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Brett Vesley
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
Dick Toledo
It's Dick Toledo from Homework's morning Sickness for Game Day Men's Health. I did my free consultation with Game Day back in November because I was experiencing a lack of energy and focus. Now, nearly six months later, I'm feeling like my old old self again. Go to gameday phoenix.com today and book a free consultation in a matter of minutes at Gameday's in house lab. A licensed game day clinician will draw your blood, run some tests and formulate a plan to incorporate any number of these therap fees to help you get back in the game. You can battle the clock of aging and it starts today at one of the 11 game day men's Health locations in the valley. @gameday phoenix.com It's Brett Vesley from Homeburg's.
Brett Vesley
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John Holmberg
You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? PD Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It's 5:45 this the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. There's big Dick Toledo. Let's go for what might be the last nice day of spring. And then it gets really hot. I'm fine with that. Enjoy your sweatshirts for one last time. Of course you're a woman and you bring them everywhere you go. Anyway, that's my wife. Yeah, most of the time it's just.
Brett Vesley
Leave a hoodie in the vehicle permanently.
John Holmberg
You never know.
Brett Vesley
110 I gotta have a hoodie.
John Holmberg
And I'm. I'm just combing through the emails from yesterday. And how many people really enjoyed kicking that new lady Barb all over the place at the end of the show who came in and tried to disrupt our happy little family? I don't care. She's new in town. She came over to my house and rearranged furniture, came into our party, started telling us how to do things differently. So we had at it. And Janet emails and says, I'm catching up on the second half of today's show. This was late yesterday, 7:45pm last night, says the barber segment. What a dried up B word. This is from her own people. This is from women. Holmberg, I effing love you. Thank you so much for cracking me and all of us up daily. Don't listen to her. I love listening to you. It's soothing, it's entertaining, and I appreciate your word choice impressions and off color characters and humor. It's refreshing to be able to hear you rip on everything we rip on here and it's hysterical. Thanks for adding laughter to my days. I could go on, she says, but you get it. Yes, I do, Janet. Thank you. You're comfortable shoes, Janet, and so am I for you. And some lady just came and tried us on and then tried to change our laces. Then all she has to do is turn it off. So it was really fun. I'm glad you guys enjoyed that. I'm glad. I'm glad that new lady that moved into town is wildly uncomfortable with us. I think that's a nice thing to do, make the new people uncomfortable. We all agree new people adapt. That's the way it should be. The new people come into a situation, they adapt to the situation, not the other way around. That's the whole reason that the Democrats got into trouble in the last few years. They tried to make tiny little groups of people make the majority of us change everything we know. And we said no. We looked around here in the Phoenix Open and said, oh, weather's gorgeous. It's gonna make people move here. And boy, would Barb been upset by that. When we said we needed to add a Confederate flag logo to our own state flag to keep these Californians and weirdos that move in and think that they can change the world, that would have been nice. I was a little upset that our Mexican friends for not doing what we asked them, driving around with MS.13 on the side of their cars, doing this all day long, scaring away those. Those nutbags that thought our weather was the draw. The weather's nice, the views are beautiful. If we just change the people's minds to be more like us, we'll move from California, we'll start writing letters. Mexicans. Where were you on that one? This. This seems like something you guys should have wanted to do. Scare off all those weirdo people from those lib cuck states that we're gonna roll in here. And I'm not even like, a crazy conservative. I just don't like the extremes.
Brett Vesley
Well, the problem is they're protesting in the blade where nobody's gonna go, well.
John Holmberg
That was our point. Get over to Scottsdale. Make them think that this is an.
Brett Vesley
Occ square, you know, PV up there.
Brady
Way more of a statement.
John Holmberg
Right. And because you didn't, Barb rolled into town, didn't like what she heard, and started writing letters.
Brett Vesley
So you're blaming the Mexicans, basically, on this one?
John Holmberg
Yes, I blame the Mexicans. You're goddamn right, Brett. I do too. I think it's a great, great group to blame that they really didn't get it done. When we need ms.13, they're nowhere to be found. But I'll find the. Yeah, I don't know. So it was nice. It was a lot of fun. A lot of fun. I enjoyed that quite a lot. Speaking of that guy, don't look at your 401k today. People who hate the wealthy people and people who are always like, the stock market's only for people with money in the first place. You're gonna have a great day. Because if you're not in the stock market and you don't have a 401k, and that's been a. I can't even get a retirement. Good for you. Congratulations. Today's gonna suck for you. Badly for all of normal people. The people who don't have it, rejoice. You're not gonna want to look at that today. Just highly recommend. That's the most dangerous thing about apps and finance stuff. You can constantly check your money. Oh, my God.
Brett Vesley
It's better when you had the little ticker tapes coming.
John Holmberg
Yeah, I like that. I like that. My dad used to come. I used to. It was around 6:45 every night, I'd hear the newspaper rattle. Open up, God damn it. And then he put it down. And that was it. That's all he did that way, like. And some days he goes, all right. He would always check the stock market and then look at two or three stocks he was dabbling in. And he was like. He was mad a lot, and then, fine, a lot. God damn it. And that's when he knew, dow's down. But he couldn't look at what that actually did to his retirement. He just knew it. It hit it. And he had, like, envelopes. He'd write on the back of envelopes, like, math equations to try to figure out how much exactly that probably was. And then he'd put A big number down and he'd subtract that number from. God damn it. And then he'd go watch tv, fall asleep like five minutes, Marcy, what's for supper? And then he'd right to bed on the couch watching something none of us wanted to watch. And God forbid we turned it because he'd wake up and go, put it back. Like, what? You were asleep. No, I wasn't. Yes, you were snoring with your eyes closed. I'm pretty sure I know what that is. Turn it back.
Brady
He would get most of his. Most of his news in the evening or after.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah, yeah. He didn't now.
Brett Vesley
He was working his Gazette coming through at 3 o' clock in the afternoon.
John Holmberg
He didn't have his phone just to occasionally click on his Fidelity account. He didn't know what was going on. He came home, he looked at the paper. It was yesterday's news, God damn it.
Brady
One or two stories leaking from somebody on the job. Hey, did you hear about that?
John Holmberg
Nope, I don't think so. I don't think anybody knew how to. How to find information until the paper came. Most of my dad's knowledge comes from taking dumps. He has to think maybe that's why he celebrates bowel movements the way he does is because that's where he. He associates all learning with pooping. Because that's where he got most of his information was when he was evacuating his bowels and reading the newspaper and he'd come out of there with stories. See that thing that was going on in Nicaragua? Did you. You were taking a dump. What happened? Well, I'm the bastion of information. Like, how about that? The guy went in there, dropped the load, came out with all sorts of knowledge, like he had his little cap and he needed to turn the tassels so they have that newspaper rattle and the goddammits were three, three out of five days a week. God damn it. And. And he's fine. But that's how we got it now. We know futures, we get warnings, we get alerts. You get all sorts of stuff like, oh, look out, Dow's gonna drop today. And it's gonna be. It's gonna be for people with retirement accounts. Just. Okay, play the long game. I feel really bad if you're 64 and today's gonna be like a punch in the nuts and you gotta wait a couple years to get it all back. So I think it'll be all right. But today's gonna feel like the end of the world for a lot of People for all you folks out there. Like retirement fund. I can't do that. I can barely make ends meet. You're in the catbird seat today. This is a great day for you. Nothing gonna bother you. But boy, those days when they start warning you and you start thinking, is this gonna add time to my job? I gotta work a couple years more. It makes you start thinking that way. It's horrible. But just don't look. Don't look. It's okay. I got an email from you. This is what we really need to solve. This guy says, hey, Holmberg, my kid is having coffee day at school today. I'm sure your school has. Kirby has stupid stuff like this because they do a lot of weird stuff at schools now. They used to not do. You know, they're all in sixth and seventh grade and they're taking a couple hours out of the morning to do a gigantic coffee bar to fundraise for something. I gotta tell you the truth. My kid can barely read. He's sort of three years behind if you ask me. His mother is super smart. I'm not. So I know that genetically the dumb comes from my side, but now I'm thinking it doesn't. Maybe if the school got back to teaching him rather than having all day coffee day. And by the way, I thought kids drinking coffee was bad too. Until recently. When I was a kid, drinking coffee was like beer. Now granted, I'm 46. My wife is 33. Nice. And you've got a seventh grader that's 13. You got her when she was 20. You were 30. 10. All right. I'd get in trouble when I drank coffee like it was beer. By the way, this is on the heels of an all day make a new friend program my kid had to sit through. Essentially, they didn't do any learning that day. They had a speed dating class. They'd spend two minutes with everyone in their class. Eight classes. They did it all day in every class. The whole school. My son said it was basically because they were worried that the lame kids started to feel like they weren't getting any socialization so they'd get a second chance to be less alone and maybe make new friends. I think you're the only one I can turn to in this city. Everybody turns a blind eye to it. My wife hates it too, but doesn't want to say anything. Can you stop this for us? Thanks, Kevin. I don't think so.
Brady
No.
John Holmberg
Coffee day. I mean, I could. I could absolutely stop. But coffee day for school?
Brady
That does say it's a fundraiser. Okay, but they're taking school time on that.
John Holmberg
I don't know if it's private school or if it's public school, but they fundraise every April as far as I'm concerned.
Brady
Sounds like private.
John Holmberg
And then your private school fundraisers. Every time they beg you to ask your friends to take your pay for your kids school. Yeah, I'm on the other end of that phone call. 10, 15 times a year. Will you pay for my son's school? It's a $2,700 deduction. Like, no. Pay for it yourself. Yeah, but you get it back. Like, then you do it. Well, I can't. What kind of scam is being run over here?
Brett Vesley
Should have had a kid then.
John Holmberg
Yeah, private school is for you. Public school is already paid for.
Brady
He can do it to another kid. Right, Same thing.
John Holmberg
But what's the point? Just pay your way. Why you got to. Why you got to fleece me? Like it's some sort of a cookie sale. You want to send your kid to private school, send your kid to private school. And if you're doing the thing where you got to spend 2700, it's all a tax thing. Aren't taxes for public school? Don't we already do that? So what's the fundraiser for?
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Brett Vesley
All right, HMS podcast, time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. Get up north to Desert Ridge to see comedy sets from Leo Gonzalez and Tempe at the Improv. You've got Randy Felt Face performing. Just Google it. And you're gonna have to go see.
John Holmberg
For yourself on that one. And downtown at Stand Up Live, the.
Brett Vesley
Very funny G Barry Owen entertains you all this week. For the complete lineups and for tickets, go to standuplive.com desertridgeimprov.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Brady
For more things here Walk right into my football field.
John Holmberg
Right into my trap. Okay, new football field. If your team isn't making enough money, then it doesn't deserve a new football. You can't fundraise, and you certainly can't take time out of the day looking at you.
Brett Vesley
Wnba.
John Holmberg
Exactly. It's exactly their thing. It's like, well, we'll just ask for money from somewhere else. We can't sustain ourselves. But our football field. How can we compete without it? Sounds like you weren't with one. Maybe we just scrapped that idea. But we need football. So they have coffee day and don't teach the. All we had in school was scoliosis day. Remember that? Do they still do that?
Brady
No, we never did that.
John Holmberg
You never had scoliosis day?
Brett Vesley
We did.
Brady
We had scoliosis day. Oh, it was a whole day about it.
John Holmberg
You knew it was coming. And I don't know why they wanted to stop scoliosis so bad. It's not contagious. But every year in PE when you knew it was scoliosis day, you didn't have anything to do in pe Just stood in line with your shirt off and then bent over a table for a teacher and they ran their hand up your back and they did it to everybody. And then you waited for your results on whether or not you had scoliosis.
Brady
At my school, if you had it, you weren't allowed to attend.
John Holmberg
That was what we were all worried about. You're gonna make me a freak. And you were all like, standing up extra straight. Like, guys look at it like nobody knew. And it's not contagious.
Brady
Why were they spent a whole day.
John Holmberg
Well, it was scoliosis day, so everybody had their turn in the barrel of going into the room, taking your shirt off for some strangers and just standing there. It wasn't a doctor's appointment. It was teachers. And you'd bend over a table and then they'd touch your back.
Brady
We had the exams.
John Holmberg
Why.
Brady
Catch it early? I guess.
John Holmberg
Okay, but why not give me a full medical then? Why just scoliosis? Scoliosis and lice. That's all they cared about. And scoliosis isn't contagious. And isn't that a parent's job to make sure your kid doesn't have scoliosis? Like, go to the doctor and go take a look. It's as simple. Look, if Coach Flake at Rhodes Junior High could determine whether I had scoliosis, he could have done that any day of the week. This kid's running a little. He looks like a Question mark. Hey, bend over for a second. I can see something. If you had the knowledge on how to determine what scoliosis is, you should have been doing that all year.
Dick Toledo
Why didn't we combine all those days, the hearing day, division day, and the dental day where the guy came.
John Holmberg
I didn't have dental.
Dick Toledo
We had dentists come and everything and had the little model tooth, showed us how to brush, and then gave us all samples and everything.
John Holmberg
I never had that one that was going to the dentist.
Dick Toledo
We had to eat the little red tablet that showed all of our plaque.
John Holmberg
That's shaming you.
Dick Toledo
It is because everyone had it.
John Holmberg
Well, now. Coffee Day. All day long. You get to visit different baristas at school. Pick your favorite joe.
Dick Toledo
I like coffee, but I am going to that.
John Holmberg
What's Coffee Day? Did they still. You had a kid.
Dick Toledo
We didn't do Coffee Day, but Donut.
John Holmberg
Day in public school. So it must be Scoliosis Day. Still a thing.
Dick Toledo
Alex never had it. No.
John Holmberg
Why did we have to do that?
Dick Toledo
We carried it, John.
John Holmberg
No, we didn't.
Brett Vesley
I think Coach Flake just, like, rubbing up our backs. Just like he handed out the towels.
John Holmberg
And why weren't our parents more involved in that? Because. Wait, the PE coach is going to do what? Well, I got to take my shirt off. He's got to rub my back, make sure my spine's more like. Is he some sort of expert?
Dick Toledo
Eat your peas.
John Holmberg
No, I don't think he is. I think he's just a. He's just a PE coach who can identify scoliosis. Like a superhero power.
Dick Toledo
We didn't have the teachers do it. I think we had actual medical.
John Holmberg
We had the PE coach.
Brady
We did. We had a provider.
John Holmberg
There's probably a guy there.
Brady
But I. You know, I wonder if it was one of those programs like the government subsidized, you know, to schools instead of everyone having to do it on their own. And the doctor, they. It was a way to get money for the schools.
John Holmberg
Maybe. But why choose scoliosis? It's not contagious. It's really super.
Dick Toledo
Seems like a lost leader.
John Holmberg
Yeah, because there's, like, maybe one kid had it.
Brady
It is a great question. I mean, but we had a whole.
John Holmberg
Day dedicated to us. Like, guys, bye. Don't forget tomorrow, Scoliosis day. It's like crap. And then you go home and, like, try to stretch. I gotta make sure that this both on Picture Day.
Brady
You know, Check this out.
John Holmberg
Picture Day was another one that was always kind of funny, but it was a waste of time. But Scoliosis. Yeah. Why can't we combo up? Or why didn't we?
Dick Toledo
I just remember also the pressure of audiology day.
John Holmberg
No, that was a tough one. Get your hands up.
Dick Toledo
I think I heard it.
John Holmberg
You're in the beeps.
Dick Toledo
Think I heard it.
John Holmberg
Also done in the gymnasium. Right. I think PE Coaches. PE Coaches may have been involved in that as well. So now. All right. Raise your right hand. Your right hand. Homer. Jesus Christ. Right hand. Okay. The left hand. If you hear it, in your left ear. Gee, this kid. I tell you what.
Dick Toledo
Make it this far.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Get him out of here.
Brett Vesley
They were just making the PE Coaches earn their money. Because they were basically sitting there making us run, watching us climb the ropes and the damn parachute and all that kind of crap.
Dick Toledo
The parachute.
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
Dick Toledo
I forgot about the parachute.
Brett Vesley
Parachute was great.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Basically, Brittany Zamora blew it. She should have said she was trying to stop scoliosis. That's why she had that kid's shirt off. Run her head up and down his back. I just. Yeah. So I mean, Coffee Day. That would. If I was a parent, I'd maybe go. Maybe I'd go talk to the principal and go, what are we doing here if it's a private school? I'm like, I'm paying six to ten grand to send my kid here. And you can't make that work. Every child costs an awful. I am at the public school. Seem to have all the stuff you're begging for.
Brett Vesley
Go to public school.
John Holmberg
And I know they're not spending six grand per kid on that.
Brady
Well, I thought it sounded like when you first said it. Coffee Day. That it's like, you know, I can remember the football team, baseball, whatever. You needed equipment or something. You'd go out and they used to sell cases of soda.
John Holmberg
Okay. But you didn't take a whole day off of school. No. Make all the kids do stuff. Yeah.
Brady
I don't know. I wonder if that's a thing where you are dropping your kids off at school and pick up your coffee.
John Holmberg
The canceled school, they have baristas all over the place. I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I wasn't allowed to have coffee when I was a kid. They said it stunted your growth. I wasn't supposed to drink that stuff, but. And kid. Now it's just milkshakes. But it's something the kids love and they're addicted to it. So why not make them bring a few extra bucks to school and buy coffee? But I don't get it. Now, one Thing I don't get, somebody could probably explain it to me is how come the schools constantly always need more money to do the things they say that all the taxes are paying for. Like if you can't have a basketball team because you can't afford it, do like what Brady said. Give them stuff to sell and have them go door to door. But you won't do that.
Brett Vesley
That's what we had to do. We had to sell those chocolate bars, spices and stupid stuff.
John Holmberg
Spices? You sold spices? Yeah, I didn't have to do that.
Brett Vesley
Yeah, at Charisman we did.
John Holmberg
He sold spices.
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
John Holmberg
To do. To keep what alive?
Brett Vesley
I. I don't remember. It was some kind of fundraiser. Yeah, it was some kind of fundraiser. And of course then you got to pick out of some stupid catalog, depending how much you sold, and you got like a Frisbee or something. Dumb.
John Holmberg
Terrible.
Brett Vesley
The catalog boy, talk about slavery is still alive.
Brady
Pick your item, though, that you like.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that was slavery. Yeah, I didn't even. It was underage. They got a whole. That's no different than the sweatshop.
Brady
A lot of those companies were eliminated too, because they were making the money.
Brett Vesley
Yeah, 500 bucks on what I saw. Three dollar whammo, Frisbee or something, you.
John Holmberg
Know, and then you get. Yeah, you'd say. I would say I got to the thousand dollar tier because I went to business. But that last page was like a Lamborghini. What do I have to do? To do I gotta get a couple million dollars in sales of chocolate bars. I'm like, all right.
Brett Vesley
Gotta sell it all to the entire city of Tempe.
John Holmberg
Right? It's like, yeah, ok, so you want me on my free time to go talk to every stranger in the city to try to raise money for you, and I get a book of stickers at the end. So the only thing that can. You said, can I stop? The only thing you stop this is just don't buy anything at that. Tell all the other parents. What are we doing here? Shouldn't the kids be in class? If that's what you're worried about? My kid's kind of dumb and I think I'm blaming the school for that. This does sound like a private school thing where they would have coffee day. I don't think public schools want the kids all amped up on the juice.
Brett Vesley
Like I said, our fundraisers were after school. We didn't take time away from school.
Brady
I'm amazed.
Brett Vesley
I'm not opposed to it. You know, when I was in school.
John Holmberg
Oh, I loved it when they break down like, we're gonna have a pep rally. I'm like, awesome. That's less for me to do today. They would have that.
Brett Vesley
Well, in junior high and elementary high school, it's like, cool. It gets a ditch.
John Holmberg
Oh, just leave. Yeah, just get in my car and drive away. I did that on regular days. That's why I think what I did was the smartest thing in the world. Once I got a job, I was 15 years old, and I'd look around, and I'd be like, I don't want to be here today, and there's some money next door. So I'd just go home, say there was an assembly, grab my work clothes, drive over to Tony Roman's and say, can I? Because they didn't have busboys in the daytime. All the. And the servers were like, thank you. Thank you. So I'd go over there at lunchtime, and then for the rest of the day, I'd just clean up, I'd work, and I'd leave with money and, like, some life. Education instead of coffee day. Or we're gonna watch the football team race the cheerleaders in a caramel apple eating contest in the fourth hour. Why? We don't want to do anything either, Mike. I'm go to work. I'm gonna go make some money. Why do I have to stare at Christy Greenway and Chad McKinney eating caramel? Oh, and by the way, we already know from the last three years that the caramel apples for the boys are onions. Like, it's the same thing every year. You guys pull, I'll be at Tony Romans if you need me. That's ditching. This isn't education, so I'm leaving.
Brady
A lot of those kids got paid for going to school. You know, they'd get their allowance or, you know, like, why would I go to work if my parents are, you.
John Holmberg
Know, Kids were paid to go to school.
Brady
Well, more or less.
John Holmberg
How?
Brady
Because the parents would like Coffee Day. Oh, that's great. You're doing that.
John Holmberg
Here's 25 bucks.
Brady
Yeah, here's 20 bucks for. I'm glad you volunteered over there.
John Holmberg
And I don't know what it is, but Coffee Day sounds like a waste of your time, and I've never heard of that one.
Brady
But, you know, unless they're selling, I guess, the coffee, that's the fundraiser. But again, I mean, how many parents can actually go over there during the day?
John Holmberg
I don't think it's the parents.
Brett Vesley
They're doing it. They're giving money to the kids to buy their own coffee.
John Holmberg
Exactly.
Brett Vesley
That's what you need. A bunch of high schoolers wire juiced up on.
John Holmberg
That's just dumb. So I don't know, tell all the parents to say no more coffee days. No more. But I think they just, if they're.
Brady
Not doing coffee, they're doing the energy drinks.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but you just tell them that's enough. I don't need my kid all juiced up on coffee. Put them in a classroom and teach them. And if you want to be that person and if you get enough parents on board. But I think too many moms love being friends with their daughters and their sons and they're like, that's fun. And then they go and they wander around coffee day dressed as their daughters, feeling like they're high school hot. Still. I mean, this dude's 46, his wife's 33. She's probably got the same clothes as their, their daughter or son. It's a son in their case. Just walking around the school being hot moms. They love Gilbert. Yeah, that kind of stuff.
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John Holmberg
5, 3, 3, 4 2H's, morning sickness. We have a hot mom problem here. We have a. We have a disassociative relationship between being a mom and being, you know, a friend. And moms love being friends and hanging out at the school. My mom, last thing she wanted to do, I said, mom, we got an ice cream social and some of the parents have to volunteer. Oh, great. Like, she didn't want to wander. And none of the other moms were hot.
Brett Vesley
Oh, you tell Kurt Vesely that. It's like, Jesus really got to do well.
John Holmberg
I got a job. Tell your school I've got a job.
Brett Vesley
Didn't we do that last year? Yeah, dad, that was last year.
John Holmberg
You do it every year. How many years do you do this? 12. Ah, Christ. It's a dozen years of trying to act like I care about your friends.
Brady
I think my dad went to school. The school that I was attending in elementary school, maybe twice.
John Holmberg
My dad wouldn't have gone to any of it.
Brady
There's no need.
John Holmberg
My dad's not going to any of it. My mom would have to do it.
Brady
Your mother will do it.
John Holmberg
Yeah. My mom did all that stuff. And it was, you know. But she didn't do it a lot either. They didn't have all that stuff. She would call them and tell them, why aren't they in? Why? What are we doing? Why are we wandering around in the middle of a school day selling coffee to people like, that's slave. You're right. Nobody ever. That's slavery. To make me wander around door to door and sell stuff to raise money for you. And I'm not playing football.
Brett Vesley
And you're getting nothing again. You're getting a Frisbee or a Hacky Sack.
Brady
Oh, I got the Frisbee. What? I'd picked that object out of that catalog. That's what I wanted.
John Holmberg
And then it was a Ponzi scheme. It was with the promise of giant prizes if I sold more. I never thought of it that way. I always thought it was kind of.
Brady
A. I think that's what your spices were called to. The company was like, Ponzi, probably.
John Holmberg
Remember when. Well, in Little League and stuff, they made you do fundraising and pay to be part of it.
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Kick in a fee, which wasn't much. Little League was for, you know, the poor kids. That's basically, you know, it wasn't a lot of. So they could get involved. The club leagues were aware. That's like, wow, old Tim Brown's not going to make it over there because his parents, they only have one Car and six kids and they're dry. They had to really tighten the belt. I remember their car didn't have brakes. My friend had not the Tim Brown, but a Tim Brown.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
His car didn't break. So when he'd get dropped off to baseball practice, it was a slow roll and he had to jump out of.
Brett Vesley
The car like the Flintstones and stuff.
John Holmberg
If it stopped. Yeah, if it stopped the car. The car would never go again. So she had to e. Brake her way through the parking lot and you'd hear the car going like it was going to explode. And then the door would open and Tim would kind of run out of the, like, driver's seat. There's like eight other kids in there.
Brett Vesley
It was warm up for him.
John Holmberg
Yeah, he was super athletic.
Brett Vesley
He's already warm by the time he.
John Holmberg
Got out of a moving car. But that was literally. He was never going to be on one of the club leagues because that's big money. And they couldn't afford work to get the car to actually stop and go again. Had perpetual motion machine is what it was.
Brady
Now they drop like 15 to $25,000 for the club sports. A lot of people are saying that's what some hurting the school sports.
John Holmberg
Good.
Brady
All these little.
John Holmberg
Because if school sports can't sustain on their own, they should go away.
Brett Vesley
WNBA again.
Brady
Yeah. Getting better competition.
John Holmberg
If you need fundraising to cover more of what you say you've got, then don't have it. Oh, we can do this. How? Well, we got to get the kids out there and slave around for chocolate bars and stuff. I don't think we sold enough chocolate bars for an entire football team's season. I don't think that was. How much money were they making on chocolate bars to. And again, the kids in high school football are also slaves because they're selling tickets. Nobody saw. No kids saw any money for that.
Brady
The band was the one that always sold the chocolate bars.
John Holmberg
Those pricks should do all the extra work. Nobody goes to their. They couldn't hold a concert and make money. So if anything. And if they. And that's on them to go. We need people. We need to sustain this. This is the only place I can get together with 40 other nerds and blow instruments nobody ever wants to hear again. And so they. Yeah, they had to. I get that. But they did that on their own time because the band would never get away with. We're shutting school down for a day to keep the band alive. Everyone would stay home. No one's like, we got to keep that band around, nobody cared about the band at all.
Brett Vesley
And Maryville, apparently they sell you your stuff.
John Holmberg
You have a kind of an estate sale. Hey, wait, that's my bike. Well, no, that was your bike. See, now it's my bike. And if you'd like that bike back, there's a tariff release fee. Read the paper. There's a tariff.
Brett Vesley
I know you got a space for that 75 inch Samsung right over there. This will be perfect for it.
John Holmberg
See, this was your bike. Now it's my hostage. And you have to pay the ransom to release the hostage. If you understand. How much for my bike? What do you think it's worth? Oh, man, I heard you talking a few weeks ago. You had a $300 bike. That seems about right.
Brady
Thank you for your donation.
Brett Vesley
Now, if you didn't have.
John Holmberg
Football team's gonna do great. Thank you. Well, they were gonna do great anyway. Where? Maryvale.
Brett Vesley
If you didn't have to deal with kids, it'd be great to open a school. Think of the money you made.
John Holmberg
Oh, my God. It seems like it.
Brett Vesley
Yeah. All these scams with making the kids do all these fundraisers.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brett Vesley
The football players playing for nothing. And you're collecting all the doors in.
John Holmberg
Cash and saying it's for the education. No, it's.
Brett Vesley
Man, if you don't have to deal with kids.
Brady
Stadium signage.
Brett Vesley
Yeah.
John Holmberg
I mean, they're really the only reason there is high school sports is to pad the pockets of the school. Oh, yeah, because that's true. I never thought of that. That's slavery. Oh, my God. Head, head, explosion, mind blown.
Brady
Gotta have that though, for the college sports. It's all.
John Holmberg
No, you don't. They just turn. They don't in England at all.
Brady
Well, they're playing.
John Holmberg
They play places. Clubs, clubs and. Yeah, we can do that. We just start something.
Brady
I was telling it might be going that good. A lot of schools are dropping programs. Football is expensive for a school.
John Holmberg
How expensive?
Brady
A lot. You've got all those. You got the equipment.
John Holmberg
Let me tell you this, after two games, they should manage their money and pay for that.
Brett Vesley
You think those schools pay for all that equipment?
John Holmberg
No way.
Brett Vesley
You know, that's donated.
John Holmberg
That's.
Brett Vesley
That's write offs from.
Brady
Well, they get deals. I'm just telling Wilson. And that's why a lot of those high schools that don't have football, I.
John Holmberg
Don'T see many of those. They got turf fields and beautiful stadiums.
Brady
I mean, you open up a school, that's one of the tougher ones to maintain.
John Holmberg
All right. I think hockey's expensive. And that's why they don't.
Brady
Hockey's expensive.
John Holmberg
That's a club.
Brady
They turn it a club sport.
John Holmberg
Isn't it amazing that hockey doesn't have high school sports and somehow or another manages to get college players?
Brady
That's why.
John Holmberg
Well, I don't need it. Back east, they have a few.
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And you'll. And you were a rich community that would, you know, throw money at the kids like crazy. But they, you know, they played other rich kids schools. Hockey is a very rich kid sport. We don't have a lot. And there are hockey. I just recently saw time over here.
Brady
I mean, yeah, the club they have are very strong.
John Holmberg
Some high school hockey here now. And I watched it on TV the other day. Pinnacle was playing Mountain Point or something like, geez, they got. And they look. They look. Kids were playing. It looked good, but not everybody can do it. And it's amazing that somehow or another without high school sports, it's still a sport. Brett's right. The football teams and stuff like that. Slavery. Oh, my goodness. I always just kind of placed it in as part of the deal. But you're right, because it cost you.
Brady
No difference from the club.
John Holmberg
You're still. The club admits what it is. At least the club admits what it is. You got to pay to play. This place is like, oh, no, it's part of the curriculum, and you can get.
Brett Vesley
It's free.
John Holmberg
And then they charge to go watch the game.
Brady
It's free. When you're playing club, I mean, you're not getting.
Brett Vesley
Well, your parents are paying for it. Somebody's paying for it.
John Holmberg
But they actually break down where your money's like, this is the money you spend, and this is what it is. And maybe some of these kids have to fundraise and stuff, but it's big.
Brady
Money on both sides.
John Holmberg
All I'm saying is they don't also collect taxes and lie to you and say, this is also for education. Everything they tell you the money is just sustaining the league. That's it. It's not as much it's slavery, but it's, you know, it's sustaining the league. The money you spend to keep football alive. Not to say, well, the. We got to raise money for this and the school gets taxes, but it's not. Well, I don't have a lot of.
Brady
Their money spent on. On the club stuff, especially the traveling.
John Holmberg
Hotel rooms, coffee day. How about that? Anyway, I just remember they do it.
Brady
For club sports, too. Fundraising, sure.
John Holmberg
But the point being, they're admitting what they're doing. They're saying this is. It's not for other stuff. And they don't have bands, which I love about club sports. They don't use some of that money to get toodling during the game. Screw that nonsense. Let's just play some football.
Brady
New outfits.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Uniforms and quality.
Brett Vesley
Of course, that fundraisers too.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but. Scoliosis. Enough.
Brett Vesley
Somebody pay to come see you?
John Holmberg
I'm surprised they didn't make us pay for scoliosis day. It's four bucks to find out if your spine's crooked or not.
Brett Vesley
I'm good.
John Holmberg
Still don't get. Somebody's got to explain that to me. That just dawned on me this morning.
Brady
Could have been part of the tax that's going towards.
John Holmberg
But why scoliosis? Why not like arthritis? You're gonna find just as many kids with that diabetes. Test me for something I probably had. What? Scoliosis. Why were they so concerned about that?
Brett Vesley
John, Schools need to get with the program. My school, my high school got a $5 million football field completely donated by a contractor to build it.
John Holmberg
Dale said it last week for Scottsdale Christian, which is private, and they had to do a. They got a brand new field that covers everything. Soccer, all that stuff. Interesting.
Brett Vesley
Apparently Douglas High School is like a college turf field.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Good thing those kids don't have scolios. God, I'd love to know that. Because I remember Coach Flake was standing right there with his weird little cabana hat running the palm of his hand up my back. There it is. All right. Stand up straight.
Brady
Grifted. I don't think.
John Holmberg
That wasn't just me. It was everybody. Everybody had to stand in line and go through this thing. And right next.
Brady
Touch your spine.
John Holmberg
Right next to Coach Flake was Coach Morgan. Right next to him was Coach Quinones or Kiwis. I'm sorry, Coach. Kiwis look like a pineapple. And they all rubbing our backs. And I don't think nary a one scoliosis victim found. I don't think they ever caught one. They never, ever said thank you.
Brady
Thank God we got this early.
John Holmberg
Thank God we did this. So many of these kids are going to be better. And you're not fixing scoliosis. You just put pipes in their back. As far as I remember, Holmberg's Morning Sickness. 28 KUBD.
Brett Vesley
It's Brett Vesli from Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And I want to introduce you Patrick Riley. Now, Patrick Riley is your total home solutions provider where one call does it all. Look, when it comes to H vac Plumbing or electrical issues. Their certified professional technicians deliver quality you can trust and savings you'll appreciate. Right now, Patrick Riley is a special for you guys. 1500 dollars off a new AC system install, plus up to 1100 dollars in additional rebates. They offer same day emergency services with licensed professional technicians. Check them out online at patrickridleyservices.com It's John Holmberg here.
John Holmberg
Time to talk about TV's Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and doughhopkins.com, tV's Doug Hopkins. He has built and established his brand and company in a way that just has no competition. Doug's been here for a long time. He set the Standard for over 25 years and he just keeps getting better. And that said, if you want to sell your house for cash to Doug as is, he'll make you that offer. Start the process online, doughns.com or listen to the Doug Hopkins Singers. Call Doug Hopkins 1-800-sale now. Holmberg's morning sickness darkness. One girl I knew that had scoliosis, they just stuffed two rebar in her from her shoulders to her hips. Two big scars in her back. Very pretty girl. There was another one named. She was Crystal. She was gorgeous, but she hunched over. She looked like the girl from Twilight. And she's hunched over like, man, you're pretty, but your. Your posture's horrific. And she's like, I got that scoliosis. And then they just shoved a couple of sticks in her back.
Brady
Was it Joan Cusack?
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady
And that one did have that brace on.
John Holmberg
Yeah. There was maybe a kid per session.
Brady
Yeah, we had one or two, but.
John Holmberg
They tested for it all the time. My brain is chasing that right now. I have no idea why, but that is something that I'm like, wait a second, going back, I gotta ask a couple questions. And none of us were told to ask questions. My parents never said, you should go get checked for scoliosis. That was never their concern. I think we only knew what scoliosis was because of scoliosis day.
Brett Vesley
My dad was just happy I was out of the house. Just go, what are they gonna do to you? Fine.
John Holmberg
Whatever. Yeah, it's like we found out in the Brady report the other day. Was the foursome that was going on while schools. No, it was. I wasn't your report. I was watching a murder show and it was Deadly women. And when the kid went to school, she would invite a couple people over to have sex with her and her husband. And there were two guys and a girl the one time she had. And the Girl's getting all this attention. And the one girl says, why don't you go in the kitchen for a little bit and let them finish me off. And then you come in and they can do you. And she got in the kitchen, she got real mad and she went inside and shot everybody. Like this is my idea. How dare you kick me out of my own four way. So she shot everybody and then shot the girl a bunch of times. Put a pillow under her husband's head while he laid there dying. And then drugged the girl out, wrapped her up, threw her in the car. She's like, ah, I gotta pick the kids up from school. And she went and got the kids from school because while the kids were at school, this is what her and her husband did. Maybe that's what Kurt did. She dropped her kid off at the neighbors and said, I just shot my husband and a couple of people. I gotta go clean this up. He's like, okay, can you keep an eye on her till five? I suppose. Did you just say what I think you said? And then she drove off. And I'm like, is that what parents do when the kids are gone? Some of them, and I'm sure it is. Big, raunchy, dirty moms were home alone most of the time. Nothing to do. Their job started at 3:30 when you walked in the door. So all day long just hosing pool boys and neighbors and someone just don't.
Brady
Know how to do it.
John Holmberg
And you had Bob.
Brady
I mean Bonnie did it for 70 plus years.
John Holmberg
What?
Brady
The foursomes.
John Holmberg
Oh, maybe you don't know. When the kids aren't home and there's parents just milling around going, well, we got till 3:30. What do you guys want to do? I bet you a few times over there in ua. And that's why that neighbor of yours was so comfortable pressing his ham up against the upstairs window while you guys were outside. There's my dick and balls. Neighbors, huh? Don't act like you hadn't seen it before. And that's why nobody called the cops. Brady, it all adds up.
Brady
Knock it off.
John Holmberg
Your mom had to go over to Bob Ray's house, go, hey, Bob, look, the kids were out there. We do that when the kids are at school. I forgot it was Saturday. Sorry about that, Jeannie. Yeah, I'll come over and I'll play with your ham sandwich later. But we can't do that when the.
Brett Vesley
Kids are at school too much, man. Just goes to show you that pornhub is reality. A lot of those stories are just, wow, it's like a reality show. Every time I click on it that.
John Holmberg
School bus drives away. And then. And Bob Ray slams his ham up against the window as some sort of a bat signal to the rest of the lonely housewives. That's why they owed those old 19. What was that movie was A League of Their Own. Remember the one guy that couldn't go to war? It was Bill Pullman I think. Wasn't it? He couldn't go to war and he hung around and everybody was worried that he was hosing all the girls. It was like what's this guy? How come he can't go to war with the rest of us? Was he gonna stay around our lonely non working wives the whole day? They knew what was going on if they turned an eye away. I bet you that happens all the time. Didn't even think of that. Never once. Anyway. The Private lives Scoliosis. And if you have scoliosis. I'm sorry. But was catching it early even a thing? Does it even matter?
Brett Vesley
Go ask Coach Flake. He'll tell you.
John Holmberg
Yeah, Coach Flake knew all about it. I trained in it. Still don't get it. And I've never been tested for scoliosis since it was just in junior high and then they quit. I was still growing. I grew till I was 21. Nobody ever checked for scoliosis at MCC. No one checked for scoliosis at Dobson Was just in elementary school and junior high. Let's take a look and see if they've got. Take their shirts off. Get their shirts off. Rub them up and down. See if they've got it. And we'll do that until seventh grade and then we don't care.
Brady
But it just sent this over up Arlington wins school's first state hockey title.
John Holmberg
Yeah, Good for them. I'm sure that's money well spent while we sit and bitch that teachers don't make enough cash. And I'll just cancel all the sports and let kids who want to play club sports play. If that's a problem for you. If you have to have coffee day to keep the thing alive. My mind is all wrapped up in that scoliosis. Right. Right now. I wonder if I've got it now. Does it just stop being a thing after you're 13? Nobody seemed to care. It's.
Brady
It stopped all together it seems.
John Holmberg
You know what else adults can get? Lice. We'll never have lice day here at work.
Brett Vesley
Now you imagine Tripp down there.
John Holmberg
All right, let me take a. And it would be Tripp. His little gloves On. Yeah, no, you look pretty good. Would. I would just pass with flying colors, like.
Brett Vesley
Yeah, come on. I'm not looking at the promo kids.
John Holmberg
I'm not where it mostly hand. You take that where it most likely is. Here, Moynihan, Here's a monocle for you. Get deep into their heads. I'm not digging around in the Brandons. What's up, bro? Wild Stallions are back. Oh, God, Moynihan. Two more doofuses who smell like a weed factory. One touching.
Brett Vesley
Sean Knight.
John Holmberg
Why don't we check for lice here? Just as likely, but there's a lice day at school. Why do we stop this? Why does it have to be a thing then, and why does it stop when it's now?
Brady
It's been a while. I haven't heard of an outbreak at a school lately, but I never heard.
John Holmberg
Of outbreaks when I was getting lice day. If you had lice, you were the filthiest kid in the world. You had your head shaved. You were shamed for years, and it was over. It was it. He had lice. Now everybody's like, oh, lice is fun. Like, people have it all the time. Kids get tested for it. I don't know a parent who doesn't have a kid who had lice. At one point, everybody's kids had lice. Back then. It was, you were a pariah. If you got lice, you were the.
Brett Vesley
Yeah, you're the dirty kid.
John Holmberg
You're the dirtiest kid in school. That was what it was, and they stopped checking for it when adults with kids who are dirty, we never check here.
Brett Vesley
My mom freaked out about it because she was a hairdresser, so she's like, christ, have you ever get done.
John Holmberg
It made her look bad. It was embarrassing to her there.
Brett Vesley
Not like she could have done anything about it, but any new kid that.
Brady
Came into our school was quarantined for.
John Holmberg
20 days before he's allowed license. Make sure his spine's straight, all right? Can't have some question mark with bugs in his hair wandering around this cool. We got to do a lot of testing.
Brady
Football player, though. All right, let's speed it up.
John Holmberg
Give him a tick dip and get him back in there with the rest of us. Interesting. Why don't we check for license? I would love that. If Susie and Tripp had a. All right, everyone, come on down to the lobby. I got to check you for lies. Jill Short, you can't come to work for a few days. You've got it. Jill Shorts. A dirty birdie that's trapped on. Well, that's how we handle it here. Oh, looks like her cube mate. Heather also has it. Jill Short gave Heather the bugs. We don't test for any of that stuff Anyway.
Brett Vesley
Here comes fella. I'm not touching no fella.
John Holmberg
Turn around. You've got it. I can see him from here. It's like a flea circus on your head. Get out. But I'm from Payson. It's normal there. Yeah, in Payson they do eat. If you don't have lice checked. This kid's clean. Get him some lice.
Brady
They're gonna start running the office like a school. I'm gonna pull in the morning and they're. What's with the kickball game?
John Holmberg
Yeah, like, what happens to that stuff? What? It's a legitimate question. Why don't we care about lice after a certain age? I'll get it fixed myself. I mean, we carry lice into this building. It can. It's just as contagious.
Brady
They don't like adults as much, I guess. The lice.
John Holmberg
Lice. Says who? We don't know. Maybe somebody's got it. It's not that big a deal either anyway. Questions, signs and wonders. It's 6:25. Let's get a Wake up song. 5 8, 5 9, 8 hundred. Sorry about your coffee day. Sorry your kids go to a dumb school and. Sorry your kids dumb. That's kind of your fault though. You got a dumb kid. It's your fault. Do the homework for him. Boost those grades and then make the standard better. The standard is the standard. Mike Tomlin, them around the house. Good afternoon. Standard is the standard. You don't get Bs, you don't get nothing. Problem is, I think your kids come home with D's and stuff and nothing happens. That used to be like you're in the hole. You have bad grades, you were done. Now it's like you're just, you know. And he's emotionally. He's really upset right now and he's got. It makes sense. No D's are D's. Kid goes in the box. Now he gets to go to Coffee Day with his dad. You got a dumb kid, that's your fault. Give it to us good and strong. 585-9800. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.
Brett Vesley
It's Brett Vestley from home brings morning sickness. And I want to introduce you to Patrick Riley. Now, Patrick Riley is your total home solutions provider where one call does it all look when it comes to H Vac, plumbing or electrical issues, their certified professional technicians deliver quality you can trust and savings you'll appreciate Right now, Patrick Rile Riley is a special for you guys. Fifteen hundred dollars off a new AC system install plus up to eleven hundred dollars in additional rebates. They offer same day emergency services with licensed professional technicians. Check them out online @Patrick Riley services.com Hey, what's up?
John Holmberg
It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robot cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives.
Larry McFeely
So if you're ready to lead the.
John Holmberg
Next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo and don't just study tech, live it.
Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona: Episode 04-03-25
Release Date: April 3, 2025
In this engaging episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness," host John Holmberg, alongside co-hosts Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo, delves into listener interactions and tackles pressing issues related to school fundraising practices. The discussion is peppered with humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp critiques, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.
Timestamp: 01:52
The episode kicks off with John Holmberg addressing the fallout from yesterday's show, where a new neighbor, dubbed "Complainer Barb," attempted to disrupt the usual banter. Holmberg reads an email from Janet, a loyal listener, who expresses her frustration with Barb's negativity but reaffirms her love for the show.
John Holmberg (02:15): "This is from her own people. This is from women. Holmberg, I effing love you... It's refreshing to be able to hear you rip on everything we rip on here and it's hysterical."
The hosts discuss the challenges of integrating new community members who may not align with the show's established dynamics. They emphasize the importance of existing members adapting to maintain harmony, touching on broader themes of community cohesion and resistance to change.
Timestamp: 05:44
John Holmberg introduces an email from Kevin, a concerned parent frustrated with his son's school's latest fundraising initiative: "Coffee Day." Kevin lambasts the school for prioritizing these events over academic learning, reminiscing about more straightforward and less disruptive past activities like "Scoliosis Day."
John Holmberg (10:35): "Can you stop this for us? Thanks, Kevin. I don't think so."
The discussion highlights the growing trend of schools adopting unconventional fundraising methods that often encroach on instructional time. The hosts question the efficacy and educational value of such initiatives, suggesting they place undue stress on students and parents alike.
Timestamp: 16:34
The conversation shifts to a nostalgic comparison of past school activities centered around health checks, specifically "Scoliosis Day," versus current fundraising tactics. The hosts debate the relevance and intrusion of medical screenings conducted during school hours.
Brady Bogen (16:34): "Seems like a lost leader."
They critique the idea that schools might prioritize specific health issues over comprehensive medical care, questioning why certain conditions receive focused attention. This segue serves as a critique of how schools allocate resources and prioritize student well-being.
Timestamp: 19:00
Bret Vesley and Brady Bogen recount their own experiences with traditional school fundraisers, such as selling chocolate bars and spices. They express frustration over the minimal rewards students receive despite significant effort.
Bret Vesley (19:10): "And of course then you got to pick out of some stupid catalog... Dumb."
The hosts argue that these fundraising methods are exploitative, leveraging student labor without providing meaningful returns. They advocate for more sustainable and less intrusive funding solutions, suggesting that reliance on such methods detracts from educational priorities.
Timestamp: 27:29
The discussion broadens to address the financial sustainability of high school sports, particularly football. The hosts highlight the exorbitant costs associated with equipment, facilities, and maintenance, questioning the reliance on student-driven fundraisers to keep these programs afloat.
John Holmberg (27:58): "The football players playing for nothing... It's slavery."
This analogy underscores the perceived exploitation of students for financial gain, sparking a debate on the ethical implications of current funding models. The conversation calls into question whether schools can afford to maintain such programs without overburdening their student body.
Timestamp: 33:28
Injecting humor into the critique, the hosts share personal stories about "Scoliosis Day" and "Lice Day" from their school days. These anecdotes serve to illustrate the invasive nature of past school practices and draw parallels to modern fundraising events.
John Holmberg (33:28): "Why scoliosis? Why not like arthritis?"
The lighthearted yet pointed recounting emphasizes how certain school activities, though intended for student welfare, can often feel intrusive and disruptive.
Timestamp: 45:07
As the episode wraps up, the hosts reiterate their concerns about the current state of school fundraising practices. They advocate for prioritizing educational integrity over commercialized funding methods, urging schools to seek more effective and less burdensome ways to support their programs.
John Holmberg (45:09): "It's okay. I got an email from you. This is what we really need to solve."
The episode concludes on a call to action for listeners to reconsider and challenge the prevailing fundraising strategies in schools, promoting a more balanced approach that favors educational outcomes over financial exigencies.
Key Takeaways:
Notable Quotes:
This episode offers a blend of humor and critical analysis, encouraging listeners to reflect on the evolving landscape of education and community engagement.