12-05-25 - Demetri Martin - Stand Up Live - In Studio

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – Arizona’s #1 Morning Radio Show
Episode: 12-05-25 – Demetri Martin – Stand Up Live – In Studio
Date: December 5, 2025
Guest: Demetri Martin (stand-up comedian, writer, and actor)

---

Episode Overview

This episode features an in-studio conversation with comedian Demetri Martin as he makes a stop in Arizona to perform at Stand Up Live. The hosts, known for their irreverent style, dive into discussions about Demetri’s family, upbringing, comedic career, and unique perspective on life and comedy. The episode blends humor with honest takes on parenting, the Greek-American experience, and the realities of a comic's life on the road, culminating with Demetri revealing his new stand-up Christmas album project.

---

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Introductions, Epitaphs, and Legacies

• Demetri’s “Somewhat Legendary” Status

  • The hosts good-naturedly introduce Demetri Martin as “somewhat legendary,” which both embrace as a rating for his comedic gravitas and riff about what qualifies someone for an epitaph.
  • Quote:

    Co-host: “I'm gonna say somewhat first just so I don't make you that uncomfortable.”
    Demetri: “No, I'll take some. Somewhat legendary. That would be a good epitaph.” (01:25)

• One-liner for an Epitaph

  • “Would have to be a one-liner. Good for that form. You don't usually do long stories.” (01:44) – Demetri Martin

2. Dark Humor about Death and Afterlife

• Partially Cremated Genie Bit
  • Demetri revives an old joke about being only partially cremated, so he could look like a genie—perhaps with the “dust going into a lamp.”
  • The banter extends to practical jokes after death, such as being used in an hourglass for board games.
  • Quote:

    “If I got cremated, I wanted to still be of some use. So I thought if you could put me like in an hourglass, like for board games.” (02:25) – Demetri Martin

3. Parenting, Kids, and Life on the Road

• Bringing His Kids on Tour

  • Demetri talks about traveling with his 12- and 9-year-old children, their reactions to his profession, and how they're largely unimpressed by it.
  • “There's nothing that people like more than some other guy's kids.” (03:33) – Demetri Martin
  • Jokes about his kids running the merchandise booth and earning tips.
    • “They sell merch. And they get to keep the tips, which is…” (04:46 – Demetri)

• Reflections on Exposing Kids to Comedy

  • Demetri considers whether his children will be amused or traumatized by seeing their dad on stage.
  • “I think smart enough to know to not pursue what Daddy's doing. This is the road to madness.” (05:17) – Demetri Martin

• On Traumatizing Children

  • The group jokes about how parents inevitably traumatize their children, regardless of intention.
  • “You really can't help but traumatize your kids.” (07:51) – Demetri Martin

4. Greek Heritage and Family Roots

• Growing Up the Son of a Greek Priest

  • Discussion of how Greek priests can marry and start families, unlike Catholic priests.
  • Demetri relates his father’s weekly sermons to his own stand-up routines, observing, “Sunday was like his show. He would do 20 minutes.” (06:18–06:43)

• Navigating Greek-American Identity

  • Demetri jokes about “the trajectory” of Greek culture in America:

    “We went from like the Acropolis to like Acropolis Diner. Parthenon to Parthenon Dry Cleaners.” (16:45–16:53)

  • Talks about drifting from religion and how his parents (now deceased) couldn’t be disappointed about his rare church attendance.

5. Comedy, Parenting, and Social Commentary

• Dull Children vs. Funny Children

  • The hosts debate whether they’d rather have kids with all their fingers and toes who aren’t funny, or funny children missing a finger or two.
  • Quote:

    Co-host: “I feel bad for people with dull children.” (09:13)
    Demetri: “If dull's gonna be part of it, then maybe two fingers. Yeah. Maybe one from each.” (09:00–09:05)

• Secretly Disliking Other People’s Kids

  • Demetri shares the universal experience among parents of disliking certain other kids.

    “It's amazing how much you can hate someone who's so young…it's already cemented.” (10:10–10:13)

• The “Truth Fairy” Concept

  • Joking about an app/service where adults are hired to tell other parents if their child is a “prick”—the Truth Fairy.

    “You could be the truth fairy.” (10:55 – Demetri Martin) “I will show up in the middle of the night and go, this kid…” (11:00)

• Impact of Early Childhood

  • Referencing studies about personality traits being largely set by age five. Discussion on privilege and nurturing.

    “There are studies…by age 5, you are who you are.” (11:29 – Co-host)

6. Greek Music, Church Production & Cultural Observations

• Greek Church Music

  • Riffing on the “terrible” Greek church music played endlessly at Greek festivals, comparing it to “the tavern from Star Wars.”

    “It cracks open this weird like oboe sound and it never ends.” (15:58)

• No Longer Religious

  • Demetri admits to drifting from Greek traditions and no longer attending church.

7. Comedy Career, Missed Opportunities, and Regrets

• The “Almost Moneyball” Story
  • Martin recounts being cast for a major part in Moneyball, working with Brad Pitt and Steven Soderbergh during the camera tests, and then being dropped after the studio changed direction.
  • Quote:

    “I worked for a day. …I was like, I can't believe. This is so cool…And then the next day, my agent calls me…don't go in today. They're having some contract dispute thing…Then next week comes in and he's like, nope. And then it never…I never went back.” (20:44–21:22 – Demetri Martin)

  • The part eventually went to Jonah Hill, who was nominated for an Oscar. Demetri hasn’t watched the movie since.

    “They changed the part, but Jonah Hill got the part.” (21:51)

8. Generational Reflections & Personal Style

• Gen X and “Not Feeling Like Grown-ups”

  • Both Demetri and the hosts reflect on reaching their fifties and still feeling like they're not truly adults compared to their parents.
  • Quote:

    “Did you ever think you'd be in your 50s and say full grownups?…I forget my shoes when I go places. …There's no way he had that problem.” (18:17–18:34)

• Nose and Hair Jokes

  • Observations about comic self-image, big noses and hair as “balancing” features. Demetri notes,

    “Somewhere along the way, I was like, all right, this is the best I can do with this nose. I need some sort of balancing thing in the front.” (18:54–19:00)

9. Favorite TV Roles and Nostalgia

• Writing for Conan and The Daily Show
  • The hosts praise Demetri’s writing and on-air work for The Daily Show and Conan.
  • Fond memories of being on Flight of the Conchords, even if only for “seven seconds.”
• Mayim Bialik (“Blossom”) Resemblance
  • Jokes about Demetri’s resemblance to Mayim Bialik and “very special” episodes of Blossom.
• Showing Kids ‘The Wonder Years’ on DVD
  • Demetri shares he's “traumatizing” his kids by making them watch DVDs and listen to vinyl, deliberately resisting modern technology.

10. Upcoming Projects: Stand-up Christmas Album

• A Brand New Comedy Christmas Album
  • Demetri reveals he’ll be recording his first Christmas-themed stand-up special that night, uncertain how the holiday material will land.
  • Quote:

    “I'm tonight recording my first Christmas album. …I'm doing a stand up comedy Christmas album. I've been working on this for a year, but I haven't been able to practice the material because it's Christmas material. So tonight's a big night. I'm gonna see if this stuff all works.” (25:04–25:17 – Demetri Martin)

11. Words of Wisdom: The Comedy of Life’s Tragic Ending

• Philosophy on Life’s Final Act
  • The hosts ask for Demetri’s “words of wisdom” as the show closes. He offers a perspective linking life’s third act to a stand-up set that’s gone on too long waiting for “the light.”
  • Quote:

    “Life…I don't see this ending well. There's an Act 3 problem in life.” (26:41–26:49 – Demetri Martin)
    “I think the credits should start rolling about now…This movie's going on a little long…When you get the light…You got to wrap it up. There's nothing worse than being done. And the light hasn't flashed.” (26:50–27:40)

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• On Epitaphs and Comedy

  “Somewhat legendary. That would be a good epitaph.” (01:28 – Demetri Martin)

• On Parenting

  “I'm not thrusting my kids on the world, but we were traveling as a family. This was a drivable show." (03:42 – Demetri Martin)

• On Kids and Humor

  "It's amazing how much you can hate someone who's so young…it's already cemented." (10:13 – Demetri Martin)

• On Missed Roles

  "I worked for a day. …and then it never…I never went back." (21:22 – Demetri Martin)

• On Greek Heritage

  "We went from the Acropolis to Acropolis Diner. Parthenon to Parthenon Dry Cleaners." (16:45–16:53 – Demetri Martin)

• On Life’s Third Act

  "Life…I don't see this ending well. There's an Act 3 problem in life." (26:41–26:49 – Demetri Martin)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic / Segment | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------------| | 01:22–01:45| Epitaphs & one-liners | | 02:16–02:35| Cremation/genie/board game hourglass bit | | 03:32–04:49| Demetri's kids and life on tour | | 06:05–06:43| Growing up as son of a Greek priest | | 09:00–10:13| Dull vs. funny children, and the horror of boring kids | | 10:55–11:12| “Truth Fairy” concept | | 15:43–16:53| Greek church music and Greek-American experience | | 20:44–21:53| Almost getting cast in Moneyball, losing out to Jonah Hill | | 25:04–25:17| Demo/reveal: Demetri’s standup Christmas album | | 26:19–27:40| Words of wisdom — The light, and comedic structure of life |

---

Memorable Moments

• Genie cremation/Hourglass joke (02:16–02:35)
• Kids running the merch table for tips (04:46–04:53)
• The “Truth Fairy” idea (10:55–11:12)
• Demetri and co-hosts riffing on nose size and balancing it with hair (18:54–19:22)
• Martin’s honest recounting of losing out on Moneyball (and how he handled it) (20:44–21:53)
• Closing thoughts on how life “has an Act 3 problem” and waiting for "the light" (26:41–27:40)

---

Conclusion

This episode is a sharp, freewheeling conversation that merges Demetri Martin’s deadpan humor with the hosts’ irreverent approach. The hour is packed with jokes about death, parenting, dull kids, Greek-American quirks, and the bumpy path of a comedy career—including striking stories of almost-making-it and strange career twists. Demetri’s philosophical quip about life needing a “light” like a comedy set is a funny, existential bow on a session that’s honest, relatable, and ceaselessly entertaining.

Listeners get a strong sense of Demetri’s comedic thought process, personality, and family-centered worldview—while also catching intriguing previews of his upcoming Christmas stand-up album. Whether longtime fans or newcomers, anyone can enjoy this unfiltered, witty, and insightful episode.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[Brady]

It's Brady from hms and I would always hear guys talk about their testosterone levels, but I didn't know much more than that. That changed when I went to the Game Day men's health clinic and found out what my testosterone level was. Game Day's on site lab was quick and easy, and I found out that I was an ideal candidate for testosterone treatment. Game Day offers other men's health solutions like HGH, peptide therapy and sexual health treatments. All you have to do is visit 1 of 12 game day men's health clinics in the Valley or check out gamedaymenshealth.com it's time to get back in the game.

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Why choose a sleep number? Smart bed.

[Demetri Martin]

Can I make my site softer?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Can I make my site firmer? Can we sleep cooler?

[Sleep Number Advertiser]

Sleep number does that cools up to eight times faster and lets you choose your ideal comfort on either side. Your sleep number setting. J.D. power ranks sleep number number one in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in store and online. And now all mattresses are on sale, plus free home delivery during our cyber week sale. Limited time for J.D. power 2025 J.D. power.com Awards. Check it out at a sleep number store or sleep number.com today.

[Demetri Martin]

You thought that was funny?

[Sarah]

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[Demetri Martin]

What the hell is wrong with you?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I'm gonna go ahead and say it here.

[Demetri Martin]

The. The.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

The somewhat legendary Dimitri Martin is.

[Demetri Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I'm gonna say somewhat first just so I don't make you that uncomfortable.

[Demetri Martin]

No, I'll take some.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Okay. You're somewhat legendary. That would be a good epitaph.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Somewhat legendary.

[Demetri Martin]

If I even get an epitaph.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I feel like you don't think you'll get one. You got to work a little harder. Where's the cutoff? Because I didn't know that there was like a line for epitaphs. You have to actually accomplish something, right?

[Demetri Martin]

I think so.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

What would you have on.

[Demetri Martin]

Would have to be a one liner.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

Good for that form. You don't usually do long stories.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. You get to know your audience. It's quick. Yeah, they're very quick. They don't like a long intro.

[Demetri Martin]

No.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

That way.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Do you want to be buried or cremated? Your kids are here. This is a good.

[Demetri Martin]

You know, I have an old bit about like, it does seem all or nothing. I'd love to have the option. Can you be partially cremated. Oh, just like the bottom half, you know, so look like a genie. Maybe it's like this. The dust goes into a thing. Yeah, exactly. It just leads to like a little lamp or something.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And we're talking into. Yeah, we're talking into a new industry of making people have like half their uncle and some dust in their living room.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Brady]

He was genied.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

He was genied. We genied him.

[Demetri Martin]

The other angle I had was that you. If I got cremated, I wanted to still be of some use. So I thought if you could put me like in an hourglass, like for board games.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, that's your final wish?

[Demetri Martin]

Yes. Yeah. If you're playing Taboo or something, be like here on the mantle. That's my grandfather. Just flip that. Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

If you lose the one that comes with the game, you've got the backup or Dimitri as it is. I like that. I've always said that you can do whatever you want with me when I'm done. Yeah. Drag me behind a car for fun. Just see what happens. The things that you would want to do to a lot of people at that point.

[Demetri Martin]

It's cool to have a bucket list. Bucket list that starts after you.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Yeah, do it.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Take me to Wrigley Field and like swing me around.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. This is what I want to do.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

The weekend of Bernie's thing, I was really intrigued by all the adventures of stuff they did. Yeah. He got a lot of time doing stuff he wasn't going to do.

[Demetri Martin]

Without these guys, Halloween would be a big. I feel like that you could score.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You know, take a corpse with you as part of your costume at least a month.

[Brady]

I like yard. You think about. Of your decoration.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You have your kids with you.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Which I think is an amazing way.

[Demetri Martin]

I did bring my kids to make.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Things uncomfortable on a radio show.

[Demetri Martin]

Yes. I thought you guys would appreciate.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

How old are they?

[Demetri Martin]

There's nothing that people like more than some other guy's kids.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, man. Is that true? That's your epitaph.

[Demetri Martin]

Now we got a vibe.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

There's the epitaph that needs to be on the tombstone.

[Demetri Martin]

Yes. So I got a 12 year old and a 9 year old here. And I'm. For anyone who's listening. I don't have a lot of material about my kids. I'm not thrusting my kids on the world, but we were traveling as a family. This was a drivable show.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Okay.

[Demetri Martin]

For me. So they weren't. I. I took them against their will.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Because you know what this tells me?

[Demetri Martin]

What?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Trouble at Home trouble.

[Demetri Martin]

That's right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

That's right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Guys. Why is it. Why is.

[Demetri Martin]

Put it on the air.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Where's the. Yeah. I don't want the kids to hear this. I don't want the kids to hear this, but is she still alive?

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. No, Mom. Mom's still. She's fishing at the hotels.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, she slept in.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

She said that's enough. You.

[Demetri Martin]

Yes, she drove, so I was like, fair enough. She drove the tour bus slash minivan that we have.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And so you were responsible for making sure they're up now. Why aren't they in a. I should.

[Demetri Martin]

Say in a home.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Aren't they in a home or a school? What's going on?

[Demetri Martin]

They're in a school. I took them out of school. I took them out of school.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Tour.

[Demetri Martin]

Just. Yeah, just a couple shows, but I don't do too many with them.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Right. That's a good idea.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, I try. I don't want to traumatize them more than I already am.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Do they go to the club at night and sit on the couch tonight?

[Brady]

Actually, they wants to open.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. Yeah. They sell merch.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, their merch. Okay. They run the merch put to you.

[Demetri Martin]

And they get to keep the tips, which is. Oh, yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So they got to push a little harder.

[Demetri Martin]

That's right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Good Barkers is what you need.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. I feel like there were some sneakers purchased based on tip earnings and stuff. So I feel like we're learning about, you know.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

What you can do with your capitalism.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So they're just there till, like, midnight?

[Demetri Martin]

No, they'll just be there for the early shows.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, then they go take some out. Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

Then they'll go back to the hotel.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Okay. Is it awkward for you?

[Demetri Martin]

Then I wake them up for the after party.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, yeah.

Are they funny?

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, I think they're both funny. Yeah, that's good. I think they're both funny and also, I think smart enough to know to not pursue what Daddy's doing. I think this is.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

This is the road to madness.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. And you're showing it to them at an early age. They're either gonna hate it or love it.

[Demetri Martin]

That's. I think that's true.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

I think you. I think that's the kind of cool thing about exposure. It's weird because whatever you grow up with is normal, for better or worse, I think, for everybody. So it's pretty funny to see them.

[Brady]

Be shadow dad for a day or a weekend.

[Demetri Martin]

And they're kind of over it already.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

It's not new.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It's Just there. It's their. Your dad does this thing. It's like. That's what my dad does. How many? Did you have brothers and sisters?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

What did your parents do?

[Demetri Martin]

My dad was a priest.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

No kidding.

[Demetri Martin]

He was a Greek priest.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Did he ever take you on the road?

[Demetri Martin]

Well, I did. It's funny because the Greek thing, you can have a family. So for anyone out there. What?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah, you can have.

[Demetri Martin]

You can have. You can get married if you're not ordained. So my dad met my wife. My.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, my God.

[Demetri Martin]

No, My dad met my mom, his wife. I'm okay.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Sorry, kids. There's a whole lot of explaining.

[Demetri Martin]

It's not that early.

[Brady]

It's a great thing.

[Demetri Martin]

It's not that early. I don't know why I'm having so much trouble. The basic words. So. Yeah. Anyway, he married my mom and then became a priest. But it was cool because now in retrospect, I realized that Sunday was like his show was every Sunday morning. Yeah, he would do. He would do the stand up, the liturgy. But his. Yeah, his sermon was pretty good. It was. Now I can look back and be like, oh, that was like he was doing 20 minutes.

[Brady]

You weren't like a pastor's kid. You weren't a rebel?

[Demetri Martin]

No, I wasn't too much of a rebel. I was. I was a nerd. I. I rebelled against my. I think my own social success, which is to say, like, I was on the math team, so I was punishing myself for some reason.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You tried hard not to be accepted.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. I grew up in Jersey Shore, so math, physics, you're in the pocket there for bullies.

This nose. Plus a little math team. They're like, get them bully wheelhouse for.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

A kid who volunteered.

[Brady]

Spent a lot of time in trash cans.

[Demetri Martin]

That's right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You got a lot of hairsprayed dudes who took swings.

[Demetri Martin]

Oh, man.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

So many tough guys from.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's interesting because. And you say that like the perspective of being a kid. And you had your brothers and sisters of how it's normal to you. But even when you break it down to, like, family members, one person had a totally different experience than the other in the same house.

[Demetri Martin]

Isn't that true?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It's so weird to go back and go, that's not what happened. And like, they see their lives totally different than you.

[Demetri Martin]

It's true. Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And it's like a crazy thing. So these two kids will watch you as a Stand up.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And that's normal to them. But where does that lead each of them going? It wasn't to me, it was like, why would one find it normal and the other one.

[Demetri Martin]

I just think it's. There's something so funny about how. I don't know if funny is the right word, but you really can't help but traumatize your kids. You have to. It's just like.

[Brady]

I think it'll be full circle.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Son will be a priest.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, There we go.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And your daughter will be a priest. Yeah. I think that's where. Back to just the semantics of not knowing words.

[Demetri Martin]

It's just funny to think of, like, no matter what you do, they'll just be like, my dad and his freaking jokes.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

Trying to brainstorm. Pitching us.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Do you think as a comedian, it's. You would rather have a kid that has all 10 fingers and all 10 toes but wasn't funny or funny and missing a couple things?

[Demetri Martin]

Oh, that's interesting. I think I'd go for the first.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

All the toes and all the fingers.

[Demetri Martin]

I think so. I mean, I love comedy, of course, and I think there's something so magical about something that makes you laugh that's original or whatever, but. I know. I mean, you guys have probably met so many comics over the years. Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's why we're traumatized.

[Demetri Martin]

I was gonna say so much. Just so much darkness.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

We're like your kids. We've seen all this way too much. I'm telling you. I think I'd rather have a kid missing a couple fingers who's got a great sense of humor. Dull kid with all this stuff.

[Demetri Martin]

That's true. I mean, if. Yeah. If dull's gonna be part of it, then maybe two fingers. Yeah. Maybe one from each.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

One from each. And you don't want to go crazy and leave them with a three.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. I mean, just pinkies.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

We don't need those. It would be a Simpsons character. Basically all you want.

[Demetri Martin]

Call them eight, But.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Because I really feel I. I find myself as a childless man in his 50s. A lucky B. I feel bad for people with dull children.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Because that's one of my biggest fears now. My face on a woman.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Is horrifying. Which is one of the reasons I didn't have kids. I could not curse this. Take the risk even. It's like skydiving.

[Brady]

But what's about that, though, on kids? Because a kid can be completely mellow for, like, 10 years, like, and then.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Sure.

[Brady]

Mellows different than how they change or. They're very outgoing at first, and then they're totally mellow as adults or, you know.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. I feel the teenage thing is a real spin the wheel. You know, Stuff really gets all mixed up there.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. It screws you up. But you see them with dull kids. You're like, this has to suck. Because, you know, deep down, they're like, I know.

[Demetri Martin]

And the other. And the other thing, too, is the. You know, when you're a parent, you get to know all these other parents, then you get to know their kids, and it's amazing how much you can hate someone who's so young.

You're like, I hate that guy. Do you realize he's seven? I know, but he's a prick. It's already cemented already.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. It's in their eyes.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. You just know it. You're like, and I can't do anything. They have a force field around. Other people's kids have a force field. You can't do anything unless you're a lunatic.

[Brady]

You know, to. Your kids, too, are saying, oh, yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

Like, you can't get him.

[Brady]

Taker. This person's a taker.

[Demetri Martin]

Now you. There should be a service, like an app where you can hire. I'll do it. Yeah. Bullies like you just pick the age. You're like, look, this kid needs a little correcting. I'll hire. Yeah. Trevor. He's seven. Read his profile. Yeah, Him.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I would gladly go to people's houses to tell their parents their kids are pricks or dolls. I think they need to know. Right? I think they overlook how dumb or awful they're.

[Demetri Martin]

You know what that's called? You could be the truth fairy.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

The truth.

I will show up in the middle of the night and go, this kid.

[Demetri Martin]

Here, you wake up.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Come here for a second. I got to tell you.

[Demetri Martin]

I got some things to tell you.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

This one's a prick. The girl's an angel. We like her after. I'd be like a consultant for the family to show up. All right, let's talk about what I've seen here.

[Demetri Martin]

Truth fairy, let's run to your pillow. Read carefully.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Kids are frick. The truth fairy is a great idea. And I am. I'm. I will do it for free. That's going to be my retirement.

[Demetri Martin]

We got a movie pitch.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Wandering around telling parents you're overlooking it. You don't see what we see.

[Demetri Martin]

You still got time.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Because I. There's studies, like scientific studies that say you are who you are by, like, age 5. Is that, like, you're gonna have tendencies of being a jerk or you're gonna.

[Demetri Martin]

I'm not surprised. And I'm not either.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And that you got to break them. Yeah, but that's pretty much what you've done. And then, you know, it's up to your parents to either nurture that or get out of it.

[Demetri Martin]

I think it's true. I mean, we just see the privilege thing and kids who just, you know, no one says no to him or whatever. And then like, oh, man, you've made a monster.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Brady]

Well, it comes down to one of the things. It's a parent that, you know, when you're a parent, you want to make sure your kids in a good circle.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

They'Re not surrounded by pricks. This is what we're talking about. But you can't tell your. Your. You can't tell these two. We've said this a lot in front of your kids.

[Demetri Martin]

They're gonna walk out here with, no, no, they're cool.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

They like that because.

[Demetri Martin]

All right, they're high, right?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I do.

[Demetri Martin]

I. I curse. Yeah, too much.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You curse. I do, too.

[Demetri Martin]

I won't give you any examples.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah, that's another reason I can't have kids, because mine would be, like. Just found.

[Demetri Martin]

They'd be sailing. Nah, I've done. I've there for sure. And my wife, too. She never. She didn't curse that much when we got together. Now I can see what I've done to her. I just feel bad.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. It is contagious, the cursing. You very rarely hang around somebody who doesn't curse and become them. It's always.

[Demetri Martin]

No, it's true. It's true.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Because they're the one repressing.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

They have to let loose.

[Demetri Martin]

I think that's. That is a bad lane to be in is when you're saying, oh, sugar and all that stuff. Well, come on. I mean, now I'm thinking you planted in my head, so it's still land.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And you also meant it. You know the right word or you wouldn't come up with one. That's the exact same sound stuff, right?

[Demetri Martin]

That's like, cultish.

[Brady]

You guys are making me freaking mad.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That kind of stuff.

[Demetri Martin]

You don't need that.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

But it's. Yeah, nobody needs that. Yeah, you made. Even when you start, I start heading towards the dump button just in case. But you were very good about your kids cussed you. Were you allowed to cuss at your house?

[Demetri Martin]

No, not really. My dad did a fair amount for a priest.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

No kidding?

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. I think that made him kind of cool because it wasn't a whole, like, Jesus. Jesus. That. The Greek thing. It's like. It's like a show every Sunday with ritual. It's like old fat. It's an archaic Greek, and they got robes and incense and stuff. So it's a production. Like, it's a real. I was an altar boy, but we'd have like a. It's like a show.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I don't like the hand gesture you do when you say altar boy.

[Demetri Martin]

Oh, did I do that? That was me holding.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I was an older boy.

[Demetri Martin]

Oh, geez.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You were holding the cross. I was holding it up and down.

[Demetri Martin]

It was like those things you exercise.

[Brady]

Catholicism, it's a little different.

[Demetri Martin]

Catholicism, I think, is a different game for sure.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You had your hands behind your head and Catholicism, someone else would shake you.

[Brady]

It's called the Father Nelson.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That was a very strange thing. The insight Holmberg's Morning Sickness, the 98 KUPD it's John Holbrook from the morning Sickness and football season is in full swing and Underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on Underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player is going to go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns. This week I'm looking at my Steelers and I am selecting Darnell Washington to go higher than one touchdown and hoping that Lamar Jackson goes lower on rushing Y cards. Download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus, 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia and present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms. Apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms_dfs_.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play? Call 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpgambling.org In New York, call 7Hope Line at 1-87-7-8, Hope NY or text Hope NY 467369.

[Podcast Host]

It's Brett Vesli for Game Day Men's Health. Well, as a lot of you guys know, I had a ton of personal stuff to deal with lately, which means I wasn't even thinking about taking care of myself. Game Day Men's Health is the largest men's health clinic in the valley with 12 convenient locations. They know what us guys are going through and can get you started on a game plan of your own. They specialize in TRT treatment and they even offer other men's health solutions like Hgh Peptide treatment. Medical weight loss and sexual health treatments. Check them out [e-mail] it's time to start taking care of and for guys, there's no better place to start than game day. Men's health.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Holmberg's morning sickness. You know what I hate about Greek religions? That music. I live by a Greek church. Oh, you did the festival in October. I want to schedule time four states away.

[Demetri Martin]

Where was this?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, it's right here in Phoenix.

[Demetri Martin]

Downstairs.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And it is. It's. It's up the road from my house and somewhere along 5 o'. Clock.

That's a decent version. Whatever that. It sounds like the tavern from Star.

[Brady]

Wars slapped by eggplant.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It cracks open this weird like oboe sound and it never ends.

[Demetri Martin]

Oh yeah, the Clari ending.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Is that what that thing is?

[Demetri Martin]

I think it's a clarity.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

The guy doesn't know how to play it.

[Demetri Martin]

No.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It's his first day.

[Demetri Martin]

The Greeks were all dishwashers and stuff.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

We don't know why. With the music.

[Demetri Martin]

We're a food service.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Put on some Teddy Swims. People like him. There's no reason for this.

[Brady]

Greek Johnny, go with some Yanni.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, that's a close. I was trying to. Who's a big breakout.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah, that's a good one. That's the thing. Just Yanni's nice. But you don't want to hear a non stop Greek song.

[Demetri Martin]

No. It's interesting being Greek. There's not a lot of us. Not in America.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

No.

[Demetri Martin]

And.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Or anyway most of them are in Greece.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, there's some still in Greece. But it's an interesting culture to be from because we did so well early on. I feel like we came out of the gates pretty strong. Democracy, architecture, philosophy, all that stuff. And then just took a dive like.

[Brady]

But you're right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

The food we're down to. I always say we went from like the Acropolis to like Acropolis Diner.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

Parthenon to Parthenon Dry cleaners. It's like. It's just the trajectory is not good.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It was the music everybody had to get away from eventually it's like that's enough.

[Demetri Martin]

Let's think in the eyebrows are like.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Too much of the razors and we got it. We got to move somewhere to where this music is less than just start dry cleaner. I think that's the way to go. Are you strict with the Greek stuff still?

[Demetri Martin]

No.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

No. You're done with it.

[Demetri Martin]

I've drifted. Yeah. I don't have any.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

No religion.

[Demetri Martin]

I haven't been to church in a long time.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Did your parents. Were they disappointed in that?

[Demetri Martin]

No. Well, they passed away.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

They can't be disappointed anymore.

[Demetri Martin]

Just to go full circle to our opening guests here.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Not because of your.

[Demetri Martin]

Not from disappointment. From what I could tell, I was.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Gonna say, geez, that was a quick day.

[Demetri Martin]

That'd be a very disappointing song. They're like, we have some terrible news, but you've killed your parents. What? For what? Open mics do that.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

They snuck in and saw you.

[Brady]

That's what it says on his dad's. I'm disappointed in my son.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Well, that didn't go very well. Ye. Yeah. Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's the thing, because I. My parents are still alive, so I guess they are proud of me.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, that's. That's what. That's how I want to get. That's the credit you want to get to. In life is people. Like, they're just still alive.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Yeah. They're still alive. And I'm sure.

[Demetri Martin]

What do your parents do? Still alive.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

He's still alive. He's hanging by, but he's here.

[Demetri Martin]

But.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

So we're. We're both Gen X. Yeah. Just before we got on air, talking about. I mean, it's interesting, our sort of. We're all now full grownups, but growing up in the 80s and all that stuff. I don't know. Just different kind of.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

But did you ever think you'd be in your 50s and say full grownups? Because I don't remember. My dad was in his 50s. He never thought, I'm grown up. No, he was growing up when he was, like, 21.

[Demetri Martin]

Right. Oh, yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I'm still not sure.

[Demetri Martin]

No, you look at old pictures, people wore shoes and stuff. They just felt like grown up.

[Brady]

It is crazy.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I forget my shoes when I go places. I'll get out of the car and go, oh, no, I forgot shoes. There's no way he had that problem.

[Demetri Martin]

I didn't think I'd have a Buster brown haircut.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

My 50s. Your hair is fantastic.

[Demetri Martin]

Thanks. It's definitely.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So here's.

[Brady]

Can you swim in that?

[Demetri Martin]

No, it's like a wig.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Is that a wig? It could be. It's so much hair.

[Demetri Martin]

You know, somewhere along the way, I was like, all right, this is the best I can do with this nose. I need some sort of balancing thing in the front.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So you and I both have nose trauma?

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Do you? No, stop. Come on, don't.

[Demetri Martin]

I'd kill for that nose.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I could kill you with my nose. This thing's huge.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And it's all. And it's a. It's. It leads the way.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, that's.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

People don't say anything, but, like, yours doesn't look out of proportion, right?

[Demetri Martin]

No, I think that's. I. I think I'm balancing it the.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Best with the hair.

[Demetri Martin]

I have to lean back a little just to make sure I can stand upright.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You comb the hair over it, which is smart. That cuts off half of it.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I can't.

[Demetri Martin]

I remember I had spiked hair in seventh grade. That was a thing back then, spiked hair.

[Brady]

You know, mousse it up.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, all that stuff.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

But you have enough hair to play with it?

[Demetri Martin]

Kind of.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

I mean, I'm hanging in there, but it looks.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It makes you look really young.

[Demetri Martin]

People think I look. Yeah. They tell me I look young, but it's just because I have bangs.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You could play a team.

[Brady]

You could lose the olive branch thing.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. I don't know why you got that on across. You're jerking around. That's weird, too. But yeah, other than that. Yeah, very good. But. And you've done so much Daily Show.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You were on that for a long time. And you did correspondent stuff there. You wrote for Conan o', Brien, which I didn't really. I knew you were on that. I didn't realize until before you wrote there.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, that was fun.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And then my favorite Flight of the Concords, which you were on for like seven seconds, but you were on it. And I remember it because that was cool. Loved that show.

[Demetri Martin]

Cool moment in time. Now it's. To think back that when the Concords were kind of so big.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Awesome. Yeah. It was such a cool thing. And then just the way you found this kind of the whole thing. Is there anything in your career you go, you know what? I should have done this different. I should have followed that. Or are you, like, thrilled with the way this has progressed?

[Demetri Martin]

Wow. This is. This is a good question. Is it that I ask myself every day?

Mostly, you know, what I didn't anticipate was the travel. Just how exhausting that can be. So this is the older guy talking.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

That are PSA and all that stuff. I'm just tired of. I still love doing the shows, but. Yeah, I don't. No big regrets. Like, I got close to a couple things, like Moneyball, that movie.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You were almost in Moneyball.

[Demetri Martin]

I worked for a day. It was me and Brad Pitt, and we did camera tests and everything. And I remember coming home and telling my. I think fiance, it's my wife. But I don't think we're married yet. I was like, I can't believe. This is so cool. Steven Soderbergh, you're in the room. I'm with Soderbergh. I get my haircut next to Brad, and we do camera tests all day and everything. I come home like, this is so. This is gonna be so awesome. And then the next day, my agent calls me. He's like, hey, listen, don't go in today. They're having some contract dispute thing or something. They'll probably have it worked out by Monday. I was like, okay. Then next week comes in. He's like, nope. And then it never. I never went back.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

The contract dispute was Brad Pitt saying, if you hire him, I'm out.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. No, I think what it was was.

I guess the director and the studio were having disagreements about the script or how he was gonna do it, so they. They shut it down. And then it came back a year later with a different script and a different director. So Brad Pitt was still in it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I remember Steven Soderbergh, but not directing.

[Brady]

I thought.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, he didn't direct.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Okay.

[Demetri Martin]

Wow.

[Brady]

And so you remember the part that you were.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, they changed the part, but Jonah Hill got the part.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, that's the. You're going for the big stuff.

[Demetri Martin]

He got nominated for an Oscar.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yes.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. Oh, but I. I must have written some good jokes that year, so I think it all worked out.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Did you. Do you hate that movie, though?

[Demetri Martin]

I haven't seen it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

No. I wouldn't either.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Brady]

You know, I'm staying away from it. It's like George Clooney for years, never.

[Demetri Martin]

Watched, you know, Jonah and I.

[Brady]

That Brad Pitt got the part.

[Demetri Martin]

Right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Oh, I didn't know George Clooney wanted that.

[Brady]

He's like, that's.

[Demetri Martin]

I knew Clooney and I had some similarities, and I couldn't figure out what it was. But that's.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That in the hair. It's the same thing.

[Demetri Martin]

You know, Jonah Hill and I are different lanes. I think we do different things. If they had hired Jason Schwartzman or something, then I would have been like, I blew it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

They get an exact replica, a better you.

[Brady]

We didn't like the look.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. Or Mayim Bialik. If it was either of those, I'd be like, I could have had that.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

People say you look like Blossom.

[Demetri Martin]

I do. I do. No one's told me that. That's just the Meritonian. If I pull my hair back, damn.

[Brady]

It, I see it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I hate that I'm laughing at that because that just means you're right. Oh, I don't like that. Now I see it. What was your favorite Blossom episode? Mine were the very serious ones, I think.

[Demetri Martin]

The one where she's an altar boy. I mean, if I'm remembering correctly, maybe.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

She did with her hands. Maybe. Confusing things. Oh, there's the one. Dinner. Friend get pregnant or something. Had some scare where a friend had, like.

[Brady]

Very serious.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah. Very special Blossom. I don't know why you made me think of Blossom. Stop it. Stop bringing up Mayim Bialik. That's a rule in here.

[Demetri Martin]

You know what I just did was I bought the Wonder Years on DVD to show my kids. It's kind of cool that a lot of those old shows. Yeah, here's the Gen X guy talking. But you can just get the DVDs for, like, nothing. You get the whole season. No commercials, nobody spying on you, you know.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You know they have streaming services now.

[Demetri Martin]

I know. I'm just. I hate all that stuff.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You have a DVD player still?

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And you've showed DVDs to the kids? Yeah. And they're tied to a chair.

[Demetri Martin]

I'm telling you, I'm traumatizing them. We have vinyl. I'm one of those guys.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's terrible.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

What an awful thing, taking away from all that technology. Demetri Martin is at Stand Up Live Tonight and tomorrow, standuplive.com. been at this for so long. Just a legend. Like, you were polished. This is a night that you will definitely be happy about. Look, Frank Caliendo even came down in his sweatsuit to see you. All right. And the kids left when Frank got here, which is probably good. Frank Smart. Is that your child drew that?

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah. Is it? Does he have a drawing out there?

[Co-host/Interviewer]

If you just draw something in a couple seconds.

[Brady]

Ridiculous. How old is the kid?

[Demetri Martin]

He's 12. He's a good.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Okay, so I didn't get a good picture. I thought, like, this was a five year old. He's still amazing.

[Demetri Martin]

It's not like a.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It's you with a big cloud on it. That's fantastic.

[Demetri Martin]

Now, he drew Travis Scott, which is pretty good.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

He did in a few seconds. What's happening? What's going on in the station that you don't know about? Well, when somebody brings their kids, Frank, I panic and I don't pay attention to the kids. You should see what the kid's doing with the easel out there. You're mulling over papers and there's.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, he made a blow dart out. We were there for five minutes in the kitchen.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

My kids at 12, struggling to figure out what shape goes in what hole.

[Demetri Martin]

Well, that's more advanced.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's pretty Scott. Travis Scott.

[Brady]

That's how he sees you.

[Demetri Martin]

I wanted to say this. I'm tonight recording my first Christmas album. Oh, is that what I'm doing here? Yeah, I'm doing a stand up comedy Christmas album. I've been working on this for a year, but I haven't been able to practice the material because it's Christmas material. So tonight's a big night. I'm gonna see if this stuff all works.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

So tonight's practice?

[Demetri Martin]

Kind of. Yeah. That's a goal.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

We should get a discount for that.

[Demetri Martin]

I'm trying to do like a full hour of just Christmas of just practice. Challenging.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah, I mean, that's like the sun selling regular season ticket prices to watch them work out.

[Demetri Martin]

That's right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

All right, we'll go still.

[Demetri Martin]

But that's.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Well, I don't like that.

Yeah, I know. When I talk about it. Frank's practicing again. He should give you a couple bucks if it doesn't go well. If it goes great, everybody should kick in at the end.

[Demetri Martin]

Okay, yeah, sure.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's what I think. Everybody goes. Extra tips. It's free to get in. And then your practice. And if it's going pretty well, there's like a monitor behind you that the money, the price goes up.

[Demetri Martin]

You just describe every standup's career.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

That's true.

[Demetri Martin]

That's the whole trajectory right there. You just said it.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Well, this will be interesting. A full Christmas. Is there Greek music in it?

[Demetri Martin]

No.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Unless something goes terribly wrong, don't go back to the roots. That's all I'm asking. Demetri Martin tonight, Friday and Saturday. That's where you go down there. Four shows this weekend. Two tonight, two tomorrow. Standuplive.com. demetri, leave us with words of wisdom, please.

[Demetri Martin]

Oh, wow.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Something to change the world. If you were in charge, what would be the first thing you said? This is different.

[Demetri Martin]

Okay. This is. This I didn't expect, because words of wisdom. I would say any topics in general, Whatever you want.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

It's your world. You're in church.

[Demetri Martin]

Okay. Well, this is one thing I always say about. Just about life.

Life.

I don't see this ending well.

There's an Act 3 problem in life.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Is what I'm saying. See, I'm. You and I are on the same page because I'm thinking. I think the credits should start rolling about now. This is. This movie's going on a little long. Yeah, I Think I talk about that all the time. It's like, I think we should be done now.

[Demetri Martin]

Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

But I've got, like, 20 more years to fill.

[Demetri Martin]

This is what I love about comedy because I feel like life in terms of a structure, it just has the tragic ending. But we're just trying so hard to make it a comedy. Like, as far as you can go with that until the final twist at the end isn't.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I guess I can equate it to your world. Like when you first start in comedy and you get through all your material and you look up and there's no light. Yeah. They say follow the light. Like, where's that thing that tells me it's over?

[Brady]

That's where it came from.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

And it has to be it. And you realize, right, I'm getting the light.

[Demetri Martin]

You're right.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

I need to get the light. I want the light.

[Demetri Martin]

When you get the light out of stuff, when you get the light, you.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Got to wrap it up. There's nothing worse than being done. And the light hasn't flashed.

[Demetri Martin]

Well, it's even worse if the light's flashing and you're going long.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Demetri Martin]

You want to get out. You know, someone else has to come up. It's their turn for some stage time. Let's go.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

You know what? That's the metaphor. That's it. There you go. Dimitri Martin. Thank you, brother. It's good to meet you. Dimitri Martin, tonight at Stand Up Live. Go see it. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.

[Dick Toledo]

Men, if you're over the age of 50, go ahead and ask Chat GPT about what you face as you age. It's Dick Toledo from Holberg's morning sickness. For game Day Men's Health, the short answer you'll get is facing metabolic issues like weight gain and muscle loss, as well as hormonal changes in testosterone that can lead to decreased sexual function plus the mental side of the equation. As you navigate these changes, head to gamedaymenshealth.com and schedule a free consultation now at one of their 12 valley locations. They'll formulate a plan to keep you in the game. And there's a game day location near you, so get started today and book that free consultation@gamedaymen's health.com.

[Sarah]

Hey, this is Sarah. Look, I'm standing out front of AM PM right now, and, well, you're sweet and all, but I found something more fulfilling, even kind of cheesy. But I like it. It sure you met some of my dietary needs, but they've just got it all. So farewell, oatmeal. So long, you strange soggy.

[Co-host/Interviewer]

Break up with bland breakfast and taste AMPM's bacon, egg and cheese biscuit made with cage free eggs, smoked bacon and melty cheese on a buttery biscuit. AMPM too much good stuff.