11-18-25 - Winter Has Hit Our Studios As Our Company Can't Seem To Get The A/C Right - Target Institutes New Smile Policy For Employees As New Generation Workers Aren't Expressive

Summary

Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 11-18-25

Episode Title: Winter Has Hit Our Studios As Our Company Can't Seem To Get The A/C Right - Target Institutes New Smile Policy For Employees As New Generation Workers Aren't Expressive
Date: November 18, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Location: 98KUPD, Arizona

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Episode Overview

This episode centers on two main comedic rants:

• The ongoing, absurdly dysfunctional air conditioning situation at the studio, which has left the crew freezing and frustrated.
• A new, somewhat bizarre “mandatory smile” policy at Target and what it says about generational changes in workplace culture, customer service, and expectations.

Throughout, hosts blend personal anecdotes, biting humor, and cultural critique, all delivered with the irreverent signature style HMS fans love.

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Key Segments & Discussion Points

1. Studio Deep Freeze: The Ongoing AC Disaster

[01:18–13:00]

• Opening Complaint:
  John Holmberg immediately launches into how cold the studio is—joking it feels like "31 degrees" and likening the place to a meat locker or “Rocky” training montage.
  “It's cold in here. It's like 31 degrees in this... When is it okay to start saying this is a work environment I'm not comfortable in?" – John [01:18]

• No Control, No Solution:
  They lament that only one person—who no longer works there—had the “nuclear codes” to the thermostat.
  "We're untrustworthy radio slobs. They've broken the air conditioners on purpose to where only one man can do anything with them. And lockdown. He's got some weird key..." – John [02:20]

• Physical Toll:
  Brady is sneezing, everyone’s noses are running, and they joke about OSHAA standards and unsafe working environments.
  "Brady's sick. You're sneezing like crazy. My nose stuffed up the second I got in here." – John [03:24]

• Blue-Collar Retorts:
  John taunts construction workers likely to email in, telling them not to complain about their own winter conditions, while noting radio folks didn’t sign up to freeze inside.
  "My dad was in construction. If the weather got bad, you all stayed home. So I don't want your emails. All right, Shut up." – John [05:26]

• Building’s History of Ineptitude:
  The AC has never worked properly in the building’s decade-long history, and management—rather than fixing it—just expects employees to endure.
  "This building's 10 years old. It's a...And it's getting worse. For 10 years, it's getting worse." – John [05:49]

• Satirical Solutions:
  They muse about lighting “hobo” fires, using “solo stoves”, breaking windows for warmth, or holding a contest for HVAC guys to fix it—winner gets $10,000.
  "Let's go full hobo in this bitch... I'm bringing those [solo stoves] in. We're just going to light little pellet fires." – John [04:19]
  "Let's just have any and all AC guys available right now. Just show up...Whoever gets it fixed wins the bid." – John [10:36]

• Management & Budget Cuts:
  The group jokes “Hubbard Radio” has bungled things so much that the electricity bill could be funding more employees; a former colleague got the axe possibly over AC overspending.
  "Turn the AC down, I bet you'd start running them, you'd run in the black again." – John [08:45]

• Dark Humor about Health:
  John riffs that Brady’s recent health issues and organ removal are entirely the fault of the cold, broken AC; he'd love to see Brady sue.
  “You gave me cancer because you don't know how to fix a mother air conditioner. Oh, please. Steal all the money from the queen and the Bob's. Please, Brady.” – John [09:53]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If this was a group of women, they wouldn't show up to work till it was fixed. And they'd be right.” – John [03:48]
• “Hubbard radio across the board has mismanaged themselves so badly...” – John [08:45]
• “His...It's intolerable in there sometimes…I have…my teeth started to chatter." – John on Paul’s studio [07:00]

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2. Target’s “Mandatory Smile” Policy and the Death of Employee Personality

[14:41–39:00]

• Target’s Attempt at Cheer:
  Discussion kicks off about Target mandating employees greet customers from ten feet away with a smile or a wave—allegedly to boost declining sales.
  “When you go into a Target, the employees aren't exactly like greeting you with great big smiles and ‘hi, how are you?’ So they're encouraging smiling and then now they've made it...you gotta be 10ft away...you better plaster on a smile...” – John [14:47]

• Artificial & Robotic Customer Service:
  The hosts mock how forced and awkward this “smile policy” will be and relate it to other business missteps.
  “Somebody in Target's higher-ups basically said we're not bothering the customers enough with strange, robotic emotional behavior.” – John [15:04]

• Generational Skills Gap:
  John rails against younger workers’ lack of social skills, deadpan expressions, “dead-eyed” stares, and inability to perform basic customer service tasks (e.g., getting water at a restaurant).
  “At a restaurant there was a kid who's probably 18, 17…all I said was hey, can I get a thing of water refill water. And he just stared at me. Huh? Just breathing out his mouth like water agua...” – John [15:40]

• Anecdotes on Service Failures:
  John recounts interactions with disengaged young workers, like the busboy who “doesn’t do water” or a bartender who flees when asked to break a bill.
  “He just stared at me, like, we don't do a lot of cash here…never saw him again. I think he just hid in the back until I left.” – John [19:25]

• Parenting and Work Ethic:
  The conversation spins into how previous generations learned social skills on the job, progressing from busing to waiting tables for better money, and why parents should instill money-motivation in their kids.

• Creepy Smile Fallout:
  They predict forced smiles at Target will be “horror movie” weird, alienating both employees and customers accustomed to transaction simplicity—who would rather shop online anyway.
  “In a world filled with cynics, Target basically says, we're gonna smile at you like a horror movie from a distance and maybe even wave to you. But I would be so put off. All I'm trying to do is buy soccer balls...” – John [24:19]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• “If you don't plaster that smile on, it's hell to pay. It's Mobile Dutch brothers again. Yeah. Oh yeah. Bother me more.” – John [14:52]
• “They're just kind of dead blank face. They're screens themselves. At a restaurant...he just stared at me. Huh? Just breathing out his mouth. Like, water? Agua?” – John [15:40]
• “I don't do water. Okay, well, way to go. You know that's a go get 'em attitude.” – John [16:20]
• “You imagine this generation in this room, 40 degrees, they don't do water...Like, oh my god. I'm not feeling safe in the cold room. Neither am I.” – John [20:39]
• “If you're a person who goes into Target and ever reports one of the employees for not smiling at you. You're the problem, not these poor kids...” – John [25:35]
• “Look, dude, I'm not a good smiler...I look like somebody just told me my parents are on fire. I hate that posed fake smile.” – John [28:56]
• “They became smarmy phony weirdos that would follow you around. And they solved their problem by not being annoying. And so Target's like, what we need is our employees to be more like 1990s car salesmen.” – John [24:19]

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3. Retail Experience: Who’s Doing It Right?

[31:13–34:07]

• Home Depot & Ace Hardware:
  The crew contrasts Target’s aggressiveness with Home Depot’s famously gruff (but honest) “you’re bothering us” attitude.
  “Every one of those orange apron bastards you walk by acts like you're bothering them.” – John [31:13]
  Ace Hardware is praised for no-nonsense, hyper-competent service—quirky employees who immediately suss out what you need.

• Ikea and Navigation:
  John riffs on getting lost in Ikea and the myth of the “arrows”—highlighting the difference between too much and too little customer engagement.
  “I've walked past this five times. I think somebody screwed with an arrow and keeps leading me right back here.” – John [38:24]

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4. Race, Retail, and Surveillance

[35:27–37:53]

• A listener email sparks a discussion about how policies like “smile” mandates intersect with retail profiling—especially for Black customers.
• John and crew riff on past experiences, such as being stopped by Walmart staff when shopping for electronics with a Black friend, and the awkward encounters and discomfort it creates. "He goes, 'God damn it.' And I'm like, this is you, isn't it? I've never experienced this." – John [37:03]

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Highlights & Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On AC Malfunction:

  • “It's so cold in here, they have to start to wonder, when is it an unsafe work environment? When do we get to play those pussy games everyone else plays?” – John [01:35]
  • “Let's just have any and all AC guys available right now...whoever gets it fixed wins the bid.” – John [10:36]

• On Target's Smile Policy:

  • “When you go into a Target, the employees aren't exactly like greeting you with great big smiles...so they're encouraging smiling. And now...you better plaster on a smile.” – John [14:47]
  • “They're just kind of dead blank face. They're screens themselves...a dead eyed kid that's got no personality at all.” – John [15:40]
  • “Put a lot of pressure on me, sir. You imagine this generation in this room, 40 degrees, they don't do water...” – John [20:07]

• On the Nature of Retail Work:

  • “I like it. You know who's got the right approach? Home Depot. Every one of those orange apron bastards you walk by acts like you're bothering them.” – John [31:13]
  • “Ace Hardware...he looks at me, goes, 'Boss.'...that's him saying, can I help you? What do you need?” – John [33:30]

• On Racial Profiling in Retail:

  • “There was nothing better than asking that employee that was harassing us... 'It's because of him, isn't it?'” – John [36:32]
  • “Reggie was as cool as it gets about it. He goes, God damn it. And I'm like, this is you, isn't it? I've never experienced this. It is.” – John [37:03]

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Tone and Language

• Humorous, irreverent, and cutting.
• Hosts bounce rapid-fire between sarcasm and genuine workplace gripes.
• Frequent use of storytelling, exaggeration, and playful ribbing—both of each other and society.

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Conclusion

This episode epitomizes Holmberg's Morning Sickness’s blend of office comedy, social commentary, and bold, sometimes controversial takes. From absurd cold in their studio to the creepy new world of forced retail smiles, they lampoon the everyday annoyances of work and shopping, all while poking fun at generational divides—and perhaps, finding common ground in the universal distaste for phony customer service and malfunctioning air conditioners.

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Most Memorable Moment:
"Look, dude, I'm not a good smiler...I look like somebody just told me my parents are on fire. I hate that posed fake smile." – John [28:56]

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For further listening:

• Skip ads, intros, and outros; the heart of the episode is in the candid, unsparing, and always funny group dialogue about the state of work and modern life.

Transcript

[A]

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[C]

Good morning, everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Tuesday. It's 5:45. It's the morning sickness. My name's John Holmberg. There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Fesley, Big Dick Toledo. And yeah, it's. It's cold in here. It's like 31 degrees in this. When is it okay to start saying this is a work environment I'm not comfortable in that is that we pressure. We got to get Eric Brian down here. And everybody has tried and everyone has failed to make sure our air conditioner works properly. It works, but it shouldn't even be on. Yeah. And it is blowing freezing cold air in this room right now.

[A]

Rocky, can you come in here and train right now?

[C]

There's meat. There's meat hanging. And I put my headphones on and realized that while I did it, I was like, oh, that's nice. These have now become earmuffs. They're not. They're not just. That's Winterized. It's so cold in here, they have to start to wonder, when is it an unsafe work environment? When do we get to play those pussy games everyone else plays? You read about in the news where it's like. Well, it was a. I guess toxic. I don't know what you would call it. It's just a unreasonable work environment. It's freezing. I mean, like to a. I feel sick when I'm in the room because my nose stuff's up. It's like Arctic blast. Why is the. And, oh, here's the other thing. I know you're all saying, we'll just turn it off. John. Oh, no, no, no, no. There's none of that because we're untrustworthy radio slobs. They've broken the air conditioners on purpose to where only one man can do anything with them. And lockdown. He's got some weird key and some strange nuclear codes that.

[A]

Well, he don't work here anymore. Marcus was the only one with the key to Chicago.

[C]

Now he couldn't make it work either. We didn't. When, When Marcus moved to Chicago, we didn't say, hey, where's that key? And we. We've known he's. He's still in the company. We can't call Marcus and go mail us that key. Yeah, I don't know.

[A]

It's.

[D]

I don't know how many times I've heard, oh, yeah, it's fixed. Just hit the thermostat there.

[C]

I mean, Brady's sick. You're sneezing like crazy. My nose stuffed up the second I got in here. This is just this. And no one can figure this out. Our phones and air conditioner cannot be solved. It's. It's. And I'm not. You know, we sound like we're complaining. Like, baby, it's maybe 44 degrees in here.

[A]

It's ridiculous.

[C]

Like, freezing cold.

[A]

It's like the beginning of war games. We got to both come in and crack the codes and turn the keys at the same time.

[C]

The Whopper is going to take care of business for you. If it was a group of women, they wouldn't show up to work till it was fixed. And they'd be right. Yeah. If you put broads in a 40 degree room every day and said, sorry, we don't know how to fix. And would somebody here just say, I don't know? Instead of, hey, the air conditioner is going. Well, the problem with it is, like, I don't want the breakdown. Why can't it get fixed? I don't understand.

[D]

Why don't you bring that solo stove?

[C]

You know what? Let's light some fires. Let's go full hobo in this bitch. I will leave that. I will leave. Go home and get it. I have the. I have awesome little tiny baby personalized solo stoves. I'm bringing those in. We're just going to light little pellet fires. And I have to ask you that when my pellet fire gets going, or it might.

[D]

We got to get electric heat.

[C]

No, Even better. We just can't figure it out. We can't just. Same answer as them. Well, you got the. They'll come in and they'll go, what are you doing? The. The fire alarms are going off like. Well, what happened is we'll just explain our situation and do nothing to change it. It is cold.

[A]

We stand around it singing doo wop songs, you know, warming our hands.

[C]

Like when Rocky would go home. Frank Stallone. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that that was Rocky's brother Frank singing the doo wop in Philly. Cause nothing is nothing. Shouts do up street. More than four white guys standing around fire. Anyway, so we start today complaining. And I apologize to you guys, but if you could be in this room, you'd be like, all right, this isn't. This isn't fair.

[A]

Call Eric, Brian. Just wake him up.

[C]

People. I'll tell you this. People outside today, like construction guys. I know you're the ones that are gonna email Go, you pussies. It's cool. When it rains, you don't go to work. So I don't wanna hear it from you guys at all. My dad was in construction. If the weather got bad, you all stayed home. So I don't want you. I don't want your emails. All right, Shut up. We're getting them already. Stop being a pussy.

[A]

I work up north outside all year long. Hey, you signed up for, pal.

[C]

We didn't. We don't sign up to go. We're not working outside. I would rather be outside right now. It's 12 to 15 degrees warmer outside right now. At least if it's like 55, it's warmer outside. It's miserable and it's non stop. It's this weird little constant breeze on our heads from these AC units. But I. I don't care so much about the cold. I care about why no one can fix it. This building's 10 years old. It's a. And it's getting worse. For 10 years, it's getting worse. It's always been a little Chilly. I'm okay with the 60s. It seems like you guys can't get this solved. Now we're getting into the thing. I think they're just trying to freeze us out.

[D]

And then Paul for. I don't. Six out of the 10, maybe live worked in the ice box.

[C]

Paul has. I thought for a while their. Paul was like, just going for a record of, like, weight. What he's doing is. What the dugong does is adds a layer of blubber to his body to keep warm. That's all Paul's doing. He's basically a manatee or a sea cow who's trying to just blubber up. So work isn't so bad. His. His. It's intolerable in there sometimes. Like I have.

[D]

Now it's the other way.

[C]

It's too hot.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a fan going in the. In the summertime, his room is so cold that I've. I've not. No kidding. Have gone in there to do some work with him. And my teeth started to chatter. What's going on? Like, oh, my God, that guy can't control that my teeth are chattering. Oh, I know. He's got heat. He's got. We break windows. We're doing anything.

[D]

It's two rooms.

[C]

Yeah. There's reasonable, like, oh, I get it. This thing's just really efficient. And then there's what's going on here. When I walked in the room, I'm like, oh, it's cold in there. I want gloves. I want gloves. And I like cold. This is stupid.

[A]

Look who's emailing him.

[C]

Who is it? All right, Said, I've done h vac for 20 years. Would you like me to come look at it? Showtime scene. Yes.

[D]

He hasn't done.

[C]

I will hire Showtime. Can you make it this morning? Shane, I'm gonna hire somebody to do this and build the station accordingly. In fact, it's a. This is an off hours office run. Because whatever we're doing with. No, you can't. You gotta get our guy. Well, he ain't doing it. We got the guy with the house for a truck that comes into the parking lot every once in a while. He's supposed to. He comes up and he's got the.

[A]

Master key to what he's doing nothing.

[C]

He's just pressing buttons and makes it col. It is freezing again. If this was a bunch of women, we could say, I'm not going in there until you get that fixed. And everybody'd be like, yeah, we gotta fix it. That's broads. But because we're guys. We're expected to be wildly uncomfortable all morning.

[A]

Imagine the electric bill around here. I mean, just on the AC alone. Not to mention the Miami Vice lights across the hall over there.

[C]

I mean, Hubbard radio across the board has mismanaged themselves so badly that they're chopping every city's firing some mid level guy. And there's talks of people getting canned all the time. Turn the AC down, I bet you'd start running them, you'd run in the black again.

[D]

Three. Three jobs lost because the ac.

[C]

Yeah, but they don't. They don't realize that they could. They could save job. They could literally save four or five people's livelihoods. Just get the AC fixed. This. There's no reason for this to be turning at a 44 degree level when it's beautiful outside. It's brutally bad. I know. I'm bitching. I know. But it is. If you were in this room too, you'd be like, come on, I got to sit in this all day. Brady's been having this thing blow down on his bald head for the last four months. And it's like getting kind of cool in here. And when the whole room finally. Cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, cancer. A kidney's missing, and I blame this bill. I hope there's a lawsuit brewing, Brady. I hope that you got all that cancer from this room. I hope. I hope you're standing in a courtroom someday staring over at the Bobs and the queen.

[D]

Can we test?

[C]

You did this. You gave me cancer because you don't know how to fix a mother air conditioner. Oh, please. Steal all the money from the queen and the Bob's. Please, Brady.

[D]

I'm going for it, man.

[C]

You just look into it. I'm not kidding. Just look into it. I don't even want any. I just want you. I want you to be okay. That's. And I want them to suffer. That would be awesome. Oh, I want them to suffer. Yeah. Gave Brady the cancer. Terrible cancer. Unbelievable. Couple months of his life and what did Brady do?

[D]

He.

[C]

He got the cancer removed an organ, taken out, back to work a week later to come back and get cancer in his one remaining organ. Because the Queen and the Bobs don't know how to fix an AC unit. Showtime. Shane, we need you. You're hired. In fact, much like Platio, let's just have any and all AC guys available right now. Just show up. We'll let you in. You guys can all come in. And whoever gets it fixed wins the bid. Oh, there you go. Let me put it on. $10,000 to the winner. Because we randomly toss that number around here like nobody's business. Let's just say it right there. How about that? It is uncomfortable. Cut you a check, we'll chop you a check. I can do that now. Anybody can. Evidently. Just. You'll get a check. Yeah, everybody gets one. Yeah, it's because if this is. Maybe they're trying to make us leave. Does it get better after 10 working? It's not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. Anyway, that's enough. It's. It's cold out and I don't understand it. Now if a round of cuts, like, if it's a budget cut, I can tell you where you can first move. Ben would still work here if they could figure out the ac. We had to bounce Ben. Look, a few months ago now, I don't know if it was all budget, but he got bounced and he hadn't been replaced.

[E]

It's true.

[C]

So that's budget. And we've got to be spending 70 to $80,000 a month on the air conditioner in winter.

[D]

I just love to go around the building upstairs, downstairs, and there's nothing. There's a series of trash can fires going.

[C]

Fingerless gloves like people shaking. And it's not like we got a building full of, you know, you know, bikini models and stuff. Want to know if the reason that the AC would be on for now we're in radio. Nipple stuff. Yeah, we're in radio. It's Fitz and you and me. Nobody wants to see our hard nipples. Or maybe, hey, now, you know what? Turn the AC down. I want to see Brady's Nips Trips. Nips. That's how I got a whole page of it on the Internet.

[D]

We'd have. We'd get a letter saying, yeah, you have to wear band aids over your nipples from now on. It's uncomfortable.

[C]

John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 kupd. Hey, it's john Holbrook from the morning sickness. And football season's in full swing, and Underdog is the best place to get in on all the action plan. Playing on Underdog is easy pick whether your favorite players will go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns, and more. This week on Underdog. I'm looking at my Steelers and Darnell Washington to go higher than his touchdown stat. And also Justin Herbert of the Chargers to go lower than his passing yards. Download the app today and sign up with the promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5. That's promo code. HMS Underdog make picks win money must be 18 + 19 + in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 + in Colorado for some games, 21+ in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms dfs underscore.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7Hope Line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text Hope NY 467-369. It's John Holmberg here from the Morning Sickness for Lifechangerloan.com I had a friend text me the other day and he was skeptical. He was like, there's got to be a catch, man. Math is absolute. It can't lie. So we went to the computer, put his info in the little [e-mail] and found out that his loan, which he owes $523,000 over the next 27 years on, could be paid off in eight years and he will save 389,000 in interest. That's insane. You should be skeptical. Ask questions. Then you'll see for yourself it's not magic. It's just math. Life change alone.com Homeburg's morning sickness have you seen what Targets doing with a mandatory smiling? Yeah, I love that. I think that's hilarious. Target has a new policy now where they're, you know, when they send in shops, they're saying that one of the reasons they're having a lull in sales is not they're too stupid to realize it's the Internet's made everything easier. That, you know, when you go into a Target, the employees aren't exactly like greeting you with great big smiles and hi, how are you? So they're encouraging smiling and then now they've made it. Yeah, yeah, you got to be 10ft away. You better.

[D]

If you're 10ft away, you don't acknowledge.

[C]

Yeah, you better plaster on a smile or wave or something because if you don't plaster that smile on, it's held to pay. It's Mobile Dutch brothers again. Yeah. Oh yeah. Bother me more.

[D]

How are you today?

[C]

Somebody in Target's higher ups basically said we're not bothering the customers enough with strange, robotic emotional behavior. That doesn't mean anything. I will say, though, in Target's defense generation of non social weirdos are now working those menial jobs and they don't have any personal skills at all because we're not screens. And you know, that's about as much as you'll get out of them. And you're like hey sir, where am I going to find the the shower soaps? Huh? Yeah, nevermind idiot.

[D]

It's proactive. I like that.

[C]

I like the idea of them doing what parents should have done a long time ago is create a personality in someone and nobody under the age of 18 has one. They're just kind of dead blank face. They're screens themselves. They're dead blank faced people. At a restaurant there was a kid who's probably 18, 17. That's the age when you should probably have a personality by now. You know, I get 14 or 15. You're a little bit blank among adults. 17, 18. And all I said was hey, can I get a thing of water refill water. And he just stared at me. Huh? Just breathing out his mouth like water agua. What am I missing here? Why are you still standing? I don't do water. You die froze. Can you talk to the water executive and get the pitcher? I don't do the water. Okay, well way to go. You know that's a go get him attitude to.

[D]

Yeah, I'll go find someone that does. That's all it was.

[C]

All you had to say is yes and then go. I'm really behind the eight ball here. I don't know how to do water. And then find guy on table five. Five says water. What is he, Noah? No, I'm just saying I want a fill the water glass. I don't do water. And he walked away like does this mean I have to ask someone else or is he gonna go up the water chain and go find me somebody? But he was just dead inside. He was just a dead eyed weirdo.

[A]

You wanna see Toledo's kid at work?

[C]

Yep. It was Alex. What? John, I don't. Don't do water. What are you allergic? Go get me a goddamn glass of water. I'm at a restaurant. I'll get it myself. No, I see. I don't do that. What do you do? I pick up trash. You can't take a break from that for. We're like eight tables in the whole place. Show me where the pitcher is. I can do this. I used to be a busboy. I'd multitask. I could do water and picture.

[D]

That's what I do. I'm a buster.

[C]

Never even had like Kirby's a Buster. Like they don't even have busters anymore at a lot of places. They just got tired of hiring these dead eyed dolts that wander around in staircase. So.

[D]

And it was good training on that particular restaurant. And they're like, you got to do this if you're not doing that right.

[C]

Well also though, just kill the dead eyes. If you've got a dead eyed kid that's got no personality at all and you're like, you're noticing that light a fire under that kid. I mean that's the best thing that ever happened to me. Busting tables when I was 15. You start learning how to, you know, do the fake smile and get through stuff. Because if somebody hands you a few bucks and you're like, hey, I was just nice to them, that's all that took. Next thing you know, you're, you're smiling and you're pretty happy all the time. I don't do water. Okay, well I do and I want some.

[D]

So what's it, you know, the other thing is when you work there for a little bit and you're busing, you're like, man, waiting tables. You make even more money.

[C]

Oh. If you're money motivated, it's like a dog that's treat motivated versus the ones that are like just kind of. You have to figure them out. All like kids are, are kind of tip you don't really care about money. And that I blame MSNBC for I.

[D]

Can'T raise my three kids bussing.

[C]

Yeah, because they've been reading Billie Eilish's page and telling everybody how Elon Musk is a jerk. I'm like, no, no, no. You guys need ambition. Don't get to Musk level. But try to make money. Don't. Every parent should be like, oh my God, you should want money. Be money motivated. That means you'll leave my house faster. Ask this guy Toledo just walked in the room. His kid moved back in.

[E]

Did he leave my house?

[C]

Yeah. Leave my. That ain't never happening, is it? Is he bussing tables or doing anything? Oh yeah, he is. Yeah. Where at is he dead eyed? No, no, no, he's good. He's actually good. Okay. Went and washed him. He's a hustler. Yeah. Dead eyed kids are everywhere. But yeah, I don't do water. Was the thing.

[E]

He would get you water?

[C]

Yeah. That just seems so easy. Like I remember there were times. Well, there's a kid at the Rah Rah room that works behind the bar and he's very nice and Deshawn Is one of the bartenders. And deshawn wasn't around him like, hey, buddy, I said, can you break a hundred dollar bill? He looked at me like. I was like, what are the nuclear codes? He just stared at me like, we don't do a lot of cash here. I'm like, do you have it in your pocket? Does anybody just crack this down? So I'll give you 20 bucks if you give me 80 back. Just make this easy on me. And he just looked at me and then he left. And I'm like, he's gonna go get somebody for this. Never saw him again. I think he just hid in the back until I left.

[D]

Please go away.

[C]

Hey, please stop asking me for math. Not. I just. I was. I only tried to give you $20 to break something to make it easy on me to tip a valet. Can you help a brother out? Ah, questions are hard. Not big fan of that. Put a lot of pressure on me, sir. You imagine this generation in this room, 40 degrees, they don't do water. You wanna. I'm gonna have to go away until that room becomes a safer space. Like, oh, my God. I'm not feeling safe in the cold room. Neither am I.

[D]

Were the twins not there that night in the short white dresses, they'd break a hundred.

[C]

Oh, yeah. No, the twins. Oh, the twins will break. Well, I think you gotta Venmo the twins. I don't know how that works, but I've seen the twins wander through. And I'm like, I don't think they're members, but I think they're four members. A couple of girls that wander there one night. Were you there that night? The twins were there. No, it was weird. They're like seven foot matrix girls that were built by AI and came to life. And they wandered through once and everybody just stopped talking. Even Sophie Cunningham and I were like, the hell is that? And then it turns out you can pay them. I found out from another guy you can pay them online to. All right, enhance the mood, do stuff to each other. And then I really. And I. I'm not attracted to the idea of Internet incest. I just have never. They're real twins. Like, yeah. And then one guy was like, yeah, dude, you can get them to do anything but stuff. And like, with each other. Yeah, like, that's gross. Those are sisters. This is gross. You're gay. They would. You're gay. I'm like, I'm not gay. I'm just like, I know the order of things, and that's gross. Can I get a Glass of water. Sorry, bro, don't do water. And it was at a nice place. It wasn't a dump. Where this dead eyed boy stared at me and said, I don't do water. Okay. Could you get me the water Nazi then? I don't know. Who's in charge of your water pitcher? Maybe he was under a lot of stress when he tried once before to get water and the guy went over, what the hell do you think you're f. Ing doing? I was getting water for. That's my pitcher boy. Nobody touches the water pitcher. Old Jake will kick your ass. I've been pouring water for 150 years. I'm gonna keep doing it. There we are standing by our fire pit. People are. That's when Rocky carried Adrian home after the wedding and he'd walk by the doo wop van. That was Frank Stallone. Brady, you look great. You've lost weight. You're about a foot and a half taller. I look like the lead singer of Quiet Riot. I don't know what's happened here. Great picture. Thank you, bro. Thank you very. That's a lovely thing. You may have noticed I didn't give you a special word today, but I am smiling and I am waving to you. But that's. I'll tell you, the contest is over and that's good. Somebody emailed and said, I don't. I don't want people bothering me at places. All Target did was make it so I won't go in there. Well, that's what they've been having a problem with is people don't go in anymore. And I think the last thing you want is smiling faces staring at you.

[D]

I noticed another strategic move they did. They have an exclusive drink at the Starbucks and Targets.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

Only get it there at that Tarba.

[C]

It's the smile.

[D]

It's like a peppermint mocha.

[C]

Wow, that's nice. That's trying to get. That's better. That's a better thing to make it so you can only get a certain thing that's pretty good inside of a Target. I like Target. Target's great. But if you've got somebody bugging you the whole time, it's what it's the opposite of. Is there any executives left that know anything about society? Car dealerships were. Because they were told to go getcha. Smile, fake it. Be nice. They became smarmy phony weirdos that would follow you around. And they solved their problem by not being annoying. And so Target's like, what we need is our employees to be more like 1990s car salesmen. Smiling, bugging you, Seeing you at a. There's nothing worse than seeing a salesperson at a distance. And then you lock eyes. You're like, oh, no, that guy saw me. We got to get out of here.

[A]

Every morning we went Dr. Walk downstairs to our cars. There's Ed.

[C]

There's Ed. Don't make eye contact for them. He'll start. Oh, boy. Here we go. Yeah. And Ed's not high pressure, but Ed's a Target employee. He smiles, and he looks at you like nobody's this nice. What are you up to? In a world filled with cynics, Target basically says, we're gonna smile at you like a horror movie from a distance and maybe even wave to you. But I would be so put off. All I'm trying to do is buy soccer balls for my. My dog Jack, who loves those, and that's where I get them. It's faster than I. But now there's been days where I actually can order it on Amazon and it shows up within an hour. But if I want to play with Jack right now and I got to go to Target to get the soccer balls, if a dude in a red shirt was 20ft away and he started to wave to me, I might run. What the hell's going on? He's gonna need money or something. I do. Water. Oh, no, no. I don't need that now. I'm getting out of here. Come back. We have doorbusters. We have Doorbusters. Sir, please, I need to know your name. That would be a move I'd make that would keep people out, but that I would say everybody who walks into Target gets a name tag. All the customers.

[D]

There you go.

[C]

Have to wear a name tag. And you walk around. But then it would turn into, you know, I.P. far and Harry Cooch. The people just write stupid stuff on there. My name is Tags. Hi, there. Welcome to Target, Mr. Cooch. Hi, Mr. Hunt. Michael it is. Yeah. See the whole thing. Go see the whole thing. Of course, bro. And if your son's name is six. Seven. Yeah. Okay, well, I gotta plaster on a phony smile and act like I like you, and then later talk about you. I hate you. So Target's got that going on. If you want to go toy with those people, you have to. And here's the thing. Target sending in secret shoppers constantly to make sure their employees are being annoying, thoroughly annoying to the customers. That's fine and dandy for Target. If you're a person who goes into Target and ever reports one of the employees for not smiling at you. You're the problem, not these poor kids and people who are just trying to make ends meet being forced to fake like you. You're a desperate troll who has to wander through a target. Well, they said they're supposed to smile. You get a 10% discount. John Holmberg's morning sickness the 98K U.

[E]

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[C]

Morning sickness. What are they giving us if we don't get a smile? What do we get by $5? One of them Starbucks things Brady was.

[D]

What's it going to take, man? That's what they'll ask. How can we make this good?

[C]

How do I get you to smile at me authentically? Because what you're doing looks like somebody's prodding you. Look, dude, I'm not a good smiler. I'm a bad fake smiler. I don't like pictures for that reason. I look like somebody just told me my parents are on fire. I hate that posed fake smile. I can laugh. Have fun laughing. That's an authentic smile.

[D]

And some people are. I mean, like you said, that are tough to approach.

[C]

Oh.

[D]

Like if you have to break that. This guy looks like he is gonna kill somebody.

[C]

I'm fine wandering up to an employee or to a customer. If I work a Target. Hey, can I get you anything or how you doing? Can I help you? It's fine. And that's then on the customer to go, I'm good and I'm gonna leave you alone. But if I. If I horror movie you from 10ft away and give you eyeballs and a big fat fake smile, I can't fake smile. I look like a rapist. It's terrible.

[A]

Those fake smiles. Somebody walks by.

[C]

Yeah. What are you doing looking at, you know, what are you saying? What the give you the right to be so goddamn happy? You work at Target. I know this. I know that's a fake smile.

[D]

They look at Brett and they go, ragu is in aisle four.

[A]

Oh, you son of a. Yeah, they.

[C]

Know I'm gonna wipe that smile off their face. Howdy, sir. Yeah, get a bunch of fake Jim Carrey's running around. It's a great day here at Target. Where's the ragu? I know. I didn't ask you nothing. Follow me, mister. This guy says, did Toledo just say his kids a hustler? Yeah, hustled your ass out of a year's rent so we could live in Tucson for free. That's not the definition of a hustler. Oh, wait, that's a dad's job to teach their kids. I forgot Toledo. My apologies. You didn't have a. He didn't have a role model. That's. That's true. Hilarious. Anyway, Target, I like your efforts, but leave us alone. I mean, if Target put out a thing that said we're Gonna leave the customers alone. You find us. I think people like me would be like, I'm going back to target the customers. Like, it's not about running away from us, but it's just leave us alone. I like it. I like. You know who's got the right approach? Home Depot. Every one of those orange apron bastards you walk by acts like you're bothering them.

[A]

Oh, man.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Hey, do you know. I know I've got one. I need a. This little tiny screw. It's like this. I brought it from. Did you take that from us? No, no, no. If I did, I wouldn't be talking to you. This is the one I need. Where are these? Aisle 21. Like, can you show me, like, where the.

[D]

On the right.

[C]

I was in three. I was in aisle 21. And there's 7 million drawers, and they're all five, eight. And I don't know what that means. Put the thing next to the one you want. There's where I need you. Like, I don't know which one I want. Ugh.

[E]

Can I push back on that a little bit? I think it's because of the holiday season, but they've got that one person or pair of people that walk around with a clipboard. Hey, we're just conducting a survey. Home Depot survey. Would you like to participate?

[C]

I haven't seen that one yet.

[D]

Yeah. Projects in the house.

[E]

And. And they usually do.

[D]

It's. It's like the.

[E]

That dating show where they. They up you.

[C]

I'm excited when somebody at Home Depot comes up and goes, can I talk to you for a second? Because I think it's going to be one of those backyard renovation shows, right? That's like. Are you going to renovate my kitchen? No, I just wanted to know if we're doing a good job. Better job. If you renovated my kitchen, I'd give you tens across the board. Yeah, the Home Depot guys are just fed up. There's a Ace hardware off of 12th Street. I think it's an Ace. It's one of the two True Value Race. And there's a dude in there who is. He's been working there forever. He used to work at the one by my house. There's. It's called Barry's. Barry's Ace Hardware. And there used to be 1 on 16th street in Glendale or Bethany. And I used to walk over there just to get stuff because this dude was great. He's got the strangest voice I've ever heard. And he. And he's just. He's no nonsense. It's the way it should be. I walk in, and he looks at me, goes, boss. I'm like, that's. That's him saying, can I help you? What do you need? And I'm like, yeah, I'm looking for a torques thing of what are you taking off seat belt? No, you'd be a mechanic. Take off seat belts. Here you go. And it was, like, in his pocket. I'm like, wow, that was awesome. How'd you do that so fast? I'd have wandered around here for an hour. I know what you need. And I go back in it, boss. And I giggle at him every time I need a socket wrench that's got a big top on it. And he knows the real words for it.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

And I give him the hand thing. What are you doing here? Whining the clock? No, I'm just trying to show you what I want to do, like put the tools in the. These are invisible tools. Make them real. And here's what I want to do with them. Ready? Yep. Whatever you just saw me doing. And about this big. And I'll have my hand around what slot? This is the official slide the thing I need here into my. My cuppy hand, and then put the stick that I need in this. You mean the ratchet set? Okay. I'll follow you to wherever those live.

[D]

You can. They just opened one up at our neighborhood about a year ago. And you could, like, bring your list in and just hand it to.

[E]

There you go, John. Go to Gilbert.

[C]

Yeah, I am not gonna do that.

[D]

The Ace does go over.

[C]

Oh, they're great. There's an old lady that works at the front of the Ace. I walked in there. Right. Right as before. The Duke bows. And all I needed was that. What? I think I told you. The other Torx torch. Torx. What's.

[A]

What is it like a Torx bit.

[C]

Or a torque star bit? Yeah, it's a bit, and it's big. I had up to 48, evidently. But I didn't have 50, and I needed a 50. So I went in and Bob, I told him. And then the old lady behind the counter goes, I haven't a yard sale today. She was like. She was haunted. She found me. I haven't a yard sale today. I'll deck if you're interested. Everything's a dollar. I'm sorry. I don't want anything for just a dollar that I would actually display in my home. Okay. And then she leaves, or she goes back to her counter and I'm buying my Torx Screw and she comes, I walk up to her and she goes, would you like to sign up for an ace value? I'm like, I'm buying this the least amount of time in this building possible before I sign up for anything. She goes, do you work out? I'm like, this is getting really weird fast. You look great. I'm like, thank you very much. Did I tell you about the yard sale? Yeah, everything for a dollar. I'm not interested in that. That sounds awful. Did you at least peruse, browse, Maybe you want a tiki torch. The last thing I want is something flammable for a dollar. That's good. My house will burn down. We're not going to do this.

[D]

You come out with a bag of pretzels and a yeti.

[C]

Yeah, but you know what I should have done? I should have bought those tiki torches and brought them here. Yeah, this room all tiki'd up. It's freezing anyway. Says, wait a minute, John. You're telling me the employee at Target that follows me around the store making sure I don't steal anything is now gonna be smiling at me too? F that, I'm taking my brown ass back to Walmart Israel. That's right. It does creep out the brown people because you guys get followed around the store.

[D]

Oh, I see what's happening there.

[C]

Somebody faking a smile the whole time. Is there anything I can help you with? No, man, I got it. I'm just looking around right now. Thank you. You don't mind if I just stick around for a little while? Creepy ass smile. You'll get knocked off your face, you keep chasing me around.

[A]

Well, you had that at Walmart too, when you're trying to buy TVs.

[C]

Yeah, Reggie and I weren't allowed to leave this the aisle. I'm afraid you're gonna have to pay for that right here, sir. Why? Why can't we walk around this gigantic store? You've got electronics and a Negro. Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah, we gotta pay. That's a.

[D]

He needs to leave his ID with us.

[C]

There was nothing better than asking that employee that was harassing us when I was with my friend Reggie. It's because of him, isn't it? Yes, he was. His face was like, oh, no. Of course. A policy we have. And I'm like, I've been here a hundred times. I bought electronics. I've walked around with televisions and a cart before. I need some stuff. You're gonna have to leave that here. The black guy? Yes, please. Okay, Reggie, you gotta stand here While I walk around and not steal stuff.

[D]

He's taking inventory right now. I know it.

[C]

You wouldn't mind if we just chained up Django here for a little while while you shopped? Like, yeah, Reggie, I'm afraid you're gonna have to. Reggie was as cool as it gets about it. He goes, God damn it. And I'm like, this is you, isn't it? I've never experienced this. It is. Well, go stand somewhere else. I'm actually white shopping right now. And it was going great. I got you standing next to me, and suddenly all the cameras just went. Reggie started laughing because that dude hit us hard. All I did was walk away with my cart. Ah. Sir, he just assumed we're gonna make a break for it and they're not catching one of us. And all that guy had to think to himself is, boy, if he gives that cart to Usain Bolt there, we're never gonna see those TVs again.

[D]

Sir, these aren't rent to own.

[C]

I'm gonna do a credit check. I'm like, I'm buying them still, just in case. Crazy. So smile at me and leave brown people alone. And if I need you, I'll find you. Be more like Home Depot. I enjoy Home Depot. Ikea is another one. When you walk in there and you try to go, hey, I don't know where I am. Like, we're in. Sweet.

[D]

I've been here for three hours in the maze.

[C]

The arrows are wrong. I'm in the same spot. I've walked past this five times. I think somebody screwed with an arrow and keeps leading me right back here. What do you want? I looking for a shelf Billy or Jorgen short? I'm looking for the Jorgen short. Follow me.

[D]

If you're sick, they can have you out in two minutes. I never knew these existed. Secret passages.

[C]

Wow. I went right past.

[A]

Where?

[C]

How did I do that? I usually am stuck in the silverware and light bulb place for about 10 minutes.

[D]

Where are we?

[C]

I don't need a rug. You have to follow all the arrows to leave. It's crazy. So target, you're doing a good job, but if you're a dickhead, who goes, I didn't get smiled at. And I want my free peppermint macchiato. Just go in and get a macchiato. That's it. At 6:19. Let's get a wake up song, some hand warmers. I feel like Michigan's about to play Ohio State. I'm an outside. I'm at the Horseshoe. Brady. It's cold. In here. Give us a wake up song 58598 hundred we'll scream it together it's 98 kupd wake up. It's out of control now.

[E]

It's nick Toluto from Homer's Morning Sickness. For our friends at FanDuel who want you to know that every NFL Thursday is your chance to hit the jackpot with FanDuel. And that's because with FanDuel's Thursday touchdown jackpot, you can win a share of $2 million in bonus bets bets each week. And to get in on this Thursday's action, all you have to do is place an anytime touchdown scorer bet before the game kicks off. And if your player scores the first or last TD of the game, you'll win your bet plus a share of bonus bets. 21&President Arizona opt in must apply Profit Boost token on select market prize pool to be split equally among all eligible participants who made the correct first or last TD pick. Bonus issued is non withdrawable bonus bets which expire 21 days after receipt. Restrictions apply. See [e-mail] Gambling problem. Call 1-800-next-step or text next step to 53342 hey, what's up?

[F]

It's Mo and my friends at the University of Advancing Technology has been ranked the number one best college for computer science for not one, but two years in a row. Which makes total sense because UAT are always on the lookout for those who don't just embrace technology, they live it. From advancing computer science and robotics to cybersecurity, gaming and artificial intelligence, UAT is where innovation thrives. So if you're ready to lead the next tech revolution, visit uat.edu mo and don't just study tech live. It's.