01-09-26 - Rick Glassman - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio

Summary

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Episode Overview

Title: Rick Glassman – Desert Ridge Improv – In Studio
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness (HMS), 98KUPD
Date: January 9, 2026
Guests: Rick Glassman (comedian/podcaster, Take Your Shoes Off), with hosts John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

Main Theme:
A fast-paced and candid interview with comedian Rick Glassman, mixing irreverent humor, personal reflection, life advice, and wild anecdotes. Topics range from Glassman’s tardy sprint into the studio, Cleveland roots, and late-bloomer relationship stories, to cultural quirks, introspection, and his comedy career, all peppered with the show's trademark offbeat banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Rick’s “Hollywood” Arrival

• Running Late:
  • Rick Glassman arrives late, jokingly discussed as a logistical “disaster” given another guest (Marlon Wayans) is also scheduled.

    “He’s got to race up the stairs and then fly into the studio. … That was an impressive pull in; that car was leaning on two wheels, like Speed Buggy.” — John (01:16)

  • Rick explains he set his alarm to LA time (one-hour behind).

    “I set the alarm when I was in LA. … Yeah, dummy.” — Rick (01:49)

• Dog Carrying:
  • Rick notably brings his dog, Alvin, with him, which becomes a running joke.

Cleveland Roots and Sports Fandom

• Not a Sports Guy:
  • Rick is from Cleveland but isn't a Browns/football fan, unlike his family.
  • Shares his grandmother’s intense (and hilarious) Browns fandom—she watches games alone in her closet to manage her anxiety.

    “She watches the games in the closet. … She won’t let watch any games with anybody.” — Rick (03:54)

• Family on The Rich Eisen Show:
  • Rick reveals his grandma is a monthly caller for the Rich Eisen sports show.

    “My grandma’s on the Rich Eisen show once a month … And she calls in. They call her. It’s really cool.” — Rick (03:32)

“Plastic on the Furniture”: Cultural/Ethnic Humor

• Grandparent Stereotypes:
  • The crew humorously debates why grandparents put plastic on furniture, with Rick theorizing about cultural and familial trends.
  • John jokes it's “to keep squirting grandmothers from ruining stuff,” leading to a riotous (and intentionally awkward) digression.

    “That generation’s way of keeping the squirting grandmothers from ruining stuff.” — John (06:10)
    “You’re talking about when grandmas have orgasms… and you think that’s why they put plastic down.” — Rick (06:30)

Rick’s Awkward Journey into Dating & Comedy Material

• Late Bloomer:
  • Rick didn’t have his first kiss until nearly 18 and bought books to learn about kissing—one by Kim Cattrall, which was more about sex than basic kissing.

    “I didn’t have my first kiss until I almost graduated from high school. And I ended up buying a book to learn how to kiss. And the book was about squirting … from Sex and the City I learned that only 14% of women can orgasm penetratively before I ever kissed a woman.” — Rick (07:36)

  • Quotes and stats from the book become comedy fodder.
• Connected Firsts:
  • Rick says his first kiss and first sexual experience were with the same person, and gently sidesteps further detail out of respect for a Phoenix ex and her parents, who might listen.

Comedy, Popular Podcasts, and Upcoming Shows

• Desert Ridge Improv:
  • Rick is headlining all weekend at the Desert Ridge Improv; playfully claims only “a thousand tickets left.”

    “Buy tickets soon because I think we have only a thousand tickets left.” — Rick (11:49)

• Take Your Shoes Off Podcast:
  • Promotes his own podcast, mentioning big upcoming guests.

    “I have Jack Black and Paul Rudd on. I’m really excited about this.” — Rick (13:07)

On Self-Awareness, Questioning, and Social Growth

• Main Life Lesson:
  • Rick shares his core personal growth insight: most people too readily fill in unknowns instead of asking direct questions. He ties this to a story of realizing, in adulthood, that he wasn’t as socially included as he’d thought.

    “I don’t think people know how often they don’t know something. … They fill in the blank with poor critical thinking. … I became aware of how important it is to ask questions.” — Rick (15:20)

  • The catalyst was being gently excluded from a Hollywood basketball game—Bill Lawrence emailed Rick explaining some didn’t enjoy his ultra-competitive style.

    “Turns out guys don’t even WANT to play with me. … I was playing different. In my world the value comes from winning; in their world, it’s about having a good time.” — Rick (17:14)

Basketball & ‘I Am Phenomenal’

• Basketball Obsession:
  • Rick discusses his competitive (and sometimes isolating) intensity in pickup basketball, leading to a short film and music video, "I am Phenomenal," processing being unwittingly “that guy” no one wanted to play with.

    “I was intense; I thought I was the best … You can see on YouTube, it’s called ‘I am Phenomenal.’ Joel McHale plays Bill Lawrence in it.” — Rick (18:09)

Humorous Childhood Anecdotes

• “Bullying” at Basketball Camp:
  • Rick tells a story of gently pranking kids at basketball camp, culminating with a child asking him to sign his shoes after being knocked over by a basketball.

    “I threw this ball at this kid … He goes, ‘Will you sign my shoes?’ … Now I’m here telling you I didn’t have any friends growing up.” — Rick (23:05)

Final Thoughts, Callbacks, and Plugs

• Relationship Reflection:
  • Rick half-jokes about writing a book on getting ex-girlfriends back.
  • Bids farewell, thanking the hosts for still letting him come in despite being late.

    “Glad you still let me come in … Rick Glassman at the Desert Ridge Improv. Desertridgeimprov.com.” — John (23:57)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On Arriving Late

  “I set the alarm when I was in LA. … Yeah, dummy.” — Rick (01:49)

• Family Football Fandom

  “She watches the games in the closet. … She won’t let watch any games with anybody.” — Rick (03:54)

• On Plastic Couch Covers & Squirting Grandmothers

  “That generation’s way of keeping the squirting grandmothers from ruining stuff.” — John (06:10)

• On Self-Education

  “I didn’t have my first kiss until I almost graduated from high school. … I bought this book from Kim Cattrall and it was all about the clitoris.” — Rick (07:36)

• On Self-Awareness and Social Growth

  “I became aware of how important it is to ask questions. Answers are relatively easy if you have the curiosity to ask.” — Rick (16:01)

• On Pick-Up Basketball

  “Turns out guys don’t even WANT to play with me ... In my world, the value comes from winning … In their world, it comes from getting away from the family and having a nice time.” — Rick (17:14)

• Basketball Camp Revelation

  “I threw this ball at this kid … He goes, ‘Will you sign my shoes?’” — Rick (23:05)

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Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• [01:16] Rick’s frantic entry into the studio
• [03:32] Discussion about Rick’s grandmother on The Rich Eisen Show
• [06:10–07:03] “Plastic on the furniture” and generational/sexual humor
• [07:36–08:49] Rick’s relationship history, first kiss, and early sexual education
• [15:20–18:55] Rick’s life philosophy about asking questions, and learning from a painful Hollywood social experience
• [18:55–21:00] Pickup basketball and invention of solo games; "I Am Phenomenal" video
• [22:03–23:23] The basketball camp prank and sweet childhood story

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Tone and Style

The episode blends observational, irreverent humor (in true HMS fashion) with moments of intimacy and self-deprecation from Rick Glassman. The hosts riff freely, often making intentionally awkward or risqué jokes, but Rick matches with quick wit and candid vulnerability. At times, the conversation is absurdly funny; at others, unexpectedly insightful.

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Useful for Listeners

• If you enjoy: Quick-fire comedy, behind-the-curtain looks at comedians’ lives, and honest reflections on friendship, family, and career mishaps, you’ll find this episode both hilarious and refreshingly real.
• If you missed it: You’ll catch all the big stories—Rick’s wild arrival, Cleveland family quirks, his “late-bloomer” adolescence, his journey toward self-awareness, plus inside-baseball tales of comedy, basketball, and podcasting.

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Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[B]

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[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[B]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it online. It really that simple?

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[C]

Morning sickness. You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[D]

He's evil sitting right here.

[A]

Come on.

[C]

No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Oh, Rick Glassman is tardy, but he's pulling into the parking lot now. This can get exciting, everybody. He's got to race up the stairs and then fly into the studio. And we'll have Rick in here in just a second. Rick Glassman, Desert Ridge Improv. Desert Ridge Improv this week, if you want to go see him. Oh, he woke up a little late. He's been speeding in. We got Marlon Wayans coming in right behind him. Logistically, a disaster for us to try to get both people in on time. And Rick is fed into the parking.

[E]

Lot in ways he's gonna have to do an overnight.

[C]

Look, if you're gonna. If you're gonna. Exactly. If you're gonna risk your life. If you're gonna risk your life to be on this show, we will. We will not bump you. That was an impressive pull in that car was leaning on two wheels, like speed buggy. I want to see some hustle in this hallway. If he's loafing, he's out.

[E]

I hear some. Oh, yeah, look at him.

[C]

He's going to speed this. I like it. He picked up a dog on the way up, a dog on his way. And, ladies and gentlemen, the very speedy and a tad tardy Rick Glassman. Welcome, sir. My God, I'm impressed. That drive in was. Oh, was. What happened? Were you sleep?

[D]

I set the alarm when I was in la.

[C]

Oh, it's an hour difference.

[D]

Yeah, dummy. Hey, Buddy. Well, welcome.

[C]

It's Rick Glassman.

[D]

I mean, I got. I got in the car after getting four hours of sleep, and they're like. They canceled. I said, call him back. Give me five minutes.

[C]

Yeah, well, we were trying, but then it got just to be. It wasn't you. It was just the logistics of you being any more late, it makes the whole world end.

[D]

I understand.

[C]

That's right. So I'm.

[D]

But when you say it wasn't you, and then say, but if you were any more late, it does feel a little. It does feel a little pointed.

[C]

It is a little you.

[D]

Okay. You're right. But you. Thanks for having me. It was nice to meet you guys.

[E]

Thanks for coming in.

[C]

You did oversleep.

[D]

So it is you. Yeah. But then, listen, it's not your fault. We just want to let you know, nobody here likes you. You just made that sound, you know.

[C]

Okay, I'll give you that. That's a little bit pointed. But when I see somebody speed into a parking lot just to be on.

[D]

This show, what you didn't see was me going like this.

[C]

Go, go, go, go, go. That's true. That is very true. That's Brady. Brady, Rick. That's Brett. My name's John, and it's a pleasure. Well, good.

[A]

Relax.

[C]

For God's sakes. You're here now.

[D]

Thanks for having me.

[C]

You know what's really weird about. You know what's really weird today is that Your birthday is July 23rd. Marlin's is July 23rd, and he's coming in right behind you.

[D]

Is that. No.

[C]

Marlon Wayans.

[D]

I thought that was Marlon.

[C]

That is. That's Marlon Wayans. That's Brett. Often confused for Marlon. Way.

[D]

So I knew Marlon was coming on, and I thought he was. May was calling Damon Waynes Jr. Because I don't know Marlon.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

I'm friends with his. His nephew. I was like, will you just call Marlon?

[C]

Just.

[D]

Just plug. Plug my show. Just plug my show.

[C]

We were going to give you plenty of them. That's good. Where are you from?

[D]

Cleveland.

[C]

Cleveland, Ohio. Okay, you can go.

[D]

Shake.

[C]

As a Steelers fan, I think you can just go now.

[D]

I understand. Yeah, I understand. I don't. I don't subscribe to the. To the sport, to be honest with you.

[C]

Good thinking. Especially from Cleveland. If I was a Clevelander, I would not subscribe.

[D]

Oh, my whole family is. My grandma's on the Rich Eisen show once a month. Is that true? Yeah. I went on once. I was a little late, and we promote something, and we call my grandma and she became a regular on it now. And she calls in. They call her. It's really cool.

[C]

Really?

[D]

Yeah. And she's a huge Browns fan.

[C]

Oh. And it's just miserable. Lived a miserable life.

[D]

She lives. She watches the games in the closet.

[C]

Yeah. I can't imagine.

[D]

I'm not being hyperbolic. In the closet. Yeah. For.

[C]

Just to get away from everybody.

[D]

She won't let watch any games with anybody. She's just in the closet.

[E]

It's too much like anxiety if she's watching.

[C]

And she'll hurt people. It's an embarrassing behavior.

[D]

Well, listen, you could bully me, but she doesn't embarrass people. She doesn't hurt people. She just over drinks and she embarrasses people. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Did you ever see grandma watch a Browns game?

[D]

Once on my podcast. I forced her and I filmed. We did a podcast during a Browns game. Wouldn't it be odd if she just.

[C]

Went in there to pleasure herself and used it as an excuse?

[D]

Hold on one sec.

[C]

You're gonna throw up. I'm sorry.

[D]

What have I done? Take my headphones off. Cause I need to hear it as loud. No, but she. She left for half the podcast and she was just in the.

[C]

In the closet. And that's so strange.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Does she have plastic on the furniture?

[D]

No.

[C]

Okay. I have a theory about grandparents with plastic on the furniture.

[D]

Listen, I don't know what your audience is and what we talk about, but it's very cultural related there.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

There are certain religions and races that put plastic on furniture. Is that true?

[C]

Cleveland is very. It's race based on who?

[D]

I don't think it's based just on Cleveland.

[C]

Oh, is it because my. Because my hillbilly grandparents had plastic on their. Oh, you're saying it's them. I thought you were saying it was like a people of color. Well, I think white people do it most.

[D]

There are. There are certain black people that do it. There are certain white people that do it.

[C]

And when you say.

[D]

I'm pretty sure it's only those two certain. Yes.

[C]

What does that mean?

[D]

Well, hillbilly white people.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

And. And grandmothers who have lots of grandchildren. Ah. I. And I say black people just because I've. Just when I was growing up, I just. That was like the first time and second time and maybe third time I ever saw that was in a movie where it was a black grandma plastic on her furniture.

[C]

It's weird. And your grandpa. Your grandmother doesn't. My grandma did.

[E]

And I remember the grandma had definitely The. The plastic carpet.

[C]

Oh, yeah. The runners and stuff like that. We had that when I was a kid, but that's it. You have a. You have a hat.

[D]

Shout out to Martial Art gallery in Northeast Ohio.

[E]

Hat.

[C]

You are the only person currently on the planet wearing a Marshall rug. Gallery hat.

[D]

Yeah, because they don't have any customers.

[C]

Oh, okay. Well, they need help.

[D]

Well, everyone, there's family. We'll be right back.

[C]

I like that. Yeah. I have a theory that. Because, you know, and if we're free to talk here.

[D]

Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

Comfortable? Oh, we're good. You and I.

[D]

Do we have another minute?

[C]

Oh, we're plenty. I'm not talking about time. I'm saying, you know, I have a theory that plastic on the furniture was that generation's way of keeping the squirting grandmothers from ruining stuff. Because that seems to have.

[D]

I just want to make sure it's not a band.

[C]

It's not a band.

[D]

You're talking about when. When grandmas have orgasms.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Yes. Then they squirt.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

And you think that they were.

[C]

I think they were doing that back in the day. And then the furniture got ruined, and it was harder to get furniture back then, so they blamed it on the grandkids, but it was always there, whether grandkids were around or not.

[D]

All right, couple questions.

[C]

And I think squirting showed up because, like, we didn't know about that. Like, 18 years ago.

[D]

You didn't know what? Squirting. 18 years ago.

[C]

Wait a minute. Don't cuss.

[D]

Why was. Oh, but just talk about my grandma squirting.

[C]

Yeah, but you said the bad one.

[D]

Sorry.

[C]

I was being scientific.

[D]

I do apologize.

[C]

That's okay.

[D]

I have a question for you. Yes? Why was it so hard to get furniture back then? It just was. Is that a real thing?

[E]

It took a while to make.

[C]

Now it's. Well, you have to admit, all things easier now. As far as, like, if you wreck a couch, you can get a new couch faster. Or you can just call. Wayfair will have a couch to your house in a couple of days.

[D]

You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess. I've never bought a couch.

[C]

Back then, there was, like, the family couch. They didn't replace them ever.

[E]

Oh, yeah. You'd pass furniture down.

[C]

The horrible old couches lasted forever, so I haven't.

[E]

Maybe that's why they put the plastic on there, too.

[C]

So you knew about the.

[D]

The.

[C]

That particular act in a woman's life years and years ago.

[D]

I actually talk about it in my. In in my set that I didn't have my first kiss until I almost graduated from high school. And I ended up buying a book to learn how to kiss. And the book was about squirting. Yeah. I mean, kissing her Wrong. Orgasms.

[C]

No kidding.

[D]

Yeah. I learned. Who bought you the book? I bought it.

[C]

You went on your own and got.

[D]

I was too embarrassed to ask anybody how to. Because everybody's been kissing already. So I bought this book from. I bought a few books. The first one was from Kim Cattrall, and it was all about just, like, the clitoris. And from sex and the city, I learned that only. Only 14% of women can orgasm penetratively before I ever kissed a woman.

[C]

Well, I think we all learned that after the. Well, before you kiss. Yeah. That's pretty good.

[D]

So I learned this stuff pretty early.

[C]

You went in. You were coming in hot with a lot of knowledge. Yeah. Kind of science.

[E]

Science to it.

[C]

A lot of knowledge with what you brought to the party. And did the book help you.

[D]

You.

[C]

Know, every time you kiss me.

[E]

A 14 percenter.

[C]

Yeah. He had plastic down.

[D]

Yeah, that is.

[C]

It's a. It's a weird thing. And Kim Cattrall was the one you leaned on most.

[D]

Well, that was the first book I. The. The. The COVID was a pair of red lips. Face. Lips.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm like, oh, this. This must teach me how to kiss. Oh, and I learned how to Dougie before that.

[C]

Nice.

[D]

You could keep that in. But, you know, if we. If we repost this, that's when we learn to take that one out.

[C]

Yeah. How old were you when you first kissed?

[D]

Was. It was April, three months before I turned 18.

[C]

No kidding. Okay. That's pretty good. I think it was around. Well, I had some awkward moments, but, like, a real good one was probably about 16 or 7.

[D]

How old were you when you first had sex work?

[E]

Well.

[C]

Geez. What's that? I still think it's fake. I think it's on tv. On tv? Well, my grandma seemed to enjoy the cubs game. He's a prepper. He's a prepper. He's got him.

[E]

And just in case it happens. But it hasn't yet.

[C]

I don't.

[D]

What do you think prepper means?

[C]

Different definitions.

[E]

Putting the plastic on the couch.

[C]

Yeah, that is prepper.

[E]

One day.

[D]

Yeah, that might happen. People usually, they prep for, like, you know, an earthquake.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. But if you're prepping for squirting, you're. Yeah, that's a lot of.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

A lot of preparation.

[D]

A lot of anxiety.

[C]

Doesn't seem worth it. Yeah, no, that's not something that I've experienced in person.

[D]

Are we going to owe money for that swear word?

[C]

No, no, you're good. I got it. I hit a button. You're clear. Just stop it. That's right.

[E]

Don't do it again.

[C]

We do it. We run into this problem quite often. What should we know about Rick Glassman that we don't? We've learned a lot. We've learned an awful lot.

[D]

I think.

[C]

Was the girl you kissed the first time also the one that took your flower?

[D]

Yeah. We. We are each other's first everything. Is that right? But I really don't want to be talking about other. Other. Other women. Want them in Phoenix because just in the off chance that my. My most recent ex girlfriend's parents who live here are listening, I just want you guys to know that was a long time ago. And I still think about your daughter.

[C]

Do you still think about her?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Is that true? Yeah. Do you want her back? Because we'll call him.

[D]

Oh, I was. I was hoping.

[C]

You want to call real quick?

[D]

Don't swear and don't talk about them squirting. Can we call my ex's parents to tell them I still think about her? You know, I don't have to be a prepper to say, no, thank you.

[C]

Do you still want her back at all, or no, you're done.

[D]

To be candid with you, I know I offered this and this. This conversation up, and that's the most. The most I'm going to talk about because it was a real thought in my head on my way over. I'm like, there's no way that I think. Listen. They're awake. I'm probably awake maybe, actually. I know they're awake. Yeah. I was looking through the window on the way over here, but for her, right?

[E]

They're awake.

[C]

Is that where they're hiding her?

[D]

No, she. She doesn't live in Phoenix.

[C]

Okay. That's what she told you?

[D]

Yeah. She wouldn't lie to me.

[C]

She cares about you.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

She loves you. She's going to tell you where she is at all times.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

There's nothing wrong. What's your dog's name?

[D]

Alvin.

[C]

Alvin. Alvin's adorable. Chihuahua. Mix of something.

[D]

Yeah, his. His mom is a Chihuahua and his dad is Jewish.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

Is that okay here? Is that okay here?

[C]

No.

[D]

You have to believe that.

[C]

You have to leave. Yeah. We will not use those words. Ice is going to take half of them and the rest is going back to the Mossad.

[D]

I don't know, man. These are jokes that are on your terms, not mine. These are your jokes.

[C]

You're the one bringing that devil dog in here.

[D]

He's a little boy.

[C]

How old is that?

[E]

He's cute.

[C]

That's a cute dog.

[D]

Yeah. And he wanted me to let you guys know I am at Desert Ridge Improv tonight, Saturday and Sunday, and the buy ticket soon because I think we have only a thousand tickets left.

[C]

Is that right?

[D]

I think over to 900. Over, under. I'm. I'm. I put it at 950 tickets left.

[C]

Okay, well, we got it. They'll go. They'll go fast, and then that's it. We're not adding.

[D]

I learned from Kim Cattrall, you don't always have to go fast. That's for smart. Yeah.

[C]

Something, something, check. Morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness. What was the best piece of advice the book gave you?

[D]

To be honest, it's hard to remember what I learned from that and just from my experience of just being connected and strong communication. Do you hear that? My ex's parents. But I being present. And it's important that. Not that you make a woman come, but that you make her feel safe.

[C]

That was nice. Kim taught you that. All the way from Sex in the City.

[D]

That's Rick Glassman take your shoes off podcast. We'll be right back with Marlon. Wayne's related to Major Pain.

[C]

That's right. Are you and your friends with his nephew, right?

[D]

Yeah. He's been on my part a few times. I love Damon.

[C]

Yeah. And what are you doing with your podcast? Just the comedians running around doing crazy stuff together. Yeah.

[D]

We say justice a little. Kind of sending.

[C]

And it was.

[D]

It was.

[C]

I was being.

[D]

But yeah, I actually would love to promote this week. I have Jack Black and Paul Rudd on. I'm really excited about this.

[C]

That's fantastic. And Paul Rudd's a huge Steeler fan. An obscene obscure.

[D]

He's a Kansas City guy. I thought Steelers.

[C]

To ask him. He. He does what I do. When I saw what he did with his brain for the Steelers, I'm like, I'm not the only one. If you give me your phone number out loud. Oh, I assign the numbers to the jerseys.

[D]

I saw him do that on Rich.

[C]

Eisenhower, and I'm the same. And I. And I always thought that was an odd way to remember everything, but that is exactly what I do. And when I saw him do that, I'm like, oh, my God. And it's the Steelers.

[D]

It was a weird Are there any combinations that you can't do? Because most numbers are double digits.

[C]

But you can work it out with singles, too. You can work singles, you can. Double digit, you can. I have something for everything.

[D]

So you. You also had your first kiss late in life. You know what? Yeah, I'm gonna stay.

[C]

And it was with a girl who looked a lot like Terry Bradshaw. In fact, it was Terry Bradshaw. But did he mean a lot?

[D]

Terry Bradshaw? I think I just saw him on. On Family. A clip of him from Family Feud. Was that Terry Bradshaw?

[C]

Yeah, Family Feud.

[D]

No, and his daughter. He has his daughters and. And one of them. I think that was Terry Bradshaw and one of the daughters. There's three daughters, maybe. Yeah. Two of them are married and one of them was dating somebody new. And the dating. Somebody knew that guy was in the audience and he was busting his balls with Steve Harvey during. It's a really funny clip.

[C]

Really? With.

[D]

Yeah, that's it.

[C]

Wow. Yeah, I've not seen that. But his daughters are kind of hot and he's parading them around.

[D]

Well, I mean, the only beauty I see is. Is. Is in the way they communicate in their soul. And then also the face and the body and stuff.

[C]

And then you get into the hair, face and shape. Yeah. None of them are big either. Yeah. Terry's done all right for himself. Yeah. But Paul Rudd's a huge Steeler fan.

[D]

He will.

[C]

It's amazing because I didn't. I felt such a connection to that. It was so weird. I always thought that was a weird thing for me to do.

[D]

Also the chances of them doing. From football numbers, but also the same team.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

What are the chances? One in 30.

[C]

Yeah, 32. That's true.

[D]

Oh, right. I forgot. Zero and double zero.

[C]

Yeah. It's. It's like a roulette table. You gotta have it there. Rick, you are. You're charged to save the world with one idea or asking you to give us that one thing. You would change if you were in charge of the planet Earth. Anything. What's a. It can be selfish.

[D]

You know, I think if I was to go bigger and I thought about this in my personal life a little bit. So just with. For everybody, for. I don't think people know how often they don't know something.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And they not necessarily assume something, but they fill in the blank with poor critical thinking. Yeah. If this. Then it must be this.

[C]

Right.

[D]

And that kind of defines the way they. Those little moments of filling in the blanks, I think kind of calibrate how you see people and the world. And I've spent the last 10 years trying to recognize how often I've been doing that. Long story short, I talk about this in my act, but it's. I came into some self awareness about eight years ago and I became aware of how important it is to ask questions.

[C]

Oh, huge.

[D]

Answers are relatively easy if you know, if you. If you have a curiosity to ask the question. Because if, even if you don't get an answer, you know that, oh, this is information I don't yet have.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Instead of assuming something, were you raised to not question? No, I actually just call my chemical makeup and the way I was raised, I guess. But I think more so the former. I took a lot of things at face value. Yeah. Oh, this is this. So they said this. This person says this and you assume that. Yeah, they, you know, it happened. It happened for me a lot in. With like, just like in my social life where I was never bullied. Yeah. Really Once at camp, but doesn't matter. I was. That wasn't really bullied much. I just wasn't ever really included and I never knew it. Like, like people I would. People were nice to me. And it wasn't until I was in my 30s that I grew up and I realized I didn't really have any friends growing up. I just thought everybody was busy all the time, you know. And like they just said, sorry, I can't. Sorry, I can't. And like, oh, if you just told me that I had a booger in my nose, we could all be uncomfortable for a second. I could get rid of this booger. Yes. So I think not filling in the blanks and being comfortable.

[C]

What was the catalyst? Moment to go. I believed all this stuff. Why didn't I question that?

[D]

My first job, it was this TV show with the show creator, Bill Lawrence, who. Who's now he's. Does Ted Lasso shrinking. He's a big, big showrunner now. And I say this because you moved to Los Angeles. I play basketball. I got in this basketball game with these comedy writers. This is a great in. Yeah. And I was in that game for five years and Bill had to send me an email and he said, hey, some of the guys that have been this game for a long time don't want. Don't come when you're here. They don't want to play with you anymore. Do with that information what you want. I just feel like maybe you don't even know this. I thought I was the best. I'm picked first. Turns out guys don't even Want to play with me? You know, I'm very intense, and some of these guys are, you know. Oh, you're old comedy writers.

[E]

Fouls like crazy.

[D]

No. Just giving them.

[C]

You were the Draymond Green of comedy writer basketball.

[D]

Yeah, I took it. In my world, the value comes from winning, so you don't have to sit. Yes. In their world, the value comes from getting away from the family and having a nice time and getting your heart rate up.

[C]

Ruining that.

[D]

I was playing different.

[C]

Yeah, you're the hacker.

[D]

I actually, I made a video. I have it on YouTube. It's called I am phenomenal because I thought I was until I found out nobody liked me. But Joel McHale plays the Bill Lawrence who sent me the email, and his script is the email that Bill sent me. It was a really cathartic thing because Bill saw this, he liked it. We were. We're actually talking about maybe trying to turn it into something, but it was based on the story of me getting kicked out now. Getting kicked out of something. The reason that was the inciting incident was just the timing in my life, I guess, and just connecting patterns that. Yeah, before that, I didn't really know. And it ultimately led me to. Again, I don't want to. It's a long story, but it led me into this information about myself that really changed my life for the better and taught me that and to communicate directly.

[E]

Are you still hooping?

[C]

Are you still shooting around, by the way?

[D]

Yeah, I'm not going to co sign that.

[C]

I want to co sign.

[D]

I call picks when I'm picking them. Like, if I'm gonna send a pick for you, I'm gonna say right side.

[C]

Oh, you warned the guy you're gonna lay out.

[D]

I'm not lay out again.

[C]

There's no reason. There's no reason for the warning.

[D]

Letting them know it's coming.

[C]

Yes, that's a. That's a warning. You're gonna get laid out.

[D]

Why? I learned from Kim Cattrall. Always let him know when you're coming again. That's Rick Glassman. Thank me here.

[C]

I'm not done. Are you. Are you setting difficult? Are you good or you have the base pick? Because I'm good at those.

[D]

Why don't you pull up? I am phenomenal.

[C]

Oh, see, now you've got. Now you've got video evidence.

[D]

I'm a good basketball player.

[C]

Okay, that's great. That's good. See, now I've learned the basketball is one game that I. I get mad at myself. And for a while, people thought I. Because I can relate to this. They thought I was yelling at them. I would do something and I'd be like, you dumb mother.

[D]

Watch your language. Language.

[C]

I said I would do that. I mean, you dumb mother effer.

[D]

Oh. And they get it together.

[C]

C word.

[D]

Oh.

[C]

And they thought I was yelling at them.

[D]

So. So if. So if we're on the same team. Yeah. And you bricked a three pointer.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And you started yelling. You think I would then think. Is he talking to me?

[C]

Well, it's not about brick and threes. It's about, you know. Ah, come on. One of those deals.

[D]

Yeah, but wouldn't you only do that after something I did?

[C]

But it wouldn't be like an egregious.

[D]

Come on.

[C]

Or like if the ball.

[E]

Every once in a while if everything.

[C]

We bang into each other something. Come on.

[D]

How did you discover that people thought that's what you were doing?

[C]

I found that I was playing basketball alone a lot.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I was out there shooting around a lot. Gosh, everybody was going to show up. And now I have a basketball court, my backyard. And I've invented. And I realized this was really. When I realized it, I have probably a handful of games I've invented to play alone.

[D]

Hey, man, you're. You're in here with two of your friends in a room by yourself to talk to a lot of people. I get it.

[C]

Is this you in the. Oh, this is you screaming. I am phenomenal.

[D]

Yeah, this is. This is the music video of it. There's an actual short. And then other times.

[C]

And this is huge.

[D]

I got big balls.

[C]

You made a song about you not being likable on a basketball court.

[D]

Yeah. A friend of mine is a studio, so I went and I freestyled it for a little bit.

[C]

Great.

[D]

And then it's really fun. It's something I'm happy with because it was a big moment.

[C]

Left handed. Ouch.

[D]

Ambidextrous.

[C]

Oh, you do both. You can shoot from both sides. From distance.

[D]

Well, to be honest with you, that one, we just mirrored that shot because we were cross dissolving on something on the left side.

[C]

So you just flipped yourself.

[D]

But you could tell because the armband was on the other end.

[C]

Okay, I see. And the 1974 in your shirt was backwards.

[D]

I get it.

[C]

It's all right. Okay. We are still playing the game and you're bouncing off a bunch of 50 year old dudes feeling great about yourself. You ever go down just beat up kids?

[D]

It's funny that you bring that up. I got a 90 second story. If you Got time.

[C]

Go.

[D]

So I was coaching. Coaching. Yeah. So in high school, when I didn't play much, by the way. Yeah. We, we, the varsity team coached this Cavaliers basketball camp and Zyruna Sagaskis came and it was for 10 year olds or whatever grade the 10 year olds are. And we were in the gym and in my head, as a joke, not saying it's okay, not saying it's not okay, but as a joke, I thought it might be funny while the kids were running around the lap the court, if I threw a basketball, you know what? I don't tell the story.

[C]

No, go.

[D]

I just said, yeah, you know, if you're right when you're running, if, while they're running, if you hit the basketball between the two legs, they would, they would trip now. Yeah. Again, drop them in my head. This is one of those courts has a rubber floor. They're not going to get hurt. He's fine. I'm having, I'm having fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Chucking basketball.

[D]

So I threw the basketball. And as I threw the basketball, this didn't even cross my mind until I let go of the ball. I thought, what if this hurts this kid? It wasn't. I don't think it will. There was no chance because you would, we would do this with each other. This is fun. We're adults.

[C]

Nukes are in the air.

[D]

So I unfortunately, my shot is fire and it hits him and he flies. And while he's in the air, I'm like, oh, no. And I don't know if you guys know this, but before a kid cried. The kids cry for two reasons. One, for no reason and two, because they think they're supposed to cry.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

You don't know which one it is.

[C]

It's never from injury or reality or emotional either.

[D]

Injury or they think it's an injury.

[C]

Exactly.

[D]

This kid's not getting injured. I know that.

[C]

Fine.

[D]

So I run over to him because you know when, if a kid is about to cry, if you tell him to punch you in the stomach or call you a swear word or something, then they'll do it. And they laugh and they're like, oh, they forgot I was hurt.

[C]

Right.

[D]

So I went over there, I'm like, hey, you know, you want to hit me in the stomach? You want to, you know, call me a swear word or whatever. And he got excited for a second. He goes, will you just sign my shoes? And I threw this ball at this kid. I threw this ball at this kid. He goes, will you sign my shoes? And now I'm on here. Saying I didn't have any friends when I was growing up, and people don't want to play basketball with me.

[C]

I've grown.

[D]

And if you want to learn how you can the Pendant Ridge Improv tonight, Saturday and Sunday.

[C]

And you're signing Kim Cattrall's book at the end. Right. You should be selling those. Those would be nice.

[D]

That's actually great merch. A bit of my act is talking about all the things I learned how to do before I knew how to kiss, and. And I have. Yeah, that actually would. I should write a book on how to get an ex girlfriend back. Maybe. But I'm not sure if we're really compatible, to be honest with you. But I still care about it.

[C]

Still do, you know? Yeah. And sign a shoe and then throw it from there. Just throw it as far as you can. Rick Glassman, A pleasure. I'm glad you rolled out of the.

[D]

Glad. I'm glad that you guys still let me come in because, yeah, we've heard.

[C]

About you, and we weren't gonna let you in, but now. You know what? You've changed. Yeah, I appreciate that. It's Rick Glassman at the Desert Ridge Improv. Desertridgeimprov. Com. That's where you want to go. Thank you, sir. Pleasure. Thank you for having kupd.

[D]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I've heard enough of this.