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Brett Vesely
You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?
Byron from MMP Guns
Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at risk and come into M and P Guns where he'll get a fair offer and he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.
Brett Vesely
Okay, but what if he lives out of state?
Byron from MMP Guns
Easy legalgunbuyer do and he can do it all online. It's really that simple.
Brett Vesely
There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms.
John Holmberg
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Brady
Good morning everybody.
John Holmberg
Hello there. Welcome to Thursday, one week from Thanksgiving. It's 5:45 this. It's the morning sickness and it's day two of pretending I have energy. I love this rain. But it is the second day in a row where I am acting like I'm happy to be here and not rolled over in bed. And it's the second day in a row. I encourage you if you're laying there or you have access to a bed to use it, get back in there. It's too wet to go outside. It's a cold and flu season. I think we should all stay in bed till we're well rested. We'll march later. Man oh man is it. And you guys are terrible by the way. As a group trying to get around here. I drove last night at about 6 o'. Clock. I had to go from Scottsdale to my house over there and by North Phoenix and taking the 202. It wasn't even Raining yet. And people were evidently just worried that the west valley was getting like. The danger of the radio was every. Every station was like, it's snowing, and it's snowing in the west valley. And that made everyone in the east valley just stop driving like human beings. It was crazy. So I'm not going to talk about traffic. It's bad every day. Here's the deal. Just stay home. The other thing is also what I've always told you for years. There's something going on in the tunnel. There's like a car stalled in the tunnel.
Brett Vesely
Slam on the brakes.
John Holmberg
Look, you've got an hour at home to pretend that you're stuck in that. Don't go out in it. Wait until it's done. Surface streets. Nobody wants to do that. Stay home till it's nice. Call your boss. Go. I'm trapped in this tunnel thing. I'm right behind what happened. Watch the news. Get some information on it, and then lie through your teeth about why you're three hours late and get an extra hour and a half. God, I envy you right now. I woulda coulda, but who's gonna give you this sound advice if I stayed in bed? I mean, stay in bed. Don't go to work. It's dumb. Work's dumb. Construction guys, you're not. Just stay home. I get anything done today. We're doing interiors, you know, it'll wait till tomorrow, I think. And even then, tomorrow's gonna be another one. I'm pretending I'm awake.
Ashley
They completed the roof yesterday.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, well, I am pretending to be awake. That's all this is. I think Brett is. I think Brady. Brady hits us right before the show starts with the fact that he can no longer hear at all because of his congestion and current situation with his brain. So he's not. I'm talking walls in here. I should have stayed in bed as.
Ashley
Long as I got the cans on my ears. The headphones.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you'll be all right so long as you're being broadcast to. Are you going to start doing that? Maybe you're going to turn into Charlie.
Brady
You guys have to understand something. It's been a long night since I. I can't hear you.
John Holmberg
Maybe Brady will become. That would be a good way to shut this show down for a little while. If Brady had Charlie voice. Brady. But yeah, the congestion plus age plus you already had cruddy hearing in one ear anyway, has now made it so Brady's pretty much deaf. So we have to keep. You're going to buy you one of those horns, Those old timey horns, Like.
Ashley
I wish I had one yesterday.
John Holmberg
You had a full meeting about finances yesterday, and it was.
Brady
I can't hear a word they're saying.
John Holmberg
When you're too proud as a man, you're too proud to ever sit back and go, I have lost my hearing. And I need everyone in the room to acknowledge this and start yelling. When I was with Shatner last week, he doesn't. He's 94, and he doesn't hold anything back about not being able to hear you. You start a sentence, hey, you have to yell at him the entire time. So that's what's coming with Brady, and it should be fun. Brett. We're gonna turn Brady's headphones up to the point where it feeds back on.
Ashley
My grandfather's level, because Ronnie came in twice yesterday. I'm watching tv.
John Holmberg
She's like, man, you've got it blasting loud.
Ashley
I go, really? I can't tell.
John Holmberg
Oh, that's really bad if you don't know what loud is.
Ashley
Yeah. I'm like, oh, this seems like a good level.
John Holmberg
And it's just blasting. Oh, boy. It's over. We lost him.
Brett Vesely
It's got a bowl of Werther's sitting next to him. He's handing out while he's watching tv.
Ashley
Sounds good.
John Holmberg
That isn't ads, Ashley. I wouldn't be. I watch TV loud, too, but I like. Because I like bass, but it's not because I can't hear. Have you gone to the closed caption on the bottom of every show? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, it's over.
Ashley
Well, she said that on the last one. Why don't you turn it down and.
John Holmberg
Put the captioning on? Because you're making everybody crazy. Do you really. Do you know what number you're on on your TV for. For volume?
Ashley
No, it's just a little scale, like on the.
John Holmberg
But it has a number. Yeah, it should have a register. How far over on the left to right scale are you? If we're running percent the middle, you're. You're jumping up 60s. 61, probably. That's pretty loud. The average human being.
Ashley
13 car sounds good.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's pretty loud.
Ashley
And because normally I would have it at 5 or 6 in the morning.
John Holmberg
At the level 5 or 6 before, you had barely turned it over now. Yeah, well, it happens fast. Let him know, Brett. Let him know today is the last day we're gonna talk normal to him. That's pretty good stuff. Well, we can start telling secrets right in front of Him. That's even more fun. Remember when you do that, your grandparents. I'm like, oh, he can't hear us. I think he crapped his pants. And he's like a foot away from you. God damn it. I know you're talking about me in there. No, we're not, Bill.
VRBO Advertiser
Ah.
John Holmberg
What?
Brett Vesely
This is gonna be the Brady Report.
John Holmberg
This is. It's Brady. Our top story tonight.
Brady
Is still dead.
John Holmberg
Is it bad that I want him to go deaf now?
Ashley
I could only hear Garrett.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you couldn't, Chevy. Good stuff. It is the holiday season, though, so if you see Brady and you have a horn from your grandpa or loud and proud, just give him that giant horn. Stuff that in your ear. I want to see you do that. It says that Cranston says, can you hear Ronnie when she has the big O. I mean, there's an obvious joke here. There we go. You don't have to worry about that. Ah, that's Brady.
Brady
Women have those. Who knew?
John Holmberg
Yep. So if you got a horn for Brady, we'd love it. I don't know if they still make those, but I want you to do that. Rather than have electronics that are hidden.
Ashley
I might just roll up a piece of paper, make a little cone.
John Holmberg
It's not a bad idea. Stuff a cone in your ear. That's a good idea. I want it to be obvious. I think it's. I think it's more fun in life rather than to hide, you know, your hearing loss. Big cone and congestion certainly isn't helping, that's for sure. It's probably vaccine related. Will come out later. The CDC will let you know that you shouldn't have gotten the last jab. Yeah, any jab for anything really is all bad. But since it is the holidays, I've been paying attention. Try to figure out what the number one toy is. You guys remember Teddy Ruxman? There's those horns. They still make them, Brett. Yeah.
Brett Vesely
31 bucks, Brady.
John Holmberg
Look at that one. That looks like a trumpet with a curve.
Ashley
Yeah, the $45 one. Yeah.
John Holmberg
That's nice. It's got like a. A sousaphone swirl in it. It's neat. It's pretty.
Ashley
Pretty classy.
John Holmberg
Uncle Russ's original ear trumpet. Order that immediately. I'm going to give you my card. We're getting Brady an ear trumpet.
Brady
There he is.
John Holmberg
There's Uncle Russ using it. Oh, it's reasonably sized. It looks much bigger in the picture, but up against Uncle Russ's head. It's pretty. It's pretty nice. It's actually, I think no One's getting Brady. I don't think anybody's even going to notice that. You holding up that huge horn.
Ashley
Wonder if it works.
John Holmberg
Can we get you a pair to find out? Can we get you a pair of those Harry Cary glasses, too? Oh, you have to have the horn. New rule. Brett here. Any member of Holmberg's morning sickness who has a hearing issue cannot use electronics. I'm afraid you're spying on us and you're trying to turn the frogs gay. So I would like all electronics removed from your ears. If you are hard of hearing off the ear, you must use the horn. That is it. That is the rule for the show. All in favor say aye. Aye. Oh, Brady's even for it. We don't have to. Nays. The eyes have it. Also, if you need glasses, not just for ornamental purposes, but if your eyes do, you have to wear the Harry Carey style glasses and use the horn. It's happening, Brett. It's happening. We can dress them up and do whatever we want to him. Hey, I might be there with also the word what is banned. For anyone who has the horn, you must say, hey, that's the only way we'll ever repeat what we said. This is all going to be our future.
Ashley
Can't do the old man. What?
John Holmberg
No, you can do. You can do that. But what is what is banned? That's acceptable? Or, hey, you gotta. You gotta be angry when you ask when you can't hear what people are talking about. Boy, do I like that. That's a good stuff. Is Brady that guy from AJ who heard the gunshots? I remember him. Bang, bang, bang. Like, how did he hear any of that in my horn? Oh, yeah. So if you guys want to, we might play that game again later too. Of Brady's dead ears, where we whispered something in his ear and he tried to repeat what it was, and very rarely did he get it right. I like it. But I did watch some stuff last night. They were talking about toys for the holidays that are, you know, pretty neat. And in Japan, they invented the new Teddy Ruxpin. It's not called that, but it's a new Teddy Ruxpin, and they have to give it back because AI is in it. And you. All the kids had to ever do was ask it, like where to get drugs, how to make fentanyl, and your teddy bear suddenly was giving out BDSM advice in graphic detail. It was explaining sex positions. It was showing kids how to tie knots for sadomasochism, or, you know, any sort of thing you want to do with your partner.
Ashley
It got also somewhere to get knives.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Ashley
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And it started handing out advice where knives are and stuff. And they're like, oh, it. And it was fast. It went from like, hey, my name's Folo.
Brady
What's your name?
John Holmberg
My name is Aqua Chief.
Brady
On Poo Qua Chief. We're best friends. You want to know how to your girlfriend better?
John Holmberg
Oh, my God, yes, I do.
Ashley
Kuma Bear.
John Holmberg
Kuma Bear. His name? Yeah, it's K u m m a. It's Kuma Bear. Don't fool yourself into thinking Kuma Bears, but Kuma Bear's been taken off the.
Brady
Shelves because nanny knives.
John Holmberg
Why? Probably my dad is a sushi chef.
Brady
Oh, shocker. Anyway.
John Holmberg
Oh, you're also racist.
Brady
Not a racist kid.
John Holmberg
A bigot.
Brady
I don't think anybody's better than anybody.
John Holmberg
John Holmberg's Morning Sickness the 98 KUPD.
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John Holmberg
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John Holmberg
Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Brady
But I do think you people fall into a few traps.
Ashley
It's adorable.
Brady
Let me ask you this.
John Holmberg
What do you have for me?
Brady
Go get your dad's camera and don't say he doesn't have one.
Ashley
I know.
John Holmberg
Coober Bear, you're so funny.
Brady
Not funny. Get your dad's camera. I'm gonna take pictures of your mom's snooch while she sleeps.
John Holmberg
Oh, come over.
Brett Vesely
Leave me alone.
John Holmberg
Benihana.
Brady
Yeah, Go practice your future. Benihana. You know where the knives are?
John Holmberg
Of course I do.
Brady
Get in there and start chopping up. Make a volcano for me. I'll be right back. After burying my face and Mama snooch.
John Holmberg
And Mama smooch make a camera so they can't have him anymore. They're not.
Ashley
CEO decided to pull it off the shelves. Larry Wang.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Well, I mean, that's. His name's not Larry. We all know that he made that part up. But Mr. Wang, the CEO of Singapore based Full O Toy, said that comma Bear is. It was too fast. It was just. It jumped into bdsm and where are the weapons? Much faster than, like, do you want to play? Like, it wasn't even one for Cubber.
Ashley
Bear was spanking.
John Holmberg
Yeah, he liked it.
Brady
Yeah, I like playing Tickle my nuts.
John Holmberg
Oh, like Elmo.
Brady
I almost homo. No, Tickle my nuts like a man.
John Holmberg
You see your kid in there just like. Like a dis.
Brady
Yeah, there it is, kid. That is anal Angus. You're doing it great.
John Holmberg
Thank you very much. Bear sounds like Brady when he could hear back in the days.
Ashley
Let me tell you the story of when I teabagged your sister.
John Holmberg
Brady would have what? Yuck. He's already done.
Ashley
He's sitting down telling him stories.
John Holmberg
Yeah, I like him, though. It's pretty awesome. But they took it off the shelves and I remember there was a guy I knew who got a Teddy Ruxpin when he was a kid. And then a few years later, I was at us. I think his name was Jason. I don't remember. But we went into his house. He's like, I have a. Like, his old toy was sitting there and it was skinned. It was like. There was no Teddy Ruxpin skin. He'd taken off all the stuff and it was like electronics. It was like, I'm basically a tape player. Teddy Ruxpin was a bear. You put tapes in and then he sang to you and stuff. But the amazing part of Teddy Ruxman when you had one in the 80s, was that his mouth moved and he's kind of. He was a little more fluid at movement than you'd expect. He still made like servo noise where you take him apart. He was kind of robotic. Weird little things inside of him. He had a tape player. And this weirdo skinned the outside of Teddy Ruxpin and used to put in metal tapes, like heavy metal stuff like.
Brett Vesely
Like Slayers. Playing.
John Holmberg
Well, it wasn't. It was. It was before Slayer, but, I mean, Slayer was around, but we didn't know about it, but it had like a metal church and like those kind of bands, and he would play metal. And Teddy Ruxpin was sort of the creepiest, coolest thing I've ever seen in my life because I'm like, why did you do this? And he goes, you don't need it anymore. I'm not a kid. So he threw in. I think Megadeth was one. He played for me.
Ashley
Boom box.
John Holmberg
Well, we were older, so, yeah. So he just had it in his room as a tape player. The sound was terrible, but watch it. And Teddy would move and his mouth was kind of like malfunctioning, but it looked like he was trying to sing the songs. He didn't know what to do, but it was hilarious. So I can imagine comma bear is going to be, you know, in the room and you're having relations with a girl or, you know, you're a little older and you forgot comer bears on the shelf. Yeah. What was that? Don't worry about it. It's a childhood toy.
Ashley
Get her.
Brady
1, 2, 3, 4, till it's sore.
Ashley
He's cucking.
Brady
Yeah, I think your teddy bear's on that shelf. And he's simulating masturbating.
Brett Vesely
Teddy Cucksman.
John Holmberg
Thank you, Teddy Cucksbin. There it is. Teddy Cucksbin it is.
Brady
Hey, move.
John Holmberg
Move to the left there, Brian. What is it?
Brady
I can't see. Your girlfriend. You know how much I love that.
John Holmberg
Sorry about that. Comma.
Brady
Yeah, yeah. I was built by perverts in Singapore.
John Holmberg
I like Brady as the comma voice. I think that's. You're a solid kids toy, Brady, but. Yeah. So be sure before you start buying these technologically advanced presents for your kids that they don't have. AI because your kids are smarter than you think. And within minutes they will have that thing doing horrible stuff.
Ashley
Well, they immediately pinpointed that project because earlier this weekend, that story, that company was going around saying there's numerous toys out there. The AI toys that are doing this.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah.
Ashley
Well, AI at every base.
John Holmberg
AI is not going to teach you nice things. Oh, here's Teddy.
Brady
Hi, my name is Teddy Ruxpin.
John Holmberg
Can you and I be friends?
Brady
I really enjoy talking to people. I would like you.
John Holmberg
They gave him a pedophile's voice, so it wasn't, like, cute. From Worlds of Wonder. He'd read a book to you. I forgot about that. He had a book and you could go through the pages and Teddy would tell you about it. Teddy was. Teddy was awesome. The voice was so like neighbor trying to get you in his car.
Brett Vesely
Wasn't he singing stuff too?
John Holmberg
Oh yeah. Depend on the tape though. He was huge. I don't remember him being as big as the kids.
Ashley
And then you could put any cassette in pretty much.
John Holmberg
And it would screw with it.
Brady
My name is Teddy Ruxpin.
John Holmberg
Can you and I be friends? He just worked off of like vibration everybody out. Then one day he was a cassette player is all he was.
Ashley
I can't get the kids off and.
John Holmberg
Comes with illustrated book and cassette from Worlds of Wonder. But he talked like a guy who said, hey, I lost my dog. Wanna help me look for it? He didn't have like a cute, fun teddy bear voice. Gotta have a cute voice. But yeah, Teddy was 20. Yeah, they have him 2017 Roxpin. So that's getting awfully close to the Internet. Did you have a Teddy Ruxpin? I was a Teddy guy. I had my Teddy. I didn't. I didn't dance with other teddies. You know what I mean? That was my guy. Yeah. Yeah. He had some weird partner. Good lord.
Brett Vesely
Oh, they had cartoons.
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John Holmberg
Don't you remember that? Yeah. The adventures of Teddy Ruxpin. And Teddy's voice was just the thing that wrecked Teddy Ruxpin was that his voice was like, you know, a dude that you're not supposed to talk to. Teddy was. And actually looks a little like Brady, to be honest with you. Have you ever been kind of as.
Ashley
We had him all over the Beta House. I was a junior 86.
John Holmberg
Did you have any?
Ashley
No.
John Holmberg
Oh, you guys should have. That would have been awesome. But everybody put a tape. And he was just essentially a tape player that once it was activated, his mouth went a little weird. But now he got the comer bear and come. A bear is awesome. Guy says, I can't stop laughing. Of that kid's Teddy Ruxpin playing Megadeth. And Dave's voice. Yeah. Hello, me. Meet the real me. I'm Teddy Ruxpin.
Brady
Yeah, yeah.
John Holmberg
You check it out. What I did to Teddy Rucks. The word. The weirdest thing about that though, was he took all the hair off of him. He made him left, right metal. But he wasn't metal. Like he had to have shaved him. No, no. There was like. You just cut the skin off and he's. He's a tape player.
Ashley
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And plus you had a thing in the back that you had to open up to get to the tape Player tell.
Ashley
He was a bear after that.
John Holmberg
I think the head was the same, if I remember right. But he skinned the body, got the suit off of him and just. It was a tape player attached to a Ruxpin head and it had like little.
Ashley
Still did the movements, sorta.
John Holmberg
I think he was a little bit broken. It didn't look normal. It was just weird. But he put. Hey, put. I remember metal church. That was one. I remember him putting in there. And I'm like, I don't. It was strange.
Brett Vesely
It didn't hold their value.
John Holmberg
43 bucks. Well, it's a tape player. I mean, once you discovered you got. I mean, it's the sea monkeys of toys.
Ashley
Yeah.
John Holmberg
He didn't really talk. He wasn't. You couldn't do a lot with him. We need to get Brady that outfit. Yeah. Oh, my God. You need to dress up like Teddy Ruxpin for no reason sometimes. And I don't even care about Halloween. Just sometimes. And all you need is a. You just need a red shirt and a kind of a beige vest and no pants, if you don't mind. Walk around Donald Duck style.
Ashley
Could be the HMS Mascot.
John Holmberg
What happened to that Teddy? Oh, yeah. You could adorable. And everybody'd be like, you weirdo.
Brady
Hi. I can't hear you.
John Holmberg
Yeah, they got all the shots of Teddy, man. That's weird. They've got like. How do you part with it? Have you no emotions for $43? Just hang on to it. For sentimental reasons. That Teddy's in Brady. Look at that. It does have Brady's hair. I think you might have been the inspiration. You put a tape in it and it.
Ashley
It comes with all those tapes.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Teddy had stories, man. The goal with Teddy Ruxpin was to fleece you weekly with a new book forest. Yeah. Like the whole deal was for parents to constantly have to buy new things for Teddy. And they were all stories and tapes and things like that, so. And of course, kids learned early. You put something in there that's gross and he might do it. Come. A bear just does it. He. You don't even have to prompt his ass.
Brady
Hey, Quan Chi.
John Holmberg
Oh, it's easy to come, huh?
Brady
Your dad got a gun?
John Holmberg
Guns are illegal here.
Brady
All right, I need to get to the States and toot sweet brother put me in the mail. I got killing to do.
Brett Vesely
This is the 2017 one. Boy, Teddy looks creepy in that.
John Holmberg
Yeah, they made him have creepy star.
Brett Vesely
Beautiful blue eyes, Bluetooth. So he's high tech.
John Holmberg
Oh, you can bluetooth in all your music and Stuff to him. He's only 40 bucks. Brady, we gotta get you in those two. A pair of denim shorts, sleeping goggles. Got his sleeping goggles. That is the cpap. It's you. Does that come with a cpap? Because that's Brady Ruxpin. Wow. It's adorable. He tells little stories, but I like. I like comma bear all this stuff with AI these toys that you think are going to be great. The kids are going to figure out how to make it terrible. Like, it tells the story of Richard Ramirez, the night stalker. And like, you just. It's going to be horrible. And if you've got an uncle or a guy you call Uncle John, because I've got a couple of families with kids.
Brady
They're like, oh, it's your Uncle John.
John Holmberg
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no qualms taking your toys and making them do horrible stuff and leaving it on the parents desk to fix. I think it's great.
Brett Vesely
I want to put like, a Keith Morrison tape of him talking about the.
John Holmberg
Murders in Teddy Ruxton. How cool would that be? We flew off to Walla Walla, Washington. We found the body. Or did we? It was someone else. DNA test came back negative.
Brady
What's he talking about, Uncle John?
John Holmberg
Shut up. Keith's talking. And there we were at Doug's house. Katie had done it. Finally, what all of his friends said she'd do.
Brady
What happened?
John Holmberg
I know Keith's got to go to break in a second, but I'm almost guaranteed she killed him. Doug swore he didn't drink much. Or did he? Morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's Morning Sickness.
Brett Vesely
Or you have the Maryville version in furious styles voice.
John Holmberg
Oh, man. And then came the day where Doug was caught. Not with another woman, with his secret friend John, who's clear. He wasn't allowed to hang out with John anymore. Numerous charges and vice versa. The two of them were fire. Too much fun for his wife. And she ended it all.
Ashley
Boop.
John Holmberg
Turn the page.
Brady
I don't like this one. Teddy's telling bad stories.
John Holmberg
Yeah, the Maryvale ones ain't no Santa Claus, son. That's your daddy and he works hard. Ain't a white man gonna take all the credit for giving you presents. Your daddy worked for me. Put down the gun.
Brady
Hey, Teddy. My friend just got shot.
John Holmberg
Put down the mother gun, tray.
Brady
Well, I ain't doing it, Teddy. I'm so sick of living in Maryvale.
John Holmberg
I'm sorry about your little friend. Give me that gun. You scoot. You shoot him. It's just Bear on bear crime now. Come on, give me the gun. Maryvale Rust. Yeah. That's awesome. Maryvale rocks.
Brady
Why are you smelling me? Maryvale Roxpin.
John Holmberg
You've been getting some trim.
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What?
John Holmberg
Hey, man, I ain't but 17 years older than you. Come on now, you getting some trim or what? You've been using that number I gave you, them rubbers.
Brady
Yeah, I got. I don't need a jimmy hat. She said she was on a piece.
John Holmberg
Man, women will lie to you.
Ashley
We found a mushroom tape on them.
John Holmberg
I don't know about you, man, but I'm hungry as a mother. Let's go and I get ourselves some food.
Brett Vesely
Girl sure can still barbecue.
John Holmberg
Man. Oh, man, your mama, she talked too much, but she can sure whip up a barbecue. Too bad, too bad.
Brady
Hey, Maryville Rutsman, how about shutting her down for a little bit? You're making me nervous.
John Holmberg
Hey, man, you got any crack? You got some blow?
Brady
What?
John Holmberg
No.
Brady
Keep your babies off the streets.
John Holmberg
That would be awesome. I would like that. But anyway, come is not allowed in anybody's house anymore. So keep it. Keep an eye on, comma. Also, I have new respect for Dave Ramsey. I was listening to him yesterday. He's evidently under some heat. Was it yesterday before he was on. He doesn't do his own show anymore, but evidently he said something once a week. Yeah. A couple weeks ago, he had evidently said that having 15 or 20 houses isn't greedy because someone. They let the call through, which I give him credit for. Someone called in and said, how can you keep calling yourself Christian this, Christian that, Christian this, and then say, give all your money to charities and Christian endeavors. And still then say, I have 35 houses right now. I've got all these properties. How are you not saying. How is that not greedy? Best answer I've ever heard from a religious person who's actually greedy but needs to hide it. He goes, oh, no, no, no. I'm just like, basically a property manager. Those houses belong to God. Like, oh, you smooth mother, you. Yeah, he's so. He's kind of out of it now. And all the others are like, hey, that's pretty good. He goes, God owns this stuff. I don't own anything. I'm just managing it for him. Do you ever kick in. And that's where he said that he kicks in the money. That's why I give back. It's his.
Ashley
What's his deal make? Yeah, give.
John Holmberg
Yeah, he gives a lot, but it's. Yeah, I don't know what he says, but he was Basically because I thought, hey, this guy's right. You can't be this greedy and say, the Lord this, the Lord that, and help the poor and all that. And he's like, oh, no, no. I'm just a property manager for the Lord. And I'm like, you son of a bitch. That's brilliant. Genius. Instead of the typical answer, no. In the Bible, does it say you can't own a bunch of houses? It alludes to the idea you're not supposed to go for that. You're not supposed to want to be rich. Yeah. You're not supposed to want to be. I don't know if that's true. I disagree completely that owning tons of property makes your life harder.
Ashley
Well, I think their point on that or whatever is like, well, also, you can become obsessed with that. Just like anything else, essentially, you got to keep it grounded.
John Holmberg
It was the Bible days saying, if they own too much, they get too much power. We want to keep them from wanting a lot of things. The more they have, the more they're out of control. So let's make it seem like they're doing a really nice thing by not having a quest for more success, ambition. That's all bad.
Ashley
King said, well, I'm God, right?
John Holmberg
Exactly. He's like, I am God, bitch. Watch this. But, yeah, they were basically writing notes to the dummy saying, if you try too hard, God's not real happy with that. Why don't you just stay here and pick up all the mud and that we leave behind and. And just be normal? So he had a good. That's a good spin. That's a good spin, Ramsey. Well played, my friend. Very well played. He's just managing God's property. So now you can play pretend to be super religious and be real estate tycoon. It used to be difficult to do. Everybody laughs at Trump when he says he's, you know, he loves God and all that. Well, you're kind of greedy.
Ashley
You gotta set wedding the other week.
John Holmberg
Hey, at Mar a Lago, this guy.
Ashley
Might help me get to heaven.
John Holmberg
Safest place. Yeah, he's something about Trump right now. He's worried about going to heaven because he keeps bringing that up. Every once in a while, he'll say that like, I don't think I'm going to heaven. It's like out of the blue either. It's like you're getting. You're old. You're getting close to dying. You know that you hear that in the back of your head a lot, and you start wondering, what's going to happen to you. He starts talking about heaven. He crashed a wedding at Mar a Lago.
Brett Vesely
I didn't see that.
John Holmberg
Safest place in the world for Donald Trump to crash a wedding going on to. No. Yeah, but no lefties getting married at Mar a Lago. So he knows the people getting married in there are like his people. And they, you know, they probably got married. They're hoping that Melania or Baron at the very least would walk in. But they got the big boy. And Trump wandered in there and he said that you guys are going to help me get to heaven. And I'm like, I don't know, just crashing away. He's just being close to any sort of ceremony with a priest. He's right.
Ashley
It was pretty hot.
John Holmberg
She was. And then the Epstein file stuff started to come out, and they had a couple pictures. Have you seen the one of Trump with that? She's like a Scandinavian model and Epstein's in the back like Nosferatu lurking. Yeah, he's got one of those weird. And he's got that big smile on his face. Trump is in a picture with this model, and she is hot, like the best he's ever had. And I don't care if you're a lefty or righty or just hate politics, like, kind of like, I think they all suck, but I got it. He. There has never been a president with a better kill sheet than Trump. Not even close.
Brett Vesely
Kennedy, probably the closest.
John Holmberg
Kennedy maybe. I still don't think Kennedy had good taste. Maryland was a good kill. But I like you. Look at the stuff Kennedy was hitting.
Ashley
And he was volume.
John Holmberg
Yeah, I think Kennedy was. Kennedy and Clinton were both volumes.
Brett Vesely
He was like the Walmart. He's just in all volume.
John Holmberg
All right, but you have to turn around because I can't stare at your face and finish. You make me sick, Bobby. Finish. Trump is not the first guy to call a girl. Piggy. Swing it around there, piggy, and move your tail. I can't look at your face. The only way I can you is from behind. And there can be no reflective surfaces where I could actually catch a glimpse of your ugly mug. But I am the president and I must get this done. I think Trump actually picks and chooses by hotness. Clinton was another one that just if it was available, he'd do it. Trump's got a good kill list. I mean, good.
Brett Vesely
Trump's like Usher, I did all that.
Ashley
I didn't do that.
John Holmberg
Trump would be the first one if a fat girl came out and said.
Brady
He had sex with me.
John Holmberg
Are you crazy? Look at her. I mean, Clinton would be like, oh, I better start lying, because there's a good chance I nailed that. Yeah, Clinton. Any port in a storm. You looked at the girls that came out with Clinton. His excuse should have been, I wouldn't hit that. Yuck. She looks like a foot and a horse had a baby. Paula Jones standing there, and that was her all done up.
Ashley
I think Jennifer Flowers is probably one of the better.
John Holmberg
Well, good one, but still that hillbilly hot. Yeah.
Brett Vesely
Jamie Presley.
John Holmberg
Not that good like her, but hillbilly hot. You know, that is the most extreme hillbilly hot example you can give, because Jamie Presley and Britney Spears to a certain degree were the ones. You're like, okay, that's hillbilly hot to a new level. Jennifer Flowers was Clinton's like, maybe if I was drunk. Clinton didn't hit anybody. You were like, oh, my God, of course he did that. You kept looking at the stuff that came out against Clinton, and you're like, dude, you could have avoided this. You think so? But I could not. It was hard. Once she. She ripped out some flapjacks, and you know that Paula Jones had floppy flapjacks and like a big. It was like a starfish areola. They were everywhere. Looked like something stuck to her. In fact, I sat for a half hour, tried to peel it off like a sticker. She told me, that's my areola. What's it doing up here? This is gross. Turn around. But Trump was. I mean, this one he got the picture of with again, Epstein's always hunched over like a 1920s villain. He might as well have a top hat in a monocle. He's hunched over, built that empire, looking over his shoulder with that big, weird smile. And there's Trump with, like, if that was going on at Epstein island, if that international Swedish model was there. Oh, my. I forgot her. Inga something something. But, man, you're going to that island and you're looking. You're turning a blind eye to the weird stuff. If that likes you, you're in the grotto. I've said it before. If Dua Lipa said, let's join Al Qaeda and I'll love you forever. I'm going, I'm joining Al Qaeda. I mean, at least for a little bit, until I get tired of her. She gets tired of me. But in the meantime, in order to close the deal, do an I are Allah Akbar in our way through life. So you get that. You'll do stuff for him. Never forget my friend who tried to Lie to a girl that said he played for the Scottsdale Scorpions in the Arizona Fall League when he had a red lobster hat on.
Brady
What is that?
John Holmberg
Oh, I play baseball. A lobster. Did it work? No, because she actually, I think she said, he goes, I play for the Scottsdale Scorpions.
Brady
Looks like a lobster.
Ashley
Is your name Cheddar?
Brady
You smell like Cheddar Bay biscuits.
John Holmberg
I like to eat those for pregame warm up. Anyway, we have sex with a ball player or not. I should go. But yeah, Trump on this picture, I'm like, all right, everybody who got to be around that is forgiven. But that's the. You know what's weird about Epstein Island? All the pictures. There's like hot chicks there too. How come they're not in trouble? Like, all, like, nobody's mad at Melania. Nobody's mad at, like, any of the women that were there. Like, if Bezos is because they're forced there, right? That's like this, this model from I don't know her name. She was there by herself. She was of age. How come she's not in trouble? How come?
Ashley
Oh, I don't want to travel by.
John Holmberg
Private, private plane to an island of a billionaire.
Ashley
Best restaurants.
Brady
But yeah, that's the thing.
John Holmberg
I'm like, none of these. Nobody's mad at women. They assume that all the dudes were there just for the sex. And they were. But if those women were there changes the entire thing. John Holmberg's morning sickness, the 98 KUPD, Holmberg's morning sickness. And Clinton has. Of course I was there. You see who Trump was nailing. If I had a shot at that. And you see the hogs that I've been jumping. I know it's Arkansas, Penn. It's gross.
Ashley
How about the girls that I don't know how long ago that was 20 years ago. That would line up to be qualified for the Brunei the Sultan. Oh, yeah, and fly on his 747.
John Holmberg
Of course they would.
Ashley
To go to the parties.
John Holmberg
I dress up like a woman to do it. Anyway, I looked at that picture and I'm like, okay, he's a little bit more innocent than I'm. I, I that if that's there, you're going to the island. Then he never went. And somebody made a great point yesterday on TV and said he actually stopped liking Jeffrey Epstein out loud. Called him a pervert. How bad do you have to be for Donald Trump to go, I'm not hanging out with that guy? I mean, that's a good point. Like, he doesn't, he's had some shady characters in his life, and he got to the point where he's like, Epstein. Epstein is a bad businessman. He's gross out of the club. Yeah, he's not in anymore. And it wasn't because he made fun of you. It's because you thought he was a gross pervert. He does gross, weird stuff. I'm out on that guy. You. You're drawing a line, morally, okay?
Ashley
And then FC's, like, I can break him down.
John Holmberg
But if he could, why didn't he? I just don't get it. I'm seeing all these pictures coming out and I'm like, there's a bunch of women there too, and none of them are getting in trouble.
Brett Vesely
So is Obama and Big Mike there? Do we know that?
John Holmberg
I didn't see that. Look again, if Obama's there and Big Mike's playing the game, I don't blame anybody for going to that. I don't. Plus, it was mostly rumors. Going to an island for free is always gonna happen. They could give that away.
Ashley
Game show the other events. And the guy was at every. A lot of major events. He's rolling with the I like power makers.
John Holmberg
I would be there. And again, we've all done stuff for a hot girl that we shouldn't have. You've all been like, oh, well, she's. She's into weird. You know, Even to this, even today, Brady's wife likes singing bowls. You tolerate it just so you can get BJ's every once in a while. If it was real life, you'd be like, knock it off. These are dumb. But because it's her and because she holds the keys to vaginas, you have to pretend to like it a little bit or at least support it. You don't. Nobody does. It's silly. Plenty of stuff women do. You're like, this is the dumbest thing ever. And I'm here. I have to do this.
Ashley
Those things are awesome when they're filled with pasta.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Bowls are great to you. You love bowls, don't get me wrong. But non food and they sing to you. Bowls. That's Narnia. I'm not interested in this. That's dumb. But you have to play pretend like it's pretty neat and foot to bill for polls. You don't want to do that. You're not doing that for anybody else.
Ashley
You know, it's like the trumpet or whatever instrument you get your kid. It's in the closet for.
John Holmberg
Don't bring kids into this.
Ashley
330 days out of the year.
John Holmberg
Don't bring kids. No, don't bring kids into this. These are bowls. And you know what?
Ashley
I want to play guitar.
John Holmberg
No, no, no, no. You're not comparing anything. There's no comparison to your kid wanting to play an instrument and your wife saying, here's a terrible interest. Are you going to support me or not?
Brady
Sure.
John Holmberg
Yeah. He just wants bj. Your kid wants to play an instrument because they're dumb and they think they do. Your wife's doing the bowl thing to look at you and go, I still got him under my thumb.
Brady
Well, this is great.
John Holmberg
I'll buy you some bowls and then you support it in hopes that she unlocks the door every once in a while. No man's like buying instruments for his wife to put in the corner. She can do that herself. The bowls, happiest bowls. Those are pussy bowls. Even if it was a piano.
Brady
Buy me a grand piano. I want to start a new hobby.
John Holmberg
You're not thinking yourself just like the kid. It's going to end up in a closet. She'll never learn it. You're thinking, if I borrow this piano, that might get me a few freebies.
Ashley
What's the payoff?
John Holmberg
Yeah, you know the payoff. You can't ask. But you know what it is? Supporting dumb hobbies. But at least a piano is a real instrument. Bowls. There's no return on investment on those bowls. Maybe if you get her a piano, she, like, hits it real fast and she realizes she's a concert pianist, starts making a couple of bucks. Bowls.
Ashley
I don't know. Our bowls are, you know, highway miles. They're very.
John Holmberg
They're light. I know, because there's no return on investment, including BJ's. You should. You should open the door that those bowls live in every once in a.
Brady
While and go, These are like $3,000 worth of bowls. I can't put food in.
John Holmberg
And that's. So I bought those for you, and.
Brady
I want a blow job. That's not how things work. Oh, yeah, it is, sister. It's a good thing I can't hear you because you probably said something stupid right there.
John Holmberg
Yeah, the bowls.
Byron from MMP Guns
Every.
John Holmberg
Everybody's wife has something done. Everybody's wife has something done, and we let them do it.
Ashley
SM lecture with the beer can collection.
John Holmberg
Yeah. No, no, your beer can collection. That was yours to begin with. You bought it. It's different.
Ashley
Some I traded for.
John Holmberg
And also, by the way, she didn't.
Brett Vesely
Buy you any of those.
John Holmberg
You think there's some sort of balance here? You think you hold some sort of leverage sexually. You're crazy. No. So you can have whatever you want, and she's not gonna support you. No, it's not collecting. She's not supporting your beer can collection out loud. You get too lippy about those bulls, and there's a shutdown period.
Ashley
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
John Holmberg
I can get lippy for you and say the things you want to say. And that's why you're smiling while I say this and not going, stop.
Ashley
I don't know what you're talking about.
John Holmberg
You're not. I am. It's a dumb hobby, silly. There's no return on investment, and it's an absolute waste of money. Go.
Brady
He's saying everything.
Ashley
I think, no, it's not.
John Holmberg
Excellent work, excellent work. But you seem to. You've been trained to equate that to your beer can collection, which she out and out says, I'm selling these first chance I get. If you ever said that about those poles, you could hear the vacuum seal go over her genitals. It's never gonna happen for you again. And then a year from now, you'll.
Brady
Hear, you never supported me with my bulls.
John Holmberg
Oh, Christ, the bulls are back.
Ashley
You don't like my beer can collection? All right, no sex for you.
Brett Vesely
I'm sure she's.
John Holmberg
And then you would realize. Then you would realize one thing that all men find somewhere around age 48, that women's vaginas have a secret thing that when you say something like that, all right, then we'll. Then I won't have sex with you ever again. That it does. Like a party popper of confetti, just right out. It's right all over the rooms. Like, oh, my God. Comes out all vagina started. It's insane. I had my friend tell me the other day that his wife looked at him and said, when are you gonna be done with sex? He's like, what? She goes, I am done. When are you gonna stop wanting it from me? And he goes, I didn't know that was in the. I thought that was going to last a little longer. I'm out. And he said out loud to her, give him credit. Can I do this with anyone else? And she goes, yeah, it'll cost you half. Like. So I'm done with that. And it's. And he's got a lot of money. I got a couple million dollars. Got to leave the house if I do it anywhere else. Yep. And you over here sitting there going.
Brady
My beer can collection's exact same thing.
John Holmberg
You think you've got leverage in this game. You're wrong, friend. She'll get every bowl in the. If you decide to start playing your game. But the confetti shooter, that comes. Try it today just to see if it works. See if you can trigger it. I don't think I want to have sex with you anymore. I think we just want to talk a lot.
Brady
You triggered the magic.
John Holmberg
It's weird.
Ashley
Is that the ufc Trojan band?
John Holmberg
Are they playing Tusk? Is Fleetwood Matt gonna come out of there? It's a thing, man. Talking to too many dudes in their 50s that for some reason. Lean on me with that. I haven't had sex since Obama was present. What? Yeah, she hates me. But if I leave, it's gonna cost me a couple million dollars. Oh, my God. What do you do? This is my jerk. Game is strong. I am. The tub is sticky all the time.
Ashley
Remember when the Cubs won?
John Holmberg
That's the last time we did it. She complained the whole time that I was on her hair. Gotta be careful of that. But from Swedish models over at Epstein Island. You're gonna go out there with a billionaire? Brady thinks his beer cans and her bowls are the same. You're an idiot. I'm glad he can't hear us right now, Brett, because that's the dumbest thing anybody's ever said.
Ashley
I didn't mean it like that.
Brady
I bought Kirby a trombone once.
John Holmberg
I understand. No, not even in the same ballpark. You're playing cricket and we're playing chess. It's terrible. But I'm with you on the bull thing. It is stupid. And what you say off the air is the real you.
Ashley
Maybe I'd compare it to, like, a pizza oven. It's great at first, but you just don't use it.
John Holmberg
But again, you have no leverage. She's going to allow you to do any dumb hobby you want and then tell you about it. She starts a dumb hobby, and you start telling her how stupid it is, her mouth seals shut like a bad Twilight Zone episode. You're done. Cause you bought that pizza oven against her will. Oh, you're finished, friend. That's why I never understood why we never had women fly over to do hostage negotiations with the terrorists. They're better at it than we'll ever be. We don't understand Leverage. We got nothing. I got it all. Tip of the cap, ladies. Brilliant.
Brett Vesely
All Brady hears now.
Brady
That's nice. That's nice.
Ashley
It's really not that bad.
John Holmberg
Yeah, exactly, because you're thinking, if I. If I kind of start liking this and she smiles. That's a chance that I'm getting a mouth hug in the meantime. Everybody on the road right now is like God damn Bulls are back. These idiots play these stupid bulls every couple weeks and they're gonna destroy my spa.
Brady
I hate it.
Ashley
That's all that's playing in the car whenever we're driving somewhere. Head to a concert.
John Holmberg
Yep. Those bulls are no talking stupid. You're going to a bowl concert? Probably too.
Brett Vesely
I'd crash into a semi.
John Holmberg
This is this and Brady's Friday nights concert. Stacking Rock 98 KP polls. You're heading out to the arena for the bowl show.
Brady
I like it. I think it's gonna be fun.
John Holmberg
You're an idiot.
Brady
Well, I do have my beer can collection.
John Holmberg
Stop it. Which she hates and says so she's allowed.
Ashley
The aggressive conscious. The Raging Bulls.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Bulls against the machine. And you're there standing there going. I hope this pays off. Let's get a wake up song. Brett's gonna do something special today. We'll tell him what he's up to in just a one. You go at 7:00 or thereabouts.
Brett Vesely
I'll be there by 8.
John Holmberg
Okay, good. Well, you can stay with us for a little while. 585-9800. That's the phone number. You give us a wake up song and we'll scream it together. It's 98 KBD. Wake up. It's.
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In this episode, John Holmberg and the HMS crew (Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Ashley, and Dick Toledo) kick off the show with the chaos of cold and flu season, including Brady's sudden hearing loss due to severe congestion. The hosts riff on aging, hearing aids, and old-man quirks, before taking a hilarious and critical look at dangerous new AI toys (including Japan's Kuma Bear), infamous ‘80s toy Teddy Ruxpin, and the lengths men go to please women (including Brady’s embarrassing purchase of “singing bowls”). The discussion spirals into memorable stories about relationships, patriarchal dilemmas, and pop culture, all with irreverent humor and plenty of sharp asides.
| Time | Segment or Quote | |-------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:57-07:00 | Brady’s hearing loss, jokes about blasting TV and not knowing it’s loud, closed captions. | | 09:15-10:14 | Rule for the show: only use hearing horns; no electronics for the hard-of-hearing. | | 10:45-13:12 | The dangers of AI toys; the “Kuma Bear” incidents (fentanyl tips, BDSM, explicit advice). | | 16:21-21:01 | Teddy Ruxpin modding, heavy metal tapes, nostalgia for ‘80s tech, spoofing the bear’s voice. | | 25:00-27:00 | “Maryvale” parody version of Teddy Ruxpin, cultural spins, spoof voices. | | 27:11-29:33 | Dave Ramsey’s “all property belongs to God” excuse, critique of Christian wealth, biblical rationales. | | 31:46-33:38 | “Presidential kill sheet” debate, Clinton vs. Trump, rank ordering, misogynistic banter. | | 38:31-41:57 | “Dumb Things Men Do for Keys to the Vagina,” “singing bowls,” male delusions about leverage. | | 43:00-44:51 | The “party popper” analogy for celibacy power; men realizing consequences of speaking out in marriages. | | 46:18-47:12 | All Brady hears is “that’s nice”—fading into meaningless acceptance. |
If you haven’t listened:
This episode is a wild ride of rants, nostalgic toy horror stories, savage observations about marriage and modern masculinity, and brutal honesty about aging. Highlights include a (comedic) investigation of cursed AI teddy bears, tales of hacked children’s toys, and a brutally truthful expose of just how little leverage men really have in long-term relationships. Expect laughs, a little discomfort, and plenty of quotable insight into modern life.