12-10-25 - FULL SHOW - WEDNESDAY - Holmbergs Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Summary

Podcast Summary – Holmberg’s Morning Sickness 98 KUPD

Episode: 12-10-25 – FULL SHOW – WEDNESDAY
Date: December 10, 2025
Host & Cast: John Holmberg (Host), Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Main Theme and Episode Overview

This episode kicks off as a classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: an irreverent, conversational, and often edgy look at the weirdness and news of the day. The hosts blend personal anecdotes, local Arizona news, wild tangent debates, listener emails, and their usual parade of crude jokes and observational humor. Central themes include grief over a beloved pet, debates about cultural policing and “weird” public attire, a bizarre rescue on Camelback Mountain, unusual sexual fetishes (instigated by a listener email), and a running discussion on the peculiarity of celebrity scandals. The tone is equal parts rowdy, mocking, and candid—very much in the style regular listeners expect.

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Key Discussion Points and Highlights

1. Bret’s Personal Loss & Pet Euthanasia

[00:34–02:07]

• The show starts on a somber note with condolences for Bret, who had to put down his beloved dog Dirty, age thirteen and a half.
• They discuss “Happy Endings Pet Euthanasia” and Dr. Fixler, praising them for their compassion:

  “Can't say enough—just great people.” (John, 01:24)

• The segment alternates between sincere empathy and classic Holmberg humor about coping and old-age tragedies:

  “It’s like living in an old folks’ home, when the phone rings—someone’s gone.” (John, 01:24)

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2. Cultural Policing & Peaky Blinders Arrest in Afghanistan

[02:08–14:59]

• John dives into a news story: four Afghan teens arrested for wearing Peaky Blinders (1920s British gangster) costumes, accused by the Taliban of promoting Western culture.
• The main discussion: “Sheeple” commentary on social media overreactions and how Westerners judge outsiders.
• John humorously claims he’d also call the police if he saw a group dressed as Peaky Blinders:

  “If I see four people walking down the street dressed in Peaky Blinders outfits, I’m calling the cops too. That ain’t normal… Peaky Blinders people getting arrested? I’m all over that.” (John, 03:43 and 05:21)

• They debate hypocrisy: Afghanistan bans “foreign attire,” but so does American cultural policing, just less formally.
• Afghanistan’s hidden modernity (“They’ve got HBO and 80,000-seat stadiums?”), skepticism about how the teens got the costumes, and jokes about “Afghan Amazon.”
• Extended riff: Groups in odd costumes like Braveheart or Bridgerton (“If a bunch of fairies in puffy skirts are walking towards Brady, you’d call the cops too.” – John, 21:17).

Notable Quote

“Another thing I really like that’s happening right now: there’s a dude currently… trapped on Camelback Mountain…” (John, 07:59)

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3. Camelback Mountain Rescue—Mocking Arizona Stupidity

[07:59–11:00, 79:04–84:45, 142:25–142:37]

• A climber spent the night stuck on Camelback Mountain—rescued after sunrise.
• Firefighters refused to attempt a night rescue (“We’ll get you in the morning. You did this to yourself.” (John, 08:25)
• Jokes about droning him a blanket and snacks; the guy is ridiculed for going up with no phone.
• Segment becomes a metaphor for “don’t do dumb things, expect full rescues.”
• Later update: his wife called him in; possibly a “suicidal” attention-seeking act.
• John’s theory: “If you die on Camelback, you were gonna die anyway” (08:25).
• The whole scenario, from arrogant hiker to taxpayer-funded rescue, is teased as “classic Arizona dumb.”

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4. Panty Sniffing, Listener Email, and Kink Dissection

[36:38–47:05; 51:55–54:18]

• A listener named Natalie asks: is it normal her boyfriend insists on sniffing her underwear nightly?
• The guys, one by one, express disgust:

  “No regular guy does that. Any major dude will tell you… that’s just creepy. This guy has some metaphorical skeletons in the closet.” (John, 46:57)

• They debate possible origins of the fetish (“most fetishes are uncle-born…!”), why it’s not “normal,” and the hygiene realities.
• Segues to fraternity panty raids, gross-out laundry stories, and jokes about “catch-all” underwear.
• Final consensus: Natalie, he’s weird—dump him.

Notable Quotes:

“Don would make him sniff it. ‘Smell my dick, smell my dick!’” (John, 37:48)
“Panty sniffer guy… it’s a deal breaker.” (Brady, 45:01)

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5. Cruise Ship Death & Over-Serving Debate

[28:06–33:12]

• John relates a news story of a man who died on a Royal Caribbean cruise after drinking 33 alcoholic beverages and being restrained by security.
• The show lampoons the cruise industry (“If you have an unlimited drink package, you can’t have limits in the word unlimited…that’s the opposite.” John, 29:23)
• Extended jokes about Mick hats (Irish flat caps) and drunkenness:

  “Imagine that… Royal Caribbean Cruise, Mick hat and 33 drinks.” (John, 29:23)

• Tied to the running riff: stereotypes, racialized joking (“If I was racist, it’s to the Irish… Not the normal Irish…” John, 15:18)

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6. Other Segments and Bits

• Comparing Diddy Parties and Epstein: Late in the show, John launches a lengthy (and mocking) discussion of celebrity “corruption,” drawing parallels between P. Diddy parties for black celebrities and Epstein Island for whites.

  “Diddy is Black Epstein—Black Epstein’s a good band name.” (John, 135:49)

• TV Shows & Pam Anderson: Quick hits on Pamela Anderson’s love life, favorite TV shows, and sitcom ideas with Liam Neeson. ([161:20])
• Product Endorsements: Multiple asides hawking underwriters or sponsors (intentionally omitted from this summary).
• Gross-Out Videos: A segment where they describe and react to NSFW listener-submitted videos, emphasizing their After Dark live show’s upcoming schedule ([106:27–113:21]).
• Rock Wars Game: A debate and music segment, this week themed around what song would be playing as the Camelback hiker called for rescue ([149:24–155:32]).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On judging public costumes:
  “You judge people so much based on how they're dressed... if you were a business owner and dudes came storming in dressed in 1920s gangster clothes, you’d be like, I’m calling the cops.” (John, 09:52)
• Summing up American hypocrisy:
  “We do culture policing all the time. We act higher and mighty about it. They’re worse than us.” (John, 33:04)
• On the panty-sniffing email:
  “If you’ve got somebody who’s like, ‘Yeah, that’s a—no fetishes, no fetish.’” (John, 37:34)
• On the Camelback ‘rescue’:
  “If you die from that, you were going to die anyway… I’d light a house on fire just to not go up there.” (John, 08:25)
• On Nicknames:
  "Phil Joe the Dildo. I could always help the bullies with good nicknames for people." (John, 165:49)

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Important Timestamps

| Segment | Description | Timestamp | |---------|-------------|-----------| | Bret’s dog & pet euthanasia | Condolences, personal moment | 00:34–02:07 | | Peaky Blinders arrests | Main discussion riff; cultural policing | 02:08–14:59 | | Camelback Mountain rescue | Ongoing story, local news commentary | 07:59–11:00; 79:04–84:45; 142:25–142:37 | | Listener’s panty-scented boyfriend | Major email response & debate | 36:38–47:05; 51:55–54:18 | | Royal Caribbean—death by drinks | Cruising, over-serving, Irish riff | 28:06–33:12 | | Gross-out videos & jokes | NSFW segment, reaction | 106:27–113:21 | | "Rock Wars" music game | Themed song picks & results | 149:24–155:32 |

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Running Themes, Tone & Takeaways

• Cynicism and Satire: The hosts lampoon society’s double standards, our online “culture policing,” and even themselves.
• No Shying from ‘Gross': From bodily functions to fetishes, the show refuses to shy away from taboo topics—often using them as launchpads for wider commentary or flat-out filth.
• Mockery as Coping: Even in serious moments, like Bret’s grief, the show uses banter and jokes to keep things light (with a tinge of care).
• Self-awareness: The hosts directly challenge their own and the listeners’ biases (“call me Taliban, but...”), always willing to turn social critique back on themselves and their audience.
• Arizona as a Character: Local news, culture, and geography (Camelback, Sedona, “typical Arizona dumb”) are constant reference points.

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Conclusion

This episode is emblematic of Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: unfiltered, often profane, always fast-moving, and ultimately more sincere than it first appears. Whether they’re mocking the news, challenging listener emails, or just riffing off one another, Holmberg & co. deliver their signature blend of satire, local flavor, and unabashed “locker room” realness.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Show

You’ll get all the laughs, the cringe, the NSFW shock, and real talk about grief, cultural dogma, and the “weirdos” all around us. Skip this one if you’re easily offended—but for fans, it’s a classic mish-mash of news, humor, and mayhem.

Transcript

[Brady]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[John Holmberg]

VRBO helps you swap gift wrap time for quality time. Go to VRBO now and book a last minute week long stay and save over $390 this holiday season. Book your next vacation rental home on VRBO. Average savings $396 select homes only. Homburg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Wednesday. It is 5:45. This is the morning sickness. My name's John. There's Brady, there's Brett. There's big Dick Toledo. On a glorious perfect morning Wednesday. Well, not for Brett. Brett's going through a lot. Brett's had a last last couple months. Let's hear it for it's dirty. Yeah. Yep. Dirty Brett. Let's hear from Brett's beautiful dog. Dirty cookies for dirty cookies and hugs for your pets this morning as we do for so many people that email in and just a pat on the head for Bradford having go through yet another thing. Had to put us the Dr. Fixler though. What a service.

[Brady]

Amazing. I mean I can't. I literally. I can't say enough.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I don't want you to talk about it.

[Brady]

Well, I mean we're going through such a bad situation. That is the only way to do it if you have to do that.

[John Holmberg]

Happy endings, pet euthanasia. Amazing. It's. Can't say enough and just great people. So Brett had to go through yet another thing. Will you get a break, Mr. Besley, please wait for this year. Every time I talk, my phone rings. It's like Brett on the other end. Oh boy, here we go. It's getting to be like living in an old folks home when the phone rings like, oh, somebody's gone.

[Toledo]

Brett.

[John Holmberg]

If I see Brett on the line, it's it. And it's not even his own doing now. It's not just anonymous. It's like surrounding him. So for dirty. Dirty's a cool dog too. So nice long life. Ran the whole race, did the whole thing right. Good dog owners.

[Brady]

Thirteen and a half for a pity.

[John Holmberg]

That's really. You did a good job. Nice work. Good dog people. So sorry I had to deal with that. Now quit dragging it in here every goddamn day.

[Brady]

Believe me.

[John Holmberg]

Give your dogs extra cookies for dirty this morning. I'll do that when I get home too. Yeah, it's. And then I'm. I'm Completely outside of that. Turned a different direction this morning because I just saw a story where four people. This is somebody. I read the comments. I like the comments. I like when people have opinions about stuff just based off of what we see on the news and then the opinions that we're told to have. And I like to kind of look at that and go, wow, we are really just sheeple. Four people were arrested in Afghanistan by the cultural police they have there. They don't like it if you're walking around. If they think you're doing gay stuff, you go to jail. That's like looking at stuff wrong. Your Internet, all that. So four dudes in Afghanistan and the Jabril. I don't know where that is area. And we just had this talk a week ago where I prefaced it by saying sometimes the Taliban has good ideas when they did that live execution there at the football stadium that we didn't know they had because we're all never told by the news of awesome sporting events that go on in 80,000 seat stadiums in Afghanistan. We just assume it's all rubble and goats and farmers and stuff. But they have cities and people. These four kids walk down the street dressed as characters from the HBO showed Peaky Blinders, right? So they're wandering around downtown, wherever Jabba Habala. And they're dressed as four characters from Peaky Blinders. And they were arrested for. What was it like promoting western cultures or non Afghanistan outside of their culture? Culture. First things first. I'm like, and it's again, they had football stages and they've got hbo.

Where did these kids get to see Peaky Blinders? And then all the comments on the bottom were, this is where we're headed. This is a look, let me tell you right now, if I see four people walking down the street dressed in Peaky Blinders outfit, I'm calling the cops, too. That ain't normal. Like, see something, say something. Peaky Blinders outfits are very like, you would be crazy if it's not Halloween.

[Toledo]

And four dudes going to some theme party.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no, I don't. I think they're insane and they're gonna shoot up your house. If it's Halloween, it's a theme party. But right now, Brady, you're not thinking of four dudes walk through our parking lot dressed as Peaky Blinders characters. We're not going. All right, Call the cops. That ain't normal Afghan. We made it in Afghanistan, Paul. Oh, my God. Can you believe it? Can't even walk. Walk around dressed as A Peaky Blinders guy. You can't do that here. You're crazy here too. No way. If you walked in here this morning dressed as a Peaky Blinders, I'd be like, go home. You're gonna get us all shot at. Like, you're insane.

[Brady]

I'd rather live in Afghanistan if that's the case.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

[Toledo]

Which is what I mean.

[John Holmberg]

I've seen the like 1920s bowlers and weird like full three piece suits that are all wool and. And also, how did they get those? They have like a.

[Brady]

They got Afghanistan Prime.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. Do they have the Amazon Afghani? Amazon. No, they can make them.

That's. That's illegal here in its own weird way. Sure, you can dress like that, but four of you walking around, that's four little Luigi Mangiones I see. And I'm like, they're up to something. This is. It's not only a gang, it's a. It's a group that's got a manifesto. They're up to something.

Again. The Taliban was right here. I know, I know. That's twice in a week and a half. Sounds like I'm supporting him. But that 13 year old boy gets to kill that guy that killed his whole family in front of a group of people in a stadium. Yeah, I'm in on that. That's good. And then Peaky Blinders, people getting arrested. I'm all over that.

[Toledo]

That they're dressing and, you know, being influenced by a western culture.

[John Holmberg]

Get why, Brady. But that's. You're. You're doing what the commenters are doing. Like, oh, yeah, no, that's because that happens here. We're calling the cops.

[Brady]

They're converting you.

[John Holmberg]

If you, if you see in the Safeway, four dudes bust in the door in a line dressed as if it's even Entourage. I'm like, all right, I don't like this at all. Peaky Blinders, no. It's an attempt to stand out from the norm to a degree of like, look at me and watch this. So I'm watching it, but I expect those little Tommy guns with that weird Circle magazine underneath it. Yeah, the drum that's coming next. If you're influenced by Peaky Blinders, it's very real. Not the love scenes. It's usually the shoot em ups, not interest. I'm calling the cops to call me Taliban. But four dudes dressed in Peaky Blinders. If you came in dressed in Braveheart outfits, four people in a row once, you know Braveheart himself. And then you got Robert the Bruce no, there aren't any. That's. You're too giving to this. You are judgier than you, than you're pretending to be.

Because I'm telling you right now, if we all. So you look out the window constantly. I come back, Brady's like Kennedy in those reflective moment pictures where he just stands and looks out the window. You'd be freaking out too. And I know how judgy both of you are because when that black kid dribbles the basketball up the street every day, you're both going, where's the game? Like you're all over. So am I calling the cops? It's judging. If there's a bunch of them and they're.

[Toledo]

Then there's practice.

[John Holmberg]

No, basketball is not. Not a non modern thing. You're not trying to stand out. But if they were walking up the street dressed as NWA and brandishing weapons, you'd be like, yeah, I don't like it.

That's what Peaky Blinders is. It's a show about gangsters.

[Brady]

These guys are walking around Afghanistan.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, that is walking around.

[Toledo]

That walks.

[John Holmberg]

That walks in here. I'm out. You're calling the cops on that.

[Toledo]

Nice suit.

[John Holmberg]

So pretty cool. Oh, they look great. If you're by yourself and you're like, wow, he's going for a look. He's going for a 20s thing. You get a couple of dudes in on it. And those five or six mick hats.

[Brady]

Too many mick hats.

[John Holmberg]

There's gonna be a fist fight or a gun play.

That's cause you're a racist. You only do that for people of color. White people walked in like that. You guys don't. I see a gang.

Taliban was right once again. But it's in the news. But the commenters are all like, my God, people can't even walk around there dressed in what they want to know. And you can't do that here either. You can't. Peaky Blinders outfits wandering around the middle of a city. You're insane. Another thing I really like that's happening right now. There's a dude currently. I hope he's listening. Currently trapped on Camelback Mountain. And he got up there about 8 or 9 last night and got a little off, you know, the trail.

[Toledo]

Never go off trail.

[John Holmberg]

Well, a little bit. Not some bad. But it was dark and I like that. The fire department's like, it's too dark. We're not going up there. I don't blame him. We'll get you in the morning. So when the sun comes up, you're going to see a helicopter over Camelback because there's a dude slept out there last night because he was a dumbass, and I like that, too. Yeah, I don't blame him. They're like, are you threatened? Are you hurt? No, I'm just cold and I don't know how to get off. All right, well, see you in the morning. You did this to yourself. It's only 55. If you die from that, you were going to die anyway, so. Yeah, that'll teach you a lesson. The firefighters don't feel like going up there and searching for you. He didn't know where. He was like, I'm not climbing that mountain at 9 or 10 at night looking for your ass if you're not hurt. And he was like, no, I'm not hurt. And he's like the dumbest thing you can tell the fire department. I think I might have broken my back, is what you say every time they get up there now. I kind of. It worked itself out. I'm fine. But if you don't want him to look for you, tell them, no, I'm doing just fine. I just can't find my way off. We'll get you tomorrow when the sun comes up. That'll be easier. Don't waste those fire department guys. Any rescue crew, we got stuff to do. We got car wrecks. I'd light a house on fire just to not go up there. Nine at night.

But he's up there now. I can't wait. I want to see, like, a flashing light or something. If he's listening. Just to go, hey, there I am.

[Brady]

I always got his dick light. He's gonna be showing.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, maybe if there's a little dick laser on my face from Dick laser. The dick laser guys. That'd be great. And if you went up there and it was two or three of them dressed as Peaky Blinders, you'd be like, it's an ambush. And you'd start shooting back.

I find that hysterical that we're so. We think we're so open to that idea. We're so. We're America and we're so. You judge people so much based on how they're dressed and what they're doing and if they're walking towards you in that situation. If you were a business owner and dudes came storming in dressed up in 1920s gangster clothes. Be like, I'm calling the cops. This is bad. This is not right. How can I help you? It's not. Who can help me? That's who can help you?

[Brady]

Like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, crap. All right, I don't know what your name is. Nucky. All right, we're going to go ahead and we're going to put you in the back of a big truck with long coat, jacket, arms, and strap them around you. It's fun, though. Afghanistan. Peaky Blinders. How do they have it? Like, everything I know about them is they have no Internet, they have no tv, they have no access to our stuff. And not only did they watch Peaky Blinders, they fell in love with it and then got outfits. Doesn't seem so bad over there.

[Brady]

There's social media jerk offs over there trying to mess around.

[John Holmberg]

I don't even know if they have that, do they?

[Brady]

Well, no, I'm saying like tourist kind of guys. I don't know who's touring Afghanistan, but.

[John Holmberg]

I'm just saying, look, we were, you.

[Toledo]

Know, number two and with Chad and.

[John Holmberg]

You know, it's not Afghanistan.

[Toledo]

I know, but we're taught that or basically. Oh, they don't do these things or they.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean? I never thought Chad didn't have the Internet. I just thought they didn't have a lot of food coverage that we have.

[Toledo]

Of Afghanistan is, you know, like you said, it's these primitive compounds.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. It's just never seen anything about a stadium or, you know, Peaky Blinders parties.

If you're having a Peaky Blinders party, you're also crazy.

[Brady]

I never watched it. Have you?

[John Holmberg]

It's all right.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I like Cillian Murphy. He's neat. Like, he just looks cool, but he's also a horrible person. Like the whole thing's about just killing everybody. It's okay. It's not a great show. It's not a. Chicks liked it, I think, because I think it gave Mix hope that girls would like him if they were tough enough. But you were that little Mickey. No good looking woman's ever been with a dude in a mick hat. Just it's. You're getting a little bit of a thick kind of. Probably.

Angry, I would guess. Girl like that. So you got a controller? No good looking woman hangs with a dude in a mick head. If you're in a mick hat right now, you're. Or you're gently placing one on your little Irish head. Don't worry about it. Your wife's ugly. We know. It's okay.

You've never heard that. This here's my beautiful model wife.

What's she modeling for? Like dog food? I've seen her before. She's on that Bag of Alpo. I'll kill you and everyone in your family. Like, all right, well, I'll get a footstool and pop up here because my family's kind of tall. We don't want to get shot in the knees. I put my make hat on.

[Toledo]

Put him up.

[John Holmberg]

Put him up. No, you get up here. I'll put him up. Once you get. Get a little scissor lift. I know a guy. And get up here and you can start trying to punch me in the face, you tiny little Mick. Mick hats. I don't trust him.

Little tiny Mick hat walking around three or four of us. We've walked around three or four of us with Mick hats. I think that's just my incorrect assessment of a situation. There's four Miquets. There's four really angry, unsexed gentlemen walking down the road. So I am calling the police. Afghanistan was right. Even Afghanistan's like, look, Irish people piss.

[Brady]

Those little leprechauns off today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's like the end of Blazing Saddles. It's like, everybody's awesome. We'll keep everybody involved. We'll do this together with diversity. But not the Irish. And then the black guy goes, yeah, the Irish. And then the movie's pretty much over. Then the French mistake and all that. But still, nobody trusts Mick hats. So don't wear them. And especially don't wear them in mosques or hanging around the Afghanis. They don't tolerate that at all.

Guy on Camelback should have called the cops. And, hey, I got led up here by four dudes dressed up in Peaky Blinders out. Yeah, they have the cops looking all over for that.

Weirdos. Yeah, the world's upside down right now. Philip Rivers is a grandfather and he might play football. There's something wrong with the NFL.

Something's wrong with the NFL if that's happening.

[Toledo]

I just saw a little video on Instagram. A Gruden went over there to his place in Alabama this past summer to Philip Rivers kids all over the place.

[John Holmberg]

We've got hundreds of them grandkids. He's Pop Pop. Israel says, John, I bet you would be okay if those kids were dressed in wool suits with those tiny bald spot hats playing baseball instead of the Peaky Blinder. Yeah, because those are modern. Hey, Jews, you bastard. That's from Israel again. Israel's an anti Semite and his name is Israel. I can understand why he's a little bitter. They're not bald spot hats. Although they are probably good for covering that. They're not a bald Spot hat Yamurka. And when they play softball, you watch. Look. I would. If I was at the park and there was a Peaky Blinders baseball game, I'd watch it. But the second it broke up, I'd call the cops. And wherever these little angry Irish gangsters are going.

Good thing about the Irish wieners that they stick to their places. They dress up as Peaky Blinders and then they go to like an Irish pub. They don't wander into Hillstone. That way they know where to stay away. They know. They know where not to go because they don't fit in. They go to other. Like most everywhere. Yeah, midget conventions with the little mick hats on.

If I am racist, it is towards the Irish. Like the real ones, not like normal Irish who have adapt and stuff. The ones that still wear the stupid hats and have the shamrock tattoo and like a Boston Bruins tattoo on their chest. It's not quite right. The B looks more like a 13.

[Brady]

Basically the Southeast from.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, the southeast. Yeah, the yucks. You know what I'm talking about. They love the mick hats. Yeah.

[Toledo]

That'S.

[John Holmberg]

That's one. I feel. I think I am sort of racist or if I was in charge of hiring and it was between like a really qualified mick hat wearer or like Brett, but Brett didn't have nearly the qualifications and nor sitting in the job interview. I'm like, I can't look at a mick hat every day. He's out. I wouldn't hire him based on his Irish heritage. Yeah, that's racism right there. I do that.

You could have.

[Toledo]

That's why they say it's important to, you know, dress appropriately for your interview.

[John Holmberg]

Sure. Don't wear a mick hat. Nobody wants that working with them. I would have a dude with a plate in his lip and like a bone through his hair before I'd have a mick hat in my office. Morning sickness. They say things that are horrible.

It's John Holmberg from the morning sickness. And football season is in full swing and underdog is the best place to get in on all the action. Playing on underdog is easy. Just pick whether your favorite player is going to go higher or lower on stats like rushing yards, receptions, touchdowns. This week I'm looking at my Steelers and I am selecting Darnell White Washington to go higher than one touchdown and hoping that Lamar Jackson goes lower on rushing yards. Download the app today. Sign up with promo code HMS to score a hundred dollars in bonus entries when you play your first $5. Underdog make picks win money must be 18 plus. 19 plus in Alabama and Nebraska, 19 plus in Colorado for some games, 21 plus in Arizona, Massachusetts and Virginia. And present in a state where underdog fantasy operates. Terms. Apply the assets.underdogfantasy.com web play and getterms. Dfs underscore.HTML for details. Offer not valid in Maryland, Michigan, New J, New York, Ohio and Pennsylvania. Concerned with your play, call 1-800- gambler or visit www.ncpgambling.org. in New York, call the 24.7hope line at 1-877-8-HOPE NY or text HOPE NY 467-369. Holmberg's Morning Sickness. Do you even speak English?

Do you? I speak plenty of English. What's your problem? Okay. All right. I'll take Zumbatu over here. Not hiring. Kevin the Mick.

[Brady]

I'd love to see Tripp doing that interview.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. You wore a Mick hat to the job interview. I just want to express my heritage and let you know that I'm the best accounts receivable person you'll ever see.

[Toledo]

When do I start?

[John Holmberg]

What about you? I like jelly beans. All right. I do, too. Jelly beans it is.

Sorry, Mick, but this is out, not racism. Yeah, but you know what? I'm right. I don't think there's a judge in the entire union that's going to be upset about it. You know what? Judges are never. What's that? Irish and mique hats. If you ever. If you're ever in a courtroom and the judge comes out in a mique hat. All right, what we got here? Oh, no.

[Toledo]

During the interview. Takes us sip out of the little flask he has.

[John Holmberg]

Hold on just a second. Just dragging on a bit. Bye. That's good.

[Brady]

Bailiff, bring me a pint.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I want a pint. Point. Bailiff, get everybody points. Let's get this party started. Anyway.

He said, you know, when you. That's. This guy's right, Dustin says, remember when. What's his name, the hockey player got into that fight? Yeah, Biz dudes and mick hats. Six of them wander on. They were little Irish gypsies. They were Irish. And they walked into Houston's and started causing trouble. And Biz Nasty went over like, hey, break it up. Like, who did it? Who the hell do you think you are? And my go, no mix. And then he had to run.

That's what I'm talking about. You get Peaky Blinders. Dudes walking down the road. Call the cops, treat it like you're in Afghanistan. The Taliban was right.

Taliban. So maybe they're not mad at us. Maybe it's just because we're friends with the Irish. They confuse us all. We look a lot alike. Like to get rid of everyone who looks like them. All of the Western world just fight. If it just blows up Ireland, we're fine with that. Irish people are so intolerable at times. They try to blow each other up. They can't even get along with the other Irish. Like degrees of hate in their own country.

I like my boxing trainer, Ray. He was fun. But when he went full Irish, you wanted away from Ray.

[Brady]

Did he wear the Mick hat, too?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, sometimes when he had the Mick hat on, it was time to go. That was like a signal that things were not gonna go well.

[Toledo]

Business.

[John Holmberg]

Johnny, take me out. Let's go out to dinner. We'll go out, grab some food. I'm like, all right. And we get in the car, we go over there. And he reached down, put the Mick hat on. I'm like, I'm just gonna drop you off. Ah, Johnny, come on. We gotta go inside. I'm like, not going anywhere with that accent and that hat that you're gonna throw a punch at someone. I ain't gonna throw nothing at nobody. Inevitably, the cops are on the way. Not even because of a fight, because he got too loud, wouldn't pay, wouldn't pay. Or some sort of prostitute was involved. And I don't know what was going on. Yeah, me 1500 do. For what? Bail. How do I owe you bail?

Just gotta help me out here, buddy, then I would. So, yeah, Peaky Blinders. So we're gonna keep our eyes on Camelback this morning and keep our eyes on Peaky Blinders wearers. Also, don't trust a group of people walking around in kilts. That ain't gonna be. That's nuts. I might not call the cops for that one, but I'd keep my eyes on it. But definitely 1920s suits and bowlers and Mick heads. Yeah, that's. I want the cops to ask a couple of questions because you're not up to good things dressed that way. And we all think that. We all know if a bunch of fairies, like seven, not like them, but you know what I mean? Like actual, you know, the puffy skirts and the four or five dudes dressed up in fairy costumes were walking towards Brady. Be the only one. I'll go look. It must be some sort of a fraternity thing. And I'd be like, yeah, no, they're on 52nd Street. There's four of them. All right, we'll send someone out to Take a look at that. Because that's the right thing to do. Call the police.

[Toledo]

Today, another arrest we made. Afghanistan. Bridgerton.

[John Holmberg]

Well, if they're dressed up again. There's one that I'm a little curious about. If you're in plague clothes and you're a royal or you're one of the. You're walking around in Bridgerton outfits. Like five of you and you're coming to our building. You better start singing some Christmas carols early. And I don't even trust that anybody dressed that unusually is distracting you from a real problem.

[Toledo]

My Lord.

[John Holmberg]

Your whole house will be empty when you go outside to hear the Bridgerton crew sing Christmas carol. Oh, this is great. You're being distracted. Or they rob you from behind. You dumbass. No thanks. Take your crazy somewhere else.

[Brady]

You wanna see the Bridgerton crew singing carols?

[John Holmberg]

Come on. If you had a Bridgerton crew welcome, we'd like to sing you some carols, if you don't mind.

[Toledo]

Splend.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Where are the killers? Because I'm. I know you're the thing I'm supposed to look at while all the stuff goes on behind me. Not doing it.

It's a honey trap. You're walking me into a honey trap with your stupid clothes and your wild distractions. Afghanistan. You were right. Taliban. Chalk up another win for the Taliban.

Between shooting that guy in a public square. It's awesome. And this. Starting to think maybe we should listen to them every once or they go off the rails. But sometimes so does Trump. You hear that's a good idea. Then and then that. Not a bad thing. Get all over that. But they detained them. The pictures. The pictures of like on the news thing are hilarious. Because they didn't have pictures of the actual guys. They do have a weird law, though. Promotion of foreign culture. You're not allowed to like, like anything that is in Afghanistan. Which tells me that I'm also wrong. That they have their own TV shows, that they have situational comedies. They have, you know, like Everybody Loves Hollock and he's no Robert and his.

[Toledo]

That's taken years. Yeah, that was again, originally Western. I mean, you talk to some of the people that live in the country.

[John Holmberg]

That wasn't real. Brady. I don't really have everybody, but I.

[Toledo]

Don'T know if they even have comedies yet still. Because at least see that.

[John Holmberg]

That's what I'm talking about. You're wrong. You and I are both indoctrinated into believing. They don't laugh. They can't have funny. They have Their own version of comedies. They have TVs and comedies and things like that. And it isn't because Western culture, humor, maybe. Maybe they do. I don't know what their sense of humor is, but they laugh, they're people. They don't walk around no comedies. That's Western. We're so stuck on our own ways, thinking we're so smart and Right.

[Brady]

Well, we are.

[John Holmberg]

Well, we are. We're better than that. I mean, yeah, we're better than them, but we. They're not looking at us as the inventors of funny. So, like, that's been a few years they've had comedy. That's not true. That's silly to believe that. And we believe that.

[Toledo]

You're missing the point.

[John Holmberg]

What is it?

[Toledo]

Well, the point is, as far as you. Is my experience here, especially talking to comedians that go around, around the world, there's not a ton of, you know, comedians coming out of no countries like Afghanistan.

[John Holmberg]

Right.

[Toledo]

Because it's.

[John Holmberg]

But that doesn't mean they don't have them. You assume that their only goal is to get out of Afghanistan.

[Toledo]

They do. They last about two weeks, then they're.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know that. Disappear and play the Laugh Factory in New York. Their goal is to make Afghanis left. They have Taliban comedians who don't have goals of being like, famous on Kill Tony. Although they do have a show called that. It's totally different. But, yeah, they had. They have comedy. It's just, you know, you can talk to Steve Byrne and any of the other comedians. Like, gosh, they don't have a lot of comedians coming out of Jalalabad. No, they don't. But they have comedy there. They have laughter.

[Toledo]

Yeah. I'm just saying because of the Western, our. Our version of comedy, they don't want anything to do. Being influenced by that. That's.

[John Holmberg]

But we think that because of that, there is no comedy.

[Brady]

It's a different form of.

[John Holmberg]

It's just a different things they think is funny. Probably some pretty dark hilarious about killing us.

[Brady]

We had the Marx Brothers, they got the Patel Brothers.

[John Holmberg]

You know, we're good.

These guys, slapstick. Who knows what they laugh at, but they've got it.

Said. Iraq TV has their own tv and even in their shows, they're just mud hut people with chickens running around. That's right. It could be true. That could be what they find hilarious. It's relatable. See.

But we always place our own feelings on, oh, they don't have comedy because they don't have Tony Hinchcliffe. They don't have comedy because they don't have. Nobody's coming out of Afghan. No, nobody's. There's no talent scouts going through the Jalalabad looking for the next funny dude. But they have funny. They find things funny that we'd look at and go, what the hell is that? Just like us. They don't. They look at us like, what is wrong with them? They think that's funny. But I'd like to see an Afghani sitcom with, you know, the husband and then the sassy wife. And I think it would just be called Shut up, bitch. But they'd just knock her around for a little while. Or the gay brother. That would be a treat. I should write for Afghani tv. I could come up with some stuff that would really open their eyes.

[Brady]

Monroe shows up as the neighbor.

[John Holmberg]

Too close for Allah. Mr. Rush.

He had the room with the daughters and dressed in a big girl outfit. So the culture police see, these are great ideas they probably have that. They probably have dudes who dress up in drag and. Because in drag there, it's just a bigger beekeeper outfit. And you run around and do that. I don't know what they're doing.

[Toledo]

Mr. Patel.

[John Holmberg]

Mr. Patel, you're different, Monroe.

Who knows? But they don't like Peaky Blinders. Neither do I not live if I'm not under a marquee that says, tonight, Peaky Blinders live stage show. There's no reason for you to be dressed that way. It's all bad. So don't do it. Taliban was right.

And that's the fastest way to peace in the planet, is to occasionally look at your enemy and say, that guy's right. In this case, he's right. Not just throw everything out just because you disagree with one thing that they are, which is crazy.

And then I saw another story about the. Another death on a cruise ship, the Royal Caribbean Cruise. And they said they detained the guy for, like, six minutes. They had people laying on top of him. He's huge. And they won't release the surveillance footage, but his bill. He drank 33 alcoholic beverages the day he died. So they're. They're trying to compare it to George Floyd because somebody got on top of him and pinned him. But he had 33 drinks in his system.

A feather could have choked him out. That's. You're going down. I don't care how big you are. Whatever else. And the last thing Royal Caribbean and Carnival want to do is piss off black people. So there's no. There's no racism going on. There, they're like, no, they're get you to bed. But he's a huge man. And he was standing. Look at the size of this dude, standing at 33 drinks in. And they had to detain him, and a few people had to lay on top of him. And evidently, while they had him down, he went out. He was allegedly served beer and hard alcohol. Consumed as many as 33 drinks in seven hours before he stumbled away, just completely wasted, to look for his family. And he had the unlimited drink package, and he took advantage.

[Brady]

And no mi cat.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The leader of the. It's that. Oh, my God. If you imagine that Caribbean Royal Caribbean Cruise, mick hat and 33 drinks. He says. There's people who say, come on. As an attorney, he's like, even with the unlimited drink package, you still got to have limits, right? That's the opposite of unlimited, my friend. You can't have limits in the word unlimited together. It says, according to lawsuit, which his family's suing now. His drunken search for his family was fruitless. Couldn't find him. It made him agitated, so he tore his shirt off and he started breaking doors down to see where his family was. He thought his wife was in a room with another guy or something. Says security guards were summoned to put their body weight on him, which then asphyxiated him for about three minutes. That coupled with all the booze in the system, plus sedatives. They say that that caused a test. They're going to sue the Royal Caribbean for that? For excessive force?

[Toledo]

No, they got them on over serving and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, maybe. Well, I don't know. Is over serving a thing? If you have an unlimited drink package.

[Toledo]

It'S got to be the different maritime laws. Who knows?

[John Holmberg]

You're out in the ocean. It's like, hey, just don't fall off the sides. That's basically all we ask. Plus, there's no keeping track on a cruise. So I go drink seven or eight at the pool bar. I go drink seven or eight over here.

[Toledo]

It's all judgment of the bartender.

[John Holmberg]

You don't know. Six or seven drinks in seven hours, that's reasonable. 33.

[Toledo]

33 drinks. He's kicking down doors.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, he's still strong enough to look for his family. And he had. What if you just do eight drinks in each place and you go four places? You're getting pretty darn close to being in seven hours. I could do that on a cruise. And you get kicked out. Hey, we gotta stop serving. You're like, okay. They just go to the. The whole Thing is, bars, if you've ever been on a cruise, you can't walk seven feet without somebody trying to give you a drink. I didn't even know they had an unlimited drinks package. I'd have gotten in on that deal. Mine was unlimited everything. I didn't realize that it included all you can drink.

It was great.

And I didn't take advantage of that like I should have. You just. But then I felt bad because at the end, they give you a thing and you're like, oh, I have the package. And you put a number on the. On the deal. And then they still want, like, tips and things, which is fine, even though they said that's included too. So I ended up spending more. Each bar was another thing. Here's another $40. Here's another 20 bucks.

[Toledo]

There's this.

[John Holmberg]

I'm like, jesus, I'm spending a thousand dollars a day on this unlimited drink package that I think I prepaid for.

[Brady]

Should add a mick hat.

[John Holmberg]

Walk right through this unlimited drink. What do you think I did? You think I didn't get the unlimited drink package? Look at my hat. That's a mick. He got the package. That's why he's here. So have you $200 room with the unlimited. I got the $200 bunk beds with eight of us. Just like coming over on a Titanic. Hopefully this thing's got a little bit better for landing anyway. Have you seen any of the sights, sir? What sites? You're getting off the boat, right? What for? Got the unlimited drink package. The pub is right over there. I don't know why we keep stopping, Sail around this beautiful ball.

Where we go next? Afghanistan. Ah. Me and my friends will dress up perfect for it. They don't have ports. We'll find something. Yeah, it's just a weird morning. I love that. That hits the news and we're saying it's done again. It's done to completely indoctrinate us to go, o my God, they're terrible people. I was like, well, it made the news to make us go. They have cultural police. Can you believe it? So do we, in our own weird way. It's called tmz.

We do culture policing all the time. We act higher and mighty about it. They're worse than us. And don't get me wrong, the mechs.

[Toledo]

Little more.

[John Holmberg]

Well, yeah. No, no. The mist. They're just a little common. Hey, look, they read that book. I'll give them credit for that. They read that book and they're like, this is it. We're sticking to It. And they have since the seventh century. They've done a pretty good job of sticking right to what that thing said. I didn't find the convenience factor necessary. Not like us. Which is why they hate us. Let's get a wake up song, shall we? A good one. You call us 585-9800. Tell us what you want, we'll put it up there. Next, it's 98 KUPD. Wake up. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

I'm going to miss him. That's miles to nowhere right there. Hoping that the Thomas James Band has a good theme song for us next year. Because that one kicked off every show this year. In a good way. Nice job.

Guy. Email says just put it in perspective. Say what it is, John. If four dudes walked into your parking lot dressed in Taliban clothes, is anybody going to say, oh, they must be going to a theme party? Nope, the cops are coming. That's what the Taliban sees when Peaky Blinders walks around their streets. Very true.

Four dudes dressed up in Taliban rags came walking through our parking lot. I don't think any of us are like, oh, where's the. This is fun.

I would hate that.

You just don't do.

Would be horrifying. I also got this email from a girl and where'd that go? Oh, and this is another one here. It's Christmas season. Ben, he's a guy who listens all the time. Says he just got back from Norway and he said, here's something fun. And I think some people knew. I didn't. Caribou and reindeer are the same. The only difference is that a reindeer is domesticated caribou. During the winter months, the male caribou slash reindeer shed their antlers and the females keep theirs. That being said, you can't explain Rudolph. It's not possible for Rudolph to be a male reindeer since he would not have antlers. Thus, Rudolph is actually Rudolpha. And with all the LGBTQ nonsense and non hetero folks getting all this attention the last few years, how in the world have they not jumped on this? Who knew that Rudolph has been a transvestite reindeer the whole time? I didn't know that he went to Norway to find out.

[Brady]

I say it was a twink.

[John Holmberg]

Rudolph is a twink.

[Brady]

That's what I am.

[John Holmberg]

Well, you like Clarice, according to the.

[Brady]

Well story, probably like where she Was.

[John Holmberg]

Clarice was good looking fawn. But.

Rudolph had antlers. That means he's a girl. He had a lady button down there. He's a. Was a trans masculine, non binary reindeer. And yeah, how have the Alphabet people not jumped all over that?

How many. And people are now saying, does Fanduel have a an over under on how many plays Philip Rivers has before his knees explode? I like the one I just got, which was Joe Biden in a cold shirt saying, new quarterback for the Colts. That is a weird thing that's going on. Doesn't make any sense.

[Brady]

There was nobody else available.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, well, they called Derek Carr and he's like, no thanks. I don't want to get killed. I haven't played football all year. Philip Rivers was like, get me out of this house. There's kids everywhere.

[Brady]

I can't blame him.

[John Holmberg]

You Ranick?

[Toledo]

No answer.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, yeah. I couldn't reach phone. It's down on his knee and the phone's way up on the wall.

And then I got this one. This is weird. This is an interesting thing. It says it's a girl named Natalie. Says my boyfriend is being. Being very pushy about smelling my panties after I get home from work.

Says it's every night. He likes. He says he likes the musky smell. He asked me not to use any fragrant soaps down there. Just water. And I'm grossed out by it. But he gets off on it, so I let him do it. He says it's normal that all guys do it. And I just can't believe that's true. You guys represent pretty much all the dudes out there in one way or another. Which one of you is into it? I'm breaking up with him if it's Brady, because I think that would mean he's a repressed serial killer. No one's that into nothing sexually but sniffs panties to sign. Natalie. That's probably true. If you've got somebody who's like, yeah, that's a. No fetishes. No fetish.

[Brady]

We take some survey in here.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Brady]

No.

[John Holmberg]

Out.

[Toledo]

Out.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting Toledo. I bet you he'd be a sniffer.

[Brady]

Think so?

[John Holmberg]

He probably did some time sniffing. I think he'd have been forced to sniff. Like just a girlfriend that just rubs in his face.

[Brady]

Don would make.

[John Holmberg]

Don would make him sniff it. Smell my dick. Smell my dick. No, no, no. You. No, not a sniffer. Not at any time in your life. If I put money on it, it would be you. No, no, never. No, like none of those weird moments. See I. But I picture.

[Brett]

I've had plenty of weird moments, but no, that's not one of them.

[John Holmberg]

I picture. This is not fair. But I picture your house in Montana to like have an upstairs that you can see through the slats of the wood from downstairs. And like. Well, like.

[Brett]

You'Re giving me too much credit for having an upstairs at our.

[John Holmberg]

First house that blew.

[Brett]

It was a hundred year old homesteader house. And yes, you could see through the wall.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, so yeah, I'm not wrong then. And so I pictured like sometime when you were like 13. You got hold of like Alicia Stemples panties somehow at school and. Okay. Mary Richards from Mary Tyler Morsha. And you just gave a few whiffs and kept him in a drawer for like a year. No, no, no.

Like just a year till the smell is completely like. You blue velveted that.

[Brett]

I did tell you though that I. I found.

This goes back to his high school. I found a pair of girls panties in Alex's closet.

[John Holmberg]

He's a sniffer.

[Brett]

I don't know if he's a sniffer or if he just took trophy. So he scalped one from his. From his girlfriend at the time.

[John Holmberg]

He's. He's a sniffer. You got a sniffer boy? At least he's a guy. At least it's a girlfriend. And it's not like bacon stripes.

[Brett]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[John Holmberg]

We were heading down one road with the whole fashion BBC porn. No, it's interesting.

[Toledo]

Not a pair of boxers.

[John Holmberg]

You never asked him, what do you do with these?

[Toledo]

Oh, I did.

[Brett]

I'm like, what are you doing?

[John Holmberg]

And he just said it's a scout.

[Brett]

He just kind of smiled.

[John Holmberg]

He kept them there. Interesting.

[Brett]

Yeah, I don't know if he still has them.

[John Holmberg]

How long ago was that?

[Brett]

Well, they were dating at the time, so junior year.

[Toledo]

You still have those panties?

[John Holmberg]

How did you find them?

[Brett]

They were on the floor of his closet.

[John Holmberg]

Oh God. He's a sniffer and a masturbator. Otherwise you keep him in a drawer. Not you. That they were in there.

[Toledo]

Oh yeah.

[John Holmberg]

No, she didn't just take her panties off and leave them on the floor.

[Brett]

That was the whole thing.

[John Holmberg]

He's moving them around.

[Brett]

That was the argument we had at the time.

[Toledo]

Open the door.

[John Holmberg]

The kid whacked it in the closet with his. Oh no. You. You bred a sniffer. No, Natalie, to answer your question, it's creepy. Yes, it is creepy. What you guys do in that underwear is not normal. There's just.

[Brady]

Natalie's gonna be single later today.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, four of us are out There's. I don't know any. I don't know that if I could stay friends with anybody who's a sniffer.

[Toledo]

Let alone that everyone does it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And that guy's like.

And I get, like, having a little kink. But ladies sneeze in those things. Yeah. Oh, they do. They get even worse. I know. That's why I don't want anything to do with it. Like, underwear is grow. I peel those off like they're nuclear. You got the big gloves on and everything. It could be like a snot. You know, like when kid pulls his finger out of his nose, he's got a cold and it's stuck to the tip of his finger. I think some of that could be attached. Flip it around.

[Brett]

What if Natalie was sniffing his box?

[John Holmberg]

Exactly.

It's a pee catch all.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And for a lady, it's a God knows what catch all.

[Brett]

It's a fecal mist catch all for Brady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Lord, the filter.

[Toledo]

Oh.

[John Holmberg]

Disgusting. Yeah, you've got a. You've got a. You got an Ed Gein type there. You're going to find dead rabbits and stuff in your backyard and sick cats that just show up in your house.

There.

[Brett]

What's his next sex kink with you?

[John Holmberg]

Well, if he's, like, adamant about, like, don't wash it. What did his mother do to him?

[Brady]

Don't wear the fragrance soap.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Don't use it. Just. Just generic soaps. I like your natural musk. Here's some great value.

[Toledo]

Is that mando?

[John Holmberg]

I told you, great value is a poor person. So. Yes, it is. Yeah. And it smells like. You smell it. She didn't have a job. There's a girl at Tony Roma's that was a generic soap, Haver. Oh.

You go down on that the first time, you're like, this is. This is great value.

[Toledo]

Smells industrial.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that. That's not a flavor or a smell. It's just a.

[Brady]

That's not dial.

[John Holmberg]

Just a coating. Some sort of Irish.

[Brett]

Irish Spring.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, I like Scottish spring. Walk out of there whistling it.

What is that she washes with? Ivor spring. We got lucky. Is that lava? Yeah. A lot of lava is better than great value. Oh, yeah. You got to get the edges. Get those. Get the warts off.

[Brett]

Yeah, I know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Lava soap. And she's like, you know, my warts can't handle that kind of torque. What are you doing with that?

And she'll like it, too. Scrubber up. Natalie, your.

Boyfriend is gross. Now, Scott Haynes, our shortest, funniest Listener says, I sniff panties, but it's unintentional because they're right at my eye level. That's true. He's so short, he can't help it.

Dudes and frats think that's funny, and they'll do it for, like, they'll smell panties. But if you don't get out of that, something's wrong with you. That's like. That's a.

[Brett]

Every fraternity has about five of those guys.

[Brady]

Another reason not to join a fraternity.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it's that whole weird kind of somebody did something to me when I was young, and this is a funny place. I can test it it. And if anybody else laughs, it's like, oh, he's with me.

[Brett]

And if they're grossed out, it's even better.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's grandstand. Yeah. If you're gross, like, dude, put it down.

Women's panties are. They look good on. You don't want to look at them in the laundry room. There's like, a lot of times and not all the time. A lot of times there's stuff going on there. Men's underwear is no better. Again, like you said, if you had a wife, that was. If you had a girlfriend, it's just like, oh, I remember there was a girl that. I didn't do anything with it, but she had spoken about she liked her boyfriend after he had, like, worked out at the gym or.

[Brett]

Is that the pit sniffer?

[John Holmberg]

No, no, that was. That was just a goof. That was back when I was 17. No, this wasn't me. She was just talking to another guy about how she liked basketball and football. Like, after a game, she wanted him, like, that way, like, dirty and butt crack sweat and all that goo. And she was like, that's what I like being part of. That's just manly.

[Brett]

And she did.

[John Holmberg]

Well, and then. And then later. Yeah, and then later you find out, like, her uncle was just doing all sorts of dirty stuff to her, and she associated affection with a guy who just came out of the. The mill and attacked his niece.

[Toledo]

Ugh.

[John Holmberg]

It's gross. Yeah, there's something wrong. Most fetishes come with an uncle's thumb attached.

[Brett]

You know, I would say all. Well, no, I won't say no.

[John Holmberg]

There's some are. But most fetishes are most of the real twisted ones. Uncle born, we'll say.

How hot is she? Then? Definitely. It's okay. No, it's not.

[Brady]

It's not.

[John Holmberg]

Because it can wreck a hot girl.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If Margot Robbie had, you know, smelled like an old bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios is sitting out in the sun.

[Brady]

Crush me.

[John Holmberg]

It would kill you.

[Brady]

Yeah, deal breaker.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe this guy's from India and he's just homesick. Yeah, that's true.

Is your boyfriend a homesick Indian? Don't ever wash that thing down there. I don't like when the shower water touches and knocks off all of the delicious stinks. Oh, delicious, delicious stinks. The delicious stinks. That's right. That's not a bad band name. I like when they. I like going down there and filtering through all of the toilet paper balls and such.

Wow. Toilet paper just wadded up. Wad it up and put it inside the hole and leave it. I'll pull it out later.

It's a fragrant candle where I come from.

[Brett]

That's not a wick.

[John Holmberg]

No, it's gross. So no, Natalie, not normal. And thanks for the email. And then when your boyfriend starts laughing.

Oh, God. And then. All right, this is proof. Bailey, who sends you all those videos, says I live for that smell. Front and back door give me a long day of work in the summer. You're surprised, but I put her on. I prefer it off my hand or straight from the tap. Not necessarily off of panties.

[Toledo]

Straight from the tap.

[John Holmberg]

But only.

[Brady]

You've seen the videos he sends.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, this isn't surprising. And the one he was in it.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's true.

[John Holmberg]

But I only had that with my ex girlfriend. And I don't want one night stands smelling like that. It activates the caveman in me. No, but see, we advanced from caveman. We don't want to be Neanderthals anymore. There's a reason we don't do that. So tell that chick to dump the panty sniffer. John. No regular guy does that. Any major dude will tell you. According to Steely. And that's just creepy. This guy has some metaphorical skeletons in the closet. That's what I think. I think that if you're. If you're a constant sniffer.

Then you've got something really wrong. But thanks for sharing. I'm going to throw up now.

[Toledo]

Every day.

[John Holmberg]

I do it all the time, bro. I do it all.

[Brady]

Did you guys have anybody like that in the frat? Brown?

[Toledo]

Brady. Not that I.

[John Holmberg]

No panties. Yeah, but you guys had like. Because I was at a frat thing once with. Well, they were.

[Toledo]

You talked about. I mean, it's like any group of friends.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, you talk about kills. Yeah, but they had panty night at the pike house that I. When I hung out with that guy, I was friends with him, and then he'd, like. I'd go over to the house on, like, a Monday, and they had a meeting where they would hold up the panties of the girls they got that week. And the guy with the biggest pair of panties, they put them on the wall and he got, like, free drinks all week. So the bigger girl you banged during there was.

[Toledo]

I know a fraternity house that did. They. They gave the award every week. The sea captain, which was the C level girl, and.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The guy that banged the grossest or biggest girl and got hold of her underwear. Oh, one guy. I told you he'd start stealing purses and stuff like that of the big girls he banged and get their ID and like, to prove weight and stuff. But they said panties had to be part of it because you can just always steal a wallet.

Frats.

[Toledo]

Probably most disturbing was mom's weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Getting mom panties.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Hey, I want to thank Mike Thomas's mom for a great weekend.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And if you got Mike Thomas's mom's panties, it's. It's classless.

[Toledo]

But a couple of freshly divorced moms would come in for mom's weekend.

It happened.

[John Holmberg]

Wow. Yeah, I. They go back to college just as depressed, and again, probably uncle born problems there. But if you get a freshly divorced mom and she goes back to a college campus, you forget she's human. She's not going back. See my little boy and make him some orange juice and French. No. She's going out there going, hey, I'm having fun. And then you party with them and you kind of college crank. You make them. My friend Mark went back to his son's parents weekend, and he's like, look how the girls are dressed for parents weekend. And they were all.

In their purple little TCU outfits. He goes, I can't believe what I'm looking at. And he goes, some of the single dads here, I'm like, that's all you had to say. It's going to be nothing but trouble.

Because they're going to get drunk. They can't handle their drunk. They're all 21, 22. Unless they go to Tempe Tavern. Then they're 19 and even worse, Sibs weekend. Oh, oh, and brothers, sisters.

[Toledo]

Yeah, they come.

[John Holmberg]

That's a thing.

[Toledo]

From high school. They're juniors or seniors in high school. They visit the college.

[John Holmberg]

That's dumb.

[Brady]

That's Tempe.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's bad. You shouldn't want your brothers and sisters up there at your college experience unless you're the same age.

[Toledo]

Hey, this Is my fraternity house. Meet some of my fraternity brothers.

[John Holmberg]

This is my sister. Hands off. Which is like, green light. Start boning that hold my beer, bro. Yeah. I'll be right back. Man. This is awesome. When you go, Bone Bogan's little sister. She's my friend too. Remember that.

Nah, she's gonna be tainted, buddy. Don't worry about it.

I said, f that panty sniffer. My soon to be ex wife's underwear look like a Jackson Pollock after an innocent weekend.

Somehow that was my fault. It's too soon for me to talk about this. Yeah. I don't. Women shouldn't look in men's. You shouldn't look at anybody's underwear. You shouldn't look in somebody's underwear. You shouldn't ever examine it. If you are, examine your brain and vice versa. A man. I had a friend of mine who called me out of the blue. It's probably 15 years ago, dude. I think I'm gonna get divorced. I'm like, what happened? I don't know. It's doing the laundry. And it picked up her underwear, and there was, like, all sorts of stuff in it. And I'm like, okay, why are you telling me this? And he goes, it was another dude. And I'm like, what? And he just assumed it. But she had something going on. And she showed him, like, she didn't want to talk about it. Then he went and confronted her, like, who are you doing? Like, you. There's this dude in your underwear. Like, she had gunk.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And she had to break out, like, medical receipts to show that she'd been going to the doctor for some sort of a thing she had going on. So she was just sneezing at him.

[Brady]

Ah. And he's.

[John Holmberg]

Exactly. And he's going through it.

Stop going through her underwear. I can't help it. She leaves him laying around. I'm like, if she left him laying around and she had been with Thor that day, she's gonna pick that particular pair up. You don't want to find out what's going on in that area. We're not doctors. And you don't want to be that doctor. It's gross. What's the matter with you? And this is a. There's a woman who emailed us this. What's wrong with her?

Don't do that.

Now, this guy said, I had a girlfriend that kept her parts extra clean and she actually smelled good at the end of the day. She mailed me a pair of underwear when I was on business once, and they smelled great. But I've had other girlfriends and my wife that after an hour of wearing them, I don't even want to look at them. I don't want anything to do with their panties. The whole thing. We've sexualized their underwear. It's a catch all. It's designed to not get on the clothes.

[Brady]

It's like the drop cloth when you're painting and stuff like that. It's dripping.

[John Holmberg]

No, I'm out, Brett. Why? It's true. You're right. Come on.

[Toledo]

Years ago, in a pair. Scent.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah. People send underwear, but they'll usually a girl do it. She'll cover it in perfume or something.

[Toledo]

Yeah. Still.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Doesn't battle it.

The original sense.

[John Holmberg]

Well, no. If they had it on there.

[Brady]

Oh, kills on that or something.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. If you can't even Febreze it or poof it off. Poof. I can eat it.

And no girl would like that. You got a spray bottle of poof on the nightstand and get a. Hit her a couple times with it right before. Action. What was that? It's poof. Don't worry about it. The guy in the commercial eats it.

Yeah. This guy says, we've been watching old TV shows and they love to talk about Panty Raids. Was that real or a TV thing? I think it was real. I think it. And it was more just like.

[Brady]

But they weren't sniffing them either. They were just.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Yeah, man. Panty Raids were also.

[Toledo]

I'm sure there's.

[John Holmberg]

That was for dudes who couldn't get laid.

[Brady]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

Well.

[John Holmberg]

Revenge of the nerds, right? Panty Raids.

That's pretty.

[Toledo]

That's innocent fun.

[John Holmberg]

No, that's pretty low ball. Lame. Terribly desperate. Sad stuff. But yeah. Pandy rates. No, not interested in that.

Are you saying I have to wait for my kid to go to college for parents weekend so I can upgrade from my high mileage sweatpants wife to a newer bikini wife? Yeah, I'm afraid so, Burner. That's the. You're gonna have to wait for. I don't know how long you have to wait, but if she's in sweatpants and wondering how come you look at younger girls and you can't tell her it's because you. You dress like this. You don't try.

Men are pigs. They only like young girls. Oh, your sweatpants are falling off and there's a big hole in the ass.

Oh, you're just. I want to be comfortable. Like, I get it. So do I. I don't dress well anymore either.

I wouldn't blame you if you were looking at Chris Hemsworth. I am, too.

Oh.

Carl Atkinson is right. What I'm about to read from Carl is exactly right.

Natalie needs to break up with this guy completely and tell her boyfriend as she's breaking up with him, that she believes, to quote Carl Atkinson, he's looking for a little Punjabi punani.

[Brady]

Now, there's a band named He.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that's good. He wants the stinky stuff, and nobody delivers that.

Quite like the. The. The people of India.

The memes tell me so. It's very true.

Oh, this guy says, I agree with Bailey. When you love a woman, you love everything about her, including her underwear. I was addicted to the smell of my girl and her underwear, and she never washed them. I did. In fact, she had to wear diapers for me. Sun Christian rapper Nathan Sutherland. Well, damn it all.

[Toledo]

Guy listens a lot.

[John Holmberg]

He's a. You know, he's a regular. We'll take them all. Spongebob did a panty raid. Remember that? That was that episode they weren't allowed to show for a while, and then they did every once in a while, then they pull it again.

Panty raid. Morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible.

Holmberg's morning sickness.

Oh, this is true, too. Natalie knew what she was emailing wasn't right. That's why she emailed. Her brain's been screaming, Ah, but she can't face it.

Get the dick and fart guy to clean your mental wounds. That's me. I guess I'm the dick and Farka.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

If you're emailing me and the guys and saying, hey, help me out here. Is this normal? You know it's not. When you hit send, you knew. All right, well, they'll straighten this out. And if we.

[Toledo]

It's the final vote, right?

[John Holmberg]

You know me, listeners. We'd lose if all four of us are like, oh, man, can't get enough of that pungent stuff.

[Brady]

John, can we get a safe word prior to these type of conversations? Some of us are eating breakfast.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good point. It's a good point. Especially if you're eating a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. Been sitting in the sun like I brought up earlier.

[Brady]

And then somebody sent me the video again of the trout lady.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, remember that?

[Brady]

Can you imagine her panties?

[John Holmberg]

She's on that boat and that guy's putting a trout in her. They got arrested for that and should have.

[Toledo]

I heard a story about this guy. I think he was going to Harvard, but he decided do a diet. Sardine diet. Eight over a Thousand sardines. See if he would. How it would do with his health and lose weight. Ends up he lost six pounds, but his girlfriend said he stinks. Oh, yeah.

The sweat was sardines.

[John Holmberg]

And ugh. Andrew says, do you think a gay guy sends his underwear to his gay friend with the marks and stuff? And says, what's on my underwear? Could be on you later tonight, big boy. Oh, yeah, I do. I definitely think that they do gross stuff I can't explain. So I don't know what they're into, but I bet you they smell underpants.

They have to like. You'd have to be into that, right?

That's the. Like a. You know, everybody thinks that a fart would be hot.

[Brady]

Ask. Try Michael.

[John Holmberg]

I will. I'll ask him this weekend.

I'm going to dinner with them tonight. I forgot. Yeah, okay.

Going to dinner with them tonight.

[Toledo]

In the movies, it's usually like a shirt. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You'll suppose they're perfume or something. At the very least I had with the. The Brian Adams. When we broke up, she had left a winter coat at my house and it had her perfume in the pocket and it already smelled like her. And then every once in a while, I'd give it up when the smell cut. And then I'd go back to. I think I made love to that coat a couple of times. I'm not gonna lie, I did some damage to that thing. And then I'd hang it back up in the closet and oh, yeah, there were tears. It was a devastated mess for no reason. And, yeah, I'd smell that coat every once in a while and kind of go, oh. Because I was. There was something really wrong with me at the time. I was not normal. Damn you. F you, Brett.

And you know what's funny? After she plagiarized that letter to me with this. With this in it, pretending that these were her words, I gave her her coat back. You left this in my house last year.

[Toledo]

Baby Jesus, please find that me notebook.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my. My Ode to vagina.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Or the poetry to her. This happened way after the poetry book. And the smell on the coat. This was like a year and a half for her, realizing she'd made the biggest mistake of her life by breaking up with me.

And I gave her a coat back after I read because I was really almost there. I was like, you know what? Maybe I give this another run. I did spend a lot of time being depressed over our breakup.

[Toledo]

And then I was wondering where my North Face down jacket was.

[John Holmberg]

She plagiarized Brian Adams. And I was like, everything I do. I got to give her a coat back.

I wish I had that notebook. Yeah. That was beautiful, though. And it was the whole song.

[Brady]

She wrote the whole song out.

[John Holmberg]

She wrote the whole song. Like she skipped double chorus. Like she didn't double down on him.

First bridge. Yeah. She even wrote, like, in Pareti's bridge. Guitar solo. What? I wanted a guitar solo if I.

[Toledo]

Could play guitar right now.

[John Holmberg]

But you know what? I give her credit credit. It was handwritten, so it took time to plagiarize that rather than just copy and paste, which would have been.

[Brady]

Well, the Internet wasn't as prevalent then.

[John Holmberg]

So it's like it was 97. Yeah.

[Brady]

You couldn't go to lyrics.com and pull them up.

[John Holmberg]

She had to go back and probably rewind the tape. Yeah. Or a dv. A cd. Yeah. That's a lot of effort. I should have given her a little more credit.

[Toledo]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Look at that.

[Toledo]

Every time I wrote a letter to a girl, the police came over and interviewed me.

[John Holmberg]

Yes, I did that say, well, you had a few moments. I did go back to it because of this letter. And we had some activities. And I remember throwing a couple digits in there going, are you hollow? What happened here? When did. This is different. Yeah. Did somebody hole you?

Banging off side. What is going on? It's like a bounce house in there.

[Toledo]

And that's where he came up with the game Digging Hole.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, a game called digging a hole.

Up the sides and top, bottom. Top and bottom. How do you do that? This is different than it was a year and a half ago. I was really upset. Would you have sex with a light post?

I still finished. I got a gatu. Then I got that Bryan Adams letter, and I'm like, I gotta give this girl her coat back. Yeah. This was the part that said solo.

So I would masturbate thinking, oh, this is the time when I go solo.

It took me two or three times through that read to go, why do I know this? And then I started to sing it. Like, if somebody wrote the Alphabet down, you wouldn't just go a, B. You go, A, B, C, D. When you get through the third of a plagiarized song, you start going, oh, I can't tell you. It's not worth fighting. Like, I'm singing her letter. I know this, though. Anyway, lovely girl.

Last time I checked, she had a. A condo down in Tucson that was zillowing around $111,000.

[Brady]

I rent for Tucson.

[John Holmberg]

I win. Oh, I win. So many different directions.

She'S poor now.

I'm not. It's great.

Break up with me. You did?

Oh, I should buy a condo and become her landlord. Kick her up for plagiarism.

[Toledo]

It's a new owner.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it's a new owner here. His name's John. Oh, no. We don't tolerate two things. Loud parties and plagiarism. What?

[Toledo]

You'll get another letter.

[John Holmberg]

I want a five page letter to explain to me exactly why you want me to be your landlord and why you think you should be my tenant. Chorus Bridge. Ah, plagiarist.

[Toledo]

There goes the neighborhood.

[John Holmberg]

It should change. You know it's true. I should live with you. What? Yeah, you're sort of a plagiarist, but yeah.

See the guy said. Did she include the liner notes? Like, ah. Yeah, she did. Thank yous to like. Geffen Records, Produced by Mutt Lang. This letter's produced by a guy that happened nothing. But I did smell her coat for.

[Toledo]

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

Loose estimate about. Pardon the pun, about nine months. I was pretty into that coat. I was going through a lot, though. She broke up. I had no job. Right? I had just gotten fired. I had no job. I was going to radio school. Oh, I was not in a good place. And then I had to start a new job right after that at the Zone where I worked as a public affairs guy and kiss 12:30.

[Toledo]

Go fat.

[Brett]

Was.

[John Holmberg]

I was a. I was. I was. I was less. The gopher wouldn't get me anything. I was under the gopher. I was a dude at 4am on Sundays that came in and read tapes about religion for public affairs programs for four stations. It was brutal. I just kind of worked my way back in. And then once I started actually getting regular money again, she came back. Although the one time she came back, I didn't have a job. And that's when I got in trouble at Sears for buying something on one side of the store and returning it on another for cash. And that one, the gay before it was cool. Dude behind the counter recognized me and I pretended to be my own twin brother.

[Toledo]

I didn't realize it was that fresh.

[John Holmberg]

He just bought that on the other side of the. He can't return it. Give him credit. I'm like, hey, what are you talking about? It's my birthday. And I just got these, as you can see on my id, it's my birthday. Say it's his. Same same guy. Like, no, my twin brother's in here with me. He bought it for me. I don't want it. I'm bringing it Back. He's lying like, you twink bastard. Give me my money. I got a date with a plagiarist and I need 30 bucks.

And the lady behind the counter was kind enough to give me that. So I would charge stuff on a Sears card and then return it back to Sears for the cash and pay interest on a date.

It was dumb, but it got me through a couple of nights and then it got me back into the Cavern for a second.

And then it got me into this.

How long is this song for me? 31 years.

It's a 31 year old song. It's brutal. And you know, I should have had a clue when we broke up. She came over the house a few months. This is a really good moment. I haven't told this part. We. She came over and I'm like, oh, she's back. But she had kind of started talking to a guy in the military and he was stationed like way far away. I don't even know, like Somalia or something. And we're laying in the back of her truck. We're just talking, you know, we, you know, it was. It wasn't constantly like, I need you back. It was like, we're having a talk as friends talk. And where she said the words to me, do you think that people are looking at the same sky? And I looked at her like, bitch doesn't know about hemispheres. And she goes like, do you think that when I look at a star, someone else could be looking at that same star?

[Brady]

American tail now. Or was it.

[John Holmberg]

She said words from the American Tail song. And that dawned on me way later. It's like, wait minute a. Were sleeping underneath the same big sky. What? Somewhere out there. She started to kind of quote that.

Somewhere out there.

[Toledo]

There was in a couple of movies where they looked up.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, but I mean, she was saying words from that song. Do you think that someone. Somewhere far away. I believe the same star she. Oh, it was American tail. Well, now, especially after the Bryan Adams thing. And you picked. You picked it up immediately.

[Toledo]

She was talking about the simoleon squeeze Ye.

[John Holmberg]

But we're in the. Yeah, but I didn't know that guy existed. She ended up marrying him and then he came back. Or she divorced him because he tried to kill her once and told her, I'm a marine, I could kill you in seven seconds. Then he pissed on her laundry and he walked out.

Somewhere.

And they were looking at the same things. Oh, man.

Yeah. And I'm in the back of the car with her and she's talking about whether or not. He sees the same sky as her. And I thought she was talking about me. And I'm like, well, we could be looking at the same stars. And she's like, blech. Not you, James Ingram. We're doing it right now. And I just looked at her. Somewhere out there.

Someone saying a prayer. That's what I was thinking. You weren't thinking, this bitch. Somebody else wrote it.

Yeah. And that's what she said. She was like, basically trying to say if someone. And I told. Well, I was. I looked at it, like, kind of like it depends on where they're living. What do you mean? I don't know. They have. In the Southern hemisphere, they see. Don't you know the eagle song? Like, there are stars in the southern sky and they have little different constellations. They see a different thing than us. You ruined it. The Southern Cross we don't see. They do because it's called the southern. It's the. Did you have school? Did you go? Did you go to school? No. Something. So you don't think someone. And I don't know, let's say Mogadishu is looking at the same big skies like you're a couple. Are you fievel? What is going on?

But I was following, like, we're.

[Toledo]

We're looking at the same sky.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. That's what I was trying. I did.

[Toledo]

Then you went and did the move.

[John Holmberg]

I was not denied. I was duck. Oh. I didn't make any moves. I was ducky. I knew that was off. But I was the. I'm looking at a star. Which one are you looking at? Not you. I'm saying, like, if someone on the other side of the planet. I'm like, I don't know what she. She's out of her mind. Maybe. I don't know. Take off your shirt.

Yeah.

[Brady]

You got nothing that night.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, no. That was me trying to get it back. So I was. I was pretty much just falling for everything she said. I was like, that's great.

[Toledo]

Over in time.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I said she wanted to come over and talk about the new guy. And then he threatened to shove her bone into her brain a year later.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

Now she lives in a place I could buy with petty cash.

It's great. She lost, I won.

And then I have to reset that for the ex wife because, you know, you win, lose relationships. I think she won that one. But she still has to deal with the tragedy of nine, 11 every day. So I kind of have that over her because she was in the tower, so.

Her husband is A ton of money. They did very well. Or he did. And then she did, too. She kind of won that one. Like, she got rid of me and got this guy. She clearly upgraded. That's a big up. You want them all to fail. No matter what you do, you consider an upgrade, but you want them to. You don't want to see your ex, like, thriving. Not like that. Not like. I remember somebody sent me an article. It was very funny that when she bought a house in Texas, it was in the newspaper.

That's pretty good. That's getting it done. Like, very rarely do they go. You know, they. Only when you buy a house. That's extraordinary. Does the media follow it. And it was at this house. And also, if your house has a name and people know the name.

[Toledo]

The Camelot man.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. The Eckland mansion has been sold.

[Brady]

Like South Fork or something or what?

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, they got.

It's not that big. It's not like Dallas's South Fork, but it was. It had a name. If your house has a name and not by you. Yeah, by the society and the people around. Like, oh, that's the old blah, blah, blah Manor. Like, oh, then you. I lost that one.

But he still has to deal with the night terrorists. I don't have that.

You know, I can come out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my head and not have her faint.

You have to do cpr. Every time I put something on my head.

[Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Every time I'm wearing a robe, she goes into a spasm.

I don't have to, you know, tranquilize her. To fly to New York.

[Brett]

Nah.

[John Holmberg]

So. But she still won. That's. You know, I want to. Someday I want to buy a house that everybody goes, oh, he bought the old Wolf's Winkle Lodge. Like, oh, yeah, that's mine. Pretty neat. Brett, what do you got on the big board of musical treats?

[Toledo]

All right.

[Brady]

Wake Up Song brought to you by Action Ride Shop.

[John Holmberg]

Of course.

[Brady]

Josh and the boys taking care of you guys this Christmas with 20 off, all in stock beach cruiser. So if you just want to cruise around the neighborhood, right around the kids or whatever, if you have them, that's the place to go. Action Ride Shop. And don't forget to get in on the winter stuff at the OG right there on Gilbert Road and Southern, they got all the skis, boards, bindings, anything you need, they're going to get you up on the mountain and up north.

[John Holmberg]

There is no place. No place to go for skiing other than the Action Ride.

[Brady]

Oh, absolutely.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, because I was you and I were talking about yesterday. I got a little wild hair on it. Went to the website and started looking. I'm like, maybe I'm gonna load up on, you know, snowboarding again.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Because I went once and broke both my. I want to go. I've never been, so it's tough, but it's been a long time. But I buried that snowboard in the first half hour and broke both ankles.

It was a bad weekend. Well, I actually drove back. I didn't know they were broke until I got home. Once the boots came off, it was over. They were, like, holding in the swelling. Boots came off, and they just always. My heart fell down into them. They were pulsating for days. They were purple. But I did have a good time. It did seem fun. But the guy I went with was like, you're not gonna learn anything on a bunny hill. It's not steep enough. You won't go fast enough. You just keep falling down. Get up here with me. And we went to the. I guess it's a black diamond. And I just went straight down that thing and fell down a thousand times and then. But I did pretty good. But the only thing I couldn't do is left. Oh, yeah. This was the theme of the day.

Doing great, man. I feel pretty good about it. I'm feeling okay. Sorry. And then the front end of that board dug into the soft snow, and I spun, and it stayed. My ankles went click, click, both of them.

So I want to try again. It's been long enough that I think I get up there a little smarter. I know what to avoid. Let's go. But, yeah, I was on actionrideshop.com yesterday looking at that, and I'm like, some of these things are pretty good, and they can get you a bunch of stuff.

[Brady]

Yeah. And they know what they're talking about, too. It's not. It's not Trevor over at, you know, one of these big sporting goods stores. These guys actually do it.

[John Holmberg]

No, I find I. I don't think I'm a. They call it goofy foot, where you lead with your right foot. Foot. But the dude at the store back when I got my board just pushed me.

[Toledo]

You lead with your left, Right.

[John Holmberg]

When you're goofy. It depends.

[Brady]

I'm goofy footed. Like, when I skateboard, I'm.

[John Holmberg]

It's right before. Yeah, yeah. That's your right foot. Left foot is normal. Left foot. Left foot going down is normal. Right foot is goofy.

[Toledo]

Okay. Skateboard.

[John Holmberg]

Is that the same thing?

[Brady]

Yeah, that's. That's how I Was.

[John Holmberg]

I was goofy foot, but the guy just pushed me. And whatever foot I went forward with was. Because you're Goofy foot. It like, what? So you just pushed me? I didn't know. You're gonna do it? Yeah. That's how we test. I'm like, that's the test. Okay. So we put the board on goofy, and I was riding. It felt weird. It didn't feel right. I felt like I was facing the wrong way the whole time. And every time I looked at other people going normal, I was like, that's how I want to be. And this dude just pushed me, and my right foot went forward. He goes, your goofy foot.

[Brady]

Well, you never skateboarded then.

[John Holmberg]

Or.

[Brady]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I didn't know I couldn't skateboard the. I still can't do it. I don't understand how you don't stop. And each one of the. The cuts in the cement on a sidewalk, it used to stop me every time. Really? Oh, yeah. No matter how fast I was going, the wheels would just stop and I'd fall off. Terrible at it. And now I'm afraid of it. I got on a skateboard about a year ago, and I'm like, oh, it's too high.

[Toledo]

What happened to my balance?

[John Holmberg]

I have great balance. I just don't know how to. To get it going fast enough to not have the cuts in the sidewalk stop the board.

[Toledo]

One pebble.

[John Holmberg]

That's it. One thing stops me cold, and I can go fast. It just. I. I'm bad at it. Maybe I shouldn't go. I'll go watch you snowboard, and we'll see how it goes. But, yeah, I think. I think that's the reason why I was bad, is because he put me on the wrong way. We'll try. We'll go over to Josh. They know what they're doing. That's a good thing. But this Aaron guy says, by the way, John, you should have started quoting We've Got Tonight to that girl, since she plagiarizes songs and you would have had her in the back of that truck. That's true. I don't know if anybody sees the same stars underneath this same big sky but we've got tonight who needs tomorrow? Let's make this last let's find a way My God, are you just thinking of that right now? Turn out the light we're outside. Sorry. Come take my hand now Chorus we got tonight Bab, why don't you stay? We're in my truck. I can't go to. I know you're weak. I Know you're weary, I'm fine.

[Brady]

On the list, got Coffin Cats, Avenge Sevenfold, Ozzy, Buck, Cherry Slayer, Raining Blood for Panty Sniffer Guy, Kiss Don't Sour, stp, Ministry, Chili Peppers, Blood Sugar, Sex Magic for Panty Sniffer Guy, Summer Breeze from Typo Negative for Panty Sniffer Guy, and Skinner, that Smell for Panty Sniffer Guy.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. Summer Breeze gets me when type. I find that to hysterical. The COVID of Summer Breeze. I don't want to hear it this morning because it's just so slow. But when they did Summer Breeze and I heard it the first time, I laughed the whole time. They're serious about it?

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Should we do it?

[Toledo]

Sure.

[John Holmberg]

All right. Little typo Negative Summer Breeze for that dude smelling what's her name, Natalie's Panties.

Oh, and Peter Steele starts in with this one.

[Brady]

Hang on, let me get it.

[John Holmberg]

This is just hilarious. I thought they were kidding.

Blowing like the Jasmine.

I should have started quoting Summer Breeze. Yeah. Give it to me, man. Typo negative Summer Breeze. It's weird, but it's perfect for Panty Sniffers. It's their theme song. And I bet you Peter Steele smelled some underwear. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, there you go. It's your wake up song. Good call. Hey, it's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. Actually, no membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Yeah, I find myself, absolutely. Oh, by the way, tap it, tap it, tap it. The Offspring are the Artist of the week for your KUPD Concert Pass. If you're listening on the app or you got that web thing set up, tap that apple. But when Offspring plays and you are qualified for the drawing to win the KMPD Concert Pass, that's every concert for all of 2026 that ever goes on the Core Calendar. The Core Institute concert calendar. We get that thing. I mean, every Nine Inch Nails, Bad Flower, Black Label Society, Pussifer, Bad Omens, Lamb of God, Evanescence, Electric Call Boy, which I would love. Avenge Sevenfold, Motley Cruelty, Three Days Grace. Those are the ones we have right now. You'd get tickets to all of them. Another guy asked, is there only going to be one winner? Yup, One dude. And then yesterday, Brett got mad at a guy who said, lawn or pit? Which am I getting if I get this thing free tickets to every show? I don't even know, but shut up. I don't want to sit with the poor people. Well, then don't Play. Yeah.

It'S dumb. And then another guy got an email, says, I he lives somewhere else in another state because I don't think I can win, can I? And I'm like, I didn't write the rules. They're on the website somewhere, but gonna.

[Brady]

Fly in for every show.

[John Holmberg]

But if you're selling them, you know you're gonna run into a few. You're just gonna eat. But I make a couple bucks here and there. I don't know how it works. Read the rules. I don't know how that works. But I'm super fascinated right now because I got a direct view of Camelback Mountain. I stare at it every morning. It's actually the best part of this building, is how we've placed ourselves right here. Staring at the iconic Camelback Mountain. Got Papago to the right. It's a beautiful vista out our window. There's a dude trapped on it. Been there since last night. And they said that they were going to rescue him this morning through a helicopter. So I've been looking. They did it really fast. They said, after sunrise we'll come get you. Well, the sun's been up for about 45 minutes. They didn't specify when after sunrise. I mean, noon is technically after sunrise. Eyes. But I haven't seen a chopper go up and grab him. He got stuck last night at 8 o'.

[Toledo]

Clock.

[John Holmberg]

They droned up some food, a blanket, and a cell phone. The dude was hiking without a cell phone.

[Brady]

That's dumb there.

[John Holmberg]

That strikes me as stupid. And he's up to something like, there's a bigger question here. And then how did they find out he was stuck? So they found him last night.

[Toledo]

Someone else maybe.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe. That's my guess. I don't know. Stayed with him or somebody had to call and go, hey, my friend was hiking and didn't come home. And then they droned up there and searched around and then dropped him a cell phone, a blanket and some snacks and said, we'll see you in the morning. I haven't seen a chopper go off and get him yet.

[Toledo]

And maybe they assessed it and figured they could take the big wheel up there.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe they're just going to walk it up. That could be. Well, I was kind of looking forward to that basket swing from my view. Would have been great. And did they get on it right at sunrise?

[Brady]

I wouldn't.

[John Holmberg]

I wouldn't either. It's cold.

[Brady]

Line of Dutch brothers a little long this morning. Pilot's still in line probably.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Let's just wait it out. We'll get there when we get there. You're not going anywhere. You've got a blanket and some granola.

[Toledo]

Supposed to be 80 today too, you know.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. What are you bitching about? Yeah. And I mean, look, you can leave that guy up there. Camelback Mountain is not Everest. If you die on camelback, you did something stupid.

[Toledo]

Might be cheaper for us to just keep droning food and supplies up there.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. So we hit coffee lost.

Yeah. It's not like, look, I've seen people climb camelback and it can be a little bit harder than you think. But I've seen people in jeans and flip flops with babies on their shoulders coming down off that mountain and I'm like, what do you do? This is dumb. But it's just proof. You should never die on camelback. If you die on camelback, you. You're trying to do like backflips all the way down. That's you're. You can even kind of fall off the trail a little and get screwed up. You could fall off a camelback and lift.

[Toledo]

They still allowing pets to go up there?

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah. I took my dog Sheila up there a couple of times. Great. She was a great climber. But you don't. It's not like you're, you know, strapping in and climbing vertical walls. A couple little spots you gotta get. Yeah, but it's not.

[Toledo]

The tough thing is like seeing, you know, the leash isn't real long. Not worried about the dog falling so much when the guy holding on look again.

[John Holmberg]

If you fall down, you should fall right where you are and get right back up. It's not a. You're not tumbling down the side of.

[Toledo]

And then they're not picking up the poop.

[John Holmberg]

Well, that's a different story altogether. Now you're just going.

[Toledo]

That's why I stopped.

[John Holmberg]

Now you're just going down complaint road.

[Toledo]

I stopped years ago.

[John Holmberg]

Just follow the trail. Now Brady's gone off trail. Even in a story, he's gone off trail. We're not talking about poop and dogs. His people. Nobody's going to die on that thing. If you die on camelback. I mean, they tell tourists about it. So I always tell people in Sedona when you go off roading with them and they're like, oh, I don't know if I look, look, they rent jeeps to people to do freaky the first, right. But they. Nobody's really worried about a terrible accident. You have to do something so stupid. I mean, you have to be so. And people are stupid. So it could happen. But it doesn't because for the most part, you're going one the whole time. And even if you roll over a little bit, it's gonna be scary. Camelbacks the same way they tell old people to hike Camelback. Some dude just hiked it with a Christmas tree on his shoulder and put it up as the Santa guy that does that every year.

[Brady]

Still doing that.

[John Holmberg]

Does. He goes up there every morning now. Tends to the tree.

[Toledo]

The Legend of Camelback Jack.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know what that means. You got weird new title things today. Oh, you never heard that?

[Toledo]

He was one of the.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the dude that just kept going up and down.

[Toledo]

Then he does it. He A couple years, he'd do it for 24 hours. He did like up and down 22 times.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, George makes a good point. What are we wasting time with a rescue for? For waiting for the sun to come up. He got up there, he can march his happy ass down. Good point, George. It's daytime.

They said he wasn't that injured. I rolled my ankle on it once.

[Toledo]

Maybe they talked.

[John Holmberg]

I got down.

[Toledo]

Maybe, you know, overnight. He woke up this morning like, I feel fine. I think I work my way.

[John Holmberg]

He is fine. He got lost and it got dark. They gotta wait till morning.

And he didn't have a cell phone. That guy's up to something. I think he's hiding evidence. I'm gonna look deeper into this. I don't. I'm getting a little Jussie Smollet on this deal right here. He didn't have a phone. Somebody else ratted him out that he was up there. Who walks around without a phone? Especially doing stuff like that?

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Follow the trail. There's a bloody knife on there. There. There's a bloody knife on Camelback. If you find it, don't touch it. That's the rescue boy.

He didn't want to get tracked. He didn't want to be found. If he didn't have a phone, he was up to something bad.

[Toledo]

They found the blanket and phone on the picnic table.

[John Holmberg]

We'll find something out about this. This not all is being. We all think it's a mountain rescue. Not so much. And the news loves those mountain rescues since they spun the guts out of that old lady a few years ago.

She lived right, but her internal organs were mashed up against the sides of her body because they spun her at 110 rotations per second.

[Toledo]

It was bad.

[John Holmberg]

It was not. It was awesome for her. It was bad for all of us. Couldn't get enough badass the news shows it all the time. Remember this. This tragedy. Like you guys don't think it's a tragedy. You wouldn't show it over and over. Remember we. Remember when we spun that lady's guts into her rib cage. Hope that doesn't happen again. Let's go live to the helicopter.

Anyway. Yeah, George is right. Set up a helicopter. It's daytime. Get off my hill. At 7:53 we got ourselves a Brady Report for all the other stuff that's going on as I keep. I'll keep an eye on the mountain, you guys. Look at all the other stuff. It's brought to my [e-mail] that's where you get shade. Put on that back patio so you can turn day into night at your home if you'd like. You got an area that's got a TV on the back patio or you want to put one on there? There. But the sun's glaring too much. Well, darn it all, there's one place that'll fix all that. Allprochade.com Make a nice shady day out of these 80 degree December afternoons and turn into a beautiful evening. And because you got motorized shade from All Pro Shade, they'll throw a heater in there for you as well. So when the sun does set, you don't need your shades anymore. You got a nice heater to continue your evening on your beautiful new patio. Allprochade.com Brady report it.

[Toledo]

Good Wednesday morning to you, Phoenix. Hello world.

[John Holmberg]

Hi.

[Toledo]

Happy National Logger Day. Not the Woodsman.

[John Holmberg]

L, A G E R. Yes. A lager. Okay.

[Toledo]

A couple of basis fun facts. The piece of metal on the end of a pencil that holds the eraser is called metal. A ferrule.

[Brett]

I remember that from Rich Hall.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yes. Niggles. All right. Knew it. Knew it.

[Brett]

I wasn't gonna say it, but I hopped in there.

[John Holmberg]

Shut up, Toledo. That's enough of you. Get back. Bury your nose in that computer and zip it.

Look what you did. Stop.

[Toledo]

He's gone.

[John Holmberg]

I know. 40 years ago, there's a comedian who started a book series about words that were silly, about little things we didn't know. And he called them sniglets. Now, you can't really say that to someone because if the reference is lost, you just seem terrible.

[Brady]

Can I get that on Amazon?

[John Holmberg]

No, you probably can still. Don't Google that on your history.

[Toledo]

I remember a couple of them.

[John Holmberg]

Of course you remember them. They were funny. But you're old. Young people are like, did he just say that you're gonna lose your job. And losing your job for saying sniglets means sniglets.

[Brady]

There's a bunch of versions.

[John Holmberg]

All right, that's enough. There's the Reloaded version. Who has told him about this? Toledo?

[Toledo]

Hbo?

[John Holmberg]

No, it's Saturday Night Live too. He was rich. Hall went to snl. Now knock it off. He's lost. He's on a search. Look at his face. It's like a kid on Christmas.

[Toledo]

Provide.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't. So many books of it. I'll handle all the references around here. You don't know what you're doing. You got to manage more things than just the words Toledo. You got to manage the four year old mentality that's in this room at all times.

Turn his computer off.

[Toledo]

When margarine was first created, it was illegal to make it the same color as butter, so the manufacturers dyed it yellow. But eventually margarine became more popular than butter. So the butter manufacturers started dyeing their butter yellow.

[John Holmberg]

They chased margarine?

[Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Is margarine still a thing? Yeah. Is it?

[Brett]

I don't use it.

[John Holmberg]

Didn't we find out that margarine was actually bad? Bad like your body doesn't digest it at all because it's artificial. Butter's fattening, but margarine stays in your system like 12 or like 10 days longer or something like that.

[Brett]

Oh, geez.

[John Holmberg]

It does? Yeah. Well, like I can't, I can't believe it's not butter. It's supposed to be a butter substitute.

[Toledo]

Eat that, it stays in for seven years.

[John Holmberg]

That's not true. But they do have the thing that they said that the scientifically. Yeah, you won't get fat if you eat lots of this, but it stays in your body. So you, you don't digest things right because of that. It's bad for you. Eat real butter. Moderation and not by the stick.

[Brett]

Margarine manufactured spread from vegetable oils, offering milder taste, unsaturated fats and higher smoke points.

[John Holmberg]

Right. I don't know what it is. I'm just. I just know that your body doesn't know what to do with it. So it stores it. It's the vegans weirdos.

[Toledo]

A large scale study published in the Journal of Psychological Science found that some of life's toughest questions have a consistent theme. Perceived risk. The study asked people about their toughest, most stressful life decisions, then compiled them in a list of the riskiest choices people faced here. So the top 10 whether to accept a new job or not was number one.

Number two, Whether to quit your job without an alternative gig.

[John Holmberg]

Don't do that. That's never good.

[Toledo]

Three was whether to invest money. Four was whether to drive a car when tired, buzzed, or there's bad weather.

5 was whether to become self employed. 6 whether to buy a house.

[John Holmberg]

These are all points of stress to the like people were the highest points.

[Toledo]

Of stress that people, they lost their minds over it. Yeah. Whether to get surgery, whether to get married, whether to get vaccinated. The last one was whether to move.

[John Holmberg]

To another country just on a whim. That is pretty stressful.

[Brady]

Ask Rosie.

[John Holmberg]

Did you have a job?

[Brett]

If you're considering moving to another country, I think your bread's people.

[John Holmberg]

Well, the thing is that for a job.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Change a job. Essentially what you just rattled off was 10 life changes that you had. Yeah. That's all scary. It's like if I make this change, will it work out? Like I'm comfortable where I am, but I got to take a chance to go further. Yeah, that's stressful, but it's stress for the right reasons. It's not like you survive that decision. The biggest stress is like what Brett went through yesterday. Is this the right time with my pet? Like, those are the stresses. How do I unplug dad without everyone finding out?

That's a lot of stress when you think about that. What do I, how do I, you know, going like that guy a few years ago that went online. He had to be under an excruciating amount of stress while he typed in how long does a body decompose in a plastic bag? I mean, you want to talk about real stress? How do you get blood out of the cracks of a wood floor?

[Brett]

Just those X's on your calendar.

[John Holmberg]

The best way to dismember a body. The dude Googled all that. The stress he was under was unreal. Now he's an asshole. But you still can't discount that he was going through a lot.

[Toledo]

A new law went into effect in Australia today that bans social media for kids 15 and under. They can't have accounts on any of the major, major platforms, including Facebook, Tick tock, Instagram, Snapchat, even YouTube.

[John Holmberg]

I don't use this word a lot, but ah, fooey, they did that to us here in Arizona. No more porn for you. We figured it out in an hour.

[Toledo]

Fans of the law hope it forces kids to hang out in person.

[John Holmberg]

Kids will figure out how to get back on social media in a blip. Brady, you don't do a lot of porn, but every once in a while it goes, are you 18? And that is the gatekeeper. I mean, if you were willing to lie and are under 18, you're in now.

[Brett]

But in this state now, you have to upload your ID, get a.

[John Holmberg]

No, you don't get a VPN.

Go to Eros or whatever the other VPNs are. You download that, you connect it every time you want to jerk off and it goes right to pornhub. There aren't even questions. The other one. And even verifying your age, you don't have to do an ID. It does a face scan of you. I'm 53. I'm 53. It looks at me and it goes, you're good.

My phone even goes, come on, what are we wasting time? You're carding this guy.

Jerk. Merrily, it says.

It'S a holiday greeting.

[Toledo]

There's a park near London that just added an ice skating rink for the holidays. And it's a reminder that public parks are used for lots of stuff throughout the year. Because a couple went skating the other day and they took a picture of the ice and he found a used condom. Condom frozen in the ice. They posted it.

The park employees went over there, cut the ice out, fixed.

[John Holmberg]

Let me tell you this. Anybody who takes a picture of a used condom and thinks it's funny used the condom. Nobody sees a used condom and, and thinks it's fun and takes photos of it. Unless they were the reason it's there.

[Toledo]

Well, had the melt the ice first.

[John Holmberg]

And then these people threw that the night before. Yeah, and then it froze over and they went back to look and then they took pictures. No, but if Toledo and I are walking along, we see a condom, we're not taking pictures, we're running from it. Nobody sees someone else's used condom and gets happy.

[Toledo]

Got a 24 year old dude from Oklahoma named Dylan Redfern. He's been nabbed after robbing a liquor store last Friday armed with an antique gun. It was an old tiny musket.

[Brett]

The one shotters.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, the big horn at the end.

[Toledo]

That's what I thought, but it was actually the old timey musket pistol.

[John Holmberg]

Oh God. Hang on, I gotta reload. Cooler pulls out the can of black.

[Toledo]

Powder and it was a single shot, like, don't go anywhere.

[John Holmberg]

It's one of my finer childhood memories. We lived in New Mexico in 1981 and before there were laws in this country. My dad went and got his muzzle loader, gigantic old gun. And at 11:57 on New Year's Eve, he starts Pouring powder in it. And puts this ball in there and goes in the backyard. And this giant noise goes off. What the hell are you doing? Happy New Year. Just unloads a muzzle over there.

[Brett]

He killed somebody when the ball.

[John Holmberg]

Who knows where the ball ended up? Nobody paid attention to that stuff. But kids were smarter in the 80s. We dodged lawn darts our whole childhood. So somebody fired a gun. You just knew to start running in a circle. The odds of getting hit was low. Then in the 90s, have to put.

[Toledo]

A ball in it.

[John Holmberg]

He did fire. He put a ball in a. And a. Like this weird tarp thing. And it fired out in some weird cover. We found that. Who knows where the ball was? My dad goes, ah, it might go 100 yards. We never found it. We shot it straight up in the air. Could have killed one of us.

[Toledo]

So Dylan didn't fire the gun, but he was pointing it at people. No one was hurt. He's charged with first degree robbery.

Here it is. 1800s Derringer.

[John Holmberg]

Nice. That's what killed James Garfield, I think.

I went to my dad.

[Brett]

He's the guy that said, what's this then?

[John Holmberg]

What's this? Yeah, the. My dad stayed at the rental house I have, and they left yesterday. So I went over there, just make sure everything's okay. And all the TVs, he couldn't figure them out, but he found the Samsung channel somehow or the Samsung tv. And all of them were on westerns. And I watched for a few minutes what he had on Last, which was a movie. I wrote it down. It was a John Wayne movie.

[Toledo]

Rio Bravo.

[John Holmberg]

No, it wasn't. It wasn't a good one. Popular ones. Damn it. Big Jake or something like that.

[Toledo]

Oh, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Is that a movie? Yeah, that's it. Okay. That was it. So it's called Big Jake. And he hangs out with this Italian guy in red paint pretending to be an Indian. And Patrick Wayne's in it, his son. And he can't act at all. And I watched about 10 minutes. And they're checking into a hotel and he's got an animal with him. He calls Dog. It's this Aussie shepherd mixing. All right, Dog. And he gets Dog dug and go with him. Dog. And he sends Dog off. And then they're checking into a hotel in. The Mexican guy behind the counter, he goes, I need a room for four. And he says, the dog can stay, but not the Indian. And he's no Indian. No, sir. Yeah. All right. And then the Indian just goes, I'll sleep at the bar. And then two Chinese guys in a coolie hat walk by and John Wayne eyeballs them. And they go upstairs to their room and he looks at the guy behind the counter, he goes, no Indians. But. And then the scene's over. This is a whole thing. It's not a comedy.

[Toledo]

One of the best scenes and it sounds pretty funny.

[John Holmberg]

And he goes, come with me, dog. And the dog goes everywhere. The dogs allowed anywhere. Indians, not so much.

They say things that are horrible. Horrible way.

Homeburg's morning sickness.

[Brady]

So he just slept at the bar.

[John Holmberg]

So he just. No, actually found out who he was. And he was evidently a big name. Okay. So he's like, oh, I had no idea it was you, sir. Take your Indian. And he moved in like, come on with me, Sam. And Sam, the Indian went upstairs with him. And I'm like, this is terrible.

[Brady]

Come on, Tato.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Which basically like that. Well, Tonto, they call and Lone Ranger. If you ever watch old Lone Ranger engine. Savage Redskin, they throw those around like nobody's business. The savage came wandering in. Who? The redskin over there. Anyway, he's going nuts.

But my dad had that thing on full blast. Like you turn on the tv, the volumes at an all time high and it's just Westerns. I'm like, he found it. I didn't even know it existed, but he found it.

[Toledo]

We talked about the drone drops in prisons.

One happened, South Carolina.

Dropped off a nice package. Steak, weed, crab legs.

[John Holmberg]

We talked about that yesterday.

[Toledo]

Cigarettes and Old Bay. The old baby.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Did you help this prisoner, Brady? It sounds like the full package you'd have dropped off.

[Toledo]

I want to drop that off. I would drop the cigarette a couple.

[John Holmberg]

Bites out of it. There would have been an expired sauce included.

[Toledo]

Evidently the in and out franchises in California have dropped the order 67.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, because the kids are ruining it.

[Toledo]

Yeah, the freak out. Some of the Tick Tock videos, they go crazy.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, I just got note from somebody that says the helicopter rescue is underway. They're watching it on the news now. I don't see a helicopter.

[Toledo]

Must be on the other side.

[John Holmberg]

How low is it? How low was this guy? So it's only a mile and a quarter to get to the top.

[Brett]

Wasn't the other side the north side closed because of those boulders that are.

[John Holmberg]

Going to drop again. You have to screw up so bad to get hurt on this mountain. And not on the head part. Those people actually do like real climbing, rappelling on sheer cliffs on that. But when you're just climbing cholla or.

[Brett]

Echo one that's closed because of the boulder.

[John Holmberg]

No, evidently not because they were on it yesterday. That's why this guy got stuck. I don't know anything about what you're talking about. That place is packed full of people. Every time I go by oh McLaughlin's.

[Brett]

Been talking about it for a while. There are two giant boulders up there that. That ready have eroded with all of the. So they're. They're shoring them up.

[John Holmberg]

Take your chances. Shimmet. I don't see a helicopter.

[Toledo]

I just have one ready video you.

[Brett]

It'S going to say we could try and get the local news.

[John Holmberg]

No that's all right. I. I'll see it. I. I don't care about actually the rescue. I just want to see the helicopter bobbing around.

[Toledo]

It's happened in Florida on the interstate.

[John Holmberg]

Emergency plane landing right there on the freeway.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Three laner.

It's a baby jet though huh?

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And he lands on a car. They didn't tell anybody.

Like the radio. There's no alert on your phone for this either.

[Toledo]

In your car you wouldn't know.

[John Holmberg]

Is he dead?

[Brady]

Maricopa About a dust storm and nobody's gonna warn me about a plane landing.

[John Holmberg]

I got a 4am alert about an Indian that got stolen.

[Toledo]

That's amazing. Yeah. She was carted to the hospital.

[John Holmberg]

Well yeah.

[Toledo]

Plane landed on it but he's okay I guess.

[John Holmberg]

Pilot she's in her car just screaming the words to cappuccino by Sabrina Carpenter and a plane smashed into the top of her car.

[Toledo]

Car.

[John Holmberg]

That is crazy. Wheels down. What was wrong with the plane? Looks like it could have landed somewhere else.

[Toledo]

Was it loaded with some square grouper.

[John Holmberg]

As in Florida you said?

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[Brett]

Pilot reported in trouble. Plane came down shortly before 6pm on the southbound side of the highway.

[John Holmberg]

It's a Coke.

[Brady]

Drops are probably following him.

[John Holmberg]

Man oh man. That thing just smushes that Corolla where.

[Brett]

You don't see his ice swooping in right after.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, that lady didn't pay attention to that giant phone alert. That had to be. I had my alerts off. Yeah. I'll teach you.

[Brady]

Somebody just said the helicopter was on the northeast side because he's on 61st.

[John Holmberg]

Street way over there.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's what this guy's saying.

[John Holmberg]

You can roll down that side.

It said they were on the camel head side. That's what this guy said huh. Bad. Yeah. This guy. His leg better have fallen off for us to pay this kind of taxpayer dollar. He's paying his own rescue right?

[Brett]

That guy cut off his arm.

[John Holmberg]

Oh he Chewed his arm up. 127 hours. Yeah.

[Toledo]

They dropped him a jackknife.

[John Holmberg]

I remember when I went off trail and fell down a little thing. Couldn't get my. I couldn't pull myself back up to it. My friend Jeff's like, we'll call someone. I'm like, no, I die here. If I screw up on Camelback Mountain to the point where they need helicopters, I want to. I'd rather. I'd rather just. Just drop dead. It's a better story. I don't want to get rescued off of this little bump. It's not that big a climb.

[Toledo]

I made it down going off the. Going down the spine.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

On the went. Missed a turn. You know, first time you do it.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah.

[Toledo]

I ended up on McDonald. Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

You're still on a trail. Yeah, but I slid down the. I made a turn and I'm like, I think I can go straight down this way. And I slid down this thing and I'm like, oh. And then I went to turn around and I'm like, that's pretty straight up and down. And I tried to do a pull up off of it, but I couldn't get a grip. So I was just kind of stuck on this little ledge. And then, you know, figured it out.

But I'm not. I will never call for a rescue if I'm not injured, if I break my ankle or something. It's like, I need people to help me out. If I just get lost, I'm gonna die. On Camelback.

It'S too easy. As evidenced by the response of the guy last night. Night you're up there. Yeah. See, in the morning, like, they don't do that in any other rescue ever. So we're not doing it, dumbass. Why don't you have a phone? I forgot it, dumbass.

[Brett]

That'd be a lesson.

[John Holmberg]

My. My assessment of this is that he's trying to see if his wife still cares about him. So he forced himself to go missing for a little bit to see if she all. Yeah.

[Brett]

Like, without his phone.

[John Holmberg]

If no one. Yeah. Oh, yes. Just see if anybody. Nobody cares about Kevin anymore. I'll show them he's George Bailey right now. If I disappeared, what happens to you? And then he. They found him and he's like, they do love me, but this dude's going through some emotional stuff. He's not normal.

And he's going to be on the news tonight. He's going to get all this. All these flowers thrown at him for being a hero. But all he did was fall down and lay there for. Till the firemen were like, we'll get you tomorrow. I'm tired.

[Brett]

When you put it like that.

[John Holmberg]

He did something stupid anyway. Brett, what do you got?

[Toledo]

All right, it probably would have picked him up that night, but he's like, you pricks, coming up here and get me.

[John Holmberg]

He could. He could have been a mick hat wearer. You know what? I'm not getting him. You said the wrong thing. Where are you pricks? It's dark and cold. You know what? We're gonna drone up a blanket, and you're gonna stay the night, you ungrateful bastard.

[Brett]

Sit tight.

[John Holmberg]

By the way, who called? Was it my wife? No, she's never called. You know what, then don't come get me till that notices. I'm gone. Well, where's your address? Because we just. We got a call for a loud party. That might be it.

Oh, they got it circled here for me on this one where the map is.

[Brady]

And they probably have to call your citizens app.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah.

Last night my citizens app went off. Off. And they said there was a rescue. A mountain thing.

[Toledo]

Do not go up there.

[John Holmberg]

But it was last. They just leave them there. It said. Yeah, do not even think.

Yeah, this one just says on Camelback, there was a red Mustang and a white Cadillac going 100 miles an hour. That's the. That's the big one.

Kirby.

[Toledo]

At what time?

[John Holmberg]

That was this morning on camelback road. It was 11:49pm last night.

[Brady]

Camelback in like, 59th Avenue or something down there.

Probably.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, I heard Cadillac, too.

No, evidently they were right off the 51 and 18th Street. That's not far from iPad.

They just go. They're going up and down the freeway way.

That's fun.

No, that's right next to a police station. They were on Maryland Avenue going 100 miles an hour. That is a small street. Anyway. Well, they caught him. All right. What do you got?

[Brady]

A little surveillance work here at probably a Title 9.

[John Holmberg]

Okay.

Title 9 bar. There's some lesbians, right? One sitting on a can of coke and, oh, another skinny lesbian is. Oh, she went down on the ugly, weird one. Maybe they're both hot.

[Brady]

I can't tell if it's in the cooler.

[Toledo]

Are they on stock?

[John Holmberg]

She's going after it down there. She's hungry.

She's. Yeah, she went down on the other girl in the stock room. That they both were blonde and. And fit. That had to be at the Title 9 stock room.

[Toledo]

Celebrating longer day.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. Oh, that's right. This is a girl. A naked lady with a bad body. Oh, she's on the toilet. And it's a close up of her peeing.

[Toledo]

A lot of flint.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, she's standing in the toilet. She's standing and trying to pee straight down. But I mean, it's. Oh, now she's bathing in her own urine. Water from the toilet it is. Oh, she's putting it all over her body. Does this have sound, Brett? Oh, she's got a gross set, too. Yuck.

[Brady]

Real class actor.

[John Holmberg]

And you know what's bad? You can tell by her nipples that she's got kids. That's somebody's mom. Mom. Show that again.

[Toledo]

She's getting ready for school to teach her.

[John Holmberg]

She's a. She got those glasses on. She's got mom nipples. Yep. Oh, Lord almighty, look at that. Oh, and she's. She's eating a lot of vitamins. That's neon yellow. That's gross. Yeah.

[Brady]

Rubble feet.

[John Holmberg]

Kids have chewed those up. And look at her. It's so yellow, it's almost green. She's very healthy, I guess. I guess that's a good sign. Oh, God. Oh.

She fits in the toilet.

All right. Here's another one. Jesus, Brett.

[Brady]

Hey, don't look at me.

[John Holmberg]

This is a bunch of piercings on a vagina. And now they're putting one into the taint between the. The perineum is now being pierced. It's Japanese. There's Japanese writing. She's got maybe 12 rings around her labia. And just. It just forceps.

[Toledo]

Danger.

[John Holmberg]

It looks like a rack. And now there's. The post is going in the B hole and through through the perineum into the. Into the vagina part. Oh, God. Why do you do this to yourself, Japanese girl? Oh.

It looks like a jewelry racket. It looks like a jewelry racket. Claire's. There's just nothing but rings on that thing. Oh, my God.

[Toledo]

We've set the hook.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, the hook's in. We can go fishing with her Japanese body. They have hooked her now. Let's go catch some dolphins. Oh, Lord, how long does this take? Yeah, me too. How do you make this decision? What did your uncle do to you? Oh, it's all the way through. There's the other side of the hook. There it is. It's through. It made it through. All right. It's through the taint and into the other. So it breached through the back door and into the tank top floor. That noise you're hearing is Japanese pain.

And now what? Now we've got a stick going through all the way. Yeah. Stop it is that thing breathing. Is that her? Is that the.

[Brett]

I think you're right. I think it's.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, they're pulling a. What is that? It's like a fishing lure. Got a fishing lure coming out. What is that? It's like a five inch, like, string. Oh, okay. We're making sure the hole is big enough. Now she's running like a zip tie through the whole hole. And she's got a rope. Oh, she's gonna put a ball on it and let her dog tug on it or something.

That's the Japanese devil. That's what she just heard from the Japanese. There you go. There it is. And all she really wanted was a zip tie from her to go through her perineum. There's her perineum. Is that what that's called?

[Toledo]

Called?

[John Holmberg]

I think that's it.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

There's a paran.

[Toledo]

The tape.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I think that's right. Anyway, gross. Thanks, Japan.

I still blame the nukes for that. That behavior is only nuke driven. There's some mutants over there.

[Brett]

What was that just.

[Brady]

Yeah, that's a Brady video. Just.

[John Holmberg]

Weightlifter. All right, get off.

[Toledo]

They're full size.

[John Holmberg]

Midget pose. All right. Scott Haynes won that contest. That.

[Brady]

All right, we'll just go to this one.

[John Holmberg]

All right, here's another. Way too thin woman with her butt and vagina exposed. Her fingers are going through the butt. Oh, she's spreading her butt open. Oh, it's breathing. Oh, she's making her butt breathe. Making her butt breathe.

The rose butt. She just shot it out.

Yes. You like it, guys? Is she a member of ab? I think she might be sweeter. Oh, it's got some drip to it because her body's quitting. It drips when it quits. You want to smell her underwear?

She can make it breathe.

[Toledo]

It's the new old AZ song.

[John Holmberg]

That was bad.

[Brett]

93.

[John Holmberg]

Three old DZ. Oh, my gosh. God. Wow. That was gay. Show it again. I want to hear it now. Everybody be quiet.

Oh, yes.

What is that? What is that thing?

[Toledo]

It's like.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yes. Guys, look at it. L. My ass. What she say? My ass. Yes.

[Toledo]

You like it?

[John Holmberg]

Guys, let me eat. Yes. I don't know what you're saying. Okay, stop talking. That's enough of you. Just. Let's just make that noise again. Make that noise again. All right. Make that noise again. There it is.

[Toledo]

What?

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. God. Well, I'm done.

[Brady]

I can't compete with that. We're done.

[John Holmberg]

How do you know you can do that?

It. I Kind of want to try. But then I realized that I'd be in that position for about two seconds going, my life's over this. Why am I doing this?

How do you learn about this?

[Toledo]

Like, yeah, someone else had to have done it, but it's like someone doing the fart sound with their armpit in their hand.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And their arm pitting their hands.

[Brett]

No.

[John Holmberg]

You think that's funny? Watch this.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And how strong is her score? Because I. That's not training.

[Toledo]

And then others is just her core muscles.

[John Holmberg]

Her core muscles are strong. For her to be able to breathe that. That way.

[Toledo]

Yeah. To fold your man inside out.

[John Holmberg]

To. To not strain and make that thing breathe.

Boy. Let me hear it again. Brandon says it sounds like a dog drinking out of a big bowl. It kind of was. That's going.

[Toledo]

Close my eyes.

[John Holmberg]

No, watch. Brady, you gotta listen for the noises.

Yeah, sounds like plunging. A dry toilet. It's so bad. Oh, there it is again. All right. And then she starts talking to me like, I need to hear what you have to say. You've got stories. Never mind. No, this is your headline. Leave it here. All right, how about that?

[Brady]

How about smelling those underwear?

[John Holmberg]

No. Exactly. Exactly. Is that Natalie, the lady who emailed?

Look at how happy she is. She's smiling.

Singing Mamma Mia.

[Toledo]

Her buddy Doug says, I've never heard sounds like that come from a radio ever.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well.

Well, know who you're listening to all day? C9000, 833. That's right.

Where have you heard those sounds, Doug, if it's not from a radio? Yeah, but the wife, she can make her b hole breathe.

And how do you break that out? Like you're on a date with a guy. So what do you do? Well, I'm an engineer and I work on roads and stuff. What do you do? I'll show you.

[Toledo]

I'm a creator.

I'm double jointed. What can you do?

[John Holmberg]

You got any, like, cool body things like a piercing or a tattoo? So tough. Watch this.

There we go. Whoa. I was just gonna show you that my pinky can overlap my index finger from. What the hell did you just do?

[Toledo]

I could touch my tongue with my nose.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. I can wrap my hands behind my back and actually touch my shoulder. I'm like a human pretzel. What are your special skills? Watch this.

Oh, my God. You have very interesting elbows. Check this out.

I want to take you to Applebee's again.

[Brady]

Gimme, gimme.

[John Holmberg]

I know it's early, but will you marry me?

[Toledo]

Holy riblets.

[John Holmberg]

Will I marry you. You've got me so excited.

Oh, I'm so fast. It.

It's okay. I'd love for you to meet my mother. Shake her hand, Mom. Watch what happens. Oh, you're shaking so vigorously.

Merry Christmas. You're shaking too hard.

It makes my outer butthole my inner pothole. And vice versa. She was an abba. No, I was not. I have to tell her that. Otherwise she thinks I'm crazy. If she wasn't an ab, I wouldn't like her at all.

[Brett]

See?

[Toledo]

You have a lovely accent.

[John Holmberg]

Where are you from? Hell. I'm from hell. I come from the nether regions of hell. By the river Styx. All hail Satan.

Pass the potatoes. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.

I like Norda, the new girl, but.

[Toledo]

Anyone have a missile? Toad?

[John Holmberg]

I smell her panties, Mom. I'm into it.

Oh, are you going to propose? I'm so hungry.

That's Miguel.

Do you take this man to be your lawfully. What the hell? Wow. God, why? Sorry. Sometimes it does it on its own.

[Toledo]

I told you not to mic that.

[John Holmberg]

You don't need to.

The acoustics in the church are perfect for my bottom.

Part of God's plan. Really? I say.

Any hoot, that's the world you live in. Just a little fun, little magnifying glass down on the neighbors, I guess. Yikes. It's 8. 24. There you go, everybody. That's your Brady Report. Be proud of it. And don't forget, that one won't even make the top 10. Friday night h After Dark with our friends from Learner and Row.

[Toledo]

That's pretty good.

[John Holmberg]

It's a good one. Ah, it's. No, we've had better than that. That was pretty average compared to what we'll be watching later. It's okay. It's not a top 10.

[Toledo]

That was better than average.

[John Holmberg]

It's top 15. It's now. We made it Better than average. It was good. We've seen worse and better. By worse. You know, worse.

[Toledo]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And now I might call Dr. Fixler from Happy Endings and take care of myself, because these are the people that walk the earth with me. Thanks to our friends at Happy Endings, Pet Euthanasia, and Lerner and Roe for helping us out with homework after dark. Friday night tickets. Scarcely available, but you can still grab [e-mail]. there goes your Brady Report. Bye. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fees. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Nine Inch Nails, part of the next year's concerts. And if you win that KUPD concert pass, you can go see them on March 6th. That's pretty good. And it's not just tickets to Talking Stick. People are asking lawn or pit it. You might be at Dodge Theater. What do they call that now? AZ Federal Credit Union. It might be a marquee. You get tickets to all of them. Like, right now, Nine Inch Nails is at Desert Diamond Arena. There is no lawn to ask about. I don't know where the seats are, but they're free. Shut up now.

[Brady]

Quit being cheap.

[John Holmberg]

Probably pretty good. We don't get terrible seats. Sometimes we do. I'm not gonna lie to you. But on the seat, on the smaller shows, I guarantee you're gonna have good ones. And on the huge ones, you'll probably have decent ones. And maybe here. And then you'll get a cruddy one. Big deal. Sneak around, act like you've been there. Walk up to the front until you get kicked out. Nobody's gonna move you. You've seen the security they have at arenas. They're a thousand years old. Half of need heart transplants. They can barely walk. You're good. Yeah. I have to tell you, yesterday, I've been all week. This is a week when we've got the Holg after dark thing that I start getting calls and have meetings and talking to people about. About. Cato wants this. John wants this. I know. I gave it away. Frank wants this. All these things. 1. And I don't know who's coming and who's going and where they are, if they can make it, whatever. Last year, we're supposed to have Adam Ray, and it was just a scramble. The whole week. Stress, stress, stress. And it's. And plus, on top of it all, I'm trying to organize stuff with Toledo. You guys. Brett's got to get his videos together. We got to make sure it all works at the club. The club just canceled our pre party because they got a Christmas party party that paid them an exorbitant amount of money to rent out Copper Blue. So, like, your pre party's out, and we're like, we don't blame you. So there's no pre party now. But you can go drink wherever you want and come in a little lit up. I highly recommend you come in a little bit sauced just for fun. There's plenty of bars in the area. There's. It'll be good. So come down Friday. All this stuff. So I also have my friend Marty Lucas From Holmberg Undercover Band. He's the guitar player. He's a nine ball and he does all these. All this band stuff. He's a local musician, does an amazing stuff stuff. And this is probably a crazy month for him. Oh, not really. He's had a last couple. Couple weeks off. He's been crazy up to this. So he always agrees to be the in house band for our show, our happy ending show. And that's great. And this year, the drummer, Ryan Ibling, isn't able to make it. So I have my friend, disgraced Dr. Jordan, who's lost his license in several states due to terrible practices as a doctor, and now he's a real estate doctor. So, yeah, he is. He's a doctor of real estate. Disgraced Dr. Jordan is a drummer and he's been, you know, he lived in Kansas City for a while, so you have to talk slow when you're around him. But he. He drummed for bands there and he was a musician in Kansas City. I don't know if he was any good or not, but I told and Marty and him met at a son's game and I said, jordan can maybe fill in for Ryan in and we can get the little band thing going inside the room. And he's like, okay. So they had Jordan over to the house Monday to work some stuff out. I get a text yesterday from Marty that said, we need to talk.

[Toledo]

Oh, boy.

[John Holmberg]

And that's what I said. And I'm like, oh. And I said, well, I'm in the middle of something right now. I'll call you. I'll text you before and I'll ask if it's okay to call. He goes, okay. So I text him about an hour and a half later. I'm like, ready to call. And Marty says, I can only text right now. And I said, what's the issue? And he goes, boots and a dryer.

Now, boots in a dryer as code for your drummer is horrible. It sounds like boots in a dryer. I'm like, boots in a dryer. And I'm like, but Jordan's. I've seen him on video back in Kansas City playing. He's good. And he said, it's been a while since Jordan's played. And he goes, and I know he's your friend. And he said, but we got a problem. So I'm like, oh, God. And like, all right, maybe we just cancel the band side of this thing. He goes, no, we can still do it. He said, I'll track some stuff. I'll track in Drums. And we'll just play along to the track. Drums. And. And he goes, somebody's got to tell him. And he goes, and I don't know what to do. He said, the dude seems pretty nice. I'm like, he's great. Dr. Jordan's awesome. If as long as you don't let him do any medical work, he's totally reliable. And so I'm going back and forth, and I'm like, all right. And I'm text Marty. I said, let's just tell Jordan that the club doesn't want drums inside the drum. Comedy club. Yeah, because in the past, we use the Zen drum with Ryan, and it's a handheld. It's amazing.

[Toledo]

It's a space saver.

[John Holmberg]

It's. Yeah. And you don't have to have an actual drum kit. So I'm like, I'll just tell him. Marty goes, that's perfect. And so I'm like, all right, I'll break it to him. And I'm like, I'm fine with.

[Brady]

You're outing it out right now on the air. Have you told him?

[John Holmberg]

All right, well, here's the thing. Right as I'm about to fire Jordan from the whole thing, Marty calls and he goes, I just. I can't let this go on. I'm like, what's the matter? And he goes, dude, I. I wanted to keep this going as long as I could. Jordan's fantastic. And I'm like, you bastards. I'm driving around for 30 minutes under just extraordinary amounts of stress, trying to figure out who's doing what. I'm on the phone with Lovitz. Yesterday, just Brady said, see if Lovett's wants to golf Saturday. So I text Lovitz, and I said, you want to golf Saturday? I'll be sleepy. Like, we'll sleep in the cart. Do you want to go or not? That's yes or no. I don't know. Make up your goddamn mind. I don't need any more, you know, ambiguity with this. Marty calls me, and evidently every text I sent of how I was going to lie to Jordan was being screen capped and sent to Jordan. So instead, now Jordan knows that if I would never be honest with him in a time of peril, I would just lie to him and make something up, because I wasn't going to call him and go, marty says, you suck. Eventually, down the road, I'd say, hey, you know, the club was going to allow drums in. But you're evidently terrible at this, because I make fun of him for losing his medical license for Fingers going where they shouldn't go. That was my guess. I think he and Justin Tucker were in cahoots with some work. And then Tucker turned him in and he lost. He didn't even fight back. But yeah, so they got me good. It was a fun one because I'm like, oh, this is the last thing I need right now.

[Toledo]

Timing of it was perfect.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, it was.

[Toledo]

Because you're like, beautiful. All this crap.

[John Holmberg]

Oh. And it was just another thing where it's just like, oh, just come on. Everybody just line up. Something has to go right. Can you send me some money for travel? Yes. Can I get a. How am I gonna get from the airport?

[Toledo]

I knew that was from.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, my God. I got this. I got that. I fired off Apple pay to people just to keep them quiet. I'm sending my right as I get the call. So it's all good. And I would very much like everybody who's got a ticket to the show on Friday, because I finally talked to Jordan and he goes, ah, that was hilarious. He said, you get people all the time, so we want to get you back. And I'm like, that's awesome. He goes, marty and the guys are great. And I'm like, good. I hope you enjoy playing with them. Cause it ain't gonna be Friday. You're fired.

Anyway, so that's all settled. We're all good there. But the pre party is not going to happen. So all the people that were like planning on going to Copper Blues before some company moved their Christmas party over to Copper Blues and gave them like thousands of dollars to rent the thing. And it's a lot more lucrative for them to do it this way.

[Toledo]

Bars open in the. Once we get in the club.

[John Holmberg]

Well, sure, you can sit down. Yeah, but you can't pre party.

[Toledo]

Gotcha.

[John Holmberg]

Right? So you can go. Yeah, but then the service is going to be slower and the club is. They're letting everybody in. It's better to go get drinks before and get a little oil in the system before a late night show. You know, I don't. Last thing I want is a Friday night late show. That's sober. Come on.

[Brady]

So tailgating in the underground parking, huh?

[John Holmberg]

Let's do it. Brett will have a tailgate going at Chico Malo for a little while. We'll move it over to the.

[Toledo]

There you go.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, well, Brett should have the kettle black. We should do a pub crawl with Brett on Friday.

[Brady]

The kettle black.

[John Holmberg]

Yep. It's okay. Not there. What are you doing? Brett will meet you at the Kettle Black. You can't forget it.

Across the street. Oh, Jesus. I wasn't thinking. I got a lot on my mind.

[Toledo]

I'm in.

[John Holmberg]

The other thing that's keeping my attention while I'm trying to figure out all this other stuff is I discovered last night something racial. Not that way, Brett, but in a weird way that we can all kind of unite each other, is that whites, elite, whites have Jeffrey Epstein, blacks have P. Diddy. It's the same thing. Not. Not the same crimes kind of, but it's the same thing. As far as if you were in a picture with him in the last 20 years, you're in trouble, like all these people are. And it's a black and white thing. I don't think any black people ever went to Epstein island, and I don't think any Obama.

Maybe if Micah allowed it, Big Mike might have been there, I don't think I see pictures of him of many prominent African Americans at Epstein Island. And I also don't see, you know, you see a couple like Leonardo DiCaprio's pictures, famous at the white parties and stuff, but I don't see. But now Marlon Wayans, who I think is awesome. Love that guy. And Fitty Scent, the producer of this Puff Daddy documentary that's killing it on Netflix right now is Marlon has started to put pictures up of Puff and Finny scent together. One in a hot tub where they're partying together in a hot tub. 50 comes back with, that's AI, but this isn't. And it's a picture of Marlon in a rainbow flag for an LGBTQ ad. And then a bunch of people going, oh, yeah, Marlon's a closet homosexual. I had sex with him here. And like all these people making accusations about Marlon being gay, and he's got this long, long standing. And then all these things that Marlon has said in the past. One of his tweets that came from September 20th of 2009, and that's when tweets just started. Said, been doing diddy parties for 15 years now. And I must say, you never let me down, Puff. Ain't no party like a ditty party. Good times.

[Toledo]

Anal party.

[John Holmberg]

Ain't no party. Probably more accurate the way you said it. Ain't no party like a Diddy party. Good times. So that was 16 years ago he said that. That's resurfacing now as he was in on it. This is where social media, where I always say it and people laugh. It is a viper in your pocket that will eventually strike 16 years after something he had no and maybe he was at a party. That was crazy. But the Diddy parties were legendary, to the point where they were in that movie get him to the Greek, where Diddy went crazy in the party. Was like, yeah, I've heard about that. And then now that it's illegal, everybody's like, oh, I'd have never been part the of of it. So now pictures are surfacing of Marlon at Diddy's parties, and Marlon saying, yeah, that's fine. And then this comes out that says Marlon Wayans. I know you're not talking about it, but.

Save the smidgen of respect I have left for you. This is what's floating around. Marlon has spent three decades cultivating a hyper, heterosexual, womanizing comedic Persona, when in reality, he is a closeted homosexual who has had a relationship with a a prominent lawyer in Los Angeles for the last nine years.

Privately maintaining a fluid spectrum that includes long term relationships with men. Like it matters. But if he's been hiding it, now he's out. This has nothing to do with Diddy and Fitty Cent. And I'm telling you, I like Marlon a lot. Like, I haven't texted him for a while, but when we do, it's very fun, and he's super nice to me, and I always loved him for that. But my advice, if I were to send it to him is, is Diddy's already been or 50 has already been shot nine times. This is not a guy you want to get in a beef with. Plus, we make a documentary about you. Always remember, Marlon made a good point about this documentary. He's like, Diddy getting kicked while he's down isn't cool. And 50 cents hated him for a long time. So now he's got this chance to make this documentary. And documentaries are all angled at whatever the producers want it to seem like. This thing is anti Sean Combs. Like, when you've watched it, you started, you can tell. Yeah. It is like, let's get him. It's a hit piece.

[Toledo]

When you hear about it, though, then it's hard not to. I mean, you watch it and you're like, yeah, okay.

[John Holmberg]

It's well company. With videos of women being punched.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It's real easy to just go, all right. Everything they're saying about him that's bad is true. True. Because there's a lot of pictures that.

[Toledo]

You could have access to. Like the Epstein.

[Brady]

Yes.

[Toledo]

Interesting. The ones that he chose. Oh. When he shows the white party pictures and the people that are.

[John Holmberg]

He's accusing Diddy of multiple murders.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

I mean, it's not just like, oops, this was an accident. He is accusing Sean Combs of multiple murders. And all Marlon Wayans was saying was, look, man, you might be down someday. Be careful. Because he was basically talking about, you know, a karmic retaliation to say, look, Diddy's down and you're attacking him. Fine. I know you got a personal problem with him. But let's say he gets out of this and you run into some trouble and now this dude's definitely going to get you. And now they're. Because of that, they're going after Marlon Wayans for sort of defending his friend Sean Combs. And let's all be honest, much like.

[Toledo]

Marlon when he was in here. What didn't he say he's gone before the. He's been.

[John Holmberg]

No, that was a different black comedian.

[Toledo]

You're doing it one of the way.

[John Holmberg]

Shady McCoy. No, it wasn't. It wasn't. I think it was Aon Crockett. And then there was another guy that came in and talked about the Diddy parties because we were asking when it.

[Toledo]

Was hot because I, I thought I was talking about with the. One of the weigh ins because we were like, the weigh ins had have been.

[John Holmberg]

You have to be more specific than just bring up one of the Wayans, though.

[Toledo]

That was Mark. Who was the last one that was.

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't know if you remember it. You remember it. But otherwise it's speculation. And he could be confusing black.

But let's all be honest. You're going to Epstein island before you knew. You're going to a Diddy party before you knew. In 2009, if you gave Brady and I two tickets to the Diddy party, we're going for sure. And we're probably going to make comments on the radio. I've never seen anything like what I saw at the Diddy party. Yeah, there was drugs. There was this. There was. You're going to. It's assumed that a giant party has drugs. I'm. I'm parties that with people who aren't famous. There's been drugs.

[Toledo]

You might crazy notice it more than I did. I probably would have been like, I didn't see anything.

[John Holmberg]

You'd have been at that giant Diddy buffet. Because I've seen that too.

[Toledo]

Spread was amazing hours.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, you wouldn't. Yeah, you'd have probably been. Seemed fine. I met Leo DiCaprio Pinwheels. He asked me if my name was Molly. I said no. And then we went on Pinwheel, Diddy, Pins we'd have gone to it.

[Toledo]

Regent. I plowed a bunch of oysters.

[John Holmberg]

My name's Regis Philbin. Who are you? Let's have anal sex. I am so high on molly right now. I'd love you to touch my balls with your nose. I know it sounds strange, but it's a Diddy party anyway. I had Brady's tongue in my ass and we were playing Yahtzee. See.

It'S just crazy. We'd have all gone. So this pearl clutching and this oh, my God attitude of what Marlon wayans said in 2009 or what somebody did. Oh, was he there? Pictures of everyone at a Diddy party are all of us. If we were invited, there isn't a soul out there that wouldn't have gone. Unless you're gonna email me and go, I wouldn't go to that party. And all them black people. I don't want to hear from the races who. I know why you wouldn't go, but you'd have gone to Epstein Island. You meet Trump, Epstein and Bill Clinton. You're like, I am. I am in with the bigs.

[Toledo]

I brought some ladies to the party.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. And then. And we're gonna have girls and we're of this. And you're a single guy and you're like. But even if you're not everybody, you're going, I don't want to hear anybody in hindsight starts it. Dave Nash does that on the sports podcast. Now. I wouldn't have gone. You wouldn't have gone to Epstein island with four billionaires. No, no. Because money's not important. Like, no. That's all in hindsight, you jackass. If money's not important, why do you run a business?

Everybody would have said, yes. Everyone. And coming down on Marlon, so what if he's gay? I mean, it is a little weird if he's hiding it, but so what if he's gay and that's Diddy's attacking him now. So now there's gonna. We. We're starting up an east coast, west coast thing again without even realizing it. And that ended with lots of people getting shot. So Diddy's attacking him or Fitty's attacking Diddy.

[Brady]

Okay, Yeah, I know that. Yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

And Fitty's attacking Marlin for saying, hey, Diddy's down. This is kind of a. It is a. You know, as you're watching it, you're like, yeah, it's a little bit of a low blow.

They say things that are horrible.

Holmberg's morning sickness. You know, this is a Little bit of a the guy can't defend himself type thing. And maybe he's an awful person, that's fine. But where was the courage reached out to him? Look, it's been. He's known all this for 15, 20 years. He can't get the footage without him being in jail. The footage becomes public record while he's there. So they've. He's got some of this stuff he's able to get through friends who have abandoned Diddy because of the trial. He couldn't do it before. So now that the guy's really down and there's still no real out come, he's like, I know everything. And it is a slanted doc. It's entertaining though. Man, is it fun to watch. But now it's bleeding over into other stuff. And I realized last night Diddy is Black Epstein. Black Epstein's a good band name.

[Brady]

Chris writes. Betty's level of pettiness is legendary now from buying all the front row tickets to the Ja Rule concert. So it was empty. And it's just great and entertaining. We're just watching this.

[John Holmberg]

Good point though. Said Pop. Pop might be right, John. Marlon Wayans tweeted years ago about how great Diddy parties are and. Oh, no, that's what I was talking about. That's why we brought that up. Yeah, that's what everybody's getting into. I'm sure he's been there. I don't know if we talked to him about it. I don't want to speculate just in case it's the wrong black guy, because I know we talked to. It may have been a feon Crockett. And then there was another guy that brought it up that said he'd been to him and he would leave before it got crazy because he knew the reputation. I think Marlon left before it got crazy. I think Marlon likes crazy. If you talk to Marlon for five minutes, you know, he's like, I'm gonna let this go. It's like especially way back. And this is going back to the Living Color days when he was nuts as the DJ and then he was on for a little bit. He was known as the crazy one because he did nutty stuff. But it is entertaining. If you watch that documentary, you're gonna love it. You're gonna Love it.

Damon Jr. Was in the studio earlier this year. Maybe he's talking about him again. You're all right, racist. This is just mixing up black names and Wayans. If you don't know which Wayans, it's safe enough to Just go. I don't know anything about this. That's the position I'm taking. Maybe right. Maybe you're wrong. I don't know. If you can't name it, you don't know.

[Toledo]

Said.

[John Holmberg]

Remember, John, you were sending clean toilet paper pictures back and forth with Marlon Wayans earlier? Yeah, that was last year and this year when we both told each other that we. You can wipe me clean. If I don't, you don't. I take a shower after each one and so does he. He says every time you sent one of those over, he's fantasizing about eating that ass. I don't know if that's true. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he's attracted to everyone he meets. I mean me for sure, but that's a clean ass. I'm going to stop sending him those just in case, though. Just in case. Shane's right. Interesting all the way around.

So watch the documentary. But real life, guys, as you're watching, you'd have gone. Even Brady would have gone to the Diddy party. Am I wrong? You love celebrity stuff. If they said, hey, Brady, if you'd have come back in, that was at the Diddy party. Saturday got a little weird. And then you might not have given us details, but you'd have gone in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat.

[Toledo]

I went to Laughlin. The motorcycle ride a couple years.

[John Holmberg]

With Diddy.

[Toledo]

Not with Diddy. Oh, but there's some shooting going on.

[John Holmberg]

Oh yeah, but that's not a celebrity invite. That's like a celebrity invite. You're going like the Laughlin. Like just you and some friends.

[Toledo]

Notorious parties that are sure that you wouldn't know a ton about. Have you been to the. Have you been to the White party on Labor Day?

[Brady]

He was roommates with Randy Johnson, so that's true.

[John Holmberg]

Randy Johnson. Yeah. But if a celebrity, I mean Brady's gone to dinner with like, like low end celebrities just because they're like, they ask and he doesn't like saying no to people. And that's a pretty big move. Like, I think you were at dinner with like you had Steve Trevino. You were. You guys were chasing each other around for like, it's not worth it. It's just not worth it. You're going into clubs, meeting Steve Trevino.

[Toledo]

And I didn't get in.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but you tried because Steve's like come down like it's. No, it's Steve Trevino. He's a nice guy, but this is too much. It's a lot. I need A bigger name to start.

[Toledo]

Ralphie.

[John Holmberg]

Ralphie. Yeah, Ralphie. Ralphie just wouldn't go away.

I'm coming out. Oh, God. All right. We stopped making reservations for some dinners and some lunches. And by that, I mean lunch into dinner. We're not leaving the restaurant, Trap. Reserve the space for hours. But, yeah, I mean, there's no doubt. We go. If Brady met Jeffrey Epstein, we'd never hear the end of it. My friend Jeff and I like, oh, here we go again. Should see his pad. We were in his helicopter. These kids were in it. I thought it was like a JCPenney toy catalog. I guess they were models. Anyway, we went to his island. The spread. He'd be the most innocent man at Epstein Island.

I hate going over to Epstein Island. Why, Brady? The pedophilia? No, I gain, like, eight pounds every time I'm there. The spread.

He went to my uncle's funeral. Never met him for the spread.

[Brady]

He was supporting you.

[John Holmberg]

The problem is, I'd have gone to the Diddy party, and Brady would have said, I wouldn't do that. I'm like, shut up, you baby. And the next thing you know, I'm like, she was what? How many people were there? Oh, my God, there's pictures. Brady was right.

I thought she was a.

That wasn't a no. Oh, God. Are you tweeting about it? Been tweeting all weekend. John thinks that's a. Oh, no. I'd be in trouble. But I am smart enough to know when stuff gets goofy to leave. I'll go until the fire starts. I'll get myself in a little trouble, but I'll go. And once the fire starts, we need to go.

I see a gun. I see a mound of cocaine. It's time to go. We'll go stand in the oven.

[Toledo]

Not my cup of tea.

[John Holmberg]

Well, it isn't even my cup of tea. I just. I. It is actually something I would love to be part of. I just know how it ends up. It's always fun, but when there's a multiple, there's a gaggle of people and a mountain of cocaine. Stay for a little bit. And then you just have to know when to go.

It's like being at a swingers party. I've been there, too. And the second it starts getting a little bit like, okay, we've breached some boundaries here. It's time to go. Or you're gonna. Or you're part of it. But pictures tell a thousand stories.

This guy said it was Bill Bellamy that told Brady that he would leave the party. So again, it's a bunch of white people trying to pick which black said something. This is pathetic.

[Brady]

I'm even staying out of this.

[John Holmberg]

You guys, quit it. Somebody said Dar Rollings.

Naming them.

[Brady]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

It was Ms. Pat. It was. Ms. Pat told us that she would leave right before. Either way, it's 904, and don't lie to yourself. You'd have gone. And by the way, the guy that got rescued off Camelback Mountain, once again, Uncle John was right. What'd I say? You're gonna find a bloody knife up there. Evidently, this dude's suicidal, and now he won't come down off the mountain. So they're closing the mountain for hikers and stuff because this lunatic's been up there, there since last night. He ran from his wife. His wife called in and said he's nuts, and he's running away for attention. And evidently not that suicidal, or they wouldn't have left him alone up there all night. So, actually, the best place to put a dangerous person is on top of a mountain, alone at night. Just keep your eyes on him. We'll go up and check. That guy.

[Brady]

Yeah, I'd have left him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, just leave him. But he's stuck up there, and evidently he's not coming down now. Or at least that was the last report. He might be down there. I still don't see a helicopter.

[Toledo]

But.

[John Holmberg]

They'Re trying to get him to come down and he won't. And evidently he's distraught. I told you this. That had more on it than just some hiker getting lost. You don't hike without a cell phone unless you're trying to get attention or do something stupid. Well, right again. We got a Rock wars coming up in just moments. It's 98. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

There you go. Tap, tap, tap. Tap that app right now. Offspring is the Artist of the Week. You can win the KUPD Concert Pass. I'm hearing a lot of people talking about that Concert Pass. It's a good thing. And you can win it just by tapping on the featured artist. And this week's featured artist is. Is the Offspring. So you got it right there. If you're on the app right now, you're making our Bob super happy. Tap it right there. If you're web streaming, you can do the same thing and knock that out and win a ticket to every concert. CUPD tells you about in 2026. If it's on the Core Institute concert calendar. You get tickets to it if you win the KUPD concert. Pass. Pretty cool. I think. Pretty cool. Who won Rock wars last week?

[Toledo]

Might have been me.

[John Holmberg]

No, I was looking at Brett. Sorry about that. Are you still there?

[Toledo]

I think you got it, cuz JG picked you.

[Brady]

No, I think it was me because it was Ozzy.

[John Holmberg]

It was you. I think it was you.

[Brady]

Rock and roll rebel.

[John Holmberg]

He did. He got you then.

[Toledo]

Yeah.

[John Holmberg]

Okay. By the way, they got the guy off the topic, guys off the mountain. Oh, they got him down off the mountain. So the story will be good. Where do you go? It's Brett. Yeah, it's Brett. Brett's the one. All right. We'll get you a topic during this spot.

[Toledo]

Yep.

[John Holmberg]

Come out of those and we'll get you one vote. You're 18. 17 to Brady.

[Toledo]

Catch you.

[John Holmberg]

We're very close. He's on the comeback trail. Could be.

[Toledo]

Be.

[John Holmberg]

We'll see. And we need to put something big on it. In the beginning of the year, we're supposed to, like, come up with horrible things to make the losers do. But we haven't done it. I think we need to.

[Brady]

It never pans out.

[John Holmberg]

It never pans out. And. Well, because, yeah, we're supposed to have Brady have sex with that doll at the U Fest show and the. The company's lawyer somehow got involved. Would have been awesome. Brady 69 with a sex doll. I would have had to buy it. That was going to cost me a couple thousand dollars and it would have worked out just fine. Fine. I was more than willing to do that. Lawyers are like, we can't have him doing a sex act. I'm like, it's like doing a sex act on a cardboard box. No, it's more than that. Like, only to you perverts.

It's because the lawyers were half hard thinking about it. Anyway, we'll figure something out. But all right. Brett's gonna have a topic for Rock Wars. We'll get that going next. It's 98.

Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. 98.

Up Hol's morning sickness.

Kind of. You're late. Get a topic. Get a sing. But I want to play a game real quick.

[Brady]

Let me just postpone on next week.

[John Holmberg]

Too matter. Watch this.

[Toledo]

Okay.

[John Holmberg]

I want to do something here.

Big green baby. I want everybody right now. I'm just going to turn everybody. Everything off. I want everybody right now to picture. I've seen this on Instagram and it works so good. Picture. How do I play that? How do I play a preview on the air? Can I, John? I mean, you can't. Ah, nuts. All right, well, I have to play the whole song again. All right, next time, you pull it up. Yeah, the last 15 seconds. Last 15 seconds of big Bang Baby by Stone Temple Pilots. I want everybody just kind of sit. Relax for take of a couple breath. Just breathe in. I saw it on Instagram. This guy does things where he changes the song for you forever. Now, I've done this for people with Volbeat where I said picture share and now you can't unpicture share. I've done this with Dave Dre Offspring. Well, no Offspring. I've made you a picture.

Name threw me off. Weirdo Yankovic. Weirdo Yankovic. And that. People are like, you've ruined offspring for me. I want you to take a deep breath. I want you to think for a second in mixer. Spongebob.

It's spongebob. You can't help yourself.

[Toledo]

That's crazy.

[John Holmberg]

It will change it forever and it ruins it for you. And I apologize in advance, but it's what I. It. It's a great song, though. It's a great song.

Does anybody know? It's the same thing. You have a topic for us? No. Why are you being so lazy? I don't know. Like the one I gave you.

[Brady]

I don't like that.

[John Holmberg]

All right, go ahead, cuz I can't.

[Brady]

Think of anything that even sucks. All right, how about the song that was playing when the hiker from that got stuck in a mountain was playing in the background when they called dispatch.

[John Holmberg]

The.

[Brady]

Okay, so, so like dispatchers listening his ear pods. And this guy calls up, what song would he have been listening to?

[John Holmberg]

Story would have been that the guy called. Well, he didn't call. Somebody called and said, you got a guy up there?

[Brady]

Well, whatever.

[John Holmberg]

And they left him there all night.

[Brady]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Holmberg]

So the dispatcher in your. Okay, so explain this one more time. Dispatcher.

[Brady]

Kind of like dispatchers. You know that. What song would the dispatcher been thinking about when this call came in? And he said, nah, we'll be there tomorrow.

[John Holmberg]

One that says, okay, all right, we'll be there tomorrow. The dispatch guy says, we'll get to it when we get to it, because the song has motivated him to be in a certain mood. Okay, that's strange. That's putting me in a. Now it's like being high, Brett. But I like it. All right, we'll get that together. The dude stuck on the mountain last night. They didn't even go after him. They waited till today.

My husband's suicidal. He climbed the mountain. What time? Nine. It's dark out. I know, but we gotta get him back.

We'll try when the sun comes up. When it's safe. This is dumb. We don't do things at night. It's crazy. All emergencies must be between sunrise and sunset. That's a new rule. All right, let's see. I just thought it was. That's so dumb though. It's 9. 41. If you got any suggestions. [e-mail] you can text us 979376. I kind of like this one. It's 98 KUPD. We'll do rock wars next. Morning Sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. 98 up. Holg's morning sickness. Musk. Rock war. Rock War. Now it's officially begun. It is time for Rock Wars. Late.

Will make this round worth 10. This is a 10 point round, Brett.

[Brady]

You're only doing that because you picked.

[John Holmberg]

A John Gordon song, Brady. No, I'm doing it to help Brady get back in the mix.

[Brady]

No, I thought that was next week's attendance.

[John Holmberg]

No, we do 10 to get him back in, and then next week can be worth 10 again. Guaranteed winner. Brady's so far behind, he needs two help.

[Brett]

Well, it won't happen today, boys.

[John Holmberg]

What do you mean?

[Toledo]

Nice. Nice job, Toledo.

[John Holmberg]

You got Toledoed the first thing.

[Toledo]

Unbelievable.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe not. You don't know. Why is he the arbiter of everyone's taste?

[Toledo]

Very true, very true.

[John Holmberg]

He just doesn't like it. And history is his guide. He's right. But still.

The theme song for the dispatch person that chose to just say, you go figure it out from the guy who got trapped on Camelback Mountain. I've never heard of that. Lived here a long time. Every time I was one night, I called because I saw flashing lights on top of the mountain. When I used to live on over and see the mountain from my house. And I'm like, hey, pouring rain. Horrible monsoon. And I called the fire department and I said, or 911. I said, there's lights flashing on top of Camelback. And I mean, it is a monsoon downpour. Heard the fire trucks go down 44th street, got in the car and followed them. They're in these space suits with lights on the inside. They're hiking up the mountain in the rain. There's a couple Chinese tourists and some atmosphere girls. They drug up the hill and they got lost the lights. Yeah, it was pretty great. That's what those were called. But they're also known as prostitutes, escorts. Eventually, they become prostitutes. Up until you. Once you put your wiener in their hand, they're just atmosphere girls, but they're flashing their lights. These guys were truly scared. The fire department went on rescue last night. Guy calls out, wife said, he's stuck on the mountain. We'll get him when the sun comes up. Now, I've never heard of this. The dispatch person was on a different plane. Brent, who would you like to go first? Well, I'm intrigued by Brady's now. Yeah, me too, because it's so horrible. According to Toledo Brady. What's yours?

[Toledo]

Well, the guy gets the phone call. He doesn't want to deal with it. We'll send a drone up, drop her off a blanket, some food, and a cell phone. Until then, if you survive the next morning, we'll. We'll come and get you. But. Okay, until then, listen to Brian Setzer Orchestra Jump, Jive and whale.

[Brady]

Toledo's right.

[John Holmberg]

Why jump? Oh, just go with Van Halen, for God's sake.

[Brett]

I think it was the whole jive thing in there.

[John Holmberg]

It was just so happy. Everything about it so upbeat.

I rewrote this in 1998 called Drunk Drive Go to Jail. I tried to make it for a PSA for State. Pick it up? No. They got mad at me.

The Zone. My boss said, hey, we need your something. We should do that. And I'm like, drunk drive, go to jail. And you drunk drive go to jail. And my boss thought it was funny. And he gave it to somebody at the city, and they called back. So we don't think this is funny. It's nothing to make fun of. I'm like, we weren't. We were trying to make a psa.

[Brett]

Meanwhile, the over the road signs are.

[John Holmberg]

And jokes all the time. All they do is.

[Toledo]

You're too early.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, I evidently was ahead of the curve on that. I thought it was a great idea. They told me there's nothing to be funny about. Like, Jesus Christ. Sorry. And then 10 years later, they have their joke billboards for every single. Even when missing people go pop, Pop's gone. Silver alert. Ha ha. All right, Brett, you want me to go next?

[Brady]

Yeah, do it.

[John Holmberg]

John Gordon is going to be the ultimate judge today. And I figured that the person behind the counter answering the calls at 8.

[Brett]

O', clock announcing your plea to.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, yeah, it's him, and he's gonna love it. It's. I've got my bow and arrow out, and it's aimed directly at the heart of John Gordon. I'll just. Cholito, hit it.

White lions. Wait.

[Brett]

He already loves it.

Which plays into your theory as well.

[John Holmberg]

They just tell the guy, hold on. The whole song's about just. Just wait. We're not coming for you tonight. Here's a blanket. They took the time to shoot a drone up to the guy, gave him a snack and a blanket and go, good night.

[Brett]

How disrespectful is that?

[John Holmberg]

There's a drone. I'm suicidal. Yeah, well, we're not. So we're not coming up. We're not suicidal. It's dark out. We'll trip and fall. It's dangerous, idiot. So they made him wait. And the 80s lady that's a little overweight doing dispatch probably was listening to this. She's 52, recently divorced, she's working on her hips, but they're not going anywhere because she sits for a living. It's not a bad song. And John Gord here, I draw back my bow.

[Toledo]

Cool.

[Brady]

So what we doing tomorrow?

[John Holmberg]

Game over. Yeah.

[Brady]

Being going to be able to beat that.

[John Holmberg]

Which suicidal song did you.

[Brady]

Well, I'm thinking that, you know, Jay Cutler's been out of the league for a little while. He's doing a little dispatching on the side. Somebody calls him up, says, don't care. So he was listening to dope. Die, mother Effer, die.

[John Holmberg]

Oh, Jesus. Yeah, cuz.

[Brady]

He don't care.

[John Holmberg]

You.

[Brady]

And I'm not sending anybody up there. Screw you.

[Toledo]

Can this one win this J?

[John Holmberg]

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe we got to do a better job of keeping track. Yeah, we don't do a good job of any of the rules. I like this song, but you think the dispatch guy was actually rooting for him to pass? He don't care.

[Brady]

He's not sending anybody up there.

[John Holmberg]

Obviously, it didn't matter. That's true.

I don't like a guy who listens to this in dispatch.

Which goes hand in hand with what you're saying. All right, John Gordon. Will it be Brian Setzer's Orchestra, Jump Drive and Whale? Toledo might be right. Will it be my White Lion? Wait, what? Or Brett's song? He chose John Gordon, the ultimate chooser. This is a mic. That's right. This is drop. Yeah, Mic drop. It's White lion, everybody. There's no question about it.

[Toledo]

Great win, John.

[John Holmberg]

Thank you, buddy. Why are you crotchety? It's because Toledo wrecked it. Well, no.

[Toledo]

In the Christmas mood.

[John Holmberg]

That's. Well, I guess he doesn't do that anymore. Anyway.

[Brett]

All right.

[John Holmberg]

White lion has to even perform anymore. No, no, he can't. He's got something wrong with his hands.

[Brady]

Because the stray cats were getting back together doing stuff.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah. He can't play guitar like he used to. There's something going on with his hand. But we don't have to worry about that with the people are in White Lion. Who is it? Vito Bra. I knew I answered. You asked John. Only John and members of White lion can answer that question. We should play. We should play 80s music trivia with John Gordon Jeopardy. And it would be interesting. No one would win anything. It's worse than super genius. It's crazy. All right, well, anyway, you'll have to wait for that too. And White lion will tell you how. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

Morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

Kind of hate how much I like that.

I really enjoyed that.

[Toledo]

Awesome.

[John Holmberg]

It is a good song. John Gordon. I stand correct corrected. You're not always wrong when you say that's a great song.

That one's good. I remember. What Was that like? 88, 87.

Come around there. Yeah, that was my high school. That was a big one. In the. In the Jeep with the top down. And Gretchen Zamat driving her home over on Alma School and a little bit north of Guadalupe. She liked that one. And baby, yeah. Had to play sheriff and wait for her pretty much every drive home.

[Brady]

Dan was right.

[John Holmberg]

He's still in his car. I wonder if he's listening now. Jesus Christ. Knew it. He's back to doing it again. Yeah, he's a twink. It's time now. 10 o' clock on the dot. And somebody just emailed and said, hey, did your station ID just say Tempe Phoenix? Moscow. I add the Moscow in every once in a while. It's the legitimate one, but I. Moscow. It's my audition to have David Lee fired. And then I'll just do it. Everything. Get a couple bucks in my pocket to just go. How hard is that gig? 98 Ku pred Phoenix Muscar.

I'm sure one of the Bobs will be. Our legal department says we can't legally say we're licensed in Moscow anymore. I'm not going to stop doing it. All right. I won't say that anymore. Many a KUPD Tempe Phoenix. Lenin Crack. Not even a city used to be.

Tempe Phoenix. Constantinople.

I like that one. Tempe Phoenix Constantinople. Istanbul. Istanbul. Constantinople.

[Brady]

Djibouti too.

[John Holmberg]

Been a long time gone. Don't let me. I gotta finish. Constantinople. Why did Constantinople get the works? That's nobody's business but the Turks.

Sorry I had to get through it all. It's time for the entertainment drill. It's brought to you by our [e-mail] the home of tactical black self defense. And I am jonesing for time up there, but I am crazy busy. I text him yesterday saying I got meetings today right in the middle when I'm supposed to be getting punched and knocked around and learning. And so I am. I'm having something taken away from me. And that is what I feel feel about react defense. I've never felt that about missing a day at the gym. Oh good. I don't get to where I said oh, I never have to drag my ass to react defense. It's scheduling is the only thing and it screws me up sometimes. I want to get there. I have to get there. And you'll feel that too. It changes the way you look at working out. Cause you're learning stuff and you're doing things you can't do in a gym. While you work out, your cardio levels will go through the moon. You'll get in great shape.

[Toledo]

Shape.

[John Holmberg]

But more importantly, you'll just become better at being you as you navigate the weird streets that we all walk on each and every day. You never know when somebody's going to go crazy ass convenience store on you. But if you have something in your back pocket, you'll at least know how to recognize it and what to do if it comes your way. It's that simple. 89 bucks for a month of [e-mail] right now, celebrating 25 glorious years in this valley, in Glendale and up there at the House of brews in Phoenix. Reactdefense.com that's where you go. It's the home of tactical black Brady. Oh, entertainment.

[Toledo]

Go real quick.

[Brett]

Yeah, John, I'm all for a good two man fight. I really am. Anytime. But if we're going to make this a three man battle, can we put in the rules for Rock wars next year to give Brady a helper listener?

[John Holmberg]

No.

[Brett]

Maybe somebody could wear, even wear a. An apron that says helper.

[John Holmberg]

No helper.

[Brett]

Helper for legal purposes.

[John Holmberg]

And he's only allowed to contact helper person one time. Time.

[Brett]

Oh, one time.

[Toledo]

What do you mean you guys get help all the time?

[John Holmberg]

Not too often. A little bit.

[Brett]

Do you not get help?

[Toledo]

Pick it off no, every now and.

[John Holmberg]

Google, we all go to the same things. I check my emails kind of afterwards, see what people thought of. And something like in this case, there was a guy named John Sultzbach who said wait by White Line. That's what I sent. I didn't know that until after I chose it. Which is good because you'll I chose Working Day and Night by Michael Jackson initially. And then I was like oh. Because I was thinking wait when I came back. So like wait, that's another one. And then I was like, wait, that White lion song. And I ran back in there and did that. So.

Hey, John, how about 98 kupd temporary Phoenix bikini bottom.

Yeah, I like that one. All right, Brady, go ahead and entertain us.

[Toledo]

Pamela Anderson was interviewed by People magazine. She talked about her and Liam Neeson.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, she talked about it, but she didn't say what we were all thinking.

[Toledo]

They were romantically involved for a short while.

[John Holmberg]

I was gonna finish that I her and I did it. Good. Don't interrupt me next time I start talking about Pamela Anderson, you bastard.

[Toledo]

Well, it's no longer they're just friends.

[John Holmberg]

That's all right. I didn't need to do more. I.

[Toledo]

They're always being part of each other's lives.

[John Holmberg]

Maybe not me so much because I already.

[Toledo]

You're not gonna improv with her anymore?

[John Holmberg]

Why do I need to go back to that? I've already been in that honey hole. I it good. Guess what? Her post 60s virginity has been taken by me. Cuz I.

You heard me. I have a very specialized set of skills and I've checked the box of Pamela Anderson. Now those skills are one less. Who's next on my list? Halle Berry. I've got my eyes on you.

[Brady]

Sophia Vergara.

[John Holmberg]

I'm gonna F that too. Brad.

[Toledo]

Mila Kunis.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I'll F her.

[Toledo]

Wow.

[John Holmberg]

I know she's not getting it good from that idiot who can't act that she's married to. So I'll F him while I'm at it.

[Toledo]

She's in charge of her neighborhood's hoa. She says it's tough. It's eight homes in her hoa. But the all she receives is complaints.

[John Holmberg]

And I the biggest complaint is that none of them are me.

But I will if you're asking.

[Toledo]

Variety had two of the writers do the best TV shows of the year. And Rob Roy was number one.

[John Holmberg]

Number one. Gosh, wonder how that happened. Who do you have to to get that? Me.

Was Rob Roy the number one?

[Toledo]

No TV shows.

[John Holmberg]

Rob Roy would have Been a great TV show. This week on Rob. I sail in and everybody. I'm Rob Roy, for Christ's sake.

[Brett]

Can you do. Is it a sitcom? Liam, can you?

[John Holmberg]

Sure, why not? We can make it funny. I'll get her from behind.

I'll make it real funny and I'll. Your wife. You too.

[Toledo]

So they came up with the funniest TV shows. According to them, adolescence number one.

[John Holmberg]

Or currently this year. Oh, funniest.

[Brady]

What's even on?

[John Holmberg]

Adolescence, evidently. Yeah.

[Toledo]

The Pit. Forever Paradise.

[John Holmberg]

The Pit is funny.

[Toledo]

No, the best TV show.

[John Holmberg]

You keep saying funniest.

The best tv. The Pit's really good. I'm on two episodes of that. I'm really.

[Brett]

It is really good.

[John Holmberg]

People told me about it. I'm like, yeah, just another hospital drama. No, it's got a really second season coming up. It's like 24. Did you watch it all? I did, yeah. It's like 24. It's one hour of each one.

[Toledo]

One.

[John Holmberg]

You seem to have like 30 hours in the day. Every time I say, did you watch that? You've seen it? I'm impressed. You've gone for it.

[Toledo]

I've had a year to see that one.

[John Holmberg]

I know, but I mean you see like everything. Would you see that?

[Toledo]

I get excited for the.

[John Holmberg]

You knock out some shows when Toledo.

[Toledo]

Goes down the line on Tuesday. There's a couple I'll check out right away.

[Brett]

Catalogs him.

[John Holmberg]

Yeah, there's some good ones but I always forget or I always just can't get involved.

[Toledo]

Andor the Disney plus show was on the one person's list.

Welcome to Derry.

[Brett]

Larry's been watching that.

[John Holmberg]

He says it's okay.

[Toledo]

Outlander blood of my.

[Brett]

No, that's a.

[John Holmberg]

It's. That's a dumb people. Yeah.

[Brett]

Period piece.

[Toledo]

The Gilded Age.

[John Holmberg]

Another one.

[Toledo]

Former Jeopardy. Championship Philip Joseph.

Was arrested. Two felony accounts of peeping.

[John Holmberg]

Oops.

[Toledo]

He's from Raleigh, North Carolina. He was busted allegedly installing camera in someone's bathroom without their knowledge. No details about the victim were released. But he walked away with a little over 44 grand. Two victories in November 2024. Then he returned for the champions wild card tournament.

[Brett]

How'd you do there?

[Toledo]

Didn't move past the semifinals.

[John Holmberg]

Why would a two time winner go to the champions round? You have to win the whole week to get to that. I guess that qualified any champions winner.

That's what I'm saying. A wild card. They just pull it out of the bucket. Here's also my inner bully radar goes off when I heard his name was Philip Joseph Phil Joe the Dildo. And I know for a fact, up until about third grade, life was miserable for him.

You're Phil Joe the Dildo. That's happening immediately. Once some jackass kid like Mark Alexander figures out your name sounds like Holmberg, you never hear the end of it.

[Toledo]

Maybe that's why he only went by Joey. His last name.

[John Holmberg]

Homburger Helper.

Like, oh, that's hilarious.

[Brett]

20 years of listeners calling you Homegren.

[John Holmberg]

Holgren's fine. Mispronouncing it's fine. Or not getting it right, but intentionally. Holmberg, Helper. Dumb. Better. But Phil Joe the Dildo. I could always help the bullies with good nicknames for people. Phil Joe the Dildo is one of them.

[Brett]

Listener has a new app for us to. To do. He says, I've been following the helicopters all morning.

[John Holmberg]

They have a chopper app?

[Brett]

Flight Radar 24, apparently. And it shows where they are currently and where they've been.

[John Holmberg]

Flight radar 24. That's what that dude sent me. That squiggly line over Camelback. And I'm like, oh, just goofing around. But that was what the helicopter was circling the mountain. I get it now. How about that? What's it called? Flight radar 24, apparently.

[Brett]

Flight radar 24.

[John Holmberg]

Okay, I'm on that. I'll take it. Fun. All right, let's get the heck out of here, shall we? It is time for Larry, everybody. And he'll be nice to. He's got his chances at the KUPD concert. Pass. If you hear Offspring, Larry's going to yell at you. You got to get that done. And every concert that we mentioned on the Core Institute concert calendar next year is yours. That's how it works, Larry. Go. A couple more just added in.

[Toledo]

Death clock is coming through.

[John Holmberg]

Beautiful.

[Toledo]

And that's on there. And Go Punk Yourself is going to be doing an Authority Zero concert.

[John Holmberg]

And that's on there, too.

[Toledo]

It's on there, too.

[John Holmberg]

And also the Night of the Singing Dead. That's on there, too. Yeah, throw that on there. Schedule that for Halloweener.

[Brett]

Birthday show.

[Toledo]

Is that happening?

[John Holmberg]

Sure.

[Toledo]

Birthday show.

[John Holmberg]

Show. That's on there.

[Toledo]

After dark.

[John Holmberg]

No, let's not go crazy. It's not a concert. Gotta make some money for charities. That's it. Larry's coming up next. He'll have more stuff. He's going to introduce to you and your feeble little minds. Larry's next. Have a great Wednesday. We'll see you tomorrow in the morning sickness. Hello. It's not weird. It's pretty cool, actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.

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