03-05-26 - FULL SHOW - THURSDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - 03-05-26 - FULL SHOW (Thursday, March 5, 2026)

Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness on 98 KUPD, hosted by John Holmberg alongside Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, mixes Arizona news, health scares, war coverage, sports talk, and a barrage of irreverent banter. The crew digs into John’s ongoing eye issues and detached retina journey, scrutinizes U.S. news coverage of military conflict with Iran, debates football’s biggest local stories, and dives headlong into their signature mix of pop-culture, audience mail, and comic relief. The show’s signature style—raucous, edgy, and locally flavored—is on full display, often veering into parody, skits, and character impersonations.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Health Scares, Eye Surgeries, and Aging (05:00–13:00)

• John shares listener emails about eye injuries—especially the harrowing-but-comical experience of living face down after retina surgery (“I went and isolated myself at a different location just because of the dogs.” – John, 04:15).
• They underscore the importance of regular eye checkups, noting that issues often go undetected until it's (almost) too late. John advocates for awareness (“I'm getting too many emails from people that found out that they... lost like 70% of my vision from my retina tear. This is more serious than I ever knew.”—10:30).
• The group riffs on aging, activity, and medical setbacks; John rejects the “you’re too old now” crowd: “You can do whatever you want. You won’t be as good at it… Don’t listen to people that tell you you're too old to do stuff.”—07:06

2. War Coverage: Media Satire & American Reactions (13:43–31:30)

• John delivers deadpan play-by-play of cable news’ war coverage, lampooning the networks, especially Fox and MSNBC.
  • “Sean Hannity is borderline, like an entire hour show where he should just go boom, bang…” (14:00)
  • Memorable quote: “CNN’s Wesley Clark says, ‘We should have gotten these guys years ago.’ The host’s like, ‘Boing! What?’”— 15:20
• The hosts parody Iranian regime bombast, American jingoism, and the absurdity of televised violence, highlighting the surreal, often childish, pleasure of watching “heat signature Iranians flying through the air.” (“That's my favorite one. And I scream at the TV, ‘Oh! I'm like a black guy at a movie. You better move your ass.’”—28:25)

3. Conspiracy & Political Satire: “War as TV Show” (21:29–26:30)

• John spins a satirical “Alex Jones” theory: the war is being used to flush out sleeper cells just in time for election season.
  • “There’s some good writing going on here with War… If I was in the writers' room, here’s where we’re gonna go with this.”—23:40

4. Local Sports: Cardinals, NFL Draft, and Kyler Murray Controversy (29:04–31:50, 146:18–170:00)

• Mock-draft discussions, heavy on Steelers/Pittsburgh, also reflect on the local Cardinals’ future, especially Kyler Murray’s likely departure:
  • “Be careful what you wish for at the quarterback position. Kyler Murray… you have to be such a special player at that position to overcome a history of inept performances.”—146:32 (Dale Hellestra).
  • Speculation about which teams might benefit from Murray with a “change of scenery” theme—could the issue really be the franchise?
• Extended, irreverent riff about sports organizations, coaching, and how Phoenix fans should temper expectations.

5. Pop Culture, TV and Movie Debates (154:05–160:00)

• A running gag about Dale’s lack of TV/movie experience reveals he’s never seen The Sopranos, Godfather, Breaking Bad, or even Star Wars.
  • “I want to meet Brooke [Dale's wife] so bad… You're not allowed to meet her because you're worried I might go, 'And then Dale said, oh, big time.' "—163:00 (John).

6. News Bites and Audience Interactions (36:33–45:35, various)

• Brady Report: Highlights Cheese Doodle Day, odd animal facts, and quirky airline etiquette (“seat divorce”).
• Corrections and listener feedback: Clarifications from prior shows about Bitcoin pay, celebrity sightings, and a running bit about staff errors.
• Extended riffing on the viral monkey “Punch,” social rejection, and the nature of childhood popularity.

7. Social Commentary, Relationships, and Audience Mail (41:41–56:48, 51:55–54:00)

• Listeners email their views on marriage, menopause, and relationships; one shares an anecdote about escaping a “demon-possessed, menopausal ex-wife” and finding joy in “equal stupidity” with a much younger girlfriend.
• Riff on mail-order brides, including personal stories about friends, cultural stereotypes, and the economics of “90-day Asians”—all with the show’s trademark blend of irreverent humor and local color.

8. Entertainment Drill and Music Critique (178:52–185:00)

• A list of the “worst classic rock lyrics” is debated and mocked; special attention to misunderstood lines like “Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a deuce.”
• Discussion (and confusion) about dinosaurs in pop culture, segueing from Flintstones’ Dino to Godzilla.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• John on health aging culture wars: “Usually it's somebody who's shaped like a potato or a Russian doll. ‘Hey, those days are behind you.’ Like, no, they're behind you...” (06:26)
• War as TV: “Fox won for a hardened, immature young boy, there was no better coverage last night than Fox. We had so many explosions. It was, it was literally just explode. Like if John Madden was on that channel it would have been perfect.” (26:48)
• Pop culture confusion: “Who's the star? James Gandolfini. Are you out of… Were you kidnapped by aliens for a decade?” (154:39)
• Mail-order bride story: “She was mowing the grass barefoot, which my dad would have lost his mind… for 180 days because they had an overlap of Asians that came in as slaves.” (57:43)
• Childhood popularity test: “If nobody shows up to your birthday party, it's not them, it's you. And you can be seven and an asshole.” (69:01)
• On loud, offbeat menopause anecdote: “I'm convinced possession in biblical days was simply menopause. They didn't know what it was.” (52:03)

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Segment Timestamps

• Intro & Eye Surgery Stories: 00:33–13:00
• War Coverage Media Parody: 13:43–31:50
• Political Satire, Sleeper Cells: 21:27–26:30
• NFL Draft & Cardinals: 29:04–31:50, 146:18–170:00
• Iranian Soccer Team in Arizona: 36:34–41:40
• Audience Corrections/Retractions: 45:06–49:41
• Marriage, Relationships, & Menopause: 51:55–54:00
• Mail-Order Brides: 55:18–63:01
• Childhood Popularity & ‘Punch the Monkey’: 63:10–73:22
• Pop Culture: Dale’s Movie Gaps: 154:05–160:59
• Entertainment Drill (Lyrics & Dinosaurs): 178:52–183:48

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Tone & Language

• Irreverent, edgy, locally focused, and loaded with inside jokes, satirical impressions, and comic skits.
• Frequent use of playful insults, self-mockery, and “gallows humor.”
• Real audience emails foster a participatory, improvisational feeling.

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For New Listeners

This episode encapsulates the show’s signature blend: authentic Arizona perspectives on current events, unapologetically juvenile takes on national news, and endlessly riffed-on personal anecdotes—punctuated by running gags and listener feedback. The humor is fast, sometimes biting, but always steeped in camaraderie and local character. Whether mocking TV news war coverage, commiserating over aging and medical woes, or diving into the absurdities of pop culture and local sports, Holmberg and crew keep the pace brisk and the laughs coming.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most. Yep, they sure are. We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs, all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down.

[Brett]

It's all right.

[John Holmberg]

We're so far up here.

[Dale Hellastra]

Look at me.

[John Holmberg]

Take a deep breath. No, I'm good. So good. Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save.

[Dale Hellastra]

It feels good. To Geico Homberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. My name is John. There's Brady. There's Brett. There's big Dick Toledo off and running for a glorious Thursday morning where it's just going to be perfect outside, as is the case all through. Sorry, Brad. I tried to get him again. I got a good one off, but I almost went with a different. I had a couple in my head I was gonna work out. Good. I like to scream something before the mics go on. It makes Brett uncomfortable.

[Brady]

Way beyond panther sex. It works.

[John Holmberg]

100. Oh, I see. Oh, yeah, that is a strange sentence when you're not understanding the reference. It's way beyond panther sex. What the hell? Anyway, so, yeah, it's gonna be perfect. I got a buddy in town from Chicago, and he told me last night he was out at the Cave Creek rodeo. And I realized right then and there, the weather's so great in this place. People sit through anything. What a beautiful day. On Wednesday night, there's a rodeo, and I'm like, yeah, you know what? I'll do it. Pretty sure if we sold tickets to the submarine races or just, you know, if you had outdoor venues for, I don't know, child adoptions, we'd do it. This place, like, all right, let's go watch the kids get adopted. It's beautiful outside. Absolutely beautiful. Beautiful. We'll get into all the things that are going on, but I just got this email from a guy, and I am hyper focused on this kind of stuff right now. This is driving me bananas. But it says, I like an email that starts this way. This reminds me of my family. Hey, Holmberg, you. Wow. Last Sunday, I was leaving my side hustle, and I dropped my keys. Now, keep in mind, here I am, 6ft 3195 pounds. I'm a chiseled statue of a man. And I'm saying basically out loud that I take good care of myself. I don't have health problems. Sure. The occasional pulled muscle or strain or whatever. That's because I'm doing stuff. I bent down very easily, by the way, to grab my keys, and when I stood up, I saw nothing but what I heard you describe a lava lamp in my left eye. Actually kind of cool. It is kind of cool when it happens. You're like, whoa, what's going on? And you get this weird tint of yellowish red that just. It's really odd. So I actually enjoyed. It was kind of cool. Well, I waited and went to the doctor the next day thinking this isn't a big deal. Well, the doctor said, should have gotten here sooner. I got the surgery Monday evening and I've been in a massage chair face down ever since. I have to do it for seven solid days. I don't know how you got through it. Detached retina brothers for life. I do not wish this on anyone. I'm only three days in. Here we go, David. Yeah, it's. The scary thing is it's kind of a common problem. And every doctor will tell you, yeah, you just got lucky. You probably had an injury when you were a kid or don't know it. I mean, stress can play a major role in this.

[Brett]

It's like.

[John Holmberg]

And everybody's got stress at some point or another. We're all humping it for the man. And sometimes you don't want to look at the day ahead of you or your miserable wife or husband is just dragging you down or the God forbid you've got those God damn diseases running all over the house. You named them. You know, it's little Haley and Hannah and. And Braden. And they're dancing all over the house and making a mess of things. And you got a college. Your eye can pop.

[Brady]

Talon and Falcon.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, worse still, you got their friends coming over and those little miserable mop headed pricks that, oh, comb your hair, you ugly little. And your eye blows up. I can't imagine what it would have been like if I had a Hannah, Talon and Braden in the house. And I was trying to stay face down. I went and isolated myself at a different location just because of the dogs. Like, I knew they'd be driving me nuts or I'd get up and do stuff I shouldn't do. And so I just went to a place with no distractions because I knew it was going to be tough Your

[Brady]

face down, they start licking your eyes.

[John Holmberg]

Beyond that, well, they're running up and bouncing on you. Or that I would have done something like, okay, the dogs are barking, I gotta go tell them to shut up. Or you know, and you get up and you do something you shouldn't do. I'm with you, buddy. Sorry about that. I'm sorry you're going through that. It is no fun. And everybody again, I just keep. I'm harping on it because I'm hyper focused about it right now, but Dr. J. Schwartz is offering up a free consultation. Go get your eye checked. It's. It's not worth it to play around. It doesn't hurt. You don't even know you're getting. You don't even know you're getting something wrong.

[Brady]

So on that checkup of the eyes, can they tell like, oh, this is getting ready to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure. They'll look in and see if you've got a slight tear. If you're susceptible. But. Or, but if you get it, you sometimes can't. I'm telling you, if you've got floaties, more than normal and everything else, just go get looked at. It's it. We always say, like, that's one that you should probably just go every year or so and just go, how's this thing going? Pressure in your eyes. Especially, like if you've got, you know, issues with stress or blood pressure or anything else, just go, just go look.

[Dale Hellastra]

Because that's.

[John Holmberg]

It's weird. Your eyes take. So when I was reading about it, your eyes take on so much pressure, just bending down. Once you bend wrong, your eyes eat all the blood and you don't even know it. You would never know. But there's a ton of pressure on your eyes when you're doing stuff.

[Brett]

There's a build up over time. Like, you know, when you used to, you know, like wreck on a mountain bike, when you used to go boxing with Ray and all that kind of stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Trauma injury. If you've ever had, if you've had Lasik in the past, you're more susceptible to things going so. Or you know, I had that cataract surgery that bumps your chances up. So I was, I was ripe, baby.

[Brady]

You got a little fired up the other day because you're talking about. Some people have come up to you and said, hey, no more boxes.

[John Holmberg]

That's true of everything I've ever got to be.

[Brady]

I mean, I can understand where they're coming from.

[John Holmberg]

I can't. I know the people that always say that every, every Time I have had something. You know, if you injure yourself at all.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

A lazy will tell you, you gotta stop doing that. You're too old now. I'm like, I don't want to hear from you. And usually it's somebody who's shaped like a potato or a Russian doll. Hey, those days are behind you. Like, no, they're behind you. I have a pulled muscle from activity. It's not because I'm broken. I used to pull muscles a lot more in my 20s. I broken ankles, and I get out. And nobody ever said, you probably stop playing basketball. You're 24 now. It's because all my friends were active, too. Now I run into a bunch of old fat losers that sit and tell you everything's wrong with you because they don't do it. It's all. That's all their insecurities barking at you. You can do whatever you want. You won't be as good at it. I always say that.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a tactical black Jay is. I think Jay Ackerman is 94 years old. I'm not sure. He's a very. Dude's is active, and it's strong. He's like, if you stop doing stuff, you. You lose the ability to do it. So next time you try, it's gonna hurt you. Like, all those days are behind me. It's because you stopped.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Megan used to do that silver sneakers thing, and there were women who were there with walkers. I haven't done any activity for 20 years. And they'd go and they'd be within, like, three weeks. They didn't need their walker anymore because you just get back in there and you get back on the. Your dick's the same, your brain's the same, your body's the same. If you stop using it, it stops working. So constantly use it. I take it as motivation every time I have, you know, a busted finger or something. Breaking your hands or. Oh, you're breaking down. I love hearing that from a. From a dough ball. You're just a mess. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You have another broken bone. Yep, I did. I was mountain biking with Brett, and we fell down. Those days are behind him, like. No, they're not. When I heal, I'm going to be right back out there. I probably won't be as good as I was before because I've been. You know, it's like, Kyler Murray. He's got a couple injuries. You slow down. Don't listen to people that tell you're too old to do stuff. You can still do it. Just not as well. It's true. And I'll be out there. I'm gonna go right back to tactical black second I can go. We'll be cleared up a week or two. You're right out there.

[Brady]

I was gonna say how long.

[John Holmberg]

How long until you're once these bubble. This bubble in my eye is not gone.

[Brett]

You're back to normal.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's three now. I got three bubbles in there. Broke down last night. It's kind of neat. So now I got two bubbles orbiting a bigger bubble and I can make the other bubbles go around the big bubble.

[Brett]

It's pretty acid trip over here.

[John Holmberg]

It's a little bit like that. It's kind of my eye got used to it so it's. It's. It's in there. But the bubble they inserted in there shrinking way down and now it popped into three bubbles. It's kind of cool. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna miss the little guy. I talk to him sometimes. Put my head down and there's my little bubble. I'm like you know what? We had a good run, you and me and I owe him.

[Brady]

And then the.

[John Holmberg]

The bubble solved every saved my eye.

[Brady]

But your other eye is a lot stronger. There's no so that that I had to have a partial tear at the time.

[John Holmberg]

Could be probably some trauma based thing. I had a cataract in it. This is the only eye I had the cataract in it. So the doctor when I got that surgery, Dr. Schwartz said more than likely had some trauma in this thing before that made it weakened it. I got hit in the head with baseballs, basketballs, elbows, all you know, you never know. It doesn't mean it was partially torn. It means it was susceptible to it. Get your eyes checked. I'm telling you, get your eyes checked. It's so easy. This guy said buddy of mine got his eyes checked and doctor told him hey, you're diabetic. And he didn't even know it. Your eyes will tell you everything. They don't want to go blind. I'm getting too many emails from people that found out that they. Yeah, I lost like 70% of my vision from my retina tear. This is more serious than I ever knew. Like I had no idea what I was dealing with was this. You know, people teetering on the edge of blindness and I had no idea. And I wouldn't been a good blind. I wouldn't have done it. I'm like I've said million times before I'm not much of a fighter. If I lose a pinky, I don't want to be some weird, deformed freak walking around with I can't see out of my right eye talk. I'd have been. Maybe I'd have quit this job. I'd have sold everything, and I traveled a little bit, and then I come back and eat and all the pills. I'm not a good blind go. Yeah, I would have been like, I'm not. What do you do? I didn't want to be an abnormal. I'm dealing with enough. Have you seen my face? I'm borderline monster.

[Brady]

Yeah, but if you can deal with.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. He's not wrong. That is my threshold. I'm telling you right now. Yeah, you don't need to pile on. You prick. But I'm just saying, look, I don't need you over here, Brad Pitt. Brad Armpit. But, yeah, you know, I got this to deal with. I don't need it to be malfunctioning as well. I already have to get through life with this face. I need all the peepers and the ears and everything to work once those shut down. This ain't getting better. What am I expecting some miracle now? I'm climbing out. I'm getting. I'm done. You're blind in your right eye. I'm like, yep. Is there any chance that's coming back? No, there's nothing we can do. Adios, chief. Call Doug Hopkins. Well, I need some cash for this house. I got a lot to do. I'm gonna. Give me a year, and when it's finally all gone, I'm done. And I know there's people out there going, I'm blind and I'm fine. You're stronger than me. That's all this comes down to. There's been times I've gotten hangnails where I thought, this is never gonna get better. I'm gonna kill myself.

[Brady]

So we gotta take that serious when you say that.

[John Holmberg]

When I'm gonna kill myself.

[Brady]

Yeah. If I go blind, stuff like that. Like, I gotta hang now. I. I'm just gonna kill myself.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm not calling 911. If it's forever and it's messing with me, I'm not waiting it out. I'm not one of those people. I'm gonna fight it. You know how many. I'm 53 years old. You know how many people I've seen on TV go, I'm diagnosed with something terrible, but I'm a Fighter. And three months later, they're dead. It doesn't like, Brian Callan came in Friday and goes, my friend got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. We prayed for him and he said he was fighting. Three months, he was dead in three months. Nothing worked. He was dead. Like, yeah, I'm not good. Not one of those people that's going to fight. I saw a commercial for I stuff the other day. I don't know, Drippy Zelta. I don't know what the hell it was called, but it's like they're not even given side effects anymore. They're just skipping the doctor completely. And you're getting instructions on how to use it. At one point they're like, wait 15 minutes before you put your contact lenses back in and don't forget to wash your hands thoroughly. I'm like, I haven't even been. I don't even have this stuff yet and you're already giving me instructions on how to use it. Are we just skipping the doctor completely now when it comes to if you're going blind? Oh, I know they do, but I mean, shouldn't you at least go to call on doc and have it at a certain point, say you need to talk to somebody, which occasionally it will. It'll give you antibiotics. It'll give you like, you know, allergy medicine or something. But if you're in there like, hey, I'm struggling to see and I need some drops. It's like, we'll give you Drippy Zel to Don't worry about it. Oh, by the way, if you don't wash your hands, all your dogs will go blind. If you pet them and this gets in your skin, you can die. Like fentanyl. It's like, oh, I should probably see something about that.

[Brett]

They don't have enough time in those commercials anymore with the, with the side effects at the end. It's longer than the commercial.

[John Holmberg]

This one skipped all the side effects

[Brady]

and just blends in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it just told you. Here's how you use it. So it's basically a screw up.

[Brett]

You're gonna die.

[John Holmberg]

The Alchemist's cookbook right there on tv. Get your eyes checked. Did you guys check out war last night? No. Oh, it's so good. Last night was so good. So good.

[Brett]

Did you get your sub sub action?

[John Holmberg]

Did I get my sub action? Okay. Fox News showed War a Donald Trump production last night. I'm watching Fox's coverage. Sean Hannity is borderline, like an entire hour show where he should just go boom, bang, like all they do like

[Brady]

to play by play on that?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not even play by play. It's just in the split screen next to him is all the Pentagon released videos of us blowing things up. It's a, it's a fever dream for an immature child like me. All of it. And the cool part is it's all like night vision planes on a Runway and one of them starts driving and then you see a weird little dot and it blows up. And Hannity on the other screen. Oh, it's awesome. Hannity's on the other screen and he's like, Jasmine Crockett's an asshole. I'm like, yes. He's like, he's not even talking about what's going on over there. This is the best. And then so they're doing that and they are loving every second of war. And then the other thing they had on CNN last night, which was a great plot twist in war, they had a host on there and he's talking, remember General Wesley Clark? He was part of a lot of the, the original Desert Storm and then a bunch of stuff early. And he ran for president once and didn't do well because he's kind of soft spoken. But he's a general, he's been around blocking all this stuff. And the CNN guy's sitting there going ah, war act and blah blah, blah, Congress, yada, yada, yada. And Wesley's at the end, he's like, yeah, we got a lot, got a lot going on here. And, and this is a, this is a war we should have done a long time ago. The host, CNN's like, boing. What? Like he did not expect his guest to tell him, I love this. And he's like, you, you agree with this? And Wesley Clark's like, oh, we should have gotten these guys years ago. Like this is great. I, I, I agree completely with this whole thing. Well, thanks for joining us. Wesley Clark. We'll be right like, oh, they couldn't wait to get like he did not fit what they were trying to talk about. Flipped over to MSNBC.

[Brady]

Ms. Now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and Ms. Now. And they had one of their lesbians was interviewing Mark Kelly. The, the very msnbc, I don't know if you're watching this is hedging their bets that this war is a disaster for us. And they're, they're setting the table like this is the worst thing that's ever happened to America. That's what they do over there. Those lesbians are super emotional. Even the boy lesbians that they have hosting Wildly emotional. And they had Mark Kelly on, and he's doing it, too. If this turns out to be a success at all or if this goes well, Miss now is going away. They are. They're putting all their chips on the table that this is the end of us. They had Jen Pataki or whatever her name is. She basically starts, like, shaking. Everything's a. I'm shaking my head at that. You believe we 80. Sri Lanka says they pulled 80 Iranian soldiers out of the water and 80 more dead. Shaking her head like, can you believe we're just killing people? Turn over to Fox. 80 guys are dead. Like, I wish headset would have gone through and got the ones in the water. Sean Hannity even said that the. The boat we blew up yesterday was called the Solemani, which was one of their guys. That was a big deal. And Hannity said, just like the namesake, it was shot and killed. It was a boat. He's talking about a boat. And he goes, so we got him both. We killed Solemnity twice in one day. We'll be right back. And he was, like, half smiling. Then he had a congressman on that said, I'm not for death, but I hope the ayatollah will rest in pieces. And then they laughed like that was a joke that they were like they were dying.

[Dale Hellastra]

Great one.

[John Holmberg]

Great stuff. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Dale Hellastra]

Upd. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Ms. Nows on the other party favors. They're pissed at everything. And then. And then they started to talk about who the new ayatollah is going to be. And I started laughing because I'm like, can you imagine if I. Brett, you got that? I don't even know how they're making calls. Essentially, Iran is the night from Monty Python right now. Because everything I call for the blood of Donald Trump. Like, all right, you're nothing but a stump. Your arms off. Yeah. No, it's not. Flesh wound. We will eat at the heart of the American. You will. You will pay for this.

[Brady]

I will kick you, you sissy.

[John Holmberg]

First off, who gave you the phone? And who are you? I am 52nd in charge. Oh, real go getter. And he starts screaming, I want the blood of Trump, and America will rule the dead. Ever toyed with the Persian powers of Iran? Like, yeah, you got, like, three weeks to live maybe. And we control the Scout. We're flying planes over just for fun now. And I challenge you to a duel. You've got no arms. So that's what they are. But they're calling. They're like. They think that this guy's going to be. They've convened and they said, we're pretty sure we got a new ayatollah coming. You imagine that phone ringing? Oh, I got to give you the six o' clock word. You're right, Brad. It's burn. Burn is the word for 6am which is what they're going to do over there. We're going to burn them. Burn it down. So, yeah, that phone call comes and you're like, hello? Is this

[Brady]

it?

[John Holmberg]

Is. Where are you? Who's calling? I don't like to give my location right now. Oh, no, no, no. It's friend. Hey, who wants to be ayatollah? Are you giving me the job? Yes. You're next in line if you want it. If I say yes, what will happen? Hello? Hello? God damn it. I blew him up, too. They want to give it to the son of the old ayatollah. I thought he had it. He does. So. Okay, but not official. But that dude doesn't want that. Nobody wants. That's like. No, he's 12. Hello there. Are you listening?

[Dale Hellastra]

Who is this?

[John Holmberg]

That's Michael Bidwill of the Cardinals.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take the Ayatollah, John. I'd rather be ayatollah than coach your crap crap team.

[Dale Hellastra]

Are you sure?

[John Holmberg]

We'll pay you 8 million a year. The average coach in the league is making 20.

[Dale Hellastra]

What do you think?

[John Holmberg]

You're not going to get anybody good like this. It's better than me and Ayatollah. It's a toss up, Michael. I think I'll brave Ayatollah in rather than coach. Who do you even have for quarterback? What do you think? You have no plan. But I don't think you have a plan either. Oh, yeah? We have a better plan. At least we have some offense.

[Brady]

I get free shoes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't even. I. I don't even need a shoe contract. I just.

[Dale Hellastra]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

You're crazy calling me right now. You think anybody wants this job? All right, well, enjoy being the ayatollah. Well, maybe I won't enjoy it, but it's a lot better than your job. So go, Go, Michael Bidwell. Anyway, war was great last night. Really good. Ah, the blood of Trump will let me. Yeah, okay. Okay. You have no arms or legs. You will see. We will get you. I do have an interesting theory about this war. My Alex inner Alex Jones. Because I'm watching a lot of war. You know, rewatching. There's got to be some sort of podcast with the producers afterwards, that I can get all the cookies or, like, the stuff I missed, you know, like Vince Gilligan does after all of his shows, he sits down with, like, Chris Hardwick and they talk about what you just watched. And, like, here's what you missed. Like, I missed that. But the producers of War aren't doing that, and I'm looking for it. I do have a theory, though.

[Brady]

War After Dark.

[John Holmberg]

So Trump's got this deal.

[Dale Hellastra]

This is pretty.

[John Holmberg]

Like this. Like, this is good fan fiction right here. Trump's. Trump's been on about how many illegals entered the country over the last Biden administrator. Like, he, like, makes claims, like, we had 20 million people come across the border. Right. And they weren't all Mexicans, is what he was saying. And nothing looks more Mexican than an unsheathed Iranian. Right. You can't tell from visuals.

[Brady]

You'd lean towards that. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You grow the little weird mustache and you see him in Tucson. You're not thinking Iran. So you got all these dudes that they let in, probably a bunch of sleeper cell Iranians made it over, right?

[Brett]

That's what they're thinking. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And Trump is like, we got to find these guys. What better way to find them than an unprovoked attack on their homeland? So they start getting noisy here, you

[Brady]

know, like the dude in Austin or. That was more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I think that was just an immediate rogue, but he was a guy that just popped up. So I think it's sort of a design to sit and go. We're crushing Iran. That's about time we did that, because we got a bunch of bad guys here from letting the borders open. So in a weird way, putting us at risk for saying, you know what, we're going to have some casualties from this, but we'll get these guys. They're going to. They're going to come out of hibernation because we hit their hive. I was. I'm sitting there thinking last night, I'm like, I should call some. I should call the writers and tell them, like, here's a good. This is a good moment. Like, we get Jack Bauer in on

[Brady]

this about being able to sell fear.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it isn't about selling it at

[Brady]

that point, at that time, you know, like, if you. If for what you hear about the nation, it's like, all sudden, we're going down as a country. Well, then it's like, I just think of World War II when Japan's like, all right, kamikaze.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that's my point. It's like, if you smoke them out, they're coming out here.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And we got, you know, and that to me says, all right, we have to. We have to take a couple punches, but at least they'll make noise, you know, problems.

[Brett]

You got DHS on the bench, though, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yep, there's that.

[Brett]

You know, that's.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that's calling the relievers yet. It's not yet part of it, but they're in there and you can. Eventually you can tap back. We'll get them.

[Brett]

Yeah, but they're. They're shut down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know that's not a good thing because the government got closed up, but I think maybe that's part of it as well. Good writer twist say, oh, they've been neutered. And so it makes them. Makes the bad guys even go. And they can't do anything about it right now. There's a lot to the idea that this is all a dog and pony show with bombs and murders to make the bad guys pop up for heroic activities going into a half election year. Oh, there's. There's some good writing going on here with War. I watch Breaking Bad and I would recap with Larry and Paul after every episode and we'd try to guess what's coming next. I'm doing that with this show, too. It's been. That's my, that's my. That's my. If I was in the writers room. Here's where we're going to go with this. It's pretty great. And I think that's a good one. But I mean, they keep telling you, like, be careful. Don't go into big crowded. Like, what do you know that we don't know? Like, why are you telling us, like, immediately you got to watch out for them. Like, oh, so, you know, they're here. Like, we don't know when and we don't know why or how, but they're going to rise up and get somebody somewhere. They have. We're on the list. Phoenix is on the immediate list of the government saying, these are places I'd watch out for.

[Brett]

So we are.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Why are we border. Big city, you can blend easy.

[Brett]

I mean, I knew, you know, la, New York, Chicago was just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Big metropolitan, big events like that.

[Brady]

You know, crossing over is easier in this.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, it's a big city because nobody's. Yeah. I mean, the good news is most of the teams start sucking so that, you know, there's not a lot of. But, you know, soft target stuff. We've got that. We got A real safe place. I don't think they'd bomb, which is that women's Final four is coming to town. I'd hang out there. That's safe. Nobody's gonna even consider that. But yeah, it's, that's a good plot twist. I like my plot twist. I like my, my personal writing for war has been phenomenal. And that would be an interesting way to do this, to kind of root out the bad guys. And then somewhere around June or August in that, you know, mid summer kind of deal, we announced that we got a bunch of sleeper cells. And then you can blame the Democrats for opening the border and it all becomes a political ploy. And then you realize the whole thing was a game, because I believe it is. But in the meantime, last night, if you ask me, because I had the box of all the news channels Fox won for, for a hardened, immature young boy, there was no better coverage last night than Fox. Now I do enjoy a man sitting with a woman being emotional and crying. And Mark Kelly and Jen Pataki had that going for him last night and they really sold. You know, they do like what women do when they argue with you. They don't argue about the thing you're talking about. They argue about like 10 other things that could happen. And you're like, well, let's not speculate. Let's deal with what we're actually deal with the reality of it. Oh, you went to this. You're being an MSNBC host right now and assuming that three years from now this is still going to be a problem.

[Brett]

Mark Kelly didn't want you to solve his problem. He just wanted you to listen, to hear it.

[John Holmberg]

They want to scream in your arm.

[Brady]

Would you still?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that kind of stuff. Oh, I know what's going to happen. You're just going to end up banging some 20 year olds. Like what are we, what are we talking about? All I said was, is that popcorn on the floor? I keep a clean house.

[Dale Hellastra]

What

[John Holmberg]

you always, you're going to do this for the rest of our lives. You know what is happening at home? I don't, I don't get it. Oh, I get it. You're msnbc. You got to worry about like all the problems that might happen and not what is actually happening. Fox won last night. Put a split screen last night. If I'm giving the nod to best coverage, it was Fox. We had so many explosions. It was, it was literally just explode. Like if John Madden was on that channel it would have been perfect. We now turn to correspondent John Madden. Hey, here's the guy. Bam. Boom, Boom. Now we're gonna go over to Chris Berman. Is your brain coming in?

[Dale Hellastra]

Rumbling, rumbling.

[John Holmberg]

No more Iranians.

[Brady]

It was like the end of Rambo.

[John Holmberg]

So good.

[Brady]

Fire mushrooms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But the best part was it was little stuff. And my favorite thing in the world watching war is. Is heat resonance. Iranians, the little heat. They have the video. There's little heat bodies walking around, like, from a distance. And there's little orange men walking around in little green, minding their own. Doing their own Iranian little business, walking around something terrible. And then. And then there's little orange bodies laying down all over when the smoke clears. And Fox made a point to show, like, here's. Here's two dudes just running down the road, and some helicopter was chasing with it. You can see him kind of like drifting around, running. And one goes across the street, and the other one, they just put a missile in the middle of the road. And then two little orange bodies went shoot out of the screen.

[Brady]

War.

[John Holmberg]

That's my favorite one. And I scream at the tv, oh, I'm like a black guy at a movie. You better move your ass. I see a little orange man. That's your ass. Oh, your little heat signature. Oh, you're gonna blow up. Don't walk by that plane.

[Brett]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's what they're aiming for, dummy. Get in your hut. Yeah, it's great. And they showed a bunch of that last night. The only thing missing from last night was when we blew up one of those boats. Seeing little orange heat signature, Iranians falling off, that would have been great. I do have to admit that the other most important thing in my life right now is the NFL draft, which is coming up in a month. So I watched a mock draft these four guys do in Pittsburgh.

[Brady]

How'd it work out?

[John Holmberg]

They're dreamers. We traded up for, like, a fifth. We're not getting what they said they were. Their heart was too into the mock draft, although it was pretty interesting. One of the guys was pretty good, but it was a. A thing on a. On a podcast. These guys I watch in Pittsburgh, and it's pretty good, but that's. That's how my life works. I watched War, and then my next most important thing in the world is the Steelers draft that's coming up here. I got to keep up on that.

[Brady]

That'll bump it very soon. That'll change around.

[John Holmberg]

It depends. I mean, if we get a week.

[Brady]

A week left of war.

[John Holmberg]

I'm telling you, war is pretty interesting right now. If I could get more heat signature Iranians to fly through the air, I'm stuck for a while. I don't know that I can get tired of that. I was sort of raised on it. I was 19 when we were first introduced to the heat signature explosions back in the first Gulf War. Is that real? Schwarzkopf would go on TV and go, here's some videos. And we used to have to watch it while he watched it. And the general would point out, here's a guy, he's not so lucky, and he's just walking on a bridge, and then the bridge goes away and the little heat signature guy disappears. I'm like, oh. Kind of technology. And it hasn't gotten much better for our viewing pleasure as heat signature people getting blown up. It's awesome. It's awesome. And the better one was a helicopter chasing him down. And it was kind of a more in the daytime, but they still went with heat signature guys. And one dude's running and he just goes in the ground like, oh, he found a little hole. And then like, you didn't see him anymore. It was awesome. So good. Oh, it's so good. Yeah. As this guy says, it isn't Jen Pataki. Her name is Jen Pasaki. It's even funnier than what you're doing. We call her Jen Ball Sacki because she looks like one. Well, I'm not going after that. I don't think I've seen better looking ball sacks anyway. Watch some more. I don't know. She's Jen Pasaki. He's right. And she is constantly just shaking her head at everything. This is a catastrophe. You're gonna be. You're gonna ruin everything. Did you take the garbage? I'm waiting for that on Ms. Now. So we're at war, huh, Mark Kelly. Yeah. Did you take the bin out or do I have to do everything? It's like, what, you never take the bin out three times. The bin is sitting outside. The trash was Wednesday. The bin is outside. I pulled in the. I came in the back, but I didn't see the bin. Oh, that's convenient. We'll be right back with more msnbc. I'm like, are you nagging him on tv?

[Brett]

Look, Uncle Fester.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, careful there, bud. The tough thing about being bald is that I see Mark Kelly and I'm. And look, I'm basically a chunk of healthy John Fetterman. I look at Fetterman and I'm like, we dress the same. This. Why did he have to get famous?

[Brett]

Yeah, I never caught that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, hoodies and shorts and walking around like we just. We're going to the gym. Maybe we might also stop over and get a milkshake. But I see him and I'm like, God damn it, that's too close for comfort. If he had hair, you'd never think it. But without it, it's like I'm a Teemu goddamn Fetterman. I'm Teemu Federman because he's at least man sized. He's like. He's a lumbering Take away the stroke and the Frankenstein qualities. And I'm basically Lil Federman. I'm like that used to follow around Kid Rock. It's terrible. I'm Mini Me. I'd be Fetterman. Small, unaffected brother with my brother. You guys look kind of alike. Yeah, he hasn't had a stroke yet. It's coming. Don't worry about it. This pots. Brett pot of coffee?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Full morning. I'm doing that. You're not a coffee guy yet. Brady. Are you gonna try this?

[Brady]

Yeah, I get that.

[John Holmberg]

Makes coffee your coffee. Like I said yesterday, out of a pot of coffee. I did it. Yeah.

[Brett]

How was it?

[John Holmberg]

I'd made coffee and then I poured it back in the machine to make coffee with coffee the next morning. So you put, you know, you normally use water.

[Brady]

You want more coffee?

[John Holmberg]

I think I do. I don't know how it works, but you take the coffee you made, you make a full pot of coffee, and you pull that pot of coffee out and you pour it right back into the thing. Yeah, you put the thing in, you set the timer for the next morning, and it's gonna make cough more coffee out of your coffee. And it is good. It's like refried beans. Double roast. I think that's what they call that. I don't know if that's right or not. I made coff coffee out of coffee. And let me tell you this.

[Brady]

Is there more caffeine?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, but it's gotta be

[Brett]

because you're doubling up.

[John Holmberg]

Finally tasted good. It was coffee that had good flavor to it. It was great.

[Brett]

It's like drinking espresso.

[John Holmberg]

Is it? Well, I mean, it's. I don't know.

[Brett]

It's gonna be strong. Well, I mean, you put so much.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I use half of a. I use like 5 tablespoons per thing.

[Brett]

That is you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's Fetterman. I'm telling you, our team of.

[Dale Hellastra]

Fetterman.

[John Holmberg]

So annoying. He's like 6, 8, 340 pounds. I'm a chunko. Fetterman Lil Fetterman. I'm Lil Federman. If I was a rapper, I'd be a little Fetterman. Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's not good. Yeah. Thanks, Brett. Thanks for putting him up on the big screen. He's got those big dope ears. That's one thing that keeps me from being compared to Mark Kelly is that Mark Kelly looks like he came out of Narnia. He's like Middle Earth Mark Kelly. He's. He's Middle Earth me. Like, Mark Kelly sees a picture of me and he thinks, yeah, no, there's something going on here. He lives underground. One of the Star Treks spaced at a number on Mark Kelly's eyes.

[Brett]

I'd rather be little Fetterman.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, no.

[John Holmberg]

I'd much rather be a little Fetterman. Federman still got some, you know, he's just a gigantic version of me. Plus stroke. It's not easy being bald. All bald guys start to get compared to each other. And then you point out, well, that guy's ears are different. And then he's got bug eyes and your nose is crooked. And we don't our features show, but I'm Will Fetterman. Let's get a wake up song. The word for 6am is burn. B U R N Get on that right away. Burn. And we'll get you up there to the sphere in Vegas, See Metallica. Give us a wake up song. Five eight, five, nine thousand eight hundred we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD, wake up. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Dale Hellastra]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. It's a trap. Thomas James Band, thank you quite kindly getting us through yet another morning here. It's 6:43. We get a 7:00 clock word for you. Just a little bit. I'm just finding this out. Somebody, somebody said, you know, Iran's soccer team is here. Like what? Evidently they did some time up in Scottsdale and they're training down there in Tucson, so I'll leave him down there. I was gonna say, I'm not against that. I'm not against those Iranians down there in Tucson. In fact, if you're a sleeper cell, Tucson's beautiful. This time you guys should consider maybe doing some work down there. I'll bust them in, like, if you want to. Hey, look, it's KUPD's. You know, like in World War II, it was like, we want to be part of the war. Help the war effort. We will help the war effort by getting any Iranian citizen that wants to go to Tucson. I'll get you a free bus ride. We'll get you down there. I'll put you in Tucson in a heartbeat. Iranian, you're blending with all the Mexicans. No one will even know you guys are plotting. And then you can blow up whatever's down there in Tucson. That would be horrible. Would it?

[Brett]

Put the towel on your head essay

[John Holmberg]

right there in that raceway drive. And I just work my way out inside to out. And then. Oh, Iranians are bombing Tucson. Oh, no. I'm gonna watch a mock draft. Oh, they blew up. Tucson is Nancy Guthrie. Oh. Anyway, so good luck down there. I didn't know that. How are they even? Come on.

[Brady]

I just saw something like. Trump was like, I don't care if they participate in the world.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. Here's how big a dick's Iran is in the world. By the way, this is how you know your country's dicks. Russia's not allowed to play in the World cup because they invaded Ukraine. We pretty much just walked into Iran and started blowing stuff up. And people were like, thank you. You're fine. Don't worry about it.

[Brady]

We're hosting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we're good.

[Dale Hellastra]

Don't.

[John Holmberg]

Don't worry about it. And smart. If you're going to host it. That's the year you should attack unprovoked war. And I know it's provoked over time, but really, just recently, it has been it. But they hated, like, immediately. Okay, can't play in any reindeer games over here. Russia, you're going to beat up on. On the Ukraine. You're not allowed to play soccer anymore. They're like, fine, we do it. And they're like, all right, you're good. Can Iran still play? I'm like, I suppose. Don't they have bigger fish to fry than, like, work? What if Iran won the World Cup? They're not even a place anymore. They're not gonna.

[Brady]

Do you believe in miracles?

[John Holmberg]

It would be their miracle on grass. They send over announcers and stuff. Who's paying for this? The whole thing is a shame. Wait a minute. I don't know.

[Brady]

You've never called a soccer game before.

[John Holmberg]

Called soccer game before. Why are you wearing such a big vest? It's 85 out. I don't know. I get chills, so let me down. Where are the. Where are the microphones? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the goose down. I like it. It's Sorry. It's a little hot in Tucson right now for a huge vest like this. All right. Walk through that metal detector. No problem. You can still use metal detectors.

[Dale Hellastra]

Like.

[John Holmberg]

We're okay.

[Brady]

Don't know about this. Allah.

[John Holmberg]

Michael, don't worry about it. It's me and Mike and Chris.

[Dale Hellastra]

Holly.

[John Holmberg]

Squirt. Where? Our alien soccer announcers would like to watch the team practice. What are they doing down there? Practicing soccer.

[Brett]

As long as they're down there, we

[John Holmberg]

will play for the great country of Iran. Well, at least what. You know what I'm talking about. It was a country. Who are you playing for, do you think? The Ayatollah. When you're done. They don't even have one.

[Brady]

Coach says there's no practice for a while.

[John Holmberg]

Man. I'm telling you, that's a dangerous team on the pitch. Not only will they blow stuff up at a moment's notice, they don't want to go home. You're fighting a dragon down for sure. These dudes are going to be. Oh, it's going to be 2 to 1 a lot. And Iran's going to surprise some people because what happens when they lose and get booted from the cup? They're going back. Going back to Tehran. They're going to stick around. I'd watch that Iranian soccer team. Those dudes are definitely. It's a trap. They're not here for soccer. You're being a bigot. You're goddamn right. I was told a week ago. Keep your eyes open for things that aren't normal. You do gentucan. That's not normal. Go practice in Iran. We can't because you guys are bombing us. So your next best stop is to go to the country bombing you in practice. That doesn't make that. We'll send you down to Mexico.

[Brady]

Please.

[John Holmberg]

No. Nothing is worse than that. We'll go back to Iran. Where Saudi.

[Brady]

Who are you going to scrimmage over there?

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[Brady]

We can't scrimmage.

[John Holmberg]

Anyone Just like a Kiva high school, like. Hey, guys. You want to go practice soccer against the Iranians? No, I want to live. That's not a ball. It's got a fuse on it. Just kick it.

[Brady]

No, that's part of the exchange and gifts. Thank you, Flynn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Here in America, we want to let you know that you're not all our enemies. We love you very much for all things you've done. And here's a gift. A token of our appreciation. We'd like to also give you a token of our appreciation. Here you go. As a Gift from Iran. It's a clock. Don't hurry up. And we're going to run real quick. We're late for our lunch, so just you hang on to that. Okay, Bye. Oh, it was a faulty clock. We are. So

[Brady]

two teams are only left for the World Cup.

[John Holmberg]

They're gonna be a tough out. Guys, I know it's three nothing with two minutes left, but if we don't get that ball in the goal three times and at least tie this thing, we're going back to Tehran, Iran, with another goal. Three truckets later, another goal. They're getting goals off the. That middle thing, that the boring part of soccer, where they just stand in the middle of the pitch and kick it back and forth to each other. They might score, like, 30 or 40 goals. They just can't be stopped. These guys don't want to go home, so, yeah, watch out for that. But evidently they're practicing here. So we got a nuclear power plant, like, 25 miles to the west. 30. And the Iranian soccer team is here. I'm not great at math, but that adds up real fast and real easy for me.

[Brady]

I'd like to set up a field trip.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a flashcard. While we are here in the States, can we take a look at some of your, I don't know, features? The camelback looks nice. And maybe we go to an intel plant, see how you make the chips. And what's a big bubbly building out there in the west? Oh, that's our nuclear power plant. You guys don't have that? No, we're not allowed. Oh, well, you can take a look at ours. You have enriched plutonium and yellow cake. Tons of it. Oh. So if this was to, say, I don't know, accidentally meltdown, what would happen? Oh, catastrophic. We're so close to a major metropolitan area. It's a good question. We appreciate that. That's all right. You know that we could kill over 4 million people? They're walking around in their soccer kits. Hey, number 11. Me? You're number 11, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm number 11. I made the quarterbacks I want. There's some quarterback in soccer.

[Brady]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I was kidding. I was testing you. Anyway, I'm just gonna take some photos here of the plant. You guys sound like Triumph the insult coming. I know. We get that all the time. Anyway, this guy says, john, I had a friend who had an addiction to booze. That's called alcoholism. So he dried up there in AA and then traded that booze addiction to coffee. He's drinking so much coffee, his prostate fell out. Had to have prostate surgery last September and that didn't work. So now he's got permanent diaper needs and not just for his pee. He can't control his poop either. Went from running five miles a day to wearing diapers. Suicidal now. And I said to him, I'm like, did the doctors say this is forever? Like, would stop? And drinking coffee goes, yep, it's forever. Well, I'm just. I'd check out. That's it. The doctor said, you got to wear diapers forever. I'd be like, huh, I'm out. I'm not a fighter. I'm not a fighter. It's permanent that you're always going to have diapers and then when you go home, you're going to take those diapers off. You're going to have to clean up your ass cheeks and your thighs every single day. Like, no, no, I've had a good run. I don't need ash cheek poops. I don't need somebody in the room with me, like, turning, turning. Did I get it all? No, there's still some by the lower back. God damn it. I rooster tailed. I don't even feel it. I can't even feel it. And this guy says, I will orally pleasure Paula the Toledo hater live on the air until she's done at least three times. If you fire Toledo right now. He gave us only the gay ass condensed show for Wednesday. No one asked for this. No one wants a condensed version. He's an over the top for no reason ass mother effer. I wish his dad. I wish his dad would come back just to beat his ass one time and then leave. Yeah, there's people complaining about the condensed version. And if you're only getting the condensed version, I don't know. What did you do there, Richard? I don't know. I don't know anything about that podcast. Hi, Richard. Help us out with that. Blake wants to kill you.

[Larry]

I just checked the numbers. As per usual, the full show gets twice the downloads that the condensed version.

[John Holmberg]

You did them all yesterday.

[Larry]

They're all there. Every one of them's there. I can show you the downloads. If you can't find them, that's your problem.

[John Holmberg]

Take that.

[Larry]

Figure it out.

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, we're not only mad at you today for screwing up everything yesterday, God knows how or what, but Blake wants to kill you. And look. Sounds like go to hell, Blake. Yeah, it sounds like. Sounds like Paula the Toledo hater is going to get a nice Batch of cunnilingus from this. Well, good luck, Paula. Why? Blake and Paula might hit it off.

[Brady]

I'm for it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm all for it. They've got hating you in common.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I also got emails from people that said, hey, Shake Brady. Oh, evidently, yesterday you confused the hell out of people that Shake. You did this. We looked at it again. I looked at it. They got these emails immediately. You're a steak and Shake thing about bitcoin.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Not even close to accurate. And a dude got excited about it and looked into it. You said that they were paying 21 cents an hour in bitcoin. Yeah. And then led them to believe that they'll do $1,000 contribution in Bitcoin for that.

[Dale Hellastra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that's what we listened again. You were way off. It's to a Trump.

[Brady]

They'll match it.

[John Holmberg]

No, they'll match the Trump coin, which is worthless.

[Brady]

Oh, I didn't see that.

[John Holmberg]

It's right here in your story. We grabbed the papers. I looked again. Right there. It says the chain added it will offer $1,000 contribution to the Trump accounts, which are set to launch July 4th.

[Brady]

And I didn't know the Trump accounts were bitcoin.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it's not.

[Brady]

I thought.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you said it was a dollar firm. Now, that Trump. No, you said that you led them to this guy to believe that it's $1,000 match on Bitcoin every time you get to $1,000. And we listened to it again yesterday. It was very much that. Also, a guy pointed out that Jeffrey Owens. You told the story about John Christian Love from Better Call Saul.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He's now an Amazon delivery driver. That is not Jeffrey Owens from the Cosby Show. So we were talking yesterday. I'm like, that's his name. Or we couldn't remember. Elvin was his name. Elvin.

[Brett]

He was working at Trader Jones. Remember that?

[John Holmberg]

They were making the comparison to Elvin, that Jeffrey Owens, who played Elvin, was spotted working at Trader Joe's. It had to be a career researchers. I even asked the thing. I'm like, that was the same guy that was in Better Call Saul. And unfortunately you said, yep, that one was absolutely not the case.

[Brett]

Well, you know, they. Never mind.

[John Holmberg]

What did we miss? No, they don't actually. There's not even.

[Brett]

Not as far as I'm concerned.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just saying. But they're not even the same race for you to be bigoted that way towards.

[Brett]

I wasn't the one that made the bad calls.

[John Holmberg]

We're just cleaning Up a little slop yesterday. Toledo's only doing little bits of work. You're just reading headlines and. Sure, whatever. And we're getting out of Dodge.

[Brady]

That was a live read right there.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, but that's what reading is. Is you. You never do taped reads that you play a taped read, but when you're reading it, you're still supposed to function.

[Brady]

I meant that's the first time I saw. I saw just a little.

[John Holmberg]

We were aware of that. What I'm pointing out is that you did a poor job reading it for the first time and leading us down a road. That's the point of.

[Brady]

But the Steak and Shake was dialed

[John Holmberg]

right on a thousand dollar. You did actually. No, you did. You led it to believe. Because I actually said, wow, that's pretty good. Thousand dollars in bitcoin.

[Brady]

Oh, you might have said the bit

[John Holmberg]

because I was led to believe by you. And then you agreed with me. We just have to button it up. All I'm saying is, you know, retractions. Newspapers do it. We're going to have to do this every day. So if you're looking for a job, Steak and Shake will pay you 21 cents in Bitcoin an hour. But they are not.

[Brady]

That's on top of your.

[Brett]

That's wrong.

[Brady]

Wait.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that's correct.

[Brady]

Correct.

[John Holmberg]

That's how confusing it was then. Brady has said, and for every thousand dollars, they'll match.

[Brady]

Okay, on July 7th, they'll match the

[John Holmberg]

Trump's big, beautiful, no account thousand dollars.

[Brady]

They'll match another thousand.

[Brett]

So you're getting bitcoin and Trump coin.

[John Holmberg]

You now heard the truth, that, yes, you're going to get a trump thing that isn't out yet.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Yesterday it was led to believe for every thousand you earn in bitcoin, they'll match it. On July 7, they'll match your thousand. That's pretty hefty when you look at bitcoin potentially being around 70 or 80 or $90,000 in a nice little one.

[Brady]

Even close how I told it.

[John Holmberg]

It's. We listened to it. It was. Yeah, you don't. Don't dig your heels in. It was just a goof. And you even said it yourself. First time I ever read it. So you can see where you missed a couple details.

[Brady]

That one.

[John Holmberg]

I'm defending this. We listened to it.

[Brett]

Go to the tape.

[Brady]

Go back into the second one about the actor. I didn't read right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

We know. All right. Well, if you read this, you led us to believe. Don't go to steak N Shake and start asking for bitcoin. That's all I'm saying. Don't do it.

[Brady]

We get 21 cents an hour.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, what happened there? Toledo had this thing. He's like, yeah, it does make you think that they're gonna give you bitcoin. They're not. Don't bang their doors down. KUPD apologizes. I'll even take the brunt of this. My name's on the show. Even though we all know who did it. That's just fine. Yeah. Steak and Shake ain't handing you $1,000 of Bitcoin every time you wander in. Seven o' clock words coming up here. I'm just gonna give it to you a little early. It's whiplash, which you can get. I'm trying to stories that bouncing ball has Tourette's. Check this out. And yesterday we got some people mad us about the. The menopause top. What was that one lady and her name was Karen. So, you know, what are you gonna do? It says, my wife and I divorced seven years ago, John. She was terrorizing me during her menopause. Hateful woman. She started taking swings at me. Purposefully missing, but still taking swings at me. The doctor that emailed yesterday was 100% right after I left. And I felt bad about leaving her in that condition. She got married a year later, divorced that guy, and she got engaged after. And that guy left her. The second guy, her latest victim, called me and said, how the hell did you put up with that for 23 years? The answer is simple. She wasn't like that for the first 20. But the doctor that said that's her personality now is right. Her new personality is whatever that insane demon is that possessed her. I'm convinced possession in biblical days was simply menopause. They didn't know what it was. My new girlfriend is 28. I'm 57. Well, let's just start there. How'd you do that? I look great, but she is a blast. She's stupid, but she thinks I'm stupid too. The things we don't know, each of us don't know together. I don't know anything about what's happening in her world online. And she. She celebrates stuff I've never heard of. It's like dating a girl from China. But you don't have to order out for that anymore. Young girls are like mail order brides now. They have totally different worlds. They live in our equal stupidity matches. She teaches me her world, and I teach her a world that once Was. And I'll be dead before she starts menopause. This is a huge win for me, Vince. Yeah, that's a Good point. You're 30 years ahead of her. There's no possible way that menopause affects you again. Genius. Now my guess is she's gonna want a different life in about four years. She turns 30 and looks around and goes, this 60 year old man is crapping himself and acting stupid a lot. He watches way too much Antiques Roadshow for my taste.

[Brady]

Tick tock.

[John Holmberg]

And she's in there doing tick tock dances with a ring light. You're like, will you shut that ring light on? It hurts my cataracts. But hey, ride it while it's in front of you.

[Brett]

Hey, if Belichick can do it, this guy can do it.

[John Holmberg]

Belichick is an inspiration. That Dude's pulling a 50 year age gap.

[Brady]

Pioneer.

[John Holmberg]

He is a pioneer. Nobody, I don't think anybody in the history of man has had a 50 year age gap and still been functional. There's been 50 year age gaps, but most of the time that dude's in a hospital bed and there's some hot model leaning in like, I'm in on this, like, we know what you're doing. Belichick still walks around. He's got a job. He's smiling, she's smiling. Nobody can figure it out. The man's an inspiration. He's an inspiration to all men and women, all of them. That's going to make that Karen lady that emailed yesterday furious.

[Brett]

She's. The smoke's already coming off her keyboard right now.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, she's firing off. All those letters are worn out. Yeah, she's got to memorize the quarantine. She doesn't need that anymore. She's just got 67 black dots on a box and she's hitting all of them perfectly. One other thing you said about menopausal women. Look, here we go. But that dude's wife three times divorced her after 23 years. I can't. Can't put up with anymore. You're gonna take swings at me? I gotta go. You don't know what I'm going through. Well, you're right, I don't. And then gets married again. That guy's out in a year, he's not tolerating. And then gets it. Yeah, got it. She must be pretty good looking because in seven years time she not only got married again, she got divorced there too. And then engaged again because she's crazy. And they're a lot of fun

[Brett]

Aren't they all?

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you got that. Holmberg's morning sickness, but this dude's right. You get one of them tick tock influencers, starts moving around, saying things you don't understand, like, what the hell is a huncho? He's like the greatest singer ever, Hunt Huncho. Okay, Low key. Let me play it for you. Low key. I don't know what you're saying. I don't even know if it's the same language. But it's no different than what guys used to do when they get fed up with wives and just order some Asian lady to show up. Barely speaks a language. We knew a dude who did it. Name was Charlie. Very successful man in this city. All of a sudden, Charlie started. Showed up with some Vietnamese lady, but go to dinner with her and you had to act like it was normal. Is this all right? Is she 12 or 35? I can't. Oh, you never know these people. Look, she can hear us, huh? Does she have any idea what we're saying? Nope. And our old boss, Chuck, was friends with him, and he was a wild bigot. I heard him on the phone once going, we'll go out to dinner. That's just you and me and a sweet Mary, my wife and that you sent over. That the slant you're gonna bring to dinner? That's my wife, Chuck. She doesn't speak the language.

[Brady]

Charlie, he's got a new geisha.

[John Holmberg]

He's got this new. Running around in her big block shoes, putting all that kabuki makeup on and serving him. Evidently, just blowing him till the cows come home. Sounds pretty good to me, Chuck. Oh, they don't have anything to talk about. Yeah, I know that sounds. That sounds better. Do you want to talk to him? She just wants to blow them all the time. I know. Torture. Sounds awful. What'd he pay for that? Oh, 400 grand. Like, good Christ. She showed up. They stayed together for a long time.

[Brett]

Still there, or did she bounce like your buddy?

[John Holmberg]

He's got to be dead. He's probably dead, but he had two in our. Yeah, he bumped in here. Yeah, he dropped one of them and then the second one showed up and they were together till the end, I think.

[Brett]

Didn't you have a buddy that did that?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I had a friend, but he was in his late 20s and he gave up early and he ordered one up, but he ordered another one.

[Brady]

Got stung.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it was 10. Well, that was him. That was Ronson. It was 10 grand for the girl to come over, and then 90 days is all. She stayed, but he didn't know that.

[Brady]

There's a dude at the arena that. I knew that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Never seen anything like it, though. Went to his house. He still lived with his parents, for God's sakes.

[Brady]

They're in the basement.

[John Holmberg]

No, they're in a bedroom. In the regular ranch style home in Gilbert, across the hall was mom and dad, and Quan Lee and Ronson lived together. And I'd go over there, and she's mowing the grass barefoot.

[Brady]

Dream setup.

[John Holmberg]

Mowing the grass barefoot. Which my dad would have lost his mind. Gonna cut your feet off. Like, how bad do you think I am at this point? I don't ever get in front of it.

[Brett]

Don't screw up my tiff grass.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that was a constant. You're gonna cut your goddamn feet off. I'm like, dad, I'm behind it. I don't like this. Put some shoes on. You think shoes are gonna stop that blade? Ah, you're a smart ass. I'm like, whatever. I go over there and Quan Lee's in a bikini, mowing the grass. And the parents of Ronson at first were like, I can't believe you're 26 years old. You're already giving up on finding a lady. You're buying one, you save $10,000. You know? She showed up, and all of a sudden, the dad was like, this is good stuff. You guys can live here forever. She's doing cooking every day and doing laundry. Laundry. She was. I went over there the one time after she was mowing the grass. Another time I went over, she had taken all of the cushions off the couches. All the. She had them in the backyard. She was cleaning the couch.

[Brady]

That's amazing.

[John Holmberg]

She had taken it apart.

[Brett]

Ancient Chinese secret.

[John Holmberg]

And then the brother Jeffrey, who was a. Trying to be a pro bowler, he's like, I'm in on this. And then he ordered one.

[Brady]

Light starts, Quan.

[John Holmberg]

And that's when we found out that after 90 days, they get there, they get some sort of paperwork that allows them to leave again, and they can be free. She was beautiful. So while his brothers was flying over, Ronson disappeared like Nancy Guthrie. And I don't think they ever found her. So the other one showed up, and the dad's like, well, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth. We know we got 90 good days with her. And she showed up and did the exact same laundry.

[Brady]

She did our nails.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, she was on day 90.

[Brett]

She was gone, too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they both were gone. Well, that was the Setup?

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[Brett]

How much did it cost him?

[John Holmberg]

10 grand in 1995.

[Brett]

It's a lot of money. For now.

[John Holmberg]

He was probably 23 or 4. Now that I think about 10 years for that. He's saving money at Tony Romas. Wow. And then he went and worked somewhere else.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Bronson was paper out money.

[John Holmberg]

He was done when he was a kid. It's good. It was a great. And I think his dad kicked in for the brother. He's like, jesus Christ, we're getting another one. Here's five. I'll match was pretty good.

[Brett]

That's a little over three grand a month for us.

[John Holmberg]

Broad. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean back in 95, that's probably. You probably double that, maybe a little more. So it's probably 7, 500 bucks a month. But I mean, you were getting some. There's some performance in that.

[Brady]

It's more than just a visit.

[John Holmberg]

And then she banged him non stop. He was giddy as I've ever seen a human being. He was a little dopey to begin with. Oh, he laughed before every sentence. He's like Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons. I don't know what's going on, Johnny. Why are you so happy? And then you just point to the backyard of that half naked Asian that was mowing the grass. No one in that house did anything for 180 days because they had an overlap of Asians that came in as slaves. And then they left. It's almost worth it. We figured 10 grand for three months. You give her 15, she might stay 5. That's 30 grand a year to have everything you've ever wanted in your house taken care of. And that includes BJ's and anal and anything. And they were pretty, you know, for refugees.

[Brady]

He set up a progressive do. Income increase. You get a bump in pay after 90 days. It goes up. It's the only way to keep them.

[John Holmberg]

Look, you had to. Yeah, well, because you couldn't be a. 10 grand. They showed up for money. They're not here for love. But they rode. They rode that kid like nobody's business for. I think he's married to an American now. Last picture I saw, he looked pretty sad. So I'm assuming he got married. Some American broad ruining his life. But though he. He was king of the. He was Bill Belichick for three months.

[Brett]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

May, June and July of. I believe it was 1996.

[Brady]

Yeah, I was married for about three months. It just didn't work.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Married or did they get married?

[John Holmberg]

What happened immediately? Well, you have to go through some paperwork process, but once they're like, looks good to me, but moving on.

[Brady]

Girlfriend?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

It had to be my first wife left.

[John Holmberg]

Well, she left everybody. She had a history of abandonment. She left the whole country once. But the 90 day Asian was. That's a program. I think after 90 days they win a nail salon. As Casey said, that's probably true. After 90 days, you get your own nail salon. It was pretty awesome. But at the time, you sit and think to yourself, this doesn't, this doesn't seem so bad. Bronson and his brother Jeffrey, they were ahead of the curve. Everybody thought they were a little bit dopey, but they figured it out first,

[Brady]

went on the air.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, did I tell you whiplash was the word? Yeah, I did.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But whiplash got it again.

[Brady]

There was that outfit, I think New Times did an article on it, but they were here for a while where they were fly over to Russia.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. I tried to get that on the. When I worked at the old station. And the problem with that was they started a little skirmish in the area we were supposed to fly. The guy, he was, we found the, the world's biggest nerd. And we're like, you're never gonna find a girl. And he spoke full cling on and he was just a complete dork. And I'm like, you're never getting a girl with the things you're interested in. So we, we bought him a Russian bride. It was a, a company that advertised and they got on with us and I'm like, I can get you a guy. And we're gonna fly him over there to meet one. He was talking online with him. And then the day he was flying over Russia started a fight with something and they, they banned air travel. So he never got her.

[Brady]

And before that, there was a couple people that actually. Yeah, I, I. You go over there for two weeks, you meet a couple of potential. Pick one.

[John Holmberg]

It was. Yeah, a flyover. You had the ones online that. Because that was right when the Internet started and you saw pictures of them and then you go. And they'd have like a little mixer.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then you talk to them in person and they put their best foot forward. And then you possibly fly home with one. Like picking up a Hyundai.

[Brady]

You just had to get three weeks off.

[John Holmberg]

Like a Hyundai with a vagina. In fact, I think that's what Ronson's wife was named. Hyundai Vagina. That was a rough one. But sorry to the guy who emailed in about the menopause Thing, It's. It's just no fun. Feel bad for you.

[Brady]

This is my wife. Palisades.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, She's. Yeah. You guys seen that monkey in. I don't know where it is, China or something? All the other monkeys kicked it out,

[Brady]

and they gave him a stuffed animal.

[John Holmberg]

That stuffed animal and other stuffed animals. Selling off the shelves and stuff like that.

[Brady]

Yeah. At ikea.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We don't do that for people.

[Brett]

Sell them off the shelves.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Like, what if that monkey's just an asshole? And all the other monkeys got together and said, that's enough. But we feel sorry for him. But if you see a dude just walking around alone and nobody wants to talk to him, you don't give him a stuffy and start filming him and saying how cute he is. Why do we do that for animals? I don't know the name of that thing, but even then I did this.

[Brady]

I forgot the name, because I.

[John Holmberg]

Did you see the story with the little stuff? He announced becoming this Internet sensation. He's so cute. And then another monkey gave him a second chance. Punch.

[Brady]

Punch.

[John Holmberg]

There it is.

[Brady]

Punchy.

[John Holmberg]

Another monkey gave him a second chance. And then he's like, nah, this guy's an. And he was alone again. And we're like, oh, all the other monkeys are jerks. I'm like, no, they're probably right. Like, it's not a phrase I say. 20 monkeys can't be wrong. If they're kicking him out, there's got to be a reason. There's. He's got to be like. Like, maybe he's the Kevin Spacey of monkeys. Or. Or the rapey. Yeah, maybe he's the Jared Fogel of monkeys. And he touches the young monkeys, and everybody's like, we gotta kick him out of society. We do it constantly. We've got buildings specifically built to kick people out of society. We get involved in the zoo and we act like, no, he's gotta be adorable. He's getting special treatment.

[Brady]

He's getting drug around for a while.

[John Holmberg]

I'm the only person on the planet that's calling for the death of Punch the monkey. I think that's. Everybody else wants it to be some cute story. I think he needs to be euthanized. He's adapt or get out. And the whole monkey group and I don't know what you call a gaggle of monkeys.

[Brady]

Crew.

[Brett]

The crew.

[John Holmberg]

The crew.

[Brady]

It's a gang of macaques.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, it's a macaque gang. I don't know, but they said, that's enough. And Then all of a sudden. So we just encouraged more monkeys to act like assholes because they see that the trainers give them extra attention and they get toys. And so if I was a monkey and I'm looking at that, I'm like, well, screw this. What am I doing in the gang? Might as well run over here and be an independent monkey that gets tons of troops. It's a troop of monkeys, all right. Gonna wander over here with Punch and get free stuff from the humans who think it's cute that I'm a dick. I knew it was like, at first, they just. Oh, they've abandoned him. They won't accept him into their group. And I'm like, what do you do? Well, it doesn't matter.

[Brady]

Yes, it does.

[John Holmberg]

Is what we do with people if, you know, you fire a guy who acts like a dick. We've done it. That's enough. You cast them out, you know, on the way out, trip doesn't go, all right, here's your stuffed animal and a cute ring camera so we can film you being adorable and unwanted.

[Brady]

Well, this makes you any happier? Punch is outgrowing his plushie.

[John Holmberg]

He's starting to rip it up, and he's a dick.

[Brady]

Starting to say, I'm done with this.

[John Holmberg]

Punch is a dick. Punches an Irish monkey. Eventually you get tired of it. It's punch here. Yeah, he's ripping up the monkey. That's a gift. Is he tearing that monkey up? I'll give him one more. That's it. If he rips that monkey up, he's out. You know what's gonna happen? The cute punch of the monkey's gonna tear the face off of a baby monkey or something. Everybody said, what happened? Like, no, you guys were nice to the monkey we put up. We needed to put him down.

[Brady]

Well, it's just like, you know, for a while, he believed in that monkey, that this was his real.

[John Holmberg]

You know, Brady, there's a reason.

[Brady]

Wait a minute. This thing's not working.

[John Holmberg]

The other monkeys hated him so much, Even in a zoo, he had to go stand alone. We do that with all animals, but, like, orphans, we ignore the hell out of those things.

[Brady]

Like, well, you know, I hate seeing it. It's tough in the wild. In the wild that, you know, Punch is gone.

[John Holmberg]

You see a veteran walking around by himself, nobody will talk to him. You're like, probably deserves it. Nobody's giving him a stuffed animal.

[Brady]

Maybe that's what we should start doing.

[John Holmberg]

No, we're right to do it the way we've been doing it. Brady. You don't start handing them gifts. They keep showing up.

[Brady]

They get other gifts. Drugs and.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And then they show up at your door. Hey man, remember that time you gave me some money? Yeah. That was a one time deal.

[Dale Hellastra]

Open the door. Great.

[John Holmberg]

Turns out that guy was an asshole. You cast out those members of society and those apes tried to do it. And the zookeepers.

[Brady]

Like he's still sticking around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you get him out of there. You get him out of there.

[Brett]

All right, we gotta change the subject.

[John Holmberg]

The emails are crazy. I know. They're crazy. People are terrible. So the human version of that little monkey nobody liked was that kid from Tucson. Remember when his mom exploited him for son's tickets when nobody came to his giant birthday party?

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And she posts that picture.

[John Holmberg]

But that picture. Well, she'd also. If we. We ran that through the BS meters. She had like nine pizzas ordered. No one showed up. But two of the pizza.

[Brady]

Go ahead and order them anyway.

[John Holmberg]

Two of the pizza tins were empty. That's. They were hammering some pizza.

[Brady]

Like there's no need to order the app.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. Then he had to stand next to. And she had passed out all the plates, set up the table, cake. And then her kids stood there sad like nobody showed up to Tommy's birthday. And who was the first and only station in all the media to go, maybe Tommy's an asshole. This is a good life lesson for him.

[Brett]

Peter Piper's not that expensive.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. So if nobody shows up to your birthday party, it's not them, it's you. And you can be seven and an asshole. It's my seventh birthday party. And she put that. All these other kids are mean and no, your kid. Is something wrong with him. That's a litmus test for where he stands socially. If no kids showed up. Even the parents didn't force their kids. You got to show up to Tommy's birthday. I know you don't like him. It's five minutes. It's part of life. You got to do things you don't want to do sometimes. I'm not. I don't want to hear it from nobody went to his birthday party. That's on your kid. Your kid's a dick. If Brett had a birthday party and no one showed up, I guarantee you

[Dale Hellastra]

your.

[John Holmberg]

Your folks wouldn't have questioned the other kids. The hell's wrong with our boy?

[Brett]

We had some kind of dick or something.

[John Holmberg]

You're driving home, your mom would have been like, I don't know. Maybe he's an. I think that's What? Your mom thought it sounded. It looks like we're raising an Here, Kurt. Oh, that's our son.

[Brett]

Yeah. That's 100. What would happen?

[John Holmberg]

He's an. I just spent 85 on six pizzas. Ain't nobody showed up. My boy's animal.

[Brady]

Maybe he's a little light in the low.

[Dale Hellastra]

He could be queer.

[John Holmberg]

Then the quiz would have showed up. Not even the twinks came by. This kid's an asshole.

[Brady]

I don't know.

[Brett]

That's exactly what would have happened.

[Dale Hellastra]

That's what.

[John Holmberg]

My parents would have been in the car. My car. My drive would have been quiet. My mom would have been like, it's all right, Sean. My dad went like, don't. It's not all right. We got a lot of problems. We'll talk about it when we get home. It would have been quiet until my dad had assessed the situation and then walked into my room and done that weird thing.

[Dale Hellastra]

You gay?

[John Holmberg]

No. Jesus. All right.

[Dale Hellastra]

Why are you an.

[John Holmberg]

Then what are you doing? Why doesn't anybody like you?

[Brett]

Even Stubbings didn't show up.

[John Holmberg]

Even Mark didn't show up. And he seems to like you. I don't know, dude. I just seem to get along with the other kids, all right? I don't need some school shooter walking around the house.

[Brady]

Shows a bad day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we. No, no, no, no, no. You're. Let me see your notebook. Are you writing manifestos? My dad would have been all over that.

[Brady]

So many people with their axes in their head.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you've got a kid and it's. And punch the monkey and you go. That's just like when Jeffrey was a boy and we had parties in. No one came. If you invite eight and two show up, you got an asshole. You got an unlike kid. I've always said if the parents show up with the guests to the party, they're forcing their kid to go. Kids. Kids should want to go to free pizza parties. There isn't a kid out there. Like, they could be the biggest dick at school. Jesse Valenzuela and in sixth grade. No, but if that dude had a birthday party, I'd have gone to it for the pizza. You know how big a jerk you've got to be for kids to not show up for free pizza and video games? That's on your kid. Then he had, like, the sons gave him a jersey and let him get on the court with you. Why? Punch the monkey is a perfect example of that. Punch the monkey. Trevor says, Punch the Monkey is Toledo. At least his dad was like, I Don't want this one. It's a baby. It's an asshole baby. He's just a baby. Yeah, I see the writing on the wall here. I'm out. He treated Toledo's dad. Treated him like it was an episode of Shark Tank.

[Dale Hellastra]

Ah.

[John Holmberg]

I'm looking at his eyes and his body and for that reason, I'm out. It's gonna pass. Hard pass on this one. I'm sorry. Thanks, mister. He might have a great life, but for that reason, I'm out. I'll take him, but I want 80% everything he earns. And if you don't give it to me for that reason, I'm out. Yeah, take a look at your kid. Throw a. Throw a non birthday party for your kid just to see where he stands. It's a good idea just to be like, all right, let's see who shows up. And if it's less than four or five people and your kid's like, I don't like a lot of people. You got a dick on your handbags.

[Dale Hellastra]

Morning. Six

[John Holmberg]

everybody.

[Brett]

Or school shooter.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the thing you really gotta worry about.

[Brady]

Well, if there's 30 invites and you

[John Holmberg]

get right three or four, you base it off a percentage of show ups if you did. And do it on a Wednesday, because then you'll find out how much people really like them. Do a little Wednesday pizza party. Make it inconvenient, but it's free pizza. Kids show up for that no matter what. And if like three of the 30 show up, you've got. You got yourself a manifesto writer on your hands. You got to be careful. Watch out. Your kids can be dicks too. And I know nobody does that. This one says, bro, parents are the ones that have to bring them. I know, but if they stay, there's a plan to get them out fast. They're gonna eat their pizza and like, we gotta go. We got meetings. Like the kid has meetings. Yeah, he's not staying alone. He doesn't want to be here. We don't need the fight. I say let punch the monkey go right back into that group of monkeys and let the monkeys monkey justice, I call it. You let them handle it. Say he'd go to an asshole's free birthday party for the pizza. That figures. That's true. That isn't a Jewish trait. That's everybody. You think Brady's not showing? Brady showed up to my uncle's funeral. He never met the guy. Just for the food. It was a good move.

[Brady]

Great guy.

[Brett]

Pinwheels.

[John Holmberg]

I was showing support for Something or other. But pinwheels.

[Brady]

These are good pinwheels.

[John Holmberg]

Eyeballed that table like it was his every is my aunt Connie. How you doing? Are you married to the stiff? No, it's my brother in law. Anyway, move lady in front of the pinwheels past the ranch. These are mine. Brady brought a flag with his name on it and he would put it in the food. It's like poncho you're walking by. Yeah, yeah. Little flags with a BB on it. Like Phoebe, who put BB in. All of those are mine. I pre claimed them before we did two flags.

[Brady]

Red and green. Green for go before people coming.

[John Holmberg]

Before people started yabbing about the stiff. I went over and I claimed some stuff that's mine. That's the biggest enchilada and that belongs to me. I didn't drive over here to pay my respects for salad. I'm getting the big one.

[Brady]

Ted was a good guy. His name's Tim.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't care. Nice bread you can get on me for a free pizza party. But Brady actually showed up to my uncle's funeral. I actually said the words. What are you doing here? The stiff. All right. I'm supporting the family. And his eyes are like looking way over at the table of that's decent. Did he not have a ton of friends? Not really. He didn't live here long. Oh. How long do you think the service is gonna take before we can go hammer those wheels? Yeah, actually to me, I don't think I could do it. I don't think I'd go to a funeral of a dude I never met and actually eat the food. I don't feel like that was for me. Brady had one of those napkins stacked up, pinwheels, little sauce on his cheeks. He's a good man. From what I heard today from the three or four people that actually showed

[Brady]

up, it's a tragedy.

[John Holmberg]

Tragedy really. We lost in froze room.

[Brett]

More for me.

[Brady]

I think about it. It's like I. I was asked to eulogize a friend of mine years ago because he died pretty early 46. And I actually part of the eulogy. I ordered Tommy's pizza.

[John Holmberg]

You got pizza brought in because you're one of.

[Brady]

I want to make sure there was good food there.

[John Holmberg]

Part of pizza gate. We know what you're doing. Nice job. Hillary. Go order that up anyway. Keep your eyes open for your kid and whether or not their dicks. I know all you think your kids are awesome, but 88% of you are wrong. Jim Jeffries did that once asked the crowd, he goes, how many of you think your kids are dicks? Show of hands. And no one raised their hands. He's like, statistically this is impossible because you've been in society. It's like most people are assholes. You're raised. Some of you are raising horrible little people. I don't know what I'd rather have. A jerk that I can tame. But one of those dull kids with dead eyes just stares at people and they meet them and like, oh, no, they've got one of those dead eyed kids. That would. I think that would be worse. I'd rather have a. I think you

[Brett]

can, because you never know about that dead eye kid.

[John Holmberg]

The dead eyed kid is either a murderer or forever. Dead eye, yeah. There's nothing worse.

[Brady]

Sometimes. Fix the dick.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the can rain. I'd rather say it's an old Mike Tomlin ism. I'd rather say whoa than sic em, you know, I'd rather pull the reins than say go. So if you're already going, I'm like, all right, calm down, calm down. Let's bring you back here. You're gonna get there eventually. I appreciate the energy. Dead eyed kid just stares at you.

[Brett]

Go, boy.

[Brady]

Tougher to fix the wash, the paint dry.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta start. I gotta break out the whip around the third turn on this one. I don't wanna do that. Nothing better than meeting a kid like. This is my. My friend from work. His name's John. I'm like, how are you? And they just stare at you. Well, you're like 17. You should have a hello in there somewhere.

[Brady]

Sup, bro?

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. He's dead eyed. You raised a dead eye. Just dumb. I think. I was a dead eyed kid until I was about 14. I was energetic everywhere else, but whenever I'd meet my dad's friends, I'd just stare at him because I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I'd get in trouble for everything if I did something wrong. What the hell did you tell Larry that for?

[Brady]

Like, huh?

[John Holmberg]

What did I say? You're talking about your ass for a second. I don't know what the hell was going on. Why don't you just keep it down when we're in company, okay?

[Brett]

That's why his friend thought you were in the closet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Hankins doesn't need to hear about your knees getting all cut up because you're on them all the time.

[Brady]

Talk about the ruler stuck in your mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Why did you tell Hankins about the ruler? Because I just had that happen Dad, I got it cut. And the stitches in the back of my throat. I'm gonna get teased at work now because of you. You little. Don't just. You know what? Just say hello, curtsy, or whatever the hell you people do and then walk away. What does that mean? I don't know. I gotta for a boy. It was my dad's everyday fear. Marcy. Is he awake?

[Brett]

Who?

[John Holmberg]

You know who. The John. Yes, he's awake. And he's not that.

[Dale Hellastra]

What a.

[John Holmberg]

You're horrible. Well, we're one day closer. That's what I know. Every day I wake up, I know I'm one day closer to the big announcement.

[Brady]

Gotta go home to the brute. Roll up.

[John Holmberg]

You don't suppose he's he's banging that stabbings boy, do you? They're friends. I saw him in the pool. They were getting a little chummy.

[Brett]

Should have Joanne and.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. The only good news is our daughter's taken so much dick, there's no way he can beat her numbers. I hope unlike his sister, he at least goes American. Where are you going? Pull your socks down. Why? Nobody only do that. What are you talking about? You've got thigh highs on. I'm half hard. Will you go pull your socks down?

[Brady]

Looks cool.

[John Holmberg]

No, it looks gay. And so do you.

[Brady]

Okay. Quit wearing your sister's jerseys.

[John Holmberg]

My dad would be in the house and faintly hear Careless Whispers start in my bedroom. Oh, no. Is that the sack solo to Careless Whisper? Is he in there doing. He's singing along. Ah, he knows all the goddamn words.

[Brady]

I kind of like this song. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Open up. Oh, he can't hear me. Open the goddamn door. What is it? Are you in a hat shirt? What are you listening to? It's a good song, dad. Don't sing it to me. He's that Marcy. He just like music.

[Brett]

Dan.

[John Holmberg]

George Michael's a great singer. Oh, he looks like him. Are you feathering your hair like that guy? Chicks dig him. Yeah. You're the least observant thing I've ever met in my life. Not gay, dad. Watch the video for sex. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I noticed that he's got his clothes on and there's supermodels everywhere. A real man wouldn't have done that video without kept his pants on because he's. They know they're safe.

[Brady]

I'm just picturing Dan just singing that at the top of his lungs. The El Camino by himself.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was way we had the El Camino, so that was a 77 El Camino.

[Brett]

I Can just imagine you singing the chorus back to him.

[John Holmberg]

Just walking through.

[Brady]

Singing the handle of his comb.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I've done that. I did that.

[Brett]

His brush.

[John Holmberg]

You have a brush? Is that a brush in your back pocket? It looks gay.

[Brady]

It's a goodie brush.

[John Holmberg]

It was a goodie brush. Mark does it too. Oh, he's gay too, though. Hey, I curse you, bald. I hope you never have to carry a brush around again. And he'll work now. He's just a different guy. So happy that I'm heterosexual. I think that changed his life. Oh, thank God he D's the pee. I can press DZ now. And now he's fun. My dad's my friend now. Back then it was just. He was the guardrails to homosexuality that didn't need to be put up. But if I had a birthday party, people showed up and he was happy about that. But he also noticed that I never invited girls over. Like man pool parties. All the baseball team would show up and. Any girls coming?

[Dale Hellastra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Why? It's a pool party. Oh, God. He's having a sausage dick off in my pool. Is everybody on the baseball team a homo? We're having fun, dad. Cheese. I'm gonna get some prostitutes over here and see if these boys even react. Drove them bananas. I'd have a talk with him about it, but he denies it. Did you think I was gay? Geez, no.

[Dale Hellastra]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

Whatever led you to believe that? I don't know. All the times you called me a. I was just playing around. We were having fun. Seven o' clock word is whiplash. That's what you want to do. And we also have to say before we get to the Wake up song so Long to a show regular. We haven't been on for a while, but we lost a gem, the great Lou Holtz, who went into hospice a few weeks ago. And we memorialized him in the squares. Lou Holtz gone. And as an adult, an adult male who should no longer do this. I spent three hours last night sending voice memos as Lou Holtz to another person who does Lou Holtz impressions and yet another person who does Lou Holtz impressions. And we. We basically made fun of the man for about three hours back and forth on voice memos while I watched War in the background. It was a treat. And I want to say thanks to Frank Caliendo and Chuck Powell for the endless entertainment of Lou Holtz bashing as he went all the way from heaven and then went into the portal in heaven and transferred to hell to meet his most precious recruit. Muslim terrorist Raghee Bishmael. It was a long night and it was a lot of fun. It was a tribute to the great Louis. I surprised Brady. I didn't get into heaven. I'm down here with the bad boys. And it all comes from illegally recruiting just about everybody at Jesus favorite school, Notre Dame. I recruited illegally, constantly and then praised Jesus for our wins. But I skirted the system and cheated the game like nobody else ever did. And then I praised the Lord afterwards and now I'm burning an eternity for it.

[Brady]

I had a buddy that won that bid on the auction is to golf with Lou Holtz.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, at.

[Brady]

I forget what course it was. It was. It might have been the master's course or whatever. Holtz would be ahead of him a hole if you didn't keep up with him.

[John Holmberg]

He just kept going.

[Brady]

He kept going even though he played to play with him.

[John Holmberg]

Then pace up. Man. I just keep dragging anchor back there yelling as dad, I gotta keep it up. I gotta Notre Dame game to coach here. If you guys want to just drag me down and keep back up. I'm not gonna do this all day. God damn it. Hit your shot and move.

[Brady]

If I could give you any lunch was amazing stories.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. If I could give you any advice at all, it would be to take a few weeks off of golf and then quit. You're terrible at it. It took me two hours to get around. What took you four hours to do now that's just terrible.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

He was a different individual and incredibly pious about the Lord Jesus. For a guy who cheated the system over and over and kept getting caught doing it. That's just to live your life for Jesus Christ. What's that? Give him a few hundred thousand dollars, he'll come to Notre Dame anyway. Back to Jesus. He'd have thrived in this new system where you can actually pay the players. He was doing it back before you could. Under touchdown Jesus. Statues Lord Jesus. If you could leak down a little money our way. There's a Samoan boy over there in Utah that would just finish up this line. He makes me harder than a fourth and sixth conversion from inside the seven. Good Christ. That's a good looking Samoan. You believe in Jesus, young man? Yes, I do. You believe in $100,000 to play for him over at Notre Dame University? Because that's what I can give you. Christ. Cash. Anyway, so long, Lou. Enjoy your time down in the lake of fire. He was one of the biggest catalysts for the the system being the way it is.

[Brady]

He was a Champion.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. He was. That's how you got. That's how you won championships back before this new system. You had to buy your players, otherwise you didn't get anything. But at least we didn't rape them like they did over at Penn State and Ohio State. And Michigan State and Iowa were free of rape charges. Puts us one up.

[Brady]

Michigan.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Michigan as well. Oh, you go down the list, Brady, but you know who's never on that list? Notre Dame. And didn't you like how Brady quickly threw Michigan in there when Ohio State's rape claims came up? Had to get the foes in.

[Brady]

Well, just. It just came in a week ago.

[Brett]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it was about the coach and that girl. But that's not a rape so much as a rape.

[Brady]

It's not a raise.

[John Holmberg]

Just inappropriate behavior. Your guys raped people for about two decades and got away with it. Still getting away with it. But because it's not about the rape or the victim, it's about the pride in a school, nobody will ever do a thing. Notre Dame never raped nobody. Well, that's not true. We were Catholics. I mean, we spent a good thousand and a half years doing that. So long, Lou. We'll miss you, buddy. Bert, you didn't have your butt. I got it. Hey, look at copied. This thing you got on.

[Brett]

The big Wake Up Song is brought to you by Modern Resolutions. Windows and doors get 30% off all windows and doors. Mention John Holmberg and get an extra 500 off your total contract price.

[John Holmberg]

How about that?

[Brett]

Family run. Locally owned financing and payment options are available. Visit modernresolution.com for more info today

[John Holmberg]

and

[Brady]

on the list

[Brett]

I Prevail, Gasoline, Twisted Sister, Burn in Hell, Soul Fly, the Clash, AC DC Wage War, Bad Religion, Let Them Eat War, Metallica, Cinderella, Megadeth, Liar For Brady's. For the Brady Report Yesterday. Avenge Sevenfold, Nine Inch Nails and Soil.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. Some gems I don't do. I know. Megadeth's Liar. Have we played that?

[Brady]

He shreds in it.

[Dale Hellastra]

Not bad.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure he shreds and that's all the man does.

[Brett]

That's Megadeth.

[Brady]

That's my safe comment for that.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

Huh? All right, let's try that. All right. Well, actually, we could do Burn in Hell for Lou Holtz and Twisted Sister having their problems either way. All right, let's go with that.

[Brett]

Burning Hell.

[Brady]

It's a nice tribute.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you know, most people that lived aren't going to go to the good spot there's too many rules. So let's send him down there. Plus, he's a Notre Dame guy. He should be all in on that. An opponent. Take that. It's Twisted Sister. Plus, it's a great song. And we just found out this week that Sebastian Bach from Skid Row is filling in for Twisted Sisters only memorable guy, D. Snider. Because he can't be in Twisted Sister anymore. And to me that means it's over. But to money hungry promoters, it means Twisted Sister will just be some cover band now with a guy you are familiar with. Doesn't make any sense to me. While they just kept going. The only like when Sarah Jessica Parker and very appropriate combination here. If she can't do Sex in the City, there isn't one. And if Sarah Jessica Parker can't do Twisted Sister, there isn't one. They're the same person. But if D. Snider's not in Twisted Sister, you. You don't want to see Twisted Sister. And if I go to see Sebastian Bach, if they're not doing Skid Row songs, I don't want to see him either.

[Brett]

Right,

[John Holmberg]

but that's what we got here.

[Brady]

They will throw a couple in.

[John Holmberg]

Of course they will. Nobody goes to see Twisted Sister with Sebastian Bach. I don't want to hear this. Or we're not going to take it.

[Brett]

But it's Twisted Sisters 50th anniversary.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. They're done. It's plenty of things. 50th anniversary. If the dudes can't perform it, it's the Beach Boys hundredth anniversary.

[Brady]

It's a tribute band.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But D will be there like in a chair going, all right. Like doesn't make sense.

[Brett]

There's only three of the five guys because the drummer's dead.

[Larry]

I know.

[Brett]

So it's like the two guitar players and the bass player and Sebastian.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the best thing about this song is that it was in Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

[Brett]

Absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

That moment when they peewee rolled through on the bike past the video shoot for Burning Hell and D. Snider. Sarah Jessica Parker was on that car. I knew I was in a safe space. That movie's fantastic. Burning Hell for twisted sister in Lou, it's 98 KUPD. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

[Dale Hellastra]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Here's the eight o' clock word. Magnetic. It's actually 801 magnetic.

[Brett]

You started it at eight, so.

[John Holmberg]

Nah, my clock. You're right. It's eight o'. Clock, Brett. Mine too. Hey, how come? Oh, God, the other thing about war. You know what I. You know my favorite part of the passive aggressive nature of people who act like they care that people are gonna die. Msnbc, cnn, Fox News Nation, BBC all have a camera perched high atop one of the buildings in Tel Aviv that they just cut to live every once in a while in case those cameras they. They flip them on like it's Jenny Cam from the late 90s. Like, let's see what she's up to. They just. Let's take a look at Tel Aviv. Anything? Nothing. All right, never mind. The only reason they like that camera is because some rogue thing might come blow something up. It is. And they go. They cut to it live. Live. It's. It's Big Brother overnight on Showtime. Let's just take a look at the camera and see if anybody in Tel Aviv is going to be awakened by a massive explosion.

[Dale Hellastra]

We were there

[John Holmberg]

hundreds first. We saw it. Our camera caught the best angle and you got to pick which building you put your. You perch it on. They all have a different perch. They all climb to the top of some building in Tel Aviv and put a camera up there and just say, turn this thing on and leave it on 24 hours. War. What a great show. Eight o' clock magnetic. That's the word you want to put in there for the disappear to this disappear to the Sphere contest. We got. Metallica is going to be there October 1st and October 3rd, and we're gonna give you tickets to both of those shows so you can take two friends, thousands of dollars worth of tickets. I mean, the price of these things are through the roof.

[Brett]

First.

[John Holmberg]

First two shows are sold out completely, I hear.

[Brett]

I would imagine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, with just the. Well, at least just what they had available so far. And then it opens to the public, I think this week. Right. This was just fan club and special engagement people Think so, yeah.

[Brett]

But there can't be much left.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I wouldn't think they clobbered the opening days. Ah, amazing. And I'm sure they've got a bunch set aside day of sales, but those will go in seconds. And then the aftermarket for the shows you're going to get tickets for are going to be ridiculous if they're allowed to do it, because Metallica makes it so it's very difficult to resell their stuff. God forbid you make any money off the things you purchased. But we'll see. We'll get you up there. That way you don't have to worry about it. You can have a blast in Vegas, courtesy of your friends here at 98KUPD and your friends in that band called Metallica. Pretty neat. It's 804. Let's get to it. Brady's got all the news that only Brady knows. We call it the Brady Report. It is brought to you by our [e-mail] All Pro shades ready to go get your house. A little outdoor living space that currently doesn't exist. Everybody's house has a spot where you could get a shade out there and go, this is a great spot to sit. And also it doesn't have to be attached to your house. They can build you something right outside the house by the pool or put some shades. I saw the commercial online. They have a thing off of somebody's like pool shed. And I've got one of those and they built these glorious shades off of that. Put them down. I'm like, they made like an outdoor room off of a storage facility. It's like a 12 or 15 foot long thing right at the edge of the pool. I'm like, that's fantastic. Thinking about maybe popping those up at my place. Awesome stuff. And all Pro shade. They'll come out and design something for you. They give you a free estimate, free installation. They've been at this for over 20 years because they are simply the best at it. Quality merchandise. They make everything look like it belongs. You'll be happy and you'll have something that all real estate agents say is the new thing. When you're looking for a house, you're trying to sell yours little outdoor living space. That looks the part. Make it perfect. Allprochet.com they'll take care of you. Brady Report.

[Brady]

Good Thursday morning to you, Phoenix.

[John Holmberg]

Hello, world.

[Dale Hellastra]

Hi.

[Brady]

Happy National Cheese Doodle Day. Yeah, a couple of basis fun facts.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing else. Cheese doodle ruse the day that's there.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure there's another one.

[John Holmberg]

Well, don't say that.

[Brady]

It didn't pop up on any of my other.

[John Holmberg]

Then you're not sure. It's unsure. That is the definition of unsure. There we go.

[Brady]

A couple of basis fun facts. The largest sandcastle in the world measured more than 69ft high.

[John Holmberg]

And we blew it up. It was amazing. We were over there in the sand people country and we said, you know what? That's a big sandcastle. It's called Tehran. And we killed everyone inside of it. And if anybody's left, we'll kill them, too. It's great being president right now.

[Brady]

It was constructed in Denmark in 2021

[John Holmberg]

and then moved to where the sand people live. Brady. The little sand people of Iran. And here's some footage I have of a bomb that they let me touch the button, which was really cool. I don't know if you've ever blown up Iranians, but I highly recommend it. It's a beautiful thing. And I sat there and I said, which button does it? Which button blows up all the sand people? And they said, this one right here, sir. And I said, I don't know if I want to do this. And then I hit the button, and I heard them running. Little sand people running all over. Look at them go. Little. Little jawas.

[Dale Hellastra]

Jawas.

[John Holmberg]

Brett blew up a lot of jawas this weekend. Ready? Did you see the little heat signature jawas? I was explo. One after another.

[Brady]

Eyes glow.

[John Holmberg]

A constant sound down there. Right now in Iran blowing up. Iranian jawas. The sand guys dying by the hundreds. You're welcome.

[Brady]

A group of bunnies is called a herd. But in some parts of Canada, they call it a fluffle.

[John Holmberg]

It's Canada.

[Brady]

Seems a little more fitting.

[John Holmberg]

Does it? I guess if you're a homosexual, that works for you. Like a Canadian gay. Like a big maple syrup sucker like Trudeau. Black face, Katy Perry. Beard, SAP sucker. And by SAP, of course, I mean

[Brady]

male goats will pee on their own faces to attract females for mating.

[John Holmberg]

And Brady eats those. Brady wanders into restaurants that serve goat, knowing that they piss on their own faces.

[Brady]

Babies born on their due date

[Brett]

just

[Brady]

4% of the time.

[John Holmberg]

Bad Thriller took that to a new level, though.

[Brett]

So doctors like Weatherman.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You know, maybe next week, maybe not.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't know. Give it a shot. Mine was off by almost two full months, man.

[Brady]

That was 4%. Has to be like C section.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you're. It's roulette.

[Brady]

Like, we're gonna do it now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I mean, it's really. Well, no, that wouldn't count. If they gave you a due date and they cut it out, they can't say that they were right because then they just do that every time to boost numbers. But it's like roulette. You. You put it. You don't put it directly on there. You put it on the corner or on the line and hedge your bets. If they're within three or four days, it's pretty good.

[Brady]

An online betting site looked at the top states where you have the highest odds of being a soccer mom.

[John Holmberg]

Here's got to be up there because

[Brady]

the way I thought we up there, here, the top five states. Number five in Nebraska. Number four, Mississippi. Number three, North Dakota. Two Wyoming.

[John Holmberg]

It's all cold places.

[Brady]

Number one, Texas.

[John Holmberg]

Texas makes sense because it's the highest

[Brady]

youth sports participation rate in the nation.

[Brett]

I was like, in Salt Lake.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I like this term, this airline terms called seat divorce.

[John Holmberg]

You don't sit with her. Yeah, yeah, I'm not.

[Brady]

Because no one wants the middle seat.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I thought it was. You don't want to sit with your wife.

[Brady]

That's basically what it is. Your wife are traveling and you don't want the middle seat. So you pick. You know, I'm not flying aisles or windows.

[Brett]

That's what I'm saying. When she told everybody go after themselves,

[John Holmberg]

she told everyone on the plane to f themselves. Because we couldn't share seats. I had to sit behind her.

[Brady]

We take a row.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. There's three of you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You never travel, just the two of you? Nope, nope, never. Kirby's always tagging along. What a tragedy. Yeah, that sucks.

[Brady]

Sea blocker.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Ronnie, is that because of Caitlin?

[Brady]

Kirby.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[Brady]

We have a Spanish taxi driver that's in trouble. He picked up two drunk Irish tourists. Give him a ride. They were burping in his car, said, knock it off, told him to get out. They didn't. Well, he punched the one Irish drunk and the guy fell, hit the curb.

[John Holmberg]

He's dead.

[Brady]

Broke his head open. He lived.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

But they had to go to the hospital and get stitches. Now this guy's got two felonies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

The mick had saved his life.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. My dad's co worker years ago, got into a bar fight, slugged a guy, and he fell down and hit his head on a curb and died. Just a street fight. My dad's buddy was on trial for 25 years. He was facing 25 years for involuntary. He went to jail. I know that. Crazy.

[Brady]

A smaller version of the Sphere venue could be headed to Nashville, Tennessee.

[John Holmberg]

Timu Sphere.

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody wants a teemu sphere.

[Brady]

Won't be as big as one in Vegas.

[John Holmberg]

Won't be as good.

[Brady]

No, it's the same company.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It won't be as good. The size matters. Ask any lady. Little dick. Sphere is not one I want to go to. If you go to baby sphere in Nashville, are you like, I don't need to see the other one? Nope, you'd still want to see the one in Vegas. But if you see the one in Vegas. Do you want to go to the one in Nashville?

[Brady]

It better be half the price.

[John Holmberg]

You don't want to go. You're not going little sphere. If big sphere exists. And if you do end up in little sphere, you're like man, now I really want to see big sphere.

[Brady]

I don't know how do you. Do you want Ricky Skaggs that much bigger, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I want to see Conway Twitty's afro.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Ask. Ask a woman.

[Brady]

Keep it mini.

[John Holmberg]

Ask a woman that. That takes a huge D. How often she's a really one at the small ones. Feel like nobody does that. But you take a small one, you think that was all right. Wonder what the big ones feel like. Then you go search that out.

[Brady]

It is interesting because why would they go smaller? Because you build it quicker, I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Or what's less money?

[Brady]

It's less money. But they. I think this one in Vegas is paying off.

[John Holmberg]

Well, maybe gotta be a couple billion dollars to build sphere. So I mean it will be because you're going to draw action. Getting those acts in Nashville. They're good, but you're not getting.

[Brady]

But paying 500 to 1000 bucks to watch wizard of Oz.

[John Holmberg]

You're not doing that in Nashville. On a small one. I mean they can't charge the same. Yeah, you show the wizard of Oz in Nashville, Mike. I'll go watch the one on the big sphere.

[Brett]

What they can do? Show Hee Haw in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh man. They'll probably do the modern day version. The Trans he, she Hawkins, Dukes of Hazzard.

[Brett]

Oh man.

[John Holmberg]

Now. Now you're selling me a little something. Smoking abandoned just pretty soon. I've already got one of those projectors that you can light up your entire ceiling with tv. It's one of the coolest things ever. Just a little clumsy to get through. It's easier to just watch tv. But I can do movies or anywhere. And it's about the size of my phone. Put it up on a tripod and it shoots a movie and it's crystal clear. And I started thinking it's a matter of time before they just make this the whole room. Like your whole room becomes the experience. It's. We're not far VR already does it.

[Larry]

I know you've seen it. I don't know if the suns have it, but the Big 12 for the. For the basketball tourney. The entire floor is LED and they can change it to show the team's logo of whoever's the home team or whatever. And they.

[John Holmberg]

And they can.

[Larry]

They can actually do it like For a coach in practice, he can draw plays and it projects onto the court. It's like the X's and O's and he does, like, everything. It just projects onto the court.

[John Holmberg]

The future. I love it.

[Brady]

In California, they rolled out the first 3D printed home. It's a market in Yuba county, which is, I believe is north of Sacramento. The first home took 24 days to build. It's a thousand square feet, cost $280,000. It comes out to about $50,000 lower than what the average home price is in that area.

[John Holmberg]

You kind of did a little flex there. Like, you know, counties in California.

[Brady]

I had to look it up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I was gonna say it seemed like you were flexing on us, that you were a county expert, but I think we all know you looked it up.

[Brady]

I just want. I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

That's not a bad townhouse.

[Brady]

No, it. The full bathrooms.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And it's all, I think, you know, thousand square feet.

[John Holmberg]

It's tiny.

[Brady]

Maybe two bedrooms.

[John Holmberg]

It's the future.

[Brady]

Yeah. Here's the selling point, too. The walls are bulletproof.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, you want that because you're Compton next week.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

How many people need that? How bad is the neighborhood?

[Brady]

Things that worked out when you were doing the way we shot, when you

[John Holmberg]

were working on your research for Yuba County. Would they have a high crime rate that would like a selling point.

[Brady]

They put that on there. At least on top of, you know. Yeah. And no mold and also pretty fire retardant.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, careful. Is is telling people your house is bulletproof? Because mine's brick, so it's bulletproof. Telling people your house is bulletproof just encourage people to prove it.

[Brady]

That's why I wanted to see where Yuba county was.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean, if I told you right now. And it has pretty good there, Brady. It's also bulletproof, wouldn't you think?

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, cool.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna shoot a bullet at it. Like even a good guy wants to find out. Yes. I'm shooting house at.

[Larry]

They start 3D printing in AJ. Yeah, those things are gonna be riddled with bullets.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, if I go home and Michael and Troyvale. Michael and Troy have a team out inside of their house. And I'm like, what are you guys doing? Putting on new stucco? No, we' bulletproofing the house. Within a day or two, I'm taking a shot at the house.

[Brett]

Oh, look at that. It's right next to Marysville and Yuba City.

[John Holmberg]

They have all sorts of Maryvales all over the. And they're all bad. Yeah. Don't tell people your house is bulletproof. It's. I'm. Oh, sacto.

[Brady]

Yeah, it's north of.

[Brett]

That's where Mark Randall lives, between Chico and Sacramento.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I'm. I'm shooting at your house if you tell me it's bulletproof. My house is brick. It's bulletproof, right?

[Brady]

Yeah, it should be, but let's shoot it. What construction.

[John Holmberg]

But I mean, I already know that.

[Larry]

Are they using that we aren't now?

[John Holmberg]

Like Kevlar?

[Brett]

Yeah, apparently Furious styles fiber and to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And to what degree Is it bulletproof? 50 cal. Right.

[Larry]

Is my. Can I redo my stucco on my house?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I want to shoot that house. That's all I want. I don't care about the kitchen at all.

[Larry]

What it'll be is. Hey, my neighbor's a little sketchy.

[John Holmberg]

Can I. Hopkins has never once said this is a nice looking home. And it's also so bulletproof. Like. Well, that doesn't sell me. Why? Why would we need to know that?

[Brady]

We'll take it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You don't buy houses in Maryville.

[John Holmberg]

No. When he buys them. But he's not telling people they're bulletproof. That is crazy because how many houses are. I mean, most of the ones in Gilbert Mason. Yeah, Gilbert Mason, Chandler are not. But the old houses in Phoenix, Arcadia, Biltmore, the ones that are built out of block, those are bulletproof proof. That's what the three little pigs did. It's also wolf proof. This wolf proof.

[Brett]

This guy said careful with the bricks. Are not bulletproof. I've tried it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even want to. I get so many questions for that email. What do you mean you've tried it? Answer that. He shot his own brick home. I guess now it would fracture the

[Brady]

brick or something that maybe it goes through.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty bulletproof. The windows aren't, but my house is fairly bulletproof. I'm pretty confident that if somebody's shooting at the house, I can get behind one of my brick walls and drop down and at the very least it might. It might plug me, but it's not going to kill me.

[Brady]

That's why. Like in the. In the westerns when they're in those wood barns.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. We're not talking about. Of course that's not bulletproof. An idiot would think that's bulletproof. But I'm saying, you know, should we

[Brett]

call Byron from MMP Guns and have him come over and check it out?

[John Holmberg]

Is your house brick?

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we'll do it at your House. No, you're the one that says no, no, no. I never said that.

[Brett]

Bulletproof.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Brett, you're doing it.

[Brett]

Here's the one with the bulletproof.

[John Holmberg]

Here, Gummo. You're gonna spend so much time at the dentist. We know where you live.

[Brett]

Doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

If you let him shoot your house, I'll let him shoot mine. We'll see whose is more bulletproof.

[Brett]

I never said mine was bulletproof.

[John Holmberg]

You did. It's correct. I did not. You don't think your house is bulletproof? No. How do you know? I think it'll go through. Do you.

[Brett]

Do you get a.50 cal, go right through.

[John Holmberg]

We're not shooting 50 cals.

[Brett]

Well, what are you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

AR15.22 magnum. No, no. An AR15. The choice of a madman.

[Brett]

That'd probably go through.

[John Holmberg]

You think with the velocity we need to test this?

[Brett]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Brett]

Well, we'll be at your house this afternoon.

[Larry]

Need Cody fingers.

[John Holmberg]

I think Brett's new house is going

[Brett]

to have to be the closer to MMP than me.

[John Holmberg]

What do you call the thing you're testing on? A guinea pig? Who better than you to be our guinea pig? We're shooting.

[Brady]

Can't we hear from some of the police? Maybe they know from standoffs over the years.

[John Holmberg]

Firing through bricks. I don't think you aim at the bricks and go, I got him.

[Brady]

No, but if you're firing at the house.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm saying. That was. That's what I meant. If you're not gonna look and go, he's behind those bricks. You're not wasting a bullet on that. If he's behind a window, you shoot through the window. If it's one of those chicken wirehouses in Chandler.

[Larry]

Young guns, when they're all behind those.

[John Holmberg]

Those little wood panel. Yeah. You're gonna kill it. I don't know what the hell you two are talking about all these Westerns for. It's clear that you don't hide behind wood. We all know that.

[Brady]

They do it all the time. That's what I'm saying.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Movies aren't real.

[Brett]

What?

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Dale Hellastra]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

That's. That's how I feel when you say what? That I have to remind you.

[Brett]

Hey, if the power teams can break bricks with their bare hands and rip phone books apart.

[John Holmberg]

But that's why they're the power team, Brett. They have the advantage of Christ. Well, there you go. If it wasn't for Jesus, they wouldn't be able to rip that phone book. So unless it's the Power team throwing bullets at my house. I'm pretty sure it's bulletproof. I'll clear the house. I'm not gonna stand behind it and prove it that way. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. I can accept that. But I'm pretty sure my house is bulletproof proof.

[Brady]

Don't they have that, like on the practice ranges?

[John Holmberg]

Like when they're doing my house?

[Brady]

No, like a police academy or.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, they shoot houses all the time, but every time I see like, war torn nations and stuff, there's bullet marks in the sides of buildings, but not. And that's just getting peppered. My house is bulletproof, and so is yours.

[Larry]

Say it, Brett.

[John Holmberg]

It.

[Brett]

I'm not even trying it. This guy says Mythbusters have shots or bricks. He's pretty sure, so.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but it depends on the caliber. Again, madman on the street. Nine millimeter. No worries. Not going through the bricks. Maybe an AR15. That's pretty close. But if you throw an AR15 at me from, I don't know, 100 yards, thousand feet.

[Dale Hellastra]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Larry]

Gemini says a 9 millimeter bullet generally cannot penetrate a standard solid red brick wall. While it can chip, crack, or damage the brick, the dense material usually absorbs the energy, causing the bullet to flatten or disintegrate. Yeah, particularly when fired from a handgun. What.

[Brett]

What caliber is AR15?223 or 556. Either way.

[John Holmberg]

Hmm. Interesting.

[Larry]

223remington5.56 NATO rounds can, under certain circumstances, penetrate a single layer of brick, but often fail to pass through a full deck depth double wide.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's potential brick wall. A residential brick wall. That's what I've got.

[Larry]

Often fail to pass through.

[John Holmberg]

If it does, doesn't mean. Okay, no, I'm not going to take my chances on the other end of it. I just want to know if it'll get.

[Brett]

Call the power team.

[John Holmberg]

If you get the power team in my house. First off, I don't have any phone books, but I'm gonna go find some. And then they do that thing where they mouth blow up a water heater.

[Larry]

Oh, yeah, like Franco Colombo.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, the water bottle.

[John Holmberg]

Water bottle. They'll. They'll blow it up like a balloon and their heads almost explode. It's a battle between their face and that balloon.

[Larry]

Whatever happened to those?

[John Holmberg]

They died. They all died.

[Brady]

I think drugs got involved. I think the power team found out they were steroids.

[Larry]

Didn't one guy blow trying to do that because the.

[John Holmberg]

The one of the dudes went blind. Or something. And trying to blow up that power bottle.

[Larry]

Same thing you had.

[John Holmberg]

Probably. That was great.

[Brett]

Those guys.

[John Holmberg]

The power team was hilarious.

[Larry]

A 90 degree shot has the best chance of penetration.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that means.

[Larry]

Angled shots are more likely to deflect.

[John Holmberg]

You can shoot a bully. The bullet. 90 degrees.

[Brady]

Straight on.

[Brett]

Straight on.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. It makes that turn.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Larry]

Movie.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

Again to bring it back to movies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You guys are real hard to talk to. Can't stand point. Please stay on point. Like when Emilio Estevez. Nope, we're off the We've lost the plot.

[Brady]

KitKat and unveiled its life sized handcrafted 770 pound chocolate F1 car. They're jumping into the F1 Formula Tour

[Larry]

in a 700 pound.

[Brady]

It's the equivalent of 16692 finger Kit Kats.

[John Holmberg]

Finger kit Kids.

[Brady]

You know they have those.

[John Holmberg]

Is that what they call those? I didn't even know that.

[Brady]

And good news. If you were bummed out that Chick fil a took the pea starch out of their french fries. The waffle fries.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't know that.

[Brady]

Customers. They. They did it a year ago. Customers noticed. They went back to the original formula.

[Brett]

Fatties will notice anything.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, Brad. Hi, it's Ralphie May.

[Dale Hellastra]

Everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, read the story as written. Local fat notices difference at Chick fil A causes stir. Brady, you don't just read it because it's like, oh, people noticed. It's us, brother. It's us.

[Brady]

We're people.

[John Holmberg]

Ralphie, nobody knows the difference between fryer oil and whatever they changed it to. And chickpeas or no chick doesn't matter. Some people look at each other go, that tastes a little different. They move on. Fats figure it out. What's different in Chick fil A? They put on Sherlock Holmes hats and monocles and walk around for four weeks.

[Brady]

Can't believe they did that.

[John Holmberg]

It's the only time us fats get active. The Chick fil a changed up in their recipe. Suddenly I want to run.

[Brady]

They get stuff done.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. They change it back to us so we can sit down again and eat the chicken. Read it as it's written.

[Brady]

Thanks for stopping by.

[John Holmberg]

Read it as it's written. Local fat notices difference in Chick Fil A Bite loses mind call.

[Brady]

Someone takes one.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, you're normal sized man. You ever bite into something and then call the corporation?

[Brett]

Never.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Because he's normal. Read it as written.

[Brady]

And then a. I gotta go.

[Dale Hellastra]

Whoa.

[Brady]

A silver medal from the first modern Olympics was auctioned off. 1896 Athens Wow. Was the first modern Olympics.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Brady]

What do you think that thing went for?

[John Holmberg]

The silver medal. Was it real? It was probably super cool. Real silver back then, like fully.

[Brady]

I can show you a little silver medal.

[John Holmberg]

Silver medals now are worth more. Yeah. By value because most gold medals are plated. Silver medals. But I would say with its history. I'm going to go Antiques Roadshow here with its history in good condition at auction. You could sell that for 400,000.

[Larry]

2 mil.

[John Holmberg]

A bad.

[Brett]

I'll go a mill.

[Brady]

They were expecting $31,000, right. It went for 179.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I think there's a bunch that surprised me.

[Brady]

I would have been in the same numbers, too. I figured a million.

[Brett]

I figured for 1895 or whatever.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But I think. Think they aren't hard to come by. No, no. I think those have been fairly well preserved.

[Larry]

I think they've all been fallen by the wayside.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think gold, silver medals and things like that family.

[Brady]

You're right. But there wouldn't be, you know, in 1896. I don't know how many were thrown out.

[John Holmberg]

They thrown out?

[Brady]

Well, no, given out.

[John Holmberg]

Like.

[Brady]

Oh, given how many events.

[John Holmberg]

Right. But I'm just saying I don't think that they're. I don't think that we're down to the last couple. You know, I learned that from Antiques Roadshow when Cy Young. That dude had hundreds of Cy Young autographs and he had notes from Cy Young and letters and pictures. He's like, I was a kid, I lived next door to him. Cy Young sign. And he goes, unfortunately, Cy Young couldn't stop signing his name for about five years. And all he did every. There's so many Cy Young autographs and they're all authentic that it's. He goes, you have a nice story. You've got some really cool letters from Cy Young. Unfortunately, the whole thing's worth about 600 bucks.

[Brady]

Yeah, it was Wagner or whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Wagner one of one.

[Brady]

And. And he had a year where they were in a cigarette pack and he didn't like cigarettes. So they just did it one year. And he said, nope.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the Honus Wagner is the one of one. There's only. If you can find one, you've got millions of dollars in your hands because it was.

[Brett]

Last one sold for like three something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Three point something.

[Larry]

Guys, please understand, while I write this, I have the jackass theme song playing in my head. I don't want you to look this up, but there is a scientific article about this on pubmed. But I do still want all you guys to test this in real life, please sell tickets. I'll be there. I don't care about the sphere. I want to see this bullet penetrate John's house.

[John Holmberg]

I sort of do, too. I want to see the distance that I'm safe from bullets and the caliber.

[Larry]

An AK47 would penetrate it. Don't ask me how I know. And then I looked it up.

[Brett]

He lives in Maryville.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Larry]

And it's Gemini. Says an AK47 bullet can penetrate a single layer of brick, but often struggles to pass through a standard thick brick wall.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[Larry]

While it can pulverize the first layer of brick, the second layer often remains intact, although repeated shots will break through.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if I'm in that situation, repeated shots, I'm in a bad spot.

[Dale Hellastra]

So if.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, single shots at my house, like, hey, bullet just hit me. My house.

[Brett]

I'm never moving to Yuba City.

[Larry]

And that study was.

[Brady]

Well, you can get a 3D print at home here.

[Larry]

The study that Gemini is quoting was done by the Sonoran Desert Institute. So it's been done here.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. They shoot houses here.

[Brady]

I got two radio videos. All right, first one's a good hillbilly fight.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, hang on.

[Larry]

We're having connection issues.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brady]

And the second one's from war.

[John Holmberg]

I like war.

[Larry]

Is that confirmed?

[Brady]

Because I was. I don't know. Actually, it looked. It looked real.

[Larry]

Well, it's. I don't think it's AI.

[John Holmberg]

I just wonder if it's this war.

[Larry]

This war?

[Brady]

Yes.

[Larry]

I just wonder if it's from this war.

[Brady]

Navy torpedo sinks Iranian warship.

[Larry]

Well, like we saw yesterday.

[John Holmberg]

It was the Solemani. Claims it all hundred times.

[Brady]

Okay, that's the first time.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we should. We watched it yesterday.

[Brady]

No. Well, then this is a. The one I saw went into the side. The one yesterday.

[Brett]

Periscope on yesterday.

[Brady]

Here's.

[Larry]

Here's his first radio video.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, this is hillbillies fighting girl. Hillbillies holding the key. Oh, one's holding the baby.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

All right, watch this.

[Dale Hellastra]

Go time.

[John Holmberg]

No, the baby has no. We have no time for this. Kids can take a fall, and mom can take a punch. She just dropped her baby.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, he's holding a stick.

[John Holmberg]

When the dog ladies first punch hits mom and they drive. That's a big kid, too.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, well, the baby's crying. Mama's fighting again. That's not news.

[Brett]

Kid looks like a little big to be being carried around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Mom's in good shape, too. I gotta say, this is kind of like a Jamie Presley trailer park.

[Larry]

Oh, the Big girl. The, the one in the pink shirt gets on top, though. She gets top mouth.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, she's bigger, so she got a weight advantage. But she takes out hot mom who drops the baby cowboys there. One of the rodeo clowns comes and tries to break it up and he's

[Brady]

filming the dude and the short sleeve shirt took out the guy with the stick right away.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he saw the, the danger. That was close. I like hillbilly fights. I think I like hillbilly fights more than I like any other race fights. Although black ladies fighting is fun because they pull out their weaves. Oh, yeah.

[Larry]

So this is from like a maritime ship that's passing through. I don't know where it is, but

[Brady]

it, but it says it's the Soleimani.

[John Holmberg]

Then it's in the Indian Ocean.

[Larry]

But the Soleimani wasn't hit from the front.

[John Holmberg]

He's just hanging around. And there's the missile going through the water. Oh, yeah, that's from the side front. Well, I mean, that's what the Soleimani took one from the front in the rear.

[Brady]

Oh, okay. Because the one I saw yesterday when

[John Holmberg]

you were pulling that was the front of the boat. It was. Okay, the left. Right. And it hit the front end. The, the bow, they called it.

[Larry]

But if the, if the torpedo's coming in that direction, that, that view from the viewfinder.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Larry]

Was, was sort of sideways.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Maybe it was a different. Maybe it was a different angle.

[Larry]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Either way, I like watching that stuff explode.

[Brady]

That's a tough shot.

[John Holmberg]

Hitting a boat with the torpedo is always a tough shot.

[Larry]

Doesn't make you think that, that, you know, battleship captain is a little unqualified if he just, just sat there.

[John Holmberg]

They've got technology from the 30s. Yeah. That's. They're running a. Their navy ships have Ranger written on the side of them. We're beating up a retard and we're beating the hell out of him. He's dangerous because he can whale out some. See, they're strong, but they're looking to just land one shot. They're not going to win the fight because that boat is barely floating by the way.

[Larry]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

It's ass. It's ass down.

[Larry]

Well, here's apparently what the Solomon look. It's like a catamaran style. Like that's what, that's what it looked like. Oh, before they, before they nailed it.

[John Holmberg]

We blew it up. That's a great video.

[Brady]

Look at that thing that didn't look. I don't know if that was the boat or not.

[John Holmberg]

That wasn't one of them after. Who cares?

[Larry]

This is the Soleimani. This is the one that they got the dark.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if you're right or wrong and I don't care. Show it exploding again. Show me some. I'm one of them guys. When my country goes to war, I root for our boys to get it over with fast. Kill as many Iranians as possible, I say, and do it. Do toot sweet. Blow that up. Oh yeah, give me some more. All I want is a bunch of. A bunch of. Ah, look at him, Brady. They're all falling out. Iranians everywhere. I love it. Look at that. Here comes. Here comes boys. I like when my military kicks ass. I don't care if I agree with why. It is what it is now. Blow them back to the biblical ages they want to live in.

[Brady]

Someone lost a boat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sure, I'm fine with that. I mean, if that was at Bartlett Lake, I'd be concerned that we got subs at Bartlett. But it's not.

[Brett]

It was only the Dolly Steamboat.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If only. Good Lord. If only we could get a submarine out there at that Dolly Steamboat. Take those things down. I would have prayed for it. Oh, yeah, right. Is that a missile coming at us? Thank.

[Brett]

I hope so.

[John Holmberg]

Blow us out of this drink.

[Brady]

Put a mini sub. Is it Bartlett or what's the Lake?

[John Holmberg]

Canyon or so Canyon. I think I'd have gotten in that. That ill fated exploding sub that went. Took those. Those five billionaires down into the Atlantic. I'd have gotten into that if it

[Brett]

meant Patel on the boys.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I would have built. We should build one of our own and just go plop it in canyon and take out the Dolly steamboat one by one. Titan picking them off. I don't even think we need to go Temu. I think they did a pretty good job at Timu and that thing in the first place.

[Larry]

You got the new one?

[John Holmberg]

No, I'll put a suit and a wig on. I'll be like, we're gonna blow the Dolly steamboat right out of Canyon Lake. Look out old people who just want to see one mountain goat. It's great stuff. How do you serve dry M M's? They do. All right. What do you got, Burke?

[Dale Hellastra]

All right,

[Brett]

we'll just start with a stressful video. It's not a bad ending, but it's just stressful. We were talking yesterday about lane splitting.

[John Holmberg]

Oh boy.

[Dale Hellastra]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

On his motorcycle in his helmet cam and he's going 100 miles an hour on him on a two lane freeway entrance, it looks like. Or some sort of highway. He's blazing down the road. Please don't do this. Oh, I hate motorcycle videos the most of all.

[Larry]

It looks like those new lanes.

[John Holmberg]

He's blazing down, down. He's getting on the freeway now, and it's. It's jam packed. He's far left lane. He's staying in the far left lane like a good rider. Don't scoot over. Don't. Oh, he's gonna lane split. Oh, he's lane splitting. He's going way too fast. Oh, nice move there. He gets to the left. Back to lane splitting. A traffic jam, and this man's trying to get. Oh, he just barely got through that one. Oh, boy. There's another one. Look at him. Oh, this guy's a. Was. Evil Knievel. This is incredible. Speeding up these lanes.

[Brady]

Watch this.

[John Holmberg]

This can't be real. Liquidation is about to happen. I'm not watching this.

[Brett]

I'll just. I'll ruin it. He does make it, but.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Oh, man.

[John Holmberg]

Like, how far he's going? Like going on 70 miles an hour.

[Brett]

30 seconds of this.

[John Holmberg]

Turn it off.

[Brady]

He got to the Renaissance Festival in 15 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

That's the most anxious I've felt in a long time. Look at this one. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. I hate motorcycles.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Brett, seller it.

[Brett]

No way.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Oh, I'm going to throw up. Turn that off. Now you're.

[Larry]

I guess it's not that much bigger, but your Harley is. Isn't that agile. Right? You wouldn't be able to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Don't that. Did you see his face?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You thought about it, maybe?

[Brett]

No, no, I don't do that stuff.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here's a lady.

[Brett]

I don't even know if I.

[John Holmberg]

With body paint. Naked lady with body paint skipping down a road, and the body paint is rainbows. Oh, now she's pissing in dog bowl. And now she's on all fours at some sort of pub and they pulled something. The guy just peed in a dog bowl and she's lapping it up like a Labrador. Somebody shoves a toe in her ass while she's drinking the water, she's gonna

[Brett]

shove the heel in there.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, and then they shoved a high heel up a girl's butt while she. What the.

[Brett]

I don't know. That's why I said, I don't know how to describe this one, man.

[John Holmberg]

So wait, a lady with, like. She went to, like, kids face painting and had her boobs painted up like rainbow unicorns and that naturally led right to a man pissing in a dog bowl. She gets on all fours. Oh, was it. Oh, well, his wiener was out, so I think he added his own. Anyway, it doesn't really matter. So she's got this bowl of pee, source unknown, and plops down over there at the Applebee's and drinks it like a puppy. And one of the patrons decides, you know what's missing from this? A high heel up your ass. And then it ends. There's like, no cops or therapy or anything. All right.

[Brett]

We were talking, isn't it. Was it the Iranian soccer team was in town?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're in Tucson.

[Brett]

Tucson. I think this is some home video for them.

[John Holmberg]

Vagina that has something. She's opening it up. And unreasonable. Oh, she's pushing out a World cup soccer ball just came out of that lady's vagina. That's. It's a small one, but it's still a small one.

[Brady]

Yeah, it looked bigger.

[John Holmberg]

Took a lot of work to get. Took a lot of work to get it in. Getting it out was no picnic.

[Dale Hellastra]

No.

[Brett]

We'll end with the Sawzall sex swing.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. We are developing new technology from a movie. Oh, okay. We're in a sex swing, and a guy puts a sawzall with a sex toy on it on the girl. This is in a public place, by the way. And he turns the sawzall on. It is now rapid firing, and it makes her react with it. Wow. All right, real quick, for those of you tuning in there, I'll play it again for you. He puts the sawzall with the sex toy in the woman while she's suspended above the stage. He hits the button once, and he's dressed relatively nicely. He's got a. He's the manager, Black button up shirt, some jeans. He fires it off, then he yanks it out. And then she fires pee at the audience. About 18ft.

[Larry]

Wow.

[Brett]

I'm going with that one.

[John Holmberg]

That's gonna be somebody's grandma someday.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it is. She's already got kids, Brady. There's no doubt about it.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, she'll be dead. She's not making it. That right there, living or dead, that was my grandmother. Is something someone will say about the lady suspended above a stage with a sawzall dildo. You got a Milwaukee Tools dildo. And that lady's thinking, this is fun. And then she'll turn 35, then 45, then 55, and bouncing on her knee will be a future little Brayden. What did you used to do for fun in College Grandma. Well, there was the time I put a Saw Zord dildo in myself and hosed off the front audience like one of those bomb cyclones. Grandma.

[Brady]

Grandma enjoyed swings.

[John Holmberg]

Well, let's see. Grandma's was a playground in the back. In the 90s.

[Larry]

Let's just say.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Let's just say, Braden, I treated my like a rental car. Grandpa. No. I put that thing through hell. Was this before or after Mom? Oh, it was. Well, after your mother, I needed money. Your mother was about 5, and she was in the back room while I let men take power tools to my Hoo Ha grandma. And then I'd squirt on audience members and they'd throw dollar bills at me. Back when I was growing up, dollar bills meant something.

[Larry]

Grandmother makes Christmases have a whole different meaning.

[John Holmberg]

Once, for one bitcoin, I shoved the front end of a Hyundai in my ass. Somebody dared me that my Kegels weren't strong enough to ride down the freeway attached to a side mirror of a Honda. I did it. Grandma made it a quarter mile before she fell off. Oh, yes. Granny had some fun. Were you? Go ahead, say it, Squirter. Yep, like my mother before me and her mother before her. And your mother as well. I've cleaned the sheets. That's someone's Grandma. That's someone's. Watch his face. That's someone's baboo.

[Brady]

New.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Someday there'll be a little chubby boy in culottes giving that a hug. Oh, I like when he calls me Boo.

[Larry]

Boo.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, mind the hips. They've been through a lot, young man. Anyway, say 42.

[Dale Hellastra]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

The 8 o' clock word this morning is magnetic. Somebody's baboo. Think about that every time you watch one of Brett's videos. Don't think about that, man. It's gonna be somebody's baboo. And there's gonna be a Popple chicken. I didn't know anything about this. Well, we learn as we age. Magnetic's the word you want to put in there and there. Everybody is a life lesson. And your birdie report, it's 98. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

[Dale Hellastra]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Just about ready for that next word. We'll get that one out to you. Before we get on to the obvious, breaking news. Not war, either. Raylo, who emails a lot, he's very entertaining. Says, can we start calling Toledo Punch the Monkey. Or is that an insult to the actual monkey? I don't know. Punch the Monkey Toledo is sort of our Punch the Monkey monkey. Punch the monkey is great.

[Brady]

There's a reason they named that Peter Gabriel song.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, Punch the Monkey. There's a reason that monkey was called Punch. It was a dick. And here come the obvious jokes. Oops. She did it again. Britney Spears was arrested last night for dui. I can't believe she's. What? She seems so together in her Instagram page. Everything about her seems. She's inebriated. What?

[Brady]

One good thing. The video won't be anything anything different.

[John Holmberg]

No, you won't notice when she gets home and explains it. Here's what happened, y'.

[Brady]

All.

[John Holmberg]

I was driving along and noticed that my fell out of my shorts.

[Brett]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Wait a minute. What? Yeah, I had a vaginal drop. What the hell? So I was trying to collect all that and I'd bent down and the next thing. And I get pulled off for Dewey. I can't wait until she does that weird spinning dance again with those terrible hair extensions that haven't been washed since Clinton was president and the rusty Ginsu knives. Jesus. And then she just has to blow start her car. That should last about two or three minutes.

[Brady]

That one thing will be running the whole time.

[John Holmberg]

What's Britney Spears driving for? She's. I can tell you right now that's the most unhinged Instagram page that exists in all celebrity world. It's fun to go to if you're ever feeling bad about your day. I wonder what Britney's up to. I'm convinced she is the person we should be studying for what Covid shots did to people. Look at Brittany's page. But I did it while I was face down. I went all the way back to Britney Spears videos around 2018. 2019. She was fine. A little weird. 2020 happened. She stopped washing her hair. She started spinning non stop filming herself and editing these weird dancing videos all in her. In the, you know, the hallways of her house.

[Brett]

Jesus. She's editing those.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody's editing them. They're not doing a good job. A drunk is editing them. So now we kind of know probably her. She. She does naked stuff. You don't even want to masturbate. You just don't want her to hurt herself. It's like watching an old lady at a nursing home walking. Oh, we got to get clothes on her. Oh, Jesus, she's dancing. It is. Yeah. It. It doesn't make any sense. It's like. Like a David lynch movie. It's going nuts, huh?

[Brady]

When did you see her perform? What was that before?

[John Holmberg]

Well, that was. You know what it might have been right before COVID Maybe because I was still interested in seeing her ass and stuff. And she was in a thong in the first. But then you realize. And I've always done the impression that way she's. You hear the oops, I did it again. I played with your heart. Got lost in. She's dancing all over. And like, man, she can sing and dance like nobody's business. And between songs you just hear, thanks, y'. All. Like, where's that?

[Brett]

During the.

[John Holmberg]

The singing. You guys are all so kind. And then the song would start and you. I'm a slave to you. Like, what happened to all the heavy breathing? And she's faking everything. And then she'd spin. But she had a bad back. She kept saying that my back's bad. I got a. I got a bad back, y'.

[Brett]

All.

[Brady]

He doesn't want to be up there and make.

[John Holmberg]

You got a bad back, y'.

[Dale Hellastra]

All.

[Brady]

Taking a drag on a customer.

[John Holmberg]

Cigarette. Give me a break. One more number.

[Brady]

Give me a number.

[John Holmberg]

You know how hard this. How hard this is? And she'd bust out another song. No breathing and totally perfect. And then she'd climb in a tree. She's climbing things. Song and then take a break. I'm hyperventilating. Like, I think you're lip syncing. I think this is all fake.

[Dale Hellastra]

And then.

[John Holmberg]

And then you realized as a man that the threshold for Britney Spears ass is four songs.

[Brady]

Songs.

[John Holmberg]

Because all the straight guys that are there, like, we're dancing in the first few. Yeah. And she's spinning around a thong. She comes out in a green. Like, ah, that's a better one. Yeah. By the fourth song, you're tired of her ass. You're tired of her breathing. You hate her music. You're just sitting there. All the married guys sat down after song four. Gays. Oh my God. They didn't care. She's a mess. That show got boring. And then she came. She couldn't dance to save anything thing. And all she did was like hand jive. Like she. It was a lot of action, but there wasn't a low life dance. She was hand driving and it was wearing her out. She couldn't breathe.

[Brady]

So by the fifth song, you were buying merch.

[Dale Hellastra]

Fifth song.

[John Holmberg]

I did go buy a shirt. I got a shirt and pants. I got some Britney pants, Brittany pants. I got Manila.

[Brett]

I've never seen those.

[John Holmberg]

I think I still have Those. And then I have the. I have Barry Manilow pants as well. From whatever reason, it's a Barry, man.

[Brady]

Are they like pajama pants?

[John Holmberg]

No, they're tight. I wear them when I bike. This is Manilow down there.

[Brett]

We gotta go biking.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take it. Yeah, I put shorts over them because it's gross, but yeah, I put them on. They're like Manilow. They're awesome. I'll wear them to work tomorrow. Wear my Manilows tomorrow. Don't add McMahon. My manilows. Oh, Johnny, no. Don't do it. Yes, yes. A great one is wearing twink drawers. Wear my Manila. I'll show you it. Anyway, nine o' clock word is one O, N, E1. And Brittany's gotten a DUI before, hasn't she?

[Brett]

I can't see how she hasn't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Now she's always inebriated, but man, that, that. You go back and watch her Instagram and if you have the patience, and I do, scroll back to, like the 2019. She's dancing, she's weird, but she's clean. And she took the jab. In 2020. She stopped washing. She's like, everything changed.

[Brady]

It was nothing to do with no more handlers.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's some of that, but I mean that, like, she took the jab and then went nuts. And then everybody's like, she needs a conservatorship.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then I was the one saying, no, she doesn't. Something's wrong with her.

[Brady]

Free Britney.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we had the Free Britney movement. I don't know. You need to.

[Brett]

Only had one dui. Just looked it up. This is it.

[John Holmberg]

This is her first one. Wow, that's shocking. Every day I see a video she makes. I think, God, I hope she's not going to drive later. So she's been getting away with it. It's about time. It's high time we caught Britney Spears behind the wheel saving lives. She's in shape, but she still looks terrible. I don't know how she did it. Like, it's not like she let herself go, but whatever that Covid shot did to Britney Spears just scrambled her ass. We need to study her. Because all those people that have the argument, I put that jab in me, it messes up your brain. It's killing athletes. Yeah, but look what it's done to Britney. Nobody's looked into it. It's right. Right after she got the shot, she went nuts. And she wasn't on a good path before, but officially sent her over the air edge at Least JT got to her when everybody still wanted her, even Federline. Yeah, Federline was smart because he had no future and he put babies in it, and now she pays him to raise them. It's great. I don't know what she was doing, but I hope Britney gets better. But I don't think she will. We're on a bad path with Britney Spears. This one says John. You know, she's about the age where she's got that menopause. That could be. She might be going a little Perry nuts. She might have perimenopause and gone crazy. Well, that's gonna last forever.

[Brett]

She said her and Wes Scanlon together. The Puddle of Mud guy. Can you imagine those videos?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, I don't know that I can tell them apart anymore. They look. They look similar.

[Brady]

Some stuff still. Or is he.

[Brett]

Well, he's okay for now because they're putting out a new album, but he'll lose it in a couple weeks.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, for sure. Anyway, it's 904. I don't know if Dale's coming or not today. He's got these brain scans all the time. We'll wait. We'll see if Dale comes in this morning. If not, we'll deal with it. I think we'd be all, well, Dale either pop in or not pop, and he should be here. I haven't gotten a text yet, but he's got a code. He could be lumbering down the hall as we speak. Maybe Dale's here, maybe he's not.

[Brady]

We'll see.

[John Holmberg]

He's here. All right. Dale's next. It's not yet.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this. Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Oh, do I know that phrase? Dale, heavy is the crown. Boy, I feel that every day. Got a bad back from carrying this Hubbard radio through Phoenix for years.

[Dale Hellastra]

My goodness.

[John Holmberg]

Your back goes bad. I always tell people, like, do I look like I'm standing up straight? And they're like, no, not really. And I'm like, yeah, it's. My back's bad from carrying this radio.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, that's your nose pulling you forward. Happy is the crown. I'm the one that has crowns.

[John Holmberg]

No, you've got crabs. You misunderstood your doctor. No, you understood. You got crowns. Heavy is the crown. Brett lost the crown this week. He's in. He's in old Gummoes in terrible turmoil over there with a dentist yeah, Dale Hellestra is here.

[Dale Hellastra]

Some drugs?

[Brett]

No, unfortunately, no.

[Brady]

They got.

[Brett]

What? Tramadol.

[John Holmberg]

They give you tramadol. Do anything, but they give dogs. Yeah.

[Brady]

When he came in early in the week, I thought he was a squirrel.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Storing the nuts in the side, you

[Dale Hellastra]

know, I used to be able to take all that stuff when I played. Yeah, yeah. And, and I, I, I don't know if I was around you guys, but I took a, A face mask last week.

[John Holmberg]

You were around. Oh, yeah. Yes. Disgusting.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes. And they gave me some oxy. Oxy content. What? Yeah, whatever that is.

[John Holmberg]

Codoner.

[Brett]

That's good stuff.

[Dale Hellastra]

It is. But that, that's the first drug I've done. Vicodin. I've done a lot of things. Darva said Percocet, anything with a set, give me the set and Toradol. But that Oxycodone or whatever it. That messed with me.

[Brett]

That's basically heroin, isn't it?

[Brady]

How so?

[John Holmberg]

It's heroin. Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Like, I felt lightheaded. I felt kind of out of control myself. My legs still hurt. So I said, well, this isn't good.

[John Holmberg]

What was the difference between how you walked the day normally and feeling what you just described, which is lightheaded, a

[Dale Hellastra]

little dizzy, not as athletic or ballerina like.

[Brady]

You felt heavy on your feet.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You felt thick.

[Dale Hellastra]

You couldn't move. Like, heavy is the crown, John.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That's exactly what it is. Dale Hellas trace here, three time world champion for your Dallas Cowboys. Cowboys. Co host of the main event with Steve McCullum. Good dude. I'm glad I met Steve. He's a nice guy. I like him. He wants to do a show. He said he's going to replace one of the guys on the show.

[Dale Hellastra]

Okay, well, you're gone already, huh? You're out.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, I'm just saying, like, Steve and I are. We're talking about doing a show. Yeah. I'm just saying, sort of place the guy. But no, he's fun and it's. I haven't listened to your show, but Steve's on it. It's probably okay.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then of course, you're on my podcast, the sports thing. A John Holmberg joint and guests and yeah, with the permanent guest, Dale Hell Astray and the rest.

[Dale Hellastra]

It's been a few weeks now, but remember, this idea was hatched, all right?

[John Holmberg]

Don't bring it up again that it was my idea the whole time.

[Dale Hellastra]

I can't. I can't be the host. I'll be the guest host. Permanent Guest host. And somehow, some way, it's my podcast. Three or four people listen to it. It flip flopped, and now it's John.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the thing. I was hedging my bets if you guys were retards that I didn't want to spend my time there. And then I would just make up a story going on my company won't let do it. Then I started to say, I'm pretty good at this.

[Brady]

There's some traction. In two weeks, he'll stay.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care about traction. I'm like, can I tolerate this room for an hour a week with these idiots? And it was a push for a minute, I'm like. And then I'm like, you know what? If I just take over, though, it'll be great. And it's goose. It's actually pretty good.

[Dale Hellastra]

Sit with these two guys for how long?

[John Holmberg]

Him for 20 something long years. And then Brett for about. Well, I've known him both for the whole time, so.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, we already know Brett can't fight through any pain.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, look at him go. He's. Brett fights different.

[Dale Hellastra]

Look, he's out.

[John Holmberg]

Trust me.

[Brett]

I've been here the whole time. What are you talking about?

[John Holmberg]

He'll start shooting. That's right. That's right. Let's talk about what's going on in this city. Like, everybody's talking about it. Everybody's blabbing away. Kyler Murray, released by the Cardinals coming up on the 10th of March. He's out.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And Cardinal fans are like, oh, thank God, finally. And I've been saying this about Kyler Murray for a long time. Best athlete on the field almost every game. Rookie year comes in, takes this team to the playoffs. Not this last year, but the year before. Had a pretty darn good run and they kind of fell apart. Not necessarily his fault that this franchise can't win. He's a little goofy between the ears. He's not a leader. But is that a product of Kyler Murray or his surroundings?

[Dale Hellastra]

All I want will caution whatever Cardinal fans are remaining.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. How are they still there?

[Dale Hellastra]

Be careful what you wish for. Be careful what you wish for. At the quarterback position, Kyler Murray and Bruce Cooper comes on our main event show.

[John Holmberg]

Bruce Cooper, marvelous. Let me tell you. Let me tell you what. I shaved my scrotum this morning, and it is smooth like brown eggs.

[Dale Hellastra]

He might be the only media person in the valley who nobody can say a bad word.

[John Holmberg]

He's the nicest man I've ever met. No question.

[Dale Hellastra]

But he's a big Kyler Murray fan. He said, look at that. Just look at the fact when you gave him DeAndre Hopkins and they had two other wide receivers at that point. Yeah, Christian Kirk and one other guy. They started off seven and 11 and

[John Holmberg]

two, the one with the Mexican name.

[Dale Hellastra]

And then, and then DeAndre Hopkins goes down and everything got discombobulated. I think it's a byproduct of number one. You have to be such a special player at that position to overcome a history of inept performances. You have to be so special. And I think he's special, but you got to put some pieces around it.

[John Holmberg]

I think the thing that screwed up the Kyler Murray argument for Cardinal fans was when Kingsbury left and had success with Jaden Daniels as a coordinator. Yeah, that's the difference. And I've talked to Cardinal fans like, yeah, but Kingsbury left and his offense in D.C. was good. And I'm like, yeah, it was good, but he had a coach. Kingsbury was terrible. This, this. You watch that Hard knocks where Kingsbury was the guy. You can watch that and go, I wouldn't run through paper for this dude. Like he was a. He had lost that locker room. You could see lost eyes. He wasn't there.

[Brady]

He's not the leader.

[John Holmberg]

Tyler then has to move on to a guy that lasts a year then, you know, I mean, it's just this thing where I don't think he's great and everybody confuses that when I defend him.

[Dale Hellastra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think he's great, but I think in the right situation that athleticism will get you somewhere.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And he's learned in seven years or six years, whatever it is, that how to play the position if the game's right. He single handedly what I watched the Cardinals just out of curiosity, morbid curiosity, single handedly won games for them.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I mean by himself, that Raiders game, it should be legendary. What he did at the end of that game, running around with no o line, making Max Crosby miss four or five times. And then it was, it was one of the more remarkable things I've ever watched in sports. And it was all him.

[Dale Hellastra]

And then I remember the, the, the offense coordinator just slipped my mind the last two years. Oh, I don't know. That little bald guy.

[John Holmberg]

It's Brady.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, it could have been. For all I know we would have

[John Holmberg]

been winning just to go to church.

[Dale Hellastra]

But the thing is his offense is predicated on a drop back passer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

And he didn't adjust his offense to this special talent.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I agree.

[Dale Hellastra]

And if you're a coach and you can't adjust your offense, your defense. I was at the dinner with some guys from Dallas last. Last night. One of them involved in the Cowboys organization, they had a defensive coordinator that is a three, four guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, one thing the Cowboys have is they have three really good defensive tackles. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You go the other way with that.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes. You adjust your defense to your talent.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Your roster dictates what you're going to do with it, not the other way.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah. And so I think that was some of it with Kyler. I think when they hit him, when it broke that you had the homework clause in the contract that I don't know how you recover from that as a quarterback.

[John Holmberg]

It's tough.

[Dale Hellastra]

You know, whether it's true or not. Leaning towards it might have been a little. True. It's true. But it could have been a bid.

[John Holmberg]

Well, hey, he's unaware. He did the photo shoot in the Michael Vick jersey last year with dogs. You know, there was a whole thing where Kyler just kind of thumbed his nose at everybody and I'll do it. And then. And then he. The worst thing about Kyler to me was. And he did it again. Again. His little letter to say goodbye two days ago was some passive aggressive show. Sorry, couldn't fix the 77 year drought. This team. Then today or last night, he puts out another one that's much more flowery and a whole lot more, like, humble. And you're like, somebody got you. But that's where we don't like you, Kyler is when you get caught, you pout.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

And we're like, you're a baby. Like, you're. There's the Michael Vick with pit bulls. And he's like, oh, I didn't even realize that was a thing. And I'm like, then that's worse. You're unaware. Then you're dumb and dumb.

[Dale Hellastra]

There's so many other quarterbacks you could have chosen.

[John Holmberg]

You can love Michael Vick for comparable game styles. Right. But you can't wear your OJ Jersey as a running back anymore and walk around white women. You just can't do it.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Just know better. So there's certain things where you're like, all right, Kyler, but good guidance stops that. A good coach steps in and goes, you do this again and I swear to God, I'll bounce your little ass off every wall in this building.

[Dale Hellastra]

Or your agent, your Asian coach, he

[John Holmberg]

doesn't have anyone in his life saying, stop it.

[Dale Hellastra]

Right.

[Brett]

He's a PR Guy, he needs.

[John Holmberg]

He needs a consigliere. And I read yesterday. A consigliere. Brett, explain.

[Brett]

Making the decisions in the. For the. For the boss.

[John Holmberg]

Like.

[Brett]

Kind of like.

[John Holmberg]

Watch the Sopranos, introduce them to the right people. You never watched the Sopranos?

[Dale Hellastra]

I'm not Italian.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have to either. Yeah, I'm Swedish. You never watched the Sopranos. I didn't.

[Dale Hellastra]

Why? The language was.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. You're such a homo. F word. You almost made me say it. The language. You weren't. So what you just said was. I'll read between the lines. Your wife wouldn't let you watch the Sopranos.

[Dale Hellastra]

I just. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Nah, what I just said is true.

[Dale Hellastra]

It just never enticed me.

[John Holmberg]

Your wife wouldn't allow it in the

[Brady]

house if it wasn't programmed. They couldn't watch together.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed.

[Dale Hellastra]

We had the PG controls on.

[John Holmberg]

My God.

[Brady]

Dell control.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, your ma. Does your wife have any idea how you talk to me? Can I meet Brooke and just go through?

[Dale Hellastra]

You're not ever meeting Brooke.

[John Holmberg]

I can't meet her because you're worried I might go. And then Dale said, oh, big time.

[Dale Hellastra]

You'll have a no card.

[John Holmberg]

I have my text. I just break out my text that say, hey, C word.

[Dale Hellastra]

Erase those.

[Brady]

Your brand liability.

[John Holmberg]

I am. My brand liability is to out him. I have voice messages. Why would you do that?

[Brady]

That's not a friend.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not. But if I'm not allowed to meet his wife because of me, she needs to know the truth. Because he's not a friend.

[Dale Hellastra]

Every time I get done with a text throw with Johnny erase.

[John Holmberg]

It's like we're sending dick pics. Oh, my God. You didn't watch the Sopranos because you weren't allowed.

[Brady]

Dale still gets shaked out.

[John Holmberg]

Just say it out loud.

[Dale Hellastra]

I don't show any. I really. It didn't catch my interest.

[John Holmberg]

It didn't. It's the greatest show ever.

[Dale Hellastra]

It's like Landman. Everybody says, oh, you gotta watch. You gotta watch four episodes. Yeah, it's okay if I have to watch more than half of an episode to catch my attention. Yeah, that's not what.

[Brett]

The Sopranos.

[Brady]

I'm telling you, Dale. Yeah, it's. It's no land, man.

[John Holmberg]

The Sopranos is legendary.

[Brady]

And it still holds up.

[John Holmberg]

Of course it does, because legendary stuff does.

[Dale Hellastra]

Who's the star?

[Brett]

Are. James Gandolfini.

[John Holmberg]

Are you out of. Were you kidnapped by aliens? For a decade. What in the world?

[Dale Hellastra]

I never watched Scarface.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's. That's you weren't allowed.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, I. It just didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Scarface is good if you're a college kid.

[Brett]

That's about Cubans.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it's. I don't know.

[Dale Hellastra]

I don't know what that is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's Cubans.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah. All right.

[John Holmberg]

That's.

[Dale Hellastra]

I lived through the Mafia, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

You did not.

[Dale Hellastra]

I. I was in the mafia.

[John Holmberg]

You were at smu?

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah. I saw people who had been killed, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then the Soprano should be more interesting because you're like.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, was.

[John Holmberg]

It reminds me of that guy that time that gave Eric Dickerson Trans Am.

[Dale Hellastra]

Honestly, it was an eerie feeling when I was sitting in that office and they showed him a manila envelope.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

With.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, you still.

[Dale Hellastra]

You had things. Two pictures of what?

[Brady]

Daniel Love Sopranos.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, it was. It was scary.

[John Holmberg]

That's what. The Sopranos.

[Dale Hellastra]

There's a huge guy standing in the. In the drawer away with coats and this.

[John Holmberg]

I'm the boss of this family. You believe this? Brett, this guy over here didn't watch the show. One time. Time. Unbelievable. What kind of pushy are you? Tell your wife what's on TV and send her out of the room. You go watch the Real Housewives of Bitchville. I'm gonna watch what I want.

[Brett]

Did you watch Breaking Bad?

[John Holmberg]

Not allowed. What?

[Brett]

There was no cussing in that.

[John Holmberg]

There was a little, but

[Dale Hellastra]

that subject matter just doesn't.

[John Holmberg]

Awesomeness doesn't excite me. What?

[Dale Hellastra]

What?

[John Holmberg]

What excites you, Dale? Greatest television show of all time. Dale. Hell. Oh.

[Dale Hellastra]

Of all time. Too hard. Well, I, I. I liked all the chee.

[John Holmberg]

There's great stuff. Comedies. Yes. But, like, what?

[Dale Hellastra]

I'm more of a comedy.

[John Holmberg]

So am I. I'm a happy guy. I am, too.

[Dale Hellastra]

I'm not a killer.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not either there. And I love a good comedy.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But let's talk about great television.

[Brady]

Some real funny stuff in Sopranos.

[Dale Hellastra]

How about American Idol? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Come on, man.

[Brett]

Jesus Christ.

[John Holmberg]

You're going to grow Mickey ears right in front of me. You're a. You're a big, lumbering man. Who called. You called me a. At dinner because I ordered risotto.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

You called me the homo. F word.

[Dale Hellastra]

I've never heard. I've never heard a guy have the word risotto come out of his mouth.

[John Holmberg]

It's not.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Gay food. No, it's not. And you said. You called me an effing homo.

[Brady]

How many times was it called out in Hell's Kitchen?

[John Holmberg]

Risotto's like, great. And it was shrimp I had, like, the most fattening meal of the entire.

[Brady]

Don't get the shrimp cake.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's true. We're gonna have that scampi. Shrimp scampi with rice. The same thing. That's all risotto was.

[Dale Hellastra]

That's like a pompous way to say it. That's. I'm better than you.

[John Holmberg]

Scampi isn't. Compass.

[Brady]

No risotto.

[Dale Hellastra]

Risotto said.

[John Holmberg]

I bet this stupid giant ape hasn't seen the Godfather either. Please tell me you've seen the Godfather.

[Dale Hellastra]

I have not.

[John Holmberg]

Dale. Hell, you're no longer our friend.

[Dale Hellastra]

That's. That's a new.

[John Holmberg]

Wrong.

[Dale Hellastra]

New game.

[Brady]

Has Dale.

[John Holmberg]

Has Dale seen it?

[Dale Hellastra]

It.

[John Holmberg]

Do you watch any quiz shows? It's just got to be. They're speaking Spanish.

[Brady]

How about this Little House on the Prairie?

[Dale Hellastra]

I did see that growing up. I saw Wallace and Labo when I was growing up.

[John Holmberg]

What's the dirtiest movie you've watched? Any, like, Quentin Tarantino stuff?

[Brady]

Blazing Saddles.

[John Holmberg]

He's got Larry excited. Like Quentin Tarantino.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, what are some of his movies?

[John Holmberg]

Reservoir Fiction, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

[Dale Hellastra]

Great movies, I think. Quentin Tarantino.

[John Holmberg]

Django. Django Jagoff. Well, go on, expound on that.

[Dale Hellastra]

No. Just a little bit I've seen of him.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they're probably. But you just like, you don't.

[Dale Hellastra]

And I did see a little bit of that Once Upon a Night in Hollywood or whatever, and I. I walked out. It was stupid.

[Brett]

Amazing movie.

[Dale Hellastra]

Was stupid. You guys have the intellect of an ant.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Meanwhile, you're trying to bring his American. I was going to say he's trying to keep up with the American Idol plot points. Unbelievable.

[Brady]

Mask singer.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody just text me, oh, I don't watch. I swear to God, I hate Dale right now. God awful taste in music. Hates rock music. And now he's never seen the Sopranos. His take on everything is immediately disqualified till he gets a spine and his balls back and tells his wife he's going to watch some good stuff. Stuff that's amazing.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Let's.

[Brady]

And then growing up, you didn't want. You didn't. Did you go to the Star wars or any of those?

[Dale Hellastra]

I never saw Star Wars.

[John Holmberg]

What, were you in prison?

[Brett]

Never saw Star Wars.

[Dale Hellastra]

It didn't interrupt me.

[John Holmberg]

What about Jaws?

[Dale Hellastra]

I saw Jaws. Yeah, I saw Jaws. Poseidon Adventure was, I think, one of the first movies.

[John Holmberg]

Absolute garbage.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, that was big cinema.

[John Holmberg]

Sling Blade. You ever watch Sling Blade?

[Dale Hellastra]

I've seen highlights Highlights?

[John Holmberg]

There's no highlights in Sling Blade. You either saw it or you didn't.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

Why didn't you want to see it? Because you don't like being reminded of mentally ill people.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Dale Hellastra]

You're going there.

[Brett]

Blazing Saddles.

[John Holmberg]

Blazing Saddles. You sure? Young Frankenstein.

[Dale Hellastra]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Rock. Rocky?

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Dale Hellastra]

A bunch of Rockies. Well, I stopped at about three.

[John Holmberg]

Four is pretty good.

[Dale Hellastra]

All the Rambos. So basically, yeah, I, I. I like tough guy movies, John. You know what I'm saying?

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna throw up. Then you'd love the Sopranos.

[Dale Hellastra]

I might. Maybe I should try it.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed. I just want to hear Godfather.

[Brett]

That's clean. There's no bad language in that.

[Brady]

Really?

[John Holmberg]

Not at all. All that's very true.

[Brett]

It's like one of the greatest movies ever.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, it's not Godfather or Godfather 2

[John Holmberg]

or Godfather 3's not that great.

[Brady]

One and two.

[John Holmberg]

Man, you have shocked the world today. Yeah, since I almost broke and kicked my truck's radio and Dale said, who stars in it? Tell Brett to go smack him in the mouth.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, you don't want to get into that.

[Brett]

They asked if you've seen the Notebook.

[John Holmberg]

Have you seen that?

[Dale Hellastra]

I have not seen.

[John Holmberg]

You have to see Notebook.

[Dale Hellastra]

I'm not seeing the Notebook.

[John Holmberg]

You big Sandra Bullock fan.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, I do like her.

[John Holmberg]

I bet you do. Because we're allowed to watch her movies. Yeah. No, no, no.

[Dale Hellastra]

The.

[John Holmberg]

The. The. The. The lake house. Lake house. You've seen. You have to watch romcoms, don't you?

[Dale Hellastra]

No, I don't have to.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you do. That's what's on.

[Brett]

But he wants to.

[John Holmberg]

I want to meet Brook so bad.

[Dale Hellastra]

I usually. The thing is, with TV and me, it's like, usually I watch sports.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, me too.

[Dale Hellastra]

Or news.

[John Holmberg]

Me, too.

[Brady]

And action films.

[Dale Hellastra]

And they'll watch an action film here or there. What? There hasn't been anything put out the last two.

[John Holmberg]

But you're not allowed to come home today. I just want to hear you say it. You're not allowed to go home today and go, hey, Brooke.

[Brady]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

The guy said Sopranos is good and take that chance.

[Dale Hellastra]

And she said she'll say, do you want to watch it?

[Brady]

I'll.

[Dale Hellastra]

I'll. I'll sit down with you.

[John Holmberg]

Language is brutal.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, I don't want to watch Godfather.

[Brett]

Godfather, Safe.

[John Holmberg]

Sopranos.

[Brady]

Brook will say, I want to watch Missing in Action again.

[Dale Hellastra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe I just want to hear you say, say it. You're not allowed to watch it.

[Dale Hellastra]

I Would probably be. I would probably be.

[John Holmberg]

Just say it.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, not. Not forbidden to watch it, but I would be. It would be uncomfortable.

[Brady]

You have to watch it by yourself.

[John Holmberg]

Just say it.

[Dale Hellastra]

Go my office.

[Brady]

That's not.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, go to my office.

[John Holmberg]

Just f bombs all over like your regular life is via my texts. Hey, C word. Call me. Yes. You called me the other day, and I said hello very kindly, and I just heard C word. That's how he says hi to me.

[Dale Hellastra]

Because that's how you've addressed me.

[John Holmberg]

I said hello.

[Dale Hellastra]

I wanted to come over and visit with you.

[John Holmberg]

That was very nice. I will say that Dale did threaten to come over and entertain me while I was face down on the couch.

[Dale Hellastra]

You're face down by yourself, Ass up.

[John Holmberg]

Last thing you want is a lumbering giant to come in the door when your ass is vulnerable like that. But he did. You were very nice when you were. I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm like, wow. Dale's showing empathy and kindness. He goes, if you want me to come by and. And say hi. I'm like, I'm avoiding all distractions. That's very kind of you, but. And I said, we can watch Sopranos together. And his wife's like. And I was like, what's going on?

[Dale Hellastra]

What are you doing over at.

[John Holmberg]

John. Yes. Huh?

[Brett]

I won't even ask about Casino.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't even. He never heard of it.

[Dale Hellastra]

I think I've seen. That's James Gone, right?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that was Vegas. What was that? Weekend in Vegas with Sarah Jessica Park Parker and

[Brett]

Sharon Stone.

[John Holmberg]

You're not allowed.

[Dale Hellastra]

I think I've seen the casino.

[John Holmberg]

You have not seen Casino.

[Dale Hellastra]

Don't tell me what I've done.

[John Holmberg]

Where do you get the nerve telling me that, you Jew. And like, in a minute. You're not allowed to watch this anymore, Dale. I like Brooke. I like that she's controlling you this way. You are a puppet. And you are. You are. You're also barely allowed here. She still doesn't know you're here on Thursday.

[Dale Hellastra]

She doesn't

[John Holmberg]

give me your number. She. I would charm her.

[Dale Hellastra]

Oh, you would not.

[John Holmberg]

You right out of her Mormon underwear thing.

[Dale Hellastra]

Out. And you. God. Dale in trouble.

[John Holmberg]

I would not get you in trouble. She would be like, you are so engaging.

[Dale Hellastra]

Why have you kept. She did say that one night when I wanted to. To one of the Steelers games.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Can I come?

[Dale Hellastra]

I said, why don't you ever invite me? I said, john hasn't invited you.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I haven't. I'm not Allowed. Brooke.

[Dale Hellastra]

John doesn't like girls.

[John Holmberg]

No, your daughter. Your daughters and your son in law, Scott, who I think is awesome.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They listen every once in a while. And please, by all means, tell Brooke I'm looking forward to seeing how scary

[Dale Hellastra]

is Brooke to these people.

[John Holmberg]

Like you've got them worried that she'll kill you.

[Dale Hellastra]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Blink twice if you're in. If you're in danger. You know, doctors always ask you go in there. Like, I think I broke my.

[Dale Hellastra]

When I think about this, it really is interesting.

[John Holmberg]

It's wildly interesting. You're scared. Scared to.

[Dale Hellastra]

Because there's some people at church that come up and say, dale, I really love listening to you on Thursday. I said, you listen to home birth.

[John Holmberg]

Yes.

[Dale Hellastra]

And go to church.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's a thing.

[Dale Hellastra]

Which church?

[John Holmberg]

Both of them are ludicrous ideas. Why not?

[Brady]

And that was the pastor from the church.

[John Holmberg]

And the pastor probably did it. He goes, you meet my boyfriend, the little boy standing next to him. Yeah, that's right, Dale. That's exactly right. Whoa.

[Brett]

Your jaw hit the ground.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, look how much did.

[Dale Hellastra]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

Dan?

[Dale Hellastra]

Is that Dan?

[John Holmberg]

My dad.

[Dale Hellastra]

How much scarring did he leave on you?

[John Holmberg]

None. It wasn't me. It was the Catholic church being across the street from my school.

[Dale Hellastra]

You already said that. You, you wonder why the father never came after you in this.

[John Holmberg]

So much rape. You know what else? Yeah, that's a fact. That I never got approached by that pedophile over there at St. Tim's and he never ever wanted to bang me.

[Dale Hellastra]

John wanted to be approached?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Picking me.

[John Holmberg]

Guy was raping people like raindrops hit the ground. And I somehow I dodged off all of it. It's crazy. You know what else I'm upset about? All these people that'll, that'll email me and say, you're just part of the. You're just part of the media. They make you say this and they do that. You join the cult and they pay. I'm like, I would kill for that. Like, I would be so, like, they say that stuff about like conspiracies, like Nash knows where. They tell everybody, oh, they're part of Pizza Gate and they're all in on the secret. And there's, you know, child trafficking and a Tom Hanks eats babies. And I'm like, I'm upset because people think like, you're just part of the media. They tell you, like, I would love that to be approached and have them say, you went in the club. Like heck yeah. When Epstein island and stuff. Like That I won't participate. But I want to go.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, I would do this. Would you wreak havoc.

[John Holmberg]

I'd just hang out like Clinton did and just be in the pool just going, she's got a great ass. I think that one's gonna get me. And then Bill and I would have fun together. I would love to be part of, of that crew.

[Dale Hellastra]

Right. But they don't want, they don't want any of us.

[John Holmberg]

People always say that, like, oh, you're just a. You're just a show for the, for the political machine that makes you guys say this media's forced to go down that road. You're afraid to do it. I'm like, media. That's what I think. No, that's what I say. What are you getting the idea that I'm important?

[Dale Hellastra]

Stuff I hear you say is wrong.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, that's Brady you're talking about. Pretty much on point. Are you watching the war?

[Dale Hellastra]

I am.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty awesome, isn't it?

[Dale Hellastra]

It's pretty spectacular.

[John Holmberg]

What these Iranians get blown up one day after another. Little heat seeking. The little orange dudes running around just got video of them. It's awesome.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, what I. The thing that probably grabbed my attention the most was one of our flight fighter jets dodging a. Oh, that was great.

[John Holmberg]

Video running around there.

[Dale Hellastra]

Just you, we, the four of us are pooping our pants.

[John Holmberg]

You know what, I had a guy email me about that and he goes, you know what's great about that is the pilot has to engage all. All that. But he's not doing any of the flying at that point. It's the heat from the things that he, he can fly, but it knows what to duck.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And it knows the pattern. Like it's got a computer program that knows the pattern.

[Dale Hellastra]

What's his name?

[John Holmberg]

Not to take anything away from the pilots because they're doing amazing work, but the planes are equipped with such amazing technology that it can run from things shot at it. And that's why it puts. The pilot's job is to go and put the. Those heat things straight and then, and then the thing will go after that. It's pretty awesome.

[Dale Hellastra]

It's pretty crazy.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty great. Yeah. Who are you rooting for? I got Iran in seven.

[Dale Hellastra]

Seven days.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know.

[Dale Hellastra]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

That's what MSNBC is rooting for, Iran. So I watched that too. Back to Kyler real quick.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Transition well, because you said you'd never seen the Sopranos and everybody started to hate you. So your Opinion means nothing now. You're not a well versed man. Man.

[Dale Hellastra]

I. I'm a pretty simple man, John.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you are.

[Dale Hellastra]

I'm pretty simple.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Dale Hellastra]

But I do have opinions on sports things.

[John Holmberg]

That's true. You do know your sports. So maybe it's just you're hyper focused on one single thing.

[Dale Hellastra]

I either watch sports. We watch. Chicago Mad is one TV show.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you love it when they merge with Chicago Hope of Chicago?

[Brady]

Oh, the crossover.

[Dale Hellastra]

There's no Chicago.

[John Holmberg]

There's a Chicago. There is is.

[Dale Hellastra]

It's Chicago Mad. Chicago Fire, Chicago Police and Chicago Hope. I don't know that.

[Brady]

Maybe it got cut.

[John Holmberg]

It was a hospital.

[Dale Hellastra]

Sounds soft.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. You're the one that talks. You're watching the lake house. Kyler Murray. I read yesterday that his price tag for a new team might be $2 million.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah. Cuz he's getting money.

[John Holmberg]

Cuz he's getting 36. So he's basically in the Russell Wilson prove it deal.

[Dale Hellastra]

Here's.

[John Holmberg]

Here's what do you take that chance

[Dale Hellastra]

you do right if you're a. A Cardinals fan.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Be prepared for him going to a Minnesota.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Dale Hellastra]

Something like that. Pittsburgh and. And him becoming a thing.

[John Holmberg]

A better thing.

[Dale Hellastra]

A Sam Darnold.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know if he's that good,

[Dale Hellastra]

but I'm talking about a resurrection story to where you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Why didn't we see?

[John Holmberg]

What you're gonna see, I think firmly is out loud. Oh, it's nine. Did I get a nine o' clock word? I did it one the out loud. You're going to see it wasn't his fault.

[Dale Hellastra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

He may not get you to 15 wins like Darnold did and have some crazy breakout year, but you're going to see. Oh my God. With proper guidance and an offensive line, this dude can damage and.

[Dale Hellastra]

And a good head coach with an organization that is behind you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

But remember Sam Darnold was caught on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

Video saying I'm C Ghosts.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And they made fun of him.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Instead of the coach going, that's on me, I'm seeing.

[Dale Hellastra]

Why are you seeing ghosts? Are you being coached up? What's going on here? No, it's him.

[John Holmberg]

Quarterbacks who see ghosts are unprepared. Quarterbacks that's immediately uncoached.

[Dale Hellastra]

And here's the other thing. I get a kick out of a lot of people here in Arizona. They make fun of the jets and their organization and you could throw Cardinals Jetsons in the blender press frappe and you don't know the difference.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

In Risotto's game. Yeah. Fr.

[Dale Hellastra]

Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

Who would you rather play for? What organization? Cardinals or Jets?

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, you're talking to a guy got drafted by the Bills who at that point were horrible. They just about.

[John Holmberg]

That's just like this day and age.

[Dale Hellastra]

At least in Arizona you got the weather, you got golf. Scottsdale, you're going down.

[Brett]

New York, there's New York, New York,

[John Holmberg]

New York, you got Manhattan. Basically what Brett was asking was, you're in prison. Anal or oral? Yeah, it's a fact. Because I'm like, I guess oral, but I gotta look at it. Pubes in my eyes. At least the other way I don't see them.

[Dale Hellastra]

See? You thought about that?

[John Holmberg]

Of course I did. I'm a man with the brain.

[Brady]

It could be a choice for him.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a man with a brain that's allowed to explore. Unlike you.

[Dale Hellastra]

That's weird.

[John Holmberg]

You've got the bumper pool things up. You're not allowed to go to the gutter. I am allowed to go in the gutter. It's 9:46. Dale's here with us. Anything else happen in sports? Well, I mean, they had the hockey thing. That was pretty fun.

[Brady]

Did you watch a lot of Olympics?

[Dale Hellastra]

I did more than I usually do.

[John Holmberg]

Winter, are you allowed to watch female figure skating? That gets pretty risky.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, you know, those hands go some places, Johnny.

[John Holmberg]

A lot of times in those thongs. I'm starting to wear just thongs out right now.

[Dale Hellastra]

What I always wonder is when I see these ski jumpers.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

And okay, you go down, you're 16 years old, and you do one flip and you're like, yeah, that was easy. I'm gonna do two. When do you start saying, I'm gonna do triple. Three triples. And I'm gonna do a couple twirl.

[John Holmberg]

And where do you do it?

[Dale Hellastra]

Do whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Like, how do you talk somebody and go, can I use your ramp? Like, how do you get to where you're. You're riding down the. The 90 footer. And I don't get it.

[Brady]

Some are doing it on that dry

[John Holmberg]

ramp was just rollers, but it's just like. It's like a mile long. So you can get enough speed to throw yourself through earth. 7,000ft. And it's like, I'm good at this.

[Dale Hellastra]

It's like the. It's like the Summer Olympics. Those divers from the high dive. No, I mean, I jumped off one once.

[John Holmberg]

Of a high dive. Yeah.

[Dale Hellastra]

I mean the platform. The highest platform. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I cried in eighth grade when we were all forced to climb. Coach Flake made us. Did you have to do that at Rhodes too? We had to do the high dive for no reason. Yeah.

[Brett]

Other.

[John Holmberg]

The only reason that they did that at Rhodes was to abuse use us. Like, all right, we're all gonna do some diving. It was February. Wasn't a heated pool either. No, I know. And we did swimming and you were a. Did not get in. But it was horrible.

[Brett]

We didn't have to do the high dive.

[John Holmberg]

We had to do the high dive.

[Brett]

We did. But we just jump off it. Nobody was diving in.

[John Holmberg]

He did it because I know you guys want to. But we're gonna do it safe and we're gonna do it simple. Everybody, we're all climbing the ladder real slow. Next Linkus jump and Todd. And I'm standing up there and I'm looking. I'm like. It started. I was kind of quiet about it.

[Brady]

Dad's there just shaking.

[John Holmberg]

Only reason I did it. And I was scared the whole time, so the water covered my tears. I was horrified up there. I did not like that at all.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, I. I heard you on the the way my other award winning show and somebody's looking at a watch, but you just feel it. Do you just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's a plague.

[Dale Hellastra]

When did your dad stop banging on you for being gay?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he never did out loud. But clearly he thought I was a homosexual. Tells. Well, I started. I. I had a girlfriend that was staying the night and I think he was pretty happy about that.

[Dale Hellastra]

Was he? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I think that made him.

[Dale Hellastra]

Your mom telling hey, get in there. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

She would say stuff like. And he'd knock on the door, go, hey, open the door. Well, I was like 20.

[Brady]

I just thought, I just thought, what if he has the notebook?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he had my notebook above vagina. Poems. My uncle stayed with us for a little while and he locked himself out of the house because he drank a lot. And at 2 in the morning, morning he. I heard the gate because my bedroom was by the side gate to the back door. And I heard it open, but I wasn't thinking because I was just full on doggy ripping and I'm going crazy on this girl. And my uncle poked his head in the window. He said, I was going to interrupt you, he said, but I, you know, I saw you were in the middle of the whole bang away. And I'm like, what? You saw that? And he goes, yeah. And he goes, you took forever by the way. I said I needed to get in the house. I'm like, yeah, it's what I do. And the next thing you know, my dad's like, Dennis told me what was going on. So. Big smile on his face. Proud of you, son. I don't care if you get her pregnant or not. Good work.

[Dale Hellastra]

I'll pay for you.

[John Holmberg]

I'll pay for that. At least you're putting it in the right place. I was worried you and that Mark boy were going to not get pregnant together too.

[Brady]

Oh, and Charles was. Daddy, it was awful.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I was back door on her and she's got this thing called a waina. I don't even like to look at it. Looks like half a cut tomato. Anyway, where did. Anyway, Dale, hell is here. We'll do the entertainment drill next. It's 98.

[Brady]

Hey, it's not weird.

[John Holmberg]

It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

[Dale Hellastra]

Morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. The 10 o' clock word for all you people is Lux L U X. As in Lux Eterna, but Lux L U X for the Metallica contest. We're running it right there on our app [e-mail].

[Dale Hellastra]

What are you giving away?

[John Holmberg]

Going to the Sphere up in Vegasdale. You wouldn't be allowed to see it because they show dirty movies like wizard of Oz and stuff in there that's got. That's got flying monkeys and terribly scary witches and occult stuff.

[Dale Hellastra]

What group is going to be playing out? Captain?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you'd go up there for the Eagle Hills, probably.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're familiar with the Sphere? I don't have to explain that to you.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, I. I've not been in it, but I've been around it.

[John Holmberg]

You've been near it?

[Dale Hellastra]

Yes. Yeah, I've been in the Raiders stadium a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, that was a good one. But the Sphere thing's pretty good. I put Metallica in there.

[Brett]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Even you can appreciate Metallica.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah. What's their most famous.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I'm not going down this road with you. Just don't worry about it.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Love will lift us up.

[Brady]

Muskrat love.

[John Holmberg]

I do a great cover that, you know. Undercover Angel. I think under Undercover angel is a big one for them. My God, man. Anyway, it's time now for Brady and Dale to do the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our friends at the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. Go get your eyes checked, Dale. I've talked to you about this. Yes, it scared Dale.

[Dale Hellastra]

I actually think I'm going to do that because yesterday I was golfing and my right eye was just coming of messing with me.

[John Holmberg]

Don't. Just don't mess with it, man. Mainly not. Look at all the emails I'm getting from people who are like, oh, I had the same thing. This other guy that just emailed this morning said he went to pick up his keys and he's like, I saw exactly what you explained a couple days ago, which was lava lamp in my eye. And that's what happens. It's the weirdest thing. And. And it's crazy to think that it can happen to any of us. You just want to check it. And Dr. J. Schwartz offers the complimentary consultation. You just go in there and go, hey, I want to see if I'm candidate for lasik. I want to see maybe the lens replacement thing, but I really want to see if my eyes are healthy. Can you help me out? And they do the little walkthrough and help you out. You get up there and take care of those eyeballs. Because I'm not saying it's the worst thing that can happen to you, but that recovery is by far the single worst recovery I've had to deal with. I would take 10 months of shoulder reconstruction stuff like I had twice right before. I'd have to stand seven or lay seven days flat on my face again. That was awful.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, the thing is, it's one of those things where I'd love to bust your chops about it, but I ain't messing with.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't want to karma that.

[Dale Hellastra]

I'll be the next one laying face down.

[John Holmberg]

You've had a hip surgery. I've had two. You've had knees, everything else. You can fight through those physically by pushing a little harder.

[Dale Hellastra]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

Can't do a thing about your eyes. They stay still. Man, if these things move, if you sneeze, if you cough, you go blind.

[Dale Hellastra]

And they put the fear of God horrified.

[John Holmberg]

So. And it's. And it's extra for a reason, but good God, go get your eyes checked, I'm telling you. And do it at the greatest place that we got. Schwartz Laser Eye center, teamidoc.com get that complimentary consultation book now and tell them John sent you. And I got two good eyes again. That's a nice thing. A little scared to push things right now, but I'm gonna start trying again once these bubbles leave my eyeball. And you'll be there too. So I want to make sure everybody's seeing the way they should be. Because going blind Sucks. Ask a blind guy. Schwartz, Laser Eye Center. Check it out.

[Brady]

Today, Brady Entertain, Classicrock.com put together the world worst lyrics in classic rock

[John Holmberg]

porn. Sugar on Me.

[Brady]

Wasn't it Jimmy Buffett, Pinball Wizard. Who?

[John Holmberg]

The deaf blind kid.

[Brady]

He plays by sense and smell. That's a great line.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it's a little weird.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And the whole song's weird. The blind deaf kid, the police. It's weird. That's pretty stupid.

[Brady]

When their eloquence escapes me Their logic ties me up and rapes me.

[John Holmberg]

See, I think that's a nice line.

[Brady]

Dirty white Boy, Foreigner I'm a loner but I'm never alone

[John Holmberg]

that's a. That's a. That's a great line.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They're saying it's not Sleeping Bag by ZZ Top.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's dumb.

[Brady]

Let's go out to either Egypt because it's in the plan. We'll whip out our mattress because there ain't no beds.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna have to go with Blinded by the light, Wrapped up like a deuce Another runner in the night.

[Brett]

Well, that's. Springsteen wrote that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. I don't know what the hell that is.

[Dale Hellastra]

Do they say, dude, douche? No.

[John Holmberg]

They say deuce? No. Why would they say douche?

[Dale Hellastra]

I don't know, but that's what I sound like. The song was all these years wrapped

[John Holmberg]

up like a douche.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Now.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, you could be a douche, of course.

[John Holmberg]

But why would you sing that?

[Dale Hellastra]

I don't. Why would you sing half the things they sing?

[John Holmberg]

Douche is not. Douche is not in any songs. Not one guy goes, I'm gonna start singing about douches.

[Brady]

I said number one was Van Halen. Why can't this be love? Only time will tell if we stand the test of time.

[John Holmberg]

It's a great line. It's actually pretty good.

[Brady]

Dale's got a great story.

[John Holmberg]

What about a mulatto? An albino? A mosquito? My libido. Yeah.

[Brady]

Solid.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Evidently, that one matters.

[Dale Hellastra]

What's that from?

[John Holmberg]

Nirvana? Never mind. So it smells like Teen Spirit.

[Dale Hellastra]

You know, so. I've always said this. You know so much about stuff that doesn't matter.

[John Holmberg]

That's a fact.

[Dale Hellastra]

This is another absolutely asinine story.

[John Holmberg]

You know so little about things that do do matter. It's so hard.

[Dale Hellastra]

That's all it knows about, things that matter. Have you ever judged, Johnny? Have you ever judged a person based on what their favorite dinosaur is?

[John Holmberg]

No, because I don't have autism.

[Dale Hellastra]

And now this is the story that Brady gave Me? What about their favorite fictional dinosaur character? People online are voting on the greatest dinosaur characters of all.

[Brett]

This is what?

[John Holmberg]

Asperger's People. People. Do you have crazy Asperger's? I don't even know if I've ever asked anybody. So what's your favorite dinosaur? Because that would make me crazy.

[Brady]

Top five, Dale.

[John Holmberg]

What's your favorite dinosaur, Dale?

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, the top five that they're voting for, which might be Asperger's People.

[John Holmberg]

I'm guessing the one that impregnated your mother, created you.

[Dale Hellastra]

Dino from the Flintstones.

[John Holmberg]

Dino's a good dinosaur.

[Brett]

They're all fictional ones.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's fictional.

[Brett]

I thought he meant, like, species and stuff like that.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, Yoshi from Nintendo Super Mario Franchise. Franchise.

[John Holmberg]

So you're just naming the five dinosaurs

[Brett]

people Remember, Barney's got to be on there.

[Dale Hellastra]

The Land Before Time. Littlefoot. Yep. The Tyn Ron stars. Rex from Jurassic Park. Rex from Toy Story.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one.

[Dale Hellastra]

Blue from Jurassic World.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody saw that?

[Dale Hellastra]

Ducky, Spike and Petri. A lot of Land Before Times. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You see that movie? No. Barney. Yeah.

[Brett]

I'm surprised.

[Dale Hellastra]

Well, didn't Barney have some bad connotations?

[John Holmberg]

You thought he was gay?

[Dale Hellastra]

I thought there was something to him.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was Teletubbies.

[Brady]

And Godzilla was number seven.

[John Holmberg]

He's not a dinosaur.

[Brett]

Wasn't he a dragon or something?

[John Holmberg]

He's a product of a nuclear meltdown that caused radiation to. To make mutations. He's a mutant.

[Brady]

I don't know if that was the original. Yes, it is.

[John Holmberg]

Godzilla. Nuclear meltdown.

[Dale Hellastra]

He climbs buildings.

[John Holmberg]

He's not a dinosaur. He's a mutant.

[Dale Hellastra]

No, he's not. Dinosaur.

[John Holmberg]

Right. He's mutated. That's why Mothra exists. That's why all his enemies exist, too. The same mutations came from the original problem in the. The Japs were pretty big on that whole what is the nukes gonna do to us? Thing. They wrote a couple movies about about it.

[Brett]

Giant prehistoric monster.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but he.

[Brady]

But he was Japanese one. No, the mutated one was the modern. The one with.

[John Holmberg]

And that's the better story because the Jeffs were loaded with nukes. You know, typically.

[Brett]

Typically described as giant radioactive prehistoric sea monster or dinosaur awakened and mutated by radiation.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Brady]

Radiation. Not right.

[John Holmberg]

What did I say? Radiation. Nuclear radiation that mutated him.

[Dale Hellastra]

Don't argue.

[John Holmberg]

Brought him back. Exactly.

[Brady]

It was the sun.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, whatever it was, it was the sun we dropped on him. We dropped little droplets of sunshine on the Japs.

[Brett]

Blinded by the light.

[John Holmberg]

And then one other. Yeah, exactly. One of their weird little animals grew back. Mathra, the flying moth. And then that turtle that spun. Yeah, Gamera. Damn. What on earth?

[Brett]

Here's Dale. Here's Dale's song so we can see what he's hearing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he knows it. They don't say douchebag.

[Dale Hellastra]

Yeah, wrapped up like a douche. That's not what it says.

[John Holmberg]

What does that mean?

[Dale Hellastra]

I. What does anything mean?

[John Holmberg]

There's plenty of meaning in words.

[Dale Hellastra]

Listen to country music.

[Brett]

Talk about douche.

[John Holmberg]

No wonder you hear the word douche a lot. All right, that's it.

[Brady]

It's either a car or a sail.

[John Holmberg]

A deuce. I think it's. The deuce is a. I think it's an engine, isn't it? Or a. It is a car.

[Brett]

I'll look it up.

[John Holmberg]

Deuce.

[Dale Hellastra]

What is the deuce?

[Brady]

A coupe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, either way, doesn't matter.

[Dale Hellastra]

It's not a once, it's a deuce.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's it. The word for 10 o' clock with Larry is lux. L, U, X. I'll give you another one in about 48 minutes and then you get back on that. Nice job, Dale. Go home and watch the Sopranos.

[Dale Hellastra]

I will.

[John Holmberg]

I will make an announcement. Just start it.

[Dale Hellastra]

Okay?

[John Holmberg]

Just get it going. Your wife should love it.

[Brady]

Some great food in the Sopranos.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's so, so good. It's a great show. You're gonna love it.

[Dale Hellastra]

What does douche mean?

[John Holmberg]

Deuce.

[Brett]

It's deuce. Refers to a 32 Ford coupe.

[John Holmberg]

The Coop. See?

[Dale Hellastra]

Johnny's the man.

[John Holmberg]

Brady knew that one, too. Brady had that one. Sopranos, I'm telling you. And call me. Call me and go. I don't understand the first episode. And I'll explain it to you because you're going to get lost.

[Dale Hellastra]

There's a lot in the first episode we.

[John Holmberg]

You will get lost. Trust me. Then they started talking and it was all, what's gabagool? You'll find out. Just gotta stick with it. Larry's next. You guys have yourselves a grand Thursday. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning. Sickness.

[Brady]

Hello.

[John Holmberg]

It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this. When you run a business, there are a lot of boxes to check. Let's see, payroll, check. Inventory, check. Insurance. Well, good thing Simply business makes getting small business insurance fast and easy. Just answer a few questions, review your quotes and get covered in under 10 minutes all online. It's that simple. Check insurance. Off your [e-mail].