11-21-25 - Langston Kerman - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode: 11-21-25 - Langston Kerman - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio
Date: November 21, 2025
Guest: Langston Kerman (Comedian, Actor, Writer)

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Episode Overview

This episode welcomes comedian Langston Kerman in studio ahead of his shows at the Desert Ridge Improv. The conversation is a playful and candid tour through Kerman’s unique name, poetic beginnings, married life, parenting, career pivots, and comedic philosophy. The hosts, especially John Holmberg, engage in banter about jobs, masculinity, sports fandom, and reveal the inner world of both comedy and domestic life with Kerman’s distinctive wit.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Langston Kerman’s Name & Early Aspirations

• [01:27] The distinctive name "Langston Kerman" sparks conversation about the expectations set by having a marquee-ready name.
  • “You walk in the door, Langston Kerman, and people are like, he means business.” – John Holmberg
• Originally planned to be a poet—holds an MFA in poetry.
  • “I got an MFA in poetry. I really wasted a lot of time and money.” – Langston Kerman [02:07]
• The group jokes about the impracticality and financial futility of graduate degrees in poetry.

2. From Poetry to Stand-up Comedy

• Kerman moved from poetry to stand-up partly due to its success in attracting attention (and romantic interest) after basketball.
  • “Look, man, I still had to figure out a way to get girls. One of my skills wasn’t working, so I tried another one and it worked.” – Langston Kerman [03:14]
• Jokes about the “spirited” (aka “crazy”) women drawn to poetry, and the archetype of "man buns and coffee shop dudes."
• Acknowledges stand-up as a more fruitful pursuit:
  • “Has only worked in my favor. The wealth, the fame, the success!” [04:04]

3. Comedy Career Realities: In-studio vs. Phone Interviews

• The show compares past guests’ behaviors as careers rise (citing Joe Coy), discussing the humility and hustle in comedy.
• Holmberg insists only less-famous comedians have to "show up in the morning," with more established ones only calling when promoting tickets.
  • “Once you hit a certain level of success… I only wake up this early because they pay me.” – John Holmberg [04:37]

4. Unique Names, Parenting, and Domestic Life

• Kerman shares his kids have unique names: Kensington and Atlas.
• Compares “regular names” (John, Brett, etc.) to “Toyota Corolla” level names, while his are “Maybachs.”
  • “If you got a Maybach, you can’t take that to Jiffy Lube.” – Langston Kerman [06:23]
• Married, father of two, and was teaching high school English and poetry prior to comedy success.

5. Teaching Experience & Student Memories

• Taught high school English and poetry; did not want to be seen as "the fun teacher" at age 23 for sake of control.
• “I was 23, so I couldn’t afford to be fun with them. I needed to be like a man.” – Langston Kerman [07:23]
• Discusses the satisfaction (and dark humor) in seeing former difficult students meet real-life consequences.

6. Household Roles & Marriage Dynamics

• Kerman is the house cleaner, wife does the “handy” work around the house—a “progressive” arrangement.
  • “She uses the hammer, I hold the picture… In that way, we are progressive.” [12:13]
• Admits he doesn't cook (“I refuse”), in exchange for cleaning.
  • "So my offer is, I will clean. You just gotta feed me." – Langston Kerman [15:26]

7. Wife’s Career and Comedy’s Place in Society

• Wife is a lawyer specializing in non-profit law ("mostly just hiding money for rich people").
  • “Everybody immediately realizes my job is stupid and her job is important.” – Langston Kerman [15:48]
• The group jokes about the dismissiveness people have toward comedy and radio jobs, especially regarding survival skills if “apocalypse” came, compared to practical professions.

8. On AI, the Future of Professions, and Comedy as Cynicism

• Discusses how AI threatens law but not comedy (“You will continue being valuable when AI makes your wife's job obsolete.” – John Holmberg [17:51])
• Kerman speculates that soon, differentiating factors among professionals might be whose AI is better rather than the person themselves.

9. Sports Fandom, Loyalty, and Ownership

• Kerman is cynical about team loyalty—he’s a Warriors fan since early Curry/Thompson days, but admits he’ll bail when they leave.
  • “What am I here for? Envy. We're all falsely loyal for no reason to sports.” – Langston Kerman [22:30]
• Jokes about fans cheering “for laundry,” quoting Chael Sonnen (UFC).
  • “You’ll cheer for anything. After a while, you just have to realize you’re cheering for the jersey. You're just cheering for laundry.” – Chael Sonnen (quoted) [23:41]

10. Final Words of Wisdom

• Kerman closes with humorous but practical advice:
  • “Go out there, be brave, and never stand still on an escalator.” – Langston Kerman [24:20]
  • Advocates for always moving on escalators/people movers, condemning those who block the way.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Poetry Degrees:
  “I got an MFA in poetry. I really wasted a lot of time and money.” – Langston Kerman [02:07]

• On Attracting Women:
  “Look, man, I still had to figure out a way to get girls. One of my skills wasn’t working, so I tried another one and it worked.” – Langston Kerman [03:14]

• On Domestic Roles:
  “She uses the hammer, I hold the picture…In that way, we are progressive.” – Langston Kerman [12:13]

• On Career Dismissiveness:
  “Everybody immediately realizes my job is stupid and her job is important.” – Langston Kerman [15:48]

• On Bringing Out Emotions:
  “I don’t think you’re living a full life if you’re not bringing rage out of other people.” – Langston Kerman [13:00]

• On Sports Fandom:
  “After a while, you just have to realize you’re cheering for the jersey. You're just cheering for laundry.” – Chael Sonnen (quoted by Holmberg) [23:41]

• Final Words of Wisdom:
  “Go out there, be brave, and never stand still on an escalator.” – Langston Kerman [24:20]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:27 — Name talk, poetry background
• 03:14 — Transition from basketball failure to poetry and stand-up
• 06:05 — Unique baby names and the "Maybach" analogy
• 07:01 — High school teaching days
• 12:13 — Household/relationship roles
• 13:00 — Philosophy on life: eliciting emotion
• 15:37 — Wife’s career, societal perception of their jobs
• 17:51 — Future value of comedians vs. lawyers in AI era
• 22:30 — Sports loyalty, “rooting for laundry”
• 24:20 — Langston’s closing life advice

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Tone & Style

• Language & Banter: Irreverent, self-deprecating, quick-witted, honest.
• Chemistry: Langston’s dry, clever humor is a perfect match for Holmberg’s sarcastic, probing style. The conversation is relaxed, playful, and interspersed with philosophical observations delivered through jokes.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode is a witty, insightful journey with Langston Kerman as he reveals the quirks and contradictions of building a creative life, the realities of stand-up, the nuances of modern marriage, and the futility (and fun!) of sports loyalty. With razor-sharp jokes and a disarmingly genuine demeanor, Langston leaves both comedic and real-life nuggets—plus advice we can all use on escalators.

Catch Langston Kerman live at Desert Ridge Improv — and remember: “Keep moving. Life’s too short to stand still.”

Transcript

[John Holmberg]

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[Langston Kerman]

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[John Holmberg]

You've got a name that, like, I know maybe you feel like you've been working.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But you haven't been working half as hard as most people.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because you walk in the door, Langston Kerman, and people are like, he means. He means business.

[Langston Kerman]

Easy name to remember.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Everybody knows how to spell it. It's perfect.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like it should be on a marquee starring Langston Kerman. Yeah. Like that's a thing. What were you going to do besides become famous and successful?

[Langston Kerman]

My original plan was to. To write poetry. That's. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, but it would have been a good poetry.

[Producer/Co-host]

Great name. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I guess there's another dude who's pret at it.

[John Holmberg]

And there's a link. Okay.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It was a bad idea all around.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I got an MFA in poetry. I really wasted a lot of time and money and.

[John Holmberg]

And you're never going to make your money back.

[Producer/Co-host]

No.

[John Holmberg]

The money you spend on a poetry class is lost forever.

[Langston Kerman]

I keep calling the university and asking, can I have my money back?

[John Holmberg]

Did you go to college for poetry?

[Langston Kerman]

I went to grad school.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. That is such a waste of time.

[Langston Kerman]

They. They ref Refused to refund me for the work that I've.

[John Holmberg]

Because it's a scam. That's almost like when some old lady gives her money to some guy she's never met.

[Langston Kerman]

Exactly.

[John Holmberg]

There should be an arrest made.

[Langston Kerman]

This is as close to somebody calling my phone and saying, I have an opportunity for you.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And me being like, no, I'll stay on the line.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna give you some of that money. And what do I have to do? Rhyme some stuff. Are you still. Do you still probably still do poetry for free on your. On the side?

[Langston Kerman]

I do not write poetry at all anymore. But I do still have an appreciation for it. I still read it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just got you into that.

[Langston Kerman]

I started as a kid doing like spoken word. I was doing like performance poetry after I got cut from the basketball thing.

[John Holmberg]

So you. You didn't play basketball anymore. And immediately a natural transition into poetry was right there.

[Langston Kerman]

Look, man, I still had to figure out a way to get girls. One of my skills wasn't working, so I tried another one and it worked. And poetry tended to work.

[John Holmberg]

Don't you get crazy girls from poetry though.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not gonna burn down the bridges that I. That I've built.

[John Holmberg]

But some tend to be a little bit more emotional.

[Langston Kerman]

You're not gonna ruin the community that I'm.

[John Holmberg]

Community, yeah, but it's filled with crazy women. I can tell by your face that they're way too emotional.

[Langston Kerman]

I think they're. I think they're spirited.

[John Holmberg]

All right.

[Producer/Co-host]

We call.

[John Holmberg]

We call those things different. Spirited. I say lunatic, but that's all right. But there's a lot of coffee involved. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of. Yeah, a lot of. Then dealing with dudes with man buns.

[Langston Kerman]

Coffee. Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, a lot of that going on. Well, you got into the right bit, so you immediately left. You become a stand up comic, which.

[Langston Kerman]

Has only worked in my favor. The wealth, the fame, the success.

[John Holmberg]

Waking up at seven in the morning to a radio.

[Langston Kerman]

It's my dream.

[John Holmberg]

It is exactly what you've been dreaming.

[Langston Kerman]

It's always been my dream to be here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and you are here now. And the dream is. You know this. Well, look, we've been here for 25 years and seen people rise to greatness. Yeah. Like we talked to Joe Coy yesterday.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

And we used to be friends with Joe Coy. And then he got too successful to be our friend. So now he just calls when he needs to sell tickets.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, no, he didn't even come in.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, he ain't coming in. And I told him I don't want him in. Once you hit a certain level of success. Look, I. I only wake up this.

[Langston Kerman]

Early because they pay me, okay?

[John Holmberg]

I'm not coming in here without money. You guys are doing this to try to make money later.

[Langston Kerman]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

Joe doesn't need that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So I don't want you to hump it in here and pretend to like me.

[Langston Kerman]

That is. That is a position of respect.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I respect success and say you have graduated from waking up in the morning.

[Langston Kerman]

Now, I do remember you did demand that I be here in person.

[John Holmberg]

Yes. Yeah. You have done nothing. You have got to come in in the morning. Damn it. I'm not taking them on.

[Langston Kerman]

You said radio was an hour. You said the phone call was an option. But no, no, no.

[John Holmberg]

You are not gonna be on the phone.

[Producer/Co-host]

And it counts to on the way down as well.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's the thing. If we're still here when Joe inevitably starts his downslide, he will be back, buddy.

[Langston Kerman]

Come back in.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, and then we'll wink at him and go, I know.

[Langston Kerman]

Unfortunately, we know what your situation is.

[John Holmberg]

But being Langston Kerman. Yeah, we talked off the air again too. I don't think in the history of man and I would be that you should start up a YouTube show to find an unsuccessful Langston. Yeah, there aren't any. I. I think no homeless Langston's exist.

[Langston Kerman]

I think it's going to be a real bummer the second we do well.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, that's the end of the show. Like, we found him.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Where's Langston? The homeless finding.

[Langston Kerman]

Finding Langston.

[John Holmberg]

And you just wander around the homeless community to go Langston. And if no one answers, you're like another city. I think it's a great.

[Langston Kerman]

Next week.

[John Holmberg]

Now tell people what your kids names are.

[Langston Kerman]

My. My. My daughter's name is Kensington.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

And then my son's name is Atlas.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you got like the greatest name book ever. Yeah, because other people have Brett, John, David.

[Langston Kerman]

That's okay, Brad. Hey, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna make fun of your.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you don't have to make fun of. You don't even think of us. We're the Toyota Corolla. Names. You guys are. You guys are the Maybachs. It's awesome.

[Langston Kerman]

You got a trustworthy vehicle that will.

[John Holmberg]

Get you from A to B.

[Langston Kerman]

You can get. You can get your oil change wherever.

[John Holmberg]

That's true.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? If you got a Maybach, you can't take that to Jiffy Lube. You Gotta.

[John Holmberg]

But wouldn't it be fun to see the faces on the guys at Jiffy Lube when you pull in and go, 10 minutes, bro.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't even know how to do this. I don't even know what's under there, to be honest with you.

[John Holmberg]

So are you a married guy?

[Langston Kerman]

I am married.

[John Holmberg]

You got two kids?

[Langston Kerman]

I have two children.

[John Holmberg]

All this success and you've been a. Were you a comedian when you met your wife?

[Langston Kerman]

I was. By the time I met my wife, I was sort of. I. I had just, I think, started to. To hit some version, get some success.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I was still teaching. I used to teach high school.

[John Holmberg]

No kidding.

[Langston Kerman]

I started teaching poetry and then I.

[Producer/Co-host]

Met her at a poetry slam.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I did not. That'd be deeply embarrassing. I. I met her through, like, a mutual friend who, like, kind of hooked us up.

[John Holmberg]

What did you teach? You taught poetry and what?

[Langston Kerman]

I taught poetry for a year back at my old high school.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

And then I taught high school English for another, like, three years.

[John Holmberg]

Were you a funny teacher?

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't want to be.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't try to be?

[Langston Kerman]

No, no, no, I wanted to be. I was, like, 23, so I couldn't afford to be fun with them. I needed to be like a man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You had to show you the. Flex up a little or they take advantage.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, I had to show them I.

[John Holmberg]

Had a chest and company. Walk in and punch the weakest kid and let him know who's.

[Langston Kerman]

If you think I didn't hit some.

[John Holmberg]

Kids when you quit teaching because I hit some kids, you weren' to do it anymore. Do you ever want to hit one deeply Every day. Is there one that stands out? You can name by name and be like, I hope this kid doesn't make it.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm not gonna.

[John Holmberg]

Just the first. His name is the first name. I bet you it's Brad or John. Just a quick shout out. Just initials and maybe he'll hear it someday. Go. I wonder if he's talking about me.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You got anybody? The one kid. Because you're thinking of him right now.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, there's a. There's a CT out there.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. All right.

[Langston Kerman]

That at one point, I. Carlos, Carl.

[John Holmberg]

I'm not going to.

[Langston Kerman]

I was rooting against pretty hard at.

[John Holmberg]

One point, but did you think. Did you ever run into the ones that you hated and they kind of. Okay, you don't talk?

[Langston Kerman]

I think life handles all the feelings that you have. Isn't that great in its own way?

[John Holmberg]

And so deep down, if you found out that kid was just on drugs and laying in the road, you'd be like, good.

[Langston Kerman]

This is a salacious interview.

[John Holmberg]

Well, I just. I want to get to the bottom of things. Like I said, I'm not a guy who's messing around.

[Producer/Co-host]

It is interesting that if you go back and you see all of a sudden what that kid's doing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

It.

[John Holmberg]

It.

[Langston Kerman]

There are a few kids where. Where you go like, damn, this is. This is what I thought you would be. And then there's somewhere you're like, whoa, you proved me wrong. That's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

I think I proved some people wrong, but there were some kids in school that I went to school with that died terrible deaths. And I was like, good, because they were horrible people. I know. The teacher was happy. One kid got crushed by a rock. Whoa.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because he was always.

[Langston Kerman]

I didn't even know that was an option.

[John Holmberg]

Me neither. I. And then when we found out, you're like, did you hear Kelly got crushed by a rock? He would always, like. He was like, before parkour existed.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

This guy did stuff all the time. They could leap on you from the.

[Producer/Co-host]

Top of a house.

[John Holmberg]

You didn't see him up there. And he was. He never got me. He was always a jerk. And he always had this big dude with him that backed him up.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

And we were always. We could never get him.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because this giant guy with him, Robert, would protect him. So he'd act. He'd jackass around, hit you with rocks. He shot BB's at us while we played basketball. Once hit me in the throat. We didn't even know where he was. It was a sniper. And then we went to go kick his ass, and Robert stopped all of us. Wow. And then we get word later that he was climbing a mountain and he pulled on a rock and it didn't hold in it, and it just fell.

[Langston Kerman]

On top of him.

[John Holmberg]

And, like, me and my friend secretly were like, that's awesome. Whoa. My bodyguard or something. I mean, our dreams came true.

[Langston Kerman]

Poor Robert. He's devastated.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Robert probably was the one who pushed the rock. It was like a Stein Deck.

[Langston Kerman]

He's like, I have no purpose now.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Robert just left the mountain. Like, well, now what do I do? But, yeah, he got crushed by Rob. Now he lives in the woods now. That's what you want to happen to ct? No, I don't want.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't want any rocks crushing him.

[John Holmberg]

I do. I have several people I have rock crushing dreams about. And it started when I started thinking about, like, maybe I made that happen.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I Often thought about him getting crushed.

[Langston Kerman]

Isn't it funny that all the kids who died of tragic deaths in high school were kids who. Who you kind of like? All right. That surprise you?

[John Holmberg]

There weren't. There weren't many that were like, oh, my God, we lost a ghost.

[Langston Kerman]

I can't believe that would happen.

[John Holmberg]

It's usually, like, a stupid death.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Like, they're never like, oh, my God. He was, like, working on some science project to cure something.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

They're usually standing in the road like, I'm gonna jump a car and.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. That he was surfing on top of a van.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. They're never gonna be like, I was on to something, and then he got snuffed out. Yeah. Usually it's something he was in the middle of.

[Langston Kerman]

He was discovering new math, and then a beaker blew up.

[John Holmberg]

None of the Asian kids ever have that. That's what you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

[Producer/Co-host]

Of course.

[Langston Kerman]

Of course. That's where I was going with this.

[John Holmberg]

Of course. Langston Kerman is at Desert Ridge Improv tonight and tomorrow, if you want to get out there. Desert Ridge improv dot com. What should we know about you that we don't? You're new to us.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, I'm. I'm 5 11.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm strong as an ox. You should see me lift stuff up.

[John Holmberg]

Qualify that. What's the heaviest thing you've ever lifted?

[Langston Kerman]

Hard to know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's so much heavy stuff. The list goes on and on.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Are you a manly man?

[Langston Kerman]

I wouldn't say so. That I've. I've given up thus far.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm just wondering if you're, like. If, like. Like, if my car broke, would I be like, I'll call Langston. He'll fix that?

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't think. Men in lime green.

[John Holmberg]

I could throw it. I was gonna say the lime green. Half lime green, sheep, the other half some sort of material. It's a cool coat.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But it does not scream, let's go do some construction.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I'm not. I don't think I'm doing anything physical.

[John Holmberg]

You're not good at. Right. You're a handy.

[Langston Kerman]

No, my wife does most of the handy stuff around the house. I'm. I'll. I will lift the thing and hold it, and then she can do all the.

[Producer/Co-host]

She whittles.

[Langston Kerman]

She. She will whittle. She will do it.

[John Holmberg]

So she's the one who uses the hammer, and you're the one who holds the picture.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. And in that way, we are progressive.

[John Holmberg]

That's Right.

[Langston Kerman]

You know what I mean? Be the change you want to see.

[John Holmberg]

Has she ever hit you?

[Langston Kerman]

That's my business. When I'm ready to talk about that.

[Producer/Co-host]

That's right.

[John Holmberg]

You know, when I, I overstep. I said, I apologize. We'll talk about.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe I deserve.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe, maybe you shouldn't have said that.

[Langston Kerman]

Maybe I shouldn't be mouthing off. You know, I fell down.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been hit by a woman?

[Langston Kerman]

Have I ever been hit by a woman? Yeah, I've been hit by a woman.

[John Holmberg]

I think all guys have. Yeah. And it's in that moment you kind of realize I did that. John Holmberg's morning sickness. The 98 KUPD. Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't think you're living a full life if you're not bringing rage out of other people. And, and I think, I think women are.

[John Holmberg]

That's the greatest thing that maybe has ever been said on this show.

[Langston Kerman]

Women are people.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. Oh, my God. That's going way out on a limb. But you're right. If you can bring rage to someone, you've elicited emotion.

[Producer/Co-host]

You've.

[Langston Kerman]

You've existed. You've been a part of the, the larger culture.

[John Holmberg]

Because if you're just mamby pamby causing, you know, you know, mild joy. Yeah, big deal. But if you can get people fired up one way or the other, you.

[Langston Kerman]

Gotta, you gotta put them on the polls, baby.

[John Holmberg]

I think the thing about men, though, and when a woman hits us, we realize that it's probably. We did that.

[Langston Kerman]

I earned it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I earned that. I don't. You don't just hit you for no reason or. You didn't talk to me. I'm like, I didn't do anything. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

The other way around tends to have always less justification. Certainly when, when women are hitting.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you don't want a woman to start swinging on you, but most of the time when they do, it's your fault. Like we, we're. We're.

[Producer/Co-host]

The worst thing you can do is laugh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh my God. Well, don't do that. That's. That's why you're getting hit. You don't take them seriously.

[Langston Kerman]

That's how you get a second hit.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. And a third and a kick. We're self aware enough to know. Man probably should have taken.

[Langston Kerman]

Apologies, my dear.

[John Holmberg]

I did that. I'm sorry.

[Langston Kerman]

Would you like Thai food this evening?

[Producer/Co-host]

I've learned a little. Little soccer flop.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's pretty. You gotta.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Make him no accounts oh, you got me. You got me.

[Langston Kerman]

You scream out, you cry. Yeah, I like that.

[John Holmberg]

Langston went right to doordash thing like he was getting her some Thai food a minute. She made contact.

[Langston Kerman]

Know what you like.

[John Holmberg]

That's a smart man right there. Yeah, and so not handy. What are you good at other than if you're not handy and you're not, you know, what do I call Langston for? What do I say? Langston can fix.

[Langston Kerman]

I clean the house. I'm good at cleaning.

[John Holmberg]

Are you sure that right?

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're the cleaner in the house.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't do physical labor, and I do a lot of cleaning.

[John Holmberg]

Has that been your whole life?

[Producer/Co-host]

Probably.

[Langston Kerman]

No kidding. Yeah. I'll clean. I'm happy to, to do dishes. I'm happy to like, happy to do this. I mean, nobody's. I'm not happy with anything. I'm not sure I'm gonna make it. But, but certainly you get home and you start chores. Yeah, I don't mind doing.

[Producer/Co-host]

No kidding.

[Langston Kerman]

That is rares around the house.

[John Holmberg]

That seed Langston is a rare name for a rare individual.

[Langston Kerman]

But I won't, I, I won't cook. So that is that right? I, I refuse.

[John Holmberg]

She has to cook.

[Langston Kerman]

She had. That's the only way I, I, I'll, I'll make this exchange work.

[John Holmberg]

Really?

[Langston Kerman]

So my offer is I will clean things.

[John Holmberg]

You just gotta feed me.

[Langston Kerman]

Feed me. Is that right? Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So it's a full on give and.

[Langston Kerman]

Take, you know, partnership.

[John Holmberg]

That's good. What does your wife do?

[Langston Kerman]

She's a lawyer.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you've got to do everything. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Until you pop.

[Langston Kerman]

And you know what's crazy? Everybody speaks to me that way. Everybody immediately realizes my job is stupid and her job is important.

[John Holmberg]

Look, we're living the same life.

[Producer/Co-host]

Sucks.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't like that at all. I'll undermine her work wherever I go, and everybody.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Langston's so bitter. Yeah. You can't win this fight. Oh, she's a lawyer. What kind of lawyer?

[Langston Kerman]

She does non profit law. Oh, man.

[Producer/Co-host]

That's not 20 bucks an hour.

[Langston Kerman]

Well, actually, she works for a pretty prestigious firm.

[Producer/Co-host]

Term.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. The unfortunate thing is that it's, it's mostly just hiding money for rich people.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. That is better. Okay.

[Producer/Co-host]

I like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, so she takes care of like, charities and stuff.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, she's no hero of mine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't like the phrase non profit. I like it for other people. I don't like it in my life. Yeah, non profit means we're working hard for nothing.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah, that's or we're working big money to protect.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. We're scamming other people's money.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

I want to do that for my own money.

[Langston Kerman]

Money, right.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. But it is tough because you've got a job where people are like, ah. People don't realize how hard it is.

[Langston Kerman]

Hugely dismissive of the work that you do. And that's maybe because we don't wake up at normal hours.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

And contribute much to society. But. But on a large scale, that hour that I work every night, who. I get tired.

[John Holmberg]

It's mental work. Here's the thing. I think that the reason I've recently discovered this is that people dismiss jobs like. Like ours because if there was an apocalypse, we would be useless.

[Langston Kerman]

Yes.

[John Holmberg]

Absolutely useless. So deep down, that's kind of an innate thing in. In humanity for survival's sake that is inherent in all of us that we know. All right. Surround yourself with people that are useful just in case we're not.

[Langston Kerman]

And unfortunately, I think they're absolutely right. I just wish that they weren't so vocal about it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I wish that we were moving with respect. Where they go. I like what you do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

I don't want to tell you to your face that what you do stinks.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. They tell you all the time.

[Langston Kerman]

They tell you to.

[John Holmberg]

You're. You're a clown.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. They're like, oh, I. I don't think you're a real.

[John Holmberg]

The fun thing you have over.

[Producer/Co-host]

Some of the humor reverses around that.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, sure.

[Producer/Co-host]

Being made fun of what the other people aren't doing to be able to do.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you can crush them back because you're verbally skilled. But the good thing is, is, and I say this only because I like you right away, is that soon your wife will be out of work because of AI and you will continue to be.

[Langston Kerman]

Let's go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Who's silly now?

[Langston Kerman]

Your lipstick.

[John Holmberg]

Exact A destroy lawyers. They're the first ones out, which is scary because why go to a human brain when you've got all of law in your hand?

[Langston Kerman]

I think what's going to end up happening is that the challenge is that everybody's going to have AI and it. It is going to be a little bit of competitive of like, is your AI competitive with this other AI and so you are going to need like, this one's right.

[Producer/Co-host]

76.2 times.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's going to be just like lawyers. You pay more, you get a better AI.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. You're going to need a human brain to sort of like manage the machine, kind of.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And probably a cynical one. And we lean towards comedians for that. So you will be sort of like a lawyer in the future, telling people what stinks and what doesn't about their AI brother.

[Langston Kerman]

If you're saying, I'm going to be.

[John Holmberg]

An emperor, Langston, I mean, that flows. Emperor John. Not a thing. Langston the emperor. They write books about that.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. There's no history of emperors named John.

[John Holmberg]

No, no. John. Usually it's like John the Gimp or something stupid. I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I think the Royal Family has a few jobs.

[John Holmberg]

They've got a few. And not a lot of proud ones. Not a lot of Royal John.

[Producer/Co-host]

A couple of Popes. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

But that's. That's a fake name they take. The Bible has it. That's the only one that people are like, all right.

[Langston Kerman]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

But he was just a writer.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I guess they didn't start off as John. Started off.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

With a cool name.

[Langston Kerman]

Something Argentinian.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah. Like Langston, maybe. And then they turned it into John. If I was. If you were Pope ever. They're like, what name do you choose? I'm like, I'm keeping this one.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Hope Langston is awesome.

[Langston Kerman]

That is awesome. I don't think they'll let me do it.

[John Holmberg]

I'm.

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not Catholic.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Never have been.

[John Holmberg]

Well, they've never tried that. Maybe it would mix it up a little. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Let a dude who's never done it before.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Be like, what is this smoke for? I don't even know.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I get it. Blowing smoke. I see what. I get what we're doing.

[Langston Kerman]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

Are you a religious, religious man?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm not a religious man. I'm not anti. I. You know, I'm not here to yuck anybody's young, but I. Yeah, great sentence.

[John Holmberg]

Very religious in itself. And you're from Chicago, right?

[Langston Kerman]

I'm from. I'm from Oak Park, Illinois.

[John Holmberg]

Cubs are socks.

[Langston Kerman]

Oh, am I supposed to say this?

[John Holmberg]

You're in the middle.

[Producer/Co-host]

This is a big test.

[Langston Kerman]

I'll be honest. I grew up liking the socks more, and I remain that way. Nice as an adult, but I don't care about baseball.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Because you're a socks fan.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

There's a reason why you stop liking baseball.

[Langston Kerman]

Caring about this thing.

[John Holmberg]

Just making sure.

[Langston Kerman]

Won't feed you back. Are you a Cubs guy?

[John Holmberg]

No, I was a Cubs. He was Cubs. I gave up on the Cubs.

[Langston Kerman]

How are you in Arizona? And so passionate.

[John Holmberg]

They have trains and planes and stuff. It's really. Okay.

[Langston Kerman]

First I'm hearing Of it.

[John Holmberg]

We were less excited. Allowed to leave.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

We could go anywhere we wanted. My dad's company transferred him around, so we ended up here. But I started in northwest Indiana. Actually grew up a huge Cubs fan. But same with football and everything else. We're not necessarily. No. Nobody's a Cardinals fan on here either. I'm a Steelers fan. Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Bears fan, obviously. Jersey, dress like I'm 13.

[Langston Kerman]

Whoa.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So that's how that works.

[Langston Kerman]

You guys pick bad teams.

[John Holmberg]

What are you talking about? The Steelers are a bad team. The Bears are a bad team. Well, he's a Bengals fan. Yeah. Well, that's terrible. Not wrong about that.

[Producer/Co-host]

That and more.

[John Holmberg]

Who's your team?

[Producer/Co-host]

Buckeyes, too.

[Langston Kerman]

I. Oh, okay. Well, I went to Michigan, so I don't care.

[John Holmberg]

Is that in the states?

[Producer/Co-host]

Up north.

[John Holmberg]

Are you a football guy?

[Langston Kerman]

I don't care about.

[John Holmberg]

You don't care about.

[Langston Kerman]

I like basketball.

[John Holmberg]

Who's your team there?

[Langston Kerman]

My favorite team. And will be for probably forever and always. It's Golden State. Are you popular for a long time.

[John Holmberg]

Were you there before? Steph.

[Langston Kerman]

I know. Not before.

[John Holmberg]

So Steph showed up and you're like, this is the way.

[Langston Kerman]

But before championship. Steph, when it was like, still 2014. Clay and Steph. Still figuring it out.

[John Holmberg]

Can I make an assessment?

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Prior to that, were you a. Let's say, a Heat fan?

[Langston Kerman]

I was never a Heat.

[John Holmberg]

What about the Spurs?

[Langston Kerman]

My favorite team before that was. Was that Sacramento team with Chris Weber.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

[Producer/Co-host]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I was going to. I was going to accuse you of being a front runner.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[Producer/Co-host]

I liked.

[Langston Kerman]

I liked an underdog with a chance.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. Because Sacramento is the most robbed team in the history of basketball.

[Langston Kerman]

I would say so.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because of that. That a mess that happened in the original.

[Langston Kerman]

I've never had a bigger heartbreak.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, it's. It was hard. It was horrible for people who didn't like Sacramento that they had the whole world stolen from them.

[Langston Kerman]

Right on tv.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. All right. I'll give you that one then. Even though that's a little front runner, cuz the Chris Weber King.

[Langston Kerman]

Look, I'm no hero. I didn't come here to be brave.

[John Holmberg]

When. When the guys that you like. Like when Draymond and Steph Clay's already gone, when they leave Golden State, will you stick with it?

[Langston Kerman]

Probably not. I think I'll bail on them immediately.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

What am I here for?

[John Holmberg]

Envy. That I think that we're all falsely loyal for no reason to sports.

[Langston Kerman]

They're. The players aren't even loyal. They don't care anymore.

[John Holmberg]

They tell us constantly it's a business. It's a business, and we treat it like it's, like our heart and soul.

[Langston Kerman]

No, I don't need that.

[John Holmberg]

I'm with you.

[Langston Kerman]

These guys change their loyalty every year, and rightfully so. They're. They're. They're chasing it.

[Producer/Co-host]

The fans say it's business, and the.

[John Holmberg]

Fans ever said it's business and stop showing up. They'd be mad at us, like, oh, you're not a loyal fan. Nobody on this team is.

[Langston Kerman]

Not. Not one person here is a dedicated employee.

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Langston Kerman]

And I don't blame you for not being that.

[John Holmberg]

But spent more money on the Steelers than I have me.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

My medical records would show that I have more money invested in the Steelers in my own body.

[Langston Kerman]

I hope they never write that down.

[John Holmberg]

And that's dumb. Yeah. I think. What am I getting out of it other than most of the time, disappointment, I think.

[Langston Kerman]

I think to be fan. A fan of a team is to be fan of the owner of that team. And never have I met an owner where I'm like, that dude's awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

That Steve Ballmer. What a cool guy.

[John Holmberg]

Good way to look.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah. I don't.

[John Holmberg]

Does he like me?

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

The owner of the Steelers is Dan Rooney. Gonna come to my house? Go. You're the best. Thanks for all this, man.

[Langston Kerman]

I love you, John.

[John Holmberg]

Best friend.

[Langston Kerman]

Who's the one that said rooting for laundry?

[John Holmberg]

That was Chael Sonnen from the ufc. UFC came in here once, and he goes, you like that? He goes, he said, you'll cheer for anything. Said, after a while, you just have to realize you're cheering for the jersey. You're just cheering for laundry.

[Langston Kerman]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

And it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm like, he's right.

[Langston Kerman]

What a mean thing to say.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

While you're wearing the laundry.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was tough.

[Langston Kerman]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Why do you. And I'm like, oh, he's right. Langston, it's been a pleasure meeting you. Langston Kerman, Desert Ridge Improv Tomorrow and. Or tonight and tomorrow. If you want to go. Desert Ridge improv.com leave us with words of wisdom, sir. Change the world. If Langston Kerman was in charge.

[Langston Kerman]

Hey, hey. Go out there, be brave, and never stand still on an escalator.

[John Holmberg]

That's great advice. People who stand on the escalator, keep moving. Screw it up for everyone. Yeah. Keep moving.

[Langston Kerman]

Life. There's too much life to be had, and it's faster.

[Producer/Co-host]

And if you are standing, especially on those airport one.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Stand aside the moving sidewalk.

[Producer/Co-host]

Yeah.

[Langston Kerman]

Are you insane?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The people movers are designed to help us go faster, not just make us lazy.

[Langston Kerman]

Keep moving, sister.

[John Holmberg]

And it's always her. I'm with you on that one. That was misogynistic. But he's not wrong. Langston. Thank you, Langston. Kerman. Desert Ridge Improv. This weekend's most powerful rocket station. It's out of control now.

[Producer/Co-host]

Up.