11-18-25 - FULL SHOW - TUESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg’s Morning Sickness – 98KUPD

Episode: 11-18-25 – FULL SHOW – TUESDAY, November 18, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a rich and raucous ride through Arizona’s most popular morning show, hosted by John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo, and guest (and show favorite) Frank Caliendo. The crew vents about atrocious studio air conditioning, riffs on customer service trends and generational work habits, and devotes a substantial—and hilarious—portion of the show to recapping a backstage incident involving William Shatner and near-disaster. Mix in their signature humor, pop-culture banter, and a no-holds-barred take on topical news, and you have a quintessential HMS episode.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. The Great AC Crisis

[01:18 – 12:37]

• The show opens with the gang miserable about the freezing conditions in their studio.
  • No one on staff can control the thermostat; only a mysterious “Marcus” (now gone) had the key.
  • The room is “about 44 degrees”—colder than outside.
  • Repeated, defeated attempts to fix it have failed; management is unresponsive.
• Holmberg jokes about “unsafe work environments,” the double standards for discomfort between genders, and corporate mismanagement.
• Memorable Quote:
  • "If this was a bunch of women, we could say, 'I’m not going in there until you get that fixed.' And everybody’d be like, 'Yeah, we gotta fix it.' That’s broads. But because we’re guys, we’re expected to be wildly uncomfortable all morning." —John [08:17]

2. Target’s New Smiling Policy & The Dead-Eyed Generation

[12:37 – 29:20]

• Target is now requiring employees to smile at customers.
  • Crew bemoans robotic customer service, forced smiles, and loss of genuine interaction.
  • Critique of younger workers and the lack of soft/social skills.
• Riff on lifeless service workers, “dead-eyed kids,” and the perils of being a customer in modern box stores.
• Memorable Quote:
  • "If you’re a person who goes into Target and ever reports one of the employees for not smiling at you—you're the problem. Not these poor kids..." —John [25:46]

3. Home Depot vs. Lowe’s Service

[29:20 – 43:30]

• John and Brett compare big box home improvement stores:
  • Home Depot staff—reluctant but will help if needed.
  • Lowe’s—employees are largely absent; customers left to fend for themselves.
  • Favorite “no-nonsense” Ace Hardware employee—"Bowser!"
• Draws broader point about customer expectations and what constitutes "good service."

4. Military Assistance Mission & Operation Holiday Giving

[43:30 – 47:37]

• Discussion of annual holiday toy drive for military families.
  • John addresses cynicism about charity necessity for military families and shares personal observations of need.
  • Plug for the text-to-donate system (Text “GIFT” to 97936).
  • Touching local angle and plea for support, “especially for the kids.”

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5. Frank Caliendo Joins, Shatner Near-Death Anecdote

[51:35 – 98:27]

• Segment Highlight: Frank Caliendo (comedian, impressionist, longtime friend of the show) drops in.
• They recap their night as moderators/interviewers at a William Shatner event—where the 94-year-old icon collapsed backstage, nearly dying.
  • Detailed, play-by-play retelling: nerves, backstage dynamics, Shatner’s quirks (meticulous food orders, “I don’t do water”), prepping questions that get scrapped, and finally the tumble.
  • The physical details: “Like a controlled demolition on a Vegas highrise... each piece made a little noise.” [81:13]
  • Shatner, post-fall: “I’m fine. Pick me up.” Delivered with “zero emotion, yet incredible amounts of emotion at the same time.” [84:00]
  • Post-incident: Shatner goes on with the show, the crew is on high alert for another collapse, and the evening is ultimately a comic mixture of horror, awe, and gratitude to have been part of it.
  • Memorable Exchange:
    • John: “He was a corpse on the ground saying, 'I’m fine.'” [84:33]
    • Frank: “It was literally, ‘Beam me up, Scotty.’” [84:14]
• They compare the experience to meeting other icons (e.g., Betty White): “There’s something different here... every decade, he’s been famous.” [74:14]
• Tons of banter about the logistics, the audience, iconic status, and dealing with a living legend’s fragility.
• Frank’s New Year’s Eve Show: Frank plugs his upcoming 10pm Prov show for New Year's.

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6. Show Banter: Current Events, Hypotheticals, & Hot Releases

[98:27 – 137:04]

• The hosts and Frank riff on:
  • Taste-technology TV screens (“lickable” TV—porn and food applications).
    • “This is so much better than 3D glasses. Wouldn’t you lick your TV?” —John [152:52]
  • Age vs. height for driver’s licenses.
  • Fake Christmas trees outpacing real ones.
  • Home improvement project stories, “Michael” the Christmas village designer.
  • Bizarre/weird news stories: 10-year-old steals mom’s car, JetBlue flight delayed over weed.
  • Video game reviews (including “Squirrel with a Gun”), new rock releases, and AI-generated music.
  • “N-word or F-word” game with Frank as honorary player.
  • Entertaining, raunchy, over-the-top video segments (“That one was more intriguing. Yeah, like, oh, finally a use for those.” —Frank, [131:58] on an explicit video).

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7. Entertainment Drill, NFL Hater Rankings, Thanksgiving Family Drama

[177:29 – End (~185:40)]

• Brady’s Entertainment Drill: Top NFL teams "most hated" in the U.S. (Eagles #1, then Raiders, Jets/Packers, Cowboys/Steelers).
• Ranker’s Best Late Night Hosts: Carson, Conan, Letterman, Ferguson (Jimmy Fallon and Leno low).
• Thanksgiving family confessions and stories—a listener’s family “double coming out” as LGBTQ at Thanksgiving; crew’s own awkward family moments.
• Generational differences in family holidays, quirky traditions (multiple kitchens!), and the classic “home-cooked meal or BJ” debate.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (With Timestamps)

• On the AC Fiasco:
  • John: “I want gloves. This is stupid.” [07:27]
  • “Maybe they're trying to make us leave.” [10:37]
• On Target’s Forced Smiles:
  • John: “I don't do water. Okay, well, way to go. You know that's a go-get-’em attitude.” [14:44]
• On the Shatner Incident:
  • Frank: “I saw a collapse. What I would describe... as a controlled demolition on a Vegas high-rise.” [81:13]
  • John: “A corpse on the ground saying 'I’m fine.'” [84:33]
• On Lickable TVs and Technology:
  • John: “This is so much better than that 3D crap glasses. You wouldn’t lick your TV?” [152:52]
  • “Porn always helps technology along. Pardon the pun, but it’s coming.” [154:14]
• On Family Dynamics & Coming Out:
  • John: "If you’re 14 and you know you’re gay, so does everyone." [139:44]
  • “Thanksgiving is tension... the time people come out.” [141:02]

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Memorable Features/Running Gags

• “N-word or F-word” game with Frank as a contestant. [174:10]
• Video reactions—outrageous and explicit, with Frank’s incredulous laughter.
• Frank’s impressions: Shatner, Jay Leno, Chino, and more.

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Episode Tone & Language

The show is irreverent, unfiltered, and raunchy at times, peppered with affectionate ribbing, self-deprecation, and digressions. The inclusion of Frank Caliendo amplifies the playful, improv-heavy banter, particularly as they recall the chaos (and cosmic humor) of sharing a near-death experience with one of Hollywood’s living legends.

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Suggested Must-Listen Segments (Timestamps)

• AC Meltdown and Airing of Grievances: [01:18 – 09:39]
• Modern Customer Service/Social Skills Rant: [12:37 – 17:28]
• Shatner Evening with Frank Caliendo: [51:35 – 98:27]
• Lickable TV, Porn, and Technology: [149:33 – 155:32]
• Listener Letters and Thanksgiving Family Stories: [138:28 – 147:24]
• Hot Releases/Game: [161:02 – 174:10]

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Final Takeaway

A classic HMS episode—chaotic, unscripted, and consistently funny. The Shatner story alone is a can’t-miss, and Frank Caliendo’s contributions are show highlights. The morning is punctuated by local flavor and inside jokes but delivered in a way where even first-time listeners can jump right in and laugh along. Skip the ads and settle in for a master class in comedic storytelling and radio camaraderie.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

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[D]

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[B]

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[D]

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[A]

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[B]

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[D]

Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It's 5:45. It's the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Fesley, Big Dick Toledo. And yeah, it's. It's cold in here. It's like 31 degrees in the. So when is it okay to start saying this is a work environment I'm not comfortable in? This is that we have pressure. We got to get Eric Bryant down here. And everybody has tried and everyone has failed to make sure our air conditioner works properly? It works, but it shouldn't even be on.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And it is blowing freezing cold air in this room right now. Rocky, can you come in here and train right now? There's meat. There's meat hanging. And I put my headphones on and realized that while I did it, I was like, oh, that's nice. These have now become earmuffs. They're not. They're not just that's winterized. It's so cold in here, they have to start to wonder, when is it an unsafe work environment? When do we get to play those pussy games everyone else plays? You read about in the news where it's like, well, it was a. I guess toxic. I don't know what you would call it. It's just a unreasonable work environment. It's freezing. I mean, like to a. I feel sick when I'm in the room because my nose stuff's up. It's like Arctic blast. Why is the. And, oh, here's the other thing. I know you're all saying, we'll just turn it off. John. Oh, no, no, no, no. There's none of that because we're untrustworthy radio slobs. They've broken the air conditioners on purpose to where only one man can do anything with them. And lockdown. He's got some weird key and some strange nuclear codes that he don't work here anymore.

[A]

Marcus was the only one with the key.

[D]

He couldn't make it work either.

[B]

We didn't.

[D]

When, When Marcus moved to Chicago, we didn't say, hey, where's that key? Then we. We've known he's. He's still in the company. We can't call Marcus and go mail us that key.

[A]

I don't know.

[D]

It's.

[C]

I don't know how many times I've heard, oh, yeah, it's fixed. Just hit the thermostat there.

[D]

I mean, Brady's sick. You're sneezing like crazy. My nose stuffed up the second I got in here. This is just this. And no one can figure this out. Our phones and air conditioner cannot be solved. It's. It's. And I'm not. You know, we sound like we're complaining. Like, baby, it's maybe 44 degrees in here.

[A]

It's ridiculous.

[D]

Like, freezing cold.

[A]

It's like the beginning of war games. We got to both come in and crack the codes and turn the keys at the same time.

[D]

The Whopper is going to take care of business for you. If it was a group of women, they wouldn't show up to work till it was fixed. And they'd be right.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

If you put broads in a 40 degree room every day and said, sorry, we don't know how to fix. And would somebody here just say, I don't know? Instead of the, hey, the air conditioner's going, well, the problem with it is, like, I don't want to. The breakdown. Why can't it get fixed? I don't understand.

[C]

Why don't you bring that solo stove?

[D]

You know what? Let's light some fires. Let's go full hobo in this bitch. I will leave that. I will leave. Go home and get it. I have the. I have awesome little tiny baby personalized solo stoves. I'm bringing those in. We're just going to light little pellet fires. And I have to ask you that when my pellet fire gets going, or it might.

[C]

We got to get electric heat.

[D]

No, Even better. We just can't figure it out. We can't just. Same answer as them. Well, you got the. They'll come in and they'll go, what are you doing? The. The fire alarms are going off like. Well, what happened is we'll just explain our situation and do nothing to change it. It is cold.

[A]

We stand around it singing doo wop songs, you know, warming our hands.

[D]

Like when Rocky would go home. Frank Stallone. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that that was Rocky's brother Frank singing the doo wop in Philly. Cause nothing is nothing. Shouts do up street. More than four white guys standing around fire. Anyway, so we start today complaining. And I apologize to you guys, but if you could be in this room, you'd be like, all right, this isn't. This isn't fair.

[A]

Call Eric, Brian. Just wake him up.

[D]

People. I'll tell you this. People outside today, like construction guys. I know you're the ones that are gonna email Go, you pussies. It's cool. When it rains, you don't go to work. So I don't wanna hear it from you guys at all. My dad was in construction. If the weather got bad, you all stayed home. So I don't want you. I don't want your emails. All right, Shut up. We're getting them already. Stop being a pussy.

[A]

I work up north outside all year long. Hey, you signed up for, pal.

[B]

We didn't.

[D]

We don't sign up to go. We're not working outside. I would rather be outside right now. It's 12 to 15 degrees warmer outside right now. At least if it's like 55, it's warmer outside. It's miserable and it's non stop. It's this weird little constant breeze on our heads from these AC units. But I. I don't care so much about the cold. I care about why no one can fix it. This building's 10 years old. It's a. And it's getting worse. For 10 years, it's getting worse. It's always been a little Chilly. I'm okay with the 60s. It seems like you guys can't get this salt. Now we're getting into the thing. I think they're just trying to freeze us out.

[C]

And then Paul for. I don't. Six out of the 10, maybe live worked in the ice box.

[D]

Paul has. I thought for a while their. Paul was like just going for a record of like weight. What he's doing is. What the dugong does is adds a layer of blubber to his body to keep warm. That's all Paul's doing. He's basically a manatee or a sea cow who's trying to just blubber up. So work isn't so bad. His. His. It's intolerable in there sometimes. Like I have.

[C]

Now it's the other way.

[D]

It's too hot.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

It's a fan going in the. In the summertime, his room is so cold that I've. I've not. No kidding. Have gone in there to do some work with him. And my teeth started to chatter. What's going on? Like, oh my God, that guy can't control that my teeth are chattering. Oh, I know. He's got heat. He's got. We break windows. We're doing anything.

[C]

It's two rooms.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

There's reasonable, like, oh, I get it. This thing's just really efficient. And then there's what's going on here. When I walked in the room, I'm like, oh, it's cold in there. I want gloves. I want gloves. And I like cold. This is stupid.

[A]

Look who's emailing him.

[D]

Who is it? All right. Said, I've done h vac for 20 years. Would you like me to come look at it? Showtime. Same.

[C]

Yes. He hasn't done.

[D]

I will hire Showtime. Can you make it this morning? Shane, I'm gonna hire somebody to do this and build the station accordingly. In fact, it's a. This is an off hours office run. Because whatever we're doing with. No, you can't. You gotta get our guy. Well, he ain't doing it. We got the guy with a house for a truck that comes into the parking lot every once in a while. He's supposed to. He comes up and he's got the master key to what he's doing nothing. He's just pressing buttons and makes it col. It is freezing again. If this was a bunch of women, we could say, I'm not going in there until you get that fixed. And everybody'd be like, yeah, we gotta fix it. That's broads. But because we're guys. We're expected to be wildly uncomfortable all morning.

[A]

Imagine the electric bill around here. I mean, just on the AC alone. Not to mention the Miami Vice lights across the hall over there.

[D]

I mean, Hubbard radio across the board has mismanaged themselves so badly that they're chopping every city's firing some mid level guy. And there's talks of people getting canned all the time. Turn the AC down, I bet you'd start running them, you'd run in the black again.

[C]

Three. Three jobs lost because the ac.

[D]

Yeah, but they don't. They don't realize that they could. They could save job. They could literally save four or five people's livelihoods. Just get the AC fixed. This. There's no reason for this to be turning at a 44 degree level when it's beautiful outside. It's brutally bad. I know. I'm bitching. I know. But it is. If you were in this room, too, you'd be like, come on, I got to sit in this all day. Brady's been having this thing blow down on his bald head for the last four months, and it's like getting kind of cool in here. And when the whole room finally. Yeah, yeah, cancer. A kidney's missing, and I blame this bill.

[C]

I hope there's a lawsuit brewing.

[D]

Brady. I hope that you got all that cancer from this room. I hope. I hope you're standing in a courtroom someday staring over at the Bobs and the Queen.

[C]

Can we test?

[D]

You did this. You gave me cancer because you don't know how to fix a mother air conditioner. Oh, please. Steal all the money from the Queen and the Bob's. Please, Brady.

[C]

I'm going for it, man.

[D]

Will you just look into it? I'm not kidding. Just look into it. I don't even want any. I just want you. I want you to be okay. That's. And I want them to suffer. That would be awesome. Oh, I want them to suffer. Yeah. Gave Brady the cancer. Terrible cancer. Unbelievable. Couple months of his life and what did Brady do? He got the cancer removed, an organ, taken out, back to work a week later to come back and get cancer in his one remaining organ. Because the Queen and the Bobs don't know how to fix an AC unit. Showtime. Shane, we need you. You're hired. In fact, much like Palladio, let's just have any and all AC guys available right now. Just show up, we'll let you in. You guys can all come in. And whoever gets it fixed wins the bid. Oh, there. Let me put it on $10,000 to the winner. Because we randomly toss that number around here like nobody's business. Let's just say it right there. How about that? It is uncomfortable. Cut you a check, we'll chop you a check. I can do that now. Anybody can. Evidently. Just get a check. Yeah, everybody gets one. Yeah. It's because if this is. Maybe they're trying to make us leave. Does it get better after 10 working? It's not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. Anyway, that's enough. It's. It's cold out and I don't understand it. Now we have a round of cuts. Like, if it's a budget cut, I can tell you where you can first move. Ben would still work here if they could figure out the ac. We had to bounce Ben. Look, a few months ago, now, I don't know if it was all budget, but he got bounced and he hadn't been replaced.

[A]

It's true.

[D]

So that's budget SRP replacement. We've got to be spending 70 to 80 thousand dollars a month on the air conditioner. In winter, I just love to go.

[C]

Around the building upstairs, downstairs, and there's nothing. There's a series of trash can fires going.

[D]

Fingerless gloves, like, people shaking. And it's not like we got a building full of, you know, you know, bikini models and stuff. Want to know if the reason that the AC would be on for now. We're in Radio. Nipple stuff. Yeah, we're in Radio. It's Fitz and you and me. Nobody wants to see our hard nipples. Or maybe, hey, now, you know what? Turn the AC down. I want to see Brady's Nips Trips. Nips. That's how I got a whole page of it on the Internet.

[C]

We'd get a letter saying, yeah, you have to wear band aids over your nipples from now on. It's uncomfortable.

[D]

Have you seen what Target's doing with a mandatory smiling? Yeah, I love that. I think that's hilarious. Target has a new policy now where they're. You know, when they send in shops, they're saying that one of the reasons they're having a lull in sales is not. They're too stupid to realize it's the Internet's made everything easier. That, you know, when you go into a Target, the employees aren't exactly, like, greeting you with great big smiles and hi, how are yous? So they're encouraging smiling. And then now they've made it. Yeah, yeah, you gotta be, what, 10ft away? You better.

[C]

If you're 10ft away, you don't acknowledge.

[D]

Yeah, you better plaster on a smile or wave or something because if you don't plaster that smile on, it's hell to pay. It's mobile Dutch brothers again. Yeah. Oh yeah, bother me more.

[C]

How are you today?

[D]

Somebody in Target's higher ups basically said we're not bothering the customers enough with strange robotic emotional behavior that doesn't mean anything. I will say though, in Target's defense, a generation of non social weirdos are now working those menial jobs and they don't have any personal skills at all because we're not screens. And you know, that's about as much as you'll get out of them. And you're like, hey, is there, where am I gotta find the shower soaps, huh? Yeah, nevermind, idiot.

[C]

It's proactive. I like that.

[D]

I like the idea of them doing what parents should have done a long time ago is create a personality in someone and nobody under the age of 18 has one. They're just kind of dead blank face. They're screens themselves. They're dead blank faced people. It's at a restaurant there was a kid who's probably 18, 17. That's the age when you should probably have a personality by now. You know, I get 14 or 15. You're a little bit blank among adults. 17, 18. And all I said was, hey, can I get a thing of water, refill of water. And he just stared at me, huh? Just breathing out his mouth like water agua. What am I missing here? Why are you still standing? I don't do water. You don't? Can you talk to the water executive and get the pitcher? I don't do the water. Okay, well way to go. You know that's a go get them attitude to.

[C]

Yeah, I'll go find someone that does. That's all it was.

[D]

All you had to say is yes and then go, I'm really behind the eight ball here. I don't know how to do water. And then find guy on table five, five says water. What is he, Noah? No, I'm just saying I want a filled of water glass. I don't do water. And he walked away like, does this mean I have to ask someone else or is he gonna go up the water chain and go find me somebody? But he was just dead inside. He was just a dead eyed weirdo.

[A]

You wanna see Toledo's kid at work?

[D]

Yep. It was Alex. What? John, I don't do water. What are you allergic? Go get me a goddamn glass of water. I'll get it myself. I no, I see, I Don't do that. What do you do? I pick up trash. You can't take a break from that for like eight tables in the whole place. Show me where the pitcher is. I can do this. I used to be a busboy. I'd multitask. I could do water and picture.

[C]

That's what I do. I'm a buster.

[D]

Never even had like Kirby's a buster. Like they don't even have busters anymore at a lot of places. They just got tired of hiring these dead eyed dolts that wander around in staircase so.

[C]

And it was good training on that particular restaurant. And they're like, you got to do this if you're not doing that right.

[D]

Well also though, just kill the dead eyes. If you've got a dead eyed kid that's got no personality at all and you're like, you're noticing that, light a fire under that kid. I mean that's the best thing that ever happened to me. Busting tables when I was 15. You start learning how to, you know, do the fake smile and get through stuff. Because if somebody hands you a few bucks and you're like, hey, I was just nice to them, that's all that took. Next thing you know, you're smiling and you're pretty happy all the time. I don't do water. Okay, well I do and I want some.

[C]

So what's it, you know, the other thing is when you work there for a little bit and you're busing, you're like, man, waiting tables make even more money.

[D]

Oh, if you're money motivated, it's like a dog that's treat motivated versus the ones that are like just kind of. You have to figure them out. All like kids are, are kind of tip you don't really care about money and that I blame MSNBC for I.

[C]

Can'T raise my three kids busing.

[D]

Yeah, because they've been reading Billie Eilish his page and telling everybody how Elon Musk is a jerk. I'm like, no, no, you guys need ambition. Don't get to Musk level. But try to make money. Don't. Every parent should be like, oh my God, you should want money, be money motivated. That means you'll leave my house faster. Ask this guy Toledo just walked in the room. His kid moved back in.

[E]

Did he leave my house?

[D]

Yeah. Leave my. That ain't never happening, is it? Is he bussing tables or doing anything?

[B]

Oh yeah, he is.

[D]

Yeah. Where at is he dead eyed? No, no, no, he's good.

[E]

He's actually good.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Went and washed him.

[D]

He's a hustler. Yeah. Dead eyed kids are everywhere, but, yeah, I don't do water, was the thing.

[E]

He would get you water?

[D]

Yeah. That just seems so easy. Like, I remember there were times. Well, there's a kid at the Rah Rah Room that works behind the bar, and he's very nice. And Deshawn is one of the bartenders. And Deshawn wasn't around him like, hey, buddy, I said, can you break a hundred dollar bill? He looked at me like. I was like, what are the nuclear codes? He just stared at me like, we don't do a lot of cash here. I'm like, could you have it in your pocket? Does anybody just crack this down? So I'll give you 20 bucks if you give me 80 back. Just make this easy on me. And he just looked at me and then he left. And I'm like, he's gonna go get somebody for this. Never saw him again. I think he just hid in the back until I left.

[C]

Please go away.

[D]

Hey, please stop asking me for math. Not. I just. I was. I only tried to give you $20 to break something to make it easy on me to tip a valet. Can you help a brother out? Ah, questions are hard. Not big fan of that. Put a lot of pressure on me. Sir John holmberg's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD.

[A]

It's Brett Vesely, and football season is here. And why don't you get involved with it instead of just sitting there watching with Underdog? All right. It's a great app where basically you pick your favorite player and find out what he's going to do, whether he goes higher or lower in his stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns, whatever. All right. Last week I did okay. George Pickens did good for me. And McBride, not so good now. Just go download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score $100 in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money. Must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama, Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia. And present in a state where underdog Fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdog fantasy.com web/playand getterms. Underscore. Dfs underscore.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call 24.7Hope Line at 1-87-Hope NY or text Hope NY 467-369.

[D]

It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for Lifechangerloan.com I had a friend text me the other day and he was skeptical. He was like, there's got to be a catch, man. Math is absolute. It can't lie. So we went to the computer, put his info in the little [e-mail] and found out that his loan, which he owes $523,000 over the next 27 years on, could be paid off in eight years and he will save 389,000 in interest. That's insane. You should be skeptical. Ask questions, then you'll see for yourself. It's not magic. It's just mag lifechangerlone.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Imagine this generation in this room. 40 degrees. They don't do water. You want to. I'm gonna have to go away until that room becomes a safer space. Like, oh, my God, I'm not feeling safe in the cold room. Neither am I.

[C]

Were the twins not there that night in the short white dresses? They'd break a hundred.

[D]

Oh, yeah. No, the tw. Oh, the twins will break. Well, I think you got to Venmo the twins. I don't know how that works, but I've seen the twins wander through. And I'm like, I don't think they're members, but I think they're four members. A couple of girls that wandered in there one night. Were you there that night? The twins were there. No, it was weird. They're like seven foot Matrix girls that were built by AI and came to life. And they wandered through once and everybody just stopped talking. Even Sophie Cunningham and I were like, the hell is that? And then it turns out you can pay them. I found out from another guy. You can pay them online to.

[C]

All right, enhance the mood.

[D]

Do stuff to each other. And then I realized, and I. I'm not attracted to the idea of Internet incest. I just have never. They're real twins. Like, yeah. And then one guy was like, yeah, dude, you can get them to do anything but stuff. And, like, with each other? Yeah, like, that's gross. Those are sisters. This is gr. You're gay. They would. You're gay. I'm like, I'm not gay. Just like, I know the order of things, and that's gross. Can I get a glass of water? Sorry, bro. Don't do water. And it was at a nice place. It wasn't a dump. Where this dead eyed boy stared at me and said, I don't do water. Okay, could you get me the water Nazi then? I don't know. Who's in charge of your water pitcher? Maybe he was under a lot of stress when he tried once before to get water and the guy went over, what the hell do you think you're doing? It's getting water for. That's my picture.

[C]

Boy.

[D]

Nobody touches the water pitcher. Old Jake will kick your ass. I've been pouring water for 150 years. I'm gonna keep doing it. There we are standing by our fire pit. People are. That's when Rocky carried Adrian home after the wedding. And it walked by the doo wop man. That was Frank Stallone. Brady, you look great. You've lost weight. You're about a foot and a half taller. I look like the lead singer of Quiet Riot. I don't know what's happened here. The great picture. Thank you, bro. Thank you very much. That's a lovely thing. You may have noticed I didn't give you a special word today, but I am smiling and I am waving to you. But that's. I'll tell you, the contest is over and that's good. Somebody emailed and said, I don't know. I don't want people bothering me at places. All Target did was make it so I won't go in there. Well, that's what they've been having a problem with is people don't go in anymore. And I think the last thing you want is smiling faces staring at you.

[C]

I noticed another strategic move they did. They have an exclusive drink at the Starbucks and Targets.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Only get it there at that Target.

[D]

It's the smile.

[C]

It's like a peppermint mocha smile.

[D]

That's nice. That's trying to get better. That's a better thing to make it. So you can only get a certain thing that's pretty good inside of a Target. I like Target. Target's great, but if you've got somebody bugging you the whole time, it's what it's the opposite of. Is there any executives left that know anything about society car dealerships were because they were told to go getcha, smile, fake it, be nice, act. They became smarmy phony weirdos that would follow you around. And they solved their problem by not being annoying. And so Target's like, what we need is our employees to be more like 1990s car salesmen. Smiling, bugging you. Seeing you at a. There's nothing worse than seeing a salesperson At a distance, and then you lock eyes. You're like, oh, no, that guy saw me. We gotta get out of here.

[A]

Every morning, we walk downstairs to our cars, right? Oh, there's Ed.

[D]

There's Ed. Don't make eye contact for them. He'll start. Oh, boy. Here we go. Yeah. And Ed's not high pressure, but Ed's a Target employee. He smiles and he looks at you like nobody's this nice. What are you up to? In a world filled with cynics, Target basically says, we're gonna smile at you like a horror movie from a distance and maybe even wave to you. But I would be so put off. All I'm trying to do is buy soccer balls for my dog Jack, who loves those, and that's where I get them. That's faster than I. But now there's been days where I actually can order it on Amazon, and it shows up within an hour. But if I want to play with Jack right now and I got to go to Target to get the soccer balls, if a dude in a red shirt was 20ft away and he started to wave to me, I might run. What the hell's going on? He's gonna need money or something. I do. Water. Oh, no, no. I don't need that now. I'm getting out of here.

[C]

Come back.

[D]

We have door busters. Doorbuster. Sir, please, I need to know your name. That would be a move I'd make that would keep people out, but that I would say. Everybody who walks into Target gets a name tag. All the customers.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

Have to wear name tags. And he walked around, but then it would turn into, you know, I.P. far and Harry Cooch. People just write stupid stuff on there. My name is Tags. Hi, there. Welcome to Target, Mr. Cooch. Hi, Mr. Hunt. Michael it is. Yeah. See the whole thing. Go see the whole thing. Of course, bro. And your son's name is Six. Seven. Yeah. Okay, well, I got a. Plaster on a phony smile and act like I like you, and then later talk about you. I hate you. So Target's got that going on. If you want to go toy with those people, you have to. And here's the thing. Target sending in secret shoppers constantly to make sure their employees are being annoying, thoroughly annoying to the customers. That's fine and dandy for Target. If you're a person who goes into Target and ever reports one of the employees for not smiling at you, you're the problem. Not these poor kids and people who are just trying to make ends meet being forced to Fake like you. You're a desperate troll who has to wander through a Target. Well, they said they're supposed to smile. You get a 10% discount. What are they giving us if we don't get a smile? What do we get, right?

[A]

$5.

[D]

One of them Starbucks things Brady was.

[C]

What's it going to take, man? That's what they'll ask. How can we make this good?

[D]

How do I get you to smile at me authentically? Because what you're doing looks like somebody's prodding you. Look, dude, I'm not a good smiler. I'm a bad fake smiler. I don't like pictures for that reason. I look like somebody just told me my parents are on fire. I hate that posed fake smile. I can laugh. Have fun laughing. That's an authentic smile.

[C]

And some people are, like you said, that are tough to approach. Like, if you have to break that. This guy looks like he is gonna kill somebody.

[D]

I'm fine wandering up to an employee or to a customer if I work a Target. Hey, can I get you anything or. How you doing?

[C]

Can I help you?

[D]

It's fine. And that's then on the customer to go, I'm good and I'm going to leave you alone. But if I. If I horror movie you from 10ft away and give you eyeballs and a big fat fake smile, I can't fake smile. I look like a rapist. It's terrible.

[B]

Those fake smiles.

[A]

Somebody walks by.

[D]

Yeah, what are you doing looking at.

[A]

You know, what are you selling?

[D]

What the give you the right to be so goddamn happy? You work at Target. I know this. I know that's a fake smile.

[C]

They look at Brett and they go, ragu is in aisle four.

[A]

Oh, you son of a. Yeah, they know I'm gonna wipe that smile off their face.

[D]

Howdy, sir. Yeah, get a bunch of fake Jim Carrey's running around. It's a great day here at Target. Where's the ragu? I know. I didn't ask you nothing. Follow me, mister. This guy says, did Toledo just say his kids a hustler? Yeah, hustled your ass out of a year's rent so we could live in Tucson for free. That's not the definition of a hustler. Oh, wait, that's a dad's job to teach their kids. I forgot Toledo. My apologies. You didn't have. He didn't have a role model. That's true. Hilarious. Anyway, Target, I like your efforts, but leave us alone. I mean, if Target put out a. A thing that said we're going to leave the customers alone. You find us. I think people like me would be like, I'm going back to target the customers. Like, it's not about running away from us, but it's just leave us alone. I like it. I like. You know who's got the right approach? Home Depot. Every one of those orange apron bastards you walk by acts like you're bothering them.

[A]

Oh, man.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Hey, do you know. I know I've got one. I need a. This little tiny screw. It's like this. I brought it from. Did you take that from us? No, no, no. If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. This is the one I need. Where are these? Aisle 21. Like, can you show me, like, where the.

[C]

On the right.

[D]

I was in three. I was in aisle 21. And there's 7 million drawers and they're all five, eight. And I don't know what that means. Put the thing next to the one you want. There's where I need you. Like, I don't know which one I want.

[E]

Can I push back on that a little bit? I think it's because of the holiday season, but they've got that one person or pair of people that walk around with a clipboard. Hey, we're just conducting a survey, a Home Depot survey. Would you like to participate?

[D]

I haven't seen that one yet.

[C]

Yeah, Projects in the house, and they usually do.

[E]

It's like that dating show where they up you.

[D]

I'm excited when somebody at Home Depot comes up and goes, can I talk to you for a second? Because I think it's going to be one of those backyard renovation shows, right? Like, are you gonna renovate my kitchen? No, I just wanted to know if we're doing a good job. Better job. If you renovated my kitchen, I'd give you tens across the board. Yeah, the Home Depot guys are just fed up. There's a Ace hardware off of 12th Street. I think it's an Ace. It's one of the two true value ace. And there's a dude in there who is. He's been working there forever. He used to work at the one Buy My house. It's called Barry's. Barry's Ace Hardware. And there used to be 1 on 16th street in Glendale or Bethany. And I used to walk over there just to get stuff because this dude was great. He's got the strangest voice I've ever heard. And he. And he's just. He's no nonsense. It's the way it should be. I walk in and he looks at me, goes, bowser. I'm like, that's. That's him saying, can I help you? What do you need? And I'm like, yeah, I'm looking for a Torx thing of what are you taking off seat belt? No, you'd be a mechanic. Take off seat belts. Here you go. And it was, like, in his pocket. I'm like, wow, that was awesome. How'd you do that so fast? I'd have wandered around here for an hour. I know what you need. And I go back in there, boss. And I giggle at him every time I need a socket wrench that's got a big top on it. And he knows the real words for it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I give him the hand thing. What are you doing? You're whining the clock. No, I'm just trying to show you what I want to do, like, put the tools in the hand. These are invisible tools. Make them real. And here's what I want to do with them. Ready? Yep. Whatever you just saw me doing. And about this big. And I'll have my hand around what slot? This is the official slide the thing I need here into my. My cuppy hand, and then put the stick that I need in this. You mean the ratchet set? Okay. I'll follow you to wherever those live.

[C]

You can. They just opened one up at our neighborhood about a year ago. And you can, like, bring your list in and just add it to it.

[D]

There you go.

[E]

John, go to Gilbert.

[D]

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that.

[C]

The Ace does go over.

[D]

Oh, they're great. There's an old lady that works at the front of the Ace. I walked in there, right. Right as before. The Duke bow. And all I needed was that. What's. I think I told you. The Torx torch. Torx. What's.

[A]

What is it like a Torx bit.

[D]

Or a torque socket?

[E]

Star bit?

[D]

Yeah, it's a bit, and it's big. I had up to 48, evidently. But I didn't have 50, and I needed a 50, so I went in and bows. I told him. And then the old lady behind the counter goes, we're having a yard sale today. She was like. She was haunted. She found me. I have any yard sale today out there if you're interested. Everything's a dollar. I'm sorry. I don't want anything for just a dollar that I would actually display in my home. Okay. And then she leaves. Or she goes back to her counter, and I'm buying my torque screw. And she comes. I walk up to Her. And she goes, would you like to sign up for an ace value? I'm like, I'm buying this the least amount of time in this building possible before I sign up for anything. She goes, do you work out? I'm like, this is getting really weird fast. You look great. I'm like, thank you very much. Did I tell you about the yard sale? Yeah, everything for a dollar. I'm not interested in that. That sounds awful. Did you at least peruse, browse? Maybe you want a tiki torch. The last thing I want is something flammable for a dollar. That's good. My house will burn down. We're not gonna do this.

[C]

You come out with a bag of pretzels and a yeti.

[D]

Yeah, but you know what I should have done? I should have bought those tiki torches and brought them here. Yeah, this room all tiki'd up. It's freezing anyway. Says, wait a minute, John. You're telling me the employee at Target that follows me around the store making sure I don't steal anything is now gonna be smiling at me too? F that, I'm taking my brown ass back to Walmart Israel. That's right. It does creep out the brown people because you guys get followed around the store.

[C]

Oh, I see what's happening.

[D]

Somebody faking a smile the whole time. Is there anything I can help you with? No, man, I got. I'm just looking around right now. Thank you. You don't mind if I just stick around for a little while? Creepy ass smile. You're gonna get knocked off your face, you keep chasing me around.

[A]

Well, you had that at Walmart too, when you're trying to buy TVs.

[D]

Yeah, Reggie and I weren't allowed to leave this the. The aisle. I'm afraid you're gonna have to pay for that right here, sir. Why? Why can't we walk around this gigantic store? He's got electronics and a negro. Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah, we gotta pay. That's a.

[C]

He needs to leave his ID with us.

[D]

There was nothing better than asking that employee that was harassing us when I was with my friend Reggie. It's cause of him, isn't it? Yes. His face was like, oh, no. Of course. A policy we have. And I'm like, I've been here a hundred times. I bought electronics. I've walked around with televisions and a cart before. I need some stuff. You're gonna have to leave that here. The black guy? Yes, please. Okay, Reggie. You gotta stand here, Wally, while I walk around and not steal stuff.

[C]

Good Pleasure. He's taking inventory right now.

[B]

I know it's you.

[D]

Wouldn't mind if we just chained up Django here for a little while while you shopped. Like, yeah, Reggie, I'm afraid you're gonna have to. Reggie was as cool as it gets about. He goes, God damn it. And I'm like, this is you, isn't it? I've never experienced this. It is. Well, go stand somewhere else. I'm actually white shopping right now. And it was going great. I got you standing next to me, and suddenly all the cameras just went. Reggie started laughing because that dude hit us hard. All I did was walk away with my cart. Ah. Sir, he just assumed we're gonna make a break for it and they're not catching one of us. And all that guy had to think to himself is, boy, if he gives that cart to Usain Bolt there, we're never gonna see those TVs again.

[C]

Sir, these aren't rent to own.

[D]

I'm gonna do a credit check. I'm like, I'm buying them still, just in case. It's crazy. So smile at me and leave brown people alone. And if I need you, I'll find you. Be more like Home Depot. I enjoy Home Depot. Ikea is another one. When you walk in there and you try to go, hey, I don't know where I am. Like, we're in. Sweet.

[C]

I've been here for three hours in the maze.

[D]

The arrows are wrong. I'm in the same spot. I've walked past this five times. I think somebody screwed with an arrow and keeps leading me right back here. What do you want? I looking for a shelf. Billy or Jorgenshort? I'm looking for the Jorgenshort. Follow me.

[C]

If you're sick, they can have you out in two minutes. I never knew these existed. Secret passages.

[D]

Wow. I went right past. Where?

[E]

How did I do that?

[D]

I usually am stuck in the silverware and light bulb place for about 10 minutes. Where are we? I don't need a rug. You'll have to follow all the arrows to leave. It's crazy. So target, you're doing a good job, but if you're a dickhead, who goes, I didn't get smiled at, and I want my free peppermint macchiato. Just go in and get a macchiato. That's it. Six, 19. Let's get a Wake up song, some hand warmers. I feel like Michigan's about to play Ohio State. I'm outside. I'm at the Horseshoe. Brady, it's cold in here. Here give us a Wake up song 585-9800 we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUP Wake Up. It's out of control now.

[E]

Are you ready to get off the bench and into the game? Then join me on Underdog, the best place to get in on all the action. It's stick to little from the morning sickness and every NBA game day I open the Underdog app, look at the matchups, choose some key players and pick if they'll go higher or lower than their predicted stats. I usually go with scorers like Tyrese, Maxey, SGA and Giannis, and when my picks hit, I can win up to 5,000 times my money. So join me on Underdog and download the app today using the promo code HMS and you'll score $100 in bonus funds or bonus entries when you play your first five bucks. That's promo code HMS. Underdog make picks win money must be 1819 in Alabama and Nebraska, 18 in Colorado for some games, 21 in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where Underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply. See assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and gettermsdfs. HTML for DT offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 247 Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hopeny to 467369.

[D]

It's John Holberg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about FanDuel. It's NBA tip off week and FanDuel is your home for live betting. FanDuel is giving new customers $300 in bonus bets if your first five dollar bet wins. So just visit FanDuel.com to sign up today and play your game with FanDuel, official sports betting partner of the NBA 21 plus and present in Arizona. First online real money wager only five dollars. First deposit required. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus batch which expires seven days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text NEXT STEP to 53342. Thanks Miles to nowhere. Tick tock. That'll be one more week before they're officially just kind of filling time until our new theme song pops up from next year's Playdoh winner. Let me suggest to this year's Playdoh winner if you do Win.

[B]

Not a bad idea to use that.

[D]

AI to write our theme song for next year. I think that might be the best option for you. I mean, you could do it old school and you get all proud and stuff, but, you know, maybe throw out a little AI version, see if you can top it, then play it live and we'll be fine with that. We'll see. But Miles to Noah did a great job. Maybe they did AI. I don't know. It worked. Whatever they did. I like that one a lot. Talking about the target and the, you know, the customer servicing, got a guy, Andre, one of our listeners of color, we'll call them. Yes, that's why the locs. We call them Lokes. That's what. Yeah, that's 25 years. We finally got a name, our listeners of color known as Lokes. One of the lokes emailed over and says, problem is over at Target, John, it's for whites only. That's just the vibe. The name Target even sounds white. I know why black people don't like Target or Lokes. It's because of the outfits they make the cut the employees wear. No black person is going to put khakis and a bright red shirt on like that and feel comfortable. It's. It immediately feels like even white people are like, that's nerdy. Like, you ever wear red and khakis, immediately say, oh, I look like a Target employee. Like, they, they own that look. No, no brother is going to put that on and feel okay.

[C]

Only the State Farm smooth.

[D]

Yeah, State farm does it. And again, it's a uniform. It's not. Yeah, it's not. It's not smooth. Nothing about it is smooth. It looks like you're going to get recruited by Mormons. That's a target drip. Yeah. Target drip is not ever going to catch on. And I swear there isn't a black guy alive that goes to see his friends in khakis and a red polo and his friends will go, did you get a job at your target? Like a second. It happens. So you can't be. So they're. It's very uncomfortable. White people like khakis. I don't think lokes do. I like my new word for our listeners of color, Lokes. This guy says there's a new Home Depot in Surprise and they've got a great big tool section. I was walking around, taking a look. Guy comes over to me before even get, you know, close and says, hey, no playing around in here. I actually asked him, are you talking to me? I'm 40 years old. I'm not gonna play around in here. Yeah, they take you seriously over at the Home Depot. That's their stuff. They stocked it. Don't start dicking around, putting things where you think they go. I don't blame them for coming. Hey, hey, hey. You're gonna put hex bolts in with. You're gonna screw up my whole life if you start messing around with this stuff. Just ask. Ask me what you need and I'll get it for you. And then shut up. I like the no nonsense approach at Home Depot. Lowe's. Different animal. You walk through a Lowe's and you better figure it out yourself. There's nobody around. Everyone places a ghost town. It's never ever a guy. I need it. Lowe's, it's like they're hiding from me. I need to figure out how to get this umbrella off that third shelf. I look around. There's a dude in a little blue vest. He sees me. He's like, he won't he scurry off for.

[A]

That's how I decide which one I'm going to. Because I.

[B]

There's.

[A]

There's a Lowe's and Home Depot. Same distance from my house. If I know exactly what I need, I'm going to Lowe's.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

I got a question going. Home Depot.

[D]

It's exactly the same as me and I go to the Home Depot over on Thomas and, like, 20 Something Street. Yeah, there's some questionables near the area there.

[C]

I mean, those always seems a little bit, like, cleaner or, you know, the presentation.

[D]

Oh, Lowe's, is it? Lowe's is a fantastic place, but the Home Depot guys are there. They don't want to help you, but they will. The Lowe's guys are like, where'd everybody. Is it closed? I try to check out. It's like self checkout, only no one works here.

[A]

Weird.

[D]

Here at kupd, we're doing some cool stuff I got to tell you about before we get into the silly nonsense and farts and lope jokes. This is great. Operation Holiday giving us back military assistance mission is on top of it. Lerner and Roe and Amco Wayne have teamed up with us here at the Big Red Radio and ma' am to get military parents their holiday season kicked off. We've done this for the last few years, and it's been great to go over and see it in action so you guys can help out military families. You'd be surprised how many of them you know, especially with, you know, shutdowns and whatever. Don't get political I'm just saying that they've had a. It's been a rough go here lately. They're getting their money, but, you know, you get set back pretty easily. And there aren't a lot of people making a ton of dough in the military. Some are. So before you start emailing me about how you did this and did that, some people need help. That's all we're saying. And 98kupd.com is wanting to help out the military assistance mission for the holidays. Now, I'll tell you this. Five, six years ago, I might have been on the same page as the people who are going to email me and bitch. Then I'm like, what is this for? Like, we pay our military guys, don't we? And then you see it in action, and you realize that a lot of these people are kind of in between moments. The National Guard people have to leave their jobs for a while sometimes and go someplace, and you don't even know that's going on. It's not like the news covers every time we send these guys somewhere. And so they get into a little bit of a, like, hey, we could use a little hand, especially for the kids. You see this thing in action. And the literal. Hundreds of military families that show up at the National Guard every year to take advantage of this Operation Holiday Giving thing. Yeah, you'd be blown away. So if you can help out, I think that's awesome. They've got an Amazon wish [e-mail] where you can text the word gift. Just the word gift is what you got to do to the number 97936. And you'll get an info link right to your phone. Military parents show up and pick up their gifts for their kids December 20th. And this year we're doing it at the Franciscan Renewal center, so you'll find out all about that. I. I'm. I'm not kidding when I say all you people that are about to email going, the military doesn't do better with your money. But I was probably the same way until I saw this thing in action and heard the stories, and I'm like, this isn't. There is a need here. This is filled.

[C]

And I think it's, you know, E5 and below.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And I just looked up the. See what an E5A is on it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What is it?

[C]

I mean, it starts out at like 2800 bucks a month.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Imagine that with three.

[D]

A couple kids. And again, the people that will email will say, shouldn't have had the kids, but they did and they're going through a thing. And then the national Guard guys that moved around, trust me, I watched this in action. I was probably as cynical as you when it first started. I know Margie, who runs military assistance mission very well. She comes to my house for Steeler games. She's awesome. And she even said, I didn't realize that this was as big a thing as it needed to be. So if we're going to say we support the troops, keep your fingers off your keyboard right now and don't participate if you're angry about it. But for the people who do understand this, we appreciate you in advance. I don't want to hear from anybody. I understand. I'm with you. You're talking to a cynic. I get it. It. But I am also a cynic who is open minded enough to recognize I was wrong and now I saw the need for it and I'm like, whoa, this thing is. This is a very healthy operation. So to be part of it is pretty cool. And I love doing stuff for Margian Military assistance mission. They're great people. And Fitz is all over that stuff. He's on the board. He does a great job with that. So we're happy to be part of it. Nice job. Also today you can do. Now that we're no longer taking it in the app, you can go even crazier. Listen to this. I've talked to Larry about this. I didn't know we were going to do it for suresies. But here it is. There's. It's a new thing called cupd Concert pass. Five weeks we're going to be doing this. You do a tap that track promotion, the grand prize as listening on the app. And again, the Bob's are losing their minds over the app. They're throwing traditional radio away and then wondering how come no one listens to traditional radios. Because you guys are busy beating your Bob dicks over the app. So we'll help you out with that.

[C]

Whack into the app.

[D]

Whack into the app. Brady. They did the Bob can't stop beating off on my app. What happened to the ratings? What do you mean? That just doesn't make sense. Why? Well, you stopped talking on the radio. You wanted everybody to go to the app. Huh? Bob's. God damn it. Are you the dumbest people? But for our benefit, this works. And for your benefit, I think this is great. You tap that track promotion. So every. They're going to be a different featured artist every week. This one, for instance. Starting today is shinedown. You hear shinedown on your app and you just tap the. It'll give you a little thing to hit with your finger. And you hit it. And that's it. You tap the track. And then. So you do this. You're going to. The grand prize for this is you get to win tickets to every KUPD concert in 2026. That means if it's on our concert calendar, you'll get a ticket to it if you win the grand prize here. Just phenomenal. Now, occasionally on that concert calendar, if we can get a good smoker deal on something, we'll sneak in something that might not necessarily belong on the concert calendar and you can take your kids to. I'm not saying this is gonna happen, but let's say Mrs. Travis Kelsey wanders through town and we happen to get a couple in there. If it's on the calendar, grand prize winner, we put it on the calendar to tell people about it. Guess what? Grand prize winner, you just got yourself a couple of tickets to that. And when Morgan Wallen comes in with the N words for everyone tour, you tap that one and maybe we'll get you some Morgan Wallen. I miss Brett so much. These are so low hanging, easy beasies. Well, he said it like really loud and got away with it. Like he's one of the. There's plenty of people who lost their. Like, Tom Brennaman is still doing San Diego State vs. Chico State on the weekends because he said the homo F word. Morgan Wallen selling out stadiums. He dropped an N bomb. I mean, I don't want to hold everybody accountable, but I also would like to free the prisoners who did some dumb stuff too and say, all right, we're over it. It's like, you know, there's a lot of prisoners down there. We used to fight to get out. We fought harder to get Brittney Griner out of jail, and she was wrong. Tom Brennaman made a verbal slip and he's got to work high school football in Cincinnati for football will be right.

[C]

Back with seventh Heaven.

[D]

That guy. Well, that guy touched kids. The seventh Heaven guy should stay away. Anyway, it's a great grand prize. Every CUPD concert in 2026 is the deal and how that works. This is pretty good. So this is gonna take us up for a few weeks to get the deal. It's basically, if I read it word for word, your concert station once, you guys to see all the big rock concerts in the valley next year. The KUPD concert pass is available. If you like concerts this Is cool. We'll get you tickets to everything. Tap the track on Shinedown. That's how it is, right? We play a Shinedown song. Yeah. You tap that. And then everybody gets entered into this thing just by touching the thing. Listening on the app is key. That's where the Bobs are, making you guys all winners. It's frustrating for the people who don't win, and because it reminds you how much time you've spent, the one thing that the radio never does is tell you you're lazy. The app does because it'll go. You've been. You've been doing this for 9,000 hours, and what do you got to show for it? It would piss me off, but I get it. Tap the track on 98kUpd in the webstream every time you hear Shinedown this week, and you can earn your chance to win something for yourself. Every KUPD concert next year. That's awesome. So Shinedown is today's champion. Get on it. I think that's great. Good job, Larry Bear. And of course, Thanksgiving is nine days away. It still doesn't register with it. Look, Frank Caliendo's here. We're going to talk to Frank in a second. He's my EMT buddy. I don't even like seeing you anymore. It's. You and I've shared experience of death. I told. I told my therapist about our William Shatner thing yesterday.

[B]

No. Yeah. Really?

[D]

And she said, that's traumatic for reasons I never thought I would explore. And like. What do you mean? And she goes, I don't know what it would be like to be in the company of an American icon when they died. She goes, that's a lot to wear.

[A]

Yeah, we.

[B]

We had quite a few emotions go through us immediately, positive and negative. Like, this is. This is a big deal. And. Oh, no, this is a big deal.

[D]

Yeah, this is a huge deal. Then we couldn't stop laughing because it was just a release. Frank. Nine yearly.

[C]

William Shatner, he had to go on stage.

[D]

Well, my brain was. I have to go tell all these people William Shatner might be dead. Yeah.

[B]

And I could see you working through, trying to make me your puppet.

[D]

Oh, I was being. You were my favorite part of our shack, Young Shat. Like, for those of you who don't know, Frank and I hosted I Told the Story last Friday. Brilliantly, by the way.

[B]

I didn't hear it myself, but it got back to me how great it was.

[D]

Is that true? By me, though.

[B]

Greatest story ever told by you.

[D]

I told you that. Yeah. I was the one who.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes, you.

[D]

But, yeah, so think of it.

[B]

Yes, you were.

[D]

What a great night it was up until the death, though, really. And how many times has that phrase been said? We had such a nice night with William Shatner, American icon, and Frank and I are having a time of our lives, joking around, goofing backstage. He's loving every second of it, the laughs, the fun. And then he died for a little bit.

[B]

He didn't die.

[D]

He did die. You saw that body.

[B]

It was close.

[D]

There was nothing about. All right, I want to get to you. We're just going to go right to it.

[B]

Well, don't you need to go to.

[D]

No, I. Oh, you can do it. I can do whatever I want. Here's the thing, Caliento, just to recap. We were back there with Shatner.

[B]

Let's start from the very beginning.

[D]

We were both.

[B]

You asked me to do this a.

[C]

While ago, take us back to Titanic.

[D]

Take us back to the Enterprise.

[B]

But it was. It was something that I was very. Because I. You had done this before and I was backstage hanging out with you, just the last.

[C]

Envious.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Years and years ago.

[D]

And last thing.

[B]

This was 1943.

[D]

Yes, it was in the first nine. Yeah. He was. He was in his 30s, and you and I were just boys, but we went. The first time was like 19 or 18, right. Something like that. Six, seven years ago. So he had us back there and I said, can Frank come with me? And we went backstage. And this time only he ate right. Remember, he ate right in front of us. And there was nothing about. I was the moderator. There was no food for me, there was no pay. They offered us money this time when we turned them down.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

But last I.

[B]

Even for the emt.

[D]

Yeah. I didn't realize. I didn't realize. We were like. But when he said now, the first time that.

[B]

Going back Years ago to 1920. 1920, 18. Somewhere in there.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I told. He knew me. Yes, he knew me.

[D]

Yes, he did.

[B]

And he knew me decently. And I was like, oh, yes, I forgot about that. Yeah, he knew me pretty well. And. Because I'd done a couple things. One thing was on the phone with him back in the Mike and Mike days, and there was something else. Something else I'd done where he knew about him.

[D]

Yeah, I remember that. Because you said the thing. You were at Valerie Bertinelli's house.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

With your friends, with her.

[B]

Their backyards bump up against each other.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And Tom, her husband at the time, got. He even had a voicemail from the chat that was. That was one of. I told him about it this time, but it was one of the greatest voicemails I've ever heard. He goes, tom, it's your neighbor Bill. Like you don't know who it is. Just from Tom. Like from Tom, you know, you only need one syllable from him to know who it is. So he knew me pretty well.

[C]

We.

[B]

We got there this time, which, by the way, you wanted to go, like maybe at noon.

[D]

Yeah, I might have jumped a little early.

[B]

First of all, I was just gonna get there on time. I was gonna get there. They had us getting there early already. They had us getting there for seven for a 7:30 movie start. We don't do anything until 9:30 and it's Shatner. This is something neither of us would normally agree to for anything to get there two and a half hours early. You didn't read through the full text, I believe, because you didn't know he wasn't showing up. Shatner wasn't showing up till at least 8:30.

[D]

All I pay attention to with those things is when am I supposed to be there?

[B]

Right?

[D]

And they said, get there about seven. Right. And we left together, worried about traffic. And there was none in Manhattan. Not wrong. I even took 30. I'm like, yeah. And I was like, so we leave a little after 6, 6:15, thinking, a.m. it's Thursday. It's Thursday evening and it's gonna be busy. So I even said, I'll take surface streets.

[A]

And I.

[B]

First of all, I was just gonna meet you there. And you had me come to the house, to your house, your place. And I was like. Because I was like, you know the city better and there's a Suns game going on.

[D]

I'm like, that was the other thing. Way better. Sons game across the. Yeah.

[B]

So there was. I mean, it's not like you just were super nervous and couldn't wait to get there and write on your index cards, which I had index cards that I left at home. I've written some out and had some great questions.

[D]

I'm a professional. Yeah. I am a. I am a good worker.

[B]

You had stuff written on your hand.

[D]

I had notes. I had everything. So I. Here's the thing. When it's my show, I got it. Yeah. This is someone else's show they're trusting me with. So I'm gonna put. I'm gonna put a little extra on top of that just to be like, look, I'm not gonna be the guy that wrecks this guy's night by being totally Unprepared.

[B]

I. And I did too. I did prep for it. But then when you called me, I just went, you know what? He's just gonna run the whole night in a positive way. You are going to like. I was like, I can't step on what John's doing. That would be. That would be a miscarriage of justice. Yeah, you're gonna do. You're gonna do what you do because you're way better at driving it than, you know, driving the Chariot. Than I.

[D]

It got weird, though, because. Well, first off, you're right. Sons gave. I thought I was being diligent. I thought we'd look. We'd look like we're doing it because we care. We're not flippant about this. He's trusting us on his night to be part of his show.

[B]

I'd read the information about parking too. John had no clue.

[D]

I did not like.

[B]

I. All the stuff I would normally not pay any attention to and just ask somebody else to talk.

[D]

Me knew how to get parking. Like, pull over here. I gotta go in and get tickets. And got a cut. Like a whole thing. It was weird. Like, we were over. This is not you and me at all. This is. No, not at all. So we get.

[B]

We were two interns.

[D]

I kind of enjoyed being that again.

[B]

Like, it was fun for a little bit. Till you realize we could do stuff wrong and people could be mad.

[D]

Absolutely. So we get there. We. We've thinking the Sun's game's going to clog us up. We should be pulling in right about 7. So we leave about 10 after 6. We get to the Orpheum at about 6:25. It took us about 10 minutes to get there. It was all the way down Washington, uninterrupted avenue of green light.

[B]

We were driving in circles.

[D]

Yeah, we actually drove by it a little bit. Just because we had to kill some minutes, some time. We're way too early.

[B]

John is doing voices of various people pretending that embarrassing street corners early.

[D]

Oh, it was ridiculously early. And then we park across the street and we slowly meander in and figure it out. So when we get there, it's. It's probably about 10 to 7, quarter to 7 by the time we actually finally got in.

[B]

Still, they're not even ready for us.

[D]

No, way too early. And so we go and sit down. Now, we sat in that room and.

[B]

The backstage guy looked at his watch.

[D]

When we got there for tonight's show. Now, we did drive by and noticed that the crowd had started to line up also pretty Early.

[B]

A lot of people and a very broad demographic I was thinking was going to be mostly very old people who couldn't even stay up as late as. No, as the show was thought. You know the show.

[C]

The OG Trekkies.

[B]

Yeah. I mean I thought that's all it was gonna be, but it was, it was lots of.

[D]

It was a. Lots of young women.

[B]

There were some four or five. Yeah.

[D]

There's like that. Quite a few.

[B]

There were middle aged women who wanted to meet Bill or get the meat. I'm like, Arby's, I've got the meat.

[D]

I don't want to see that. I do not want to see him fumble around sexually at all. And I don't like picturing it. 94 year old Shatner.

[B]

In. Out. Yeah, out. Space. The final frontier.

[D]

Towel. Home.

[B]

I'm going to go where no man has gone before.

[D]

He's in the butt play. Are you insinuating.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[D]

That's a black hole. Just travel through dark matter. Anyway, so we get there and everything's fine. Frank and I start actually preparing. They start giving us cards. And we did a.

[B]

They're getting information from the audience. The audience is asking questions.

[D]

Stacks of them. And the first thing, here's the first thing that people need to know about what goes on backstage when it's a Q and A and you're allowed to ask the questions. They hate your questions. They. Everybody said the audience questions are coming and they're all gonna suck.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like they did not want to. They just go through the motions of making you feel like you're participating. And then they give you like a stack of questions that are already pre prepared. And that was something they emailed to us that are texted to us. Like, these are the ones we're using.

[B]

But they did say, make sure to use some. They did say, use a name. There'll be a couple.

[D]

And there were. There was actually quite a few.

[B]

Really, a lot of good questions. There were questions that mirrored the questions you and I had come up with. Yeah. And there were some we hadn't even even thought of.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're like, that's really good. Let's just take this name off and claim it.

[D]

We sorted it out.

[C]

You weed out the ones that say in episode 67, a ton of those.

[D]

There was a lot of that. What would you think if Gork fought Darth Vader? Like, what are you doing? So there was a stack of them. I put in a side that were terrible and about 15 to 16 that were good. Then I had written about six or seven. Frank had a couple of his own. And then you got to whittle those down. So you just keep going down the process. Then Shatner comes in with his producer, who takes the stack of discards and finds like seven good ones and throws ours away.

[B]

We handed those to a stack and we goes. And we said, these here, these are really good. And he looks. And you just see him look at the room.

[D]

Yeah, he hated all.

[B]

And he goes, these are the good ones. Like, he questions.

[D]

The first question, because my. My plan for this was, if we're going to use audience questions, is to have a little flippant section and some lady wrote on there. And he did not get the joke at all. No.

[B]

Neither producer nor Buck Shatner.

[D]

The way. The way Billy had it presented to him was, we're going to talk about your wives. And it basically says, hey, Bill, how married are you?

[B]

So it was just somebody hitting.

[D]

Yeah. It's a lady saying, I'll bang you if you even give me the. A wink. It's like, if you're not. If you're married, that's fine, but if you're married with a wink, I'm in. Right. That was the joke. So that was my first question. Right. And I would have given. Right. And I think her name was Vivian. And I remember looking, just going, if I just said, okay, Vivian wants to just cut to the chase here and get to the end of the night. How married are you? She wants to know. And. And his reaction would have been price. What do you mean?

[B]

No, his reaction was, I don't want to get it.

[D]

Yeah. Great. And actually he did say, I don't want to get into that.

[B]

I don't want to get into that.

[D]

Made us both think that maybe he's already banged Vivian.

[C]

Yeah. That he knows.

[D]

No, I was.

[B]

I didn't know if it was the thing with his, you know, the wife and the pool.

[D]

The pool.

[B]

I didn't know if it was.

[D]

But he's got a new wife.

[B]

Indiscretions throughout his life that he was. They thought it was us trying to get him in some.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was not that at all.

[C]

Hilarious. Was a previous Vivian.

[D]

Oh, yeah, I know. I nailed her.

[B]

I'm. Forget about the pickle. I gave her the cucumber.

[D]

So he starts throwing our questions away.

[B]

Thank you, producer.

[D]

The producer, us. And we're like, oh, Christ. And then he starts handing us the discards. And one of them was, what's your favorite Canadian whiskey? And I'm like, well, these are dumber. Than that's terrible.

[B]

Yeah, they were just, they were, they were nothing super safe unless he had his own.

[D]

Well, no, we saw them already. I knew which ones he was giving back. So we're. Now we're in this thing where it's like, all right, well, if you want to do it, just do it and give us what we're supposed to do and we'll play.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And then Shatner comes up and says.

[B]

I don't think this is what it should be. Yeah, this is different. We've got two incredibly talented men here, both of whom.

[D]

He had no idea who we were. He's forgotten now completely.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now wait a second. You're. You're local.

[D]

He tells me a radio. He goes, you're. You're known locally. And I'm like, yeah, I guess in Phoenix. That's, that's it. And okay.

[B]

And he looks to me, you're local as well.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And John tries to save my ego. He's like, no, no, no, he's. He's national. Yeah, I see.

[D]

Are you well known? Are you? Well, no, he's national, but not well known. He's, he's been to other states.

[B]

I'm intergalactic.

[D]

So he was happy, but he did not remember you at all and did not know your work and then made it a point to say, I haven't watched anything on TV for years. I don't know what.

[B]

Because I was watching. I was watching Wrath of Khan as some prep. And there was a scene on the bridge, which I couldn't think of the word bridge, so I said, deck. And he's like, what do you mean?

[D]

Yeah, he's upset about the Enterprise.

[B]

What do you. What are you talking about? So I mean. And you guys said, the bridge. And then I corrected the bridge. And I go, it's, it's like Avengers. Just the way it goes from person. He goes, what's Avengers?

[D]

Yeah. Like, he's like, didn't even know what it was.

[B]

No.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And no interest in finding out. It's like. You watch that? Yeah.

[D]

He was mad that you watched.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, I, I, I like my.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I got kids and we, we love these movies, and they're, you know, some of our favorite.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, I don't watch that.

[D]

He just don't want to waste his time with anything.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, like, what do you watch? I don't watch anything. And then I'm not in.

[D]

And that's the other thing. And he also said. He also said. And I'M proud to say I don't pay attention to anything anymore. It's like, it's like I've given up on trying and it's out loud. So if I see you trying, I'm like, you're wasting your time. So he, he was very adamant about like, don't do new references. I ain't gonna get it. At least that's the message I got. So anyway, he starts saying, I want to, I want to riff this, I want to wing this whole thing. I throw the cards there. I'm like, sweet, yeah, that's good.

[B]

Like, this is easy. This will just be like us doing your show or the podcast, whatever, that type of thing. And I'm like, yeah, that's great because we can weave the stuff they want to get to into there. We both listened to a previous his Tucson show, so we knew stuff he wanted to get into and would get into. You could tell though that while we are talking to him, he can't hear immediately. Everything is on a seven second delay. So if a new person starts to talk, he just goes, what?

[D]

Immediately?

[A]

Yes.

[D]

First word. Yes. If you're like, I had what? It's like, huh? Oh, John Holmberg's Morning Sickness the 98.

[E]

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[D]

It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are.

[B]

Always on the lookout for those who.

[D]

Don'T just embrace Technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming, and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu.mo. and don't just study tech, Live it. Homburg's morning sickness. And then you started yelling at him. I did.

[B]

I did start talking. I did start talking to him very.

[D]

Loudly, like, awkwardly loud.

[B]

Like he wasn't. You were. But he was, like, comforted.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

He liked it when you did your Terry Bradshaw and you started. And he goes, you do a Terry Brad show. And you go, tell you what. What? And Frank goes, do I have to yell at you? And he just was like, perfect. He liked every bit of your incredible scream of Bradshaw.

[B]

Loud shot.

[D]

Very loud shot. It was great. So that goes very broadcast. He starts eating dinner. He says, it tastes like a goldfish, and he pushes it away. He has a bite of the food he ordered and then said, they bring like.

[B]

Like seafoody type of stuff in Phoenix.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Which made no sense. I thought they were gonna go to a steakhouse.

[D]

Right. Give him a little protein.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

But he got scallops and some sort of weird shrimp. And he took one bite. He goes, this tastes like a goldfish. And then he just pushed it away.

[B]

Which I had to survive on.

[D]

Which, if you're writing a movie becomes the most important part of what's going to happen is that the dinner that he was supposed to eat before the show was pushed away. And then he wanted an apple. He wanted a little sugar high, a natural fructose high. So he hits the apple, and did you see that apple core? That old man clobbered that apple down to. I mean, the. It was the stem and the core, and there was no apple left. I've never seen an apple core down to that before.

[B]

Here's the other thing. They had the fruit plate. And one of the producers goes, do you want a red or yellow apple? He's like, I'll have the yellow. So they go, oh, no, Bill, Sorry. It's actually a pear. A what? The yellow one is a pearl.

[D]

I already ate it.

[B]

I couldn't tell. So he. They're like, no, the yellow one's a pear. Is like, okay, then I'll have the yellow one.

[D]

It's a pair.

[B]

So the yellow one's a pear. What's the red one? It's an apple. Okay, I'll have the yellow apple. No, that doesn't exist.

[D]

It was a. I don't want a.

[B]

Pair, and I don't want a red apple. What am I gonna do?

[D]

Meanwhile, Frank and I are like, we're having the time of our lives.

[B]

So then just watching him is fun because he is.

[D]

Oh, it's great.

[B]

Cause he's being very nice and polite, but slight. But at also times curmudgeony and rude and superstar. Like, but he's polite.

[D]

He's an icon. He's a superstar. He's been getting away with his.

[C]

So, Frank, did you feel it was different from the seven years ago?

[D]

Totally, totally. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know.

[C]

Cause the memory.

[B]

He's aged a lot.

[D]

He looks good.

[B]

No, he can pull things off. He's with it.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But he's just on a delay because.

[C]

I could notice when we. The first call that.

[D]

Oh, sure, the call we had, he was actually pretty good on the call. But he's. He's 94. You're giving him that kind of.

[B]

He's amazing for 90.

[D]

Unreal. I mean, he's alive for 94. That's already amazing.

[B]

I mean, he's amazing. He's amazing for 85.

[D]

So here's the fun part. Well, actually, Kyle makes a good point. How does he know what a goldfish tastes like? What's a man doing with a goldfish fish? So he, at one point, Frank started to talk to him about a common.

[B]

At one time had to eat two betta fish. They were going at each other. I decided, I'm going to eat the more dominant one. And then the weaker one survive, it would be mine.

[D]

You started to tell him a story about something you had. Like, I don't know what the commonality was. And I was actually interested in hearing his response. And in the middle of Frank talking to him or telling the story, Shatner picks up his phone and goes away. Now, here's one thing we learned. When he's on his phone, he's not in the room anymore. And his producer's even like, oh, he's gone. He can't hear us. It's like, what is this a bit. Are you guys doing a thing? He's like, nope, he's gone. And we can talk about anything we want. And Frank goes, he can't hear us, can he? It's like, nope.

[B]

I mean, that was tunnel vision times.

[D]

In the middle of you talking to him, I've grown weary. And he's grabbed his phone and just went. And then in the middle of us saying, like, oh, he's gone. And we're. And then we start a conversation here. They're canceling gummies. He wants his weed. And you're like, he's 94 and he's smoking weed and he's eating gummies. They're gonna kill. Ah, I believe it. Trump blew Baba. Who's Baba?

[B]

He went. He literally goes, they can't do that.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, that's right. They can't do that. He was very upset about the gummies.

[B]

Like, he couldn't get whatever he wants whenever he wants.

[D]

He's only about legal gummies. I can't believe it. They're going to take away the gummies.

[B]

What am I gonna be left with? Flintstones? Chewable.

[D]

So that's going on. He's missing his gummies. He comes back to us for a second. Then he sits on the couch and kind of has a nap.

[B]

Well, I cut you off in the Trump and Bubba. Yeah.

[D]

Oh, no, there was nothing. He got nuts about that. And then we, you know, we're like, I think maybe he blew Clinton. You don't think he blew Clinton? Like, I don't know, Kevin.

[B]

You mean an actual blow the job?

[D]

Yeah, he blue jobbed him. Explain. And then, you know, so we're joking around about Clinton and Trump blowing each other for a second, and he goes.

[B]

He went back.

[D]

Stop there, Scott. He kept telling his phone, alex, I need more information about blow jobs. So anyway, we're there. He does the thing. We get so weird about that. He's amped up. He's playing along. He's fun. Sits on the couch about 9:15.

[B]

But he did say he came in full of energy. And about half an hour in of us just talking and hanging out, he's like, I'm tired, I'm exhausted.

[D]

Exhausted. Yeah. And he plops out on the couch and immediately is a sack of sleep.

[B]

Eyes closed.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Eyelids. He was. He was in back of you. So I saw the eyelids go down like a garage door.

[D]

I got a picture of him sleeping over my shoulder.

[B]

It just. But the eyelids slowly went down. And I was like, he's gone.

[D]

Did at any point, Frank, you have the moments that I had where, like, I always looked at Betty White. She was on the phone with us once. And I'm like, this is cool. We had Robert Duvall on the phone once. And I'm like, there's something different here. This guy's been around since the 50s. He's been famous for as long as my mother has been alive. And there's an icon in the room with us, and it was normal. But every once in a while, it would dawn on you, like, there's TJ Hooker There's Denny Crane. There's Captain Kirk, for God's sakes. I mean, it's. It's this weird. Every once in a while you realize, you know, this guy's been. He's been famous every decade that. Every decade has changed with fame. 70s was the game shows and the talk shows in the 80s were the TJ hooker, excessive cocaine, world of nonsense. 90s got weird. Internet shows up. He's done it all. He's been relevant through all of it.

[B]

And, you know, it was there the entire time. Gummies. Now. I had done the show Hot in Cleveland with Betty White.

[D]

That's right.

[B]

And it was 100% the same feeling.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

As.

[B]

And she couldn't remember lines and stuff. They would do everything to just make her be able to get through. But Steve Allen was on that same show with you. Yeah. No kidding. There were a couple. It was just some. That was one of my favorite stories of all time. I'm gonna cut into this just a little bit because it's very similar. I'm going in and out the backstage door, and there's a guy tending to the door, and I'm like, wait a second. And it's. There's no. There's no door attendant backstage on a lot. I'm like, that's. That. That's Tim Conway.

[D]

What?

[B]

Tim Conway had just come to hang out and watch everybody. And he's just a. And I go, you are. He goes, nope. I'm like. I didn't even say. He goes, well, I'm not him. And he was doing a bit. He was doing. He was in character.

[D]

You were Harvey Korman for a second.

[B]

Yeah. The whole time. And it was just amazing. But then he ended up being part of, you know, this group of roundtable. We're all just sitting around talking. It's like Hollywood. I don't know if royalty's the right. Pretty close, but it's TV royalty for sure. TV royalty, like the greatest comedians of all time. That's amazing. So. All right, so back to Shane.

[D]

So what you're saying is, I felt.

[B]

That that experience before, being around somebody where everybody's tailored to that person, wants their experience to be great because they know there aren't that many more left.

[D]

Exactly. And that's the one thing that kind of lived with me. Like, there is also not a moment where we could go out and not have someone say, that's William Shatner. Yeah, he's famous to the degree of, no matter what, you're getting recognized.

[B]

Oh, he told that story of going To.

[D]

They.

[B]

They stopped in courtside, went to Denny's. Yeah.

[D]

And some lady screamed Shatner. Like this. Like, right when they see him. So he sits on the couch, he goes to sleep a little bit, and every once in a while he wakes up. Is the movie still on? Yeah, it's like 20 more minutes.

[B]

Oh, and Josh, the book writer, the ghost writer, he was. He had the movie memorized, so he knew how much time was left just by sound, based on listening.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

He's like, is these the. These are the. This is the penultimate scene there. Spock's about to die, and you can tell because the score is amazing. He knew the notes of the music, told him where the movie was. That's how often he's seen Wrath of Khan. Yeah. So then we get the 10 minutes, guys. Like, oh, okay. And so I start to kind of gather a little bit. I'm like, we're going here in 10 minutes. They tell us to go opposite sides of the stage. So we have everything prepped and ready. They're gonna run that sizzle reel, they call it. It's a little movie. 45. 45 and 90 seconds.

[B]

And remember, all the question we've prepped, all the questions we've prepped have been basically said, don't do these.

[D]

Yeah, throw it away. We're winging it tonight. And off we go, get in the elevator, Shatner's in the front. I know I've told this before, it's too good not to. The guy standing next to him is named Ethan. And then Frank and I are. I'm behind Shatler, Shatner directly. Frank is to my right. Elevator doors open and. Did you watch? Did you know. Let me see what you're. I've told my side. What did you see?

[B]

I saw what I thought was him getting into character. First I thought. I didn't realize what it was. I thought he was being silly.

[D]

First.

[B]

First I thought he was being silly. After thinking about it, what my brain actually thought was he's getting into. Because he was wobbling like there was a wobble. And do you remember the movie Breakin?

[D]

Of course, the movie. But Breakin too.

[B]

No, at the beginning of Breakin, Turbo looks. They are only doing from his waist up. And it looks like he's on a unicycle.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

They pan out and they widen out to see that he's just doing these movements with his legs to make it look like he's on a unicycle. He's actually got rubber band legs and they're just wiggling Back and forth. That's what I saw from Shatner.

[D]

You thought maybe Shatner had the exact same warm up as Turbo from breaking. Very simple.

[B]

There's no stopping us.

[D]

And John, you thought he's gonna die.

[B]

You knew right away.

[D]

No, I thought he was like, I'm drunk. Yes, he did a drunk stumble. And I'm like, ah, we're losing him.

[B]

But did you think it was because he hadn't eaten or something like that, or did you think.

[D]

At first I thought he goofed around.

[B]

See, that's what I thought because it was too.

[D]

It was too vaudevillian.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

The first two steps didn't look real.

[B]

No, it looked. If you were gonna do. If you did that on the screen on a TV show or movie, the director would be like, cut.

[D]

Oh, we're doing it way too big. It's not really big.

[B]

Bring it back a little bit.

[D]

And that. Exactly what happened in the elevator. The doors open, the elevator. And this weird kind of.

[C]

It's like Elvis getting off of the Jordanares. You guys are in the back.

[D]

Yeah, well, it was this jello legged, strange bang off the side of the wall.

[B]

His hips didn't move at the same direction. His legs were going. He was. It was a lip. It was a. You know, it was taking the spoon. When you have a spoon and you try to make it look like the spoon is wigg.

[D]

That's exactly it.

[B]

That's what he was doing.

[D]

That's like you do that optical illusion, make a spoon look like it's a spoon.

[B]

Optical illusion is what he was.

[D]

And also, at 94, if you dick around with your balance like that and catch your balance, I assume immediately, oh, he's screwing around. 94 year olds don't lose their balance and then save it. Once you lose it the second it's wobbly time, they usually are leaning on something or going over. He bangs off the door.

[B]

I'm gonna blame it on you guys.

[D]

Yeah. And then he starts to walk forward.

[B]

But nobody, you and I seem to be the only ones who notice that or cared.

[D]

Everybody else was just like, let's go.

[C]

Like, this guy tunes me out 10 times a day with the phone.

[D]

So he's in front of me and we're walking. After the wobble, he giggles a little. I'm like, oh, we're losing him. I see his shoulders, like, okay. And then what did you see?

[B]

I saw a collapse. I saw what I would describe it as was a controlled demolition on a Vegas high rise. So it looked like there was something happened at the bottom, it moved its way up and then went down.

[D]

So all the way up the sides of it. And then.

[B]

And then I heard a. Like. So he hits the ground, and it was his body, and then his head.

[D]

Both hit, and I. I'm reliving it again.

[C]

I heard the.

[B]

Now, it wasn't just a thud. It wasn't a thud. No, it was. No, it was kind of a thud, but was as though the ground knew to absorb. The ground knew to save Shatner.

[D]

It still made a weird noise, though.

[B]

But it was. Yeah, it was. It wasn't. It was.

[C]

It's more like a suction cup.

[B]

Stevie. Stevie Starr, the guy who eats the.

[D]

Stuff and pukes up sugar.

[B]

It's. It's almost that sound. It was a weird thing, and.

[D]

But it was. The strange part is, as he fell, ankles made a noise, knees made a noise, hips made a noise. Upper body made a noise. Like, head made a noise. No, it was. It was every bit of him in order hit the ground, and each piece made a little. Did it do. Yeah, and it was a. But that was a showman.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So it made.

[C]

Did it go back to break it again, like he was according to the caterpillar.

[D]

But then from my perspective, when his head hit, I just heard, like, it was skin on concrete. And I thought he hit his head on that door, but.

[B]

But I could see that he didn't.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

I could see it was very close. I thought it was closer to the wall than the door. There was almost like a perpendicular meeting there. But you did say, holy.

[D]

What? I screamed out, is that what?

[B]

No, I thought it was. Show's over.

[D]

Oh, I did say show's over to you after I screamed out, holy. Show's over. We got to cancel this, like, immediately. He's dead.

[B]

You were going, this one's. This not happening.

[D]

Well, I didn't want to go try after that.

[B]

It was. It was. It was scary. Weird and scary. It did not. It just wasn't real. No, it wasn't real. Now he's down for. It felt like forever, really. I thought it was immediate.

[D]

What?

[B]

For me, it just happened. Like. Like it was all.

[D]

I felt like he laid there for 10 minutes.

[B]

Oh, no. For me, it was immediate.

[D]

I kept looking at his corpse. I kept looking at that hump.

[B]

Time slowed down for you. It went faster for me. We were in different calendars.

[C]

So you thought he was dead right away?

[B]

I thought it was good. No, because I just saw the boom, and maybe it jumped time. Maybe I went warp speed, but he went. I just Saw him turn and go, I'm fine, Pick me up.

[D]

All I heard was, pick me up. Yeah.

[B]

No, he goes, I'm fine. Pick me up.

[D]

And.

[B]

It had zero emotion, yet incredible amounts of emotion at the same time.

[D]

Well delivered, Line.

[B]

It was beam me up, Scotty.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

It was literally, beam me up, Scotty. Beam me up.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what it was. I'm fine. Was Scotty, pick me up. Was beam me up. But it was two things at once. Which was the weird thing. Like, we were all like, no, you gotta stay down. He goes, pick me up.

[D]

Up. Yeah, I'm running.

[B]

I'm fine.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And so.

[D]

But he's in a lump. He's a corpse on the ground. Saying, I'm fine.

[B]

Was never really was putty. Oh, my God, he was putty. But to me, that's amazing how it was. It took forever for that for you to happen for you. But for me, I couldn't believe how quickly he reacted.

[D]

Yeah. And then got up and wobbled.

[C]

So Ethan dove in first to pick him up.

[D]

Ethan went down there and picked him up.

[B]

I'm not even sure. I don't know.

[D]

It was Ethan.

[B]

And I was so amazing.

[D]

And that stage guy showed up out of nowhere. There was somebody that just kind of shot out of the corner and then. Yeah.

[C]

Frank, did you feel.

[B]

We asked, has this happened before? And whether the answer is true or not? No, this is.

[D]

And they didn't seem worried about that either. Like, it hasn't happened before. Oh, well. I'm like, shouldn't we be concerned? Should we get medical attention here?

[B]

Nope. Chatter. Would not have had it. 00.

[D]

I'm booked. I go on.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, oh, man. I guess that's good. He.

[B]

And most of the things now.

[C]

Don't screw up.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Here's the thing. He wants to do everything he's doing and it's him driving this. He's not being driven. No, he's driving.

[D]

He's got sycophants. He's got dudes who are like, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

All over him. And. And they're. They're not. They're not going to tell him.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no blue tent drop. There's. He's just.

[D]

He should have been blue tinted. If it was the NFL. There's no way he's playing this week.

[B]

Yeah. No, he. He's. There's a coach getting fined if they're trying to get him.

[D]

They propped him up. Up. We see it all the way across the stage. You and I are now in hysterics. On the other side going, he's going to die. We watched all the way across the stage. I pointed on the Frank, look. And there was a guy holding Shatner's body up and his head's kind of bob.

[B]

There was another guy kind of moved his pull, pulled his head up.

[D]

Yeah. And there was guys, like, putting him back in place.

[B]

Different stages.

[C]

Yeah, this, the, the stage should have been what. When you pick him up, you have, like, you bring a chair over, have him sit down for a second.

[B]

I know they have him in a chair at the very beginning. They sat him down for a little bit. He was in the chair for a little bit and they got him up. And that was when you saw all that stuff. Yeah, because we're just, we're just, we're giggling. Not that it's funny. It was giggling that we can't believe we're part of this.

[D]

Yeah. We are now going to be part of William Shatner.

[C]

The sheer part of terror.

[D]

Yeah. But I mean, think of that like you would have never thought, oh, John was there when William Shatner died in John's arms. It's not something anyone would have ever guessed for me or you at all. And I was so glad you were there because like I said to you, TMZ is going to talk to you. They won't care about me. This is your story.

[B]

The whole thing was totally unbelievable. Nothing looked like it was actually happening.

[D]

And we both said, dream sequence. There's no way he's going to get through this. There's no way he's going to get through this. And then you're here from 98 KUPD. Welcome. And I'm like, oh, crap.

[B]

Your great intro, which was the intro. I loved the intro for John was 98. KUPD's known across the valley and blah, blah, blah. It was a nice intro. Please welcome John Holmberg and his friend Frank.

[D]

Well, we didn't have time for all of his stuff, so I just threw him in the mix. But yeah, and then we went out, we did our, our little wacky bit.

[B]

Yeah, we both went Shatner. Because we couldn't stop talking like him and walked back. We're both thinking the whole time. He just went down and somehow got back up. It was Chumbawamba. I get knocked down, I get up again.

[D]

We go side stage looking over. He's still jello.

[C]

Kind of buying him more time to recover.

[D]

Everything was as planned at that point.

[B]

This is exactly how we introduced this sizzle reel.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That I find funny that they even Play because everybody knows everything about them. There's no reason to do.

[D]

Anybody who bought tickets to that didn't need to see. Although it does hype it a little.

[B]

I would do it way before.

[D]

Yeah, I would have done it before. Con.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Anyway, so we get that it ends. And you reached for me at one point when, when the sizzle reel ended. And I felt like you were like.

[B]

I didn't know if we were supposed to go sit to the chairs or go offstage because he comes out.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I felt like maybe, maybe I hadn't listened, which is most of my life. But you went directly to sit in a chair. And I thought maybe we go off stage while he just takes the stage by himself for the first 10 minutes of a. Like, he's just talking about, you know, Khan and Star Trek and that stuff. And I was under the. My understanding was that all this. Most of the Star Trek stuff was supposed to happen in there. Most of the con. Little in his first open was gonna be that. And then we were supposed to talk more about Shatner and his life as we got. As we got into it. But that's why I kind of felt like you thought I was grabbing for. I was trying to will us to. Maybe. I'm going. And I'm looking off stage at the producer going, we.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Making movements like, do we go off or do we sit? Because nobody did ever tell us that it might have been written somewhere.

[D]

But I just did it reading. Yeah.

[B]

But because I thought if we go sit in the chairs, we're kind of. We're still a little bit off set from him, but the stage isn't just his.

[D]

Right.

[B]

So I was like, should we be on here while he's doing this? But I do think it was helpful because we're laughing.

[D]

Yeah. And partly also, I wanted to get out there because he was now making a walk. And I. I felt this weird kind of feeling like, I have got to catch this man.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

I had that to the edge. You were saying, Well, I was. I was walking. We walked towards each other. And I thought, he's not gonna make it. I just watched this guy drop like it's. His blood sugar is not good. They didn't do anything to fix that. And. And he's walking towards me and I'm thinking, we have to get out there because there's peril. Like, this is bad.

[B]

There's another thing. So the way the stage is set up, the three chairs are set up on a rug. There's a rug that is pretty thick, probably yeah, probably half an inch to 3/4 of an inch thick. He's walking over that a bunch now. He does not shuffle like a 94 year old should. He picks up his feet and actually walks. But there were times where he was half on, half off of the rug, which is only a couple of feet from the front of the stage. I thought he was going to buy. Hiding it.

[D]

Yeah, you know, for sure. I thought we were gonna lose him. And then he went on with a full hour.

[B]

No problem, man.

[D]

Little, little moment here or there when he would get a little lost.

[B]

Well, so we also did a thing, it was a typical thing where John and I just get real goofy before the show where we started talking about knock, knock jokes.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And it got into the fact, how funny would it be with William Shatner telling knock, knock jokes. And you set him up into that perfectly. Like we were doing. Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting chicken. Yeah, right.

[D]

Oh, he went interrupting chicken crazy for those back.

[B]

Yeah, like he'd never. Like he.

[D]

You could use any animal.

[C]

Do it again.

[B]

You remember those play, spitting things, the circle. And it would pick an animal and then it would give you the sound.

[D]

Same thing, only interrupt things. And then he did the knock, knock. And he was like, all right, who's there? Interrupting hen. Okay. And then bok, bok, bok, bok. And then he just, he'd just dial.

[B]

Out like, oh, now did you come up with the con one?

[D]

I told him, I said, interrupting Ricardo Montal Khan. Oh, right.

[B]

Oh, and then he knock, knock.

[D]

And I'm like, all right, he's got to do it. Interrupting con, like interrupting Khan. And he's like, that's the best thing ever. And he did that joke about eight times before.

[B]

We're like, well, it also served. It served purposes during the show because he would do it when he needed a laugh. He would call it back. He would do it when he forgot something, when he couldn't remember a name or whatever. And he used them very well. Maybe a few too many.

[D]

He went over the top with it, but it was still fun. And then at the end of the night, we go back to the dressing room to say, hold on.

[B]

I went, oh, wait, 27 minutes in. I remember looking at it and going, we only have a half an hour left.

[D]

We've gotten.

[B]

I looked at. Because there's the clock on stage tells you where you're at, which I love in any situation when you're on stage in front of an audience. So you know the time, time frame. I look and I go, 27 seconds. I said to myself, okay, all we need to do is just do another half of this and we're done.

[D]

That's.

[B]

That's it.

[D]

Because we both were on stage living in a nightmare of, how long does he have?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I was like, no one in the audience was.

[B]

Nobody knew.

[D]

Feeling that. And it's so weird to relive it again sitting next to you now. It's like, it was such a strange thing. And I went over and over and over my head, he's gonna fall. He's gonna fall. He's gonna fall and still listen and participate in the whole thing.

[C]

And the last story he never finished.

[D]

He finished it, but it wasn't the right story. Yeah, he finished another story during his story and then just went, good night. And he walked off stage and like, okay, well, everybody, there goes William Shatner. It was. That was the only. And then it was.

[B]

He started talking about who else was in that story.

[D]

Bill Cower and Gabrielle Reese. It was supposed to be about him getting pulled over, dressed as Kirk. Yeah.

[B]

And arrested during, you know, Tapestry. And he never got to that. And when he started getting to the other names, I started going, how's this.

[D]

Gonna get going back? How's 192 miles? No. Donny Osmond wrecked his car into trees. What is happening? And then he just. Good night. And he walks up the stage and we're like, I don't know what that story was, but we're done here. It's 11:30. Okay. They got up and did a standing ovation, like, he's still alive. He's done. That's how I made it. Yeah, he did, but there was a.

[B]

Definite turn about 30 minutes in where he couldn't remember words anymore.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

But the audience didn't care because they just wanted to see. And the first half of it was so. He was so Shatner that you're just going, this is fantastic.

[D]

Would you do it again? Yeah, yeah, me too. All right. Are you yelling us for time? All right, we got time. I get to this, this guy's yelling at me, Frank, thanks for coming by. And reliving that with me makes my heart go fast. No, no, I'm thinking of that. And I know you're not going to go anywhere.

[B]

And we're going to tell the hamburger afterward later.

[D]

Oh, the thing. Oh, yeah, that's right. Okay. There's more. More with Frank Kelly and us. He joins us. And also, Frank's going to be here New Year's Eve at 10pm 10pm Prof. Two shows.

[B]

They're not too late so you can go ahead.

[D]

You do early New Year's Eve East Coast.

[B]

I always found that those were the ones that filled up first anyways. East coast and then 8:30 or something. The 8:30 probably ends at the. The time probably ends at 10 which is new York midnight.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. There you go.

[B]

And that's fine.

[D]

And then you go out and have another midnight here on your own without Frank. That's perfect. Frank Caliendo's here. We'll get back with the Brady Report next. It's out of control now. Do you have what it takes to finish first? The App Store is packed with super fast super fun racing games for every driver. From battling with your favorite characters in Disney Speedstorm to piloting one of over 400 different cars on officially licensed tracks in real racing.

[C]

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[D]

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[A]

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[D]

Stop talking Frank. We're very busy here. Frank started a story and we just shatnered him again. I'll just of hit bunch a button here. We'll get out of that.

[B]

My phone. Yeah, where is it?

[D]

In summation, the last thing we went back to was the waiting room and. Or the. Yeah, the dressing room. And Shatner tried to order food.

[B]

I need protein.

[D]

He knew he was. Oh a burger.

[B]

Or a burger. Some sort of burger. How about a burger?

[D]

Cheese somewhere else. Cut it in half. Onions but don't cut those two slices.

[B]

Of lettuce notched then interwoven like you're putting together a sofa from Ikea.

[D]

Don't you want to be famous someday? To where everybody sits and listens to your burger order. And the details of it are just not like what Brett would do. It's just, like. Just whatever. Double burger wherever you go.

[B]

Everybody's asking every question about the kind of bun.

[D]

How do you like mustard? A lot.

[B]

Cut in half.

[D]

Cut it in half immediately. And he yelled it at a lady who, by the way, wasn't a server of food. She manages the door. I need a burger. And she goes, okay. Cut it in half. Like, it was done. She's getting him a burger. And she said, okay. She had nothing to do with kitchen anything. They don't even have a kitchen.

[B]

But she was happy to do it.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

That's. I want to be in a situation someday where nobody even questions. Who the hell do you think you are? I'm not a server. I'm not getting you a burger.

[B]

And found out he never ate the burger.

[D]

He never ate it. Yeah.

[B]

The next day, everything was going. And never ate the burger.

[D]

You asked Ethan, did he get his burger? Yeah. He didn't want it. Off he went.

[B]

Which was. Everything was so everything about him. I need this.

[D]

Yeah. If he comes back, I'm gonna try to get him for our happy ending show.

[B]

No.

[D]

Yeah, I want. And I asked Ethan, could he come out for the happy ending show and be part of. You know, it was a big part of the year now. And he goes, I don't see him doing something like that. And I'm like, I don't either. Can we do a video? And he goes, he'll do a video. I'm like, all right. So I have to script the video for. We'll get something together for him. And he won't read the script. So whatever we get, I will watch for the first time with you guys when we do that.

[B]

And by the way, I need a burger.

[D]

Yeah, just get him a bird. Have it on standby even for the video, just in case he starts to go. Frank Calando's over at. You're doing your New Year's show, which I can't believe we're even talking about right now, But New Year's is right around the corner at 10pm Prov. You can go get tickets at 10pmprav.com See Frank for the New Year's Eve show. And you're just doing that night. You're not doing a whole weekend.

[B]

Nope. That's. That's it.

[D]

That's it.

[B]

That's it. I'm just paying for dog surgeries, man. That's pretty much.

[D]

That's the tour.

[B]

I think I want to do dog surgery payment tour.

[D]

This is for the dog.

[B]

Instead of a Gofundme. I'm actually gonna go do comedy.

[D]

Yeah. What's the surgery? Oh, you have the knee one.

[B]

We didn't do that one. We have the. We had the esophageal. The esophagus deal. Oh, yeah. So far with Romeo. And then it looked like we were gonna have another stomach thing. And so far that subsided. But that's gonna.

[D]

There's probably another surgery.

[B]

There's probably.

[D]

All right, so you need to buy tickets and help Frank's dogs.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

It's like what we do when we do stuff. It's always for charity. For the. Just my own personal. It's just your own personal Humane Society. It's the Caliendo Human.

[B]

The Hugh Frank Society.

[D]

Yeah, it works. And you're being very humane by doing such a thing. You don't have dog insurance.

[B]

No. You told me about that and I would have.

[D]

Why don't you listen?

[B]

Because I think for four, it would be a lot.

[D]

It's not cheap, but so is what you're about to do. Yeah, dumb.

[B]

Brady, do your thing.

[D]

It's time now for Brady to give you all the news that only Brady knows. We call it the Brady Report. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] all pro shade you got. We don't need it today, but this is a good example of when you had your shades out and you forgotten last night. You're out there playing around, you got the shades out, you're sitting on a nice evening, you forgot to draw them back in. Well, the storm just rolled through and your automatic shades from All Pro Shade will go up. Bad weather, they bring themselves back in. They're robotic that way. Motorized shades, a beautiful way to basically do an addition on your house and take your back patio and make it a room. And then, of course, when bad weather comes in, it becomes just part of the wall, which is a beautiful thing. Allprochade.com they'll give you a free heater if you do the motorized shade right now. Pick a spot in your house, they'll come out and they'll put together something amazing. Allprochade.com Brady report it good Tuesday morning to you, Phoenix.

[E]

Hello, world.

[D]

Hi. What?

[C]

Happy National Princess Day.

[D]

Oh, you're welcome, Frank.

[C]

International Occult Day.

[B]

Occult.

[D]

Occult.

[C]

Occult.

[D]

Okay. Occult. Occult.

[C]

And it's also Mickey Mouse's birthday.

[D]

You can't prove that.

[C]

97.

[D]

It's three years older than Shatner. Ha. But I'm Not a Jew. Okay, Mickey, knock it off. Remember we were gonna try to confuse.

[B]

Shatner to think he was Mickey Rooney?

[D]

Oh, yeah, we were. The first plan we had was to ask questions all about Mickey Rooney's life.

[C]

See how long it would take her.

[B]

To pick it up.

[D]

No, what you're talking about. You're in a lot of movies with Judy Garland. I was, yeah.

[B]

That was when he looked at me. We're talking about something from last time. He goes, listen, listen. You have to understand, I have no short term memory.

[D]

Yeah, none. And it's true, because earlier in the night he would say things twice.

[B]

But short term is 10 to 15 years for him.

[D]

Yeah, that's true. That's a good point. His short term is our lifetime.

[C]

Couple of basis. Fun facts. The. The first bitcoin purchase was on May 22, 2010, when a developer bought two pizzas for 10,000 bitcoins.

[D]

I've seen this story. It's insane.

[C]

It'd be worth 1 billion today.

[D]

Did you keep that it.

[C]

He ate the pizzas.

[D]

Well, I know, but did he paid in pizzas?

[C]

No, he. Or paid in $10,000 worth of Bitcoin.

[D]

Right. For two pizzas.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And I'm wondering who got it. Pizza Hut.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I don't know. Because it has to be transferred to someone for it to work. So someone got a bill. There's a dude who was delivering pizzas that if he's smart, kept that code and has a billion dollars now. And bitcoin's falling right now. By the way, if you're interested. It's a good time to buy.

[C]

Stan Lee put a hyphen in the name Spider man because he didn't want people to confuse it with Superman.

[D]

Right. Spiderman. Have to have a hyphen to say man.

[B]

Spider Man. Yeah, Spiderman.

[D]

Probably my least favorite. I used to like him when I was a kid. Kid. But as an adult, Spider man is purposeless. What I mean, as far as superheroes go, Superman's the worst because there's just too much. Well, he just.

[B]

I mean, too powerful.

[C]

Spidey had some keys.

[D]

Destroys everything. Superman is ruining things constant. Batman has.

[B]

No, not in the 60s. TV show.

[D]

Batman or Superman.

[B]

Superman.

[D]

Superman. A TV show too. Oh, yeah, the George Reeves one.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. When who's the comedian who talked about when he dodged or the bullets would bounce off his chest and they go to the. The. The big shot bounce off his chest and then the.

[D]

The.

[B]

The bad guy would throw a gun at him and Superman would duck.

[D]

Oh, that's. I Didn't even notice that. That's true. He would take bullets, and then he'd move from guns.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. I didn't like Superman because I never thought he'd. It was too weak that you'd be brought to his knees so easily. Constantly with that kryptonite. And everybody seemed to have some. It just seemed. I didn't like Superman. I like Spider man less, though, because Spider man can just. All he does is swing. He's Tarzan.

[B]

Oh, we can do whatever a spider can. Yeah. That spins a web and swings.

[D]

He's Tarzan.

[B]

No, he's got spider sense.

[D]

Do they have that? Yes. Then how come I can stomp him out?

[B]

So they didn't have it originally, but they. Because of Spider Man.

[D]

Oh, now they have it. So spiders have Spider Man.

[B]

Evolution. Yeah.

[D]

Evolution, baby. All right. I'll take your word for it. I still don't like Spider Man. I don't like his villains. I think that's the bigger thing. Spider Man's villains.

[B]

Spider man is a friendly neighborhood Spider Man. He's a superhero.

[C]

That.

[B]

That is more fighting, more normal types of crime.

[D]

Yeah, but that's just a cop.

[B]

No, he could climb.

[D]

He's Tarzan the cop. Stop. Is what. He had a.

[B]

He had a leotard.

[D]

Cool suit. I'll give the suit a thing. You got to stay in shape for that, though. It's.

[C]

Sometimes it would take him. You take a little bit longer to swing through downtown.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Incredible strength.

[D]

It's all relative. I wasn't all that impressed with him, is what I'm saying.

[C]

I. I hear every single person has face mites living on their face right now. They're microscopic. They're currently swimming around in the oil in your pores, and they're even having sex on your face.

[D]

Okay. Yeah. That's enough of that.

[B]

What's on my face?

[D]

It's like an orgy.

[C]

A poll by the American Chris Christmas Tree association found that fake trees are now the overwhelmingly favorite. 83% of people who plan on putting up a Christmas tree. We'll use a fake one.

[B]

81. Of that, 83 are in my house.

[D]

Yeah, you've got.

[B]

My wife has put up.

[D]

You have already up.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Christmas Village never came down. Yeah. Been up since last year, right?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

She just decided. I. It was August, and I said, let's just take this down. She goes, well, it's gonna have to go right back up. I'm like, not for another few months.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Nope, I lost that one.

[D]

Well, if you're already. If you're fighting about your Christmas decorations in August. You lost. Lost a long time.

[B]

There were other. There's a whole thing. A lot of stories based on. But the trees. But I.

[D]

The flock.

[B]

Trees.

[D]

Say it again.

[C]

A little.

[E]

Is there a little guy that comes over still and sets up.

[B]

Oh, no, Michael, no.

[E]

Yes.

[B]

It's a lovely little trick. I'm gonna put this lovely. I don't want that tree there. Well, it's. It's notched for that. So that's where it's gonna be. We're gonna put that and then this. Man, look at this little guy.

[D]

He has tiny little figurines. You haven't seen this thing, Brad. It's a whole room. It's a thousand square feet of Christmas village on cables.

[B]

Hallmark area 53.

[D]

It's a movie set. Yeah. Of tiny people and cars. I've never seen anything like.

[B]

It's better than the Hallmark store.

[D]

Yeah. Wow. It's. It's.

[B]

A guy came over and put it together, and he was. He just went to this guy. Look at this little man with his little shovel. He's like, he's gonna dig in here. He's gonna dig and he's digging a space for the.

[D]

He gave all the characters history.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

I'm not kidding. Would it fit in here? It would be close.

[B]

It's a little bit bigger than this whole console.

[D]

Yeah. And it's huge. And it's all Christmas nonsense.

[E]

You had to buy a house to store it.

[D]

All right.

[B]

No, we. Michael built a. He built a storage unit for it, a stable that was not. Like, he refused to listen to how we wanted it. So he built it way too big, and it took up half the garage. We're like, no, it has to be stacked and go upward. And he's like, well, that's not gonna work for this. This has gotta go. This. You have to put this in this direction and this. No, just put them. We're having shelves, so we had our neighbor build it. Get rid of his.

[D]

Was Michael offended?

[B]

Oh, he doesn't know about it. He's never been.

[D]

Is he never coming back?

[B]

It's just. He wouldn't. There was just. He just made decisions on his own. He was like, no, I'm glued. Michelle would have him put the tree. I don't want the tree there. I wanna. I glued it down. Like, there was. There was a battle there. There was a. A power battle.

[A]

Hairs.

[D]

Where the tree goes. Why are you even having that debate?

[C]

He's the designer.

[D]

Okay, but then let him do it. If you're Going to go. That tree should.

[B]

An evergreen would never belong in that area. No, that's where I want it. Well, it doesn't exist in my world.

[D]

You were just doing the. That's where I want it. To get a little power play with this guy.

[B]

No, he was doing like he has.

[D]

Yeah, but if you're even saying no, move that.

[B]

No, my wife was doing.

[D]

Oh, I thought you were doing.

[C]

And.

[D]

Yeah, so.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, essentially.

[C]

No, she didn't.

[B]

She wanted a certain way and she's paying money for it. So do what you know, she's asking.

[D]

That's. Let him do it.

[B]

And then. Oh, he did. You didn't have to let him because he was going to do it and he was going to use power glue. Like it's gorilla glue times a million. Shatner glue.

[C]

This 10 year old near Nashville stole his mom's car the other day. Also managed to get his dad arrested in one fell swoop. It happened Friday in Mount Juliet, Tennessee, about 20 miles northeast of Nashville. He'd been arguing with his mom. Then she left him in the car while she dropped off some paperwork at his school. When she came back out, the car was gone.

[D]

Nope.

[C]

So she called the cops, reported it stolen. But the kid was fine. Turned out he managed to drive two miles back home, even to park the car in the garage. He was inside the house when the cops got there, along with his dad. The dad told him he was confused when his son showed up alone. They decided to.

[D]

They both had cigarettes. Yeah. Get some smokes there.

[C]

Decided not to arrest the kid because he was so young. But the dad, it was a different story once they got his name. They realized he had an outstanding war. Oh, he's facing charges for wire fraud and theft.

[D]

Oh, the dad was a criminal Christmas for that boy.

[B]

I'll tell you what. This is a Peacock original. Yes, it is going to be on Peacock.

[D]

It'll be a great half hour. But yeah, that's the better part is the. The fact that dad imagine wasn't very good at being a dad because he was so busy fraudulently wiring money to people that he lost track of his son.

[B]

But it sounds like the kid. Like it's in the jeans. The kid has the ability to pull some stuff off.

[D]

We act like driving is something you can't figure out pretty early.

[C]

Early.

[D]

It's just a height problem. A certain.

[B]

Yeah, I was just gonna say how.

[D]

You reach the pedals if he's tall.

[B]

Two miles in a residential area is not as easy as you're making it Out.

[D]

Come on. This is from a short man.

[C]

Tennessee.

[D]

Yeah. Literally. I think. I don't think you gotta take it.

[B]

Listen, there are certain things you can try and battle. That's not one.

[D]

Yeah. I don't think kids.

[B]

John uses fact against you.

[A]

He does.

[D]

I think there's a thing where 16. Okay, we've all agreed on that. But I think there should be a height. Like Once you hit 5 5, you can drive like the child. As a man I've got.

[B]

Yeah. So a women would be able to drive a child.

[D]

They shouldn't be allowed to drive at all. Are you crazy? They're women. Jesus Christ.

[B]

That is thinning the herd the way you want it.

[D]

Exactly. But I think if you're 5 5, you can figure it out. 16, you're not any smarter than you were at 10.

[B]

You might disagree with that because you don't have kids.

[D]

No, here's the thing.

[B]

No, I've seen the evolution.

[D]

16 year olds have something called testosterone that makes them worse.

[B]

Some of them do.

[D]

That's true. Some. Some were never.

[B]

Some of them have it put in.

[D]

But like 10 year olds don't make as terrible a choices. They're just kind of dumb.

[B]

Disagree.

[D]

16 year olds. Listen.

[B]

10 year olds make horrific.

[D]

16 year olds will try to race. They think they're. There is. They think they're more capable than they actually are.

[B]

Definitely the testosterone is an issue.

[D]

You get a. You get a 10 year old who's.

[C]

Five' five, played a lot of Mario Kart.

[D]

He gets you A to B.

[B]

No, no, you're right about that. They're going to play Mario Kart at 10, they don't have. Joey at 10, thought he could dunk. That's from playing NBA.

[D]

Joey is a caliendo. He should have never thought he could dunk. That's his father's fault for.

[B]

Joey is 511 now.

[D]

Is he that big? Yeah, he's the biggest calendo of all.

[B]

Maybe six foot.

[D]

Wow. Either way, I think it's a height.

[C]

Same height.

[D]

Yeah, I think it's a. I know. Kirby's been able to dunk for a few years. I think the. Yeah, I think the height is more important than the age. I do. Because old people, they shrink. You should shrink them out of the car as well.

[B]

So you know you've got kids.

[D]

Alex still shouldn't be driving if it was about a mental. If it's mental acuity. You get rid of almost everybody under the age of 20. So just give him a height thing.

[E]

The one, I guess if you want to the one thing he has in his favor is he rear ended a lady. So he's deathly afraid of and anything bad in his car.

[B]

That is the most sexual innuendo. Freeze. Company moment I've ever heard. We're on the other side of the door. Ropering rear ended a lady in his car and now is very careful about doing anything.

[D]

Yeah, Dumb kids are dumb. Dumb kids are all dumb.

[B]

10 year olds can't do anything.

[D]

I would not kid made it the whole way.

[B]

Yeah, that one kid solved the crime.

[D]

In the garage and solved a crime.

[B]

Solve the crime.

[D]

He's basically Spider Man.

[B]

Kid Colombo.

[D]

Yeah, I have no problem with.

[C]

He's like, dad's out of the picture for Christmas. More presents for me.

[D]

But the reason why these stories happen in the news, like, oh, a 10 year old drove. I'm like, come on, we act like we're all Mario Andretti. It's not that hard.

[B]

No, a 10 year old doing physics is amazing. A 10 year old driving, I guess it's not the same thing, but it's not hard. It's harder than you think.

[D]

No, it's not. A lot of dumb people can drive. Yes, my point.

[B]

But 10 year olds.

[C]

But a 10 year old on the farm might be driving a couple 14.

[D]

In New Mexico because they're. It's a necessity. 10 year olds can do it if they're, if they're at all aware they can do it.

[B]

They're mostly not aware.

[D]

Well, that's true of. I would argue.

[C]

Parrot. You wouldn't want your. You wouldn't want the. The legal age being 10 years old.

[D]

I didn't say the legal age, I said height. Once they get to five' five, you can start considering the driver.

[B]

The kids will tell at 10 years old about homework and stuff like that. And 16 year old how it's. They're better liars at 16 than they are at 10.

[D]

Well, that doesn't make it better. Yeah, you can get fooled easier by a 16 year old.

[B]

There was a thump and then a boom and then my underwear was going. What? What are you talking about?

[C]

A JetBlue flight from Boston to Tampa got delayed three hours last week.

[B]

Can I ask a question before you get in there? Does JetBlue have a first class? I thought I saw something. Carrot Top posted something about lay down seats on JetBlue and I've googled it and can never seem to be able to.

[D]

Is it just Carrot Top getting his own row?

[B]

Maybe he's.

[D]

Yeah, just laying down. This is cool. Nobody wants to sit with Scott John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98k you PD parlez tout hablas espanol par l'. Italiano. If you've used Babbel, you would. Babbel's conversation based techniques teaches you useful words and phrases to get you speaking quickly about the things you actually talk about in the real world. With lessons handcrafted by over 200 language experts and voiced by real native speakers, Babbel is like having a private tutor in your pocket. Start speaking with Babbel today. Get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription right now at babbel.com wandery spelled B-A B B E L.com wandery rules and restrictions may apply. Holmberg's morning sickness.

[C]

You've flown JetBlue.

[D]

I love JetBlue. No, it was all. But they. It felt like first because everything there was. That was the first one that ever had TVs in the back of the. It was awesome.

[B]

I used to go to Long beach and stuff like that. But I there's.

[D]

I flew to New York once. It was the best ever.

[B]

These had like cubicles like he was.

[E]

Here's what. Here's what Gemini has Blue. JetBlue has two premium cabin experiences, Mint, which is a lie flat first class product on select transatlantic, transcontinental and Caribbean routes. And a new domestic first class cabin being rolled out in 2026 on planes that don't have mint.

[D]

Were you suggesting that Carrot Top perhaps lied about this or built a prop for planes?

[E]

Giant prop Mint offers private suites with closing doors, a larger lie flat bed and dedicated storage. While the future domestic first class product will be in a traditional 2:2 configuration.

[D]

It's like a little carrot Top cell.

[B]

I think it went Vegas to Orlando because he lives in Orlando and it was probably an overseas plane that they moved in, you know, just for Carrot Top.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Front hand private jet, blue massage seat.

[E]

Seat slash bed massage. Up to 6 foot 8 inches long, 15 inch TV screen, choice of snacks and premium drinks and a tuft and needle.

[D]

Sleep experience and a gym for him to lift weights. There's Carrot Top in his jet.

[B]

So.

[D]

Oh geez.

[C]

Jesus.

[D]

What has he done to himself?

[B]

He looks great.

[D]

What's with the hair lady?

[E]

Elaine.

[D]

Or he didn't need to add color to his hair.

[B]

Medna, he's 94 years old.

[D]

That's true. He's the same age.

[B]

Where's that old guy? Carrot Top?

[D]

He looks like a Star Trek. Why would he make his hair purple?

[B]

That's orangey red.

[D]

No that's dye.

[B]

That's the best I've seen it look in a while. By the way, anytime you go anywhere with him, it doesn't hide the hair or anything.

[D]

No.

[B]

Loves being talked to even. He's usually wearing Carrot Top Gear. Is he?

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like he'll have ct, his logo and a picture of him, you know, pulling stuff out of a box.

[D]

I like that you follow Carrot Top, his every move?

[B]

No, I'm good friends with him.

[D]

He's great. He's still running that thing at Luxor.

[B]

Amazing.

[D]

I think he looks a little like Sally Jesse Raphael. Yeah, he's got a Sally Jesse thing going on.

[C]

So does he spend more time in Orlando than. Than Vegas or. He is.

[B]

No, mostly in Vegas because he's working.

[D]

All the time, like Diane Keaton. I don't know who he looks like. It's just everything's. He looks like Sean Hayes doing a Carrot Top impression. It's too good a show to miss though, in Vegas, I'll tell you that. I got talked into it once. I'm like, man, Carrot Top's brilliantly funny. It's a good show. All right, that's enough Carrot Top pictures.

[C]

So this Jet Blue flight, about an hour into the flight heading to Boston, the pilot told the air traffic control that they're turning around because someone vaped weed in the bathroom and the crew inhaled it.

[D]

Oops.

[C]

We assume he meant the flight attendants. The pilot got. Not sure if they got high enough, but they inhaled it and that's why they told air traffic we're turning or.

[B]

High the audio on.

[C]

It's pretty funny.

[D]

All right, so they had to radio they were in the air.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Somebody vaped an hour into the flight and they get a little second hand smoke into the cabin.

[C]

Yeah, mostly in. Into the. Where the pilots were and a couple attendants. I think it was in the front of the.

[D]

Right up front bathroom. Yeah, that weird bathroom up front. Wow. So they, they could smell the weed coming out of there. Imagine when you take poops on an airplane and if you do, you're the devil. By the way, that goes right into the cockpit. Those poor bastards have to smell your ass.

[C]

200 passengers were all fine.

[D]

Customer vape in the lab and we. Yeah, smoking marijuana in the lab would be pledged to turn to Boston. 1191, roger. Was the guy doing it? JetBlue 1191, did you say you are going to be an overweight landing? A firm just ran the numbers planning an overweight landing. JetBlue 1191 got the JetBlue 1191 the nature is it just the overweight landing for JetBlue 1191. Yeah. We had a security issue on with a passenger mostly at the service there smoking marijuana. Our crew inhaled it and now we're overweight. I did not do that. I did not inhale. Emergency. I need the seat number or seat assignment for the prison equipment question. Your gate number and fuel. How about the most hated man souls on board? Two zero eight. You're the guy who got the plane delayed because you had to hit some vape.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

And. And it's probably the only way this guy can fly. And he thought I'll just vape this. Get away. Gummies get. Yeah, gummies are the answer. Why are you doing.

[B]

They're trying to take them away.

[C]

That's right.

[D]

I forgot.

[B]

If you try to take the gummies away there's going to be vaping on every jet Blue flight. Wouldn't you.

[D]

Wouldn't you beat crap? If you like flying somewhere and you had to go, we're going back to Boston Logan Airport because one of you guys couldn't lay off of the weed for 18 minutes. One of the NBA players on our flight just had to have some. It didn't make any sense to anybody. So the beating had to begin the second they landed. Thanks a lot, asshole. That's all that guy heard.

[B]

What?

[D]

Man, this is relaxing.

[C]

Geez.

[D]

Was Kirby flying out of Boston? Yeah. That's what Dexters are saying. I wonder how often that does happen though. Like somebody vaped some weed on a plane and it just so happened the stewardess is a nose like mine. Yeah. Like oh, got a big nose. Stewardess walking around going we have to turn this plane around. They'd have been fine. It's like driving at 10. You little weed going. You can still make a plane.

[C]

Probably the. They're okay like with the strawberry vape or whatever. But the marijuana.

[E]

No, they're not okay with any vape.

[B]

No. Just crack.

[C]

I don't know if they turn it around.

[B]

This crack make you paranoid like just regular coke.

[D]

What are you asking me?

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Well I just thought.

[B]

I don't know if anybody knew. I don't know because I just think the pilot. We're gonna turn this thing around. Somebody's following us.

[D]

Yeah. We got eyes on a jumbo United that I don't like the look of at all. He's got four wings. There's six wings, eight wings.

[B]

Somebody on the wing.

[C]

Got a couple of pretty.

[D]

We got a passenger who's vaping now. Screaming, there's a Little monkey on the wing. I see it too. I gotta be honest with you. I think I got a little second hand going. Oh stop. You wake jumbo niner. What are you doing up there? I don't know. Do you see what you're wearing? What you're up to too? Are you hungry? I think we're gonna pull over. Take this to the Water Burger and drive her through. I'm starving.

[C]

It's gonna say if an overweight flight they gotta turn it around. Turn around every.

[D]

No offense Brady. They weren't. Yeah, I know just the plane.

[E]

Well you see he did get a little.

[D]

So what? It's over with.

[A]

It's working.

[C]

I'm just saying every flight's gonna be turned around.

[D]

Happens all the time to those big.

[B]

Old ladies in San Antonio.

[D]

Those big old ladies gotta drop them off. We're gonna dump some fuel. And some of Charles Barkley's least favorite ladies.

[C]

Go to the speed train.

[D]

Speed train. This won't be good.

[E]

That one's the most interesting one to you.

[D]

The video speech.

[C]

I think it's kind of cool.

[D]

That don't really.

[C]

Japan's new 70 million dollar maglev train goes 310 miles per hour.

[D]

What?

[C]

And they're trying to get a little picture of it.

[D]

That Asian word sounded terrible. Jes. That's a train passenger train.

[B]

Do that again. I looked down at my phone for a second and missed it.

[E]

It'll reset.

[D]

Oh my God. It sounds so dirty when they talk. Watch this. There's people on there. You know the Japanese. Look at all those cameras.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Useless.

[C]

I kind of found that interesting.

[D]

That is interesting.

[B]

That does look like Superman flying in.

[D]

It did. That's exactly what it looks like. He zooms that real or AI.

[C]

310 miles per hour. I. You know that's why I was looking at him like it's a funny car going by. Yeah.

[D]

It's literally like Ron caps train.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

How fast are those actually?

[D]

310 miles an hour.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

330.

[D]

Yeah, sometimes 330. 335. But yeah. They can easily go 3:10. Yeah. How about the. Where's that going?

[C]

100 miles per hour in less than one second.

[D]

Okay, but where's the point? Exactly.

[B]

I mean it's not stopping.

[C]

Ah.

[D]

I don't like that at all.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That's too fast for a train.

[B]

The force on. That's got to be.

[D]

You got to just be inside there. Your bones are being crushed up against the back of the. Does it start like that or does it ease into 3 touches 10.

[C]

I hope it is.

[D]

Or is it just it sounds.

[E]

Put a bunch of chiropractic people on.

[D]

Here we go.

[C]

It's got to be a gradual bill.

[D]

It's got to be pulling six GS. Yeah, exactly. Like, you can't just jump into that well.

[E]

And it's got to take 40 miles to stop, too. Right?

[C]

You can't.

[D]

Yeah, you can't stop a train. You're right. Nothing stops a train. Well, that's air conditioning, conditioning.

[C]

Next one. Some Toledo Dining again.

[D]

Oh, God, Am I gonna throw up on goat's nuts.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Oh. It's like some sort of weird cooked goat shell. Oh, and an Asian lady's eating its nuts right out of the legs. Oh, this one's not as bad as the eel. Although the inside's pudding. Like, once she broke through the goat scrotum. There's pudding in there.

[E]

That's you.

[D]

Look, there's pudding.

[A]

Why do you go to those places?

[D]

Oh, why do you fly to that?

[E]

It's awesome. Not that part.

[D]

It's not awesome.

[C]

We got to try that next time.

[D]

Yeah. Is that a goat? I don't think there are goat legs.

[C]

There's the hooves.

[D]

It's like Dr. Morose.

[C]

Or deer.

[D]

Could be a deer. Okay. You're not supposed to do that to the nuts.

[C]

Here's a. A guy coping a feel at the mall. Okay, they caught him.

[D]

Which one?

[C]

Bald guy.

[D]

And bald guy. Oh, this old man's walking towards these two ladies, and this one's in a skirt, but he gets right in her way. Goes right up the skirt in the front. Gives her a little front punch. Did you see that?

[B]

This old man, he played dumb. He grabbed her in yum yum and.

[D]

Stuck his thumb in her knickknack. Patty wack. Holy smokes. He goes for it, and he stays there a second. You think he goes back to the car and just smells his hand? That's the only reason I do this.

[A]

Because he stayed there for a minute.

[D]

The headline. He did the unthinkable. Like, we're proud of him. He went where no man had courage before. Look at him. I think that's Dr. Fauci.

[A]

Also saying elsewhere. Music behind it, too.

[D]

That's Law and Order. Sexual victims Unit. Brett doesn't watch Law and Order.

[B]

Is it victim?

[D]

What is that fiction? That's not.

[B]

He's afraid he's gonna see part of his family.

[D]

What's the problem? When she went abroad, was wearing. She had a hole in the bottom of her pants. They call those skirts. Oh, I didn't know what that was. I thought she was like, you know, give a penny, take a penny type of thing.

[B]

Listen, if she's wearing that skirt.

[D]

Oh, that was the other thing. Shatner started to talk about how Tyson's innocent on the stage and retried Mike Tyson's rape case in the middle of the comedy night.

[B]

He's just a young guy. Yeah. He goes up to his hotel room. There's a woman there. It's 4am what else does she want?

[D]

What did she expect to have wanted to talk? She was there at 4 in the morning. What did she expect? I mean, she has a vagina. He's going to use that. Poor guy. Anyway, you're telling me that chick's walking around with those. Those circle pants with no bottom. You can't just re. You can't just take a taste with.

[E]

A fabric of coupe.

[D]

Now this is all new to me. All right. What do you got there, Brad?

[A]

Keep it mild because Frank's here.

[D]

No, there's a little parachuting action. Parachuting into a race, it looks like. And he did not land that well.

[C]

Oh, Rod, hold the floor.

[B]

I'm fine.

[D]

Pick me up. She's just standing there. She gets hit by a massive American flag that also needs to be burned immediately because it's the first thing on the ground.

[E]

Yep.

[D]

Wow. How about that? Get killed by the American flag. That's all right.

[A]

Here's a. One of those OSHA videos.

[C]

Another paper mill.

[D]

You know, we're in a paper mill and there's a couple of Asians working on some. Well, one got sucked up into the circle. The thing sucked his head up all the way up into the machine. I don't know what that machine is designed to do other than suck up Asians by the head. But here we have a perfect example of why not to work there.

[B]

But why is it wrapped around his neck in the first place?

[D]

Well, something happened around there. He hung himself. And here's the other thing. Thing. The safety measures there are so bad that you're in a tank top and shorts at the world's most dangerous job.

[E]

Well. And they also skipped the day where it was to reverse the machine.

[D]

Is he dead?

[A]

Yeah, just throw him back in there.

[D]

It hung him. Holy cow. So he just got wrapped up in that.

[B]

But it looks like he did it on purpose.

[D]

Maybe.

[A]

I don't know if he was trying to keep it out of the way.

[D]

Let's take a look. Watch this guy standing there. He does. He puts it around his neck. He's hanging Himself. He did this on Frank's.

[E]

Right.

[D]

That's suicide.

[C]

I couldn't stop him.

[A]

Yep.

[D]

He did that on purpose. Didn't.

[B]

Just really didn't like working.

[C]

You're not going to get your Christmas sweaters in time.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, that's. I can't believe I caught that and nobody else. You're just like the.

[D]

The.

[A]

We're numb to this stuff anymore.

[D]

That's true.

[A]

Yeah. All right, so one of these wonderful.

[D]

Countries of Toledo visits that ends in Stan.

[A]

So let's go with what happens next.

[D]

Okay. All right. There's a guy with his shirt off and a couple other guys behind him. We're in a really cruddy country. Like, it looks. There's a stand at the end of it. Or perhaps it's a part of India that's actually. Well, it looks just like all of India. Few dudes with their shirts off, a couple guys with polos on. And one guy's drunken dancing, I guess, or sort of.

[E]

I'm going Machete Bob.

[D]

All right. You're gonna say somebody pulls a machete. Brady.

[C]

I. I'm thinking it's a body that is falling that.

[D]

Oh, something's gonna fall from above. Frank, would you like to take a guess?

[B]

I think a monkey's gonna steal something. And anybody with a shirt on is soaked in sweat in their back.

[D]

It was very humid at this horrible place. Place. I'm going to say that the dude who looks drunk is going to take his pants off. All right, here we go. All right. The guy dancing around. A couple other dudes with no shirts show up. Now there's more guys now. Yeah, now just. Now there's a lot of. Just start dancing. Now. They just. All. All the shirtless guys are. Now it's flash dancing in the. Oh, no, I didn't see that coming at all.

[C]

And the UN breaks.

[D]

The UN delivery showed up right on time to feed the show shirted people. And they killed about nine shirtless people with a truck. That just. They. How the gays. Yeah, that is how they punish that guy.

[E]

Just missing it.

[D]

Gay marriage in the Stan countries is handled with a Range Rover.

[B]

That was not thunder from down under.

[D]

Oh, no, no, no, my friend. It was just a light rain in Bhopal. Oh, my God. I want to watch that more. All right, here's another one. All right. This guy. Importance of always having a solution available to us. Oh, this won't be good. Oh, Jesus. There's a lady amputated legs from the. Just above the knees, and she's doing a little Mr. Krabs.

[B]

That's a Nubby.

[D]

She's got a man's erect penis between her thighs and there's no legs below her knees and she's moving them up and down. I would do that.

[B]

Can you send that one to me?

[C]

Sure.

[D]

I got an idea. Hey, Michelle, don't you hate your legs? Is it bad? Is it?

[B]

Is it bad? I wasn't grossed out that much by that one.

[D]

That one was more intriguing. Yeah, like, oh, finally a use for those.

[E]

No, you're going to want to save your gross out for what's coming.

[D]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

We go.

[D]

I think that's a woman. I think it might be a dude, too. Might be a dude. This might be a guy. It's a lady with something in her butt. It's a butt plug and it looks to be. There's beads. Is it a lady? Oh, no, there's a Sloan. That's a penis.

[B]

That's the unit.

[D]

What? What? What? Oh, God. That beautiful woman had a penis and stuff in her butt. Okay, what's on? Going. Going on?

[A]

I don't know. All right, just wait till. Wait till the last show of the year.

[D]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

Yeah, we got some gems this year.

[E]

You want to be part of that, Frank?

[D]

You should come out. What day is it? December 12th. And you can give away the third annual Frank Caliendo Guest of the Year award. Yeah, he's in.

[C]

This could be your year.

[B]

If I'm. If I'm here.

[D]

He's checking his calendar. He ain't going anywhere.

[B]

Gone.

[D]

Reschedule. What was that? I don't even want to know what noise.

[B]

What's the date?

[D]

The 12th.

[B]

Oh, it's the Friday. Yeah, Friday the 12th. I should be home.

[D]

All right, you're here. Frank's in. We got another guest. Oh, the guest. They're all lining up beautifully. Except Jay Farell. There you go, everybody. That is your Brady Report. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98 up's morning sickness. Morning sickness here in the morning sickness. Frank Calendo here. He's going to be at 10pm Prov on New Year's Eve. You get a good weekend for you. Want to talk about the other people that are here? Probably not. Just sell your tickets, right?

[C]

No.

[B]

Who else is here?

[D]

You don't know who else is here?

[B]

No. Neither do I. Oh, Adam is at.

[D]

Adam Ray is downtown. Lovetts is up at Desert Ridge.

[B]

I am?

[D]

Yes. You can see either me or Frank, but I would prefer it if I got the money. He's supposed to be part of some stuff too. I. I called him and I asked him if he would be part of something in a video or something. I have to go to a party. That was his answer. I'm like, how do you know? Right off the bat?

[B]

I didn't even give him the date yet.

[D]

No, I. I got to go to this big party. Oh, I think he was just trying to tell. We'll discuss it if he shows up. If not, I'll do it after. But it was. I think he was just waiting. I could have just said, hey, I got leukemia. I have to go to a party. He wanted to talk to me about this party. He wanted me to ask more questions about the party. They said don't talk about it on the air or anything, but I got a party I gotta go to. Like, all right. It's a big one, but he doesn't want it jinxed. It's pretty hilarious. Caliento's here. He's gonna be. Now Frank's gonna be parked.

[C]

They're opening the island back up.

[D]

You heard it. Yeah, that could be. He's Epstein Island. Yeah. It's awesome because Frank just agreed to it and you all heard him do it here on the show. Show to be part of our happy ending.

[B]

See, this is one of those moments where I wasn't listening fully. Yeah, that's your to know and get you what exactly. I thought I was. You were talking about the last morning.

[D]

Show about Holmberg's Happy Endings December 12, which you've been part of before.

[B]

So you know, many times.

[D]

Yes. And you know, this is a thing.

[B]

I do know what it is.

[D]

Yep. Well, that's.

[B]

I didn't realize what was being said until you told me. One of the owners calling great. And said, nice job.

[D]

Nice job. You got Frank committed on the show. And I'm like, yes, we did. So Frank will be there December 12th.

[B]

No, wait, wait, wait.

[D]

I don't know. Almost sold out already, is it?

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Crazy.

[B]

Put my name on as soon as it's sold out. And now, Frank, because I'm here New.

[D]

Year's Eve, we're not supposed to promote.

[B]

But it's not stand up, though, right? I wouldn't be doing.

[D]

No, you're not doing any stand up. Just.

[C]

Just funny skits.

[D]

You did. Remember when you did it a couple years ago? You and me and Jonathan, Kite and Brady. It wasn't filthy. It was wonderful fun. And then the videos show.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

And then Brett shows the top.

[B]

It's almost the morning show at Night now.

[D]

Yes. Homework After Dark. Jesus Christ.

[B]

That's. It used to be called. Didn't that used to be called that? Oh, no, it was Happy Endings.

[D]

It's still Happy Endings, but now it's Homework After D. Yeah. So it's, you know, hey, which, if.

[B]

You slow that voice down, it's. It's Trip.

[D]

Yeah. It's stand up live, December 12th. It's going to start at 9:45, pre party at about 8:50. Everybody goes. We get goofed up. And that's brought to you by friends at Lerner and Rowan. Happy Endings. Youth in Asia, which is a real thing Dr. Mike Fixler's part of, highly recommend them to make those terrible decisions easier. And they have a funny name for them. That's how I met him. I saw his car, said, Happy Endings. Pet Euthanasia. And I'm like, come on.

[B]

Oh, it's just for pets.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. You can get a happy. Hey, the right price. I think you can do it. But thank you for committing to that here today.

[B]

That was huge.

[C]

Huge.

[D]

It's huge. Trips already getting sponsorships lined up, ready to go. Yeah.

[B]

Confirmed for my New Year's Eve show at the Tempe.

[D]

There's that and then there's the good show.

[B]

Okay. What if we reenact Shatner?

[D]

The whole thing.

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Well, maybe we can get him to just constantly have a video of doing knock, knock jokes and then saying, pick me up, pick me up.

[B]

I'm fine, I'm fine. Pick me up, pick me up. The last thing there was when we were. John wanted to get back to get to bed.

[D]

Oh, yeah. Right after.

[B]

And the show is over. We're sitting, we're in there, we're about to go. Say goodbye quickly. Because normally he gets carted off to go do the meet and greet right away.

[D]

Another hour we go.

[B]

Then they. And we're. I just want to say goodbye. Shadow goes, sit down, sit down.

[D]

And we were on the. We were on the. The Commander's bridge. Sit down.

[B]

No, it wasn't. It was. It was like, sit down, both of us.

[D]

It was great. Right down. Yeah. Immediately. Yeah. Like, okay, find your seat. Get down. He wants us to sit down. It was very odd. And then couldn't.

[B]

I didn't say Simon says more complimentary of us.

[D]

And then I just said, put kind of a scare into us there, Bill, if you're going to talk about that. And then.

[B]

And then he asked for the Bergens. And who are these two?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What are they doing here?

[D]

Do they have my burger? Get this I just got this email. It says, hey, hey, John and the boys, Thanksgiving is here. And you've said this for years, and I've always laughed about it, but this year it's happening to me. My brother is going to finally come out to the family. Guess what? He's 14. Here's another fun one. My sister's 24. She just told me yesterday she's going to do it too. Can I come eat subs at your house? Wow.

[C]

Double whammy.

[D]

Double whammy on Thanksgiving. Two of your kids. What did your parents do to have so many gays? How do you do that? You're two for three. Your oldest made it through 14, and he's coming out. Is it too soon? I know a lot of people know when a kid is gay early. Like my grandma's neighbor. Neighbor. I don't know where his parents were, but he lived with his grandparents next door to my grandparents, and his name was Danny. And he would come over to my grandma's house and his grandmother's slippers and robe and sit with my grandma while she smoked and asked Danny questions. And I was only like, five, but Danny would be like. So, yeah, he was super gay as a boy. And my. My grandma would go watch this to my mom. I remember, he's like, danny, what do you want to do when you get older? What do you want to be? Or she would ask me first, say, john, what do you want to be? And be like, baseball player. Like, idiot answer. I said, danny, what do you want to be? And he always acted like he had a long French cigarette in his hand. He was 4. And you go, I want to get older, have a sex change and marry a doctor. Four years old. And I'm like, somebody's planting answers in Danny. And something else got planted to Danny a few years later.

[B]

Not me.

[D]

So you always know, but 14 to come out to the family. If you're 14 and you know you're gay, so does everyone.

[B]

Everyone else.

[D]

You've been dressing like Wonder Woman on Halloween every year for 10 years. We know it's gonna be what? Yeah.

[B]

Huh.

[D]

We love you for that. I wonder how different it is now that you have to be. So, like, can grandpa still get mad at the announcement?

[A]

Grandpa, can Grandpa.

[D]

Grandpa.

[A]

Grandpa pass.

[D]

Dad can't anymore. No. Dad has to be great with it.

[C]

And you can use that. You gotta understand. Grandpa's got some adjusting to do. Okay? Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Now Grandpa might go. All right. Some modern test. I. I already knew that Trevor was a little bit different. And then the Girl comes in and goes, me too. Ah, Christ. That's too much for one man to handle on one Thanksgiving.

[C]

Uncle Joe, you're pretty quiet over there.

[D]

I dabble in the D. God damn it. Is everybody here homo? Pass the goddamn green beans. Wash your hands first. Ho, ho, ho. Green Giant. Also gay. God knew he was banging that sprout. Yeah, that's too much to put on Grandpa as the guy emailing me there. Talk to one of your siblings and say, wait till next year or Christmas.

[C]

Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah, Hit him for Christmas. Not a bad idea. Yeah. Why is Thanksgiving the time? Because all the family's there. It's easier than an announcement, not answering a bunch of emails.

[B]

But it feels like that's just that there's tension.

[D]

Thanksgiving is tension, and we've been talking about this on this show forever. It's the. Like, the time people come out and it's. Because it's the safest time. Yeah, it's. Everybody's there, and you're gonna have some allies in the room.

[B]

Everybody loves gaming.

[D]

That's right. Oh, Robert. I'm a homosexual. Raymond. I don't want to hear this. I'm trying to eat. I know, and I'm trying to eat, too. Wieners. It's just a time when everybody. You've got allies in the room. They've got a couple people. Well, there's that. And also, I think if you feel ganged up on by a couple members of the family, the rest of them are there. Whereas if I broke it down to Grandpa at Grandpa's house, he can explode on me. And that gets really awkward because we.

[C]

Had one on Monday.

[D]

The person coming out, they're gonna have.

[C]

No, they're gonna have an intervention.

[D]

Oh, yeah, an intervention on things. Well, because it's easy. It's actually. It's actually just being cheap is what it is.

[C]

Everyone's there.

[D]

You flew out already. We might as well have the intervention for the drunk. You ever have anything like that? Your Thanksgivings, Awkward ones?

[B]

No. Yeah, I don't. I don't remember.

[D]

Brady had a fistfight at one of his, which is great. I think my mom had Aunt Joan.

[C]

Pass out to Joanne and Joanne, your Aunt Joanne got liquored up so much that.

[D]

That'll happen. And drunken stuff is fine.

[B]

We would go. Yeah, I. I remember we would visit some of the Italian homes at times, our Italian relatives in, like, Schiller Park, Illinois. When you go down to the basement kitchen, you'd have to. There was actually, like, a zipper of smoke. Like you, like, just A wall of smoke. You'd have to go down there. And the people down there look like the dogs playing cards.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

In Chicago, the Italians have kitchens in their basement. Do you have that? Did your family.

[C]

My grandfather.

[A]

Yeah, my grandfather did. My grandparents did.

[D]

You had another kitchen. There was two kitchens in the basement.

[A]

In the basement on regular floor.

[D]

Why?

[C]

My grant father was German, but we had his basement. Was the family gathering full kitchen, Basements.

[D]

Or basements in the. You're saying there's a second kitchen?

[B]

Yeah, full kitchen.

[D]

Because Italy. I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. I don't think anybody's got a reason for that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And you'd have a full. Different spread of food downstairs than you would upstairs, too.

[D]

Really?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And where they're like being grabbing an Armand's pizza on your way to Johnny's Beef.

[D]

So you got Mom's food upstairs.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

And dad and the crew playing poker downstairs. Yeah. With the heavier meats and the.

[C]

But the kids both.

[B]

What was that?

[C]

The kids could go both.

[B]

Everybody would. Everybody do. Everybody go.

[D]

Everybody knew that there was everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

That's weird.

[B]

Downstairs was more the men gathering Men. Yeah.

[D]

And then one would go, by the way, I'm a twink now. Are you guys all right that they got two aces in the hole here, you know what I'm saying? And speaking of things in holes, me going into that. Yeah. You never had any announcements or anything like that? I've never had a Thanksgiving.

[B]

I don't think so.

[D]

My dad pissed my mom off one Thanksgiving. They had been divorced and they were play pretending they all got along. And you could feel the tension, that my mom was mad. And my dad brought his new wife to my house for Thanksgiving.

[B]

You can't bring new Mom.

[D]

Mom. Yeah, well, new Mom, I was meeting new mom for the first time. So new mom showed up.

[B]

That's a weird.

[D]

It was super weird. But everybody's like, it's okay. It's okay. I'm like, I know it's not everybody's.

[B]

I'm the only realist in the room that it's exactly. That's not okay.

[D]

Exactly what I said. I'm like, if we're saying everything's okay, we're admitting it's not. Yeah. Like, we're not okay with this. I'm fine. Because I don't.

[B]

Pick me up.

[D]

Pick me up. Dad comes in, my mom and. And then for some reason, New mom, her two kids just showed up out of the blue, and they were like college age. And my mom had made Dinner for everyone. Like Thanksgiving dinner. And they started to just tear into it. And my mom was like, that's ours. They should have had their own Thanksgiving. So then she started getting upset and my dad. At the end of the night, my mom started packing up leftovers and then she's giving them like Tupperware to people. My dad goes, oh no. My dad's very blunt. He goes, no no, no thanks. I had plenty. I don't want any more of that. Okay. My mom just started to like. I could just see Marcy boiling. You don't want any of my. Well, this took me all day to cook and I didn't know you were bringing an entire second family. Go on. Like mom, come with me, come with me. I'm like, this is it. No more Thanksgivings together. We're all done here. If you guys want to do it, you're doing it without me. That's just the way this is. And my dad's like, what the hell did I do? I'm like, you're a little bit rude. That's all there is to to it. By the way, I'm a homosexual. God damn it. Not.

[B]

Now I think about it.

[A]

We did.

[B]

We have had. The turkey is nowhere near ready for dinner time.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Like it's not even. Like it's eight hours away and there's a lot of crying. Is that called butterballing? I just remember Michelle butterballing it out.

[D]

Cuz she screwed up and it wasn't.

[C]

And all the other.

[D]

You weren't going to eat turkey today.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Not even in the the same. Not maybe not in that year.

[D]

No kidding. It was that slow.

[B]

That was.

[D]

She was lighting with a match and.

[B]

Then there was frozen burnt stuff. There's always something.

[D]

So Michelle's not a good cook.

[B]

No, she's fine. I mean it was fine. Just the turkey's not really usually a problem.

[D]

That's bad turkey. Your answer was bad.

[B]

No, she's good.

[D]

She's fine. It's not a good answer.

[B]

I just don't remember the last time.

[D]

She doesn't. Home cooked meal or bj which was the last you had. It's. It's happened. It's my goal. I hit it to make Frank uncomfortable with one thing and I do it every time and it's fun.

[B]

Yeah, but why am I crying?

[D]

I don't know. Because they're still thinking of the answer. Like I don't know. I don't even married for a minute. Yeah. So if you got a thing where you're isolating that yeah. Oh, that was a good laugh. Oh God. I didn't mean put you on a spot.

[B]

No, I love it.

[D]

I'm sure it was a blowjob. While you wait. A home cook?

[C]

Me?

[B]

Yeah. One of my favorites.

[D]

You ever have one of those? No. You should ask for that for Christmas. What do you want this year, Frank? I want a blow job over meatloaf that you made.

[B]

Double meat?

[D]

Yeah, double meat. I'm going to do it.

[C]

That's the fantasy.

[D]

You're in the. You're in the basement kitchen, if you know what I'm saying. And I'll be up here eating out of this tops floor kitchen. Anyway, well, good luck. Happy Thanksgiving tonight getting that home cooked meal. I see what he's up to anyway. Every guy can ask that. Home cooked meal or blowjob. Which would you rather have, Brady? I'll start with you.

[C]

That's a tough one, Bob.

[B]

Is it for you, Brady?

[D]

That's not for me at all. No home cooked meal. We got door dash. Now start to start the humming. Play the harmonica system.

[B]

I'm big home cooked meal for me.

[D]

You'd go over a BJ home cook meal, Brady? Had to think about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like your favorite meal. Home cooked?

[C]

No, no.

[D]

You sure?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I think you're just saying that. I think the way your face was for home cooked look pretty exciting.

[C]

I can have both.

[D]

Well, see, that's what I'm saying. You get one that day. Yeah, that's it. Thanksgiving is either this or that. Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is one or the other.

[C]

Oh, I'd go.

[D]

I'd go BJ for Thanksgiving. You would forego a Thanksgiving for a bj? My God, man, That's.

[A]

That's lies.

[D]

That's a lie.

[A]

That is a lie.

[D]

By the way, I'm also gay. We're all gay now. Happy Thanksgiving. It's what the Indians wanted. We got hot releases coming up in just a little bit. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. Can you. Morning sickness. Before we get to the hot releases. I just saw the future, boys. Frank Caliendo's here as well. And his future is New Year's Eve at Tempe Improv. But that's a little plug on the side. In Japan, a man named Homi Miyashita has invented something I didn't even think would be real in my lifetime. Or even thought of.

[B]

Peanut butter.

[D]

Sort of the lickable television screen. TasTV is here. He has invented taste television. The TT TV. The taste of TV. That's right. Triple TV. Works by using a combination of flavor cartridges. This is just the beginning. Flavor cartridges that dispense droplets onto a hygienic film that's on the screen. You can remove and put a new one on like a fruit roll up, but the screen kind of goos up that thing. So when there's like a steak on it or something, you go up, give your TV a lick. And the reason I'm excited about it is porn has just changed forever.

[C]

They used to have your card in the movies.

[D]

Oh, sure you could. It never worked though. You're just licking cardboard. This is your television at home, Brady. Your Food Network just became something really special.

[B]

Yeah, Willy Wonka's wall.

[D]

It's exactly what it is. That's the first thing I thought of. And then I thought, also porn. Willy Wonka's porn wall.

[B]

Snozberries taste like snozberries.

[D]

The berries taste like berries. And that's unreal. So they say, dispense this hygienic or this goo on this hygienic screen, Viewers can taste what they see. The technology was developed with the hope of allowing people to experience the taste of food from other countries without actually leaving their homes, which is a problem we have. We're all outside too much. Especially since the pandemic. It's a lickable TV screen and it's brand new. Which means this is the worst that will ever be. Soon all things will be edible on your television and probably dispense the. The food. We're getting close to having vending machine TVs where you just go up and touch the thing on the screen and it tumbles out and everything's.

[C]

It's just now just a glop. Like I'll have pizza.

[D]

Huh?

[C]

Like frozen yogurt. Like in the space movies where they have the. That's right.

[D]

That's not a thing yet. But I like your idea. That would be awesome if that happened. If it gave you a. A yogurt flavored version of the thing. But this is just. It just. It just moistens. Well, no, but no, it's not a gel. It moistens the hygienic thing. And then you just screen. You gotta be right on top of it to lick it.

[B]

You're gonna be crazy.

[D]

You've licked things before. Yeah. Home cooked meal or nevermind. Like you've licked the thing, lick the microphone. That's how close you have to be. How long is your time?

[B]

That's what I'm saying is how are you? Why are you watching your tv that.

[D]

Close enough you're not. But like, let's put Brady's. Like there's a delicious brisket onto the tv and he's sitting on the couch. He's like, I've got to have some of that. And he runs over to the tv.

[B]

How do you turn the cartridge on at that point? Or is it always going?

[D]

I think if you have. Well, currently right now, from what I'm reading, it's just like when HDTV came out. @ first it was just a couple channels, so there's probably a cartridge for. If you're on. On the Food Network. The Food Network thing kicks in and squirts it all over your tv and then get that flavor. And then the vegetable channel, which will be pointless unless it's like, human vegetables. And then Nathan Sutherland your way through that. This is the future. That means we're gonna. This is. This is so much better than that 3D crap glasses. You wouldn't lick your TV.

[B]

No.

[D]

You've seen.

[B]

No, no, I don't want to like it.

[D]

I'm curious.

[C]

Find it. I don't know if they could capture the flavor of that.

[D]

Well, you're just being a snob. Yeah, I'm saying, like, you watch Diners Drive Ins and Dick. What's his name, Triple D. Yeah. And that idiot wanders around and he just goes, this tastes like meat and bread. And people are going to bet you that's really good. Now you know whether or not Guy Fieri's taste buds, which we all know suck, are actually, you know, telling you the truth. You're going, that's terrible, guys. Just a hamburger.

[B]

Why is he getting so excited while you're not watching? You got to wrap your TV in tin foil.

[D]

Well, you don't have to cook ramp it does it, Hungry Man. Yeah, sounds very bold. But this would be a whole, you know, they got music channels and you'd have food channels. Be like, I'm interested in beef, pork. And then you can go to, like, Japan. Like, do I like that? Let me see before I buy it.

[A]

What if they're doing steaks and you got Sizzler over here and steak 44 over here.

[D]

I mean, you turn it to steak.

[A]

44 different cartridges to put in for restaurants.

[D]

That's like ESPN Plus. You got to pay a little extra for the good ones. Otherwise you're just licking the outback. Licking the outback's a bad band name. Porn, guys. Porn always helps technology along. Pardon the pun, but it's coming. Would you lick a porn, Brady?

[C]

I don't know.

[D]

Frank. Would you lick a porn? Yeah. You don't know that you would lick a porn porn?

[C]

Yeah, I don't know.

[D]

They're not going to send out gross flavors.

[A]

They're not going to get the bumps from the screen or anything.

[B]

You're already defines gross.

[D]

Yeah. Well, there you go. It's every man. You know, I have a friend who told me the other day, his name's Anthony, that he. He has a thing in porn where he looks for. How did he put it? Stuff hanging out.

[B]

Ah, there's two of them.

[D]

I have two friends. It's like. I like the ones where the stuff hangs out. Okay. You like a big Montana and then drapes. Yeah. And then. Yeah, like drapes. Yeah, like. Yeah. Florida ceiling curtains. He likes the floor to ceiling.

[B]

No, no thanks.

[D]

No, no. That looks like a flat football jowls. Yeah, I don't want that. Yeah, but I think that this is a. This is a good thing. And I surprised at the reaction. Brett's already licking stuff. Not yet.

[B]

Brett, that's just an iPad. That's just a regular.

[D]

If that's the computer at work, don't do that. You're going to catch nothing. So, yeah, he created a flavorful screen. What's next? What is next? My grandpa is spinning in his grave. He had Uncle Milty and he probably wanted to lick him at a certain point. Now. Now you can. Uncle Milty, schlong is flavored.

[B]

The size of you.

[D]

Flavored tv and then scent. TV has to be right behind.

[B]

There was Smell O Vision talk years ago.

[D]

Smell O Vision's weird because where does it end? Because then your TV has to just constantly like stuff at you.

[C]

Remember that? They. They shut it down. But at Disneyland they had that Bug's Life and it was a theater that you went into and it sprayed all the different smells.

[B]

Bug spray.

[D]

Yeah, exterminated the bugs.

[C]

Stink bug.

[D]

That wasn't a feature, Brady. You just watched the Orkin man go through Disneyland and he. Maybe that was killed a bug's life.

[A]

Chris has a good point though. He says you're doing lick a porn and all of a sudden it's a quick cut to a D. You're licking a D. Yeah.

[D]

And you know what? There's no real ramifications to that D licking. It doesn't change you. Unless you're like, that was delicious.

[B]

Charlie's Thanksgiving.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah, that looks good. Winning. We're winning. That's all winning. That's.

[B]

That's interesting.

[D]

That's when you'd have to question yourself. You're like, ah, quick, cut to a D. And then the next time you wait for that moment, lick that again.

[B]

Yeah, I do a lot of weird things.

[D]

Can't catch AIDS from the tv, Charlie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Then I'm in.

[D]

Hold my beer.

[B]

Here's Two and a Half Men 3. Now.

[D]

You don't want to lick that show. Yeah, see, it's gonna always. Can you imagine the freaks watching Hoarders or Dr. Pimple Popper? I'm not sure everything's gonna be taste.

[C]

Worthy, but you get stuck in a wormhole on YouTube.

[D]

TV, you're playing videos.

[C]

Abscess cow.

[D]

Oh, I don't think they're gonna make. I think it has to be food, otherwise you're the weirdo.

[B]

Food and stuff.

[C]

So you're poor. I don't know if we'll do the porn.

[D]

They'll do porn. When there's futuristic stuff, porn goes. Porn looks at Japan and goes, what'd you do? We invented the television. Make a frivolous. Let me have that. And then porn comes back and it's a thousand times better again. You don't like to admit it, but this thing in your hand is all because of porn. The reason you've got fast videos, good videos, 4K, everything that you've got, the. The only reason anyone ever invented the thing that throws the screen from your handheld to a screen on the wall is porn. What other time are you watching anything on your phone where you're like, I better screen mirror this up there on the big screen? The only reason that was invented. The only one.

[B]

A tug's life.

[D]

That's right. Frank's going through all of them.

[C]

The problem is you're going to pixelate, right?

[D]

All. Well, the Japanese will. And then you can't lick the penises, which is fine. And you know what to avoid. Maybe they'll do it with the HD helmets or what do they call those things, the virtual reality ones, the VR. And then you just lick in the air, walking around your house, just licking like vrd. That's right. Virtual reality Dick lick.

[B]

Vrdl.

[D]

Could put my VRDL helmet on. It's got a little thing. Your tongue goes in. Look. Oh, he's. He's lost. He's gone for 20 minutes.

[C]

Shatner.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

He's like, oh, yes, who? Shatner had that as he's already lost in his phone. He's like, oh, that tastes like real poo.

[B]

Does he know we're here? No, he has no idea we're here.

[D]

I think I just licked a cat.

[B]

Me. Eight lives left.

[D]

Anyway, I killed that one. Look every.

[B]

That means more than I thought.

[D]

That one's dead. I'll lick another. Yeah, I like the. I like the idea that your phones will be lickable. They're not. Well, they are actually. Everything currently is lickable, but now for a reason.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[D]

We're all gonna be walking around with window liquors. It used to be something.

[B]

It was, you know, frowned upon.

[D]

Yeah, very much so. You. You got. You got put in special classes for that. Now you're going to be an AI billionaire when you invent lickable porn. It's coming. It's coming soon. So are you. It's 9:27. We'll get to the hot releases in just a second. Just a little quick technology update. It's 98. Of control now. Time for us to. The smell o vision thing have people very divided. Surprisingly, I thought that would be a little bit more excitement than that. People like, why would I ever lick somebody's tv? You don't lick another man's television. It's like a wife go to another person's house. You lick your own TV and you keep it right there. You stay loyal to that television to the best of your ability so you don't go wandering licking neighbor TVs. Imagine if I went to my neighbor's TV and licked that good. Christ. You know what they've been watching? Like licking a public restroom over there. Lick your own television. And also, much like your wife, wash it afterwards. Ones. Frank's dumb guy laugh has got me.

[B]

That's all I got.

[D]

I don't laugh like you've been overtaken. Find the zipper on him and see who's inside Frank's body. This simulation has gotten everything right except the laugh.

[B]

I did not sleep a lot last night.

[D]

All right.

[B]

Nervous. Yeah.

[D]

He turned you into crazy. I guess. You're out there doing it all night. I can hear you across the hallway doing it all night. I can't get any rest.

[B]

Yeah. Giddy up.

[D]

It's time for the hot releases. They're brought to you by our [e-mail]. boy, oh boy. I. I would say we'd need new AC units here, but it's just. Now it's hot in here. It started off 40 degrees. Now it's kind of sticky, gooey.

[C]

They're listening.

[B]

It got real cold in here a little bit ago and now it's kind of.

[D]

It's. There's no comfort. There's no air conditioning. You condition the room to have a certain temperature. Not here, but it doesn't mean we need a new one. Although I think we just got, you know, we're close. It's 10 years. If you've got something that's 10 years or older, you're probably turning around. Showtime. Shane came here already. Showtime. Shane will be here. New AC unit.com will take care of you. If you got a unit that you want to get ahead of before it conks out this winter when you need heat, or maybe when the summer months start again, probably in late February. February, you guys are going to need that. You should take a look and save a thousand bucks extra just by using Holmberg and the promo code. New ac unit.com.com. save time, save thousands, save time, Save thousand. Save time. Buy online. We got videos. All right, go ahead.

[C]

All right.

[E]

For video games, there's one out that I just like the title. Squirrel with a Gun.

[D]

Yes. That's a game.

[E]

That's a game.

[D]

Homeowners mouse hunts are causing significant power power outages. A hidden truth lies beneath the surface. An ordinary rodent's fate is within his grasp. An FBI agent trips and his gun falls out. The squirrel gets it. Is here to eat nuts and shoot some guns. Guess what? He's all out of nuts. Like a pop.

[A]

Pablo, stand up.

[D]

Expect gun slinging action in a world platform you never knew could exist.

[B]

Hold on to your nuts.

[D]

The food chains got a new hierarchy. Get ready for Squirrel with a Gun. Coming soon to steam August 20.

[E]

It was out on other platforms. It's out this week for. For Nintendo Switch.

[D]

How did we not know about this back in August?

[B]

We did it.

[E]

We did it earlier this summer.

[D]

Squirrel with a Gun.

[E]

I don't remember that trailer. This trailer is better than whatever we showed last time.

[D]

I am all over at the beginning.

[B]

It's a 2024.

[E]

Yeah, it was last year or last year. Last summer again.

[D]

How did we not see that last year? How is this not taking the world by storm if it's on some platform? Everybody's like, dude, I would go buy a Dell computer right now if it was only for Squirrel.

[E]

The gun. Ted Danson is back in season two of A Man on the Inside on Netflix.

[D]

I started watching that whether you were having an affair, it seems like you don't. And he feels slowly paced his pace. It's his pace. Yeah, and it's not.

[E]

And the first one was in an old folks home. So he was like for life.

[B]

That guy is normalized. Martin Short.

[D]

Something juicy. This is the job.

[B]

Jack Barringer, president of Wheeler College.

[D]

What can we do for you?

[E]

My Laptop was stolen.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

This laptop is worth $400 million. Juicy. And it's good. It's just kind of.

[B]

Aw, that looks kind of quick directed.

[D]

It's just like let's get this cheap. Yeah, I guess it's just the timing felt fine. Funny on it.

[E]

Apple tv. You'll like this. Mark Wahlberg is back in the family. Plan two.

[C]

Yes.

[D]

What's the first one.

[B]

I need to secure?

[E]

How do you guys not know?

[D]

I didn't know that.

[B]

We did sit ups and just try to catch up.

[E]

He and his wife are undercover and their kids didn't know about it so they got roped into in the first one and now the kids know about it.

[D]

That's what did it. Get on the new couch. Okay, it's family fun. Not interested.

[E]

Exactly. And then here's another one. Brennan Fraser is back.

[B]

Before you go into that. Sorry, go back to. I just. What is going on with Mark Wahlberg's hair? Yeah, it looks like a peach Frankenstein.

[D]

Wow. I just spoke to Nina. She's going to stay in London for the holidays. I didn't know. Jess, the Morgans are always together on Christmas.

[B]

That's non negotiable.

[D]

The front looks okay, but once it gets to the back setting, it's drawn in hair. You're right. The back is a piece. He's got a back to. You're right.

[B]

Come on, Kyle, you know the word.

[D]

Not doing it. You said okay.

[B]

He probably had it shaved. Right? And then they just. They just threw a wig on the back.

[E]

Must have done something like that. All right. Out in theaters this weekend is Rental Family starring Brendan Fraser still around?

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, he won the Oscar so he's capitalizing. This is his next role.

[D]

But I got you a gig and the pay is actually pretty good. What's my part?

[E]

This is a real thing in Japan. Apparently you can rent a family.

[D]

What do you think we do here? We sell emotion.

[B]

How?

[D]

We play roles in clients lives. Parents, siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends, best friends. Oh, so they rent you to fool the family.

[E]

Not to fool actually be a part of it.

[D]

What I'm offering here.

[B]

Here is a chance to play roles.

[D]

With the real meaning. What do you need me for? We need a talking to white guy so you become a member of their family.

[E]

Somehow they're missing someone, so they. They hire you.

[D]

I'm your father and your father. That's just cruel. Imagine that Toledo if somebody hired that for you.

[E]

I know.

[D]

Toledo doesn't have a dad.

[E]

He missed a paycheck and he doesn't come.

[C]

What's happened.

[D]

Yeah. What if Brendan Frazier was your dad for a couple days and he left too?

[E]

The whale version or either one.

[D]

It doesn't matter. He's just filling the shoes of where your dad should be. And then he bails and then you realize it's you.

[B]

Is this something. They've had banks for a while.

[D]

It looks like maybe it's been. And they're cashing in on Brendan Fraser having a little success here recently.

[E]

That's all I got.

[D]

That's it. All right, Brett, what do you got? Music. All right.

[A]

Aerosmith and Youngblood getting together. Putting out an ep. This is my only angel.

[E]

More than one. This is the one we're playing?

[A]

I think so, yeah.

[D]

Everything I hear about Steven Tyler from Aerosmith is what we dealt with with Shatner is that backstage he can barely move. Then when he goes on stage, he becomes Aerosmith. Stephen Tyler again.

[E]

Why do we know Youngblood? Is he just out of nowhere?

[D]

Huge. Huge. Right now, yeah.

[B]

2019. I went to go see him with.

[D]

Gruden Youngblood and Gruden played.

[E]

Oh, no.

[B]

Stephen.

[D]

Ty, did you get backstage timeout?

[B]

No, they were.

[D]

We.

[B]

It was almost the guy, I think the guy, Gruden's right hand man, used to drive the bus, I think for Aerosmith, too. Used to drive the bus for the Stones.

[D]

That's pretty autotune, I was just gonna say.

[E]

Yeah. Which one is it?

[A]

It's like 8 con or something.

[C]

I golfed with Young Blood's video guy for this was last year or two years ago.

[D]

There you are right there. My God, you're on TV right now with gorilla chest.

[C]

Do you want to go to the show tonight?

[D]

You didn't go?

[C]

No, I came home and I called Young Blood is.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

You are so open to everything except actual night.

[D]

I like that. And the story had the ending of no. And the night.

[C]

Go back and meet Young Blood.

[D]

Blood.

[A]

No.

[D]

I've lived my whole life.

[E]

You know why?

[D]

I'm gonna keep that streak alive.

[E]

I saw the spelling of Young Blood and said, ooh, black.

[D]

Oh, that's true. You probably think it was an urban show because it's Y, U, N G or Asian maybe.

[E]

Yeah, There you go.

[C]

I saw a picture of him like, oh, it's MGK Jr.

[D]

I don't speak Chinese. Not interested in your human. All right.

[A]

It's new rock from Danko Jones. New album drops on Friday. This. This is diamond in the rough that he's playing tribute to Kiss.

[D]

Is that Danko? No. Okay. Thank God. It looks like Brady and I Had a baby and then ate the baby.

[E]

And tattooed him up.

[D]

I love Danko. If you need some love, well, look me up, Danko's back. Are we playing this, Larry? All right. I like that a lot.

[E]

Well, we're playing it tomorrow, Larry.

[D]

Playing it now.

[A]

Wake up song tomorrow. Oh, we can skip New striper. Yes, there's new striper coming.

[C]

God bless you.

[A]

Let's see.

[D]

New.

[A]

See.

[D]

All right. New seether.

[A]

Yeah. Been out for.

[D]

They became Death calls.

[E]

Chino's producing them.

[D]

Yeah, That'll be a hit. That'll be a huge rock.

[A]

That's either. All right, let's see here. How about Katy Perry?

[D]

Okay.

[A]

All right. This is Band Aids.

[D]

I have a theory, Frank, that Katy Perry and Elijah Wood are the same person, same face.

[E]

I don't think you're alone in that.

[D]

Promise. I try even more now she's not.

[E]

As made up as highlighting the bug eyes.

[D]

Even more. Yeah. Not the cans.

[E]

There's no cans at all.

[D]

Her cans. She's got huge cans.

[E]

We're talking about showing them.

[D]

She has got so used to you letting me down no use trying to send flowers now telling myself, you change, you don't. Band Aids of.

[A]

All right, let's jump to some AI. Cuz that's everybody's waiting.

[D]

Have you been paying attention?

[A]

How about eating my crack from the back?

[D]

This is all. Have you paid attention to AI music at all?

[B]

No, I only what you.

[D]

I'll send you some stuff. This is unreal. What's going on with this? Who is singing eat my crack from the back?

[A]

This is Sharona.

[D]

Sharona, fake 1950s person.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Oops, sorry, I got it wrong. Got one Dirty dance. Don't use your polite face get down to my taste Eat my crack from the back Lick it deeper don't hold back I want you lower Come on, baby, say please. Bent over, skirt up high. All right, now she's getting kind of graphic.

[B]

I like it.

[D]

I do too. I like Sharona's work.

[A]

Well, we can do when you're. Now we should. We'll save that for next week.

[D]

No.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Yeah. Carmen. Mayas. You gotta say that slower. I suppose I know what. Yeah, go ahead. Carmen. Carmen, my ass.

[A]

You can intro it.

[D]

This one is called wait a minute. When your balls hit my chin. Yeah. Oh, oh. It's a lover. Hoping for more in the heat of the night she does scream face.

[B]

Throw.

[D]

To open wide, sucking you dry. All right, second favorite one about some.

[A]

Cypress Hill, 60s soul style.

[D]

60S soul? Cypress Hill.

[B]

You're trying to get crazy with this.

[D]

Eh, don't you know I'm local?

[C]

Man.

[D]

All of these are good. Come on. To the one on the flam. Boy, it damn. I just dropped a hammer on the frying pan Like Spam. I'm coming from the land of the coming slam. Damn, I feel like the Son of Sam. Perfect. Check. Hey, do what you can to the jack. I'm going like General Electric. Was this when you were break dancing? Oh, freaking. My mind's low. That's why I don't funk with the big folk. That's all good. All right.

[A]

And I know we're running low on time, so that'll bring us to N word or F word, the game that's sweeping the nation. Okay, and today we have gas pedal by Sage, the Gemini. Now, there is an S word before we get to the other words.

[D]

Okay?

[A]

The words will be on the screen.

[D]

That I see it.

[E]

Honorary player Frank.

[D]

Frank, would you like to guess what will happen first? An N word or an F word? And you can go friendly. N word, mean. N word, friendly. F. You're going to go F word friendly or mean. A lot of thought. He's going to mean F word. Is Frank Brady angry? N word, angry. And I'll go. I'll go friendly. N word.

[E]

I'll go mfer.

[D]

All right, here we go. Here we go.

[A]

Now watch out for the S. No, west side, baby.

[B]

Do what you do.

[D]

And you got. Oh, there it is. It was a friendly end bomb. A friendly N bomb is the biggest winner. That was me.

[C]

Yep.

[D]

Fun game.

[B]

Frank's gonna play it on stage.

[D]

Remember when they in Galaxy Quest when they tried to laugh when they were human? That's new, Frank. Laugh. All right, we got the hot releases out of the way. Come over the entertainment drill and get out of here. It's 98. It's out of control now. 98. Morning sickness. All right, let's get the heck out of here. Frank Calendos joined us most the whole morning and he's going to be over at the 10pm Prov for new Year's Eve. Make your New Year's Eve plans now. You can get [e-mail]. Buy those tickets and take care of business that there. And you'll be out of there at 10:30.abouts and you go line up, you'll.

[C]

Get your New Year's kiss.

[D]

Oh, you're gonna do a kissing booth again this year?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

Or you can get a. Actually a Frank. They have a Frank pod. You can put it in your lickable television. I was Gonna say, take Frank home and lick Frank.

[B]

Get a taste of the mic.

[D]

Actually be pretty cool, like on a date to say this went really well. Well, do you want to taste me? Yeah, that'd be nice. I'll t and I'll give you and they exchange tastes. You go home and lick each other on TV and go, I think I want to stack a date with this. Be nice. You make your own manufactured. What you think of her?

[B]

She's lickable.

[D]

She's very lickable. Let's love it.

[B]

She's lickable.

[D]

I licked her last night and I'm going out with her again today. Anyway. It is time now for Brady to give you all the entertaining news he knows. It's the entertainment drill brought to you by reactdefense.com the Home Tactical Black Self Defense Training. Their 25th anniversary is here 89 for a month of training and that includes every class they have, which is a ton. It breaks down to like pennies per class. If you used all of them, that'd be ridiculous. But if you used all of them, that's what you got. But all your options are sitting right in front of you and you will get a taste of what it's like to be part of react defense's tactical black self defense training. Learn how to be a better version of you. Stop being a sheep. Start being a sheepdog and keep the wolves at bay. ReactDefense.com is the home of tactical black Brady. Entertain me.

[C]

A Canadian sports betting website. Use the Google keyword planner to figure out which NFL team is the most hated in the US Hated. Yep.

[D]

Patriots. Cowboys. Raiders were.

[A]

But I don't know about anymore.

[C]

Patriots are no longer on the list.

[D]

Not on the list.

[A]

It's like Cowboys and Raiders.

[C]

The Cowboys are tied with the Pittsburgh Steelers at number five.

[D]

Steelers are in the top five. Success.

[C]

Success. There's a tie for third place.

[D]

Packers.

[C]

The jets and the Packers.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Six states.

[D]

First place would be the Eagles.

[C]

So Cowboys in the Steelers are most hated.

[D]

Three states and three states.

[B]

It's gotta be the Chiefs, Eagles and Ravens.

[D]

You know what? He's probably right. The Chiefs have been annoying and now. Yeah, they hate winning and Tay Tay.

[C]

And the jets and Green Bay packers were six states hated. Las Vegas. Raiders are numbers two.

[B]

Not when I was coach. Man.

[D]

You know what? And I was watching that. We talked about it off there a little bit. The Raiders deserve everything that's happening to them as far as just a franchise that is in futility because they didn't.

[B]

Stand up for Gruden I'll tell you what, man, I. What I look to is the owner's haircut.

[D]

Yeah, you can't have an owner with.

[B]

That Dutch boy haircut becomes the epitome, whatever that is. It's a microcosm of your organization.

[D]

Just a poor haircut.

[C]

On the map I don't see one State of Kansas City Chiefs.

[D]

Who is number one?

[C]

Number one, Philadelphia.

[D]

The Eagles. Thirteen states current champions. Usually that's pretty high up. And the city of Philadelphia is not beloved by anybody but the brother there.

[B]

Oh, guys, I just signed in to Coinbase from Moscow.

[D]

Oh, why?

[B]

I don't know if this is not me, I gotta contact an 800 number. I gotta go lick it.

[D]

Lick it.

[C]

Timothy Chalamet told Adam Sandler he deserved an Oscar for Punch Drunk Love.

[B]

Thanks, big guy.

[D]

Stranger things. And Adam said, but you didn't even perform in that movie. I should have gotten the Oscar. You don't understand what I'm saying. You do not take advice for my films.

[C]

We got another list. Ranker.com did the best late night hosts of all time.

[D]

Well, this is easy.

[C]

Yeah. Carson number one.

[D]

Letterman.

[C]

Letterman number three.

[B]

In your, in your left hand, the top five list.

[D]

That's right, Dave.

[C]

Conan o' Brien number two too.

[D]

All right. It's a generation of people in their 50s.

[C]

Then number four was Craig Ferguson, John Stewart, Graham Norton, Ed Sullivan.

[D]

Wow. Jaylen was nowhere near this.

[C]

Stephen Colbert.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

John Oliver, then Dick Clark. That's the top ten.

[B]

What was one?

[C]

Johnny Carson?

[B]

Oh yeah.

[C]

Coming in.

[D]

This is the standard answer, I think.

[A]

Joe Fallon.

[D]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Where's Jimmy? Oh my God.

[C]

Jimmy Kimmel, 16th. Jimmy Fallon, 20th.

[D]

Seriously, who do I have to kill around here to get good ratings? My band leader. I killed Quest Love last night. Well, maybe if I cried like that. Kimmel. What are you laughing at? I'll kill you too. I. I've made him angry now.

[C]

Angry.

[D]

Off the air, Fallon is furious.

[B]

Angry, Funny. Fallon.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Angry, laughing.

[D]

Oh my God, I just killed him again. He's a serial killer with a. It's almost like the Joker. Yeah, he is sort of the joker. My God, I keep losing my ratings of these idiots. If you kill somebody and go quest lava cut his head off. Right on. That would be great. And then we'll have Blake Shelton come out and sing a song about it. Yeah. I don't get Fallon's not on there and Leno's not on there, which is surprising.

[B]

You said Fallon was like 20th or.

[D]

Something, but you didn't say Leno at all.

[B]

What's the deal with this.

[D]

True story.

[C]

True story.

[D]

He worked. He worked his whole life and he was number one for 14 years.

[B]

What's the deal with this? You guys see this?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

The thing. Did you see.

[D]

You're not even in the. That's all.

[B]

Listen, I'm not sure that I also do that show where it looks like I just got out of bed and I'm in my jean pajamas.

[D]

The. The Groucho Marks. You bet your life.

[B]

Yeah, you bet your life.

[D]

To do with that.

[B]

Have you tried this? Have you tried this?

[C]

The.

[B]

Yeah, you get pajamas and they may not have done them. Have you ever tried that? Denim pj. Denim pjs, dpjs. Sounds a lot dirtier than it is.

[D]

True story.

[B]

True story.

[C]

He's all bruised up.

[D]

Did he fall again? Oh, my God.

[B]

You guys know I filled in for him. That show right.

[D]

When he fell down.

[B]

No, no, no. When he caught on fire.

[D]

Oh, that's right. When he fell down.

[B]

When he caught on fire. I had to sub for him in Vegas.

[D]

Yeah. It's like a Michael Jackson. That felt like, whoa, whoa. I'm trying to get over to my show. And as I fell down this ramp over here, it's like a slippery grass. And play that sound effect for me, Mr. Shatner. No.

[B]

I'm fine. Pick me up.

[D]

I'm not fine. My face is a mess. Would you please. That's quite a. I'm watching a snap over there, Mr. Shatner, and it takes.

[B]

Something to make this face look worse, doesn't it?

[D]

I tell you what, you land on this face and you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I was comforted by the fall from my chin.

[D]

My chin broke the fall. This is good. I was doing chin ups. I was on the ground. But still the, the amazing thing, especially where the fell.

[C]

The fall happened.

[D]

Yeah, because he walked from a quartz. Or like. What are those?

[B]

I honestly believe it. 100.

[D]

I do not.

[B]

Because I've been on those. Those hotels. Those hotels, right there you go, you. You go right down there up on the.

[D]

He didn't have a car. I'll take a shortcut. Of all people do not have a car.

[B]

No, because they drop you up and drop you off.

[D]

I still don't buy it. He went from a Courtyard Marriott down a slippery grass hill.

[B]

I've been right there.

[D]

And they drive you from the Marriott to this show.

[C]

What it sounded like when you went down the hill first.

[D]

Did you have a.

[B]

Robert Ben Morgan Freeman? My voices, my life, voices are flashing in front of me. I tell you what, man.

[D]

I tell you what?

[B]

This guy screwed me over, man.

[D]

That's a big hill.

[B]

Speaking of hills, here's my Henry Hill. What are we talking about here?

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Huh? Huh? Is that what we're doing? Is that what we're doing here? Wow. So you're saying Jaylon goes. Well, it looks like it's time for the show. I should probably hoof it over to the arena.

[B]

I went down to get something to eat.

[D]

Oh, it was down.

[B]

I've done it.

[C]

I've done it.

[B]

Done that same move.

[D]

Nobody got Jay Leno a sandwich. He had to walk down a big hill.

[B]

There aren't higher level hotels. There's like Hampton Inns.

[D]

I'm just going from the Hampton Inn. I'll squeal down this grassy knoll.

[B]

I know, I know it sounds weird, but I've done the same move.

[D]

He was running from a hotel room he shouldn't have been in. The husband showed up. I gotta get the hell out of here. Jesus Christ. I'm gonna get killed. I'm fine. Pick me up.

[C]

Tripped on the denim cuff.

[B]

Try my liquor vision there.

[D]

That's the taste of Leno right there. You just had a nice little swipe of Leno on your tongue.

[B]

What's the deal with Cringer?

[D]

Have you seen this guy?

[B]

Okay, he man points a sword at.

[D]

Him and all of a sudden he's battle cat. Huh? What's the deal there?

[B]

You see Orko?

[D]

Sorry, J. All right, let's get out of here. That's it.

[C]

Say.

[D]

Anyway, somebody pointed out what I heard too. So did Brady just call Google gorgle or gurgle? Like gurgle? Don't search gurgle on Google. You're going to get through liquision faster than you want. Frank, thanks for popping in this morning. It was fun to share the near death experience of an icon in America with you.

[B]

It's great to see you.

[D]

It's wonderful to be great to be.

[B]

A part of this.

[D]

That's right. And we'll be part of more later. Frank's at 10pm Prov New Year's Eve. Get your tickets there. We're all done. You guys enjoy Larry and we'll see you tomorrow on the morning sickness.

[A]

Hello.

[D]

It's out of control now.