01-09-26 - BR - FRI - List Of Ways People Are Trying To Live An Analog Life - Sci News On Astronaut STDs And Sports Popularity

Summary

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Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: "List Of Ways People Are Trying To Live An Analog Life - Sci News On Astronaut STDs And Sports Popularity"
Air Date: January 9, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special Guest: Rick Glassman

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the HMS crew dives into the quirks and contradictions of modern life: from people craving "analog" simplicity in a digital age, to wild science news about astronauts and AI, to the changing landscape of sports popularity in America. True to form, they also spiral into absurd banter and increasingly graphic video commentary, blending irreverence with moments of genuine insight (or at least laughter).

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. National Days, Resolutions, and the Analog Lifestyle

[01:47 - 08:44]

• Recognition of National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day and "Quitters Day"—the stereotypical day New Year's resolutions die.
• The crew pokes fun at the fleeting nature of resolutions.
  • Brady jokes that his only resolution is to “litter more” because it’s instantly gratifying and easy to abandon ([02:52]).
  • Brett shares gym avoidance tips: “I got a buddy…Lets all the idiots get out of [the gym]. Then I’m back.” ([02:18])
• They discuss the supposed "analog life" movement:
  • Top methods: using paper notebooks, analog calendars, reading physical books, old-school alarm clocks, wearing classic watches.
  • The group mocks these trends, preferring digital convenience but acknowledging the charm of analog habits.
  • Brady: “That’s like saying I’m going to live a life without air conditioning… Don’t overdo it.” ([06:03])
  • Rick Glassman: “We’ve tried that for three years in a row, and by June it just sits on June.” ([05:54])
  • Brett: “That’s a fashion thing,” re: wearing analog watches ([06:55])

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2. Weird Science & Global Curiosities

[08:58 - 15:05]

• Japan Insect Memorials:
  • Japanese insecticide company holds a memorial for bugs killed testing their products.
  • The crew riffs on the strangeness and cleverness of the concept.
  • Brady: “They tip a little out for the homies.” ([08:44])
• Science News Segment:
  • Space Station Emergency Evacuation:
    • Four astronauts evacuated due to a medical emergency.
    • The crew speculates (comically) that it's an STD, imagining drama and infidelity on the ISS.
      • Brady: “That's an STD… they all started having four-way sex, which is inevitable up there.” ([10:08])
  • AI Writing Prescriptions in Utah:
    • Discussion of AI systems that refill prescriptions for 190 meds – reactions are mixed.
    • Brady: “CallOnDoc dot com is awesome…delivered to the pharmacy that day.” ([11:31])
  • Dog Intelligence:
    • Dogs shown to learn words by eavesdropping; mostly, the crew jokes that dogs will do anything for food.
  • World’s Smallest Robots:
    • Tiny, light-powered robots can work together for complex tasks. Brady: “We’re doomed.” ([11:16])
  • Ancient Poison-Tipped Arrows:
    • 60,000-year-old poisoned arrowheads discovered in S. Africa; team debates science’s ability to date artifacts.
    • Brady: “Do you believe it?” ([11:57])
  • Meat Industry Lawsuit:
    • Listeners may be eligible for settlements due to beef price-fixing.
    • Brett: “You ate a lot of meat…you should look into that.” ([13:38])

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3. American Sports: Survey Results and Decline of Baseball

[13:49 - 15:05]

• Sports Popularity Polls:
  • Football still leads as most popular sport; soccer surpasses baseball as #3.
  • The hosts doubt the accuracy or meaning of these polls, predicting the slow death of baseball as a national sport.
    • Brady: “Baseball’s at 9%. I don’t buy it…Insane is what it’s been.” ([14:26])
    • Brett: “You only get like, five, six great teams a year. So five or six markets matter.” ([14:43])
  • The World Series’ low viewership is cited as evidence.

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4. Irreverent Video Segment

[15:10 - 25:47]

Note: This portion of the podcast becomes NSFW and extremely graphic in description. The hosts react, comment, and joke about a series of bizarre and shocking internet videos, ranging from crass humor to explicit and outrageous stunts. The spirit is irreverent, crude, and intentionally provocative, as is typical for the show.

• Examples of Video Commentary and Standout Quotes:
  • Brady, on a viral revulsion video: “That kid hasn’t eaten that much food its whole life, let alone puked it out.” ([16:06])
  • On learning video magic tricks: “Everything’s becoming AI.” ([16:25])
  • On explicit content: “She’s the Eddie Van Halen of the clitoris.” ([18:10])
  • Brady, outlandishly: “If this was 3D, I’d have jumped in the theater.” ([24:23])
  • On pool balls as…props: “All solids, by the way…she might be playing nine ball.” ([23:23])
• The crew jokes about the increasingly outrageous stunts, performance art, and the internet as a source of endless oddities.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Analog Nostalgia:

  • Brady: “That’s like saying I’m going to live a life without air conditioning…it’s better, but don’t overdo it.” ([06:03])

• On Resolutions:

  • Brady: “I make resolutions I can’t keep up with—like to litter more. So far, I’ve been doing good.” ([02:52])

• On the Space Station Evacuation:

  • Brady: “That is an STD. And guess what—let’s say the four of us are floating around on the space station…they all started having four-way sex…inevitable up there.” ([10:08])

• On Baseball’s Decline:

  • Brady: “Baseball’s at 9%. I don’t buy it…the decline’s been insane.” ([14:26])
  • Brett: “The World Series with the Rangers and the D-backs—other than in that area, nobody cared. Nobody watched it.” ([14:52])

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 1:47 – National Law Enforcement Day, Quitters Day, Resolutions
• 5:41 – Top ways people are "living analog"
• 8:23 – Japanese insect memorials
• 9:13 – Science News begins
• 10:08 – Astronaut evacuation speculation
• 11:00 – Smallest robot news
• 11:27 – AI-refilled prescriptions
• 11:40 – 60,000-year-old poisoned arrows
• 13:49 – Sports survey / baseball’s fall
• 15:10 – Video segment (NSFW, graphic descriptions)
• 25:47 – Closing reactions and outro

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Tone & Style

Laced with sarcasm, banter, and a fearless (often crude) comedic edge, the hosts’ chemistry keeps the discussion moving fast—even as topics veer into the absurd. They poke holes in trends, speculate wildly on science, and push the boundaries of shock humor in the video review segment.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a quintessential slice of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: cultural commentary skewered with cynicism and levity, side-tracked into the bizarre and NSFW by an unapologetically juvenile sense of humor. If you’re not afraid to laugh at the darker corners of the internet and society—or if you’re just wondering what "analog life" means when filtered through Phoenix radio snark—this is your ride.

(For the faint of heart: consider opting out of the video segment, which rockets past the safety rails of taste and decency.)

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Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it. It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[Brady]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[Rick Glassman]

No, no, he's not.

[Brady]

He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. 98 a year of pity. We're ready to go. Brady's about to give you all that news that only Brady knows. We call this the Moradi Report, and it's brought to you by our friends [e-mail] the shade. Well, look, those skies are blue again. We have two days of rain, and then it comes back and everything's clear. You're going to want to sit outside in this glorious weather, maybe start one of those outdoor fires again. I told you yesterday, I was reading about a real estate thing. Talking to Hopkins about it, too. The number one thing people want when they're looking for a house now on their buying list is outdoor living space. And that basically means they want, in Arizona, a room they can be comfortable in outside. If you've got a great patio and it's not getting utilized properly, you can add value to your place by calling allprochade.com it's basically like adding on a room to your house without actually going through all that expense. It's incredibly affordable, and the work is awesome. It's also retractable. Those motorized things are unbelievable. Get the blinds, get the glare off your TV. Make an outdoor space. Perfect. With allprochade.com Brady reporting.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Good Friday morning to Phoenix. Hello, world. We've made it. Hi again. Happy National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day. And Happy Quitters Day.

[Brady]

Yeah, this is the weekend for people bailing on the reservoir.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

2% of 20, 26. This is a good time to quit.

[Brady]

Your workout, your diet, your resolutions go until 10, 12 days in. They said this is the weekend that everybody screws it all up.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

The second Friday.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's hard. You're back to work. You're kind of like in the old thing.

[Brett Vesely]

I got a buddy, it's a big gym guy and he doesn't go to the gym for the first month of January. He's like, no, I'm not going. Let all the idiots get out of there. Then I'm back.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yep. Yeah.

[Brady]

February, middle of February, they all disappear again. For sure. You've lost all of them by now. You're losing little bits but. And maybe a few kind of hang on and make a new lifestyle. But it is rare, right?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Couple of basis fun facts. Theodore Roosevelt's daughter Alice had a pet snake named Emily Spinach. Because it was as green as spinach and as thin as her aunt Emily.

[Brady]

Okay, wonderful. That's why I make resolutions, Brett, that I know if I can't keep up with them, it's no big deal. Like this year my resolution is to litter more. So far I've been doing good. Threw a couple of rappers out the window yesterday. Feeling pretty good about it. Threw a coke can out driving down McDowell. Fantastic feeling by the way. It's like almost having Tourette's. It's like a release valve. I'm not littering a lot, but I'm littering more than I've ever littered. And that's my resolution. If it fails, probably a good thing. I'm not going to say I'm going to work out and I'm going to gain 14 pounds of muscle by December. It's not going to happen. But this littering thing, instant, it's. And the gratification is amazing.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

In 2001, MTV taped a pilot called dude this Sucks where two 13 year old girls were sprayed with poop.

[Brady]

Yuck.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

There was a lawsuit. The pilot never aired. They weren't part of the show that they were standing up by the stage where it was being taped.

[Brady]

Two performers pooped on friendly fire. You went to a show where people pooped and you got poop on you and you complained. Did they know there was going to be poop? Did they give them a job?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I'm not sure that on this pilot, I'm not sure the dude this sucks.

[Brady]

Did they get a Gallagher plastic protective sheet?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Well, two different shows. This was a one that was a separate pilot called Dudes that Sucks.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

The other one, they're Talking about it wasn't part of that one.

[Brady]

Well, what are we talking about? Dude, this sucks for.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Because the two girls were sprayed with poop. It was a different occasion.

[Brady]

Then why did we even bring up the first show?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Because they wanted to say they weren't part of the show. That they were standing.

[Brady]

Yeah, that. No, no, you're, you're. They were part of the show. They weren't on the stage. They were in the audience of. Dude, this sucks.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Gotcha. Okay. I thought it was two different shows.

[Brady]

No, we gotcha. We're covering it.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm sticking with last year. Four day work weeks. Four day work weeks.

[Brady]

That's your resolution? You're going to fight tooth and nail to make sure Brady doesn't have to work through a Friday, Right?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

The ancient Egyptians had proctologists.

[Brady]

Sure they did.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

The ancient Egyptian word for proctologist translates to shepherd of the anus.

[Rick Glassman]

Yep, they sure were.

[Brady]

There's the band name. Shepherd of the Anus. If I don't see you on a marquee over. If I'm driving down the 202 by that river Robbery marquee theater and I don't see that up there. Shepherd of the anus in between. How often Christy Chris 6 is there and I don't know how. Was Christopher Shane there again this weekend?

[Brett Vesely]

I think so. Yeah.

[Brady]

And then the. The. The Flock of Seagulls cover band that's there every once in a while. Shepherd of the Anus. I would be front row or back row, as it were.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

2000 people were asked to name the top ways they're trying to live a more analog life in 2026.

[Brady]

Dumb.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Couple were using an actual notebook for notes.

[Brady]

Dumb.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Reading books, not E reading.

[Brady]

Dumb.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Using a paper calendar.

[Brady]

Dumb.

[Rick Glassman]

We've tried that for three years in a row and by June it just sits on June. It still says January.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's.

[Brett Vesely]

Larry's the only one who sticks with it.

[Brady]

Yeah, he's still uses the paper but the analog thing. And he does. He takes notes with his hands during meetings. And his handwriting still strong. And I get tired. If I write two sentences, my hand starts to like fall off. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with like doing your phone last. But don't give up all the creature. That's like saying I'm going to live a life without air conditioning. It's better. But don't, you know, don't overdo it and set it to 55 and pay an exorbitant bill playing physical games like.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Board games and puzzles instead of video games.

[Brady]

No, you put those. They make those board games for your tv. Then there's no setup or cleanup, and.

[Rick Glassman]

Everybody'S got their own controller.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

It's just smarter using an alarm clock. Not just the one on your phone?

[Brett Vesely]

Nope.

[Brady]

Things are pointless.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Wearing a watch. Not a smart watch like a regular. A dumb one.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

That'S a fashion thing.

[Brady]

Yeah, I agree.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah, that's what the comments said. Not me.

[Brady]

That's you. Why do you do that? Why do you do that? No one knows where you got it. That's what you said. I didn't write that. Yeah.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

It worked.

[Brady]

You know, that's sort of. I guess what worked was that you said it was someone else.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

The other list.

[Brady]

See, I told you wrong. Yeah, go ahead. You screwed him up. What happened? You just threw that story away.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Japanese insecticide company holds a memorial ceremony for bugs killed by product. I was in another list. I knew it would bore Brett. Here we go.

[Brady]

Here we go with Crotchety Friday.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Brady, you could edit this before we do the segment.

[Brady]

Maybe.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I did. I.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Gotcha.

[Brady]

Well, he's not wrong.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Thanks for showing up.

[Brady]

God bless you. I will tell you one wrong to throw this out. Hobbies that seem to attract kind people. If ever you have crochet and pottery on a list, Brady, you should edit that out. Bird watching, beekeeping, hiking, woodworking board gaming, gardening, bonsai. There's nothing good in this at all. That was a good one to skip, but you made us curious.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Thanks for covering.

[Brady]

Well, yeah, but you started to read it. You started to read it. You started the story. I'm like, where was that guy?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

You got to unload it.

[Brady]

Well, that's where the curiosity came from.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

So this insectic insecticide company in Japan has drawn global attention after holding a memorial service for insects that died during product testing. They started this company in 1892, and out of respect for all the insects that they wipe out using their product, they do a memorial.

[Brady]

They tip a little out for the homies.

[Rick Glassman]

That sounds like a very Japanese.

[Brady]

That's very nice. I don't know why you made it racist, but I thought it was a clever marketing.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

How did I make it racist?

[Brady]

Not you, him. Calm down. It's trouble at home you're so fired up for.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

You know what? I'm fired up. Cause it's time for some science news.

[Brady]

Good cover.

[Brett Vesely]

Wow.

[Brady]

I didn't say you made it racist. Toledo chimed in. No one likes that anyway. Especially when he gets racist about it. You bringing it?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Hello, my friends. Professor Brady Bogan here with your science news. Four astronauts on the space station are coming home a month early after one of them had a. Some sort of serious medical issue. NASA hasn't given a ton of details because of privacy concerns. They say the astronaut's stable. It's the first evacuation in the space station's 25 year history.

[Rick Glassman]

I wonder what Nash is going to say about that.

[Brady]

But they have to come home because something went wrong.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

One of them sick.

[Brady]

So bringing four back.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That is a. That's an std. That is an std. And guess what? Let's say the four of us are floating around in the space station, right? And sounds kinda gay. It is a little guy. And then Brady goes, I gotta go back. Like why?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I think I got the hep C.

[Brady]

Hey guys, I think I gave him the hep C. And then you two go, we have to go back to. That means either I'm banging them or Brady's banging. They all started having four way sex, which is inevitable up there in that thing.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Or someone's quarantined.

[Brady]

No, you don't get four of them gone over a cold. That has to be something that they spread socially.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Space aids.

[Brady]

Yeah. Space age, possibly social diseases that are bringing them home. Because that basically. And then they started fighting going, I didn't know you were banging Toledo too.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, got caddy, huh?

[Brady]

Yeah. That's what I think of you. Put broads into space. It's inevitable.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

A study on dogs found that some are smart enough to learn words just by eavesdropping on their owners.

[Brady]

If it leads to food, dogs pick it up.

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Scientists built the tiniest robot ever. Smaller than a grain of sand, it's autonomous and powered by light. They programmed a bunch of them to detect temperature changes and work together in groups.

[Brady]

We're doomed.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

In Utah, they're letting AI refill. Refill prescriptions. It can write prescriptions for 190 different meds.

[Brady]

I just go to call on doc.com that's awesome that you write your own.

[Rick Glassman]

Scripts on your doorstep.

[Brady]

Even before that, if you just have a basic cold, have it delivered to the pharmacy that day. Call on doc.com is awesome.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Researchers in South Africa found a bunch of poisoned arrowheads that date back 60,000 years. They were laced with tumbleweed poison, which would have tired animals out while they were being tracked. They're the oldest poisoned arrows ever discovered.

[Brady]

Do you believe it?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You think 60,000 years is.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Give or take 10, 20,000?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

That's a big portion of errors of.

[Brady]

They're not giving that. But they would have in that 60,000 is a pretty. That's pretty easy for science to guess that you don't buy. When they say millions and millions, though.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

It'S a tough one to. Tough pill to swallow sometimes.

[Brady]

How come?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I. I mean, I find it as accurate as the biblical statement of, you know, the.

[Brady]

5,000.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah, 5,000. 10,000.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

If you bought some meat in the past years, basically from 2014 to 2019, which is everybody.

[Rick Glassman]

Geez.

[Brady]

That we've expired in Arizona and about 12 other states.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

There's a lawsuit that's being settled. 87 and a half million dollars settle over antitrust lawsuit because these companies, Tyson Meat and Cargill, all colluded and raising prices on beef.

[Brady]

So we'll get our meats. Buck 79 until June 30th. Not worth it.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Tyson had to pay 55 million. Cargo 32 and a half.

[Brady]

There's something, something. Check out Homework's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.com home Bloomberg's Morning Sickness. Are you gonna put your. You ate a lot of meat. You had a restaurant in that time. You were buying meat like crazy. You should look into that.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I might.

[Brady]

Yeah. You get a few hundred bucks back and ironically buy lots of meat with that. That's probably what you'd get with your bounty.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

They did a sports survey about America's favorite sport, and soccer is now the third most popular sport in the U.S. fake news. Football. American football is clear favorite. 36% of us identify that as a favorite sport. Basketball, 17%. 10% prefer soccer. Baseball got 9%.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's done.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Hockey's 4%, followed by tennis, boxing, MMA all got 3%. And golf got 2%. Yeah.

[Brady]

Baseball's at 9%. I don't buy it.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Wonder what the decline has been in the last.

[Brady]

For baseball.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah.

[Brady]

For baseball. Insane is what it's been.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, it's all local.

[Brady]

Yeah, well, it's beyond local. Nobody cares locally. If your team's not great, you quit in June.

[Brett Vesely]

And most of them aren't.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah. You only get like, five, six great teams a year. So five or six markets matter, and they don't get national exposure to the point that you just don't care.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, then you get like, the World Series with, like, the Rangers and the D backs. I mean, like, other than in that area and here, nobody cared. Nobody watched it.

[Brady]

Yeah. Baseball's in trouble.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

That's your science news. All right, I got a couple of radio videos. All right.

[Brady]

I got some gems, too. Oh, boy. Go ahead.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

First one's a mom with her kid.

[Brady]

Okay. That's It. You don't want to give any more.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah, I don't want to spoil.

[Brady]

All right, don't spoil it then. Don't. All right, load it up, Richard. A mom and a kid. And I'll do the play by play on this. Oh, it's a very filtered moment. And a weird little crippled kid. Because Brady's into those videos, I don't think. Script looks pretty screwed up. Is that a wig?

[Rick Glassman]

Like Jasmine in a wig?

[Brady]

Yeah, it looks. Kind of. Looks like maybe there's some therapy that's going on and the kid has to wear fake hair. All right, here's the click, click, play.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Oh.

[Brady]

Oh, Jesus. She goes to give Mom a little smooch, and then the sick crippled one throws up in Mom's mouth. I don't think that's real. That's not real. That's AI. I don't care. Yeah, high five to you, too. That's not real.

[Rick Glassman]

Actually, it's real because it's got it in. In the hair, so.

[Brady]

Yeah, but the AI would do that, too. It's. She doesn't really have a proper reaction to a gallon of milk pouring out of that very common Happens any. That kid hasn't eaten that much food its whole life, let alone puked it out. That little malnourished body is not throwing up anything.

[Rick Glassman]

All right, we're gonna have to. We're gonna have to stop the video segment. Everything's becoming AI.

[Brady]

Yeah, I know. It's getting weird. Yeah. All right, we'll get to you in a second.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Next one. Shrunken Indian Head. Indian Tom Green.

[Brady]

All right, if this is just a visual again, you didn't learn your lesson from yesterday. Yeah, it's just a crib. I'm just an ugly person.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

You can do play by play on this one.

[Brady]

Something has to happen. It can't just be a visual joke. That dude is hideous looking. All right, turn him off.

[Rick Glassman]

Can't even pronounce his name to send people there to find him.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

So.

[Brady]

How do you spell it?

[Rick Glassman]

K, H, A, A R, E, J, I.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

He kind of reminds me of Tom Green.

[Brady]

He looks a little like Tom. That's enough.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, is that.

[Brady]

He's in a Pittsburgh Steelers shirt. That's right.

[Rick Glassman]

It's one of yours.

[Brady]

That's right. We'll take him. I knew I liked that kid.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Curry fukas.

[Brady]

Okay. That's right. All right, what do you got here?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

You can do play by play.

[Brady]

All right, this is an action. There's an action here. It's a girl in a nightgown. Standing next to a bed, holding a sheet.

[Rick Glassman]

Looks like a dorm room, maybe.

[Brady]

I don't know. Doesn't matter. Go ahead. We get the. It's play. She holds the thing to make herself disappear, throws it up in the air, and then she starts twerking. But has a penis. All right, Brady, you're banned from the Internet.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Just to warm bread up.

[Brady]

To warm bread up.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Yeah.

[Brady]

That was simply.

[Brett Vesely]

That's my opening act.

[Brady]

Yeah. Come on. You gotta. You gotta a high bar to get to. Canceled. Yeah, I'll see a lady dancing and a pee pee falls out of her dress. We need action.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, here's some action for you.

[Brady]

All right.

[Brett Vesely]

How about some air guitar?

[Brady]

It's a lady doing some air guitar. She's naked and playing her labia. That's like Dave Mustaine would Jesus Christmas.

[Rick Glassman]

She's shredding, John.

[Brady]

She is? Yeah. The art of shredding. This is masturbating to the beat as if she was a guitar player. Look at that. She's the Eddie Van Halen of the clitoris. Man. I like the finger tap. She does a good job. Fingertip. Her form is excellent. Yeah. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, let's. Let's just go here.

[Brady]

Oh, my God. What is that? Oh, my God. Okay, we'll start over, Brett. There you go. Wow.

[Rick Glassman]

That's AI.

[Brady]

Yeah, the sound is. All right, cool. Call a plumber. This is a woman pulling a. She's pulling. She's pulling a massive sex toy out of her behind. Play it one more time, and when it. When it. Lose her butt. Wow. Oh, God.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I like. It's a custom video.

[Brady]

Oh. And then, like, pudding comes out. All right, turn it. As my dad used to say constantly to me, turn it. All right, next one. Good God.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll get away from the sexual stuff.

[Brady]

There's blood on a wooden floor and a guy standing there. He's cutting his wrists right there in, like, some sort of public farm. God, don't make it stop. Oh, he's just cutting himself and bleeding all over the place. Oh, my God. He's just chopping himself to bits right there and then. Oh, okay, turn that off. Turn it off. Turn it off. AI. I'm gonna go with Freddie. I hope that was AI, but I know it's not. Oh, my God.

[Brett Vesely]

I must save that one.

[Brady]

All right. For home use. All right, here's an extra.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's one for Brady. I sent this over for Brady.

[Brady]

Crippled Indian sitting next to his mom, and this dude is a ball of bones and a head. And they put A shirt on it. Oh, she's jerking him off. Oh, my God. She reached over to his little pile of bones and she's giving him a little left, left, left handed, old fashioned. He looks so happy. He is. Literally, if you drop a baby and just the pile that he is. They're in the park together in India on a dirty blanket. And I mean dirty. It's about to get worse. And this full grown Indian woman in her regular Indian clothes is watching a very crippled man pleasure himself. His feet go three directions. They go the direction they're supposed to, then they make a right turn and then they make another left turn. Those are more flippers. And now she's giving them a two fingered Indian old fashioned. And he can't get wood. She's not good at it. Does he finish Pret?

[Brett Vesely]

No.

[Brady]

Oh, thank God. Oh, God. That is. That's the arranged marriage you just pray against down there. You are going to marry my daughter. Oh, no. He's a pile of bones.

[Brett Vesely]

Put your seat belts on.

[Brady]

All right, this is a penis and balls put through a wooden cutting board and being hit with a judge's mask mallet.

[Brett Vesely]

And he's finishing too.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, he is. He's enjoying it to the point where there's actual.

[Rick Glassman]

Where do you find that board, John?

[Brady]

I think you don't have one. You don't have. Yeah, you gotta.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

I'm unfamiliar.

[Brett Vesely]

You're the woodworker. You can create one of those.

[Brady]

You take the spinning part off a lazy Susan and you just take the.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[Brady]

The shelf part. Okay, here's a girl class action. Three large sex toys going into a woman's mouth. Can she get the third one in there? Yes, she can. And she listens to great music in the background. She's a keeper. She's got those poor people bathrooms. She's gone for a fourth one. And it's five. It's in. She's twisting number four. She has four giant sex toys in her mouth at once. I am useless to this woman. I am literally the tic tac in this. And she's smacking herself in the face. I'm impressed. And I shouldn't be, but I am. Man. She's got Marcus Mang on in the background. And you still a woman, will not shut up even with four of them in her mouth. She's trying to have a conversation. She's still trying to tell you about her day.

[Brett Vesely]

We saw that. Okay, here, we'll finish off with this one.

[Brady]

Okay, here's a exposed anus. Looks like there's a burn on it, and she's hurt herself in the past. She's making it.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Maybe it's product on there.

[Brady]

Man, that thing's got. Oh, it's just wet hair.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

It is.

[Brady]

It looks like it's got burn, but it's not. Oh, God. How'd you miss?

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Popped an apple or something.

[Brady]

Wow. She's shooting billiard balls out of it one after another. And that had good distance. That was about a fourth. All right. That was a good one.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

It's really good.

[Brady]

They're deep in there, right? Jesus. Christmas lady, how do you learn to do this? And she's just pushing and pushing. There's that. That first one's going to pop the three ball. The three ball comes out, and then she starts bridge six comes out next, then the four. All solids, by the way. No, she went three, six. She might be playing nine ball. It might have been a couple of. Might have been combos. Yeah, well, it's. It's.

[Rick Glassman]

It was a combo.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

You're right.

[Brady]

Well, the second one is ball in hand because she shot a six before the four, so. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

All right, we'll finish. That's it.

[Brady]

That's good for me. Thanks, Brett.

[Rick Glassman]

Hey, no problem.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

It's Friday.

[Brett Vesely]

We need the.

[Brady]

Good God. I'd been more impressed if she was actually one of the pockets in pool and then had to shoot him back onto the table. That would be a real surprise at a party.

[Rick Glassman]

Bailey, get on that video, playing some.

[Brady]

Pool, and you're like, hey, that last hole keeps shooting balls back onto the table.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Oof.

[Brady]

How do you. Give me that one more time? How do you learn you can shoot a pool? I wouldn't have the confidence to say, watch this. Even alone, something.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you think something accidentally happened and.

[Brady]

She went, hey, I don't think she has many. Well, look at.

[Brett Vesely]

Look at all the equipment she has around her, though, too.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

You ever played rumper pool?

[Brett Vesely]

That's like a Rubbermaid thing.

[Brady]

But then that first noise, like, I'm thinking, doctor's visit after some of these. Like, if I can do that, I'm going to the doctor. Like, she can just force that noise.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, that armpit.

[Brady]

She doesn't shave much. She got a lot of money. That three ball comes out. I did. If this was 3D, I'd have jumped in the theater. That comes flying out. Action. You gotta have. Okay, why is Slow Mo. Show me that again. I want to hear that. I want to hear it pop out again. Go back to where it pops out. I know, I know. You're eating but when it pops out, here we go. Here comes. There goes another rubber tree plant.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

That is a perfect.

[Brady]

What was that song they sang in big. Oh, Lollipop. Okay, that's enough. He gets too much out of it. Those aren't far. Isn't it weird that people email asking my opinion on national tragedies and then that happens like, eight minutes later? What is going on around.

[Rick Glassman]

You know the guy who said that.

[Brady]

He used a lot of logic, logic and rationale when he was talking about the thing in Minnesota. It's like, you know, we need to get more of that. And then. And then he played billiard. Balls flying out of A's butt. Anyway, happy National Law Enforcement Day and Quitters Day. So quit that. That's my resume. Definitely an activity to quit some ass pool. Stop that. It's 8:18. Who's coming in first?

[Rick Glassman]

Rick Glassman.

[Brady]

Rick Glassman's going to be here today. And then right after that, Marlon Wayans is coming in. Right.

[Brett Vesely]

It's going to be an easy day for us.

[Brady]

Doubling down. Yep. This is easy. We don't have to do anything for the next two hours. Tell Corey to cancel the squares.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

Okay.

[Brady]

This is easy.

[Brett Vesely]

All right.

[Brady]

And then we'll give you another one next week. We'll give you double down. We'll talk to rick next. It's 98. There goes your Brady Report. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually.

[Unnamed Co-host or Reporter]

No membership fee.

[Brady]

I have heard enough of this.