01-23-26 - JB Smoove - Stand Up Live - In Studio

Summary

Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: 01-23-26 - JB Smoove - Stand Up Live - In Studio
Date: January 23, 2026
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Guest: JB Smoove (comedian, actor, best known as Leon Black from Curb Your Enthusiasm)

Main Theme:
A lively, often hilarious in-studio conversation with JB Smoove about travel, life after Curb Your Enthusiasm, comedic business ventures, personal style, unique jobs, and hygiene habits—delivered in JB’s signature playful, charismatic style.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Warm Arizona & The Birthday World Tour

• JB Smoove expresses admiration for Arizona’s winter weather, contrasting it with his travels.
  • “It's my first time in a long time coming out here when it wasn't 120. Yeah, this is like beautiful.” (01:35)
• JB recounts his extensive "birthday tour," with trips to Deer Valley, Cabo, and Aspen, celebrating his 60th birthday.
  • “I am still going right now... I get back on another plane and go someplace else.” (03:30)
• JB discusses his global travel experiences:
  • “I've been to Bali, Ghana, Australia, London... almost everywhere.” (03:54)
  • Tokyo remains on his bucket list.

Memorable Moments & Show Highlights

Travel & Memorable Connections

• JB shares his philosophy of leaving an impression everywhere he goes:
  • “When I get there, I leave things there, you know what I mean?... You want to go places when you do play, when you go places like that, people got to remember you.” (04:48)

Curb Your Enthusiasm & The Leon Black Legacy

• JB discusses being associated with Leon Black and the desire for more Leon stories.
  • “Sometimes you get, you get stuck in places like that sometimes... Or they feel like you can't do anything else but that character.” (06:12)
• On future roles and projects: He’s focused on developing his own avenues beyond acting, including business ventures.

JB Smoove's Business Mindset & Creative Agency

• JB has ventured into running his own production and ad agency.
  • “We started our own production company. We started our own ad agency... I've been a spokesperson so many times... for numerous products.” (06:50)
• The agency is comedy-centric, matching comedians with brands.
  • “It's called First Darren. First Darren. And it's a comedy based ad agency.” (19:38)
• The challenge: Many brands want JB himself, so he’s deliberate about representing brands that fit his lifestyle and sensibility.
  • “I gotta pick and choose the ones that I know fit my sensibility... my wide range of things.” (20:55)

Unique Jobs & Sales Background

• JB shares stories from his early sales days:
  • Sold fire extinguishers door-to-door—by scaring people into buying:
    • “My job was to scare the hell out of you... You gotta scare the hell out of people. You scare the hell out of them so you can scare the money into you.” (08:39, 09:18, 09:47)
  • Also worked at a perfumery at age 15, where he learned to craft fragrances. (11:06+)

Hilarious Hygiene Tangents: Vabbing, “Fudging,” and Shower Debates

• The panel gets into a raucous discussion about “vabbing” (women using their own vaginal scent as perfume) as a trending topic.
  • JB supports the primal, animalistic angle:
    • “Of course you are attracted. You are attracted to the scent, the pheromone. The pheromones of the vab.” (12:33)
  • Compares the irresistibility of certain scents to bacon:
    • “Bacon has a unique smell. Just the only two things you can put on your neck and attract a man. And I'm a vegan talking this.” (13:02)
• The segment escalates to the concept of “fudging” and personal cleanliness/hygiene.
  • Holmberg is proud of his shower routine:
    • “I have a pristine ass. I wash my ass. I keep it clean. And I get yelled at by people... you got to take a shower every time...” (17:20)
  • JB co-signs the double-rag method and exfoliating gloves for cleanliness.
    • “Double rags. He knows the double rags. Two rags. That's pretty cool, too.” (17:37)

Style, Fashion, and Bringing Back Class

• On restoring men’s fashion and personal style, JB muses about a revival of class and the 1940s look.
  • “I do think there's something there about especially men. Looking good, man. Yeah. And carrying this torch to bring back style.” (22:57)
• Advises on building outfits, color palettes, and making strong first impressions:
  • “They look at your feet first... They make sure the shoes is popping. Everything's built around the shoes. Then they work the way up.” (24:23)
  • “Always tell people... you're going to an interview. Put something. Wear something that can start the convo.” (24:44)
• JB’s practical style advice:
  • “Once you know your color, your tone, and your color palette, everything else is easy. Like, I know browns is my thing.” (27:09)
  • “You better off buying a size smaller. And force your posture. You're supposed to be like a cardboard cutout.” (29:05)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Interactions

• On being remembered:
  “People got to remember you even if your ass don’t remember them.” — JB Smoove (05:04)

• On primal attraction:
  “We nothing but animals with clothes on. That’s what we are. All we are is fashionable animals.” — JB Smoove (13:59)

• On vabbing and bacon:
  “Just the only two things you can put on your neck and attract a man… you put the vags on your neck, you put the bacon grease on your neck.” — JB Smoove (13:07)

• On freshness and hygiene:
  “Double rags. He knows the double rags. Two rags.” — JB Smoove (17:37)

• On style:
  “Once you know your color, your tone, and your color palette, everything else is easy.” — JB Smoove (27:09)

• On inspiration:
  “Let me help you become me.” — JB Smoove (30:51)
  “It ain't too late for you. Do whatever it is you're supposed to do.” — JB Smoove (31:03)

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• 01:35 – JB Smoove on Arizona winter vs. birthday tour travel
• 03:54 – Places JB has traveled; where’s next
• 05:04 – On making a memorable impression
• 06:12 – Life beyond Leon Black/Curb Your Enthusiasm
• 06:50 – Building his own ad agency and production company
• 08:39 – Selling fire extinguishers door-to-door
• 11:06 – Working at a perfumery at age 15
• 12:24 – “Vabbing” and attracting with scent
• 13:07 – Comparing vabbing and bacon as pheromones
• 17:20 – Hygiene: showering and keeping clean
• 19:38 – The origin of the “First Darren” ad agency
• 22:57 – Men’s fashion, style, and reviving class
• 24:44 – Advice for dressing for interviews
• 27:09 – Knowing your colors and building an outfit
• 29:05 – On proper suit fit and posture
• 30:51 – JB’s closing, humorous inspirational message

---

Quick-Reference: JB’s Style & Life Advice

• Be memorable: “People got to remember you even if your ass don’t remember them.” (05:04)
• Know your strengths: “Once you know your color, your tone, and your color palette, everything else is easy.” (27:09)
• Keep it simple & clean: “Keep it simple. Stupid.” (17:20)
• Never too late to evolve: “It ain't too late for you. Do whatever it is you're supposed to do.” (31:03)

---

Summary

This vibrant, laughter-filled episode captures JB Smoove’s perspective on travel, business, personal branding, and self-care—each colored with his comedic instinct. From tales of worldwide adventures, poignant observations about being typecast, revelations about entrepreneurial pursuits, to hilarious explorations of hygiene and style, JB offers both inspiration and laugh-out-loud moments. Fans of Curb, comedy, or just great conversation will find something to enjoy and remember.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. FanDuel is taking care of you guys because they're turning on playoff mode. All customers get a profit boost pack every NFL playoff game day. Each game day during the championship round, you'll find a pick loaded with multiple profit boosts waiting for you in the app. So visit fanduel.com kupd and grab your profit boost pack every NFL playoff game day. 21/in present Arizona/opt in required bonus issues non withdrawable profit boost tokens. Restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See terms of sportsbook.fanduel.com gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42.

[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here seeing clear as a bell. Thanks to my friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Well, here we are looking at a brand new year. Can you see yourself in 2026? Can you see it all? I mean, really, maybe in 2026 you should see yourself seeing. Fix those eyes. Vision changes are gradual. You might not even know how bad it's gotten. I know. That was my story. So start the new year by seeing clearly. Visit Dr. Jay Schwartz and his team at the Schwartz laser eye CENT 483 eyes Schwartz laser eye center, the official eye center for your Diamondbacks and sons.

[JB Smooth]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you?

[John Holmberg]

You can wear those if you want to. Hey, everybody. There's no reason to waste time with what I consider to be one of my favorite television characters in the history of tv, Leon Black. JB Smooth is here. Stand up live tonight and tomorrow if you want to go there. Standuplive.com and welcome JB.

[JB Smooth]

Hey, man, it's good to here, man. Look at this. Beautiful out here. Gorgeous. It's my first time in a long time coming out here when it wasn't 120. Yeah, this is like beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

It's perfect.

[JB Smooth]

This is almost like open the fridge, get some, get some juice out. It's the. You know what I mean?

[John Holmberg]

It's the refrigerator aisle at the grocery store.

[JB Smooth]

This is perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a perfect day and it's better than everywhere else. It's like 400 below zero everywhere but here today.

[JB Smooth]

Everywhere else is crazy right now, you know, and, and you know, everywhere else. I've been on my birthday tour I was on for a whole month. When's your birthday, December 16th.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're still on it.

[JB Smooth]

Just got back last week.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Full month. What was it?

[JB Smooth]

City. No damn snow. No snow. No snow.

[John Holmberg]

You went there hoping you couldn't get icing your drink.

[JB Smooth]

That's how bad it was.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. They're even water.

[JB Smooth]

Just barren. Just like. Oh, nothingness, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, and then I went to. Now I did go. I did go cold, hot, cold.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

I went to. To Deer Valley. Skiing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Valley, no snow. But the higher you go, the more snow you got.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right.

[JB Smooth]

And the lower you got, the more clothes you took off. It was crazy. Then I came home, went to Cabo. 88 degrees. Oh, hot. Oh, man. Beautiful. Hot.

[John Holmberg]

It's perfect.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, the balance. The balance.

[John Holmberg]

And this is all in how many days? Like, you go from Deer Valley to Cabo. How many days in each?

[JB Smooth]

6 days in deer Valley. Left, came back, and then my daughter surprised me at the airport. She surprised me with the Cabo, with my wife And I. Man. 88 degrees laying out there, man. Just.

[John Holmberg]

Just looking great, feeling good.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, man. And then left there, came home for three days, then hopped on another plane and went to Aspen. 29th. All the way through the 6th.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the whole butcher. Is this a special birthday? Yeah, man. You hit the six zero. You look fantastic, man.

[JB Smooth]

Look, I took care of myself, bro.

[John Holmberg]

You did big six zero, and this was the biggest. Why? Why end it? Let's just run it until December 16th.

[JB Smooth]

I am still going right now.

[John Holmberg]

You keep going.

[JB Smooth]

I'm still going right now.

[John Holmberg]

You do a couple shows in the middle. Let them pay for it.

[JB Smooth]

Shows in there. Yeah. You know, on that tab.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And then I get back on another plane and go someplace else.

[John Holmberg]

Where are you going to go? Where haven't you been? You want to go. Where's JB Smooth?

[JB Smooth]

Haven't been.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Where have you not been? You got to be.

[JB Smooth]

I have planted seeds all over this. All this world, man. I freaking love the choices I made.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, I've been to Bali, been. I've been to Ghana. I've been to Australia.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

I've been to. I've been to London. Of course. Every day. I've been to Amsterdam. I've been to Perry. I've been. I've been the cans. Yeah. I've been. I've been to Monaco. I've been. I've been almost. Man, look, you've been almost everywhere.

[John Holmberg]

I've been everywhere.

[JB Smooth]

Where have you been, bro?

[John Holmberg]

Where haven't you been?

[JB Smooth]

A lot of places I haven't been now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Tokyo. Tokyo.

[John Holmberg]

Yet you're going to go to Tokyo.

[JB Smooth]

I got to go to Tokyo.

[John Holmberg]

I got to get you out.

[JB Smooth]

There's on my list, bro.

[John Holmberg]

That's on the list. Top of the list.

[Miles]

Sometimes Akron, Ohio?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Ohio. Cincinnati. Yeah, there's no reason they're not. And I noticed you didn't do the, the hand kiss thing like you did.

[JB Smooth]

In Paris for Akron. Yeah, but Tokyo's amazing places. Tokyo's on the list.

[John Holmberg]

Which one would you never go back to? All are good.

[JB Smooth]

They curated hand picked destinations.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, I'm like, I'm like a walking travel agent almost. When I get there, I leave. I leave things there, you know what I mean?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

I touch people and hug them and say, hey, good to be here. And they invite me back. Just so you know, I'm going back there again.

[John Holmberg]

Then you don't have to pay for a room, man. Genius.

[JB Smooth]

You want to go places when you do play, when you go places like that, people got to remember you. Yeah. They got to remember you even if your ass don't remember them. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? Telling people, man. So many times people come up to me like, hey. I'm like, hey, who the hell are you? Is this guy hugging me? I'm like, oh, man, it's been a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I always remember when, just like you.

[Miles]

Did this morning, you came in.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta do that, own the room.

[JB Smooth]

Gotta do that.

[John Holmberg]

You own the room. We'll never forget you were here that one time a long time ago. Your phone rang and one of your. It was your brother, your brother called and he was ordering a bunch of chickens for a picnic and you had a great line.

[Miles]

Put it on your tab.

[John Holmberg]

I can't be in a room with this many bald headed white men talking about ordering chickens.

[JB Smooth]

Don't do that. Don't do that. That. Don't do that. Don't do that to me right now.

[John Holmberg]

It was great. Now let's talk about Leon Black from Curb your enthusiasm. Because it is without question the one of the funniest people that's ever been on a television screen. And I know the curb's over. Yeah, but why can't Leon have a spin off? Why can't Leon do more stuff? I want more. Leon, my friend named his dog after Leon.

[JB Smooth]

You know what?

[John Holmberg]

Big mastiff.

[JB Smooth]

As awesome as it would be in this world of acting and entertaining people, sometimes you get, you get stuck in places like that sometimes or you feel like, oh, man. Or they feel like you can't do anything. Else but that character.

[John Holmberg]

So what?

[JB Smooth]

So what?

[John Holmberg]

Just keep winning.

[JB Smooth]

You just got to find the right. Yeah. He need the right vehicle to drive.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What else do you want to do? Why would you, why would you want to leave Leon in the past, man?

[JB Smooth]

So many things that I do, that I do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

A lot of times I. I don't want to say stuff that I do. You know, of course I do a lot of VO work, a lot of. Lot of series. And that's always fun to do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

But I'm also a business person too. You know, we. We started our own production company. We started our own ad agency. This is crazy because I've done so many. I've been a spokesperson so many times. I mean, like 25, 30 times I've done commercials. I've done. I mean, I've been spokesperson for numerous products.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And Caesars, big two year campaigns.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

White Claw, Caesars, man.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Consumer cellular. I was wrong about which one of.

[JB Smooth]

That stuff that I kind of know the world.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

So my partner Miles, he's here also. We, man, we just, we just found these little lanes where we can do what we know about.

[Miles]

And so your agency, the ad agency is actually doing like creative and stuff.

[JB Smooth]

Everything we all, we in house, everything. We do everything. Write it, produce it, shoot it. We do everything, man. And this is literally from somebody who has sat on a set, punching up, writing, writing, done the job, commercials. And a lot of times it's like one of those things they get you because you allowed to come in there and you can craft it and make it funny because there is something to comedic timing for sure. Even on a 30 second spot. It's really, it's really a fine tuning.

[Miles]

It's amazing what you can do.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah, man. Yeah. You capture people. You. You catch them and you release them. That's all it is. It's really just sell the product, get the hook in. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Open the door and let them do the work.

[JB Smooth]

You know, all that stuff plays a big part in how you sell. I'm a natural salesman. Right.

[John Holmberg]

What would you do?

[JB Smooth]

You know, I used to sell fire extinguishers door to door.

[John Holmberg]

What did you do?

[JB Smooth]

I sold fire extinguishers.

[John Holmberg]

Dwyer extinguishers.

[JB Smooth]

What was the brand?

[John Holmberg]

There's a brand?

[JB Smooth]

Yeah. Safety First. It was called Safety First.

[John Holmberg]

And you walked around with fire extinguishers, Man.

[JB Smooth]

I used to sell fire extinguishers door to door. My job was to scare the hell out of you.

[John Holmberg]

The trash is gonna burn down.

[Miles]

You just don't know.

[JB Smooth]

Knock on the door. You open the door, you know, they crack the door open. Hello. And you put your foot in the threshold so they can't close it.

[John Holmberg]

That's illegal.

[JB Smooth]

First thing you do.

[John Holmberg]

That's a great horrifying.

[JB Smooth]

Put your foot right there.

[John Holmberg]

That's called home invasion.

[JB Smooth]

But just the foot. Just a foot.

[John Holmberg]

Yep.

[JB Smooth]

Then you lean over a little bit. You see what's going on in the house. Hello, ma'.

[John Holmberg]

Am.

[JB Smooth]

I see you have young. I see toys on the. On the. On the carpet. I see you must have children. I see a grandpa back there in the wheelchair. You know, you just scare the hell out of me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, are you guys prepared in case you did have a fire, a grease fire, and then that's how I would get.

[John Holmberg]

And were you good at it?

[JB Smooth]

You scared them. No, I don't have one. You don't have one. And now, you know, I'll do like comps in the neighborhood, you know, just like a realtor does. Yeah, they don't do that. Fire a month ago at the so and so residence, you bring up fires close by, man, you gotta scare the hell out of people. You scare the hell out of them. So you can scare the money into you. Yeah, that's how you do it.

[John Holmberg]

How much was a fire extinguisher? Door to door. Like, if you were to sell me. How. What would it cost me?

[JB Smooth]

You needed one for the garage.

[John Holmberg]

You need like a bunch of car stuff.

[JB Smooth]

You need one in the kitchen.

[John Holmberg]

And bulk pricing.

[JB Smooth]

You need. I will get. I would. Three would be the top three.

[John Holmberg]

I need three.

[Miles]

Kitchen.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah, man. When you don't have it, you'd be surprised what you try to use to put it out. That's true. By that time, it's.

[John Holmberg]

It's over.

[JB Smooth]

It's over.

[John Holmberg]

So you. Yeah, you. I'm thinking about it now. You weren't even trying to sell me one. And I don't know if I have one.

[JB Smooth]

I still got it. I don't. I still got it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know if I have. I got.

[Miles]

I got one in the garage.

[JB Smooth]

Do you?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I might have to borrow that.

[JB Smooth]

You need it? I'm telling you. You'd be surprised.

[John Holmberg]

And do you follow up later to make sure that the fire extinguishers are still good?

[JB Smooth]

Code.

[John Holmberg]

They're on.

[JB Smooth]

Tell them everything. They gotta be charged. Remain charged up. You gotta check it. It's like. It's like changing. When you change your smoke alarm. The smoke alarm, you check your thing and make sure everything is good. Yeah, but these are just These are minor talents that I have. Just little talents.

[John Holmberg]

See, we've got that problem.

[JB Smooth]

Play a big part in communicating with people is what comedians do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Communicate with people and tap into their needs.

[John Holmberg]

How did you get into selling fire extinguishers? Who's the ones like JB's?

[JB Smooth]

I've had some unique job. Yeah. I could have been a perfumer. My first job ever at 15 years old. I had an after school job in a perfumery.

[John Holmberg]

What's that? A perfumery?

[JB Smooth]

A perfumer.

[John Holmberg]

What are you doing making perfume?

[JB Smooth]

I did everything.

[John Holmberg]

You made it.

[JB Smooth]

My boss was 75 years old, Italian guy named Ray Morata. Man, he. He man made his homemade perfume. He must have been four feet, four feet tall, man. But this guy knew. Oh, he knew. He knew how to make perfumes, man. A nice little company, small, that means I got more attention. I could sit. He sit there and show me how to make perfumes.

[John Holmberg]

Do you still do it? Can you still mix it? You still do it.

[JB Smooth]

Put me in front of those ingredients, man.

[John Holmberg]

We read a story. We read a story this morning.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, boy. Let me tell you something. You like woodsy? You like woodsy scents? Put a little woodsy scent in that bad boy. Shake it up a little bit, man. Balance it out, man. Make sure the clarity is there. It's like wine. Taste it. You know a wine tasting?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Do you know the five S's of wine tasting?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[JB Smooth]

You see the wine? Stir the wine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Smell it.

[JB Smooth]

Smell the wine. You sip the wine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Or you spit the wine out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

See, that's how you do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. This is the basics. We did a story this morning about a women, a new habit they're in now. A new trend is called vabbing, where they take two fingers and they go in and then they put it on their neck like perfume. You don't think that's a good thing? You think it's a good scent?

[JB Smooth]

Look.

[John Holmberg]

Vaginal dabbing.

[JB Smooth]

It is. It is a aphrodisiac.

[Miles]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

They call it aphrodite, the stink.

[JB Smooth]

Of course you are attracted. You are attracted to the scent, the pheromone. The pheromones of the vab. Of the vab.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding, everybody. If you caught a woman doing that, you'd be all right with it.

[JB Smooth]

Somebody knows certain smells.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You can walk into a room that just got cleaned up from a murder with bleach and you can smell bacon frying. I'mma tell you something. You can smell bacon through bleach. You can put that bleach you can put that bacon in the bleach. In the bleach container.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And still smell like damn bacon. Bacon has a unique smell.

[John Holmberg]

You're comparing vagina to bacon?

[JB Smooth]

Just the only two things you can put in your neck and attract a man. And I'm a vegan talking this. You put the vags on your neck, you put the bacon grease on your neck.

[John Holmberg]

You can have cats and both of them. Yeah, and a cat. I'm sure there'll be cats.

[JB Smooth]

People love bacon. They smell bacon. Bacon just takes over a room.

[John Holmberg]

Bacon destroys everybody the same thing. So you think vabbing is a good thing?

[JB Smooth]

Man. Have you ever watched the animal shows? Yeah, animal shows, they can sense when.

[Miles]

The smellier the better for someone.

[JB Smooth]

If you watch lions and a lioness, they know who they want to mess around with. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

They can smell you and say, nah. Yeah, they. You would think all lions smell the same. They all attract. They. They have to attract the Right.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. It has to be puffing it out.

[JB Smooth]

It has to be the right.

[John Holmberg]

Like one of those. Those connection Febreze things that every 30 seconds just give you one of those.

[JB Smooth]

You gotta look at it like that. And what are we? We nothing but animals with clothes on. That's what we are.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[JB Smooth]

All we are is fashionable animals.

[John Holmberg]

So you're in favor of vabbing? You think a woman should be doing this?

[JB Smooth]

I have no. I. I don't have any problem with it.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[JB Smooth]

No problem.

[John Holmberg]

I have a problem if she's like. If she thinks it's good.

[JB Smooth]

Now I'll tell you something.

[John Holmberg]

Now there'll be some bad ones.

[Miles]

Well, you'll find things.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You cut them out of there.

[JB Smooth]

Imagine it's cool. Right?

[John Holmberg]

Is fun too.

[JB Smooth]

Now ass ain't. Let me tell you something.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's a weird fudging.

[JB Smooth]

That's different.

[John Holmberg]

Fudging Different.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to fudge.

[JB Smooth]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You don't attract people. A certain type of person would maybe.

[JB Smooth]

Be interested, not attract people. You might go further back and say, you know what? You might go further back with your. With your finger.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And say, you know what? Today I'm just not in the mood for nothing.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fudging. I want to be alone.

[JB Smooth]

I'm fudging today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

I want no man to come in the club and buy me a drink. I don't want none of that today.

[John Holmberg]

I'm fudging.

[JB Smooth]

I'm fudging.

[John Holmberg]

How are you?

[JB Smooth]

You gotta. That's it.

[John Holmberg]

Read your book at the Starbucks Fudging.

[JB Smooth]

Fudging.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it don't matter. Leave it alone.

[JB Smooth]

Just little fudge, right? Little fudge across the neck.

[John Holmberg]

Not visible.

[JB Smooth]

Not visible.

[Miles]

That's the problem.

[John Holmberg]

Little fudge discharge.

[JB Smooth]

Just a little.

[John Holmberg]

Like a little hint. Like a symphony bar. Just a little bit.

[JB Smooth]

Of course. And that friction when you're walking around of the butt cheeks moving back to back. That's just enough. Just enough by itself. Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky. They say things that are horrible.

[FanDuel Announcer]

The fight to the big game in Santa Clara continues this weekend and FanDuel is turning on playoff mode because of it all. Customers get a profit boost pack every NFL playoff game day. Pick the matchups you believe in. So visit FanDuel.com KUPD and grab that profit boost pack every NFL playoff game day. 21/plus and President Arizona opt in required bonus issue does not withdrawal profit boost tokens restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amount. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step protects next step to 53342.

[Michael from Restore My Civil Rights]

This is Michael with Restore My Civil Rights. It's still over 110 degrees outside and the political climate is just as hot. If you've lost your right to possess a firearm due to a criminal conviction, we can help at Restore My Civil Rights. We help Arizonans restore all of their rights because constitutional rights shouldn't depend on the next election results. To book a free consultation, call 855 GUNRIGHTS or visit restoremycivilrights.com today. That's restoremycivilrights.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[JB Smooth]

The ass cheeks going back. Just like rubbing. Yes. That will create a friction there. That creates a pheromone that will retract. Yeah. Push away. Reject you. I rebuke you. I rebuke you in the name of ashes.

[Miles]

You don't want the fudge. You're doing mascara fudge.

[JB Smooth]

You don't want that. You don't need that.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[JB Smooth]

Yes. People. People could be.

[John Holmberg]

They're dirty and disgusting.

[JB Smooth]

Simple. Just simple.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, simple. Simplify life. That's all. That's all this is. Just make it simple.

[JB Smooth]

Make it simple.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. That's all you got to do.

[JB Smooth]

And you love what you love.

[John Holmberg]

It's just seeing a situation, assessing it and fixing it.

[JB Smooth]

That's what it is.

[Miles]

Keep it simple.

[JB Smooth]

Stupid.

[John Holmberg]

Keep it simple. Stupid. Yeah, I'm a big one. I always say that because I. I have a pristine ass. I wash my ass. I keep it clean. And I get yelled at by people on emails when I say, you got to take a shower effort. Every time you do something terrible back there, you got to shower up. And people yell at me. That's exactly right.

[JB Smooth]

Double rags. He knows the double rags. Two rags. That's pretty cool, too. Have you, have you, have you used the exfoliating gloves? Oh, I have had those before.

[John Holmberg]

That's a life changing glove.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah, you know, same process. All right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You got one hand, one ass, one.

[JB Smooth]

Hand for the face.

[John Holmberg]

Like being a Middle Eastern. And don't confuse them. You gotta know when you confuse, remember.

[JB Smooth]

Which one you put on. That's why you buy two pairs. You go, you buy a brown pair.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And you buy a cream pear. The cream pair for your face and the brown pear for your ass.

[John Holmberg]

See, I go the other way around. I go the other way around.

[JB Smooth]

That way you'll get mixed up because.

[John Holmberg]

It'S a cream pear for your ass. Because just in case you make stains. You want to see it?

[JB Smooth]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You want.

[JB Smooth]

Even though it's your hand, sometimes you forget when people say my right or your right. You know what I mean? You got to remember what the hell you doing.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[JB Smooth]

You. You got the same color gloves on. You wipe, you. You'll use your right and. And somebody else's right. Is your left. Your left cheek or whatever it is.

[Miles]

Yeah, I do a rubber band and a scrub buddy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You know, whatever works.

[Miles]

Softer, spongier side of the woman, though.

[John Holmberg]

But people that always yell at me and say, oh, you don't. We can't always take a shower after. I'm like, you know what you just told me you're filthy back there.

[JB Smooth]

You're filthy back there.

[John Holmberg]

It's disgusting. Soap and water.

[JB Smooth]

Loofah is. Loofah is too delicate.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

It's too delicate of a thing. And it's. It's only one. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You know, the gloves. Yeah, I like the exfoliating gloves.

[JB Smooth]

Loofah's nice.

[John Holmberg]

I like it.

[JB Smooth]

And it's the whole girly. It's unity frills.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

It's like washing. Taking a bath with a. With a rough pair of ladies panties.

[John Holmberg]

One of those scrunchy ones.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I don't get it.

[JB Smooth]

It's all pretty. Yeah. And it just makes lace and with the little foam side, I can't stuff that in my life. But it does foam up pretty nice, though.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it feels great. But it works. Not back there. It just feels like.

[Miles]

You don't put the loofah back.

[John Holmberg]

It's like a rough pair of pant. You're absolutely right. What else is going on in JB Smooth's life we should know about? What is.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, here's a good question. Yeah, I'm like, the name of our ad agency is very unique.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

It's called First Darren. You know what that means?

[John Holmberg]

First Darren from Bewitched.

[JB Smooth]

Bewitched, yeah. It was two Darrens.

[John Holmberg]

Dick York.

[JB Smooth]

It was Dick York and Dick Sargent. It was two of them. I love Dick York.

[John Holmberg]

You like the first one?

[JB Smooth]

He had a back problem. He had a back problem and he couldn't come back, couldn't stand up and they sneaked in. Dick Sargent was amazing actor also.

[Miles]

But people, it ended up working out.

[JB Smooth]

It worked out.

[Miles]

Adjustment.

[JB Smooth]

It was an adjustment. They had to do it. But it's called First Darren. First Darren. And it's a comedy based ad agency. So.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

You know, we're matching comedians and comedic actors with amazing brands, man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's going gangbusters.

[JB Smooth]

It's great.

[John Holmberg]

Who do you got? Who's. Who's on your.

[JB Smooth]

We just launched it. We just launched it into. Last year. We teamed up with ueg. It's one of the biggest ad agencies out here. We launched in Cannes, so we were there for Cannes lion. And man, we had a. We had our event.

[Miles]

Not only that, you put together a talent pool.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah, we're gonna do that. But here's the hard part is a lot of the ads, a lot of the brands want my ass.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

So I gotta find a way. I gotta just like pick and choose the ones that I know, but I kind of place to be in. Yeah. I got to do the ones that fit my sensibility.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[JB Smooth]

Things that I'm gonna. I have interest in, you know, my wide range of things. I love travel, RVing. You like veganism. I like all that cool stuff. So I gotta match up with what fits me.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, and everybody else. I could. I can. I can think of comedians right now that have fit certain brands because I know their lifestyle. I said, oh, you'll be great for this. You'll be great for that. You know, And I think there is a lane there that hasn't been traveled.

[John Holmberg]

Yet who's like, who's one of the comedians that would do like a foot powder? Like, you're like, it's time we told him and this is a nice way to intervene. His feet stink.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, I gotta find somebody.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and we get him in on that. You help them get a product to endorse that help them fix their Problem. They don't even know they've got it.

[JB Smooth]

Gotta bring them in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Pull his shoes off, right? You gotta hang around with him for a minute.

[John Holmberg]

I got a product for you.

[JB Smooth]

Get a little ottoman. Put the feet on ottoman. You know what I mean? I gotta see. I gotta. I gotta feel that odor fill the room. Yeah, I'll say. You know what you'd be great for, man?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Footex.

[Miles]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Foot X. I like that. Do you have any guesses who you'd call first?

[JB Smooth]

You know what?

[John Holmberg]

I think Tracy Morgan's feet are probably pretty awful.

[JB Smooth]

Some people look like this, you know what I'm saying? You can't confirm it, but you.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want their shoes on.

[JB Smooth]

You don't know. You don't know. You know, you gotta guess.

[Miles]

That's the bacteria.

[John Holmberg]

Jeff Garland's been in here a couple times. I imagine his feet aren't exactly pleasant.

[JB Smooth]

Some people blame the socks all the time.

[John Holmberg]

Socks were fine when they went on. It's your feet that made the socks stink. It's not the other way around. This isn't chicken. It is not the socks that made your feet JB Smooth, is it? Stand up live this weekend. What in the world is. Is something that you would do in this life that says, if JB Smooth was in charge, here's the first thing you change. Oh, you got something. You're in charge. You're in charge of the world.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, my God.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna. Here's the first thing that happens.

[JB Smooth]

Foreign affairs.

[John Holmberg]

Where do you go with foreign affairs?

[JB Smooth]

Worldly.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, I go places sometimes. And, you know, I'm a man of fashion, a man of style. I do think there's something there about especially men. Looking good, man. Yeah. And carrying this torch to bring back style.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And class. You look at, you go back in time. Like, one of my favorite parts of the times of. Is probably the 40s.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

I wasn't even around in the 40s, but I look at old photos and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

I remember when I was younger, man, I used to go to the library. I don't even remember Michael Fish. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. I would sit there, hit that little. Hit that little dot. Hit that little dot. You just roll it.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Keep finding newspaper articles. I was sitting there for hours just looking at myself. Michael Fish, man. And I thought that was the greatest thing ever. And I loved, like. I love trains.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Like the. So you bring the train.

[John Holmberg]

I love the 40s.

[Miles]

Did you get a train set when you're a kid?

[JB Smooth]

Yeah. Hell, yeah, I did.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

The tag. A new tanooka tutu. H o. I had that. I had the AFX track. I would put them together tomorrow.

[Miles]

The afx.

[JB Smooth]

Yeah, I put them together.

[John Holmberg]

You great. Going back, looking at, like, old baseball games in the 40s, and everybody's in a suit and a hat.

[JB Smooth]

Look great. Everybody.

[Miles]

The businessman special in the afternoon.

[John Holmberg]

So you would make a dress code.

[JB Smooth]

I just spruce it up. I don't even know. I think you. I think you got to show people. Yeah. They got to see you. Because you know what people do, right?

[John Holmberg]

They.

[JB Smooth]

They. When they look at you, they. They. They look at your feet first.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

They look. The shoes. And they work their way up to your face. That's. That's that style.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

They make sure the shoes is popping. Yeah. Everything's built around the shoes. Then they work the way up. They work their way up.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[JB Smooth]

And you always got to have a little conversation piece, you know, something in your pocket.

[John Holmberg]

You know you've got an ascot on today, man.

[JB Smooth]

You gotta have something suspenders to break things up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Always tell people and go. I tell young people all the time, you're going to an interview. Put something. Wear something that can start the combo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know what I mean? When that boss or that employer, future employee says, oh, I like that. I like how you did your shirt. Yeah.

[Miles]

That ascot.

[JB Smooth]

I like the ascot. I like. They just gotta like.

[John Holmberg]

But see, I would look crazy, jb. I would look like an insane person if I dressed with an ascot.

[JB Smooth]

I would look every child, everything. You can't do one thing and expect a change.

[John Holmberg]

Like, if I were an ascot right now, I wouldn't be allowed around elementary school.

[JB Smooth]

Your ascot would be a asscot.

[John Holmberg]

Ass got ascot. People like, arrest that man.

[JB Smooth]

Let's arrest that man. You get tackled for wearing something, it's exactly right. But everything got to go together. Yeah. See, look.

[John Holmberg]

How do you know, though? Look at you.

[JB Smooth]

When you put it together. Yeah. When you put it together. Yeah. See, I got the suspenders on.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

The jacket on.

[John Holmberg]

All of it's the same color.

[JB Smooth]

This is just. It isn't.

[John Holmberg]

Are you wearing two watches?

[JB Smooth]

It's not even like. It's not even like GQ military. I just piece things together. You really don't got to sit there and say, oh, I can't afford it. No, this is nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You look like you're in the Cam Newton Army.

[JB Smooth]

This is nothing.

[Miles]

It is cammy Cam.

[John Holmberg]

It's very nice. You look great. You look better. You look fantastic.

[JB Smooth]

I'm telling you, man, I'm not even trying. Look, I've been doing this forever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, I've been doing this style forever, and styles that I've done have just shown up on fashion runways or, you know, tell you something, man. I was wearing western gear, like, cowboy stuff 25, 30 years ago. I got baby pictures. I was still a grown man. I was a grown man, but I call it baby pictures because I used to walk around with the Canadian tuxedo. You know what I'm talking about?

[Miles]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And Jay Lenox fur around the neck. You know, it's Jay Leno's full outfit. The pants, the shoes, the boots. I got 50 pair of cowboy boots. And hats. I got 100 hats, thousands of hats. I've been doing it forever. Yeah. When I see these trends pop up, I'm like this. And they've done that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What's next?

[Miles]

How long does it take you to. In the morning, like you're an outfit. You spend much time or you're in.

[John Holmberg]

You're good.

[JB Smooth]

He's a pro. He knows you have to. Once you. Once you know your color, your. Your. Your tone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And your color palette, everything else is easy. Like, I know browns is my. Is my thing. Love brown.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Anything else got to be below the brown spectrum. You know what I mean? I don't look good.

[John Holmberg]

I can't go crazy in pastels now.

[JB Smooth]

I look good in bright suits. Yeah. My suit game is different than my ticket. Like this day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

This is like. I can just. You know, it's like certain places I go, I wear. I dress a certain way.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

You know, what would you do?

[John Holmberg]

Dress me. What would you. What's the first thing you do if you're looking at me? First thing you put on me. So I'm just in a sweatshirt and jeans all the time.

[JB Smooth]

I would grow my stash.

[John Holmberg]

You grow the stash out again.

[JB Smooth]

I'll make a stash.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[JB Smooth]

But I wouldn't. It'll be nice and thin. French pencil thin. Your cheekbones.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know what I mean?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

And nothing wrong with your hair, you know?

[John Holmberg]

Well, it doesn't exist.

[JB Smooth]

I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Did a shave.

[JB Smooth]

A shave.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

And you got a long neck.

[John Holmberg]

I do.

[JB Smooth]

When you got an extended neck, everything looks great.

[Miles]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

Whereas, I mean, I don't pull off.

[John Holmberg]

Don't look at Brady's neck.

[JB Smooth]

I even look over there.

[John Holmberg]

I'm talking about next right now.

[JB Smooth]

I was talking to him.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[JB Smooth]

I didn't want to even look over there.

[John Holmberg]

That's the crippled kid. You don't talk about being crippled.

[JB Smooth]

You need crew necks, V necks all the time. Yeah, you're a V neck, head. You got a vneck neck.

[John Holmberg]

You have a vneck head. Yeah. Pencil thin mustache, mustache.

[JB Smooth]

Change it up a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

Keep people on their toes. All right.

[John Holmberg]

A little thin mustache. I'll try that. I'll give that a run. And look like a maitre d. I'm telling you.

[JB Smooth]

Nice cut dress shirt, man. Banging tie and fitted failure jackets. Wear your size.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You know, people understand when you put on a suit jacket, you're supposed to take a deep breath in before you button that top button.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

If you got a button. If you just button it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

It's too big, it's too loose. It's gotta fit your body. Your body, it's gotta.

[John Holmberg]

You breathe in body, let it go.

[JB Smooth]

Your shoulders, your arms, all that's gotta look good in it. Yeah. You know what I mean? You better off buying a size smaller. And force your posture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

You're supposed to be like a cardboard cutout. You don't see those stand up cardboard cutouts. You supposed to have that posture in a suit. Cardboard cutout, tight. Yeah. It forces your posture.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[JB Smooth]

When you get you. You get relaxed in the suit. It don't look good no more.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's truth. It looks all. It's too much stuff.

[JB Smooth]

You gotta stand your ass up.

[John Holmberg]

Too much metal. See, JB You've saved my day. And I'm gonna go out there today, I'm gonna grow a pencil thin mustache. I just shaved everything a couple days ago.

[JB Smooth]

It ain't too late for you. All right, let it come in. Keep it. Keep it trimmed up nice.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, gotta keep it trimmed.

[JB Smooth]

Watch and keep. And do this myself.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, I gotta spin it you. I'm growing out of Raleigh fingers here.

[JB Smooth]

Do that right there once in a while.

[John Holmberg]

You think I gotta go.

[JB Smooth]

You don't need the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just a little bit on the end.

[JB Smooth]

Just hit a little bit.

[John Holmberg]

Get rid of the goatee. Beard part gone. Just this.

[JB Smooth]

No goatee. No goatee.

[John Holmberg]

You don't think I look gay?

[JB Smooth]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

You look a little gay.

[JB Smooth]

I go, I change it up all the time. Sometimes I'm in a beer. Yeah, Somebody do my goatee.

[John Holmberg]

I never seen you with one of those.

[JB Smooth]

I've done a little bit of curl, but not. Not the Roddy fingers joint. I've done a little bit.

[Podcast Host]

Clark Gable.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, little Clark Gable.

[JB Smooth]

That's what you're saying. All right.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, we'll try that out.

[JB Smooth]

God, man. It keeps people on their damn toes. Yeah. They don't know which. You gonna show the hell up. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I wonder if.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[John Holmberg]

Little Hitler mustache accidentally pops up if I shave.

[Miles]

Gotta be careful with that.

[Podcast Host]

I wouldn't do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm not gonna do it on purpose, but it's. You know, it's the only hair I've got, so.

[Miles]

It'll pop.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, right there. Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

JB Smooth tonight and [e-mail], give us one line that to. To inspire everybody.

[JB Smooth]

Oh, inspire you. Let. Let me help you become me.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[JB Smooth]

See that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I don't know what that means, but I like it. He can help you.

[JB Smooth]

How about this?

[John Holmberg]

Never too late.

[JB Smooth]

Too late for your ass.

[John Holmberg]

It's not too late for yourself. Do whatever it is you're supposed to do. It ain't too late for you. I like it. JB Smooth, stand up. Live. This weekend, it's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.