Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98 KUPD)

Episode: Hillbilly Baby Hagglers - Puppy Tossers - Brady Can't Say Cruella & More

Date: February 18, 2026

Main Theme

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" delivers its trademark blend of irreverent humor and surreal news stories, focusing on absurd crimes (like trading a baby for a car), wild animal encounters, and the team's banter about intelligence, wildlife, and pop culture mispronunciations. John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo riff on bizarre headlines and each other, aiming to both entertain and "disturb" listeners. The tone is loose, raucous, and peppered with local Arizona flavor.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Hillbilly Baby Hagglers – Trading a Baby for a Car

[01:21‒05:15]

• The team discusses a wild news story from Pueblo, Colorado, where Nicole Uribe tried to use her own baby as a down payment to buy a Dodge Intrepid.
  • "The collateral was baby Jose Juan Therma." – Bret [01:48]
  • “You can have this one. Here’s my baby!” – John [02:54]
• The attempted transaction involved a couple, Jose and Irene Lerma, who apparently agreed to the exchange before being arrested along with Nicole. The baby was placed in foster care.
• The hosts riff on the absurdity:
  • "How do you offer your baby as a down?" – John [02:56]
  • "Did the salesman do the typical 'Let me go talk to my manager and see what we can do here?'" – John [02:17]
  • Ongoing jokes about trade-in value, baby features (“Is that baby turbocharged?” [03:41]), and comparisons to used car sales tactics.
• Speculation ensues about how the arrest occurred, imagining nosy neighbors uncovering the scheme.

2. Animal News Segment: Puppy Tossers & The Cruella Problem

[05:21‒08:44]

• Brady Bogan begins his "Wild America" segment, but is relentlessly teased for his mispronunciation of "Cruella de Vil" as “Cruella.”
  • "Cruella. Coolella." – John, needling Brady [05:59]
  • “You can't say Cruella, can you?” – John [06:03]
• The main story involves a botched puppy theft, where criminals hurl puppies at a man trying to stop them.
  • “He was reaching into a box and throwing puppies at people.” – John [06:52]
  • “Authorities say organized gangs are stealing puppies to resell them on the black market.” – Brady [07:19]
• The team can’t resist dark humor about being “pelted with pets” and the puppy’s fate:
  • “Help! I’m being pelted with pets!” – John [07:29]
  • “That doesn't sound bad at all, does it?... They’re nibbling on me. They're going to ruin my shoes.” – John [07:33]
  • End with the tongue-in-cheek refrain: “You don’t throw puppies at people. Just catch the puppy and you’re fine.” – John [07:56]

3. More Animal Mayhem: Runaway Elephant & Escaping Lion

[08:46‒14:21]

• Wild, Wild World:
  • A five-ton circus elephant escapes in Mexico City and is killed after a bus collides with it; the bus driver dies as well.
    • “I guess the bus driver couldn’t see the 5 ton elephant... must have been texting.” – John [09:18]
    • Jokes about language: “What’s Spanish for elephant? I bet it’s elefante." – John [09:39]
  • Discussion of security failures and the absurdity of someone “trying to catch” an escaped elephant.
  • Zoo Problems: A 500-pound lion escaped from a Mexican zoo, killed livestock, and attacked a family on a donkey.
    • “The lion managed to kill two dogs and a pig, and then the last little thing attacked a woman and child on a donkey.” – Brady [11:47]
    • Extended riff about escaping danger on a donkey: “Run. They're slapping that donkey’s ass. The lion is gaining on you, donkey!” – John [12:01]
  • The segment ends with Wildean comparisons: “Why put the donkey in that horrible situation? Throw the kid off the donkey and take off.” – John [12:29]

4. Intelligence vs. Sperm Counts: Hillbilly Reproductive Science

[14:29‒17:12]

• A study suggests smarter men have higher sperm counts, leading the guys to question its findings.
  • “Smart men have higher spermatism counts.” – Brady [14:29]
  • “Why do hillbillies get knocked up so easily then?” – John [14:53]
  • “Dumb guys just too stupid to try to stop it, maybe that’s it.” – John [15:04]
• They playfully suggest running their own “IQ and Sperm Count Championships.”
  • “We should do an IQ test and then beat it in a cup, and then we'll do IQs from a Tazun Championships.” – John [17:12]
• The consensus: activity, not intelligence, seems to rule in “hillbilly” reproduction.

5. More Wild Animal Stories: Beijing Panda Attack

[17:44‒21:12]

• A man at the Beijing Zoo jumps into the panda enclosure to retrieve his kid’s toy and is promptly bitten by Goo Goo the panda.
  • “He just went to the hospital with pictures gaping Goo Goo fang holes in his legs.” – Brady [18:40]
  • John mockingly laments the trend of giving cute names to dangerous animals (“Quit naming them Ling Ling and Goo Goo...they eat stuff. They eat people.” [18:49])
• Discussion about prior incidents with pandas and zoo animal maulings in the US, including the famous San Francisco tiger case.
  • “They put the tiger down because some idiot got in a cage at the zoo.” – John [20:46]
• Philosophical riff on personal responsibility in animal encounters:
  • “Quit getting in the zoo…I feel no sympathy for the families or people who get in zoo cages. None. You’ve got to know better!” – John [21:57]

6. More Banter: Groundhog Day, Animal Impressions, and Growing Up with Wildlife

[23:27‒31:00]

• The questionable accuracy of Punxsutawney Phil is mocked (39% correct predictions since 1887).
  • “He should have been fired. They need a new rodent. Phil is just not getting it done.” – John [23:52]
  • Comparison: “If the president was operating at 39%...”
• Brady is dunked on again for his accurate animal impressions: groundhog, donkey, and even a “South African vagina frog.”
  • “You’re the Michael Winslow of animal…” – John [25:08]
  • [Impromptu animal impression session with escalating, cheeky requests – 26:10–27:01]
• Amusing “Father and Son Nature Nerds” story:
  • John gently roasts Brady for asking his dad about every animal encountered well into adulthood.
  • “After you’re like 11, you quit asking your dad what that was…He’s 41 for Christ’s sake!” – John [30:11]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Trading Babies for Cars

• “I give you my belly fruit for your Intrepid…There’s something so wrong with that.” – John [02:56]

On Throwing Puppies

• “Help! I’m being pelted with pets!” – John [07:29]
• “That doesn’t sound bad at all, does it? They’re nibbling on me. They’re going to ruin my shoes.” – John [07:33]

Animal Escapes & Danger

• “The lion is gaining on you, donkey! We needed a car is what we need. Donkey, we’re not gonna make it.” – John [12:01]
• “Throw the kid off the donkey and take off.” – John [12:29]

Brady’s Mispronunciations & Impressions

• “Coolella. Coolella.” – John’s relentless needling [05:59]
• “You’re the Michael Winslow of animal…” – John [25:08]

Hillbilly Science

• “We should do an IQ test and then beat it in a cup, and then we'll do IQs from a Tazun Championships.” – John [17:12]

On Jumping Into Zoo Enclosures

• “Quit getting in the zoo…I feel no sympathy for the families or people who get in zoo cages. None.” – John [21:57]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:21–05:15 – Baby traded for car, “Hillbilly Baby Hagglers”
• 05:21–08:44 – Puppy tossing, “Cruella” gags, black-market pets
• 08:46–14:21 – Circus elephant and lion escapes, donkey escape attempts
• 14:29–17:12 – Sperm count & intelligence study, “hillbilly” debate
• 17:44–21:12 – Panda attack in Beijing, animal enclosure stories
• 23:27–25:35 – Groundhog Day satire & animal impersonations
• 30:11–31:00 – “Father and Son Nature Nerds” golf course story

Tone & Takeaway

The episode is packed with quick-witted, sometimes dark humor, absurd riffs on surreal news, and affectionate ribbing between the hosts—especially when Brady Bogan mispronounces “Cruella” or dives into animal facts and impressions. The show's irreverence underlines a point: sometimes the world is so bizarre, all you can do is laugh.

For listeners who missed the episode: You’ll enjoy bizarre tales of baby-car bargains, puppies turned into projectiles, misadventures with escaped zoo animals, and a heap of comedic animal impressions. The crew never misses a chance to poke fun at both the news and themselves.