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Brady
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John Holmberg
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John Holmberg
Morning Sickness Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It is 5:45. This the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett, There's Big Dick Toledo. Let's get this thing rolling. Get the hell out of here. After a I have officially boys, I have done the job. You know what? The way radio works nowadays. Maybe they're right. Fire everybody. I'll do it. I've got 16 jobs right now and I'm booking and I'm negotiating prices. I text Brady last night with the people we're gonna get for the the Happy ending show the homeburg after dark December 12th. It is. It is done. Except for the small greed factor of the guests. That's it. And they're arguing. Here's the thing you don't know about when you're booking comedians and celebrities. I didn't know this booking agents. I have new respect for you. The first question they'll ask is what's everybody else getting? And that's usually with the added like, well, I just want it to be fair. I'm not trying to get more than anybody else. So I Throw a number at them. That's kind of. Not necessarily. Nobody's confirmed with the money, but I'm like, we're looking at this. It's for charity. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, just let me know what they come back with. You have to wait for everybody to know what everybody else is getting in order for you to say, this is. This is the price. And then. Well, I mean, I'm kind of the biggest name. Oh, boy. So you do want more. Well, I'm not saying I want more. I said, I'm just so, like, you know, I'm just gonna get Frank. He'll do it for free. He's my.
Brady
I was gonna say this wasn't Frank.
John Holmberg
Right. You're noshing with Frank is great. Well, Frank has his moments, okay? And rightfully so. You know, people should get paid for. People should get paid. But then working, it's literally one of the guests was like, what does this usually pay? And I'm like, I don't know. And he goes, 20,000. And I'm like, american money. What are you out of your mind? No, you're going to do like 25 minutes worth of work, tops.
Brett
All right?
John Holmberg
And then you just whittle them down. I've been working. I've been working the last couple of days, working the phones, moving and shaking and getting things done. So I feel pretty good about myself because it is booked for coats.
Brady
Done.
John Holmberg
We're done. I did with the help of Matt Coman down at the club. We are pretty booked. We're. We're 85% home. And that's good because most of the time, you're running about 10% till day off. So it'd be this ahead of the game. Now, here's the thing. We already. We had Jay Pharoh on this show, and I was super excited about Jay coming out. And then Jay got an offer from, I think Fanduel or somebody, and they were going to give him, like 100 grand or something. Just.
Brady
He's out.
John Holmberg
That's what I said, Jay, you're making the right choice. And he called like, hey, man, I'll still do it. But I'm like, you want me to match that? I mean, can you, like, it's one show, Jay. I mean, we'd have to charge people $1,000 a ticket to make this work. Yeah, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to take that job. Like, you do that. I'd go to his show, for God's sakes. If that was in town, I'd be like, we're Canceled. Just go watch Jay. He's awesome. But he'll be here that weekend anyway, so he's. Yeah, Jay's one of my favorites, so that would. But it is not easy. It is not fun to deal with people. And then. I don't like dealing with money. I don't like. I'm not that guy. I'm not the guy that gets in your pocket. No, no. I like having money. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. People.
Brady
I mean, you know, you're supposed to.
John Holmberg
I like mine. I don't like dealing with other people's. Because you know why? It ruins. That's why people have agents and stuff. It wrecks. It can wreck a relationship between two people negotiating. Because you're always thinking, is this guy getting one over on me? What could they have spent? But. And I'm just like, dude, this isn't mine to spend, so. But it is booked, and we're ready to go. It's almost sold out anyway, before we even had guests, which is great. If you gu. Want tickets to Homeburg After Dark, it's December 12th, and it's @ Stand Up Live. It's our end of the year live show, and it gets out of hand. And the thing that people want to see are those videos. I mean, they don't care about the guests. The guests are secondary. We do those videos every day. Tripp came in the other day. Least favorite part of the show for me are those stupid videos. I don't want to hear the play by play of that crap. Do you listen every day? Well, yeah, I listen to it. Well, then, there you go.
Brady
We offered to show him to him. He wouldn't look.
John Holmberg
It's kind of what he said. You guys are gross enough. I don't need play by play of what you're talking about while you watch it. It's true, but there he is, locked to his. Locked to his radio the whole time. Anyway, I'm also riding on a high of pride right now because I watched you two four and a half years ago when I had my arm surgically repaired and could not reach forward so I could. I was helpless in a lot of areas. And it was a rainy. It was rainy March or April, if I recall correctly. And you two morons said you could change my windshield wipers on my Jeep. I could not do it with one. One arm.
Brady
I had a broken arm, too.
John Holmberg
You were a car guy.
Brett
Just say, we'll take a look at it for you.
John Holmberg
Okay. Well, it became a viral sensation four years ago of Brady staring at Windshield wipers like they just landed from another planet. And Brett being completely useless as far as verbal or physical help, Brady couldn't reach the windshield wipers. Those little head was sticking up over the front of my Jeep. And my Jeep is not lifted to the point where it's like, oh, it's pretty. You know what? Maybe it is because that picture says otherwise. I feel like a normal human being. Brady looked like an insane progeria child trying to reach over the hood. You guys couldn't do it. You failed. For what seemed like an hour or so. And I laughed, so intimidated by this. With all the rain that's gone on, I've known for a long time I've needed new windshield wipers. And I thought to myself, this can't be as hard as dumb and dumber made it look back in the day. So I bought. I ordered online new windshield wipers for my 2018 Wrangler and my 2012 Wrangler. They're different. And they showed up. And I opened up the package, and I'm looking at it. I'm like, this is just a box, and the instructions are the size of a thumbnail. I can't see the instructions. I can't grasp the. I'm just going in blind. And I swore to myself no YouTube videos will be used. I'm going to do it old school the way I try to get you guys to do it and just figure this out. Well, within about seven seconds, I found the little flap latch and got the wipers off. It's easy. You check. You two were jacking around forever on. It was easy. And I'm like, okay, I'll give it to him that I might have stumbled into this. This is simple. So I get the windshield wipers off, and I'm like, I'm a man today. I'm doing manly, handy car stuff. That's me.
Brett
Productive.
John Holmberg
Grease on the hands. I'm gonna have to go lava soap up after all this is over. I've touched car parts. When it comes to car stuff, I am gayer than gay. Like, I don't know what anything's called. I don't know. I know. I know how to check. I'm a woman. I check oil. I can change a tire like nobody's business. Because. But, no, I actually, no, I can't, because I need a high lift, and that scares me. I can change a tire on a car. That's not my Jeep. I can't. I have no idea where to put a high lift without bending the frame. I don't do you.
Brady
What's that?
John Holmberg
A high lift?
Brady
Yeah. I mean, I can. No, I can because. But I don't have a jeep, so I don't regularly do it.
John Holmberg
I mean, but where do you put it?
Brady
Right under the frame.
John Holmberg
See what I think. What does that mean? Is that the car?
Brady
Yeah, the frame that John I've changed.
John Holmberg
Is that the shell I'm gonna break?
Brady
It's the frame. It's where the body sits on the frame.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brady
Where's that rear end and the front end attached to the frame.
John Holmberg
And it's all of it.
Brady
Yeah, I can show. I'll show you.
John Holmberg
So if I put that on the side of my Jeep should be right. It's gonna bend.
Brady
I'm gonna put it in the body.
Brett
A couple of times.
John Holmberg
Well, I don't understand where that ends or the frame begins. See, this is what I'm talking about. Where does the frame begin?
Brady
I'll show you the body end.
Brett
He can show you. Or you can do my assessment, which.
John Holmberg
Is tires on a high lift, not.
Brett
On a high lift.
John Holmberg
See, there's. I can't car. Yeah.
Brett
And it looks. This looks like a good place for the jack to go.
John Holmberg
I do that every time. I'm like, I think that's steady.
Brett
Yeah.
John Holmberg
I have no idea what does it.
Brett
You know, it hasn't fallen, but.
John Holmberg
Oh, I had one fall. I had my legs. My. I was changing my mom's. She had a VW Bug. And I had the jack way over and dropped. And it. No, I don't know what happened. I had my legs under the car, and I'm twisting my legs like. Like I was straddling the tire from underneath. The thing was up. Pulled them out. Reach back. And I heard. I looked over, and the car's. It's on the ground.
Brett
Oh, gee.
John Holmberg
And I looked in. The jack had just kind of shrunk itself. And I looked. I'm like. My legs were under there, like, seven seconds ago. Like, that was. That's my ass right there. I had. What the hell did. What happened? And then my mom's like, is that all right? I'm like, yeah, it's fine. I was. I didn't panic or anything. It wasn't fine. Her whole car was laying on the ground. And I'm like, I'll get it back up there. And I pumped it back up, and I was in terror. So I can change a tire, But I have had incidents. The high. The high lift. And I don't want to hear from guys who know I'm admitting it. It's not a time to attack a man who's being vulnerable. I'm telling you. I don't know.
Brady
So apparently on Jeeps you can do it on the bumper too. That's what I'm reading that I didn't know.
John Holmberg
Well, I can do the bumper because it's steel.
Brady
Right.
John Holmberg
So I put steel bumpers on to the bumper and I have the side rails that are.
Brady
Yeah, apparently you can do that here too.
John Holmberg
Yeah, because they're steel too. But your black one doesn't. Black one does not have that. So I have no idea. And. And the new Bronco has not. I have no idea. I don't know what you're talking about when you say body and frame. Because once it's not body, I assume it's a useful part because here's the guy with the. Oh, you're doing. You're. You're doing a YouTube video, which I.
Brady
Want the Jeep, I don't know, control it.
John Holmberg
So using two hands is a lot safer. Well, I know how the high lift works. I just don't know where to put it.
Brady
All right here on the.
John Holmberg
He's got.
Brady
On the side rails.
John Holmberg
Like. Yeah, I'll put it on the side rails. I don't know your head out of the power either way. I can do that, but I can't without help. I don't think I'd be comfortable using a high lift.
Brady
I'd say call triple A.
John Holmberg
There's the thing for that. So anyway, I'd call Robert from all.
Brett
Pro Shade and Shane Orlando between those two, they could just lift it.
John Holmberg
The Shane could just come out. We'll just get her off the ground by hand and then it's up in the air. Meathead there I got three dudes that are manly and they'll just.
Brady
You guys just want.
John Holmberg
Yeah, yeah. Meathead will want to do it and then it'll the whole time. Yeah, he'll just get under it on all fours and just push up. Dude's a beast. Holmberg's morning sickness the 98 KUPD VRBO's last minute deals make chasing fresh mountain powder incredibly easy. With thousands of homes close to the slopes, you can get epic pow freshies first tracks and more. Find last minute deals with the last minute filter on the app. Book a private vacation rental now@vrbo.com Holmberg's morning sickness so anyway, I'm getting these windshield wipers off and I'm like, this is easy. Get the new ones on there. Like, look at this. Click, boom, shut the latch. It took me all of a minute to do the black Jeep. Move over to the white Jeep. It's a little different. Find the latch, pop it off, like, got this. Put those on. So proud of myself. I was.
Brett
When we were stumped on the white.
John Holmberg
Jeep, I think, no, no, it was the black Jeep.
Brett
It was the black Jeep.
John Holmberg
It was the black Jeep. You guys, I have.
Brett
I blacked out.
John Holmberg
I have pictures. Well, you couldn't see over the top to see. You don't see color. First of all, that's one thing we should all know about Brady. Black, white. He's just.
Brett
Amen to that.
John Holmberg
It's just a Jeep to him. So I get these. I get them put on there. And I am thrilled. So I'm driving to work yesterday. It's a little rainy, and I got the windshield wipers on. I'm like, look at that. It's a little. It's not good. They must need breaking in because it's, you know, they're still. They're squishing water around pretty good, but they're new. So I parked. Pretty proud of myself. Come to work. Didn't talk about it yesterday because I was like, you know, I'll get this done. It hasn't rained enough yet. Yesterday, I go down to Lost Her Home Pet Rescue with Amy, and she's from Payson, so she's more of a man than I'll ever. So she did it, all right. She's. She knows what I'm doing. We get into the Jeep and I'm like, ah. I said, I changed those windshield wipers myself. And it starts to rain a little. On our way over to Loster Home, it's like the last bit of yesterday's rain. So we're going over there to see the dog. By the way, the dog's name is Ben and he's a puppy. He's part of a litter of 12. It was a hoarding thing because people, their dog got pregnant. Fix your dog. Spay and neuter dog gets pregnant, has 12 puppies, and instead of doing anything right, they just put him in an abandoned home. I know. So they got found. The neighbors are like, hey, this house that's got nobody in his barking like crazy. It was kind of a weird situation. It's kind of what? So anyway, Ben's part of that. Go get Ben. Go get the. These puppies are amazing. They're so cute. And, you know, puppies go fast. Get chalky. Get any other dog that's over there that needs a chance. So that aside. So we're on our Way over there, it's raining. And I told her, I said, the driver side's working good. The passenger side still squishing the water around. It's kind of smearing it. And I said, but I think they have to break in. And she goes, you have to take the plastic off. And I said, huh. I thought my blades were just cool blue blades. There's like a weird plastic blue cover.
Brady
Yeah. It protects the blade.
John Holmberg
Yeah. I thought I just had really cool. That's a proud one. Was a pro install and it wasn't right. I just thought maybe I just bought some cruddy wipers. These aren't so great. Sure enough, there's like a little sleeve like you do for. I'll use the gayest term I can. Figure skating, you know, you put them over the blade. Yeah. It wasn't even a peel. It just slides right off. She reaches out the window and this blue plastic thing for some reason is guarding these blades that were in. By the way, they were in three boxes. For me to get to these blades in the first place. I don't know what kind of elements we're getting to these, these wipers that they were worried. So it had to come with some sort of a blue shield. But yeah, sure enough, I was driving around yesterday morning pretty proud of myself with two plastic pieces over the actual blades going, they're not working great.
Brett
I'm not real happy with these blades.
John Holmberg
But I was. I was still on a high. I was still on a 9 out of 10 high about having changed them myself. So I was like, these aren't very good. But you know what? Easy enough. I'll just replace them with some new ones if this, this seems. And then I started thinking, maybe my old ones weren't so bad. Yeah, maybe they still had the blade on them too. But yeah, evidently there's two years.
Brett
You don't know, flat on the windshield. Like contour with it. They're kind of straight planks mine. That's what I'm saying.
John Holmberg
Oh, yeah. No. And that's what I was kind of like. That's weird. And when I was doing it, it was pushing the water up, but it was smearing. Was still better than my old cruddy busted up sun blades. But I'm looking and I'm like, I get myself all taken care of there. And I'm pretty proud of myself. I had no idea that there was a protective barrier between the window and the actual wiper. And I'm an idiot. So I was immediately. She goes, yeah, that's the blue thing. Because then I noticed that the driver's side one had fallen off. I'm like, you're right, driver's side's working better and it's black. But that blue one over there doesn't work as well. She just took it right off. I'm like, oh, she put her hand.
Brady
Out and asked for your man card. When she.
John Holmberg
Well, if that. Look, if those were real then we'd have an argument. That's a silly thing that people say. Nobody has a man card. It's a penis and I have one. And I'm a. I'm not ashamed.
Brady
But still.
Brett
Grabbing that.
John Holmberg
Yeah, the cigarette was hanging out around. Give him an idiot. And we're at the stoplight right there at the 52nd and getting onto the 202 and what is that? Washington? And I was like, oh, well that's.
Brett
You found it quick.
John Holmberg
It's pretty embarrassing. Well, I mean it's glowing neon blue. I just thought I had the coolest blades ever. I just thought they. Oh, they make blue ones. That's kind of neat. And no, they're black and they're rubber. And the plastic on the end was not some sort of new. I felt it. I'm like, man, I got some new fangled high tech equipment they use for wipers now that are slick. These are going to last forever. This is. Never knew that they came off and I don't even know how the one on the driver's side fell off. Must have been when I was driving and it was dark.
Brady
That side were great.
John Holmberg
That side, I'm like that. This side. And I said it out loud in the car. On like I took the surface streets. I was so proud of myself. I wanted to use the wipers longer. I'm like, this side's all broken in. That passenger side, not so much. And I just thought it took a little time to get the wipers going and they'll get their job done. Nope. Idiot.
Brady
John. I work at AutoZone. We install them for free when you.
John Holmberg
Buy them from us. Calm down. I got them on the Internet so I didn't have to talk to one of you guys. And I probably would have used it. But look, as a man, it's so hard to go to AutoZone and go, Trevor, can you do this for me? Like you just don't want to be that dude because I know what you're thinking. Autozone, Trevor. Oh, you can't change these. You said there's nothing worse, and I've talked about this before than car guys when you Tell them you don't know anything. When car guys find out you don't know anything about cars, they act like it's some sort of. Like it would like your innate knowledge that you're born with. Even when they were like, I go down and fix your car at a dealership and they're like, you don't know about that. I'm like, that's why I'm here. That's why you have a job. Be grateful there's guys like me. Be grateful that I never cared enough about a car to try to fix it. I have no idea. And by the way, I'll say it again. Car guys. For all the knowledge you have about cars, you always have a broken one in your front yard or driveway or garage for ages. It never gets fixed. I'm not sure you know anything. There is never a car guy I've met that's a true car guy that doesn't have a broken car. But they've got their problems.
Brady
They're fixing your twink ass truck.
John Holmberg
Is that the reason? Got time for that? Is that the reason? There's a 72 Nova with no hood on it for today.
Brett
I'm gonna work on the Nova every morning. Then here comes home Burger.
Brady
Here come the windshield wiper guy.
John Holmberg
Great. For eight years. There's always. And that's the. That's the bare minimum of car guy having a broken car in his driveway or garage. I gotta get myself a second car there. I got a 280Z I just put up in the lift. Like, does it run? No. How long have you had it? Seven years. Like then you're a bad car guy. No, no. We all have to have a broken one forever. And telling me I don't know what I'm doing. Be grateful, car guys. Be grateful that there are people like me. And I'm going to throw Brady in there because he can't reach the engine. So you can't even fix it without. You can't do anything. You're not a car.
Brett
When I go to AutoZone, I always put on a coat and tie.
John Holmberg
Yeah, I can't do that. Smart. That's actually really smart. Go in there dressed in a tuxedo and monocle on the top. Good day, AutoZone. Sir, it would appear that my four wheel drive vehicle's windshield wipers are not adequate. I of course am dressed for another gala. I could change it, but of course I'd get filthy. Will you please Trevor help me? You get a hook model or you got the snaps? These are words I Don't understand. Trevor, you have to find these things out, explore, and then tell me on.
Brett
FanDuel the other day.
John Holmberg
I'm an idiot, but I laughed because I'm like, man, I am. Just when I thought I'd solved one minor car issue and figured something out, I still idiot girled it.
Brett
That's pretty good.
John Holmberg
I left those blue things on there and just thought my wiper sucked for until. I don't know if it would have been years. It would have been years. I'm not kidding. If they. If those things were, like, taped on, they just stayed on until someone told me, like. And luckily, Emmy was in the car yesterday. That's it.
Brady
You always have her fix it.
John Holmberg
Well, she could.
Brady
I know.
John Holmberg
She grew up in Payson. She can build a car. I guarantee you. Amy'd be like her smokes. She's probably had a couple of oil fires in her house for no reason. But your family, you grew up with car guys. And there wasn't a day of your life that you're familiar with that in your garage or in your driveway was a car that didn't work.
Brady
Well, you're building a car.
John Holmberg
Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. It just means it's a car that does not work. You're building a car. Does the car function well while you're building it?
Brady
No. Because you're building. Because you're building it.
John Holmberg
Did you have a car that didn't work in your home? All of them. Six months, Every day of your life, you had a car in your house that didn't work? No.
Brady
Not every day.
John Holmberg
Every day?
Brady
No, not every day.
John Holmberg
By the time it. Absolutely, I guarantee.
Brady
Do you have one right now that doesn't run? Yeah, no, all mine run.
John Holmberg
Do you have one that runs that you can drive or you're just like, no kidding. That's rare. Yeah, that's. Is there one in your dad's garage?
Brady
Nope, nope, nope. They're all running.
John Holmberg
Did you.
Brady
That's rare for my dad. I will admit it.
John Holmberg
That is not a real thing.
Brady
It is running.
John Holmberg
This is my neighbor, Matt Dillard. Yeah. Two years with a car that doesn't.
Brett
Run in the garage. Well, it was running for. It's an older pickup.
John Holmberg
He won't drive it, and it's not done yet.
Brett
And he's like, you know what? I'm going to redo the whole thing. The patience is unbelievable.
John Holmberg
I think it's just because he's got an inflatable tent.
Brett
He's doing the old painting, too.
John Holmberg
Oh, yes.
Brett
Yeah. You can buy these Car spray tanks.
John Holmberg
That's ridiculous. I understand it's a hobby, but I.
Brett
I've got about two months left.
John Holmberg
I'm still not sure if I went to Brett's house. If I said, let's get in that thing and go to, you know, Taco Bell.
Brady
Come on, let's go.
John Holmberg
I don't know if I want to drive it around. Come on. Or it has no tags.
Brady
Nope.
John Holmberg
All got tags. No kidding.
Brady
You are breaking all the rules. You are ahead of the.
John Holmberg
You are not a car guy. You're a woman.
Brady
Hey, it's not going to say it's not going to happen in, you know, a couple months, but, you know, every car.
John Holmberg
There's a mansion in a house behind my neighborhood that I've. That I'll go. My bike. I'll go buy it. And it's gorgeous. It's on a hill. It's this beautiful. The front yard is this flowing. In the garage of the guest house for. Since I've lived There, which was 2012, is this car with two. The sticks where the hood should go.
Brady
Wait a minute. That's still like that?
John Holmberg
Still like that.
Brady
That was years ago.
John Holmberg
I've talked about this forever. I went by because I gotta go buy it to go to my friend Mark's house. And I look up there every time, and that thing is still in the garage. It's a carport because it's the guest house. And it's. For a while there it was outside until the neighbor's like, could you at least hide it? John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's morning sickness. And he pushed it back into the thing. And I see somebody there every once in a while walking around it. I've never seen anybody working on it ever. And I'm like, car guy. And I love car guys. Don't get me wrong. You guys get. You guys. You get a little too snooty about me not knowing anything, which is what's keeping you in business. And also, other than Brett, who I'm super skeptical of, I'd love to do it.
Brady
Come over today.
John Holmberg
Love to. And do an inspection.
Brady
Sneak inspection today. Come on over to do both you.
John Holmberg
And your dad's house. Yeah, I'd like to start it and see.
Sleep Number Announcer
Check.
John Holmberg
Engine light on. Not on any of them, it's not.
Brady
Say it's not going to happen.
Brett
How long?
Brady
As of 607, on November 21st, everything runs.
John Holmberg
Everything.
Brady
Hang on.
John Holmberg
Yeah, exactly. All tags all up to date. Licensed, insured.
Brady
Nope.
John Holmberg
What kind of car guy Are you?
Brady
Well, I inherited.
John Holmberg
I'm just saying. Well, I have.
Brett
I'm thinking this morning you come in and it's like, tripp, we'll get a call from Brad.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Oh, yeah, exactly.
Brett
One broke down.
John Holmberg
I need a flatbed. Trip's not a car.
Brady
I got him one.
John Holmberg
He's a car enthusiast. Yeah, he's never getting his hands.
Brady
He's not working on that stuff. Yeah, I pay people to do that.
John Holmberg
That's when people always ask me. It's like, you take your Jeep out four wheeling and stuff? Yeah, I do, but I'll take it to Sedona by myself. But if I'm going on the real stuff, I take the dudes who know how to fix cars. Because if something goes wrong, my Jeep staying in the desert, I have no idea what to do. I mean, none. You open that hood, you might as well keep it closed. I'd be better off trying to fix it with the closed hood than I would with it open. When it's open, I'm like, what is this, Legos? I don't know how to do this. I'm an idiot. And then a car goes. I'm like, I shut up and fix it.
Brett
You know, be out here, bro.
John Holmberg
Yeah, bro. You don't know what that is. I don't. Not only that, I don't care what it is. You fix it. That's why you're the grease mug. The only reason I'm here with you is because of something breaking. Think I like your company? All you do is talk about what I don't know. I don't do that to you. I give you constant praise, car guy.
Brady
Now let's go back to projects for a reason.
John Holmberg
Right? Well, they're supposed to end. Look up the word project. It's got a beginning, middle, and an end. With car guys, it's just a beginning, a middle. Ask any wife of a car guy.
Brady
Come on.
John Holmberg
Always get mad at people who don't. Who don't want a broken car in their house.
Brett
My Neighbor's got a Z28 that's been in the garage 19 years. 19 years since I've moved in.
Brady
Does it run? I mean, has he ever fired up on blocks?
John Holmberg
Oh, okay, that's the other.
Brett
But he is. It's his son's car, so I guess he's kind of storing it for him. But like son, his son doesn't like years. So he's got other projects.
John Holmberg
I love that about car guys, too. And they'll start it, they shut it off, and then they go Inside, like they've accomplished something. That car still has not left and it's sitting on those weird tire protectors so they don't touch the concrete. And like, what is going on? I love car guys, but I just don't like your attitudes when it comes to me saying I don't know anything about them. And you look at me like, I just told you. I'm like, will you teach me math I didn't ask to learn? When a non car guy talks to a car guy and says, I don't know what I'm doing, that isn't an invitation to become an encyclopedia or a manual. I'm not interested. I know it does not interest me in the slightest. I do like, little projects. Little ones. I'm not gonna have a broken car in my garage forever. But the windshield wiper thing, I was pretty proud of myself and then found out that I had not completed the gig because they were still wrapped in plastic. I didn't know that. But now, hey, now that it's not raining anymore, they're ready. They're ready to go. Actually, the white one, I still have the blue on there because I. When I pulled into the. I looked at it yesterday, I was like, yeah, they're plastic still on there. And I wasn't going to take those off ever. In fact, when I put them on, I was in the garage and I. I turned the white one on first and did the windshield wiper thing. And it's just pushed the Windex all over and I'm like, jesus, I need new Windex. I thought it was the. I thought it had sat in there too long. Must be bad Windex, because it was, because I just had brand new windshield wipers. Oh, my God, the Windex must smear because that. But no, it's because they're big plastic shields on my. I'm an idiot. I admit it. Don't email me telling me I'm an idiot. I'm telling you I'm an idiot. I get it.
Brady
Hey, Jewburg, don't talk about our projects. How about that bike rack that you still haven't hung in your garage?
John Holmberg
And what's again, you attack all you want. You guys won't admit you're idiots. I said I'm a moron. The bike rack situation was a complete catastrophe caused by one man and one man only. And I'm pointing to him right now. He's me.
Brett
Holy Hoberg.
John Holmberg
But I called it a project. And you know what I did? I had the decency to walk away from it and Say, I don't know what I'm doing. Car guy. Your car's been in your garage, your project for eight years, and it still hadn't been on the road except for maybe you drive it around until it starts to conk out again. It's like, yeah, I got it down there to the Dave's house about six houses down and start making some funny noise. So I brought it back to the garage. I'll work on it tomorrow. If your car is not functional for the freeway or road trip, it doesn't work. Would you take any of your cars to California right now?
Brady
Yeah.
John Holmberg
All of them?
Brady
Yeah. No, no, no. Not, not, not as far as safety wise. Not worried about that.
John Holmberg
What does that mean?
Brady
I mean, as far as, like, I just don'. I want on my one car. I don't want rock chips and everything else from trucks and all on the, on the long roads, on the freeway.
John Holmberg
Want to use it with other people?
Brady
I will use it around town and stuff like that, but I don't want to. I don't want to take it on Interstate 10 going out unless he's running.
Brett
Beer coast to coast.
Brady
Well, if I have a 78 trans.
John Holmberg
AM, what's that car you got, that big white one?
Brady
My 57 Ford.
John Holmberg
Ford, yeah, that's right. And you won't, you don't want that out on freeways because of, I mean, freeways around here.
Brady
But yeah, I don't want to go out of. I'm the 10 behind, you know, all them trucks.
John Holmberg
But you would if there, if it was a perfect day. You, you have no problem saying this will get us to San Diego? No issues.
Brady
No, no.
John Holmberg
You're not a real car. You're not a real car. Most car guys have a car that won't get down to the stoplight. Yeah. Maybe get to stop sign. I'm get a little worried.
Brady
It's not to say it won't happen. I'm just saying those aren't the everyday.
John Holmberg
Cars because they don't work. You know, shoes with no soles aren't my everyday shoes. I'll put some souls on it later. I'm a. I'm a bad haberdasher.
Brett
Yeah, but you got, you got your dress shoes. You don't wear those every day.
Brady
Yeah, but if they had holes all day long.
John Holmberg
But if you saw in my closet a pair of dress shoes that had no soles on them, you're like, what are you doing with these? It's a project I'm working on how long they've been like six years. I'm like, aren't you gonna buy soles for bad cobbler? I'm a bad cobbler. That's not happening. Yeah, I'm a cobble. I cobble and got a whole closet full of shoes that I can't wear.
Brett
Cobbler for someone else.
John Holmberg
If you. It's a good. It's a good comparison. If I had a shoe collection and just all of them were unwearable because this one doesn't have a tongue. This one's missing a sole. The side of this one's just been dug out. The leather's been torn off. Like. These aren't shoes. I'm working on it. Well, that. They're non functioning shoes. It's a project. You'd think I was crazy. Now you're doing it with cars.
Brady
Anthony did the same thing as you did, apparently. Left the protective things on the glass.
John Holmberg
That was a thing. I felt like such a pinhead when Amy took that off. But I'm proud of myself that I actually. Because I beat. Hey, first off, Brady, not so much you. I had great pride that I won. Up to you on the car.
Brady
That was one wing.
John Holmberg
Yeah, but you didn't know how to tell Brady.
Brady
My other wing.
John Holmberg
Couldn't.
Brady
Couldn't reach.
John Holmberg
You guys fumbled around with that for so long.
Brady
If I had had a step stool, we'd have been fine.
Brett
What you were.
Brady
I could have. Here I had one wing.
Brett
If I would have had a ladder, I would have.
John Holmberg
Yeah, you needed the. You needed a NASA to get involved.
Brett
I'm gonna change that thing.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Scaffolding a crew. Osha. You're not gonna. I. I was thinking about it yesterday when I reached up and got to those white.
Brett
Maybe one of those engine links.
John Holmberg
You need a cherry picker. Yeah. When you call Luke over there at Icon and get a cherry picker in there and get that together, I started thinking how. How short you were. When I had pulled that back. I'm like, wow. His elbows were like banging into the side. Anyway.
Brady
I will redeem myself next time. You need wiper blades.
John Holmberg
Well, I don't need you anymore.
Brady
Hopefully. We're still on the air, by the way.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Once every five or six years. It was four and a half years ago, and I don't. Yeah, it was a. These. The ones I had too, were just like. They had tassels. They were so bad. You turn the windshield wipers on, it's like strips. It's strips of things flying all over.
Brett
Is there a sale going on his windshield?
John Holmberg
I. I don't know how I didn't kill someone. Two mornings ago. I was driving and I had to go over and put the trash out and the other place. So I went. And I'm going up McDowell and I'm coming up over the hill. Lights are hitting me and I'm like, I can't see a thing. I'm gonna kill someone there. I couldn't see anything. Those wipers were making it awful. I'm like, I gotta change these. And I did. 89% of the wiper situation was 89.
Brady
Awesome.
John Holmberg
Everything was right. I heard the click. The click was so satisfying. Then I put the latch down. And I'm hard after doing that. I did. I got a little aroused by me. There was a thing before you put the wiper that says push. There's two little parts. You push on the latch and then you lift the latch. I didn't know what they meant. It's just one big chunk. And it's actually the same thing. You're pushing. You're supposed to pop open.
Brett
I've never.
John Holmberg
I almost broke sometimes.
Brett
What. How much of the blade comes off? Like only the blade or Zach turns.
John Holmberg
Out on the Jeep, the whole thing comes off. And I thought the same thing. I'm like, do I just take these strips? Yeah. It was a nightmare. Well, it's good that Brady didn't do it either. But I'll tell you right now, two.
Brett
Months ago, I had a pair in my hand. Kirby's car in. Yeah, the Mustang for oil change. And as I'm, you know, I. I pick. I've got the blades in my hand. And when. When the oil change is done at the place, all I was planning on putting on the wiper.
John Holmberg
Sure.
Brett
But the guy at the place says, hey, we can put those on right here. You know what? And Kirby's there. Okay, go ahead and do that.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brett
Nah, she's gonna have to mess with it.
John Holmberg
Yeah, she's just in the wrong guy. Daddy is going to lose points.
Brett
Daddy's champ.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Don't ruin that. Hol's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holg's Morning Sickness. JP, I enjoy your email the most. I'm going to rhyme the word. You just add an F. Where I put a B says, all I'm hearing from John right now is, I'm a bag. I'm a bag. I'm a bag. What a pussy. I'm not. Look, there's no reason to disparage the homosexual community. Tom Brennaman. They can change wipers better than me. So I'm somewhere beneath that whole, you know, that insult. If you wanted to do that, why.
Brett
They called the blade capital.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Taking it in the ass is a lot more manly than what I was doing with those blades. And Jennifer says my sister did that blue film thing too with a potato peeler from Walmart. She potato peeled off the wiper plastic.
Brady
No, I think she, when she bought it, they put a protective coat over the peeler part. Oh, she tried to start peeling a potato with the protector on it.
John Holmberg
Oh. With a bit. I see. Oh my God. Yeah, it's dumb.
Brett
Yeah.
John Holmberg
And I admit it. So there's no reason to attack a man who's saying. Yup, you're right, that's silly. Don't call me the homo F word anymore.
Brady
Sorry.
John Holmberg
Bag. Bag. Yeah, bag, bag, bag. So it says I have four cars and they all have different wiper attachments. Three Fords and a Chevy. It is annoying. They don't make it simple. It's all designed to make girls frustrated. I don't know. There isn't a single girl. I did have a few seconds of like, what the hell is this thing? When I looked at it, I got lucky and found the latch fast. It's tiny. I mean really tiny. It's actually built for women to do that. Tab is so small. And I got to it and then I figured out how to pop it off. I'm like, oh, okay. No woman would take her time with this. So it's designed to frustrate them.
Brett
We have to change our wipers because of the sun.
John Holmberg
Yeah.
Brett
The rain.
John Holmberg
Yeah. Somebody needs a year or something like that. It's actually a good idea if you're a car guy and you've got one of those projects and you're to come up and invent a Phoenix desert wiper that isn't like, you know, what everybody else uses and just specifically for high temperature things because our. They get destroyed out here anyway. By the way, you guys. I felt good about myself. Jackasses. Yeah. So Brady can relate to this. Remember when you first tried to get to those Velveeta singles? Oh, that was another trying to open those at that point. Why would you wrap them all like that? Just you know, put a little piece of paper between each one. It's easy.
Brett
I can peel and eat now you just have the little paper separated, which is nice.
John Holmberg
On the American flights they do.
Brett
Yeah.
John Holmberg
That is a nicer thing to do to people. Matthew said, sorry, John.
Brady
When you leave the door open, we walk around.
John Holmberg
I left the door open with a Sign that said he. He knows you guys are kicking the. It's the lowest. It's the fruit that's on the ground, and you're kicking it around. I told you already. And no one believes you. Brett, all my emails are like, no way. If you're a car guy, you've got two vehicles you don't trust to go to California, and he doesn't even have one. That is so true. That is so true.
Brady
On over.
John Holmberg
Now, the reason you trust me.
Brady
I do have a buddy's truck in the back of my house.
John Holmberg
That. It's not mine.
Brady
It's not mine.
John Holmberg
That's. But you have a broken car.
Brady
I do not own it. He's just using my.
John Holmberg
That's not what I said. No, every. That is not what I said.
Brett
I usually have two, but I know not ownership.
John Holmberg
Now you're a car guy again. Every car guy. All I said was every car guy has a broken, useless car on their property. I didn't say yours.
Brady
That doesn't mean.
John Holmberg
No, every car guy has a broken car on his property. And you do.
Brett
Let a friend use it.
Brady
Yeah, let a friend use it.
John Holmberg
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Brady
I'll run, though.
John Holmberg
You guys can't live without a broken pile of crap.
Brady
I'm gonna tell Chad to pick up his car.
John Holmberg
Exactly. Chad. What are you doing? More than likely, Chad has another one at his house. That's. He does.
Brett
Of course.
John Holmberg
That's the car guy rules. All right, now I feel better about it.
Brady
You were.
John Holmberg
You were screwing the curve. All right, this makes sense.
Brett
His wife, not mine.
John Holmberg
It doesn't matter. Somehow or another, a car guy finds another guy who has multiple broken cars.
Brady
Part of being a car guy needs.
John Holmberg
To put his broken car.
Brett
Chad. I'm tired of looking at that Pacer in the yard.
John Holmberg
It's just a constant. You can't live your lives without a broken car on your property. That's. That's proof you're a car guy. What's wrong with the truck? Did it have to get towed over? Oh, yeah.
Ad Read Announcer
It's.
John Holmberg
It's completely useless.
Brett
Oh, yeah.
John Holmberg
It's a disaster. Oh, yeah. There's an engine out of it. Oh, yeah.
Brady
All right, See this baby engine transmission.
John Holmberg
It's the shell of a force. There's parts there. But, Brady, it's never going to be finished. This car will move from place to place. Broken forever, Cherry. Forever. Forever. And you know what's going to happen? He's going to get, like, sick or something in, like, 25 years. Because we all End up doing that and he's going to give it to some other guy and that guy will refurbish it in his honor. That's always what happens. Car guy. Everyday car guy. Predictability. I knew you were a real car guy. Finally there are a bunch of people asking how far removed from the last broken car. He answered it. He's got this. Yeah. Of his own. His own? Yeah. When's the last time you had a broken car of your own? Before Chad dropped his car off. You had. You had to have a broken one. The reason you have Chad's broken cars. Cuz yours all work. Was it at the old house? How long ago?
Brady
Oh, yeah, yeah. It was definitely at the old house. I haven't had any.
Brett
I thought you put something in recently. It's. I mean it was, you know, it's replacing it.
Brady
I'm trying to think now, not when.
Brett
Check the oven.
John Holmberg
Let me ask you.
Brady
That's at my dad's house.
John Holmberg
This is the better question. When is the last time you had a property of all functioning cars and not one, yours or otherwise? Broken car on your house?
Brady
Property on my last house. For a little while.
John Holmberg
How long? A week.
Brady
No, no.
John Holmberg
Because once you fix the good ones, you're like, all right, I got room for the broken.
Brett
A year or so.
John Holmberg
Yeah. You. It's like an orphanage. It's like you're like a hoarder. Like you have to have a broken car.
Brady
Oil changes and stuff don't count. That's just maintenance. You can't count. Like if you're gonna. If your car's down for an oil change and you're changing it, that's different.
John Holmberg
That's. Yeah, okay. Right.
Brett
That's what I meant. It was like a standard.
John Holmberg
I'm talking about a useless pad. Broken car. Got it.
Brady
So you can't drive in a couple hours.
John Holmberg
So vindicated by your Chad part.
Brett
Hey.
Brady
My car.
John Holmberg
But it's still.
Brady
You were my ass all runs.
John Holmberg
I guarantee you. You were so happy when Chad's like, I gotta find a place for this Ford. And you're like, I got my new house. There's plenty of room there. You. It's so comforting to a car guy to have a broken car.
Brady
Everybody want everybody.
John Holmberg
I've. I.
Brady
As a matter of fact, when we got this new house, everybody's like, hey.
John Holmberg
Man, let me park. I broke my wagon over there. No, no. Why does Chad get the win?
Brady
He's my boy.
John Holmberg
Yeah, exactly.
Brady
And he'll actually work on his car.
John Holmberg
Because he's got two. And then Sometimes that's another car guy. Thing is that there's just a stranger that shows up on a Sunday at 7 and starts making noise on his broken car on your property. Yeah. Yeah. You guys are all the same.
Brady
I got a buddy that's got a big. A big yard too. And I was. And I was over there one day, and he's tons of broken cars. I'm like, whose is that? He goes, I don't even remember.
John Holmberg
He does.
Brady
I mean, like, yeah, somebody brought it there. He just left it.
John Holmberg
It's. It's.
Brady
He's like, you want it?
John Holmberg
I feel so much better.
Brett
How fast are you going home after the show and starting?
John Holmberg
Yeah. Make sure they all start. Look, he's mine, Will. He's at his quota of one miserably junked up car on his property. And Matthias fine with that.
Brady
As long as you don't have to see it.
John Holmberg
Is it in the backyard or on the side?
Brady
It's behind the garage.
John Holmberg
It's hidden, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't see it because you're not supposed to have that and you know it. But it's. You can't sleep unless there's a broken car on your property.
Brett
How many coveralls do you have with Brett on the day?
Brady
No, none of that.
John Holmberg
No. Wear the jumper. No, no. Okay. They're old. What's wrong with you old?
Brady
Beer shirts and stuff we got at remotes and stuff. Like, all right, here we go.
John Holmberg
God, I feel so much better now that I know Chad's car is over at Brett's house, because I just. Like, this doesn't make sense. Is Brett not a car guy anymore? Oh, no. 100%. Yeah. We're so predictable as human beings. Our hobbies become so every. And everybody thinks, ah, I'll take care of Chad. Chad has a second broken car he's working on. He doesn't have any room at his house, Right. So he needed to shove this on somebody else's property. And guess what? If you don't tell Chad, come get this fixed, it will live there for years now.
Brady
He's actually good about it. He's actually there on the weekends working on it.
John Holmberg
Is how good a car guy is he that it still. Still doesn't have an engine?
Brady
Basket case. I mean, he bought it.
John Holmberg
Like, what's he working on if it doesn't have an engine in it? It.
Brady
What do you mean, what's he working on? The front suspension. He's changing the front clip.
John Holmberg
That doesn't do anything. It doesn't do anything without an engine. It does. It's a roller skate. You people.
Brady
It will be one you people someday.
John Holmberg
Let me say it to you, Brett, for the first time. The thing that you say to so many others. You people, they're all the same, you know? He should know. They're all the same.
Brett
We should do that thing where people do in the summer. They. They rent their pools to the. The VRBA should do that with a mechanical garage. Set up a garage.
John Holmberg
The only time dad's working there.
Brett
Rent it out.
John Holmberg
Brett's not going to do that because unless he has a second guy come. You only charge the second guy he needs for his heart to keep beating. A broken car in his property. Your dad's house didn't have some friend's car on it, did it? Recently? Not for.
Brady
No, not recently.
John Holmberg
Okay. All right. He did.
Brett
Yeah.
John Holmberg
Of course he did. You have to. That's beautiful. Oh, thank you, Brad. That's nice. I started to think, man, the world's topsy turvy. We were gonna go off our axis if Brett didn't have a busted car on his property. Thank you, Chad. I've never met Chad, but Chad's done the work of a. Of a thousand men. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? Five eight, five, nine, zero zero. Celebrating my new. I might as well host Motor Week at this point with what I'm doing with windshield wipers.
Brett
Sean, have you ever gotten someone saying to you about your car? How many hours you put in on this?
John Holmberg
And the answer would be a good 30 minutes the other day. Like three. Like, no, kid, in three hours. Yeah, three or four hours this week. What'd you do? I couldn't get the windshield wipers. Right. And actually, if you technically want to say how many hours I put into the car this week, it's. We're at, like, 60. Because I haven't finished the job. Evidently on the white one, it's the clock is still ticking because I haven't taken the blue off of the strips.
Brett
I got over 2,000 hours.
John Holmberg
I don't even know what that means. I'm not a pilot. I don't get it. You know what? Nobody asked. Brady's never been asked, and I've never been asked, can I park my junker at your house? No. I don't want a broken car in my yard. Car guys love it. Let's get a Wake up song. 585-9800. A good one. We'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake Up. It's out of control now. 98k, you PD.
Episode Title: Holmberg Is Finding That Being His Own Booking Agent Is Hard – Hard Reality Of Car Repair Has Struck John Again As He Thought He Had A Win In Replacing His Wipers – John Makes A Generalization About Car Guys And Nails It
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo
Aired: November 21, 2025
Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 98KUPD, Arizona
This episode is a classic blend of self-deprecating humor and friendly banter, centered around John Holmberg's misadventures in two areas:
John’s New Respect for Booking Agents:
John shares his struggles with booking comedians for the "Homeburg After Dark" show, describing the process as much more complicated than anticipated due to haggling and ego management.
Jay Pharoah’s Pricier Opportunity:
Jay Pharoah was set to headline, but got a much bigger payday elsewhere:
Reflection on Handling Money:
John admits he’s uncomfortable being “the money guy,” despite liking money:
Flashback to Previous Wiper Fiasco:
Years ago, John had a surgically repaired arm, and Brady and Brett failed hilariously trying to help him change his Jeep's wipers.
John's Determined Solo Attempt:
Orders wipers for two Wranglers. Euphorically declares independence:
Confessions of Not-So-Handy Men:
Despite this, John admits to being “gayer than gay” when it comes to automotive repairs, barely knowing what a high-lift jack is or where it should go under his Jeep.
The Unremoved Plastic:
After feeling proud, John notices the new blades still smear water.
Self-Deprecation and Car-Guy Banter:
The Emotional Rollercoaster of DIY Repairs:
John cycles from pride to embarrassment—but leans into the humility.
Auto Shop Intimidation:
John refuses to let “Autozone Trevor” replace his blades—because of car guy judgment.
The Ubiquitous Broken Car:
John asserts: “There is never a car guy I've met that's a true car guy that doesn't have a broken car.” (17:54)
Project Cars & Perpetual Unfinished Projects:
Comparisons to Other Hobbies:
John analogizes hoarding non-running cars to having a closet full of shoes with missing soles or torn leather:
The Comfort of a Broken Car:
Brett and Brady admit, even when their own cars are running, a friend’s broken car inevitably ends up on their property.
Negotiating with Comics:
“You have to wait for everybody to know what everybody else is getting in order for you to say, this is the price.” – John (02:15)
Car Guy Generalization:
“For all the knowledge you have about cars, you always have a broken one in your front yard... never gets fixed. I'm not sure you know anything.” – John (17:54)
On DIY Auto Repairs:
“Taking it in the ass is a lot more manly than what I was doing with those blades.” – John (34:05)
When the Truth Hurts:
“You guys fumbled around with that for so long.” – John (30:37)
Best Analogies:
“Shoes with no soles aren’t my everyday shoes. I’ll put some soles on it later. I’m a bad haberdasher.” – John (29:17)
“I might as well host Motor Week at this point with what I’m doing with windshield wipers.” – John (43:13)
The hosts maintain their trademark candid, sarcastic, and comedically self-effacing tone throughout:
This episode delivers:
It’s a thoroughly relatable episode for anyone who’s ever felt out of their depth with car repairs—or who’s defended a perpetually unfinished project in their own garage.
For anyone who’s ever looked at a toolbox and thought, “Maybe next weekend,” this episode is for you.