11-20-25 - Door Dash Driver Facing Charges After Taking Pics Of Pantsless Man Who Answered Door - 94yo Smokey Robinson Being Accused Of Unwanted Sexual Advances Making Us Wonder How You Can't Defend Against a 90yo Man

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 11-20-25 – Door Dash Driver Facing Charges After Taking Pics Of Pantsless Man / 94yo Smokey Robinson Accused Of Sexual Advances
Date: November 20, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo, Byron

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the hosts dive into two main topics: a Door Dash driver facing felony charges after entering a man’s home and photographing him naked, and the surprising sexual assault allegations leveled against legendary Motown singer Smokey Robinson, now in his 90s. Their conversation explores modern delivery etiquette, society’s shifting tolerance for awkwardness, and the challenge of taking certain late-in-life sexual assault claims seriously.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Operation Santa Claus & Community Events

(Timestamps: 02:00 – 04:45, 40:01 – end)

• Brett promotes his charity appearance at Local Legends as part of Operation Santa Claus. Donations (non-perishable food, toys, monetary donations) will be collected for local charities.
• Brett jokes about hanging at the bar:

  “You like that bar? A few cocktails, you know, a couple.” (04:00—Brett)

• Attendees can win tickets to local concerts and enjoy deals at the bar for donating.

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2. Door Dash Delivery Etiquette & the Viral Incident

(Timestamps: 05:36 – 13:09, 14:08 – 21:30)

• The crew discusses the case of a Door Dash driver charged for filming and posting about a pantsless customer.

  “They answered with no pants on…and so the lady broke out her phone…I was lured into the house and stuff. The problem is the ring camera says she just went into the house.” (05:36—John)

• Dissecting the legal and ethical lines of privacy, consent, and the dangers of entering a stranger’s home while delivering food.
• John stresses: Never enter a stranger’s home if you're a delivery driver:

  “That’s rule one…Never enter the premises.” (12:27—John)

• Humorous perspectives on how the pandemic improved social interactions by allowing for contactless delivery:

  “Covid proved we don’t need to talk to you pizza people, DoorDashers, and you don’t want to talk to us. It’s perfect.” (14:08—John)

• John’s personal experience delivering food in the pre-app era, describing awkward residential scenarios:

  “I walked up to one house, lady standing there in just a big T shirt. Ugly, I was gonna say. All right, ugly. And this hillbillies behind her…the wife came out and said something…I had to drive all the way back over there and give him what we forgot. She’s standing out there again – he goes, ‘I like you or this would be a problem.’” (08:09—John)

• The show pokes fun at Brady’s friendly delivery conversations, blaming people like him for missed “30 minutes or less” pizza deals back in the day.

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3. Modern Social Interaction Avoidance: The Joy of Not Talking

(Timestamps: 16:43 – 21:30)

• The hosts celebrate how delivery and ride-share apps now allow customers to avoid small talk with strangers:

  “Uber drivers—do you realize how bad it got talking to you?…We actually made enough noise to have it on the app to say, ‘Talk free drive.’” (17:34—John)

• Brett confesses he’s never used the “don’t talk to me” feature out of politeness.
• Playful banter about how avoiding human interaction is one of the best legacies of COVID.

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4. Sexual Assault Allegations Against Smokey Robinson

(Timestamps: 21:30 – 38:43)

• The crew reacts with disbelief to recent allegations against 94-year-old Smokey Robinson:

  “Smokey Robinson is evidently 90 years old. And now people are saying…I got [sexually assaulted]. It’s too late.” (21:49—John)

• They muse about the implausibility of such charges against someone of Smokey’s age:

  “If you get raped by Smokey Robinson, you were asking for it. You practically have to lay down and do it yourself. Smokey probably fell asleep a couple of times.” (24:34—John)

• Comparison to other celebrity sexual assault cases, referencing Charlie Sheen and Mike Tyson.
• John ridicules the idea that a much younger person couldn’t defend themselves against an elderly man:

  “If you couldn’t defend yourself from Smokey Robinson in his heyday, he was tiny, but you’re still struggling with it last year, Darwin would probably have you removed from the planet…I don’t like the victim shame. Unless it’s Smokey Robinson doing the raping, then it’s your fault.” (24:25—John)

• Debates the logic of victims who tolerated abuse for years without leaving their jobs:

  “From 2007 to 2024, if you were forced to have sex for a…17-year period, that’s on you. You had an escape route somewhere around, oh, I don’t know, Trump’s first term.” (23:44—John)

• The group riffs on how over-the-top it would be to accuse a nonagenarian of overpowering a healthy adult:

  “You can’t tell me an 84 year old man did something untoward sexually without a weapon.” (25:55—John)

• Satirical scenario-building: if Smokey Robinson made advances, it would be a funny story, not a trauma:

  “If Smokey was right here…grabbed my hand and placed it on his genitals, I would laugh, and that would be a story I’d have for the rest of my life.” (22:53—John)

• Jokes about cleaning staff exchanging stories, and how any sexual advances from someone this old shouldn’t be threatening.
• Byron: “Or a Cosby cocktail.” (26:27) – Visibly dark humor referencing the Bill Cosby scandal.
• John: “Smokey Robinson isn’t raping anybody. I want to be on the jury…he’s 84 years old. How old are you? 33. And you lost that fight. Let that be a lesson to you. Not guilty.” (28:27)
• They equate the alleged offense to being “raped by a blind guy”—an event you can simply avoid by leaving the room.
• John references Victor Frankl’s Man's Search for Meaning to highlight resiliency after trauma, contrasting it comically to those coming forward decades late.

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5. Defining the Line Between Accountability and the Absurd

(Timestamp: 34:20 – end)

• The group expresses skepticism about the rising number of historical or “implausible” claims in the era of #MeToo and celebrity lawsuits.
• They joke about being proud of being “raped by Smokey in his prime.”
• Big-picture riff: If you wait decades or a lifetime to tell your story, you can talk about it, but legal justice is gone.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Door Dash Privacy:
  “If you answer the door naked for anybody, I think they have a right to take a photo of that.” (12:06—John)
• On Stranger Danger (Deliveries):
  “Come in is an invitation to the basement.” (12:30—John)
• On COVID’s Positive Impact:
  “Thank you, Covid. You made the world a better place. I mean, you strip out all the dying and fear, Covid was pretty great. No traffic. Deliveries got better. Social distancing.” (20:27—John)
• On Smokey Robinson Allegations:
  “Smokey probably fell asleep a couple of times.” (24:34—John) “If you get raped by Smokey Robinson, you were asking for it.” (24:25—John)
• On sexual assault accusers' logic:
  “From 2007 to 2024…that’s on you. You had an escape route somewhere around, oh, I don’t know, Trump’s first term.” (23:44—John)
• On dealing with elderly celebrity advances:
  “He overpowered me. He’s 84. He gets overpowered by throw rugs.” (28:27—John)
• On pop culture and lawsuits:
  “Remember the people from the Romeo and Juliet movie? The teenagers that tried to sue because...that was 1966. You can’t sue for that in 2023.” (34:25—John)

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Selected Timestamps

• 02:00 – Operation Santa Claus event details/promotions
• 05:36 – Door Dash delivery incident story starts
• 08:09 – John’s gross delivery story from Tony Roma’s days
• 14:08 – Reflection on COVID and contactless deliveries
• 21:49 – Smokey Robinson allegations discussion begins
• 24:34 – Humorous takes on the implausibility of the charges
• 28:27 – John’s satirical “jury verdict” remarks
• 34:25 – Discussion on the futility of old injury lawsuits

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Tone & Style

The episode is irreverent, darkly comedic, frequently satirical, and unconcerned by political correctness. The hosts riff and jab at news stories, each other, and cultural mores with a blend of storytelling, sarcasm, and open disbelief at society's quirks.

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Summary Takeaway

Listeners get a uniquely biting and humorous take on modern life’s oddest stories—awkward delivery exchanges, the fallout of social distancing, and the absurdity of late-breaking allegations against the elderly. The show’s chemistry shines as it mocks tradition, outrage culture, and its own love of not making small talk, finding levity in the most unexpected places.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[Byron]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one. Tell him not to put himself at.

[John Holmberg]

Risk and come into M and P.

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[Byron]

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[Brett Vesely]

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[John Holmberg]

It's John Holmberg here, chilling away from my [e-mail] if your AC unit is 10 years old or more, you can start thinking about replacing it because of the Arizona climate. Like clockwork. We're right on top of that, seeing our first signs of losing our cool, cool air. New acunit.com also has a connections with all the major carriers so they get the best deals and they back it all with a 100% guarantee right now. Use Holmberg as a promo code and they'll knock off another 400 bucks from your already great price. Promo code. Holmberg, do it now. Save thousands, save time. Buy [e-mail]. There you go. Miles to nowhere as we creep ever so close to the Palladio of this year. And it will start on Monday and roll all the way through Tuesday. Dominating two days of this show. I enjoy it quite a bit, even though it is. It's like an Adam Sandler movie. It's on. I don't know why it's on. I might laugh once or twice, but for the whole entirety of it, I think it's pretty terrible. But it's looking for a needle in a haystack and that's fun. I hate watch. Brett's going out this morning. It is the the season for forgiving they spent somebody's a who wrote this?

[Brett Vesely]

That's Rudy now.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, Rudy.

[Brett Vesely]

Rudy wrote 100% is not 100%.

[John Holmberg]

I'm a fan of the Tim Allen Martin short movie because it says Operation Santa Claus like a legal one and it says Brett and Brett will be going out in just a little while at 8am this morning, Brett's going to be at a bar called Local Legends. Why? Who do I know there? Heard about. I know Local Legends. Brett's family bar. That's what that is. Local Legends is over on Main street and Saucerman and Mesa. And he's going to be at Local Legends out there this morning at 8:00 for Operation Santa Claus. And that's a great thing that the gang over there at Sanderson Ford does. They're collecting non perishable food, children's clothing, new toys, monetary donations to support local Arizona charities including St. Mary's Food Bank, Southwestern or Southwest Autism Research and Resource center, the Military Assistance Mission, Sleep and Heavenly Peace and New Life Center. And this is just a kickoff, Right. Local Edge is kind of getting her going. They're gonna be doing this a lot.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, well, well, she'll be doing. She'll be collecting toys, all, you know, all the donations all through the month. And then I guess I'll be out there in two weeks. I think like December 3rd or something.

[John Holmberg]

Like that for a big collection thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So today's the day to kind of teach you what you got out there and go see Brett, have a drink.

[Brett Vesely]

She's given 10 off. If you make a donation, you get some.

[John Holmberg]

Get cheap drinks, breakfast, hooking it up. And breakfast. They have good breakfast there. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. All right, Local Legends this morning. Brett's going to roll out there about eight. Just hang out, come by, see what it's about. If you've got some canned goods, I think that would be the way to start it today. Yeah, non perishable foods, dump that off. Tougher. If you've got toys, that's. And they're at the ready, you can drop those off too. But they're going to be doing it for a certain amount of time, I would imagine. Every day you could go there and drop.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

Great. So Local Legends. Thanks, matthia. Nice job. 8 to 11, 10.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm gonna be there at 11. She'll be there at 11.

[John Holmberg]

8 o'. Clock. You'll be there.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And then the rest. It just never ends.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

It'll be.

[Brett Vesely]

I leave.

[John Holmberg]

You're probably gonna go. Yeah, maybe you might stick around. You like that bar?

[Brett Vesely]

A few cocktails, you know, a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Drinks, you hang out.

[Byron]

Look at the rain.

[John Holmberg]

You got nothing to do.

[Byron]

Is it dinner time already?

[Brett Vesely]

Perfect.

[John Holmberg]

You're also gonna have Three Days Grace tickets when you're there. Bad flowers at marquee theaters March 8th. You got tickets to that as you got tickets to all sorts of stuff. So go see Brett around 8 o' clock this morning to go hang out at local legends. Oh, you're gonna miss Dale. Oh, shots. No, don't say that.

[Byron]

Prop that before you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta drop your prop. Yeah, two of us are together. Brady's big on that. He's got to get his bets in. He's right. Nothing wrong with that. Good luck to you and I hope all of it goes well. For what? I don't know. It just seems like one of those days it's gonna be. Everybody's gonna go swamp in there and you're gonna fill that place with drunk. Good. Yeah, good. It's a good thing.

[Brett Vesely]

Let's do some shots.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. People coming by with a can, dropping it in there, Dodge work. I've been telling you this. When it rains like this, there's no reason to get on these roads. Look out there. That's not human conditions. We're shutting earth off today. Stay in your houses or go over to that bar and play with Brett for a couple hours.

[Byron]

Don out any ragu for Brett.

[John Holmberg]

Bring ragu. Is that perishable? It's perishable.

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You can't bring that. Don't bring the ragu.

[Byron]

You can bring the quality pastas out.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure. The. The leave the. Great value, the boxes. Oh, great value pasta. That is good. Good, good suggestion. I like that. Anything like that in a box, you know, the. You know the pasta is good when you shake it and you can hear and it rattles really loud.

[Brett Vesely]

It'll be out there from 7:30 to 10. Now I'm leaving now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, like a rain stick. Oh, that's good pasta in there. This box of pasta is good. Said every Italian. Fantastic. I was at this thing too. They had a thing on TMZ where a door dash driver is getting in trouble because they recorded a person. That was Donald Duck answered the door. As far as I understand it, they answered with no pants on and they were delivering. And so the lady broke out her phone and said, I was lured into the house and stuff. The problem is the ring camera says she just went into the house. Lured in versus just walking in are two different things. Now she's getting hit with felony charges for filming and posting the nude guy in his house. And who still has door dash, Ring the bell, leave it on the porch.

[Byron]

Come on in and drop it off.

[John Holmberg]

Do you have that? You're a. No, you're too friendly. But when you doordash, you just say leave it. Right?

[Byron]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You don't go out and greet them?

[Byron]

No. Well, if.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, boy.

[Byron]

The last one, the. The door was open because people were coming in for the game on Saturday, last Saturday, and I saw the person coming, so.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Byron]

The dogs go crazy.

[John Holmberg]

And the doordash, though on a normal.

[Byron]

Day, if you doordash, it's been dropped off you.

[John Holmberg]

You don't have like a please talk to me thing because there's a button on there that says leave me you. Even Brady doesn't want the door dash person ringing the bell and talking to him.

[Byron]

I see them driving away or as they're just getting in their car, chasing them, too.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you go out and say something to them.

[Byron]

Well, I'm picking up the food.

[John Holmberg]

I wait for the car to leave before I open the door. I won't even interact that way. I just tip you an extra couple bucks at the end. When it asked for that extra tip, how'd we do? Can I have some more? I'm like, yeah, you get two more for not even making eye contact with me ever through a windshield. Who still answers the door for doordash. And if your pants are off, I'm taking pictures of that because that's evidence later. But I'm never going in your house.

[Byron]

Sometimes I'm at the door for five or 10 minutes because it's like Christmas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, no, I know you. You've got food coming and you're coming. It's coming. Do you run back and forth or do you watch the app to see where they are? No, you don't track them. Megan's terrible about that. Oh, he's just now getting it. Put the phone down. It's honest. What's going to be 15 minutes? Put the phone.

[Byron]

I've done it before.

[John Holmberg]

How we got back on the freeway like this is miserable. Put the phone down. It's terrible. But when I used to deliver for Tony Romas when we started our delivery program for a little while, and I was a jack of all trades. So I'm like, I'll take deliveries. They can make some decent money doing that. So I'd hop in the jeep and I'll tell you, man, if they had the option of not talking to people back in the day, that would have been great. We didn't have electronic anything. I had cash. I had to bring a thing of change. So I'm walking around with a few hundred dollars in cash in my pocket for change. I got the big credit card deal to have them sign the thing because we'd take their number over the phone and then I'D show up at these people's houses and they're horrible. They were. There were. So everybody back that wanted Tony Roma's delivered was an awful human being. I walked up to one house, lady standing there in just a big T shirt. Ugly, I was gonna say. All right, ugly. And this hillbillies behind her. He did that movie lean in his door. But it's one of those apartments that are. It like it looks like when you drive by that the ceilings were all six feet. You know which ones I'm talking about. You go by those weird like strip down one room apartments. But it looks like they're the. You have to. It's a shire that I don't know how people fit in there. And he's leaning on the door with one arm up all the way to the top, smoking, shirt off, jean shorts. I'll never forget it. He's looking at me. And then the wife came out and said something. I give them their food. I'm like. And I get back to Tony Roma's and they're like, you forgot something. I'm like, God damn it. And so I had to drive all the way back over there and give him what we forgot. And she's standing out there again. He goes, I like you or this would be a problem. Like, I appreciate it. Sorry, it's all on me. I forgot the thing and I'm sorry. And his wife looks at me and she goes, you want to come in? I'm like, no. And all I wanted was to leave. And I took it. And she's standing there and she's pissing on the sidewalk and she looks at me and he starts going like, this is totally normal. And I'm looking and then she goes, he think we're crazy, don't you? And the guy goes, he thinks we're crazy. Like, bye. And I went back to Tony Romans. I'm like, we're done here. No more deliveries. I'm out. I'm not doing this ever again.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like cousin Eddie from vacation.

[John Holmberg]

Just the hills have ey was way wow. The lady just started to urinate on the sidewalk. And it was a rainy day. It was like this. Only the rain had stopped, so the ground was still wet. So it took a second for me to realize that she wasn't standing in a puddle, she was making one. You think we're crazy, don't you? Yeah, I kind of do. And then I just got in the car. I'm like, this is it. That's it. That never again. I never felt more afraid so when doordash offered that feature. And again, everybody wants to think back at Covid of being a cruddy time. I think it's maybe in hindsight, the best time I've been alive. No more interaction at doors. Everything we discovered we could have done through our phones as far as groceries and food. And we never have to talk to those people. They just put it down and leave pizzas, even to this. Like, you used to have to stand and interact with the pizza guy or he'd go home. How come that's always. What was that? Domino's used to come by. If you didn't answer the door, they'd leave.

[Byron]

Oh, yeah.

[Brett Vesely]

They weren't playing. They got 30 minutes or less to get you. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Instead of just leaving it at the door, we figured it all out. Made it so we didn't have to talk to, you know, the workers.

[Byron]

Greatest conversations.

[John Holmberg]

I'm sure you did. You loved answering the door. That's why you put a screen on. You leave your door open to see who's there. Who was at your house that told me that it was you when you were over there, and you said, brady just sat in that chair. And every time a car went by, there goes Kenny.

[Brett Vesely]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Brady was all over what was going on outside. It's like, laser's got somewhere to be speeding away. Wish he just stopped by here first. Said, hey, what were you there for? Because he came back. This was before Brett was on the show. And he goes, have you been to Brady's house with that screen yet? I'm like, no. He just stares out of it, talks about everything going on.

[Brett Vesely]

I think we got, like a. A dinette set or something.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, that's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You took one at some of Brady's furniture.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah. The tall.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there goes Kenny. He's a good guy. You're just sitting there like, oh, my God, he's gonna kill. He's gonna kill his neighbors. It's gonna kill him. But, yeah, if you answer the door naked for anybody, I think they have a right to take a photo of that. But you just. And I don't know what the doordash girl's thinking going in someone's home. That's rule one. A delivery. Never enter the premises.

[Byron]

The guy says, come in.

[John Holmberg]

No. A stranger, Right? You never go in their homes. Come in is an invitation to the basement.

[Byron]

Open the door and drop it off.

[John Holmberg]

No, if they answer, you hand it to them. If they're like, come on in. You're going. You're. It's James Gum's house. You never go in a stranger's home ever. It's weird, but yeah. So now she's in trouble, though, because she said she filmed the customer. Well, he was also kind of passed out when she hit him with the picture. So he's naked and then he passed out. She took it and he had underwear around his ankle. So she she said she was lured in. She's 23. She called the police and said, hey, I got lured into this house and it was a sexual assault kind of vibe. And the ring camera said that she actually just let herself in. So they're not real sure what happened, but she's getting felony charges for walking into somebody's house. John Holmberg's morning sickness the 98 Kup.

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[Byron]

I had a clock above my door.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure, but you're killing their next delivery.

[Byron]

31 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you. They got it to you in time. The next one was late. Every time I wonder what the status. It's like in the. In the 2008 and 9 when the Steelers played the Ravens, there was a gambling stat that 100% of the time the teams that played either the Steelers or Ravens the next week would cover the spread or win because the Steelers and Ravens would beat each other up. I bet you in the 90s, any pizza delivered to Brady's house, the next one was free. Not to your house. The next one on his list. Because they were 10 minutes behind from the conversation about weather and traffic and what kind of dough they're using.

[Brett Vesely]

And then they just sent the delivery guys to his house. Only they didn't have any other drop off. We're losing too much money here.

[John Holmberg]

It's almost like a closer in baseball. He's designated to do one job. You're here if Brady orders a pizza and that's it. I want to get other deliveries in. What are you crazy? You're never going to get another delivery tonight if Brady orders one. You're our close. Wowzer. It's gonna be the worst three hours of your life. But we need you to do it.

[Byron]

It's a platinum delivery.

[John Holmberg]

That's what you said. Not to them it wasn't. There's a platinum foot up their ass.

[Byron]

Do not bring that Late.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you still are hyped up on them being late. They were on time for you. They had to be. They got your pizzas to you in like 11 minutes. Because they knew the 14 of chatter was going to kill their next time. Hi, my name's Brad. I work for Domino's. What do you do? I deliver to Brady's house. And what, just Brady's house? Yes. Design. We have to have a special guy just for that. I work seven days a week and.

[Byron]

A second driver go with him. Then he leaves the guy.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. For conversation. And you know, I'll do the next delivery.

[Byron]

I'll Come back.

[John Holmberg]

Pleasantries. We need a second. Dude, this is why Domino's killed the 30 minutes or less thing.

[Brett Vesely]

He's the left handed specialist. They bring him in for one.

[John Holmberg]

He comes in, pitches to one guy, little sidearm action. That phone would ring and it would be like that horror movie where the camera just goes, dun, dun, dun, gets closer to the phone, and three quick jump cuts. He ordered. Hey, why don't you throw in a grilled cheese? We don't have that on the menu. You got butter, you got bread, you got cheese. You can do it. He wants a goddamn special order. It's gonna take hours. Let me take a bite of that grilled cheese, make sure it's satisfactory. Why don't you sit down and watch some of the game with old Brady's? Sir, I have to leave. I've got other deliveries. Nonsense. We hardly got to know each other. What's your name? Your name tag says Tiller. It's Tyler. That's right. Yeah. So don't take pictures of naked people and post them. If you're in their house, but outside of their house, fair game. And stop talking to the doordash people. And if you're a doordash person, that's gonna email me and go, hey, you know what happened to common decency? We are. We don't want to talk to you. No one. I'm speaking for the entire city. If you're a doordash guy that wants to talk to people, everyone hates you. Uber drivers. Do you realize how bad it got talking to you? That we actually made enough noise to have it on the app to say, talk free drive. And you can hit that button.

[Brett Vesely]

You ever done that?

[John Holmberg]

No, I can't. I want to. That's why Waymo came along. For people like me who are like, I don't want to seem like a big dick before. Maybe he's a nice guy, but I don't want to have a conversation with him if he's not. If he's a weirdo. And then Waymo came along, you're like, this is great. I don't even have to worry about it. Have you ever hit. You've never hit the button? Don't talk to me.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't know the balls to do it.

[John Holmberg]

I don't need.

[Brett Vesely]

You know.

[John Holmberg]

But it's on there for a reason.

[Brett Vesely]

I mean, you get some psycho driving you or something.

[John Holmberg]

Now he hates that he won. Like, if Brady was an Uber driver. Oh, no talking, huh? Looks like we're gonna be going about 95 miles an hour. On the wrong lane, then. Bet you talk to me then. Yeah, I don't want to chitter chat with strangers on a regular basis. It's small talk. It's the world's worst thing.

[Byron]

Got some turtle candies.

[John Holmberg]

You don't eat candies either. What's the matter with you? You want my candies? Yeah. Yeah, that's. I'm going in a basement. No, thank you, basement guy. Everybody calls me that. You do not take food or enter someone's home like that. It's crazy. Doordash. We love you. Just drop it off and walk away. Yeah, Covid solved a lot of our social weird problems. Which was dopey pizza guy standing on your door, making you talk to him for a second. And poor pizza guy who had to talk to people that wouldn't leave him alone. It was 15 seconds of your life, and it was the most miserable part. We used to have fights when I was a kid on who was gonna answer the door. My dad was stripped down to his underwear the second we made the pizza thing. It's like, I'm not getting it. I'm like, you're a genius.

[Brett Vesely]

I paid for the goddamn thing. Get your ass up there.

[John Holmberg]

You are a genius. You don't.

[Byron]

Doorbell rings, everyone drops your pants.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's naked. Somebody else is gonna get it. God damn it. Well, somebody put some pants on, he's gonna leave with our pizza. And that was back in the day where they'd just walk away with your pizza. Don't answer. Don't get it. Because we had to pay them direct. Covid. Thank you, Covid. You made the world a better place. I mean, you strip out all the dying and fear. Covid was pretty great. No traffic. Deliveries got better. Social distancing. Oh, I pray for the day that comes back. Little stickers everywhere to keep it so you couldn't get within six feet of another human being. It was awesome. The built in excuse of, I'm not feeling well, and everybody treated you like you had the plague. Oh, I used to love that. People like, well, we should probably have. Ah, I've got a stuffy nose. I'm like, oh, stay away from me, okay? You don't have to ask me twice. I rode my bike on the 51.

[Byron]

Smart.

[John Holmberg]

And they're just for fun. Just for fun. There was nobody on it. It was on a Tuesday afternoon. I'm like, I'm riding my bike. I looked over the bridge as I crossed over Bethany home, and I'm like, that is an empty freeway. I'm doing this And I got on it and I just rode one exit. I got nervous. I did get scared because there were a car or two flying by, but. And they were going 1,000 miles an hour. And I got off and I rode on the freeway for a second. I'm like, I am riding a bike on a freeway. Thank you, Covid. Oh, what a time. What a time. And then I also noticed a couple other, like, weird things yesterday. Well, we got the guy from Scottsdale. Here's two things. Sexual assaults. You get the naked guy at the house. Smokey Robinson is evidently 90 years old. And now people are saying, I got. He sexually assaulted me. It's too late. Yeah, Smokey Robinson is old now. So if he reaches for your hand and puts it on his dick, it's just him being old. It's an honor. Look. Exactly. Wanna touch it, Smokey? I kinda wanna touch it. It's a great story. I don't know who gets mad at that. If Smokey Robinson was right here. Hey, dad, how you doing? Like, I'm good, Smokey. And he grabbed my hand and he placed it on his genitals. I would laugh, and that would be a story I'd have for the rest of my life. Who's uptight enough to throw sexual assault charges at Smokey Robinson? What is he, 92? If he made you touch his penis. Hilarious. Have a sense of humor.

[Byron]

It's your elder bush. Back in the day, David, when he.

[John Holmberg]

Would come, yeah, David Copperfield. And he'd goose people all the time from his wheelchair. People like, that's sexual assault. I'm like, you got nothing to worry about. And now he's. Now he's getting sued. He's a female ex housekeeper. Alleged the singer forced them to have oral sex and vaginal sex dozens of times between 2007 and last year. So from 2007 to 2024, if you were forced to have sex for a. What is that, 17 year period, that's on you. You had an escape route somewhere around, oh, I don't know, Trump's first term.

[Byron]

That's usually, I want it done for me. I think if I was. And I'm reporting that right off the bat.

[John Holmberg]

If Smokey Robinson rapes me, I'm saying, so that day, maybe the second time. Because at first I'm like, that really happened. Second time's the payday. I got to get a bunch of evidence. Because now I know. Like, oh, and then you go home and you do that Silkwood shower and wait, I just washed off all the evidence. I got to go get raped again by Smokey to get all this money. But if you do it from 2007 to 2024, that's Bush to Trump too. There's a lot that happened in between there. And you want $50 million from Smokey. You don't get it.

[Brett Vesely]

They were raped by a 92 year old man, first of all, then that's on you.

[John Holmberg]

If you couldn't defend yourself from Smokey Robinson in his heyday, he was tiny, but you're still struggling with it. Last year, Darwin would probably have you removed from the planet. I don't like the victim shame. Unless it's Smokey Robinson doing the raping, then it's your fault. If you get raped by Smokey Robinson, you were asking for it. You practically have to lay down and do it yourself. Smokey probably fell asleep a couple of times.

[Brett Vesely]

It's like these broads who went to Charlie Sheen's house. What'd you expect, right?

[John Holmberg]

Well, William Satner said it last week about Mike Tyson. He went to the room at 4am what did you think was gonna happen? If there's a smile on my face, only here to rape your body. Is this happening? Ah, I've got to run away. Oh, he caught me. You weren't running.

[Brett Vesely]

Gonna give it to you till you.

[John Holmberg]

Got tears of a clown. Make white tears of a clown. Yeah. They're saying that these are ridiculous. He's 85. Evidently. Still.

[Byron]

Yes. The people who are starting out in the 70.

[John Holmberg]

No, started out in 2007. That's who's saying this was. These aren't going back to the 70s.

[Byron]

No, but I'm saying he's 85.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he's in his 70s. Sure. He was in his 60s. His late 60s. So the first couple might have been a little bit of a struggle if you let that go till last year, you liked it. That's a relationship. That's not a rape.

[Byron]

2024, a new cleaning lady was hired.

[John Holmberg]

There were five of them.

[Byron]

I see what's going on.

[John Holmberg]

There were five of them. And evidently he had five hot cleaning ladies. And for 17 years, like, is he having sex with you? They found out about each other. Like, oh, I wasn't special. Why you bitches all mad? Are you having sex with Consuela? Which one is she? Oh, God damn it. Yeah. You can't. You can't tell me an 84 year old man did something untoward sexually without a weapon. If he hadn't. If Smokey had a gun to your head, you could still move it.

[Byron]

Or a Cosby cocktail.

[John Holmberg]

Right?

[Byron]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

They want $50 million. If I'm smokey, I give it to him. How much time does he have left here? Shut up. If we take. They give you this money gonna go away. Yeah. Woman and a man. Another guy, the man said that Smokey would sometimes take his hand and move it over to Smokey's pee pee. And I'm telling you, I'd take that job in a heartbeat. John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD.

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[John Holmberg]

Thanks.

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness.

[Brett Vesely]

His handler's actually a handler.

[John Holmberg]

I would call Brett and I'm like, you want to go out with Smokey Robinson tonight? Tonight, Brett? You'd be like, of course I do. He's a legend. Motown legend. Smokey Robinson and John are taking me to dinner. You're going. And I'm like, watch what he does to my hands if I leave him laying around. And you'd be like, what are you talking about? I'm like, watch it. I'll just. I'll put it on the table at the dinner, and he'll reach for it like it's a fork, and he'll start rubbing his wiener with it. Oh, like, it's hilarious. Trust me, I'm fine with it. You pay extra for that? Yeah, I get. Trust me, I'm going to get a lot of money for this. And then I just look you in the eyes. What? Smokey's like, ooo, give me my hand back, Smokey. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a napkin. All those white things look the same to me. That's right. That's why we have to get them black napkins. Smokey Robinson isn't raping anybody. I want to be on the jury and just have my arms crossed. Mm, let me see. 20. 24. He's 84 years old. How old are you? 33. And you lost that fight. Let that be a lesson to you. Not guilty. You need to hit the gym or something or just be a little more ambitious. Can even get hard. I take The Viagra. Okay, maybe a little bit, but still, you can't push those old bones and turn him into mummy dust in a second. I think you could. He overpowered me. He's 84. He gets overpowered by throw runs. He can't have. He can't have anything on the floor at his house or it'll kill him. You think he lay down? Bitch crack. It's not happening. Even if he punched you, you'd be like, what are you doing? Why'd you do that? I'm punching him, knocking, you turning your lights out. You're barely touching me. A fly would survive that punch.

[Byron]

The minute he wakes up, he's raping.

[John Holmberg]

He walks around the house thrusting his hips. I gotta rape. I'm in the mood for rape. Sexually assaulted by an 85 year old. I will victim shame. I'm tired of this. You don't know what I've been through. The traumatic, the stress. Come on. You punched Smokey in the nose once. As many times as much cocaine has floated through that nose of his. There's nothing in there. You're gonna hit the brain. You're just gonna squish him.

[Byron]

Was it one of those jokes that she said? But a little extended. You have 15 years to knock this off.

[John Holmberg]

Ow. Ow. What are you doing back there? Giving you the goods. All right, this is weird. Are you asleep in the middle of the rape? Maybe. Shut up, bitch. No one can hear your cries. Then he fell asleep in the middle. Right when he was grabbing my breasts. I didn't want him to do it. Did you push him off? Well, no, He's Smokey Robinson. I didn't want to be rude. Anyway, I do feel a little bit for John Doe one. This one guy says, here's another thing. Fifth housekeeper says Robinson groped her breast and propositioned her for sex and then said, scrub my back in the shower. Well, then you were in the shower with him. If he overpowered you into the shower, that's again the enemy of any 80 year old man is a wet floor cleaning the bathroom.

[Byron]

And he walked in, hopped in the shower.

[John Holmberg]

Scrub my back. Yes, sir, Mr. Robinson, you're so strong.

[Brett Vesely]

Sean says he's innocent. He goes, you had 30 minutes before the blue pill kicked in. What are you still doing there?

[John Holmberg]

Let me just pop this rape pill, we'll watch an episode of Good Times and then we're at it. Oh, 22 minutes, I'm in for it. It's embarrassing. Said one of the guys in the. In the document said he calls himself John Doe 1. He doesn't want to be identified. Let me just say it's John Holmb. Identify himself. Says Robinson would masturbate while watching him work. That started around 2013. So Smokey, was he 80 or 72? And they tried to force him to touch Robinson's penis one time while he was jerking it. Look, if I'm vacuuming your house, Brett, and you come and you start jerking off the middle of the room, it's a simple turn the vacuum off. I'm like, when you're done, I'll come back. I'll walk away from that. Any man masturbating can't catch me. I promise you that. I promise you, if you're masturbating, if you have an erection, you cannot run faster than me. I guarantee it. The man with an erection is not fast, he's not fleet of foot, he's not mobile.

[Byron]

Hit it with the feather duster. You have to touch it.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Smokey Robinson's coming at me and he's got an erection there. I blew him over. It's easy. This is great.

[Byron]

Or use a Swiffer. He'll be fine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, 50 million bucks. I'm on Smokey's side. Even if he did it, I'm on Smokey side. And Smokey could sit up there in that courtroom with that weird mic that never is adjusted, right? I raped everybody. All right, well, I'm fine with that. It's their fault. Any 85 year old man that said that was cause I raped that one and I raped that one. And I made the boy watch me masturbate and touch my penis. Is this true? I told you it's true. I'm guilty of everything. He seems pretty forthright. Not guilty. Moki Robinson raped you. If you came to me and told me I got. I gotta talk to you. What is it, Brady? You look pretty down. Last night I got raped. Oh, my God, that's terrible. By Smokey Robinson. Okay, that's not a thing. It was terrible. I couldn't get him off of me. What, were you tied down?

[Byron]

No, I was vacuuming.

[John Holmberg]

What? Yeah. I've recently taken another job as his housekeeper. He made me shower with him and wash him. He's old. Somebody's got to do it.

[Byron]

He asked me to vacuum because. Oh, like, how cool is that? You're vacuuming Smokey Robinson's rug, right?

[John Holmberg]

Our blind listener, Sean, says getting raped by a 90 year old is the same as getting raped by me. A blind guy. Pretty sure you can just slowly walk away. A rape free Area exists for you pretty much where I can't see. It's like, marco Polo, rape. If you're not answering the rapist every time the blind Marco. Ah, crap. Polo. Oh, he's over there. I gotta go get him. Raped him. There you are asking for it. Smokey Robinson ain't raping anybody. And another thing, if you got raped by Smokey when he was a viable strong man, it's too late. I don't want to hear your Smokey Robinson rape stories when he's 85 back in 1971. No, it's too late.

[Brett Vesely]

I'd be proud of that.

[John Holmberg]

I would too.

[Brett Vesely]

You got him in his prime or he got you in his prime.

[John Holmberg]

Remember the people from the Romeo and Juliet movie? The teenagers that tried to sue because they're like, it did. You know, Nude scene was very uncomfortable. I'm like, that was 1966. You can't sue for that in 2023. That's not happening. But we're pretty messed up now. You've had time to get over it if it didn't. That's your choice. There are people in Auschwitz that got jobs faster than you two couldn't get over being naked together as teenagers.

[Byron]

But I think that's one of the things else they say, like something traumatic like that. There's a lot of people that, yeah, 1966, that happened.

[John Holmberg]

It's time. It's time we all started to say, lived it out. That's enough. All right? You can talk about it, but you can't go after the dude, right? You can bring it up and go, yeah, you know, Smokey Robinson, rape me. I never said anything. It's on me. I screwed me.

[Byron]

I don't want to go through the process.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can go through the process. You can go to tmz, et, all that other stuff, but there's no legal ramifications. If you waited 60 years and you're like, I was never the same. Well, it ain't gonna change now. So hopefully you've adapted. That's that Viktor Frankel book, man. Search for meaning. The dude was in a concentration camp. That's pretty awful. He's not even mad at the Germans. He walked out of there going, it's my choice to hate this or. Or live with it forever. I have to live with the memories, but it's what I do with them afterwards. Smokey Robinson ain't raping. Come on. It's not even like it's kids. These are grown ups. And every time I see a time gap of 07 to 24. Like in this time period, Smokey Robinson was wildly inappropriate. I'm like, what did you do about. Well, I kept going to work. I had to work. I kept going to his house. I'm like, nope, that's Brett rapes me once here at work, he's out. I would assume the same is true of me if I raped Brett once. He's not coming. Well, I had to work. I needed the job.

[Brett Vesely]

Kind of in your prime though. So it's still, you know, a good fight. Yeah, I mean, if it was, you know, actually we might have some 82 year old John Holmberg then.

[John Holmberg]

No. Get over here right now, mister, you're going so fast, I expect me to rape you running around like a chicken with a head cut off. Nobody's raping anybody. This guy says instead of storm chasers, you call it dick chasers. Nearly all your audience would participate in this. Try to get away from old men who want to rape you. Show how easy it is. If the guy comes out and says he put a gun to my head while I was working and said, I might shoot you in the head if you don't touch my pee pee. That's easy. Hi, Larry, it's 7:28. What do you got on the big board of musical treats over there?

[Brett Vesely]

Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop. And they are getting hammered with the snow up north. And now's the time to get all the ski and snowboarding gear you're gonna need over at Action Ride Shop, the OG location right there on Gilbert Road Southern. And if you're gonna be hitting the trails on the mountain bikes or you need a new bike, well, they got it at both stores, including the brand new one right there at Power Road and McDowell Pivot, Santa Cruz, Ibis. You name it, they got it. ActionRod shop.comacdc on the list. Ice 9 Kills, Rob Zombies. What for Brady Mud Vein, Allison Chains, Static Axe, Ozzy Ghost. Mummy Dust for Smokey.

[John Holmberg]

Already over. What? What? By Rob Zombie. I do love Mummy Dust for smokey Robinson.

[Brett Vesely]

Power my 5000. How to be Human for Asian Ruxpin, Pantera and Metallica.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta do what Little Rob Zombie. What?

[Brett Vesely]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

I like that one. You've got that one. Yeah. Toledo's not gonna have that. He just put mummy dust in. And Mummy dust is true also. But I think it would be a badge of honor. I mean, if Clint Eastwood, who's 90something, put your hand on my dick. Okay. Like for all the years of entertainment.

[Brett Vesely]

Dirty Harry, I'm here.

[John Holmberg]

You like what you feel? Not really, but I don't think you can do anything about it. And if you do anything more, I'm going to punch you. This is easy.

[Byron]

And on. Yeah, on that other side, I'm saying it's an easy turn down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, and maybe it isn't. Give me that hand. And he starts pulling on it. He's going to expend so much energy trying to get your hand to his wiener, it'd be out cold in a second. I was with William Shatner last show.

[Byron]

My right turn.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. Well, William Shatner last Thursday. Spry for 94. Pretty easy to knock over though, if he's like, I want you to touch my wiener. All right, thanks, Captain Kirk for all the years. Ah, target. No, I draw the line there. Do it or else. I'm like, clock. It's an easy fight. I wouldn't even be intimidated by the offer. I'd do it in front of a crowd at the Orpheum. He's like, and now John is going to touch my pee pee. Yep. See everybody, The Orpheum. Look at that. I get to touch Captain Kirk's dick and you don't. And everybody be like, I'm fine with it. Weird people are dumb. And I'm rooting for Smokey to get out of this one and do a tour or something. That's what I think. You got ready? All right, Brett's gonna head out now. He's gonna go over to Local Legends on Main street and Sassan. He's gonna be out there right about 8 o' clock for our friends at Operation Santa Claus and Sanderson Ford helping out with that. That's pretty cool. So get on over there to Local Legends with Brett in just a little bit. Drop off canned goods, toys, all sorts of stuff. And you can do that starting today, all the way up until like the third or four. Whenever you're at that second one. Probably even up until, you know, just handed before Christmas.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So you got it. Every day. Local legends of great bar. Brett will be out there. Let's do a little zombie for Brady. It's called what? It's 98. Control now. Save over $200 when you book weekly stays with VRBO this winter. If you need to work, why not work from a chalet? If you haven't seen your college besties since, well, college, you need a week to fully catch up in a snowy cabin.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[John Holmberg]

You should save over $200 a week. That's the least we can do. So you might as well start digging out the long johns because saving over $200 on a week long snowcation rental is in the cards book [e-mail].