Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 12-01-25
Date: December 1, 2025
Main Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Theme: Realizing the Arizona Cardinals are stuck in mediocrity; bizarre family Thanksgiving revelations; Trump’s MRI confusion; and salmon sperm as a new anti-aging skincare trend

Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness blends dark humor, football misery, and jaw-dropping family secrets with the hosts' trademark irreverence. John, Brady, Bret, and Toledo bounce from commiserating over the perpetual disappointments of the Arizona Cardinals, to dissecting an email about a murder-suicide family secret revealed at Thanksgiving, before ending with spirited banter about bizarre skincare fads like “salmon sperm.” The group’s chemistry keeps even taboo or awkward topics funny and oddly insightful, all while maintaining the loose, boundary-pushing tone that listeners expect.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Cardinals: Cursed Consistency

• Main Topic: The Arizona Cardinals seem “the same every year”—forgettable, unlucky, and perpetually out of sync.
  • [02:03] John realizes the Cardinals could be mistaken for any of their previous teams outside the rare good years:

    “If I took this Jacoby Brissett-led team and you didn’t know the names…is that this? It’s the same thing every year. Nothing remarkable. No one stands out…It’s the same product every single year, aside for their little blips.” (John, 02:03)

  • The team’s “curse”: every mistake becomes a disaster; no lucky breaks.
  • John empathizes with Cardinals fans and jokes they should pick better teams for less heartache.
  • Notable frustration about NFC divisional mediocrity and how other chronically bad teams improve, but not Arizona.

2. Thanksgiving Family Reveal—An Unbelievable Email

• [08:13] John reads a shocking email from listener Ramon, sharing his family’s Thanksgiving bombshell:
  • For years, Ramon believed his grandparents died of carbon monoxide poisoning.
  • This Thanksgiving, his parents revealed it was really a murder-suicide: his grandfather poisoned his grandmother, then himself, due to gambling debts and no financial help from their kids.
  • Ramon’s parents admitted to faking news stories and legal documents to cover it up for decades, revealing it only now—because they’re also getting divorced.
  • The hosts are simultaneously horrified and entertained by the convoluted cover-up and timing.
  • [09:53]

    “We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we’re getting divorced for it.” (John, as he summarizes Ramon's family story)

  • John theorizes this secretive behavior is “strong Mormon behavior,” poking fun at how some families invent narratives to avoid emotional confrontation.
• [13:30] John’s comment:

  • “And you thought cousin Johnny coming out during Thanksgiving was rough.”

3. Family Secrets and Personal Anecdotes

• The hosts riff on hidden family histories:
  • John shares his family’s own rumors:

    “My grandpa killed his dad in a barn fire...There’s three different obits—cancer, a fire, natural causes. How do you miss this one?”

  • The group explores how families construct elaborate lies to protect kids or themselves from trauma—sometimes to absurd lengths.
  • [16:49]

    “You are a great liar, hon.” (John, imagining Ramon's parents congratulating themselves on the cover-up)

4. Cultural Commentary & Listener Stories

• [14:39] Toledo tells a story about a friend whose wife promised the house if his team won a game; her parents help her move out during the game.
• Conversation about how divorce can be less dramatic than family murder cover-ups.

  • “Well, that’s better than murdering her.” (John, 15:06)

5. Celebrity Life: Cam Skattebo’s Suns Experience

• John relays attending a Suns game with injured ASU football player Cam Skattebo ("Cam's Cattleboots"), who is mobbed for photos and autographs despite his injury.
• Skattebo on fame:

  • “It’s awesome, and it sucks. Incredible, but also brutal.” (Cam via John, [20:55])

6. Trump's MRI Confusion

• The hosts lampoon news that Donald Trump underwent an MRI but claims he didn’t know why or for what body part.
  • [22:40]

    “If you’ve ever gotten an MRI, you know exactly why. It’s never in question. What am I doing in this tube? Don’t worry about it.” (John)

• Jokes about cognitive tests and confusion, comparing Trump’s situation to Biden.

7. Salmon Sperm as Anti-Aging Skincare: Mockery & Speculation

• [25:13] John introduces a viral story about anti-aging serum made from salmon sperm.
  • Pokes fun at celebrity skincare products (Cindy Crawford, Ellen DeGeneres) and how easily people buy into new fads.
  • Bizarre, hilarious debate on the logistics and ethics of “jerking off salmon” for cosmetic use:
    • Why did someone first put salmon sperm on their skin?
    • [28:00]

      “Brett and I are salmon jerkers…then I put it under my eyes—oh, come on…The next day, Brett’s like: ‘You look good!’” (John)

    • Speculation about salmon farming, animal husbandry, and the odd human habit of harvesting animals for vanity.
    • Expressed human arrogance: why do we intervene in animal reproduction?
    • Imagining aliens treating humans the same way as we treat salmon:

      • “I hope Three-Eyed Atlas shows up and just starts dragging our asses up, dunking us in the water, and tugging on our puds. Because we won’t know. Why? You guys been doing it to other animals forever!” (John, [32:12])

    • Black market fears:

      • "Now black market salmon sperm’s gonna be out there. You can’t trust that. Gonna be filled with fentanyl.” (John, [33:22])

  • Hysteria about possible next trends (e.g., bears’ sperm, human sperm):

    • “If salmon sperm can do this, imagine what human sperm…” (Listener Tom, read by John, [43:41])

    • “They just want to jerk a fish off…Then they can charge $200 for the serum.” (Brady, [42:13])

  • Razor’s edge between earnest product review and satire: willingness to try anything for youth, regardless of rationale.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:03] “It’s the same product every single year…Different faces. They are remarkably consistent at what they do, aside from their little blips.”
• [09:53] “We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we’re getting divorced for it.”
• [16:49] “You are a great liar, hon.”
• [20:55] “It’s awesome, and it sucks. Incredible, but also brutal.” (On celebrity life, via Cam Skattebo)
• [22:40] “If you’ve ever gotten an MRI, you know exactly why. What am I doing in this tube? Don’t worry about it.”
• [28:00] “Brett and I are salmon jerkers—then I put it under my eyes—oh, come on…The next day, Brett’s like: ‘You look good!’”
• [32:12] “I hope Three-Eyed Atlas shows up and just starts dragging our asses up, dunking us in the water and tugging on our puds.”
• [33:22] “Now black market salmon sperm’s gonna be out there. You can’t trust that.”
• [43:41] “If salmon sperm can do this, imagine what human sperm…”

Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Summary | |-----------|----------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 01:09 | Cardinals talk | NFL frustration, “cursed” Cardinals, fan empathy | | 08:13 | Ramon’s Email | Thanksgiving murder-suicide revelation, family secrets | | 15:00 | Divorce stories | Friend’s wife leaves mid-game, John on “winning” divorce| | 20:55 | Suns Game w/ Cam Skattebo | On fame, public attention, and ASU/Suns misfortune | | 22:40 | Trump’s MRI | Joking about MRI confusion and cognitive testing | | 25:13 | Salmon sperm skincare story | Satire about beauty fads, animal husbandry, ethics | | 32:12 | Human-animal parallels | Hypothetical: aliens treating humans like salmon | | 33:22 | Black market salmon sperm | Hyperbole on future beauty trends and illegality | | 43:41 | Human sperm as a beauty serum | Parody of beauty marketing, listener reactions |

Tone and Style

The show remains edgy, self-aware, and unfiltered—veering between gallows humor, cultural commentary, and gleeful absurdity. The hosts riff off each other’s stories with both empathy (for Arizona sports fans and for families with secrets) and relentless mockery (of modern trends and human ego). The episode is full of wild metaphors and self-deprecating asides, pushing boundaries in a way that regular listeners will find familiar and newcomers may find shocking—but always entertaining.

This episode is a prime example of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness’s ability to take the dark, the ridiculous, and the mundane, and turn them into infectious radio gold.