12-01-25 - Realizing The Cardinals Are The Same Every Year - Ramon Emails His Thanksgiving Reveal Was His Grandparents Died In Murder/Suicide - Trump Got An MRI But Didn't Know Where Or Why - Salmon Sperm Discovered To Be Great For Skin But We Have Qu...

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona

Episode: 12-01-25
Date: December 1, 2025
Main Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo
Theme: Realizing the Arizona Cardinals are stuck in mediocrity; bizarre family Thanksgiving revelations; Trump’s MRI confusion; and salmon sperm as a new anti-aging skincare trend

Overview

This episode of Holmberg's Morning Sickness blends dark humor, football misery, and jaw-dropping family secrets with the hosts' trademark irreverence. John, Brady, Bret, and Toledo bounce from commiserating over the perpetual disappointments of the Arizona Cardinals, to dissecting an email about a murder-suicide family secret revealed at Thanksgiving, before ending with spirited banter about bizarre skincare fads like “salmon sperm.” The group’s chemistry keeps even taboo or awkward topics funny and oddly insightful, all while maintaining the loose, boundary-pushing tone that listeners expect.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Cardinals: Cursed Consistency

• Main Topic: The Arizona Cardinals seem “the same every year”—forgettable, unlucky, and perpetually out of sync.
  • [02:03] John realizes the Cardinals could be mistaken for any of their previous teams outside the rare good years:

    “If I took this Jacoby Brissett-led team and you didn’t know the names…is that this? It’s the same thing every year. Nothing remarkable. No one stands out…It’s the same product every single year, aside for their little blips.” (John, 02:03)

  • The team’s “curse”: every mistake becomes a disaster; no lucky breaks.
  • John empathizes with Cardinals fans and jokes they should pick better teams for less heartache.
  • Notable frustration about NFC divisional mediocrity and how other chronically bad teams improve, but not Arizona.

2. Thanksgiving Family Reveal—An Unbelievable Email

• [08:13] John reads a shocking email from listener Ramon, sharing his family’s Thanksgiving bombshell:
  • For years, Ramon believed his grandparents died of carbon monoxide poisoning.
  • This Thanksgiving, his parents revealed it was really a murder-suicide: his grandfather poisoned his grandmother, then himself, due to gambling debts and no financial help from their kids.
  • Ramon’s parents admitted to faking news stories and legal documents to cover it up for decades, revealing it only now—because they’re also getting divorced.
  • The hosts are simultaneously horrified and entertained by the convoluted cover-up and timing.
  • [09:53]

    “We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we’re getting divorced for it.” (John, as he summarizes Ramon's family story)

  • John theorizes this secretive behavior is “strong Mormon behavior,” poking fun at how some families invent narratives to avoid emotional confrontation.
• [13:30] John’s comment:

  • “And you thought cousin Johnny coming out during Thanksgiving was rough.”

3. Family Secrets and Personal Anecdotes

• The hosts riff on hidden family histories:
  • John shares his family’s own rumors:

    “My grandpa killed his dad in a barn fire...There’s three different obits—cancer, a fire, natural causes. How do you miss this one?”

  • The group explores how families construct elaborate lies to protect kids or themselves from trauma—sometimes to absurd lengths.
  • [16:49]

    “You are a great liar, hon.” (John, imagining Ramon's parents congratulating themselves on the cover-up)

4. Cultural Commentary & Listener Stories

• [14:39] Toledo tells a story about a friend whose wife promised the house if his team won a game; her parents help her move out during the game.
• Conversation about how divorce can be less dramatic than family murder cover-ups.

  • “Well, that’s better than murdering her.” (John, 15:06)

5. Celebrity Life: Cam Skattebo’s Suns Experience

• John relays attending a Suns game with injured ASU football player Cam Skattebo ("Cam's Cattleboots"), who is mobbed for photos and autographs despite his injury.
• Skattebo on fame:

  • “It’s awesome, and it sucks. Incredible, but also brutal.” (Cam via John, [20:55])

6. Trump's MRI Confusion

• The hosts lampoon news that Donald Trump underwent an MRI but claims he didn’t know why or for what body part.
  • [22:40]

    “If you’ve ever gotten an MRI, you know exactly why. It’s never in question. What am I doing in this tube? Don’t worry about it.” (John)

• Jokes about cognitive tests and confusion, comparing Trump’s situation to Biden.

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7. Salmon Sperm as Anti-Aging Skincare: Mockery & Speculation

• [25:13] John introduces a viral story about anti-aging serum made from salmon sperm.
  • Pokes fun at celebrity skincare products (Cindy Crawford, Ellen DeGeneres) and how easily people buy into new fads.
  • Bizarre, hilarious debate on the logistics and ethics of “jerking off salmon” for cosmetic use:
    • Why did someone first put salmon sperm on their skin?
    • [28:00]

      “Brett and I are salmon jerkers…then I put it under my eyes—oh, come on…The next day, Brett’s like: ‘You look good!’” (John)

    • Speculation about salmon farming, animal husbandry, and the odd human habit of harvesting animals for vanity.
    • Expressed human arrogance: why do we intervene in animal reproduction?
    • Imagining aliens treating humans the same way as we treat salmon:

      • “I hope Three-Eyed Atlas shows up and just starts dragging our asses up, dunking us in the water, and tugging on our puds. Because we won’t know. Why? You guys been doing it to other animals forever!” (John, [32:12])

    • Black market fears:

      • "Now black market salmon sperm’s gonna be out there. You can’t trust that. Gonna be filled with fentanyl.” (John, [33:22])

  • Hysteria about possible next trends (e.g., bears’ sperm, human sperm):

    • “If salmon sperm can do this, imagine what human sperm…” (Listener Tom, read by John, [43:41])

    • “They just want to jerk a fish off…Then they can charge $200 for the serum.” (Brady, [42:13])

  • Razor’s edge between earnest product review and satire: willingness to try anything for youth, regardless of rationale.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [02:03] “It’s the same product every single year…Different faces. They are remarkably consistent at what they do, aside from their little blips.”
• [09:53] “We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we’re getting divorced for it.”
• [16:49] “You are a great liar, hon.”
• [20:55] “It’s awesome, and it sucks. Incredible, but also brutal.” (On celebrity life, via Cam Skattebo)
• [22:40] “If you’ve ever gotten an MRI, you know exactly why. What am I doing in this tube? Don’t worry about it.”
• [28:00] “Brett and I are salmon jerkers—then I put it under my eyes—oh, come on…The next day, Brett’s like: ‘You look good!’”
• [32:12] “I hope Three-Eyed Atlas shows up and just starts dragging our asses up, dunking us in the water and tugging on our puds.”
• [33:22] “Now black market salmon sperm’s gonna be out there. You can’t trust that.”
• [43:41] “If salmon sperm can do this, imagine what human sperm…”

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Timestamps for Major Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | Summary | |-----------|----------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 01:09 | Cardinals talk | NFL frustration, “cursed” Cardinals, fan empathy | | 08:13 | Ramon’s Email | Thanksgiving murder-suicide revelation, family secrets | | 15:00 | Divorce stories | Friend’s wife leaves mid-game, John on “winning” divorce| | 20:55 | Suns Game w/ Cam Skattebo | On fame, public attention, and ASU/Suns misfortune | | 22:40 | Trump’s MRI | Joking about MRI confusion and cognitive testing | | 25:13 | Salmon sperm skincare story | Satire about beauty fads, animal husbandry, ethics | | 32:12 | Human-animal parallels | Hypothetical: aliens treating humans like salmon | | 33:22 | Black market salmon sperm | Hyperbole on future beauty trends and illegality | | 43:41 | Human sperm as a beauty serum | Parody of beauty marketing, listener reactions |

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Tone and Style

The show remains edgy, self-aware, and unfiltered—veering between gallows humor, cultural commentary, and gleeful absurdity. The hosts riff off each other’s stories with both empathy (for Arizona sports fans and for families with secrets) and relentless mockery (of modern trends and human ego). The episode is full of wild metaphors and self-deprecating asides, pushing boundaries in a way that regular listeners will find familiar and newcomers may find shocking—but always entertaining.

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This episode is a prime example of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness’s ability to take the dark, the ridiculous, and the mundane, and turn them into infectious radio gold.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. Hey, it's Brett Vesely and I'm here with Byron from MMP Guns. Look, Byron, I have a friend wanting to sell some guns he inherited. What's the best way for him to do that?

[John Holmberg]

Brett, the last thing you want to do is sell the gun to someone who can't legally own one.

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Risk and come into M and P.

[Brady]

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[John Holmberg]

And he can rest easy knowing it's not getting into the wrong hands.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay, but what if he lives out of state?

[John Holmberg]

Easy.

[Larry McFeely]

Legalgunbuyer.com and he can do it.

[John Holmberg]

It's really that simple.

[Brett Vesely]

There you have it. MMP Guns or legalgunbuyer.com the safe and legal way to sell your firearms. It's Brett Vesely from Homebrew's Morning Sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical Mo and Blow landscaping company. They do amazing work. And it's just what I needed to finally throw on the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low voltage lighting, 3D designs. A free quote at divined design lawn care dot com. That's divinedesign lawn care dot com.

[John Holmberg]

You thought that was funny? You were laughing like a hyena when he said it. What the hell is wrong with you? Even the music wanted to stop. It started itself over. It is the morning sickness. It's 5:45. We're all sad. Except Brett and Toledo and Brady. Well, it's a problem. Oh, geez. I've never been part of a football season where your team is in the worst division and they look worse than everybody in it somehow. And still in first place. That's how bad the division is. Yuck. Awful. But you know, you can move on. Football season ends for a lot of people in December and mine's over. So we just played basketball yesterday at the house while the game was pretty much, we'll just go play some ball. We watched every play, but, you know, you find things to do. It's going to stink.

[Brett Vesely]

Is it all around for you or are you blaming Aaron? You blame Alex?

[John Holmberg]

The Whole thing's a mess. It's a catastrophe. And the whole staff's going. The Steelers are done. It's toast. I did watch. I've not sat and watched a Cardinals game. Usually I'm just checking in, checking out. I pay attention. I'm not. And I sat down. I don't like to watch. I don't think I've sat through another full football game outside of my Steelers all year. I just gauge in, in and out, here and there. But I was watching the Cardinals, I realized something about them. My friend said this to me, too, after, because I was kind of asking a Cardinal fan if you took out clips from. Aside from the uniform every year other than Kurt Warner and Carson Palmer, and I told you that's the current team, you wouldn't. You'd be like, yeah, that's probably about right. If I took this Jacoby Brissette led team and you didn't know the names of the players, and I said, here they are. In 1999, you'd be like, yeah, that's them. And then in 2002, you'd be like, okay, you take that team and you plug it into today, and you don't know the name should be like, is that this? It's the same thing every year. Nothing remarkable, nothing stands out. No one is. Aside from the Warner. And it's. It's the same product every single year with, you know, just different faces. They. They are remarkably consistent at what they do, aside for their little blips when they were okay. It's so weird. Yesterday, I'm watching and I realized that the Arizona Cardinals are cursed because they can play really well. There may be the only team in the NFL I watch that if they make a mistake, they pay for it. There are no, like, oops, boy, they got away with that one. The Cardinals goof and they pay for it. A ball gets tipped, it gets picked off, they fumble, it bounces right into the other team's hands. There is no, like, all the Cardinals got lucky there, I don't think. I don't know what the Bidwells did. They have. They. Their deal with the devil was that you can just have a team, you won't ever win anything, but you're. You're just going to be the owners of a team, be billionaires, because this is a cursed franchise. There were so many plays where it's like, well, that one was one of kind of a goof there. That ball got. He forced that one and got tipped. And dudes are making remarkable interceptions against, like, the ball hangs an extra second for them. It was horrible. I felt. I felt sad for the first time ever for Cardinal fans. I'm like, I've not watched you for a little bit. Some of it's undeserved. And again, another close game that they didn't win, that you walk away going, well, if it wasn't for this and it wasn't for that, they don't get any breaks. There were nothing. No breaks at all. Somebody holds on a.

[Brady]

It's tough because it's not. It's not that far away from being.

[John Holmberg]

They're. They're Razor's edge. They're Razor's Edge, but then they'll get that, oh, third and 15 and they get a first down. But holding. They get caught on every. Every crucial moment. They don't have a moment where like, man, the Cardinals really stole that well. They don't get away with anything, and I have not paid enough attention to them to see anything. Otherwise, it was crazy. Jacoby Brissette starts off five for five throws. One pass that's a little bit questionable. It gets tipped, picked off. And look, you were down on the, on the five yard line. You were at, how did this happen to you? And then, you know, it wasn't even like they were getting blasted off the field. It's just every chance that the game has to lean against them, they do. And so Cardinal fans, I felt your pain for a little bit. Even though I don't care about your team, I felt your pain for a little bit just going, my God, when will this. When will this kid get a chance to just go, you know, wipe his forehead and the sweat goes off his brow? We got away with that one. They don't ever get away with it, ever. And you've watched teams like the Chiefs and the Patriots and just tons of teams over the years just like, wow, that ball bounces their way all the time. It's got to be frustrating. And again, I implore you to not be fans of that team anymore. Just pick something new. I don't see it changing at all.

[Brett Vesely]

Become rising fans.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, go do that. Become a Bears fan. Brett's got something. He can be happy in December for the first time in ages. I can do it myself. They won on Thanksgiving. Unreal that they did what they did. That was a.

[Brett Vesely]

The Eagles.

[John Holmberg]

I was the Eagles who were reeling. Yeah, Brady said it off the air. But the NFL playoffs are going to be like, who's this? Who's that? What are they doing here?

[Dick Toledo]

Why are they there?

[John Holmberg]

Or the Culture playing hoop. The Broncos. Why are the Patriots back in? And I thought they were batting it.

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

Nope.

[Brady]

And you open it up with the one that's not tasting much of that is the Cardinals.

[John Holmberg]

No, they'll never feel it.

[Brady]

All these other teams are out of nowhere.

[John Holmberg]

All these. Yeah. All these other beating. Yeah, it's the Panthers. It's this weird thing. The Panthers are playing really good. Like, you never. Like, all the teams that have sucked for the last few years except the Cardinals and the Browns are the Jags, the Texans. Like, everybody's kind of like, yeah, we're good now. Like, we. We just switched power and who's coming. It's like, Cardinals. Like, we like it down here. We're going to stay where they suck for a few more years down here while everybody else who we've been sucking with gets better when you're good at something. I guess that's true. You know, they are good at it, but I actually felt bad for them. And Steve. Steve Millen has just emailed and says, I blame Ron Wolfley. He played for them and broadcast it. Well, he doesn't do that anymore. Now it's AQ Shipley. He's not even. Ron's not doing the game, so you can't blame him either. Same product every single year, save for the Carson Palmer, Kurt Warner years. I mean, literally, you could plug in any season and just say that's the exact same thing that's going on. So football. December. Football. Here we are. It's December already, if you can believe it. Thanksgiving comes and goes. Everybody was good. Your. Your hobo party went well.

[Brett Vesely]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Everybody's. No fights, 20 and change. Yeah, that's good. You didn't have anybody over, so you was. No fight.

[Brady]

Thanksgiving in five years.

[John Holmberg]

It's been a long time to just sit and have nobody come by. Did you feel obligated to walk down the road?

[Brady]

Saturday's event was the biggest thing that five years.

[John Holmberg]

Ohio State and Michigan, you had.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You got. You got your win against Bungles. Win Bungles again. The worst they could win the division. It's terrible.

[Brady]

Division ridiculous.

[John Holmberg]

There's. There's nothing good coming out of that division.

[Brett Vesely]

How's that pot belly sandwich?

[John Holmberg]

Didn't have it. Went steak 44 for dinner. Yeah, yeah, we were, you know, adjustments, but, boy, I missed my potbelly subs. I love the potbelly turkey sub on Thanksgiving. That became my tradition. And there's no cleanup, there's no leftovers. You're not a pig all weekend. It's Pretty great. So, yeah, Thanksgiving aces. I got an email from a guy pretty solid about his Thanksgiving, and it says, hey, John, you guys have always joked about the quote, announcement for Thanksgiving dinners, and I've always laughed about it. Well, I guess it was my family's turn. Here we go. We've all mourned the sudden loss of my grandparents back in 2003 when I was kids. They were both found dead after the holidays. I was a little boy, and I was told it was carbon monoxide poisoning. I just found out that my grandmother was poisoned by my grandfather, who then ate the poison, too. My parents went so far as to make fake legal papers and even showed us news articles they wrote to keep us from ever questioning what happened. So why tell us? Well, my parents decided to let us know also this weekend that they're getting divorced after 38 years of marriage. And they brought it to us on Friday. Why? Well, because my dad knew the poisoning was going to happen, and he told my mom back in June of this year that he could have stopped it. She couldn't take that news because she lost her parents knowing. My dad was aware of what was being planned and also was revealed my grandfather lost a lot of money gambling, and my dad and mom weren't helping them financially. They told them to sell their house, and that was the catalyst for the suicide. Happy Thanksgiving. Go Bears. Ramon. Wow. Wow.

[Brady]

There's a lot of layers in that.

[John Holmberg]

A couple layers in that. So the breakdown, basically, hey, Grandpa's gambled away a ton of money. We need some help. And they're like, no, you've got a house to sell, and I need you.

[Brady]

To hold a secret.

[John Holmberg]

They threw a little tough love at him, said, I've got a house to sell, and if you sell that house and you know you'll have some money and you downplay everything here and you get into your spot and then stop gambling. We'll get you help for that. And Grandpa said, yeah, okay, we'll do that. Went home, killed grandma, killed himself. And then they had to lie about it to the kids to protect them for years. 20, 25 rolls along, maybe you're 22 years later. Kids, there's something dad and I have to tell you. We were sort of in on the murder of your grandparents, and we're getting divorced for it.

[Brady]

Well, he had to let her know in June.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, by the way, I just want to let you know I knew your dad was going to do that. And you still didn't help him with money? Come on. No. Why would I do that stop a moving train. Yeah. I told him to sell the house and he chose not to. He chose a different route. You son of a. You're gonna save my parents. Yeah, but you know, we both agreed to tough love this thing and anyway, sorry about that. I held this secret for a while and now they're getting divorced over it. And that's how he said that happened on Friday. So they all had dinner Thursday.

[Brady]

It probably came about because they're little fight going on and she accused him. You can't hold the truth on anything. You can't keep a secret.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, well, she didn't know about it. He. Well back in.

[Brady]

That's what I'm saying. She's accusing him of. You can't hold secret. Okay. By the way, let me tell you something.

[John Holmberg]

Think of the time since June she's been thinking about leaving this guy for the news he breaks to her about having. You know, I could have been a little bit better about that whole suicide with your parents. Sorry about that. It's been eating me up. And they go all the way and like we'll tell the kids on Thanksgiving. John holmberg's morning sickness. The 98kupd it's john holmerg here from the morning sickness and it's time to talk about TVs Doug Hopkins of My Home Group and Doug Hopkins dot com. Boy, that team at Doug Hopkins office is amazing. Not only will Doug Hopkins buy your home for cash as is and get that deal done lickety split, his team is unbelievable. So if you've got a place that needs a ton of work, Doug will help you out by making that cash offer as is. Or he'll list your place if it's already perfect. All you have to do is start the process online@doug hopkins.com or grab the phone and sing.

[Larry McFeely]

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[John Holmberg]

Holmberg's morning sickness that had to eat them up for months on end. That they're like, all right, we'll just break it to them and don't do it the night of. Let everybody enjoy a meal. Friday, we'll sit everybody down and say, by the way, we've been faking. Faking it. Nice dinner last night, I thought. But your mom and I hate each other now because of the murder. Oh, yeah, you need to know about the murder, too. There was a murder. You guys don't remember your grandparents? I love them so much. Somebody had to bring up grandma and grandpa on Thursday. And then the side eyes between the future divorcees looking at each other going, we got to do this tomorrow. And this one's for pop Pop and mama. We miss them all so much.

[Brett Vesely]

And you thought cousin Johnny that was coming out during Thanksgiving was rough.

[John Holmberg]

The gay things are not compared to ag. Grandma and grandpa knocked each other down. 22 years faking news stories. So if you're a kid and that's the all you got to think to yourself is, all right, what else did they lie about? Because if your parent. I'm telling you this right now. If your parents went to lengths of making fake news stories to convince you grandma and grandpa didn't kill themselves, I'm wondering, Ramon, are you Mormons? That's a question I have to ask. Mormons are a spectacular group of people that make stories up to not have to deal with reality. Then they know it, too. It's in the. It's in the. The play the Book of Mormon, stuff it in a box and forget about it forever. And their job is to not be emotional about terrible things and just make up a story and go with it. Are you Mormons? Ramon, email me back because this sounds like strong Mormon behavior that just boils up and then 22 years later explodes all over the dinner table. What a horrible Thanksgiving. That had to be Saturday.

[Brady]

One of the guys that came over for the high state game, his wife basically said, two days before you win, they're going through a divorce. She goes, you win, I'm moving out of the house. The house is yours.

[John Holmberg]

Hey, good for him. Nice job.

[Brady]

So checking in and out throughout the game. He's checking his phone and the cameras are in there.

[John Holmberg]

House is on fire.

[Brady]

No, the parents are helping her move all this stuff and.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. Well, that's a beautiful.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's better than murdering her, I guess. Other guy would have come up with.

[Brady]

That solution, you know, she gets half.

[John Holmberg]

His pension, but they have a nice little aside there. She has a place to appreciate that the guy got his house she's moving his stuff out. But her parents are still alive, so they're not that old. Right.

[Brady]

Right.

[John Holmberg]

So pension's a few years off. Maybe. I don't know. This is. That's a nice thing. The man sort of won. He got a house.

[Brady]

He did.

[John Holmberg]

Good for him. He had to buy it from her. There's no need. She didn't walk away. She got a nice check for that, but still. And he's over at your place.

[Brady]

Watch the game.

[John Holmberg]

He sounds fun. It sounds like he's having a real fun. Let me just check my phone again. That bitch moving out all my stuff? Yep. She's still in there.

[Brady]

There goes the couch.

[John Holmberg]

And there's her mother. I hated her for the last 30 years. That's over. You don't just divorce your wife. You divorce the whole family every once in a while.

[Brady]

We bought that together.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no one was murdered.

[Brady]

Nope.

[John Holmberg]

But the big announcement at Ramon's family murder. And that's a first. Usually it's gay mom and dad getting divorced. That's political or whatever. Exactly. Fist fight Trump and everything else. And, yeah, this one is just a new one for me, even. And I'm proud of you, Ramon. I think. You and your Mormon fame. I'm going Mormon strong on this one. There's no way. You don't. You don't fake news reports. You don't put legal documents together just to keep the kids on a different trail so they don't ever look it up. That's a. That's a brilliant family saying. All right, we have to make them never question this. How do we do it? Looks like we're gonna have to start a fake website. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. That's a really good idea. Yeah, that's smart. I like that. You're a great liar, hon.

[Brady]

You are, too.

[John Holmberg]

Bless you. Bless you. Moroni approves of all of our lying. That way, the kids will never have to deal with this emotionally. That's tough. I know for a fact that it screwed up my family dynamic. Not us immediately, but my dad and his family. When it was starting to get out there that my grandpa killed his dad in a barn fire. And that was sort of a. Did he do it? And then it's just strange because there's three different. If you Google search, my grandfather, great grandfather, his death was spectacularly misrepresented. One said it was cancer, one died in a fire. And then one just said he died of natural causes in his home. Like, there's stories about it. Like, what in the Hell, how do you miss this one? It's like, well, he died in natural, but he was burned up, wasn't he? I don't know. Where was the boy? Nobody knows. No, we asked. We. We had no questions. We just found the body, and we assumed some stuff, and we moved on.

[Brett Vesely]

We could get their story together.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, you know, and there's a. Yeah, good chance that my grandpa killed my great grandpa when he was, like, what, 12? And on purpose, not like an accident. Some say it might have been an accident. They lit the barn on fire to cover up his tracks. Yeah, but you go back and you see the obituary, and, you know, you controlled your own obituary back then. It's like natural causes. We don't talk about. We don't talk about the boy killing him. We don't. There wasn't even. Horrible accident, natural causes. He drank a lot, and it probably had something going on inside of him. So enough of that. He's good, and my grandpa's like, I killed him. But the rumor started and spontaneously combusted. Yeah, well, they didn't ever say fire, although he was found in the barn on fire, and that was the story. The family knew. All the rest of the city had no clue that the barn just burned down. Happened to be the same day that guy died. Nobody asked questions. Everybody was just like, yep, that seems about right. Poor family. So keep it up, Ramon. You've got your thing going for you. I'm proud of you. What a crazy, wacky Thanksgiving that was. Now I got to go to. Boy, do I. I got to go to the Suns game that Saturday. I don't know my days right now. Saturday night, Hopkins calls me up, and he goes, yeah, Cam's cataboo's here. We're golfing, and he can't golf. He just had to go on his little scooter because he's on one leg. I was like, he's hanging out, and we're gonna go to the sun's game night.

[Brady]

They're.

[John Holmberg]

They're doing this thing. So Cam got the. You know, the. You know, the free throw before the game. He's sitting courtside and all that. So he's in the rah rah room. We're hanging out a little bit, and, boy, people are. They bother. They bother Cam Scott. The guy can barely walk. He's got crutches. He's got a scooter. He's incredibly gracious about it, but there isn't a soul that didn't want, like, to run up to him and get a Picture and whatever. And he took a lot of them. And I asked him, I said, how is this new world for you? And he goes, it's awesome, and it sucks. And he goes, it's incredible, but it's also brutal. And I'm like, I can't imagine, like, you just want to walk from here to there. So we're in the Rah Rah room. I'm hanging at my edge at the bar with Anthony and my friends and stuff like that. And Cam goes by, and I'm like, come here. We'll kind of shield you. This is our area. And he goes, I got to get a table. I got to sit down. I got to be in a corner. And they just plop him in a corner. And then everybody's just weirdly bothering Cam Scatter, who, by the way, is never allowed to be the honorary captain of an ASU game ever again because they were horrible. And I. A lot of blame goes his way. I think he could have played in that game and done okay. Compared to what ASU put on the field, that was brutal. But, yeah, he can't be honorary captain that. And then when he came out and was honorary captain, the Sun's game, they got trounced by the Nuggets. So camp. Enjoy New York. I think we're done here. I think you can go back and go be a giant. No, he was awesome. He's a good guy. But, man, watching that happen and watching him have, you know, all these people just. Just, you know, he can't walk down a hallway. So can I get a weird photo with you that just strange. It's.

[Brady]

And you eventually have to say no.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, eventually. Hey, you got to keep going. But, you know, he didn't. He was great, but, man, I couldn't imagine living a life like that, especially right now when you're just trying to get from A to B. Although I will say that most people were pretty respectful about his space, but once they get in there, man, it is. The kid is. The kid is dealing with it, and he's young. Like, it had to be awesome. When did it turn off? When did it start being suck? He goes, it's. It was pretty awesome at first. And then after a while, you're like, oh, I can't go anywhere. Like, I have to. It's gonna be annoying everywhere. Plus, the little scooter makes it real obvious it's him. Like, is that Cam Scatter? Boo. Who, the guy with the busted leg? Yes, that's him. It's guaranteed on the skateboard that's that's him. Yeah. Yeah, the one on that cool ass. Man, that looks fun. I don't want to break my leg to get one of those, but just scooting around on one leg like that, it's sort of neat. I really enjoy that. Then anything else that happened over the weekend was just strange. Trump got an MRI and still doesn't know why or where or what. They gave me an mri. What body part? I don't know. I laid down, I took a nap, I heard the clicking, and we moved on. Like, if you've ever gotten an mri, you know exactly why. It was a perfect test. But you know exactly why you're getting an mri. If you've ever had one. It's never in question why you're in that thing. What am I doing in this tube? Don't worry about it, okay? Because I really like the tube.

[Brady]

I like.

[John Holmberg]

Why is it making. Why is it making so much damn noise? It's an mri. For what? Don't. Don't bother yourself, okay?

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

If anyone asks why I'm here, just tell them you don't know. All right? That makes tons of sense.

[Brady]

It also reminded him. He took a cognitive test.

[John Holmberg]

No, he mastered that. Crushed it. Crushed it because he. Cognitive. That's easy. It's like. God. You're acing it, sir. I know. Should I. Can I do it in the MRI tube? It's a very comfortable. I kind of want to do it in the tube.

[Brett Vesely]

Sounds like a Biden move.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't know. I mean, you get 80. 80 year olds getting an MRI, usually they're pretty aware of why. Gonna check your brain, sir? Yep, go ahead. It's there. No, we're not. For a brain. We know. We're gonna check it for stuff. I'm not gonna ask any questions. I'm just gonna do it.

[Brady]

Unless he's got a special. It's just a room. Just stand here. Idea.

[John Holmberg]

Why no tube, Sir? You don't need to know. That's enough for me. I don't need any questions. I don't have to look. Why did you get an mri? Was the question. I don't know. They were checking something. What body part? I don't know. You don't know? How do you not know that? But he doesn't. John holmberg's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD.

[Larry McFeely]

This is Larry McFeely, and if you're trying to feel like the Valley's version of Santa Claus this holiday season, then you've got to get behind the wheel of a new Toyota. Slide into a Camry or Corolla and cruise the valley delivering gifts in smooth, quiet comfort. Need more room for those presents? The Grand Highlander has space for the whole sleigh crew. Want to take the scenic snowy route up north? The 4Runner in Tacoma is Santa's favorite for hauling the big stuff stuff. Plus, this is the best inventory valley Toyota dealers have had all year. Toyotathon is on. Visit your valley toyota dealer or valleytoyotadealers.com toyota let's go places.

[John Holmberg]

All right, HMS podcast time again to let you know where to go for some great comedy in the valley this week. East side Tempe Improv in the heart of ASU has Ryan Hamilton and Alice Wetterland performing downtown at Stand Up Live. Luis Alvarez and Dimitri Martin entertain you. And up north, the Desert Ridge Improv has sets from both Jason Salmon and Rachel Feinstein for the complete lineups and for tickets go to standuplive.com Desert Ridge improv.com and tempeimprov.com Holmberg's Morning Sickness. And that's just the world we live in now. Here we are in December of 2025 and it gets weirder every day. I love it. I think it's just entertaining. It's, you know what, you turn the TV on, you're like, this can't be real. But it is. I saw something on the news last night or a news. It was on YouTube. I was in a hole. They have found an anti aging serum and it wasn't an ad, it was a real story.

[Brett Vesely]

It wasn't Cindy Crawford.

[John Holmberg]

No Ellen, by the way, big fan of Ellen's product. It's very nice. It makes your skin feel good. Cindy's was a little oily, meaningful beauty. Feels good on your skin.

[Brady]

A little oily like you can replaced.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. I saw Ellen and Portia de Rossi talking and I'm like, love her. Hater. Ellen's got nice skin for a 60 year old woman. And Portia de Rossi, that wife of hers, even better. So they start talking about Ellen's new product and I'm like, you know what, let's give that a try. Ugly broads with good skin probably sell a better product. And that's what Ellen is. Porsche, on the other hand, very, very pretty. So like I like theirs, theirs is a good one. So I like that. I like, you know, skin care is a good thing. And so I'm looking at the, at this story and they have found something and it's like doctors and Stuff were like, yeah, it's pretty good. It's. It's salmon sperm. First off, I didn't even know salmon did that. Second, how do you get that? Third, who's the dude who put it on his face? Said, this might work. Why would you ever had to have been underwater clouded? Yeah, it had to be a dare. Well, yeah, I don't think they're jerking them off in the water. I think they just probably. That would be a great job. I jerk off salmon well, you know, because they're really easy and they're going upstream. Me and the bears go out there and we try to catch them, and the bears eat them, and I beat them off. But then you get little tiny drops per salmon. I can't imagine. They're Peter north salmon, Right?

[Brady]

Just see them spray the eggs. It's like a cloud.

[John Holmberg]

Have you.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Jesus Christ, Get a hobby. Why? Have you ever seen salmon spray the eggs or something? I didn't expect to ever hear from another man until I was in a nursing home and we couldn't walk away from the conversation. John, have you ever seen a man jerk a salmon off? No. I'm gonna go hang myself like that guy and his wife. But yeah, so. But the worst part is there's a dude out there who said, hey, this stuff's pretty cool. Feels good in my hands. Quit it. Just jerk the salmon off. You got one job. I know, but I like it when it touches my fingers. And then he just put a little on his eye bags. Are you putting that on? Todd, are you putting that on your face? Hey, come on, man. It feels nice on my fingers. And then he discovers it's working. I don't have eye bags anymore. My wrinkles are going away. It's because I jerk off salmon. And I used the product. What were they using it for? Before he discovered it.

[Brady]

You don't think a woman discovered it?

[John Holmberg]

No, they're not gonna happen.

[Brady]

The fish?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's through the tube, Sock, like the rest of us. Yeah, when you have. Prepping the fish is a different woman term than jerking off salmon. Now, that's a man's job. I don't think there's a lot of ladies out there going, if we just.

[Brady]

Get the salmon sperm on the line on the factory.

[John Holmberg]

Where and why was that happening before we found out it's a wrinkle eraser. Why did we have a crew of dudes playing with semen? Salmon. Salmon semen before. And then one of them. It had to be a dare because I know Brett and I Were salmon jerkers. And I'm sitting in the facility and I looked at him, I'm like, hey Brett, check it out. And I put it under my eyes like oh come on. Gross. I'm like, I know it is. And then the next day Brett's like, you look good. Like what you been doing? I'm like, I'm salmon sperm. I put that on my face yesterday. Load the hell you're actually. There's a guy with a cup. How do you get it? I don't know. British. Showing me a picture of a salmon being held in the air out of the water. Like you'd think like this is like you being underwater and somebody tugging you and you can't breathe. How do you still. Yeah, I don't know.

[Brett Vesely]

I didn't get that far into the story.

[John Holmberg]

And I'm still Cuz if you held it where we don't belong with, you know, we can't breathe, we can't. And you still beat me off. You're the best one ever at beating something off. Because I'm like, I can't, I'm drowning. Thank you. I'm drowning and I'm having an orgasm. The salmon is out there gasping for air. Its life just changed completely. And you still make him. That's impressive.

[Brady]

Probably it went down. Some company had a serum and they're like, you know, it's pretty effective. We noticed that vitamin E is very important. That tiny skin. You know, salmon sperm's loaded with vitamin.

[John Holmberg]

E. But again, why do we know that? Let's try it out then. Why do we know that? Why are we beating salmon off and chicken checking it out. What else is out there?

[Brady]

It's just because they're milking them for salmon farms probably.

[John Holmberg]

But they can't just. Salmon won't do that on their own.

[Brady]

Well they do and it's a suicide mission, so.

[John Holmberg]

But milking them isn't.

[Brady]

And then you have the salmon farm. They can keep the well in the salmon farm.

[John Holmberg]

It's a suicide mission.

[Brady]

They keep them alive.

[John Holmberg]

Well why wouldn't they? That's my point. At the salmon farm, can't they just dummy up a process and keep them alive? They don't die unless it's in nature. Salmon farm. Seems like you shouldn't have to beat them off. That's a perverts move right there. The salmon are going to do that no matter what. They don't know they're in a salmon farm. And then you just keep an eye.

[Brady]

On a batch of fish from one they want to keep That. I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

Somebody did this as a perv move. There's no reason to beat off a salmon. I. I'll speak for all mankind. There's no. There's no reason to have ever done that. Once you've. Get it done on their own.

[Brady]

Like a lot of it came from bestiality. The roots.

[John Holmberg]

Here's the other thing that's funny about that. Because you. You were very arrogant as a human with this. You are. Because you think it's normal. Imagine Three Eye Atlas comes here and they just start grabbing you by the top of the head and jerking you off. Oh, God. What's happening? They just. Because that's what we do to salmon. Salmon minding their own business. Next thing you know, they're pulled out of the water. Is this guy beating me off? What the. Oh. And that has never happened to humans. We don't have that. But we have the arrogance to go, let's do it to them. And we pull fish out of water and beat them off. And we do all sorts of stuff. We tag animals for no reason. I'll just. We have to keep an eye on them. But they'll do it on their own. Yeah, but we're people and wear those aliens.

[Brady]

The vanity that humans do.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, no. But they didn't know that. Beat off that salmon and see if it's good for your wife's skin. They've never. That's not why they beat. We beat off salmon because we're arrogant. We do. We say stupid things like, well, it's a suicide mission. We have to keep them alive. I have to beat that salmon off or it won't do it naturally. And it's going to do it naturally. It didn't need our help. We're running short on a lot of salmon. Why? I don't know. Some human interference. Right. So in order to keep the species alive, we have to beat them off ourselves. Now you want to beat off the salmon? There's no need to do that. There are not as many as there used to be. Maybe it's because you guys pull them out of the water and tug them on the side and they're freaking out when they go back in the water. Yeah, that's not normal.

[Brady]

Great.

[Brett Vesely]

John. Just like those gay sheep are gonna have gay salmon come out. And Sharon, the other celebrities are gonna start a movement.

[Brady]

More gay meat.

[John Holmberg]

But the picture Brett showed was one of those rinse cups at the dentist. And the dude's got a salmon in the air and this thing's firing off A load into that little rinse cup.

[Brett Vesely]

You're talking to Peter north of the salmon, right?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that was. He was decorating the other eggs. There's no reason for this. There's no need other than perversion to beat off a fish at all.

[Brett Vesely]

Salmon going out David Carradine style.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they noosed him up. I hope Three Eye Atlas shows up and just starts dragging our asses up. Dunking us in the water and tugging on our puds because we won't know. Why are you doing this? What do you mean? You guys been doing it to other animals forever. It's inhumane. You drowned me and beat me off at the same time. Why? We're bigger than you, that's why. Idiots. I'm praying for that. I hope Three Eye Atlas is actually aliens because then humans will get a taste of their own stupid medicine. But on the flip side, no more wrinkles. Thanks, salmon.

[Brady]

Tight skin.

[John Holmberg]

That's going to be expensive. So you know what's going to happen? The meth heads are going to go grab salmon and try to beat them off themselves. And you thought there was a problem before. Now black market salmon sperm is going to be out there. You can't trust that it's going to be filled with fentanyl.

[Brett Vesely]

Gonna try it?

[John Holmberg]

Heck yeah. That'll be great.

[Brady]

Stick with the scorpion poison. That's big money.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but did you rub that on your skin, maybe? No, I think. Well, yeah. Yeah, you do whatever you want. Yeah. Are you high? Is he okay? Maybe.

[Brady]

Why wouldn't you?

[John Holmberg]

Because I don't want to. I don't want any poison on my skin. Yeah, it doesn't seem like that's a good idea. At least salmon sperms never like, made me swell up and die. Or has it? Yeah. Pdrn, it's called Science Backed Anti Aging ingredient and it's salmon sperm. And they were raving about it like, I know, I know it's weird, but they were raving about it. So you got that going. And women will buy anything when it comes. I will too. But I mean, women are really susceptible to that stuff. The anti aging this, anti aging that. And yet all these therapies and things that pop up and they become trends. And it's been 100 years of advertising on radio and then television and all that. And all of it's been like, want to look younger? What are. It's. It's never been something that's worked. Everybody still gets old. But we're working on salmon sperm now. And there's a whole new, you know, they say AI is going to take all the jobs. Not that one. You can jerk off the fish all day long. No computer is going to be allowed to do that. Good luck.

[Brady]

They'll design a machine.

[John Holmberg]

They probably. But still, somebody's got to put the salmon in it. The machine can't just funnel them through, jerk them off and send them right back into the water. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD hey, it's John Holmberg from the morning sickness. When my beloved dog Dutchy started to slow down, I knew in my heart the time was going to come. That's when I reached out to Happy Endings in Home pet euthanasia. Once Dr. Fixler got to my house, he explained every step, answered all the questions, and created a peaceful, loving atmosphere right there. We were able to hold Dutchy on her favorite blanket. Happy Endings made it peaceful and dignified as the moment could be. If your furry companion is getting close to that time, whether it's a dog or a cat, and you want the comfort of home, the compassion of professionals, and the dignity your pet deserves, call Happy Endings. Visit online Happy Endings euthanasia.com because every pet's life should have a happy end. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill.

[Brett Vesely]

Comfort food is your next meal.

[John Holmberg]

Pork chili verde, chicken fried steak. Ranch House knows you'll think it's great. Are you ready for the best breakfast in Phoenix? Ranch House Grill has been voted best breakfast four years in a row. We're famous for our chicken fried steak, pork chili verde and large portions. Located in the heart of Arcadia. Join us for breakfast or lunch seven days a week, 6am to 2pm We're a family restaurant with a small town atmosphere serving southwestern comfort food for 18 years. Come on down to the Ranch House Grill for the best breakfast in Phoenix at 56th street and Thomas Road. Holmberg's morning sickness. Yeah, I can't imagine. That's arrogance. That's human arrogance. To go well the salmon farm, we have to beat them off. Why? Well, they won't do it normally. We like it faster. Oh, I see. You just want salmon sperm. I want loads of that stuff. Todd's face looks so good. We're just gonna keep beating them off, you know, we're just gonna go for money shots at this point. We'll find out right out of the tap. It's the best.

[Brett Vesely]

What a life though. Just walking around. Somebody grabs you, jerk you off, throws.

[John Holmberg]

You back, you're done. Yeah, but again, I'm, I'm a big believer that I like, you know, I like a little conversation, you know? I want to know.

[Brett Vesely]

Ah. Foreplays. Overrated.

[John Holmberg]

If you come over here right now. But if you came over here right now and just started beating me off and. And choking the air out of me, I. There'd be a fight they're not happy with. Be a fight, do it again, then it's embarrassing. Then they get thrown back in there and goes, what happened over there? Ezekiel, you're not going to believe this. I don't want to talk about it. Like, there's. There's salmon with salmon rape. Exactly what it is.

[Brady]

Can I talk to you later? I got to take a nap.

[John Holmberg]

First cigarette. Imagine you're just walking down the hallway, and Larry McFeely just runs up, tackles you, you know, cuts the air off from your throat, starts jerking you off, and you're like, oh, God, I can't. And then you finish the embarrassment of actually, like, I. That was pretty good. And then he just throws you back into the hall, no questions. You're like, what just happened? And you have to realize that for the salmon, this is a daily fear. Now. They like it in the water. They don't like being out of the water. We pull them out and jerk them off. I don't even know where you find a salmon wiener. This is the most perverse thing since the Catholic Church. This is a creepy, weird. Where's their dicks? I don't know. It's a fish. Oh, give me that thing. Are you jerking that? What are you doing? Dear Brady, we have to do this. They won't do it naturally. They're in a farm. They know it. Don't go for that hook. Wow. Brady's the closest thing we've had. He's jerked off two fish but never jerked a fish off. As far as we know. That story may come later. Pardon the pun. Salmon sperm. It's real. Happy Thanksgiving. Happy Holidays, everybody. It's a wonder why Beth kicks our ass for all of December with that Christmas music. Not getting this on.

[Brett Vesely]

Salmon sperm over there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, we gotta. We got. This is the most depressing time to be on KUPD is because Burl Ives kicks our ass for the next five weeks, and there's nothing we can do about it because all your mothers turn the channel to Burl Ives over and over. Her chicks are nice and rosy and comfy cozy Are we for the 45th time today? Yeah. So they. They got that. Yeah. We're beating off salmon over here. So take that, Beth. You can play your Burl Ives all day. We'll beat off the fish. Ah.

[Brett Vesely]

Matthew.

[Brady]

We flock you in a different way.

[John Holmberg]

That's right.

[Brett Vesely]

Matthew brings up a good point. No commitment. John. Where's the problem?

[John Holmberg]

We raped them. We raped them for their salmon seed. Rub it on our wives faces and put them back. And act like nothing can possibly have gone. They don't have feelings. Please. Didn't hear the Nirvana song It's okay to eat fish. They don't have any feelings. The lyric Kurt wouldn't have lied to us.

[Brett Vesely]

There you go. Did John really just complain? And about someone choking him while he gets jerked off?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett Vesely]

Pussy only twinks like small talk.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't see the choking part. While you're getting beat. That's pretty good. Maybe fish like it because there's that whole autoerotic thing and. Yeah. So. But under. I'm putting it in a different way. Where you take his breathing source away. Not just choking them out of the water. Yeah. They struggle in the air.

[Brett Vesely]

We get the same as being choked. I mean.

[John Holmberg]

Not really. You can still catch earth's air. Now imagine you're underwater the whole time.

[Brady]

You have to hold your breath.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And every once in a while like. And somebody's trying to beat you off. And you finish and then you get thrown back on to land. You'd never talk about it. This is what aliens would.

[Brett Vesely]

I thought they'd throw them back in.

[John Holmberg]

So this is what aliens. When they come down those hillbillies are like I'm not talking about it. And then 10 years later grandpa says I've been probed. He's ashamed. They took him into space. They jerked him off. They stuffed something in his ass and they threw him back. And that's exactly what we're doing to the salmon.

[Brady]

Checking your prostate.

[John Holmberg]

That's. Yeah. That. Because they care about our future. Let's make sure it's cancer pasta. You're very healthy. That's what I thought. They put me in nmr. I don't know why.

[Brady]

Dupe.

[John Holmberg]

I gooped on them and we left. And then they just rubbed it on their face like a good girl. Kyle says what if the salmon are into it?

[Brady]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

They've got a. They found out that salmon have an asphyxiation fetish. Bitches love being choked. I've watched a lot of porn. What if the salmon like it? What if they don't? You ever try to choke a broad who doesn't want to be choked? I. I haven't. I can't imagine that goes over too well. What are you doing? I saw it in the Porn once. You're a horrible man. You tried to kill me. What?

[Brady]

What was that about?

[John Holmberg]

What? What are you talking about? Here, let me show you the video where I learned this. Why are you so against. She's having fun. I hate you so much. What doesn't add up? All the girls on TV dig it. We jerk salmon off so our women don't get old. That's how much we hate old women.

[Brett Vesely]

The irony of lesbians rubbing sperm in their face. What a great world we live in.

[John Holmberg]

It is pretty great. That part I did kind of like. But we. We. This is the great lengths men will go to to make their wives not age. What am I gonna jerk a fish off and see if that just put anything on her? She looks horrible.

[Brady]

There's probably no science behind it.

[John Holmberg]

They just want to jerk a fish off.

[Brady]

Yeah, put it in there. And then they can charge 200 for the serum.

[John Holmberg]

Sure, sure. But still, they could have come up with any. Going for it. Mashed goji berries or something before you start beating off the fish. What else in there? Like bears. How do we know? Because you know why we're picking on animals. We can beat off. You're not gonna just run up and grab a bear by the wang and start tugging them. If you do, it's expensive. It's. Yeah. You're gonna lose a couple guys first. Bear's gonna take a couple swats at it before he realizes all you're trying to do is beat them off again. I'm all for getting off for a few drinks. Yeah. I'm all for getting an old fashioned but unexpected one right here in the hallway. I'm just minding my own business. Somebody's getting punched. Like there's gonna be a fight.

[Brett Vesely]

So fed jumps on you in the hallway and tries to.

[John Holmberg]

Passionate. If Ed overpowers me and beats me off and I finish, I'm going to straight to Tempe Town Lake with bricks in my pocket. I mean, the most embarrassing part is like.

[Brady]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, we're done here.

[Brady]

What happened? John, what happened?

[John Holmberg]

Ed attacked me, beat me off and I finished. I. I need a drink and a cigarette. What? Ed did what? I know. It was so unexpected. Then I'm just gonna hang around Ed's desk for a while. Hold on. Feeling kind of slow today.

[Brady]

Ed circling.

[John Holmberg]

We act like we'd love it, but no, because you. You're not thinking. Okay, this is just gonna end with a hand job. What's next? See?

[Brett Vesely]

And then Tom writes. Hey, ladies, if salmon sperm can do this, imagine what human sperm that's what I.

[John Holmberg]

Why did we stop exactly with our thing? Because ladies are. Tell them why.

[Brett Vesely]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Man in a lab isn't like, we got to tell the ladies that. Male sperm serum, an age defying super serum.

[Brady]

We've already had that article about helping lose weight.

[John Holmberg]

Lose weight, stop sore throats, colds, and women are like. But it makes a man happy, right. No.

[Brett Vesely]

Stops that tennis elbow.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Because you gotta.

[John Holmberg]

You gotta work, you know, you get a good wrist, though. Yeah. We told them the healing benefits of male sperm. No, it'll. It'll cure a cold.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

And it will. That's medically proven by doctors who are cool. I bet it cures a cold. And it did, like, once. And we made it, like, you know, part of the medical journals. It. It's good for your skin, it's good for your throat. It's good for all sorts arthritis, all sorts of stuff. It's like, you know, stem cells just from the tube.

[Brett Vesely]

It's the elixir that they used to sell back in the day.

[John Holmberg]

Cures everything. It cures it all. Yeah, it's the snake oil, but it's real. When we're like, you're just saying that. So I give you a hand job. We're helping each other. You're welcome. You're aging fairly poorly. No, I'll take some salmon jizz, though. I go, okay, well, that's. That makes more sense.

[Brett Vesely]

Obviously, they like it, John. They keep coming back to the same river every year.

[John Holmberg]

It's true. They do. They do run the same rivers. And they kind of line up. Are the guys here. The guys here now we rape salmon for. Because we hate how much our. I mean, the deeper. The deeper message is we will beat off a fish to make it so you don't get older. Oh, that's tough. That's tough on women's brains right there. But I'm rooting for Three Eye Atlas to come by and take some human arrogance out of us to act like we have to do this. We should do that because we need more of that salmon spirit sperm. No, we don't. We get by without it. Anyway, happy December, everybody. Welcome back. Welcome back. Hope Thanksgiving went well. If you're looking at your. And there's guys out there giggling at this, and then their wives are waking up next to him like she's got some wrinkles around her lips. Let me get some of that salmon sperm. Excuse me, honey, Honey, I heard on the radio this morning you just want me to. No, no, this is not about me. It's about you. We need some salmon. Live, please. Preferably live. I'm gonna do this myself. Excuse me.

[Brett Vesely]

I'm going to Lili's Market and pick.

[John Holmberg]

Some up for you. If you know where a salmon dick is and you can show me, you need to be in a jail cell. There's nobody. I'm like, well, that's interesting. How did you learn that? I'm not asking that question. I'm just leaving that guy's house. Want to watch me beat off a salmon? I kind of, but for the wrong reasons. And then I'm leaving at 6:27. That is a conversation you're not getting on the Burl Lives Channel. That is a guarantee. And now here's more. Darla Darlington with her I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus after the salmon speech.

[Brady]

Silver.

[John Holmberg]

5859 800. You give us a wake up song, we'll scream it together and we'll enter December with our eyes wide open. Where did this year go? It's 98 KVD. Wake up Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Brady]

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