12-11-25 - Chris Turner - America's Got Talent - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio

Summary

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Episode Overview

Podcast: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona
Episode Title: Chris Turner - America's Got Talent - Desert Ridge Improv - In Studio
Date: December 11, 2025

This episode features British comedian and freestyle rapper Chris Turner, known for his remarkable appearances on America's Got Talent, joining John Holmberg and the crew in studio ahead of his shows at Desert Ridge Improv. The discussion dives into the origins of Chris's unique act, improvisational comedy, the contrast between American and British audiences, and the inside stories from performing on major talent platforms. Throughout, listeners get firsthand displays of Turner’s signature off-the-cuff rap abilities, custom-tailored live to the hosts.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chris’s Unique Skill: Live Freestyle Rapping

• Intro & Skepticism:
  • Chris’s act is so convincing that Holmberg jokes about whether the audience suggestions are staged.

    "I have to say, I think you're faking it." – John Holmberg (00:48)
    "I pay people in the audience to shout out the things. I've done that for 25 years... still making a profit, making it work." – Chris Turner (00:58)

• Learning The Skill:
  • Chris describes rapping from age 10 just for friends, never imagining it would be a real career.

    "It's a skill that you learn accidentally... for nine years before I ever did on stage. Who would think that this is a career?" – Chris Turner (01:53)

2. Demo: Live Freestyle Rap

• Prompt: Mike’s mom and pain meds
  • At Holmberg’s request, Chris launches into an elaborate, funny, and dark rap based on a random prompt about a friend's mother on pain meds.
    (00:25–03:21)

    “She was clearly seizing every opportunity to take a break from the meal…” – Chris Turner (02:30) “Mike brother was born autistic because his mother consumed so much Tylenol…” – Chris Turner (03:10)

  • The crew is blown away:

    "That is outstanding." – John Holmberg (03:16)

3. Early Aspirations and the Path to Comedy

• Chris reveals he originally wanted to be a lawyer and played in a rock band before shifting to comedy at university, realizing comedy gigs attracted bigger and more diverse crowds.

  “I just want attention.” – Chris Turner (04:00)

• Hilarious stories about failed hip-hop cyphers in his youth.

  "Someone's like, okay, everyone, we're going to make up some raps about a zoo. And something naughty is going on with the lions..." – Chris Turner (04:20)
  "I was like, I'm out. This is so bad." – Chris Turner (04:30)

4. Life and Career in the U.S.

• Impressions of American Audiences:
  • Chris celebrates American openness and energy at live shows, seeing a strong difference with British crowd reserve.

    "American audiences... lean forward. They've paid $25 for a ticket. Let's have a great time. Whereas British people are like, 'We paid £25 for a ticket. This better not be bad.'" – Chris Turner (06:05, 06:12)

• Citizenship:
  • Chris reveals he took U.S. citizenship and enjoys aspects of American culture (Waffle House camo hat mention, 05:32).

5. Interactive Shows & Handling Hecklers

• Crowd Work:
  • Shows are improvised; Chris often interacts directly with the audience, using their stories for material.
• Heckler Stories:
  • Most hecklers think they’ve improved the show.

    "Every heckler I've had afterward has said, 'Well, I helped, didn't it? Made the show better.'" – Chris Turner (06:39)

• Great Story:
  • Gen Z couple in Syracuse confessing an STD story at his show, immediately turned into a rap skit.

6. British vs. American Cultural Differences

• Fun & Pessimism:
  • Chris discusses how Scots are fun and receptive, English crowds not as much, possibly due to the weather.

    "There's just this lack of fun in England." – Chris Turner (08:31)

• Sadness and Art:
  • The group riffs on why misery fuels great music.

    "When's the last great singer that was happy the whole time?" – John Holmberg (08:58)

7. Freestyle Rap, Memory, and Artistry

• Memory of Past Raps:
  • Chris doesn’t remember lyrics post-performance—each rap is gone as soon as it’s done.

    "I don't have memory beyond about six months ago." – Chris Turner (15:37)

• Perfectionism:
  • Even after a strong performance, Chris rarely feels satisfied.

    "The worst part of having a skill like this that everybody loves is that you're cursed with the weight of never really thinking you got it right." – John Holmberg (14:55) "It is a curse." – Chris Turner (15:02)

8. Career Origin and Talent Show Experiences

• Chris reveals he was the first true freestyle rapper allowed on America's Got Talent, after breaking through TV gatekeeping in the U.S.

  "They didn't have a freestyle rapper on for 20 seasons. I was the first..." – Chris Turner (13:54) “Advice I was given was, get in the final, try and hit top three. Try hard not to win." – Chris Turner (12:57)

9. Rap Influences

• Early Rap Loves:
  • First albums: Eminem, Dr. Dre, Outkast. His social group thought it odd for a kid from Manchester.

    "All my friends liked heavy metal... the guy who would burn me the albums... He was like, 'Please get away. Everyone thinks I'm weird.'" – Chris Turner (16:38–16:59)

10. Second Live Freestyle Rap: About the Hosts

• Prompted by Details About the Crew:
  • Incorporates jokes about kidneys, baldness, golf, caskets, and more: (19:13–20:40)

    "Brady's like, yes. What am I? Like waking up in a bath of ice. That's nice... you had one kidney, now you've got one left. Literally!" – Chris Turner
    "Then you head into dialysis. That's the handicapped man in the Waffle House cap." – Chris Turner
    "Maybe you're talking about the baby caskets. Ever so small, fitting, like a tiny one... This is not funny." – Chris Turner

11. Practice & Routine

• Freestyle Practice:
  • Chris frequently records personalized raps for fans and is constantly “warmed up.”

    "People said you practice, like. No, literally, like, every day. I'm doing two or three little personalized raps." – Chris Turner (21:09)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “If I’d written it, wouldn’t I make it funnier? Wouldn’t I have bits where I don’t repeat the same word twice?”
  – Chris Turner (01:20)

• “Mike brother was born autistic because his mother consumed so much Tylenol.”
  – Chris Turner, mid-rap (03:10)

• "I just want attention."
  – Chris Turner, on why he shifted from music to comedy (04:00)

• "Every heckler I’ve had afterward has said, 'Well, I helped, didn’t it?'"
  – Chris Turner (06:39)

• “There’s just this lack of fun in England.”
  – Chris Turner (08:31)

• “You are now the machine.”
  – John Holmberg, on aging out of counterculture music (09:50)

• “You’re the only one... No one is combining stand up comedy and freestyle rap.”
  – John Holmberg (13:11)

• "As soon as the beat finishes in my head, I’m like, oh, should have said this."
  – Chris Turner (14:47)

• "Not many rappers saying bereft."
  – Chris Turner, after a rap about baby caskets (20:49)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:34 — Chris Turner introduction, accent & AGT context.
• 01:10–02:04 — Chris on learning to freestyle from youth.
• 02:25–03:21 — First live improvised rap (Mike’s mom/pain meds).
• 03:40–04:14 — Comedy vs. music as a career choice.
• 06:02–06:18 — American vs. British audiences; optimism vs. pessimism.
• 06:39–07:31 — Crowd work, hecklers, and turning audience confessions into material.
• 13:54–14:31 — Breaking into AGT and TV experiences as a freestyle act.
• 15:02–15:22 — On perfectionism and never feeling satisfied post-performance.
• 19:00–20:40 — Second live rap feat. hosts’ quirks and inside jokes.
• 21:09–21:17 — Practice habits: personalized video raps keep skills sharp.

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Final Notes

Chris Turner demonstrates not only the speed and wit required for elite freestyle, but a gift for immediately weaving together offbeat, personal, and even dark humor in ways that leave even seasoned radio hosts astounded. The episode is peppered with humor about British culture, behind-the-scenes industry wisdom, and earnest talk about creativity and self-doubt, making it both hilarious and insightful for listeners unfamiliar with Turner or his genre-defying talents.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS Podcast, brought to you by MMP Guns.com, your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories.

[B]

The world's best are chasing gold. Get inside the action and support the team. Join Insider, the official US Ski and snowboard fan loyalty program. For exclusive perks, visit insider.usski and snowboard.org to join.

[C]

Today, Homberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail.

[A]

Chris Turner is here at Desert Ridge Improv Tonight, tomorrow, and Saturday. And Chris Turner is someone you may remember from America's Got Talent. Of course, the accent's gonna give you away.

[D]

Yes. They hear the accent, they go, oh, yeah, it's that British chap who made up raps on the spot.

[A]

And it's amazing what you do. I've seen you on. On Instagram and stuff like that. And I'm like, oh, my God. I have to say, I think you're faking it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Everything is planned.

[D]

I pay people in the audience to shout out the things. I've done that for 25 years and I'm still. I still somehow coming making a profit, making it work.

[A]

And no one's. I'm going to be the one that unveils the secret.

[E]

I like the words you gave me so.

[A]

Because it's so good. It literally is. Yeah, yeah. The list that we got before we get here, prepare for these.

[C]

I always get so confused. People like, it must be planned.

[D]

I'm like, if.

[C]

If I'd written it, wouldn't it be better? Wouldn't I make it funnier? Wouldn't I have bits where I don't.

[D]

Repeat the same word twice?

[A]

Or go, yeah, you have a moment where you stumble. But I think that's part of the game. Yeah, exactly. That's part of your trick.

[D]

I forgot. Well, than you for the confidence, then.

[A]

That is a compliment. Because it's so good that you're like, this can't be something he's making up. And it's beyond improv. It's beyond. Yes. And it's just like, wow, this guy.

[E]

It's kind of a skill that you learn that all of a sudden you can now broaden it and plug things in.

[D]

Yeah, it's a skill. It's a skill that you learn accidentally. I was 10. I was just rapping, and I did that for nine years before I ever did on stage. Because who would think that this is a career? Oh, yeah, I make up rhymes.

[C]

It was just a thing you did.

[D]

With your Mates be like, hey, Chris, rap about how Mike's mu is on pain meds. And then you do that. And I was like, ha, ha ha. And now I can do that for hundreds and thousands of people.

[A]

Wait, you can rap about Mike's mom being on pain meds?

[D]

Not anymore. Since she passed.

[A]

Oh.

[D]

Can you rap about that for us now?

[A]

The pain meds killed Mike's mom.

[C]

Wait, you really want that?

[D]

Yes. Okay, I'm gonna take you back to 2002.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I can't believe we're doing this back in Manchester. That's my home. While we're flowing off the dome Take me back. Like a time machine busting I was roasting Mike over there. Friends should be trusting but we visited house one Tuesday evening. I saw his mother. She was clearly seizing every opportunity to take a break from the meal. Ducking in the kitchen like, oh, I feel like my head slightly hurt and my ankles are swollen. We're like, hey, Mike.

[D]

Yo. You know, your mom's chosen to pick.

[C]

Up all of that she wanted. This is in the uk, so it wasn't oxycontin, but she's going. She goes for it, taking all the opiates, probably a set of minute. And that's the chosen it. And that's the thing.

[D]

That's the goal. Mike brother was born autistic because his mother consumed so much Tyler Noel.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's amazing. That is outstanding.

[D]

People aren't going to come to the shows. They're like, I've heard it all for.

[A]

Free on the radio now. They're going to run to the show. The bad thing is you're going to get the drunk ones that'll scream out, do me.

[D]

Yeah. The shows are at 7, 7 and 6. Yeah. They're going to be drunk at that time.

[A]

There's a good chance that they may be drunk at that time. That was amazing. And that's. So did you want to be a rapper before a comedian?

[D]

I wanted to be a lawyer.

[C]

Stop it.

[D]

I wanted to be a lawyer.

[A]

No kidding.

[D]

I did. I wanted to be. I was in a rock band from the age of 14 to 18. Then I started doing comedy when I was at university and realized that we do comedy, there'd be a hundred people, fifty of them girls. Whereas my rock band would play to four people, all of them guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

And no one cared. So I was like, I just. I just want attention.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Started doing comedy. But, yeah, the rap was definitely a thing. But I think when I was like, 15, I'd kind of go to, like, These hip hop cyphers. And everyone sucked. Everyone was nerdy. Everyone was just so rubbish. I was like, I don't want to be involved with this.

[E]

Yeah.

[D]

Because I remember the first time freestyling, like, with a group. Someone's like, okay, everyone, we're going to.

[C]

Make up some raps about a zoo. And something naughty is going on with the lions.

[D]

And someone steps up and it's like.

[C]

Well, I'm not lying. The zookeeper's molesting the lion.

[D]

I was like, I'm out. This is so bad.

[A]

Wait a minute. I'd pay for that too.

[E]

I'd pay.

[A]

That so bad. I would actually pay top. Wow.

[D]

You should come to the UK hip hop scene.

[A]

Rhyming lion with lion is enough for me to just go, that's my money going out the door.

[E]

But instead, you wanted to go down the route of Monty Python humor, being a barrister.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

And then getting into comedy.

[D]

Yeah. Well, I mean, I graduated from university. My parents are very proud. I was the first one to go to uni. You know, they'd sacrificed a lot. And then I'm like, okay, I've got my degree, I'm gonna do comedy.

[A]

So you could be a lawyer.

[D]

I could. I could have gone that route. Yeah. I did not. You were that close, thankfully. I look at all my friends who did and miserable. They're just so sad.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

They are rich.

[C]

They've got a lot of money.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But, God, they just spend it on.

[D]

Expensive wine and they go home and.

[A]

Look at people that don't want them there.

[D]

Yeah, exactly.

[C]

My family want me home all the time, but now I'm here.

[A]

Yeah, it's great. And how do you find the States? Do you enjoy it?

[D]

I love it. We moved here 2016. We did LA, we did Vegas, we did Colorado. Now we. Now we're in New York. But, yeah, I mean, I took my citizenship this year. Oh, really? Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's right.

[D]

I'm. Yeah. Got my 8 million bucks. You have a Waffle House. A Waffle House camo hat.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. You're not worried about us?

[D]

No, no, no, no. If they come at me, I'm gonna start rapping at them and they'll be like, this guy has to be American. No, no Brit could do this. You know, I. I really, really like America. I really like the audiences here. Like, they get comedy and they get hip hop more than a British audience do. When you rap for a British audience, they're like, very good, but would you.

[C]

Prefer to play something on the cello?

[D]

American Performance. Yeah. American audiences, this is the difference, right? They lean forward. They're like, we've paid 25 bucks for a ticket.

[A]

Right.

[D]

Let's have a great time. Yeah. Whereas British people are like, we paid £25 for a ticket. This better not be bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And that's not how you want to.

[D]

Go and absorb entertainment. Like, if you go and see your favorite band, you're not like, oh, maybe they'll suck. You're like, this will be incredible. Whereas Brits are like, they better play that one song, otherwise it's been a waste of money.

[A]

Simple pessimism versus optimism for the evening. Yeah. But it works out great.

[E]

Asking that last week about a heckler.

[A]

Oh, yeah. With hecklers. Go to a comedy show to ruin it.

[D]

I don't think they realize they are. Every heckler I've had afterwards has said, well, I helped, didn't it? Because you made the show. Yeah, you may. It made the show better. Like, only because I had to work harder.

[C]

I don't want you to.

[D]

Like, my shows are interactive. So like the shows I do, you know, it's. I'm on stage for over an hour and I'm. I'm not writing anything. It's all improvised. The crowd work. I bring like a little thing on stage where I can choose whatever beats I want. Sound effects, I can just go off whenever. Yeah. So like example, you say, do that rap and it just happens. That can happen something in the crowd. Like the other week in Syracuse, this Gen Z couple in the front row, they're like, oh, we're celebrating our six month anniversary. Which for, you know, in like boomer years. Yeah, 30 years. So I was like, oh, how'd you guys meet? They go, well, I took her home and gave her an std. I was like, okay, let's do this. And then it was.

[A]

The wrap starts. When this has to happen immediately you just hit the button and start the music. So that's crazy.

[D]

That's what the shows are. They kind of go in a different direction.

[A]

But I mean, what a gift that is. I mean, not the std. Oh, but the.

[D]

What did you have to sit down and actually write just in a way.

[A]

Well, no, that the person has said, oh, I gave her an std.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

At your show. You're like, well, Jesus, I don't have to do anything ever again if they're gonna be this open.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's the fun part. And I don't know, are British audiences, as an open book, like, American. Americans want to be part of the.

[D]

Party they really do well. Americans in the spotlight all the time. Whereas the Brits, we're brought up to be like self effacing. Don't. Don't show off. Right. Like in the. In the uk, you never say what school you went to, whereas here people walk around with their hoodies on that are like, you know, baby, y. I just. I prefer that openness from the Americans. I. There's more of a culture of supporting entertainment, I think.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

We talking about Scotland before we went on air. Like in Scotland, actually. They behave like Americans. Yeah. If they like the show, they'll buy the merch. They'll come and see you. They'll be like, that's the fourth time I've seen you.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Whereas. I don't know, there's just this lack of fun in England.

[A]

No kidding. That's weird.

[E]

You think the weather has something to do with it?

[D]

I think it definitely does. Definitely. We're all. We're all seasonally depressed. Yeah. I texted say that about Seattle. That's why their music was so good. Yeah.

[A]

Because they were depressed and miserable and that's what makes great music.

[D]

Yeah. You're gonna get three great albums and then unfortunately the singer's gonna go.

[A]

But yeah. When's the last great singer that was happy the whole time?

[D]

Yeah. Can you imagine? Happy Morrissey. I was looking for a job and.

[C]

Then I found a job. And actually it's got incredible benefits.

[A]

Everyone I work with is a friend. I don't want to hear this anymore. You're right. Has to be sadness in your music. That's why when they get rich, a lot of their albums get terrible.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because they can't relate to the sadness anymore. They're thrilled and thrilled. Does not make good music.

[D]

Yet to be as basic as possible. Basic to reference French poetry.

[C]

Grandbaugh said, you can't write poetry after.

[D]

You turn 17 because you don't feel emotion anymore. And the most angst you felt in your life was when you were 14, 15. It's like the first love. Yeah. When I see someone like, you know, rocking out to Rage against the Machine, I'm like, you are 50. No, no.

[C]

That's music for when you're 20 and.

[D]

You'Re all teed up and you're just.

[A]

Like, yeah, you are now the machine.

[D]

Yes. You're 50.

[A]

You are raging against yourself. This is rage. Masturbation. Nobody likes that. Occasionally, maybe.

[D]

I was gonna say, that sounds like an incredible band name.

[A]

We've got loads of those. We do that daily. If you were in your own Audience, what would you spill to Chris Turner to have him rap about? What's your open book moment?

[C]

Ooh, what would I say?

[A]

I mean, have you given an STD to anyone?

[D]

No, I was very, very, always very responsible, by which I mean I was never getting any women.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, it was that kind of.

[D]

Voluntary celibacy, responsibility in that.

[A]

Yeah. Can't even give it to them because the sex was off the limit.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I. I think that I. I like.

[D]

Getting the audience to shout out crazy things to rap about. Not just like the STDs, but saying, oh, try and tr. Like the other day, someone was like, tintinnabulation. I was like.

[C]

I was so annoyed because I knew.

[D]

I knew the word, but then it took me too long, so he had to shout it. That's the sound of ringing bells. Like, that's fun. Like to try. And a German guy once goes rap.

[C]

About a day in the life of an Aztec high priest.

[E]

Brilliant.

[D]

So what I would want is for someone to shout something that I know a bit about that I can then expand on. So if someone was like, you know, oral rap about the CEO of the White Star alliance, who was the last guy to get off the Titanic. Yeah. And it ruined his life because the press were like, you should be ashamed. You should have gone down with that shit. And he lived his life in shame. Yeah. Like, rap about Bruce Ismay. That was his name. Yeah. And you're like, cool, you did it. I'd love to. No, no, I would love to. You love to.

[A]

Oh, you want someone to see what you say? I thought those were moments of headband.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

[E]

I mean, kind of historic stuff.

[C]

Morning sickness. Disgusting.

[A]

They say things that are horrible radiate.

[F]

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[D]

I like weird because, like, when I'm bored, if you're on their phone, they're scrolling Instagram, I just go to Wikipedia and I just click around and I'm just like, I learned stuff. Like, you guys are doing facts earlier today.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

About Boardwalk, I was like, that's great. That's a great fact.

[A]

It's a weird. That's a really strange thing. Who knew? But the guy's name was Board.

[E]

Boardman.

[A]

Boardman.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

That's.

[D]

Yeah, he probably. He probably want to call it a Boardman walk.

[A]

Yeah, no, no, it's too you. He might have been British. Don't put my whole name on. That's.

[E]

That's.

[D]

That's. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I love. I love that vibe of my shows. The fact that anything can happen, you know, like, like on agt, I go into the crowd or wrap out random objects. Do that on my shows. You do. You just sell Thomas Crapper.

[A]

Yeah. And you said, you go. You said that AGT was a pleasure. Front to back. Like every. Because every comedian that's come in said, man, I started getting close to winning it and I didn't want to because then I'm tied to them for so long.

[D]

Well, you def. You definitely don't want to win.

[A]

You don't win.

[D]

So advice that I was given was, get in the final, try and hit top three. Try hard not to win.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

I was like, I think my whole life I've never won anything. I've always been the runner up. So I'm like, this is just gonna track, Right. But I didn't expect to get anywhere near the final.

[A]

Well, I mean, that's an incredible skill. And you said earlier, it's like, I never expected this to be a career. It's not. You're the only one.

[D]

No one is combining stand up comedy and freestyle rap. Like, there's freestyle rap and there's comedy, musical comedy. No one does this. And now, have you met any of.

[E]

The freestyle rap guys?

[A]

Like, well, Little Dick is the one that I always think about that guy.

[D]

Not. Not man. No. Dave.

[A]

He is ridiculously good.

[D]

I was so funny. Yeah.

[A]

And so funny. And that's like. I mean, you've got the same exact skill. And it's so. But he's. I don't know that.

[E]

He's just like, deliveries are different.

[D]

I think traditionally Little Dickies is. Is written. It's written. It's writing comedy rats. Yeah. Really, really funny comedy.

[A]

The stuff you're doing is like, off. Like, when I saw. I honestly. And I mean this as a compliment, I saw that on TV and I'm like, there's no. NBC wouldn't have risked having that air.

[D]

Well, they didn't have a freestyle rapper on for 20 seasons. I was the first freestyle rapper. And I asked. I was like, oh, so I'm the first one to apply? They go, no, you're the first one we've trusted that we've allowed. Because I. When I. In 2021, I did Stephen Colbert, I did the Late show, and I had to push so hard to be allowed to freestyle. I had to be like, no, please.

[C]

If it doesn't go well, don't air it.

[D]

Yeah, just cut it now with agt, it's live. So that's the hard thing. And what was even harder than just rapping on the spot was in my head, I constantly had to remember, don't mention this, don't mention this. There's rules. Things like they're sponsored by Ikea and Lavazza, so they're like, oh, by the way, you can't mention home goods or other drinks.

[C]

What, I can't be like, sipping on Lean?

[D]

Lean's a drink. Come on.

[A]

That's a crutch of mine.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

In my Chevy.

[D]

No.

[A]

How often do you do something because this is like, human nature to be in a situation and you say something, then later you think of, oh, I should have done this.

[D]

Oh, all the time. As soon as the beat finishes in my head, I'm like, oh, should have said this.

[A]

You said this, this and this.

[D]

All the.

[A]

You're never satisfied.

[D]

Never.

[A]

The worst part of having a skill like this that everybody loves is that you're cursed with the weight of never really thinking you got it right.

[D]

It is a curse.

[E]

It is.

[D]

I get that every night. I do like, though, that you can have the worst. You could have a bad rap. Like, the suggestions could be bad and I could not be on form. That's rarely happens now because I've done it for so long. But someone will come up to you and be like, dude, that was amazing. You crushed it. Yeah. And I'm. I'm like, that was one of the worst things I've ever done on stage.

[C]

But they.

[D]

Because they've never seen it before. I also love that. That's the American approach, isn't it? Like, dude, you crushed it.

[A]

Yeah, you crushed, bro.

[D]

You destroyed.

[E]

So the one that you open, that we opened up with, can you recall that word for word or.

[A]

No?

[D]

No, no, no, it's over. I don't have. I don't have memory beyond about six months ago.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, I've done radio shows where they're like. They're like, great to have you back. I'm like, you're going to have to provide me photo evidence. I do not remember coming here. It's like, because that's got to be.

[E]

Hard to do, because sometimes, like, when they. If it's live or, like, a TV thing, just do the one that we heard that. Or that's on.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

On your Instagram.

[C]

Can you do that again?

[D]

Yeah. Play the hits. No, I. I can. I can rap about the same suggestion. Yeah. Like, multiple times. Sometimes. Sometimes I'll start a rap, and I go, I don't like that beat. And then I'll start it again. But I'm rapping about, you know, Marie Antoinette's toilet habits. Sweet. And I'll cut it and start again. They're like, wait, you're doing it again?

[C]

Like, yeah.

[D]

I've got to figure out more rhymes.

[A]

For Marianne, who was, like, an influencer when you were listening to rap.

[D]

Oh, when I was growing up, I. I. The first three albums I had were, you know, Eminem, Dr. Dre, and Outkast. So you have that thing. And I thought, because I was this little white boy growing up in Manchester, all my friends liked heavy metal, which, I mean, I. I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

But no one would talk about, like. And the guy who would burn me, the albums from, like, Limewire or Kazar, like, he would. I'd be like, hey, Galid, can I get the album? He's a Somalian kid. He was like. He was like, yeah. And he'd given him. I'd be like, hey, Galid. Like, this album's amazing. He's like, I don't want to talk to you. Like, my family. My family think it's weird that you're my friend. And I'm like, oh, but I want.

[C]

To talk about Dr. Dre.

[D]

He's like. He's like, please get away. Everyone thinks I'm weird.

[A]

You can't say that. The way you look and sound, you can't be the Dr. Dre aficionado.

[D]

Yeah. Just in case anyone was listening, didn't realize I am a white man. So I got emails.

[A]

People were questioning.

[D]

I'm. I just. I thought they were all making up. So I thought Eminem was freestyling. I thought Dr. Dre. I thought, you know, outkast or freestyling. And so if you think that you can improvise songs as funny or as, like, smart or as brilliant as those, then you aim for that.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

So.

[E]

But let alone Eminem, you know, in concert or whatever, just recalling all the works, the lyrics and the pace and the delicious.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. But you're right.

[A]

If you have the confidence to just say, I can. Like, this is something I can achieve.

[D]

I'LL just practice.

[A]

It just happened.

[D]

Like the guy who broke the world hot dog eating record.

[A]

Joey Chestnut.

[D]

Yeah. When he like, he smashed. Well, I'm not. You think of Joey. It was Takara Kobayashi. Oh, yeah. Who came along and they're like, hey, you broke the record. And he's like, oh, I didn't know that was the record. You didn't know what the record was like the record at that time was like 24. And he did 42 or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

He crushed it because he just did it a different way. Yeah. And then that's the same. Roger Bannister ran the four minute mile. Everyone's like, that's impossible. He ran it and then that next.

[E]

It'll never happen.

[D]

So many people ran a four minute mile because he proved that it was actually doable. And as soon as. You know. So that's it.

[A]

Can you do another one for us?

[D]

Yeah, I mean, can I? I can. I'd love to.

[A]

About us.

[D]

Yeah. But like, if you each give me some info to put in Brady.

[A]

Brady has one kidney.

[D]

Okay, brilliant.

[A]

One kidney.

[D]

Which one?

[A]

I'm.

[D]

Which one?

[E]

I got the left kidney.

[D]

So which was taken out? Your left or my left? Right.

[A]

Was removed.

I don't know if you've noticed, I am a bald man.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

With a rather large nose.

[D]

You're both bald men with large noses. You've got two kidneys.

[E]

What?

[A]

I have a large nose. Well, it's large proportionately. No, but still, he's assuming. Yeah. What else? There's nothing else.

[E]

Like golf.

[A]

Yeah, golf. Got.

[D]

You play golf? Yeah. What's your handicap? Apart from having one kidney?

[E]

Ten.

[A]

That's a long list.

[D]

Ten and then something. We.

[A]

One of my hobbies is I make a baby casket baskets.

[D]

Baby caskets.

[A]

I'm just throwing it in.

[D]

Why are you lying? Okay. Okay, let's do this. Are we doing the same beat?

[A]

I don't have another one prepped.

[E]

He likes to box. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I'm fighting.

[D]

Okay. Yeah. I didn't look at those ears and say that's, you know, that's a perfectly straight nose there. Okay.

[E]

Silver Tongue Devil. Yeah.

[D]

Silver Tongued Devil.

[A]

Here we go.

[C]

The Silver Tongue Devil. Yeri steps into the ring. Bell goes ding. And he's acting like the king. That's the sport you chose. Explaining the nose slide to the fight.

[D]

To the side.

[C]

It goes according a mustache. Got the mustache there. Got the hair on the chin, but not upon the hair where it should be. Yeah, we're hurtling. We freestyle. Maybe go to turkey. John, take a small While. And get the transplant. Yeah. That'd be bitten for free. You could get the hair. He could get the kid a knee. Brody's like, yes. What am I? Like waking up in a bath of ice. That's nice. And we talk about the ice earlier. That's bereft. You had one kidney, now you've got one left.

[D]

Literally.

[C]

Yeah. I'll be asking this. Golf on the thing. Then you head into dialysis. That's the handicapped man in the Waffle House cap. Get it teeing off, everybody. Fancy chap. That's the flow going crazy. Moving back to John. Now we're doing all the Brady last little thing. I'm so glad that you asked it crazy. Maybe you're talking about the baby caskets. Ever so small, fitting, like a tiny one. If it's like 10 months old, then it's sadly gone. This is not funny.

[D]

Not.

[C]

High and mighty baby shoes for sale. It's like, rip. There we go. That's a little wrap that we serve.

[D]

For Brady and John and babies not on this earth.

[A]

Turner, that was outstanding. That's amazing. Yeah. To mix in the baby caskets and make it great. And then bereft in a rap. You are British.

[D]

Yeah. Not many. Not many rappers saying bereft. Yeah. Yeah. It's like nine in your dome till your family bereft.

[E]

It was proper rap.

[A]

That was outstanding. That is a talent like I haven't seen in a long time. Brilliant.

[E]

How many times a day do you think you do it?

[D]

Just how many times a rap. Well, I do cameos where people, like, you know, they ask you to record a rap for them.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

And so I might. People said you practice, like. No, literally, like, every day. I'm doing two or three little personalized raps. And so that warms you up for it. Yeah.

[A]

That's amazing. That's outstanding.

[E]

But, like, there's something catcher. Like, if someone says a phrase or that would be a good band name or something else in your.

[A]

Start rapping in your head.

[D]

I mean. Yeah, look, the gentleman who drove me over here was here in the whole car. After about 20 minutes, he was like, shut up.

[C]

Stop rapping.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm like, we're in the HOV Lane.

[A]

With B Rad behind the wheel.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Chris Turner. Impressive. Incredible desert. And you have not been here before. If you have. I don't remember it.

[D]

No, I haven't.

[A]

I think I'd remember you, Chris Turner. Is this your first time in Phoenix?

[D]

No, no, I've been. I've been here a few times. Just to hang out. Yeah, I've never, never done shows.

[A]

No kidding. Well, you were gonna have a packed house this weekend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday and you know what?

[E]

Just good topics.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know we should, Chris should come by our show Friday night if you want to.

[D]

You got what, a late show?

[A]

Yeah, we got a late show. 9:45 Downtown at the Stand Up Live.

[D]

That sounds fantastic. I would love to.

[A]

All right. Right, let's arrange it because that would be spectacular. We'll close it out with you rapping about ourselves.

[E]

Rapping over the videos.

[A]

Unbelievable. Chris Turner. That is amazing. Go be famous.

[D]

I'm gonna try my best. I've got a four year old daughter. Oh yeah.

[A]

You got to do stuff for her.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You like pay for it and stuff?

[D]

Yeah. Well, New York child care and she's talking about the price of eggs. Yeah. Yeah. Have you tried having a child?

[A]

Yeah. Plus she's four, so I don't feel so bad.

[E]

She's, she's here in Goodnight Moon.

[A]

I don't make, I don't make caskets.

[D]

For four year olds.

[A]

I stop at two and a half.

[D]

We'll buy two and just, you know.

[E]

Cost of wood for that.

[A]

Yeah, it starts getting. I can't make any money on those. Thank you so much for coming down Desert ridgemprop. Com.

[B]

It's not weird.

[D]

It's pretty cool actually. No membership fee. I have heard enough of this.