09-18-25 - Woman In Britain Issues Warning About Getting Free Sperm Off Facebook - Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

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[00:00]
A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
[00:08]
B
It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. Thrilled to tell you about my friends at Turf Monsters. Backyard living space. You either have it or you don't. It doesn't matter if you've got a huge yard or a little one. Making outdoor living space a priority is great for you, your home, your pets. The turf they put in looks amazing. 365 days a year they added in a putting green. I have a beautiful backyard space. My dogs love, that I love. And the script has been flipped. So if you see your yard as a job, stop it. Go to turfmonstersaz.com, say homework sent you and get 10 off your vision. Turfmonstersaz.com you thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Okay, you pd. Everybody's going nuts over the new Limp Bizkit. I like it, but I feel like it's a Limp Bizkit song that would have been just like Larry. Larry thinks it's spectacular.
[01:03]
A
I really like it.
[01:04]
B
I like biscuits. I don't mind it. I just don't see the. Like, he thinks it's one of the best songs they've ever done. Like, I don't see that I like that one. I think Take a Look around is awesome. A couple of them, anyway. I like that one because of the addition of the Mission Impossible thing. I think that's.
[01:20]
C
How many times have you heard it, Brett?
[01:23]
A
Four?
[01:24]
B
Five?
[01:24]
D
Yeah. Yeah.
[01:25]
C
I'm only like 2 in.
[01:27]
B
It burns probably pretty fast, but other than that.
[01:31]
C
But I like Biscuit as well, but. So Larry's must have logged on to it.
[01:35]
B
No, he likes. Well, Larry likes. He'll.
[01:38]
D
He can.
[01:38]
B
He has the ability to listen to something over and over and over.
[01:41]
A
Well, and he heard it way before we did, too. Record label stuff.
[01:44]
B
I have to say that I do believe I've often said I think the simulation is completely broken. It's completely shattered. Like the computers are just. Things are spitting out into the ether, into the public eye. And it's like, well, look, this is not a thing that's ever happened before. This is a serious news story of a lady who's warning people. And the news is like, yeah, this is true. She's. Her warning is beware of free sperm on Facebook. Yeah, I've been pretty much always been pre warned about sperm that I didn't pay for. Says mom who got baby using free sperm off of Facebook. Explains why she'd never do it again.
[02:24]
C
Live and learn.
[02:25]
B
Well, that's right, Brady. More and more women are moving away from traditional routes when it comes to having children. Remember the old traditional way of having children where you liked a guy and guy liked you and you ended up getting married and you made babies and you did it through. What is that called? Sex. You had sex with your wife or girlfriend and you made a kid. That's the traditional route. Ladies are tired of that old chestnut, so they turned to ivf, which is hard. Artificial insemination is very expensive. And then Facebook came along, and dudes are like, I'll give you my in a cup. Well, this lady named Laura Coldman and that her last name, Coldman is not just a last name. It's the way men feel about her as well. But desperate to give her son a sibling. And she became single in August of 2018. And after exploring different routes which never included a new relationship, she stumbled across a Facebook group where a man offered to donate her sperm for free. Now, I think we've all been on Facebook and inadvertently offered our sperm to somebody for less than cost. But it's called. It's called sex. It's called, I'm hitting on you. I'm trying to have sex.
[03:33]
A
Leaving a trail.
[03:34]
B
This sperm donor came highly recommended. So she did some research. She thought things were off when she visited him at his house and. And she had to stay in a waiting room. And then 20 minutes later, he came out with a cup of his own that wasn't like prepackaged. He had to go make some. You got it fresh.
[03:52]
A
Well, yeah, exactly. What do you expect?
[03:55]
C
That's farm to table.
[03:56]
B
That's exactly right. I think that's what that's called. I think it's called the table. But yeah, over seven months, she had received three more samples to make sure that the donor and her were fine. And eventually she got pregnant. She gave birth to a boy she named Calumnies, and she's issuing a warning. Now, who are women who are considering going down the same route? I don't know how many women she's talking to, but your parents should have issued this warning to you a long time ago. If anyone tries to give you a cup of their, say no and never pay for it and never take it for free. That's something.
[04:28]
A
That's.
[04:29]
B
Yeah, that's.
[04:30]
A
Don't forget about Russell from Vegas.
[04:32]
B
$250,000, Russell. You know, that's top notch sperm. You Gotta. You gotta look into that. And if you saw pictures of Russell like I saw from my friend Erica, who designer dude, this dude was like. I considered it. Maybe if I drank some, I would be in better shape. I think Game Day Men's Health should sell some of Russell's stuff. But she said they. At first I thought the Facebook group was a joke, she said. But the more I studied the page, the more I warmed up to it. Pun. The donor messaged me pretty much right away, offering his services. I asked around in a different private group to make sure he was legitimate. Who do you ask?
[05:08]
C
Hey, you got any testimony?
[05:10]
B
Yeah, this guy's got like endorsers.
[05:14]
A
How's this guy Seed?
[05:15]
B
Yeah, and it's free, so nobody's making money. It's even weirder. So she says, I. He came highly recommended, so to speak. Six months later, I went to his house and got the donation. He didn't say two words to me, but he knew I was desperate to be a mom and I was under the same umbrella, so I pushed hard. Laura revealed that she essentially had no contact from her since Calum's birth. And then she started to notice that Calum, the boy what came from free sperm, is having sort of neurodivergent traits, a lot of verbal issues, and he has a lack of awareness of danger. So he's not exactly 100% there.
[05:55]
C
How old is the kid?
[05:56]
A
Shocking.
[05:57]
B
He's like 3 or 4, but still he's got, you know, he's got. Don't touch the hot stove, okay? I told you once, don't touch the hot. He's touched it eight times.
[06:07]
C
So question though. The guy donating free sperm, isn't he on the line? Even if you had.
[06:15]
B
See, that's what I would want because.
[06:17]
C
She could go back to him and.
[06:18]
B
Try to get some money.
[06:19]
C
Yeah, because that guy, that was a legit donor from Sweden or somewhere, he had all those children he started to get.
[06:29]
B
No, he had like 250 of them. And then people started to hit him up for child support. I don't know how you do that, but again. And by the way, ladies, for anyone interest, sperm's always free. I hate to break it to you, but if you just go out to Scottsdale on a Saturday and you really don't care who the dad is, sperm's always free. So if you're ovulating and you're ready.
[06:50]
A
You get what you pay for.
[06:51]
B
Exactly. That's. What do they call that? Fire beware.
[06:55]
A
You know, I mean, that's on her.
[06:57]
B
Hey, I'm not going to charge you for this one. It's like, well, if the baby comes out our word, then it's on you. That's your fault. And maybe it isn't the sperm donors, X or Y that made this thing a mess. It might have been you that made it neurodivergent. Train wreck. Yes. Just because your first kid came out okay, second one coming out dopey, might have been a rough car ride. You might have gone four wheeling when you were pregnant.
[07:17]
C
All you can do is give them a one star review. That's your thing. And it averages in with everything else.
[07:22]
B
And you put your review and you say, the price was right, the service was exemplary, but the results weren't up to par. I guess Brett's right. Buyer beware. You get what you pay for. If you're looking for a cup of always pay a price. Free is. It's, you know, it's too good to be true. Holmberg's morning sickness. But I'll tell you right now, even in this building, right now, the right person walks in, sperm is free. I would offer my sper for free. If Dua Lipa walked in and she.
[08:01]
E
Said, I want to have a baby.
[08:03]
B
I. I can't imagine anybody like Mike, Abed's not gonna come out. I'd help you do it, but I'm gonna have to charge you. I'll do it for free. Dua.
[08:11]
E
I'll take the free guy.
[08:13]
B
But you're out. Why?
[08:15]
C
You can't. You're. You're.
[08:18]
B
Oh, currently.
[08:18]
A
You know that.
[08:20]
B
You don't know that. I'll do a DIY reversal.
[08:22]
C
Okay, There we go.
[08:23]
B
In hand. I. I'll tell you what. She gets my nethers cooking so much that I guarantee you that my vasectomy would be like, what's happening? And it would go into retro mode and just produce three good ones.
[08:34]
C
Here's a gonad.
[08:35]
B
Yeah, it just pukes out. I would actually, that's what I would do. That's what would hit her in the face like an olive. What was that? I think I just. That's my whole nut.
[08:46]
A
Hey, I'd give it to Margo.
[08:48]
B
Margo?
[08:49]
A
You don't know Dr. Lynn. She don't know what's going on.
[08:52]
B
Exactly.
[08:53]
C
I got grifted.
[08:54]
B
That didn'. Oh, that's rough. My fault.
[08:56]
A
Get what you pay for.
[08:58]
E
You gave me that sperm for free.
[08:59]
B
Yeah, I know. I thought I still had some left.
[09:01]
D
My bad.
[09:03]
E
You used me.
[09:05]
B
This y.
[09:06]
C
This is the 21st time.
[09:08]
B
Look, doll face, nothing out of your pocket, nothing out of mine. We're both scot free. Let's keep walking. Sperm's always free, ladies.
[09:16]
A
Go Tuts.
[09:18]
B
You just got to ask the right people. People will get. Do the. It would take my guess what would be 11 minutes if a girl went into a bar at night and said, I want to get pregnant. I'm not going to hold you accountable financially. I need some free sperm. How many hands would go up at Bottled Blonde, like, oh, I'll do that.
[09:36]
C
Wait a minute.
[09:37]
B
Go to ASU. What's that bar that they serve all the 12 year olds over there?
[09:42]
A
Tempe Tavern.
[09:43]
B
Yeah, the Tempe Tavern. Go in there and just go, I need some free sperm. Fire hands up anybody you can go to anyone, there's free sperm. If sperm was costly, I've thrown out millions of dollars. Tissues, towels, carpets, me.
[09:59]
A
Just think of the tube socks. How much in tube socks you've thrown away.
[10:02]
B
If sperm had financial value, meth heads would be pulling up plumbing and just going after copper wires. But sperm is always free, so I didn't know we needed to have that headline. British mom warns other women not to get free sperm. Yeah. Who didn't know that.
[10:27]
C
Taverns open at.
[10:28]
B
10:00Am all right, well, there's loads of free sperm in there. It's free sperm. Walking at your office like, excuse me, Davey.
[10:34]
D
What is it?
[10:35]
B
I'm busy. Could I have some of your sperm? Hold on. Yep.
[10:38]
D
All right, let's go do this.
[10:42]
B
All. That's a phrase that pays in every building and everywhere. The only thing a guy's gonna do is like, am I being set up? That's the only thing we're thinking, I'm gonna give it to you. But like, what are the. Like, what's the repercussions here?
[10:52]
C
Because it seems someone came in, they're like, I want a baby.
[10:54]
B
Can I get him? I would like to have a baby. Would you give me some free sperm? If I don't have to pay for it, I'm not helping. Get some papers on that. Do you want it in? You want a cup? What do you want me to do? Just a cup is good. All right, cool to go.
[11:08]
C
Becomes the trend now. Now bars have a cup to spend.
[11:12]
B
Yeah, here's your cup. That lady needs some free sperm. Yeah, I'll do that.
[11:16]
A
I got a yeti on me.
[11:17]
B
I was just holding. Yeah, I got a whole yeti. I need one of those ranch cups for wings. That's the. That was the worst part. When did you do that? When the. Got your Vasectomy. And they gave you that cup to go take back after 30 days. The cup is like 33 ounces.
[11:34]
A
I know you feel guilty. It's like I can't fill that.
[11:36]
B
Fill it. I couldn't get to the first line.
[11:40]
C
We supposed to put all 31 times in there and then hand it off?
[11:43]
B
That's what I was wondering. I'm like, am I supposed to. Like they said, just give me a sample. This cup. I couldn't finish this if it was a drink. I'd have to take some time with it. You want me to. You think I got. I would drop dead of dehydration if I filled this.
[11:57]
E
Hi, John.
[11:58]
B
Hi, how are you?
[11:59]
E
I'm the new girl in accounting.
[12:01]
B
Yeah, yeah.
[12:03]
E
Can I borrow some of your sperm? I can't pay you.
[12:05]
B
Yeah, don't worry about it. Let's go do this.
[12:06]
D
This is easy.
[12:07]
B
I do this all the time. I was going to do it at lunch. There you go.
[12:10]
D
Tuts.
[12:10]
B
I was going to do it at lunch and just flush it. This is better. This is like. I think you're like Greta Thunberg. We're not wasting anything. Yeah, but just a quick warning. If you haven't met a guy and he's giving you free sperm, probably not the best father figure. I don't know. I'm not an expert, but dude had a waiting room. Yeah, that was nice.
[12:30]
D
He'll be right back. Give me 20. You've got flapjacks? I was expecting better cans off to imagine something else.
[12:37]
B
He just goes in another room, fills up, comes back. Oh, it's warm.
[12:40]
D
Right on the oven.
[12:41]
C
I'm picturing him staring through a two way mirror as they're in the waiting room.
[12:46]
B
Oh, why isn't he charging?
[12:49]
A
Was this playing in the waiting room too?
[12:53]
D
Hi, welcome to Free Sperm uk. My name's Trevor. What would you like?
[12:58]
E
Sperm, please.
[12:59]
D
Right, that's what I thought. That's the only thing we serve here. All right, I'll go do this.
[13:04]
B
Do you have your own cup or you need me to get a cup?
[13:06]
D
I'll give you a cup for free as well.
[13:07]
E
You're full service, Trevor.
[13:09]
D
Right?
[13:09]
B
Just sit here.
[13:10]
D
Sit tight, love. I'll be right back.
[13:12]
E
Oh, this is an appropriate waiting room, son. I like this. I wonder how long it's gonna take to make sperm. I'll wait until he's done. That's all I wanted. Trevor, is that you?
[13:29]
D
Yeah, like sing to George Michael while.
[13:30]
B
I'm doing the wank.
[13:33]
E
That's fine.
[13:34]
C
Could you be quiet, please?
[13:36]
D
Quiet.
[13:36]
B
Down.
[13:37]
D
I hate when a woman speak.
[13:39]
B
It.
[13:39]
D
It throws off the whole operation. You get some tainted sperm.
[13:48]
B
Are you about done? Trouble?
[13:49]
D
Come on. I warned you about the talking. I basically have to start over.
[13:54]
B
Pipe down in there. Do you mind picking up that pencil?
[13:59]
E
This one?
[14:00]
D
Yeah, that's right. Oh, are you done? No, it's just getting to the chorus.
[14:09]
C
Hands are the cup. Thanks for stopping by, Shag daddy.
[14:11]
D
There you go. Appreciate it. Here's a coupon for your next load.
[14:19]
E
Oh, I came in.
[14:20]
B
You just hear the door tring?
[14:22]
E
Oh, you've just finished up. I hear this firm music, Son.
[14:26]
D
Yeah, love you. Gotta give me a little time. It's called the refractory period. I've gotta recover. Can't give you a baby dose right now. Gotta come back in 30.
[14:37]
C
Couple get kicked out every now and then. Just wouldn't shut up.
[14:41]
B
Such a good song.
[14:44]
D
All right.
[14:44]
B
Welcome to Trevor's.
[14:45]
D
Look, I just dropped two batches. Oh, you're gonna have to come back tomorrow. Jeopardy's on in 10. I'm just gonna relax now.
[14:55]
B
WOMAN warns OTHERS OF FREE sperm Stop it, Earth. Anyway, thought I'd throw that out at you if you were on your way to get your free sperm. Maybe have second thoughts. Dale Hellestra is going to join us in just moments. Let's grab Dale and get it going. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Woman In Britain Issues Warning About Getting Free Sperm Off Facebook"

Episode Date: September 18, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This episode dives into a peculiar British news story where a woman issues a warning after obtaining "free sperm" through a Facebook group, highlighting the bizarre lengths some go to for parenthood outside traditional routes. The hosts blend humor and social commentary as they discuss the logistics, risks, and ethics of unconventional sperm donation, poking fun at the strangeness of the story while asking serious questions about accountability and health.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The British "Free Sperm" Story

Host John Holmberg introduces a news headline about Laura Coldman, a British mom who conceived with donor sperm offered via Facebook.
The hosts express disbelief and mock the concept:
- "Her warning is beware of free sperm on Facebook. Yeah, I've been pretty much always been pre-warned about sperm that I didn't pay for." – Holmberg (01:44)
Laura's experience: She wanted a sibling for her son post-separation, joined a Facebook sperm donor group, and after vetting the donor (in a manner the hosts find dubious), agreed to collect sperm from the donor’s home.
- "She had to stay in a waiting room. And then 20 minutes later, he came out with a cup of his own that wasn't like prepackaged. He had to go make some. You got it fresh." – Holmberg (03:34)
- Brady jokes, "That's farm to table." (03:54)
Over several months, she received multiple samples and eventually conceived. The child, now showing neurodivergent traits, led Laura to warn others about these unconventional methods.

2. Traditional vs Unconventional Conception

The hosts contrast traditional relationships, IVF, artificial insemination, and the Facebook route.
- "Remember the old traditional way...where you liked a guy and guy liked you...and you did it through...what is that called? Sex." – Holmberg (02:24)
They question the vetting process for Facebook donors and the legitimacy of testimonials in online groups.

3. Accountability and Child Support Concerns

The topic shifts to legal and moral responsibilities:
- "The guy donating free sperm, isn't he on the line? Even if you had..." – Brady (06:06)
- "That guy...he had like 250 [kids] and then people started to hit him up for child support." – Holmberg (06:29)
They question whether women can pursue donors for support and reference notorious serial donors.

4. "Sperm's Always Free" Commentary

The hosts turn to comedic riffs on the ubiquity and perceived "worthlessness" of sperm:
- "Sperm's always free, ladies. I hate to break it to you, but if you just go out to Scottsdale on a Saturday and you really don't care who the dad is, sperm's always free." – Holmberg (06:49)
- "Buyer beware. You get what you pay for." – Bret (06:50)
Holmberg uses wild hypotheticals: "If sperm had financial value, meth heads would be pulling up plumbing... But sperm is always free..." (10:02)

5. Satirical Role-Playing: "Trevor’s Free Sperm UK" Skit

The team acts out a parody scenario set in a fictional free sperm clinic:
- "Hi, welcome to Free Sperm UK. My name's Trevor. What would you like?" – Dick (12:53)
- "Sperm, please." – Holmberg as customer (12:58)
- "Right, that's what I thought. That's the only thing we serve here." – Dick, as Trevor (12:59)
- Holmberg, as a British woman, and Dick, as the donor, banter about waiting rooms, cup sizes, and "coupons for your next load" (14:11), poking fun at the absurdity.

6. Humor about Donation Logistics

The cup size for sperm collection leads to jokes:
- "The cup is like 33 ounces. I couldn't get to the first line." – Holmberg (11:33)
The absurdity of everyday sperm "wastage" is discussed: "If sperm was costly, I've thrown out millions of dollars..." – Holmberg (09:58)

7. Ethical and Practical Warnings

Ultimately, the hosts return to the point: however tempting, anonymous or unregulated sperm donation carries unspoken risks to mother and child.
- "If you haven't met a guy and he's giving you free sperm, probably not the best father figure. Dude had a waiting room. Yeah, that was nice." – Holmberg (12:10)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the entire story's absurdity:
"I do believe I've often said I think the simulation is completely broken...This is a serious news story of a lady who's warning people...beware of free sperm on Facebook." – Holmberg (01:44)
Practical buyer advice:
"Buyer beware. You get what you pay for." – Bret (06:50)
Satirical sperm supply reality:
"If sperm was costly, I've thrown out millions of dollars." – Holmberg (09:58)
Brit parody clinic banter:
"Welcome to Free Sperm UK...That's the only thing we serve here." – Dick (12:53) "Here's a coupon for your next load." – Dick (14:11)

Timestamps & Segment Highlights

01:44 – 03:34: Introduction to Laura Coldman's Facebook sperm donor story and skeptical commentary.
03:54 – 05:55: Details on donation process, group vetting, and outcomes.
06:06 – 06:49: Legal/accountability debate on donor responsibility and child support.
06:49 – 10:02: Riffs on "free sperm," market analogies, and societal willingness.
11:33 – 12:10: Collection cup jokes, logistics, and funny hypotheticals.
12:53 – 14:19: "Trevor’s Free Sperm UK" improvised sketch; punchy closing remarks about trusting strangers for sperm donations.

Conclusion

Holmberg’s team leverages sardonic humor to unpack an unusual yet genuine news story, questioning societal shifts, legalities, and the ethics of DIY conception. Listeners are left with a clear warning (amid laughter): when it comes to something as consequential as sperm donation, maybe don’t trust Facebook or "farm-to-table" approaches—and certainly don’t expect quality when the price is free.

Loading summary

Transcript148 lines

[00:00]
A
You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.
[00:08]
B
It's John Holmberg here from the morning sickness. Thrilled to tell you about my friends at Turf Monsters. Backyard living space. You either have it or you don't. It doesn't matter if you've got a huge yard or a little one. Making outdoor living space a priority is great for you, your home, your pets. The turf they put in looks amazing. 365 days a year they added in a putting green. I have a beautiful backyard space. My dogs love, that I love. And the script has been flipped. So if you see your yard as a job, stop it. Go to turfmonstersaz.com, say homework sent you and get 10 off your vision. Turfmonstersaz.com you thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Okay, you pd. Everybody's going nuts over the new Limp Bizkit. I like it, but I feel like it's a Limp Bizkit song that would have been just like Larry. Larry thinks it's spectacular.
[01:03]
A
I really like it.
[01:04]
B
I like biscuits. I don't mind it. I just don't see the. Like, he thinks it's one of the best songs they've ever done. Like, I don't see that I like that one. I think Take a Look around is awesome. A couple of them, anyway. I like that one because of the addition of the Mission Impossible thing. I think that's.
[01:20]
C
How many times have you heard it, Brett?
[01:23]
A
Four?
[01:24]
B
Five?
[01:24]
D
Yeah. Yeah.
[01:25]
C
I'm only like 2 in.
[01:27]
B
It burns probably pretty fast, but other than that.
[01:31]
C
But I like Biscuit as well, but. So Larry's must have logged on to it.
[01:35]
B
No, he likes. Well, Larry likes. He'll.
[01:38]
D
He can.
[01:38]
B
He has the ability to listen to something over and over and over.
[01:41]
A
Well, and he heard it way before we did, too. Record label stuff.
[01:44]
B
I have to say that I do believe I've often said I think the simulation is completely broken. It's completely shattered. Like the computers are just. Things are spitting out into the ether, into the public eye. And it's like, well, look, this is not a thing that's ever happened before. This is a serious news story of a lady who's warning people. And the news is like, yeah, this is true. She's. Her warning is beware of free sperm on Facebook. Yeah, I've been pretty much always been pre warned about sperm that I didn't pay for. Says mom who got baby using free sperm off of Facebook. Explains why she'd never do it again.
[02:24]
C
Live and learn.
[02:25]
B
Well, that's right, Brady. More and more women are moving away from traditional routes when it comes to having children. Remember the old traditional way of having children where you liked a guy and guy liked you and you ended up getting married and you made babies and you did it through. What is that called? Sex. You had sex with your wife or girlfriend and you made a kid. That's the traditional route. Ladies are tired of that old chestnut, so they turned to ivf, which is hard. Artificial insemination is very expensive. And then Facebook came along, and dudes are like, I'll give you my in a cup. Well, this lady named Laura Coldman and that her last name, Coldman is not just a last name. It's the way men feel about her as well. But desperate to give her son a sibling. And she became single in August of 2018. And after exploring different routes which never included a new relationship, she stumbled across a Facebook group where a man offered to donate her sperm for free. Now, I think we've all been on Facebook and inadvertently offered our sperm to somebody for less than cost. But it's called. It's called sex. It's called, I'm hitting on you. I'm trying to have sex.
[03:33]
A
Leaving a trail.
[03:34]
B
This sperm donor came highly recommended. So she did some research. She thought things were off when she visited him at his house and. And she had to stay in a waiting room. And then 20 minutes later, he came out with a cup of his own that wasn't like prepackaged. He had to go make some. You got it fresh.
[03:52]
A
Well, yeah, exactly. What do you expect?
[03:55]
C
That's farm to table.
[03:56]
B
That's exactly right. I think that's what that's called. I think it's called the table. But yeah, over seven months, she had received three more samples to make sure that the donor and her were fine. And eventually she got pregnant. She gave birth to a boy she named Calumnies, and she's issuing a warning. Now, who are women who are considering going down the same route? I don't know how many women she's talking to, but your parents should have issued this warning to you a long time ago. If anyone tries to give you a cup of their, say no and never pay for it and never take it for free. That's something.
[04:28]
A
That's.
[04:29]
B
Yeah, that's.
[04:30]
A
Don't forget about Russell from Vegas.
[04:32]
B
$250,000, Russell. You know, that's top notch sperm. You Gotta. You gotta look into that. And if you saw pictures of Russell like I saw from my friend Erica, who designer dude, this dude was like. I considered it. Maybe if I drank some, I would be in better shape. I think Game Day Men's Health should sell some of Russell's stuff. But she said they. At first I thought the Facebook group was a joke, she said. But the more I studied the page, the more I warmed up to it. Pun. The donor messaged me pretty much right away, offering his services. I asked around in a different private group to make sure he was legitimate. Who do you ask?
[05:08]
C
Hey, you got any testimony?
[05:10]
B
Yeah, this guy's got like endorsers.
[05:14]
A
How's this guy Seed?
[05:15]
B
Yeah, and it's free, so nobody's making money. It's even weirder. So she says, I. He came highly recommended, so to speak. Six months later, I went to his house and got the donation. He didn't say two words to me, but he knew I was desperate to be a mom and I was under the same umbrella, so I pushed hard. Laura revealed that she essentially had no contact from her since Calum's birth. And then she started to notice that Calum, the boy what came from free sperm, is having sort of neurodivergent traits, a lot of verbal issues, and he has a lack of awareness of danger. So he's not exactly 100% there.
[05:55]
C
How old is the kid?
[05:56]
A
Shocking.
[05:57]
B
He's like 3 or 4, but still he's got, you know, he's got. Don't touch the hot stove, okay? I told you once, don't touch the hot. He's touched it eight times.
[06:07]
C
So question though. The guy donating free sperm, isn't he on the line? Even if you had.
[06:15]
B
See, that's what I would want because.
[06:17]
C
She could go back to him and.
[06:18]
B
Try to get some money.
[06:19]
C
Yeah, because that guy, that was a legit donor from Sweden or somewhere, he had all those children he started to get.
[06:29]
B
No, he had like 250 of them. And then people started to hit him up for child support. I don't know how you do that, but again. And by the way, ladies, for anyone interest, sperm's always free. I hate to break it to you, but if you just go out to Scottsdale on a Saturday and you really don't care who the dad is, sperm's always free. So if you're ovulating and you're ready.
[06:50]
A
You get what you pay for.
[06:51]
B
Exactly. That's. What do they call that? Fire beware.
[06:55]
A
You know, I mean, that's on her.
[06:57]
B
Hey, I'm not going to charge you for this one. It's like, well, if the baby comes out our word, then it's on you. That's your fault. And maybe it isn't the sperm donors, X or Y that made this thing a mess. It might have been you that made it neurodivergent. Train wreck. Yes. Just because your first kid came out okay, second one coming out dopey, might have been a rough car ride. You might have gone four wheeling when you were pregnant.
[07:17]
C
All you can do is give them a one star review. That's your thing. And it averages in with everything else.
[07:22]
B
And you put your review and you say, the price was right, the service was exemplary, but the results weren't up to par. I guess Brett's right. Buyer beware. You get what you pay for. If you're looking for a cup of always pay a price. Free is. It's, you know, it's too good to be true. Holmberg's morning sickness. But I'll tell you right now, even in this building, right now, the right person walks in, sperm is free. I would offer my sper for free. If Dua Lipa walked in and she.
[08:01]
E
Said, I want to have a baby.
[08:03]
B
I. I can't imagine anybody like Mike, Abed's not gonna come out. I'd help you do it, but I'm gonna have to charge you. I'll do it for free. Dua.
[08:11]
E
I'll take the free guy.
[08:13]
B
But you're out. Why?
[08:15]
C
You can't. You're. You're.
[08:18]
B
Oh, currently.
[08:18]
A
You know that.
[08:20]
B
You don't know that. I'll do a DIY reversal.
[08:22]
C
Okay, There we go.
[08:23]
B
In hand. I. I'll tell you what. She gets my nethers cooking so much that I guarantee you that my vasectomy would be like, what's happening? And it would go into retro mode and just produce three good ones.
[08:34]
C
Here's a gonad.
[08:35]
B
Yeah, it just pukes out. I would actually, that's what I would do. That's what would hit her in the face like an olive. What was that? I think I just. That's my whole nut.
[08:46]
A
Hey, I'd give it to Margo.
[08:48]
B
Margo?
[08:49]
A
You don't know Dr. Lynn. She don't know what's going on.
[08:52]
B
Exactly.
[08:53]
C
I got grifted.
[08:54]
B
That didn'. Oh, that's rough. My fault.
[08:56]
A
Get what you pay for.
[08:58]
E
You gave me that sperm for free.
[08:59]
B
Yeah, I know. I thought I still had some left.
[09:01]
D
My bad.
[09:03]
E
You used me.
[09:05]
B
This y.
[09:06]
C
This is the 21st time.
[09:08]
B
Look, doll face, nothing out of your pocket, nothing out of mine. We're both scot free. Let's keep walking. Sperm's always free, ladies.
[09:16]
A
Go Tuts.
[09:18]
B
You just got to ask the right people. People will get. Do the. It would take my guess what would be 11 minutes if a girl went into a bar at night and said, I want to get pregnant. I'm not going to hold you accountable financially. I need some free sperm. How many hands would go up at Bottled Blonde, like, oh, I'll do that.
[09:36]
C
Wait a minute.
[09:37]
B
Go to ASU. What's that bar that they serve all the 12 year olds over there?
[09:42]
A
Tempe Tavern.
[09:43]
B
Yeah, the Tempe Tavern. Go in there and just go, I need some free sperm. Fire hands up anybody you can go to anyone, there's free sperm. If sperm was costly, I've thrown out millions of dollars. Tissues, towels, carpets, me.
[09:59]
A
Just think of the tube socks. How much in tube socks you've thrown away.
[10:02]
B
If sperm had financial value, meth heads would be pulling up plumbing and just going after copper wires. But sperm is always free, so I didn't know we needed to have that headline. British mom warns other women not to get free sperm. Yeah. Who didn't know that.
[10:27]
C
Taverns open at.
[10:28]
B
10:00Am all right, well, there's loads of free sperm in there. It's free sperm. Walking at your office like, excuse me, Davey.
[10:34]
D
What is it?
[10:35]
B
I'm busy. Could I have some of your sperm? Hold on. Yep.
[10:38]
D
All right, let's go do this.
[10:42]
B
All. That's a phrase that pays in every building and everywhere. The only thing a guy's gonna do is like, am I being set up? That's the only thing we're thinking, I'm gonna give it to you. But like, what are the. Like, what's the repercussions here?
[10:52]
C
Because it seems someone came in, they're like, I want a baby.
[10:54]
B
Can I get him? I would like to have a baby. Would you give me some free sperm? If I don't have to pay for it, I'm not helping. Get some papers on that. Do you want it in? You want a cup? What do you want me to do? Just a cup is good. All right, cool to go.
[11:08]
C
Becomes the trend now. Now bars have a cup to spend.
[11:12]
B
Yeah, here's your cup. That lady needs some free sperm. Yeah, I'll do that.
[11:16]
A
I got a yeti on me.
[11:17]
B
I was just holding. Yeah, I got a whole yeti. I need one of those ranch cups for wings. That's the. That was the worst part. When did you do that? When the. Got your Vasectomy. And they gave you that cup to go take back after 30 days. The cup is like 33 ounces.
[11:34]
A
I know you feel guilty. It's like I can't fill that.
[11:36]
B
Fill it. I couldn't get to the first line.
[11:40]
C
We supposed to put all 31 times in there and then hand it off?
[11:43]
B
That's what I was wondering. I'm like, am I supposed to. Like they said, just give me a sample. This cup. I couldn't finish this if it was a drink. I'd have to take some time with it. You want me to. You think I got. I would drop dead of dehydration if I filled this.
[11:57]
E
Hi, John.
[11:58]
B
Hi, how are you?
[11:59]
E
I'm the new girl in accounting.
[12:01]
B
Yeah, yeah.
[12:03]
E
Can I borrow some of your sperm? I can't pay you.
[12:05]
B
Yeah, don't worry about it. Let's go do this.
[12:06]
D
This is easy.
[12:07]
B
I do this all the time. I was going to do it at lunch. There you go.
[12:10]
D
Tuts.
[12:10]
B
I was going to do it at lunch and just flush it. This is better. This is like. I think you're like Greta Thunberg. We're not wasting anything. Yeah, but just a quick warning. If you haven't met a guy and he's giving you free sperm, probably not the best father figure. I don't know. I'm not an expert, but dude had a waiting room. Yeah, that was nice.
[12:30]
D
He'll be right back. Give me 20. You've got flapjacks? I was expecting better cans off to imagine something else.
[12:37]
B
He just goes in another room, fills up, comes back. Oh, it's warm.
[12:40]
D
Right on the oven.
[12:41]
C
I'm picturing him staring through a two way mirror as they're in the waiting room.
[12:46]
B
Oh, why isn't he charging?
[12:49]
A
Was this playing in the waiting room too?
[12:53]
D
Hi, welcome to Free Sperm uk. My name's Trevor. What would you like?
[12:58]
E
Sperm, please.
[12:59]
D
Right, that's what I thought. That's the only thing we serve here. All right, I'll go do this.
[13:04]
B
Do you have your own cup or you need me to get a cup?
[13:06]
D
I'll give you a cup for free as well.
[13:07]
E
You're full service, Trevor.
[13:09]
D
Right?
[13:09]
B
Just sit here.
[13:10]
D
Sit tight, love. I'll be right back.
[13:12]
E
Oh, this is an appropriate waiting room, son. I like this. I wonder how long it's gonna take to make sperm. I'll wait until he's done. That's all I wanted. Trevor, is that you?
[13:29]
D
Yeah, like sing to George Michael while.
[13:30]
B
I'm doing the wank.
[13:33]
E
That's fine.
[13:34]
C
Could you be quiet, please?
[13:36]
D
Quiet.
[13:36]
B
Down.
[13:37]
D
I hate when a woman speak.
[13:39]
B
It.
[13:39]
D
It throws off the whole operation. You get some tainted sperm.
[13:48]
B
Are you about done? Trouble?
[13:49]
D
Come on. I warned you about the talking. I basically have to start over.
[13:54]
B
Pipe down in there. Do you mind picking up that pencil?
[13:59]
E
This one?
[14:00]
D
Yeah, that's right. Oh, are you done? No, it's just getting to the chorus.
[14:09]
C
Hands are the cup. Thanks for stopping by, Shag daddy.
[14:11]
D
There you go. Appreciate it. Here's a coupon for your next load.
[14:19]
E
Oh, I came in.
[14:20]
B
You just hear the door tring?
[14:22]
E
Oh, you've just finished up. I hear this firm music, Son.
[14:26]
D
Yeah, love you. Gotta give me a little time. It's called the refractory period. I've gotta recover. Can't give you a baby dose right now. Gotta come back in 30.
[14:37]
C
Couple get kicked out every now and then. Just wouldn't shut up.
[14:41]
B
Such a good song.
[14:44]
D
All right.
[14:44]
B
Welcome to Trevor's.
[14:45]
D
Look, I just dropped two batches. Oh, you're gonna have to come back tomorrow. Jeopardy's on in 10. I'm just gonna relax now.
[14:55]
B
WOMAN warns OTHERS OF FREE sperm Stop it, Earth. Anyway, thought I'd throw that out at you if you were on your way to get your free sperm. Maybe have second thoughts. Dale Hellestra is going to join us in just moments. Let's grab Dale and get it going. It's 98, Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.