Holmberg's Morning Sickness – December 3, 2025

Episode Overview:
This episode of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness is a rapid-fire dose of wild news stories, absurd product reviews, and the hosts’ signature offbeat banter. John Holmberg and the crew riff on everything from EGOT winners and kids’ allowances to bizarre run-ins in Florida parking lots, all with their trademark irreverence and local Arizona flavor.

Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dick Laser Pens: A Novelty Gone Wild

• (01:38–04:13)
  The segment opens with John Holmberg gleefully demonstrating his new “dick laser” pen, a laser pointer that projects penis shapes. The crew jokes about the many ways to misuse it, from photobombing Instagram models to using it at basketball games. The childish enthusiasm is palpable.
  • “Get one of these things. Also the dick laser. Well, I’m just John Holmberg shilling away for dick laser pens.” — Holmberg (01:45)
  • “I am a child, so this is fantastic.” — Holmberg (03:26)

2. Home Improvements and Sidewalk Shade Sagas

• (04:13–06:41)
  A tangent on backyard upgrades, shaded patios, and how to avoid looking like “hillbilly trash” by investing in proper shades instead of makeshift carport tents.
  • “The difference between umbrellas and putting up some stupid thing...” — Holmberg (05:17)
• Brady describes the impressive new All Pro Shades headquarters, complete with a leftover shooting range from a previous tenant who made body armor. Jokes ensue about Brady unwittingly outing possibly sketchy activities.
  • “Brady, you should have shut up about that. That just got shut down.” — Holmberg (06:46)

3. Fun Facts and Fascinating Trivia

• (07:30–09:34)
  Tidbits from Brady:
  • It’s National Package Protection Day and Roof over Your Head Day.
  • Early 20th-century German superstition: bathing and changing clothes between Christmas and New Year is bad luck.
    “What? ... That week between Christmas and New Year, you don’t take a bath. Yuck.” — Holmberg (07:56)
  • “Sahara” means “deserts” in Arabic, making “Sahara Desert” the “Desert’s Desert.”
  • Only 21 people have ever achieved an EGOT; actress Lynn Redgrave was nominated for all four but won none.
    • “So they're ‘He Got’ nominees but didn’t. They don’t even have a single trophy.” — Holmberg (08:37)

4. Allowances & Generational Gaps

• (09:41–10:54)
  A study reports the average kid’s allowance is now $52/month. The guys debate whether kids are actually more responsible with money these days.
  • “Lies, man.” — [Bret] (09:57)
  • “His allowance was a couple thousand dollars a month, and he still couldn’t make it work.” — Holmberg (09:58) about Toledo’s son

5. Wild America: Animal Partying

• (11:04–12:23)
  Brady’s “Wild America” spotlights a raccoon in Virginia that broke into a liquor store, got drunk on spilled booze, and passed out in the bathroom before being released back into the wild.
  • “Just found him sprawled out on the bathroom floor next — the next morning, still asleep... looks like he got some gin he likes and maybe some whiskey.” — Brady (11:25)
  • “I wonder what goes through his mind... I was in a bathroom, I woke up in a cage...” — Holmberg (12:02)

6. Florida Threesome in a Supermarket Parking Lot

• (12:24–14:59)
  Three drunk people were arrested in the Keys for having sex in a supermarket parking lot—at noon. The hosts (predictably) roast the mugshots and deconstruct the incident.
  • “Three-way sex with somebody your age... I don’t want to see this.” — Holmberg (13:31)
  • “That might be Without Fear’s lead singer.” — D (14:14), roasting the mugshots

7. Elderly Driver Crashes Cafe

• (15:54–16:53)
  A 90-year-old man crashes his car through Los Gatos Coffee Roasting Company. Miraculously, he survives; the hosts comment on the absurdity and speculate about the cause.
  • “He’s 90. He’s not in stable condition. Anyway, that’s what they’re saying. Holy smokes.” — Holmberg (16:53)

8. Radio Videos: Shock & Fail Clips

• (17:40–25:13)
  The show’s signature “radio videos” segment:
  • Fire Dance Fail: A performer sets his junk on fire.
    • “He’s lit his genitals on fire accidentally... But, oh, he’s got little red underwear on. He’s like Dave Pratt. It’s adorable.” — Holmberg (18:00)
  • Skydiving Crash: POV of a skydiver crash-landing and breaking his leg.
    • “That leg is done.” — Holmberg (19:01)
  • Truck Stunt Gone Wrong: A stunt gone awry results in fatality.
    • “I think that’s suicide.” — D (19:45)
  • Gate Accident: Worker loses arm to gate mishap.
    • “It just ripped his arm off. We’ll just end here.” — Holmberg (25:08)
  • Tactical Ball Lock: Woman administers a “ball headlock” to a man.
    • “That’s a move in tactical black I have to learn... You’re gonna subdue the attacker.” — Holmberg (25:30)
• The hosts riff on the shocking and gory nature of these videos, keeping the tone dry and darkly humorous.

9. Recurring Jokes & Local Jabs

• Throughout
  The show’s running jokes about All Pro Shade’s hypothetical “shooting gallery” get a lot of airtime, especially after Brady’s accidental suggestion that the business lets customers fire guns at the premises.
  • “You realize... if a guy’s like, ‘Hey, I’ve been to Safeway and I was in the back and they got a shooting range,’ you’d be like, ‘They’re crazy.’” — Holmberg (21:46)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “John Holmberg shilling away, I’m telling you right now, shilling away for little red laser pee pees.” — Holmberg on his new toy (02:29)
• “That’s the second worst idea Germans have ever had.” — Holmberg, riffing on odd German traditions (08:10)
• “That was a fun made up story about that shooting range...” — Holmberg, trying to walk back the shade shop shooting range bit after jokes went too far (22:05)
• “She’s flexing her fake boobs… She’s like Terry Crews.” — Holmberg describing a bizarre flex-off video (23:49)
• “If Jake came to you, ‘Alright, we’re gonna practice our ball lock…’ — ‘No, we’re not!’” — (25:44)

Key Segment Timestamps

• Dick Laser Pen Demo: 01:38–04:13
• Patio/Shade Discussion: 04:13–06:41
• Brady’s Fun Facts & EGOT Discussion: 07:30–09:34
• Kids’ Allowances: 09:41–10:54
• Wild America — Drunken Raccoon: 11:04–12:23
• Florida Keys Threesome News: 12:24–14:59
• 90-Year-Old Crashes Cafe: 15:54–16:53
• Radio Videos: 17:40–25:13

Episode Tone & Humor

As always, the tone is rowdy, unfiltered, and Arizona-centric. The hosts are quick-witted, with a penchant for lowbrow humor, tangents, and razor-sharp jabs at both each other and the subjects of their news stories. The episode is loaded with inside jokes and the kind of wild, offbeat news stories that loyal listeners expect.

Summary Takeaway:
If you missed the show, you missed out on a mix of ridiculous gadgets, wild news, local humor, some over-the-top prank videos, and lots of shameless shade thrown in every direction—all in the spirit of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness.