01-08-26 - CONDENSED SHORT SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Condensed Short Show (01-08-26)

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Episode Date: January 8, 2026
Episode Theme:
A characteristically irreverent episode, the crew discusses the generational shifts in how kids deal with hardship and heartbreak, society’s overreliance on medication, odd nostalgia about childhood crushes, hilariously antagonistic driving habits with student drivers, global bravery, and unique American phenomena such as invasive python hunting in Florida.

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Major Discussion Points and Insights

1. Generational Trauma, Heartbreak, and Medication

• Anecdotes: The hosts recall their first heartbreaks as children, comparing their youthful coping strategies (often just stewing and dealing with it) versus the current generation’s tendency towards being "pilled up" and medicated for sadness or depression.
  • John relays his sixth-grade heartbreak with Christy Allen, reflecting, "I just looked at her and I'd be like, my God, I don't know what this thing's for, but it gets excited when it's around you." (02:52)
  • Brady shares his own story about buying a necklace for a fifth-grade crush, only for her to ghost him before he could gift it. Decades later, he still has the necklace. (06:00)
• Societal Commentary:
  • John rails against overmedicating kids, suggesting parents and society are too quick to throw pills at typical human sadness instead of letting kids build resilience.
    • “Everybody’s depressed. Whenever something… You don’t chop your legs open just because you’re depressed or start carving initials into your body. You just deal with it…” (01:24)
    • “They pill up everything. He’s so sad, Doctor. I don’t understand… it’s a booming trillion-dollar business to put your kids on those.” (06:29)
• Parental Roles and Dads:
  • John argues that kids need more active parenting, especially from fathers, to instill boundaries and resilience.
    • “Young kids need dads to get there to go, ‘What the hell’s wrong with you?’ I just have this murderous rage. Knock it off.” (01:17)

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2. Lessons from Heartbreak and a Dose of Dark Humor

• Cynical Optimism:
  • John reflects humorously that the world is mostly indifferent—yet that’s freeing:
    • “There’s 2 billion people on this planet. Most of them aren’t gonna like you… Your inner circle is all that matters.” (08:02)
• Revenge through Time:
  • The panel jokes about the joy in seeing childhood romantic rivals (and exes) now living less-glamorous lives.
    • “A couple years down the road, the person who broke your heart is miserable, suffering, and possibly homeless… the most joy you can ever have.” (10:28)
• Notable Quote:
  • “Every shot makes someone happy. That’s true. Good, bad, or otherwise. Somebody’s happy at what just happened.” (10:41)

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3. Riffing on Over-Protection: 'Baby on Board' & Student Drivers

• Satirical Take on Safety Signs:
  • John mocks “baby on board” placards, questioning their purpose:
    • “Baby on board, that’s your responsibility. Don’t put that in my ass. What are you telling me about that for?” (13:31)
  • They joke that some signs encourage reckless behavior, with “student driver” placards making them want to mess with the new drivers instead of giving them space.
    • “The sign that says student driver causes me to be the world’s biggest jackass. I cannot get enough.” (14:35)
• Student Driver Antics:
  • John relishes following and harassing student drivers (tailgating, lane drifting), presenting himself as a “training tool.”
    • “If I see a student driver car… the excitement level, it goes flying and I will just… I’ll stop everything I’m doing.” (16:22)
• Lighthearted Admiration:
  • John and Bret admit they go out of their way to "help" nervous student drivers by creating challenging scenarios, rationalizing their mayhem as on-the-road education.

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4. The Bravest Man in the World: Pakistani Gay Bar Founder

• Risking It All:
  • A Pakistani man files paperwork to open Abbottabad’s first-ever gay club—a jaw-dropping act of bravery given local laws and culture.
    • John: “These are the brass balls of all brass balls in the world. Nobody’s been braver than this.” (22:46)
• The Danger Level:
  • The man is forcibly institutionalized as “crazy.” The hosts riff on the idea that even showing up as the first patron is an even braver act.
  • Notable Quote:
    • “That’s how important gay sex is. That’s how I tell you it’s not a choice. Cause in Pakistan, if it’s a choice, the choice is easy: I don’t diddle with Brett’s butt, I don’t get blown up.” (25:16)
• Humor and Satire:
  • The hosts joke about the “smells” at a Pakistani gay bar, how even the bravest would be wary, and compare the bravery to Navy SEALs.
    • “Sorry, Navy SEALS and rangers. Not anymore. Those Pakistani homosexuals… you are the bravest man on the planet.” (29:35)

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5. America’s “Nowhere States” and Travel Worthiness

• The Arkansas Diamond Find:
  • Light coverage of a news story: a Texas teacher finds a 2-carat diamond at an Arkansas park, worth $5,000.
    • Bret quips: “You’re rich in Arkansas.” (32:13)
• Best and Worst States for Travel:
  • John dismisses much of the Midwest and deep South as “not worth your trip,” suggesting only 12-17 U.S. states are truly vacation-worthy.
    • “The Midwest stinks. There’s like 15 states right there in the center that are not something I’d visit.” (33:31)
  • Panel affectionately slams places like Arkansas, Nebraska, New Mexico and West Virginia, saving praise for places like Montana and Colorado.

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6. Florida Python-Hunting Innovations

• Fake ‘Cyber Bunnies’ and Snake Problems:
  • The show covers Florida’s efforts to control invasive pythons by using robot rabbits that emit heat, luring snakes for capture.
  • John proposes explosive decoy rabbits as a more efficient solution—delighting in the imagined spectacle of “snake chunks everywhere.”
    • “Blow them up. Make it fun.” (39:08)
• Redneck Problem Solving:
  • The hosts joke Floridians would jump at a chance to blow up snakes:
    • “You can blow them up now, gang… ‘My cyber bunny got one!’” (41:23)
  • Commentary closes that allowing “central Miami” residents to use explosives would solve the python problem “by Saturday.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Nobody offered me drugs to clear that up. My dad’s just laughing… He’s not gay. That’s all my dad cared about.” — John (03:59)
• “Your inner circle is all that matters… At this point, it’s 7 billion people indifferent about whether or not you exist.” — John (08:02)
• On opening a Pakistani gay bar:
  “These are the brass balls of all brass balls in the world. Nobody’s been braver than this.” — John (22:46)
• “Sorry, Navy SEALS and rangers… Those Pakistani homosexuals… you are the bravest man on the planet.” — John (29:35)
• “Blow them up, make it fun…” — John, about the python problem (39:08)

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Key Timestamps

• 01:11 – 08:00: Childhood heartbreak and coping in different eras; the impact of present-day medication culture.
• 10:14 – 12:56: The joy of seeing former crushes or rivals fail; more on resilience and living for your inner circle.
• 13:00 – 19:35: Rant against overprotective car signs (“Baby on Board”); misadventures and pranks with student drivers.
• 20:45 – 31:26: Discussion of the “bravest man in the world” opening a gay bar in Pakistan, and the associated perils.
• 31:36 – 36:26: Arkansas diamond story; slamming the travel-worthiness of the Midwest and Southern states.
• 36:36 – 43:20: Florida’s python population, “cyber bunnies,” and the hosts’ explosive solution for pest control.

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Tone & Style

The episode is packed with dark humor, unfiltered banter, and self-aware satire. John plays the provocateur, often taking topics to their comedic extreme while peppering in moments of unexpected wisdom about resilience and human relationships. The style is irreverent, fast-paced, and clearly geared toward an audience with a taste for offbeat, sometimes edgy, humor.

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For further details or to listen, visit 98KUPD.com.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

Hey, it's John and Brett from the morning sickness and the nightmare of the holidays are behind us, and now it's time to treat yourself. In January is the perfect time to fresh start everything with a new system. There's only one place to go do that. Quality car stereo. Upgrade your ride with better sound, smarter tech and service you can trust, whether.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

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[C]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it all online. It's really that.

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[D]

Morning sickness.

[B]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil.

[A]

Sitting right here.

[B]

Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 and it's men's fault for leaving. We need more men. Whacking kids in the back of the melon. That's it. Period. End of story. Young kids need dads to get there to go, what the hell's wrong with you? I just have this murderous rage. Knock it off. And then you go, ow. It's not a beating. It's a reminder. You can't be that way in society. So quick to put. They don't know how to. They don't know how to be sad. They don't know how to be depressed. Everybody's depressed. Whenever something. You don't chop your legs open just because you're depressed or start carving initials into your body. You just deal with it every. Who's the first girl that knocked you on your ass, Brett. Remember her name. Oh, don't act like it didn't happen.

[A]

No, it did.

[B]

It did.

[A]

No, no, it did. It did. I'm just trying to remember.

[B]

You don't remember her name? Oh, man. Every time. The first one that made you sit in a room and like, go, oh, no, this life's never gonna be the same.

[A]

I can't remember her name, but I.

[E]

There.

[B]

I'm not saying it. How old were you? Young. Yeah. 12, 13. It's usually the first one. We feel like the world's 11 or 12. She's not paying attention to me. She doesn't like me. Mine was a girl named Christy Allen. Christie Allen. In sixth grade, Roosevelt Elementary School. She was beyond a crush. I was going to marry her. We were 12. It was. And then. And then she started hanging out with a kid named Warren. I'm like, what the hell's going on here? I thought we were in love. And she looked at me and she goes, we hardly ever talk to each other.

[E]

Now.

[B]

What I had done is create this relationship in my head with her because we sat next to each other in school and I wrote her a note that said, will you go with me? And she checked the yes box and I'm going, that's just locked in for life. We're good here. I've got paperwork. We're moving forward. Then I didn't do about it. I just looked at her and I'd be like, my God, I don't know what this thing's for, but it gets excited when it's around you. And I go home and I touch things. Wow. Then she'd pop in my mind and we'd make it faster. I'm like, that's fancy. She's done a wonderful job. What a great girlfriend. Hardly talk to her. She ends up talking to this kid named Warren Jeffs. No, not Warren Jeff, but that would have been nice. He was about 38. I don't remember. He was a good looking kid. It could have been Warren. I can't remember his last name. I think it started with an L, but I don't remember. And they started holding hands and walking around school and like, what's going on here?

[A]

You had the paperwork, though.

[B]

I had the pay. I showed her that. What happened here? Aren't you supposed to write me a note back saying, no, I'd like to break this off clean? She just disappeared. I was at home sobbing. It was a disaster.

[E]

I was fifth grade too. Paperwork.

[B]

Oh, paperwork.

[E]

You go with. I had it circled yes.

[B]

Nobody offered me drugs to clear that up. My dad's just laughing. What happened? Oh, there was a girl at school and broke his heart. Finally. He's not gay. That's all my dad cared about. Is he gay? He's a guy. Or is it good? Did you see her? Dan, just leave him alone. And you'd hear that half a smile on his face. How you doing there, champ? I'm fine. Get out of here, you idiot.

[E]

Ah.

[B]

We all go through this. How far did you get with it? There'll be others. No, there won't.

[A]

It's never the same.

[B]

I have paperwork.

[A]

Was this before or after the rulers?

[B]

Before the ruler.

[E]

Oh.

[B]

So then year and a half before the ruler. Well, then I think he thought maybe Christy Allen drove me to wanting to blow guys. That was. That was my dad's biggest fears in my life were, is he gay? Is he alive? That's all. I think he woke up every morning and looking. Okay, he's alive and there's no guys in his bed. All right, bye. Have a nice day.

[E]

I got the paperwork for Mary Florence, and I went to Washington, D.C. for two days on a trip that was, you know. And so I'm like, I gotta ice this paperwork.

[B]

Yeah. You mean, like. That's right.

[E]

So I bought her a necklace with a little, you know, like, Washington, D.C. pendant because it was 1976.

[B]

Incredibly Republican. Excellent work. Sixth grade present for guys.

[E]

President Ford.

[B]

Yeah. Was it a picture of President.

[E]

No, it's just. I think it might have been the presidential.

[B]

So right around 7-4-76.

[E]

Well, 200 during the school year, because I came back and I'm getting ready to give it to her, and you're basically ghosted.

[B]

Oh, she didn't.

[E]

I guess.

[B]

Wait, wait.

[E]

I never.

[B]

You never gave her a present? You gave her the present. She didn't care.

[E]

Never gave her the present.

[B]

Why not?

[E]

Because it was kind of. I got the paperwork, and then afterwards.

[B]

You got the yes stuff.

[E]

More or less.

[B]

You got the X on the yes.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And then came back with presents. Yeah. And she was gonna be great. And when you went to give it to her, she was just.

[E]

Didn't even get an opportunity to give it to her.

[B]

She just stopped being in your life. Wow. And crushed. Yeah.

[E]

I found that necklace.

[B]

I.

[E]

About 10 years ago.

[B]

You held on to that.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Just in case.

[E]

Re Gift it, you know?

[B]

Re gift it. What if she comes back? You had paper.

[E]

And I did for one of the reunions.

[B]

That's a breach of contract, what you have here. And you Go back and say, you owe me 3.95 for this 1970 price. It's about 14 bucks now. Yeah, that's a tough one. We all have gone through. They pill up everything. He's so sad, Doctor.

[E]

I don't understand.

[B]

He's sad and doctors are like, okay, let's get him on pills. Because that's a. A booming trillion dollar business to put your kids on those. Then they get used to that. And then you tell them, don't take drugs. Drugs are bad for you. But the whole message has always been, if you ever feel a little off drugs, fix it. Doesn't make sense. I bet you Rob Reiner wished he'd have hit Nick a few more times in the back of the head. Straightened him out. Younger. The other kids seemed to get it. That was the one that didn't throw your pills in the trash today. Give it a try. So a few of you go off the rails. We'll just keep our eyes open. Us normals will keep our eyes for the wackadoos that are wandering around like, there's one. Stay away from that. It's just like the zombie apocalypse. But then they'll just. They'll just wander off into the traffic on their own and we'll get rid of this problem. There'll be a whole lot less of them.

[A]

You don't like my idea, I'm going to M and P Guns and buying.

[B]

Some lead pills just in case. Yes, we'll pill you up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Byron will take care of me.

[B]

Us normals will defend ourselves, and the Looney Tunes will run out there and be off their meds for. Just for a day. Let's try it for 24 hours, see what happens. I think it's great. This guy said, did you go full Fatal attraction and hold the note while you turned a lamp on and off? There was some behavioral issues with. With my first real official, kind of like heartbreak. Like, I got real good at it, though. Like, I got used to heartbreak. Yeah, I got real, real used to getting into, like, diving in mentally to liking someone and thinking, all right, this. This girl. I like this. And then. And then having her not like me being like a real. Yeah, all right, well, whatever. And it just became. It just became sort of like, I'm used to. Like, you pretty much are just like, oh, my dad actually told me that years ago, and I still use that line. And except for we've expanded. He said, There's 2 billion people on this planet. Most of them aren't gonna like you. Most of Them will never know yet one person. And I was like, that's not bad. That's pretty good. But in my brain, I'm like, my dad told me that pretty much the world hates me. Like, from the back, it's going to be tough. And then you think about it, and he's right. Maybe in your whole life, you've got about 12 or 13 people that actually really like you, and the rest are indifferent. That's a. That's. At this point, it's 7 billion people indifferent about whether or not you exist. I know it's gloomy out there, but that's a great way to live life. Your inner circle is all that matters. Oh, yeah. And also you, Christie Allen, and you, too, Warren. Warren always used to wear Journey shirts. He was like, a Journey expert. Loved him. Twink knew it.

[E]

Get the girls.

[B]

Oh, that was the killer part, is that one day at Roosevelt Elementary School, we were playing, and all I cared about at recess was, like, being king of the court. Like, we play sports, and I always wanted. That's all I cared about. Like, I'm gonna have a great day out there instead of wandering around, you know, chasing my contractually obligated. Not girlfriend. Girlfriend. And I remember Warren never played sports, and he was always one of those. Captain save a hose. Before I knew what that was, he's wandering around, hanging out with the girls, and they'd be doing something, and Warren would be milling around, which is the smarter thing to do in hindsight. And then I saw him and Christie. There was a big tree line down the center of the recess, like this big field we played in. And I saw them, like, hugging, I'm pretty sure kissing. And it was like somebody just tore my insides out. But did I. Did I murder Warren? No. I just rooted for his death. He may not. Like, if. I wish I could remember his last name so Brett could Instagram him and see him as, you know, the poorly aged. Probably a Journey fan, Some loser, who knows? But a Journey tribute band now? Yeah, maybe. That would be hilarious.

[E]

Got the Neil Sean Fro going.

[B]

And he's married to Christie Allen, and she is just a fat hog. And I'm like, ooh, bullets dodged.

[A]

See him playing this weekend over at the Rebel Lounge in his Journey cover band.

[B]

Yeah. Time Machine Journey. Oh, yeah. And here's the other thing. For anybody who gets depressed and thinks it's never going to end, you always have the possibility that a couple years down the road, the person who broke your heart is miserable, suffering, and possibly homeless. And that is the most Joy again. We're going back to yesterday, the most joy you can ever have. Tripp came into my office yesterday and said, man, you kind of nailed something this morning when you said, you have to have hate to have love. Joy. He goes, you know, there's a saying in golf. Every shot makes someone happy. That's true. Good, bad, or otherwise. Somebody's happy at what just happened. That's your therapy lesson for today. Now throw those pills away and take some chances. I don't think you should be allowed out of the house if you're on a pill that keeps you from murdering me. I think that's the bigger story. Well, on his pills, he's not murderous at all. I'm like, that's not enough for me. Like, the fact you have him as murderous without. Because I don't think anybody would diagnose me as like, well, if he doesn't have his Diet Cokes, he's gonna kill some people. Pretty much just be like, it's gonna be a couple rough days for him. He might have some headaches, might lash out or be a little irritable. That's as far as it goes. That's human behavior.

[D]

There's something. Something. Check out Hornberg's morning sickness podcast at.

[E]

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[D]

Holmberg's Morning Sickness I grew up as.

[B]

A kid without pills and never once had to worry that someone was going to walk through my school with an AR15. Never once had that thought. Never once. That was pre pills. Never once did my parents go, well, he's probably going to get shot up. School never crossed my mind. Parents have to deal with that every day. Is today the day that somebody wanders through off their meds and shoots up my kids school? That's an epic. That's sense pills. Two things that ruin society. Medicating kids and baby on board placards. Because that's when we started overprotecting them. Baby on board, that's your responsibility. Don't put that in my ass. What are you telling me about that for?

[E]

Brett's bumper sewer says AR15.

[B]

AR15 on board. Damn right, baby. Do you think I'm more? Do you think I'm. I'm. I'm like trying to hit cars like I'm nuts. But if I see that little baby on board thing, I was like, well then I'm not gonna hit that one. I wasn't. I was trying to protect myself. I'm the baby on board. I'm the most precious thing on the road to me. When I'm in the car, I'm protecting me. Not thinking about your baby. That's your job. In fact, it made me speed past person with baby on board because usually they drive slower and they're a little bit too worried. They're distracted. Baby on board.

[A]

Baby behind. What?

[B]

Yeah, what? It should say yeah. On board. Can't control her kids. Baby on board, really?

[D]

No.

[E]

That causes you to tailgate more. Yeah.

[B]

Well. Student driver. The sign that says student driver causes me to be the world's biggest jackass. I cannot get enough. If I saw one on the freeway the other day. Oh, the weaving. Had the radio all the way up and I'm just acting like I'm not paying attention. I go full chips on him and I just start drifting that bronco as close as I can. Poor little Indian kid inside just freaking out.

[E]

What is this gay guy doing?

[B]

What is he doing? Why is him and his gay friend doing this to me? Just keep it steady there, Viu. You'll be fine. My name is not Vishnu. That is my gun. Whatever. Use one of your eight arms to steer this goddamn thing away from that car. Sorry to all student driver instructors. That was me. I don't think. I don't think many other people do what I do. I go out of my way. If I'm almost home and I see student driver, the day's delayed for a minute. I'm gonna follow that thing around For a. I'm gonna try to get to a red light and get close and then at the red light I'm going to try to pass them before we get out of the intersection and then jam on the brakes. And the fun thing to do to student drivers for all you like, me downshift. There's no brake lights. If you just drop down a couple gears, just manually go to like, you know, third, your car just goes. And there's no brake lights. Student drivers don't know what hit them. And then you take off.

[A]

Or you can use the e brake too. You can pull up.

[B]

Yeah, Brett, you've done it. Brett. Played the game. We played the game. Nothing better than student drivers not going.

[A]

To confirm or den but additional training.

[B]

People who think that's. Yeah, that's. It's. I'm a training tool. That should be a shirt I wear. I'm a training tool.

[A]

And the worst part is a guy in the car training. This guy's going. He's a listener too. Going, God damn, Holberg. Here we go again.

[B]

Following us around. Yeah. I'm just going to warn you, stay out of the Biltmore area if you're a student. They're everywhere over there for some reason. I think it's cuz they think we're going to be nice. I'm there.

[E]

The streets are safe.

[B]

They're not. Watch out. I'm right there. If I see a student driver car, I the excitement level, it goes flying and I will just. I'll stop everything I'm doing. If I'm late for something and I see a student driver, I'll call and say I'm gonna be a little later than you thought. I will drive them. I will.

[E]

30 minute session.

[B]

Oh, there's nothing better than pick. Here's the fun thing to do, especially if you're on a street that's not super crowded, but there's a student driver. Here's. I love to just hold my phone in front of my face while I'm steering. I'm not really doing anything, but it looks like I'm texting and I just laugh as hysterically and. But I drift into their lane. Like no. I never react. It's their job.

[E]

This is why you don't do that.

[B]

Yeah, it's great. And if they hit me, so be it. It's more fun. It's a blast. I'm hoping someday student driver instructors be like, just hit him. Just hit him.

[A]

Well, you're calling for no meds, so that may happen.

[B]

Fine with that. No Meds and screw with student drivers. Make the world fun again. Empty wfa. I don't know if that's a thing we can License plate mafa. Make America fun again. Mafa.

[A]

So when you tell Megan you're gonna be home in 10 minutes and it's like an hour and a half later, she knows it's student driver day or stuff.

[B]

I never say I'm gonna be home at a certain time. In case of student drivers. I never. I never lock in. I'm just. I'll give you a roundabout about 35 minutes. I should be home between 12 and 1, and that gives me a chance to hunt. I got a lunch today. I have to go. This guy Jeff and I have a lunch today. So I know I'm gonna leave here. I'm gonna meet him about 12:31 o', clock, but I'm gonna leave here about 45 minutes early because he's in student driver hive. And I know because having been in that area, that somewhere over there is a school where they have cars that say student driver all over me. I don't want to get over there because they tend to drive around at lunch. And I love it. Oh, there's nothing better than it says student driver. And the person inside is elderly. And it's one of those widows whose husband drove him everywhere, but he's dead now, so I have to get my license. And all her family's like, oh, she's 78. She's getting her license. We're so proud of her. Ain't run into me yet, sister. Out of the way, Gwendolyn.

[E]

I would think the high time would be like 3:00pm to 5:00pm yeah, they don't.

[B]

In my area, they hang around from 12 till about 2:30. I think they keep them out of rush hour. I think they do it during school. I think you get an hour during the day, Saturday around. Sometimes Saturdays, they're the least that they can. There's too much room. I like putting them in high stress situations. I should have that on my car. High stress student driver distractor and just, oh, geez. Okay, here we go. It's like a video game where I go, okay, you got to watch out for those. That guy right there is one of them. And I'm designed to drive around and be the idiot that makes you have to learn how to drive better because.

[E]

You'Re going to enhance student drive.

[A]

I make it better.

[B]

You're welcome. Yeah, yeah, you're welcome.

[A]

Valley of favor.

[B]

Now, if I didn't have a dad, somebody put me on meds. And then the day I'm off my meds, that whole thing would come charging back, you know, having been dormant for, you know, let's say three months and it would be stronger than ever and I'd probably run over a student driver.

[D]

There's something, something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at.

[A]

98Kupd.Com well, my bears have been a heck of a lot better than I thought they're going to be this year. And what's going to even make it better is playing on the underdog Apple. Watching him, it's Brett Vesely from Holmberg's morning sickness. And playing underdog is so easy. I just pick if my favorite players will go higher or lower than their projected stats. And with my Bears, Caleb Williams and levelin have been great. So I'm gonna go higher on both their stats. You can play the playoffs in underdog, too. Download the app today and use a code HMS to score 75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS Underdog Make Picks Win Money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog Fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web playand getterms_dfs_.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpg in New York, call 24. 7, Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY 467369.

[D]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[B]

But let's talk about something else. That's pretty great. I think we found the bravest man in the world. I'm almost positive we have found him.

[A]

Lizzo's boyfriend.

[B]

Lizzo's boyfriend is. You know what? Up till this point, you thought maybe that was the one, but it turns out there's a braver person out there. There's a man in Pakistan who decided he was going to try to open Abbottabad's first gay bar. Now, he didn't just open a facility and say, how you doing, everybody? If you want to be gay, go ahead. He filed paperwork with the city to say, here's my intentions. You know, Pakistan. I don't know if you've been reading about that for a while. Frown on that stuff a little bit right here. A they don't like alcohol. B they don't like sex, B. They really don't like man on man or girl on girl sex. And this dude said. He said, I'm gonna start a gay club. It's the most neglected community in the area. Then you realize, you know, the guy, he put up signs. He said, don't worry about it. There's not gonna be sex. I'm gonna put up signs that say, hey, if you guys want to take it further than kissing, take it outside. Like, he was gonna monitor. There's no sex in it. Take it out back. Yeah. So to speak. Yes. But he was basically like, you guys can smooch and stuff, but that's it. I'm surprised because the Pakistani government grabbed this dude and threw him in a loony bin. It was gonna be called the Lorenzo Gay Club in Abbottaba. How much do you like a man's anus to be Pakistani and go, I'm going in there like, that's. You are. These are the brass balls of all brass balls in the world. Nobody's been braver than this. And also, I think if I was in Pakistan, I could. I could fight the gay feeling, because it's just not worth it.

[A]

You don't want anal curry?

[B]

Yeah. Well, a. I don't. Well, first off, the food and the smells have to be, you know, when dogs get fish butt. I can imagine that that would be gay pack. They don't have, like, anybody saying, you need to wash this or whatever.

[E]

Oh, that was the goat.

[B]

Yeah. That was like, early, early days of gay in, you know, medieval times. I'm sure there wasn't a whole lot of hygiene. And I'm pretty sure Pakistan lives in the 7th century. Anyway, so that's it. He started to want to open this gay club, and I'm surprised that the Pakistani government. Government didn't go, yep, go ahead. And then just blow it up. That's what they're good at, right? That's what they had.

[E]

It's just like a giant sting operation.

[B]

Most of the game. But go ahead, have a great time.

[E]

We'll help you build a stadium.

[B]

They built just as many as you can pack in. They're given, like, subsidies and, like, we'll allow alcohol and rubbers and all of that. And then everything. The new gay bar is really acceptable, and then they blow it up. That's what those people do. Bigotry. True. Why wouldn't the Pakistani say, hey, this is a great way to get rid of that problem? The really super needy gays of Pakistan. Kind of a good band name. They'd show up. But how powerful is being gay?

[E]

So instead they're saying, oh, he's Medicaid. He's crazy.

[B]

No, no, no. Well, they're. They don't medicate anyway. They don't have that. We do that. They don't have.

[E]

He's just crazy.

[B]

They said he's nuts, and they put him in a mental health institution, and he's like, he can face up to two years. They don't enforce the laws very much, but they do have them. And they have a morality police that wanders the streets. And if you're. And Internet stuff, they do that. This guy says, was it called fudge Pakistani? That's pretty funny. But, no, it's not. That's a good game. But why didn't they just allow it and then explode it? Like, that's their way? But he did the paperwork instead of, like, he's out now, open. He said, I just. I want to stand up for communities that can't stand up for themselves. I just can't imagine. He's brave, but the braver man than him is the first patron of Lorenzo's gay club in Abbottaba. Because the second you are, you open like, this dude is that you are officially, congratulations. The gayest man in Pakistan. He's like, I heard there was a gay bar who. First in line, like, you're the gayest guy here.

[E]

And he made that statement in front of his friends. You're. You're with me, right? I don't know him.

[B]

No, no. Let me smell your weenie. Yes, he knows him. This is the craziest thing I've ever read in my life. But, yeah, to be a guy who goes into the bar makes you braver than the guy who opens it, because that's how important gay sex is. That's how I tell you it's not a choice. That's the best way to describe to people that being gay isn't a choice. Cause in Pakistan, if it's a choice, the choice is easy. I don't diddle with Brett's butt. I don't get blown up. Well, that choice was made for me, and I'm fine with it. But if I cannot stop thinking about Brett's butthole, and I got to have that, and I'm willing to fight over Pakistani and Muslim law.

[E]

You're not gonna open a club to get Brett.

[B]

No. No. But I'm not gonna be gay.

[E]

You're gonna club Brett.

[B]

I'm. But if it's such a. Well, yeah, but if you and I were. And we were. It was such a powerful feeling that even in Pakistan I'm like, man, what you're risking just to. I could pretend to be straight. Look, if the laws here changed all of a sudden, where heterosexuality meant that you got your head cut off. Forbidden. Yeah, completely. I'd, you know. All right, well where do I put this then? And I'd. Brett and I would find my stubbings and I would finally be like, I guess we're just gonna do do this. We'd be in a sexless marriage of nonsense and whatever and having. Really Bronco? Yeah, yeah. We'd be fooling around in that bronco that Mark looks so gay in and just, you know, we would do that. I'm not going to be so adamant to sit back and go, gotta have that girl. Got it. If it meant, you know, getting tortured and stuff like that, I'd slip on over to the dark side just to not. It's easy. Especially if it started when I was a little kid. That's how strong being gay is not a choice. Those dudes are willing to open a gay bar in a badabad. That's brave. We can call them twinks all we want. Those dudes are who I want on the front lines of all fights. What happened to you Hala haka? Well, I went to the gay club. Oh, say no more. I know what happened to you. That's terrible. There's a gay club. That's ridiculous. That's like a strip club. If women are like, we really want to strip. How bad do you want a strip club in Pakistan that you would actually do it? It's crazy. All right, you're. You're on about the smell. They're used to it. We're not. You of course would go over there and notice the smell. Oh yeah, they don't. That's just their day here.

[E]

It's the other way around.

[A]

Yeah, your nose throat doctor for that.

[B]

They smell it. They smell like products, not natural stink. Like buttholes. Like we like. All you'd hear in that place.

[E]

Hey.

[B]

We go to work. Work it girl. You know, you have all that going on inside there and the share translate over there too. Do you want to go make out?

[D]

Yes, I do.

[B]

You slip.

[E]

Feel the beard.

[B]

You smell like. So do you. I know we cannot have relations inside of gea club, but let's say we go back to my cave and you know, hard. I want to get your scent all over my body. Smell like gold. The country over shares horror music yeah, I can't imagine Pakistani gay Club being something that I. Even if I was the. Even if I was like the king of kdkb, I would still not even. I wouldn't even walk past. I'd walk past and go what a bunch of in there, huh? I would never reveal myself in Pakistan as gay. It's a trap. They open a gay club in Pakistan. No way. This is bigger than when Mormons decided that Pepsi was okay. This is huge. The trap.

[E]

That's when he walked in to say I want to fill out paperwork for what do you want my business right over here.

[B]

I want to open a club in the Batabat. I can't hear you over horror game. Homosexual music. What do you think what happens at your club? We drink crab juice and have kisses with boys. What? It is something intoxicating about the smell of Unbelievable. So to the bravest men in the world. Sorry. Navy Seals and rangers. Not anymore. Those Pakistani homosexuals that are willing to be out loud about it broke pack now. If you're out in Pakistan, you're. You're. You're Superman. You are the bravest man on the planet.

[A]

I can't quit you.

[B]

I don't know how to quit you. They just sit and watch Brokeback Mountain all night with that in the background. It is such a great love story between. Oh God, I bet that guy smells like. Who do you like more? Jake or Heath?

[E]

Posters of them up all over the club.

[B]

Like yeah, like Twilight posters and Brokeback Mountain. I was never one of the wolf guys. I like the vampire. I think you are my soulmate. Your smell of stronger than everyone here. Then they get a little too hard and their dresses go up and they have to go take it outside. They're done. They gotta go clean up in that.

[A]

River of.

[B]

The same thing.

[A]

It's over.

[B]

They don't have rivers.

[A]

The rivers are just as bad.

[B]

Don't have rivers in there. They don't have rivers.

[A]

Just as bad.

[B]

Pretty sure they don't have water.

[E]

That water flows much better.

[B]

They don't have water.

[A]

That's all the same.

[D]

Same. Check out Homework's morning sickness [e-mail] home Holmberg's morning sickness we've got a 41.

[E]

Year old teacher from Texas found a 2 carat diamond at a crater at Diamond State park in Arkansas last week. He went with his family after his daughter asked Siri where could we mine crystals? It's worth around five grand.

[B]

But still he went to some stupid fun park in Arkansas.

[E]

Crater of Diamond State park in Arkansas.

[F]

They say that that Park. They usually find one about that size every year.

[B]

No kidding. Wow. Well, not worth going to Arkansas ever, but no.

[F]

God, no. You're rich In Arkansas.

[B]

Yeah. 5,000. You got two houses, pretty nice education, college. Oh, you're paying for. Yeah, you're. You're a Razorback. This guy actually made a great point. He said as fast as Toledo said God know about Arkansas. Made me realize that Toledo thinks Cambodia is better than Arkansas. That's how bad Arkansas. Arkansas is.

[F]

I'll stand on that.

[B]

We can sit and wave the American flag, but all 50 stars aren't good. I'd say 11 of the 50 stars.

[E]

That's fair.

[F]

That's not quite 20. That's 20%, right?

[B]

Maybe I'd go higher than that because that New England area is kind of loaded up.

[F]

You don't like new?

[B]

No, I think it's great. I'm saying add a few. So maybe 17 of the 50 stars are worth your trip.

[F]

Oh, worth it, I thought.

[B]

Worth a vacation. All of the Midwest is out. All of it? All of it.

[F]

Where does the Midwest start? Is Colorado Midwest.

[B]

Just south of Chicago. And then it runs all the way over to, like, New York.

[F]

That's the Midwest.

[B]

To Pennsylvania.

[A]

Because Iowa would be still Midwest.

[B]

Yeah, Iowa too. So you go there. It's south of that. That? Yeah, that's. Nobody's ever taken trips to that for fun.

[F]

Field of Dreams.

[A]

No, that would be good for like an hour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then what else are you gonna do in Iowa?

[B]

I went to Kansas City for three days and I was there for an hour before I was like, this is a bad idea.

[F]

I thought you enjoyed Kansas City.

[B]

Hated Kansas City. I liked the baseball games. Kansas City was awful. The Midwest stinks. So, like, there's like 15 states right there in the center that are not something I'd visit.

[F]

You've been to St. Louis with Patriot for the team.

[B]

I have. Awful, awful town.

[E]

The Arch.

[B]

No.

[A]

What else is there?

[E]

That's it. That's all.

[B]

When? That's your big deal. Not a travelable place. There's probably a couple. Like, Montana's good.

[F]

Montana's Colorado.

[B]

Wyoming would be on the list.

[F]

I don't think those are Midwest.

[B]

No, I'm saying those are good.

[F]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Gotcha. Arkansas's right out. It's one of the higher end.

[F]

Just go around it.

[B]

Yeah, but you got to go to Mississippi.

[E]

I think Arkansas. What is? Well, the draws.

[B]

There's no drawbridge.

[F]

No, because there's no draw.

[E]

Hot springs.

[F]

He spent some years there. Right.

[B]

There's no draw there. You've never once gone into a travel agent who has a poster of Arkansas next to Hawaii. There's no draw. If you're going to Arkansas where Ozarks was filmed. Nope, not a draw.

[F]

Isn't that where you spent summers? That's where you spent summers.

[A]

We would only go to Hazen, Arkansas, just so I could Hazy.

[B]

That's about it from LP Live. I'd speed around Hazel to see if I could get. Hey, where's the race there? Mario Andretti. I'd meet him. That's it. He's. He's the Arkansas.

[A]

He is.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. To say the words, the draw is you're not talking about Arkansas anymore at all. There's no draw. Nobody is go. You know what we're going to do? Let's go to Arkansas this summer. If you don't have just for vacation, it's not happening. You have to have family there. You have to have some sort of weird purpose.

[E]

The Buffalo river isn't.

[B]

No. You know. You know when I first heard about.

[E]

That, I did the buffalo. Brett.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

What is it? It's in Arkansas.

[B]

Do you know when I first heard about the Buffalo River? When you said it about a minute ago.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No one talks about Arkansas as anything. It's awful.

[A]

There is that bottom of the barrel?

[B]

Like, is that Mississippi? Bottom of the last barrel. West Virginia is pretty, but it's bottom the barrel because of the people.

[F]

Mississippi, Tennessee, surprisingly nice.

[B]

Tennessee's nice. I'd say Kentucky.

[E]

White water raft in West Virginia and then get out.

[B]

Kentucky's out. No, there's other places to do it.

[F]

Whitewater raft. That's like Deliverance type stuff, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah. That's why you don't do it.

[E]

Good experience.

[B]

No, skip it.

[E]

Banjo plan's unbelievable.

[B]

Yeah. 12 to 15 states are worth. Like going to a place and saying, I'd like to travel there.

[A]

New Mexico's out.

[B]

New Mexico said, yeah, that shouldn't be anything. Yeah, visit. New Mexico is not. Maybe Santa Fe maybe, but we've got Sedona. So if you're going to do one or the other, this is for all the tourists here from Miami and Mississippi. Today. You came to a good spot. New Mexico's a waste of money and time.

[D]

There's something. Something. Check out homework's Morning Sickness podcast at 98 KUPD. Dot Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[B]

Speaking of Florida, by the way, did you see the thing they got going on with those python hunts? They've got heat sensor fake robot rabbits.

[E]

Now to lure them out.

[B]

Yeah. And they put them in cages. And then they. And then the. Cause they can't find all these pythons. They think that even with the python hunting by all these creepy Floridians, that they slow the population. They don't know. So they assume they've got over 10,000 adult pythons trying to do those roundups and cut down. Nothing you can do. And they're having these invasive bucks a foot. But anytime one of those snakes gets pregnant, they have like six or seven more snakes and they're just a non. It's never going to end. So they've. They've hired Floridians to walk the swamps and try to catch them. And they're doing a pretty good job, considering. But they're like, what if we have robots that, like, let off heat sensors? And then the snakes will smell and sense the heat pattern and go towards it. And then. So here's what I thought they were doing. I thought they were I.E.D. ing the rabbits and then the snake would start to eat it. No. So they're getting there and they have it in a cage. And then when the sensors go off, somebody from Game and fish goes and rounds up the snake and then they.

[F]

I like your way better.

[B]

It's a better way. And then they release it humanely. Where? They're not releasing that thing. They're coming.

[E]

They said they're releasing the.

[B]

Humanely releasing it. They're just putting it into a shelter and doing tests on it. They're gonna kill it anyway, have the rabbits explode.

[E]

The roundups are taking them out.

[B]

They're not. Their population's growing like crazy. That's why they have the fake bunnies now, is because their little roundups aren't working. So it's working, but not fast enough. So, like, let's just get fake pool, fake prey. So they're building all these stuffed rabbits, you know, and they're putting stuff in them, and then they put them in little cages and the snakes, like, they have a scent of rabbit and then the heat, because that's how snakes, like, sense the heat of something. Like, oh, that's a living thing. So they see the heat and it lets off, like, it emits like a little heat pattern. Snake shows up to see what the hell this is, because they think it's prey. And then some guy comes and picks it up, evidently. Let it eat the rat. Let's build hundreds of explosive heat rabbits and just blow the living out of all these pythons. It's an easy solution, but. But then, of course, you get People who are mad. That's what. What are they doing with all these pythons? They're capturing. They're killing them.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

So blow them up. Make it fun.

[E]

They say they also, you know, relocate alligators.

[B]

No, they don't.

[E]

Too big in certain areas, like in Naples.

[B]

That's to keep people quiet.

[E]

We'll put them over there in the Okeechobee.

[B]

They're not putting them anywhere but in. They're holding their heads under brackish water to drown them in salt, and they're killing them anyway. They're trying to make it so they don't start going after kids and people because there's so many of them now and they can't. They can't find them. So they're called cyber bunnies. So far.

[E]

It's gonna be pricey how you put.

[B]

A couple of those heat packs you put in your pockets when it snows, I guess Josh sells them at Action Ride shop, for God's sake.

[E]

You spray them with crack those heat.

[B]

Okay. Put whatever you want to put. Rub them up against a real rabbit. I don't think you need that.

[A]

No.

[F]

But if you like swimming and pee.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Just go rub it on a real rabbit and put it out there. And if no snakes come, rub a rabbit on it again. You get one rabbit and 6,000 of these rabbit robot rabbits. This is. This is over in a week if you include explosives. And it wouldn't take much. One of those little M80s, those little tiny things, a cherry bomb, something like that. And if you've got monitoring on it already, I mean, what's more expensive, the rabbits blowing up or having a guy sit there and monitor. Okay, there's a snake. He's got to drive all the way over there, pick up the snake, drive all the way back.

[E]

Talking about doing that in Florida, you take people.

[B]

People out. So tell Floridians.

[E]

I'm going to hug it.

[B]

Tell Floridians they're allowed to blow snakes up.

[E]

You'll.

[B]

Your snake problem goes away Saturday. It's over. You can blow them up now, gang. Well, you can put 10 right out. Yep. And I know you've got it, so go crazy.

[A]

The.

[B]

The. The amount of yahooing that would go on in central Miami and Florida area. Oh, my God, look at snake chunks everywhere.

[F]

That's good eats.

[B]

Yeah, that's. Of course it is. You think those rednecks are out there picking them up and taking them to a humane location and disposing them? No, they're chopping them in half and making lassos and boots.

[A]

I just think of the Mountain Dew belt buckles.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it is. My cyber bunny got one. One. They'd make them at home. It wouldn't cost the state anything. Just like here. You're allowed to put M80s and Tannerite in a stuffed animal. If you just put this little heat seeker in there and then just sit in your backyard and wait for the pythons, those rednecks would love it. And by the way, Saturday, 2:33 in the afternoon, governor of Florida goes out. We don't have a problem anymore. We blew up over 30,000 snakes in, like, eight houses. But that was going to happen.

[F]

We are snake free.

[B]

We're snake free. In fact, we have more fake RABB now than we know what to do with. Give Florida permission to blow stuff up. Problem solved. Absolutely solved.

[F]

Oh, my God. Apparently we have a Cuban listener. John, we have a thing called banana rats in Cuba. The pest control guys just shoot them at night and then the giant boas come there and eat them.

[B]

What are we waiting for?

[F]

Difference there. Just the rabbits are cuddlier.

[B]

Well, I think the risk of releasing a bunch of rats that become more rats than you need.

[E]

There you go. And sometimes the dead feed is hard. They. They want the life or has a little warmth on it.

[B]

All right, well, then shoot a BB into them and let them struggle and make them easy prey. This is simple. This is a simple solution. Deep down, I think they kind of want the python problem because it eliminates a lot of hillbillies as they're hunting. We don't hear about that. Yeah, like, 20 Floridians die every month from python hunts because they drown.

[E]

Or mostly like dogs.

[B]

Yeah, they blow themselves up or they do something really stupid. But I like robot bunnies. Until I read that they're decoys. For proper disposal. I want. I want splosions. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[D]

You PD.