01-09-26 - Douglas' Gay Emails Reacts - Emailer Asks Is It Gay If It Has Boobs - Minn ICE Shooting Conspiracy Theorists Have Us Wondering How To Sign Up To Get Conspiracy Paid

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (01-09-26)

Episode Title: Douglas' Gay Emails Reacts – "Is It Gay If It Has Boobs?" – Minn ICE Shooting Conspiracy Theorists
Date: January 9, 2026
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brett Vesely, Byron, Brady Bogen

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness is a characteristically irreverent, lively, and tangent-filled take on masculinity, sexual orientation, social perceptions, pop culture, and the news. The hosts field provocative listener emails about what constitutes "gayness," debate the logic behind romantic movies, and share cynical, often humorous takes on current events such as the Minnesota ICE agent shooting. The conversation seamlessly blends bawdy humor, anti-PC jabs, real social commentary, and good-natured ribbing among the crew.

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Main Discussion Topics and Insights

1. Listener Emails: “Is It Gay If...” (00:40–14:54)

• Douglas’s Email: John addresses an email from Douglas, who jokingly accuses John of being “gay” for enjoying musicals and practicing good hygiene (00:46). The team riffs on what random traits could be “gay,” e.g., liking the Book of Mormon, washing hands, or being a wrestling fan ("Greasy, incredibly fit men smashing into each other," John Holmberg, 01:32).
• Wearing Sports Jerseys: John questions the “manliness” of wearing attire with another man’s name on it, poking fun at himself and the masculinity of sports fan culture (01:55).
• Pop Culture & Romance: They tear apart “romantic” movies, especially Titanic and Fifty Shades of Grey, revealing the hypocrisy in viewing certain acts as romantic only if they’re performed by billionaires (02:59–06:34):
  • Notable Quote: “Fifty Shades of Grey… If I have enough money, I can sexually abuse you to no end… The feminist aspect is she marries Christian Grey and takes him for half.” – John Holmberg (03:13)
  • On Titanic: “If any woman sat at a table and said ‘how’d you two meet?’ and told the real story… everyone would recoil. But tell it as Titanic, suddenly it’s swoon-worthy.” – John Holmberg (05:14)
• Defining “gayness” via listener letters (08:05):
  • Debate over what makes an action or person “gay”—particularly in situations involving surprise encounters with transgender individuals.
  • Brett and John try to logically parse if “finishing” the act after realizing, makes you gay ("If you finish, you’re gay,” Brett, 08:58).
  • John: “If it makes you want to do that again, that's gay.” (11:04)
  • Consensus: The label depends more on intent and desire than the accidental act itself (“You had a gay thing, but it doesn’t make you a gay person.” – John Holmberg, 13:53)
  • Byron humorously coins it “Schrödinger’s gay cat” – you’re gay and not gay at the same time (12:05).

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2. Gender, Sexuality, and Cloudy Social Quantifiers (14:54–19:44)

• The crew continues with tales of mistaken identities, drag shows, and whether enjoyment or intent defines “gayness.”
• John’s Confusion at Gay Bar (“the old Taco Bell”): John talks about an awkward but memorable night at a gay drag show for a magazine appearance, where he was aggressively courted by a performer ("It was a confusing moment," John Holmberg, 17:43).
• Modern Drag Shows: The transition of drag shows from super-gay male events to mainstream bachelorette party destinations is discussed with amusement. (“It’s just chock full of broads. They love it.” – John Holmberg, 17:43)

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3. Minnesota ICE Shooting & Conspiracy Theories (19:44–38:42)

• John gives his “unpopular opinion” on the Minnesota ICE shooting, deliberately refusing to take hard sides but questioning all involved:
  • “I am on the idea of listening to law enforcement, no matter how much you agree or disagree with them. So if you hit them with a car, you're wrong… But I also think there was an overreaction… Both things can be true.” (21:19)
  • He expresses skepticism about the wife’s media statements and likens them to “Jussie Smollett” vibes.
  • On Polarization: He criticizes Americans' tendency toward political tribalism and notes that the same social media voices flip sides when it’s their tribe involved.
  • “If you sit in the middle, you’re an idiot. I’ll take the idiot arrows all day long.” – John Holmberg (24:13)
• The discussion turns to the boom in conspiracy theories following such news:
  • “If that's a real thing Alex Jones talks about… I will be your martyr and fake die on TV for the money.” (25:06)
  • They poke fun at the “celebrity dead island” conspiracy (“If we got a bunch of Elvis and Tupac... Why'd they do it, I don't know, but for me, if Conspiracy Inc. knocked on my door... I'm in.” John Holmberg, 26:35)
  • The crew dreams up how they’d handle being approached to participate in a false flag or massive government cover-up. John’s main concern: would he get to bring his dogs and live somewhere nice? (“Negotiation, Brady. It’s negotiation,” 31:41)

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4. Philosophy of Conspiracies & Witness Protection (38:42–44:25)

• John further riffs on the logistics and humor of joining a massive government conspiracy.
• Would they fake their deaths for cash?
  • Byron and Brett go back and forth on whether they’d take the payout. When John offers $20 million, Byron admits everyone has a price (31:28).
  • John jokes about the witness protection program relocating DJs to distant towns (“If you end up in Toledo, I won’t do this for you,” 32:08).
• Cynicism on Social Importance: John notes that none of us are important enough for the world to stop if we vanished, leaning into his nihilism (44:03).
• Pity Poon: A term is coined for romantic opportunities arising from sudden “tragedy” ("pity poon starts rolling your way," John Holmberg, 44:13).

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5. Brett’s Overnights & The Witness Protection Angle (34:30–38:42)

• Banter about Brett being possibly in witness protection, since no one does twelve years of radio overnights by choice. ("No one loves overnights that much. What’s his story?" – a former boss, 34:16).
• They joke about Brett’s mysterious past, radio gypsies, and the likelihood he’s already deep in some hidden program.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Titanic's 'Romance':
  "It's just a whore in a boat that sunk and survived." – John Holmberg (05:14)
• On 'Fifty Shades':
  "If I have enough money, I can sexually abuse you to no end, and if we're not married, you're screwed." – John Holmberg (03:13)
• On Accidental Gay Encounters:
  "If you finish, you’re gay." – Brett Vesely (08:58)
  "If it makes you want to do that again, that's gay." – John Holmberg (11:04)
• On Drag Shows:
  "It was a confusing moment." – John Holmberg (17:43)
• On Conspiracy Cash:
  "I will be your martyr and fake die on TV for the money and the witness. If that’s real, get me in." – John Holmberg (25:06)
• On Social Importance:
  "The nihilist in me knows none of us are that important. Everybody will get over it. If you disappear… We’ll be all right." – John Holmberg (44:03)

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Key Timestamps

| Time | Topic / Quote | |---------|---------------| | 00:40 | Introduction to Douglas’s "gay" email and listener reactions | | 01:54 | “Wearing shirts with dudes' names on them is kind of gay…” – John | | 03:13 | Analysis of “Fifty Shades of Grey” and class/money in romance | | 05:14 | “Titanic” and the real story behind its ‘romance’ – John | | 08:05–14:54 | In-depth debate on accidental gay experiences and “Schrödinger’s gay cat” | | 17:15 | John’s story of going to a 1990s drag show at an old Taco Bell | | 19:44 | Thought experiment: If a gay guy is with a woman he thinks is a man, is he suddenly straight? | | 21:19 | John’s “unpopular opinion” on the Minnesota ICE shooting | | 24:13 | Sitting in the “middle” and taking arrows from both tribes | | 25:06 | “I will be your martyr and fake die on TV for the money…” – John (Conspiracy payoff riff) | | 26:35 | Daydreaming about joining the “celebrity dead island” | | 31:28 | “Every man’s got a price.” Byron admits $20 million would get him to join a conspiracy | | 34:16 | “No one loves overnights that much. What’s his story?” (On Brett’s mysterious radio career) | | 44:03 | “The nihilist in me… everybody will get over it.” (John on social importance and tragedy) |

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Tone & Style

• Irreverent, fast-paced, and off-color: The show maintains a playful and intentionally provocative tone.
• Rife with sarcasm and self-mockery: The hosts often poke fun at themselves and their own logic.
• Open and unfiltered: Touches on taboo topics (sexuality, gender identity, conspiracy) with blunt honesty, chasing laughs or making larger points about culture and society.

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This summary captures the episode’s raucous humor, the “nothing is sacred” philosophy, and the genuine, sometimes absurd attempts at social theory—wrapped in classic, Arizona morning talk radio style. If you missed the episode, now you’re in on all the arguments, the memorable quotes, and the inside jokes.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Byron]

That simple?

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself. He's evil. Sitting right here.

[Brett Vesely]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Thank you, Thomas James Band. It's time to go. Friday morning. Time to get her going. And a lot of emails coming in about Douglas telling me that because I like Book of Mormons so much that I like all musicals and that makes me a homosexual. And he mentioned that. He said, you probably wash all the feces off of your hands and your body. And Matt says. Sorry to take it back to Douglas's email, but just a quick question pertaining to something he said. He went on about how gay you are because you wash feces off of yourself. So in turn, that means that as long as you're covered in feces, you can't be gay. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. You're not gay if you. If you keep the feces on you, you're straight as an arrow.

[Byron]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

That might be it. Yeah, that's a good point. I'm not real sure how it all works, but says, ask Douglas if he watches wwe. There's some truth to that being pretty gay. Like I've always said, there's a lot of. There's a lot of homoerotic stuff in that. Greasy, incredibly fit men smashing into each other all oiled up with their hair.

[Byron]

Speedo to speed up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, just tights. I could be gay. Another thing that's really gay that we don't like to talk about as straight men, and I'm guilty of it. I'm doing it today is wearing shirts with Dudes names on them. Like, I'm in a T.J. watts sweatshirt today. Like, I'm a big. Like, I have a closet full of other dudes clothes. Like, their names on it, not mine. That's kind of gay, but in the best possible. It's a manly gay, which. That's my team. It's my boys. So there's nothing you can do about that. Again, if something makes you gay, you're on a fine line. Also, people emailing about Titanic and how it's the least romantic thing ever, because it is, but women love it. This guy says 50 shades of gray is another one. John. Women loved that. They considered it romantic and amazing because it was rich, but now take the money out of it. And that dude's doing that stuff to Dakota Johnson in a trailer park. All that is is an episode of 48 Hours. That's very true. If you take the money was involved.

[Byron]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

50 shades of gray, basically, to me and a lot of young or older women like that. Like, moms thought that was hot. Like, 50 Shades of Gray became mom porn. They made three movies out of it of this. And all it was was, if I have enough money, I can sexually abuse you to no end, and if we're not married, you're screwed. So the whole. The whole feminist true story. Oh, yeah, the whole feminist aspect of it. It's the most realistic thing ever. Feminist aspect was is she marries Christian Grey and then takes him for half. That's the third one. But the first one, he just sexually abuses her over and over. And chicks liked it. It was theirs. But it was because he was a billionaire. You're allowed to do that with enough. Basically, the women were saying, if you had enough money, you're allowed. And to that, I applaud you because I agree again, I bone Oprah. It's not because I'm attracted to her. I get the money thing. I always understand that when you see some dude and what do we. First thing, you never see a dude, you know, that looks. Let's say Tripp comes in here and he goes, this is my new galaxy. My name's Julie. Julie, how old are you?

[Byron]

23.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're in love. It's love. You don't. They immediately think, wow, she's smart. And he's getting what he needs. A nice kill trip. Good job. Needs are being met on both ends here. She's boning him. He's paying for it. The transaction is complete. It's very real. Yeah, I like that kind of stuff. I like those movies that had that what people think is romantic until you look deeper into it. That Titanic is about as bad as it gets. As about as bad as it gets. And then you start, you know, try even singing that or saying that. So if you're telling a story about if any woman sat at a table and said, how'd you two meet? Oh, I was cheating on my husband with a homeless guy on a boat that sunk and we fell in love and stuff. And then my husband, who had a ton of money, I hate. I hated him.

[Byron]

He's telling the tale after the fact.

[Brett Vesely]

Yes.

[Byron]

He. He saved her life.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, we met 24 hours. And then in 24 hours, I was. I was having.

[Byron]

I knew he was the one.

[John Holmberg]

A sexual affair on a boat with a dirty, dirty homeless who scammed his way on onto this Royal Caribbean. I thought that was cool. And so I'd sneak out of the room with my husband, I'd start boning him on the side and everyone at the table swooning because this romantic story is so beautiful. When as Alex Child emails him, it's just a whore in a boat that sunk and survived. She didn't get on a lifeboat. Even think of that. She never even got on a lifeboat. She got a door.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, and she didn't give him any of the door either.

[John Holmberg]

All men watch that. All men watch that.

[Brett Vesely]

Selfish.

[John Holmberg]

There was a scientific where they break down whether she could float where the two people could have. There would have been plenty of room. Scientific study on the doors on the Titanic that said, could Rose have lifted Jack onto that door and saved him? And the answer is yes. Now, how long they'd have survived bobbing in that cold night is. But he definitely had no chance with his chest being underwater the entire time. She could have saved him. But no.

[Brett Vesely]

Typical.

[John Holmberg]

That's typical. That's exactly right. They won't save you. Those things hate us. It's truth anyway, so that's why you always see that kind of stuff and you believe. Oh, I see. You get to that certain age where it's like, all right, I don't need this. It's time for transactions. Where is she? Hi, Julie.

[Byron]

Hi, Tripp.

[John Holmberg]

I love you. I like. I like. Okay, say it back. Yeah. And then she's got.

[Byron]

You're out on golf this weekend trip. Yeah, I got a dance competition. Yeah, look, cheer.

[John Holmberg]

The one thing I never described Bill Belichick as through his coaching career was happy. But for the last couple of years, every time I see him, I'm like, he seems joyous. And I don't know. I'm not going to place the elixir of the cheerleader he's dating on it, but I'm pretty sure she has something to do with it.

[Brett Vesely]

It's love. It's love.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not necessarily pulling back, going, that's the only reason. But, man, for about 30 years, I watched Bill Belichick not be happy. They called him the leader of the evil empire. The hoodie never had a smile on his face. Only time he did is when something bad happened. Like, he took joy in the misery of, like. Like that jets thing. When he finally cracked a smile. When he found a loophole in clock management and killed the jets by making penalties. And the clock would run. And he just did that weird wry smile. And everybody's like, he got us now. It's like he's at a cheer competition. He's. He's grinning. He's on Pat McAfee show, just laughing. And I'm like, what's different in his life? He still coaches football. Uh, doesn't seem angry anymore.

[Byron]

NFL's wigging out. He gets hired back.

[John Holmberg]

What'll they do?

[Byron]

Got her on the sidelines.

[John Holmberg]

This one says, so, John, since you and your junos are gay now, maybe you can solve an argument I'm having with my friends. If it has boobs, is it gay? Well, I have a friend named Anthony who would argue with this. If you're getting orally pleased and realize that it isn't, it's a he. She. If you finish, does that make you gay? Nothing makes you gay. That is an unfortunate blowjob. Right? If you went into it knowing this.

[Byron]

Not knowing or knowing.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if you figure it out in the middle, I think sometimes you just have to run to the finish line. And then I'm going gay on that. They just die with that. What happened to just dying? Finish that. No, it would be a tough one.

[Brett Vesely]

That's what I'm saying. That's gay.

[John Holmberg]

If you finish, you think you finish, you're gay. All right. I think so. Brett's one vote for finishing gay. Brady, I think you're going to be the same. I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, if you're in the middle of it and then all of a sudden. I also work on transmissions.

[John Holmberg]

What's he talking about? You know, I mean, what the hell's he talking for sure on that? I mean, if I understand what he's.

[Byron]

Saying, there's no talking.

[John Holmberg]

But you realize, Pipe down. When's the last time a woman said, I love floral arrangements? Like, don't tell me your hobbies.

[Byron]

What kind of cars do you have.

[Brett Vesely]

Spitting on it or something? You know, I mean, you just notice.

[John Holmberg]

That maybe he needs a little lava soap for his hands. Like, those are filthy when you've been changing oil all day. Yes.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Fingernails are all dirty.

[Brett Vesely]

That's gay.

[John Holmberg]

That. Gay. If you see dirty fingernails and then even if it's a girl, that's.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah, the name tag on us. Someone on a shirt says Roger.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe this lady from.

[Byron]

Wait a minute.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe this lady from Jiffy Lube isn't a woman. Are you just a fat fella? What you say?

[Byron]

I couldn't believe it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

I didn't know right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

I have a couple friends who found out after they finished, see? And knew in the middle something's different. But it had transitions. And then one friend who got. Well, yeah, but we both have a couple friends who have done it.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then found out one was impressed.

[Brett Vesely]

How big he was.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. But it was asked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just. Typically Feel like a king to me. That's just. That's. That's just gamesmanship on the other side. Ah, you got me. Nice job. I still. I got.

[Byron]

Good days.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't realize.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, if you didn't know till after you're done, then you didn't know, you know? Right. But if you found out during.

[John Holmberg]

Man, that's a tough question. It's a.

[Brett Vesely]

It's a queer tough.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't make you gay, though. It just makes the act gay. You do not go on now as a homosexual.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know. What if you liked it more?

[John Holmberg]

Well, then you're gay. Yeah, right.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

You feel like there was a clear difference between a man and a woman. And that was better.

[Brett Vesely]

Boy, Steve really gave me a good.

[John Holmberg]

If it makes you. Okay, here's what. Here's how you. If it makes you want to do that again. Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I think if you finish in the middle and you know, I couldn't stay. I couldn't stay at attention.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not so sure I could either. But what if. If.

[Byron]

And that was the last time.

[John Holmberg]

That's just it.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[Byron]

You never went back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We need Neil Degrasse Tyson, but he's. He's.

[Byron]

I don't think you're.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, if.

[Byron]

What if you all sudden went. Went through all the way and then that was it?

[Brett Vesely]

Well, if you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but if you found out.

[Byron]

Figure it out midway through.

[John Holmberg]

But what if it was great, but you never went back no, it's. But you think about it. What if you never physically went back, but sometimes on a lone pleasure, you think about it. That's gay. That's gay. Yeah.

[Byron]

Gay thoughts.

[John Holmberg]

That's gay. Those are gay. That's why they call them that. It's interesting anyway. To finish or not to finish. It's roding. Finish or not to finish.

[Byron]

I disagree. Because if you think about football.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

Are you a football player?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's not. That's not even close to the same argument. There's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Because yes, you can go out and play football. Not necessarily professionally, but I can go play football. It's Schrodinger's gay cat is what we're dealing with here. It's very hard. At what point are you gay? And it's. It's. You're both simultaneously gay and not gay. Oh, it's very difficult. Yeah. Thanks. This is Douglas's fault for emailing in the first place. Things like that.

[Brett Vesely]

Here's a good point here. Coming up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy, oh, boy. I gotta read these. Is it David Vasquez? He makes me nervous. It says doing it to yourself isn't gay. Doing it to someone else is gay. Like doing a chick back door. That's not gay, but having it done to you is. Yeah. There's fine lines.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's one thing gay guys have over our wives is wives make it a lot tougher to go back there. Those dudes seem to be into it, and it would be a lot better if they had the same mentality about that. Is this a gay conversation? Are we getting. Is this. Yeah. I think the rule is if you have to ask, is this gay? It's probably gay, right? I would say. Interesting. Very difficult time to be alive.

[Brett Vesely]

I think if you're in a gay action and not trying to fight the guy off, it's gay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, the. The action is gay. Well, you are not.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know if you're going along with it. You kind of.

[Byron]

Oh, you didn't know until.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, if you didn't know, that's something.

[John Holmberg]

Like what Brett's saying, like, if you do figure it out, then the act becomes very gay. But are. You are not gay unless you pursue it from there forward. It. It's all dependent on your reaction after the fact. You had a gay thing, but that doesn't make you a gay person. Right.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. I mean, like, if Somebody's down there. And then you look at the name tag. Says Steve from New Deal.

[John Holmberg]

You. That's your fault.

[Brett Vesely]

Then, you know you're out.

[John Holmberg]

First off, quit picking up salesmen from car lot. And if you do nice work and if you still can't tell the difference between Steve the salesman and a woman.

[Brett Vesely]

Well, that's what this guy said.

[John Holmberg]

He didn't know.

[Byron]

Well, I didn't see the mustache right away.

[Brett Vesely]

Don't remember Bachelor party when.

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Brett Vesely]

My name is Tim. I also work on BMW.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's kind of hot. He's in there scrubbing. Anyway. Interesting. Yeah, it's. It's a hard time to be alive.

[Brett Vesely]

Matthew says, I was only. I was under the impression that you were gay. Only gay. If you enjoyed it.

[John Holmberg]

If you. Yeah, but if you enjoy it and you try to want more of it, then, yeah, if you have that Crying Game shower afterwards, that's a good movie. That's a movie that makes you realize, oh, boy, we're all just. And Toledo, I think he's gay because he keeps going back to Ladyboy town like he's waiting for an accident to happen. You know, if you keep walking elbows up through a china shop, you might get away with it three or four times. That eventually it's gonna get you. You're gonna knock something over. Same thing when you go back to Ladyboy village that Toledo keeps traveling to and making more plans for two, three trips back there. Eventually it's gonna happen.

[Brett Vesely]

He's taking his son along, too.

[John Holmberg]

That's no good.

[Brett Vesely]

No, that's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

We're also worried about it. I'm not. I think it's funny. But I'll tell you the one time I. I had, in 1999, when I worked at the Zone, the. There was a local publication, I don't remember the name of it was, but I was on the COVID of it.

[Byron]

Echo.

[John Holmberg]

Echo, Echo Magazine. I didn't know what it was. It was a gay magazine. I didn't know that. And I was fine with it. And I was like, hey. And there I am on the COVID I'm like, I didn't know I was going to be the COVID boy. And then gay people started to call the station a lot, going, hey, what's going on? We're so happy. Kind of that. And I'm like, I'm thrilled it actually worked. We got a lot of people from it. So one of the listeners. One of the listeners said, hey, I want to, like. Because I'm like, I'm not gay. I didn't know this was a gay magazine, but back then it was like I cared more. Like, what the. Like, I didn't know. And the guy interviewed me. He's like, so, what do you think of this? I'm like, I don't care why you asked me all these gay questions. What the hell kind of interview is this? And then they put him like, oh, I see. I'm an advocate. So I was fine with it. And then a guy said, I'm going to take you to a drag show because you've never been. You're going to have the time of your Life. And in 99, it wasn't the same. It was, you know, like, these things are parties for women today. Like, you go up to Copper Blues, Desert Ridge has drag shows, and they do it downtown, too. They have them, like every Sunday, and it's just chock full of broads. They love it. There's women everywhere. They're having, like, bachelorette parties and it's all women. And a couple of gays are in the back, are like, yeah, this is awesome.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like back at the 80s and they go to the Chippendale shows now. They go to these.

[John Holmberg]

They go to these mail reviews. And the shows are pretty exciting, loud, they're weird, but I don't get that, like, lip sync and other people's stuff and these crazy outfits. But it's all women. Back then when this guy said, let's go, it was all gay guys. It was like this super gay. And it was in an old Taco Bell on Central. And they just, you know, you remember that? I mean, it was a converted. It was clearly an old Taco Bell. There's like, you know, the way pizza.

[Byron]

Had the bell front.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. The ones that are Pizza Pizza Huts, and they're still Pizza Huts. And you can tell they're Pizza Huts, but they're like an Asian garden now. This was a Taco Bell and it had no sign or anything else. And they just rented it out and they blacked out the windows. And you go in there and this little Asian one came up and kissed me on the head and left the lipstick prints and stuff. And I gotta be honest with you, if I'd have run into that anywhere but there, I would have been like, she liked me. They told. They told all the performers I was straight. And man, oh, man, did they put on a show. And a couple of the big fat ones, I was like, all right, get your grubby paws off me. And then it was 90s, it was okay. To say it then and then. But then the. The little Asian one came over, maybe five, three, doing a share song, and then broke into a Sammy Davis Jr. Which I really thought was neat. It was pretty darn good, too, but real cans. It was a confusing moment.

[Brett Vesely]

Did you start having appearances at BS west when you're at the.

[John Holmberg]

No, I wanted. No, I wanted. I wanted to go back to that Taco Bell, though. See if that little fella was in there. Yeah, it's very. It was very strange, but back in the 90s, those things were. That was a super gay thing to do. Now it's women now it's a place to pick up chicks. You go on Sunday at like, 11:30 in the morning, and Saturday sometimes, too. They pack that place. Women go crazy for these drag shows. I talked to the owner of the clubs, and they're like, man, that is a money machine. Like, they drink. They are there. They're there every week. The same ones. It's. It's nuts.

[Byron]

Got to get a reservation a lot of times.

[John Holmberg]

Sometimes, yeah, But a lot of times it's big enough that they don't have to worry about. Like, you can just wander up and it fills up pretty good. It's crazy. Yeah. Think of it this way. If a gay dude was with a guy and found out she was actually. It was actually a girl, does that make him straight? Interesting twist there, Justin.

[Byron]

Right away would say no.

[John Holmberg]

Right. So it doesn't make you gay if you're on your side. Yeah. All right, so pound away on those things. Doesn't make you gay at all. Not even a little bit. And then this guy emails in about that Minnesota Ice shooting. I'm dodging this one like nobody's business. First off, I'm going to give you my unpopular opinion. I saw the wife of the person, the victim, that was shot in this Minnesota thing, and she went on camera and was talking, and I don't know how real it was, but, man, it just. It made me feel very Jussie Smollett about it when she started to, in Minnesota, chant out, I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And I'm like, ooh, those are trigger words up there in Minneapolis. That is going to be a beast of a thing. And whichever side you're on, I am on the idea of listening to law enforcement, no matter how much you agree or disagree with them. So if you try to hit them with a car, you're wrong. And I also think that there was, you know, a little bit of an overreaction and Possibly antagonistic behavior. But what I will say before I get into any of it is I watched a lot of stuff on the Internet yesterday of the very. And I did this on purpose. People that were screaming that this is, you know, murder and this was horrible, and the woman wasn't going to hurt that guy and all that. I'm like, maybe you might be right. But then I went back on two occasions into that person's Instagram feed and just happened to venture back around Charlie Kirk's time to watch that same person talk about, well, if you. If you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. And there were people who actually said, and I'm not like, on either side of this. I think both things can be true. But I'm looking at somebody who said, oh, if you're going to antagonize people, expect to get killed. You can't switch up just because your side's on the wrong end. I think, I think anybody getting killed in any situation that could have been avoided is bad. That's just where I stand. If I'm the empathetic human in this, you've got a problem. If you're sitting there siding with it because it's political tribalism, then you have to check yourself. I think you can look at this and say, that lady lost her control and lost her cool in a situation that could end up bad with a guy with guns. And you don't know that dude, he might be crazy. He might have been really bad at being an ICE agent. And then she did dumb stuff, at least from the video I saw. And then she overreacted and did something stupid. Then he overreacted, did something really stupid, and unfortunately, somebody died. I don't want to look at this as political. I want to look at it as, everybody calm down. Because this is going to. This is going to get. This is going to get dumb. Going to get real dumb. So I'm getting emails from people ask, me. I just don't like, look, I think, I think again, once again, nobody likes that opinion. Nobody likes when I say that, when I think like, woof, she didn't do it right and he didn't do it right. And unfortunately, she died for it. And nobody deserves it. It's bad. But if you're one of those people that said, oh, Charlie Kirk is trying to get people, they celebrated that. Just because this lady was doing stuff that might have been questionable doesn't mean she deserved it for sure. But she, you know, again, I'm a big one for sitting back going, the dude with the gun, I'm probably going to comply with him more often than not. And then later I'll complain like, these dudes shouldn't be here, and then I'll have my opinion. But I'm going home. I'm going to make sure I get home. I can disagree with why I'm being pulled over, why those people exist, what's going on, but I'm going home. So if he says, get out of the car, I'm like, ugh, all right. And if they frame me, they frame me. I don't think that's going to happen, but for the most part, I'm complying until. Because they're the ones with the weapons. But just kind of remember how you felt when the other side of the tribe had their thing going on, and then they overreacted and celebrated that thing like it was some sort of a. Like they went, they, they politicized it all. It's going to get politicized, and then more happens. Yeah, it's going to Portland. Oh, yeah. No, it's not. It's going to be another. It's going to be another couple months of marches and crazy and God knows what the false flag is here. But I, I, I, I tightly close my eyes and just breathe out.

[Brett Vesely]

Ugh.

[John Holmberg]

Because it seems like it's so gray. It's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. It gave one side an argument and another side an argument. And if you stand in the middle, you're an idiot. And I stand in the middle. I'll take the idiot arrows all day long.

[Byron]

Well, let's all enjoy national law enforcement appreciation.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, exactly. That's a good. It's a good day to enjoy that. Hug a cop. Yeah, hug a cop. Today. I'm just. Look, call me a coward, call me an idiot, but if, if I'm being. If a dude is sitting there telling me, hey, I need you to answer a couple questions, and he's like, full on iced up. I'm like, all right, I may not like it, but I'm going home. I'm going to make sure I'm going home, and then I'll. And cry about it all day long. You're not going to believe what happened to me. This is terrible. Blah. But you know what? I'm telling the story. And then there's people who are emailing in the. I didn't say. I said I was going to talk about it. Here I go. They're the, The Conspiracy theories that it's all drummed up and fake and that, you know, there's going to be the Alex Jones. You know, they made this up so they could cover up all the things that they're doing in Minnesota with the Somalians. And they wanted you to have some sort of a martyr for that. She's a false actor. And then you get that going, and they set this all up and made it look like somebody, and then they give. I am begging if that's true. I am begging whoever's in charge of that program to contact me. I will be your martyr and fake die on TV for the money and then the witness. If that's real, if that's a real thing that Alex Jones talks about all the time, it's not even really dead. Dave Nash always talking about how all Those planes in 911 were empty and they paid off all the people that they said were dead to have new lives somewhere else. I want in. I. How. Where do I sign up for this? This sounds. I can get millions of dollars to abandon me and say, oh, we'll give you a new identity and a new life somewhere else. Like, there's that whole thing about the space shuttle Challenger where they've all found every one of the astronauts on it.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And they side by side. I mean, they've all got the same name. And it's like. It's undeniably odd, but I don't know how real it is. But I'm like, okay, where's my offer? Where's my father Dale moment here? Brett? Father Dale avoided me the whole time. Where's the thing that says, hey, we're a big. We're high. We're Conspiracy Inc. And we'd like you to pretend to be dead in a terrible situation socially, and we'll give you new identity and fly you off to Portugal and stuff like, okay, this is fantastic.

[Byron]

If it ends up being true, then the celebrity dead island, the island of dead celebrities, is real.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And if. Well, maybe, yeah. If we got a bunch of Elvis and Tupac and they want. Why they do it, I don't know. Things seem to be going well for them, but for me, if Conspiracy Inc. Knocked on my door and said, we need you to pretend to get shot by an ice agent and it's going to cause this massive fear, but it's a political stunt to be a false flag, I'm like, yep, I'm in. Go. Go on. No more. How much do I get? Are you gonna get a few million dollars? Can I bring her with Me? No, just you. I'm like, she's gonna make a great widow. This is gonna be okay. The conspiracy theorists that think that, yeah, that think all this stuff is fake makes some sense. But I want in if it is real.

[Brett Vesely]

That's pretty uncanny.

[John Holmberg]

There's a few of these Challenger astronauts that they've gone out and found the older versions of them. And it gets a little weird. It gets a little bit where they almost all have the same name. They're doing the same jobs that would have been done by these engineers and these astronauts after the fact. I don't necessarily believe that the Challenger was an empty vessel that they blew up. But when you go out and find, you know, there's an Asian dude and a black dude, what's the joke? When they're not walking to a bomb, they're walking to the space shuttle Challenger. But I want in on this. I'm taking a different route than whether or not it is. If it's real, I'm your huckleberry. Where is it? Would you do it?

[Byron]

So in general, just looking at that, when Brett put up those pictures of the Challenger astronauts and before, if you went to AI and say, give me an older version of this person, I mean, to create this whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

But, all right, it's a lot easy. I wouldn't be. But it's been. It's been going on way before AI.

[Byron]

I know, and there's more to it and who knows?

[John Holmberg]

But all I'm saying is, if that does exist, someone out there knows it. Get him in touch with me. I'm all in.

[Byron]

And it comes back to why to shut down the space program or, you know, what was the reason someone else wanted the money?

[John Holmberg]

Protection. Yeah. You know, it's never a hit. It's always to false flag us to pay attention to something while other things go on. And then we're all focused in on the space shuttle Challenger and oh my God, the spacecraft is that blah, blah, blah. And then something weird is happening somewhere else. This guy says, john, the reason you've never been contacted as a part of a conspiracy is because you're a loudmouth. Little do you know, Brett's already involved several conspiracies. That dude knows how to zip it for the right price. Consider it zipped.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, I don't know about that.

[John Holmberg]

Now there's. You wouldn't do it.

[Brett Vesely]

They would just kill you. Now, I don't know, the too much.

[John Holmberg]

Cameras out there and then the family can sue and stuff like that. You know what I mean? And they're going to give that money out and everything else, but they want, like, if the conspiracy theorists are right, you know, and this was all fake and these people agreed to die and, you know, the 911 planes were empty, and these people.

[Byron]

You're going to dupe your entire families. As long as you're good with that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Byron]

Create that drama there.

[John Holmberg]

Start over. You get a new name. I'm. I'm now Thomas James, but I don't have the band, and I live where. Yeah, I'd have to make it worth my while. I'd sit down, I'd negotiate, like, look, I'm not gonna live in Baltimore or anywhere near it. I still get to be a Steelers fan. My new name. I have to live somewhere great. And I need some land. I like space. I don't want to be in a condo somewhere in, like, Manhattan beach, you know, fighting the hordes and going to work every day. You're gonna make this easy for me.

[Byron]

A couple of those guys are like, so it gets me out of my marriage and.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Byron]

You're clear to that.

[John Holmberg]

You kidding me?

[Byron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, and I get to take Bus and Jack Ham with me. I love my other dogs, too, but those two are.

[Byron]

What about the dogs?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I love them very much. They're in good hands. I know they're in good hands, but that would be a tough one. We'll get you a new bus and Jack Ham. Like, I don't know if you can replace them. And I love Yards and Gordon and Frankie, but they're in good hands. I just know that the scoop up of Bus and Jack Hammer, when I go on my new life, my. Who do you know, Brett, in this witness relocation, I want in. I want to be witness, and then I want to be relocated. And by the way, it would be great for the station. It would be great. John Holberg murdered in some political thing, but it's fake. I don't want to be. I don't really be a martyr. Don't get me wrong here. Don't. Don't take my words for the reality. I don't really want to be martyred. I want to be the one of them pretend ones that conspiracy theorists think happen. If this guy said, I told you the cards in the mail, you'll get your QR code to sign up for which kind of conspiracy you're up to be a part of, would you do it? Brett helps us hide the bodies all the time. Signed, Greg. Yeah, I would. And Brett, I, I, I. If I found out if I showed up at one of the meetings and you're like, hey, what's up? I'm like, you son of a bitch. How long has this been going on? You didn't trust me. I would absolutely get it. So you wouldn't do it. You'd stay. You wouldn't be the martyr. You're a fake martyr. And then live a life?

[Byron]

Yeah, I don't think so.

[John Holmberg]

How much? 20. 20 million.

[Byron]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. See? See, every man's got a price. He would do it.

[Byron]

I, you know, I just wondered. Probably not what you think you're like, oh, I'm going to be in this great place.

[John Holmberg]

Negotiation, Brady. It's negotiate. Hey, tell me right now that New Jersey or Scottsdale, they put you in better places. The mob was great. They put you in. They didn't move you over to, like, Hoboken. They got you to a new spot. The government basically said, if you help us out here, you're going to Scottsdale, you're going to go to Vegas, you're going to be a nice. You're leaving, but you're not living, or you're going to go to a better place. If you end up in Toledo, I'm like, no, I won't do this for you. And then you got to give me money to shut up.

[Byron]

A low profile place.

[John Holmberg]

Because once you're in that thing, if you say no, then they're just going to kill you. This guy says, you dummy. Everyone will see you on the kiss cam at a Steelers super bowl party. Well, at least the Steelers are in the super bowl party. That's worth dying for, too.

[Brett Vesely]

He'll never make it in. Heidi with that shiny head and Juno's.

[John Holmberg]

All right, all us balds look alike, for God's sake. How many times do you people shiny head and Junos send over?

[Byron]

You're gonna end up in Boca.

[John Holmberg]

Look, every time there's a mug shot of a bald guy, it gets to me going, hey, Homberg, I saw you on the news last night.

[Brett Vesely]

How many Brady's do we get?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly? Brady'd be a great one. I got my buddy Jim Manley said, I'm on a plane, I'm sitting next to a Brady. He said, I remember you saying on the air that there are tons of these. And I said, what barbecue festival are you flying to? And he started laughing. He goes, nashville. I'm like, yeah, you're going to a barbecue? Yeah. If it is a conspiracy, and don't get me started, conspiracy people, because I know what's coming. The Mossad, Israel all this stuff. The Bilderberg Group, the Rockefellers. I've seen it all. I've read it all. It's a lot of. If it is a conspiracy. All I'm saying is I want in. I don't want to be Alex Jones. I don't want to reveal it. I want in on it. If that's the way the world's been working, where's my offer? Because I'm your guy. You're a loudmouth. I don't have to be.

[Byron]

Oh, when something comes up, we'll let you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, put me on a list. It's kind of like on Waymo. I'm on the do you want to drive on the freeway List.

[Byron]

You find out like it's a ten year waiting list.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's real. It's real. Oh, man. Then I'd have a problem keeping it quiet. Like five more years till what? You shut up. You. You'll figure it out. You're not gonna be around if I say goodbye to you a little too much. I think John's gonna kill himself. Like. No. And then the next thing. That would be the problem. But I martyr me for cash.

[Byron]

Going on a lot of protests.

[John Holmberg]

If the conspiracy theorists are right, I want in. Not on uncovering, on continuing the conspiracy. I want to help it. This is. I wonder what Brett's first life was like. How lucky he was that he was placed in Phoenix with a job on the radio. They really tried to hide him by putting on overnights for 12 years. That is weird when you think about Brett's life. Nobody in radio. Nobody.

[Byron]

What's this Nobody?

[John Holmberg]

Nobody. Yeah, he's got a scar on his. Nobody in radio happens ever has agreed to a dozen years of overnights.

[Byron]

Who's checking on overnights?

[John Holmberg]

No one. Everyone who's ever done overnights and rain Tripp said that to me a long time ago. What's the deal with Brett Vesley? I'm like, overnight guy. Good dude, great guy. Like him a lot. How come he doesn't want to move away? And my brain broke? I don't know. I think he just loves KUPD and Phoenix. No. 1. And he said the greatest phrase. No one loves overnights that much. What's his story like? You got me. I don't know. He. He in the daytime. I think he works on RVs. This was back. I wasn't sure you were still doing that. What? What? Why doesn't he try to move out of that position? And my dumb Pollyanna ass was like, well, Brett loves.

[Byron]

He loves RVs.

[John Holmberg]

He loves KUPD so much that he's willing. No one. No one. Does he have any ambition at all? Like, I don't know. I never thought of it. I guess you're right. Like, no one likes to do that. Get something, something. Check out Homework's Morning sickness podcast at 98kupd.comberg's Morning Sickness. To find anybody in radio who's done overnights for longer than you did, you might have the record.

[Byron]

There's only one. The one guy in Milwaukee at this country music station.

[John Holmberg]

Overnights.

[Byron]

Overnights. And he was into it. And that's. And you're not that guy. This guy was just.

[John Holmberg]

But how long he was around?

[Byron]

I mean, 13, 14.

[Brett Vesely]

I was 13 years. That's.

[John Holmberg]

My God. It is weird when you think.

[Byron]

And he didn't want to go out. This is perfect. I love Mark Stack.

[John Holmberg]

How you doing?

[Brett Vesely]

How you doing?

[John Holmberg]

Interesting. Well, I think that you're in the. You're on the short list of record holders for. I gotta be doing.

[Byron]

It's gotta be up there. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And never once did you send a resume to, like, Houston or Charlotte or anything.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't want to be one of those radio gypsies.

[John Holmberg]

You'd rather do overnights?

[Brett Vesely]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

This is a witness relocation. Get me in, man.

[Brett Vesely]

Because. No, because then you wind up in, like, Tucson.

[John Holmberg]

Right, Right. No, I know, it sucks Pig's Knuckle.

[Brett Vesely]

Arkansas or something like that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you'd love pigs. Yeah. You meet a bunch of your own. The gay spread festly on W Pig's Knuckle. We. We got some shinedown coming up to complain about things. Hey, give me a call on the Pig's Knuckle hotline. And then the phones are like, how you doing? What are you doing here in Little Italy? Brett's phone line. We're doing Tyler. Oh, I heard you on the editor here in Pigs Knuckle. How you liking it? I'm. I was born here.

[Byron]

Well, you.

[John Holmberg]

So was I. Yeah, that's what I figured. Anyway, what day were you born last? Tuesday. Yeah, it was last Friday. Anyway, welcome. The Italian American center at Pigs knuckle is about 6,000 people in it. You'd be thrilled to go to that kind of stuff. You are in. And all I'm asking, I want you to reveal it. Rub your nose like. Rub your nose like those people do. If I can get in on this, I want in. I watched the Sopranos Brett, shout out.

[Byron]

To the earner of the week.

[John Holmberg]

They wouldn't be that obvious. They'd keep it much quieter than that, See, that's the key.

[Byron]

Doing great.

[John Holmberg]

They had the Jew and Sopranos that helped out Tony Hesh.

[Brett Vesely]

You gonna be my hash?

[John Holmberg]

Let me be hash. Let me in. If Sammy the Bull's out there, and I know he is, I want in. I want it. Can I turn state's evidence even though I don't know anything? All I want is a chance. If these conspiracy. The conspiracy theorists think that they're figuring the world out. I'm on the other side. I want in on the conspiracy side. I want to be one of the conspirators, not one of the unravelers. That's dumb. You're going to get shot. I'm going to get money. Everybody's thinking of it wrong. Alex Jones is right. Joe Rogan's got this figured out. The government's against us, okay? I want in. We're not going to beat him. What's the old saying? Can't beat him. Join them. I'm in. If you. If somewhere out there there's a meeting at like 10. I'll leave early if there's a meeting. We have a big conspiracy we're drumming up here. We'd like some. I'm in.

[Brett Vesely]

That was where all the other morning shows are going after.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe that day. Maybe that's where these idiots go if they travel around with shows in St. George, Utah. Nobody. What the hell?

[Byron]

Is that actually in the studio?

[John Holmberg]

No, sometimes they're not. I'm gonna go talk to them today and say, hey, I want him. I'll pretend to be a NASA astronaut. And there he is, the first media member going into space and just be waving. I'm going into the Challenger. And then the problem would be I'd giggle. Do you drink and tell stories? I'm pretty good at drinking, not telling stories. I'm good. I'm good. Fit him for an astronaut suit. Let's get him up there. Blow me up on the way to the moon. I'll play pretend that I would have a hard time. Not like calling Brady and. Or like haunting him and stuff. And then like poking my head up in his window at night. And I saw John again last night. I would giggle, my ass.

[Byron]

He's alive. I'm telling you.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you. And then you go nuts trying to unravel the conspiracy that I got paid well for. You're on the wrong side of that. My man cave in. I'm already willing to bow down to AI as our new overlords, and they're not even close yet. But I am prepping for it. I am not going to fight it. I'm not Metallica, I'm Napster. The better idea is getting my attention and that conspiracy world, but that's what that is. The emails that I'm getting that are most troubling to me are the people who think that thing that happened in Minnesota was all a false flag. And it makes sense if you rationally think about it. But if you've tribalized it politically, the middle wins because now you're just going to be distracted and everything around you will go crazy. Keep it level head is what I'm saying. That lady was wrong for going crazy and paid a way too high a price for doing it. That's really all we need to say. But everybody wants to say I shouldn't have been there. Maybe you're right, but they were. It's kind of like saying weed should have never been illegal, but when it was, you knew it. You shouldn't have had it in your pocket. It's just rational thinking. Sometimes it makes you feel weak. But I want in, man. I want it. And I just don't give the government enough credit to put up false flags that cleanly this often. Conspiracy theorists seem to think it's happening all the time. Meanwhile, they can't get anything done. Everything they're doing is a conspiracy. And they're that clean about it. I went in on that, too. Why am I climbing this ice mountain every day? To try to get to the top if they've got it figured out and all they have to do is fake us out every day and do it cleanly. I don't think it's happening. I just don't. Would you do it? What they say? You want to be a fake astronaut or you want to get shot by ice? We'll give you some money and get you out of here. Just can't see anybody again.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd want the travel itinerary.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I want some assurances I'm not going.

[John Holmberg]

To end up in Ohio or anything.

[Brett Vesely]

Right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I've been there. Brady says he wouldn't. And why wouldn't you?

[Byron]

Because I don't think it's what you. As good as you think it is? I don't think so. Well, because you're. There's too many people in my life that would. That would be affected in. Especially for me. I'm not ready to, like, say I'm done with everybody, you know.

[John Holmberg]

You know, you can still keep an eye on them and stuff.

[Byron]

It's a reset. I'm not, you know, there's parts are like. Huh.

[John Holmberg]

You know what they do for witness relocation people, though, is, like, when their family or their parents, like, start having illnesses, you get to go see them one last time. And under, like, cloak and dagger, you can do that kind of stuff.

[Brett Vesely]

I look at it as like, if I won the Powerball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gone. I'm changing my phone number. Nobody's ever gonna hear from me again. Family, friends, goodbye. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because you don't want to hang around with us. Poor, broke. Yeah.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you make $1 billion, peace out. If you make more than 25 grand a year, you're not hanging out with any of the promo kids anymore. They're brutal.

[Byron]

You're finding a whole new batch that's equally yoke or close.

[John Holmberg]

Get a new batch. Challenge yourself. I went in on this. Conspiracy theorists. I hope you're right. I don't want to be on your team. I want to be against it. I want to keep propagating conspiracy. I think they're great. And if that's fake, that's even better news. That that lady's still alive and this never really actually happened. It's just for us to go crazy. I'm happier that way. That seems like a better world. But if you're in on it, Conspiracy, Inc. If you're out there, 585-9-800, I'm your guy. And it's not even. It's not even going to be like a long meeting. I won't waste your time. Tell me what you need me to do. I'll give you a couple of locations I wouldn't mind living in Vegas. You want to put me in Florida, South Carolina, Hawaii. I'd even go to, like, Spain, Portugal, something like that. England. I'm all in, fired up. Let's get it together. And you know, and you create. You know, you create victims back here who are sad that you're gone, but they'll get over it. I'm not that important to anybody. I really not.

[Byron]

Well, and that's why most of the time, they look for candidates that like. Okay, what would be an easier.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The nihilist in me knows none of us are that important. Everybody will get over it. If you disappear, it's sad. You're gonna leave a hole in a lot of people's lives. We'll be all right.

[Byron]

They'll get over it.

[John Holmberg]

We'll be all right. Plus, you know, you start taking all that, you know, sorrow poon and stuff like that on that, pity poon starts rolling your way.

[Byron]

But you hear about ones that were like, we're in it as far as the witness relocation or something. Yeah, like Frank's uncle.

[John Holmberg]

Frank's uncle quit. Yeah, he was dummy, but he wasn't a big name. They just kind of. They needed him to stay away for a while. And as that turns out later, Frank's Uncle Phil, who went into witness relocation and kind of came back, the dude that was going to get him went away. So he felt safe to do it. Sammy the Bulls, the real brave one. Yeah, he just. And Henry Hill was the other one. Like, they just didn't care anymore anyway. And Brett. Brett's another one. I know what you're talking about. Brett Vaseli. We call it Vesli amongst the people. What do you got on the big board of musical treats over there?

[Brett Vesely]

Burt, wake up. Song is coming at you right now. And I got a ton of stuff here. The warning. More Jimmy Page turns 82 years old. Somebody requested Zeppelin, Ozzy, on the list. Ramstein, Mammoth, Van Halen, Hot for teacher, for Mrs. Wilkinson, Volbeat, Motley Crue, Shot the Devil for the Book of Mormon, Pantera, Metallica, I Prevail, Suicide Silence and Disturbed.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Byron]

No Dave Matthews. No.

[Brett Vesely]

The hippies are still sleeping.

[John Holmberg]

Is it his birthday?

[Byron]

It is on Saturday.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Not interested. Man, that's a tough one to say. That Jimmy Page is 82. That means we have to do cashmere. That is a. A legend of music that must be acknowledged on his 82nd birthday. Because God knows how many more of those. Boy, the. The argument that you're not going to live very long if you do drugs and live a life like that sure is going out the window. Look at Aerosmith and Zeppelin and the Stones. And these dudes are living way past an expiration date of what we all thought and keep. And they're healthy like Jimmy Page and Mick Jagger are healthy. How old is Robert Plant? He's got to be right behind him.

[Brett Vesely]

I'll put it in.

[John Holmberg]

Geez Louise. 80.

[Byron]

I think he's younger than Jimmy Page, but he's close.

[Brett Vesely]

77.

[John Holmberg]

He's 77. Yeah. Anyway, it's Led Zeppelin. I love this one.

[Byron]

Also, let's see if you guys. Phil Lewis. He's 69 today. All right.

[Brett Vesely]

Wait, I know that name.

[Byron]

La Gun singer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. That doesn't count.

[Brett Vesely]

Never mind. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

It doesn't count. Absolutely doesn't count. And also, Puff Daddy took this, so it's a double tribute. And that Godzilla movie, Remember that? Actually kind of a cool cover. It's Led Zeppelin for Jimmy Page's 82nd birthday. Yikes. It's cashmere. 98. It's not weird.

[Byron]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee.

[John Holmberg]

I have heard enough of this.