Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – “Ian Bagg – Tempe Improv – In Studio” (10-17-25)

Main Theme & Purpose

Comedian Ian Bagg joins John Holmberg and the HMS morning crew (Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo) for a rambunctious, offbeat, and quick-witted studio hang. The episode is all about candid conversation, riffing on everything from marches and modern protests, colonoscopies, marriage, plumbing, dog fences, bidets, and peculiar life observations. Ian’s promotional stop for his show at the Tempe Improv quickly spirals into a blend of social commentary and outrageous comedic tangents.

Ian Bagg Joins the Studio ([01:10])

• Introduction: Ian Bagg is celebrated as "Citizen Ian Bagg." The crew teases his Canadian heritage and presence in Arizona, noting his shows at the Tempe Improv.
• March Talk: The group riffs on protests and local marches disrupting traffic, with Ian joking about causing chaos and the evolution of protests.
  • Notable Quote:
    “I just want… I like the good old fashioned marches. If it doesn’t have a fire hose at the end, it just doesn’t count.”
    — John Holmberg ([02:19])
  • Protests Today: “These people… they’re just getting to the march, getting it done. I guarantee it’s over by noon.”
    — Ian Bagg ([02:45])
  • Playful riffing about whether it's an "anti-gay" march, followed by mock outrage and jokes about the show being “the EAB Network.”

Immigration Humor, Legal Status, and Current Events ([03:16])

• Ian Addresses His Canadian Roots: Jokes about being nervous around ICE, despite being legally in the U.S., and the stressful climate for immigrants.
  • “By trade, I’m a Canadian. I’m not saying where I’m from because I want to leave this place.”
    — Ian Bagg ([03:18])
  • Playful suspicion over Ian's pronunciation (“aboot”) and being a “boot” immigrant.
• Serious Note: Brief moments exploring the complexities of immigration and family separations, but quickly veers back to humor.

The Abortion Clinic and Backyard Medical Procedures ([04:48])

• Satirical Banter: The crew launches into over-the-top jokes about Ian doing “a weekend of abortions” in Tempe, paralleling it to spay/neuter clinics; then riffing about “backyard colonoscopies.”
  • “Nobody does backyard colonoscopies. Great idea.”
    — Ian Bagg ([05:10])
  • John shares a bizarre Daily Show story about a man with homemade (rock) teeth ([05:36]).

Colonoscopy Stories & Marriage Bits ([06:14])

• Colonoscopy Anecdotes: Ian recounts his friend Lisa's choice about anesthesia for her colonoscopy, her reaction to handsome doctors, and the weirdness of it all.
  • “A bunch of gorgeous guys—she didn’t want to get all fired up while they were checking her.”
    — Ian Bagg ([07:00])
• Marriage dynamics: Ian jokes that his wife planned a colonoscopy for their anniversary, sparking classic “anniversary procedures” humor.
  • “I give my wife’s anus three days rest a year.”
    — Ian Bagg ([08:36])

Life as a Comedian’s Spouse ([09:11])

• Does His Wife Still Find Him Funny?
  • “My goal in life is to make her lose it.”
    — Ian Bagg ([09:17])
• Travel Stories: She rarely comes to shows unless it's a nice location (“Oh, you’re going to Hawaii—I’ll go to that one”).

Comedy Competition: Touring Nightmares ([10:12])

• Garth Brooks and Jason Aldean Steal His Audience: Ian jokes about being overshadowed by major concerts when touring, especially in Des Moines.
  • “I’m just trying to grab 275 a show… four people that couldn't afford Garth Brooks tickets.”
    — Ian Bagg ([10:46])

Baseball & Boobs: American Pastimes ([12:05])

• Baseball Boredom: Ian rails on baseball’s dullness, joking about the seventh-inning stretch as a medical necessity.
  • “It’s such a boring game—they make you stand up halfway through so you don’t get deep vein thrombosis.”
    — Ian Bagg ([12:42])
• Watching for “Boobies” in the Crowd: Halloween becomes “boobies” season, another opportunity for a classic Ian Bagg tangent.

Kids, Careers, and Self-Awareness ([13:41])

• On Not Having Kids: Both Ian and his wife agreed not to have children—she works with kids, and he knew touring was “too self-centered” a career for parenthood.
  • “Chasing my dream was not good for having kids.”
    — Ian Bagg ([14:35])
  • “My dad didn’t take jobs out of town because he wanted to be there for us”—contrasting his own choices ([15:02]).

Hotel Stories & “Ladies of the Night” ([15:32])

• Staying at a Sketchy Hotel: Ian notes the “hookers” leaving his hotel in the morning.
  • “Filled with hookers—and don’t get mad, I know they’re called ladies of the night, but it was morning.”
    — Ian Bagg ([15:53])
• Breakfast vs. Nighttime Hookers: More riffing on the difference between “ham and egg” and “steak and potatoes” sex workers.

The Dog Fence Saga ([17:10])

• Replacing a Fence: Ian relays the absurdity of contractor quotes ($52,000 and $51,000) before finding a much cheaper deal.
  • “I must have had his buddy come over… $51,000. Looks like we’re selling the house.”
    — Ian Bagg ([17:44])
  • “It’s gonna cost me $14,000. Got another guy to come over. I just gave him a hug.” ([17:54])
• Fence and Dog Safety: His dogs—French bulldog and pitbull—necessitate actual repairs.

Early Life & Comedy Genesis ([19:17])

• School Memories: Trying to make a classmate laugh in 4th grade (Shannon Butler).
  • “That’s when I spent the rest of the year trying to make her laugh.”
• Losing Virginity Story: Tells how, visiting Australia at 17, he lost his virginity to an Australian prostitute thanks to his cousin.
  • “That’s how I lost my turn to an Australian hooker—yeah, it was fantastic.”
    — Ian Bagg ([20:28])
• Late Bloomer: It took another four years before the next adventure.

Plumbing, Poop, & Civic Infrastructure ([23:18])

• Plumbing Obsessions: Ian’s unusual interest in America’s plumbing, associating civic virtue with good infrastructure.
  • “If I’m not going once a day, I think something’s going on.”
    — Ian Bagg ([23:32])
  • “If you’ve got good plumbing, you probably got good leadership.”
    — John Holmberg ([23:54])
• Bad-Smelling Cities: Nashville, Philadelphia, Baltimore get ribbed for their “plumbing problems.”

Modern Toilets & Bidet Technology ([29:02])

• Bidet Enthusiasm: The crew discusses the joys of Japanese toilets and smart bidets.
  • “It sings to you, and it lights up…”
    — John Holmberg ([29:18])
  • “Can you make… noises into it?”
    — Ian Bagg ([29:50])
• Home automation pranks and possible sound effects machine applications for future bidet experiences.

Words of Wisdom & Emotional Honesty ([31:09])

• Inspired by Jimmy V (Jim Valvano) Foundation: Ian offers advice: Laugh, cry, and think every day.
  • “If you don’t cry at least once a week, there’s something wrong with you.”
    — Ian Bagg ([31:33])
• Personal Moment: Ian opens up about the recent passing of his mother, admitting he cried after realizing he hadn’t thought about her for a week.
  • “I was scared that I was forgetting my mom… I didn’t forget my mom. Right?”
    — Ian Bagg ([31:44])
• The show ends as the crew jokes about FCC fines due to accidental swearing—a classic, irreverent sign-off.

Notable Quotes

• Ian Bagg:
  “Chasing my dream was not good for having kids.” ([14:35])
  “Filled with hookers—and don’t get mad, I know they’re called ladies of the night, but it was morning.” ([15:53])
  “If you don’t cry at least once a week, there’s something wrong with you.” ([31:33])
  “I was scared that I was forgetting my mom… I didn’t forget my mom. Right?” ([31:44])
• John Holmberg:
  “I like a lady who can handle a pop quiz colonoscopy.” ([07:19])
  “If you’ve got good plumbing, you probably got good leadership.” ([23:54])
  “It sings to you, and it lights up…” ([29:18])
• HMS Crew:
  “Was it something I said?” ([30:47])
  “We gotta have a march—it’s $14,000.” ([32:48])
  “I ruined it by swearing.” ([32:59])

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:10 – Ian Bagg intro, Tempe Improv shows, and Minnesota/Canadian jokes
• 02:19 – Riffing on marches and local events disrupting traffic
• 03:18 – Canadian roots, immigration status
• 04:48 – Abortion and medical procedural humor
• 06:14 – Colonoscopy tales and relationship gags
• 09:11 – Marriage, humor, and traveling together (or not)
• 10:12 – Competing with Garth Brooks & concert nightmares
• 12:42 – Baseball’s dullness and “boobies” at the game
• 13:41 – On not having kids, selfishness of comedy
• 15:32 – Hotel stories, sex workers, and city character
• 17:10 – Fence saga, dog stories, and homeownership
• 19:17 – Early comedy motivations and coming-of-age tales
• 23:18 – Plumbing, infrastructure, and city complaints
• 29:02 – Bidet talk and the future of bathroom tech
• 31:09 – Advice: laugh, cry, think every day; tribute to his mom

Tone & Style

The episode brims with raucous, edgy, and sometimes poignant humor. Ian Bagg’s dry, quick-witted Canadian sensibility meshes with the freewheeling, sarcastic energy of the HMS crew. Irreverence rules the day, but there is sincerity in moments of emotional vulnerability and admiration for life’s less-celebrated heroes (like plumbers). The show delivers both gut-busting laughter and rare candor about personal loss—all in a quintessentially “morning radio” package.

Perfect for listeners seeking:

• Comedian/host banter & riffing
• Behind-the-scenes glimpses into the life of a touring comic
• Outrageous, boundary-pushing humor
• The comedy of the everyday, from plumbing to marriage

Skip to [31:09] if you want to catch Ian’s unexpectedly heartfelt closing advice.