Holmberg's Morning Sickness (98KUPD)

Episode: 12-04-25 - Three Weeks From Xmas Has Us Remembering Our Best Santa Gifts As Kids
Date: December 4, 2025
Host(s): John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

Main Theme / Purpose

This episode dives into the nostalgia and humor of Christmas memories—especially the childhood magic of believing in Santa—and pokes fun at modern parental tactics like Elf on the Shelf. The crew reminisces about their best Santa gifts, explores the parallels between Santa and religious rituals, and hilariously critiques trends like Snoop on the Stoop. The tone is light, irreverent, and peppered with playful, sometimes edgy banter.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Santa Nostalgia & The Magic of Childhood (01:21–06:48)

• The hosts reflect on the brief, euphoric period in childhood when Santa feels absolutely real.
• John contemplates how fleeting and formative those Santa-believing years are:

  “Santa’s only good for literally four years. Maybe you don’t remember the first couple... you only got like five total years of Santa bliss before the devastating bomb is dropped.” – John [02:12]

• They liken the annual Santa anticipation to a religious ritual, full of last-minute attempts at goodness before “judgment” (Christmas morning).
• John jokes:

  “It’s better than Jesus… because Santa shows up!” [03:19]
  “If you did a thing in religion where Jesus every once in a while popped by and dropped stuff off... you could manipulate adults for decades.” [03:27]

• The crew laughs at the parental thanklessness as kids credit Santa for gifts while parents foot the bills:

  “Your dad was a truck driver… he drove around, saved money so his stupid kid could have that dumb thing… and then the bills came, and he was back on the road doing extra time.” – John [06:48]

2. Most Memorable Santa Gifts (07:45–13:53)

• The guys each recall their most memorable “from Santa” gifts:
  • Bret: “My Atari… back in the day.” [07:48]
  • Dick: “My Columbia bike… metallic orange with the slick.” [08:09]
  • John: “A sound design turntable... I broke it the first damn day.” [08:52]
    • He also fondly remembers a Snoopy-shaped transistor radio, despite its eventual demise:

      “It stopped working… now it’s just a plastic Snoopy with an antenna.” [13:08]

• The segment is textured by their genuine nostalgia and stories of breaking favorite gifts or pestering parents.

3. Parallels Between Holiday Characters & Religion (04:18–06:39; 19:39–22:33)

• The hosts muse that Christmas is essentially “religion done annually,” unlike a lifelong faith:

  “The whole lifetime is done each year… ‘Have you fixed it? Have you fixed the year?’ So Santa shows up, dropping those prizes off, man—there’s nothing better.” – John [05:04]

• Playfully suggests parents could use Jesus sighting “pranks” to keep kids in line (delivered in an intentionally over-the-top way):

  “You get on a cross and pour blood all over your hands... The kid wakes up and sees it and goes, ‘Oh!’... That kid will do anything you want.” – John [19:39/20:20 (paraphrased)]

• Claims Elf on the Shelf is just “terrifying manipulation tactics”:

  “If I was a parent, I’d have that elf on the shelf up every once in a while in April, just pop him up there and have him in the rooms… Jesus, the elf is here.” – John [18:50/19:14]

4. The Tooth Fairy, Parental Sacrifice, and Sleep (15:54–18:06)

• Jokes about the suffering for Tooth Fairy money—kids bleeding and yanking teeth for a buck.
• Comedic contrast between the deep sleep of kids (blissfully missing the “intruder” Tooth Fairy) and the perpetual insomnia of adults:

  “How good did you used to sleep? That doesn’t wake you. Imagine somebody trying to put their hands under your pillow today—you’d kill them.” – John [16:38]

5. Elf on the Shelf, Snoop on the Stoop, & Modern Parenting Fads (18:45–31:58)

• The crew skewers Elf on the Shelf as manipulative, and escalate the bit with “Snoop on the Stoop”—a Snoop Dogg-themed doll some parents use instead:

  “What’s worse is what—the white families that get the Snoop on the Shelf. What kind of lesson does that teach you?” – Dick [23:06]

• John bluntly calls "Snoop on the Stoop" the "whitest, weirdest thing," lampooning its cultural disconnect:

  “Snoop Dogg’s not even important to black kids... Not anymore. Not at all. Who the hell is that?” – John [29:44]

• Other fads mentioned: “Ozzy on the Shelf,” “Michael Jackson on a shelf,” and the hypothetical “Drake on a Rake,” poking fun at the generational gap in pop culture.
• Critiques the performative hipness of parents who buy trendy versions of Elf on the Shelf:

  “Now there’s a Gilbert mom that has that, and she thinks she is just hilarious because she’s wearing her daughter’s clothes... You’re an idiot.” – John [30:59]

• Bonus satire on "fear of Snoop" and old racial attitudes, handled with sarcastic social commentary.

6. Parent-Child Gratitude & Holiday Realities (Throughout)

• They riff on how kids don’t appreciate or understand all that parents do (Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny).
• John praises Jewish parents for their “credit-taking”:

  “Jews have it figured out. Nobody’s taking credit for those presents but mom and dad... your socks and that dreidel came straight from their pocket.” [28:15]

7. Quick Sidebar on Male Domestic Violence (28:15–29:18)

• John reads an email response to a previous show segment about Shaquille O’Neal and male domestic violence, mixing empathy with dark humor.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Santa:

  “There is nothing more… truly euphoric than thinking someone is coming to drop off a bunch of stuff for you in the middle of the night in this magic sleigh.” – John [03:06]

• On religion and Santa:

  “If they did a thing in religion where Jesus every once in a while popped by and dropped stuff off… you could mentally damage someone into their 60s.” – John [03:27]

• On Tooth Fairy Memories:

  “You’d torture yourself like you were a prisoner of war. Pulling out a tooth, good for a dollar if you were lucky.” – John [16:02]

• Elf on the Shelf Satire:

  “You act like I’m… Oh, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t have kids... You’re doing it already. Not with Jesus though. Yeah, it’s worse. You’re doing it with childhood favorites.” – John [22:12]

• On Snoop on the Stoop:

  “Snoop Dogg’s basically Fred Sanford to your kids, only not funny.” – John [24:07] “Snoop Dogg’s not even important to black kids... Not anymore. Not at all. Who the hell is that?” – John [29:44]

• On Jewish families and honesty at the holidays:

  “Jews have it figured out. Nobody’s taking credit for those presents but mom and dad, your socks and that dreidel came straight from their pocket.” – John [28:15]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Santa & Religion parallels: 01:21–06:48
• Best Santa Gifts Memories: 07:45–13:53
• Tooth Fairy & Sleeping: 15:54–18:06
• Elf on the Shelf & Snoop on the Stoop Satire: 18:45–31:58
• Male Domestic Violence Sidebar: 28:15–29:18

Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced, nostalgic, unapologetically irreverent, blending fond memories with biting sarcasm and cultural satire. The humor is at times edgy, characteristically poking fun at both old traditions and new parenting trends. Beneath the jokes, there’s a genuine warmth for childhood innocence and a playful acknowledgment of how parents create that magic—only to have it credited to someone else.

This summary captures the jokes, stories, and cultural commentary that make up the heart of this HMS episode, ensuring those who didn’t listen will feel the unique blend of nostalgia, sarcasm, and humor that defines the show.