12-05-25 - Full Moon Affected John's Night As His Friend Mark's Kids Called Him In A Panic And His Dad Was Staying At His Rental w/A Strange Knock At The Door

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – "Full Moon Affected John's Night"

Air Date: December 5, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogan, Brett Vesely, Dick Toledo
Theme: How a full moon and modern technology conspired to create a night of anxiety, confusion, and dark comedy for John and his friends.

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Episode Overview

This episode spins a wild, comedic yarn about John Holmberg’s truly bizarre night, triggered by a full moon and aided by anxious children, overzealous tracking technology, and a strange incident involving his dad and a would-be home intruder. The conversation is infused with the show’s trademark irreverence—skewering parental over-involvement, generational attitudes, and the absurdities of modern family dynamics.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Full Moon Kicks Off a Weird Night

• John describes how the night after a full moon seemed to drive everyone crazy, especially in his social circle and family.
• His dad is staying at John's rental house, and John is at dinner with his partner's relatives when the chaos begins.

Timestamp: 01:20 – 02:55
John Holmberg: “Let’s go. On this glorious day after a full moon that actually did affect the behavior of humanity. Last night in my world, I had quite a weird evening..."

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2. The Parental Tracking Panic

• John's friend Mark and his wife go off on a date night, but their three adult children initiate panic when the parents’ phones go dead.
• Lauren, the 26-year-old Boston daughter, calls John in Arizona, convinced something suspicious has happened, as the parents’ last known locations don’t match and they're unresponsive.
• The family’s use of phone tracking highlights generational anxiety and the expectation of instant availability, which John finds deeply unsettling.

Memorable Quotes:

• John (02:55): "Phones ringing nowadays usually either mean tragedy or financial gains. That’s about the only reason anyone would ever call me."
• Brady (04:08): "[On tracking apps] I think I have Kirby, but I don’t know if Kirby has [me]."
• John (04:23): "That’s North Korea crap. I couldn’t do it... I would make me so nervous. Everything I’m doing is under question."

Timestamp: 02:55 – 05:00

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3. The Modern Kid–Parent Dynamic

• John and the crew mock how teens and young adults constantly contact their parents for trivial reasons, referencing a co-worker’s Russian son who calls over sandwich meat.
• He laments how every minor inconvenience prompts a call, contrasting it to the hands-off parenting of their own youth.

John (05:33): "Every time I'm with someone with kids who have the ability to speak the language, they're getting three or four phone calls during the dinner about something in the fridge is missing... what's this? Order me Chick-fil-A."

• The show's running joke: The only reason the kids want to know where parents are is to establish how much time they have for mischief.

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4. John Goes Full Detective – And Nearly Trump

• Pressured by Mark's children, John leaves his dinner to visit every conceivable restaurant or hangout to track down the missing parents.
• Includes an off-color riff on jaywalking ("Mexican family... Is there anything these people will cross legally...?"), emphasizing John's ability to find gallows humor in exasperation.
• Ultimately, it turns out Mark and his wife were at the basement of a restaurant with no cell service, thoroughly enjoying their peace.

John (07:12): "We thought they were dead. Like, this is so out of character..." John (08:36): "I literally thought my best friend had been beheaded by the cartel and taken away..."

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5. Interlude: John’s Dad and the Strange Visitor

• As John decompresses, he checks the security cameras on his rental home and discovers dozens of notifications.
• Outside the house, a man claims to have been framed for rape by his girlfriend after a fight. Cop cars show up; John’s dad, armed with a .308, refuses to open the door.

John (11:01): "You need to call the cops and go down the street... I got my 308." John (13:28): "There’s Dan standing in front of my house with a .308 pistol grip. It’s all right. I’ll take care of the rapist if he pops by again..."

Timestamp: 08:56 – 13:40

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6. The Dateline Instinct and Dark Fantasies

• John admits to briefly fantasizing about stumbling into a true-crime scene just to make things “interesting.”
• The group jokes about who would have to take care of their friend's teenage daughter if the worst happened and debates the logistics, with John humorously dodging any responsibility.

John (13:51): "There is some... thing... the Dateline episode in me wants to find the bodies. And I know that's emotionless, but there was part of me going, ‘Oh, this mystery can deepen’..."

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7. Riffs on Teenage Sex and Parental Naivety

• The hosts let loose in a raunchy, comedic examination of teenage sexuality, insisting that parents who believe their teens are innocent are delusional.
• John is frank, sometimes graphically so, about what he believes teenagers get up to, emphasizing that all the monitoring in the world won’t stop it—just as it didn’t during their own upbringing.
• They lampoon the idea of “praying” teens, over-protective dads, and clueless parents.

Notable Quotes:

• John (26:25): "She’s putting out. She’s taking hoes. And the faster you people recognize that if you’ve got a daughter who’s pretty, you do... There’s old fashions going on."
• John (33:33): "All daughters get ectoplasm on their hands and try to wash it off before they come home and kiss you good night."
• John (29:25): "My life is turning into Larry David stuff..."

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8. John’s Teenage Memories and Generational Contrast

• Holmberg recalls his own youthful attempts at wild house parties, tragic discoveries by Dad, and how his own upbringing—full of rules and close calls—shaped his views on parenting.
• The hosts contrast their "figure it out yourself" youth with today’s helicopter-parents and tech surveillance.

John (37:54): "The only time I did it, he showed up 30 hours early. We didn’t have cell phones so I could call Dan and go, hey, how’s hunting going?... Now we got this."

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9. The Moral: Parental Surveillance Doesn’t Prevent Trouble

• Reiterating that 17-year-olds are wired for bad decisions, the show makes peace with the idea that worrying and surveillance don’t change basic teen behavior.
• The final minutes spiral into tales of turf obsession, more jokes about generational differences, and comic warnings about the perils of naive parenting.

John (44:45): "You did this to me. You made me a turf monster. I’m grateful. It looks good all year long. Yeah, but you don’t do any work on it. How do you feel about you? I just want to squirt."

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote / Moment | |-----------|---------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 02:55 | John Holmberg | “Phones ringing nowadays usually either mean tragedy or financial gains. That’s about the only reason anyone would ever call me.” | | 04:23 | John Holmberg | “That’s North Korea crap. I couldn’t do it.” | | 05:33 | John Holmberg | “Every time I'm with someone with kids... they're getting three or four phone calls during the dinner...” | | 08:36 | John Holmberg | “I literally thought my best friend had been beheaded by the cartel and taken away.” | | 13:28 | John Holmberg | “There’s Dan standing in front of my house with a .308 pistol grip. It’s all right. I’ll take care of the rapist if he pops by again...” | | 26:25 | John Holmberg | “She’s putting out. She’s taking hoes. And the faster you people recognize... there’s old fashions going on.” | | 29:25 | John Holmberg | “My life is turning into Larry David stuff.” | | 33:33 | John Holmberg | “All daughters get ectoplasm on their hands and try to wash it off before they come home and kiss you good night.” | | 44:45 | John Holmberg | “You did this to me. You made me a turf monster…” |

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 01:20: John sets the scene for his “insane” night
• 02:55 – 05:00: Parental tracking panic and generational angst
• 08:56 – 13:40: Security camera saga: John’s dad confronts a suspected criminal
• 13:51 – 15:59: Darkly comic musings on the “Dateline” effect and parental responsibility
• 26:00 – 33:40: Candid, explicit discussion on teen sex and parental cluelessness
• 37:25 – 39:42: Stories from John's own teenage years and family drama

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Tone and Style

• Cynical, irreverent, no-holds-barred humor
• Frank (sometimes explicit) observations on family, parenting, and teenage life
• Frequent self-deprecation and willingness to skewer oneself, one’s friends, and societal expectations

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Summary and Takeaway

Through one tumultuous night, John Holmberg exposes the comedic chaos that results when parental overreach, generational misunderstanding, and a full moon collide. The episode lampoons the illusion of control—whether through phone tracking or old-school discipline—reminding listeners that kids will always find a way, and parents are often the last to know.

If you’re not listening, you’re missing out on a wild, unfiltered ride through the landscapes of modern family life—with plenty of laughs, awkward truths, and memorable banter.

Transcript

[Brett Vesely]

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[Brady Bogan]

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[John Holmberg]

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[Zoe]

You thought that was funny?

You were laughing like a hyena when he said it.

[John Holmberg]

What the hell is wrong with you?

Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday. It is 5:45. You know it by now. This. It's the morning sickness. My name is John Holmberg. How are you? There's Brady Bogan. There's Brett Vessel. There's big Dick Toledo. Let's go. On this glorious day after a full moon that actually did affect the behavior of humanity. Last night in my world, I had quite a weird evening. Went over to my dad's here and he's staying at the rental house I have. So I popped him in there, went over there yesterday. Evenings, hang out, say hi, show them the ins and outs of the place. You know what you can do here. The couch is hiding this. You got blankets over here. You got, you know the basics. You know, there's chatting away. And I said and he's like, wow, it's really like a nice area. I'm like, it's a nice neighborhood. It's very peaceful, quiet. Nothing goes on around here. It's no big deal. It's pretty great. I had a dinner to go to with Megan's sisters here. And I ran over there real quick to go have dinner with them. After I left, my dad left. Dad feeling great about the place. Awesome. Go over to have dinner. I'm sitting at dinner and my phone is just buzzing like crazy. It's not a phone call. It's the ring camera non stop. And I'm like, how much place at my dad's, the rental place that. How much stuff does my dad have to haul in for like a three or four day stay? They're going in, they're going out. Every time I look, it's another one of their little dumb heads walking out of my house and walking back in the house, I'm like, good lord. So I just stopped paying attention to it. Then I got a phone call from my friend Mark Stebbing's daughter in Boston.

And she says. And I look and I'm like, this is no good. There's no reason for. She's 26 years old. It's like, why would she. If it was just a cordial thing, she'd text old uncle Johnny and say, hey, I got this, this and this. Get a phone call. And I'm like, that's not good. My gut drops. You know when you get a phone call from somebody you're not supposed to get a phone call from? Oh, yeah. You're like, oh, boy. Phones ringing nowadays usually either mean tragedy or financial gains. That's about the only reason anyone would ever call me. Hey, we hit it. I got a billion dollars. I want to split it with you or everyone you know and love is dead. Those are the only reasons anyone should ever call me Doug Hopkins. Those are the only reasons anyone should call me. If my phone doesn't say Doug Hopkins, somebody's dead. So her name's Lauren. Lauren's on the phone. So I'm like. I tell everybody at the table, I'm like, I'm going to take this. Check this out. This is rare. And I got a weird feeling. Open it up. Lauren goes, hey, my mom and dad, they have tracked. They track each other there. I don't know. That's a new thing for families. I don't know if you guys do that, but the kids know where you are all the time and they can check and you know where they are all the time. That's horrible. Horrifying. That's North Korea crap. I wouldn't want that ever. I wouldn't. Do you have Kirby knowing where you are at all times or have the ability to check?

[Brady Bogan]

I think I have Kirby, but I don't know if Kirby has.

[John Holmberg]

She's got you. Trust me. You're not blocking it. The way your eyes went to the ceiling tiles when I asked you that. You're. You're being surveilled.

[Brady Bogan]

I don't even. I don't even.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know why anybody would either. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, Ronnie has both of us.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that's just. That's. That's North Korea crap. I couldn't do it. And maybe it's happening to me and I don't know it, but as long as I don't know it, that's better. Because that at least is.

[Brett Vesely]

But she blocks out of mind.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, of course. Cover that feigned freedom to not know. Go ahead and track me, but don't tell me about it. I would make me so nervous. Like everything I'm doing is under question. I'd hate it. Anyway, so she calls and she said their last known locations are in different spots and they're together and now their phones are dead and they have a 17 year old daughter at home who's freaking out because they just. They came home and then they were gone again.

[Brady Bogan]

Get ahold of mom and dad and.

[John Holmberg]

Nobody can get hold of mom and dad. And the only reason kids call their parents and you parents have blown it with your kids. There's no way I could ever call my parents when they're out with friends and ask them what's. Where's food? What's this? Order me chick fil A. But that every time I'm with someone with kids who have the ability to speak the language, they're getting three or four phone calls during the dinner about something in the fridge is missing. When are you coming home? What's. It's annoying downstairs. Jill and that Russian boy she's got. She has that Russian kid that for some reason she. Yeah, she got Vlad when he was like one. And then you float him over here.

[Brady Bogan]

And kind of trade deal.

[John Holmberg]

He still has an accent. Kevin. He ain't letting go, but we'll be at work. And he. And she goes, he's calling. She gives me the phone and I always pick it up. Woman, where's my cab? Hello. Hello. How are you? What is going on? What do you need your mother for? And he goes, hey, I don't know where the sandwich meat is. Like, have you checked the refrigerator? And he goes, come on, but give me my mother. And I'm like, no. And we talk back and forth in Russian accents. He's like 20. And he calls her to find out where Sandwich meat is like at the store, you jackass. What are you calling your mom at work for? And then we tease. I'm like, I know your mother's job is silly because it's a woman working. That is crazy. But she still has some things to do here at the, the office. And then, and then he just giggles and then hangs up. Waits like two minutes because he thinks he's being stealth and calls her back. And she goes, yeah, he calls me right back. So she got, I can't get you a sandwich right now. Like if he was 4, it would be too much. But anyway, so these kids call constantly their parents. So Kate, the 17 year old girl's at home, she's calling mom and dad. No answer. And it's ringing and going to voicemail. Then suddenly it's just going to voicemail. Both of their phones. They're ignoring phone calls from their daughter in Boston, their daughter at home who didn't know that they even left. And now their son in Houston is involved. He just moved to Houston. Now they're, they're all their kids one after another. They're calling on joint calls. Now they got me involved. And they're like, Lauren's like, can you go to their last location? And I'm like, yeah, I guess so. So I leave my dinner and I go to the last location. And I'm like, there's no sirens or anything. And I'm like, do you want me to go home and tell the young one that she's an orphan or. Well, I mean, what do we do? So I'm just like, where else could they be? We got to find them. We got. This is not normal. I'm like, oh. So I'm driving all over. I'm walked through Hillstone. I go over to the Neighborly all their normal like rest of gladly. I'm walking into all the, all the restaurants named after adverbs. And I make a turn on 16th street and Camelback to head over to the neighbor neighborly. And about 38ft, 40ft out of the crosswalk is a Mexican family. Is there anything these people will cross legally? Please. You're next to the crosswalk. What are you doing in the middle of the road? I almost killed the whole family of Mexicans. You were 25ft from doing it the right way. Nah, let's cross illegally. We love that stuff. Anyway, that's my own little diatribe. There's my Trump moment. I get over to the Neighborly. They're not there. I go, just spinatos, nothing I go back to Los Dos Molinos. Nobody's car in the drive. I'm like, man. And then Lauren and I are on the phone the whole time. And she goes, oh, my dad's location has moved. And I'm like, well, there's a couple other places. I'll try Richardson's. I'll do that. And she goes, oh, they're on Maryland and 16th Street. And I'm like, they're at Richardson's. I said, that's Richardson. So I drive up there and I go inside and they're not there. And I'm like, this is no good. And then she's like, my mom's location is now moving. I'm like, God damn it, what's going on? We thought they were dead. Like, this is so out of character. So finally I call. They were in the basement of Richardson's, which has no cell service at all. I didn't even know it was a thing. And they're like, this is the greatest night of our lives. The phone hasn't rung once. We got through a whole dinner without our kids bothering us. We didn't know our phones were dead. And we're all ahaha, having a good time. I literally thought my best friend had been beheaded by the cartel and taken away. There was no way he got you in on it. Well, I was driving. I missed my dinner. I'm driving all over the place looking for these idiots. And they're just on date night at Richardson's. By the way, they had the pasta, Heidi. They offered some to me. It's a little thick. It's a lot of food.

[Brady Bogan]

Nice spice.

[John Holmberg]

You're gonna get fat if you eat that twice in your life. You're gon 20 or 30 pounds overweight. It's too much, but it's very tasty. Take a bite. Push it away. It should be a sample. It should not be a meal. So I'm like, oh, thank God. And it was tense hour of me driving around the city thinking I just need to see their car in a parking lot to put these kids at ease. They were losing it. Like full moon. Two broads, 1 17, 126. This is menstruation problems. And I do believe the moon creates some sort of emotional, you know, ebb and flow with the internal organs of women, and they lost it. And then their son is a little emotional because he's young and he's like, they're helpless. They're in different cities. So they. I finally get them on the road and we start laughing. Having fun. I'm like, all right. I go home and I'm like, I'm gonna grab a little something quick to eat. And I finally looked at what was going on with my dad because it's still buzzing. The ring things. Like, every minute they're going in, they're coming out. The doorbell rang, and like, the doorbell rang. Nobody rings the doorbell at that place. So I look, and about 38 times the front door camera went off. And the last one I look at, there's cop cars all out in front of us. Jesus. And I'm like, oh, God. My dad already shot somebody in the rental house. This is a thing. So I go through all the videos. A dude comes by that house, rings the doorbell and stands there. My dad's like, me? He's like, I don't know who that is. I'm not answering that. And the windows are open. And they're sitting right there watching tv. And guys looking in the window. I'm watching this all in the video. Ding dong. And he just knocks on the window, sir. And my dad's like, oh, God. So he kind of goes to the window and he's like, what do you need? He's not open the door. So if I open the door, I didn't want him to charge in. So I kind of cracked on. I'm like, what are you doing? And he goes, hey, I got held up in my house by my girl. They took my cell phones, they broke both my phones. And now they accused me of rape. And that's when the thing cuts off. And I'm like, live view, live view. I gotta watch this. And my dad. Then the next one, they move again. And the next one opens up. I just hear my dad go, I'm not interested in any of this.

You need to call the cops. And go down the street. And he. So he sends him away. So they're talking to cops and everything else. I called him like, I swear to you, I've been in that house a hundred times. Never. Nobody's even like. It's just people walking their dogs. That's the only reason that camera ever goes off. And he goes, it seems like a really nice area, but I mean, he's saying that he's trying to break into this house. Cause he's got to get his phones back. And I'm like, look, first bad sign is phones. He's got multiple phones. He's up to no good. And then she's saying that he raped her. And I'm like, tonight. And he goes, I don't know I'm not getting him. Well, go back in the house, you jackass. I got my 308. Oh, you're standing in front of the house with a 308.

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[John Holmberg]

Well, you never know.

[Brady Bogan]

I'm in good hands.

[John Holmberg]

There's Dan standing in front of my house with a with a.308 pistol grip. It's all right. I'll take care of the rapist if he pops by again and I'm like, yeah, all right, go inside and go to bed.

Insanity. The whole night was just flat insanity. Nothing about it.

Was normal.

[Brett Vesely]

You were just more worried that you're gonna inherit that 17 year old kid to deal with.

[John Holmberg]

I told Mark that because I said, I said, Jesus. I. I don't know what I was rooting for. I have to be honest. As I was looking for my best friend and his wife, I thought there is some of this like, kind of exper. Like thing that I, you know, the dateline episode in me wants to find the bodies. And I know that, I know that's emotionless, but there was part of me going, oh, this. This mystery can deepen if we. And then I'm like, well, what are you doing? Like, get back to reality. This isn't a. But when you're driving around and you think in your head, oh my God, they're missing, they're missing. You're like, what's going to happen next? Like, what if start stirring up. Yeah, what if they are in trouble? What if there is. What if the cartel did get him? I don't know if there's human parent trafficking where they take decent parents from the United States and drag them down to the cartels to raise unwanted drug babies. I don't know how this works. So I'm thinking maybe that's a thing. They're already halfway to Mexico or they've had their heads chopped off, or their car exploded, or they got stolen or something terrible's happening. So you think the worst thing's worst. And then my brain will go, well, then what? I'm like, who's gonna take care of those dogs? And Brett, I swear to you, in my mind, I went through the scenario of, okay, they're dead, gotta go back to the house and get the dogs. But that teenage girl is gonna be there. I can't let her know that I'm. That they're gone because then she's gonna need a place to stay for a little while. So I was doing everything I could to avoid the fantasy idea of ever having to be responsible for that girl. Yeah, I'm not going over there and picking her up.

[Brady Bogan]

Sign up for that.

[John Holmberg]

Hell no. Nobody signs up. I did sign up. I will take care. Look, signed up or not, I'm going to. Getting their dogs. That daughter of theirs is a big barrier for me getting in there. 17 is close to 18. She kids. Larry moved out when he was 17. He's fine. So I figured, you know, and technically the kid hits the jackpot. She gets a house, you know, grandma stays there for the next year and Then she's got it on her own with a. You know, financially she's gonna be pretty secure if they're dead. But I don't know if this was.

[Brett Vesely]

The shot from your video camera.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's kind of. Yeah. Those people in St. Louis that stood outside when the marchers went by. Yeah, that's exactly what my d. Yeah. Is that a 308? That's an AR15. They are. But, you know.

That'S all right. I got. I got my handy 308 and. You have a handy 308? That's the funniest person. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's just standing outside waiting for that guy to come back. He's leaning it up against the house. I see him on the. He's leaning on the house just standing there. You can't see the gun, but he's in a. And for some reason he's like hunting clothes. He's got a big jacket on. And I'm like, it's like 55 degrees outside. You're dressed like. It's like you're in a blizzard hiding a gun. So all in all, everything's fine. Dude probably popped back in the house. I've never. I've. I've been at that house. I've stayed at that house. I've done stuff there. I've had people in it. Never once have you even had a sniff of trouble in that hood outside of that night. That dude started weed eating at 2am when I was over there. And I had no idea why that was going to be. Maybe more goes on there than I know, but every time I've been there, peaceful. Here's the best part. My wacky bitch sister was on the phone with my dad while the rapist was telling his story. And my dad said he wasn't going to stay at my sister's house because he had this opportunity to stay at my place. It's open this week. So I said, yeah, you can just stay there. And he turned her down to stay there. And she's like a little.

[Brady Bogan]

This is why.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah, she's. She's making up stories. She's horrible human being. So she. She said. So she's on the phone going, oh, like it was a win loss thing. And to me, yeah, very competitive. I'm like, crap. I'm like, the witch knows about this. And he goes, well, I was on the phone with your sister when that was going on. I'm like, oh, you're never gonna hear the end of it. About how I tried to set you up or get you killed or put you to stop it.

[Brett Vesely]

Maybe she could have cast a spell on the guy, you know, I don't know.

[John Holmberg]

I'm thinking her witchcraft kind of came over and put some sort of bad juju on the hood. Or that full moon. Got cement scriptures.

[Brady Bogan]

You're running around town on that full moon. Oh, I remember last night. Going out in the front yard like the full moon. The Christmas lights look awesome.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they're great. Oh, it's. Oh, trust me. I drove around, I saw a lot of Christmas lights last night. I was on sort of a dead friend Christmas light look about. And it was pretty nice going through neighborhoods like these lights. This neighborhood's nice. I hope I don't front my friend's heads here. I did want to. After we knew they were okay, Just for the sake of fun, go knock on the door and tell Kate, the young one, that I found their parents bodies and I need to take the dogs. What about me? You're good. You stay here. Nobody needs you.

[Brady Bogan]

You make a sandwich.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, go. Yeah, go make a sandwich and learn some woman stuff because you're gonna.

[Brett Vesely]

You're gonna need it.

[John Holmberg]

You're on your own. Can I tell your daughter that I found you dead? And they're like, good lord, no, please, please. You know, you guys can pop up behind me and like. Oh, like haunt. And I'll pretend I don't see you.

But. Yeah, you go through a lot. But the man. The scenarios were constant. But. Yeah, and it was. Again, let's go back to why this was happening. I didn't get a single call from a man. All women. And the dude that was knocking on.

[Brady Bogan]

The door, the daughter, they should have let her know they're going out to dinner.

[John Holmberg]

I think they did.

[Brady Bogan]

She forgot.

[John Holmberg]

No, they don't pay attention. Kids are dumb. They're dumb. She's in her bedroom on the phone with her boyfriend.

[Brady Bogan]

Yeah, she wasn't listening.

[John Holmberg]

And at like 7:30, like, all right, Kate, we're gonna go out. It's. And every Thursday is evidently date night. They go out every Thursday night.

[Brett Vesely]

That's even worse.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I said. I didn't know that either. Like, it's date night. Everybody knows we go have dinner on date night. We go get a dinner. And Thursdays are our night together. And they picked the greatest restaurant ever, Richardson's. Because evidently Richardson's has a. A throwback room where there's no technology and you can disappear. Yeah, well, who knew? So the 17 year old wanted chick fil a or something. And she's looking around, she's got a car, she's got money, she's got the ability to go. But she's calling mom and dad like, hey, reload my card so I can go get Chick Fil A or doordash something. Suddenly she's the worst PI in the world. And. But it is weird that their phones went away. Like, they're not answering. You know, as often as those kids or her, that teenage kids call their parents for absolutely no reason. And will you please get some Dan Holmberg in all of you. Every parent. You, Brady. Every parent. When your kids call, don't pick up and go, hi, sweetie. What is it? You pick up and go, if someone's not dead, I'm gonna come home and kill you. Why are you bothering your daddy? That's how Dan used to answer the phone when I called him at work. Dad, if someone isn't dead, hang up the phone right now. Well, nobody. Is this an emergency? What could it do? No, we're done. Click. I'm at work. You don't call me at work. You don't bother me when I'm out with friends. You just don't. Unless someone's dead. I'll get home and we'll deal with it. Cell phones changed everything. Oh, yeah, you stepped if. I swear to God, if a matriever drug a phone to my dad's table at a dinner for work. Sir, there's an emergency at your house. Oh, there better be. Pick up the phone and I'm like.

[Brett Vesely]

Or there will be.

[Mason]

I want Chick fil A and I want it now. What's going on? Where are you?

[John Holmberg]

My dad would be like, are you sure you want Chick fil A? Because that's a good, good start for your last meal. You better. You should probably order some steaks because this is it. Never call me again. For a. For a meal you could make yourself.

[Mason]

Dad, Dana's being a real dick. She won't let me watch my shows on the remote.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, okay. So now I have two people to kill. Okay, thank you. That's a good update. See ya.

Oh, my dad would murder me. Murder me. But you people, this generation, letting their kids call them all the time for. They're all Chicken Littles too. Everything's an emergency to them, and they're okay with it.

[Brett Vesely]

Mark's okay with this.

[John Holmberg]

All parents are. They're all annoyingly okay with their kids bothering them. God, I'm not a parent. I know. High five.

[Brady Bogan]

I must be a lucky parent then.

[John Holmberg]

She didn't call you, she calls Ronnie. You can't hear yourself. I've called you from the office.

[Brady Bogan]

Took 90 million.

[John Holmberg]

I've called you from the office.

[Brady Bogan]

Angles traded.

[John Holmberg]

So from the office, I've called you and you don't see your phone ringing. That's why when I have to. Sometimes I forget my keys. You, occasionally, you'll get it. Most time I just sit in my car and wait for Toledo to show up. I ain't answering anything. Yeah, we've had you in the room. The things buzzing. We have to tell your phones your phone's ringing.

[Brady Bogan]

Only takes a couple of times and they stop calling.

[Brett Vesely]

We're on a microphone crossing the console and you don't hear us.

[John Holmberg]

I. I guarantee you that you aren't even thinking about it. You've been to dinner and hanging out and Ronnie's phone isn't Kirby doesn't she needs like, you know, in and out or something? And they just called to say, what.

[Mason]

Are you coming home?

[John Holmberg]

Like, what is wrong with you? When are you guys coming home? And none of your parents recognize. They're asking the same way we tell our wives. I'm like, where you at? I'm at store. I should be home about 15 minutes. Okay, bye. I have 15 minutes to do terrible things to myself. That's why. What time are you guys going to be home? And then their boyfriends can come over, squirt them and leave before you even know they were there. And that's exactly what teenagers are doing. But every parent I know, no, kids are different these days. They don't have sex, they don't talk. No, they call you and say, when are you coming home to get squirted in? And then you're gonna be a grandpa. That's basically what you. That's how you need to think. No, my kid doesn't drink or do drugs or have sex or boyfriend or anybody. They don't talk. And I'm like, okay, all right.

When it gets arrested for possession or has a baby in it. I wonder how that happened. Some miraculous Jesus thing, I guess.

And sure enough, Mark went home. And for comfort, Kate's boyfriend was there. Oh, she was worried about your well being. So the boyfriend's in the house.

[Brett Vesely]

Thank God for him.

[John Holmberg]

Thank God he was there to console her.

I'm like, she's 17. You remember Mark when you were 17.

[Brady Bogan]

They're not.

[John Holmberg]

I tell them all the time. I'm like, I told Mark's oldest daughter, she goes, no, she's not. I'm like, look, she's a 17 year old. Girl, I knew your dad and your mom when they were 17.

Like they were into anal and stuff. That gene gets passed on. Your youngest sister is the crazy one. She puts out, oh, my God, that's so gross. She does not like they all. She's 17. She's got a boyfriend for a reason, not for companionship. They're kind of bubbling and boiling at this point. John holmberg's Morning Sickness. The 98 KUPD.

[Brett Vesely]

It's Brett Vesely for Game Day Men's Health. Well, as a lot of you guys know, I had a ton of personal stuff to deal with lately, which means I wasn't even thinking about taking care of myself. Game Day Men's Health is the largest men's health clinic in the valley with 12 convenient locations. They know what us guys are going through and can get you started on a game plan of your own. They specialize in TRT treatment and they even offer other men's health solutions like hgh, peptide treatment, medical weight loss and sexual health treatments. Check them out [e-mail] it's time to start taking care of yourself. And for guys, there's no better place to start. Game Day Men's Health guys, thanks for.

[Zoe]

Helping me carry my Christmas tree, Zoe.

[John Holmberg]

This thing weighs a ton.

[Mason]

Drewski, lift with your legs, man.

[John Holmberg]

Santa. Santa, did you get my letter? He's talking to you, Bridges. I'm not.

[Zoe]

Of course he did.

[Mason]

Right, Santa, you know my elf, Drew here, He handles the nice list.

[Brett Vesely]

And elf.

[John Holmberg]

I'm six' three. What everyone wants is iPhone 17 and at T Mobile, you can get it on them. That center stage front camera is amazing for group selfies. Right, Mrs. Claus?

[Zoe]

I'm Mrs. Claus's much younger sister. And AT T Mobile, there's no trade in needed when you switch. So you can keep your old phone.

[Mason]

Or give it as a gift.

[Zoe]

And the best part, you can make the switch to T Mobile from your phone in just 15 minutes.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. My side of the tree is slipping. Kimber. The holidays are better. AT T Mobile switch in just 15.

[Dick Toledo]

Minutes and get iPhone 17 on us.

[John Holmberg]

With no trade in needed.

[Dick Toledo]

And now T Mobile is available in US Cellular stores.

[John Holmberg]

Let's take a moment. Credits for well qualified customers plus tax and $35 device connection charge credits and balance due if you pay off earlier. Cancel financing agreement. 256 gigs, $830. Eligible for it in a new line. $100 plus a month plan with auto pay plus taxes, fees required. Check out 15 minutes or less per line. Visit t mobile.com. holmberg's Morning Sickness. She's putting out. She's. She's taking hoes. And the faster you people recognize that if you've got a daughter who's pretty, you do 17 and she's out with boys. There's old fashions going on. You have to know that as a parent. You can't keep saying you. I know. My dad thought I was pretty simple.

[Brady Bogan]

John at my house.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Keep it off my desk.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Just. You don't want to know. You'll know the day that you have to make that weird plan B decision with her and then never talk about it again. It's Gilbert's way. It's the way.

[Brady Bogan]

Come to those crossroads.

[John Holmberg]

No one will ever know my kid took hoes. No one. Jesus Christ. The only murder in Gilbert history was by teenagers. And the parents didn't. They covered that up. There's no talking in Gilbert about any of it.

[Brady Bogan]

Still hasn't been closed.

[John Holmberg]

No, because the parents are like, not my talent. He did it. We have it like on videotape. It could be any of them. I think that's why they all got together and said, let's name all our kids the same thing. And that way it'll get real confusing when they do something wrong. Well, between Braden Hayden and talent.

[Brady Bogan]

Put an O on yours.

[John Holmberg]

We'll put an E. We'll spell it a little different. Just even. It's going to further the confusion. But yeah, your kids are hosing. They're dumb. And the. The only reason they're calling you to find out what time you come home and to make you stop off at Chick Fil A is so they can take more squirts. But all you guys think, ah, they just. They're just. They want. She got a car of her own. Didn't need to call you for anything. I was 17. I never called. My. My dad was so. My dad was so on top of the fact already 17, he just wants to squirt on people. That's his. That's all this kid wants to do. And he was right. He thought so much of that. He's like, I don't even like you going out with boys. You're squirting on them, aren't you? He knew how a 17 year old boy's brain works. And somehow somewhere, everybody thinks that's different. Oh no, the statistics. The teens don't have sex anymore at all. They're liars. We lied too. They might not be having sex. That means they're just like me. They were trying and failing. They want to.

There's a reason why as an adult, you say, yeah, I'm, you know, banging like a 17 year old. I had my friend just say that. I still think, like, I'm 17. We all. We all want to squirt when we're that age.

[Brett Vesely]

And she'll love it too.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly how much of we do it for game day. Men's health. And one of the cells on it is, you take this stuff, your boners are gonna be like one of the benefits. Back when you were 17, it's like, well, yeah, I remember that when I was trying to bone constantly. So every parent I talked is like, no, our kids are different. No, they're not.

[Brady Bogan]

That's nice. As kids are checking up on them.

[John Holmberg]

They'Re not checking up on anything. They're checking up on how long they have to take a squirt.

Can I take a mouth squirt or what? We've only got like 10 minutes. So try a mouth squirt. Otherwise I'm just gonna bend over. We've got. They don't care if you're dead. Mark even said that. He goes, this is weird. We're sitting outside his house and he goes, I've literally come home and my daughter has said to me, hey, dad, where have you been? He's like, I've been out of town for three days. And he said, she didn't know I was gone tonight. She's calling every five minutes to see where I went. She wants to take a squirt. And I'm like, I know.

And she did, by the way. I'm positive of that.

[Brett Vesely]

This was like an episode of Curb youb Enthusiasm.

[John Holmberg]

Love it. It really was. My life is turning into Larry David stuff. I have to remind my friends. I'm like, you realize that kid in there, he's a nice boy, too. I've met the boyfriend. I like him a lot. Very nice kid. His goal every day is to squirt. Well, yeah. And if he can make someone else help him, mine still is. I mean, I tell you what, it never goes away. Brett, I appreciate the honesty.

But you know, it's insanity. No, they're in there. I remember I went to a friend's house years ago. I've told this story. And his parents were convinced that they had. All the kids went to church all the time, and they all played religion. And the oldest daughter was hot. And I mean hot. And her boyfriend would come over and they would literally have the nerve because the parents were so oblivious to ever wanting to think of the real thing bodies do to look at each other and say, lance and I are going to go in my room and pray. Oh, you're going. Oh, that's. Oh, that's beautiful. I. I was at their house once, and I'm like, what did they say? And my buddy Chris is like, oh, they go in there and pray sometimes. I'm like, no, they don't. With that piece of ass. Your sister's hot.

[Mason]

Shut up, dude.

[John Holmberg]

Like, your sister's really hot. She's not in there praying. She's on her knees, but she's not praying. No, they wouldn't do that while my parents are home. Like, all right. You're idiots.

[Brett Vesely]

Boy, if Kurt Vesely was only that dumb.

[John Holmberg]

When I was in school, man, my dad would just swing the door open to my bedroom every once in a while to see if someone had snuck in the window. He. And deep down, he hoped that his son. He would catch me with a girl, because then it would. It would squash all those things he was thinking about. I know he's gay. I know he's gay. I know he's gonna come on. And he'd spin that wheel of hope and crush my door. What the hell is this? Oh, I thought I heard somebody in here. It was me and the tv. Turn the TV down. The only reason my dad wanted my TV down in my bedroom is the hopes that he hear me with a girl in there.

[Brady Bogan]

I need my ruler back.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

Said. So John is doing a new pornhub with the daughter, and the parents are dead, so get to action. That did not occur. That is not how this works.

[Brett Vesely]

I haven't heard of yet.

[John Holmberg]

That is a good one. Dead parents. Orphan, Orphan.

[Brady Bogan]

Terrible news.

[John Holmberg]

She's 18, and you got to break the news to her. That's actually pretty good porn. Now, these are technically my nephews and nieces, so let's knock that off right away. But still, that's a good scenario for porn. I can separate the two things. I'm sorry that the cop comes up.

[Mason]

Sorry to tell you, your parents were killed in a horrible accident. You're an orphan.

[John Holmberg]

What?

It's my 18th birthday. They died.

[Mason]

I'm like, what, you're 18 today? Come in. Let's have a little hug.

[Brett Vesely]

No, I'm sorry. That's just my nightstand.

[Mason]

Yeah, I'm sorry it's poking you in the leg. Let me take off these pants, get rid of all this equipment to make sure.

[John Holmberg]

That's probably the best idea.

[Mason]

They were pretty mangled up.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, God. And the other thing I thought I was gonna find was Mark and Kristen and some sort of sex pretzel in a parking lot because his car is fairly recognizable. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna see them on date night with their phones off doing terrible butt stuff in the back of that Lexus. This is.

[Brady Bogan]

No, never stopped.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. No, it doesn't. That. Well, look, that's why they have date night. They try to keep that alive so they can go home and squirt on each other. Their kids want to squirt there. Everybody wants to squirt.

What time are you coming home? Yeah, they love you. That's why they're calling. They just can't get enough worried, can't get enough of you being at home so they can ignore you there and yell at you and argue with you about everything. That's why if you've got a teenage kid and it's going out with anything of the opposite sex, your best bet is to assume squirting. And if you're not, you're being naive to it. Brady.

Keep it off my desk, everybody. That Kirby. Kirby has, like, a bunch of dude friends.

[Brett Vesely]

He's like, tripp, keep it off my desk.

[John Holmberg]

I don't want to hear another thing about it. I know you don't, but your daughter's given hand jobs. That's what high school girls do.

[Brady Bogan]

That's her free time.

[John Holmberg]

That's right. That's her free time.

[Brett Vesely]

Is that what you're going with?

[John Holmberg]

All daughters get ectoplasm on their hands and try to wash it off before they come home and kiss you good night.

It's a fact. And when you were 17, that's the girl you were hoping to be with, and you're always trying to convince she's a nice girl, and she's a real nice girl when she's reaching over there giving you the handies. I'm telling you, it's not perversion. It's parental advice. All you guys are way too quick to say, nope, can't have that. The only reason your kids call you is because they want to know their timeline for being up to no good. That's it. They do not love you that much. No child loves their parents that much. They're oblivious. They're not smart enough to love you that much to care where you are at night. They like, when my parents were out, it was, okay, free for all. Don't break anything. And remember how it looks now, because we're going to have to put this back together when they come home. That's why we all related to Risky Business. It got way out of hand. And then his goal was to put the house back exactly as it was when they left and act like none of that ever happened. And he was in college.

[Brady Bogan]

Kirby has it so easy.

[John Holmberg]

How's that?

[Brady Bogan]

Be home at 9 o' clock at night.

[John Holmberg]

I'll be in bed. Yeah, yeah. She's out. Yeah. You don't know where she's going. She's out getting her weed and, you know, singing reggae down the street around a trash can that's on fire. Could be my mom and dad. They sleep all night.

Hey, man, I don't have anywhere to go.

[Mason]

My dad sleeps like a log. He's attached to machines.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And you're fine with that because you have to be. Because if you knew about it, you'd know deep down you've been neglectful of the whole. And you'll never ask her. It's like, hey, do you need protection when you go out? Do you need condoms? You. You would never.

[Brady Bogan]

You know, we just made it here. 17. Came up on 18.

[John Holmberg]

Still no kids, no pregnancies. Yeah.

[Brady Bogan]

Being smart about it.

[John Holmberg]

Well, kids aren't the only thing that happened down there.

Just saying. There's the aids, there's the herpes, there's the warts, there's all that stuff. Cervical cancer comes out of that. You got to worry about it all or let her have it.

[Brady Bogan]

Just no dealing out of the house.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. You never know. Carpal tunnel. You never know what kind of old fashioned are handing out. You were a teenager once. I was a teenager once. And I don't know why parents have kids and then think that theirs are going to be any different. I don't know. I don't get it.

[Brady Bogan]

Or try to prevent it.

[John Holmberg]

You can prevent it.

My dad did. My dad made me know that if anybody snuck in, there would be a beaten. There'd be something that was always where I can't ever sometimes he probably c blocked me pretty heavily with a couple of the. That would have actually climbed on this mess. But I was so afraid. I'm like, I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't do that. I want to come over. I'm gonna sneak in your window there. Are your parents gone? They'll be gone for two hours. The one time I decided to breach this whole thing, I was 21 and I was at the house and I'm like, I'm gonna have people. My mom was out of town and my dad was on a hunting thing. A weekend hunting Trip. And I'm like, I got the place to myself. There's going to be a party in this house. I've never done it. I've been holding back.

[Brady Bogan]

You're old enough.

[John Holmberg]

I'm doing it and. Yeah, and I'm old enough. John Holmberg's Morning Sickness.

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[John Holmberg]

I have dined where the key is to the liquor cabinet. We're doing this. And I had Everybody come by. 15, 20 people. There was boxing on TV. We did a pay per view. We're going and we're going. Watching the fight, I'm like, I can't believe this is happening. Turn to the guy next to me. What a great fight. Riddick Bowe. What a great fight. And I look to my left and I'm talking to my dad and I'm like, when the hell did he get here? And he just goes, we'll talk. And that was it. Like, why are you here? They killed an elk the first day he drove home on Saturday. Oh.

It was. Yeah, they all got one. It's like, well, we don't need to stay up here another day. So they left Saturday morning. I'm standing there watching Riddick Bowe.

[Brady Bogan]

How's the talk?

[John Holmberg]

The next day it was pretty okay, actually. He ended up. And I think my dad was deep down 17. There were some hot chicks there from Tony Romans, and I think he had a fun time.

[Brady Bogan]

You were responsible.

[John Holmberg]

Nope. We got everybody right out. Once I realized that Dan, there's a dude in camouflage next to me. And he stunk. He'd been in the woods for days. And I just turned my head.

[Brady Bogan]

That's fire, isn't it? Jesus.

[John Holmberg]

Riddick Bowe is killing us. You believe this? I'm like, christ, that's my dad.

And my friend James Pearman, who was a thief and criminal standing next to me. He goes, who's that? Like, that's my dad. Everyone out.

[Mason]

And he goes, oh.

[John Holmberg]

Because James was like, 25. He just thought it was funny. Like, yeah, this is no good. Everybody pick up your bottles and go. We had food all over, liquor bottles everywhere. It would have been an easy cleanup, but I didn't know he was gonna be there. We'll talk. He just finished watching the fight and, like, oh, I'm gonna get kill.

No, There was no sleeping ever again. Until. Yeah, that's it. I was just. I'm not staying here. In fact, that was. I went over to my girlfriend's house and stayed there that night because her dad was a firefighter. So she. She. And trust me, her dad was a firefighter. And the reason she left living with her mom is because dad was gone for 48 hours at a time. She was putting. She was you. She was basically hollowed out. By the time I got there. She was 18, 19. And that she had been through it all because she had two days at a time to knowing that no one was home. And she never called her dad for chick fil A. She had dudes dropping it off.

And I liked her a lot because. You know why? It was easy to squirt. And it was 48 hours at a time. We could squirt any. Any room in the house.

It says some parental advice here from David Vasquez. Oh, this would be good. Yeah. If your daughter's been out on a date with her boyfriend, never let her kiss you good night. Unless you want boyfriend junk on your face.

Make her wash her face before bed.

That's right. If Kirby's out with the boys and.

[Mason]

Goes, well, man, I think I'm gonna.

[John Holmberg]

Turn in a little early. Earlier than me. The sun's still up.

You go in that bathroom and you make her wash her face in front of you before she comes out.

[Mason]

Good night, dad.

[John Holmberg]

Otherwise, you've got Talon. Talon, Braden, Kaden, mayonnaise on your mouth.

It's what they do.

You're so naive.

It was. My whole night was Larry David night. It was insanity. Looking for my dead friends. My dad's got some rapist at the doorstep. Bananas. But it's okay. Everything is okay. Everyone's alive. As far as I know. Their daughter isn't pregnant. Everything's fine.

[Mason]

I just came over.

[Brady Bogan]

No lost phones.

[Mason]

Yeah, I just came over here to make sure that Kate was okay. Sir.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. You're. You're a humble and lovable young man. Thank you, Mason. Everyone out.

[Mason]

I just wanted to make sure my girl was. She was pretty emotional.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Get used to it. That she's a woman. The full moon made her menstruation cycle maker. Crazy and her sister got involved. And then everyone got involved. The two girls across the street from my dad, where he's staying, accused the guy that lives there of raping him. The moon got their menstrual cycle. Emotional.

[Brett Vesely]

Crazy Dan's out with a hunting rifle.

[John Holmberg]

My dad's standing front yard with a.308 ready to kill the first guy that comes to ring. And I feel so sorry for all those roofing guys that go through that neighborhood because they're getting. They're taking the.308 to the face.

This is nice. Awesome, too.

Not today, buddy. Not today. Oh, my God. I just wanted to say, you've got some tiles that are crawling and every roof needs some work about. Nobody raped nobody. What the hell's he talking about?

[Brady Bogan]

He'll have that block straightened out.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that thing's gonna. Every lawn's getting mowed today. That thing's gonna. All right, get out there. Mow. The goddamn crash place looks like garbage.

He actually mentioned that when he played. We pulled up, we looked. This is a really nice neighborhood. Everybody's lawns are mowed. I'm like, that's. It's still on his mind all the time that the lawn needs mowing. You notice things like that. Oh, and he came home in the winter time because the sun goes down at like 5. My dad would come home at like, 5:30, and he couldn't see the grass. And I, you know, I got home from school at like 4, and he'd be like, jimmo, the grass. I'm like, I mowed it yesterday.

Well, you should get on that tomorrow. Like, what, Tiff.

[Mason]

Tiff Mower.

[John Holmberg]

He needed that thing every day. If he didn't see it, he would. It was on his mind to get to the line. Did you get the hedges? No, I didn't. You gotta trim those goddamn hedges. Are we at a contest? Are you going for Better Homes and Gardens? I'll get to it. Don't smart off to me. Give me your keys. I don't have a car. Give them to me anyway. Give me your future keys. When you turn 16. The first month you're 16, you don't have a car. I'm 12.

[Brady Bogan]

One of the hedges is a swan.

[John Holmberg]

It looks a little. I get it trimmed up. I would go. And occasionally one of the hedges was lower than the other, and I had to meticulously kind of even that out. And if I dipped it, he goes, yeah, the dip, the dip. It looks terrible. That's going to be a month before. That's normal again.

[Brett Vesely]

We better move next day.

[John Holmberg]

Did you trim the hedges? Yeah. You yelled at me yesterday that I overdid it. Oh, yeah. Should probably get on that tomorrow. Well, Christ on a crutch, what are we doing?

He'd come home sometimes and flip on the back patio light. I know he wasn't just, you know, thinking about his day. He's looking at the lawn. Did he do it? Did this kid do anything today? God damn it.

[Brady Bogan]

He knew.

[John Holmberg]

And he sees that at the rental house and at my house, there's a. You know, the turf monsters thing is very real. I like it a lot. But there's some psychological reasons why I've turfed everything. Like there's a reason I can't look at blades of grass that are out of place and not think that Dan's going to shoot over from Texas and go, what's going on here?

[Brett Vesely]

Did you call Al over to the house before. Before Dan got there.

[John Holmberg]

It's. I knew it. You should see it. The hop seed bushes are perfect. It's like Disneyland right now. You got some grass growing through your hop. He'll see the thing I see, which is there's.

[Brady Bogan]

And he feels like mission accomplished.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, he's learned. Look. The slave. Oh, no.

[Brett Vesely]

I don't think Spike in his little kid.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't. That's my boy. My boy.

[Brady Bogan]

I taught him that.

[John Holmberg]

I don't think he likes the turf. I think he sees it as lazy. I think he respects the look. He likes the way it looks. But if it's for someone else, I did it because of you.

[Mason]

You did this to me. You made me a turf monster.

[John Holmberg]

I'm grateful. It looks good all year long. Yeah, but you don't do any work on it. How do you feel about you? I just want to squirt.

[Brady Bogan]

You need to go over there today in full camo. What's up, dad?

[John Holmberg]

He'll shoot me.

[Brett Vesely]

Are you crazy?

[John Holmberg]

Walk around like a veteran. No, I'm not. We're not gonna have a fight. I don't want to kill him, but he will shoot. No, he won't. He won't know me enough. He'll see me walking down the street and I'll take a boat. 308.

[Mason]

He's good.

[John Holmberg]

From a thousand yards. He wouldn't even get a look at my eyes before I drop. I'd be at the Circle K in the camo. Dan would drop me like a bad habit. That's a little too close for comfort, for my taste. I need to quarter mile this Kid.

[Brady Bogan]

Ouch.

[John Holmberg]

What was that? He looks at a rapist at the house. But it was those girls across the street, that dude lives there. And suddenly they're saying he raped her. And the cops came by. My dad talked to the cops. I had little bits of it on the ring camera of him going, I don't want to get involved. And he was right as he's knocking on the window, asking me to come, like call the cops. He said, I think you want it in the house. And the cops like, you did the right thing. And he's evidently, the dude just had to leave last night and go somewhere else. It's a domestic violence thing. And he'll come back.

It's crazy. So, yeah, I think it was the Bo Holyfield fan man fight that my dad was hunting and came back. I was like 21 or 22. And that was the party we had. And great night. Epic. Unforgettable for almost everybody who watched it. Especially for me because dad showed up out of nowhere and he wasn't supposed to be home till the next day. And I took one chance in my life with their house. 1. And the only time I did it, he showed up 30 hours early. We didn't have cell phones so I could call Dan and go, hey, how's hunting going? Because that's the only. Oh, you care about me. Yeah, I just want to make sure everything's going well. Now we got this. And he would have gone. What are you up to? Nothing.

I'm on my way.

So just know that your 17 year old kid is not good. There's a whole reason. It can't be. It can't vote for a reason. We collectively as a union have said they just make terrible choices. Don't let them make any choices till they're 18. And even then they still can't rent a car for seven years. We're not giving them any vehicles, you know, without legal liabilities being placed in firmly on their parents not doing it.

[Brett Vesely]

Did somebody pass down a beer during that fight or anything?

[John Holmberg]

I mean, he was drinking something.

[Brett Vesely]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I think he went through the whole house a couple of times before he just stood next to him. I was in the fight, man. I was watching that thing. I did not hear that. You know, there's 30, 25, 30 people in there digging around. We're all kind of gathered around the tv. It wasn't the days with big screens either. We had like a 42 inch console on the ground, you know, and a couch.

[Brady Bogan]

How long you were oblivious. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he just walked through. I think he made himself a pop. He looked around, goes, I got a boy to kill. I just gotta wait for these people to leave. A lot of witnesses.

And then as everyone's leaving, there's this bleeding beast in the back of his truck with a head hanging off the side. Boy, help me out. Wrapped in plastic. And also, it was like, yeah, help me dress this thing. No.

I gotta clean up all the bottles. We'll talk. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? 585-9800. A good one. And we'll scream it together. It's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Arizona's most powerful, powerful rock radio station.