatever reason, a week ago, it was the first time ever I saw him on Bill Maher.
[44:52]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[44:53]
Brendan Schaub
Defending, like going crazy with Sam Harris and Bill Maher. You ever seen that?
[44:57]
Chris D'Elia
Oh, yeah.
[44:58]
Brendan Schaub
And he just looks like such a tool to me.
[44:59]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[45:00]
Brendan Schaub
He just looks like he can't control his emotions. You just want to be like, guy.
[45:02]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[45:03]
Brendan Schaub
Have a sound argument and just calm down.
[45:04]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, I. That was a while ago.
[45:06]
Brendan Schaub
That was like 11 years ago. But I just saw it. My algorithm's late.
[45:09]
Chris D'Elia
Here's the thing. I mean, look, I give Ben Affleck a lot of credit for being able to say big words and looking that good.
[45:17]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[45:18]
Chris D'Elia
You don't see that combination a lot where such a handsome guy develops such a great vocabulary. So I give him credit for that.
[45:24]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[45:24]
Chris D'Elia
Because that kid is one of the handsomest kids around, and he's from Boston.
[45:27]
Brendan Schaub
So those Boston kids don't normally have that kind of vocabulary.
[45:30]
Chris D'Elia
They don't usually have that. So you got to give him credit for that. He's also told drink of water.
[45:35]
Brendan Schaub
Muscular kid.
[45:36]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. And I like them. I like them.
[45:37]
Brendan Schaub
I like them, too.
[45:38]
Chris D'Elia
I like, you know, what's gone. You know, what I think has gone wrong a little bit in society? I really. I really do think people don't appreciate how much fun someone you disagree with at a party is.
[45:50]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[45:51]
Chris D'Elia
You know, it's like sometimes my wife will say, like, I hate all these people. I'm like, that's exactly who I want to be around. Yeah. Because that's when things happen.
[45:59]
Brendan Schaub
It's fun. Yeah. You know what now? And nowadays, it's like, you want to silence those people. You want to hurt those people.
[46:03]
Chris D'Elia
Why? You want to bring them to a party and have some fun.
[46:05]
Brendan Schaub
Have some fun. Agree to disagree, baby. Have fun.
[46:08]
Chris D'Elia
Have fun. You know, you want to. You want to. You want to throw something in the mix.
[46:11]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[46:12]
Chris D'Elia
Everyone is interesting in some way.
[46:13]
Brendan Schaub
In some way, shape or form.
[46:15]
Chris D'Elia
So I love Ben Affleck. I love King Z. I love presidency.
[46:19]
Brendan Schaub
I would like to see Ben Affleck play King Z in the movie.
[46:22]
Chris D'Elia
I would love to see that.
[46:23]
Brendan Schaub
I would like that a lot.
[46:24]
Chris D'Elia
I think at some point, Tom Cruise did do that about a samurai. Yes, he did. That was pre cancel culture.
[46:30]
Brendan Schaub
Tom Cruise played a Japanese man, and it's what it is.
[46:33]
Chris D'Elia
It's what it is.
[46:34]
Brendan Schaub
Even though I know they'll say, no, he was supposed to be playing a European guy who's supposed to be playing a Japanese.
[46:38]
Chris D'Elia
Well, times have changed, Jesse. Before we get into. I know you guys, we do go off the rails a little bit, but, you know, that's what this show is. So if you love it, you love it. And if you don't, we're going to make you love it. Just stick around. But I want to take a little detour. And right now, after you say that, and I just want to focus on some of the American actors who have played Asian roles, because it's very fun.
[46:59]
Brendan Schaub
It's very fun.
[46:59]
Chris D'Elia
Let's go back. We'll tie this into our Rat Pack episode. Episode. Because if. Go back to Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis. Love Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis used to play an Asian character, and I think he did it the most actively. Jesse, could you pull up Jerry Lewis's.
[47:15]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[47:15]
Chris D'Elia
Asian character.
[47:16]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, let's okay. Yeah, I. I mean, I just. Okay, here we go. Jerry Lewis. Chinese guy. Yeah, that's just what it is. Jesus Christ. Rhymes.
[47:29]
Chris D'Elia
Can we do a little video, Jesse?
[47:31]
Brendan Schaub
We might get dinged for this, but. Yeah, just.
[47:34]
Chris D'Elia
Just. It's just a different time. And it was more of an accurate portrayal, right?
[47:41]
Brendan Schaub
An accurate. Yeah. Let's just check this out.
[47:54]
Chris D'Elia
Oh, God. We need some words. It's a slow burn, huh? Yeah, the teeth are a little crazy.
[48:11]
Brendan Schaub
A little crazy. I didn't realize Hibachi was this old. I thought Hibachi was like a new thing. All right, I don't think this one.
[48:18]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, I don't think he's gonna talk. They may have just pulled all of it. Yeah, it might. They might have just pulled all of it. Yeah. All right. All right.
[48:25]
Brendan Schaub
But I mean, just look at his face.
[48:26]
Chris D'Elia
You could just look at his face then. I think Jack Lemmon did, right, Didn't Jack?
[48:30]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Let's do it. I want to see who the people.
[48:33]
Chris D'Elia
And you remember she looked like a man.
[48:35]
Brendan Schaub
Oh, she looked like a man. Mad tv. It was great.
[48:37]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, it was a great. It was a great character.
[48:39]
Brendan Schaub
Do you. I know. I honestly think 98% of Asian people don't care.
[48:44]
Chris D'Elia
No.
[48:44]
Brendan Schaub
Make fun. Like, who care? They'll make fun of white people. Like. I just don't think people care.
[48:48]
Chris D'Elia
No, it's just.
[48:50]
Brendan Schaub
It's a very loud feel. I mean, this girl was looking like a man. She looking like a man.
[48:54]
Chris D'Elia
So back to the story of King Xishan. I think they used to have elections every 10 years, right. Or something like that. But now I think he's just solidly in power.
[49:06]
Brendan Schaub
I heard that Chinese people only celebrate their birthdays every 10 years. Is that true?
[49:09]
Chris D'Elia
I think so.
[49:10]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[49:10]
Chris D'Elia
I think so.
[49:11]
Brendan Schaub
I did hear that.
[49:12]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. I don't. I don't know about that. Do they?
[49:14]
Brendan Schaub
Might be true.
[49:15]
Chris D'Elia
Who knows?
[49:15]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[49:16]
Chris D'Elia
So Z is born into a pretty important family, like, wealthy father. Well, they. That's the thing. That's the funny thing is they wouldn't say it right. They just live in, like, a big compound. But they say my salary on the books is, you know, hundred to a.
[49:35]
Brendan Schaub
Hundred thousand dollars, same as everybody else's.
[49:37]
Chris D'Elia
For example, I think Vladimir Putin's salary on the books is $147,000 a year.
[49:43]
Brendan Schaub
I believe it.
[49:43]
Chris D'Elia
Which basically means. Do you think Vladimir Putin. Putin couldn't afford a. To rent an apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn? What are the chances?
[49:51]
Brendan Schaub
I think if Vladimir Putin. If you're listening to the episode, if you'd like one of us to co. Sign a lease for you so you could get an apartment in Brooklyn. We'd be willing to do that.
[49:59]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. I mean, Vladimir Putin, according to Vladimir Putin, has to fly coach. It's just so you draw your own conclusions about what's truthful and what.
[50:06]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, his house, you know, his house is like on the side of a mountain. But it's like property values are just cheaper in Russia.
[50:11]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, it's just.
[50:11]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[50:12]
Chris D'Elia
Go, you go. The guy's only, you know, he's only making a. He's only making like really? A. A cop who does overtime, salary.
[50:18]
Brendan Schaub
It's all.
[50:18]
Chris D'Elia
It is pretty crazy. I didn't know. Same thing with Ma, I think. Same thing with Z, right? I think his official salary is something like, I think on the books. What is he worth? Like $1 million. So. So if you want to believe that, right? And you would say Mao could only afford a junior one bedroom in the East Village.
[50:38]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[50:39]
Chris D'Elia
So that's just what you want to believe. You believe what you want to believe. So that's what they tell their people. That's what they officially announce. Investigations have found that Mao is worth about 700 to 800 million.
[50:49]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is.
[50:50]
Chris D'Elia
That's not on the books.
[50:51]
Brendan Schaub
Not on the books.
[50:52]
Chris D'Elia
The books. But when you're a communist leader, you can't let the people.
[50:56]
Brendan Schaub
You got to get off the books sometimes.
[50:57]
Chris D'Elia
You got to get off the books. So he's born into an important family. His father is a high ranking level party member. Okay, Communist, right. Now, his father apparently watched one episode at some point of Three's Company.
[51:11]
Brendan Schaub
Okay?
[51:12]
Chris D'Elia
And that was enough where for Mao, who was getting really paranoid about the state of things and people and opposition, he decided to do one of these sweeps, okay, so because, yeah, well, he does a little purge and because his father probably watched an episode of Three's Company, he gets swept up in the purge.
[51:30]
Brendan Schaub
Big. Got it.
[51:31]
Chris D'Elia
So they come to his house, they raid his house. When the kid's like 12 or 13 years old, we're talking about Z, right? Z's father, who was a high ranking party member. His house gets raided, he gets targeted by Mao in one of these purges of dissidents, right? They take him, they loot his house, they steal everything. They publicly humiliate him. They beat him, they throw him in prison. Kids in prison for like seven years. The wife is publicly humiliated, she's sent off. The daughter, Z's sister is sent to is beat. Whatever the Red army, the Red Guard takes Her, they throw her into camp. She ends up, quote, unquote, killing sue, killing herself.
[52:12]
Brendan Schaub
Right?
[52:12]
Chris D'Elia
So whatever you want to. Yeah, whatever you want to draw from that. Either she killed herself under the pressure of the whole thing and humiliation, or they killed her and probably took a couple turns. Who knows what it is? And the young boy, President Z, our Batman, man, he gets sent down to like a very poor rural, you know, agrarian work right area. And he has to live as a peasant. He gets teased there. They call him rich boy. They haze him, they make him work harder. He sleeps in a hut, a mud hut, a tent. He's got no shoes. There's, you know, stories of him building a dam with his bare hands with no shoes on. He does hard labor for seven years. He credits it as like building his character. He buys in, but he also has to read Marx. He's gotta read Mao's Little Red Book. He's got whatever it's so called. He's got to, you know, be re educated, right? He's got to be re educated. Even though he was already a Communist Party kid, right? So he does seven years there. His dad does seven years in prison until ding dong ping pong comes into prison power and those reforms are made. The reforms that Mao was accusing people, any right wing, any right ideas that Mao purged eventually actually comes to power. This guy Deng, Lu Al Deng.
[53:34]
Brendan Schaub
Got it.
[53:35]
Chris D'Elia
So Lu Al Deng comes along after Mao and he goes, we're actually going to do that.
[53:38]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[53:39]
Chris D'Elia
So then his father's released, but Z. Z's father's release, Z applies to the Communist Party. He's rejected seven times. They really make him work for it because it's like you were.
[53:53]
Brendan Schaub
You had to.
[53:53]
Chris D'Elia
Dissident. You were a dissident, right? But he gets in, he's pursuing radical.
[53:57]
Brendan Schaub
This is making Z pissed off.
[53:59]
Chris D'Elia
Z is just.
[54:00]
Brendan Schaub
He's got to be president one day.
[54:01]
Chris D'Elia
This is forming who he is, right? And then from there he gets into the Communist Party. And from there he's like Putin, bro. He just works his way up little by little. Local politics.
[54:11]
Brendan Schaub
Boom.
[54:12]
Chris D'Elia
Just a little more. He's a star, political star. And he's just. He's very shrewd, right? Let's say shrewd. So we go through all his little local movements one at a time. Boom, boom, boom. Works himself up to the top. And then the next thing you know, he's the matt rife of the Communist Party.
[54:29]
Brendan Schaub
Boom.
[54:29]
Chris D'Elia
He's at the top. One clip at a time.
[54:32]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[54:32]
Chris D'Elia
And he gets there and he lets things fly. For a while, Communists is thriving. It's. It's the world's factory.
[54:38]
Brendan Schaub
What are we, the early 2000s here now?
[54:40]
Chris D'Elia
In the now at this point, he comes to power. What was it in the 2000, early 2000s.
[54:46]
Brendan Schaub
When did Xi Jiang Ping, I think came in the early 2000s.
[54:49]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. When did he come to power?
[54:50]
Brendan Schaub
I almost, I think that's it.
[54:52]
Chris D'Elia
I don't think it was the 90s, his 2007. Oh, okay, 2007. But then he became general secretary of the Communist Party. In 2013, he became president. So 2013. Okay, so it has not been that long. Long where he became President of the People's Republic of China and he holds key military leadership as chairman in 2013.
[55:12]
Brendan Schaub
China was coming up. But China wasn't where they were in 2013.
[55:15]
Chris D'Elia
No, but they were still. They were doing very well.
[55:17]
Brendan Schaub
Right, Doing very well because they let a little capitalism in.
[55:20]
Chris D'Elia
I mean, same thing as Vietnam now. Yes.
[55:22]
Brendan Schaub
What it is.
[55:22]
Chris D'Elia
Yes. So they've been doing very well, but in these last 10 years they've continued the trajectory has been like what is the growth, like 8, 9% a year? Yeah, something like that. Crazy.
[55:31]
Brendan Schaub
I think they lifted something like 90% out of poverty. Yeah, same thing in China. In China. Wow.
[55:36]
Chris D'Elia
Same thing in Vietnam. So when that happens, people move to the city. It becomes, you know, service based economy. And people move from the country to the city, much like in America. And everyone moves to the cities. And it's not, it's an industrial nation now.
[55:50]
Brendan Schaub
It's got McDonald's out there.
[55:51]
Chris D'Elia
They got tons of McDonald's.
[55:52]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah, that I'm going.
[55:53]
Chris D'Elia
So he gets into power and that's his origin story. And now. So China has become the second, second power in the world in less than 40 years.
[56:06]
Brendan Schaub
You know who number one is?
[56:08]
Chris D'Elia
Number one is still the United States of America.
[56:09]
Brendan Schaub
Just right here. Who you listen to the boys in red, white and blue.
[56:12]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. But what I found interesting about his origin story is he's kind of like a janissary. Okay, now you remember the Janissaries from our episode. So the Turks would take a Greek boy out of the home. Right. They would castrate him. Right or not.
[56:27]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[56:27]
Chris D'Elia
And then they would indoctrinate them. They'd force them to convert and then indoctrinate them into to Turkish soul.
[56:34]
Brendan Schaub
You know what makes RE education easier? When you cut off someone's nuts.
[56:38]
Chris D'Elia
Always start with that.
[56:39]
Brendan Schaub
Always makes the re education just a little more seamless.
[56:42]
Chris D'Elia
It's a good way to start it to let the person know that you mean business.
[56:45]
Brendan Schaub
I'm not messing around, buddy. I just clicked your nuts. So I'm gonna need you to read this book on Mao. Yeah.
[56:50]
Chris D'Elia
Cause like, when you. When. So then it's like when you're raised as a little kid by someone who's kind of abusing you, but doesn't tell you that.
[56:57]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[56:58]
Chris D'Elia
Tell you they're doing it for, for your own good. It kind of. It shows you how impressionable we all are. Sure. Because if you were Matt, if you were, if you were Z and you were thinking clearly, wouldn't you go like, hey, that was a little fucked up what you guys did to me. But it actually made him double down.
[57:16]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:17]
Chris D'Elia
It actually turned him into more of a communist.
[57:19]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:20]
Chris D'Elia
Even though the communists ruined his family.
[57:22]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:22]
Chris D'Elia
And then raised him. Isn't that wild?
[57:24]
Brendan Schaub
It's wild.
[57:24]
Chris D'Elia
That is kind of wild.
[57:25]
Brendan Schaub
Kind of wild.
[57:26]
Chris D'Elia
That just lets you know when you. Human psychology. Like, you ever meet a girl or know a girl and like, all her boyfriends are abusive and you're going like, what is this? And you find out her father was abusive.
[57:36]
Brendan Schaub
Sure.
[57:36]
Chris D'Elia
And you're going like, she's just trying to recreate the comfort of what she.
[57:39]
Brendan Schaub
Knows, all deep in the subconscious.
[57:41]
Chris D'Elia
And all the people on the Internet or in person you see that are very confrontational. And then you could tell that they like it.
[57:46]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:47]
Chris D'Elia
You like that? You like this? Because for them, I feel like it's attention. It's, it's, it's, it's familiar.
[57:52]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:52]
Chris D'Elia
So like, their parents were very critical. Their parents were abusive.
[57:55]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:55]
Chris D'Elia
And so then when they abuse you and then you abuse them back and they like it.
[57:59]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[57:59]
Chris D'Elia
I think it's familiar to them. And that feels like love. That feels like attention.
[58:03]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[58:04]
Chris D'Elia
So it's very interesting. So I think basically the world's going to explode just because of this kid's childhood issues. I think the world's going to explode because of everyone's childhood issues.
[58:12]
Brendan Schaub
Yes, that's what, that's what I was going to say. That's what I was going to second that with. It's not just him. It's everybody.
[58:17]
Chris D'Elia
Because how else do you interpret this? What? Like. Because now he's an authoritarian. Right.
[58:23]
Brendan Schaub
Right.
[58:23]
Chris D'Elia
So Z is now. He disappeared Jack Ma for a little bit because Jack Ma was criticizing government regulation a little bit. So he disappeared for a while. Now his mouth is closed and they've taken billions of dollars from him.
[58:34]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. So are his eyes, which is what.
[58:36]
Chris D'Elia
I just advocated we should do in ways on the. In America. So I just advocate. I'M basically advocating to do what Z did, right? Because sometimes you just got to fix inequality quick.
[58:46]
Brendan Schaub
You just got to do it.
[58:47]
Chris D'Elia
And you just got to scoop one up and take his money.
[58:49]
Brendan Schaub
So you think we need a sweep?
[58:51]
Chris D'Elia
We need a sweep.
[58:52]
Brendan Schaub
You think the DSNY needs to get ready to start so weeping?
[58:55]
Chris D'Elia
I'm not saying. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe China has it right. Maybe we do need a little authoritarianism. I don't know. Maybe Hassan Piker's right.
[59:02]
Brendan Schaub
I don't know.
[59:03]
Chris D'Elia
Don't know. He loves Gucci and he loves communism. Together.
[59:06]
Brendan Schaub
It'd be wild if they arrested him in China.
[59:08]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. But it is ironic to think that the only. Only economic mechanism that worked for communism is capitalist. I don't think Marx could have ever predicted that. Yeah, because when you look at. You look at Singapore, you look at. I mean, Vietnam, you look at China. I mean, the list just goes on and on and on.
[59:28]
Brendan Schaub
That's confirmed.
[59:29]
Chris D'Elia
You cannot have a thriving socialist country without capitalism creating wealth to then thus socialize. Otherwise, you got nothing to socialize.
[59:40]
Brendan Schaub
It's confirmed. We have the research now that shows the only thing we that works for communism is injecting a little bit of capitalism. Ultra processed foods give you polyps and creatine. 5 milligrams is good for you every day.
[59:52]
Chris D'Elia
What do you think? What do you think? What do you think? What do you think is better? System. What do you like?
[59:57]
Brendan Schaub
What do I like?
[59:58]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. Just tell me your honest opinion. No books. Just a kid from Queens. What's your gut tell you about it?
[60:04]
Brendan Schaub
My gut tells me to tell the people who are always blaming everybody else to take a good look in the mirror.
[60:12]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[60:12]
Brendan Schaub
Because guess whose fault it is.
[60:14]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[60:14]
Brendan Schaub
Yours.
[60:15]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[60:16]
Brendan Schaub
Take a look in the mirror, baby. Gorgeous. Figure it out.
[60:20]
Chris D'Elia
Right?
[60:20]
Brendan Schaub
We all start in different places in this life. Oh, you're disadvantaged, okay? You got to work harder. It'll make you better in the long run. Stop blaming everything on everybody else, you fucking whining pussy. Just do it. Okay? Shut up. You're not disadvantaged if you live in this country, right? You can just have a fucking way out. You just got to work harder.
[60:41]
Chris D'Elia
Right?
[60:42]
Brendan Schaub
I wasn't handed anything.
[60:43]
Chris D'Elia
No.
[60:44]
Brendan Schaub
Shut up.
[60:45]
Chris D'Elia
No.
[60:45]
Brendan Schaub
Stop fucking complaining about everything all the time. Forever. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're annoying.
[60:51]
Chris D'Elia
Right?
[60:51]
Brendan Schaub
Just figure it out, you fucking asshole.
[60:54]
Chris D'Elia
But what if you weren't born with talent or good looks? What do those people do?
[60:58]
Brendan Schaub
I don't fucking know, dude. Get reincarnated and get it. Better luck next time.
[61:03]
Chris D'Elia
Ladder 14. That's got to be. No, leave that in. That is just the way it is.
[61:15]
Brendan Schaub
It's the way the cookie has.
[61:18]
Chris D'Elia
Try again. Try again.
[61:19]
Brendan Schaub
Better luck next time.
[61:21]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. I mean, the Indians were right. You'll come back in another life. It just keep doing it until you come back with some talent.
[61:26]
Brendan Schaub
It's what it is. All right, folks, as always, we love to read out the Patreon names newest members of the Matriarch at the end of every episode. Episode. The winners. The ones who make us laugh the most. You win a prize. You can see your name up in lights at History Hyenas is back dot com. Okay. Welcome to the Patreon. Oliver Nabavian. Then we got my side pieces. Jewish. So I call her my Jumar.
[61:46]
Chris D'Elia
Put them on the list like a gumar.
[61:48]
Brendan Schaub
But we have a Jumar on the list.
[61:49]
Chris D'Elia
Put out the catapult for this nice little chicken finger and fling it over the wall.
[61:53]
Brendan Schaub
Jumar is a 10. And it's been right there on the table for the table for years. And no one's ever thought of it but this kid.
[61:59]
Chris D'Elia
I got. I don't have a. I don't have a gumar. I got a Juma.
[62:01]
Brendan Schaub
Then we got Slammy Wet Balls.
[62:04]
Chris D'Elia
Slammy Wet Balls.
[62:06]
Brendan Schaub
Chicken finger.
[62:07]
Chris D'Elia
Chicken finger.
[62:08]
Brendan Schaub
Big.
[62:08]
Chris D'Elia
Almost on a list.
[62:09]
Brendan Schaub
Then we got the Epstein list. Disappeared like Brendan Chaub's comedy career.
[62:15]
Chris D'Elia
We're going to Drexler. That one.
[62:16]
Brendan Schaub
Then we got Fat, fat, fat. Polynesian Potato Monkey.
[62:20]
Chris D'Elia
Very funny.
[62:21]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[62:21]
Chris D'Elia
Drexler. Wow, this list is strong.
[62:24]
Brendan Schaub
Then we got Jelk Doc and Fletch. Interesting. Kristen tomorrow Farthest. Hammer, chicken finger jowl. Then we got. It's the Squeak in Weekend. Stop playing. Where's my slingshot? Okay.
[62:36]
Chris D'Elia
Okay.
[62:37]
Brendan Schaub
Chrissy Rosenblatt. Nick Vlagas. Trent Peacock Danes. Pepperoni Nipples. Okay. La Ice Dodgers, AKA Jumping Jelly Beaner.
[62:48]
Chris D'Elia
Wow. Ice Dodgers with the l. He says La Ice Dodgers.
[62:53]
Brendan Schaub
La Ice Dodgers. Like the LA Dodgers, but ice. Yes. La Ice Dodgers, AKA Jumping Jelly Beaners.
[62:58]
Chris D'Elia
Put them on the list.
[62:59]
Brendan Schaub
Okay.
[63:00]
Chris D'Elia
I mean, that is fantastic.
[63:01]
Brendan Schaub
Wow. Even Nick gave that one a thumbs up.
[63:03]
Chris D'Elia
That is fantastic.
[63:05]
Brendan Schaub
H. Foley's Hot. Holy Hoagie. Now available at Wawa.
[63:09]
Chris D'Elia
That's a good one.
[63:10]
Brendan Schaub
Costco brand Necktie. Dion Hannah. Ariela Grande. Tyler Bailey. We've had that a bunch. A lot. Yeah. Yeah.
[63:19]
Chris D'Elia
It's a really good one.
[63:20]
Brendan Schaub
That's good. Connor Fenwick. AKA the Back of the Knee, for which there is no name. Name. Okay. King John Fumes. We've had Sara Adier. No Kings. Yas Queens. It's really good.
[63:33]
Chris D'Elia
Put him on the list.
[63:34]
Brendan Schaub
Really? Wow. Wow.
[63:36]
Chris D'Elia
This is chicken finger.
[63:36]
Brendan Schaub
Y s. Queens. Good. Yeah, I like that. So he's on the list. He's on the list.
[63:41]
Chris D'Elia
Okay.
[63:41]
Brendan Schaub
Wow. Chicken figure on the list. We got a few chicken fingers, then we got North Korea Comedy Festival talent coordinator. Put him on the list.
[63:46]
Chris D'Elia
Okay.
[63:47]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah.
[63:47]
Chris D'Elia
Wow. We got a list here.
[63:50]
Brendan Schaub
Send us your email. We're looking for the work. Tony d'. Onofrio. Genghis Khan, King of the Mongoloids. Straight to the back. Giannis's, I guess. Boof. Then we got Stank Spanker. Red Fuzzy Muzzy was a gay bear and got thrown off a roof Way song She ain't.
[64:12]
Chris D'Elia
I mean, look, the kid is just not alive anymore.
[64:15]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[64:16]
Chris D'Elia
But I hope he. I hope he was able to enjoy himself for the couple. Yeah. A couple of the male sexual excursions that he had.
[64:22]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Jacob Gibson. Then we got. When does Teemu Freddie Freeman and Down Syndrome John Stamos.
[64:29]
Chris D'Elia
Fuck.
[64:29]
Brendan Schaub
Okay. They're calling you Teemu Temu Freddie Freeman, which is funny. Cutter lee. Symphony number 14 and F flat.
[64:38]
Chris D'Elia
Okay, we can't do that.
[64:39]
Brendan Schaub
Large C Worlds only get love from inwards. Oh, large C word only get love from inwards.
[64:47]
Chris D'Elia
You're getting walked into one.
[64:49]
Brendan Schaub
Okay.
[64:49]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[64:49]
Brendan Schaub
All right. My Akash Singh neighbor smells like Apu.
[64:56]
Chris D'Elia
Ladder 14.
[64:57]
Brendan Schaub
One did one on the beam, but it was a UFO. And I got Alien. Me toot.
[65:03]
Chris D'Elia
Okay, we went for it.
[65:04]
Brendan Schaub
Tim Miller. Smallest dick in the glory hole.
[65:08]
Chris D'Elia
Put him on the list.
[65:08]
Brendan Schaub
All right.
[65:09]
Chris D'Elia
Put him on the fucking list.
[65:10]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is.
[65:11]
Chris D'Elia
Funny as hell.
[65:12]
Brendan Schaub
Chrissy D's glue Gun, AKA the Bavarian Cream Slinger.
[65:15]
Chris D'Elia
Right.
[65:16]
Brendan Schaub
Okay. Donner Party Catering Company. We serve ourselves.
[65:19]
Chris D'Elia
Put them on the list.
[65:20]
Brendan Schaub
Okay. I mean, this a good one.
[65:22]
Chris D'Elia
Great. I mean, the best list ever.
[65:25]
Brendan Schaub
Chauncey Bowling. Zachary Lee. Hans Jobs. John Carlo Cusano. My Leroy friend. That has some bounce.
[65:39]
Chris D'Elia
Can't do that one.
[65:40]
Brendan Schaub
Sorry about that.
[65:41]
Chris D'Elia
Christ.
[65:42]
Brendan Schaub
Those weren't empty seats at the MSG show. They were ghosts. Okay. Samantha Land. Chris Nathan Pence, Ronaldo. Time for toots and Snoot Boofs. Isaac Yost. Damn. I hit a deer. Oh, it was a child in costume. Okay. Jesus.
[66:01]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah.
[66:02]
Brendan Schaub
Anxious Francis with far right stances.
[66:05]
Chris D'Elia
I like that. I'm gonna chicken FL finger it.
[66:08]
Brendan Schaub
True Blue Jew. The Gaza Crip.
[66:11]
Chris D'Elia
True Blue Jew. The Gaza Crip. Okay, Something was there with the Gaza Crip, but it's not quite there.
[66:18]
Brendan Schaub
Don't dance. He just pulls up his pants. Tatos the Great Chapadons. Nolan Mag. Call me a broken clock because I don. Call me a broken clock because I. Dong dings. Okay. Mark Pinero Arrow. Bernie Sanders pumps his piece on Zoron's cheeks. Let's go, girls. Drexler Chunkletas at Chrissy's Head. It's jazzy method. Okay. In French.
[66:46]
Chris D'Elia
Can't do that. Can't do that.
[66:48]
Brendan Schaub
Giannis, Mediterranean. Fumiso, the Greek Squeak.
[66:51]
Chris D'Elia
Okay.
[66:52]
Brendan Schaub
Wei Shang Xian, Ray Gapist, Hollyanne o'. Flaherty, Sarah Helzig, Rocky and Stink. Rock Sprinkle. Stephen Connor, Dobner. Tenillo Logan. My bomb. And then last but not least, my mom's on her fourth husband and he is a homosexual.
[67:13]
Chris D'Elia
Drexler.
[67:14]
Brendan Schaub
Drexler. Okay, so we gotta. We gotta, we gotta. I should stop here, right? This list is. We got a few names.
[67:19]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. I wanted to say two things. We're gonna be doing a. Walked into an award.
[67:23]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. Sabrina the hyena is doing that. Thank you so much.
[67:26]
Chris D'Elia
And we're also gonna do a PPW of the Year. Year. We'll be doing that. So we'll be doing two lists. Tune in. Those will be our, like, end of year episodes. So it's exciting to know who's going to be the chat. Who's going to be crowned.
[67:38]
Brendan Schaub
The best got to be signed up at patreon.com history hyenas to even be entered into that. Okay, so here are the newest names. I mean, here are the finalists for today's winner. So we have Smallest Dick in the Glory Hole. Donner Party Catering Company. We serve ourselves.
[67:53]
Chris D'Elia
Amazing.
[67:54]
Brendan Schaub
My side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar, L.A. ice Dodgers, aka Jumping Jelly Beaner.
[68:01]
Chris D'Elia
That's another good one.
[68:02]
Brendan Schaub
No. Kings, Yas, Queens. And the North Korea Festival talent. North Korea Comedy Festival Talent coordinator.
[68:08]
Chris D'Elia
I like them all.
[68:10]
Brendan Schaub
So who's sticking out to you? Who's going? Smallest dick in the glory hole. Stay or go?
[68:14]
Chris D'Elia
I'm just thinking about that. North Korea Talent coordinator is very funny. I just am curious. Hasan Piker is going there. He's streaming from China. You're legally not allowed to say anything critical of China or the government. How is that different for the people who got upset about the Saudi Arabian? How is that different?
[68:33]
Brendan Schaub
It's not.
[68:34]
Chris D'Elia
It's not different.
[68:34]
Brendan Schaub
They're also. You can't deal with. One thing I've learned going through this is you don't. You can't negotiate with these people. They don't deal with facts. They deal with emotions, and you don't negotiate with them.
[68:43]
Chris D'Elia
I know. I've just thought about that. I was like, what's the difference?
[68:45]
Brendan Schaub
I don't. There is no difference.
[68:47]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. Okay, so we're gonna start with the first one. What was the first one?
[68:51]
Brendan Schaub
First one. The first one was smallest dick in the glory hole, which Nick says is not. It's. He didn't. That's not him.
[69:01]
Chris D'Elia
We're gonna chicken finger that one.
[69:03]
Brendan Schaub
Chicken finger, you agree? Chicken finger.
[69:04]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah. All right. Chicken finger that one.
[69:06]
Brendan Schaub
Okay. Donner Party Catering Company. We serve ourselves.
[69:09]
Chris D'Elia
It's a good one. We're going to keep it around for a second.
[69:11]
Brendan Schaub
Serve ourselves. That's nice. Very interesting. Smart. My side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar.
[69:17]
Chris D'Elia
And keep that around.
[69:17]
Brendan Schaub
Okay.
[69:18]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, yeah, Keep that around.
[69:19]
Brendan Schaub
That's what it is. La Ice Dodgers, AKA Jumping Jelly Beaner.
[69:23]
Chris D'Elia
We're going to keep that.
[69:24]
Brendan Schaub
All right.
[69:25]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, this is a good one.
[69:26]
Brendan Schaub
No kings, Yas Queens.
[69:28]
Chris D'Elia
We're gonna. Nick wants.
[69:29]
Brendan Schaub
Nick wants that one.
[69:30]
Chris D'Elia
If Nick wants it, Keep it, baby, keep it. So we gotta have a four off what Nick wants.
[69:33]
Brendan Schaub
Nick gets baby. North Korea Comedy Festival talent coordinator.
[69:37]
Chris D'Elia
We're gonna chicken for that because it's.
[69:38]
Brendan Schaub
Old news and it's inside baseball, but it is very funny.
[69:41]
Chris D'Elia
Very funny.
[69:41]
Brendan Schaub
All right, so we have. We have something to choose from here. We. We have four that have made it to the finals. Normally it's just two. So we have Donner Party Catering Company. We serve ourselves. My side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jamar, Louisiana. Ice Dodgers. AKA Jumping Jelly Beaner. Or no Kings, Yas Queens.
[70:00]
Chris D'Elia
Okay, this is a tough one. Let's. Tough one. This is a tough one. I think Dahmer. We're going to Drex or that. Okay, we're going to Drex for that.
[70:09]
Brendan Schaub
Okay.
[70:10]
Chris D'Elia
Okay.
[70:10]
Brendan Schaub
I do want to. I do want to. To just say that my side piece is Jewish, so I call him my Jumar. Technically, Oliver Nabavian was the first one. But this. But it was. It's a. It's a regular name. They didn't even make an attempt. So this was like a. You could say that this is a number one draft pick going this far. You could say that. You could make that argument. Ok, this is the second name we read overall of the whole list.
[70:33]
Chris D'Elia
Right?
[70:33]
Brendan Schaub
So I'm just saying.
[70:34]
Chris D'Elia
So you're saying this is basically LeBron James, right?
[70:37]
Brendan Schaub
I'm saying if this is our closest one, because I don't think we can count Oliver and the Bavian. They didn't even make it an attempt.
[70:42]
Chris D'Elia
Right? Okay, so what?
[70:44]
Brendan Schaub
My side piece is Jewish, so I call her My Dumar, Louisiana. Ice Dodgers. AKA Jumping Jelly Beans. Or no Kings. Yas Queens. Those are the final. No Kings.
[70:54]
Chris D'Elia
Yes. Queens. Very funny, but it's very simple. I know it's your favorite, but we're going to chicken finger that. It's really coming down to these two.
[71:00]
Brendan Schaub
My side piece is Jewish, so I call it my Jamar or L A Ice Dodgers. AKA Jumping Jelly Bean.
[71:06]
Chris D'Elia
Ice Dodgers is really.
[71:07]
Brendan Schaub
Jelly Beaners.
[71:08]
Chris D'Elia
Yeah, Jelly Beaners. With the playoff of the Dodgers baseball. I mean, very. So we got a triple backflip and a really good somersault. What are you in the mood for?
[71:17]
Brendan Schaub
So are you in the mood to.
[71:18]
Chris D'Elia
Eat light or in the mood for a heavy meal?
[71:20]
Brendan Schaub
So my opinion on this is. Is one of those things where my side piece is Jewish, so I call her. My Jumar is very, very tight and every word was needed. L A Ice Dodgers could have. AKA My jumping. AKA Jumping Jelly Beaners could have just been LA Ice Dodgers and also would have gotten this far.
[71:40]
Chris D'Elia
Right?
[71:40]
Brendan Schaub
So to me, the adding of the AK Jumping Jelly Beane Beaners makes me want to favor Jumar.
[71:46]
Chris D'Elia
But let me just. Let me just. The Jumping Jelly Beaners. Ice Dodgers. So he's an ice dodger.
[71:55]
Brendan Schaub
But the LA Ice Dodgers is funny.
[71:58]
Chris D'Elia
It's very funny. You're right.
[72:00]
Brendan Schaub
You know what I mean?
[72:00]
Chris D'Elia
It could have been either one.
[72:02]
Brendan Schaub
What do you guys think?
[72:02]
Chris D'Elia
But it's really good. The Ice Dodgers.
[72:04]
Brendan Schaub
I agree. I wish he finished a metaphor, the baseball metaphor, and not gone to jelly beans. Kept it within the game because I completed it. Right? Chris, I'm in the Jumar camp, so.
[72:13]
Chris D'Elia
We'Re going with Jumar.
[72:15]
Brendan Schaub
What do you think? You agree? And I think also think Jumar can come in handy because now, like, if anyone has a Jewish side piece, which is a Jumar. Yeah, you're a Jumar. Or if we see any hot Jewish women, there are Jamars.
[72:25]
Chris D'Elia
And here's the thing. If you do have a Jumar, you're going to get caught. She's going to call your wife at some point.
[72:29]
Brendan Schaub
Just what it is. Yeah. Gail Galad is a Jumar.
[72:32]
Chris D'Elia
Yes.
[72:33]
Brendan Schaub
Yeah. All right. Congratulations. My side piece is Jewish, so I call him my Jew Mar. Go to histraine is his back dot com. So you name up in lights. You won Jew Mar.