
Loading summary
HMS Podcast Host
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Dick Toledo
It's Dick Toledo and new customers Right now on FanDuel. Get $150 in bonus bets when your first five dollar wager wins. Just visit FanDuel.com KUPD to grab $150 in college hoops bonus bets with a winning $5 bet and prepare for March on FanDuel, America's number one sportsbook 21 plus in President Arizona first online real money wager only. Five dollar first deposit required. Bonus issued as non withdrawable bonus seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See terms@sportsbook.fanduel.com Gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 533-42.
HMS Podcast Host
Thursday. Rolling along. And there's only one thing to do on Thursday now, because you're only here for one day. Paul Versey's here and he's at the Tempe Improv tonight and tonight only.
Paul Verzi
That's it. One show.
HMS Podcast Host
You are giving us one. Are you like, that's it.
Paul Verzi
Like one show.
HMS Podcast Host
This is a tease. And the finish.
Paul Verzi
It's comedy. It's a. It's going to be a fun hour of comedy. Then we're all going to have sex and then I leave.
HMS Podcast Host
That's exactly what it should.
Paul Verzi
It's going to be different.
HMS Podcast Host
So it's two hours of comedy hours.
Brad
It's an hour and three minutes.
HMS Podcast Host
You did say all of us. I figured to get through.
Paul Verzi
I just figured to have a different closer this time, you know, really just let people go home with something to remember.
HMS Podcast Host
I'm going to mount you all. I hope you enjoyed the show, but it's just, it's about to get plastic. Paul's here. We were just talking off the air about you being married and your wife lives in the hallway, which I really didn't understand. She keeps her in the hall.
Paul Verzi
She works.
HMS Podcast Host
She works. Because I asked. I, for some reason, I thought you had a comedian wife.
Paul Verzi
No.
HMS Podcast Host
Which I always find fascinating.
Paul Verzi
God, no.
HMS Podcast Host
That, that. Do you have any comedian friends who have married comedian wives?
Paul Verzi
Yes. And I just, I'm just like, dude, that's. I, I couldn't imagine, you know, because me and my wife, we'll fight over, you know, we're fighting over like normal things. You fight over, like, you know, how come you didn't do this? How come you didn't do that? The kids need to be picked up. I couldn't imagine it being like, you know, you didn't tell me about that audition. And I'd be like, what?
HMS Podcast Host
You know, now you got. You're her agent, and her.
Paul Verzi
And then she. And then if she doesn't get something or if a performance doesn't go well, I got to deal with that because I'm going to worry about my performance. I just. That's just too much, man.
HMS Podcast Host
Or she steals a joke and you catch her.
Paul Verzi
Oh, God, No, I just. I just changed a couple words. I'm like, no, dude.
HMS Podcast Host
You know, she'd do it. Like, if you're wandering a house and you knock one out of the yard, and you're like, that's pretty good. And neither of you talk about it. And she does it first.
Paul Verzi
Oh, my God. And then something that would be worse if a buddy calls and go, dude, I heard that wife. You're. You're. The joke your wife's doing. She's killing.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
No, no, that's. I.
HMS Podcast Host
She gets a special off the. Like, she rolls a whole hour off that joke.
Paul Verzi
You're based on it.
HMS Podcast Host
You'd kill. Yeah, it's the headline. It's the title.
Paul Verzi
It's like, the story that went viral that everybody's talking about.
HMS Podcast Host
We're still. It's called Paul's Joke.
Paul Verzi
And I look bitter because I'm like, no, this has been mine the whole time. This is my joke.
HMS Podcast Host
Oh, I couldn't do it. I don't know how people do that, because, I mean, the sim. I don't even know how people do it with regular jobs. Like, they live and work together. It would just be a night. You have to have a. They barely speak in English. Like, you have to have a wife that, like, almost as a second language.
Paul Verzi
And I don't know how the actors do it, too, dude.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Brad
I liked your rule that your friend had.
Paul Verzi
What's that?
Brad
One head shot per 1.
Paul Verzi
1. One headshot per family. That's it, Man. This. This is hard enough. You don't need two. You don't need two of them sleeping in the same bed trying to make it in this business, dude. You don't need that. But what about, like, I. I don't know if I could, like, if my wife was an actress. And. Well, it goes both ways, too, but, like, make it like that Blake Lively thing.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah, yeah.
Paul Verzi
She was, like, biting the bottom of that guy's lips. She, like, bit his lip and, like, pulled it, like. Like. And then all of. I don't know if I could just have you come home.
Brad
That's great.
Paul Verzi
Yeah. How's dinner and be like, wait, no, let's forget dinner.
HMS Podcast Host
Would you do at work today? Yeah. You don't think you could handle it if she went and. And made millions of dollars and had to make out with a guy?
Paul Verzi
I mean, I probably could, but I know how I am. Like, I'm a. I'm a passionate dude. So, like, if I made out with, like, Nicole Kidman in a movie, me and Nicole Kidman are together. In my mind, there's chemistry. I would call her up, be like, nicole, you held my hand all day. Like, what are we. What are we doing here?
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah, all men have that problem. The waitress is too nice to us. We're, like, kind of fantasizing about the wedding.
Paul Verzi
Oh, yeah.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
So you see how she looked at me? Like, it's the cr. It's really ridiculous.
HMS Podcast Host
It is. And. But we go down those roads because we're supposed to. It's still primal to be the animal and, like, inseminate them. No, I. I think that's where I'm going.
Paul Verzi
Pretty sure that I did it on the flight. I did it with the flight attendant on the way here. I felt like when she handed my glass of red wine.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
I felt like she stared at me a second longer.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
And she was like that I was the one person.
Brad
I could have her. I could have her.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
Yeah. Yeah. She liked me. And then she's like. She looked at my eyes a little longer.
HMS Podcast Host
I've always said that. That guys get on planes, too, and we watch other people getting on the plane, and we pick the one that if the plane starts to go down, we're gonna have to have sex because we. The absurdity of the male mind is, like, during a plane crash, I can get and maintain an erection.
Paul Verzi
I got into a big fight with somebody because, you know, I'm probably going to get in trouble saying this, but here's what I do. I poke my head in the cockpit, and if there's a woman. If there's a woman, I'm out. Listen, these women are flipping planes. These women are flipping planes, guys. These women. Listen, I'm not saying a woman should be in the kitchen. I don't want you in the cockpit because you're flipping planes. Okay? Every. Every incident is a woman up there, and then you want to laugh. So I said this on the pod. I said this on the podcast. Like, this is nuts. What's going on? I'm not trying to be that guy.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
Okay. My wife's like, what about. My wife? Literally said. I texted her. I Go, yeah, I think both pilots are few. And she's like, that's what you get for all your joking about it. And then she goes, just picture it's me up there. And I was like, all right, well, I don't need an emotional pilot before we take off. I don't need that either.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
And then ironically, because I get into this argument on a podcast about they'll come on Paul do really women pilots. And I go, and there was a business card. It was the pilot's business card on the. You know, not. Not bragging, but I was in. I was in first class. I'm like a.
HMS Podcast Host
Don't brag. It's the only place to live. You don't. I'll tell. Help you. The unwashed are not there. That's why we stay in first class. Gross.
Paul Verzi
I find myself giving dirty looks as people walk by.
HMS Podcast Host
I don't know, aisle seven.
Paul Verzi
Look how he's dressed. He doesn't belong up here. You know, he doesn't belong here. But. So she left a business card, and it said, you know, the back of it, handwriting was perfect. Hey, Paul, thank you for a valued, you know, Delta customer. And I looked and I said, captain, like something. And I was just like, all right, let's.
HMS Podcast Host
I have a problem the weather. I have a problem with female pilots because they're only. Aviation hero is Amelia Earhart. Think about it.
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
HMS Podcast Host
I mean, we've got Sully Sullenberger. That's just in the last 15 years. Yes. They're only one. We still can't find her.
Brad
That.
HMS Podcast Host
That was the.
Paul Verzi
I was telling you be nuts if she just got back. She was just gracious. Oh, my God. That was insane.
HMS Podcast Host
She just shows up on radar. It's like, yeah, we're looking to land this bird. I've been around for a while.
Paul Verzi
You know what's crazy is I was actually telling Brad when we were coming to the station today, I was saying that. So when I did my special reasonable Man, I self finance, I put on YouTube one of the first clips that came out was on pilots because, you know, I did this whole joke about how I want to see a white mustache old vet, and they're phasing out that now. You go in there, there's kids in the car. There's kids in there. Right? And we were talking about that. So I put a clip out. One of my first clips was about young pilots. And it did. Okay. It did like 40,000, right. First one, but then. Then five months later, all these planes are all these issues. So I'm like, let me put it back out and see what happens. 1.6 million and I'm in like aviation wife groups. I'm not joking. Some wife was like, we were talking about you. The funny thing is my husband is the old vet you want and my son is the kid you don't want. You know what I mean? But it's. Yeah, it's, it's definitely a thing right now. If you look at what happened flying 10 years ago to now, it's different in the cockpit for they all used.
HMS Podcast Host
To look like Sam Elliott.
Paul Verzi
Yes.
HMS Podcast Host
I was all okay with that. In fact, it was so realistic in the movie up in the Air when Sam Elliot gives George Clooney the wings at the end for having a billion miles.
Paul Verzi
Yes.
HMS Podcast Host
And I'm like, that's what a pilot should look like.
Paul Verzi
Dude, I saw a pilot. I'm not joking around. I saw a pilot probably in his late 20s, just crushing McDonald's in the food court of the airport. And I'm going, this guy's gonna be flying me with indigestion. This guy. I don't want that pilot doesn't do that.
HMS Podcast Host
High blood pressure, indig. Little foggy.
Paul Verzi
He's got a super sized thing next to the frickin sitting.
HMS Podcast Host
What do we want him to eat though? Like just like have a salad and like some.
Brad
You don't want to see him eating maybe, I don't know.
Paul Verzi
I don't want to see him eating.
Brad
You're there for to fly that plane.
HMS Podcast Host
I asked a pilot at the airport one time. We're sitting there, I'm having a beer, he's sitting next to me, he's having a water and a salad. I'm like, you flying today? And he goes, yeah, I got an hour. And I'm like, oh yeah. I'm like, what's the one thing that scares you? Because I had a friend ask pilots that. He just sits there and he looks right. And he stared at me at what felt like an hour. So what's the one thing that scares you in a plane? Fire. Like, no kidding us. We can't fight it. There's nothing we can do.
Paul Verzi
What?
HMS Podcast Host
I'm like, oh God. But then I, then I started thinking about these things.
Brad
Fly boy.
HMS Podcast Host
But then I started thinking he answered that to some stranger.
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
HMS Podcast Host
Like you know, he trusted. And I'm like, what can I do to make you helpless up there?
Paul Verzi
Oh, that's.
HMS Podcast Host
Oh, fire. Okay, thanks. And then I just go off about my business. He had no problem telling me he should have just Said, shut up. Nothing scares me.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, we're fine. You're gonna be fine. We got extinguishers. This guy came behind me who's like a, a fat, jolly, happy dude. And he comes in, he's, oh, he's like, you know, great day to fly. And, you know, I'm talking to him and he goes, man, he goes, these things fly themselves. And I'm not joking. He just, he bumped me. And he goes, hey, kid, kid, we had like a little report. He goes, you know where I learned to do this? He goes, you know where I learned to be up there? I go where? He goes, video games. He goes, it's all simulators. He goes, but don't worry, it's the exact same thing.
HMS Podcast Host
Yes.
Paul Verzi
And I'm like, it's kind of not the same. Yeah. And it's not the same.
Brad
It's got to be a little different.
HMS Podcast Host
I watch the simulator. I watch crash that thing a million times. So I quit. I quit. They couldn't keep it any. I watch air disasters. All the game is over all the time. And the pilots grew up so often.
Paul Verzi
It'S mostly it's them.
HMS Podcast Host
It's always them. The, the, the thing when it's flying itself is like, we're good. And then you'll just hear terrain pull up. And that's because the guy decided to take the stick for a minute and it's. And they always go straight into a mountain thinking, I got this. I've been on this a million times.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, my son's great at Fortnite, you know, we're not going to send him to Afghanistan.
HMS Podcast Host
Don't worry about it, dad.
Paul Verzi
You know how many. Do you know how many shelters I built and killed snipers with? Come on, dad. Like what?
Brad
You just want to see the pilot, like you said, back to the food court. You just want to see him dragging that roller thing with the, the black case with six binders in it. I don't know what they carry.
HMS Podcast Host
Studies, non stop studying, papers, files, Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Holmberg's morning sickness.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, there's. There's a look they have too, right? Like you see a pilot's face and you're like, this guy's got it. You just, you. You know what I mean? Like, it's like even when you walk into a place, a public place, you could see somebody and go, not fighting him.
Brad
Swag.
Paul Verzi
Absolutely not. Getting into it with him or that guy. I'll. I'll kill that guy. But you see a pilot, swag. He's just got it. And then you see somebody that's like, you know, a woman. I don't know. You see two women up there. I'm like, is this whole thing women? The flight attendants and the pilot.
HMS Podcast Host
I'd like to wait till the cleaning crew is thoroughly left of the cockpit before we even start talking to the passengers. Yeah, I laugh at that every time. Because I look around a plane, you'll hear that, hi, we're about to take off. And all the guys look around like, Title 9 flight.
Paul Verzi
That's a man with a feminine voice.
HMS Podcast Host
WNBA of flying. And I've seen their basketball skills. I don't think I want this. First.
Brad
Let's.
Paul Verzi
You know what?
HMS Podcast Host
Let's see how far we can drive it on the ground. Yeah.
Paul Verzi
Yeah. Oh, God, don't get me started. Wnba.
HMS Podcast Host
Oh, me too.
Paul Verzi
It's nuts. It's like, why aren't we equal? Why are we equal pay? It's like, I don't know. Maybe because LeBron just dunked from the three point line and you guys don't like. I'd rather watch the best version of this.
HMS Podcast Host
I've been on the W. They. They're talking about locking out. We're gonna have a lockout.
Paul Verzi
What does that mean?
HMS Podcast Host
Just gonna stop playing.
Paul Verzi
Thank God.
HMS Podcast Host
Striking. That's what I said. The gift that keep giving. You know what? We'll. We'll pay you more if you stop playing at a regular lady job like piloting or something like that. None of this. Why are you doing this?
Paul Verzi
Yeah, that's how bad the WNBA is. You're like, dude, just become pilots.
HMS Podcast Host
Can we teach them to fly somewhere? Paul Beards is here. Tempe improv tonight only. How come you won't stay the whole weekend?
Paul Verzi
I'm actually doing this. I had to stop here. This is one of my favorite places.
HMS Podcast Host
You had to stop?
Paul Verzi
I had to stop here. Arizona is one of my favorites. It.
HMS Podcast Host
It really is 124 hours at a time.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, but no, I'm going to California. I'm doing a weekend in California, then I'm coming back, even stopping in Denver. But I make sure that I kind of. I sandwich it, you know, with the places that I really love, love to go and it worked out. And Tempe Improv is such a great club. It really is one of the best. And yeah, man, I hope people come out doing a new hour completely different from my special. All new.
HMS Podcast Host
And what's the last special?
Paul Verzi
Questionable man. Yeah, Reasonable man is the. Is the latest one that's on YouTube.
HMS Podcast Host
That's a great one.
Paul Verzi
Thank you so much.
HMS Podcast Host
And you're. What about Arizona? Do you like. Why do you like being here?
Paul Verzi
You know, I know it sounds nuts, but I actually like to climb. I like the weather.
HMS Podcast Host
You like the heat?
Paul Verzi
Yeah. Because the thing is this. It's like in New York heat, if it's 98 degrees in humidity, you know, you want to jump off a bridge here. I went for a walk when it was 113 last time I was here. And I was like, this is not. It's like a light sauna.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah. It's tolerably.
Paul Verzi
Because it's. Because it's dry.
HMS Podcast Host
Yep, it's dry.
Paul Verzi
But like, this is a place I love to play golf in. I love seeing the. Because you don't see this in New York. You know, it's all buildings. It's. It's chaos. It's New York. I mean, I hate to. I love New York, but it's just. It's changed for the worse.
Brad
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
And then you come out here and it's peasy. That's the other thing. You get older, you hit your 40s, and you realize, like, what pieces.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
Like I could just stare at a red mountain.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah.
Paul Verzi
I can't believe it's like I'm not gonna be on another planet. Like, I feel like I am on Mars when I come out here.
HMS Podcast Host
I love it. You look at stuff differently. You do when you get closer to take it in. Yeah. Especially you're flying around in the planes you're on. Probably start, you know, smelling the roses a little bit. Yeah. It is weird, though, because you get to that point where you start, like, I do it living here. It's just been the last few years that I've kind of realized, you know, what I need to start, like, respecting and appreciating where I am more.
Paul Verzi
Yes.
HMS Podcast Host
Look at stuff and go. That should amaze me. I don't think we have amazement anymore.
Paul Verzi
No.
HMS Podcast Host
For anything. We just had a rocket go up and just pick a couple people up, like an Uber. And everybody's like, so that's the.
Paul Verzi
That is such a great point.
HMS Podcast Host
You know, it's. We.
Paul Verzi
When I saw late on that, I was. Yeah. Just like, they just. You go up there and you just like, rescue people that are in space. Yeah. And it came back and they were like, so what? Yeah, this car sucks.
HMS Podcast Host
Let's burn his cars down. Like, no, no. For five seconds. Just. Let's all unite over. Okay. That was cool.
Paul Verzi
I wanted to buy. I don't care where you stand politically. I Wanted to buy a Tesla. And then I saw some guy put his own hand up his and. And throw feces. And I'm like, listen, I'm Sicilian and Greek. I'm a nice guy. I'm Sicilian and Greek. You do that to my car, my career's over. I'll kidnap your family. I will. I will take your children and not. I won't hurt your children, but I'm going to take them and you're going to try to get them back because.
HMS Podcast Host
I will traffic your kids, dude. I will traffic your kids. And I'm not even put poop in my car. I'm thinking about it right now. I will traffic your kids for just being too close to my.
Paul Verzi
Imagine being so crazy that you're gonna key somebody's car slash somebody's car because you don't like a political. I mean, that's like, that's where we're at. And that kind of goes to what you're saying. It's like, we went up to space and saved people. Like, that's nuts.
HMS Podcast Host
Give somebody a little credit even if you, you don't agree with them.
Paul Verzi
We don't.
HMS Podcast Host
None of us agree on everything. We all think something's like, there are people out there going, well, human trafficking's wrong. I disagree. But it doesn't mean we can't have coffee together. And I don't even like coffee. That's the concession I'm willing to make.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, it's. It, it really is true. It's like, cuz, look. But no, you don't want to know what the problem is. The real problem is too with like politics stuff, nobody can see the negative in their person.
HMS Podcast Host
Oh, absolutely.
Paul Verzi
See, it's like, listen, we all have like, we have kids, you know, the kid that sucks, you know the kid, you know when the school calls and they're like, dude, he threw. You're like, wait, which. Oh, never mind. I know which one did it. You know, you could do that with the people you vote for. But it now it's like, no. Yeah, there's no wrong in that person. And then that's where this happen.
HMS Podcast Host
It gives credit to the other one. Yeah, you're right. People need to. That's a bigger thing though, is to recognize when your kids are kind of adults. That's on the parents. Because there's a girl who works here and she brought her three kids in once and I even told her, I'm like that young one, he's not very bright. And she started laughing and she goes, he's dumb. As a rock. She knows the other two are running circles around him, and he's just like this lump of humanity. I'm like, yeah, he's going to be. You got to keep an eye on that one.
Paul Verzi
And, you know, early.
HMS Podcast Host
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Paul Verzi
You know, you could look early, like, oh, we got a problem on our hands here.
HMS Podcast Host
This is.
Paul Verzi
This is not.
HMS Podcast Host
This isn't a phase.
Paul Verzi
This is genetic.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah. We lost one. This one. This one picked up all the bad beats on the drive to the airport.
Paul Verzi
Last one.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah. I always think that's, like, a bumpy ride. And that kid would have been in a wheelchair, but he just barely made it out. And his head's misshapen, but not bad enough to get, like, credit for anything or money.
Paul Verzi
Misshaped head. But he could still get a job, right?
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah. And people won't give you a placard, but we know you're close.
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
HMS Podcast Host
And, yeah, they're out there. There's a lot more of them than we like to admit, of course. And there's parents that won't admit it.
Brad
But the difference is if you don't, like, you know, like, you. It's like almost disagreeing with them.
Paul Verzi
Yeah.
Brad
You're fine with. All right, we disagree on that. You'll still support that kid. They're not like, you know, the one kid.
HMS Podcast Host
I'm not disagreeing with you. It's about knowing your kids.
Brad
What. I'm taking that in the politics or stuff like that. You disagree with this politic. That means you the politician. Then you hate everything about what they're standing for.
HMS Podcast Host
You got off the kid thing kind of quick. We're worried about you now, Kirby. Okay. It's like, what do we know about. Like, you're worried that we were going to continue this conversation like, oh, they're talking about it. I don't think so, but maybe he knows more than I'm staying out of. This is here. And. And just for tonight. So 7:30, 10:00pm prov.com is where you go if you want to grab tickets. Leave us with words of wisdom. If you were in charge of the world and you wanted to be like the guy says your executive order the first one you do. What is it?
Paul Verzi
I would just say legalize cocaine.
HMS Podcast Host
You and I are spirit animals. I say all of it. Go on.
Paul Verzi
I say no. I honestly think if. If I'm really being serious here, I would say teach your now to be kind and teach your kids now, like, the difference in right and wrong. Thank you. Please. Because it all. When those kids don't do that. Like, when my kids bring friends home and they're like, hey, dad, we're all going to watch the NCAA tournament, and there's five kids in my house. I know right away, one kid will walk in and go, hey, Mr. Verze, thank you so much for having me. I'm like, okay, you got good parents. Then the other one. Can you order me more wings? The one kid. One kid. I literally. Hold on a second. I said, this. Brady was at your house.
HMS Podcast Host
He's not a child.
Paul Verzi
I this. And I was like, that kid sucks. This is what I did. I go, guys, guys. I go, lucas. I go, I'm gonna order pizza for you guys. You guys. You guys want something? And one kid. Everyone was like, thank you so much, Mr. Vers. I go, yeah, what do you guys want? Pepperoni. And one kid just goes, hey, can you get me some wings, too? And I'm like, what? Like, not. Listen, I'm not cheap. Not that I don't want to buy the wings, but you don't yell up to a parent. Yeah, get some mod sticks, too. Can we get.
HMS Podcast Host
You know, it's like, get some appetizers.
Paul Verzi
So I would say it starts with the. You know what's funny is we didn't want wings, so we ended up getting wing.
HMS Podcast Host
You cave.
Paul Verzi
I like. I was like, that kid's got no respect. Good taste. That's a good idea. We should. We should have definitely got the wings.
HMS Podcast Host
God damn it. The rude one was right.
Paul Verzi
But that's. That's what I would say. I would say it's the parents. And I would say, raise your kids right and do it the right way, because those are who's coming. We're getting old. We're going out. Right? They're coming in. That's what I was.
HMS Podcast Host
It all.
Paul Verzi
It all is a parent.
HMS Podcast Host
You were better off with legalizing cocaine. What you're talking about will never happen. The cocaine thing will just keep us all happy throughout. I think we should legalize all drugs because it's not about the law that keeps me from doing them. I don't do drugs. It's not because it's illegal, because I'm smarter than that. But if somebody's gonna do heroin, the law's not stopping them, right? So let them do it.
Paul Verzi
That is true. They're doing it anyway.
HMS Podcast Host
Yeah. So let them do it. I don't think people are sitting there going, man, do I want to do some heroin, but I don't want to go to jail.
Paul Verzi
Right?
HMS Podcast Host
I don't think there's anyone out there saying that that's true. So legalize it all and let. Let the chips fall.
Paul Verzi
All right, so go back to what I originally said. Cocaine. And we're gonna have sex after my show tonight. There we go. We're gonna have sex after my show tonight, Tempe. And probably gonna be real different tonight.
HMS Podcast Host
That's right. No, exactly. Come out.
Paul Verzi
It's gonna be a great time. It's the best hour I've done and I love coming here. So I hope everybody comes to the.
HMS Podcast Host
The rest of the show.
Paul Verzi
Yeah, yeah.
HMS Podcast Host
Tonight over in Tempe. Thursday, 7:30. It says it right there. And then come back and do a whole weekend soon.
Paul Verzi
I would love to, man. Thank you guys so much for having me. You guys are always a great time.
HMS Podcast Host
Great. Paul Versi, everybody. It's 98 KUPD. IT corner. 98.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode Summary: Paul Verzi at Tempe Improv - In Studio
Release Date: March 27, 2025
Episode Overview
In the March 27, 2025 episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness on Arizona's #1 Morning Radio Show, John Holmberg welcomes stand-up comedian Paul Verzi to the Tempe Improv studio. Throughout the hour-long segment, Paul engages in a lively and humorous discussion with hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, covering a range of topics from the intricacies of married life as a comedian, opinions on female pilots, commentary on the WNBA, to thoughts on legalizing drugs. The conversation is peppered with Paul's unique comedic insights and personal anecdotes, making for an engaging listen.
The episode kicks off with a promotion for Paul Verzi's one-night-only show at the Tempe Improv. Paul emphasizes the uniqueness of the event, stating:
"It's comedy. It's a. It's going to be a fun hour of comedy. Then we're all going to have sex and then I leave."
– Paul Verzi [01:03]
He assures listeners that the performance will differ from his previous work, aiming to leave the audience with memorable content.
A significant portion of the conversation delves into the challenges and humor in Paul's married life, especially concerning the dynamics when both partners are involved in the entertainment industry. Paul shares his apprehensions about being married to a comedian, highlighting potential conflicts such as:
"If she doesn't get something or if a performance doesn't go well, I got to deal with that because I'm going to worry about my performance."
– Paul Verzi [02:04]
He also touches on the playful issue of joke-stealing between comedians, illustrating the delicate balance between personal relationships and professional creativity.
Paul expresses strong opinions about female pilots, sparking a humorous yet controversial segment. Discussing his discomfort with women in cockpits, Paul remarks:
"Every incident is a woman up there, and then you want to laugh. So I said this on the pod. Like, this is nuts. What's going on?"
– Paul Verzi [04:19]
He recounts an encounter at the airport where his remarks led to a humorous misunderstanding involving a female pilot's business card, further illustrating his comedic take on aviation.
"She left a business card, and it said, you know, the back of it, handwriting was perfect. Hey, Paul, thank you for a valued Delta customer."
– Paul Verzi [06:23]
The conversation also veers into discussions about the portrayal of pilots in media and the impact of age and appearance on perceptions within the aviation industry.
The hosts briefly transition to discussing the Women's National Basketball Association (WNBA), with Paul commenting on the league's status:
"That's how bad the WNBA is. You're like, dude, just become pilots."
– Paul Verzi [12:28]
This segment showcases Paul's penchant for blending humor with critique, reflecting on the intersection of sports and personal preferences.
When prompted to share his executive order if he were in charge of the world, Paul opts for a serious note amidst the humor:
"I would just say legalize cocaine."
– Paul Verzi [18:07]
He elaborates on the notion that legalization would not deter usage but would regulate it better, adding:
"They're doing it anyway."
– Paul Verzi [20:05]
This segment highlights Paul's ability to intertwine comedic elements with substantive societal issues.
The discussion shifts towards parenting, where Paul emphasizes the importance of raising children with respect and understanding:
"Raise your kids right and do it the right way, because those are who's coming. We're getting old. We're going out. Right? They're coming in."
– Paul Verzi [19:43]
He shares anecdotes about dealing with unruly kids, reinforcing the message that effective parenting is crucial for nurturing responsible adults.
As the episode concludes, Paul reiterates his excitement for the upcoming Tempe Improv show, encouraging listeners to attend:
"It's gonna be a great time. It's the best hour I've done and I love coming here. So I hope everybody comes to the rest of the show."
– Paul Verzi [20:25]
The hosts wrap up by reminding listeners of Paul's performance details and expressing gratitude for his participation.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
Conclusion
This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness offers a blend of humor, personal insights, and candid discussions on diverse topics through the lens of comedian Paul Verzi. From navigating the complexities of a comedian's married life to controversial takes on female pilots and the WNBA, Paul's contributions provide both laughter and food for thought. The engaging dialogue between Paul and the hosts ensures that listeners are entertained while also prompting reflections on societal norms and personal values.
Tune In
Don't miss out on future episodes of Holmberg's Morning Sickness. For more engaging conversations and top-notch entertainment, visit 98KUPD.com or tune in weekdays from 5:30 AM to 10:00 AM on 97.9 FM or the 98KUPD app.