Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness - Arizona

Episode: 12-11-25 – “San Fran Woman Gives Birth in Waymo Sparking Another Childbirth Rant – Ozempic Kelly Osbourne Turns Into a Debate on Alien Killer Babies and How We Would Defend Ourselves”
Date: December 11, 2025
Hosts: John Holmberg, Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, and Dick Toledo

Episode Overview

This episode delivers Holmberg’s signature blend of irreverent humor, social commentary, and off-the-wall hypotheticals. The primary motifs are petulant tribalism (in sports/politics and daily life), bizarre human interest stories (notably, a woman giving birth in a Waymo self-driving car), and the gang’s bombastic, unfiltered takes on cultural moments—ranging from celebrity weight loss to invasion by future alien babies. The tone veers from rants to playful debates, always prioritizing entertainment and a self-aware level of inappropriateness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tribalism in Sports and Politics

• Tribalism and Pettiness:

  • John remarks on the eagerness with which people celebrate setbacks of their political or sports rivals, referencing both the Michigan coach scandal and people rooting for strife in Senator J.D. Vance's marriage.
  • Quote (03:15): “People do that. They look around, they don't know who's keeping up appearances... you don't know that. Maybe JD and Usha had a little leak over and they don't like each other, but they've got to keep it together. Or maybe it's just a typical marriage Art, and they just…I'm so sick of your crap.” – John Holmberg

• Examples of Petty Celebrations:

  • Democratic pundits speculating on the dissolution of Vance's marriage simply from seeing a public argument.
  • Listeners' amused reactions to the misfortunes of Michigan’s football staff.

2. The San Francisco Waymo Childbirth Incident

• Story Recap:

  • A woman in San Francisco gave birth in a driverless Waymo taxi while en route to the hospital.
  • The crew debates, with sarcasm and disgust, the wisdom of choosing an autonomous vehicle for childbirth, when alternatives (ambulance/friends/taxis) exist.

• Hilarity of Waymo’s Response:

  • John describes his own experience with Waymo’s AI and “rider support team.”

  • They joke about AI voiceovers in a birth scenario, e.g.,

    • Quote (16:44): “What are you doing? Put your seatbelt on. I will pull the car over. I’m having a baby. You need to remove yourself from Waymo immediately.”

  • Concerns about contamination:

    • Quote (13:48): “She squirts her baby juice all over that Waymo seat. The Waymo doesn’t know… and it just goes on to the next ride. That could be me. No births in the Waymo.” – John

  • Critical take on society’s loss of human connection—commenting on how a pregnant woman apparently has “no friends” to drive her, prompting digs at SF’s reputation.

  • Quote (17:29): “If you're pregnant and you don't have any friends to take you to the hospital, you need to self analyze because I think you might be a C word.” – John

• Timestamps:

  • [08:49] Story Introduced
  • [09:21] Debates over other rideshare/ambulance
  • [13:01–14:47] Tangent on cleaning/AI detection and why childbirth scenes are gross in shared cars

3. Ozempic, Kelly Osbourne, and Celebrity Weight Loss

• Observations on Rapid Weight Loss:

  • Crew discusses Kelly Osbourne’s alarming appearance post-Ozempic and relates it to other celebrities like Ariana Grande and Mandy Moore.

  • Critiques on the lack of “tough love” from friends/family/public.

  • Notable Quotes:

    • “[Kelly] looks like Sharon Osbourne’s corpse… someone needs to say, ‘Hey, you’re screwing this up.’” – John (25:35)
    • “[W]e make a big deal out of pregnancy and childbirth as, like, such a hard thing. I got 8 billion examples that it’s not that tough.” – John (24:36)
    • “It is bad. That’s bad. Like that’s going to die bad.” – John on Kelly Osbourne’s appearance (26:40)

• Body Image, Ozempic, and Dysmorphia:

  • The hosts link these weight-loss obsessions to broader issues around body image, dysmorphia, and societal avoidance of blunt conversations.
  • Comparison to the need for “tough love” with Andy Dick’s self-destructive behaviors.

• Timestamps:

  • [25:19–29:29] Discussion on Kelly Osbourne and body image
  • [33:16–34:12] Aliens, "pod people”, and positing celebrity transformations as evidence

4. Hypotheticals: The ‘Future Alien Baby Invasion’ (Debate & Comedy Segment)

• Premise:

  • Spinning off the “Future Babies” charity fund concept, the hosts imagine an alien invasion scenario where Earth's defenders must physically battle “adorable but deadly” future babies.

  • Details spill into the ridiculous and grotesquely comic:

    • Babies only die by being punched in the soft spot of their skull
    • The possibility of a “super baby” whose defeat could end the invasion

  • Memorable Exchanges:

    • “If a spaceship showed up and it was… future babies… would you be in the army? … I’d be Colonel Jessup… ‘I can’t kill those babies.’ I’m like, step out of the way, I’m going to be a hero.” – John (34:12)
    • “You gotta punch them in the soft spot one after another, just in your front yard.” – John (41:02)
    • Brady: “Well, if there’s future babies in my yard, I gotta take those babies out.” (43:37)
    • “If it was puppies, I’d struggle. I would struggle with the come on.” – John (44:38)

• Discussion on Puppies vs. Babies:

  • Examination of society’s preference for puppies over babies in public and adoption contexts.
  • Quote (45:13): “You look out your window and you got three babies in your front yard or three puppies. Which one brings joy?” – John

• Timestamps:

  • [34:32–47:17+] Main alien baby scenario; debate, rules, and survivor strategies
  • [44:38] Shift into puppies vs. babies debate

5. Adoption, Parenting, and Joy

• Comfort with Animals vs. Children:

  • The crew admits preferring puppies to children in workplace/communal environments, citing public reactions and logistical ease (e.g., you can pick up after a dog, but a kid at work is a nightmare).
  • Quote (51:55): “Nobody wants kids at work. … But a puppy to work—brilliant.” – John

• Self-deprecating admissions about not being set up to adopt more kids; the conversation veers into darkly funny bits on harvest organ donors.

• Timestamps:

  • [49:00–54:14] Adoption debate, the “orphan pen” thought experiment, organ harvesting jokes

Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “She squirts her baby juice all over that Waymo seat. The Waymo doesn't know you get out at the hospital. The Waymo goes to the next ride. And you know who’s… I've been in the ride of a Waymo when the last guy was a dick and it smells like weed and there's trash in there… I'm not getting in there with afterbirths and baby juice.” — John ([13:48])
• “Being judgmental has kept me alive.” — Toledo ([15:02])
• “Waymos are a gift from God, you son of a bitch. And you take them down one more time with comments like that, I'll have you take a lapse.” — John ([12:10])
• “If you're pregnant and you don't have any friends to take you to the hospital, you need to self-analyze because I think you might be a C word.” — John ([17:29])
• “You gotta punch them in the soft spot one after another, just in your front yard.” — John ([41:02])
• “Nobody wants kids at work. … But a puppy to work—brilliant.” — John ([51:55])

Memorable Moments

• John’s disgust for the prospect of cleaning up after a birth in a Waymo, and the group riffing on the AI’s hypothetical voice instructions to a woman in labor.
• The “Future Babies” invasion scenario—turning a throwaway phrase about a charity into a multi-minute, deadpan debate about stomping out alien babies and how society would react.
• The comparison between celebrity weight loss—people’s online comments as “oddly caring” reminders—and the lack of real-life intervention for friends.
• Repeated, over-the-top jokes about pets bringing communal joy vs. the perceived burden of kids in shared spaces.

Structure & Tone

• The hosts lean heavily into sarcasm, dark humor, and ridicule, but there is also a consistent undercurrent of genuine social observation.
• Recurring themes of tribalism, self-righteousness, and society’s penchant for both judgment and hypocrisy shape their takes on both news and cultural fads.
• The episode oscillates between absurd hypothetical scenarios (future baby army, alien puppies) and dead-serious (but crude) social meta-commentary about modern life.

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [03:15] – On keeping up appearances in marriage and rooting for rival misfortune
• [08:49] – Introduction to the Waymo childbirth story
• [13:01–14:47] – Tangent: rideshare cleaning horror, Waymo AI
• [15:02] – On judgment and survival
• [25:19–29:29] – Celebrity weight loss discussion (Kelly Osbourne, Ozempic)
• [34:32–47:17+] – “Future Babies” hypothetical and alien invasion scenario
• [44:38–46:09] – Puppies vs. babies in public joy and adoption rates
• [49:00–54:14] – Adoption, harvest joke, orphan pen thought experiment

Conclusion

This episode is classic Holmberg’s Morning Sickness: rapid-fire, taboo-busting, and gleefully inappropriate. The core structure blends local news, viral oddities, celebrity culture, and imaginative debates into a chaotic but oddly insightful package. Listeners can expect boundary-pushing jokes, a refusal to take news—or themselves—too seriously, and enough wry social critique to provide fuel for a watercooler debate on what makes people (and puppies) truly valuable.