12-12-25 - Realizing That w/His New Sports Thing Podcast John Hangs Out w/Idiots As Dale Thinks He Might've Time Traveled - Holmberg Blames The Media For Wanting To Do Fruity Cocaine After Atty General Warns Against It

Summary

Podcast Summary: Holmberg's Morning Sickness – 12-12-25

Episode: Realizing That w/His New Sports Thing Podcast John Hangs Out w/Idiots As Dale Thinks He Might've Time Traveled - Holmberg Blames The Media For Wanting To Do Fruity Cocaine After Atty General Warns Against It
Date: December 12, 2025
Host: John Holmberg, with Brady Bogen, Bret Vesely, Dick Toledo

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Holmberg's Morning Sickness" delivers a chaotic, humorous dive through the limits of logic and the absurdities of modern life. John Holmberg recounts jaw-dropping moments from his new sports podcast—discovering that his co-hosts sincerely believe in personal time travel. The show then shifts to critique the media’s reporting on fruit-flavored cocaine and how making it headline news inadvertently makes it sound appealing, even to the guys on air. Throughout, the tone is irreverent, sarcastic, self-deprecating, and packed with inside jokes.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Sports Podcast & Hanging Out with "Idiots"

• John’s New Podcast: John is excited about his growing sports podcast, "The Sports Thing," plugging it for both sports fans and those who just enjoy total nonsense (03:14).
• Epiphany of Idiocy: Around the 43-minute mark of the recent episode, John realizes he surrounds himself with utter “idiots”—particularly Dave Nash (a sincere conspiracy theorist) and Dale, who claims to have time-traveled (04:12–08:06).
• Conspiracy Theories Galore: Dave Nash, a recurring guest, holds court on topics including COVID (which he calls "the death jab") and 9/11. John acknowledges there are strange patterns statistically with vaccines, but mocks the hypocrisy of people who claim their bodies are temples while drinking, taking Ozempic, or ingesting other chemicals (04:30–05:48).

2. Dale’s Time Travel Tale (and the Podcast’s Funniest Disaster)

• Dale’s “Live TV” Time Loop: Dale claims that after playing in an all-star game in Japan, he flew directly to Phoenix, landed, and saw the game “still playing live” on TV. Holmberg hilariously tries to explain tape delay, but Dale (and Dave) insist time travel is the only logical explanation (07:14–09:36).
• John’s Despair: John describes this as a “room of pod people” and his increasing exasperation is felt by the whole crew (11:22; 16:46).
  • Notable Quote – John Holmberg (09:36): “I've got to get away from these people.”
• The ‘Algorithm Effect’: After this conversation, John’s social media feed becomes flooded with bizarre stories—like a man who claims to have teleported into a stolen car, and a “Swedish musician teaching an octopus to play piano” (10:11–11:00).

3. Reflecting on Group Dynamics & Past Idiocies

• Recommending the Podcast: The other show hosts encourage listeners to fast-forward to the 43-minute mark to witness the meltdown for themselves (11:00–11:33).
• “John Talks to Retards”: John jokes about retitling his show, lamenting how he can’t continue in this environment, especially since the supposed “time traveler” is terrible at sports gambling (17:14).
• Other Dale-isms: The show reminisces about other classic Dale misunderstandings—like not knowing pickles are made from cucumbers (18:21).

4. Fruit-Flavored Cocaine & Media Irony

• Attorney General’s “Warning”: The Arizona Attorney General warns about the dangers of fruit-flavored cocaine, which becomes a running joke about how news coverage lures people in (21:32–22:17).
  • Notable Quote – John Holmberg (21:48): "Now suddenly, oh, it tastes like Fruity Pebbles. Even I was like, wonder what that's like. I don't want to do cocaine. But I started thinking, is that good? Is that a good flavor?"
• The ‘Dewey Cox’ Paradox: The guys joke that news coverage now makes narcotics sound like “delicious treats,” likening it to Fun Dip and Smarties powder (22:42–23:06).
• Listener Responses: Listeners bombard the show with stories of “blueberry snow” and other flavored coke experiences, confirming how widespread flavored narcotics actually are (35:25–35:27).
• The Slippery Slope: The hosts riff on the idea that soon, every snack will be a cocaine flavor—ranch, steak, Cheez-Its. This riff continues with references to weed edibles, Gatorade flavors, and more (24:22–26:59).
  • Notable Quote – John Holmberg (25:32): “They're gonna start looking at you and then they'll start selling it as, oh, you know, you'll knock off a bunch of weight like Ozempic. Except for now, at least it's a delicious fruity treat.”

5. Back to School – Eighth-Grade Memories and Song Parodies

• John tells an elaborate story about thinking he could impress girls in 8th grade by performing “White Lines” (the cocaine song), passing through cringe, laughter, and the low-key theme of how pop culture and taboo blend (28:15–30:47).

6. Cyclical Satire – Drugs, Dumb Ideas, and Even Dumber News

• The show closes by weaving together all threads: government overstatement, public stupidity, and the risk that maybe, just maybe, the wackiest conspiracies are true (23:55; 38:16).

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Dale’s ‘Time Travel’:

  • “You honestly think—you turned back and looked at the TV and saw yourself playing live because of a flight back? ...There was no explaining them out of it. And I thought to myself, I've got to get away from these people.”
    — John Holmberg (08:12–09:36)

• On the Quality of Podcast Guests:

  • “It’s eventually going to be called ‘John Talks to retards’ because this can't continue. And how come he's so bad at FanDuel if he's capable of traveling through time?”
    — John Holmberg (17:14–18:01)

• On Fruit-Flavored Cocaine and the News:

  • “Now suddenly, oh, it tastes like Fruity Pebbles. Even I was like, wonder what that's like. I don't want to do cocaine. But I started thinking, is that good? Is that a good flavor?”
    — John Holmberg (21:48)
  • “You are a commercial. A walking...You know who else found out about it through you? The women you're talking about. Because that's who watches local news the most. And then their kids are going to find out about it because it's all over every algorithm ever.”
    — John Holmberg (23:47)

• Listener Email (on Flavored Coke):

  • “Manuel says: I know a guy that knows a guy, had some blueberry snow once. Let me tell you, white girls love blueberry snow. I don't even know what that means. Leave me alone, druggies.”
    — Read by John (35:25)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:12] – John’s realization about podcast guests’ lack of sense.
• [04:30] – Introduction to Dave’s conspiracy rabbit holes.
• [07:14–08:12] – Dale explains his “time travel” experience coming from Japan.
• [09:36] – John hits his limit: “I’ve got to get away from these people.”
• [11:00–11:33] – Recommendation to jump to 43 minutes into the podcast episode for peak idiocy.
• [17:14] – “John Talks to retards” joking debate.
• [21:32–25:32] – Fruit-flavored cocaine coverage and critique of media.
• [28:15–30:47] – 8th grade 'White Lines' memories and awkward adolescence.
• [35:25–35:27] – Listener chiming in about flavored cocaine.

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In the Original Tone: No Punches Pulled

The show is classic HMS: relentless roasting, unfiltered language, and a blend of sports, pop culture, and social commentary. Nobody is safe from mockery—least of all the hosts or their friends.

• Burt Vesely deadpans in reference to Dale: “How many times that guy get hit?” (14:12)
• Blunt but affectionate sarcasm: “He thinks that if he goes back to New York, he can make bets on games that he saw earlier today because it hasn't aired there yet because he's back in time.” (14:22)
• On the Attorney General: “Thanks a lot, Attorney General Mays. Nice job.” (36:06)

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Takeaways

• Humorous Critique: The episode lampoons both conspiracy-minded friends and self-defeating government messaging.
• Relentless Satire: The hosts use the bizarre to skewer their circle and the world at large, blurring lines between genuine exasperation and comic genius.
• Media Influence: The group nails how news can inadvertently glamorize the very dangers it hopes to warn about.

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In short, this episode is a raucous mix of skeptical logic, playful mockery, and commentary on the absurdity of modern life—perfect for those who like their morning shows peppered with both sports and snark.

Transcript

[A]

You're listening to the HMS podcast brought to you by MMP guns.com your most trusted online marketplace for firearms, ammunition and accessories. It's Brett Veseley from Homebrew's Morning Sickness. Now, I've always been the kind of guy that takes care of my own lawn. That's until I found Divine Design Landscaping. These guys aren't your typical Mo and blow landscaping company. They do amazing work and it's just what I needed to finally throw in the towel and let the experts take over. If you've been unhappy with your landscaping or sick of trying to do it yourself, well, it's time to get a hold of Divine Design Landscaping. These guys handle everything. Lawn care, irrigation, tree work, low vol voltage lighting, 3D designs. Get a free quote at DivineDesignLawnCare.com that's DivineDesignLawnCare.com It's John Holmberg here, chilling away.

[B]

From my friends at New Vision Autoglass. I'm telling you, I'm windshield curse. So this holiday season I'm going to add new windshield to my wish list. New Vision Auto Glass will take my call, deal with the insurance and then we're going to discuss what the most convenient time and place is so they can come get the work done on my ride. Then I'm going to get up to $375 back. You go to newvisionautoglass.com, see what you qualify for and don't forget that dinner at the world famous Brazilian steakhouse, Rhodesia Grill. Get that new windshield right now and Hope it lasts. 2026 480-210-9090 New Vision Auto Glass. Proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks, Holmberg's morning sickness. The old method of treatment for a person in this condition was to throw him in jail. Good morning everybody. Hello there. Welcome to Friday, exactly 12 days away. This is 12 days of Christmas. To Christmas Eve. 12 more days. It'll be the 24th and then you start cracking it open. Fat man shows up. The 12 Days of Christmas begins. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Here we are on the day of the. No, this is where we shut her down too. We're going to be here for a couple days next week. But tonight, happy endings. It's amazing. My name's John. There's Freddy. Brett Fesley's around here somewhere. He's getting coffee. I think I talked him into that. Toledo's around. And off we go for yet another glorious edition of the Morning Sickness. Yeah, tonight. I'm excited about tonight. Brett and I were going through the videos for Tonight a little bit. Yesterday you had to, you had to go through. I, I gave Brett a homework assignment. I'm like, all right, comb through all of them. See if we missed any gems. And he's like, this is the worst homework assignment ever. I'm like, it sucks. So I sent him home yesterday with that. And he's like, all right. Because we got down to. I know we had 12 or 13 before. I'm like, I can't look at this anymore. You know, when we do it on, on our day to day two or three is all right. And we don't realize that all year, all we're doing is auditioning the 10 for this very show.

[C]

It's like Clockwork Orange.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It is. It's Pride, open eyes. There was a couple of them we forgot about. That cannot be. We can't use them. They're just horrific. Like, just a lot of stuff with box cutters and it's just drills.

[A]

Stilettos through.

[B]

Yes, Stilettos and urethras. The letters in your ether is not even a good band.

[C]

No, I don't know.

[B]

It is, but you wouldn't want to hear them. I mean, it just. If, you know, if you've had the image ever presented to you, you don't want to do it. Yeah, it's a, It's a thing. But Tonight, the top 10 videos of 2025 will be.

[A]

Gotta watch them again unveiled.

[B]

We're gonna, we're gonna secondary close the show. It'll be the penultimate moment of tonight's show. And then yesterday we had Chris come in here and he, he does those impromptu raps, and so he said he'd come by and we'll knock the show down at the end. We'll have him close it with one of those and, and put a bow on 2025 for this silly show. Do a couple shows half ass next week and get the hell out of here. What do you say, boys? Sounds great. And yeah, it's great. And then I, I, I, I'm. Two weird things happened yesterday. I did the podcast with Dale, the sports thing. A John Holmberg podcast is available all over the place now. And you need to listen to this one. Not so much. Even if you don't like sports and I'm not trying. A, it's a good little tease to boost numbers for the podcast, which is doing pretty well. B, there's a moment in it where I realized how stupid the people I hang out with are. You just realizing Dave Nash is on the show an awful lot Every. Every week he's. He's known as end the rest. So Dave's there, and he's got theories and conspiracies. And sometimes he's. Sometimes conspiracy theorists are like, hey, you know what? I'm kind of with you on that. He calls the COVID shot the death jab. We tease him all the time because he had. He had. He was sick for three or four weeks. We couldn't. We convinced it was Covid. He's got all these theories about, did.

[C]

It start then when did he start diving in?

[B]

He started diving into 9, 11 stuff. There is a lot to that that you're like, all right, that Pentagon one is very confusing. There's a lot of things about buildings falling. We've this. He dove in. And then he's like, well, if they can pull that off, what else is going on? You got a lot of things like that. My argument back to conspiracy theorists about, especially now, today is the best day to argue back about it. I don't care about the COVID vaccine, although I do think there is a possibility that there's a large population of people who took what he calls the death jab, whose bodies aren't reacting well. There's a lot of young people who are having clotting problems. It's gone. The numbers don't lie. There's been a lot of weird things for health for healthy young people that have happened since that Covid shot. But they did say it was only 70% effective. That means 30% of the population were going to have the wrong effect. Possibly. Doesn't mean it's happening for sure. But there is a spike in one thing. And then it just so happened. Like, what science always does is go, all right, there's a spike. What's different than was there before that? So it goes into that thing. But my argument back to them is always this. And today's the best one. People who scream out, I'd never put that in my body. I'd never do something like that. And I'm like, well, they drink, you know, tequila or like me with diet soda. And I'm like, I. I don't pay attention. There's tons of. Yeah. Pot of coffee, which I don't think is as bad, but it's there. You don't know. And you're pouring poison in your body. You're eating poison constantly. And then you're saying, I treat this thing like a temple. It's a bad argument. And now, especially with Ozempic running all over, it's running wild it's wildfire. Everybody's doing that stuff. And I'm like, you'll do that. That's a brand new thing. And, oh, it's convenient for me and it makes me look good. As long as it's a visual changer and you look good, you'll, you'll, you'll risk the side effects if it's going to help you lose weight or make you feel better about yourself. And I don't, I don't have any problem with that either. So he goes on and on about that. So we talked about that. Not in the podcast a lot, but he brings it up a little bit. And then he said something about time travel and he said something about space and time. Dale then starts to talk about how, yeah, when you fly, that's weird that you know, because if you, you know, if you, it is a deep hole to get into. It's Neil Degrasse Tyson stuff that when you go through space, you don't age the same. If you went to Mars or whatever, you'd come back a couple years younger than everybody else's age. You just age differently. That because time's a man made construct and here on the planet with gravity, it's different than outside. It just gets into this weird thing. You can actually. So Dave took that as time travel, which is essentially a definition of you going back in time, but not necessarily reversing events. Dale then says, that's weird because I had an all Star game I played in, in Japan when I was younger. And then when game was over, we got on the plane right away and when we landed a direct flight from wherever he was to Phoenix, direct flight. He said, we got out and the game was on tv. And he goes, it was still playing. And he just shrugs his shoulders and I'm like, wait a minute, that's tape delayed. And he goes, I don't think we had it then. Like, so you think a game you were playing in was broadcast live while you landed in a different city and you saw yourself playing in a game that was actually happening at that time. And he goes, can't be explained. Like it's tape delay. And then I looked over at Nash, like, you know, obviously you'd have somebody in the room going, this guy's out of his mind. And Nash goes, can't be explained. And like, you guys both think that you can, that when you go from Tokyo to Phoenix, you're traveling back in time and broadcast television is not affected.

[A]

They taped the moon landing. I think that was a little bit after Dale's playing, or before Dale's playing.

[B]

Days reruns in the 80s. There was tapes of stuff. And he's just looking at me like, no, it was on live. It said live. And I'm like, you were in the game. You honestly think. You turned back and looked at the TV and saw yourself playing live because of a flight back? You went backwards in the. Because. And what confused him.

[C]

That's awesome. I'm going there.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Gonna watch baseball games, play some events, come back.

[B]

That's what. That's what we got down to. Because Dave's theory is that there's somebody going into space and traveling back and then coming back with sports information. I'm like, so someone invented time travel strictly for the gambling? And he goes, can't be explained. And he had an argument that the Raiders and Broncos game last week, which was, you know, a point, was a glitch. It was a complete glitch in the Matrix. And why would you kick a field goal with three seconds left if you're down 10? It just doesn't make sense. Just down the ball. And he. You know, I'm like, okay. For a second there, my brain was like, yeah, no, that makes sense. And then I. Stop it, John. Stop it. He thinks that when you go back in time zones and it's about 16 hours, I don't know, 15 hours from Japan to here, maybe a little less than that, that he actually thought, oh, I'm leaving that time and getting to this time. And that still exists in my time. So that's why I'm seeing myself play live on TV while I land in Phoenix. And there was no explaining them out of it. And I thought to myself, I've got to get away from these people.

[D]

This is.

[B]

It's worth listening to, because that moment, you hear the dumb bells start to ring, you know, like, oh, that's a dumbbell. And he's actually ringing it proudly.

[C]

I don't know how you continued on.

[B]

Oh, I didn't. I didn't. We kept going with that for a while, and then I'm like, all right, let's just talk about what they know, which is football in the current state. But worst part is, my phone was like, they're onto something. Every algorithm after that I had was the stupidest thing I've ever read in my life. And I'm like, mental asylums?

[A]

Stuff like that.

[B]

Yes, it was. Well, I'll tell you, the first. The first couple. Where is it? I got one that says a man headline. I'd never gotten this before, as a headline, man claims he teleported into stolen car. I go, no, no, no, no. This can't be a first story. I see after that. And then the next story underneath that. And this was a reputable news source. Swedish musician teaches highly intelligent octopus to play piano. And I'm like, all right, I got to get off the planet. Like, the phone's like, you're into this. It just heard these two morons for a second and said, oh, these guys are into the conversation. Went on long enough. Phone went, he's going crazy. Start sending him stuff. And it did it. Now I'm. And then, of course, I'm clicking on the. The octopus playing a piano. Who doesn't want to see that? Oh, it can pound out some things, but it's not playing the piano.

[D]

So for everybody who's going to go looking for the podcast, the Sports thing, a John Holmberg podcast, it's available everywhere. You're going to look about 43 minutes in.

[B]

Is it 43 in?

[D]

It's about 43 in where the conversation kind of starts and then it veers off.

[B]

Did you. Did you listen to it?

[D]

I'm just listening to it right now.

[B]

As you. And you hear the dumbbell.

[A]

I hear you.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Kind of go, wait.

[B]

Wait a second. I stopped the.

[D]

We're not talking about anything else until we saw.

[B]

Could you imagine being like, this is just an audio podcast. You and your car will make the face I made, which is just you close your eyes and go, hold on a second. Am I hearing this right? And. But imagine being in a room with two people when someone says they think they saw themselves live in Japan when they landed in film. Me, think about how off your brain you're outnumbered. And then I look over at the other guy and he's nodding like, yeah, that's a thing.

[C]

Told you.

[B]

And I'm like, have. I've walked into a room of pod people. So if you want to hear. It's a good podcast up to that 43 minutes. Like, we're doing great work with. Talking about.

[D]

Goes live in about 20 minutes.

[C]

Yeah, we gotta tighten it up.

[B]

Talking about Michigan. We're talking about what went on in the ncaa, the, you know, the playoffs. All the substance, good sports talk, quality information, some laughs, whatever. And then that happens. And it's been living with me for the entirety of the night and day. And then my phone's like, yeah, you're. You're basically a lunatic. Here, let me help you out. Deep sea virtuoso learns to play using crab incentives so they, they throw. They starve the octopus until he starts playing the ivories that they kept underwater. Why? And then they throw crab at him when he plays it. So now he's like, I'm hungry. Seems like crabs show up when I play the organ. So he's the phantom of the ocean now.

[A]

I'm just kidding.

[C]

They're amazing creatures, those octopus.

[B]

Well, don't you start. Cause I'm going to get it more. Yeah, it's a thing.

[A]

I'm gonna continue to go out on Thursday mornings while Dale's here because I just.

[B]

But you have to marvel at the fact that the man's 60 years old. He made it. Holmberg's morning sickness. Disgusting. They say things that are horrible. It's John Holmberg here, showing way for my friends at New Vision Auto Glass. I recently took one of my cars to a dealership for maintenance and the guy said, oh, you got a chip in the back window. I never even noticed it. Then he told me they can fix it. I said, oh, great. He said, 1300 bucks. And I started laughing. I said, no thanks. You haven't heard of New Vision Auto Glass? New Vision Auto Glass wants to make it easy on you too. You set up the time and the place, get the work done. And it is done. So whatever Glass needs you have with your car, New Vision Auto Glass is the only place to go. Give them a call. 480-210-9090. New Vision Auto Glass, proud sponsor of the Arizona Diamondbacks vrbo.

[E]

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[B]

And he's been thinking that that's happened to him for the last 40 some years.

[A]

How many times that guy get hit?

[B]

Well, this was Brett. This was when he was young. He didn't have the CTE yet. So since probably 1983, he's believed that he saw himself live on TV in Japan after his plane landed and teleported him back in time on a United flight. It's in his head. I know. But somebody much else up. They walk amongst room for it. They walk amongst us. Brett. He's there with us. He thinks that if he goes back to New York, he can make bets on games that he saw earlier today because it hasn't aired there yet because he's back in time.

[A]

What is he, Biff with the sports atlas or something?

[B]

And that was brought up. They thought that was actually kind of a reasonable, you know, so him, Marty.

[A]

Steven Spielberg and doc Brown jumped in Dale's Lincoln.

[B]

But here's what. Here's what I know didn't happen. Christopher Lloyd, Michael J. Fox and Steven Spielberg didn't sit in a room and read that script and go, yeah, this is probably real. No, they were probably laughing like, that's hilarious.

[A]

How creative is that this ever could happen?

[B]

Dale actually said, I saw myself on tv. It was airing when I got out. And I'm like, that's weird. That's crazy because that's live. Like you believed the game you were in was still going on because you were on a 16 hour flight.

[C]

They've been teleporting this whole time.

[B]

Who knew? They run all over. It's so weird. Nuts. So that. That I had to deal with for, I don't know, 10 or 11. I was laughing hysterically. But those dudes were. They meant it. That. That's why isn't that possible? They kept asking like, why? Like, are you crazy?

[C]

There's.

[B]

They taped it. You were watching. It was probably one in the morning when the game played in Japan on when I got here. Like, oh my God, he's not good.

[A]

Looking enough to be that dumb.

[B]

No, you gotta be much more. You imagine abroad saying that to you. Like, wait a minute. Like on the phone, you'd be like, I'm gonna start beating off now. This girl must be gorgeous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then you show up and she's six' four, £300, looks like Frankenstein and she's got scars on her neck and bolts hanging out of her head. And you're like, wait a second, you can't be this dumb. Funk. You can't have a driver's license. If he starts, he's like, don't worry, we'll get there on time. And he just speeds. He's like, I can reverse time with speed.

[A]

Speechless.

[B]

And that's when I said, when did you meet up with other you? When did he get back? When did the guy you were watching. No, it's like, when did.

[C]

Doesn't work.

[B]

Like, when did Japanese Dale meet. Landed from Japan? Dale, when did you guys. Can't be explained. And I'm like, oh my God. So yeah, that was What I had to deal with yesterday. And then, you know, that was right up right before I met you to watch the videos that I had just.

[A]

Gone through that if I didn't wait around, I did. If I'd have known, I would have put it all together myself and wouldn't have.

[C]

I was telling Brett, he's like, I gotta wait until. I think I go just bust in there.

[B]

I almost did see, and this was not the intent. Although it is going to be a. A fall off, an ancillary thing. It's like people are now begging like, how do I find this podcast? Trust me, if you like sports, you're gonna like it. But if you don't, just fast Forward to the 43 minute mark. It's called the Sports Thing, a John Holmberg podcast. Just Google it. It's everywhere now and you can find it. And then this is nice because it'll promote. Numbers will go up and money will start flowing in. But it's eventually going to be called John Talks to retards because that this can't continue. And how come he's so bad at fanduel if he's. If he's capable of traveling through time, Fly to New York, get the answers and then come back. But I think when you fly back, it reverses you back to your. It's like Inception. Every morning you wake up and forget where you've been. It's. It's Biff.

[A]

Hell, Stray is not telling me on this.

[B]

Oh, he's not telling anybody, Brad. It doesn't exist. But can you imagine a man with a driver's license in control of a 5,000 pound piece of steel every day next to you on the freeway thinking there's another plane going over. Those folks are going back in time.

[C]

It's kind of like one story that you're told when you're a kid.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you remember when he came in, he said, you guys know where Pickles come from? And we're like, yeah, cucumbers. It's. They're pickled. You guys knew that, like. Yeah, Dale. That's why they call him Pickles.

[C]

He thought he had.

[B]

He thought he had us.

[A]

He got to college.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, well, he went to smu, so not really. But yeah. But the worrying part is, is how my ph just collapsed underneath me and said, you're hanging out with these guys. So here's the information you're going to need for the rest of your life. Octopus playing piano. Really? That's where I live now.

[A]

So what kind of drugs is Dale On John. I want some.

[B]

I would love it if he was right. I did like that. And again, I'm the idiot who. After all this and I just checked my phone for stuff. My top two stories are that a man who got arrested for stealing a car told the cops, hey, I don't know how it happened. I've been teleported into this car. And then you think. Then you get into Dale's brain for a second.

[C]

Did you look at the dude? I was gonna. That was tonight's identify the perp.

[B]

Oh, was it? Yeah, I did look at him. Yeah, he looks a little like Willie.

[C]

His name's Calvin Johnson.

[B]

Oh, man, I didn't see that would.

[C]

Have been a winner.

[B]

We're gonna play identify the perp tonight. Okay. Awesome. You got Toledo on the pictures.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Identify the perp will be fun tonight. That's. I enjoy that. Identify the perp. Yeah, he looks like Willy Wonka. I would never have guessed Calvin Johnson looks like Willy Wonka. But yeah, he's. But what if he's telling the truth? And then your brain starts going, what if that's. What if Dale and Dave are right? And I don't want to go down that road. I. I always ask that question to try to remain open minded on certain things. Like what if they're right? And I'm just part of the sheeple that will immediately dismiss this because you. When you do travel through space, you age differently. It is a. Time doesn't exist.

[C]

In fact, they still do experiments on it. I mean, like whenever those astronauts come back.

[B]

Oh yeah, well, they do. And they try to figure out, well, they have to sit differently. There's been no gravity. There's a. There's an aging thing. There's. It's some depth that you can't even get into. But there is also, you know, reality to the idea that time being again, you want to get into E equals MC squared. You staring at a star and me walking by and looking up at that same thing. We'll see things in hundreds of years apart. And not because it's changed. Because your perspective and my moving perspective. We see totally different things. We don't know that, but we do. And that's in the space. And it's because it's. And that'll screw up. What? Because time doesn't actually exist. Oh, boy. Here we go. Thanks a lot, Dale.

[A]

If they are right, I don't want to be on this planet.

[B]

I kind of do. I'm going to start flying.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Hey, John, what was the name of your Podcast again. I just Google searched two downs in a Jew, but nothing comes up. Yeah, well, you know what? It kind of almost has a football text to it. Just two downs and a Jew. Two downs and a punting Jew. Because I punted yesterday. Punt. And I also have to say that the news is a guilty machine of anything bad. I would have never known about fruit flavored cocaine if it wasn't like the top story all over Phoenix right now. It's on tv, it's on radio news, it's on your Internet.

[C]

It's on the Diddy documentary.

[B]

They have fruit. Oh, they have that pink stuff. They're not sure. Yeah, that. Yeah, that's got that.

[C]

So what's 2 cent? I'm not sure because they were talking about. He had all the desired drugs. Pink, but cocaine, fruit, basically strawberry.

[B]

Yeah. Fruit flavored cocaine is now something that our, our attorney general here in Arizona is starting to talk about a lot on tv. And if you just shut up about it, no kids would be. No kids would be interested. Now suddenly, oh, it tastes like fruity Pebbles. Even. I was like, wonder what that's like. I don't want to do cocaine. But I started thinking, is that good? Is that a good flavor? I like flavors. I don't. I had coffee this morning. I can't drink coffee. But you add a flavor to it. Yeah, you get some hazelnut in there.

[C]

I get sugar bombs.

[B]

Right? Yeah. You make it a milkshake and suddenly coffee's pretty fantastic. But so now, fruit flavored cocaine, they're a warning. And did you ever, you hear the attorney general speech? I said, we got a problem. It's aimed at women and teens. It's delicious and exciting. Fruit flavored cocaine. It's like, well, I'm in. Where do I get that? No, no, no. You're not supposed to want it. Was this a commercial for fruit flavored cocaine? I didn't know because I don't.

[C]

They come in the old lick em stick packets.

[B]

They've been training us.

[A]

So it's fun dip.

[B]

Yeah, they've been training us exactly since we were kids to do delicious flavored, powdery substances. Don't do it. It's Dewey Cox. Don't you dare do this. Fruit flavored delicious treat that make you feel incredible.

[C]

You pound up the smarties.

[B]

Better. It is better.

[A]

Ask Dale and the rest about this. They'll probably try to figure out what tree it's growing on.

[B]

Dale can go back. Dale can go back in time and see its origins. Just hops on the Southwest and goes To Dallas. He'll be fine. You knew back there. I found fruit flavored cocaine in the 80s.

[C]

That's why he doesn't drink Coca Cola. He's always believed.

[B]

No, it's got coke in it still. Yeah. The fruit flavored cocaine is a very real thing that I only know. I only know about it because of the news. That's it. You are a commercial. A walking. You know who else found out about it through you? The women you're talking about. Because that's who watches local news the most. And then their kids are going to find out about it because it's all over every algorithm ever.

[A]

I want some now. Just.

[B]

I do.

[A]

Hearing this story about Dale and the rest, I'm.

[C]

Well, the ditty parties, they love the tushy.

[B]

Sure. Joy Ackerman, who made all those cookies and baked treats for us. The best one in there, and I hammered it yesterday, was a white chocolate fruity pebble bar. Fruity Pebbles in anything is phenomenal. So you start adding that to cocaine, and suddenly I want cocaine. And I've never wanted it in my life, ever.

[C]

When we talk about it. Chiba Hut.

[B]

Chiba Hut. And those fruity pebble marshmallow squares those.

[A]

Wheaties got going on with that.

[B]

It's the least healthy thing in the world for you outside of maybe fruity coke. And you're like, I think I want that. They start making candy out of weed and I started doing. I'm like, this might not. This might be. I don't like smoking at all. So maybe this is the route I go for that. I didn't like how it felt, but those were delicious treats.

[C]

Well, it'll definitely help you stay up. You don't like to sleep.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Well, I don't. Yeah. But I don't need it to stay up. The last thing I need is something to keep me away. I sleep three hours a day. There's. I know what they're saying.

[C]

I can't. You know, I hear these stories these celebrities talk about when they go on these benders.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I'm up for five, six days.

[B]

Yeah. Now, imagine, Brady, if they have, because this ain't. This is not where it ends. You saw what happened to Gatorade. It used to be yellow and orange. They didn't even have names for it. Yellow and orange Gatorade. And then fruit. Arctic Super Blast. Fierce Windstorm. I'm like, windstorm, That's a flavor Now.

[C]

I'll take the frost.

[B]

And you're curious about it, but you know, it doesn't end here. They're going to start looking at you and then they'll start selling it as, oh, you know, you'll knock off a bunch of weight like Ozempic. Except for now, at least it's a delicious fruity treat.

[A]

It's going to be all over, Gilbert.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Go home, Gilbert. Moms are going to crush this stuff to drop. Dale talking about his wife putting on three pounds over the last 35 years. Get her some Fruity Pebbles. Coke comes off in a day. It's the fault of government and TV to act like, oh my Lord, go down the morality. Have you heard about fruit flavored, delicious, awesome cocaine? It's terrifying. And your kids now know about it. Yeah, because of you, jackass. Shut up. Fruit flavor. Yeah, now they're gonna have flavor. They're gonna have barbecue before it's all over. Oh, Brady's cheetah. Once they do a thing where it's like tastes just like a steak you get at Durant's. No weight gain, none of things but a delicious steak flavor that you can't get enough of. There'll be overdoses like crazy disgusting. They say things that are horrible. Holmberg's morning sickness. Fruit flavored coke. If they make like. Yeah, exactly. Ranch flavor. America will drop dead. We'll powder everything with it. Next thing you know, Brady will be doing stories like you did yesterday about crushed turkey leg cocaine flavor. We're not even using Cheez Its anymore as a breading. It's just that delicious cocaine.

[C]

It wasn't a typo.

[B]

Can you imagine if as delicious as Cheez Its are, if they made Cheez it cocaine, they can start infusing it in an addict. Right now. I'd be an addict for sure. Especially the low fat ones that don't stick to your teeth as bad. Of course. You love those Shayz hits are delicious. I got that song in my this one.

[C]

Oh, fruit.

[B]

That little tricks rabbit going by. Want some coke? Yes, I do. I've never wanted it more in my life. Follow my nose. See, now it makes sense. Fruit loops. It always knows. For flavors of fruit, just follow my snoot. Is this a Colombian parrot? Freeze. Might have to be the wake up sound. Anyway, if you have fruit flavored cocaine, please, by all means transport that tonight to stand up live. And let's do that for the end of the year show. Oh yeah, Peace. I thought I was going to make out with Christy Greenway in 8th grade when this came out. Really? Because I knew all the words and I was sitting next to her. I'm dancing, looking at her. And she's laughing. What are you doing? She was so cute. And I'm like, white love vision drink dreams of passion and all the while I think of you she's like. And then she found me in the hallway later at Rhodes. She goes, do it, do it. Do you remember Christy? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, Everybody.

[A]

If you went to Rhodes at that.

[B]

Time, found me in the hallway with Robin Monroe and Stacy north, and said, do it on command. I was like, all right, I'll do it. You girls are into it. I'm totally fine with that. Prepare yourselves, lady. Tickets arrive the white line highway Tell all your friends they can go my way Sell your soul pound for pound it costs more than gold I don't need the backup. I was gonna nail her alone. I can't help it. Sea blocker. I got flavor. Flavor, Flavor Saver Flav, Vanilla Chunk. Yeah, Whatever it was, it's like, what was going on? I had a satellite around. God damn it, Brady. They wanted to hear us do that. No, they didn't. She asked me. Although we did sound pretty good, I will admit that was pretty sweet. And if you imagine doing that in eighth grade and I'm doing Ticket to Ride the White line highway, telling I look behind me, I'm like, what the hell's he doing here? God damn it. Now it's not. Now it's not special. Will you please go away While we're doing this together, baby? Damn. Come on. Pure as the driven snow and now we're having fun, baby. Go away, Brady. It's getting kind of low. You're doing it. It's fun when you do it, but your friend is making it. So it's not special. I know. Now everyone can do it. I know.

[A]

And the six black guys that we had at Rhodes at that time was like, what is this?

[B]

Amwa? Grant and Keith Walls looking at me going, this cracker right here is gonna try to bang Robin Monroe, Stacy north, and Christy Greenway. But take this is cultural appropriation. We don't even know what that is yet. Hey, Keith. A multi million dollars. I think that and this is only for you and I, that Ahmad Grant actually grew up and became Stephen A. Smith. I'm pretty sure it's the same guy. He was skinny, looks just like him. Now I see him, I'm like, I knew back in 8th grade. Anyway. Are you now doing Stephen A. Smith impressions, too? What is wrong with you? Do you know your role? Stay in your lane.

[A]

It's a little Stephen A.

[B]

Anyway, fruit flavored cocaine will do that. To you it's a fact. But if you've got fruit flavored cocaine, at the very least want to smell it. I'm not going to get too close, but I might put it on my tongue. I have to know, is it good? Is it pears?

[A]

Is it like a starburst?

[B]

I mean, what is it? Is it the strawberry one? I mean, if you make it strawberry, I'll avoid it, but I mean, I definitely want to taste that. And it's because of the attorney general.

[C]

It's baby aspirin.

[B]

Oh, don't do that. That's delicious. It tastes like orange.

[A]

Tastes like Flintstone vitamins.

[B]

Oh, I eat, I eat those by the handful. Had another bottle yesterday. Whole bottle.

[C]

I think there was a case where they're bringing it in shaped like little Vet.

[B]

Yeah, like little Flintstones and they smash it up. But flavored cocaine was something I knew probably existed. This guy says, John, about 12 years ago, I came across some strawberry flavored cocaine. And you're right, it's amazing. You just took me back. Good times. Thanks, Jose. Endorser of strawberry Coke. It's like Nestle quick now. Strawberry, vanilla, chocolate. What's your. What's your game, mate? I don't know. Just give it to me.

[C]

Strawberry rabbit shows up.

[B]

You can't even be mad at your kid. It tasted just like Fruity Pebbles. Jesus. I can't blame you for that. I've been feeding you that since you were five. A very strange reaction. This song was so great. All about. Dude. Dude. Just trying to convince you that coke is terrible and it's was fun.

[A]

He sold me on it.

[B]

Yeah, don't do it. It was in my head a lot. And mainly because I thought, well. And then again, cocaine was about to get me laid. Well, at least the closer you can get in the eighth grade. And I want to hear from all those people. You pussy. You didn't get laid in the eighth grade. No, not many people did. Don't email me that, Scott. Oh, so good. And they were laughing. I wasn't dancing or anything. I was just doing the hand thing because I don't dance. Knocked us. He knows the whole thing. Let's have sex with everybody but him. Yeah, that's a good idea. So you're in middle school.

[C]

Imagine the Friday and Saturday night, the Beta House at the fraternity. That song was pounding.

[B]

You were in college when that was going on. You and Brennaman. Get higher, baby. Get higher, baby. There's a deep drive by Nick. Someday that'll make sense. Guys. Why does he always Say that you'll see Tom Brenneman for flavored coke. Kind of makes me want to do stuff. Brady, are you into gay things? Because I'm seeing stuff and I want to tear into that ass of yours. What? It's getting kind of low. Anyway, I don't want to do flavored cocaine. I. I do want to taste it.

[A]

This guy. Apparently we have a lot of connoisseurs out there.

[B]

Yeah, no, we've got some players.

[A]

Flavored coke's been around forever. It's basically coke. They mix it in a Kool Aid type powder. It's not anything special. When you smoke it, it's like menthol. So just smoke a pack of cools.

[B]

You know, One of my cop friends says, fruity flavored cocaine. What's it taste like? Dick. No, no, you're confusing fruity. Look, the degenerate that just emailed and said, oh, it's been around forever. Yeah, I know, but I didn't know that till this week. And now us normals are in on it now. Us, you know, functioning members of society that aren't all coked out of our heads constantly and sharing the dream. Now you got me. Now it's flavored. It wasn't because it was poorly flavored before. It just looked bad. But now it's got a nice little. It's fun. It tastes like candy. You make it taste like candy. You take a children's brain like mine and you say, hey, it sounds. And now I'm interested. And with my Juno's, I'm gonna die the first day. You can't do that. What did you suck it all up for? I didn't mean to. It just happened. Anyway, that's what Marshall just says. Let's be honest, you go anywhere near fruit flavored cocaine, there's no smelling. Or that giant June nose. You basically snort the entire stash accidentally. Don't smell my coke. John says. And here's how you know you're in a new group of friends. Manuel says, I know a guy that knows a guy, had some blueberry snow once. Let me tell you, white girls love blueberry snow. I don't even know what that means. Leave me alone, druggies.

[A]

Flavored cocaine is called levada.

[B]

All right? I don't want to name washed, washed with flavor.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Ivan, stop it.

[C]

And then I heard that term, you know, again. Thrown out a couple days ago watching.

[B]

That Diddy documentary I've never ever heard. And Ronnie, flavored cocaine. Even in the Diddy thing, which I watched all of too. I Didn't pay attention to, like, the new brands I knew he had. I figured that was just for super celebrities that got. Yeah, but no, the Attorney General's like, no, your kids have some. It's great. Check the. The. It's lick made. It's liquor sticks. Those were phenomenal. I used to love that. And we'd always, like, joke. Remember when you used to make erasers have. And every kid has done that, where you made the erasers and you made the little.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And then you put it on the paper and then you put it in a little line and they dare DJ Lisicki to snort it, and he does, and then you do it too, and it hurts. I think that's one of the reasons why I'm like, why would anybody do that? If you've ever snorted anything as a kid, like wood chips or eraser dust, it. It hurts. But thanks a lot, Attorney General Mays. Nice job.

[C]

Evidently, that's a little different for 2C. It's called pink cocaine is another name for it, but it's.

[B]

I don't know if it's flavored. It's just pink. You're seemingly very interesting.

[C]

And MDA and meth.

[B]

Oh, that's right. That was the Molly and Ed. Yeah, that was the. The. That was his ecstasy stuff. The pink stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And they call it pink cocaine, but it's not. It's got all that stuff in there. Yeah. Follow the bouncing ball here, because this is about your kid. She's going to find it. Anyway, enjoy life. You got kids today. And they seem to be putting some extra energy into their yard work this weekend. I might want to toss the cells. Time to toss the cells.

[C]

Check those pixie stick.

[B]

The idiots in our government are telling the kids all that your kid was like, I was a good kid. What did they say? Tastes like fruity Pebbles. It's fantastic. Make you feel better than you've ever felt in your life. Don't do it.

[C]

Finals are coming up next week. She's up for three days.

[B]

Asu. It's like, wait, they made flavored stuff? Yeah, it's kind of inexpensive. It's really good. Don't do it.

[A]

They want Brennaman and Brady coke. College buddies in the squares.

[B]

Well, probably going to have to. I tell you what, Brady. I got some of this fruity pebble cocaine, and we are gonna be all weekend long. I'm gonna eat your bottom and you're gonna eat mine, and we're gonna snort this fruity stuff off each other's wangs, okay? Go Bobcats. And speaking of Bob, I'm gonna be bobbing up and down on you like a two dollar. You say that word a lot Tom, and it will never ever get me in trouble. Promises. Don't be a about it Brady. Tom says the homo F word every day at least 30 times and there'll be zero repercussions from that. No one will ever care.

[C]

Proba. Probably.

[B]

Anyway, that's how we start today's show. Time travel and flavored coke. I live in a simulation and it is shattered. Let's get a wake up song 585-9800 a good one. We'll scream it together. Peace. It's 98 Wake Up. It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually.

[C]

No membership fee I have heard enough of.

[B]

What do you think makes the perfect snack?

[C]

Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really.

[B]

Craving it and it's convenient. Could you be more specific? When it's cravenient.

[C]

Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just.

[B]

A second at a.m. p.m. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[C]

Well yeah, we're talking about what I.

[B]

Crave which is anything from AM pm. What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience ampm. Too much good stuff.