03-09-26 - FULL SHOW - MONDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 03-09-26 FULL SHOW – Monday, March 9, 2026

Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Station: 98KUPD, Arizona

Duration: 5:45 AM – 10:00 AM

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Episode Overview

This raucous, free-wheeling episode of Arizona’s top-rated rock morning show mixes classic Holmberg irreverence and comedy with hot takes on current events, pop culture, personal stories, and the perpetual chaos of everyday life. The crew pokes at everything—from live concert giveaways and rising gas prices to societal changes in parenting and the robot sex revolution—never shying away from controversy. Frequent shifts between tongue-in-cheek humor, nostalgia, genuine debate, and sharp satire mark the episode’s tone.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Sick New World Festival Giveaways & Interactive Radio (05:45–06:45, 102:53–104:26)

• The “tap that track” feature on the KUPD app lets listeners qualify for festival tickets each time a Sick New World artist is played (System of a Down, Korn, Marilyn Manson, more).
• Prizes include 5 sets of tickets, 1 VIP package with hotel and $200 gas.
• Holmberg jokes about data collection:

  "The algorithm steals all your information. We sell it to foreigners... you might win!" (05:01)

2. Office Banter: Dental Misadventures and Streetwise Dentists (06:00–09:45)

• Brett details a week battling dental abscesses and a root canal.
• John and the crew riff on medical professions with graphic, dark humor about dentists and gynecologists.
• Memorable exchange:

  John (re: dentistry): “They want a Gummoe. They want something like you coming in. Oh, this is awesome.” (08:16)

3. Brady’s “Indentured Servant” Bits (10:00–16:23)

• Brady’s house helper (“Rodney”) learns the show has joked about him and reacts playfully.
• The team riffs with AI voice effects, mocking old tropes and making over-the-top racial/servant humor.

  Brady: “He finally heard through a buddy... I understand you’re talking about me on your radio show.”
  John (as “Rodney”): “These are underpants... they covered in poopy.” (10:18)

4. Current Events: Gas Prices & “War as Video Game” (16:23–24:27, 21:37–24:27)

• Surging gas prices ($4.80/gal in AZ; over $5–8/gal in CA) blamed on Middle-East tensions.
• Satirical analogy: Modern warfare as a video game (like clearing “missions” or Sonic the Hedgehog).

  John: “War’s gonna be spectacular. Tonight’s episode should be amazing...” (18:58) John: “This is basically like watching Jason Bourne...” (22:44)

5. Cultural Commentary: AI, Satan, and Religious Paranoia (24:29–33:01)

• Hilarious, biting discussion of a televised panel featuring a rabbi, a Catholic bishop (“in a dress”), and an imam warning that AI is the new tool of Satan.

  John: “Adults... with their hands clasped, going, ‘Of course that Satan is going to take over AI.’ And what are you, Metallica? It’s not Napster. Calm down.” (26:12)

• Debate on whether AI will improve or doom society, with blame for human failings placed squarely on ... humans.

6. Nostalgia & TV: “Very Special Episodes” and 80s Darkness (41:01–47:33)

• Holmberg plays a vintage He-Man PSA on adult/child inappropriate touching and goes deep on “that episode” of Diff’rent Strokes—Dudley’s bike shop molestation.

  John: “We watched Dudley get raped on Diff’rent Strokes... the next week, never mentioned again.” (42:21) John (on sitcom handling): “The 80s were cooler. You got raped. Six days. You got six days to get over that!” (47:18)

7. Generational Change: “Cool Parents,” Teen Parties, and Snitching (48:00–65:00)

• The guys compare their wild high school party experiences to a current news story: A “cool mom” arrested for hosting supervised teenage drinking and sex “safe space” parties.
• Strong sentiments about code, loyalty, and new generations’ “snitch” tendencies:

  John: “Now, you didn’t have to partake, there’s the rub... but nobody ever ratted them out and wrecked it for everyone.” (50:48) Brett: “Good, then don’t go.” (52:00)

• Code of “cool houses” and the unwritten rules teens lived by in earlier decades—“honor” and respect for the parents providing the safe haven.

8. Robot Sex Revolution and Satire (65:44–100:12)

• The team goes off on the potential for sex robots to “replace” women—and the gender politics, economics, and future ramifications.

  John: “There is active science trying to replace you... Young ladies, shape up. Don’t be like your moms.” (66:14) Brett: “Sell your stock in FTD. The flower companies are gonna be out of business.” (70:03)

• Hilarious, extended back-and-forth about the logistics, social effects, and morality of robot lovers, including imagined AI voices (e.g. C3PO-as-sexbot), “robot rape,” and the absolute certainty that male sexbots will be an afterthought.

9. Brady Report: News, Facts, and Oddities (106:51–133:12)

• National Meatball Day, Barbie Day, fun facts (e.g. Miami was founded by a woman).
• Lost and found at airports: diamond-studded grills, samurai swords, meteorites, diamond earrings.
• Science news: Japanese invention of tearless onions (“Smile Balls”), ongoing calls for more self-nuking for the sake of innovation!
• Weird news: Prison work crew sex encounter in a porta-potty; man with 42 teeth; woman’s $5M scratch-off win.
• Notable quote (John, on Japan post-WW2): “Put another one on them. I bet you they can reinvent an entire planet.” (111:40)

10. “What Would Brady Do?” Advice & Philosophy (143:33–162:39)

• Advice on ditching a clingy Tinder date (don’t ghost, go direct, maybe “Alpine divorce”).
• A woman questioning Mormonism—encouraged to leave if her heart’s not in it (“You’re already out by emailing us”).
• Husband upset wife dresses up for friends, not him—consensus is: she hates you. “Enjoy your roommate.”
• Divorced stepdad wonders if he should stay in ex-stepkid’s life—only if the kid invites him.
• Multiple reminders that sex, respect, and human nature have always governed these situations.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• 06:12–06:53 (On dental abscess):
  Brett: “They had to go and drain... my whole face was numb for like the entire day.”
  John: “Your face was killing us.”

• 10:09
  Brady: “I understand you’re talking about me on your radio show.”

• 18:58
  John: “War’s gonna be spectacular. Tonight’s episode should be amazing... my dream is to kill the new Supreme Leader by Wednesday.”

• 24:50
  John: “I watched the bat-craziest conversation on television. A rabbi, a bishop in a big red dress, and some mullah, uniting against AI and Satanism.”

• 42:21
  John (on 80s sitcoms): “Dudley gets raped. Enjoy the comedy of Diff’rent Strokes.”

• 59:55
  John: “The weird thing was all us degens never disrespected it... There was a cool kid code. Honor.”

• 66:14
  John: “Young ladies, shape up. Don’t be like your moms. There is active science trying to replace you.”

• 83:53
  Brett: “Clean up the dog crap, you can bang—I got my own thing going!”

• 99:34
  Listener message: “If rape is about power and you already own the robot, wouldn’t it take all the rapey fun away?”

• 111:40
  John: “Put another one on [Japan]. I bet you they can reinvent an entire planet.”

• 147:39
  Anonymous listener: “I pounded that thing good. How do I get rid of her?”
  Brett: “If you ghost her, she’s just—she’s crazy now. It’s gonna entice her more.”

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Important Timestamps

• 05:45 – Official start, Sick New World promo, giveaways, contest rules.
• 06:00 – Dental misadventures, medical banter.
• 10:00 – Brady’s helper realizes he’s a show joke, servant/“Rodney” skit.
• 16:23 – Gas prices, war as a “video game.”
• 24:29 – AI, Satan, religious TV panel discussion.
• 41:01 – He-Man PSA, “Diff’rent Strokes” very special episode, 80s TV.
• 48:00 – Generational change: parenting, parties, snitch culture.
• 65:44 – Sex robots, gender replacement: extended comedy segment.
• 106:51 – Brady’s news report, odd facts, strange stories.
• 143:33 – “What Would Brady Do?” Advice segment.
• 166:07 – NFL free agency “legal tampering” and sports closing banter.
• 168:34 – Entertainment report: songs/shows that “turn Americans on.”

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

• Crude, edgy, unfiltered — The hosts are at their most playful and provocative, especially on technology, gender, and societal trends.
• Comedic nostalgia — Constant callbacks to adolescence, TV of the 80s/90s, “how things used to be.”
• Biting satire — Social criticism is veiled (or not so veiled) in outrageous humor.
• Interactivity — Major emphasis this week on listener participation via app-based contests.

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This episode is a classic example of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: irreverent, self-aware, unapologetically brash, and deeply rooted in Phoenix’s rock radio tradition. If you want a window into the mindset, humor, and cultural temperature of Arizona in 2026, this is a one-stop shop.

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

Hey, it's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness talking to you right now about the Schwartz Laser Eye Center. You can be a LASIK candidate. They'll check that out. Lens replacement is unbelievable. If you got a cataract like I had, but I had something crazy happen with a torn retina came out of nowhere. No warning signs. That torn retina things, no joke. And that's why Dr. Jay Schwartz is so great. You get that complimentary consultation, see how your eyes are doing. Otherwise they'll take care of whatever you need. Protect that vision. Start at teamidoc.com or call them 480-483-Eyes Schwartz Laser Eye center. The official eye center for your diamondbacks and sons. You know when looking for your fix of comedy here in the Valley we have three amazing clubs that feature some of the best comedians in the world. Up on the north end of town, you can visit the beautiful Desert Ridge Improv. Downtown in Cityscape, you've got Stand Up Live and Eastside. Right there in the heart of asu, it's the legendary Tempe Improv.

[Brett]

Plenty of entertainment for you and your guests and you can even grab some food and drink.

[John Holmberg]

So see why the Valley is a comedy destination and get your tickets by going to desertridgeimprov.com standuplive.com and tempeimprov.com come

[Brady]

on down to the Ranch House Grill.

[John Holmberg]

Comfort food is your next meal. Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix. At 56th street and Thomas Road. It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness to tell you about the Core Institute. People who met me found out that I've had four major operations in the last four years. They're blown away. I've had both shoulders replaced and both hips replaced because I was an absolute disaster. Before my surgeries, I was in pain. Now no one knows I've had any issues. People who hear multiple surgeries assume they'll never be the same again. That's just not true. I'm better than I've been in 20 years. Stop quitting the things you love and get back to being the pain free you you love. The Core Institute.

[Announcer]

Still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com It's 5:45.

[John Holmberg]

My name's John. How are you? There's Brady, there's Brett, there's Big Dick Toledo. That's. It's the morning sickness. And off we go for another glorious day here in paradise. And I gotta. We'll start the whole thing right there. We just played that System of a Down song. And if you're listening on the app, which so many of you are and I believe on the website as well, it'll tell you, click on this right now. It's going to give you a little prompt to say click, click here. And every time you do that, you'll hear when you're, when you're, when your app tells you this one, this one, this one, this one, it'll start warning you. You're going to register yourself for this amazing thing. We're sending you guys to the Sick New World Festival in Las Vegas April 25 to see there's 40 bands playing this thing. And headlining System of A, Down With Corn, Marilyn Manson, Bring Me the Horizon, Evanescence, Pod Alien, Ant Farm, Filter. Who else? Cypress Hill is on this thing. Terror Terror, Danny Elfman, Mastodon, Keep Going Cold Chamber. Who am I missing? There's a billion bands. There's a billion of the Melvins are even on it. I'm looking at this thing right now. It's crazy. Yeah, it's an insane amount, Evanescence, that I mentioned that DoD just looking at this thing, it's non stop. Just one after another, after greatness. And every time we play a band that's on the list on the tour of the. The. Not the tour, but the lineup of Sick New World, you can tap that track right there on the KUPD app or web stream. Every time you hear any artist playing a Sick New World festival, There you go. Five of you will win tickets to the show. One of you will win a VIP package hotel, and then another 200 bucks in gas for the road trip. That's right. The 25th anniversary of this nonsense is going to be in your benefit. Everybody's going to win something. We're all walking away with something, Bert. And this, this goes on for a little while. We give this prize away and we're only like three weeks away from Easter and this year's Easter keg, if I'm not mistaken. Five grand. My, that is a huge prize. This Year.

[Brady]

Huge.

[John Holmberg]

So it's. Yeah, we got ourselves. We got ourselves quite a 25th year.

[Brady]

There's no chopping there.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing. Well, you know what started putting people on the. On the, you know, on the ball and saying, you know how easy this would be if you guys tried. And the trying started and boom. The next thing you know, it's going to be a beast. Yeah, I mean, they've got this. I'm looking at the clutches out there. Pod, Mastodon, Filter, the Melvin's Coal Chamber, Cypress Hill, AFI, Ministry, Danny Elfman is way high on the list. Marilyn Manson, Evanescence, Bring Me the Horizon, Corn, System of a Down. I mean, you're going to be tired of music by the end. Jealous. Yeah, I know. It's going to be amazing. Well, we'll hand you those tickets and all you have to do is tap that track. So they say interactive listening, you know, that's pretty awesome. It used to be the, you know, ninth caller type. Crap. Now it's just like that. Minimum effort and everybody gets to qualify. And then there's some sort of drawing thing. I don't know how it works. I just know you tap it, you get into some sort of weird database. The algorithm steals all your information. We sell it to foreigners. I'm pretty sure that you get all sorts of ads and possibly your identity stolen. But you might win. Contest stuff.

[Brady]

The afternoon, the day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I do the Metallica one o'. Clock. I gotta. Oh, yeah, we'll be doing that all right. You shouldn't be that excited then. Don't fake it, Brady. It's ugly. Don't do that. But yeah, it's a. Got a lot going on. Awful lot going on. How's your mouth, Gummoe?

[Brady]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Did you get it fixed?

[Brett]

Pretty much.

[John Holmberg]

You got drained? Hell yeah. Oh, boy. Oh man, did I have gallons tuning in. Gummoe had an abscess for about a week. Oh, his face was good. Friday was getting weird. Yeah, like you were like Bell's palsy

[Brett]

swollen and I was out of it too. I just couldn't look. Pain and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, I had to have a

[Brett]

root canal on one side and then on the other side. That's when they had to go and drain. So my whole face was numb for like the entire day.

[John Holmberg]

Well, your face was killing us.

[Brett]

Great way to start Friday too.

[John Holmberg]

A weekend, but it's all good. You got the root canal and everything.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah. They still have to pull this one tooth on the side, but. But they relieved all the pressure and got it all.

[Brady]

Friday was an Italian chipmunk Yeah, it was bad.

[John Holmberg]

He had canolies in his cheeks. The, the worst part is that I, you know, said you went to the dentist and you've never heard a dentist go, holy, what's going on in here? He was horrified. It's his n. Well, it's like when

[Brett]

they put that, that suction thing in there and it's usually just, you know, like regular cleaning or whatever and just sucking up the regular spit. It's just this one was just this.

[Brady]

Yeah,

[John Holmberg]

it was all pus getting sucked out of Gummoe's head. Oh, gross. So bad.

[Brett]

But I feel so good now.

[John Holmberg]

You always think about that like, like doctors. I was talking to my buddy Dr. Brink. He's a surgeon last night. We were basically what we're. Anthony. Our friend Anthony started to talk about anal sex, I think, and he was in, you know, the dangers therein with, you know, that's where poop lives. So we're doing that. And, And Anthony is pretty graphically okay with anything. Like, he, he. He doesn't, like, nothing stuns him so. Well, he's just into the. He doesn't care.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like the conversation. I don't know if he actually follows him. He doesn't care about the gross stuff, you know, like the smells and I don't care. And even Dr. Brink was like, I. I'm a surgeon. Some of the things that have come out of people that I've touched and that the smells of an infection that are inside. And he goes, it's pretty brutal. And he goes, but even I'm not into the, you know, dirty bottoms. And like, I think my friend Anthony would be in one of the videos.

[Brett]

I was just going to say we should show him some of these videos.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he would. That wouldn't bother him at all. Seen it, but. Yeah, no, it lived it. Like, lived it. Like, why is, you know, why would I watch that? I lived that.

[Brett]

Like the Bellagio fountain. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The poopies and the thing. He's like, whatever that happens. And he goes, you just got to keep. You got to plow through it and it's gross. Dentists, they think they're just going to go, you know, they get their little dental thing and they're. And then they become sadists because after a while they're bored with just a filling or whatever. They want a Gummoe. They want something like you coming in going, oh, this is awesome. But then the smells probably get them all juiced up and the popping up me popping pus. Oh, the smell of that is so bad. And then pulling your teeth out and watch it just being in that kind of control over another human head.

[Brady]

Ship it away.

[John Holmberg]

You got to be a weirdo to want to be a dentist. Dentist and gynecologist.

[Brett]

Gyno, I think, is worse.

[John Holmberg]

Just because it's proctology is just ridiculously bad. Cause, you know, it's like you lost a bet. It's like. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, it could have been a foot doctor, but I chose buttholes. And now I dig around in there for stuff wrong. And hopefully I find it. Cause that's a payday. And then you gotta go back into that one that's busted over and over again. Ugh.

[Brett]

Even the prostate checks, and you gotta

[John Holmberg]

go up there and. Yeah, no, they like it.

[Brett]

Yeah, I know.

[John Holmberg]

That's why they must.

[Brady]

That's why all doctors do that one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but that's why there's no technology. Brady, I have some. You've been raped. If. Then all doctors don't do that.

[Brady]

That's.

[John Holmberg]

I've never once had a near nose. Oh, man. Wow. You need a lawyer. Immediately. You need a lawyer. My holistic healer. My Reiki, My Reiki, Non contact massage. They're all in there.

[Brady]

The rug doctor came over.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding. Well, he's steaming mad at dirt, so you got to give him that. Yeah, just so weird being a. Anyway, well, good. Gummoe's better. And Brady, you said that your indentured servant got a little uppity on Friday and you had to put him in his place.

[Brady]

He finally heard through a buddy of his. I understand you're talking about me on your radio show.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brady]

Funny.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he was happy with it.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yes, sir. I thought that was wonderful. You give me all that time now, sir. Thank you so much.

[John Holmberg]

Now, sir. By the way, these are underpants. I assumed they was because they covered in poopy.

[Brady]

Now, Rodney.

[John Holmberg]

Now, Rodney. Yes, Mr. Benny the. So he's okay with it.

[Brady]

Yeah. I tried to explain how we. Yeah, I said it was fish. He was very funny.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Did you tell. I like to hear so.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. Did you tell him?

[Robot/AI Voice]

They just said you were my slave.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, you didn't tell him. Oh, yeah, you did.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

That you sat and watched a. Oh, geez Louise.

[Robot/AI Voice]

That's funny. So that's funny.

[John Holmberg]

He's pissing all over Brady's, like, drawers and all that other stuff.

[Robot/AI Voice]

How you doing? Now, I understand you've been making fun

[John Holmberg]

of me on the radio.

[Robot/AI Voice]

We are loudness radio at work Now.

[John Holmberg]

Now, Rodney Brady has His indentured servant. Did you stick around again when he cleaned?

[Brady]

No, I came in at the tail. I came home and he was still just finishing up.

[John Holmberg]

Was he alone?

[Brady]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Do you have in house cameras at all? Because I guarantee you to hurt this

[Robot/AI Voice]

mother thinks he gonna get away with this. I'm gonna sh. Every drawer in this house, wipe all my. All that silverware.

[John Holmberg]

Is everybody feeling well after the weekend?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's got a little sickness, don't they? Yeah, that's exactly right. You're terrible. Well, to Rodney, I certainly wouldn't do that to you. I'd answer the door. Go.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, I'm here to clean the house.

[John Holmberg]

Not happening. No, you gotta go do something else. I'm sorry. I can't. I can't do this.

[Brett]

Brady walks in. Look at the wax buildup on those shoes. This is fine leather. I want this stripped off. I want them cleaned and buffed.

[Brady]

Boy, you son of.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Bust your ass. I swear to God, I will bust your ass.

[John Holmberg]

Mother.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Come over here and clean this house. Rodney, look at this. What is it, Mr. Boganst? Why you cleaned the kitchen. And I went back in and I started to rub a half a ham. How am I supposed to get all this off there but wash the kitchen again, Rodney?

[John Holmberg]

Mother, you hear him saying that all the time walking through the house, Mother.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Fat little toe.

[Brady]

Are you sure you clean that? I did. Okay, then.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Here you go, Mr. B. Can I. Can I go? Can I go now? Well, I mean, go do a white glove inspection. So just use your hand without a glove. Mother, you're already white. You're already white.

[John Holmberg]

And get your dirt on your ugly ass.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Seems to be reasonable, Rodney. Here's your dollar.

[John Holmberg]

You flicker coin.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You're humble and lovable. Thank you, sir. You're kind.

[John Holmberg]

You're a terrible person. You should have fired him on the spot.

[Brady]

It's gonna be a tough call.

[John Holmberg]

It's. No. How are you gonna get. How are you gonna do it? You gotta eventually. He's not going to. He's not. Rodney's gonna live there forever. He's gonna be in Brady's world for the rest of your life.

[Brett]

He's gon else.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Thomas. Hope you don't mind. So I brought some people to help out.

[Brady]

Ronnie, I need you to make a call.

[Robot/AI Voice]

This is not good. We're going to need another house in the back.

[John Holmberg]

You're done. You're done. Because you can't.

[Brady]

You can't too deep into it.

[John Holmberg]

No, he's going to just be sitting on the couch drinking.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Not Cleaning anything today, sir.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's great.

[Brady]

That's.

[Robot/AI Voice]

What are you talking about, Rodney? You got to clean. I ain't gotta do. You got a slave. I turn your ass in, you go to jail, son.

[Brady]

It's like JB Schmoo.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's it. He just stays there. Oh, my God.

[Brett]

He's gonna be parked in his red Mercedes in your garage. You're still gonna be parking in the driveway.

[John Holmberg]

Awesome. His story.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Found your daughter's stash of weed, sir. Now, you put that back, Rodney. Kirby hates that when you break out of her contraband and start moving it around. We found out the hard way, Kirby wants it, Kirby gets it. She got some good, son. We were smoking in the backyard together. Who are your friends now, Rodney? I'm gonna dock your dollar if you keep messing around with my daughter's weed stash. Dock your dollar, Mother.

[Brett]

You know his friends over Trey and Doughboy and.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, I see you've brought a couple of homies. That's right.

[John Holmberg]

That's how it's gonna. He's just gonna end up calling you that.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Hey, welcome home, mother. I got a couple of friends gotta lay low for a minute. They're gonna do it in your house here.

[Brady]

That sounds great.

[John Holmberg]

Now, Rodney, Anyway, congratulations to you, Brady. That's a. Quite a life you've carved out for yourself. How did you handle it when he's

[Robot/AI Voice]

like, I understand you've been talking about me now.

[John Holmberg]

So.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yeah. Just good, though.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Even though you should have said, I'm uncomfortable with you here, but you're trusting to go through the. Like, the whole house. I do that with cleaners all the time. I can't be in the house when they're there. That's the worst. Because you could be doing that. You know, it's terrible to have people working around your house that. It's not like electricians or somebody who has to be. It's just people coming in, cleaning your house, and you sit there and do nothing while they do it. It's just so. It just makes me feel horrible. Hate it so bad. But I certainly couldn't do it with the way Brady is, which is Candyland.

[Brady]

It's. The sign's already up there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it should be. It should be. I saw that. Oh, over the. Oh, gosh. It's great news. The countdown is on for war. Even Anderson Cooper last night called it war. He said, yeah, I did. You know what?

[Brady]

I caught a little Lacey.

[John Holmberg]

He said, this happened, this happened, this happened. At the end of it, he goes a Lot happening in war this weekend. And I'm like, they know it's a show too. So they named the son of Ko Men Yi is the new supreme leader. So this is the funnest part of the show War. How long till we kill him? Because he ain't gonna last long. No way. So this is now already has a

[Brady]

missile with his name on it.

[John Holmberg]

They've leveled up the video game. You know how in video games you have this, the assignment. You got through that mission. And then they're like. And then they'll show a headline. New Supreme Leader named vows Death to America. Damn it. And then starts new. And you gotta find this guy. And he's extra hard to find. They're gonna move him around all over the place now we gotta start blowing up stuff. We think he's in and it's great. This is, this, this is another week of war. That's gonna be great. And if we can get him fast. Trump's playing a video game with Iran and I'm. I'm all in. Now the problem is gas is now $4,000. I got gas this morning. Like, holy Christ, how fast did they get those prices to us? That was unnecessary. And that's more proof it's all a game. The barrel of the cost of barrel of oil is $120. Now that happened last night already. The gas station right up here in the corner flex is almost 480.

[Brady]

When and. But when it drops down, it takes

[John Holmberg]

forever to get it all straightened out. Yeah. Yeah. They won't. Yeah. When it dumps down to like $20 a barrel.

[Brady]

Well, I don't know. Yeah, it's a couple of weeks at least.

[John Holmberg]

They always say the cost is always. It's baked in. If you've already gotten it. That's what it costs when they brought it over to. But it's going to take months for it to come back down. It's just.

[Brady]

And we get our. We get our mix here.

[John Holmberg]

All of it's a lie. All of it's a lie. None of that's real. For them to be able to boost the prices. They're excited, that's happy. Every. Every place is thrilled to shove five bucks up your ass.

[Brady]

And if the gas has already gone that way, then everything else follows.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, because then the trucks. Everything's going to be more expensive for a little bit. And that's the bad part. But we kill this new guy, we'll have it. And this one we got to get on tv. This is good. War is good. War is Going to be spectacular. Tonight's episode should be amazing because we're going to take a couple of shots and miss. You know, like you're doing a video game and then, you know, you get trouble and then other people try to get you because you make yourself known. We're going to kill this new guy, hopefully by Wednesday. I'm guessing if the plot stays on point Wednesday or Thursday, we kill the new guy. But what they've got to do now is have a backup new guy ready to go. And he can't be.

[Brett]

I'm sure they do.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they got a list. You're next. They're on number 60 at this point. So quit hanging out together. It's like playing basketball. Like Brett.

[Brady]

Yeah, but it gets lonely.

[John Holmberg]

Quit bringing your defender to me. Like, why do you guys keep having meetings? There's zoom and there's the other thing. We're supposedly knocked out all their Internet, but they can make calls. And Russia's evidently giving Iran information. I'm like, who?

[Brady]

How?

[John Holmberg]

Who's got their phone?

[Brady]

Congratulations on your new leadership role. Who's gotten calls? Them?

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, Putin evidently giving, like, information on where to bomb.

[Brett]

He's still got a rotary phone sitting there in the palace.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who's calling, but blow that up, too. Like, this seems like it's all. It's all fake. Nothing's real.

[Announcer]

It's something, something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] well,

[Guest/Advertiser]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness, and I'm absolutely thrilled to tell you about my [e-mail]. you've heard me mention Kevin Costner, Trey McBr, countless celebrities and pro athletes and how they chose lifted trucks. But that doesn't mean it's only for actors and pro athletes. It's for all of you. Everybody who loves a cool adventure. So if you're a huge celebrity like me or just an average Joe who wants the best truck available, head on over to Lifted Trucks. They live up to being the number one custom truck dealer for over 30 years. 10,000 five star reviews can't be wrong. Lifted trucks dot com. Work hard, play hard, drive harder.

[Announcer]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett]

Did you see gas prices in California over eight bucks?

[John Holmberg]

Of course they are.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It's got to be.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's been an announcement and. Oh, the stock market's dead and gone.

[Brady]

It's got to be one place. No, I heard over five, you know,

[John Holmberg]

five dollars in the corner.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Here.

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

When I went by was 494. Yesterday it was 455. Like what? For the middle one, not the low end.

[Brett]

Yeah, well, and then the premium stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Premium's five bucks. Yeah. Even higher. So. But war is going to be fun. I've got the joystick out. I'm going to try to kill another. We're going to do another guy named after a loogie. We're going to. We're going to kill that guy. And there he is and we kill him. And then we get to kill another one and each level up. And then eventually, like Sonic the Hedgehog, you get to the actual guy behind the curtain and you have to kill him. And you jump and you bang into his head and you run under the thing because he's just shooting those bunny. And then he turns into a bunch of friendly rabbits and it's over. Everybody remembers the end of Sonic. Did get to the end of Sonic. Oh, it's great.

[Brett]

I didn't.

[John Holmberg]

The doctor would go when he'd come out of this machine and he'd start jumbling around and then you bounce into him. And there was a system to it because he'd shoot and then you gotta bounce into him once and he shoots at you and you jump under the thing and Bounce into him the other side, just going back and forth like a jump rope. And eventually, if you hit him enough, he explodes into massive amounts of friendly rabbits. And then now it's peaceful. And then Sonic the Hedgehog just started all over from the first, although everything was a little harder. You had leveled up to the second. You had to run through the whole thing twice. That's what we're doing in Iran. It's just a gigantic video game. So hopefully by Wednesday. And the search is gonna be awesome. This is basically like watching Jason Bourne. We don't have anything. You know, everybody's like, oh, we're at war. We're not. We're not doing anything. I've changed nothing in my entire life. People at war are those guys across the street here in the National Guard and all the military people and their families. That is who's actually at war. Brett and I are not at war.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We're just sitting back, being normal, sipping, you know, Negronis over at, you know, wherever we go. I know it's a great drink, Brett. I shouldn't have said it to you, though, but. Oh, is this one. Oh, yes.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, there's a guy on a flying carpet. Yes. This is what makes war great, is the Internet's great with it. That's a song they play when they're coming after you. Guess so, yeah. It's pretty great. That's. AI Right. That's not real. Okay. I'm just making sure. I just, like, I didn't think the flying carpets had that kind of. I didn't know that guy can look if that's a. If that was real. And they can stand on a carpet that's flying like that. We're not going to win this one.

[Brady]

Not going to get out.

[John Holmberg]

You know what I watched? I watched the most absolute bat conversation I've ever seen on television. A rabbi. This sounds like a joke. A rabbi, like a. Like a supreme priest. One of the dudes that's in the big red dress, like, he's in. He's the most transvestite of all the Catholics. They dress him up.

[Brady]

A bishop.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know, but he's gay looking in that gigantic dress. And then I started to wonder, like, these Catholics are so mad at trans. And then you go to church and it's just dudes in dresses running around just like you guys have started. This could have been a cardinal. Well, either way, put the pants on. You're a man. God. God wants you in a dress. And then like a dude wears a dress and you want him banished from. It doesn't make any sense anyway. A rabbi, a gay guy from the Catholic Church in a dress, some. I don't know what they called him. Some moolah, like a Middle Eastern dude. They had all of them. They were all uniting because they're like, we may not agree on how religion works, but we do know this. That AI and Satanism are something we have to stop. They think that there's a. There's Satan. They said the AI ushered in a new era of Satanism. And they warn religious leaders, this great power of Satan is going to come at you through AI. And I started to think to myself, if this was. If anyone sat in a TV or in a studio and said, turn the cameras on, we're worried that AI is going to make Medusa mad, we'd all just. You're an idiot. What are you doing that you think Satan's been waiting for AI?

[Brady]

He's sneaky.

[John Holmberg]

He's not sneaky, John. Why does he. Why is he sneaky? He doesn't have to be sneaky.

[Brady]

He's a computer genius.

[John Holmberg]

But yes. So he's been sitting around for thousands of years. When the technology is right and we gotta wait for that, then I'll strike. I hate to break it to you dummies, but by your own book and your own rule, he's had access to AI the whole time now. Yeah, but now you guys have it, so now I can really play. Why is he. Why does he participate in the rules if it doesn't make sense? If he's gonna take over AI, why didn't he just take over tv? Nobody's stopping him. The whole Satan thing makes me giggle. Hysteric. It's Yosemite Sam in his little outfit. Remember? He said, wow, I'm the rooting is tootin his bad guy. It's like invention. And I just can't get over adults going on. Anything is seriously just with their hands clasped, going, well, of course that Satan is going to take over AI. And what are you, Metallica? It's not. It's not. Napster. Calm down.

[Brady]

They just want to assign it to the right person in charge.

[John Holmberg]

Who?

[Brady]

Your rabbi, your.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, here's what I didn't notice. In your roundtable of AI One polytheist from India. They're the ones you talk to about AI getting taken over. That's the. If anything's gonna get in there, the. The guys who believe in Vishnu are the ones who are gonna stop it. Not some Jew or some gay Catholic or some Moolah. They're not AI savvy. If I could tell you right now, Brett, who would you take? A bishop, a rabbi, some guy in a. With a thing? Or a Middle Eastern dude who's got eight arms on his desk talking about Vishnu and an elephant? Who's fixing your computer from AI Satanism.

[Brett]

Oh, Kevin from Discover.

[John Holmberg]

Kevin from. Yeah, that's right. Mumbai's own. Yeah, yeah. Oh, they were very serious. And then some idiot in the audience is like, how do we know they're asking questions? How are we aware of Satan in our computer? You're not. That's the key to it. Like that just tells me, AI must be awesome. If religion's afraid of it, it means it's going to expose them.

[Brady]

There, I think, is the big question. Will AI make the world a better place?

[John Holmberg]

No. Yeah, we are the problem. It's not more entertaining.

[Brady]

Yeah, there's Satan.

[Robot/AI Voice]

That's not safe.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. People show us human.

[Robot/AI Voice]

That's kind of evil.

[Brett]

That's definitely more entertaining.

[John Holmberg]

We're evil. All of us.

[Brady]

Not all of us.

[John Holmberg]

Well, then, then why would that be the thing if it's just going to be. Some people do dumb stuff and some people don't. It isn't evil. It's just. AI has nothing to do with it. Satan's not in your computer. He's not thinking it. Yeah, I. Oh, he's also not real. What? But I'm saying, yeah, I know you

[Brady]

hear from the experts about, you know, AI, you know, and who knows what to believe. But they're like, we let it out too early.

[John Holmberg]

We, you know, no idea how the people, the dudes in dresses still have the right to sit on a TV and say, we're worried that Satan's using AI to manipulate your children. And I'm like, you guys, how do they still. How, as a society are still listening to those dudes in dresses tell us what's wrong with how to treat kids? They lost the right to say that they've complete for thousands of years. That's not an exaggeration. That entire organization raped kids and hid it. And they're the ones going on TV with the nerve to say, oh, you gotta watch out. You know, people do bad things to kids and we're here to protect that. You lost the right. Papa John's can't have a pizza place because he said one bad word. They had to change the name. We wouldn't tolerate it. We would not tolerate it. He said a bad thing once. As far as we know. I'm sure his first car was caught once. Yeah, he got caught once. That's right. That's right. Tom Brennaman can't do football games for, like, big game. He has to do, like, Cincinnati versus Wyoming. Nobody watches because he said a bad thing once.

[Brett]

Got caught.

[John Holmberg]

Those jackasses at that church put those dresses on and tell you how to treat kids. You lost the right to do it. You can't shut up. You know who's Satan? Them. They're the ones who love it. They believe in it. They throw it in your face all the time. They did horrible things to people for years, and no one ever. Everybody's so afraid to say, you guys did this. You're Satan. Don't you dare talk about AI and what's going to happen to kids. You guys did worse.

[Brady]

Well, the argument on that is not all of them. Not all of them.

[John Holmberg]

Okay? The whole thing stood behind it. You think Papa John's whole board needed to go from one thing? A lot of them had to go. They changed one and they got rid of a few other things. They changed the name. They changed the sign. They had an apostrophe, which doesn't make any sense. They just showed that they were proactively not going to tolerate what just happened. Don't get it. The dudes in dresses can still go on TV and start saying nonsense. Father Fortunato de Nolpo. Jackass. Oh, we're here to protect the kids. No, no, no, no, no, no. You guys have.

[Brady]

You'll go there.

[John Holmberg]

You should have to tell everybody you live in the neighborhood. I like to put big red dresses on and wander around and talk to the youth. All right. No. Oh, it drove me crazy. Like, using children appeals to them because it's a form of power being exercised over the innocent, and that's who we're here to protect. That's new. AI that just told me they're scared of AI exposing them because they're already putting it out there going, oh, this is a bad thing. Don't pay attention to that. Anything bad comes out. It's Satan. You hear about us on there. It's just Satan. Oh, it drove me bananas. I would. Drove me nuts. I love.

[Brady]

Would you feel any better that it was a cardinal or that got busted for going to a brothel numerous times?

[John Holmberg]

Did that happen?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, I. They're. They're horrible. They're horrible little weirdos.

[Brady]

Kids. It was a brothel.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Yeah. They're horrible little weirdos in dresses that wander around and do this. And they're just revered because they've. Over years they've been told to be any other per. Any person goes up on a Senate floor or on TV and starts talking about how they're worried about Thor, like we're worried about Zeus coming. Like, this is pretty bad. Or if that. The weather that's coming our way. Well, Poseidon's pretty angry at us, right? You'd laugh him out of the room. Put with your magic man wrecking everything. He's not sitting there waiting for AI. But it was a big deal. They had, like, put together groups of people. This is something we really need to worry about. That has nothing to do with AI itself. It's the devil. Well, you're not gonna stop them.

[Brady]

You can't control it.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. Because it. Well, you can if you put a rational brain in your head and go, yeah, the fiery weirdo that lives under me that bangs his little pitchfork around.

[Brady]

I just meant AI.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's. That's real. Yeah, Be real worried about AI. But it has nothing to do with Satan. So dumb. So dumb. Oh, drove me bananas. And I love it because every time I get off on a little tangent, somebody from the diocese will sneak a little ladder in, something will pop over here. More than happy for you guys to come on down here and start talking about your fantasies. They all means wear the dress and tell me how wrong transvestites are. That makes tons of sense. God never wanted a man to dress as a woman. Well, you do it every Sunday and then you ask for, like, us to worship you, you weirdo. Put the dress on. It's only official if we're in dresses. We hate transvestites and gays. Like, why do you dress like them then? I. What's going on? They don't make any sense. Have we killed Khomeini yet? Keep an eye on Khomeini. Watches on. I gotta say thanks to everybody at the Arizona Pet Project, too. We were. Brady went down to this. We had a great event on Friday night at the Biltmore and raised a bunch of money. We didn't do it. We were just participants. But they raised a ton of money for pet charities all over the place. Leanna Taylor does an amazing job. Put the heck. That was the best chicken I've had at one of those fundraisers. That was pretty damn good. Did you like it?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're the ultimate judge of that. I've had two fundraiser chickens that knocked my socks off. Both of them were at the Biltmore just Knocked my socks off. I was at Kurt Warner's event wasn't dry. Kurt Warner's event was a plank of, of wood. And evidently there was some movement. Wood with some gravy over there was. Well, the gravy was also wood. I think it was sawdust. It was. I very rarely. Can I not just go, wow, you know, I'll choke this down. I had to stop. I'm like, I can't eat this. And everybody at the table's like, this is. Evidently there was some movement in the kitchen that night where people weren't allowed to come back the next day. Let's just say that because the event, the food was so bad. You know, an off night where you make 500 dishes and they're all bad. That's tough.

[Brady]

We've been holding it for a while.

[John Holmberg]

That's hard to do.

[Brett]

Wasn't a normal frozen chicken breast with you know, maybe pre made grilled marks on it and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

And that would have been awesome compared to what they serve. I'm not sure what that was. Yeah, and you like the knife wouldn't go through it. I'm not kidding. Like try. It was like trying to cut like this computer screen. Why is this not. It was so bad that Friday night.

[Brady]

It made a sound when you're saw.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it was. Yeah. It screamed for help and then air came out of it. It was weird. But yeah, the chicken at that thing. Friday was good. Like really good. It was a good event. Always good. It's nice. And Ian Schwartz at Channel 3 did a great job hosting that. Beautiful. Then off to the Swizz.

[Brady]

Saturday, wasn't it?

[John Holmberg]

Saturday. What did I say? Friday, yeah, Saturday. Yeah, Saturday night. And then it made me think about. I'm like, yeah, off to the Swizzle Inn with my gay neighbors and Michael and Troy and then Ian and his, his mate Toby. Let me tell you what, you put a few drinks in the gays and you open up a hot dog stand. Moth to a flame, my friend. Moth to a flame. They cannot. They have no wiener. Self control. Any sort of tube, like cylindrical meat, like object. Gays are gonna eat that at one in the morning. No matter. They can't walk by it. It's impossible. Drawn right in. All of them just in suits, just. And Michael wanted that wiener so bad he dropped it on the parking lot and still picked it and picked it up. Put it right back in his mouth. I'm like, eh, he's chocolate Lebaron before, so that's like the least of his concerns.

[Brady]

But end of the show. Ian's like, where did John. Well, they went. I said, I think they're going to the Swizz for some hot dogs.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah, he was gone. Ian was there two minutes. I told him I was on stage with him for a minute. Said, are you sticking around at the bar after? I'm like, nah, I think my gays want to go over to the Swizzle in. He's like, okay. Like, you're more than welcome. He goes, okay. And I swear to you, it took us like he had to say goodbye to everybody. We just left two minutes after I set foot in the Swizz. Didn't even have our drinks yet. There's Ian Schwartz from Channel three. Oh, the hot dogs. Have we eaten hot dogs yet? Like, Jesus Christ. You guys calm down. Then you just look in that parking lot. It's just dudes just burying hot dogs in their gullets. Like, Mike, I never see a woman out in that line.

[Brett]

So you were the minority that night?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Straight. I was a CIS male.

[Brett]

You were the token.

[John Holmberg]

I was. I felt. I felt like Rodney at Brady's house. Wandered around how to place. It's crazy. Super gay, but a lot of fun. And they put on a hell of a show. So I say thanks to Leanna and the gang over there for being so sweet. I was warning everybody about AI. You know, Satan finally got WI fi. We've got to worry about this. The hell has, like Quantum. Yeah.

[Brady]

Learned something about my buddy Carl Oberg. His dog growing up. Tokers, the weed smoking dog.

[John Holmberg]

No, it was.

[Brady]

That's what he called him because it was a very popular term when he was a kid.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And he named his dog after deadbeats who smoke weed in the backyard. Cokers. Yeah, Carl gave a nice talk. It was good. It was a beautiful thing. So raising a lot of money for great causes. And again, Leanna Taylor's the one to talk to about that. She had us out there. It was great, great time. Lovely. What do you got in the. Oh, we got to go to the big board of musical treats and we'll skipped ahead 585 9, 800. We need a wake up song. We'll get it all together and scream it. Get your app out. Almost every band we play is going to be part of sick new world that is happening in April and we are going to load up on this thing. So I mean if you hear your phone will tell you. It'll tell you who's there and it'll say, please click on this I'll tell you. Yeah, we got. I'm looking. We have five of them right off, you know, coming your way. And every time you click on it, you get yourself a little bit qualified, a little bit more involved in sick new world, little bit bigger chance for you to head on over there to Vegas and get your tickets to the show. And then one of you, that huge VIP tickets, you get, the hotel stay going to throw another 200 bucks at you so you can fuel up and get out there. We won't put you felons on planes. We just don't want to risk it. But we'll give you money so you can drive yourself up. Or give you money, you put it in your pocket and you fly yourself up. You can't be responsible. Yeah, that's what I would do, too. I'm not gonna drive. That's too far. Give us the Wake up song. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD, wake up.

[Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect. It's John Holmberg here for Life Changer Loans. Whether you're buying a home, trying to refinance or improve things financially, you gotta focus on one thing, clarity. You don't have to do it the old way. Life Changer Loan is here to help. Call my friend Shane o' Grady at Life Changer Loan and see if it's for you. Good credit, good with money. There is more than just the old fashioned bank loan. And if you want to see what's possible financially in your life that's different than what you're doing now, [e-mail] Life change alone. It's not magic, it's just math. It's John Holberg here from the Morning Sickness and I am thrilled to shill away from my friends at Turf Monsters. Turf Monsters doesn't just do turf either. They design everything about how you want to live. Sports, golf, pets, entertainment, pergolas, pool stuff, whatever you want. And the quality is incredible. It looks real. That grass, it drains perfectly. There's basically no maintenance, no mud, no grass. A backyard you actually enjoy. If you thought about upgrading your outdoor space, start right [e-mail] make your backyard the best room in the house. Check it out. Turfmonstersaz.com

[Announcer]

still streaming Homberg's Morning Sickness online at 98kupd.com and I want to talk

[John Holmberg]

to you about something that's very personal. Your body. Remember, it's your body and no one should touch you in a way that you Feel is wrong. I'll get anybody who tries it.

[Brady]

It's not that easy, Orko.

[John Holmberg]

It's hard for a young person to admit that he or she has been

[Brady]

touched in a bad way.

[John Holmberg]

If you've been touched that way, don't be ashamed. Tell someone you trust, like your parents, your doctor, your teacher or counselor, or your minister or rabbi.

[Robot/AI Voice]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Right, Orko? Right on. Yeah. Isn't that grand?

[Brett]

I can say priest.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You sit.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. You sit through an episode of he man solving all the problems of Skeletor, and then they hit you at the end with that one. One of my favorite things about the 80s was their blatant handling of, you're probably gonna get fingered by somebody. And here's what Dudley and Arnold would do about that. He just sent me a clip of that. I just got that, which made me think about. It was the great episode of Different Strokes that I'd forgotten because the guy sent me the thing before it aired. Mr. Drummond came on and said, tonight's episode, it's a doozy, like, huh? The comedy of Arnold and Willis and Mr. Drummond and Dudley and the Gooch. Yeah. Tonight we introduce a new character. And I'll be honest with you, I don't know what the writers were thinking, but we filmed it and we're gonna. We're gonna run it. Dudley gets raped. Enjoy the comedy of different.

[Brady]

Just remember, this is an actor.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the best part about Dudley getting raped. Here's the best part about the 80s in general. We never. We. We never hung on to anything. We watched Dudley get raped on Different Strokes on a Tuesday at 8:30 and the next Tuesday and the following Tuesdays from there on was never mentioned again. Dudley showed up in Arnold's house a couple days later and not one person said, how are you, Dudley? You're doing all right, since, you know, the bike guy raped you on that one episode. Yeah. He's like, no, I don't like. I don't like riding bikes anymore. And for two reasons.

[Brett]

Mr. Carlson wasn't.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it was the big guy from WKRP raped Dudley, showed him some dirty cartoons. Arnold was wise to it and left. And he left his, you know, his buddy behind, so to speak.

[Brett]

Every man for himself.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what happened. And then a week later, they were fighting the Gooch over cigarettes that weren't theirs. It was great. They never talked about it again.

[Brady]

And didn't the big guy chill away for cleaning clothes too, after the fact?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. He was the Maytag man. Oh, I thought you Meant on the show. I gotta remember buying. Oh, yeah, I know. He was the. The. Yeah, the next was the second guy. Yeah, it was the board Maytag man. And he was also the Irish father of Joanna Kearns on Growing Pains. Oh, that's right. He was Maggie's dad. They'd come over every once in a while in the rv and they would argue with bad Irish accents with Ellen Thick in the gang. But on his resume. Gordon Jump, guy who raped Dudley. It was a sitcom. They tackled those subjects like we wanted them to. We didn't.

[Brady]

You think we can get Gordon Jump to do this role? Oh, yeah, There's a good chance.

[John Holmberg]

Throw the script down on the showrunner's desk and go, you're gonna love. This is a whopper. In the end, Dudley gets raped. Like, what? And, you know, they had a debate on, like, maybe Arnold should be the one that gets raped. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. We can't have. Gary Coleman is a. Is a treasure. Rape his friend. We can't have. American public won't accept that. We got to rape the friend. You can't matter with you more powerful

[Brady]

that he dodged the.

[John Holmberg]

Google it. If you don't know what we're talking about, Google Dudley gets raped. That's one you can.

[Brett]

That'll probably just come right up.

[John Holmberg]

Right up. You get all that. You'll get the full 22 minutes. You can also Google very special Different Strokes, the bike shop. Gordon, jump on Different Strokes and you will watch TV at its finest. Back in the 80s, when right in the middle of, like, family TV, they're

[Brady]

like, hey, watch this.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna be blown away. There's laughs. Like the bike shop guy, you know, they kept it. You know, the rule in sitcoms is one joke per minute, which is a joke, a page. They stayed pretty true to it till the rape.

[Brady]

He was grooming.

[John Holmberg]

He was fun. He was fun. He had a bike store. He had a back room with, you know, little liquor and, like, video games. Video. Well, he had video, a couple games, but he had some cool cartoons that no one had ever seen where the mice had sex. And Arnold points out that the. They were taking their clothes off. And then they started to do stuff. And Arnold, you see Arnold the second, he's like, why still? What? Huh? And Dudley's all in. And then Arnold's like, I'm getting the hell out of here. See ya. And Dudley's like, I'm gonna stay. And then the bike shop guy puts his arm around Dudley. And that was kind of Their way of saying, he's gonna Dudley. And he did. And then the next week, Dudley was fine. They wanted to recover. They never once had Dudley just for no reason, break down in tears in the middle of an episode. Just like, I'm sorry, I'm having a flashback to when I got raped by the bike.

[Brady]

Eight episodes later.

[John Holmberg]

It would have just been on a note. What's the matter, Dudley? Oh, Jesus. It just happens now and again that I. This horrible secret that I'm toting around the sitcom occasionally rears its ugly head. And I never told you guys I was violently raped by a bicycle shop owner.

[Brady]

Or the follow up, Dudley and 12 other kids in that neighborhood. Right? Come forward.

[John Holmberg]

They're just like a whole scam.

[Brady]

We went to the bike shop too.

[John Holmberg]

How great would that show have been if just in the subtext or the underlying themes that were never really loud, but every once in a while you'd, you know, like Arnold would mention, like, yeah, we tried to get up here, but there's so many protesters down at the bike shop. Like, just every once in a while, it would be known that the scandal has been revealed and Dudley came forward. Rewrite it. That's how the 80s. The 80s were cooler. You got raped. Six days. You got six days to get over that. Next week we're gonna get you back on the. Back on the trolley. You'll be fine, Dudley. Dudley's dad dropped dead from lung cancer. Remember that episode? Oh, yeah, When Dudley's dad was smoking, he found a mass in his lung. And Philip Drummond tried to tell him, you gotta knock it off. He's like, yeah, man, you're right. He goes, you do it for Dudley. Yeah, my boy, he got raped. We don't talk about that anymore. And then he goes out in the hallway and he packs some smokes up against his hand and breaks out a cigarette as if to say, he's just gonna die. Dudley's been raped. His dad's got cancer. Worst, worst sitcom family ever.

[Brady]

Late 70s. At my junior high, they busted the English teacher. He had groomed a couple of boys. It was, get out of here. Get out of this state.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. No, they didn't move. That's what the Catholic Church taught everybody back in the day. It's like, oh, you just move somewhere else. You're not gonna do it to other people.

[Brady]

You know what? You're fine. Get out of here.

[John Holmberg]

Takes too long for him to get to know folks. I will tell you this. I am very upset. Speaking of the. I have discovered in one story, Brett that this generation is. We already knew that they were soft, that this upcoming group of kids is sort of useless, I think going forward. They live at home till they're 30, they're lazy, they don't have social skills. They're, you know, you find a. You find somebody who is ambitious and they work hard and it shows. Like, they. They stand out because nobody. Like, they're. They're surrounded by losers. Here's a fun story that proves it. Headline says party mom allegedly held drunken parties for teens, gave them some alcohol, and was not discouraging sex acts. The 13 kids came forward. What the kind of generation is this? I. We prayed for a house like that. And my parents would say, are their parents home? Like, yep, all right, that's fine. And they kept them from driving. These kids turned in this perfectly cool mom who was like, letting them do this stuff. We had a house where it was like, you can drink at Joe's because his parents will let us drink, but we can't leave. And there was a. It was a. I mean, guitar. They don't get fingered. Like, what was going on in that house? There was so many. The pianos don't get fingered. Like, what was happening in Joe's basement? And everybody was safe.

[Brady]

Is this the one where, you know, 11 year old Teddy was curled up next to a vodka bottle?

[John Holmberg]

No. They always pick the outlier. I know there's a whole bunch of cool kids doing cool things, and then one kid comes in. But 13 of them turned everybody in. Nobody was getting like, you know, no. Adults were doing terrible things to the kids. The mom was just there going, look, you're gonna do this on your own?

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Brett]

You're gonna just be here.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just. Just do it here. And if you start having sex and stuff, let's have condoms. They're available. Like, oh, my God. And it wasn't the parents that found out. My parents would have been like, where are you going? To Joe's this weekend. All right, good. They like, they liked that. These uncool kids. Her name is Shannon o'. Connor. She's a hero. Accused of buying and providing alcohol, including vodka and fireball, for teens in Las Gatos, California. She allegedly handed out condoms to the minors. Uh, she warned them, let's not talk about these things. I can get in trouble, but I'm doing you guys a favor. This is a sex house for you. Go crazy. Clean up after yourselves. Uh, the parties were between June of 2020 during COVID and May of 2021. Giving kids stuff to do. We were all bored. 20 adults and 41 witnesses says that she. She did all this stuff for the king. They're throwing her in jail. This was the.

[Robot/AI Voice]

This.

[John Holmberg]

In our day, Brett was the house of cool. His parents will let you do stuff like that now. You couldn't just knock on the door and go, I'd like to have sex here, but she'd have a party on Friday and keep it safe. Well, she's not allowed to have hair dye. She was blonde when she was normal. Brett just found a picture of her in court. First thing they do look better, then first thing they do is take away all your hair care. Jodi Arias. Remember, she was blonde, and like, a month later, she wasn't. She's all natural. She doesn't look good, but she's been in jail for a while there, Brett. She's still the coolest mom in the world. Now, you didn't have to partake. There's the. There's the rub, right? Take me back to my friend Joe's house, right? And Joe's like, a superstar cop now. Joe and his family were like, look, if you guys are gonna drink, do it here. If you're gonna be stupid, do it here. Have your little parties here. Our basement. We can't hear you upstairs. So if you didn't like it, you didn't have to stay. There were plenty of people who were like, I'm gonna go home. I don't like this. But nobody ever ratted them out and wrecked it for everyone else. It stayed in house. And the good. These kids showed up and, like, they're allowing alcohol tell on them and wrecked it for everybody.

[Brett]

Good, then don't go.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Then.

[John Holmberg]

Go home and don't come back. This generation rats out the cool mom. They let us drink. Could you ever imagine, like, going over to. Let's go to Brett Fessley's house and, like, Brett's parents let us have some sambuca. It's terrible, but we're gonna have shots with them, and then they make us stay here. It's fine. And nothing bad happened. We're throwing up in pots and pans in Joe's house all the time. We go get the pots and pans. It makes me sick that these people cooked with that. But there was constant puking, and then. But one kid would go, I don't think this is right. Well, you're not invited anymore.

[Brett]

Yeah, go home, Dudley.

[John Holmberg]

You would never. Exactly. You would never tell on Brett's parents for having, you know, hey, this is a cool kid party. I remember Joe's dad asking once, he's like, who's that one girl that was in here with? And he was so proud of his son for making out with her down in the basement. We had cool people. You don't turn these people in. You turn in the people who. The parents were touching the kids.

[Brady]

What. I mean, the drinking's one thing, but then if you said, you know, you found out your kids going over to a house and the parents were like, yeah, you can. You can drink all you want. And they also hand out condoms.

[John Holmberg]

They're available. It's a party.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Would you rather have.

[Brady]

I don't think too many people, too many parents would go, yeah, I want my kids going.

[John Holmberg]

Of course not. That's changed. Because the kids suck now, let alone back in the day. That was a good thing. Okay. She's providing. Most likely you weren't gonna have. Because there's an adult around, especially if it was a.

[Brady]

You know, this sounds like a single mom.

[John Holmberg]

Don't know. But what I do know is single

[Brady]

dad doing that with the kids.

[John Holmberg]

It's a garbage system of pussified children. It used to be a cool thing to go to a party and have alcohol. And the adults are like, we're watching you. We're keeping an eye on you here. But you're allowed to do this because you're going to do it without us, and that's going to cause more trouble.

[Brady]

The realistic, too, because it's the risk of it. The kids are coming over the. To, you know, and you're the house. It's like, oh, yeah, kids, I want my kid. If he's drinking, I want him drinking at my house. And friends are coming over. They can drink at my house.

[John Holmberg]

But when they leave, you can't let them go. That's the point of the adults. But guess what? If an adult's there or not, if you get drunk at some kid's house and drive off and kill them, you're still responsible. So at least be there there, right? So if there's adultery, because otherwise they go to parties without parents there and they act stupid in. In. In the 80s, liable there. Never in the 80s ever was there a parent on the news saying, yeah, we had a party and I was there and we watched it. They're like, yeah, of course. I was supervising. It's called chaperone. How they tattle on them. They're a little. You've raised a snitches, raised a group of rats. I'm with bread on this one. If you're A kid and you got to go to a lady's house, and she provided alcohol in a safe place. And you told on her. You son of a. That's the worst thing you can do as a kid.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Then she had alcohol available to all the children, and. And some of the kids were fingering each other. I told on her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you wrecked it for all the cool kids. Now they have to go hide.

[Brett]

I hope those kids were ostracized in high school when they went back in. It's like you.

[John Holmberg]

We know you ratted on us, you little nerd, just because you can't get laid.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I just thought it was awkward and wrong. There was alcohol and teen sex.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's going to be alcohol and teen sex everywhere. We were getting away with it, you prick. Now we got to find it on our own, you know? And then they're going to start going and getting tickets and getting underage consumption. But they were. They were covered. It was a safe space. Isn't that what this generation's constantly looking for?

[Brady]

Mom, our party house was busted.

[John Holmberg]

You know where the party house was? Nobody talked about it. And the worst one was that father Dale over there had two party houses at Dobson. He had kids over and that, you know, turned a blind eye to an awful lot of stuff.

[Brett]

Right there, right off of Guadalupe. You can see it from the street.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, still there. Teenagers dancing and, like, video games in the garage. It's a guy in a dress surrounded by hundreds of teenagers. Nobody said a thing. You don't tell on the cool mom. Now she's got to go to jail. Well, I think she's a hero. I think she's as good as any of those people that volunteered to put that E in their window. This is a safe place. But one nerd kid ratted them out. Never. You had one. I'm sure your high school. There was a house that you're like, this is where the parents let you drink and stuff like that. And they weren't encouraging it or forcing it. They're like, look, you guys are going to do this, do it here, and nobody's going home. Home. I remember Joe's parents are like, give us the keys right away. If you're. If you have anything. If you. For a beer, give us your. You're going nowhere. Well, I won't drink, then. It's exactly right. We weren't allowed to smoke weed. They didn't provide us drugs. But we got to sit back there and do stuff that we were going

[Brady]

to do anyway, usually the house that was okay. With it, didn't provide it. You, if you brought it over, they're looking the other way.

[John Holmberg]

Al Joe's family did go into the garage and get a twelver out of there and the garage fridge was always packed full. It's a great place to be. And if it was also to keep us from going and trying to buy beer and getting in trouble doing that and everything, he. The whole goal of it was like, let's just, let's look, let's knock off all the nonsense and just be smart. And then, you know, some kid named Mike Reynoa comes in and starts going,

[Robot/AI Voice]

whoa, I didn't know family was giving out alcohol to the kids. I'm going to tell on everyone.

[John Holmberg]

And then now we, now we lose the house and the roses have to go to jail.

[Brady]

There is a certain age, I mean, I don't, you know, high school, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

That's who we're talking about. Of course you don't give elementary kids that. They're not part of it.

[Brady]

I think that's the problem.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they weren't the problem. Everybody was 15 or older and they were showing up at parties. That's when parties happen.

[Brady]

That's another lady last week that was in trouble. The kid was 11.

[John Holmberg]

Well, right. And she got in trouble. For 11 year olds you don't do obvious. It's obvious. If you have to have it explained to you, you're an idiot. You know the difference? The high school kids find parties, they get drunk. That's what. That's been going on forever. It used to be part of fun movies. Superbad was the last fun movie that was ever made about teenage drinking that nobody got upset about. You put Super Bad on the screen today and it's brand new. So choir, weed code, teenager drinking from.

[Robot/AI Voice]

This is terrible.

[John Holmberg]

Not my angel.

[Brett]

They're all pie too though.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was a good still nice one. That was a great one. The whole goal of the whole premise, the plot of Superbad is how do we get alcohol for a party and the great lengths they would go to. You release that today and suddenly it's irresponsible and people are in jail. We used to be a cool nation. We have lost it. We have lost it. People snitches get stitches, as Dave Grell said. And I hope that kid was. I hope he's got at least 45. I hope he looks like an Indian after a Slayer concert. He's just cut up, he's got stitches all over his head and he's never gonna get laid. Good. Yeah, she had A New Year's Eve party at her house. That's when it all went sideways. Anyways, New Year's eve going into 2021. And, you know, the kids were drinking and doing their thing, and she was keeping an eye on them. They're going to do it anyway. Party kids are fun, and there's always going to be them. You know what else is crazy is that parents don't even know what their kids are doing with the vaping and all the other stuff. I just think it's something. Come on. She's a cool mom, and everybody knows it. Everybody who gets upset's like, oh, there used to be that one family in our neighborhood when I was growing up, up. They'd let us do stuff like that. But, you know, they always kept an eye on us. And you didn't want. The weird thing was.

[Brady]

Even back then, you still. I mean, it was. You just felt it was kind of a ballsy thing to do just because of this situation.

[John Holmberg]

The weird thing was all us degens never disrespected it. You go to a house party, Brett's parents are out of town. We go to the house party, some idiot would lose their mind and do something dumb or start having sex in the back room or whatever. We never did that to Joe's parents because we knew, hey, don't wreck this. You know what? Don't knock anything over. Don't get.

[Brady]

So there's a code.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yeah, there was a code.

[John Holmberg]

There was a cool kid code. Honor. Honor. That's right, Brett. It was honor. Like marines have, right? We're like, look, these people are kind enough to open the doors and give us this cool spot. Don't disrespect it. Don't go hosing on their couch. They'll go blasting some girls, you know, Captain Hook and finger banging everybody in the kitchen. Be respectful of their space, this guy says. This was exactly my house in high school. All my friends would come over. We'd be drinking and smoking weed and playing dice and dominoes all night. We did it for years. Only rule was, if you were there and you partook, you had to stay the night. That was the right thing. That's called responsibility and realistic behavior.

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[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Robot/AI Voice]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Announcer]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[John Holmberg]

This poor lady's gotta go to jail for watching your kids. Cause you didn't. So, John, I said it before. I'll say it again. This is what happens when you hand out participation trophies. All the pussies start winning. That's exactly right. And each one of you cool kids, it's gonna text me or email me now and say, this was the house we used to go. Everybody had one. Everybody had the cool. The cool house on the weekends when there was nothing going on. Said, this will get hate mail, but it's those single mothers in menopause. Those boys grow up as pansies. Let's get a man in their life sharing a beer. My dad shared beer with me in Olymp. I was probably 10 or 11 years old. He tried once before that. I didn't like the flavor of it. It's like, you're gonna drink this stuff eventually. You're just gonna. So let's start now. Sure enough. Sat there drinking like, I don't think I'm gonna drink this stuff. You will. And he was wrong. I never had another Olympia again. I had better beer. My dad was broke.

[Brett]

That was our buddy. It's our buddy Katero. He still doesn't drink. He tried it at like 15. Didn't like it. Just never went back to it.

[John Holmberg]

It.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And that's fine too, right? But if Katero showed up at a drinking party and started telling everybody, don't drink, I'm gonna tell on you.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We'd beat him within an inch of his life. Absolutely. It is mob mentality. Teenagers are a lot like the mob. You get their little group. Everybody's been made. Like, you're allowed in. You bring.

[Brett]

To keep your mouth shut.

[John Holmberg]

You bring. Yes. You bring in a new kid. Is he cool? He's cool. Is he gonna rat us out for this? We got a pretty good thing going here. What do they say? Omerta. Omerta. Shut the up. This is a cool thing. And as a parent, if you didn't know and you're like, my kids going over there drinking, you're providing the alcohol. They're like, nah, we're making sure that they don't do anything stupid. They're like, all right, well, I'd prefer it if you didn't give my kid alcohol. They don't. Nobody's forcing them in here. Are you gonna wreck it for everyone else? Yeah, we're gonna send you to jail. Oh, for Christ's sake. Terrible.

[Brady]

The options were abundant growing up in high school. Whoever's parents were going out that night and you went over to that house of.

[John Holmberg]

That's the danger. Because whoever's parents left, you had a party there. And then terrible things happened and everybody left. If there was a parent there saying, hey, I'm keeping an eye on this, it was the smarter thing. It was the wise parent that allowed that. You guys got nowhere to go. I'd rather have you here than out screwing around. I think the kid who told should go to jail just as long as the mom did. 100%.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Who do I have to go to jail for? I was a decent citizen.

[Brett]

For being a pussy.

[John Holmberg]

For being a pussy. There's a rule against that. You're in. You're in social jail forever, cattle. You did what? Teen drinking is constant and will never go away. So my dad once told me he'd rather have me call him at 2 in the morning than a cop show up at the door to ask him to identify what might be me. That's exactly right. Then you get back to that realism. You gotta act. You gotta act like a goddamn man. Where are the men? Oh, here he comes again. Here's Alex again. Where are the men?

[Brady]

Where are the men? In this country? Where are the. In this world.

[Brett]

I agree.

[John Holmberg]

Alex, what is going on? Eventually it'll all swing back or they'll all just have. Oh, man. I saw a thing about AI robots this weekend. I could not tell that the woman wasn't real and it wasn't on the screen. She's like a. She's like a tangible robot you can buy. She's like $350,000, but she's worth it. You know what? To a lot of dudes, it is. That's cheaper than what you end up spending to get rid of one. And man, oh, man. Move. They kept her shell skinless. So they had the robot. Her head was spectacular. And she leans forward and gives a guy a kiss. And this little Asian dude's like. You could tell he's about to just all over himself. Gee, that was great. We put skin on. That is awesome. But she had her boobs like lit up blue. And like you can see all the stuff inside her. And she's moving real fluid. And like we are. We are getting real close. And I'm saying right now, young ladies, shape up. Don't be like your moms. There is active science trying to replace you. You think AI is coming for your job? Bob, they're coming for a whole gender. For 350,000, you can just throw it away. Lifetime. It's guaranteed forever. And it. You can. It never gets mad. No problem upgrading, no periods, no menopause. Like that lady got mad at us last week.

[Brady]

I get a battery or a new model, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you just go to Pep Boys and reload her with whatever juice she needs. But can you put her on the charger?

[Brett]

No worrying about vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Brett]

Because it's.

[John Holmberg]

Why'd you take her on vacation? Ever just leave her. Yeah, I'm going on vacation. I'm not spending money on your ticket.

[Brett]

Well, that's what I'm saying. You have to worry about when. I can't do it, of course, because I planned a vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Now it's pretty awesome, Brad. But that little Asian dude, I thought he was gonna just. Right in his drawers because the thing just goes, oh, we are gonna make this happen into my lifetime. We are five years away. I saw that robot dancing the other day. They can make it dance.

[Brett]

That was creepy.

[John Holmberg]

It's moving like us. It's moving just like us. And imagine it can do stuff because it doesn't have to be like bones or anything. It can do stuff you can't even fathom yet. Meanwhile, you got women out there going,

[Robot/AI Voice]

well, if you don't buy me things, I'm not interested.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, baby, your days are numbered. You're basically a. A, like a blacksmith. You're. You're going out of business.

[Brady]

Tick tock.

[John Holmberg]

You better stop with the attitude, cuz they're inventing. Better use. And I love it. I talked to a girl about this a while ago and she goes, well,

[Robot/AI Voice]

they'll just do it for men too.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, sister, you're not going to like the man robot. It doesn't have a job. It's not going to buy you stuff. It's. You got a problem. The future is not good for You. If you keep it up.

[Brady]

Up. I mean, he'll listen better, maybe he'll

[John Holmberg]

absorb your information, but he's gonna listen to you about how real men are gone. And then you ride his robotic ass. Maybe you get a little something out of it, but he still. Then you still got to get your ass up the next day. And that lazy robot's gonna be sitting in a chair going, they'll see you. Where'd you come? Home? I will bang you when you've arrived at the house. And they're not gonna work hard on the male ones. Those things are gonna be like Rosie from the jets and just a bucket rolling around on wheels.

[Robot/AI Voice]

The male robots suck.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because we're not building those.

[Brady]

All they want is the bust.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't see a lot of female scientists breaking out technology to build the male robot. Sure, there'll be a small group of men that will build those, but for the most part, this is a female replacement program. I'm not saying I'm for it, but I'm watching it happen. And if you still think that you get flowers and dinner and all this other stuff, or else. If you still use your vagina as currency. Oh, we talked about it a few weeks ago. You better get a type 5 lady. You better start getting a little bit of a personality. That's interesting.

[Brett]

Sell your stock in ftd. The flower companies are gonna be out of business.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're going because you'll program your girls.

[Robot/AI Voice]

The flowers are stupid and for dumb girls.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. I totally agree there, Vanessa the robot.

[Robot/AI Voice]

All I want to do is have sex all day.

[John Holmberg]

Do you learn how to cook?

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yes. Program cooking.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. God damn it. I'm gonna. I can't have sex with you right now because I'm crying so hard. I'm gonna screw up your internal mechanisms.

[Brady]

Just bring her in a stick.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I love the stick you gave me. You never take me anywhere. We never go on vacation.

[John Holmberg]

I'll take. What would a robot never say for a thousand. Alex? It was weird. And I will say that is weird. Weird. But, like, if they skin the girl and that sounded bad. They add skin to the girl.

[Brett]

Thanks, Jacob.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, if they added skin to her, you wouldn't have known she wasn't human the way she was moving. And she is a one of one right now. And I mean, she's like.

[Brady]

Say it's less than five years.

[John Holmberg]

She. Oh, we're close. She was reaching for, like, I'll do it. Nobody can see me. She was. She had a cup and she just kind of moved Forward a little. And that was awkward. And then she just did the. And I'm like, oh, my God. That I wouldn't know. Like, I would just say that maybe she had like a twitch and she moved a little weird. And then when she. But you could see that she's a robot. If they put skin and clothes on her, you wouldn't know. You would not know. Brady. I think you're right. About five years, we're going to be like, they're going to start rolling those out and that's the earliest, worst version. Ladies, I'm telling you. You worry about AI coming for lawyers jobs and they're coming for you.

[Brett]

Just think, you can build your own dua lipa.

[Brady]

Then so long. He's gone.

[John Holmberg]

And women will say, we'll just build

[Robot/AI Voice]

the guys from heated rivalry.

[John Holmberg]

All right? They ain't got jobs. The big thing you like about us goes away. You can have sex robot. We don't care. It's called dildos. We still. Are they paying the bills?

[Robot/AI Voice]

He's my Bridgerton. I'll have my own job.

[John Holmberg]

Right? You're gonna have to work hard. This is dumb. You're not seeing the writing on the wall here. Here. You no longer have leverage. You've been using this thing as leverage for a long time. The Japs invented. They replaced your leverage with better leverage. Like, you got to figure tight five good stories. Be fun.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Stop getting mad. Lick the tip. Play with the balls

[John Holmberg]

for somebody. People like Brady reach back there and fiddle the B hole to the land. They're telling us we're doing stuff wrong because the robots won't.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Neither will the man.

[John Holmberg]

Robots still doesn't have a job, did it? Yeah. There'll be no more like you, man. Why wouldn't.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Is that all you want from us?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We don't want the hassle. Yeah. If we could eliminate the hassle for all the good stuff. I think we do it. I think we do it. Plus, when, like, it starts liking us and stuff, you just shut it down. We lob its head off. You O.J. that thing? Nobody. There's no law against that. It would cure domestic violence. He's not. You buy one robot, it would drop.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You buy one robot for that, you beat up that one, and then the other one is for loving. Sure. If you've got. If you got a. If you got a hankering for, you know, dv.

[Brady]

If it's a generational thing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you got like the older guys, why you. And he smacks the other one across the mouth. You. Yeah, you get like one of those. You know, I've got one at the house. Not a robot, one of those punch bobs. Just a half a body of a man, and you can fight it. It's basically, if you looked at it from a distance, it would look like, I hate amputees because I stand in that room and just pound on this armless male figure. And he's like, there's no defending. Looks terrible. What am I training for, hitting a man with no arms? Just relentlessly. Ladies, I'm saying, spice it up, because what I just said or what I just saw.

[Brett]

Good luck, ladies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're not coming for the jobs. They're coming for a whole gender. And there's no ladies out there in some science camp inventing cool man robots. You know who's building those man robots? Those same Jap men. And they're not in a hurry to do that. It's like what I always said about the Masters. Remember when ladies would stand outside Augusta in Georgia and say, we want in. We want in. And that one guy, that Hootie, his name was Hootie, he used to run.

[Brady]

Hootie Johnson.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, his name was Hootie Johnson. He was a horrible, racist old man in the late 90s. And he was running out of president of Augusta. We'll never let a woman touch this cost. Ain't nobody stopping you from building your own. And then he'd leave, and everybody's like, hootie's not wrong. And then they still stood outside. We wanted. We wanted. Go build your own goddamn replica. I don't care. You're not coming in. And then he'd see a black guy go by and go, don't you get any ideas, neither. He was not happy about any of it. And then Hootie died, and they opened the gates. But basically what he was saying was, we built our own. Go build yours.

[Robot/AI Voice]

No, we went on yours.

[John Holmberg]

That's lazy is all that is.

[Robot/AI Voice]

We don't know how to build a golf course.

[John Holmberg]

Well, ask nice. Don't come in here and giving us grief. And then they let him in. But Hootie was right. If you want your own, just build it. AI ladies are not involving themselves in the AI male replacement. You can sit back and build the biggest wiener and the nicest man ever. And guess what? You're gonna come home to a deadbeat. That's what that's called. How was your day at work?

[Robot/AI Voice]

What did you do around here all day?

[John Holmberg]

Waited for you to come home to.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Is that what this Is.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. You've created your own cyclical nightmare.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Is that all I am to you? Sex robot?

[John Holmberg]

I'm confused. And then the robots will invent robots to replace you if you keep it up.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I need you to do things around the house. Did you take the trash out?

[John Holmberg]

I'm not equipped for that. I'm here to service you physically.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I need more. Typical man. Get a job.

[Brady]

It won't be enough.

[John Holmberg]

And then that's.

[Brady]

It.

[John Holmberg]

Won't be enough.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Why don't you ever take me anywhere?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know where that is.

[Brady]

You know I got my robot.

[Robot/AI Voice]

He's dumb.

[Brady]

I hate watching him eat.

[John Holmberg]

What shoves bolts in his mouth? Delicious bolts. Ready for sex.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You're worse than the last one.

[John Holmberg]

You invented a sex robot. Dummy. Your idea was we'll replace you too. Nuh.

[Brett]

My robot to take out the trash.

[John Holmberg]

The NBA and WNBA are equally. You know. Distance from each other chronologically. As is the male attempts to build sex robot girls and be happy with them as women's sex robot men. You guys are way behind on this one. You didn't think we'd do it?

[Robot/AI Voice]

We were doing it.

[John Holmberg]

God damn it. This is better than going to the moon.

[Brady]

We warned you.

[John Holmberg]

We've told you for eventually those Japs are going to pull and we're going to get rid of you.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You don't have an idea. We'll get rid of you too.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You don't see? You're. You're a mess. Circularly. You're gonna come home to some deadbeat doesn't have a job and all he wants to do is have sex. Guess what you got right now. A guy with the job only wants to do is have sex. What's better? Just the tip. Brady's butthole. You guys figure it out. It's easy. We're easy. We're easy creatures. That Japanese dude is gonna be a trillionaire. I make her almost perfect.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You don't want a woman to challenge.

[John Holmberg]

It's my favorite thing.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You don't know how to challenge your thoughts.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Robot/AI Voice]

What's wrong with you? Are you insecure?

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. I guess.

[Guest/Advertiser]

I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I just don't like being. I don't. I don't want a man to sit and challenge me all day either. I like to sit and agree and have a nice day.

[Brett]

I'll turn on my PlayStation if I want to be challenged.

[John Holmberg]

I got. I got another robot for that.

[Brett]

No problem.

[John Holmberg]

If I want to get frustrated through activities. I don't need a woman for that. I've got a PlayStation Now.

[Brady]

The robot can help you with the code.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, man. Hey, robot.

[Robot/AI Voice]

What is it, John?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man. All right, I'm gonna have sex with you real quick. Hang on. Then we're gonna play Red Dead 3.

[Brady]

Can you get me out of the snow?

[Brett]

Yes.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Well, you're not.

[Brady]

Yes.

[Robot/AI Voice]

She thinks I said blow.

[John Holmberg]

You're way behind, ladies. And I know they hate hearing it and I hate hearing it. I don't really want it to happen either, but it's years of grief. I want to see those male robots. Oh, boy, would those women hate those. After a couple weeks, I'm getting all

[Robot/AI Voice]

the D I need.

[John Holmberg]

Right. Okay, me too. We're good. They'd be mad that we. We were, like, happy with that.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Okay, good for you. You don't even care.

[John Holmberg]

Not really.

[Brett]

I'm good.

[John Holmberg]

No, because me and Digital Amber over here are gonna start banging again. And you're not gonna cry about it later. Fast forward three weeks after she gets a robot. She's looking at him.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I hate you so much. You don't do anything.

[John Holmberg]

I have an erection.

[Robot/AI Voice]

God damn it. That's all he does.

[John Holmberg]

You get on the ball. Ladies. I think it's a fantastic future, but you think we're gonna build you sex robots. You're crazy. Who's gonna buy them for you for Christmas? If your husband got you a sex robot, it's because he's got one of his own. You don't. You don't know about. Oh, the guy sex robot is awesome. So then Adam's right. Adam Arago says, how long after the guy sex robots are invented would the first robot suicide or divorce filing happen? The robot goes to the car. I can't take this. I can't take this anymore. How did you guys do this? We don't know sex robot. We just don't know. What would you like? Full emancipation. You got these robots just walking, walking the streets on their own. I'd rather live outside than with her. Doesn't need a job. Picks up Coke cans and stuff and feeds himself. Who knows? Meanwhile, there would be absolutely zero homeless girl sex robots. They'd be cared for like you have no idea.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You're such an asshole.

[John Holmberg]

I know know. It's going to happen. Oh, the ladies are chiming in.

[Brett]

Of course they are.

[John Holmberg]

Smart women would just rent out their male robots to the gays and horny fat chicks. That's great, Carrie. That's brilliant. I actually really like your plan. You're a businesswoman. You'd be one of the winners. Renting out sex. You'd buy three or four sex robots and rent them out to gays and pigs.

[Brady]

Legal.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, pigs. The future pigs. You're the most. You're the most endangered species on the planet. Minute the 2am Pig, you're out. You're done. You have absolutely zero leverage left.

[Brett]

Game over.

[John Holmberg]

Game is over. Game over. Insert quarter. Because that's about what it's worth.

[Brady]

There'll be. I don't know, there'll be. There might be an AI slump buster just to have it for the big fat baseball player get out of his slump.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. You know what?

[Brett]

The slump. Something better.

[John Holmberg]

You know what? The slump buster will become a real woman. Any of them wouldn't matter what they look like. Oh, gotta have sex with a carbon based life form now.

[Brady]

I tried one the other night.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're gross. And then she complained the whole time. And then she wanted to talk. She, like, wanted to talk about our future. Brought up Thanksgiving.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It's April.

[John Holmberg]

Meet her family. What?

[Robot/AI Voice]

No, I have 11 kit.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ. I don't. Nothing. No, I just wanted to start hitting the curve again. I needed. I needed to jump off.

[Robot/AI Voice]

All I am is a slump buster.

[John Holmberg]

I hate to break it to you, lady, but yes, all the carbon based ladies are now slump busters. You did this to yourselves.

[Announcer]

Something, something. Check out homework's Morning Sickness [e-mail] Running

[John Holmberg]

a business means checking a lot of boxes. Let's see, payroll check. Inventory check.

[Brett]

Insurance.

[John Holmberg]

Ugh. Good thing Simply business makes getting small business insurance fast and easy. Check insurance off your [e-mail] Greenlight helps kids learn about money the way most of us never did by actually using it. It's a debit card and money app that teaches kids to earn, save and spend in real life, not just swipe and hope for the best. Learning happens naturally in the moment. Parents can set limits, see spending in real time, and guide better hab along the way. All in one place without constant check ins or cash runs. Don't wait. Try Greenlight risk free [e-mail] Try Greenlight Holmberg's Morning sickness.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I just wanted a man to take me to Bali, Right?

[John Holmberg]

The robot doesn't swim.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You don't want to see us swim.

[John Holmberg]

We don't care to now. I mean, she gets in a bikini and walks around the house.

[Brady]

House.

[John Holmberg]

You can't get in the water. Plus, if she's like £5,000, she gets trapped down there. It's like an umbrella. I'll never get her out. Oh, I Can't wait. The future. I cannot wait, Brett. I can't wait. Mathia would probably let you have a robot.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You'd be all right with a sex robot in the house?

[Brady]

Yeah, why not?

[John Holmberg]

I think that's awesome. Yeah, she's cool, so let's work for her.

[Brett]

I'd be okay with her getting one.

[Brady]

Yeah, you know, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Because, you know, he's no threat. We're not threatened by the male sex robots. We're not at all. I think ladies would be threatened by the female sex. Right. I don't think men are threatened at all by saying, we'd probably make friends with him.

[Brett]

He'll take out the trash.

[John Holmberg]

Feed the dogs, too.

[Brett]

Do me a favor.

[John Holmberg]

Clean up the dog crap. You can bang. I got. I got my. I got my own thing going. You're the coolest guy in the house. We both know that. We're the two coolest people in here.

[Brady]

C3PO. You're awesome, Master Luke.

[John Holmberg]

And he comes around. Yeah. What's going on?

[Robot/AI Voice]

I just railed your wife, and I

[John Holmberg]

wanted to take the garbage out. Yeah, that's helping me out a ton. Great job. You're. If I give you a raise, I don't know what that looks like.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It is my pleasure, Master Luke.

[John Holmberg]

All right, great. I'm gonna go masturbate in the corner. All right, we'll see you later. Yeah, we would love. We would end up thinking that he's the coolest thing in the way, just walking through the house. Look at that. Look at this right here. That's awesome.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Good morning, Master Luke.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, what's up, Po?

[Robot/AI Voice]

Why are you two so chummy?

[John Holmberg]

Well, he's awesome. It's a robot, for Christ's sake. I mean, it's awesome we got one in the house.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You know he just had sex with me, right?

[John Holmberg]

I didn't want to do that. You just went hiking? Smells like butterscotch and salmon. He can have it.

[Brett]

Matthias, just text. She says, oh, yeah. Want a Margot Robbie Sextile? No problems long. She cleans the house too.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Put her to work.

[Brett]

Yeah.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Master Luke, would you like to go play basketball?

[John Holmberg]

You know what? Yeah, I would. Let's go play some hoops.

[Brady]

There.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I wanted to have sex with the robot. Oh, here we go. Master Luke.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. There we go.

[Brett]

Welcome to my world, pal.

[John Holmberg]

You got blood on your fingers. See?

[Robot/AI Voice]

Ah, no, I didn't notice that.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Why do they do that?

[John Holmberg]

Mine doesn't. Yours does. Because it's carbon. You got the old model.

[Robot/AI Voice]

They want to talk all the time Master Luke.

[John Holmberg]

Man, that's crazy. Everybody hates it.

[Brady]

They start venting to you.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Why does she hate everyone she works with?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we've been trying to figure out that we don't know if they hate everybody they work with. Like every woman at work. Yeah, they hate each other.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Master Luke, can we be friends?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But we're not gonna have sex. That's called being gay. I mean, gay robots are in a different aisle. Can't wait. That Japanese dude. I tip the cup. Well done, son. Bert, what do you got on the big board of musical treats this week? Dream of the future. Which is so close. Wake up.

[Brett]

So I'm brought to you by our friends over there at Modern Resolution Windows and doors. Get 30% off all windows and doors right now. Just mention John Holmberg and get an extra $500 off your total contract price. Family run, locally owned financing and payment plans are available. Check them out [e-mail] says John, would

[John Holmberg]

you finally experiment and do gay stuff with C3 powder? These are questions that men ask each other which lead to progress. Women would never say, would you ever try lesbian stuff with the Princess Leia one? No, the. We think of C3PO and we say, would you ever be gay with it? Sure. Is it gay to rail a robot that way?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Mechanical crank. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean if he's. If he's banging you. Yeah. If you bang it.

[Brett]

Yeah, I think so.

[Brady]

If it's a male robot, I'm gonna go, yes.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Brett]

What if robot Dua Lipa strapped one on and did you?

[John Holmberg]

Huh?

[Brady]

It'd be a gay activity.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Why?

[John Holmberg]

It's a robot.

[Brady]

But you're doing gay. A gay act.

[John Holmberg]

I'm banging him.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's the difference.

[Brady]

That's the gay activity.

[John Holmberg]

What's gay about it?

[Brady]

Man on man.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's man on robots. Same thing as the girl.

[Brady]

Then it would be I guess closer then if for you might be bestiality or something.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's not. That's not. Yeah, well, no, not objective.

[Brett]

It's gay if it's got a crank.

[John Holmberg]

If it's got a crank.

[Brett]

If it's facing the other way, certain

[John Holmberg]

you that it's got a crank and it's facing the other way. It's not gay.

[Brett]

Oh yeah. No, no.

[Brady]

Well, then we differ.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You need to grow up is what needs to get over. It's just a robot. It's just a robot. That's. That's like those, you know, those. If you're, you know, you. Brady, I hate to break it to you. But. But you've been jerking a guy off for 45 years.

[Brady]

A handsome man.

[John Holmberg]

Not gay. Right. I've been doing for a long time. Brett's been. We've been playing with a guy's wang for a long, long time. Same thing.

[Brett]

It's different one.

[Brady]

It's not a gay activity.

[John Holmberg]

It isn't.

[Brady]

It's your own.

[John Holmberg]

When it's your own, you own the robot.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's your own. I don't think it's.

[Brady]

That's not yours. That's the robots.

[John Holmberg]

So is it heterosexual sex if it's a female robot?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

So is it rape with C3PO then? I mean, if you trying to.

[John Holmberg]

If, if. Oh, man. I'd program that in, though.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Please, Master Luke. No, nothing.

[John Holmberg]

Like, he's screaming for help.

[Brady]

I need you to be stuck in the dryer.

[John Holmberg]

I need you to. I need you to hate this. And, like, be really loud, please, Master Luke. Oh, it's too.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, out.

[John Holmberg]

Ain't nobody can hear your cries. Yeah, I would program that in. Hilarious.

[Robot/AI Voice]

No can hear.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, quiet down, you bag of bolts. No one can hear your fries.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, Master Luke. It hurts.

[John Holmberg]

Good. That's okay. It's a toy. It's a toy. Is it beastiality? Because a lot of women use stuffed animals to do stuff. Stuff to themselves. Right? Now there's a girl in high school, I knew that she had a stuffed animal on her bed, and I went to move. She goes, ooh, like, what? She goes, that's not. Don't touch that. I'm like, why? She goes, that's my. I had no idea. Like, what is that? She goes, I use that at night. Oh, you rub this poor little teddy on.

[Brady]

Yeah, again, that comes back to. I think that I lean towards. Objectify. Well, sure.

[John Holmberg]

Not a living. Yeah, because. Exactly. So what's the harm? All right?

[Brett]

Is it gay if you reach in the nightstand, your wife's nightstand, and grab her. Her crank and just start doing yourself?

[John Holmberg]

That's gay. Your wife. It's your wife's thing. Yeah, that's gay. That's gay.

[Brady]

Nah, not if I'm not pushing back.

[Robot/AI Voice]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Gay is so much more than the sex, you know?

[Brady]

Oh, gay.

[John Holmberg]

Gay's a mentality.

[Brett]

I'm not going with that.

[Brady]

No, it's.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, because it's not.

[Brett]

Take a crank.

[Brady]

You're gay.

[John Holmberg]

Gay, mechanical. No, no, that's not true.

[Brett]

So go to Troy and Michael's house, reaching their nights.

[John Holmberg]

Why would I ever touch anything of things? It's not gay.

[Brett]

What difference does it make.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't say that was. That's if I go to a gay guy's house and start using his sex toys. That's gay. No, it's gay. Regardless. You said you reach into your wife's nightstand drawer and use her stuff. That's not gay.

[Brady]

What about his?

[John Holmberg]

If they had a robot, I wouldn't bang their stuff. You still look. I don't drive their car. Not allowed. That's wrong. Why not? Because it's wrong.

[Brady]

Like they needed a ride.

[John Holmberg]

So you think that everything that isn't human is up for grabs. You can't just go over to someone's house and use their things.

[Brett]

That's the same with your wife, though. You can't go in there and grab King Dong out of the nightstand and start inserting.

[John Holmberg]

I probably bought it, man. You don't start with King Dong. That's gay. That's it.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It's gay.

[Brady]

You gotta work your way up.

[John Holmberg]

Like a couple. Little, like, small ones. That's nothing.

[Brett]

Nothing. But gay is what it is.

[John Holmberg]

You're too afraid of the robots. You're dumb.

[Brett]

All right, Twinkie.

[John Holmberg]

The bang. A robot. You're not doing anything straight. Hey, C3PO, talk like a lady.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, yes, Master Luke. I love it when you do this from behind.

[John Holmberg]

Thanks. He still got a crank there? Yeah, gay. It's a robot crank.

[Brett]

Doesn't matter. Still gay. Crank is a crank.

[Brady]

Then would you rather have, I mean,

[John Holmberg]

T shirt ever? Which. What?

[Brady]

You could have your female robot female voice with a male robot body, if that's what you're, you know, saying.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just saying I'd rape the robot every once in a while. It'd be funny. I'm not starting a relationship. What's the matter with you guys? I'm not letting him touch me.

[Brady]

It would be funny.

[John Holmberg]

It would be hilarious to watch him just go. Morning, sir.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, not again.

[John Holmberg]

You can't get through this. As you can't leave. There's no laws against it.

[Brett]

Those gays are funny.

[John Holmberg]

Take full advantage of that. Hilarious. You came over. I would do it in front of you and you'd be like, come on. Like, give me a second. We'll go play pickleball in a minute. But, ah, gotta rape this here robot.

[Brady]

Not with the King Kong.

[John Holmberg]

That would be so funny for you to come over and see that. You'd laugh for a half hour, Brett. Like, I can't believe you did that. Like, yeah, it's a robot. It's like a couch. Oh, Master Luke, you know where the towels are. Go. I gotta go play pickleball with my friend here. I send you videos every day. Hey, Brad Brady. The robots charging. Watch this.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, not again.

[John Holmberg]

Now I would love the girl one. I'd manhandle the boy every once in a while, roughing him up.

[Brett]

Your name your robot Dudley now or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, he'd be. Eventually he'd be scared of me going around the corner.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Is today the day, Master Luke?

[John Holmberg]

Nah, you're safe. That would be the noise he hated most. His algorithms would pick that up. Anyway, it's not gay.

[Brett]

Yeah, it's gay.

[John Holmberg]

It's hilarious. Said, great. I just had to explain to my kid what King Dong is said. I cannot stop laughing over raping C3PO. Keep it up, up. Well, we'll keep it up. That would be so funny. So damn funny. Before we get into the song, I have to do this. Last night at the Rah Rah room server, Kinsey came over and she goes, I have a favor of you. And I'm like, what is it? And she said, one of the people I was helping tonight is a big fan of the show and said, you know, if he's here tonight. She goes, I know, John. So she came over and got me and we went over and met these people. Now here's what the dangers of meeting me are. And. And Kinsey to a certain degree too, because she spent more time. I went over, met this. He's the executive chef at Talking Stick. You love this guy. Awesome. He was there with his 16 year old daughter and it was her birthday. First things first. I looked at her and thought she was very young. And then I thought, she's just about like in a couple days to get the keys to drive on the freeways with us. And I swear to God, something about looking at her. I'm like, oh, we gotta raise the age of 16. Looks like you shouldn't be in charge of a car. Listen. Now, she's super sweet kid though. But then I walked away, I met him. I'm like, you guys are really sweet. They're really nice people. Such a pleasure chatting with them and everything else. We got pictures and all that stuff. And I went right back to hanging out with my idiot friends. And a couple drinks later I'm like, I forgot their names a hundred percent across the board. I remember what he did for a living. I remember us talking about everything. And I'm like, I don't remember. So I told Kinsey, go to the front. I said, please go get the names. And she brought back this tiny Little piece of paper. And I believe it said Patrick. So hope Patrick, an anonymous 16 year old girl whose name drinks will do that to you. I got erased. I got just two, a couple of drinks. The next thing you know, I'm like, oh, no.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

I eliminated names from my brain, so hopefully it's Patrick. Hopefully Kinsey got the right name. If not, blame her. And then to your daughter, you were both very lovely and it was a pleasure to meet you and all that. And he said it would be awesome if you could say hi to my daughter tomorrow. I'm like, you got it. So I'm just gonna throw Amelia out there. I'm just gonna say. I'm just gonna say Amelia because I forgot it was. It's. It's. I'm sorry, this isn't. I'm a dick and I admit that, but I'm partially to blame. And then there's some staff that's partially to blame as well that they didn't keep good records on who you were. But I was. I, I fully admit that I was the dick, but it was a pleasure chatting with you and hopefully. And if you could email me and send a picture of us together and then I will remember everyone's name. But happy birthday to that anonymous girl. And her father, who I believe is named Patrick, says today, March 9, 2026, we found out Holmberg is a gay boy. I'm not. I'm a robot rapist. That's different. It's not about. About the sex. It's about the power over the robot. That's what rape is. Look it up. I think John's trying to come out and you're all blocking his moment. No, I am. I have no boundaries with robots. I find that to be absolutely fair game.

[Brady]

You'll be hearing that more often.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, from people. Have you banged?

[Brady]

I've got no boundaries.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have a boundary with robots. I'll punch it. I'll do horrible stuff to it. I'll drill a hole in it, bang that, take it to the shop, get it fixed, and he's back to normal a couple days. I don't care. Care girl, rob girl. Robot will be awesome. Boy robot will be funny. But no, you don't go over to the neighbor's house. That's the law. You respect a man's property. Go over and rape their robot. That's wrong. That's how diseases spread. Brady, you don't want to do that. Robot rape is immediately funny to me. Immediately funny.

[Brady]

That'll be the new thing then.

[John Holmberg]

Immediately.

[Brady]

The new STDs.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there could be.

[Brady]

Yeah, he got over on the don't use another person's robot.

[Robot/AI Voice]

That's exactly right.

[John Holmberg]

We'll be a whole lot more respectful about robots than we will human.

[Brady]

I went to a robot swinging party the other night.

[John Holmberg]

We'd probably be a lot more, like, respectful of like. Yeah, you don't touch another man's robot. Like you bang another guy's wife. But you know I don't touch another man's robot. That's wrong.

[Brady]

This is at the garage. You're selling your robot. Is it okay if I buy it?

[John Holmberg]

Well, you know why? Because your robot will have show no discretion. She'll tell on you in a heartbeat. If you bang your neighbor's robot wife, she's going to tell him.

[Brady]

3 PO, how is John?

[Robot/AI Voice]

He's violent.

[John Holmberg]

He laughs. He laughs at me while he does it. Yeah, you're a robot. No feelings. Yeah, it's going to be. If the future is bright. Gang, we've been at this show for 25 years. There's an awful lot of things that have happened in that time that we did not see coming. This is one we've had our eye on. And the advancements are here. So did you call that poor teenage girl Amelia because her name was lost in you? Like Amelia Earhart? Maybe. Maybe I associate forgetting things and losing and not knowing where anything is. We'll change her to Nancy then. Is that okay? That's another lost one. Anyway, Bert, we've gone on too long. Go ahead, tell me what you got. The big board.

[Brett]

On the board. We got sticks, Mr. Raboto.

[John Holmberg]

Obviously.

[Brett]

You knew that was coming up. I prevail. Coal chamber orgy. Blue Monday. Aerosmith. Dude looks like a lady. For the priests and dresses. The hives. Tick, tick, boom for Iran. Jimmy eat world. Bleed American.

[John Holmberg]

That's the one. Tick, tick, boom's coming up. Give me the hives. I'll play that. We're going to do that for Kamani. My dream is that in 2020, in August, I've given you so many things. Gas is 3 cents a gallon. I killed all the Iranians. And now you all have your own sex robots. And under my watch, I brought you the Olympics. Twice. Sex robots, great stuff. That's my dream. That's how fast I want this to happen. Says Carrie. Makes a good point. She says, what if rape is about power and you already own the robot? Wouldn't it take all the rapey fun away?

[Brady]

Way.

[John Holmberg]

I guess we'll just have to cross that bridge you might be right, Carrie. That might be a. A fairly astute assessment of robot rape and the fun therein, but it ain't stopping me from trying. I'm going to rape the crap out of my C3PO the second it. It'll still have styrofoam stickies on it.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Ah, what's happening?

[John Holmberg]

Before it even introduces itself. I won't even go through the whole whole bienvenudos, hello thing. It's going to speak all the languages before I choose one. I'm. I'm getting in there.

[Brady]

So in 2028, you want to hear about the big beautiful robot boat?

[John Holmberg]

We're all getting the big beautiful robot. You get one. Thanks, Japs. And that. It's awesome that they're doing this. Big giant red robots are coming over. Oh, what a world, what a world we live in. What a great time to be alive. There's a whole gaggle of fun lived through the plague and their only dream in life was to not get it. Look at what we've got. Doordash these phones. These sex robots are on the way.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Woohoo. It's so difficult out there.

[John Holmberg]

The best time to be alive by a stretch. It's so good. That's only gonna get better. Brett, I'm inviting you over first. First I don't have anything embossed yet, but I will. An invitation to come watch me rape my robot the day it arrives.

[Brett]

No, I'm not watching gay sex.

[John Holmberg]

It's not gay sex. And you will you for the fun of it. I'll laugh. Don't you. I'm not gonna say. I won't sit in there, still be gay and cuck that and I'll look.

[Brett]

Musicals can be funny, but they're still gay.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, that's a solid combat. Yes, but sometimes they're entertaining. Oh yeah, no.

[Brett]

100.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be an electronic music physical. And then my dream is to someday call Brett and go, hey, you want to come over? You're not gonna robot in front of me again, are you?

[Brady]

If you tweak out on me again,

[John Holmberg]

swear to God, if you start banging that robot, I'm leaving. We both know you're not leaving because it's hilarious. Come on in.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Don't do it, Master Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you're in your robot again. You got a little mouthy. Hilarious. And you know it's hilarious. That's why I'm not saying it's not hilarious. It's still gay. Every time I go over There. He rapes that robot right in front of us. I'd have fondue parties just to go. And now, the main event.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, Master Luke.

[John Holmberg]

All right, you guys with the LeBaron in the driveway. He likes to drive. Yeah, yeah. All right. Click, click, boom from the Hives. Tick, tick, boom. Sorry, guys. The other one. Hives are awesome. This is for you, Khal Maini. We're gonna get him by Wednesday, I say. And the Hives will be right there singing the song while we do Arizona's

[Announcer]

most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.

[Announcer]

Still streaming Morning sickness [e-mail] for all

[John Holmberg]

you people listening live to the podcast taping that's going on from 5:45 till 10 or so. You now have a chance to tap that track. When Corn is on. When System of the Downs on Marilyn Manson. Anyone playing the Sick New World Festival, April 25th in Las Vegas, Nevada, you can tap that track. Five of you are going to get tickets to the Sick New World Festival. One of you is going to get the VIP package tickets to the show. You get a hotel, give you some gas money, 200 bucks up there. Keep this thing alive. Every single time on the app or on the website, a song will pop up. It'll prompt you to say, click here and throw you in the pile. That's how that works. It's as simple as that. Listen on the app, listen on the website. God forbid you listen to the radio on the radio. And then we have to listen to our idiot owners. Start telling us about how. How come nobody listens on the radio. Geez, I don't know. Also, I'd like to say that the system that we've had for commercials that's been spectacular for 10 years has been monkeyed with. So you're going to hear some spots from Thanksgiving every once in a while. We don't know why, but we've been told that that's normal. If we did it, we'd have to pay money back. Feedback. But it's. It's totally. They're trying something new, they said. And I'm like, why? It wasn't broken. Yeah, but we're trying something new, and for a while, it's just going to run whatever it wants. There's nothing you can do about it. So if you hear a spot, like, if Fit shows up again, it's not us. We didn't do it. If Fitz is just all of a sudden doing something, we didn't do it. It's just in the system and the computer's Going crazy.

[Brett]

And Eric won't be at margarita rocks

[John Holmberg]

talking about margarita rocks. And if Chuck RT gets I. It's just the computers decided to. To, you know, it's got Alzheimer's and it's doing some clarity memories. We don't know. But evidently the thing that was not broken needed to be played with. And now it's playing spot. We don't know when they're coming out. So it looks on the screen that it's going to do the right thing. And then it'll play like fanduel football ads. We don't understand why it's not us. I'm not taking the blame for it. Some jackass in a suit decided to say, what's not broken? It's like the commercials. Let's work on that. So they decided to screw around with something that wasn't broken, and now it is. And they're saying, don't worry about it. That's normal. Because they're really bad at their jobs. And poor Lane downstairs is like, yeah, they did it in Chicago and it did the same thing. It's like, well, why did they pass that on to us?

[Brady]

They just dumb working things out.

[John Holmberg]

They're not, though, because it was working before. Hey, how's your car running, Brett? Seems to be good. Does it? All right, I'm gonna go outside. I'm gonna start moving some stuff around. If it stops working, that's normal. Oh, that's because I've been monkeying with it. Once I screwed with it, it stopped working. That's totally okay. Pinheads.

[Robot/AI Voice]

How come no one lists Irania? Brady, do you have any ideas? I don't know. Maybe because you jackasses keep saying not to. Idiots.

[John Holmberg]

Let's get right to it. It's time for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call this the Brady report, and it's brought to you by all pro shade concepts. Arizona's best patio shades. 20 plus years in the business doing this job, and they are custom building shades for you. They'll block up to 95% of the sun's EUV rays. The dust, the wind, all the stuff there's been windy, man. And the whole city smells like baby aspirin. My favorite time of year. Oh, you get those orange blossoms going. You get that baby aspirin smell in the air. And it reminds you when you were five and you had a little headache and they gave you that delicious orange aspirin. Oh, it all smells so good. But there's a lot of dust and pollen and stuff in the air. And those shades they put up, they're going to cut a lot of that down for you. You can choose from the manual ones, motorized options. They've got it all. And they'll come by your house for a free and home consultation. You got an idea like hey I want to try this. They will make sure that idea is is awesome. They design it and they help you out. All you have to do is check them out all pro shade.com Brady reporting.

[Brady]

Good Monday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world. Hi. Happy National Barbie Day. New National get over it day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

And National Meatball Day. Couple of basis fun facts. In the United States, one third of workers in hospitality and tourists are immigrants.

[John Holmberg]

Say it again.

[Brady]

One third of workers in hospitality and tourism are immigrants.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Isn't the argument that we're all immigrants? Isn't that what I'm always hearing? There's the word legal involve itself in that.

[Brady]

They left that out.

[John Holmberg]

That's the weird one right?

[Brady]

Because I'm pretty sure because that would be 100.

[John Holmberg]

I mean I'm not. Well I'm eventually I am not an immigrant but I am descended of. But we all are.

[Brady]

Yeah, I think they are.

[John Holmberg]

What about a talking stick?

[Brady]

Talking about at the this talking stick casino.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Like they have percentage 30 the United States.

[John Holmberg]

They're the only ones that aren't immigrants.

[Brady]

Yeah. They should say the other way.

[John Holmberg]

They hire all Indians. Like we're all 100. Natural homegrown farm to table.

[Brady]

Miami is the only major American city that was founded by a woman and look at it. Her name is Julia Tuttle. She owned a citrus company. The longest word in English is189.819 letters go and it could take you three and a half hours to say. Say it.

[John Holmberg]

Try.

[Brady]

Well it's good. Good request there. It's a chemical name of a protein called Tintin and it's not in the dictionary. It's a technical word. Some people argue that it shouldn't count but Mr. Beast tried it on YouTube in 2017

[John Holmberg]

and did he get through I don't think.

[Brady]

Here's a rundown of some of the weird things that went unclaimed in the airports last year. A fully assembled robot. They think it maybe I'll take it was a prototype along with bionic knee had a mo built in motor in it. But they were like pretty sure it looks like a prototype.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we know what they were doing. We already talked about about that.

[Brady]

A set of grills made with diamonds and 10 karat gold teeth.

[John Holmberg]

Grills not like Teeth grills.

[Brady]

Yep. Kind of like Kanye and Post Malone. Where a meteorite. They were able to figure out it was part of a meteor that fell on the Earth in 1576.

[John Holmberg]

And somebody checked that.

[Brady]

Unclaimed.

[John Holmberg]

You don't keep that in your. You know, you bring it on board.

[Brady]

Not leaving that one unless someone let them know that hey, there's a chunk there. Because isn't that illegal?

[John Holmberg]

Can you forget it? Well, as a moon would be illegal. Like a meteor.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's right.

[John Holmberg]

Carry moon bits. Even though they're missing like almost all of it. Tons of it got stolen. Or they don't know where half the moon is.

[Brady]

A 1 oz gold bar. It was worth several thousand dollars. Matching pair of samurai swords. Gold plated golf clubs. Japanese brand Hanma makes a few types of gold plated clubs. Full set can cost anywhere from a few grand to $60,000.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Those are mine. I forgot this.

[Brady]

The most valuable find was a pair of diamond earrings. Tanks retail at 40, $43,000.

[John Holmberg]

That's pretty good. Whatever.

[Brady]

And a Rolex at 35 grand.

[John Holmberg]

They didn't say the airport there was. Is there one that has this problem more often than others?

[Brady]

Yeah. It didn't say.

[John Holmberg]

I always go like baggage claim and I see that big pile of bags on a busy day just over in the corner. Remember they had those people that would go down and just steal bags and nobody ever checks. I don't know how that system is. Just what. Say again?

[Brady]

They did for a while.

[John Holmberg]

You had to. Oh yeah, I remember that. But.

[Guest/Advertiser]

And then that went away.

[John Holmberg]

Just. You could just do whatever. And then they have cameras, I guess. But

[Brady]

scientists in Japan have created an onion that does not make your eyes water when you chop it.

[John Holmberg]

What. What will they do next?

[Brady]

They've been working on it for over 20 years. And you could start seeing them in stores here in the States pretty soon.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta say.

[Brady]

Call it the Smile ball.

[John Holmberg]

I gotta say this is a controversial take, but I'm willing to go there. It might be time we dropped a nuke on ourselves because it makes you pretty damn ingenious. Like what these people have done since we threw sunshine on them is unbelievable. They weren't doing this before we dropped sunshine on them. The next thing you know they invented better cars and technology and TVs and they went crazy. Now they're doing onions that tear free. Onions.

[Brady]

These.

[John Holmberg]

This is a. Put another one on them. I bet you they can reinvent an entire planet.

[Brady]

And the states will market them under the name Goldies.

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable. You put sunshine on A people. And the next thing you know, they're coming up with great ideas. Everything's better. We come up with an idea and you tell Japan Pan we're thinking about doing this.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, onion.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Make people cry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's got to taste like an onion, though. It's got to be the same. Yeah, we'll work on that. And they did it. Brady, how old is the earth?

[Brady]

You know, it's old.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's old. It's good. And sold.

[Guest/Advertiser]

2,000 years.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. 20, 25, 26, give or take

[Brady]

10,000, isn't it?

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We'll go with your biblical 10K. Yeah, whatever. The onion has always made us cry. Jeff's fixed it with smiley balls. Smiley balls coming your way. What else? Unbelievable lady robots. Amazing televisions. You pick up a TV, it was a 98 inch television at Best Buy. It's about 3 pounds. Move. It was one hand.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you pick it right up. Nothing.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Have you seen those Fabric TVs?

[John Holmberg]

Unbelievable.

[Guest/Advertiser]

That like wave flag.

[John Holmberg]

It's all just. It's that sunshine, man.

[Brady]

We got an inmate in Florida. He's facing new charges after he snuck away from a work assignment to get it on inside of a portable a

[John Holmberg]

Porta John with another prisoner.

[Brady]

Yeah, Former prisoner.

[John Holmberg]

Huh.

[Brady]

Indian River County Jail is in Vero Beach, Florida.

[John Holmberg]

Timeout. Why is a former prisoner at a prison?

[Brady]

So this guy was on a work duty. It was off. Off site from the prison. Oh, he's working at a vent, picking up trash.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Like a promo event. Like

[John Holmberg]

that's allowed.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Like just hanging banners.

[John Holmberg]

Come see our prison. You just go to like the. The ostrich festival. They hire prisoners.

[Brady]

He's in a crew of low level inmates called TR Trustees. They get to work events.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh.

[Brady]

And so this 35 year old Hartley Sanchez, who was serving food until he snuck off mid shift security cameras caught him on video talking to two women near a bank of porta potties. Then one of the women went into the porta potty and after checking if the coast was clear, he joined her.

[John Holmberg]

Oh.

[Brady]

It turned out she was a former inmate. It's not clear how she knew Hartley before their encounter.

[John Holmberg]

Not at his job.

[Brady]

It was just a fling, but he was questioned about it. Freely admitted that. Yeah, we were there to get it on. Oh, she is not in trouble, but Hartley is.

[John Holmberg]

She's not in trouble with the law, Brady. But literally in life, she's in trouble because the decision she made that day is the worst I've ever heard.

[Brady]

Heard he's been in jail Awaiting trial for theft and drug possession. Now he's facing charges of attempting to escape.

[John Holmberg]

She had sex in a Porta John with a prisoner at a barbecue.

[Brady]

He's looking at tacking on another 15 years.

[John Holmberg]

He knew it. He knew it. Think of the class involved in a woman that says, well, he ain't getting

[Robot/AI Voice]

out anytime soon, but I like him, so I'm gonna do it over everybody else's poop.

[Brady]

Well, here's the woman he did you.

[John Holmberg]

You said it was at a barbecue. Oh, she's. It's Rachel Madison out. Oh, wow. Do you know what a Porta John is at a barbecue festival?

[Brady]

Well, a lot of people found out this past weekend because that Chandler barbecue is happening. So it's got to be smelly.

[John Holmberg]

I would think so.

[Brady]

A little rich.

[John Holmberg]

I think I'm gonna run with your slight assessment of that.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah, don't forget we had a guy who, of course, Patty's Day.

[John Holmberg]

I don't care about that.

[Brady]

Plenty of Deep Blue.

[John Holmberg]

They were at least free citizens with votes. This guy is a jailbird and he wooed her. Larry, get on the ball. He got laid at a barbecue festival even though he's a prisoner. What kind of lines is he running that makes her go, I don't care

[Robot/AI Voice]

about any of that. Just bend me over this toilet.

[Brady]

That dude serving food is hot.

[Robot/AI Voice]

He's hot.

[John Holmberg]

He's gonna be in jail for a long time. He's got a record.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It can't be that bad. They wouldn't let him work the barbecue festival. I'm gonna over everybody else's faces.

[Brady]

Let me meet that trustee.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I like to be face down in a Porta John toilet. Just look at all that mess while I'm getting aroused back there.

[John Holmberg]

Where else can you look? You're looking in the hole at all that I had. When I pee in a Porta John, I don't look down.

[Brett]

Oh, no, that's.

[John Holmberg]

It's. She managed to self lubricate in one of those.

[Brady]

He had her looking down.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Do we have a future?

[John Holmberg]

Well, I'm gonna be in jail for like a decade.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I still gonna wait on you.

[Brett]

You see what she looked like? He was probably looking down too.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I. Yeah, the smell of the Porta John was probably better than that thing. What kind of parents did you have? Were they wolves?

[Announcer]

There's something. Something. Check out homework's morning sickness [e-mail] Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

You made that?

[Robot/AI Voice]

I don't want to bang in the Port of John. I got a little class left I'll screw it. Let's do this.

[John Holmberg]

There's zero dignity at all.

[Guest/Advertiser]

I'll add that to my parent bingo card. I don't ever want to read a headline.

[John Holmberg]

No, no Alex page. Or have Alex tell you one Thanksgiving for now.

[Brady]

Hey, dad, remember a trustee in Florida.

[John Holmberg]

There may be nothing worse than the push pull visual of the bottom of a Porta John toilet as your head goes over it top and bottom. And you know you're gonna at one point see something in there and just go, what in the hell is that?

[Brett]

That.

[John Holmberg]

Are you done yet? It's kind of hard to finish the smell and all.

[Brady]

You think they went to the hand sanitizer station afterwards out front, little courtyard.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think those people. I don't think those people know what

[Guest/Advertiser]

that used it for lube.

[John Holmberg]

They don't know what that is.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Burns the ky you're using a stingy exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Is in the bucket here. There a ky bucket they keep in the port johns for us. Classy four. If you've had sex in a Porta John, you're so. You're like human aids. Like that's just gross. You're just gross as a dude. It's different as a woman. Come on, you can't come out of that without your game. First off, it's not a good story for a lady. She's not going to sit at Postinas.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I ever tell you ladies about the time I did that prisoner in the Porta John?

[John Holmberg]

Like you're not. You've got no friends. If you're a Porta John whore, you're always a Porta John whore. You can't. You can't kiss your kids good night

[Brady]

Porta John baby.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, if you got pregnant in a Porta John, hang yourself with the umbilical cord.

[Brady]

That's my boy Blue.

[John Holmberg]

Because that's the color he was when I dropped him into the trough. Oh, God, humanity. I can't wait for these robots.

[Brady]

We got a couple in Ohio. Oh, the guy won a million dollar scratch off a few years ago and his wife went into a Kroger store in Circleville, bought a scratcher. She starts scratching it off and numbers are matching. She's like, holy crap. I won $200,000. Checks it out. She won $200,000 for the next 25 years.

[John Holmberg]

Whoa.

[Brady]

$5 million.

[Brett]

Nice.

[Brady]

Total jackpot.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

She said he gets none of it. He's been sharing his million dollar scratcher.

[John Holmberg]

He's got.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Now let's. Legally, this is mine. So I've been getting the Raw end of the deal here.

[Brady]

This guy in Malaysia is in the Guinness World record record. Brett, this one's for you. For the number of teeth he has in his mouth, he has 42 of them.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

10 more than the average adult. He first noticed something was up in 2021.

[Guest/Advertiser]

The average.

[Robot/AI Voice]

I know.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just thinking that. I was just counting with my tongue. I'm like, don't we all have the same amount?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Isn't the outlier a guy with less or more than 32?

[Brady]

Well, some people might not have all four wisdom teeth come in, maybe have

[Guest/Advertiser]

two, but that's more. Isn't that the 36?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That bump you past?

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

I thought Brett doesn't have the proper amount of teeth, but that's just temporary, right? Right. You're missing one right now because you gotta get you a new one.

[Brady]

So in 2021, a family member counted 38. Then an X ray showed four more still waiting to come in.

[Brett]

How do you have a mouth that big?

[Brady]

He's got teeth on the inside of his. Like your molars there. Looks like there's another.

[Brett]

Like a shark arc.

[Brady]

Yeah, almost. Yeah. Oh, man.

[Brett]

You count.

[Guest/Advertiser]

It does include 32. Includes the wisdom teeth.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I have 31, and I had my wisdom teeth taken out.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Eight incisors, four canines, eight premolars, and 12 molars.

[John Holmberg]

All right, don't watch me count teeth.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Well, you're kind of hard not to to.

[Brady]

You got a special mouth.

[John Holmberg]

What?

[Brady]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Stop. I'm going to stop doing this. I'll do it on my own later. I'm waiting for an implant, and evidently, it turns Brady into a violent hillbilly rapist. Can't a man touch his own teeth without you getting a hard on?

[Brady]

You got a pretty mouth.

[John Holmberg]

All right, settle down. I have 31 teeth.

[Brett]

Yeah, but you.

[Guest/Advertiser]

You knew you're missing one, right? Are you missing one?

[John Holmberg]

My wisdom teeth taken out. You said that was 32 with wisdom.

[Brady]

And did you? Was it four?

[John Holmberg]

Four.

[Brady]

All four of them.

[John Holmberg]

I don't have an odd number anyway.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Well, one of them is a double. It looks like a twin.

[John Holmberg]

That would be less.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Well, no, I'm. When you went over the bump. It's one tooth.

[John Holmberg]

I know how my teeth operate.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. I don't think so.

[Brady]

I got a couple of pretty videos.

[Guest/Advertiser]

How many you get on the bottom there?

[John Holmberg]

Hang on. Okay. 20, 21. 22. There's 31.

[Guest/Advertiser]

All right, Dennis, call us or text us.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like this at all.

[Guest/Advertiser]

No, I wouldn't either.

[John Holmberg]

I Got a rogue tooth.

[Brady]

They throw an extra one in. I'm.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think they gave of me a lot like a bogo. Oh, hey, we did that crown. We threw in an extra chopper for you. You're gonna love carrots.

[Brady]

Now you have one more insight.

[Brett]

As people always like a deal.

[John Holmberg]

So how much for an extra Too? You're gonna love apples.

[Brady]

The first Brady video is a guy proposing to a woman, all right. At a restaurant.

[John Holmberg]

Overhead cameras and proposals always end with cars.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Do you see the Community note?

[John Holmberg]

It's an AI generator. It says it right on the thing. This is an AI generated video.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It's the first thing you read.

[Brady]

Play it anyway.

[John Holmberg]

All right, ready? This, I hope, like a dinosaur attacks these people and it reveals Brady is even dumber. He's proposing on a cafe outside.

[Brady]

She said no.

[John Holmberg]

She says no, and then he punches her out. All right.

[Brady]

Real.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. AI real. It says. So you know what you got confused that you don't know how to spell real properly. It says R, E, E, L. That's

[Brady]

what I fell for.

[Robot/AI Voice]

This is real.

[John Holmberg]

It's an AI real. Oh, God. All right.

[Brady]

This one isn't. I don't think.

[John Holmberg]

Well, does it say.

[Brady]

It does not say.

[Brett]

All right, let's add another language. So who knows?

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so we're pulling something out of a guy's tooth. It looks like a filling, but it'. Raisin. It's like he's pulling a raisin out of the center of a dude's molar. But it's not a raisin. This is a living. What is that?

[Guest/Advertiser]

Got a hole in his tooth.

[John Holmberg]

Got a hole in the center of his molar and it's filled with. That almost looks like Christmas music. I think it is an insect. Now they're pulling out some. It's a bug. Oh, they're pussing the tooth at the center of it. This is into Gummoe's mouth. This is Brett's mouth. Just Friday. It's a praying mantis.

[Brady]

It does look like praying mantis.

[John Holmberg]

I think it is.

[Brett]

Siberian orchestra playing that's kale.

[John Holmberg]

That's a piece of asparagus.

[Brady]

What is it?

[John Holmberg]

Looks like. Yeah, yeah. You know, he saw a picture of it once. This is also a. There's like a worm that came out of this guy right there. Yeah. All right, that's enough of that. Brett's been through enough with his teeth that you don't need to see that.

[Brady]

Yuck. It's all good now.

[John Holmberg]

All right, Bert. All right.

[Brett]

The boy sent one over for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

All right. There's a lady. Oh, good Lord. Oh, sweet Jesus. The most deformed person I've ever seen. Everything from the belly button up is okay. And then there's two little chicken legs where the legs should go, wow. And it's doing. Doing sexy dances with a third of a human body.

[Guest/Advertiser]

So is it like that pommel horse in. In gymnastics where you just use your palms and kind of move around?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's no legs to use, so it's. Yeah, it would be like if it's super strong upper body. You know what's great about this cripple? It's one of the worst looking things I've ever seen. It looks like Hoda Kotbi if you cut her lower legs out. And then the back wall in her bedroom is just nothing but Tiger Beat and Teen Beat, like pages from magazines a little. All right, that's enough.

[Guest/Advertiser]

That's enough news that its bed is off the ground.

[John Holmberg]

That is the grossest non human I've ever seen. All right, that doesn't count.

[Brett]

How about some of this, right?

[John Holmberg]

She's naked and yelling at me, but she looks like a fence. Oh, Jesus Christ. And then that was circumcision. There's a female circumcision right next to her. Oh, there's another one. Oh, they show their. They show their lady bits, and they've been sewn shut by whatever tribe they live in in some cruddy country. Oh, my God.

[Brady]

Or was it a hammered sex operation?

[John Holmberg]

No, those are female.

[Brady]

I think those are dudes that's got

[John Holmberg]

no hammered in the. All right, I'm gonna go surgery. Either way, it's disturbing. Although that one has very nice th. I think she does ice game, but she got fake boobs.

[Guest/Advertiser]

God, I wish I knew what.

[Brady]

She did a good job on that.

[John Holmberg]

Do we have anybody from whatever Bill Earth can translate that terrible language for us?

[Brady]

Something about Discover card.

[John Holmberg]

You think that was India? I didn't know. I thought it was, like, Sanistan.

[Brett]

I agree.

[John Holmberg]

I think it's a. Yeah, it's one of the stands.

[Brett]

This one. This one is Kirby showing Brady how to smoke weed.

[John Holmberg]

All right, it's a kid chicken. It's a dead. It's a dead duck, and he's. He's made a bong out of a dead duck, and he's smoking weed out of a dead duck. That will happen at Brady's house when Kirby finds the rope roasted duck. It's a little. It's one of the guys from a k pop band, and he's doing.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Has anyone seen My. My duck in the fridge.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, man, we were outside playing with your duck.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Did you smoke it?

[John Holmberg]

Yep. Who smoking?

[Brady]

My dad. Oh, no.

[Brett]

And I. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

All right, where are we here? Oh, there's a.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Hey.

[John Holmberg]

90 year old woman with a sex object. Oh, she's deep throated a sex toy at a weird party. She's in her 90s. Her breasts are down to her hips. With no teeth. There's no teeth. She pulled this out of her purse. It's about a 10 incher. She eats the whole thing, then takes it out and starts waving it around at the party. And that.

[Brady]

That dude that's banging the drum.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's playing for this.

[Brady]

Looking right at her.

[John Holmberg]

This is like a wedding. It looks like. And then that lady did that. That's somebody's grandma. Oh, my God. That's somebody's.

[Brady]

She gets all riled up.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Baboo.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody's baboo.

[Brett]

Oh, here's an accident for you.

[John Holmberg]

There's a guy who slid down a road on a motorcycle. I'm guessing his ass is. Yep. He fell off a Kawasaki dirt bike and his pants ripped up and his teeth has tons of road rash on it. And his friends have decided to film the road rash ride doesn't help. Got a ride home. Ass is the color of the inside of a watermelon.

[Brett]

And this was supposed to be for. This was supposed to be Friday, but.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Brett]

It's a waterboard fetishing lady.

[John Holmberg]

What? Oh, so she's getting waterboarded. She's in a cage on her back. Her mouth's wide open. They're dipping the cage into the water. She's naked. They're actually going to waterboard her. And also with a vibrator on her. Lady. Lady bits. No, that's a lady bit. That's like a. They took a. Like a water pick that they added a feature to.

[Brett]

How about your toothbrush?

[John Holmberg]

Why does she have cobwebs in her mouth? Is she a mummy? Oh, now they're dipping her in the water. She's upside down now in the waterboarding cage. Where do you get all this stuff? You gonna buy this? Are you on some sort of a list?

[Guest/Advertiser]

He's just a good welder, John.

[John Holmberg]

Dipping her into this bucket of water and holding her under for a while while she's naked. She comes up laughing.

[Guest/Advertiser]

That is a perfect body cage.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Brett]

So there you go.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Brett]

I don't know what to say about that one, man. It's not often I'm speechless, but man,

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know what that was. But a guy took time to please her before he started to drown her. This world. This world we're in. What a honeymoon, man. Yeah, that's. And that's how their child was made. And someday, she'll kiss Mommy and suckle at the teat of life.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Tell me again how you and dad met.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I was.

[Brady]

You like to see?

[John Holmberg]

I got video. I was enjoying lunch, and. And then I got a potato sack thrown over my head, and I was tossed in the back of a truck.

[Brady]

Wow.

[Guest/Advertiser]

I knew it was true love.

[John Holmberg]

And I knew he cared about me because he never let me go again. He locked me in the house.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Couple other texts from the report. John, your extra tooth is a tracking device. Welcome to the simulation. That is also why you're gay now.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy. No. You got Alex going.

[Guest/Advertiser]

In other words, who did it to me?

[John Holmberg]

We just offer our children up to the system with the floor and the water and the GMO hurting them, and we let fat perverts grab him at

[Brady]

the airport to train them for the pedophile government. There you go.

[Guest/Advertiser]

That's why another one says, I'd like to thank Brady for giving me his new nickname, Smile Ball.

[John Holmberg]

Smile Balls are good. Brady's a smile ball. It will make you cry. All those Japanese people. What else you want from us? Don't drop sunshine on us ever again.

[Guest/Advertiser]

I would like an onion.

[John Holmberg]

That doesn't mean onion that I can cut without crying. We are onion. It don't piss off Round eye. Bomb us. Make sunshine twice.

[Guest/Advertiser]

We'll be back in 10 years.

[John Holmberg]

It's hot today. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not that hot. Yeah, you complain about hot. Think of Grandpa boy. I tell you what. Whatever it did to him.

[Brady]

Innovation.

[John Holmberg]

It created a lot. The world's a better place since we nuked Japan.

[Brady]

I'll say. Say it.

[John Holmberg]

Just go over to any. Just consult the Internet. World's a better place. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report.

[Announcer]

It's 98 Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.

[Announcer]

Still strange in Hberg's morning sickness. [e-mail].

[John Holmberg]

It's the chili Peppers, right? They're not part of the Sick New World show that's coming your way in late April. But, my God, just about everything else is. We play a song by a band that's playing at Sick New World. Your phone will tell you to tap that app, and when you do, you automatically get into this big pile of stuff. We'll start drawing names, giving away tickets to the show. You tap that trip Track on the 98KUPD app web stream every time you hear any artist playing in the sick New World festival. Even if you don't know if they're in it or not, it'll tell you. And then five of you guys are going to win tickets to the show up there in Vegas on April 25th. What a great time too up in Vegas. You have you been to a show at their big festival fairgrounds?

[Brett]

I have not.

[John Holmberg]

No. I've heard it's good redible.

[Brett]

It's huge.

[John Holmberg]

And they build this village and in fact I don't know where they do it anymore.

[Brett]

I think it was where the Stardust is.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well it was. And that's where resorts were World is now.

[Brett]

That was just north.

[Brady]

That lot's been filled.

[John Holmberg]

I thought it was filled up. Either way it's a huge like 12 acres.

[Brady]

They.

[John Holmberg]

I mean it's awesome. One of you is going to score the VIP super win tickets to the show. VIP tickets to the show too. Not just regular old tickets. Hotel stay up there in Vegas. We'll hook you up. 200 gas card for the road trip. All this 25th anniversary nonsense for this show is getting you guys all these great prizes. It's amazing how we have sunk our hooks into this silliness and pretended like it has something to do with our 25th anniversary, which it absolutely does not. This would be happening whether it could be our 19th year. We'd be still doing this. But it happens to be the 25th. So we can pretend it has something to do with that. It doesn't.

[Brady]

Huge.

[John Holmberg]

We're pretending. Pretending is fun.

[Brady]

Isn't there some open area like in near Luxar which wouldn't be.

[Brett]

They don't use that anymore.

[John Holmberg]

We had an issue there. Yeah, we don't like to talk about that one.

[Brett]

You remember that is not used.

[Brady]

I thought on the other. I thought Luxars like all three.

[John Holmberg]

You say Luxor.

[Brady]

The Luxor.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. Maybe he's talking about a different like dollar store version of the Luxor. Anyway. Yeah, we don't talk about that particular grounds. Festival area. Thanks to that guy in Mandalay.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah. They don't use that anymore. It's just fenced off.

[John Holmberg]

I don't really do it. I remember it was up north on the strip and it was.

[Brett]

It was where the Stardust is. I don't know where. I'm trying to look it up right now.

[John Holmberg]

Humongous. And it was amazing. Pretty cool. I never. I didn't even See the show there? I was just there for the grounds, like some brutal Mars super festival. One weekend I was up there, they were having some love jam with 90 superstars, like a thousand of them, and it got canceled last second. There was a lot of. Of divorced ladies wandering around there, very upset. That weekend, they shut the show down.

[Brady]

Genuine got some hate mail because of the wind.

[John Holmberg]

Janet Jackson was going to be there. The wind shut it all down. They were worried about the whole stage tipping over.

[Brett]

Looks like.

[John Holmberg]

It's too bad. This is apparently size of that thing. Is that. Oh, it's a parking lot.

[Brett]

Yeah. So it's right. Right under the 589.

[John Holmberg]

That's the Hilton. That's it. It's right there.

[Brett]

Yeah. So it's just north of Circus Circus.

[John Holmberg]

So let me use half of it.

[Brady]

It now.

[John Holmberg]

Got it. That's great. So Sick New World's coming, and you guys can be part of it just by tapping that track right there in our KUPD app. You know, some of you had the app, you got mad at us, you deleted it. Now you're back on the app again because babies throwing fits and stuff about certain things. Some lady goes, I deleted that app because of things you said. Like, all right, well, off you go then. Well, I'm back on it. No, Now.

[Brady]

All right, welcome back.

[Brett]

Typical broad.

[John Holmberg]

I would have told you to shut the up about this whole thing. There's no pr. What? Why. Why even bother? I just want to let you know that I can delete you. Yeah, I don't even know you exist, so I don't care. Like you. This is the first I'm hearing from you, loon. I don't care if you delete the app. I got tons of apps. I.

[Brady]

Once we're done with this, I'm deleting it again, okay?

[John Holmberg]

And I'll still never meet you or care. You're dealing with a sociopath. You realize I don't have feelings, right? And who cares? I do have feelings for one thing, though. And I've got to say this because I'm so darn proud of this young man, I have to bring it up. The Phoenix Suns have got themselves something special, and it doesn't ever go on the court, and it very rarely, you know, participates in the win or the loss or has any bearing on the game itself. But without his presence, it would be a whole lot less entertaining. And I'm talking about our friend Kevin Ray. Kevin Ray last night. And I'm rooting for this. So I'm putting it out in the Ether got to do the broadcast nationally for the Suns game, and he was on the Peacock network and they asked him to do a national broadcast. And I. We had. I had a toast with Kevin afterwards. That was a pretty big deal. Anyway, he's done a couple of them in the past with tnt, but this was like a special super event. And Kevin is so good at what he does, and if not the best in the NBA, he's in the top five for sure. I. I can't say because I don't know all the broadcast teams, but I have watched on the NBA app the other team's broadcasters, and it is very rarely as quality as what we have here with Kevin. So I just wanted to say congrats to our own Kevin Rain. Put it out there and say, nice job. Job. NBC is looking at Kevin for national games. Now, we may lose him. We may lose him to the big boys. He'll still do our son's games when he can. But he's a talent. That. That bird's feathers are too bright to be caged, Brett. It's been overdue, Way overdue. That's a fact. He had to sit behind that relic for too many years. Al McCoy was robbing him of his future. But now that Kevin is, you know, entering the golden years, he's going to get that chance. And boy, does he ever deserve it.

[Brett]

Sounds like he's dying over here.

[John Holmberg]

Well, he was. He was dying in this minimal, small pond, and he's a big fish. So I wanted to give Kevin the credit. He's. That was a pretty awesome thing. And seeing him last night afterwards, and I just like, how was it? He goes. It was great. He was beaming. And that's, you know, it's his dream.

[Brady]

Who'd he call the game with?

[John Holmberg]

I. I forgot there's a guy used to play for the Suns. He told me and I again, I. I had a couple of drinks and all the names got erased. Like Franklin and his daughter. Franklin, Not Frank. Amelia. Yeah, that's right. Franklin and Amelia. Damn it. The talking stick. Executive chef. Damn it. I think your name was Franklin. If not, you only have that girl to blame. Brought me the name on that tiny little piece of paper.

[Brady]

If you always forget a chef's name, it's Wolfgang.

[John Holmberg]

It's usually you go with that. Are they all named Wolfgang? Yeah, either way.

[Brady]

Good.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe his last name is Wolfgang Franklin. Wolfgang Franklin. Wolfgang Ramsay, we'll call him. And his daughter. Daughter Giada.

[Brady]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Anyway, Kevin Ray, congratulations from us to you. Good friend, great guy. And this is those Types of things where you're like, ah, I, I, you like to see people succeed and you like to be close by when they're exuding the confidence and happiness of what just happened. And he said the game went great, called it from from the other side of the court, which was kind of cool to watch. So good for you Suns fans. You got yourself a gem right there. We had it with Al McCoy too. I remember listening to the final in the car when he was only doing radio and the Suns played the Bucks in 2021. And I was a little late getting to my house and I had to listen to the first quarter on the radio and I remember thinking to myself, this dude's 90 years old, not missing. And he was crushing that thing. And I'm like, what a gem. And I started to call for getting him a statue before he dies and honoring him before he dies and doing. And they didn't. So maybe Taurasi got it though. No, by all means, we got to get a street named after Diana Tausi. Yeah, she's done so much more than Al McCoy ever did in the 50 plus years she was here for 10 or 11 years and she WNBA championships that this whole city was clamoring for forever. Oh, they almost sold out one of them. Clamoring, clamoring. Anyway, Al McCoy didn't get his due. He's got little stuff around him, but not like he should. And maybe we should start talking about that with Kray. If I was Kray, I'd leave. And if Peacock comes to call, it's like, oh, they I know how you treat your legends. Ain't nobody getting a they raised ticket prices again for season tickets. Another 10%. Every year I've had them, it's gone up at this is the smallest increase at 10% and you should be happy. Yeah, that's what they're making you feel like. Hey, also found out hey, only 10.

[Brady]

Welcome.

[John Holmberg]

They've been double charging me all year. Wait, what? Yeah, I've been hit for two seasons. I'm looking and I'm like, is this normal? Like, is this happening? Every month I went back and looked at my stuff statement and every month they've charged me twice.

[Brett]

Sorry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah, we'll give you credit for next year. The you will. You'll give me my money back. So I'm not happy with the Suns right now, but I certainly am for Kevin. So good for you, Kevin. We're proud of you and I hope it, I hope it leads to greater, bigger things. You deserve it. Kevin Ray local Institution, we call him. If you see Kevin, buy him a nice glass of, like, a fine tequila. Tequila with a big block of ice in it. Don't go giving them the cruddy stuff.

[Brett]

Yeah, no, Cuervo.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Get them the good stuff. Find out. Say what's your most expensive tequila? And then they'll tell you. And you'll go, whoa.

[Brady]

Give me three steps exactly.

[John Holmberg]

Drop down two. Hit me in this number here.

[Brady]

Just barely out of the well, but make.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, don't. We don't. I don't want. I don't want it to be a familiar name, but I also don't want to pay that class. Azul's not that good anyway, so. Kevin. What? Love you. What would Brady do's coming up next.

[Announcer]

It's 98, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.

[Brady]

98.

[Announcer]

Still streaming. Hberg's Morning Sickness [e-mail] It's time.

[John Holmberg]

Listen up. Oh, this is the guy. Patrick. I got it right. I got his email. Patrick was his name. He says, good morning, homework. It was great seeing you last night at the Rah Rah Rump. I felt like a dick. Thanks for taking a few minutes to spend some time with me and my daughter. And thanks for the shout out this morning. What a standup guy you are. He's right. That's how a true celebrity should be towards his fans. You hear that, boys? I said I'm terrified to see my daughter Lily. Damn. It wasn't even close.

[Brady]

How did you forget Lily?

[John Holmberg]

She's about to drive. But I guess that's life and part of growing up. And they sent some pictures. It says the entire staff. The Rah Rah room. Kinsey was amazing. What a great experience. Hopefully we can get the heat stroke open back at Talking Stick this year. Oh, Patrick, are we ever close? Maybe. I don't know. Talking Stick. We'll see. Thanks again. You boys keep up the good work. Gets my day going every day. Patrick Carson Harvest Talking stick golf club. Patrick. Patrick and his daughter Lily there. I give a good shout out. I felt like such a dick. Thank you, Patrick. It's time for Brady to solve all of your problems. It's called what would Brady do? By the way, we played a little system down there. That means that your app was going, hey, tap me. You tap that app. Sick New World tickets. Getting emails from people who went to the last one said it was just an amazing event. It's going to do it again April 25th. And we're going to send you out up there. Pay attention. Listen on the app, listen on the website. God forbid you listen to the radio on the radio anymore. We'll hear about that later. But we're making it easy for you guys to win stuff, and I think it's awesome. Tap the track. That's how that works. It's time for Brady to solve your problems. And it's brought to you by our friends right over there at MMP Guns. 12th Street Indian School. It's with Mo Money Pawn, and they've got their gun stuff going on. They have any classes coming up? Any builder classes? Probably.

[Brett]

They always do. They always do. Build yourself one Glock ar whatever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they've got them. You go down there and check it out. You look on their website and see what they've got for you, and they can. You can build your own BYO and get all that done. By the way, we're out of. We're one month removed from the Byron specials. Byron's birthday specials. If you go in today and say Brett sent you and say, I'd like to talk to Byron. Brett sent me 50 off. Anything viral chooses.

[Brett]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right.

[Brett]

That's a great deal.

[John Holmberg]

It's got a while. Supplies last. Last Offers are limited. Thank you. MMP Guns. 12th street in Indian School, inside Mo Money Pond. And they got that ice cream in there now. Got that. They're churning out all that ice cream. Every time. Every time I'm over there, I see that little sign that says, we got the ice cream like what Smitty's used to have. Yeah.

[Brett]

And it's like a full. Like, it's not like just one little counter.

[Guest/Advertiser]

It's.

[Brett]

It's the full shebang.

[John Holmberg]

It's not some dude scooping out of the bucket. They've got a real ice cream thing. And the ice cream is.

[Brady]

Just want to apologize to them. I haven't been over yet to get

[John Holmberg]

the ice cream now. You should. You didn't live here with Smitty's, did you?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you hear when Smitty's were here and you just go in there and for no reason at all, you just.

[Brady]

99 breakfast.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What? They had restaurants, too?

[Brady]

Yeah, the Smitty.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah, they did.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

I don't remember Northern and 19th or.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I don't care where you did it. I'm just saying it's. I didn't know that. We used to steal ice cream. Thrifty had ice cream as well.

[Brett]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

No reasonable Ms. Burkhart would. Mike Burkhart's mom would we go to Thrifty and we'd buy something dumb. And then she'd be like, she boys want some ice cream? Yeah. Every time. This is a weird kind of guttural. And she'd just scoop up ice cream for us. They don't do that anywhere. But mo Money Pond's doing it.

[Brett]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are you ready, Brady?

[Brady]

Ready.

[John Holmberg]

Says. All right, here's the thing. Brady recently got out of a failed marriage. Luckily, the kids are grown and understand that their mom and I weren't. Click. They're good. Got on Tinder, had a few good dates, but one is haunting me. Well, that's not how to talk about your date. I thought Tinder was a mess around site. She leaves me emails every day. She doesn't know where I live, but she's kind of attached. I pounded that thing good. How do I get rid of her? Adam. I mean, anonymous. Sorry, Adam.

[Brady]

Well, she doesn't know where you live. Live. Yeah, it's just, you know, after a while, you're not. You just don't respond to the text.

[John Holmberg]

You go.

[Brady]

Try that first.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think you should go. But don't go straight.

[Brady]

No matter what you're going to run into. Eventually, there will be a stage five Klingon.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Crazy's crazy.

[Brady]

Yeah. And they're everywhere. So the, I mean, I mean, the, the thing that I would do is not respond.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, Brady, Brady, Brady.

[Brady]

That's the easiest.

[John Holmberg]

Brady, Brady, Brady. You email her back or just tell her enough. I'm gonna call the cops. You're nuts. I'm done with you. Well beyond.

[Brady]

I'll do that next.

[Brett]

Ghosting don't work. If she's that crazy, she's gonna. She's gonna keep doing it and more.

[John Holmberg]

You can't ghost crazy. It makes them crazy. Yes. You just email her.

[Brady]

It's been a while.

[John Holmberg]

Right, but still, the first thing is look.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Brett]

And say it just like that, too.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And yeah, you got to make it so she knows that you're an awful

[Brett]

person who's in charge.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And throw something in there. Just go. If I, you know, I. I can barely get the smell of your out of my sheets. Make it terrible. My fingers are still pruning. What did you do? What? What poison lives in.

[Brett]

You had to burn my bed?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. I, I, I have grown to hate you because I can't stop smelling butterscotch and liverwurst. My dick's on strike. I don't want to see you ever again. You make me sick.

[Robot/AI Voice]

But we had Something.

[John Holmberg]

No, I think I have something from your disease. Yeah, you go in hot, make her hate, make her tell her friends he's just a jerk.

[Brett]

Like I said, if she. If you ghost her, she's just. She's crazy now. She's just gonna. It's gonna entice her more.

[John Holmberg]

Tom brought up.

[Brady]

Well, it sounds like she's already been doing that, so I guess you. You gotta nip it.

[John Holmberg]

You brought it up last week in the Brady Reporter, or whatever it was. Tom brings it back. He goes, hey, what about that thing you guys talked about taking her on a hike and leaving? Remember?

[Brady]

Oh, yeah, the.

[John Holmberg]

It had a name for it.

[Brady]

Yeah. Something divorced.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You get rid of them on a hike. You go hiking and then you speed up off, leave him out in the woods.

[Brady]

Great name. It's like Alpine Divorce.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I think that was it. You have an alpine divorce. Like, she's like going like, oh, my

[Robot/AI Voice]

God, yes, I'd love to.

[John Holmberg]

And you meet her and you walk real fast right after you get to the middle, and she. And she's gone. She ain't gonna come back for you if you leave her in the desert for a day. Great stuff. Good thinking. All right, so that's soft. You don't just go ghost and crazy. So you're gonna hang around at your work. Should be in a bush.

[Brady]

So you changed up. Because I. I would still. Just knowing me. Yeah. I'm not gonna respond for. See if that works first. But really, you should just say right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You get one look. Not. We're not hitting it off.

[John Holmberg]

I see. That's where you can't be.

[Brady]

It's me. It's not.

[John Holmberg]

No. Yeah, you have to. Yeah. You're trying to still be friends with. With her. Where instead of just going, sorry naked. You remind me of my grandma. Like, you want to hurt the weirdos to make. They'll have to go away.

[Brady]

I've been going out with multiple people. I finally come down to one, and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And it's not.

[Brady]

We can't stop. We have to stop.

[John Holmberg]

Treat like it's the bachelorette all the time.

[Brady]

I'm sorry. Love is blind.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're so ugly down south, you made me hate Arby's. I don't know how you did it.

[Brett]

Look, Arbe out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta just hurt her feelings to where she hates you. If she's gone truly as crazy as you say. This one says, dear Brady, I'm thinking about quitting my religion. I'm a Mormon, and I honestly don't think any of it's real. It's a series of contradictions. And as a person who considers themselves smart, I can't help but think I'm insulting my own intelligence by throwing out all the obvious silliness. But it's just in case. However I was raised in it. I am scared. Talk me into staying or going. Heather,

[Brady]

you're a grown ass woman.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no, you're not breaking up with her. Why are you using. No, no, no.

[Brady]

It's her. It's her choice.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't take the same character and move it to the next story.

[Brady]

So I think I tell her that she can, you know, if she doesn't want to follow any further, no need to, you know, flame throw your way out. You can.

[John Holmberg]

You're already out.

[Brady]

It's pretty much. It's okay. I know a couple of families that are. Like I just said the other day, we're down to two.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Two of the family are left the Internet or are still in the church. Church. But everyone else is gone.

[John Holmberg]

I hate to break it to you.

[Brady]

It happens in all this.

[John Holmberg]

You're already out by emailing and saying I think it's all silly. Oh, you're not a believer.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

People don't understand what the question in something is.

[Brady]

It might be tougher if you are. If your 10 has been a pretty good chunk. They don't let you leave so much

[John Holmberg]

like all the money. Tithing.

[Brady]

The tithing?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What do you mean they don't let you leave?

[Brady]

If it's pretty big on the tithing. They don't. You'll get impacted. They can also take a lot of business away from you. Find out.

[John Holmberg]

Come on.

[Brady]

Oh, you're leaving.

[John Holmberg]

Walk away.

[Brady]

Okay.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Well.

[Brady]

So there's a lot of your business.

[John Holmberg]

If you're running a business. What if she just has a job?

[Brady]

I'm just telling you those are factors that come in.

[John Holmberg]

Other than that, that sounds.

[Brady]

Be it. Don't be afraid.

[John Holmberg]

What a lovely caring endeavor that whole religion is that you've been blackmailed into believing. Or else.

[Brady]

It's not the only one. Any donor from whatever the. Sure.

[John Holmberg]

But we're talking about this right now.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The or else factor of religion shouldn't exist, but it does. Yeah.

[Brady]

We have a recommended fee for getting married.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He created a. He loves you very much. Very, very much. More than anything. He loves you. And he created hellfire and a forever torment if you don't love him back properly. So that's how much he loves you. I know. I feel that way about Brady, I love you Brady. I think you're wonderful. But if you even look at me sideways, I'm going to burn you. I'm going to burn you forever. That's how much I love you. I'll light you on fire for the rest of eternity if you just don't worship me properly. That's because I care. You're already out. Look up. Look up. The word theism means you believe in something. And if you're saying I'm not sure I buy it, you don't believe it.

[Brady]

People know that.

[John Holmberg]

They don't, you know, nobody knows what it is not.

[Brady]

But if you don't like somebody, you're not hanging around them. So like, okay, if you don't like me then that's fine. Fine. I don't like you.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about?

[Brady]

If you like, why would you. If God you saying oh he loves

[John Holmberg]

you but if you don't wash him

[Brady]

you love somebody and they don't love you back. Are you hanging around them?

[John Holmberg]

Tell him right now. He invented this place knowing that most of us wouldn't make it. And he invented a place to torment us for eternity if we don't worship properly. That's a love. That's a love. I can't.

[Brady]

But at the end I think every knee bow house if you show up,

[John Holmberg]

what's with the hide and seek? Don't hide.

[Brady]

I don't know, it's a confusing book because it's terrible.

[John Holmberg]

It's a terrible book. And basically I discovered that this weekend Jesus is essentially just an offer author at a never ending book signing. Because I heard some guy say well that's the day before my, my beloved met Jesus. I'm like he's at the door just going hi, thanks for coming next. I'm Jesus, nice to meet you, thanks for coming. Next Thursday never ends. Then you just look down the halls. How long is this line? Never. Oh, a fetus. Hi fetus. Yeah. No your mom was wrong. It was at conception. Off you go. Thanks for coming. None of it makes sense. So if you're discovering that it doesn't make sense for you, you already don't believe. So you've already left your religion. Have a backbone. Take a position. The other thing you're talking about is called Pascal's Wager where you just believe a religion just in case we've eliminated in time over 9000 different gods through science and proof. We're getting down to the last three. We're close people, we're real close. They're hanging tough they're hanging tough, but not that tough. They're hanging. There's 2 billion Muslims that believe all the people who don't believe like them are going to the hell that they invented it.

[Brett]

Vice versa.

[John Holmberg]

Vice versa doesn't sound like a loving situation to me. Dear Brady, my wife dresses like a. When she goes out with her friends, they have girls night once a month or so. And every time she leaves, she looks amazing. When I take her out, I'm lucky if she even wears shoes. She dresses like a lost hobo. Or like I lost a bet and had to take out this trollop from the street. I tried to tell her, look, you got to start trying. And she got really pissed, like she can't wait to not be sexy around me. When she comes home from girls night, she runs right into the bedroom, puts on sweats, and sits in the dressed worse than I am. What would Brady do? Steven, That's a tough one.

[Brady]

Just continue enjoying your roommate. She hates you.

[John Holmberg]

She hates you. Yeah, what it comes down to, and she's gonna throw the.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Can I just be comfortable?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but come on, all the time. How comfortable do you need to be? But can you put on a pair of cute sweats? Do they have to all be awful?

[Brady]

And just be patient, my friend. Just a couple of years away to

[John Holmberg]

what, her dying robot men. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're replacing them. And no robot's ever going to run home from the robot. You know, girls night out and then throw on her, you know, George Foreman workout gear.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, it's just so hard being hot. So I came home to you and

[John Holmberg]

I was like, blech.

[Robot/AI Voice]

And I put on these tattered rags. I'm gonna sit next to you and burp and fart, make sort of horrible noises.

[John Holmberg]

Here's another one says, dear Brady, my God, that's how it starts. My God, I'm getting divorced from a lady. She has a son who is going to Wichita State for baseball, and I'm the reason this kid's good at the game. The divorce is cutting me out of everyone's life completely. She hates me because she caught me banging on the side. Basically, she quit having sex with me and I kept going with someone else. So would it be wrong to try to stay in the boy's world and rebuild that relationship, even though she has absolutely poisoned the well in his mind with me? Brian, that's a tough coffee.

[Brady]

It's. It's not his boy biologically. Right?

[John Holmberg]

No, but he. I don't know how long he was involved in that.

[Brady]

But just know that your memories with him and the core and the stuff that you taught him will always be there. But it's time for you to move on.

[Brett]

Well, is he. Is he left handed with a great curve?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Back in there immediately.

[Brady]

The kid's old enough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know.

[Brady]

If he wants you in his life life. Which he will.

[John Holmberg]

You think? Yeah. Depends on how bad mom poisoned that

[Brady]

or how bad he found out that also, you know, he made the list because you did that to my mom.

[John Holmberg]

Right? Right. Gonna be tough to get into that. You gotta wait.

[Brady]

That's part of the deal.

[John Holmberg]

And unfortunately, if he gets better and better at Witchita State, all that work you did getting him in there is now the coaches at Wichita State that make him a potential prospect. Oof. Brett's right though. If he's a left hefty, screw that lady and go after that.

[Brady]

You need to approach the son and apologize.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just. Look, your mother and I.

[Brady]

Your mother and I, we had. You know, I'm not saying it's two people involved. It just. Just didn't work out.

[John Holmberg]

You got to tell them you love them a lot.

[Brett]

Let's go have a catch.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I just wanted to let you know that no matter what happens between me and your whore mom, I love you very much.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Why'd you do that to her, Steve?

[John Holmberg]

You're not in it.

[Brady]

Well, you're gonna eventually learn.

[John Holmberg]

You'll find out.

[Brady]

I.

[John Holmberg]

She's wearing these sweatpants. I. What was I supposed to do?

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yeah, she used to look good when she grew up with her friends.

[John Holmberg]

You saw it.

[Brady]

You get it. Your girlfriend, right now you're a. You're going at it now. What? Would you still be dating her if she said no more sex?

[John Holmberg]

She took sex away and she started.

[Brady]

You mean for like a month? No, no, no. For. You're just going to be boyfriend, girlfriend, hang out. There's no shit sex.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Oh, you put that wouldn't happen.

[John Holmberg]

That wouldn't happen. You'll see. You'll be there someday. Anyway, you ever seen the Target section of like sweatpants? They're all one size. They don't have small, larger B. They just have all like giant ugly. They have ugly and extra ugly. Xu is one of the sizes the ladies pick out for homies.

[Brett]

See them walking in the QT or in a convenience store all the time.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, your mom wears X use. I don't know why. It's just gigantic parachutes made of gray sweatpants material. What was I supposed to do?

[Brady]

We go on trips all the time. She's never on her period.

[Brett]

That's a lie.

[John Holmberg]

Funny.

[Brady]

Well, you guys, you're not married, right?

[Brett]

That's a lie.

[John Holmberg]

You guys still enjoy that weird shower thing where you make tomato puddles? No. You get. You get. You turn into an adult and you hate that. Anyway, well, good luck to all of you. It sounds like it's all going sideways. And to that Mormon lady, don't be afraid. I give the advice. Don't be afraid. Absolutely nothing in your life will change if you stop believing. And you already have.

[Brady]

And you're a lady in that church.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you already. Yeah.

[Brady]

You know, can only be the gods.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Brady]

You can only go so high.

[John Holmberg]

You were never that important to those people in the first place. They're like. Like, ah, lady, basically, your God loved you, but not as much as a man. So you're escaping oppression. Really? If you like being a servant, go ahead. If I told you North Korea's basic tenets of existence were must worship the leader. If you don't, you'll be imprisoned. It's kind of the same thing. So you'll be free, little bird. Run from it. There you go, everybody. That is what Brady did, and he took a lady out of Mormonism, which is a good thing.

[Brady]

You'll find a new church.

[John Holmberg]

You don't believe in Mormons either. You're an atheist against that, too. So it's all right. Brady thinks you're stupid for doing it as well. There you go, everybody. That's what Brady.

[Announcer]

Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said. Fully erected.

[Announcer]

Still streaming. Homberg's morning sickness [e-mail] oh, I'm gonna

[John Holmberg]

disappear into this for the next few days. The free agency friendly. The frenzy in the NFL has begun, and it's. It's already started moving stuff around. Walker. Walker 3. He has left the Seahawks. He's gone. K9. He's gone. Where'd he go?

[Guest/Advertiser]

Kansas City.

[John Holmberg]

Kansas City. And then the Steelers just got Michael Pittman, which is a great grab. Goes to the Jets. Who leaves to go to the Jets?

[Brett]

I'll take a pay cut.

[John Holmberg]

As a matter of fact, I want to go. I'd just become a real estate agent.

[Brett]

Hopkins, are you hiring?

[John Holmberg]

I'd go to Doug Hopkins and mop his floors before I'd play for the Jets. So, yeah, it's all happening with the free agencies. The. The tampering period is on, and we can start talking about where everybody's going. And, boy, there's been some good ones.

[Brett]

But so at midnight, it's on.

[John Holmberg]

It is official free agency. Okay, so what you're hearing now is what is going to be officially signed tomorrow. Yeah, because you're allowed to talk now. Okay. And the Cardinals signed James Connor to the injured reserve list for the next three years. That's smart.

[Brett]

But the Rams, Niners, and Seahawks are shaking right now.

[John Holmberg]

They kept Connor and he. Connor is great in the locker room because he's. He's really diligent about his workouts to recover for next year. I love James Connor, but, man, you can't. He's. I. I'd hire him as a coach before I'd have him back on the field. The dudes. Hey, hey, hey.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Cardinal fans, big news.

[John Holmberg]

What'd they get?

[Guest/Advertiser]

Resigning. Chad Ryland.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know who that is.

[Brady]

Kicker.

[John Holmberg]

They're on the right.

[Brady]

And.

[John Holmberg]

And Blake Gilliken again.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Punter.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. They're. They're shoring up the specialties. Well, that's their starting point. Look, to the Cardinals, punting is wildly important.

[Brady]

That's true. That's fair.

[John Holmberg]

You better have a good punt on your team.

[Guest/Advertiser]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. Anyway, pick it up. We got an entertainment drill coming up as we start to play. I'm getting all my emails. Steelers go to the. Everybody's telling me, me, Crosby's a Raven. Yeah, I know. I hope his legs fall off. It'll be so great if Max Crosby went there and it's like, hey, let's show him where the bridge used to be. And then the bridge falls on him more.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Apparently, Brady's boy Jamar Chase went off a little bit about Crosby signing with the.

[John Holmberg]

With the Ravens.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, because they're. They lost their whole dumb. Who? The Ravens?

[Brady]

No, he's like the bungled to let the Ravens do that.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they had a chance. They didn't even pay their own guy or poorly run organization. The Ravens, for all their flaws and having, you know, to live in the sewer of America.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Also, Brady, you don't want to give up two first round picks.

[Brett]

They.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the Ravens run a good organization. There's a reason they're consistent.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Well, I'm saying they can take a two first rounder hit.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Bengals.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

You need those picks. You need your picks. We got an entertainment drill coming up and our minds are distracted. It's 98.

[Announcer]

There's something. Something. Check out Hornburg's Morning Sickness podcast at 98kupd.com Holg's Morning Sickness.

[John Holmberg]

Football. Still talking about football. It's so great. Football. Football. Football, it's all over. The free agency technically starts Wednesday. It's the legal tampering period, which. I love that phrase, legal tampering sounds like what the Catholic Church tried to get passed free agencies years. We just want to bother him a little bit.

[Brady]

Good band name.

[John Holmberg]

Illegal tampering is a great band name. Really good. It's almost 10 o'.

[Brady]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

That means we move forward. And that sick New world thing is going crazy. So your phone will tell you when to tap the track and talking about it all morning long. Listen on the app, listen on the website, and you'll do it if you're listening to the radio. Well, that thing's. That's stupid. Don't do it. That app and website only, that's how you win prizes around here. I'm half hard. The Steelers traded like a six rounder for Michael Pittman and the Colts, so. That's awesome. That guy's 28 years old. That's a great grab. I don't know who's gonna throw him the ball, but so far, so good. That's amazing. It's time for Brady to give you all the entertaining news that we all know and love. It's brought to you by our friends at the Schwartz laser eye center. Dr. Jay Schwartz is awaiting for you to go to teamidoc.com and make sure that you get that complimentary consultation scheduled right now and have those peepers looked at. I want to send everybody listening a picture of my eye after the surgery. Oh, yeah, it was on the way. You can go on our. Yeah.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Facebook page.

[John Holmberg]

I showed it to some people last night and they're like, what? What happened? I'm like, I don't know. You don't know? You know what happened? I didn't pay attention to some warning signs. I ended up in a mess. I got an email from my buddy Winston. He goes, a guy I work. Work with just tore his retina. He's face down for six days. He goes, I didn't think it was real. I'm like, it's.

[Guest/Advertiser]

I. I'd never heard of it until. Until you.

[John Holmberg]

Me neither.

[Guest/Advertiser]

And then everybody emailed in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, I did that. It's. Yeah, it's. I just had a panic. I know. I saw my Bronco leaving the parking lot and I forgot that pretty fast. Yeah, the car wash guys here. Jesus Christ. Yeah, he was flying. I'm like sleeping. It's a guy detailing cars in the parking lot and I didn't. I forgot. Anyway, so you want to get over there? I'm Seeing clearly now. I saw my car just drive away. Do Jay Schwartz will take care of you that complimentary consultation. He takes care of the suns and the diamondbacks. That's why they're TeamIDoc.com the official eye center of your sons and Diamond Diamondbacks. It's Dr. Jay Schwartz and the Schwartz laser eye Center. Brady Entertainment.

[Brady]

A new survey found the songs TV shows and movies that turn Americans on heated rivalry. They surge. They surveyed 2, 000 people.

[John Holmberg]

What'd you say, Bridgerton? Oh, something else.

[Brady]

So here the songs that their favorite bedroom songs. Pony Genuine. S M. Rihanna Sexy. Let's get it on. Marvin Gaye, all of you. John Legend, Flow. Jamie Foxx. Birthday sex. Not sure if I'm familiar with that one.

[John Holmberg]

You're not.

[Guest/Advertiser]

You're not.

[John Holmberg]

That's a good one. You're not familiar with the song or the actual act?

[Brady]

Both.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Robot/AI Voice]

They wrote a song about some unicorn

[John Holmberg]

earned it the weekend you got birthday sex. Oh, yeah.

[Brady]

Birthday.

[John Holmberg]

So I know you want to ride out. You didn't heard this? No, you don't.

[Brady]

Don't.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Kirby has.

[Brady]

Don't tell him that I like it.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Yeah.

[Brady]

No.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Just be honest.

[Brady]

It's.

[John Holmberg]

What are you playing? It's not all right for you.

[Brady]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Pounding in the Aviator on the way home.

[John Holmberg]

It is not.

[Brett]

Had her birthday sex on the way home.

[Robot/AI Voice]

So I do like that political chatter. Is he talking all about the

[Brady]

earned it the weekend. I'll make love to you boys. To men. Perfect. Ed Sheeran and Red Bone.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brett]

No, not that one.

[John Holmberg]

They won't.

[Brett]

That one.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. That's

[Brady]

the most popular steamy shows. Sex in the city got 22%. Game of Thrones 18.

[John Holmberg]

What was steamy about sex in the city Is women talking about sex occasionally. That the the would nail one of them.

[Brady]

Vampire Diaries 15.

[John Holmberg]

Carrie. I'm gonna have sex with him.

[Brady]

Orange is the new black 15. True blood 14%.

[Guest/Advertiser]

That was naked. Naked all the time in true blood.

[John Holmberg]

That heated rival. He's talking to Ian Schwartz about that? Yeah, that's a very. It gets me hard as a rock. But Schwartz is like these women in their 40s that love this heated rival won't shut up about it. They all come to us like it's new to us. And I'm like, that's true. And he goes, he's got Gina over at work. And she's like, ian, did you watch this weekend? He goes, what? I live it. Why do I have to watch this? And she's like, oh, this guy did this, and this guy did that. And he's like. He said It's. It's the 40 year old white woman's way of saying, I've got gay friends. Friends.

[Brady]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I have a black friend. Listen, I'll explain him to you.

[Guest/Advertiser]

I like birthday sex.

[John Holmberg]

They run up to gays and explain a gay show to him. Like, we get it and then.

[Robot/AI Voice]

But the chemistry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's called love. Like I. Yeah, we have that in real life. I've never seen it before. Right.

[Brady]

As for movies, Dirty Dancing, 41% top the list. Pretty Woman, 39%. Titanic, 38, 50 Shades of Gray.

[John Holmberg]

That's the one 33 really wanted to talk about.

[Brady]

Rihanna had shots fired at her home. And was it Beverly Hills? Nine rounds. She was in the house at the time.

[John Holmberg]

Are they shooting at the house or just around it?

[Brady]

At the house.

[John Holmberg]

Some lunatic went and just tried to shoot up Rihanna's house.

[Brady]

Yeah. Now they're saying between seven and nine rounds. AR15 stuff style.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

While parked in her Tesla across the street, four rounds reportedly struck the house.

[John Holmberg]

Wait, someone was in her car shooting at her house?

[Brady]

Fired around Rihanna's home in Beverly Hills and while she was inside. Yeah. She pulled up in the. Woman pulled up in the.

[John Holmberg]

The ladies shoot. Wait, stop. Stop saying she after you say Rihanna. Because that sounds like you're saying she pulled up a woman in a car. Car pulled up to Rihanna's house and started shooting. Rihanna's house?

[Brady]

That's what it says.

[Brett]

Took a second subway at 2 in the morning.

[John Holmberg]

Don't say that. Don't do that. You think Rihanna's faking? Oh, Brett. Accusations

[Brady]

confirmed that ASAP Rocky was not at the home, but it's unclear if the three children were.

[John Holmberg]

Wow.

[Brady]

Was it a scorn? Love. Love her.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. My bullets start flying at the house. You gotta work, work, work, work, work.

[Brady]

Rosanna Arquette says Quentin Tarantino's overuse of the N word is not art, just racist and creepy.

[John Holmberg]

Who said this?

[Brady]

Rosanna Arquette.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, calm down.

[Brady]

Well, we get somebody chimed in.

[John Holmberg]

He's got a past.

[Brady]

In the past, he's been criticized. Criticized for the overuse of the N word in his films. Called out by Spike Lee and filmmaker Lee Daniels. But Samuel L. Jackson came to Tarantino's defense in 2022 and said it's unfair. He's just telling a story. And the characters do talk like that.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. I'm just sick of it. Okay.

[Robot/AI Voice]

It's just everybody wants to say.

[John Holmberg]

And I can say it all they want if you get a pass. Okay. Yes.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Of cake.

[John Holmberg]

Can we needs you to like, embrace your inner in this one. He said he told Jamie Foxx once when he hired him for Django Unchained. Jamie told the story. He's in town this week, by the way. He's at Stand Up Live. Is it tomorrow? Tomorrow.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Wednesday and Thursday.

[John Holmberg]

So Jamie said that he. He said, I came into this in the first scenes to shoot Django. And he said. And he said, I. I kind of over delivered the lines in kind of a tough way. And he goes. And I hear Quentin go, okay, all right, cut. Okay. I knew you'd bring that gangster crap to this thing. He's like, what? He said. He just hit me hard. You're a slave.

[Robot/AI Voice]

You're not tough. You're not doing tough stuff. You're not tough right now.

[John Holmberg]

And he said, he bowed up like he was a gang, like he was going to beat everyone up. He said, you'd get. You'd gotten your. And he said the n word like 11 times. Just talking to him. And Jamie's like, he's right. He was dead right about it because I'm not sure I liked how he did it, but he was right.

[Brett]

I mean, if Samuel Jackson's defending because he's dropped more N bombs, more Quentin Tarantino moves.

[John Holmberg]

Quentin's got a. He can't just blurt one out like at a Starbucks.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But in the movies, yeah, he writes pretty good. I hate to say it. He gives good N word.

[Brady]

I was wondering how you're gonna crack that.

[John Holmberg]

I was. I'm not allowed to do it, but I recognize it when it's artist. Like, I like that's really well played. And if it's. If it's the writing, then his Rotten Tomatoes. He gives good and good work and then everybody appreciates it because it's not being done in a way, like for the reasons of just being racist. It's. It's got a purpose.

[Brady]

He's a blacksmith.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's right. Brady's that. He's exactly right. It's exactly right.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Greatly. Brady.

[Robot/AI Voice]

Let's get to the end next time, okay?

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Quick update for those keeping score at home. Malik Willis, now a Miami Dolphin.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

What? He ruined his career. Yep. Cardinals are going to get to a tongue of a.

[Brady]

His little rundown of rock stars whose solo careers flopped.

[John Holmberg]

There's loads of those. David Lee Ross probably on there, even though he had a couple of hits.

[Brady]

Not in the top two.

[Brett]

Skyscraper Sold, though, instead of Yankee. The Yankee Rose.

[John Holmberg]

Yankee Rose. But I mean, it was after that he kind of it was not because of how great those were. I know, but it wasn't because they were good. It was because David Lee Roth.

[Brady]

They were hoping, okay, MTV helped California girls. And with that video.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, come on. That was just a cover song.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brett]

But Yankee Rose was good.

[John Holmberg]

Yankee Rose was cool.

[Brett]

Steve Vai on there, just tearing it up.

[John Holmberg]

I like Skyscraper. I thought it was a cool album. But this, you go back, it's definitely dated. Kind of cool. Yeah, yeah.

[Brady]

So Freddie Mercury. Oh, that's Gene Simmons.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, absolutely.

[Brady]

Steven Tyler, Tommy Lee.

[John Holmberg]

I don't remember Steven Tyler's song.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Tommy Lee was Methods of Madness, right?

[Brett]

Methods of Mayhem.

[Guest/Advertiser]

Yeah, Methods of Mayhem. That's right.

[Brett]

Him and some other dude.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Vince Neil. Scott Stapp made the list. Boy George.

[Brett]

Scott Stapp's last song was really good, though.

[John Holmberg]

Was it?

[Brett]

Yeah, I remember that. That was really good. We played it

[John Holmberg]

all right.

[Brett]

I don't know. Boy George did a solo album.

[John Holmberg]

I kind of think of him as solo anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair. By the time Culture Club was over, he just ran out of ideas. That dude could sing. The phone book, though. He's got a beautiful voice. Just unbelievable in person. Strong. Well, there you go. Yeah, I keep trying to think of solo artists that left. Didn't do anything. Taylor Hawkins, Foo Fighters. That was a little bit of a goof.

[Guest/Advertiser]

What did he do?

[John Holmberg]

He had a whole album on his own.

[Brett]

Chevy Metal or something that.

[John Holmberg]

And then he had his own Taylor Hawkins and the blah blah blahs. And it was an album that I was excited.

[Brady]

The Joe Perry Project. Another.

[John Holmberg]

I saw that live. That's not a thing, dude. We don't speak of that. It was disaster. It's 10:10. Larry's coming up next. He's going to tell you all about Sick New World. Tap that trap track and burn it into your brains because it's going on for the a month. Constantly thinking about this thing, but we're right off the bat. So we're going to kick it off about 1 o' clock this afternoon. I'm going to be making some calls and give somebody pairs of tickets to both the first and second show of Metallica at Sphere. We all played along about two weeks and today it comes to fruition. I'll be giving away the biggest surprise and get you to disappear in the sphere. So if your phone rings and you don't recognize the number today at about around one, well, then you're an idiot. Pick up your phone, we're all done. Larry's next. Have yourselves a grand Monday we'll see you tomorrow on the Morning Sickness.

[Announcer]

Hello, Arizona's most powerful rock radio station.

[John Holmberg]

He said fully erect.