09-04-25 - Opening Break

Summary

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Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – Opening Break (09-04-25)

Podcast: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness (98KUPD, Arizona)
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely
Date: September 4, 2025
Episode: Opening Break

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Episode Overview

This lively episode kicks off with the crew embracing the return of football season while riffing on everything from reality TV quirks, murder show fascinations, suburban paranoia, charity hypocrisy, and a recent chicken wing eating contest. Blending humor, irreverence, and social commentary, Holmberg and company dissect modern American obsessions—especially our appetite (literally and figuratively) for spectacle, crime, and football.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Football Returns & The Death of Social Life

• John Holmberg launches into celebration of the NFL’s return, joking about how it overtakes lives and relationships for the next several months.
  • “Goodbye, ladies. Goodbye, wives. Goodbye, friends. Goodbye normal society. Goodbye, normal television viewing. Goodbye Netflix… Hello, NFL Network.” (03:01, John)
• They poke fun at “weird” football relationships where sports enthusiasm seems mismatched within couples.
  • “What are you doing with that guy? It is always weird when you see a wife that's into football and the husband's like, I just, it's sportsball. Doesn't interest me. I'm like, you're married. You got a beard. How come nobody told you?” (03:18, John)
  • This leads to playful speculation about hidden sexuality among TV house-hunting couples.

2. Reality TV & Subtle Social Commentary

• They riff on “International House Hunters” and “My Lottery Dream Home,” noting the absurdity of people with millions buying modest homes and the unspoken subtexts about the couples featured.
  • “Every time I watch, I'm like, how come nobody tells her her husband's gay?” (04:05, John)
  • “That show is for some reason just fascinating. And he has a lot to do with it. He does a good job.” (07:02, John on host David Bromstad)

3. Neighborhood Murder & the Obsession with Crime

• Holmberg shares a story about a recent murder near his rental property. He jokes about how his odd coming-and-going habits might make him a suspect.
  • “They gotta think it's me because I'm sure I just did it again. I just showed up to roll the trash out. I do. I go in, I come out, it's like five in the morning, it's two in the afternoon, and you know, ins and outs, and ins and outs.” (11:09, John)
• They reflect on society’s collective fascination with murder and true crime, contrasting it with the horror of actually committing a crime.
  • “All we do is watch murder shows. All we do is listen to murder podcasts. People are fascinated by murders.” (12:18, John)
  • “Nobody ever, like I said to Brady, nobody ever, in a big city starts a tourist of places where people didn’t get murdered… We’re creeps. We’re just, as a whole society, we’re—yeah.” (13:40, John)

4. American Gluttony & Wing Eating Contests

• Holmberg recounts his humbling experience in a charity wing eating contest, where the juxtaposition of excess food and passing by the “Feed My Starving Children” charity made him reflect on American hypocrisy.
  • “I had to pass this giant charity to feed the hungry.” (31:08, John)
  • “It’s just wrong for you to go to Feed My Starving Children and then go to Wendy’s and get Frosty’s after.” (31:13, John)
• They imagine a mashup TV show where food contests take place alongside feeding the hungry, satirizing both American excess and attempts at charity.
  • “We take all of these contests we have of gluttony and overeating and we just get, like, 10 starving Africans to stand there with Joey Chestnut and crush—they drop dead.” (34:54, John)
  • “Combine this misery of starving people with food eating challenges. Now that’s a show.” (35:08, John)

5. Charity Transparency & College Sports Rants

• Discussion turns to the salaries of charity CEOs and the sometimes questionable integrity of big non-profit organizations.
  • “I looked it up online and the CEO of Feed My Starving Children made $330,000...” (42:37, John)
  • “There’s like a whole site of all the charities and what CEO gets paid.” (42:43, John)
• Holmberg critiques commercials asking viewers to “save college sports,” especially given the surge in big-time college team revenues and “name, image, and likeness” (NIL) deals:
  • “Ohio State is paying their football team $30 million a year. You save college sports? You’re asking me for money? Are you out of your minds?” (43:39, John)
  • “Not much. That’s why everybody—what’s the point? Thank you. Make it a farm system and just stop with the college lie.” (46:53, John, on the NIL-vs-pros debate)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Football’s Cultural Takeover:
  “Hope you kissed your wives goodbye. And to those weird wives that think they’re into it as much as we are, okay. I hope you kissed your husbands goodbye.” (03:12, John)
• On Reality TV Couples:
  “Those are always weird relationships when we all know your husband’s gay and you don’t.” (03:25, John)
• On Fascination with True Crime:
  “Being a murderer, that would be interesting. Like, I don’t have it in me—kind of wish I did.” (12:39, John)
• On American Eating Contests vs. Poverty:
  “I was at a room last night where six people were competing for $1,000 to eat as much as they could. America. Meanwhile, these pricks are up until 9 o’clock every night packaging boxes for places that have no money or food.” (34:23, John)
  • “We live in a nation… You don’t go to Mexico and see Feed the Hungry American store. It’s not there.” (33:25)
• On Charitable Contradictions:
  “Just change the the and the my. Just get rid of the my. ‘Feed the Starving Children.’” (42:05, John)
• On College Sports Fundraising:
  “College sports is in trouble. TCU only paid $19 million for their entire football roster. Can you imagine how poor it would be? They don’t have a chance at a national championship!” (46:47, John)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Football Returns & Relationship Comedy: 03:01–04:00
• Reality TV & Social Subtext: 04:00–06:58
• Murder in the Neighborhood & Crime Fascination: 11:08–14:48
• Wing Eating Contest & Charity Hypocrisy: 26:11–34:54
• "Feed My Starving Children" Satire: 31:08–36:53
• Charity Salaries & Transparency: 42:05–43:19
• Rant on College Sports & NIL Era: 43:20–47:34

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Tone and Style

The episode delivers its content with the signature irreverent, sarcastic, and fast-paced banter the show is known for. Holmberg is particularly adept at blending biting humor with genuine cultural observation, ably supported by Brady and occasional interjections from Bret. No topic—from charity to murder, football to food—is safe from their satirical examination.

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Summary Takeaway

“Opening Break” is a quintessential Holmberg’s Morning Sickness episode—hilarious, provocative, and rooted in the contradictions of American life. From the obsessive spectacle of football to the weird guilt of charity, from reality TV's unspoken stories to our comedy-laden obsession with true crime, the show leans in to entertain by questioning, poking fun at, and occasionally disturbing its listeners about the things we all can’t stop watching (or eating).

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Transcript

[Podcast Host]

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[John Holmberg]

Morning sickness.

[Sponsor Voice]

You've been deceived by an agent of Satan himself.

[John Holmberg]

He's evil sitting right here. Come on. No, no, he's not. He's not evil. He's just a bit rude. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Thursday. It is 5:45. This is the Morning Sickness. My name's John. There's Brady. There's Brett. Toledo's gone again. He's got to go back to his mother's service. So Paula Prak is happy that Toledo hater. Once again, for all the wrong reasons. Because that was just. She's just mean, but she's just happy Toledo's not here and he had to go back. She said she doesn't care for what reason so long as he's not here. Horrible. But still, what are you going to do? And that's fine by me. It's. Toledo's got to go do his thing. I'm just excited because, yeah, who cares what's going on with Toledo or anyone else? It's happening. Starts tonight. Goodbye, ladies. Goodbye, wives. Goodbye, friends. Goodbye normal society. Goodbye, normal television viewing. Goodbye Netflix. Goodbye, Amazon Prime. Hello, NFL Network. Hello, scrolling through every single stat in the world. Football's back.

[Brady]

Hello, water cooler on Monday morning.

[John Holmberg]

Monday we got Thursday, we got Friday, we got Saturday, we got Sunday, we got Monday. Then we got Tuesday. Wednesday off, we start all over next week. I hope you kissed your wives goodbye. And to those weird wives that think they're into it as much as we are, okay. I hope you kissed your husband's goodbye. What are you doing with that guy? It is always weird when you see a wife that's into football and the husband's like, I just. It's sportsball. Doesn't interest me. I'm like, you're married. You got a beard. How come nobody told you? Those are always weird relationships when we all know your husband's gay and you don't. I can see it on TV every time I watch if. Yeah, and this is a little bit gay to admit too, but I watch a lot of that International House Hunter stuff. Yeah, sort of a lottery is a little gay. It's sort of a lottery dreamscape your brain gets into when you're like, what would I do if I was just going to leave? Like, it's an escapism. And you're like, oh, is Costa Rica someplace I'm interested in?

[Brady]

You're seeing places that. What would it be like here? I'm in Amsterdam.

[John Holmberg]

1250, like $1200. Like, what? It's like a 7,000 square foot house on the beach. Yeah, it's $12. Like, oh, my God, how close is the cartel to that? And so you watch that. But every time I watch, I'm like, how come nobody tells her her husband's gay? Like, there's like a hundred episodes where she doesn't know her husband's a homosexual. Like, this is obvious. The lottery. Dream house. Some of those Dudes are way too excited to meet David Bromstead. Way too excited.

[Brady]

There's a lot of hags, too.

[John Holmberg]

Well, there's a lot of lesbians, and there's a ton of hags. That makes sense to me. Hags love something that rhymes with that.

[Brady]

And that's fun to see that because. And the husband is the opposite way. He's going along for the ride.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I like when. Well, I don't think a husband gets on that show if he's against what David stands for. David is outwardly like. He even asked one couple the other night. I get mad on the lottery dream show. When he comes in, he goes, all right, you've won $7.7 million. How much you giving me to spend? 300,000. I'm like, why would I watch this? This is an average price. I can watch anybody buy a $300,000 house.

[Brady]

What?

[John Holmberg]

We want to be really conservative. Okay. I admire that. And he said, we're showing them a three bedroom, two bath, 1800 square foot. Like, that's everyone's house. This is not fantasy at all. This is dumb.

[Brady]

They've gotten a little smarter because some of the ones that won a chunk of money, they come back and buy a second house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they get second houses. Yeah. But I always watch that. And then sometimes the husband's like, oh, my God, so mean. David. It's so nice to me. I'm like, that husband's too excited to meet David. Somebody's got to tell that wife, let's go eat. Who wants coffee? After each house, you have to go stop and get a coffee. Coffee. But he told one couple the other day he was watching, and he goes, I forget what city it was he was in. Oh, Charlotte. He's like, I love Charlotte. And he said, these houses are spectacular. He goes, where's the gay section? And the real estate agent meets with him again. She goes, that's the south side. Like, the lady was, like, surprised. He asked, that's the south side. I'm gonna find a place in the south side. I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. A matter of time before this guy's just on all fours on one of these episodes. And I don't think he'd be. I don't think he'd care about it. But he. Yeah, he likes. I watched him show two older twinks a house in Palm Springs. And that show got really, like. It started getting tense. Like, I think they're gonna pile. I think we're about to have a lemon party on the old lottery show. Yeah. These dudes had crushes on David. And he shows up dressed in like a blanket and pink shirt, green shorts, knee high boots. And I'm like, man, nobody tells this guy anything about, like, tone it down.

[Brady]

He loves the. When they go over to Europe to buy a house. I saw one of those.

[John Holmberg]

He's taking them to Europe.

[Brady]

One of the most. I think that's a newer episode of.

[John Holmberg]

The lottery Dream house.

[Brady]

Yeah, they went overseas.

[John Holmberg]

He doesn't have a license over there. He can't sell houses in Europe.

[Brady]

Pick the guy out and there he is. He's wearing a boa on the street.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, man, I gotta see that one. Did he have a wife? Because all I want to do is tell you, husband's too excited to hug David. Whatever happened to that? By the way, my grandfather would roll. He's probably doing it right now. The way that men greet each other with giant hugs. Now like on. There you go, there's David Frost, giant picture of his rainbow coat. Wow. Actually, he's getting so tattooed up, it's weird. That show is for some reason just fascinating. And he has a lot to do with it. He does a good job. Well, yeah, that, that part. But sometimes it's like they're just buying a eighty thousand dollar condo because their uncle died. And I'm like, this isn't. This doesn't qualify as a lottery. This is just. Yeah, yeah. I fell into some money. Yeah. Last night it was like 11 o'. Clock. I was watching $7.7 million. They want a $400,000 house. I'm like, oh, this is just flat out stupid. I don't why you got $7 million. I got to watch you buy a house.

[Podcast Host]

There's naughty tattoo on his arm.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's got naughty all. He's, he's got tattoos everywhere. Now he's got him up to his throat. Yeah, this dude is up to his throat indeed. Oh, there he is with his shirt off.

[Brady]

Limited edition.

[John Holmberg]

Brett, turn it off. Yeah. It used to be that men used to greet each other with a high. No. And a hearty handshake. Remember? In a laurel. I believe that was it. A laurel and a hearty handshake. That's what you gave him. And now it's just, hi, cupcake. And then he gives him a big hug. And like heterosexual men are like, I gotta do it. If I don't, I look terrible. Would it be offensive? All right, all right, all right. Yeah. I'm just gonna shake your hand. There's no reason for us to, to tangle up like A rat king.

[Brady]

So with that in mind, 1.7 billion.

[John Holmberg]

That's coming up in a couple of days. I won. I won. Last lottery dream. Oh, I did it. I did it last night. I won last night.

[Brady]

Would you do the show now?

[John Holmberg]

Like have David Brady for $1.7 billion? I would. David all over every house he showed me. I have $1.7 billion. You think I care at all what anyone thinks of me? I would. I would guzzle every drop of his bodily fluids on television and wave goodbye to society. Would be it. And I'd get on my awesome yacht and the only person I'd talk to that was outside of my immediate family would be my boat captain. Oh, and my servant, Raul. That's right. I go old school with my servant. Might be Central American. I'm not even going to Mexico for it. I'm going way beyond that. $1.7 billion. I would. You see what he did with David Bromstead on the lottery show? He blew him like every house. I was like, yeah.

[Brady]

And then bought a three hundred thousand dollar house.

[John Holmberg]

Dude, that's the one thing I wouldn't do, is lowball a stupid house. If I go on there, I'm making. I know how to like. The entertainment value for that show is not watching people shop for a regular place. I saw a couple that won a couple million and they bought a house for a million dollars. Like that's how you do it. They spent it all. Another dude was homeless when he won his million bucks and he bought a house in Florida. And he was a Florida homeless and he had a. Just a trashy wife. And I'm like, whatever neighborhood they're gonna end up in is gonna hate them. Sure enough, they're like, we want a pool, we want a kitchen. Like all houses have kitchens. I want bedrooms. Okay, you're just describing a house. I want plumbing. I don't want to have to wipe myself with leaves. Like, all right, all right. I've got the perfect place for you. It's in Ponte Vedra. And then he drove him around and the dudes, they were. He was just happy to be inside. And again, he's looking around going, oh, look at that, there's an oven. And I'm like, you need to look up and just be grateful there's a roof because you haven't had that for a while. And then he hillbillied his way into this neighborhood and it was a neighborhood. Yeah. The worst thing in the world is hillbillies. Who. You know, it's the Beverly Hillbillies theory. My, my fun is, and I was telling Brady about this is that in my neighborhood where the rental is, Brett, there's been a murder.

[Podcast Host]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, right up street there. It's over by 68th street in Scottsdale, or McDowell in Scottsdale, and it's some condo complex. The news did a story and people are talking and the odd hours I keep at that place, they gotta think it's me because I'm sure I just did it again. I just showed up to roll the trash out. I. I do. I go in, I come out, it's like five in the morning, it's two in the afternoon, and you know, ins and outs, and ins and outs.

[Brady]

And wasn't there one more pretty late and the guy's just walking by.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there was a guy 5 in the morning when I was pulling out of there and he came out with his dog to say hello. Well, he was walking his dog. It's nice. So. And there's a, you know, there's a green belt kind of walkway.

[Brady]

I thought there was sometime like, it was earlier than that, like 2:00am dude.

[John Holmberg]

At 2:00am that was doing weed eating the other night, but I was up making noise in the backyard. So I think they might, if I keep it up, they might start questioning me. And I told Brady and I think it disturbed him that, like, being a murderer, that would be an interesting. Like, I. I don't have it in me. Kind of wish I did. You know what I mean? Like, to have that mindset, to be so drastically different to society and then just go out and put on a happy face because. And we'd all be hypocrites to say that's crazy. All we do is watch murder shows. All we do is listen to murder podcasts. People are fascinated by murders. The best movies ever made are all about murders. The best TV shows are murders. We love it. Dexter is like some reason people gravitated towards Dexter because I think deep down we like. It's interesting for some reason to think, how does your brain work and how do you have that? So I would be kind of honored if people are like, I think he did it because I'm not doing it. I don't have. It's like being gay, being a murderer. And I don't want to come. Yeah, I'm just not born that way. Go ahead and do whatever you need to do. One's illegal, one's not. Or as Brett would say, one's illegal. One should be good guys. Make America great again. Morning sickness. Medicate K Holberg's morning sickness. But the. Yeah, the. The, like the mindset has to be. You have to have it, right? Yeah. If you just don't have it.

[Brady]

Psychopathic.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. I don't know what it is, but.

[Brady]

It'S a. I thought they were saying, like it's one gene that's removed.

[John Holmberg]

If they knew that, they could fix it. The sociopath part is that you can. That you can go do this and then still appear normal in society. You just don't have any emotional connections to things. And it's creepy. Yeah, I don't have it in me, but I am fascinated by it. And I am like all of us. It's just such a. Nobody ever. Like I said to Brady, nobody ever. In a big city starts a tourist of places where people didn't get murdered. You go to la, there's like multiple tour buses of just places they found bodies. Like you can get on a double decker bus and it's full most days. TMZ does one where you're driving around looking at places. This is where this guy died. And this is where death. They get this one. And this is where the murders were. And this is the Wonderland murders. And if I start rattling it off, they get nicknames, you know, this is Black Dahlia. You know exactly what I'm talking about. Nobody ever says, this is where Stephanie got away from her murderer. Nobody's doing a tour of that. We're creeps. We're just. As a whole society. We're. Yeah. The. The Bianca doesn't matter who the murders. We know who the murderer is more than we do. The murdered.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Sharon Tate.

[Brady]

Sharon Tate.

[John Holmberg]

And we know more about that than we do the people who were victims. We're disturbingly fascinated with it and my neighborhood because I was over there yesterday for five minutes. Guy next door said, got a lot going on around here. Seen the police or anything like suspicious activity. And I'm like, I'm hardly here. And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, we know. Yeah. Anyway, I'm like, ah, he's got his eyes on me. This guy thinks I'm doing it. You seen anything weird? No. Everything in this neighborhood seems fine by me. I've got to go buy more plastic bags.

[Brady]

Bye.

[John Holmberg]

I might make them, like, I might make them think I'm doing it.

[Brady]

I gotta sickle the backyard.

[John Holmberg]

I might walk around with just like blood on me and then run back in the house. I just. I wanna. I don't waste the cops time. I want to waste the neighbor's time because I'm not gonna live in that neighborhood where I care. I want them to think maybe it was me. Like I was standing out in the driveway just covered in blood, gargling it with, like, elk horns on for no reason. Then I run back in the house.

[Brady]

They would go nuts.

[John Holmberg]

He lives there by himself, but he's like. He's only there for, like, eight minutes at a time. He's the creepiest thing. And sometimes he gets in a waymo and he goes somewhere else. It's. He's doing it. Yeah. I think that would be awesome. And to see the Brady's of the neighborhood who just like to walk around and look into your windows. And there's the. Just stand in front of the window just covered in blood with plastic bags shut in a blind. I would. I want people to think that.

[Brady]

Hitting the power tools at 1 2am American Psycho style.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. We all remember those guys. Patrick Bateman. We know his name. And that's just a movie. He's sort of. We're so freaky weird about it. And to act like we're not interested. It's just. You either have it or you don't. I certainly don't. I couldn't. It's gross. You know?

[Podcast Host]

I agree.

[John Holmberg]

I don't like handling raw chicken. So I don't know what I would do with a dead body. But I do like the idea of being thought of that way. Just to kind of make the neighbors. And they're gonna leave you alone, even though they'll be kind of eyeballs on you. It would be more fun. I might do that this weekend. Just coat myself in red liquid and stand outside and howl. And then go back and then leave. Just leave the area for, like, two days just to see how many people. Like. It was Holmberg. He's an asshole. Don't. He's doing it to mess with you. I think he's the killer. Yeah. The only dangerous thing is is that they're shooting doorbell ditchers now. So dude standing in his front yard covered in blood with elkhorns on, probably might catch an arrow or something. He'd be a little touchy. Yeah. I just might run some power tools in the middle of the night. Now that the neighbors are worried. Just have a. A saw for no reason at two. Just. And then, like, a scream. I might scream. I'll run the saw for a second. Then I'll scream.

[Brady]

Drilling's always good too.

[John Holmberg]

Drilling is always good because it's confusing. It seems like kind of quiet, but you could be doing some serious damage. But a Drill and a scream. Could you imagine in the middle of the night. See, this is where I can't be a normal human being. It's like if I just start. Shut up. And that's the last you hear. I'm hearing some crazy stuff and then I leave. Then immediately I leave. And there's no evidence in my house at all that I've done anything wrong. But that would be a waste of the cops time. And that's the last thing I want to do anyway. I'm fascinated by it because there's a murderer on the loose. And the way the news presents it, a murderer is on the loose by 68th Street. McDowell. They think it's a targeted murder. Then you read about it and it kind of seems like a dude mad at another dude and he took him out. I don't think he's just walking up and down the canal waiting to kill again. Maybe. Maybe he lives right next to you in a rental house, that he's only there occasionally.

[Podcast Host]

You're gonna have all the Brady's of.

[John Holmberg]

The neighborhood all over you. That would be the best.

[Podcast Host]

As soon as you pull in the drive. Hi, neighbor.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, friend. I saw you howling at the moon last night. How's it going? You want to be next? What? You want. You want to join me in my house for some lemonade? I would like to meet your family.

[Brady]

Got a new set of drill bits.

[John Holmberg]

I'd like to see your tools. May I borrow your tools, please? Sure, friend.

[Brady]

I straightened him out, but he's running that generator late at night.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the generator sound. That's a good one. Just fire that up for no reason. I needed more power, that's all. What happened? Last I heard, you running a generator. Did you lose power? No, I just needed a ton more. It was hard getting through the thing I was doing. I wouldn't. I wouldn't mind that, but. Yeah, and I watch id. I watched a show yesterday, just for a little bit while I was about ready to go out to the wing eating contest last night. Called man in a Van. It's on the ID channel and it's just. It's a series of shows. Huh.

[Podcast Host]

Sounds gay.

[John Holmberg]

No, no, no. Your brain went the wrong place.

[Podcast Host]

Well, you started talking about David a little bit earlier.

[John Holmberg]

So I was like, here we go. Not man in a lottery. No, no, no. Man in a Van. How does that sound? Gay. That's gay. What's gay about man in a van? I automatically think molestation or murder. Why do you think man in a Van is gay?

[Podcast Host]

Twink running around in a windowless van and stuff?

[John Holmberg]

No, no. Nobody said gay. Man in a van. That's gay.

[Podcast Host]

Started the show with the gay part.

[John Holmberg]

So you're hypersensitive? Pretty much. Man in a Van is about a dude who just drives around. It's about multiple guys with vans who have killed. So it's just. We have so many murders with vans that they can start a show of them.

[Brady]

Won the movie Brad Pitt's in a Van.

[John Holmberg]

Well, not all. That's. That's an SAT question. Not all people with vans are murderers, But a lot of murderers have vans. So much so that they can do a whole show of man in the van and have multiple topics. Man in a van is. The dude was driving around yesterday. He had a. It was like a purple van with the word hope on the side of it and a phone number because it was the church's van, and he'd been accused of rape and murder in the past. This is why I don't like religious people. It's because they hired him at the church. And the pastor's like, I believe in forgiveness and giving someone a second chance. And the cops are like, well, he's been using your van to kill and rape women. Well, that. That we didn't expect. You should have. You're dumb as. You're dumb as a stump, Mr. Jesus will fix this. You gave him a van. What were you thinking? He had keys to a van. He's been accused of rape and murder three times in his life. And you're like, yeah, he'll get better because of me. It didn't work. Well, we just thought we'd give him a second chance. Well, you did. You gave him a van and a second chance of. The thing he loves more than anything is raping and killing ladies. And he did it in your van. Who are these cameras here for? Cause we're filming man in a van, and you're the idiot who gave the rapist a van. That is one thing. I don't care how much you believe Jesus can help Allah. Anything you believe. Dude comes in and he's got rape and murder on his resume, and you're like, well, the only position we have open is driving around our van. He's not qualified. I don't care. Jesus isn't helping that dude stop. You're way too into yourself to think that. You're like, well, I can fix him. No, you can't. He wants your van. He's not listening to you. I'm here for the van driver position. You got any rapes and murders under your belt. I've been accused. Okay. No, thank you. No, thank you. We'll see you later. It's a simple process. Jesus brought me to you so I wouldn't rape and kill no more. Can I borrow your van? That's. He's going to rape and kill. He wants the van. He doesn't care about your beliefs. And that's exactly what this dude did. Took a. What do they call that? A reciprocal saw, Like a little horseshoe. Reciprocal, yeah. Reciprocating. There you go. Smashed a woman in the head and he had the church's van. So a lady's sitting there and she looks sad, and he goes, you need help with Jesus? And it's like, oh, my God, do I ever need Jesus? Now hop in the van. And he wrapped her up in a shower curtain and blew her up. All she thought was the hope van had come for her. Oh, boy, did it. Yeah, check out man in a van. I might buy a van and park it at the rental and just drag carpets out of it constantly in and out with carpet.

[Podcast Host]

Just some windowless chomo van and stuff.

[John Holmberg]

With the word hope and a phone.

[Brady]

Number on the side wrapped in the shower curtain.

[John Holmberg]

Shower curtains, constant shower curtains just coming in and going out. Just so that one dude with his big stupid thermos stands in his yard, goes, what do you got going on there, huh? Nothing. Bye. And then just leave and don't come back for like four days. They've got to be so confused. And now they're all worried there's a murderer in the neighborhood and I get to come and go. It's awesome. It's flat awesome. And again, we can be hypocrites all we want. If the top 30 podcasts weren't all murder podcasts, I wouldn't be. I mean, we make comedies out of it. Our friend Jimmy Wisman, they do that small town murder show, and it's a comedy show that tours the entire nation where they talk about nothing but murders in small towns. Real ones. We love that stuff. We're. We're thrilled by it. We love crime. We. Not all of us can commit it, which is a good thing, but we absolutely kind of. We are morbidly fascinated by that. And a huge. If it. If it weren't for football, that would be the number one thing. Football will take over here over the next few months, but when society gets bored, we watch murder shows. Lawyers murders.

[Podcast Host]

We love Matthiah watches.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's because it's great. Documentaries. What are they all about? Murders. Morning, sickness medicate. Ku PD Holmberg's morning sickness. It's been 30 years. We're still like. If I say OJ, you're like, it was the trial of the century. Not because everybody loved OJ.

[Podcast Host]

When this last documentary came out about him 30 years later, number one show on Netflix.

[John Holmberg]

It was huge. We don't, as a society talk about the same things at all anymore. When that OJ documentary came out, that's all people were chatting about. We had Kato Kalin on the show, for God's sakes. We need to call Cato. He was fun. And get Cato back in here. Anyway.

[Brady]

It's died down a little bit for him.

[John Holmberg]

For Cato?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You think?

[Brady]

Yeah, a little bit. I mean, he was riding the wave of the documentary.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Host]

He's been doing that for 30 years.

[John Holmberg]

I was going to say he just has to go. Well, he has to go with the waves on that one.

[Brady]

Whenever.

[John Holmberg]

Whenever the. And he's got to root for it. Like, people need to get interested in OJ's murder again for Cato to have an extra. Yeah. Once high tide comes in, he kind of. Yeah. Then it sucks him back out. He's like, well, I got to wait a couple more years, but make hay while you can. Oh, geez. I said, hasn't Brett confessed about a few things? And he drives your van? Actually, we have a truck now.

[Podcast Host]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

So that doesn't count because it's an exposed bed. If he pulled up next to a cement truck, they could see his work in the back, and he wouldn't want that man in a van. Last night, I was at the Native Grill for the finals of the wing eating contest, the Holmberg. And so I get there, and Evan is the guy who runs the thing, right?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So Evan is there, and he said. And last year, Evan and I went toe to toe in a wing eating contest. He challenged me before the finals to have a wing eating contest, and I obliterated the guy. It wasn't. He's a pro. No, no. Evan, he's just.

[Podcast Host]

We worked. I mean, that's what he does.

[John Holmberg]

He just hangs around wings. He doesn't eat them fast at all. He's not. He's just there a lot. Dude was terrible at it, and he threw the challenge at me. I'm like, I can eat. I'll do. And I hadn't eaten last year. I didn't eat. So I was like a 1.8 pounds of wings. I was. Had I been in the finals contest, I think I'd have come in third, and it was close. And just the contest I had with him. So last. Last night, I get there, and I just had a nice burger guy named Jonathan at. He. He buys sides of beef. I just met him at Verlo Mattress. It's. The mattresses are great. Go talk to him about where he gets his beef, because that's even. So I got this, like, all natural beef from him. And so I've been making these hamburger patties, and they're amazing. So I had a big, fat, delicious, all natural. Oh. Just eating the meat out of the packets, just raw. I flash fry it and just eat it raw. And then I stand in my front yard with elkhorn. But the. So I had one of those. And then I went to the thing, and he goes, hey, one of our contestants isn't here. Will you get in the contest this year? I'm like, oh, man, I just ate. There's no possible way I'm going to be. And he goes, come on. We got the wings all made. I'm like, you do it. He goes, nobody wants to watch me eat. And I'm like, nobody wants to watch me eat. This is. And he said, you did great last year. He said, if you do it, I'll donate the money to the Humane Society. If you win this thing, the whole thing goes to them. And the Humane Society was there last night with two of the most adorable puppies. Honey and teriyaki.

[Brady]

Nice.

[John Holmberg]

Unreal. So great. So. And all the money's going to humane. So I'm like, all right, you hit me in the heart. I'll get in this contest. I was not prepared for breaded wings en masse flying into my stomach in a contest. And I started to go, and I got about a third of the way through, and one of the people in the front row says, it's a lot like an Asian eating flies off of flypaper. He remembered the thing that made me throw up. Brett's videos put that thought in your mind. All I could think about was that Asian lady chewing flies off that paper. And I was like. So I came in second to last.

[Podcast Host]

Did you use the bucket? Do you have to use the bucket?

[John Holmberg]

No, I didn't go to the bucket. All right. Okay. I did not go to the bucket. And they were so breaded. And it was just so. And people were screaming, do it for Brady. Like, they were like, this is gonna stop. Like, laughing the whole time. So I didn't choke or anything, But I didn't do as well as last year. I maybe ate a pound or so. It was brutal. So he gave some money to the main side, which is great. But I was dying, and I feel horrible. Like, eating all those wings, plus having on a full stomach. Oh, and then I make the mistake at the end of the night because my friend Craig was there and it was his birthday. And then I bought shots for Craig. And then next thing you know, we're dropping crown shots, which I'm not good with at all. I got a belly full of wings. I didn't ask for crown shots. Our listener, Pamela Anderson, was there. Remember her? She was there. She was super sweet. It was awesome. We had a great time last. The guy from Vet Tix was there, the. The place that gives veterans tickets. He was awesome. It was a great group of people.

[Brady]

And maybe Brad will have a video this morning that you can purge.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I would. I. I wanted to go. I asked because I was with our sales girl, Jen Gardner last night.

[Podcast Host]

She showed up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she actually showed up to one of her events, which is rare.

[Brady]

Come on.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I know. We're all surprised. Did she go to any of your.

[Podcast Host]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

No, she didn't go to yours. She went to the final. Jen Garden. She works here sometimes, so. But she's real thin and from California, so I was like, hey, show me the way of getting rid of this faster. The way you do it to stay thin. Like, what did you learn at UCLA that made it so you. How fast? Because I can do the fingers in the throat, but what about. What diuretics would you take after pounding all this? It's so hard. But the guy that won crushed it. His name was Mercer. And, yeah, like, the disease. And it was. It was a. It was a killing. It was an absolute. It was a bloodbath.

[Brady]

Yeah, Mercer's one. That one of them. My week one.

[John Holmberg]

Mercer's a big dude, and he took it down four point or what point was like a half a wing divided first from second place? It was like 0.8 ounces. It was an amazing. It was actually fun. But all these people watching us eat, it was gross. It's just gross to watch us all slobbering and getting wing juice all over. It's gross. Watching people eat is gross. But people show up to do it. But, yeah, he won that, so congratulations to him last night. It was. It's pretty great. On a full ironic take. I waymoed over to the. To the native Ron Ray and i10 last night, so on. And it takes all surface streets, and it took a weird little route through Tempe and I went by a place called Feed My Starving Children and I immediately felt horrible about what I was about to do. I had to pass this giant charity to feed the hungry.

[Brady]

Kirby and I went there.

[John Holmberg]

You've been to Feed My Starving Children?

[Brady]

Yeah, we packed up a bunch of meals.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's just wrong for you to do it for me. For me to go to a wing eating contest and pass Feed my. It's wrong for you to go to Feed my Starving Children and then go to Wendy's and get Frosty's after Good about it. No, it's just wrong. It's just wrong. Waymo did that on purpose. Like they drove me past. And by the way, change the name of that. Because when I see the word my, I'm like, you do it like they're your kids. If it was Feed the Starving Children, I'd be like, yeah, that's probably a good idea. Feed My Starving Children sounds lazy.

[Brady]

That's the whole thing they bring. You know, you go over there as a group. So her. Her basketball team went over there.

[John Holmberg]

It's very nice.

[Brady]

You put this assembly line together and you put together all these meals that go to all over the place.

[John Holmberg]

Right. And then you go to an all you can eat wings contest and realize how I live in the most hypocritical world ever.

[Podcast Host]

Why do you feel bad? I mean, you got. You got those wings left over. You should just flung the tray out the window when you're driving home and.

[John Holmberg]

Left in the parking lot. There you go. They closed it. Doing my part, I should have gone over because I saw that they closed at 9 o'. Clock. I could have just knocked on the door and said there's some bones that are. But you just wipe those away. There's plenty of good wings in here. I'd like to like to feed your kids. Yeah, the word my threw me off from like feed my kids. That's what some broad Apache junction would say on a street corner. Feed the starving children. That's different. Now I got to go to an all you can eat wing eating contest with five other dudes and then throw away about 17 pounds of wings afterwards. But yeah, you. You feed those kids. It was punched me right in the guts. And it's a nice charity. But being part of an all you can eat wings contest and passing Feed My Starving Children. You wrestle with that.

[Brady]

The name says it all.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, you know, I get it from the name. But then I'm over there staring at 60 wings and we're just laughing. And then I Had to think about that place, thinking, those sons of bitches. Like, I wonder if anybody from Feed My Starving Children was there. Just if I didn't notice somebody just shaking their heads going, you know, that's where Mercer works. That would be awesome. If he was a power eater and he worked at Feed My Starving Children. America is just loaded. And I mean loaded with hypocrisy. Just giant pigs going back and forth to wing eating contests and hot dog eating contests. Meanwhile, we don't even notice that we passed a charity for all those hungry people in the world we're just crushing wings for. And people win money for doing it. It's the two things the nations that that place benefits don't have, which is money and food. I went. I was at a. I was in a room last night where six people were competing for $1,000 to eat as much as they could. America. Meanwhile, these pricks are up until 9 o' clock every night packaging boxes for places that have no money or food. Mercer drove away with a check and a belly full of food he didn't even need. And that's. You know what? That makes me proud to be an American. I'm. That's good stuff. We live in a nation. You know what no other country has Feed the Americans. No place in the world will you go. And your Waymo takes you down a road of a store that says Feed the Americans. We're the only ones in the world doing that. You don't go to Mexico and see Feed the Hungry American store. It's not there. You don't even go to Canada and see Feed the Americans. We're the only ones. We would feed hungry Canadians. That's how much food we've got. You know what I think we should do? Incorporate the two ideas. We feed the starving children with wing eating contests. We, like, stuff them.

[Brady]

It's a good idea.

[John Holmberg]

We take all of these contests we have of gluttony and overeating and we just get like 10 starving Africans to stand there with Joey Chestnut and Crush. They drop dead.

[Brady]

They would.

[John Holmberg]

That's what we like to tell ourselves. We like to think, oh, if we fed them so much, they'd end up getting real sick. Like, no, they'd be thrilled. You gave them 70 hot dogs just on a plate in front of them and just said, you got 10 minutes to eat these. They devoured every. There wouldn't be any hot dogs in all of the boardwalk. You just. That's what we need to do. This is a great idea. Combine this misery of Starving people with food eating challenges. Now that's a show.

[Brady]

Take them to the next level.

[John Holmberg]

That is a show. We flew to the Sudan and we found 10 starving kids and we'd play hot ones with them. And, like, we ask them about their day and just make them eat hot wings. Get through the gauntlet, through all the Scovilles. They would eat it. They wouldn't care. It's chicken. They love it. They'll just crush it. What is this one? Oh, that's the hottest one. Oh, my God. You ate the bone. I have not eaten in days. The last thing I ate was my friend's feces. All right, we can have a feces eating contest around here. These people eat it anyway. That is a great television show. And who's frowning on that? Kupd? Holmberg's morning sickness. What. What group gets mad if Native Grill and Wings and me fly over to some starving nation? Plop down those same five trays. What if we took this idea to feed my starving children?

[Brady]

Nothing goes to waste.

[John Holmberg]

Nothing goes to waste. Would we say? Would. Would they be all right with it? And we give $1,000 to the winner, and he becomes king of whatever country that is because they.

[Podcast Host]

Zamunda.

[John Holmberg]

He's the king of Zamunda. We make kings. It's king making. This is fantastic. But we're too. I don't think everybody, like, clutched their pearls over this. Meanwhile, nobody cared last night, while five fat guys crushed wings and left, like, 20 pounds behind, and I had to pass feed my starving children on the way home and go, sorry, I'm too full. I'd stop, but I am so full. Yeah, I bet you there are.

[Brady]

The crazy thing is, we could do it here.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? Oh, we could help America.

[Brady]

You know, it's amazing that all this gluttony and all the food that we have still have.

[John Holmberg]

Look, I don't think we have much starving. I don't think we do.

[Brady]

It seems like it's hard to find.

[John Holmberg]

If you're starving in America, it's your fault. If you're. If you're. If you're starving in America, Usually.

[Brady]

At least that's what we're told.

[John Holmberg]

Usually someone in your immediate. Whoever's supposed to be supplying food is buying drugs. That's probably a fact. If you're starving in America. I'm saying if you're hungry in America, that's different. If you're starving, like, you don't see that. That's not a thing. Like, there's nobody in Mississippi right now. Just like emaciated, with flies all around them, and somebody just give him a sandwich.

[Podcast Host]

We got flies around them? Yeah, it's Mississippi.

[John Holmberg]

There's flies around because they're Mississippians. But, like, you know, an excessive amount of flies. You know what I mean? Like, noticeable. Yeah. Like, not just Mississippi flies, but like.

[Brady]

Not like the UNICEF commercials that you've seen in the.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Growing up with.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. With Sally Strothers. Yeah. Yeah. No, we don't have. We could feed hungry kids here. There's a few kids that are like, I haven't eaten for a day.

[Podcast Host]

She should feel bad. Look how big that broad was trying to feed the hungry.

[John Holmberg]

Come on. Sally Strothers went over there, a little plump, telling everybody, you know, they're not eating, but, you know, she was. Yeah, she wasn't missing any meals over there.

[Brady]

Commercial goes over to craft services.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Eats a donut. What is that? It's a pastry. Get your hands off of it. You get rice and paste. I will eat the rice and paste, but that looks very good. Get away from her. She gets really mad if she doesn't get her dozen hands off my Pop Tart. That's mine. Get over here and give me that back. She said my name very accurately and yelled at me for touching her giant Long John.

[Brady]

That was a good take there. But we did. We need more flies.

[John Holmberg]

All right, bring in the flies. You on the right, quit eyeballing Sally's donuts. Those are hers. She needs those. Hands off the donuts, Africans. All right, look, look. Hungry. The cameras are rolling.

[Brady]

We got a problem. The flies are all over the donuts. We can't get them to move.

[John Holmberg]

Sally won't come out for the filming until he gets flies off her donuts. All right, we need the exterminator over here. What is an exterminator? Not for you guys. No, don't worry about it. We're just here for the flies. Don't worry about it. You're. This is a great idea. And again, if you're starving in America, listen to a radio station in every city in the country and find out who's having an eating contest and just show up. Radio's free, so if you're hungry, you can get one of those and just. Just scan the dial for a contest and then take your hungry ass over there to the native. And none of the dudes there last night looked hungry, but they figured it out. It was awesome. I could change the world and entertain them at the same time. Could you imagine if Sally Strothers was, like, we're here in Africa and they are starving. So we have 14 buckets of wings and the winner gets a thousand dollars. You would watch that. Maybe you'd be sad, but you'd be watching that for sure. That would be the number one show in America for at least a month.

[Brady]

Take over for Survivor.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. It would be the number one show for a month for sure. If that's how we fix the hunger problem in the. And they'd be puking. You can't puke. You lose the money, you can't have it. You want to be king of Zamunda, you have to keep it down. Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

Freaking sitting there pounding wings and drinking Stellas. Nice.

[John Holmberg]

I have never had this before. What is this? It's a Stella Artois. This helps the Humane Society. Why? What about us? Just eat your wings and shut up. We're helping dogs.

[Brady]

You let those in your house?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Wouldn't they be delicious? See, this is why you can't have them. We got to have a humane site to keep them away from you guys anyway. It's a good idea. And don't act like you wouldn't watch it. Cause you would. That might beat. That might beat football numbers. You might get like a 40 share. Rolling Africans out in an eating contest. Sure. It's classless.

[Brady]

Midway through the season.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You get into the doldrums, like week nine, and you got to watch the Buccaneers and Jags play on a Monday night. I bet you African eating contest would beat that starving wing eating contest right there. Look at you. You're laughing like that's the name of it.

[Brady]

I gotta watch it.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta see how this ends. Anyway, it was kind of a dichotomy. My mind split in two last night as I passed. And good work, by the way, to the folks over at the place. I don't like the name of Feed My Starving Children because my cynical brain just said, do it yourself. Because they seem. You seem to have taken ownership of them. What do I have to do with it? Just change the the and the my. Just get rid of the my. Feed the Starving Children. And then I looked it up online and the CEO of Feed My Starving Children made $330,000 left because they had some new rule. I think Obama did that where he made it like, you have to be transparent with the. With the money that, like how much people get paid at charities. There's like a whole site of all the charities and what CEO gets paid?

[Brady]

Because that one that. You saw the commercial words Feed the Starving Jews.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's not exactly how they say.

[Brady]

That's the name of it.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. It's sort of close. Feed the Holocaust survivors. And all I'm saying is how many of them are left?

[Brady]

That guy was making 1.7 million.

[John Holmberg]

Is that right? A million seven. Off of, like, eight people.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

80 years ago, if you're still hungry and still blaming the Holocaust.

[Brady]

And they're. They're taking in millions.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How much is Susan G. Komen's president?

[John Holmberg]

No, that was huge. That got out of control. Yeah. A lot of those charities, the. You know, and they're good work, but then you start looking, you're like, ah, I think we all kind of want the charity to get all the money, but you have to realize you gotta have somebody running the show, and it ain't an easy job.

[Podcast Host]

Well, look into your charity is what you say.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Yeah. And if you start to notice that the CEO's pulling 17 million a year and they're still begging like, college football has the nerve right now to run commercials saying, you gotta save college sports. Please save college sports. I'm like, save college sports. You're pay. Ohio State is paying their football team $30 million a year. You save college sports. You're asking me for money? Are you out of your minds? Take some of that TV billions. Save your own sports. Well, we won't have women's basketball. You're not getting any money from me for that. If that's what we're saving, I'm fine letting her go. What about swimming? There's a reason it needs saving. No one watches it. How can these people swim without college? There's pools. I didn't go to college. I can swim. Yeah, that's a garbage. That commercial is hard to watch because it's such a scam. During the Ohio State Texas game, I got a guy trying to cry and tell me that college sports are dying. They're in the red every year. Then you're just mismanaging the money. We can't. We can't keep wrestling alive. Looks like nobody cares. You're not selling tickets to wrestling. That means no one likes wrestling, so it's over. Let them start their own business. I say the same thing about the wnba. If it can't stand on its own, don't beg me for money. College sports is in trouble. TCU only played 19 million for their entire football roster. Can you imagine how poor it would be? They don't have a chance at a national championship. Texas Christian is hurting to keep the wrestling program alive. Sounds like we should Close that down. Start eating contests. Now that as a kid you could get a scholarship doing that. Now that's a thing they're trying with the esports. Esports is a real thing, and people buy tickets to it and it has, like, a value. They sell out the luxor, like, regularly for esports. It's a. It's a financial winner if. If swimming and wrestling and girls badminton aren't cutting it. Don't beg me during a football game to keep that alive. I'm watching this game. I see 16 advertisers every eight minutes. I think you guys should kind of maybe recirculate that money yourselves. They'll do it again Saturday during a college game. Did you even notice that while you were watching 10 times it ran during the Texas Ohio dudes walking on a field. College sports are in trouble, really? Because this game's going to pull 20 million people and I'm pretty sure the advertising revenue is massive for it. Tell me again how you're in trouble. We can't keep swimming alive. All right, well, drain the pool.

[Brady]

Highest viewed opening game for Fox Sports.

[John Holmberg]

And you think Fox Sports is like, geez, we didn't make much.

[Brady]

Or for Fox, basically.

[John Holmberg]

For the Big ten, for Texas, for Ohio State. It was a huge win for everybody. Dudes wandering around the stadium at Texas Tech, which just bought a player for $8 million, telling us we can't keep. We don't know how to. Where's the money?

[Podcast Host]

I mean, they buy a player for $8 million.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's what they're doing now. They can. They're paying college players. So the football players. They recruited a kid. It costs like 8 million bucks.

[Podcast Host]

So what's the difference between that and the NFL now?

[John Holmberg]

Not much. That's why everybody.

[Podcast Host]

What's the point?

[John Holmberg]

Thank you. Make it a farm system and just stop with the college lie. Yeah. Yeah.

[Brady]

Yes. Well, the difference is they're upfront with the money now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

They can talk about.

[John Holmberg]

They used to lie about it and now the only difference. Exactly.

[Podcast Host]

So now it's like regular football.

[Brady]

That's why a couple of the players, like, should I go out now? Or my nil money might be more than my.

[John Holmberg]

It'll keep players in there for like seven or eight years. That's what it's going to do. Guys who can't quite break into the NFL but are pretty good in college can find loopholes through that portal. You can play like seven years, play.

[Brady]

For five different colleges.

[Podcast Host]

Failed social studies.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I didn't make it through this until you get drafted. It's crazy. Anyway, football is back. Who cares about college if the pros are back? It's awesome. It's 6:30. Let's get a wake up song shall we? 585-9800 A good one. To celebrate the big wing eating contest and feed my starving children in the same day. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. It's not weird.

[Brady]

It's pretty cool actually.

[John Holmberg]

No membership fees. I've heard enough of this.

[Sponsor Voice]

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[John Holmberg]

Thanks.

[Sponsor Voice]

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