02-27-26 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness - 98KUPD

Episode: 02-27-26 - FULL SHOW - FRIDAY
Date: February 27, 2026
Host: John Holmberg
Co-hosts: Brady Bogen (out for this episode), Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Special Guests: Brian Callan

---

Overview

This Friday episode of Arizona’s top-rated morning show, "Holmberg’s Morning Sickness," is packed with irreverent humor, NSFW banter, and the crew’s signature mix of social commentary and pop culture riffs. With Brady out of studio (attending his nephew's wedding), the rest of the team goes unfiltered as they mock politics, share wild listener emails, discuss holistic medicine scams, and break down everything from conspiracy theories to the state of modern youth. A highlight of the episode is an extended, raucous studio visit with comedian Brian Callan.

---

Key Segments & Highlights

1. Brady’s Absence, Nephew’s Wedding, and Religion Riffs

[01:31–04:09]

• Host John recounts the story of Brady’s nephew, Charlie, who grew up to be an atheist—something Brady’s family (falsely) blames John for.
• Speculation about whether Charlie, now an atheist, can or should get married in a church.
• Memorable Quote:
  • “He’s getting married this weekend to some heathen Satan broad. And Charlie, good luck to you and everything else. And Brady’s on his way out there.” – John [01:31]
  • The team jokes about the power of "poon" to change a person’s beliefs.
  • “If Margot Robbie came up to me and said, ‘I’m going to be a Satanist,’ sure, let’s do it. Sign me.” – John [02:52]

---

2. Office Dynamics and Listener Email: The ‘Would You Trade 10 Years for $10 Million?’ Bit

[04:05–05:55]

• On-air ribbing about another co-worker, ‘Tripp,’ joking about his age and health after John makes a bit about trading years of life for money.
• Office banter: Tripp’s love for classic cars and Porsches, and the show's running jokes.

---

3. Epstein, Clintons, and Conspiracy Humor

[06:00–18:41]

• The show tackles the ongoing Epstein saga, cracking jokes about supposed Clinton family body counts, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and Hillary as “the real killer.”
• Memorable Quotes:
  • “Bill isn’t the murderer. Hillary is. And here’s how I know that…” – John [08:33]
  • “He’s got to sell that woman out today. If he doesn’t, it’s proof she killed.” – John [12:59]
  • “She can get him from prison." – Dick Toledo, on Hillary [14:55]
• Extended riff: what if Bill Clinton entered witness protection and moved in next door as “Bill Johnson.”
• Hilarious Imagined Scenario:
  • “My name is Trevor Jones and I need to move somewhere hot because I’m getting old, my arthritis is kicking in, and I need to score some sweet young poon.” – John as Clinton [11:28]

---

4. Restless Leg Syndrome & Wellness/Alternative Medicine Email Roast

[24:30–36:10]

• Listeners email in: One listener, Scott, details how Holmberg’s ridicule of ‘restless leg syndrome’ prompted a marital row. His wife Heather spent $15k on dubious ‘wellness’ treatments for her condition.
• Hosts unleash on alternative medicine, “wasting money on stripmall wellness clinics,” and the lack of real doctors.
• Quote:
  • “If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you’ve got ain’t real.” – John [31:09]
  • “If you’ve spent $15k and you haven’t gone to a doctor…and still have restless legs, you gotta stop going to that thing and head over to the ER.” – John [32:32]

---

5. Holistic Medicine, Conspiracies & the “Holmberg-Vesely Holistic Healing Center”

[63:10–75:47]

• Extended riff about women’s fascination with holistic healing, New Age cures, and the business model for a fake men’s ‘wellness’ clinic where the "prescription" is just more oral sex.
• Memorable Bits:
  • “A good day to do this is the Vesley Holmberg Holistic Healing Center – for women only. Oh man, what a cash cow.” – John [63:11]
  • Fake doctor character: “Your husband’s semen holds the cure…if you want to get better, this is the only way!” [70:35–75:13]
• Tied into listener emails griping about partners’ bizarre medical treatments and wellness fads.

---

6. Chemtrails & Conspiracy Culture

[58:26–62:17]

• Paranoid listener emails, inspired by Jim Breuer’s recent chemtrails rants, have Holmberg questioning streaky clouds and societal dumb-down.
• Quote:
  • “I’m turning into that weird red fat conspiracy theory guy. You never meet a conspiracy theorist in a tuxedo looking all dressed to the nines.” – John [61:36]

---

7. Teen Violence Awareness Month & More Social Commentary

[78:52–84:00]

• The show belatedly discovers it’s Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and riffs on the weirdness of awareness months, over-inclusion of “emotional violence,” and jokes from O.J. Simpson’s point of view.
• Quote:
  • “If you’ve got a violent dating situation, just think of me and…cut it off. Just cut it off. Just try. Yeah, cut it off, Brett. That’s a great text.” – O.J. impression [82:47]

---

8. Phones, Furries, and Modern Youth

[87:56–92:18]

• Bizarre trend of kids in Argentina identifying as animals (“therians”) and gathering in parks discussed, with the group blaming phones/social media for kids’ weirdness.
• Quote:
  • “Bring shame back…you gotta shame the weirdos instead of letting their freak flags fly.” – John [88:55]
  • “We don’t ever have to deal with my kid coming home going, ‘I think I might be a puppy.’ Oh no. I failed.” – John [90:28]

---

9. Brian Callan In-Studio: Testosterone, Politics, and Jewish Inventions

[129:52–147:46 (1:29:52–2:27:46)]

• Brian Callan joins the show for a free-wheeling, high-energy segment, riffing about midlife, his testosterone therapy, refusing to go into politics, out-of-control propaganda, and conspiracies.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “You train for keeps, you get a torn retina.” – Brian Callan [130:02]
  • “If you don’t like the Jews, you’re just not allowed to use any of their inventions.” – Brian Callan [142:52]
  • “The Jews make up .2% of the population—it’s impressive what they do.” – Brian [144:35]
• Discussion of the absurdity of conspiracy theories tying everything back to “the invisible circle of Jews.”
• Sharp social commentary:
  • “What the phone’s done to all of us has made us observers…we want to have an opinion about it, and then they gave us forums for that.” – John [149:46]
• Callan’s advice for chaotic times:
  • “It’s okay to shake your head, fall to your knees, and say a prayer. There’s no shame in saying, I got nothing…” – Brian Callan [155:01]

---

10. Entertainment News, Fast-Facts & Pop Culture

[159:30–166:12]

• Celebrity birthdays: Jenny “J-Woww” Farley (41), Chelsea Clinton (46), James Worthy (65).
• Trivia: The song “Amazing Grace” was written by a former slave trader (John Newton) [111:12].
• Food news: Burger King’s Whopper gets a new bun and box, Dr. Pepper sausage is coming soon.
• Fashion: Fruit of the Loom makes a sweatpant suit (Russell Simmons’ style).
• Home Alone as a lesson about stranger danger.

---

11. Raunchy Friday Video Roundup

[124:40–128:13]

• NSFW: Discussion of graphic user-submitted videos (e.g., lactating women, bizarre body insertions, and stapler pranks).
• Not for the squeamish!

---

Notable Quotes – With Timestamps

• On the Clinton Conspiracy:

  • "Bill isn’t the murderer. Hillary is. And here’s how I know that…" – John [08:33]
  • “He’s got to sell that woman out today. If he doesn’t, it’s proof she killed.” – John [12:59]

• On Alternative Medicine:

  • “If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you’ve got ain’t real.” – John [31:09]

• On Chemtrails:

  • “I’m turning into that weird red fat conspiracy theory guy…” – John [61:36]

• On Modern Youth:

  • "Bring shame back…you gotta shame the weirdos instead of letting their freak flags fly." – John [88:55]

• Brian Callan on Life:

  • "It's okay to shake your head, fall to your knees, and say a prayer. There's no shame in saying, I got nothing..." – Brian Callan [155:01]

---

Key Timestamps

• Charlie’s atheist wedding / power of “poon”: [01:31–03:18]
• Epstein, Clintons, and witness protection bits: [06:00–18:41]
• Restless Leg Syndrome & holistic roast: [24:30–36:10]
• Holistic Healing Center skits: [63:10–75:13]
• Chemtrails and paranoia: [58:26–62:17]
• Teen Violence Awareness Month with O.J. impression: [78:52–84:00]
• Furries/animal-identified youth: [87:56–92:18]
• Brian Callan’s visit (Testosterone, politics, Jewish inventions): [129:52–147:46]

---

Tone and Style

Constantly sarcastic, boundary-pushing ("question and disturb as many listeners as possible"), and quick with inside jokes, callbacks, and riffs. The comedic style ranges from slyly smart to outright raunchy, peppered with impressions, character skits, and deliberately provocative takes on social and political topics.

---

For New Listeners

This episode is representative of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness’ no-apologies comedic approach. If you’re sensitive to NSFW jokes, irreverence about religion, politics, or alternative medicine, or wild tangential bits, enter at your own risk! But for listeners who crave edgy, fast-paced, and honest laughter—this is must-listen radio.

---

Skip To...

• Conspiracy/Clinton Rant: [06:00–18:41]
• Holistic Medicine Parody: [63:10–75:13]
• Brian Callan’s segment: [129:52–147:46]
• Listener Email Roast: [24:30–36:10]

---

For complete context, listen via the 98KUPD app or website. Skip the first 1:12 and return after major ad breaks for main content.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition, and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely, and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[B]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one.

[C]

Tell him not to put himself at

[B]

risk and come into M and P

[D]

Guns where he'll get a fair offer

[B]

and he can rest easy knowing it's

[D]

not getting into the wrong hands.

[A]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[B]

Easy. Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it.

[D]

Really?

[B]

That simple?

[A]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.

[C]

Ever start a project and realize you don't have the right tools? Don't let that slow you down. Fisher Tools has everything you need, from Milwaukee and Makita to dewalt and Bosch, plus safety gear and accessories to get the job done right. Stop by Fisher Tools and Tempe for big promotions on top brands and start that project with the right tools at the right price. Visit fishertools.com for details. Fisher Tools, your project deserves the best tools, and so do you. Fishertools.com you thought that was funny?

[B]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you, pd? That cock is lazy. Must have been up to something last night. Pick it up, cock.

[C]

Little stretched out.

[B]

He had a little. Well, he had a couple moments there where he was just like, I ain't playing along. Like, get you a pill, cock. Anyway, good morning, everybody.

[A]

Hello there.

[B]

Welcome to Friday. It's 5:45. My name's John Blanksteat. There's Brett, There's Toledo. As Brady has left us for longtime listeners to the old radio show and now the podcast may remember Charlie Wolf, who used to pop in on the show every once. It was Brady's nephew, worked down at the sports station. And Charlie was you the zealot of hate. Well, I am blamed in the Bogan family for making Charlie an atheist, which I did not do. They just wouldn't admit that he was one and he questioned them. And then he hung out with me and realized there's somebody you could talk to every once in a while about that. And Charlie called his mom and said, I talked to John a little. And next thing you know I'm in a car with a mom. Go. Why did you tell him there's no God? I'm like, I didn't. He told me. He's making a compelling argument and then it caused fights at home and his aunt sent him books. So he's getting married this weekend to some heathen Satan broad. And Charlie, good luck to you and everything else. And Brady's on his way out there.

[A]

Is he allowed to go into church and get married? I mean, how does that work out?

[B]

Probably has to, I would guess, just to keep everybody happy. I didn't ask that question. I don't know if there's a church involved or if Charlie has the power of godly. Poon has brought him back to the fold. Because I don't know if. I don't know if the lady he's marrying is of the Lord or not. Ah, you can do whatever you want. I don't care. But Charlie came out here with his views, and they thought I did it, so I was the zealot of hate.

[A]

It's the power of Poon.

[B]

It is the power. The PowerPoint. Make you believe some stuff, you know? Yeah.

[A]

I mean, you know, if Margot Robbie came up to me and says, I'm going to be a Satanist, sure, let's do it. Sign me.

[B]

You don't have much to sell me on here.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

It seems reasonable.

[C]

First class.

[B]

Yeah, class. Like, what book do you follow? I'm actually going to read it. Yeah, yeah. No, I've said it a million times. Dua Lipa comes over and says, I've just joined Al Qaeda. I'd be like, get me a hat. Where's it? Do I get a keychain? Like, what would you do? The power of the Poon. Powerful.

[D]

Wrong.

[B]

We could join religions and stuff.

[A]

So when are we going to have, like, a full show back? I mean, it's last week. You weren't here, Brady.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

Are you taking next week off?

[B]

You might as well.

[C]

I'm good.

[B]

Don't say that, because I didn't know I was taking a week off either. Sorry.

[C]

There was a knockout. We have wood in here.

[B]

The last thing I said before I didn't come back was, see you Monday. You didn't see you. Well, and then I didn't see you till the next Tuesday, so You never know when the days are gonna. Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

It's next.

[B]

We'll be right back.

[A]

I miss a little fella.

[B]

Yeah. So Brady's not gonna be here today, but we'll get by. Have Larry filling for him too. Let's plug Larry into everything.

[A]

Oh, he's. He's not a morning person. We'll just say that.

[B]

Was he not happy getting up? I don't know.

[A]

Every day.

[B]

It's not easy. No, I don't either. I asked myself that every morning. Like, how am I doing this?

[C]

Both mornings? He said, so. So we'll come out of it at 6:00am and I'm like, Larry, this show starts at 5:45.

[B]

What? It does what? Yeah, yeah. That's the fun thing of working here is nobody really knows what Trip does. He's. He's. And then he always gives me the most insulting thing ever. I wake up every morning to your. And then I listen to you for a few minutes and you put me to sleep. He's asleep right now. He listened in the. And the only reason he doesn't care any yesterday, the dulce tones of your voice. Profits and losses, sales team. Yesterday he stops me in the hall. This was a great moment. And he goes, the hell's wrong with you? Like, what are you talking about? What's wrong with you? I'm doing fine. Like, what are you talking about? He goes, I heard what you said about me. And I'm like, oh, yeah, about the question about if you take 10 years off your life for $10 million, like right now. And he said, yeah, you said that. I look like I was about out now. I'm like, well, come on. And this is our. He walks back in his office and you just hear people in the hall go, did he just tell you that? I'm like, yeah, we're good. And Amy's like, oh, that was awesome. I didn't know he. I didn't know he would ever do that. I'm like, yeah, all you got to do is make fun of him for, you know, knocking on heaven's door a little bit. He looks fine. But he, like, you don't ask Tripp that question. Would you take 10 years off of your life expectancy? He doesn't even have that, does he?

[C]

You start asking his age 10, doesn't he.

[D]

Doesn't he have no spot?

[C]

He doesn't have 10 spots.

[A]

He'll buy another 10. Don't worry about it.

[B]

I'll get. I'll get with a broker and I'll get another 15. I'll be at your funeral.

[C]

Is this why, you know, classic Porsches keep showing up in our parking lot?

[B]

You looked at like, if you told Trippy, take. Take a 10 million dollar check today, but you're going to be dead in one year. Like by do that in a Harvey anywhere he wants.

[A]

He's ready to take on the tweakers in the parking lot the other day he rolled in with his ascot on and his hat and driving gloves.

[B]

That wouldn't have been awesome if the tweakers, like took him down. He still has with him, puts his hands up. I'm like Jack Johnson right now. I'm gonna take you, tweaker. Anyway, so, yeah, so he. He gave me a big hearty fu yesterday and made the world laugh. I got a couple emails here that just made me so happy. Let's start with this one. It's a little long, but you guys are gonna enjoy this. Oh, by the way, before we get to the emails, I've been kind of paying attention to the whole Epstein thing. It's going on again. And they interviewed Hillary yesterday, if there's ever been a time. And I wish I was in his camp, like, pulling him aside. Cause Hillary did her thing yesterday. And we found out, I think yesterday that Hillary's the one that's been doing all the killing. We all know the Clintons kill, right? That's a real thing. Democrat, Republican. We all kind of. You can be a fan of them. And I think they were, you know, reasonable.

[C]

What, good killers?

[B]

Well, no, through the 90s, that was a pretty fun time. And then the blowjob happened. Everyone nuts, but things happen. Yeah, things happen. And what guy didn't kind of side with Bill, no matter what political side of the aisle you were on? You're looking.

[D]

I'm going.

[B]

This poor bastard here. This is rough. Like, nobody would wish he was dumb to do it, but nobody would wish what happened to him as a man.

[A]

Look at them. Two choices.

[B]

Well, I mean, you know, again, even

[A]

Monica's the best choice.

[B]

Whoa, she looks pretty good now. Have you seen. Yeah, I know, but not then. No, no, but he had a thing he liked. He's from Arkansas. He likes a little meat on the bone, you know what I mean? And he got it. But anyway. And he's thinking to himself, nobody's gonna believe me if this fat girl blows me. I'll just say she didn't, did she?

[A]

Had to wipe her hooves off before she walked into the Oval Office. Never.

[B]

I mean, we're rehashing this, but he never suspected she'd keep the dress. He thought he could coat her. She'd just be happy to be candy coated by the world's powerful man. And now go take that to the bank. All Right. Get that dressed to a dry cleaner. And she left and didn't. He thought he had deniability. You think I'd that. You think that fat bitch is something I can. I'd pull so much ass if I needed to. You think that one. And then she's like, I've got a dress with this junk on. He's like, I'm wearing Doomsday. This is trouble. So a bunch of people got killed by the Clintons. We all know that.

[A]

Things happen.

[B]

People get killed. Yeah, Brett, I'm with you on this. Probably some of them deserved it.

[A]

Well, I'm sure.

[B]

I don't want to get too crazy, political left or right, but Clinton's probably knocked off a few people asking too many questions about too many things. They were a little sloppy about it, you know, they killed too many people. Your people know that you can't just go on some sort of a spree. And these. These folks were knocking people down like mad. And if you think. Think about it, in the 90s, the Clintons killed so many people that while they were in office, Hollywood, who loves them, made a movie about how they killed everybody starring John Travolta called Primary Colors. This was no joke that they're like, we know he's murdering folks like mad, and it wasn't Clinton. But you go look up Primary Colors and you'll be like, whoa, everybody looks and acts just like the people that are currently our president and stuff. And Travolta's like, I'm from Arkansas, and I am your president. Like, what? And he had affairs, and he did all this stuff on the side. They just went down that. And then he killed a bunch of people. Even in the 90s, we knew we'd killed. But anyway, now I know it looks like him, too. Oh, he put the gray hair on Clinton. Bill isn't the murderer. Hillary is. And here's how I know that. If Bill goes into his hearing today and doesn't rat that woman out for everything that's gone wrong in this, like, he's got an opportunity. She went out yesterday after she had the Epstein. I don't even know why they're asking me these questions. I've never met Jeffrey Epstein. I knew Ghislaine a little bit, I guess, but I mean, this is just a farce. We know Bill was with Jeffrey, so they're gonna hit him with pictures and stuff, and all he has to do is. Let's get to the rat killing here. Yes, I knew that, man. My wife has killed over 88 people. He can get her thrown in jail. Finally, he can get Hillary wrapped up. And I know he wants to talk

[C]

about, you know, getting 10 mil or 10 more years off your life.

[B]

Get rid of her if he could. Right now, I am scared for my life. Every day I go to bed wandering is the day. The day that this Jeffrey Dahmer bitch is gonna end me. Guys, I don't care what you know about Jeffrey Epstein. I was going to that island to hide. She is horrifying, by the way. She used to bring kids to the island. Like, I would sell her out with lie after lie. He's good at it. Lie after lie after lie to get her thrown in jail. And if he doesn't go back and watch Bill Clinton's speeches, and I bet you he's doing Morse code with his eyes and stuff, trying to tell us, please help me, she's a murderer, I would throw her in jail in a heartbeat.

[A]

First president in history that's going to go on the Witness Protection program.

[B]

Exactly. I'm your neighbor, Bill Johnson. Hey, Bill Johnson. Yeah, that's right. No, don't ask. You look familiar. People tell me that whole time, I don't get it.

[A]

Him and Sammy the Bull are going to be roommates.

[B]

I am.

[C]

L. Sammy, tell him to say everything.

[B]

Sammy the Bull and I are friends. I'm glad you got rid of that boy there, Bill. I know. I had to throw her in jail. It's been years. I have not had the opportunity to turn her in. I've been afraid, but this is it. And he's going in after she came out all cocky like, you know, she had her. Her big old peacock feathers on. This is a joke. And everything. She went on and like, oh, and now Bill's like, I can go in there tomorrow and ruin this. If I was Bill Clinton, that's what I would do today. I go right in there and go, I don't care what you guys know. Maybe I did bang a 16 year old. I don't know. I don't even know. I probably. Let me just start there. Yeah, maybe, but my wife has killed over 80 people. I have nothing to do with it. And I can give you details and he just spills the beans. But what I need from you is immunity and a new identity. I would love that. Bill Clinton in the witness relocation. My name is Trevor Jones and I need to move somewhere hot because I'm getting old, my arthritis is kicking in, and I need to score some sweet young poom. Where should I go? Scottsdale, Arizona. There's A good chance that a man with Chinaman black dyed hair is going to be standing in your front yard in a new house next to you over in Scottsdale. This is nice, isn't it? Where are you from? Arc of Kansas. You look a lot like. No, people say that all the time. I just, I used to do a doppelganger thing years ago in bars and stuff around Arkansas. I mean, Kansas.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

He's got to sell that woman out today. If he doesn't, it's proof she killed. Either way. One is because, you know, if you had Hillary as your wife and all that she's put him through, like her staying was worse than her leaving right after the blowjob. Cuz it's just a heavy big fat cloud in a pantsuit that lives on his shoulders every day. Because optically she sat in a room with him years ago. I'm speculating, but I'm probably right. And said, all right, I'll forgive you. You're gonna make me President of the United States, though. I don't know. I don't know if I can do that. And then he couldn't pull the trigger on. He's like, well, I guess he got beat by Trump. I mean, that's terrible, right? And she. And he, you know, like he did everything he could to support her, got her the job with Obama, like, not saying she wasn't qualified, but I mean, she's a woman. I'm just kidding. But yeah, the, you know, he helped out a ton. Now's his chance. Finally, 30 years later, he can sit in a room in a deposition about something totally unrelated and spin this and have her ass thrown in jail immediately and just tell him. I'm not saying. I'm just saying a little birdie told me and I'm not going to say it happened here, you guys. I'll go outside and say, oh, I didn't do anything with Jeffrey Epson. But you take this information, you run a new. A new look, you sweep this bitch off her feet.

[A]

He's not doing it.

[B]

He's not. Cause he's afraid she'll kill him and he's afraid they'll screw it up and one of them will go outside and go, bill Clinton told Hillary killed a lot of people. God damn it. That's exactly what I said you can't do now I'm done. I'm done. It's a riddle wrapped in an enigma. He turns into David Ferry from jfk. You guys don't know how big this actually is.

[C]

Holmberg, bitch, please she'll just kill him from prison.

[B]

Yeah, so she can get him. But if the witness relocate him, I'm gonna be like, in Israel and stuff. I'm on the beach.

[C]

What if. What if he's not the most competent guy when it comes to. What if he just says, I can't quit you, Hillary?

[B]

Oh, he can quit, Hillary in a heartbeat. He's trapped. He's trapped with the. The cloud of murder over him and all the crazy not competent with women. This dude's a. He took chances with a murderer for a wife to get blowjobs from pigs. He knew she was killing people. Now I'm gonna throw an allegedly on it. Like my company probably wants me to. Did it just like OJ I love that Homeb guy. He's. He says what I think. All right. Oh, my God, she's crazy. I'd let him live with me. Like, Bill, come here.

[C]

Oh, hell yeah.

[B]

Grow a mustache and let's just diet. You'll look like a shoe salesman. We'll go up.

[C]

Shaggy hair, look like Joe Walsh.

[B]

Are we going to the Rah Rah room tonight? We are. There's a lot of fuss in there. I got the Bill. I'm gonna Bill Clinton my way through that. That is not why we go. It is why I go. I'm gonna score some ass. I don't care if it's a man, woman. I do not care. I'm free as a bird. Hi, my name's Trevor. How are you? Well, what's your line of work, Trevor? I was president of a small HOA sprinkler. Nhoa. That's right.

[D]

Sorry.

[B]

I had a brain fart HOA president for a little while. Oh, yeah, I was an HOA president. What. What neighborhood it was in? Help me out, Fred. Where was that? I forgot. That's right. Val Visti Lakes. Sounds good enough, Fred. Why is that down there in the west, east, north? The Gilbert area? That's right.

[C]

Lakes for days.

[B]

Oh, there's so many of them. And all. All, to use the Spanish term, also very Val Vista. You guys sell it, but I'm waiting for it. I was watching yesterday. I'm like, oh, Hillary's cocky and Bill's sitting in the wings going next. Oh, this could get great. Anyway, this is this. I'm your new neighbor, Bill Johnson. Is your daughter 18 yet? Does matter.

[C]

I don't care.

[B]

A new neighbor seems familiar, but it doesn't have that weird anchor hanging around him all the time. I'm single. He keeps saying that. He says that in our Window at night.

[A]

You blame him.

[B]

You just hear your window just getting. Hey, you guys. Oh, my God. The new neighbors. But I am single. Okay, thank you. I just want to let you know that I'm recently a divorced man.

[D]

Freedom.

[B]

And I've only got a few years to make this ride. You imagine if two years set Clinton free? What an irony. What a cruel irony to set that poonhound loose when he's 80. You mean I can do it. Nobody's gonna get mad at me now. Now it's. I have popsicle sticks to my dick to make it work.

[C]

So, Gent, you got me curious. Who is killed more? Jigsaw or the actual saw mask herself?

[B]

I've always said Hillary looks just like Jigsaw. I think she was the inspiration for the mask. She's got those big dumb cheeks and I think Jigsaw and Hillary are the same person.

[A]

I think I banged Jigsaw first.

[B]

I make her wear a mask sometimes. Sometimes I hit it from behind and I just hear it in the thing. Would you like to play a game? We will kill you if you don't finish this. That's. I feel like I've lived the life of Saul. You have to. You have to. I mean, you have to. This or we will kill you. So Bill goes in today, and I am. I'm on pin. I am on the edge of my seat.

[A]

What time does that happen?

[B]

I don't know. It's going to. Brett. Once you start to realize what my brain's doing to this, you're like, oh, this might get good. I'm anticipating smooth sailing. But if I was in Bill's camp, I would just. On the drive over, just go, hey, before you go in there. Mr. President. What is it, Johnny? You've always got something interesting to say. We could get her today. What are you talking about? I'm just going to go in there and talk about the Epstein stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no. Throw the curveball, man. You want Hillary in the can? Flame through it. I'm listening. Flamethrow it. Then you're off the hook.

[C]

You had me at the can.

[B]

Can I stay at your house? With full immunity?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Will we go to the Rah Rah? Yes. I'll let you borrow clothes. Cool. I can dress like I'm 11.

[C]

Do you like dogs?

[B]

Because you dress like an 11 year old boy. I know, I know. It's too bad. American Eagle clothes, because that was your. That was probably your peak.

[C]

I've got other outlets.

[B]

American Eagle kid. And you had those tight shirts and those pants that weren't right but you thought you look good. I liked you then morning sickness medicate

[C]

KUPD well, it's now the NBA's time to shine. For us Suns fans, that means fast breaks and buzzer beaters are front and center. It's Dick Toledo for Underdog, the app where picking the NBA can score you 5,000 times your money. And playing on Underdog is so easy. Just pick a players will go higher or lower on their stats and here's a sneaky good play I like. Take Grayson Allen higher on three point attempts and Mark Williams higher on rebounds. But whatever the stat line you like, Underdog's got it. So play on Underdog with me and download the app today and use promo code HMS to score $75 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 +, 19 in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-MY-RESET or 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org Arizona 1-800-Next Step 1-800-639-8783 or text Next Step to 533-42 New York. Call the 24.7Hope Line at 1-87-7-8, Hopeny or text Hopeny to 467369.

[B]

Come on down to the Ranch House Grill. Comfort food is your next meal.

[D]

Pork Chili verde, chicken fried steak.

[B]

Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We' for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions.

[D]

Located in the heart of Arcadia.

[B]

Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving Southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[A]

He'd have to have Seal Team 6 on his security detail though, with Hillary after his ass.

[B]

Oh yeah, of course. And there's John and I. Just picture, picture the future John and I running around in Abercrombie and Fitch tees. Just having the time of our lives.

[A]

Guys could cabana wear it up together.

[B]

We could cabana up. We're dressing like kind of adults but we are comfortable 11 year old boys because that's how our brains operate. I would just tell them, now's your chance, Billy. Six o'.

[C]

Clock.

[B]

Here's the word for the Metallica game. Let me do it. Today's word for six o' clock is massacre. You set that up, though. Massacre. Which hopefully I have the guts to perform today in Chappaquiddick, which is ironic as well, because. Or Chappaqua.

[A]

Where are we?

[B]

We in Chappaquido and Chappaqua. Damn it. So close to where my friends at Kennedys used to murder women. Yeah. This is the chance to finally put that to rest. What are you gonna do? I am. I am. I'm sitting there watching TV yesterday, and if you watch Hillary's Exit, she's so. Hillary on her way out. She's very much like, this is a waste of my time. I am the. Oh, she's mouthy. And she knows deep down in her brain that that puppet on a string that goes in today is not gonna sell her out. So whatever she told him, he's gotta back up. And then tonight, she. Or last night, she was sitting there saying, and I told him this, and that's what you'll say. And I told him this, and that's what you'll say. Yes, ma'. Am. Just stop pointing that gun at me.

[C]

Mr. Clinton, are you referring to notes?

[B]

Yes, these are notes that my wife left me. If you notice, on top, it says, lies you will tell and confirm for your wife. If you guys are interested in these notes, I'll hand them over. I've got copies.

[A]

He's got the Roxanne earpiece in and everything else. Worms.

[B]

Give me a second with that last question. What? Hillary, I believe that we never met the Epstein's and those pictures are doctored. I don't really believe that.

[A]

I didn't even see any. Did they ask her about the pictures and everything?

[B]

I don't. She came out so, like, gung ho that she was. Never met the guy. She protected herself. She even said, yeah, I didn't meet him. I never knew him. I never even interacted. I've never been to the island. And it's like, you're not helping your husband right now because that means he went alone. And that's not better.

[C]

And that's what. Whatever Massie or whatever the other senator said, you know, she said you'd have to ask my husband more than 12 times.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like so.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[C]

Throwing him under the bus.

[B]

She doesn't care. She's. She's got a noose around his neck. My dick's been in a jar since 1998. Oh, it's so exciting. Massacre is today's word. Six o'. Clock. Go on the. The KUPD app and the. The website. And you can do that. I got this email from some. It's a little long, but it's good. And I can only read it with one eye, so there's going to be some moments where I get a little dizzy.

[A]

Come on, Brady, through that thing.

[C]

Brace yourself.

[B]

You know, this is.

[D]

This is.

[B]

This is really kind of my Clinton to Brady moment is that I have one eye right now. And watch how I knock this out. He's got two eyes.

[A]

He does.

[B]

I golf with that guy. He has. He's an eagle. He sees golf balls. It's amazing. Brady's. Brady's vision on a golf course is unmatched.

[C]

All his other senses are declined.

[B]

And you know what? I figured it out. You can call me the Jew, but I figured it out because he's cheap and golf balls are expensive. He never takes his eye off the ball and even your own. So you'll hit one off into the desert or something, and the next thing you know, twofold. He's checking for your golf ball. And he's also looking for wildlife. So he loves wandering around, looking. And I'm the type person. I'll hit the ball into the thing, into the dirt, and I'm like, I'm not looking for that. There's snakes and bugs and I'm not wandering around and tumbleweeds. If I hit it there, I'm an idiot. I'll just drop one over here. I'll find it. I don't care. He's out there kicking around. Here it is. And God damn it if he doesn't find it, like 90% of the time, Brady's over there.

[C]

Health in the distance. You want to take a drop?

[B]

No, I'll find it. We've been looking for about 18 minutes. I'll find it, Chuckwalla. And he does. To his credit, he almost always finds it. Or he'll tell you you were out by this tree and then you took a bounce, right? And I'm like, how did you see that? I watched the ball. Keep your eye on the ball, son. Anyway, so with one eye, I will read this now. And it says holmberg. Well, I'm gonna need you to apologize. This restless leg syndrome talk all week has. Has been a problem. It's out of line. So here we go again, right? Here's what I'm saying. So here's why my wife came into the garage yesterday. I guess that would mean two days ago because I was listening to the podcast. Oh, no. He emailed this earlier this morning. Says, by the way, the podcast is so much better than the old radio show. That is true. Since we've switched to a podcast only situation here, it just flies through. You know, it's really good being on the podcast. And since the owners of the place have taken their eye off the ball and what we are and they don't know if we're a radio station or a podcast or an app or. We just went podcast. It's been going really well. This. I get to fast forward through the commercials. There's no more Smashing Pumpkins or Mews to wait through to hear Brett laughing at something racist. Anyways, she came out to the garage to see why I was sitting in the car so long and what the hell was going on. And she points to me and shrugs her shoulders and I just said holmberg. Which was met with her customary eye roll. But while you destroyed Rachel on the air and I cried dying laughing, my wife, the reason why it was funny to me, makes the claim that she also has restless leg syndrome. So it hit home with me that I've spent close to $15,000 over the last couple years for her to get acupuncture, hypnotherapy, wellness pills from some Middle Eastern cat that comes to the house. Anyway, she runs to the car and she wants to share a laugh, and I'm like, ugh. So I shut the radio off real fast and I said, you wouldn't get it. And I get out of the car. Well, she's immediately pissed off. What was that? And I told her Holmberg and Brett were making jokes about an Asian black pimp because she hates race related comedy. For some reason, she didn't buy my story and I was acting a little sus, to be honest. I love that people say that. Now, suspect. Remember how long in the olden days when you tried to say suspect and you just ran out of gas like you were running up a flight of stairs? I'm like, if only that word were four letters shorter.

[C]

You know, we're missing the guy that loves that.

[B]

Who's that? Brady? Well, because you can barely make it. Anyway, I did act sus too. So about an hour later, I had a nap. And while I napped, she went through my phone. Now, there's a girl at work named Wendy, and my wife thinks Wendy's into me. I'm 35, I got two kids, and I'm fat as Rachel. Wendy is 23, absolutely gorgeous, and no way she's in my league or interested in me.

[A]

Nice kill, kid.

[B]

My last two phone calls in my phone were to Wendy. Work related. But one was right before I pulled into the garage and then turned the podcast back on. Wife saw that, put a timeline together that's not real, but close. And thinks now that I'm having the time of my life with Wendy and I'm hiding the calls. Well, here's what I learned. Never use this defense when your wife thinks you're messing around. My exact words were, wendy, are you insane? I could never swing a chick that hot. Oops.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

It's reflective, though.

[B]

Well, women evidently hear that as an insult. Holmberg. And now I'm in a huge fight. I told her the truth about what I was listening to and played it for. Now it's even worse because I was laughing so hard at the restless leg syndrome and she thinks I don't believe in her witchcraft and made up disease, which I don't. But I do support that. She thinks she has it to the

[D]

tune of 15 grand.

[B]

So for me, Scott, a loyal fan and I know demographics, I'm a dream listener. I make over 200 grand a year and I'm 35. Boy, he is. He's a demo. If we still paid attention to demos back in the old FM radio days. Says, could you please tell my wife Heather that you're sorry and are the reason I was laughing at what's wrong with her. You gotta do something about this, man. And Brady doesn't help when you sit there quietly and make things even worse. Well, today's a bad day to say that. Brady's not here. Thanks for the laugh. And potential divorce. Hey, Brett, who's your favorite Winnie the Pooh character? Love you guys. Scott. All right, Scott, that's the. You're a dick. You're. Scott, You're a dick. Clearly.

[A]

Are you apologizing for what exactly? Absolutely not.

[B]

His wife has a fake disease. It's not my fault. You source that.

[A]

I understand.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Brett Kidd, he had a wife. But your wife had real disease. Your ex wife had real things, okay? She would go to hospitals.

[C]

Here's how I know she would be diagnosed. Right.

[B]

Let me say this. Sure. Oh, I'm gonna make some people upset about this. Here's how I know. Whatever you got, you know ain't exactly real. You won't go to a real doctor. Am I wrong? You can back me up on this. You go to like some dude in a strip mall who has the word wellness on his door.

[C]

Wellness, holistic.

[B]

Let's not go crazy. Just wellness. No, no, no. I'm just going. Let's not start saying the words we're all thinking. But if you'll just go to the hospital. The hospital just wants to pump you full of drugs. You gotta fix it. I mean, what are we doing here? I need to go to a retreat. What? You can't sweat out Restless leg syndrome. Rachel's been trying that for years. That's why she put on all that weight.

[A]

Let me call my life coach.

[B]

Yeah. If you go to a hypnotist before you go to a real doctor, you deep down know what you've got ain't real. You just don't want to be embarrassed by a real medical professional who might have a Harvard thing on his wall. Like my buddy Dr. Brink. He's the real deal, right? He's like a. He's a. You go to Dr. Brink and you're like, I think my liver's restless and it kicks me at night. He'd just start laughing and go, you need this number. And it would be pretty top diptubeej. And he lives over in Scottsdale and he's got a wellness facility. Go to a real doctor and then a wellness thing. I'm all on your team, but until you, like, admit, like, I need to go to a doctor with degrees, not a dude who got something online.

[C]

He's got a certificate. It hangs on his wall.

[B]

Yeah, right, right. The medical community is all a scam. There's some of that, some of that's true.

[A]

But, you know, I'll take my chances.

[B]

Take my chances. You know what I didn't do when my eye blew up a week and a half ago? Go to a wellness doctor. And he'd tell me, go to Sedona and sweat it out.

[A]

Maybe you wouldn't have had to stay on your face for six days.

[B]

Here's the.

[C]

Maybe not have helped you.

[D]

No, no.

[B]

Could be blind too, right now. I wouldn't have sight in my right eye. That was an immediate need. I don't think they were pumping me full of drugs and lies. That dude's like, we want to help you. So to Heather, your husband Scott, and your cruddy made up disease. I ain't sorry about nothing, horse.

[A]

God dropped 15k on this.

[B]

Look, that's port. You can't. You can't cause a dude to spend $15,000 on your restless leg syndrome and then say later, he doesn't support you, you gotta give him a bounce every once in a while. That he's like, well, whatever you're doing, if you. Here's my thing. If you've spent 15 grand and you haven't gone to a doctor, and you got pills all over the place, and you got an appointment on Thursday and Tuesday, and you still have restless leg syndrome, worse than pills.

[C]

You've got tinctures in a cabinet.

[B]

I don't know what. Yeah, you got little drop droppers. Yeah, tinctures is a good word. I haven't heard that in a while. Nice job. But, yeah, if you've gone and you still have restless leg syndrome and it's been a couple years, you got to stop going to that thing and head over to the er. They'll just tell me I'm. They'll just. They'll tell you you're making it up.

[A]

Travis said, I'm gonna go home today and have a beer for Scott. Yeah, he has a lot to deal with when he gets home. Now, after hearing you guys this morning

[B]

again, bigger, bigger problem with Scott was the Wendy. I could never land a chick that hot. Saying it to the woman you actually landed. That's where your trouble lies, Scott. You're dumb.

[D]

Whatever.

[C]

Homeburg. Come back to me when you said you've tried yoga and essential oils to fix that eye, and we'll talk.

[B]

I do it. Look, if I. If I did it and guys, I didn't go to the doctor and I use yoga and essential oils, and the tear in my retina healed itself.

[A]

I wish you'd have told me.

[B]

You'd be like, holy smokes. But if you saw me and I'm twitching and my eyes clicking like a year later, like, john, you need to go to a doctor for that eyeball. No, no, I think it's working. I'm pretty sure that the tincture is getting her done.

[C]

We're on the right track.

[B]

Pre Hop told me that this is going to be really good. Adihatikari had told me that this is gonna work out. And all I have to do is rub this on the inside of my elbows for the next two years. It will only cost you $7,000 for the tincture treatments, and you need to do it for at least three years. Or I guess you could go to the hospital and they could fix it tomorrow with drugs. Yuck. Big, Big pharma. All they want to do is make you a patient. I want you to come here for three years and get well.

[A]

Three years?

[B]

You heard me.

[D]

It takes some time.

[B]

It's teacher. You have to get into it. You know, you must Those wellness doctors, like 90% of them are pretty much Jiminy Cricket. If you believe it would be real.

[C]

Yes. With a suitcase.

[B]

Yeah. Walking through there, tipping their top hats at you, going, all you have to do is believe. Like the wizard in the wizard of Oz told Dorothy. It's up to you. You've had the power the whole time to just believe you're not sick, because what you are doing to yourself is nonsense. Thanks, Prip Dappy. You're very welcome. And thank you for your check with your husband's name, Scott. For $5,000, we will see you every Tuesday for the next millennia.

[C]

And another five.

[A]

See you next Tuesday.

[B]

See you next Tuesday. I mean, Heather Donovan's got a questionnaire. And then he said what? He said that he could never land a chick as hot as Wendy. Wendy must be a piece of. What do you mean? Well, I mean, you are fat like Rachel, so I cannot. I assume he is probably landing fives most of the time. Let me see a picture of Wendy and your husband, and I will tell you if he is having an affair. Oh, sweet Jesus, no. This man could never learn something this hot.

[D]

The.

[B]

This man could only land something that looks like you. Heather says, hey, Scott Cordell. And Cordell.

[A]

Damn right.

[B]

Wife's paranoid that you're cheating on her for a reason. My wife always was accusing me, and she was the one doing it. Well, I don't know if that's true or not, but the big mistake wasn't like an affair or anything like that. It was telling her that Wendy's hot, and if I could nail her, I would. But there's no chance I get chicks like you. And that ain't gonna go over to

[A]

basically calling her a slob.

[B]

Right? Yeah. You can't. Yeah, you say things like that. It's like, oh, are you kidding me? Imagine if your wife said that to you. I'm damaged goods. No decent man would want me. I'm right here. I guess that. All right. That didn't. That's. That didn't hurt my feelings. I have to end up with slobs like you. Gutter trash. Oh, you think if I wanted to be one of the guys from heated rivalry, I wouldn't. I'm stuck with your tubby gut. You think, Ronnie? I think Brady was her first choice.

[C]

Come on, man. At that time, 20 years ago, he was a piece of.

[B]

He hasn't aged at all since I met him.

[C]

Isn't anything.

[B]

I'm in the same boat. There's no reason anyone should settle on me. I tell him too. You should leave. Why don't you love me? Oh, you're fine. I don't know what you're doing right. I just looked in the mirror. This is a disaster. What do you see that I don't see? And then I make her watch shallow How? With me. And I'm like, reverse it. That's you. This one says, tell Scott to hit the gym, file for divorce, and enjoy life with Wendy. And that's signed Shane. Thanks. Showtime. Shane. Yeah. Scott, I can't apologize to your wife. Wendy. And I can't apologize for. Or no, Wendy's is Wendy's wife. Wait, I don't know which one. Heather's his wife. Wendy's the one who wants to be his wife.

[A]

Whoa, wait a minute, John. Are you telling me that meditating while listening to bowl music isn't going to help with diabetes?

[B]

Wilford Brimley tried it for years and he never got rid of the diabetes anyway. And I'm not saying that it isn't valuable. I'm saying if you haven't gone to real doctors first and then the wellness, at least try. And again, if you go to a doctor for over a year and you still have it switch, right?

[A]

Yep, absolutely.

[B]

You especially can talk about this because you had a wife who was. And but again, I always go back to your ex wife. It's like, gee, she's got another thing. Then she'd go to a real doctor and they'd be like, you need a surgery on that. And they. She had legit stuff. Okay, all right. The bitterness seeps through. Seeps through the podcast speakers. Anyway, the podcast continues on the six o' clock word is massacre. Massacre spelled French, by the way. Don't screw this up. Massacre. And you'll get in there 98kupd.com or go to the app and then click on that and find your way around because we are bouncing you all over the place trying to get you up there to Vegas to see Metallica at Sphere. October 1st and October 3rd. Their first two shows are completely different sets and they will do both for you and you'll have tickets to both. And by the way, the tickets will go on sale what, March 2nd? I think they said sometime next week.

[A]

Tuesday, I think.

[B]

Yeah, I think.

[C]

Pre sale. Fan.

[B]

Fan. Presale.

[A]

And they're gone.

[B]

There's no way John Summit sold that thing out. Seven shows. He sold it out in seven seconds. And I mean, it's, it's a big venue, but I mean, when people, people want in the experience, it's like when they opened up State Farm Stadium in the Cardinals and it sold out the first year, that wasn't because the Cardinals were in it. It's because the stadium was new and people wanted to be there. Sphere still has a draw and it is an eye and sensory explosion. You've got to see this. And seeing Metallica there, a bunch of KUPD people, that's huge.

[A]

Hell, we all signed up for the presale because we can't even get tickets to this thing.

[B]

Yeah, no, we're not touching them. And by the way, when they sell out, you're not touching them for under two grand. Oh, yeah, and I'd say in the worst seat in the house, but I've been there. There isn't one, so can't imagine what it's like for a concert. It's gotta be incredible. So, yeah, it's gonna be cost. We're giving you thousands of dollars of tickets and all you gotta do is put a word in every hour. We'll do it all day long. And 6am's word is massacre. That's how that works. We're gonna get you a wake up song. That's up to you. You call us 585-9800. You give us a wake up song, we scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock Radiopd.

[C]

Have you ever wanted to go to the NBA Finals? Well, thanks to our friends at FanDuel, you've now got a chance. It's Dick Toledo from Holberg's morning sickness. And all you have to do is use your profit boost on an NBA future and you'll be entered for a shot to win an NBA finals trip for two. So visit FanDuel.com KUPD for the info and to get started and play your game with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA 21+ in President Arizona. No purchase necessary. Limit one entry for ProfitBoost token opt in required. Must apply profit boost token on select market. Restrictions apply. See full terms including methods of [e-mail] gambling problem. Call or text 1-800- gambler all right,

[B]

HMS podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the Valley this week. Hit up the east side to check out Josh Blue performing at the Tempe Improv downtown at Stand Up Live. It's the comedy of Phil Hanley for you this week.

[A]

And up north of Desert Ridge, you got Zach Rushing and Michael Loftus leading

[B]

you into the weekend where you can see friend of the show Brian Callan on Friday and Saturday for the complete lineups. And for Tickets, go to standuplive.com, desert rich, improv.com and tempy improv.com. you thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? All right, ready? Go yourself. Ah, the great Ozzy Osbourne telling Brady to f himself. A classic moment here on the podcast. So proud of it. They got a lot of people emailing me about holistic healers now. I didn't mean to attack the whole lot of them. There's a few of them out there that are probably doing a good job. But again, if you go to anybody, if you went to a mechanic for a year and your car's still broken, you'd go to another one. You go to a. Like, if I went to Brett for a year and he's like a holistic car healer, you're not certified in any sort of tools or anything like that. And for a year, like, his car just keeps conking out at stoplights. And Brett's like, I got this. Just give me $1,000 a month, and we're gonna rub some salve on the paint. And it's still conking out. Like, a year later. I'm going to another mechanic who's, like, certified, right? Or the dealership, maybe take it back to the dealership. The hospital's like the dealership. Sometimes they got to put new parts in.

[C]

God damn it. I'm going to look next time I take drop my car off for that holistic patch on the side of his mechanics.

[B]

I don't use oil. What? What? I don't use oil. That's a big oil. Want you to have it.

[C]

Cost me more in the end.

[B]

Wait a minute. Shouldn't there be oil? No, no. I run a very special elixir that only I make. Call thousands and thousands, so. Plus, I put. I put tassels from pom poms in for gas. This one says, boy, listen to that guy's story. First off, let's just break down. That dude literally told his wife in the email. She's exactly like Rachel. The fat, ugly broad that emailed earlier. That's right. And she'll never stop hearing us. Have anybody heard if Rachel's tried to harm herself at all? Can we get some news on that?

[C]

Need some of her co workers to email us back.

[B]

Yeah, you need that happening. I said, secondly, I had cancer a few years ago, and I was going through Chemo, and I went to a natural doctor for some nausea relief. It's a lot of natural roots and medicines that work good for that. So I go to this guy and he literally handed me a bag of rocks and said, this will cure your cancer.

[C]

Jeez.

[B]

Damn. Natural doctors are scams for gypsy broads. They feel good about themselves not having a real doctor say, you're fat, you need to lose weight, you'll be better off.

[D]

That's true.

[B]

I'm bigger in on the time. If a natural path said to you, hey, give me five days with this and you'll be better, all right? And we'll get you on a plan, that's smart. But if you've got, like, you know, hey, my foot swells up constantly and turns purple, they're like, that's going to take me about two years. And then you go to the hospital and I give you some antibiotics. Some of your hair might fall out and you might get sick from the antibiotics. I'm not doing that. Would you rather have a puffy purple foot or. I'll take the foot, then. It's not that big a typical broad. It's not that big a disease. You're not that worried about it. We'll get to the Crispin Glover thing in a second, which I find fantastic, by the way. If you ever want a headline to grab me in an email or just said the same thing. Anybody from Back to the Future place their name in the headline. Accused of assault with autistic British model. I'm reading that. I'm going to read that every time. I don't even know, like, the word autistic model. I'm like, okay. And I don't know how autistic she is, but pretty autistic.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

That Marty McFly has been talking to her for 11 years, promising her jobs in Hollywood, which, by the way, he hasn't gotten. And she finally said that when he got. You're talking to Crispin Glover. Marty McFly. Get your goddamn. That weirdo from. Marty McFly was a strange dude. Larry saw him in the airport once and said, hey, man, big fan. Love to the Back to the Future stuff. The one movie he was in about killing people on the river's edge or whatever Larry tells him, gives him a rundown of what he loves, and he looks Larry dead in the eyes and he goes, my next film is about rats. Then Larry's like, oh, God, he's gonna kill me. Like, what'd you expect? You were talking to Crispin Glover. He was on Letterman. He Tried to kick him in the head.

[A]

I'm strong.

[B]

I forgot about that. I'm a strong man. Why would you say I'm not? And he tries to kick him in the head. And Letterman just left. So this lady, for 11 years, has been emailing back and forth with the promise that Crispin Glover will would get her some jobs. I mean, that's pretty heavily. That's your high on the spectrum. If you got Crispin Glover as your lead into Hollywood, and he can't get a gig. Last job he had was in that Charlie's Angels, if I remember right. And he was that bad guy who didn't talk. Right. It was the Drew Barrymore Charlie's Angels, not the lady one that everybody didn't see. And then. So then she said at one point she would fly out here after tons of messages saying, I've got a job for you if you're interested. And then she'd fly out, and he'd, like, dress her up as a Nazi and stuff. What? Yeah, he'd show her Nazi memorabilia, and she'd get like, this is not an autistic girl. Like, on the spectrum was with Crispin Glove, put the helmet on, and she did it. And she's like, he's showing me all sorts of Nazi memorabilia. And that's. So she's claiming that he abused her and took advantage of her.

[C]

And it's gotta be the Crispin Glover, right? There's not some dude out. There's not two of those, like, doppelgangering.

[B]

No, he's not. Crispin has not come out with.

[C]

That's one guy in the world that

[B]

his defense is not. It was me. Like, when you watch Back to the Future now, knowing about Crispin Glover a little bit, you're like, Marty McFly's like, his dad was weird. I got it.

[C]

At the time, I thought he was

[B]

weird, of course, because he kind of was. Yeah. So now he wants his thing back. But anyway, he's defending himself wildly. They're calling her Jane Doe, but she said that she'd fly out here, and he'd just go into these weird, violent rants. He was a complete control freak. You were dancing. You were dancing with Crispin Glover. I'm sorry. I can't feel sorry for her. She says that he was persistent. He emailed like crazy, saying, I'm gonna get you a job. I'm gonna get you a job. Her desire. They met in person in Dresden, Germany. And that's where he took her to the Nazi place and dressed her up. Because when in Rome, right? Or Dresden. She said she stayed in contact with him despite his weird behavior because he would dangle opportunities in front of her in Hollywood. And in 2024, she says he promised that she could live in his Silver Lake home and work as his assistant. So she was looking for things for herself.

[A]

She was gold digging.

[B]

She was digging on Crispin Glover. He manipulated her to stop paying rent for an apartment in Europe instead to sell her belongings before she could move in with him. And then when she got to Ella, so she sold all her stuff. She's like the flag lady at the Diamondbacks game. She gave. But Crispin Glover turned out to be real. She had no family or friends in LA and was essentially reliant on Crispin. By the way, if you know anybody named Crispin and you are totally reliant on them, that's your fault.

[C]

Larry's friend is Christian.

[B]

Christian, yeah. Okay. Not Crispin. And he would track her whereabouts and control where she was allowed to go. She claims in March of 2024, she told him she was leaving the house to go to a mosque. And Crispin told her that she'd be locked out if she left. I hate Muslims. But she says she didn't believe him and left. And then he did. He locked her out and changed locks and stuff. Told her, find somewhere else to live. Well, that's. He'd warned you. I mean, I guess that's it, but.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Get your goddamn hands off of her.

[A]

You know, it's like. Like you're with Crispin Glover. It's being with Charlie Sheen.

[B]

You know, going in, Charlie Sheen could get you a job, right? I'd look at that and go, yeah, you're going to tolerate some Sheen like behavior, but that dude had some connections. He could probably still get you a gig. Crispin Glover is not the guy. Since 2015, again, it's a holistic. It's been 11 years. I've got another opportunity for you if you want to sell your stuff. No, thanks. Thanks, though. Crispin. It's like me with Lovitz. I first met Lovitz. I'm like, oh, my God, I love Jon Lovitz. And we're friends now. And then when he calls now, I'm like, ah, Lovett's. Lovett's ain't getting me a gig. We're just buddies. He makes me laugh. We have lunch, but it's like, oh, no. But if he was like, I want you to sell your stuff and move to Los Angeles and live with me and be my assistant, I'll get you job. And then 11 years later I'm like, hey, love it. I still don't have a gig. He's a jealous I've had four doesn't seem to be working my way. Anyway, Toledo, as a producer, we need you to get Crispin Glover. I want to hear his his side of it. And then when I dressed her as a Nazi, she vehemently opposed it. Yeah, most people would there. Chris, in Germany that's illegal, right? I didn't know that. So the Crispin Glower things got my attention. But Bill Clinton's.

[A]

More.

[B]

Here's another great email. I got a lot of good ones. We're gonna get through this. This one says I like this. Hey Jewburg, love the podcast Switchover, but you know, I was ahead of the game. I've been on the pod for a couple years now and I drive from Thursday to Sunday at night and you guys get me through it. I listen starting on Thursday at 11pm Drive all night and I get Monday and Tuesday's show on Thursday and then Wednesday and Thursday on Friday, Tuesday show gets me through the rest. And sometimes I get way behind. I try to catch up. Most I've ever been behind is two weeks. Now. I've always said this to people who listen to the there's nothing to catch up on here.

[C]

Yeah, no, no.

[B]

I mean we're not a soap opera. This is, this is episodic.

[C]

I mean, thank you.

[D]

Sure.

[B]

But it's not doing us any good. Good.

[C]

But yeah, you're not. There's not a cliffhanger last, right?

[B]

No, no, no. We're like wait until you hear Monday's follow up, maybe special episode maybe. Well, sure, the eye thing.

[C]

But Sarah, Sarah's our one cliffhanger but

[B]

we got to get her back. And evidently she and that guy she won the date with didn't get along like the second they were. They haven't gone out on anything. She's like, let me tell the story on the air. I'm like, you don't know. You got to have a story. Yeah, I got a listener that told me she's a. A rattlesnake in the sack though. She goes, oh, like you'd know. And like I don't know. He told me you were.

[A]

Well, that kind of cash.

[C]

Well, you asked her.

[A]

Yeah, well, that kind of cash that he. She was making.

[B]

She emailed me about something and I told her. I said, yeah, I said, you know this guy, cuz he says that you're. Because I'm still trying to help Larry

[A]

out What's he going to lose?

[B]

Well, that's not any sort of. Well, Anyway, it says sometimes about two weeks behind. Now, those are my favorites, though, because I can try to speed through new stuff, but do something for us podcast fans to win. This Metallica thing says I'm two days behind. I just found out about it driving last night. It's frustrating. And I can't listen in the morning because it's bedtime. Make us podcasters whole. You call yourself a podcast? Be one. Solve it. I'll probably hear this Saturday night. Signed Terry Chad.

[C]

That's your problem.

[B]

No, it isn't his problem. It's our problem. How are we going to. We've got two different opportunities here. You can listen live and play along, or you can listen to the podcast and not play along, but he's right. If we're going to be half a radio station and half a podcast like this company wants us to be, and then try to raise numbers on the podcast and the online stuff and not in. Come on.

[C]

We should have carved out a little something for the podcast listeners.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Maybe legal isn't gonna like.

[B]

Oh, they're gonna hate it. Lawyers will get involved and too, I would be doing it.

[C]

Wait a minute. Like you always say in the line in there, we can change the rules at any time.

[B]

I don't. I got nothing for you, Terry Chad. I'm sorry. There's the. The powers that be have this thing focused in 17 different directions, and all we do is talk into sticks. I come in here every morning, do the same thing I've done for 25 years. Where they put it, I don't know. It's like spinning on a roulette wheel. Now we do a show, we seem to be happy with it, and it lands on something. There's 40 different ways to listen. I'm fine with you guys hearing it, but I can't help you out if you're not listening in five more minutes when I give out the 7:00am word and you hear that on Saturday night, I got nothing for you, brother. Podcast numbers are big, too. There's a lot of. You guys are not participating because of that. But that's not my fault. That's. However this thing's run now, and we

[C]

have a new condensed version of the show.

[B]

We do? Yeah.

[C]

I condensed down the three hours of the show into one hour.

[B]

How? Just cut out stuff and clip out nonsense. Yeah. We still get an hour of stuff. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow. Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He's stretching with that hour, but he

[C]

gets it 40 minutes to what?

[B]

Are you cutting out breaths and gaps while Brady thinks.

[C]

No, no, no, no. Like, if we go on and on about something, I give you the gist of it.

[B]

What the hell's wrong with you?

[C]

Just an honest.

[B]

You know what? Boosting those podcast numbers, I'm like Quentin Tarantino right now. You don't edit the baby, you don't chop up the baby. Typical. Lib wants to abort everything. Let's just let it fly. The artistic flies, the Basquiat quality.

[C]

It's another option.

[B]

All right, so it's Cliff's notes of the show.

[C]

Yeah, that's a good way to do it. When a full version of the show is.

[B]

It's when AI gives a synopsis of the text. That's too long.

[C]

Summarize this.

[B]

I love that. I got one the other day that was like a mile long song from my friend Chris Catero, and it literally said something about the Steelers. And I'm like, what? And I thought he'd written it and he clicked on it. It was like this giant diatribe of talking about the general managers and the combine and all this. And I'm like, holy cow. AI got fed up with how long this was. And just today he's talking about the Steelers.

[C]

Chris sits down for 20 minutes.

[B]

I go back, oh, we are email or text? I'm sorry? I said email. Text, Text.

[A]

So it cut out all the nonsense. You got the sealer stuff so you didn't have to hear about how the Scorpions were an underrated band and enough Z Nuff should have been bigger and, you know, stuff like that.

[B]

I agree with that. Enough chips. Enough. Was a talented man and still is. They come to town every once in a while and I'm like, I'm going to that. But then they play new stuff.

[A]

The other four people in there alone.

[B]

Enough. Zenuff is better than you think.

[C]

Fly high, Michelle.

[B]

Fly high Michelle is a hit. The rest of them, you're like, these guys can play

[C]

an angel.

[B]

The problem I have with enough Z Nuff we disagree is the spelling of their name. Yeah, just stupid Chip. Z Nuff is enough to piss you off. And then they still dress like they did back in the day. And it's really weird to, like, knock it off.

[A]

It's guts hanging out over the leather pants.

[B]

Leather pants. Those weird little circle purple glasses. It didn't work back then.

[C]

Every band had that.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Tie me down, knock it off.

[B]

Does he do that still there? Yeah.

[A]

Does Tammy still do that?

[B]

Oh, I don't know. Oh, no. When he were. They were here last time.

[A]

It was normal.

[B]

The faster cat guys. No, he dressed up. He was in the costume, all right. It wasn't as.

[C]

That's it. With the leather hat and everything.

[B]

I don't think he went Village People bad, but he had the. He had the I'm a rock star outfit on. They were really good.

[C]

Chip had that, too.

[B]

Chips enough. Wore that. That Fat Albert hat. Yeah. That Rudy used to wear on the cartoon. I don't know what he was thinking. Thinking so. Yes. But yeah, I do like that. So you do us. And I didn't know that. So that's yet another way to listen to the show and give us no credit. Well, I just. Eye is on the ball up there in corporate headquarters, isn't it?

[C]

Well, and that came. Well, not directly from them, but that was like, we need more content.

[B]

Give us. Give us more.

[C]

I'll give you the same content twice.

[B]

Give us more. Things that confuse people. Make it so we go 40 directions instead of 38. Smart. Genius. And this one says, this one's awesome, too. And I'm kind of getting in on this. Brewer was here earlier this week, and he's got me thinking about it. It says, hey, Holmberg, I think I'm going to turn red and fat red and get fat like you. A week ago, on an absolutely clear, beautiful morning of blue skies. And I live over by Papago Mountains, close to the station, actually. I sat on my patio and marveled at where we live. These clear blue skies I was looking at. And I sat there for an hour enjoying my coffee in the great weather. And I noticed planes going overhead. And it calmed me. The slight hum of freeway traffic that I can kind of hear was like white noise that soothed me. City sounds. Then I noticed suddenly my clear blue sky had a ton of white cloud, like streaks in it. And I mean a lot. I started paying attention. Then the next plane that went over wasn't making giant plumes of smoke. And then suddenly it was. And I realized right then and there, they're spraying us. An hour later, I went outside to see my perfectly blue sky was almost half covered with strange streaky clouds that were spreading. It's effing real, man. Frogs are gay. We all need to wake up. Signed, Marty. The planes are misting us.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah, it's happening. Marty's not wrong. Have you ever noticed on a clear blue day, you watch the weather later that day and you're like, it was kind of a lot of streaky clouds today, and they're like no weather fronts, nothing came through, nothing to report. And then they show the radar and there's nothing on it. And there's like right now there's stuff all over there. And you're like, are these clouds clouds or are they. I'm starting to buy it. Morning sickness Medicate

[C]

College basketball fans FanDuel just handed you a tool that makes every college hoops parlay worth more. It's called the Boost Builder. You get a boost builder to use on any two plus leg college basketball parlay. Start building your parlay and each leg you add increases your boost all the way up to 105%. Just open the FanDuel app, choose your college hoops market, apply your boost token and watch the percentage climb. Head to fanduel.com kupd to get started. 21/in President Arizona Opt in required minimum 2 leg parlay required bonus issued is now withdrawable. Boost builder tokens restrictions apply including any token expiration and max wager amounts. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42 hey, it's Larry McFeely here with

[D]

my friend Wayne from AMCO.

[C]

Wayne, it's tax time.

[B]

You filed and your refunds burn in a hole in your pocket. That's right, Larry. Before you book a trip or buy

[D]

something shiny, please remember your car. Tax time's the best time to take care of all the car repairs you've been putting off.

[B]

Sure, because nothing kills a tax refund buzz faster than a surprise car breakdown. I'll say.

[D]

If your car's been acting up, now's the time to handle it.

[B]

Should we wait for our refund before getting rep repairs?

[D]

No way. Amco payment plans let you get repairs now and pay when you get your check.

[B]

Google Amco for your nearest location. That's Amco double A MCO transmissions and a whole lot more Holmberg's morning sickness. All right, Nash, I'm starting to buy it. Look, go out next time it's a clear blue day and then come back an hour later and they'll be. There'll be. Brewer told me that the other day. He's like, they're spraying us. And I'm like, you're crazy. And then this dude says it and I started to pay attention to it Wednesday. And I'm like, like bringing us I don't know what.

[C]

Bring up a common question you asked Nash. What's the end goal? What's the end game of that?

[B]

I'll Eat your ass. I don't know, all right? I don't know. I just know it's there. I don't know what the end game is. They say that it's to dumb us down a little bit or keep us calm. I'm not sure that's working.

[A]

All I have to do is do that in the food.

[C]

Wait a minute.

[B]

They do that, too, Brad, this would

[A]

be a waste of time.

[B]

That's true, too.

[C]

So it's a giant cat diffuser, like what I have, with pheromones to make sure my cats don't piss all over my house.

[B]

They're spraying the air with stuff that makes your cat kind of go, I'm cool, bro. It calms us. It dumps us. It make. There's got to be something to it. I, I, I have seen that clear blue sky.

[A]

AI's dumbing us, and we don't. They don't need to spray us anymore.

[B]

We're getting dumb in 20 directions, and I don't know why that is, but something, something right with that foil hats.

[A]

You better straighten that up a little bit over you.

[B]

Sit in the dark all you want, Brett Fesley. You're going to be the one standing outside picking your nose. What happened to math skills?

[A]

Don't need to. I got an iPhone.

[B]

You don't know. Yeah, you got your iPhone tracking you. That's another thing. Don't get me started on the iPhone. I am. I'm turning into that weird red fat conspiracy theory guy. You never meet a conspiracy theorist in a tuxedo looking all, like, dressed to the nines, going, this is going to be a great day. They're all fat and red and crazy, and they're just like, where are the

[D]

men in this country? Where are the men in this world?

[B]

What the hell have we become? That's it. And I'm starting to be that guy. Next. It's not today, because there's some stuff, but talk to Ian Schwartz. Talk to our weatherman friend. Hey, how come there's so many clouds up there? Oh, those are the chemtrails.

[A]

Ask him.

[B]

I have.

[A]

When he said that, what's going on?

[B]

He goes, oh, they don't show up on radar. So you'll see Holly Bach over there on that Channel three going, nothing going on here. And you look outside, there's a clouds everywhere.

[A]

Well, there's a lot going on when she's on.

[B]

I know. I watch a lot of Holly Bach. She's a good weather girl. I'll take the chemtrails because she Likes country music. And if you want to dumb me down for that, just fine. I mean, I have got to take a serious blow to the head to like country music. There's enough's enough pictures now put those down. We're not. We're off that topic. Just put that away. Just saying. Just say, pay attention to it. They want you to look at stuff like Gypsy Nothing and make fun of it. Meanwhile, they're playing around behind your back. The one thing I always wondered about. The chemtrail people. Oh, at seven o' clock. The word is Lars. Lars. Lars. Like Ulrich Lars for your Metallica word that people ask, I give.

[C]

And like this guy says John. It keeps him docile and easy. Control.

[B]

I don't know. I've been imagine I'm not seeing a lot of docile people lately. Oh, yes you are. You're watching tribal behavior on both sides. Being docile and manipulated and told what to do at every turn. Well, that's what. That's what they're saying. It's a. It's a chemical that makes you easy to. You don't do any research. You're dumb. You rely on the information given. So why do planes leave streaks? Yeah. Oh, that happens. Why does some planes leave streaks and some don't? Not saying I do or don't believe, but it's a good question. I don't know. By the way, I'm 62 years old and I remember this used to not happen when I was a kid. I don't know if that's true. Not. Anyway, you never know. Just saying this dude's on it with me. I got another thing about holistic healing. I think the holistic healing. Here's what we need. We need. You know what we need? Brett. And Brady's not here. He'd be against this. A good day to do this is the Vesli Holmberg holistic healing center for women only. Oh, man. What a cash girl. Oh, yeah. So they come in there and start telling us about their stuff and we give them like a thorough holistic example exam. Basically. That means we don't know what we're doing either. We're just going to touch your knees.

[A]

We just check their credit.

[B]

Yeah. First off. Yeah. You make sure that you get their credit. Karma app and you're like, I just need to look at this. You start talking to them about something middle. Like in India, they have a lot of pictures of Vishnu in the walls. There's an elephant in the lobby. It's got jewels on it.

[A]

Bowl music playing.

[B]

Yeah, Bowls Playing in the background. They come in, they're sucked in. And then right after that, you give them the full exam and just say, all right, I'm going to give you some pills. And you just go over to, like, Whole Foods and buy those wheat germ pills that put a label on it that says it's going to cure whatever they've got. And then tell them, here's the other thing, and this is proven by science and doctors don't want to tell you this, that our bodies are equipped with natural healing equipment. And your body gets adapted, like, through sex and stuff. Your body adapts to somebody else's germ and chemicals. Like, there's a lot of times where when you first do it with someone, you exchange all of their. You know, I guess. I guess it would just be their germs and things like that or their DNA and things like that gets into the body. And some girls have a reaction. I had a friend of mine, and it wasn't Brady, sent a girl to the hospital because they had sex, and. And the chemicals in him and the chemicals in her didn't match up, and they had to get used to each other before her body rejected everything, whatever's going on there. And she got, like, some sort of weird, weird. Vaginosis.

[C]

Yes, vaginosis.

[B]

That's a thing.

[A]

That's scary.

[B]

I don't even know what the hell it is. It's a thing.

[C]

Well, anything that starts with those three letters.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And ends in osis.

[B]

Oh, if you've got osis and vagina anywhere near each other, I'm out. Christ on a crutch. Run. That's gonna stink. So anyway, so it's a real thing. So you start telling her that, you know, because women believe that a holistic guy starts saying that, saying the one thing that you've got. Are you with a husband? Oh, yes, I am. His semen, because it's been uniting with your fluids for so long, is actually something that cures a lot of what's going on with you. And medical science doesn't want to do that. So the cure to whatever it is you got going on here at the Vesely Holmberg Holistic Healing center is more blowjobs. You'll be better in a week. What? And then you'll start seeing he's a. He's a quack. And suddenly if you put blowjobs on as the cure, they're like, no, not doing that. But they'll take 4,000 pills from some dude from India and trust everything he says. But the second he goes, well, and we need an Indian in our facility, you know, we're going to turn to Dr. Preak Pop and he's going to come in here and he's going to tell you what he thinks. Brett and I have a solution to this. The key to your problems is not the wheat germ pills that we'll be giving, which is very helpful. But I do think that if you did, you know, dance on the old bone zone, that would be a good thing for. No, no, no, no, no, no, my friend, you are clearly a spitter. When is the last time you orally pleased your husband? What does that have to do with anything? Oh, the healing properties of his semen. You would not kick him at night with the restless legs if the back of your throat was bruised. I'm not doing that. Well, if you want to get better or not. Bitch, I give you the answer. Or go to the regular. Or I go to a regular hospital, and then they either go to a regular hospital. Hospital. Probably not, but it would force him to get better. You tell a woman that she doesn't have anything wrong with her. If she starts blowing her husband more, she's gonna be a quack. She ain't. That ain't a diagnosis. She's gonna follow through. If you ever have a woman come home and say, that doctor says I gotta blow you more. The Vesli Homeburg Clinic Dam, Right. It's a wellness facility for bros.

[A]

Imagine the double dipping we could do making money off the broads. The dudes would be just hooking us up anyway. Thanks, guys.

[B]

It's gonna cost you 15 grand to go to a real holistic doctor. Doctor. We're going to charge you 10 to come to us. Oh, it's going to take two visits before we break down that semen is the answer to her problems, and then it's on you.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[B]

You're going to tell her? Yeah, we're going to tell her. Your semen has healing properties and her stupid headaches that she gets just because she's kind of lazy and wants problems. They'll go away with the blow jobs.

[D]

It.

[B]

It probably won't work, and she's going to get mad, but you're going to get a couple just in case, because we're going to have a real live Indian. Tell her that that's what I. It is. And they'll suck up whatever that dude says. You don't know. He uses Eastern philosophy. Yeah. Did he hit a gong? Yes. How did you know that? I guess because you're a sucker. Okay, I've given my diagnosis. Is that a cobra? Yes. I make him come out of a basket just to prove my authenticity. Oh, wow. Stereotypes.

[A]

We gotta check storefronts in Gilbert. If there's one across from Postino's.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

Killing it right there.

[B]

And just have the little Indian standing outside just chain smoking, because that would be authentic. I can fix what ails you. I've got restless leg syndrome. Semen. Not mine. I am not a pervert. But the semen of the man you love.

[C]

It's like the pharmacies in Mexico. Come on in. Come on inside.

[B]

Come on inside. You look like you have puffy bags under your eyes. I don't want to judge you, but I can fix that.

[C]

I've got this here.

[B]

You see my bags? Oh, everyone sees your bags. They are massive, like Samsung. Come in. I will. I will give you an exam, and we will fix things.

[C]

Try my tincture.

[B]

Come inside. To Hornburg Wesley Wellness Facility. How come everything I've got wrong with me gets cured by blowjobs? I am not Vishnu. I cannot answer these metic questions.

[A]

I am Dr. Kevin Patel.

[B]

I am Dr. You. Just call me Dr. K. All right. I am Dr. K. It'd be great.

[A]

Because then he could check your credit, too, while we're at it.

[B]

Exactly. I mean, let me make a couple of calls and see if we can get you into a better eight. You know, you're not a real doctor when it's doctor. First name Dr. Jordan. That's why I ain't a doctor anymore. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, the last guy told me that all I needed to do was line my chakras. No, no, no, no, no. Your husband's semen holds the cure. I don't necessarily think that. Well, if you'd like to get better, this is the only way. Now, let me see your form. Here is a pineapple. And here is a cucumber. We're going to get your mouth around a pineapple eventually.

[A]

What?

[B]

That's right. We're going to make you a sucking machine.

[D]

Wow.

[B]

You will get five or six at once. You're going to look like a pack of Oscar Meyer hot dogs is in your mouth.

[C]

Kevin, how do I invest in your program? It Sounds Awesome.

[B]

It's Dr. K. And it's amazing how fast your husband is willing to pay for this treatment. You're not going to get any guff from him anymore about holistic healing.

[C]

You'll notice a change in him.

[B]

You'll notice that he will be all on board solving your problem. I've been going to my holistic guy for three years. And yet you still kick at night. You fat. I mean, you poor woman.

[C]

He had sympathy for a half.

[B]

Yeah, for a second. Because she's dumb. But this is what we are doing now. And I can find a swarthy Indian to dress up like a doctor and stand up front of our thing. All we can do is rent a space.

[C]

We know when he might be on tour.

[B]

Sanjay will do it.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, man. And he. If you get him dolled up just right.

[A]

Oh, yeah. With a towel.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

We're not going that far. I want authenticity.

[B]

Flew over here to be holistic doctors. Dropped on a carpet. There'll be some rugs, maybe a wall for sale. Holistic rugs for your knees while you're down there blowing your man. It's a real thing, this holistic healing. They go for years.

[C]

Years.

[B]

I still have my knee problem. She go to a core institute or anything? No. Why not? They'll fix it. I don't know. I want it fixed. Great. For attention. And the other girls have problems and I like having them too. Anyway, those holistic. But I think it's a good thing. And I'll tell you right now, you and me, Brett, let's do it. We can pull this out. Brady would wreck it. No, no, that's dumb. This one says, hey, John, I just started talking to this girl this week. I was told she was really into me and she's been sick all week. Or I was sick all week and she says, I'm going to take a bath and some magnesium and eat some kiwi to get better. Oh, she was sick. I was about to cancel when she said, okay, this isn't working. I'm going to the doctor. Thankfully, common sense won out. She ended up normal. Yeah.

[C]

A bath of kiwi and magnesium.

[B]

Well, I don't know what that means.

[C]

What friggin magnesium does she have?

[B]

I don't even know where you find that.

[C]

I don't either.

[B]

Can you buy it in a jar like mine?

[C]

Comes in pills.

[B]

I thought it was just a jar of milk. Milk?

[C]

Oh, no, that's the.

[B]

That's to make you poo, right?

[C]

That's what you use.

[B]

No, no, no, no. Use something a lot stronger. Milk of magnesium? No, nothing on the stuff I throw in anyway. Magnesium in that.

[C]

I use something a lot.

[B]

Oh, I use something.

[C]

I go to Dr. K. Oh, no, no, no.

[B]

The Turbo Lax, Walgreens and this. This isn't A laxative. It's a. It's a jailbreak. You know that scene in Glory when Matthew Broderick goes charge. And all those brown dudes start running? But I thought my ass looks like.

[C]

I thought it was more like storming the wall in Game of Thrones. And then all of a sudden, it gets thr. Through.

[B]

Oh, no, no. It's. It's full on sirens, and I can't remember what. It's a magnesium citrine warning. Magnesium citrate. That's what I take. I think that's what it's called. You don't get any warning. No, you get a little cramp and then you run.

[C]

So that is your first warning, right?

[B]

It's. It's not a warning. It's a. The door's open. You know when. Like in movies, when somebody gets on the ship? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That. Okay. Trust me on this one. Is that a thing? For me?

[A]

Yeah, it's kind of. I don't know if it's true or not, but.

[B]

Yeah. So it found out the other day that DNA of a woman's previous sexual encounters with a man stay in her body forever. And traces of a man's DNA can be found even in his brain. Even in their brain. I have a source if you want it. Guy's name is gay Mr. Itches. Please, I can't trust a man whose last name is Itches.

[C]

Oh, I thought you meant gay bitches.

[B]

No. Oh, maybe that's what he's doing. It's Gabe Itches. I just saw Gabe Itches.

[C]

I like that better.

[B]

Laura says, do I get the same results if he finishes on my cans? Well, it depends on what's wrong with you, but we can try it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, I think that's.

[A]

I think that's step one in the process.

[B]

You know, it's a program. If it's a program. If you've got some sort of. Sort of dermis issue. Skin. That's the technical term we use at home. Bird Vestley is the. Your derma. And then you rub it in there. You need a lot of it.

[C]

And where do you get it?

[B]

Right out of the tap. It's got to be fresh. Can't be bottled. Can't be go. To be right there. And we would help so many men. And we'd make a fortune. Like, you guys have saved my marriage. Oh, John. You're welcome.

[C]

That is definitely magnesium citrate. Yeah, that stuff will clean your entire body out like dran.

[B]

Lose memories.

[C]

Get rid of stuff you ate as a Kid.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, there's, like, Captain Crunch comes out and goes. And he goes away like a ghost. It's. It's like there's stuff. Magnesium citrine. A full bottle of that. And then you just sit there. Oh, yeah. Gotta go drink the whole thing. Yeah, you do.

[A]

You gotta.

[B]

You gotta get some.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

How long are you stuck in the bathroom after taking some of that?

[B]

24 hours. It's not worth. It's not worth risking leaving the house.

[C]

You can't go out in public.

[B]

No. Magnesium citrate is awesome. You know, you're feeling a little bit thick. You ate a little too much. You're full. Next day, you wake up and you're like, goddamn Mexican food.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Guzzle that magnesium citrate combined with tacos from La Pinata. You are Chinese fireworks. And it is unreal how good you feel afterwards. Now you don't want to make a full.

[C]

Would that be called a colon cleanse?

[A]

It's.

[B]

You're just bleaching the system. I mean, every bit of your colon cleanse. Your colon is like. It looks like Caro from the car detailing place came in and scrubbed it.

[C]

It's like some of the girls in Brett's video.

[B]

Yeah. Weathered, Unreal. No, no, no. It's spotless. Oh, spotless. Barrett Jackson. Ready?

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Like, you put mirrors under it. You be like, that colon is spotless. Okay. Your intestines are empty. Like, you. You'll hear Reagan speeches as you're pooping. Tear down that. Whoa. Like, things from the 80s come out. It's John Holmergy here from the morning sickness, and it's time to talk about Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Let's talk about the people who make claims. For instance, a company out there saying they'll get you 100% of market value for your home. And a lot of times, Mr. 100% getting that inspection and says, oh, 100% just dropped because you've got a few more problems. Don't play around with these people. Trust me when I say you can trust TV's Doug Hopkins. He won't play with the offer at all. If he doesn't does, he'll give you $5,000 guaranteed. You can start the process at Doug Hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[C]

A bunch of texters are also saying, hey, that broad is soaking in magnesium, also known as Epsom salts. That's what she means by the magnesium bath.

[B]

I've done that. I was told that for Joints and stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I just think of. Bath felt nice. I don't know.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I had to pee because I'm sitting in warm water. Someone pee in my own bath. I'm like, yeah, I'll take a shower after. I'll take a real. You can't get clean in there. That's what says. I don't know, John. I think half of them would come in and Vesley would be like, get the hell out of here, you dumb broad. Yeah, probably. We can't let. Brett would just work the. The book.

[A]

Yeah, I'm.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. You're gonna. You're gonna be in the back room behind. Yeah, you're going to be like, Christopher, you work at Bada Bing. But what do you do here? Right? We'll make this work. But it's very true. And that magnesium citrate, man, we're getting off on that tangent. Forget it. You got a little backup going on. Not for long. You don't trust me. It's awesome. I could be all over that. By the way. Here we are. February 27, 2026. 6. Tomorrow is the last day of February, and that means that it is the end of teen dating violence awareness. So we can start hitting them again on Sunday. Wait a minute. We.

[A]

We.

[B]

We missed the whole month?

[C]

26 days.

[B]

Whole month. It's Black History Month.

[C]

And you in your eyes, hidden in

[B]

there is teen dating violence awareness. And I think that should be something you should be aware of all year long. I don't think you should have a specific month for it, but evidently we focus on that. And then March 1st, we're right back to swinging. And I don't know what that means, but if you've got someone who's in the middle of teen dating violence and I. What does that mean? Teen dating violence awareness. It gets its own month, but it's over as of tomorrow. And I didn't know that it was even a thing, but it's TV am. They keep throwing that up on the news. Great.

[A]

We heard about.

[C]

Look at this.

[B]

Yeah, you can.

[C]

If you need to leave this site safely and quickly, click. Got it.

[B]

Yeah. Like as the dude who's violating you on a date over your shoulder. Right.

[C]

More common. You think one in three U.S. teens will experience physical, sexual or emotional abuse from someone they're in a relationship.

[B]

Every teen is an emotional abuse on a date if it doesn't go their way.

[C]

A relationship emotional abuse.

[B]

They don't know what they're doing yet. It's the stomping grounds of learning it's like a four year old with a glove on and you're hitting them grounders. There's going to be a lot of mistakes. It's going to be some violence, can be some anger, can be some overreaction. I can't imagine that you can even include the emotional part of it, because they're all that way.

[C]

Don't give me this Olay stuff, Dorn.

[B]

No Olays out there. You're going to take your lumps. Now, physical violence, that's obvious. And you should probably watch out for that.

[C]

There is a theme also, John. I don't know if you can read that with your one eye. We're excited to announce the 2026 theme for teenager Dating Violence Awareness Month is Real Love Respects.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. Jody Watley and you go through a few. We as fellas, spend our team dating, learning which ones are crazy and which ones aren't. And you gotta bite a few bad apples to find out. Oh, boy, there's some red flags. And then those stay with you forever, John.

[C]

There's a calendar of events.

[B]

Sure. Well, there's the Teen Violence Day. And then what is it? What are you dealing with? And I understand it's real.

[C]

Is there like a vendor booth?

[B]

But they included emotions and you can't do that with teenagers.

[C]

Oh, Respect Week led all the way up to Valentine's Day.

[B]

Well, yeah. And then, then you go out on a date.

[A]

We heard about 13 different pizza days this month and not one word of this from Brady. What the hell?

[C]

Exactly.

[A]

It was even quiche day or something and nothing.

[B]

It's a good point, Brett, but here it is. Teenage violence.

[C]

There was an egg pie day.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, shouldn't we have have adult violence Dating awareness as well? Like, isn't it something we should all be aware of? Like, don't be violent on dates and if it starts getting violent, you should probably stop it.

[C]

They lump that into domestic violence.

[B]

Yeah. And is it a celebration when you're like, I'm part of this? Like, well, this is not good.

[A]

Ask oj, he'd be a good spokesperson.

[D]

You know what?

[B]

He should be a keynote speaker at this violent seminar that they're having.

[C]

Well, we take a break, John, and then October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

[A]

and we got time to prepare that way.

[C]

Partner with Summer, we can partner with the museum in Guadalupe.

[B]

I suppose you get a whole summer knocking people around before anybody's aware. Oh, no. Hey, what's up, Twitter world? It's been a while since OJ's been in how you doing, Bruce?

[A]

Bruce, how you doing, man?

[B]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about Brady. I. I expected he'd pass. I'll be honest with you. I thought I'd see Brady down south, but so far. Is he alive still?

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. I owe Hitler some money. We had a. We had a hell fanduel on that team. Violence and dating is. It's subjective, Brett.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, like, you go on a date, all right, And I'm sure you probably grab an arm or two and say, come with me. Put a lady on the seat every once in a while, let her know what's going on.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Now, in my case, violence and dating was a little bit. I don't know. Firm.

[C]

Well, I just use the word firm. I didn't, like, use another F word. Final.

[B]

And I'll be honest with you. I wasn't even dating her. I was married to her.

[A]

And that's.

[B]

We don't go on dates anymore. She's ended up dating some other guy who popped over to the house, so I had to. I had to end that date. So that date ended without a second date. I think that was pretty much. What if you've got a violent dating situation? Just think of me and. And just cut it off. Yeah, just cut it off. Just try. Yeah, cut it off, Brett. That's a great text. Text a message that says, I'm cutting this one off, and then she'll know what you're talking about. What is it for boys, too? Because I was like, I tell you what women can be. The emotional part is pretty much all about them. So I'm gonna go ahead and tell you right now that emotional dating violence is the thing I'm against the most. And I'll turn that on its ear, literally. I'll turn your head over. Everybody won't be attached. Anyway, last days of it. Sorry about that, everybody. Missed your whole violent month. Bye. There's still a day. I Still one day to be violent. Let that go with the charge. O.J.

[A]

he lost a bet to Hitler.

[B]

Well, he's down there talking with Hitler, man.

[C]

The money those two exchange.

[A]

Oh, I'm telling you.

[B]

You know, they shook hands.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And you. And. And people overheard. I'm a big fan.

[A]

They're playing cards, watching you from afar.

[B]

I have captain, and I owned you for a long time. Me and Kennedy both. I really enjoyed he down there.

[A]

Charles Manson's hanging out with him, and

[B]

everything leeches all over me. I told you, I'm a big fan. Fan all these celebrities. I'm down here and I'm an A lister. I think your work was exquisite. Very hands on. I took a different approach. I just oversaw it. Yeah, there. No question. But they have fanduel bets down there.

[A]

Oh, enough.

[B]

I bet you 100 bucks Brad is here by March. You're on. They're slapping on you. It's gambling. Because gambling is a sin. So it's down there and all the good stuff's down there.

[D]

Domino mother.

[B]

Domino mother. Hitler loses again. You're terrible at this. I don't understand. Tri ominos is different than dominoes. I don't care what you prefer, but Hitler just keeps losing. I don't know understand how many of these people is domino Me. You don't want to piss that guy off anyway. 724. What do you got on the big board of Musical Treats?

[A]

Where's that? Got to get the book out. Oh, yeah.

[B]

I don't have it. There it is. Am I relying on you?

[A]

No. I got to make a copy of.

[B]

Jennifer told me yesterday that they have Modern Resolution windows and doors. Not only are you getting the 500 bucks off when you call them just for talking about me. 30% off all windows and doors to start with.

[A]

I may call them because I need.

[B]

I need. I need a couple of things. I've got a whole window situation I'm going to change. I've got windows in there, but I think this would be good. So they're coming by next week again to do this. But 30% off all windows and doors. And then say, oh, by the way, John Holmberg's a jackass. So they'll give you another $500 right off the total contract price. That's pretty great. They're family run, locally owned. They'll help you financing. The payment plans are there. They've been doing this for a while. Modernresolution.com Get a door and a window change. You got that ugly ass front door. Man, oh man. Change it up right there. My friends at Modern Resolution Windows and Doors. Brett.

[A]

All right. On the list, Aquabats, Danger Woman for Hillary, Metallica, Trapped Under Ice, Slayer, Metallica and Justice for all for Bill Clinton, the offspring, Foo Fighters, 7dust, denial for Hillary, Sound Garden Slaves and Bulldozers. Great stuff. Song Pantera, Hellbound, Damage Plan. Save Me. That's a Bill's song to Hillary and Ministry. Lies, lies, Lies for John Nash.

[B]

It's not lies. It's just a thought. Don't dismiss it. It turned out all the crazies were right. All the time. All those crazy people that started saying, you know, this is a thing. And like, oh, you're out of your mind. I don't know. I saw a study last night. They were doing a thing in Argentina. They're having a problem with the kids in Argentina identifying as animals. And I'm like, wait a second. It's a worldwide issue. And what do all of us have in common? Phones, social media. We keep doing all this research on what Covid did to us. Nobody's doing any research on how screwed up we are because of phones. Especially the kids. Like, they don't have any idea what they're doing. And they showed a bunch of Argentinian kids in a park and they were putting tails on each other and running around on all fours. And I'm like, is this real? And the parents had lost them, like, nice. He's like, whatever the word. Pero. Something they called him. But they're down there in Argentina and they got an issue with it.

[C]

According to Gemini, a viral trend in Argentina involves teenagers and young people identifying as as therians. T H E R I A N S Individuals who believe they are mentally or spiritually connected to non human animals.

[B]

It's phones. Isn't that all animals that everything but humans? It would be. Yeah, they can. But that's the thing. They can pick and choose. They showed a whole group of kids that were like coyotes and they. They denned up and packed. And then one kid thought he was a. Like a armadillo or something. I don't remember some weird solo animal. It didn't really have like Social Security skills, so he just thought he was that. And they're all dumb. Well, it's the phone. We were kids. You know what it is? It's social justice is missing. It sounds terrible to say, yes, you're right. But if you wandered around with a tail, if a boy, if Brett Vesley in fifth grade walked into class with snout, ears and a tail, if his dad didn't take care of it, one of us would have.

[A]

Kurt Veslie would have.

[B]

You've been shame. You'd have been shamed out of that. And the problem is the emotion should

[A]

be bring shame back.

[B]

Oh, I've been screaming that for years. You gotta shame the weirdos instead of letting their freak flags fly. You don't hurt them. You just go, this ain't normal.

[C]

Not out in public. Do it on your own time.

[B]

Get back in society for a second. Yeah, do it on your own time. Like weirdos used to do in basements. They'd put tails on and run around, go, I think I'm a puppy.

[C]

Do it. Do it all you want, right?

[B]

But if you do it in the public square, think you're a pop, announce it. And the phones have made it so everybody's like, oh, be safe with it. And you know what else did? And this is my big beef. And it's men's fault. You're going to hear it differently. Single mom world. It's men's fault for not being more involved in a kid's life because they're worried their kids are going to hate them because they only see him every 14 days. So they don't pull the dad role anymore. And moms are like, he just thinks he's a dog for a little bit. It's okay. Moms are designed to be nurturing of whatever you're thinking. Mom ain't going to slap you in the back of the head. Your mom would have.

[A]

My mom, my mom would have.

[B]

They'll slap you in the back of the head if you're embarrassing with a spoon.

[C]

As it is become much of a social phenomenon on TikTok, it's hard to know if it's being performative by the young people. As they say they gather in parks wearing animal masks, climbing trees, and acting like animals. Which has sparked mixed reactions, including amusement, concern, and anger.

[B]

The phone used to be the days where Brett felt like he dressed up as a tic tac. Dress up like a puppy at home, and he could do it. Now he can go online and find like a hundred thousand other people that'll do it.

[A]

When with him, they don't need phones. They need the belt.

[B]

That's right. We need an eye belt.

[A]

Damn right. But on the flip side of it, John, high five.

[C]

High five.

[B]

We don't ever have to deal with my kid coming home going, you know what I think? I think it might be a puppy. Oh, no. Well, I failed.

[A]

Yeah, good. Go to the pound. I'm gonna pick up a different one.

[B]

And then I'd go in his room and I'd have this big bandana on his bed, and I'd start putting stuff in the bandana. And he'd be like, what are you doing? I'm making you a hobo sack. You don't live here anymore. You're going to put this over your shoulder and you're going to walk the earth until you stop thinking you're a puppy. Because guess what? Like a puppy, when you start getting hungry, you're going to come here and start acting normal. Again, yeah. This is the video of them. I think I saw this very same thing. This is them in the park. And the one. The one kid's really good at being a coyote. Did you see that jump? Like. And then the other girl's doing it, and they. But this is Phones.

[A]

What an asshole.

[B]

This didn't happen before. Phones.

[A]

What an asshole. You're all these idiots.

[B]

And they're up in trees where dogs don't live, so they don't even get it.

[C]

And see my dog wearing headphones.

[B]

Look. That's a sad little kid who's sitting in a tree dressed as a dog, saying, identify as a kind of moron. Find me one dog that lives in a tree, you idiot. At least study the thing you think you are. You know what else? They don't have signs saying I'm a coyote behind them like they did. Yeah, Brett's right. A whack to the back of the head is the only answer.

[A]

We need the eye belt.

[B]

The eye belt should just smack into all of their apps and, like, make them useless for a day or two.

[C]

So they bring picnic stuff.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Like dogs. Dogs have picnics. All right? Dogs wear pants.

[A]

They need some Purina. Then they shouldn't be regular food.

[B]

Exactly right, Brad.

[A]

They're dogs.

[B]

Or they should hunt the rabbits. Right. And also, here's the other thing. I know you don't really think you're a dog or you wouldn't have pants on. Yeah. Yeah. You still know, some of the social norms are still in place. You don't want to show your dangler because, you know, you get in trouble for that. And also, there's a little bit of that self consciousness, or you don't want

[C]

to wear one of those tails that we're familiar with. That.

[B]

A butt plug? Yeah. Well. No. Jesus Christ. How'd you do that? You just braided the whole situation. Way to redirect this talk. Yuck. No, no, no. Look, Epstein, we're talking about kids here. But, yeah, they don't walk around with. They put their clothes on and then say they're a dog. That's. You know, you're not really a dog. Yeah, that's right. The eye belt. Yeah, give it a whack. Sorry, I interrupted your. Your list. And I'm not crazy about the chemtrails. There's something going on. The Bill Clinton thing's got my brain. And justice for all is not a bad one. Somebody emailed and said, can we do mayonnaise? To try to draw Rachel's emails back in Mayonnaise by Smashing Pumpkins, which I really. I love that song, actually. I kind of want to hear that. All right. Now that it got brought up. Screw it. We'll go with Mayonnaise by the Pumpkin. This song is. This is where I learned that feedback is a note. Live has feedback in some songs. Bands that can use feedback in the song as a note, they do it four or five times in mayonnaise. This sucker is awesome. This is off Sign Me's dream, right?

[A]

I believe.

[B]

I believe it is. Yeah. It's great song. And the guitarist, IHA throws this in. You have to do it. He throws this in as feedback, as a note. And it's remarkably cool. The Pumpkin. And don't forget that the word for 7am and you got a few more minutes to do this one. Lars, get it in there. L, A, R, S. And why would you do something like that? Well, you got to disappear to the Sphere. Metallica. We're getting you Trip. We're going to get you up there with $200 in fuel because we can't fly you. You're all felons. Get you a hotel room and then get you tickets to two nights at Sphere in Las Vegas to see Metallica October 1st and October 3rd. Bring a couple of friends. You can be the king of your situation. Go you and you and you. Get your friends to do anything. You'll have till October. This contest ends next Friday, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So at the end of that, we'll name a win winner. And you have from the first week of March to end of September to choose who's going with you. So make them do stuff.

[C]

Competition.

[B]

Make it. Make it. So these friends who want to go are giving you things and making things right.

[C]

No Therians.

[B]

In fact, I'd keep that $200 of gas for myself and make whoever you take buy the airline tickets. Make it jsx. Don't screw around. You're giving them a lot of dough to go to this show.

[A]

If they pick Spirit, then they're out automatically.

[B]

Have them give you an itinerary of what they would do if they went with you.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

And if they go, we would fly Spirit Airlines. Like that guy's out. How about that? All right. You got it ready? I got it. It's Mayonnaise. I love this song. So good. Smashing Pumpkins feedback as a note. We need more of that. Here you go. It's your wake up song. It's 98kup. No, you're not. That's your fault. I'm playing nothing Volume muted.

[A]

All right, Stretch, let me see what's going on.

[B]

No, I'm not Stretch. I got nothing to do with it.

[C]

Let me see about.

[B]

Oh, boy. Now you have to do it. Well, maybe we can just go with something else then. Well, your computer's not on, so there's nothing I can do here, Bert. You get it.

[A]

I will in a second.

[B]

You know what's wrong?

[A]

Yeah, I just unplugged it and plugged it back in one second.

[B]

You're pretty good. You're like an IT guy. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. It's John Holmberg here. Time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of my home group and Doug Hopkins. I got an email from someone who told me that he wants to sell his house because he has to move for work, got a new job, and it starts in February, so he needs to vacate quickly. And in this particular case, this guy can leave Arizona with cash from his home and be free and clear to start anew in his next location. That is peace of mind, no matter what the situation. Doug makes selling your house so easy, it's hard to imagine going anywhere else, and he backs it up with a $5,000 guarantee. Start the process at Doug hopkins.com or grab that phone and sing Hopkins 1-800-sale now. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? The white zombie right there. And off we go. A couple more minutes. I'm going to give you the eight o' clock word for the Metallica thing. It's a great big deal. You guys are crushing this, by the way.

[C]

They're also, like, been finding out there's a VIP pre sale today.

[B]

Today for the.

[C]

For the residency for Sphere, but it's for travel packages. So it's like the big boy packages are. There's a pre sale today and you got to register on.

[B]

What are those going for?

[A]

Like, you get a suite at the Aria and stuff like that.

[C]

That goes live, I think it said at 2pm Eastern. So noon our time is when that'll go live.

[B]

No kidding. Yep. A guy emailed me and said, I'm doing the thing with that you told me to do. I've got a text thread going. I said, I send everybody the word. And he said, I just sent a off to a girl that the word for seven o' clock was Lars. And she goes, what the hell does Lars have to do with this? She's done, but she's helping me out. Don't worry about it.

[A]

Justin's a country probably.

[B]

She's probably really pretty.

[C]

She's boot scooting.

[B]

Then I got a thing from a guy named Clint, says an aircraft mechanic for a major airline. There's absolutely no chemtrails or normal airlines doing anything like that. Unless the planes that you're talking about aren't airlines and are secret covert planes. There's no chemtrails by airlines. Stop drinking the Kool Aid, Jim Jones. That's exactly what a man who secretly sprang me with chemtrails would say.

[C]

Calm down.

[B]

Everything about it is denial by the people spraying you. If you have a guy hosing you off, you're like, hey, this smells funny. He's like, trust me, it's not chemicals.

[C]

It's just a shower.

[B]

And then you start noticing that all the amphibians in your area are homosexuals. You kind of gotta realize what's going on.

[D]

You wake up.

[B]

I'm Alex Jones. I'll be right back with more chemtrail talk. That's right. I got another guy said the exact same thing. Says 30 year airline captain, call me. I'll explain what chemtrails are and the nonsense that's been spewing. And I said it again. Exactly the type of crap that a man secretly spraying me with something would say. Turning all the kids into all the frogs are homosexuals.

[D]

You want to have your mind blown

[B]

back when I said that joke vine about frogs being gay. The chemicals in the water made the frogs self replicate, which means they turned into men and women banging each other, and then the guys could get pregnant. Exactly what the homosexual people in the LGBTQ Abu FTU said. The ufc, I guess.

[A]

Ufc, wow.

[B]

That's right.

[D]

The lbgtq.

[B]

You know, that's a hell of an idea right there. The LGBTQ UFC would be blockbusters. Get a couple of Twinks in there and dresses just wrestling.

[D]

Well, that don't.

[B]

You don't fool yourself, Brett.

[D]

That's what they want.

[B]

Oh, I'm sure they want the women fighting the men.

[C]

Who is this they?

[B]

There's a lady. I sent you guys this the other day. She put a. She put one of those Instagram things out that said, all right, enough of men are better than women. Women are better than men. The two best hockey teams in the world right now are the male US Hockey team and the female US Hockey team. They both won gold, so put them on the ice, and whoever wins gets voting rights. Let's do it.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Let's do it.

[C]

First off, this isn't going to end how you think it's going to end.

[B]

To quote Shore's every one of you will be drinking through a tube. Is that what he's saying? Women challenge the men to a game, and he's like, I watched the Olympics. No, it wasn't Shorzy. It was the coach. Every single time. The men's numbers are a lot better than the women's numbers. And racing, they're a lot faster every single time. We're gonna beat you guys. You're gonna be eaten through tubes. The biggest girl on your team's 145 pounds soaking wet with loonies and toonies in her pockets. Yeah. So that lady that put that out there a has no friends. Because somebody should have said, take that down immediately. That's stupid. We're gonna lose the vote.

[C]

I love the two guys in that. No, no, no, no.

[B]

Let her do it. One guy's like, we shouldn't have the guys.

[A]

No, no. What does this beast look like?

[B]

She's just typical.

[A]

Nah, she missed that one.

[B]

Pretty typical of what you would assume. Okay, but bottom line is, if we want to have some 19th Amendment sporting events, I'm all in. I don't know too many women that are like, we can do anything a man can do. All right, that's fair. Let's put the vote on it and get these hockey teams you guys are excited about. Yeah, I know.

[A]

Come on. She's not. Yeah, no, she is. Jesus.

[B]

I would watch that. And when she said it, I'm like, oh, she's kidding. And then she goes, just stone face serious. I'm like, she means it. She wants women not to vote.

[C]

Love it.

[A]

I bet there's no tan line on that finger.

[B]

There is. No way.

[C]

No, I just love the dude in that. No, no.

[B]

Yeah, the guy. One guy comes on the thing, he goes, does she know what she's talking? We can't do this. You don't want that. And then another guy goes, let her keep talking. Let's do this. I think we want to do this. Let it.

[C]

Let it happen.

[B]

They can't vote. The 8am Word for the Metallica super prize is Sandman. And that's just for you people listening to the live taping of the podc. One word. Sandman. That's right. One word. And you put it in our. Our app. 98 KPD app, and get a bunch of your friends to download that. Or you go to our website and you put it in there, too. Hop on.

[C]

Listening to the podcast next Monday.

[B]

Yeah. If You're. If you're listening to the podcast like a lot of people do, we got nothing for you. I would. I wish we had thought of that, but I don't know what we are for a radio station. We're a podcast. Nobody seems to know because here's the thing.

[C]

In a couple of weeks, we're going to do a podcast only contest.

[B]

You know, we should do that.

[C]

We should.

[B]

We should have a podcast only contest. And then our blind buddy Sean emails and says, my mother, Corey Rockefellow is using a Raiki healer. The service is where a massage therapist doesn't actually touch you. They just hold their hands above the body and heal with their energy. Shut up. It's about every time I come home. Home. She talks about all the wind chime she's buying. And there's probably another Coca Pelly. Sean's blind, so he doesn't know what his mother's decorating the house.

[C]

Well, you can hear the goddamn wind chat.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Can we offer that service at our.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, we'll offer the Reiki. Okay, Brett and I'll hover above you for a little bit.

[C]

Reiki.

[B]

R E I K I. I don't know if I've ever heard of that. It's. They do the cruel's eye.

[C]

What?

[B]

And then they just hold their hand.

[A]

The Miyagi.

[B]

That seems right.

[C]

Reiki.

[B]

I don't see Reiki healing is they. They do it like they heat their hands and then they put some stuff and then they. They a couple inches above your body start to like. Like if you've got a stomach problem or something, they just hold it over that.

[A]

Broads.

[D]

Broads.

[B]

You know, you never see in the lobby there.

[A]

Dudes. Exactly.

[B]

No. Guys like, yeah, you had some hemorrhoids and I went over to a Reiki and. Oh, yeah, I know Reiki guys. They're great.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I got a Reiki healer too, because

[A]

the guy's on the phone with Wendy.

[B]

Yeah, never, never, never been in a construction site. I was like, oh, I need my Reiki guy.

[D]

My back.

[A]

You mean Dan never came home and went to a Raiki after a hard day?

[B]

My dad came one time and he's like, ah, we got to call the Raiki guy. I'm like, oh, my God, Dad's gay.

[C]

Reiki is a Japanese energy healing technique established in the 1920s by Mao Yui. It work designed to reduce stress and promote relaxation by channeling universal life force energy through a practitioner's hands. It works by. By placing the hands lightly on or just above the body in specific positions to guide energy flow. Sessions usually last 60 to 90 minutes.

[B]

I'll tell you this, it does work. Because their hands magically suck money right out of the account. It's unreal. No, My Reiki guy cured my baldness. Oh, yeah, look at me.

[A]

Well, you should have went to the Reiki.

[B]

Didn't go to the Reiki guy. But anybody hovering their hands over my head. Zero results so far.

[C]

It is guided by the five Reiki principles and the mantras. They are just for today day. I will not anger. I will not worry. I will be grateful. I will do my work honestly. I will be kind to every living thing.

[B]

Whatever works for you, go do it. But you're still a dip for doing it. I have my Reiki healer. What's that cost? 185 an hour. Holy Christ. And what's he do? His hovers around the room. Jesus Christmas. I could have a homeless do that for 20 bucks.

[C]

Can't you pay the girls at Postina to do the same thing?

[B]

Yeah, can it. Well, they don't have the special powers. I also talked to a guy yesterday who was telling me about power of prayer, and I'm like, I'm whatever works for you, man. And I'm like, but what I. What I always discount with prayer is, can he not hear me right now? It's like, what do you mean? I'm like, you guys always have to activate with code words and then deactivate at the end, right? Dearest Lord. Okay, we're on. It's like turning the mics on.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Stop. Yep. And then at the end, it's like, oh, man. And then God goes, hey, shut that down. Dear God, stop.

[D]

Right, right.

[B]

Why do you have to activate prayers? Well, he has to know we're talking to him. He knows that already.

[C]

He knows everything.

[B]

Your prayers are silly. Stop with the power prayer and do whatever you want to do. But again, I do that, and you can call me things. Whatever makes you get through the day. But it doesn't mean you're not a dip for doing it. That's fact. We all are. We all have stuff we do that makes us dip. Women have more because they've got Reiki healers. And, you know, my grandpa never went to a Reiki healer. He had polio. He ran a farm, and, like, metal in his head in four places. He didn't want it. It wasn't, like, medically put there. It just fell in his head. Everyone wants the Reiki heel. He Got stomach cancer that spread all over his body, and he kept working Alfiata Reiki. You know, you never suck that cancer out. It works. Reiki healer Corey Rockefeller. Come on. On 8am Word of Sandman. And now we get to our glorious Brady Report. Sans Brady. Who's off that. Where'd he go? Chicago? Columbus, Ohio, I think.

[A]

Yeah, back to Ohio.

[C]

That's what's happening.

[B]

Charlie is all right. They went back to. What a great time to go back to Columbus. It's only 90 here. Was like, four there.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And they got another storm coming through. He may not make it back.

[B]

He'll be all right. He'll be happy.

[A]

Hopefully. He's going to go to Mark Pies Chinese.

[B]

We talked him into that yesterday. There's no question. Yeah. When you brought that, we got a text in him.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, by the way, my wife goes to a Reiki healer online.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I definitely transfer that through a screen. Oh, my God.

[C]

Does she have to get her ass close to the screen? What happens?

[A]

She's a smoke.

[B]

Put your breasts up against the camera real quick.

[C]

Oh, Kevin does that, too.

[B]

Of course he does. Get some Japanese guys in there. They're authentic. Like a sushi cut, right?

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

The Indians will take. Take it.

[A]

Saki.

[B]

Saki.

[A]

Saki.

[D]

What did you say?

[B]

That's right. The Brady Report is the. The WAP news today, and that is brought to you by All Pro Shade Concepts, Arizona's best patio shades. They got that free installation on all products and free estimates. So you go out there and get an idea. You're like, I think I'm gonna put shade here. They will come up with a plan for you that will be like, whoa, this looks great. And it actually adds a room to your outdoors. Indoor outdoor living is the way to go, especially in this glorious place. We live for being outside for these months, getting a little warm, but it's gonna be great. A. All right. Just amazing. Me in the 70s again next week. Just cannot wait. Get a little shade on that. Grab a glass of laminate and sit on your patio and watch some tv, because they'll make a room outside. And that is the number one thing in home sales right now, where people are like, you know what? I really want some outdoor living space. It's a big deal, and these guys make it look great, make it look professional, because they are the best. All Pro Shade Concepts. All Pro shade dot com. Brett, give it to me. All right.

[A]

How you doing? And we'll start off with. Since Brady. Since Brady's not here, and it doesn't come up on the sheets that he normally pulls. I had to go online to find this. Tomorrow, since we're not here is a National Chocolate Souffle Day.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

And today is one for you. National Strawberry Day, February 27th. And I do have some more food news in here too.

[B]

I had a dinner the other night, and they brought out the chocolate and cake, and it's a birthday dinner, and then they had a little chocolate thing and a little cheesecake, and it's just sitting there, swimming around in strawberry blood. And I'm like, what's all this? They're like, oh, that's the strawberries. I'm like, can I get this without. No, they always have to add that.

[A]

Scrape it.

[B]

No, I can't do it. Once it touches strawberry juice, I think of the homeless man's nose, and I'm out.

[A]

Just the juice.

[B]

Looking at strawberry anything. All I think, well, that would be the blood. After all the blackheads popped on the homeless guy's nose. All the. All the little white heads and things that he's got, and it pops, hops in your mouth like a strawberry. Same exact texture, same exact shape, same exact look. Except for the seeds in the strawberry are just the black blackheads and whiteheads popping out of the homeless guy's nose. Take a bite of a homeless man's nose, I'll ruin strawberries for everybody. At any given time, you look at

[C]

this strawberry, Some of them are white. They look like whiteheads.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. And you pop in your mouth, and every seed that's in your mouth is just the pus and goo from a blackhead of a homeless man's nose. Yeah, a drunk homeless. No, sorry.

[C]

Don't listen to this conversation.

[A]

Go ahead. All right, some baseless fun facts for you. Utah's Great Salt Lake is the largest salt lake in the western hemisphere. It once covered an area larger than Rhode island, but today, more than half the water is gone, and about 800 square miles of lake bed sits exposed.

[B]

Damn Mormons.

[A]

So chemtrails.

[C]

Is that. So the salt flats are from the salt lake?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, obviously, because the waters recede. They're right there.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

And then there's the Salton Sea over there by Palms Springs.

[C]

Oh, that's south.

[B]

That's gross.

[A]

Drive there. You smell it on the freeway.

[B]

That thing's gross. Wow.

[C]

I've never been.

[D]

Why would you.

[B]

I don't know if it's salty or not. Is it? It has to be, because it's that I don't know. So bad.

[A]

I think from what I read sometime or some time ago, it was something like all the water from the farms and the fertilizer and stuff drains into it because it used to be like a resort.

[B]

So the frogs back in the day. Yeah. Well, it's below sea level, so I don't know if some of it state, oh, that's the chemicals coming out of the alfalfa fields we do for all those Arabs getting in the water supply, making the frogs homosexuals.

[C]

John, I was watching TV last week. That Reiki healer, I think he won best in show.

[B]

Was that. No, no, that was a Doberman, not a healerman. The Reiki healer was third behind the old English sheepdog. Oh, Reiki healer. Boy, they're. They're a good dog. It's a good breed. Very. They got a good energy.

[C]

Very docile or.

[B]

Oh, yeah. They hover above you for a while. They don't actually climb on you. Very nice.

[A]

The song Amazing Grace was written by a former slave trader in England, which is something I did not know.

[B]

Really.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wasn't everyone in England a former slave trader?

[A]

I would think so. The northern cardinal is the most popular state bird, which includes Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, North Carolina, Ohio, Virginia and West Virginia.

[B]

Yeah, so the southern cardinal usually picks first in the NFL draft.

[A]

Hawaiian Punch was originally developed in 1934 as an ice cream topping. It wasn't sold specifically as a juice until 1946.

[B]

No kidding. Just the powder was a topping or though they just pour the juice on.

[A]

I think it was just the juice. I think the powder was later, but I don't know. I'm not going to see any title.

[B]

This.

[A]

I have no clue.

[B]

God, it's refreshing.

[C]

Sickness.

[B]

98 KPD Hol's morning sickness.

[A]

And since Brady's not here in honor of him, Burger King's making three changes to the Whopper.

[B]

Bigger.

[A]

Well, it's not fair because they're basically saying that Burger King might be feeling a little bit of a pinch from McDonald's releasing the new Big Arch. What was that? The Big Arch. The Thousand Calorie Burger. So they're making changes. The bread's gonna be different. It's swapped out for a more premium, better tasting bun. But don't expect a huge change. It'll still be the same sesame seed coated bun. The packaging will shift rather than being wrapped in paper. The upgraded Whopper will be served in a box. This is so that they don't get smushed.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

Weren't they in a box? Years ago, too.

[C]

Yeah, I thought.

[A]

I thought they were.

[B]

I think the Whopper's always been in paper. Really? Yeah.

[A]

Something was.

[B]

Well, Big Macs are in a box.

[A]

Well, I remember that. Those were. I thought it was in a box. I thought so.

[B]

You might be right.

[A]

The toppings are also going to get an update. Each Whopper will now come stacked top with fresh cut onions and tomatoes with crisp lettuce and tangy pickles. Those were already included, so they may be punching up the process a bit. Adams.

[B]

It's just a bigger Whopper with a

[A]

better bun, and it'll be coming with better tasting mayo.

[B]

They said hold the mayo. Yeah, I'm basically. I'm essentially a black guy when it comes to mayo. No, thank you. You.

[C]

That's what the box looked like.

[A]

That's the old.

[D]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

I thought they came in a box.

[C]

I mean, but that's got the new logo.

[B]

So even at my house, when somebody breaks out mayo, you just hear this because that's what I turned into immediately.

[A]

And the hellcat flying.

[B]

Immediately. There's a hellcat just appears in the house. Like a. Like Grand Theft Auto. I just. I just cheat coded in a Hellcat. Mayo is disgusting.

[A]

And I'm telling you, I must have logged into Brady's account to get the news because, well, they're coming out with a Dr. Pepper inspired sausage. This is ridiculous.

[B]

That's not bad.

[A]

Johnson Johnsonville is a new collaboration with Dr. Pepper which combines Johnsonville Signature Sausage with Dr. Pepper's 23 flavor blend to create a sweet and salty or swalty finish. Now I know where Brady gets.

[B]

Here's the thing. I know. Come on. You drink Dr. Pepper and eat a sausage. It's the same thing. It's just. Yeah, because you're like, wash it down with the Dr. Pepper. It tastes great. Everything's better with Dr. Pepper.

[A]

Well, and they're saying it's kind of like a. It's kind of in honor of, like, a lot of people, I guess, marinate their meats and stuff like that in Coke or Dr. Pepper.

[C]

Yeah, that's true. That Mississippi pot roast is can of Dr. Pepper in the slow cooker.

[B]

Yeah. My buddy Winston just texted and said, come on, I'm shaking my head. Mayo was verse versatile. Haven't you seen Undercover Brother? Didn't you get a copy of that in the mail there, Winston? Of course it was used as a weapon. Now, it was relatable. I. I related to Undercover Brother himself when they were trying to coerce him with mayonnaise and the White devil.

[A]

All right. Backseat driving is officially the most annoying things passengers do.

[B]

Yeah, that's kind of.

[A]

I don't know if this is really news, but backseat driving is.42%. It said it's one of the 42.42% of the people say it's the most annoying thing you could do. Leaving trash in somebody's car. That's.

[B]

That's rude.

[A]

Smack in the mouth.

[B]

All right. Jesus.

[A]

Complaining about your driving, which is basically.

[B]

Expect that.

[A]

Better grab that Dr. Pepper can.

[B]

Yeah. You know you've pissed Brett off in the car when. Yeah. You sit there and you get the. All right, it's been a nice time driving you around a little bit, but hold on a take. What do we got going on here? What do we got going on here? We leaving garbage in my car. I don't think you're going to leave that there. Are you eating an orange.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

Sorry about that. Yeah. Leaving orange peels in my r. Yeah, I don't think you want to do that. Don't make Brett mad.

[A]

These are all just common things. But eating messy or smelly food in the car. Why are you eating in somebody else's car, first of all, Especially smelly food.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And don't break out the corn nuts in somebody's car or something like that, because that stench just lasts.

[B]

That's true.

[D]

Yelling, watch out.

[A]

And there's nothing wrong.

[C]

That's my wife. My wife is. Oh, God.

[D]

Oh, God.

[C]

You're not religious.

[A]

Religious.

[B]

Stop calling God. Get over. Get over. Watch out. My dad's terrible. My dad. My dad's phrase when he's the past. He grabs the dash the whole time. Both hands on the dash. Watch out for this guy. What? Why?

[A]

What if a woman's driving? Yeah.

[B]

No, it's me. My dad does it to everyone.

[C]

You were with us. You remember Larry was doing that to the Waymo.

[B]

Yeah. What are you doing here? What are you doing here? The. Watch out for that guy. My dad. Like, do you think I can't see? See, there's a guy right there on a phone. I know. Watch out for him. Like. No, I'm gonna watch all the cars, dad. It's my job right now.

[A]

Putting your feet on the dashboard. Yeah, that pisses me off.

[B]

That's a woman thing, too. A man wouldn't do that.

[A]

Changing the radio station without asking.

[B]

Don't touch.

[A]

Well, if countries on you guys. It doesn't matter what car you're in

[B]

or who's got the aux. Because the aux cord is a thing for plugged into Your phone. Or if you listen to Huncha plugged into my phone, probably gonna be listening to. To. I don't know.

[A]

Megan Thee Stallion.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Slamming the car door too hard is another annoyance. My dad used to get so pissed off. Oh, what are you doing? Closing the door on the goddamn space shuttle? That was literally one of Kurt Veslies yelling break when you're already breaking. And then talking loudly on the phone, like when you're in the car with somebody else.

[B]

That's r. Just text, by the way.

[A]

Why are you calling?

[B]

People made. Made note of the fact that they. They didn't miss that. The WAP News included Whopper News. Very impressive.

[A]

Fruit of Alone has created a sweatpant formal suit.

[C]

Oh, no.

[B]

All right. I'm not disinterested.

[A]

Frown did a collaboration with a designer overseas to create an. An athletic formal suit suit. And it's a cross between sweatpants and a suit. It's only available from in Japan right now for about 155 bucks. I don't think we got a picture of that.

[B]

Okay, but it's just underwear. It's long johns.

[C]

I'm gonna try and find it.

[A]

Well, no, it sounds like a tracksuit.

[B]

Oh, it's like a suit.

[A]

Well, that's what it's saying.

[B]

Like an underwear suit. It's like.

[A]

No, no, I think.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fruit loom suit.

[A]

I think

[B]

that sounds cozy.

[A]

Comes in black, navy, and at first glance, pants. It looks like a relaxed suit, similar to a men's Cardigan, but it's made 100 of cotton T shirt fabric. Oh, oh, wait. Well, there you go.

[B]

Swim in that. Oh, yeah. No, you look like a slob.

[C]

Simmons here.

[B]

Yeah, it does have a Russell Simmons vibe. It's. Man, that looks comfy, though. All right, all right.

[A]

They're taking pre orders right now, and some reports say they may be shipping worldwide. We don't have confirmation on that.

[B]

That three piece, like a FR Loom tuxedo. Andre says, as a black man, I got to correct you. It's Miracle Whip, not mayo. We love mayo. No, you don't. Undercover Brother. Go watch it. It's the funniest scene. Trying to get him to like man. And then when he. And then when he finally falls for the she devil, the white she devil, Denise Richards. He's, like, eating mayonnaise sandwiches and stuff. He. He turned. He sold out. The man got him. I was with him. That. That whole point of that movie, I'm like, oh, my God. That's the blackest I can get is I Hate mayonnaise as much as anybody. It's gross.

[A]

There's a few things that become attractive only after the age of 25.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Having no plans for the weekend.

[B]

Huge. I told you before the show started, I'm like. I realized it was Friday and I got excited because OP Live is on and that's what I realized. I planned my Friday around

[A]

gray hair that starts coming in on the sides.

[B]

Sexy.

[A]

I'm getting that.

[C]

You just about time.

[A]

Well, yeah, but it's not on top of my head. It's literally on the sides. I'm gonna have the poly walnuts here probably in a year.

[B]

That's good for you.

[A]

I can't wait if you.

[B]

I have gray sides. I'm pretty sure you have gray sides. I think so. I don't know. Let's not talk about it.

[A]

The top of my head, it's holding up good.

[B]

But I get a little on the beard.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Starting on the beer a little. Yeah.

[A]

Driving a minivan apparently is attractive after 25. No, I don't think so.

[B]

After 25.

[A]

That's what it's. After 25.

[B]

No.

[A]

A large comfortable bed that should be anybody, but.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

California King.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[B]

Whatever.

[C]

The other side, there's a size bigger than that, I think.

[B]

Oh, if you could get a bigger bed. Yeah. Cow king's the only way to go.

[A]

Yeah. High quality vacuum cleaner.

[B]

Wow. That is true. That's very exciting after 25.

[A]

Yeah. Brady's got one of those. It's named Rodney.

[B]

Yes, right. Rodney is a good cleaner.

[A]

Getting an air fryer apparently is attractive after 25.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. It's not exciting on college. Like you're not gonna. Your friends aren't gonna.

[C]

You're not gonna read the Brady jokes.

[B]

Got an air fryer, bro. A lot of fraternities aren't gonna.

[A]

Well, that used to be the George Foreman girl. Remember that?

[B]

That was built for all of us. Man, I miss my George Foreman girl. I used to love that thing.

[A]

All right, the stupid criminal news here. This broad tried to pay someone's bail with movie money. 39 year old woman in Kentucky got arrested after she tried to bail someone out of jail using fake movie money.

[B]

This is happening a lot. What? This is like the third story. Brady's done a couple of these where people are using movie money to buy stuff.

[A]

And the funny part is the, the do the. The bills actually said motion picture use only.

[B]

Same thing every time. And on the right there on of it, it says for motion picture use only. They look real, but they've got that print on them. You can tell.

[A]

39 year old Felicia Howard showed up to jail in Madison, Madisonville, Kentucky on Sunday to pay a bail for her man. And it's not clear how she knows him, but the bail was apparently 1400 bucks. She handed him a stack of $100 bills. But they were quickly able to figure it out that the bills were fake because it's literally print. Literally printed right on there.

[B]

Isn't that crazy dumb broad. It's happening a ton. So all this movie money has been leaked out into the. Right. Look at your money now.

[A]

Yeah. And finally, before we get to the videos, should your first drink of the day be coffee or water? And you, you finally just started drinking coffee?

[B]

I hate it. It's awful. I drink a whole pot to start the day. Good God. I drink the entire pot. Wow.

[A]

I don't even do that. I'm like two cups. Yeah. One and a half actually.

[B]

Not out of necessity or flavor because it tastes like garlic garbage.

[C]

You put anything in it?

[B]

Yeah, coffee. Like the sugar free hazelnut to make it taste like something tolerable. Coffee's disgusting. And I've just started to do it because everybody said you gotta love coffee at a certain age. I'm like, I just don't. Right. And so I started to try to force myself to like it. I do like how I feel drinking coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it makes it so I'm not hungry all day. Yes. For some reason I don't eat when I drink the pot of coffee.

[A]

Are you still half hazelnut, half coffee

[B]

or about 3/4 hazelnut? But I'm gonna be a diabetic. I'm dumping like a goose.

[D]

Sugar free. Oh, okay.

[B]

Every day when I go home, it's like, this is bad. Like it is a. Oh, it'll make you regular. It's that thing that Augustus Gloop got caught in. It's the chocolate river. It's awesome. And I feel so good. And it's all cough. Since I've done the coffee thing, it's been. It's fantastic. But I can't tolerate the flavor. Water Never drink that.

[A]

A doctor and dietitian both weighed in and said it really doesn't matter for most people. But they do agree that drinking water first thing in the morning hydrates you and kickstarts your day. And so just water coffee.

[C]

That was my theory.

[B]

Yeah. There's water and everything. It's a diuretic.

[C]

It's got water in it.

[B]

So I'm not. So it'll pee it out. Big deal. Am I going to hydrate? I'm not drinking coffee to go jogging.

[A]

That's about it. Let's get to the videos.

[B]

Let me pull those videos for Friday. Brian Callan's coming today. Yeah.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Awesome. Desert Ridge Improv, 8am Word is Sandman. One word. If you're still looking at that. I haven't gotten it yet. You got a few more minutes to get there. Another 20 or 30 minutes to get that done. Sandman for the Metallica word of the hour. Go ahead, Brad.

[A]

And I'm flying blind with these. I didn't get a chance.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

We'll see. We'll start with, oh, I don't like

[B]

when you don't know. I know a lot of times that means there's, like, beheadings and stuff.

[A]

This was entitled My Milkshake.

[B]

Okay. Oh, no. All right. It's a girl. Oh, she's. Oh, my God.

[C]

I was telling you, that's what happens.

[B]

This is a lactating woman and she's. She just did a pump on her nipples and they turned into. They're gargantuan. They're huge. That's what happens to a woman's lactating nipple.

[C]

Start at the beginning.

[B]

These are the biggest nipples I've ever. Wow.

[C]

That is what happens.

[B]

High five, Brad. Oh. To all of them.

[A]

Yes. When you do that. Oh, my God.

[C]

That's what happens.

[B]

A woman's nipples turn into thumbs. Yes.

[A]

Well, in that case, Troy and Michael may be right at that point.

[B]

Troy and Michael are right. I'd rather have poop Wiener than thumbnails Nipple. Thumbnail's a good band name.

[A]

This one is entitled How Long Is this going to Take?

[B]

Oh, wow. This is a lady with her legs spread open. She's got, like, a. Well, right now, she's. It's like when I. Okay, okay, let me explain. How long is this going to die? Oh, that was in her butt.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

I didn't even notice that.

[B]

You know when, like, a clown pulls handkerchiefs out of his pocket and it never ends? This lady's doing it with a purple sex toy.

[C]

Looks like a balloon animal.

[B]

And at this point, it is got to be seven feet long. And the whole thing's in her. And she slowly pulls it out, and then it makes that noise at the end effect. Let's watch it.

[C]

Two feet, three feet right there.

[B]

Well, we're two feet out with about two and a half to go. How long is this going to take? It just keeps coming out. And there you go. That's how it. Seven feet. Where do you buy that?

[A]

All right, Scared with this one. Put all three in there is what the title of it is.

[B]

Okay, here we go. Number two in the videos for Friday. Oh, we got a three arms in a woman's butt. There are three.

[C]

What is going on with her?

[B]

Hold on. There's three hands at a woman's bottom. Oh, the. The Arby's package is disgusting. Oh, yeah, she looks pretty outside of that. So she's pushing one of the arms a little deeper. I think one of the arms has a. A tattoo of Mick Jagger as the queen with devil horns. We have three hands in a butt, and she seems okay with it, so she's had to work up to that.

[C]

And like you said, the Arby's, what was happening.

[B]

I assume if she's got three hands in her butt, she's done some damage on the other thing.

[A]

This one, last but not least, this is entitled stapler.

[B]

Okay, this one's. Oh, my God. We've got a person with a swing. Line up against their stapling. God. All right, we're stapling. Labia to a leg. She's staping. Stapling.

[C]

It's a medical stapler, isn't it?

[B]

It is. It's one of those. Strong wound healing. Oh, she's. Oh, look at that nightmare. Holy. She has stapled her lips to her legs.

[A]

She's got the plug in, too.

[B]

And she's wearing a butt plug.

[A]

So there you go.

[B]

I just want to introduce her to Marcy today. Marcy, this is my. Why is she walking that way? John, I'll. I'll show you later. Wow.

[C]

How do you remove.

[A]

I wish I was Brady at this point.

[B]

That's nobody doing that. All right. There you go. That is gross. Well, thank you. Yes. The Metallica word to disappear to the sphere for 8am is Sandman. Get on that Sandman. We got Brian Callan, another of my favorite people on the planet, coming in here. Brian joins us. Is that true?

[D]

Yeah, we've got.

[B]

Oh, we've got a clip of him

[A]

saying, we've had a hell of a week.

[B]

It's a good week. Brewer on Wednesday, Josh Blue yesterday.

[C]

Cal Surgery our weeks after.

[B]

No kidding. We had to make up for the week I had off. This is a good. Brian Callan joins us next. It's 98 Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? It's Metallica right there, and we're giving Away tickets to go see him in the sphere in October. The word for 8 o' clock is Sandman. But that doesn't matter right now because there is a man in the room that needs to be acknowledged immediately. Brett. And his name is Brian Callan. Stop it, you guys. Brian is one of my favorite people in the world because he's made of mountain. Mountain parts. Friday, Saturday, Sunday at desertridgeimprov.com Brianancallen.com is where you can go as well. And you get your tickets to go see one of the funniest people I've ever watched on Come on, that's a fact.

[D]

Come on.

[A]

He said that before you came in.

[B]

I still got it. Yeah, still ready, still going.

[D]

I wish the, I wish your audience had heard our, our deep conversation about your torn retina.

[B]

They couldn't handle it.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

When you train, guys, when you train for keeps, you trained for keeps. Like Jim John. Sometimes you tear your redneck. Guess what, everybody. Worth it. Gotta lie face down. Six days with no breaks.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Worth it.

[B]

Still fighting. Gonna fight tomorrow.

[D]

Because you never know when something's gonna pop off. And if you got the pop of muscle in your eye, worth it.

[B]

You're literally the only person I can talk to about this because you're the only one who trains like I train. Dude. We just know.

[D]

I was working on my blast double yesterday at 59. I have problems. My blast.

[B]

Why do we do it?

[D]

Because I'm a mess.

[B]

Yeah, that's why. Because we're mentally not normal.

[D]

So ridiculous.

[B]

Yes. Why don't we want to get fat?

[D]

I, well, I don't know. I, I, I am now taking, I'm, I'm now taking some testosterone.

[B]

You are on the T. And I.

[D]

It's, it's been two weeks, and I look in the mirror all the time waiting for something to change. Ain't nothing.

[B]

Not happening. No, you're not. It's not.

[D]

But, but Madon could cut a diamond.

[B]

I was on testosterone. Are you using the shots? I went with the ball cream. I threw some ball cream on such a man. I went all, man, I gotta rub

[D]

that up, up in there. Real.

[B]

They said, size of a dime. I said, you haven't seen my balls.

[D]

How about a silver dollar? I got some balls.

[B]

I threw a Kennedy silver on that and I'm rubbing all over it. And the only thing I got out of the testosterone with the way the ball cream work.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Was exactly like you said. I was waking up and it hurt like it was. I was coming in hot.

[D]

Coming in hot.

[B]

The Erections were not.

[D]

I need a friend like me who's super straight to get those. Those areas you can't reach. You know what I mean? Just to keep you honest, John, I'll be right over. Let me take these two fingers right here and I'm gonna apply it. Circular motion.

[B]

There's nothing gay about it because I know you're not attracted to that kind of behavior.

[D]

Get off medical. We're lip locked. Doesn't mean anything. I call it a lip lock. You kiss a guy. If you say lip lock, it's not gay.

[B]

It's a wrestling move. It's a lock. It's like, you know. Yeah. It's like a choke. It's like a guillotine lip lock. That's what I like, the guillotine.

[D]

I love talking Jiu Jitsu. That's my favorite subject.

[B]

What are you doing with your time now, Frank, buddy?

[D]

I am doing advertisements.

[B]

Is that right?

[D]

Yep. I got a. I got a. Doing a marketing thing. I'm actually. I think I'm directing.

[B]

Shut up.

[D]

A pilot?

[B]

Really? Yes.

[D]

I might be starring in a pilot.

[B]

You could do it all.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Are you gonna sing and dance in this pilot? Stop. I think you could see what happens.

[D]

Music just comes out.

[B]

I think you could do it.

[D]

Ah, come on.

[B]

Triple Threat, they call you. Yes.

[D]

I mean, I got. I got a soft shoe.

[B]

Well, sure.

[D]

You know what I'm saying? It's called a soft shoe. America, America. When you can dance, what are you gonna direct? Wind.

[B]

What is. Is it.

[D]

It's a good. It's a curtain. Metzger, who's a great comic, really funny guy, wrote a really smart, funny TV show. And I auditioned for it and, you know, the lead. I think Kurt actually had me in mind for the lead.

[B]

No kidding. What's it about?

[D]

We'll see. It's about a. You know, you have these, like, sort of persuasion tanks. You know, these people that basically say if you want a narrative to go your way.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[D]

A political narrative. We're the ones that can help the push tanks. Yeah. Oh, and so it's really well written.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's kind of.

[D]

I would play the guy who's running.

[B]

Want to hear something crazy about that in real life? Yeah, last summer, I guess. And I told the boys on the air, because it took me by surprise. I got a call from a guy from some research church place and some PR move. One of those places.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like, we want to talk to you about. Would you ever be interested in running for like, a City council or state representation. And like me, have you met me? Yeah, I'm an idiot.

[D]

Not so.

[B]

He's a hoax, Brian. It's true. And I, and I said, I have, I have not had any. He goes, you've got a recognizable name, an opinion that sways people, and a strong voice. And I'm like, that's it. I was like the dumbest guy in school.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Like, that doesn't count for anything right now. Like, do you listen to the show? Like, some of my ideas are bad, bad, bad ideas. And he's like, it doesn't matter.

[D]

I train. I train. At my age, I train. By that I mean I box and get my retina.

[B]

A 27 year old boy said, you can't fight anymore. And I said, watch this, young man.

[D]

That's all you gotta hear. That's all you gotta hear. You know, you think that wisdom would hit. You think that you'd be sort of the guy who's like, you know, you and I in the movie. Movies, we're the, we're the guy trimming pruning our bonsai trees in the outskirts. In the outskirts of Phoenix.

[B]

Oh, my God, don't say that.

[D]

You know what I mean. Well, we've got scars that tell a thousand stories that'll never be told. And the young Jedi comes in and says, I want to spar. And you say, a tree grows as fast as a tree grows, does it not, my son? And then you go back to pruning.

[A]

Yes, right.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Maybe you have a pet monkey or just a scruffy dog raps a parrot. Either way, either way, you live a. You live a simple life until they bring you back in.

[B]

Let me summon my llama.

[D]

I was asked to.

[B]

Oh, no, to.

[D]

I was told by some rather powerful people that I was looked at for a role in politics in Texas.

[A]

It's scary.

[D]

And then I polled well, you're quite wise.

[B]

You have a name people recognize and you have a strong voice. That's all they care about.

[D]

Well, yeah, but, you know, that's not for me.

[B]

No, me neither. Because what I realized was. Oh, they're not after what I have to say.

[D]

No, they just need me to be

[B]

the face and the, like a recognizable name.

[D]

Yeah, well, politics works that way if you're a congressman for the most part. And there, there, there are a lot of congressmen that I happen to think are not this way. But, but there are a lot. Where you spend most of your time doing your fundraisers, bidding. You're calling people and you're. You Gotta raise money. Otherwise you're not gonna get reelected. Yeah, there is a party line that you're gonna tow. It's just the way it is. And when you're a maverick like myself, I mean, the main reason I wouldn't go into politics, everybody is I don't have time for training. I take my training seriously.

[B]

You can't train. Sure.

[D]

You want me to be a congressman? Do I have five hours for my training?

[B]

Politic and training, that's not a combination.

[D]

Brian, why do you train? In case something pops off.

[A]

Ask.

[D]

Ask my brother in arms.

[B]

John, I understand. You and I together. Dangerous. In case something popped up. We just go back to back.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And immediately end the nightmare. That's right. That's right. I'll.

[D]

I'll wrestle you box.

[B]

It hurt me when you said that. We are in a movie. The old sage with a really well groomed garden.

[D]

Well, I'm. I'm pushing 60.

[B]

That's a different 53.

[D]

And guys don't come up to me after that. After tonight when you come to my show and say, brian, your skin's so tight, what peptide stack are you in? The answer is nothing. No, the answer is just. Just fresh air.

[B]

Is that all?

[D]

And a guy named Jesus. All right, wait.

[B]

It's. Jesus is your skin care.

[D]

Yeah, he's my skin care.

[B]

Christ is my skin care.

[D]

And get rid of these frown locks.

[B]

Yeah. Christ is my skin care. Is that is the best bumper sticker I've ever. Christ is my skin care.

[D]

Skin care.

[B]

That's why I don't have wrinkles. That's right. I'm aging well.

[D]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah. People say you're pushing 60. And people like. What does that mean? They don't think chronological.

[D]

The calluses on your knees. Is that from Muay Thai?

[B]

Nah.

[D]

Praying. Praying on a marble floor.

[B]

Yeah. You don't need the rug.

[D]

Nah.

[B]

Let's go straight to. Straight to God's earth. That's what I like. Brian calls it Desert Ridge Improv. Tonight, tomorrow and Sunday. Desert ridgeimprov.com I want to. I want to see this thing you're doing. I want to. I want to see your direction and star in it and then the whole deal.

[D]

That sounds like it's going to be good. I'm excited.

[B]

Is it a thing? For sure it is. Yeah. And you're in it.

[D]

And I'm doing a lot of. I'm doing a lot of standup. A lot of things are going on. You know when you kind of step off and you kind of say I don't want to do this anymore. Things start coming at you. It's a very strong, strange thing. When I. When I decided I literally was so frustrated with acting, I said, I'm gonna quit acting. I remember it. And I told a famous director friend of mine, I said, I'm gonna quit acting. And I was pissed at them for not giving me any parts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By the way. And.

[D]

And they said, it's a good idea.

[B]

Really.

[D]

And I went, oh, that's. Oh, that's nice.

[B]

It's not the encouragement you were looking for.

[D]

And then I. And then I get the Goldbergs on. On. On, you know, abc.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And they just offered. Offered it to me, and I played it like my dad. And then that kind of like. Then I just didn't stop working.

[B]

No. After that, you had the Goldbergs. You had the Coach show.

[D]

Yeah, but then I just did a bunch of other stuff, movies, and it just started. I mean, I'd always worked, but. But when I really said, I'm quitting.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I didn't stop working. I. I had. I had too much work. Isn't that crazy?

[B]

That's a really weird thing, because when I did that with this job 26 years ago, I'm like, I can't stand radio. I'm never going to do this again.

[D]

So good at it.

[B]

Well, thanks, but I didn't know that at the time. And then this showed up out nowhere.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like, I'll try one more thing. And here I am 25 years later. Right. Just.

[D]

Well, that's how I feel about promoting standup dates. Nowadays. We don't have this radio. This is such a rare thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And nowadays, you know, you. It's all up to you and your social media. I find that exhausting after.

[B]

It's miserable.

[D]

I don't want to be, like, constantly saying, come see me. And here's a funny way to say it. I don't want to do that.

[B]

It's a. Showing her parts before you buy.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

And it's not right.

[D]

And I do have a price, and I will do that.

[B]

Yes, of course you will.

[D]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Well, it's always after a breakup, too. You start getting. You know what I've discovered, though? If you get. If you go through a breakup. This was years ago, after a divorce, you find that the only people that flood you are in the same mindset you're in. And now you're in a circle of dangerously strange, needy people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who are also dismissive of you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's A really strange time. And I think the same thing happens with jobs. The second, like, I'm not going to do this anymore. It changes. Chases you. Yeah, yeah. It's a very odd kind of.

[D]

Look at that law of attraction.

[B]

When you.

[D]

When you try to force something, when you go for something.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's the same thing. Like everything. If you try to be funny, you're not gonna be.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. You over pursue something and you're gonna over. Right.

[D]

I mean, it's the same thing with fighting. You attack me, I react.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

You know what I mean? I let you come to me and

[B]

for all of your reactions, I have a counter, of course, because we're fighters.

[D]

A game of chess.

[B]

We fight.

[D]

It's called kinetic chess. With dire circumstances if you fail.

[B]

It's chess with blood in it. It's the only chess I like if there's no ch. Blood on the chessboard. What kind of game was that?

[D]

I was going to say the stakes gots to be real.

[B]

What's up, civilian?

[D]

You getting scared over there?

[B]

Brett stays in the corner. Cuz he knows that's where I put him.

[D]

That's right.

[B]

He doesn't want to sit there.

[D]

That's right. He has to. I can sense you're producing estrogen as the men talk. And it turns me on.

[B]

Breasts are magnificent. Yeah. Brian and I make. Make men have breasts.

[D]

He just rips his shirt off and he's just got a giant tattoo of a crucifix that's actually bleeding. That guy's a real soldier of Christ. My head's bowed.

[B]

I've also discovered that with age, I've become a conspiracy theorist. And I'm starting to turn. I think I'm gonna just turn red and get fat like Alex Jones. Start saying crazy stuff all the time. I'm in it. We're not. We never went to the moon. That's new to me.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

The only one I used to lean on pretty heavy was Helen Keller's not real. That I never believed. Even as a kid. I was like, this can't be right.

[D]

A lot. A lot of marketing.

[B]

She couldn't talk till she was 5 and by 11 she'd written a book. Book.

[D]

Yeah. A little much. Yeah. This stuff is.

[B]

And nobody ever taught that hand language to anyone else.

[D]

Yeah, that's a little bit like, you know, they're guys. They're kung fu guys in China. They can fly. All right. You know, it's the same. You know, if there's no fact checking, things get a little wild.

[B]

Yeah. Are you at all that conspiratorial.

[D]

I do think that people. I do think that. Well, I used to say nobody can really control the press.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And now I'm not that naive. Now I think that the Jews.

[B]

You said it. You finally said it. No, you heard it. Brian Callan. Is that Desert Ridge Improv?

[D]

John, The Jews, there's always. There's every conspiracy. Every conspiracy always has, like, this invisible circle of Jews, though, holding strings.

[B]

That's the best band name ever. The Invisible Circle of Jews.

[D]

Well, and my thing about that is. I have a whole thing about that. If you don't like the Jews, you're allowed to hate anybody you want. But we always need a group to go bat on, right? Whether it's white supremacists or those invading Muslims or the Jews. If you don't need the Jews. Okay, I'm not Jewish. I'm so. But I'm just going to say, if you don't like them, you're just not allowed to use any of their inventions.

[B]

Oh, God. Like the pill.

[D]

All right, so no more raw dogging for you.

[A]

All right.

[B]

How about you invent the pill? Yeah.

[D]

How about the MRI machine? You like that?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Give credit to Jewish scientists. Next time you got a little lump,

[B]

you figure it out.

[D]

You just feel around. Yeah. I'll get a scalpel. You don't get.

[B]

You know, where's Allah? Now?

[D]

Here's another one. Here's another one. The top 21 Christmas songs. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, Silver Bells, Chestnuts Roasting. Written by Jews. Mel Torme and Irving Berlin. Oh, a fake breast. Anybody like fake breasts?

[B]

Invented by Jews?

[D]

Invented by a Jewish doctor. That procedure. So your wife may not mean Jewish, but her tits are.

[B]

Dang it. Your breasts are Jewish? I didn't know.

[A]

Here's all the famous Jewish inventions.

[D]

Vaccine.

[B]

You guys like walking. Jonas Salk was. Was Jewish.

[D]

Pap smear. It's unbelievable. Google pregnancy.

[B]

Google was invented by Jews.

[D]

The very thought.

[B]

Well, they're.

[D]

That's, by the way, though, Google.

[B]

If you're Googling what Jews invented and they invented Google, they can say whatever.

[D]

Well, and then there's Hollywood.

[B]

So you guys.

[D]

You don't get to. You don't have to watch the movie. You got to read the book.

[B]

So you know, you know how I know there is truth to the Jews controlling the media? Yeah. And I like it. People think I'm Jewish because my last name's Homework. So I run with it just for.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So I can get away with stuff.

[A]

Power you.

[D]

All kinds of German.

[B]

I'm all kinds of Swedish and German. I'm Nordic.

[D]

Eyes, blue as them. Blue as the Aan Sea.

[B]

I know this because James Bond never fought the Israelis, even when we were out of enemies.

[D]

Interesting. That's.

[B]

Never once did they go, what about this group?

[D]

Well, they. The jews make up 0.2% of the population.

[B]

I know. It's impressive what they do.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. You want to pick a fight with them, Enjoy that with your beeper.

[B]

I mean, wasn't that the greatest thing ever? Yeah, that was. Even guys in the, like, that was pretty sweet.

[D]

I mean, unbelievable. Because you know what? If you're Jewish and you got 8 million people, your survival depends on it. Your existential survival. So you're going to get ahead of the game a little bit. You know, I'm sorry that they're better fighters.

[B]

You just see him pull down that thing in the room, that. That screen. What do we do that? What do we do?

[D]

Right?

[B]

We invent with the people. Genius. And it's the most brilliant thing ever. And to have that thing work, no other group would have put the beeper charade together and had it perfect. Right? And then they just went, well, what the coincidence? They kind of took credit, but were

[D]

like, also great at comedy, dude. And like Mel Brooks, Sid Caesar go down the list. So what you're saying Seinfeld, like, what do you.

[B]

Let's circle back to your original thought. It's good. They control everything.

[D]

I'm not saying they control everything.

[A]

Not.

[D]

Dude, it's good.

[B]

So far, so good on that.

[D]

So far so good.

[B]

Nice job. Juice says Brian Callan at 8:54am Yeah, I agree.

[A]

Of Jewish comedians.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's. Oh, that. You don't even want to go down the list of Jewish comedians. It'll just make sense.

[D]

Mark's brothers, Woody Allen. I mean, it's unbelievable. Now Woody Allen's not well.

[B]

Okay, there's gonna be an outline.

[D]

Don Rickles, Come on. Gilda Radner. It just goes a Jackie Mason. I mean, Gene Wilder.

[B]

Look at Larry David. Larry David.

[D]

John Stewart. How do you not love John? Adam Sandler. You don't love Adam Sandler. Sasha Bar, Aaron Cohen, Billy Crystal. What are you talking about?

[B]

Amy Schumer.

[D]

I mean, there's a few. You're always going to have an hour's, my friend. Yeah, I like Chelsea, you know.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's a list. It's a list. All right. Well, all right.

[D]

So there we go.

[B]

So you've come in here with your propaganda and it's worked. Well done, friend.

[D]

The star Of David.

[B]

He just busts out his.

[D]

I may not be Jewish, but I got that star.

[B]

I do love that, though, that the invisible circle of Jews surrounds all conspiracies.

[D]

It's always. If you just keep following it. I'm not going to say, but it's the international bankers. Okay. Figured out a way to get you alone to. Even though you got bad credit, you can have a mortgage.

[B]

I'm more in on the idea that we just got lied to a bunch. I don't think the Jews are behind the moon thing, but it just, it just doesn't add up anymore, especially finances.

[A]

Well, come on.

[B]

The new moon people hit me over the head.

[A]

He said, who's going to finance that?

[B]

The International Bank.

[D]

Come on, International bank.

[B]

You're going to need a loan for that.

[D]

But International Bank.

[B]

I don't want to say the global people, we do not speak of. But yes, Soros, but I just don't. The new people going to the moon keep saying, oh, we're finally gonna have men on the moon. I'm like, why are you doing this? And then, then the conspiracy to me is that they're trying to make it a conspiracy. So we just bicker and argue and they do whatever they want. Yes.

[D]

I wonder. My thing about all of that is I wonder. It seems difficult to have that much control.

[B]

Control over everything.

[D]

But I do think that there seems to be since we've. Since news organizations became beholden to their, their, Their ratings.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

And to a party. I mean, Fox News is a mouthpiece for.

[B]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[D]

I mean, somebody's talking about how Hannity had a CIA pin on like, hey, bro, where do you get like, man, you're so independent, Sean. Can you, can you.

[B]

Fair and balance? Fair and balance. Yeah.

[D]

And I do think that this, that our intelligence agencies. I think it's outrageous. I do think that they drop stories, they use propaganda against the American people. That's. That seems to be the case. Why do you think there seems to

[B]

be credible both sides?

[D]

Yeah, I have a big problem with that.

[B]

You're so smart and things, and I always like talking to you about this. But why. Why do you think that society thinks that that's new?

[D]

I.

[B]

Propaganda was the game.

[D]

I think because it's not that they think it's new. I think because if you have a population that has enough protein, carbohydrates and fat, and they've got a phone that keeps them occupied.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And they have, you know, if they're, for the most part, life is safe and their kids get to go to school and have fun. It's all good.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It doesn't matter. You know, we're about to go to war with Iran. It doesn't touch most people. Finally, most people are not.

[B]

Thank God you said that too. Brian callan here. About 9am Dropped that bomb.

[D]

Guys, I just got a text from. Well, I'm not gonna say, but his name rhymes with Arnold Ump.

[B]

And he just said, we're going to war. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. So, so. So.

[B]

But.

[D]

But again, it used to be that if you. If we were in a war, somebody you knew got drafted.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[D]

If you're not paying a price.

[B]

Price. And if you're not paying a price

[D]

for being wrong, there's no skin in the game. We're just like war.

[B]

We're just Stadler and Waldorf from the Muppets overseeing it all.

[D]

That's very true, but that's very dangerous.

[B]

It's wildly dangerous. And it's. What the phone's done to all of us has made us observers.

[D]

Yes.

[B]

To whatever anybody's put in front of us. And we seem to want to have an opinion about it. And then they gave us forums for that. Yeah.

[D]

And these things happen, you know, in a way, we are a nation of drug addicts. This dopamine thing, this phone is the most dangerous thing, is not the Jews.

[B]

It's not Elon, Omar.

[D]

It's none of this stuff. It's your phone, bro. It's your phone. It just is.

[B]

I said it this morning.

[D]

It's taking you away from your life. You're the porn, the online gaming, the gambling. Gambling is huge.

[B]

Yeah. All devices are handheld now. You just have to travel to them or fight for them. You don't have to anymore. Convenience trumps everything. Yeah.

[D]

And that's right near your ball.

[B]

Oh, it's the best cream. The tea is getting them. My phone. My phone has a big dick now. My phone grew a big dick because

[D]

where I keep it. Why is my phone growing facial hair?

[B]

Yeah, I said that this morning. I'm like, everybody wants to look into what Covid shots did to him. And nobody ever does any research on this little box in our hands.

[D]

That's right.

[B]

Kids in Argentina are evidently identifying as dogs.

[D]

Yeah, it's pronounced Argentina.

[B]

But I mean, I know you. I think I. I tore my Argentina last week. It was terrible. But the. Yeah. So I'm like, oh, it's not just an American problem. It's one wherever phones live.

[D]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[B]

Are you a phone junkie?

[D]

I Try, but you not be.

[B]

Everybody says that. Yeah, but I'm.

[D]

I, I, I try. I think I listen to. I try to spend a lot of time just thinking.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Because if you're trying to write, you're. You're. That's what you have to do. It's very difficult.

[B]

Best way to do that. Tear your retina and stare at a couch cushion for six days. Yeah. It's brutal. Do a lot of thinking. You go to a dark place and like, day two.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you tried to lay on your chest or stomach? And I probably can't because of all the muscle.

[D]

No, I do that, but only when I bring my head. I try to touch my head to my feet. I call it the sea. I call it the chiquita banana. My wife talks like, what are you doing? I go, none of your beeswax. Yeah, look at my lower back.

[B]

When you get to my level, it'll be called the O. Nah, you'll get there. Fight for it.

[D]

Dude, you're amazing. Now she goes, what are you doing? I go, suffering with John.

[B]

It's a thing.

[D]

You're so empathetic.

[B]

You did that for me. You empathetically recognized I was in trauma. Like, I need to lay down. I don't know why you. You'll soon. It'll be like the. The thing at the Bellagio for the. The O. The show. You get the logo sent to you.

[D]

John. Is John doing the O?

[B]

He's accomplished the O.

[D]

We said to keep your face down, not up like that.

[B]

I just brought the fe. I made the O. Brian Callan's at Desert Rich Improv tonight and tomorrow and Sunday. You're doing one on Sunday as well.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And then that's the Lord's day. So it's gonna be.

[D]

Pray hard, and then I'll do comedy.

[B]

More of a revival on Sunday than it is a comedy show. People will feel it. Maybe they'll get it. You'll heal someone. I hope so. That'd be great. Bring somebody up to heal.

[D]

And so, yeah, and this is weird.

[B]

I.

[D]

When I do comedy, I have seen people get out of their wheelchairs. I don't want to.

[B]

They'll actually leave your show.

[D]

Yeah, I don't want to take credit for it. I want to take.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's so bad.

[B]

So bad. People in wheelchairs have walked out.

[D]

I don't care about this. I just found strength in my legs. This is so bad.

[B]

He healed me. That's a plus. But I'm never going to that again.

[D]

Never going.

[B]

You can keep the chair. How many chairs? He's like a row of them.

[D]

My buddy had pancreatic cancer. And my. My friend said, you know, laughter truly is. Is like a. Is like chemo. And I. I made him laugh so hard. Then he died. It didn't work.

[B]

Work.

[D]

It didn't work. He lasted two months. Sorry.

[B]

But he was laughing for 60.

[D]

Solid little anecdote. It made him laugh, though. But he died anyway, so nothing worth it. Healed Nothing. He stopped eating meat. Didn't work. Got acupuncture. Didn't work.

[B]

You know how I know comedy's on the way when the sentence starts with, my buddy had pancreatic cancer. And I'm just like, everybody, quiet down. This is gonna be great. This is guaranteed. Start smiling in early.

[C]

Your friends.

[D]

My. That's when you know your friends are sick. Yeah, my buddy's. My buddy's dad had throat cancer. And the last thing I said to him was, I go, hey, man, listen, I'm sure he's going to be all right. Never think that if you hadn't been more successful as an actor, he. The stress wouldn't have caused throat cancer.

[B]

Two days ago, my friend text me and he goes, hey, you know, not to lay this on you, but my daughter just found out she's got breast cancer. I'm like, oh, it's terrible. Can I see him before they get cut off? I'm the worst person alive. I'm a terrible person. Like, he needed to laugh.

[D]

Great joke, though.

[B]

Didn't cure the cancer. She still got. I'm like, tell her the joke.

[D]

She still got it.

[B]

He goes, she's gonna lose all her hair and look like a baby. I'm like, just get the soft spot back. We'll make a reservoir. See, I'm not good with these things that you can't.

[D]

There's nothing you can do but make your friend laugh.

[B]

That's. And it did. And I helped him. He doesn't have cancer, but he just got a laugh, which was fantastic. We brought you breakfast, Brian. Big thing.

[D]

That's amazing.

[B]

Festival. Thank you, Brian. Callan Desert Ridge Improv tonight, tomorrow on Sunday, Brian, leave us with words of wisdom. Fix the planet.

[D]

Fix the planet. Well, I always say, try to stay close to something you can't measure. And I think sometimes when you're feeling like everything is chaos, I would say it has always been ever thus. Sometimes you don't have an answer and it's okay to shake your head, fall to your knees and say a prayer.

[B]

That is so true of all. All of it. Yep. You can. If you don't know. There's no shame in saying, I got nothing.

[D]

I got nothing.

[B]

And that's. My dad taught me that just in the last year. Really? Because I told him, like, doesn't it feel like everything's a little nuts? And he goes, I'm 78 years old. There is not one time in my life where it didn't feel like this.

[D]

That's exactly right.

[B]

One time in my life. He was born in 47.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And came right off the heels of Hitler.

[D]

Yep. Not him.

[B]

He wasn't a supporter. I mean, he would have been, but he was born in the Russians. His eyes were blue. Geographically, he was. Wasn't in the right spot.

[D]

Nazi blue. They were Kanye west blue. Yeah.

[B]

And then he had the 50s and 60s, and everything's always been chaotic.

[D]

My dad was born in 1940. Same thing.

[B]

It's nothing new here.

[D]

It was always ever thus.

[B]

Yeah. Ever thus.

[D]

I like.

[B]

Oh, that's good stuff. Brian Call. It's always a pleasure to see you.

[D]

You're a good man.

[B]

You're the best. Brian callan, everybody. It's 98, KUPD, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? I have been derelict in my duties. Nine o'. Clock. Word is Electra. E L, E K T R A. So it's a record company. Yep. That Metallica is part of. And that is the word for Metallic. Malika's Disappear to the Sphere. We're putting you up at the Sphere. Vegas, October 1st and 3rd. You get two tickets to two shows. Metallica's doing two nights. Different shows each night, first and third, and then they got a little residency. You get to go to the first two. You're welcome in advance winner. All the rest of you lost. Nothing I can do about it. But you can all play, and you can do it right now. Electra is the nine of clubs. Clock word. Easy peasy. Brian Callan's awesome. He's one of my favorites. And I got an email from somebody that says, man, reading off that list of Jews confirms everything. Yeah, but he said it confirms everything I've always said about Brian Callan. He's the Schindler of comedy. So true. So damn true. Yeah, so go see if you haven't. We got. What a weekend. Just go to both. Go see Callan and Josh Blue. You're gonna be happy. Great weekend here, Boys of the we are a comedy town. And again, I'LL say you're welcome. It's no Brady today. He's at his nephew's wedding. Which you might as well. I'd rather get chemo for no reason and go to some nephew's wedding in Ohio. But that means Brett's going to take care of the entertainment drill. So, Brett, the entertainment drill is brought to you by our friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. You've heard about me crying and whining about about my eye all week long. Because that's all I'm thinking about for those of you who are asking. The gas bubble in my right eye has dissipated down into a weird teardrop that affects my eyesight and won't go away. It's the strangest thing. If you have floaters in your eye.

[D]

If.

[B]

And I mean that is a huge sign. If you have long, stringy floaters strands. It's a good sign. Your eyes trying to tell you something. Dr. J. Schwartz will take care of that before you end up in my position, which was face down for way too long. Yeah, face down, ass up. But it was brutal. Dr. J. Schwartz gives you that complimentary consultation, so just in case you can catch something way before it gets silly like mine did. I had no idea there were no warning signs outside of little floaters. Some light flashes that I just dismissed because I'm an idiot, otherwise known as man. So I. I want to let you guys know that I am your Christ. Because I took the slings and arrows. Yeah, that's right. That's exactly right, Brett. I am. I am the one who sacrificed so you didn't have to. And now I'm telling you how to fix it. So get on over there. Dr. J. Schwartz will take care of it. He'll make sure everything is kosher with those things. And also, you know, probably not going to have a problem like I had, but you can start thinking about LASIK or lens replacement. You might have a cataract. Then I get a surgery. He takes care of everything. And you just check it out. TeamIDoc.com the Schwartz laser Eye Center. Diamondbacks and Sons, official eye center for them. Can't be wrong there, Brad. Entertain me.

[A]

Excuse me. I just got done eating.

[B]

I know. Oh, and Ranch House Grill dropped off a load of breakfast for us, so thank you. Ranch House Grill.

[A]

All right, we'll kick things off with some celebrity birthdays. Jenny J. Wow. Farley is 41 years old. Chelsea Clinton, 46.

[B]

That is my daughter. She's 46. Oh, my God. Myself in the face.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wait a minute. I'M only eight years older than Chelsea Clinton.

[A]

Yeah, and you look better than Chelsea.

[B]

I've always looked better than Chelsea.

[A]

I know it's not a stretch, but,

[B]

you know, I was covered in my mother's gelatinous goo after birth, and I still look better than she's ever looked. But her dad's going to send her mother up the river today, and that's going to be pretty great. She killed a lot of Faith. We can talk about Epstein all you want, but she killed a lot of people.

[A]

Tony Gonzalez, 50 years old. I thought he was older than that.

[B]

No, that makes sense to me. Chelsea. The Chelsea Clinton screwed me up chili

[A]

from TLC turning 55 today.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

It's just. None of this is making sense anymore.

[A]

James Worthy, 65. Neil Sean, 72.

[B]

Speaking of which, James Worthy is 65. Just. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not taking it anymore. I'm not taking it well. I want it to be different. I'm just. It's passing me by.

[A]

11 years ago on this date, Mr. Spock passed away. Leonard Nimoy passed away.

[B]

No kidding.

[A]

2015. Yeah.

[B]

When I did the. The Q and A with Shatner, and we were in front of the audience and stuff, and he started going down the Leonard Nimoy route about how he was drowning in his own bodily fluids at the end. Because he said, smoked. I guess it's not. The crowd isn't enjoying this at all. There he was, drowning his own bodily fluids, and I told him, leonard, you shouldn't have smoked. And you know what he said to me? Brett. That's all I heard. It wasn't a good friend at the end. I just wanted him to get better.

[A]

In honor of Brady, that's a little breastfeeding news here for you. So, moms, don't be ashamed if you don't want to breastfeed Pete Davidson's baby mama head your back.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Apparently, Elise Hewitt isn't breastfeeding. And while there's a little guilt, she says formula is safe and healthy, and it's been good for her mental and emotional health.

[B]

And her nipples. Yeah, exactly.

[C]

That's.

[B]

That's the bigger thing. That's what Pete's saying. Kids, mom nipples. You can be identified by two things. Ladies, if you're trying to tell a guy who never had a kid, your belly button tells the story and your nipples tell the story.

[A]

And those stretchies and they.

[B]

Yeah, because I've seen it in porn, Right? Like, oh, mother of two. And she's trying to act like she's not even in good shape. Her belly button. Yeah, belly buttons tell no lies. You know, that old chestnut. I always say that. I'm always off there saying that one. All right.

[A]

Jennifer Gardner has an affordable hack. Instead of getting Botox, she's been, you know, dealing with wrinkles on her forehead for a while. Instead of getting Botox, she's got bang things now. Who? Jennifer Gardner. Benzold.

[B]

Yeah. Thanks.

[A]

Never did much for me anyway.

[B]

She's pretty.

[A]

She's okay.

[B]

She's pretty. She's got the Taylor Swift thing where you're like, yeah, you're pretty, but you're not that big a deal. Yeah.

[A]

You wouldn't kick her out of bed, but it's like, all right, I probably

[B]

wouldn't go out of my way to go to bed. No, no, she'd have to get in with me.

[A]

Yeah, we talked about it last week during. This week during the hot releases. Scream 7 has been released and it has the lowest Rotten Tomatoes score of the franchise so far. Which means. So far. Which means. Christ, there's gonna be another one.

[B]

Well, no, they're saying so far, like, as of now.

[A]

I know, but that means. Well, look at. We got 10 fast and furious.

[B]

Yeah, they're gonna try to get a billion dollars out of the scream.

[A]

38%.

[B]

Which is better than a lot of Sandler movies. Well, that's.

[A]

That's not saying much much.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Macaulay Culkin's fiance used Home Alone to teach their kids about Stranger Danger.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Brenda Song says that she taught her two sons about Stranger Danger by showing them Home Alone. But they're only three and four, so they were more interested in the hijinks that was going on.

[B]

We all. There's no reason to watch that movie. Nothing entertaining about Stranger Danger. Human trafficking movies aren't funny. But mashing Joe Pesci in the head with a can of paint's always going to make. No matter what age are. That's.

[A]

That's four to 400 modern mishaps caught in period TV shows like Bridgerton, you know, kind of going back in time.

[B]

Well, we all know the big one in Bridgerton.

[A]

Well, yeah, there is. Bridgerton is here in season one. There are yellow parking lines visible for horse drawn carriages.

[B]

Well, there are black people with rights in Bridgerton. And that's where I drew.

[A]

That's why we was like. I was reading through it. I'm like, well, where is that at?

[B]

Yeah, I. I watched Bridgerton and I'm like, this is. I think I shouldn't be watching this. This is like. This is bad.

[A]

Mad Men, an episode set in 1968 referred to the NFL championship as the Super Bowl. Oh, but it wasn't called that until 69.

[B]

Yeah, in the jets game. Yeah, how about that?

[A]

Mash, the character radar was shown reading an Avengers comic, but the show is set in the early 50s during the Korean War. The Avengers didn't exist until a decade decade later.

[B]

I don't know that I didn't either. Also, the war in Korea I think only lasted like what, five years. And MASH was on for 11.

[A]

The Mandalorian. During a shootout featuring Carl Weathers and Pedro Pascal and Gina Carano, a random guy in blue jeans can be seen in the background. Disney has since digitally erased the guy.

[B]

They can have blue jeans in space, can they? Sure.

[A]

Did you see Han Solo wearing a pair of Levi's, a pair of 501s?

[B]

Or when he's not moving product, he's just. He's in his cash clothes going to the TJ Maxx on Tatooine. Grab some jeans. You can have jeans in space. That one they didn't have to do.

[A]

All right, and then we talked about this during Tuesday. The new releases. The big one that everybody's waiting on today was Bruno Mars. The new album the Romantic is in stores.

[B]

That's out now.

[A]

Yeah. New Gorillas, Iron and Wine and Rob Zombie's latest one, the Great Satan hit stores today as well.

[B]

And that one sounds pretty good. The two or three things I've heard off the zombie thing, the little. Oh, that's for sure. For sure.

[A]

He, to me, he's almost like. And some people are going to hate this, but it's almost like the Pearl Jam thing. Like amazing first album and then constantly

[B]

just little less every time. And then occasionally a pop up. Good single. But yeah, albums. But album wise, yeah, I agree.

[A]

That's about it.

[B]

All right, I got a guy who just emailed me and I want to get it out there. Any email that has the subject. T Bone, I'm gonna check out. Unfortunately, this one's not great. It says John, extra treats for everybody's pets today. Had to say Goodbye to my 14 year old dog, T Bone. Thanks for all the love and support you have for animals. Hope your eye recovery is going well. Let's get your KUPD Shelter beer collaboration going again. Yeah, we're getting something together. Don't worry about that, Tony. We ran into a couple of hiccups with that, but we'll get back on that. And sorry about T Bone. So all the dogs and cats and all the pets get a little extra for 14 year old T Bone, that's a hell of a race. T Bone ran so nice job, kid. We're proud of you. I'm sorry for your loss, Tony. I've been. I've dealt with two of them in the last three weeks. Not fun. The word for Metallica giving this thing away. Electra is the nine o' clock word for the podcast being taped right now. So you can listen live to our podcast. Get taped on the FM radio. But. But none of you people listening later on the podcast are gonna be able to play, so just ignore this part. Electra is the nine o' clock word we do on every hour because we're send you to Vegas to go see an extremely exclusive show. Tickets are going to be so hard to get. We got the Guadalupe Squares coming up next. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you,

[D]

girl?

[B]

You didn't get a good girl? We did.

[A]

She hung up.

[B]

Oh, for Christ's sake. Will the girl call back? We can't have Jacqueline because she works here. Oh, you can't do it. You just. Why not? And you can't just stand here and stare at us either. For Christ's sake. Go down and be a salesperson somewhere else. Crying out loud. These broads.

[A]

And we need a woman.

[B]

And we need a woman on the phone. What's going on with your mic? I think I'm fine. It's just not. But it's working.

[A]

Nothing around here works right.

[B]

Thrillers, like that's. Well, please, because you don't put any money into it. It's all going to break exactly the. We need a girl still. You get the girl. We had. She hung up.

[A]

Yeah, we had Paige and then she.

[B]

Oh, boy. Five, eight, five. 9800. We closed out all the lines and we gave her the phone and she hung up on it.

[A]

I got Breaking Benjamin tickets in for today.

[B]

Okay, perfect. And by the way, next week marks Corey's full term birthday. Would have been Thriller's real birthday had he not tumbled out a couple months early. Yeah. So next Friday is the day you were supposed to be healthily bor. Born? Pretty much. But you were three. You were early January. Yeah, six weeks, more or less. Six. Yeah. Where are you getting your math? Yeah, six weeks from eight. That's eight weeks late January to early. When's your birthday? 22nd of January. Oh, I thought it was like the 10th or something. No, no, no.

[A]

It's late.

[B]

All right, so there it is. Six weeks. You. Yeah, I was gonna say you're probably terrible with time, considering you didn't even know when nine months was. You got out early. Yeah, I quit. Yeah, you busted out of it really fast, but I'm proud of you. You got it. All right. And. And so your mom's gonna come in here next week? I guess so, yeah. And we're gonna have full term birthday boy Cory Thriller. Draw. Well, it's what. What it would have been like had Thriller come out on time. It wouldn't need a helicopter. That's what they would.

[D]

The doctors.

[B]

Would you have had the stuff you've got had you? Probably not. They told me, they were like, hey, if it weren't early, it would have developed a lot better. You just hung on for six more weeks. Son of a. I wanted to cut the time and it sucks in there, dude. Regret it. Your first choice was.

[D]

Your.

[B]

Your first choice was pretty life altering. I was like. I could.

[C]

What's.

[B]

What's one month compared to nine? That's nothing. Well, it turns out quite a bit. Really. You were 3/4 finished. Yeah. Now you got to finish your life that way. C is average, right? Yeah, it's true. I guess That's a C student. A C. C zygote. Anyway. All right, we got her. Yeah, we're all ready to roll up. Let's do it. It's your Guadalupe Squares Breaking Benjamin. Tickets are on the line right now. The word for nine o' clock remains elsewhere, Electra. We'll get to that. With a K. With a K. Yes.

[A]

Because it's the record label.

[B]

That's right, Electra, the record label. But in the meantime, let's play these squares and give you guys some stuff. Here's the host of your said squares, Mr. Thriller Wall. Thriller. Thank you, Chancellor.

[D]

Let's begin.

[B]

Top left square.

[C]

Witness relocation.

[B]

Bill Clinton. That's right. Today I go in. How you guys doing? How are you guys doing?

[A]

Great. How you doing?

[B]

I'm doing great. Did you see Hillary yesterday? Was. She was being depressed, Opposed. They. They did. They were, yeah, they were talking about Epstein and she came out, oh, you know, of the walk. And she said, oh, I never knew him. I didn't do that. And tomorrow my husband will clear this up. What she does not know. This was my first opportunity to get that thrown in jail for killing all those people and putting my name on it. That'd be convenient. She's a rotom.

[A]

Yeah, I'm a Clinton.

[B]

I don't want all these things tied to me. I didn't kill anybody. And she's been holding this over my head for a long time. They say the Jews are in control. That's not true.

[A]

You killed that cigar.

[B]

It's. Oh, man, that thing was soaked. Here's what you never knew about that, Brett. Now I'm getting up in age. I can tell the story, all right. That thing was in Monaco so long that once I touched it, my fingers got pruning. Bill, we spent an hour and a half trying to light that cigar like a. Like a. Like a. Like a duraflame that's been in the rain. Put it back in the humidor. It did not make regular fire colors either. That green hue, that weird flame, like something's wrong. I think there's chemicals in this.

[C]

Oh, there was.

[B]

Oh, there was chemicals in it, all right. I did not realize that that fat was going to keep that dress. But that's an older story. I'm on to a new fat bitch, and I might be your neighbor. Corey. We'll see where you end up. Witness relocation. My name now it's going to be Yizzy Yiskowitz. Run a little bagel shop over there in Scottsdale. Once I sell Hillary's ass up the river. And it has been a 30. They say revenge is sweet. It's a dish served cold. I'm serving a 30 year revenge sweet on her. That's what I'm doing.

[C]

You'd be the one Jew from Arkansas

[B]

they're gonna ask, first question to say what? How did you know? Jeffrey Epson's like, don't worry about it. Let's talk about the murders.

[C]

Let's get to the rat killing.

[B]

Hillary killed everybody. And she's gonna kill you guys, too, if you're not careful. So I'll spill the beans. But you got promise me. All expenses paid, new identity. Scott, I'm gonna tell you right now, good luck. I got plans to move to Scottsdale. And just about everybody at the Bottle Blonde that's happening. I'm gonna nail them all. All right. Die Hard, but over now, to the top, middle square. Tracy Morgan joining us. I got a new TV show out. Corey, you didn't even mention it. I did not know. Do you know the name of it? Not at all. That's unfortunate because I forgot what station today. The thing is on NBC. That's where I got my start. But I was on the Saturday Night Live, and then I moved on over, over to the 30 rock. And I was a star of that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I was such a good actor. They just said call him Tracy on that too. So he answers to it. But that's exactly what I did. Cory, your birthday's next week. Yes. Technically the good one. I'm the real one. Are you going to spend full term birthday walking like a man?

[C]

No.

[B]

It's all that way.

[C]

Your new show is called Reggie Dinkins.

[B]

I know that. Oh, it's that one. Okay. Circle, get the square. No. Yes. I think that's how that goes. Toledo just got one right? It's what? It's on Tuesdays.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know. You can download it on the Hulu.

[C]

You can download it on Paramount Plus.

[B]

On the Hulu.

[C]

Paramount Plus.

[B]

And the Hulu.

[C]

And the Hulu.

[B]

You get it on all that stuff. That's how TV works now. Richard. Richard. Don't question me about entertainment. I'm show business. I'm the one in show business. You are that. You're not. You sit in the background and just stare at show business. I am show business. You're not.

[C]

You still wear sweatpants.

[B]

Circle gets the square over. Now to the top right square. We have President Trump. How are you, sir?

[D]

Doing great.

[B]

What a speech I gave. Dude.

[C]

Longest ever.

[B]

That's right. He had a lot to say. And you know they say that about Trump a lot. They say Trump long. The ladies say longest ever right after. Usually that's. It's usually kind of the adjective going. And just. That's what they say. It just never ends. It never ends. Unlike Bill. Nobody ever says longest ever about Bill.

[C]

Longest cigar.

[B]

Even Monica was like that. Didn't take long. Not the longest ever. Whatever. It doesn't matter to me. I'm getting out of this mess in a few Yizzy's out the door. By the time you see me leaving, I'm going to have paye and a Yamaka and I'm going be on my way to school.

[D]

Scottsdale.

[B]

All right. He's going to tell about his wife who murdered just about everyone. A lot of them. Jail. Huh? I think Hillary is. I think she's going to get a Netflix special like Dahmer. Ed Gein. She's one of those. And I think.

[C]

You ever leave a messy dress behind.

[B]

Sir. Let me just take a poll of the room real quick. Okay. The poll of the room. If you love American citizens, stand up. That's kind of Toledo. Stay down. There's Brett. How do you not. I really fooled the Democrats with that. I said if you Want to work with only us. And remember the guy I brought out? That speech was so great. The guy I brought out and I said he was detained and we freed him and he's here tonight. And then we brought him in like it was a. Like it was mori. Like I was Maury Povich. And he went and he hugged his

[C]

wife and he left with kids.

[B]

Probably one of the. Probably. Well, I'll tell you, they came back from getting milk. They were trying to make kids right there. I'll tell you this. When I, I. The creepiest thing in State of the Union history happened because when he hugged his wife, I just said very creepily into the mic, you have a good night. And it got really weird. Forgot that part. And he banged. He banged his wife for the first time in a very beautiful, very American American story. Very American, very American story.

[C]

Bone in your wife.

[B]

That's right. Unlike Corey's mom's vagina, which is like a water slided golf land, it just, it's twisty and messed up and kids just fall out of it.

[C]

Come on, get ahead of next week.

[B]

Get them out now.

[A]

Get them out now.

[B]

Gotta get them out now. Which is what your mother said three months. Three months before the doctor. She just didn't listen to doctors. A lot of people don't. A lot of people say doctors are wrong. So she did it her way twice with your mom. Two times. Yeah. The first one was also a month early. Two times they tumbled out of the water slide a little early right there. Nobody catch them. Nobody to catch them. All right now, sir, let's hop on over to a. Another president. President. Middle left square here. Obama. What's going on, man? It was President's day last Monday. Yes. And I decided to go out and tell everybody that there's aliens everywhere. You just confirmed E.T. no problem. Confirmed E.T. garlock, Big Mike. What about that other.

[A]

Yeah, I was just gonna mention that.

[B]

What about that? She's an Aurelian and they show up, they look like women and they fool you. Sort of like a one of people in Thailand and Toledo's visit.

[C]

One of those Therians we heard about earlier.

[B]

Our Larian, Marlo the Aryan. And over time she develops a huge

[C]

dick and well, it's been a long time.

[B]

You know you can get out of this with me, Barack, if you just sell her up the river too. Cuz Hillary's going to go. Might as well throw Big Mike in the water. I can't do that. She'll find me. She will. She will wrestle me to the Dirt. She's not here today, Big Mike. Yeah, I don't think so. Keep her there, Big Mike. Up in this bitch. Hey, Big Mike, what's going on? What up? Big Mike and I played one on one the other day. And somehow another, in a one on one game. She had 14 assists. Her dick had 12 points. Those guys, they play a rough battle, one on one. Big Mike, if she dunks, you don't go underneath her, right? You never go underneath her.

[A]

It's limbo underneath.

[B]

Like getting hit by Big Ben's pendulum.

[C]

That's right. That's a pretty easy limbo.

[B]

The other night I woke up in the middle of the night. I was still a little groggy and I walked by and I thought, when did we get a grandfather clock? And it was. Big Mike was standing there in the bathroom.

[C]

Was it shadow?

[B]

The shadow. I swear to God, it was always 6pm for some reason. And then I said, good Christ, there's aliens. I don't have any evidence that these aliens are coming, okay? But I do have evidence that one of them is in my house, because that ain't human. What's going on right now? We go to the Middle Square Rapture. Brady, you already left. You're looking live at the Orange river in Columbus, Ohio, home of the Ohio State Buckeyes and the Ohio State University. I'm Brady Bogan live at my nephew Charlie's wedding. Oh, and I arrived early because the time difference. And also tonight is the glorious, and I mean glorious, a rehearsal dinner. And I can't wait. That's why it's gonna be great. And now I will portal back to the studio. Oh, I've made it back into my time time warp portal. You're doing that quicker and quicker. Good, aren't you? Jesus gave it to me. And now I can rapture whenever I want.

[C]

I'm like.

[B]

Like a cool Ford truck. I'm the Ford Rapture.

[C]

What's on the spread at Charlie's wedding?

[B]

Oh, well, there's some good stuff. It starts you with a pinwheel and you can never go long wrong with a pinwheel. And then we're going to go over to the first. Going to jump right over the red velvet cake. That's going to be. Oh, and then the best part is Mark Pie has come by and he's. He's catering, done all those cheeky noodles. And then he's going to. It's okay, I'm busy. I'm back in Ohio. It's what we. It's how we say it, hanging out With Brennan already? Yeah, Tom's coming up. Tom's going to. I never met this Charlie character, but I'm here for the chinky noodles. That's right. You'll be there for a straight wedding. Win she run of them. There's only one kind of wedding, Corey, and we're not talking about the ones.

[C]

Corey laughs a little like you, Tommy

[B]

guy, he's like a spongebob. A little bit. A little bit. Anyway, we left Cincinnati and we came over here to Columbus, which I like to call the capital of the world, to watch Charlie Brady's nephew marry a woman, which is the only type of marriage confirmed well, so far. Did you check? I'm not gonna do any of that.

[C]

You learned.

[B]

Hopefully Charlie's already done that, and he probably hasn't, because the Lord would frown on that as he sullies the bed sheets tonight with a great red stain to prove that his wife. That's how marriage works. That's biblical, Brady. I mean. Yeah. You waited, right?

[A]

That is National Strawberry Day.

[B]

I tried to wait. Oh, but I. Oh, God, that one just landed over here. National Strawberry Day. Gonna look like a strawberry patch with Charlie's. Don't have the pied beforehand. That's exactly right. I tried to wait. And I would get to a certain point, just feed the fish, if you know what I mean.

[C]

Ah, we know. Especially you.

[B]

Congratulations to my nephew Charlie and his soon to be betrothed woman of choice. All right, now. Now, middle right square. Got a crying tener out here.

[D]

Now what?

[A]

Bobby, what's wrong? What's wrong? What are you doing?

[B]

I don't know, Brett. I don't know. I don't know if I like it.

[A]

What's going on?

[B]

I gotta cry a little bit. How Donald Trump's ruining our country. I used to be. I'm pretty tough guy. Pretty tough guy, Brett. But this breaks you. That breaks. Brett. I tell you what. You know what he's doing? Look at him down there. He used to be a man. What happened? Is the orange mantis, Brett. I'll tell you what. He's the orange mantis. You gonna sit here and cry like a little baby over that guy? Why don't you grow some balls back? You a raging bull, for Christ's sake? I don't want to be a raging bull anymore. I want to just be an old man pruning my hedges and not worried about

[A]

it.

[B]

That was a godfather. I'll leave you some time to console. All right, let's head on over now to the. Let's see, bottom left. Square. We got Brett's secret Square. What's going on here?

[A]

All right. In honor of Brady. I had a radio job in Cincinnati. You might have known me. I went by the names of Sunshine, Caravella, Midnight, Duke style, Cool and Fever.

[B]

Oh, baby. If you ever wonder, Wonder whatever came of me. Close enough. That's pretty good.

[A]

I would have been 86 today.

[B]

Are we looking for the person who played?

[A]

Either way, we'll give the character or.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Over now to the bottom middle. So I got mad dogs here. Finally get down to Mad Dog Russo, which is the greatest thing. That's a March madness. We've got spring training coming. Hi, Brad. How are you?

[D]

Good.

[A]

How you doing?

[B]

I'm doing very well, thank you very much. Mad Dog Russo live on ESPN all the time.

[A]

Hell is Yankees gonna do?

[B]

They're gonna do great. They're going to come in second, though. Second through the Canadian ball busters, the Toronto Blue Jays. Wow. Now, for no reason whatsoever, the 1994 lineup for your Toronto Blue Jays. First base, John Olerud.

[D]

Correct.

[B]

That's right. Third base, Kelly Gruber.

[D]

Correct.

[B]

Great mullet on Kelly Gruber. And I also like to say that Gruber, who played short shortstop, was Walt Weiss. Nice swinging for it. That's right.

[C]

I told you.

[B]

I know exactly what I'm about. Talking, Talking about. They talk about the 1994. Second base was a white guy with the hair.

[A]

Didn't we just say Gruber?

[B]

No. Kelly Gruber was third base. Grace Goober and the rest of the team also rounded out the lineup. Yes, yes. Like many there are you 1994 Toronto blue J. Who's your team?

[A]

White Sox.

[B]

Chicago White Sox. Are they still in the major leagues? Barely know what's going on over there, but it's. If you don't know who Mad Dog Russo is, educate yourself. Educate yourself like I did. And here is the starting Lineup for your 1979 Pittsburgh Pirates, World champions. In the city of champions, Iron City. 1979. All right. Shortstop, Tim Foley. Second base, Phil Garner. That's right. Third base, Bill Madlock. The mad dog stole the nickname. I did not. Him outfield was fantastic. Dave Parker, Bill Robinson and Oliver Moreno. Behind the plate, you had the beautiful Ed Ott. And on off days, Manny Sanguillen. Beautiful, great.

[C]

Had that baseball card.

[B]

Manny Sanguin. It's worth about $0.03 maybe to the best. Even autograph. To even autograph. Manny Sanguillen. Manny Sanguillen won't pay you for his own baseball card. He'll just take a selfie and say Good. I've got one. Anyway, baseball is back. Are you going to any spring training games this year, Brett?

[A]

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

[B]

Which ones are you gonna go see? You gonna go watch the White Sox? Yep. Why?

[A]

Minor league games?

[B]

That's exactly right. Might as well just run over to Mountain View and watch a good team. Anyway, baseball's back. I don't know what else to talk about. You want to talk about March? Matt? He's right around the corner, and I will tell you all about that next week. Here's the starting lineups for your St. Joseph's Knights. 1951. Okay. At center, Larry Mikin. Okay, I'm making this up, okay? No one will research it. He didn't have to say that. I promise you, this will not be research. Yes. All right, now, let's wrap it up here. Lord and Savior, trip reef. How are you, sir? I'm doing just fine. Just fine. Okay. What are you talking about? Brett Bestly. No one talks about the list.

[D]

What?

[C]

Hat. What?

[B]

Look, sometimes David Moore gets a little out of hand, and he lands a lucky blow with.

[C]

With his hand gestures.

[B]

I may or may not be missing a tooth. Oh, no. Oh, like the.

[C]

Like the US Hockey player.

[B]

Yes. In honor of Jack Hughes. I have lost the front tooth, and I'm gonna get a gold one in place, just like Jack Hughes should do

[C]

with the Porsche logo on it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, the tooth fairy came to my house, and guess what? She's pregnant. Oh, of course. My house, too, then. But you could take credit for it, because I gotta get milk.

[C]

At least yours is a female rather than Brady's was.

[B]

Brady's was a guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Not normal. All right, Kevin is on the line, along with a woman named Luke. Paige, are you there? Yes, I am here. You're a girl. You got to pick a square. Go. I'm gonna go for my boyfriend, Bill. All right. Paige. Hey. I'm gonna be single in about nine hours. Well, single, maybe less.

[C]

There's a time change.

[B]

Well, there is a time change, but I figured by the time they prosecute, it will be midnight. Paige, where do you live in. Huh? I say Bill was kind of hot back in 2001 in Vegas, but anyways.

[A]

What was your question, Bill?

[B]

Sorry to interrupt. You saying you would have blown me back in the day?

[C]

I think she's saying she did in 2000.

[B]

Wait a second. Yeah. Why are you blowing me in 2001? I'm president for three years. By then, it's all good. But no, nothing happened. Are you chunky? Because I like him thick. I'm kind of like the guy from Silence of the Lambs. If you're not a size 14, I'm not interested. No, I think that's a problem. Yeah, unfortunately not. She's a little bit bigger than that. I'll take it. Any port in the storm, sister. I'm 80. I got a question for you. I just got to slide up against a crease, and you're going to be covered in mayonnaise. Oh, and I like mayonnaise. Go ahead. All right. Bubble wrap was originally invented to be wallpaper. Bumble rap. What? Bubble wrap bumble. What's bumble rap?

[C]

It's a new genre of music.

[B]

She's going to say yes, and I'm going to go with that. All right. You know what I like hearing words coming out of her mouth and then a spitting sound. Well, correct. And then X gets the square. So it all worked out perfect. Nice job, Sister. All right, Kevin Falcone, you go and make a choice. Let's go with the Rapture Brady. Rapture Brady in the center. Ooh. Hi, Kevin. God bless. Watch this, Kevin. I can rapture myself right back on my rapture tube. They have a Bullfrog spas here. Wherever there's a Bullfrog spas. I can teleport. I can teleport and materialize. Two words that real Brady can't say

[C]

in a similarly similar.

[B]

Similar minary. Similar seminary. Cinnamon toast crunch. Goodness. Yeah. I got back. I left for the Bullfrog spas special. Well, while you're here, I got a question for you.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You spend approximately 300 days of your life sitting on the toilet. In a row.

[C]

Maybe.

[A]

Maybe. Yeah.

[B]

Could I get it out of the way? 300 days of my life sitting on a toilet. I mean, not you in particular, but one of those days, Cory's mom had a baby Tracy. Little toilet baby.

[D]

No, no.

[B]

She knew. The whole time, she knew she was pregnant. She didn't know you was gonna come out before Easter? Yeah.

[C]

Was it in the hospital?

[B]

Eventually. Not confirmation. I needed a copter to bring over to the hospital. The first words Corey ever heard on this planet was, oh. What'? Probably.

[C]

He was airlifted

[B]

sideways. How did I get in here? Who did you pick? Brady. Oh, yeah. 300 days of line in the toilet? Yeah. It seems a little light. Okay, so you were. Well, I do. Three times a day. There's 440 days a year. No, not even close. 30 hours a day.

[C]

No.

[B]

Wow. No, I've got the. I think it's more than that. I think it's probably more than 300 total days on the can. All right, so you're saying false. What about women? They sit to pee. Their number is twice as high. Fair point. Yeah. All right, go ahead. All right, then, Kevin, do you agree or disagree with false? Well, you said approximately, so I'm going to go false. I disagree with 38. Well, that's incorrect then. He was right. I was right. I told you so. But it was lower.

[C]

It was only 92 days.

[B]

What is this card? Yes, ladies spend more time on the toilet. That's right. And sometimes they pee. And sometimes they too. And sometimes they make looking babies. Oh, right there. So X has that square so we can get Pace to go for a trick for the win here. Who was down on the bottom square on, like, a Cincinnati Bill Duke or something? I'm not sure. Kind of write it down. No, it's trip. Re.

[A]

Like this.

[B]

This chick is losing. Sounds like your favorite. All right, calm down, Cincinnati douche. Man, that's what my nickname was when I went to Ohio because I unclogged a lot. Come on, man. Come on, man. Douche.

[C]

I don't want to know how.

[B]

All right, go ahead. That's a fun flight. By the way, the ten o' clock word is nothing. Nothing. Is there no word?

[C]

It's really a word.

[B]

Nothing. Yeah, yeah. No, the word. It's the word nothing. All right, so I got a question for you.

[C]

Having.

[B]

Having sex on a regular basis will help heal your brain. True or false? Yeah, she's right.

[C]

You have page, too.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, our brains are on a wavelength together. Yeah. Why do you think I'm still so sharp in my 90s? Combining souls? I see daily humping with a sexy car for homeless people on the. Yeah, beating up the homeless. And I'm pulling into my convertible 55 Porsche. Did you just growl at her? What's my engine roaring? Oh, you know what's awesome right now about me, lady? I'm missing. I'm missing a tooth. So there's no barrier between me and your honey hole. No bite marks.

[C]

Oh, unless you want them.

[B]

I can gum the little man in the canoe like a. Like a baba. She just ruined my Friday. Yeah, I did. I ruined your pants per Friday. Oh, sorry. You sat in a puddle on a perfectly clear day. Change clothes. Yeah. Oh, you got a lot of. Not even 92 yet and already sweating for you. That's right. Anyway, I say whatever I said. All right, so you were saying true. Now, Paige, do you agree with true or disagree with true? I agree with true. Correct. X gets the clean sweep.

[A]

Hang on, we'll hook you both up.

[B]

Yeah, everybody gets something. Nice job. Hold on. Simple as punch.

[C]

There you go, Christopher, there's your lineup for the 94 Toronto beats.

[B]

Well, I knew it already, but if you want to go through the whole thing, Pat Borders, John Olivier, Roberto Alomar

[A]

was his second base. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Something's wrong about a white guy with hair.

[C]

And the shortstop, you were wrong.

[B]

Dick Schofield for a while there. Joe Carter, of course, hit the game winning home run in the 93 World Series. It was the 94 team strike season. They couldn't get through. It was a strike season. You're going to have a great game today. Me and Stephen A. Smith argued about race. And then I talk about baseball. You'll solve race? I will solve it.

[C]

Is it a problem to be solved?

[B]

Is the final solution. And I have it on first take. No, no, no. It's step A. Smith and me race baiting on espn. What else is new? That's every day, man. That's every day. I've got to go.

[C]

We should just change the name. Name of that show.

[B]

No, it's what it is. Yeah. Watch what Family Feud is also. Wow. All right, go with this. Every episode with Harvey, it's white family versus black family. That is true every single time. But they don't. They don't like. No, but you can tell. It's like, come on, y'. All. Wow. Come on. Come on, y'. All. They have Asians on there sometimes once in a while to mask the scent of whites.

[A]

When you guys call me the race.

[B]

Come on, you're talking. Yeah, I love every second of it, but I don't know what.

[C]

I don't know if you saw that email yet.

[B]

This one said, oh, jeez, did I get this? All right. It says, well, Homberg, I guess you did not learn from the first time you mocked God. You did it again. May God forgive you. You really need to find Jesus before it's too late. He does love you and he's waiting for you. Go read a Bible.

[C]

She claimed your eye is so. Again, because you smoted God.

[B]

He's so insecure that if I say anything bad about him. Him. He tries to injure my eye and meanwhile kids with cancer.

[C]

And yet he gave you the ability to do that.

[B]

Right. Unless this is phase three of when you were bothering the. That's right, the Scientologist. Now, that I'm afraid of. They're real.

[C]

Yeah, but their God has a name, right?

[B]

They're L. Ron. Hover. Oh, there you go.

[C]

Okay, There you go.

[B]

It also has a second name. It's M E Y M E Y E R. That's it. And I love to eat them every day, if you ask me. And if you ask me why, I'll say because. S, C I E, N T O. It's too long to spell. That's it. Larry's coming up next. 10 o'. Clock. Word for you guys is nothing. N O, T, H I, N, G. That's how this works.

[A]

I'm out tomorrow.

[B]

Oh, where are you going?

[A]

A Renaissance festival.

[B]

Oh, right,

[A]

for Brew Fest. That's the way to sell it. That's the way to sell it.

[B]

So beers everywhere.

[A]

Yeah, tons of beers and meads. Everything else. So I'll be out there from noon to 2 tomorrow. Just take the 60 all the way.

[B]

Follow all the cars.

[D]

Man.

[B]

I'll tell you what, nothing better than a 90 degree day and a bunch of people dressed up like it's 1600.

[A]

Yeah, well, I'll be drinking beer, so

[B]

maybe a little bit of a weight problem.

[A]

What?

[C]

No.

[B]

Yeah, just walking around with open air turkey legs and.

[C]

How dare you, sir.

[B]

Wax hands are melting in their pockets. And a Pepsi. It's fun though. You'll have a good time. Brad will make it fun. I'd go out there and drink with you if it wasn't for you.

[C]

Don't remember the logo cups in the 1600s?

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, they had those. All those people.

[D]

What would you like?

[B]

Would you like potato or bread? Like have a Pepsi and a wax hand and a corn dog. Oh, that. Yes, five shillings there. Of course there some plague with that. Yeah, little touch of the plague. You throw that on there, Sprinkle it in. We're done. Larry's next. You guys have a good one. We'll see you Monday in the morning. Signal, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station. Did you know that parents rank teaching financial literacy as the toughest life skill? That's where Greenlight comes in. The debit card and money app made for families with greenlight. You can send money to kids quickly, set up chores, automate allowance and track spending with real time notifications. Kids learn how to earn, save and spend responsibly while parents have peace of mind knowing smart money habits are being built with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail]. try Try Greenlight. That's greenlight.com. try Greenlight Weight Watchers now offers access to affordable GLP1s. It works for members like I'm Haley and I've lost 100 pounds. Weight Watchers has everything I need from weight loss medications to nutrition support and help with my side effects. It's all in one place. Weight Watchers handles the insurance for you and offers affordable cash pay options. With our program, our members are losing more weight with expert nutrition and side effects support. I'm Mike and I've lost 100135 pounds. Weight Watchers prescribing GLP1 medications it's been life changing. I'm Sharia and I lost 80 pounds on Weight Watchers. I realized that it would take more than a prescription to lose weight and feel good on a GLP1. Better results, expert support, lose more weight, make it last.

[D]

I can't imagine doing a GLP1 without Weight Watchers.

[B]

Get started for as low as $[e-mail] GLP1 for over 60 years we've helped millions of members find what works for them. Now it's your turn. Weight Watchers Watch it work.