Confidence, Comparison & Body Image

Summary

Hot Mess with Alix Earle: Episode Summary Episode Title: Confidence, Comparison & Body Image
Release Date: January 16, 2025

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1. Navigating Personal Challenges and Community Support

[03:55 – 11:36]

Alix Earle opens the episode by sharing her recent experiences in Los Angeles, where she and her friends had to evacuate due to wildfires. She emphasizes the devastating impact of the fires and highlights the resilience of the LA community coming together during such crises. Alix reflects on her disconnected relationship with LA, noting, "I've never lived here, but I feel like there's so many people I know" ([05:00]), showcasing her desire to give back and support her extended community despite not being a local resident.

She mentions collaborating with Kelsey Revel from "Revel with the Cause," who has initiated Amazon lists to support families affected by the fires. Alix encourages listeners to contribute by providing volunteer forms and donation links, reinforcing the theme of community solidarity in challenging times.

2. The Impact of Comparison on Self-Confidence

[12:00 – 22:35]

Alix and her sister Ashton delve into the pervasive issue of comparison and its detrimental effects on self-confidence and body image. Alix articulates a powerful insight: "You can strive to be the best version of yourself, but you can't strive to be the best version of somebody else" ([05:08]). This statement sets the tone for their discussion on how social media fuels comparisons, leading to insecurities.

Ashton shares personal anecdotes from their childhood, explaining how comparing themselves to each other laid the foundation for their insecurities. She recalls, "I remember... I was like a little meatball, and Alex was like the boniest little stick you could ever see" ([06:26]). These early comparisons evolved during their teenage years, intensifying as they navigated social dynamics and self-image issues.

3. Social Media’s Role in Shaping Self-Perception

[22:35 – 32:17]

The conversation shifts to the influence of social media on self-perception. Alix expresses frustration with filtered and curated online personas, stating, "When people come out looking so crazy is when they pick someone else's little button nose" ([15:55]). Both sisters discuss how platforms like TikTok exacerbate insecurities by promoting unrealistic beauty standards and encouraging relentless self-scrutiny.

Ashton reflects on her journey to building confidence amidst online negativity: "I've kind of just had to, like, learn to ignore it and, like, be like, no, I'm better than that" ([22:35]). They emphasize the importance of developing thick skins and not letting anonymous comments dictate one's self-worth.

4. Embracing Individuality Over Conformity

[32:17 – 43:00]

Alix and Ashton advocate for embracing individuality as a countermeasure to the homogenizing pressures of social media. Alix muses, "Little things that make you different are so unique" ([31:20]), underscoring the beauty in personal quirks and unique physical traits. They discuss the pitfalls of striving for uniformity, such as undergoing unnecessary plastic surgeries to mimic others, and the loss of personal identity that can result.

Ashton adds, "Every single person is different for a reason... there's no specific rules for being beautiful" ([44:31]), reinforcing the celebration of diverse beauty standards. They encourage listeners to recognize and cherish their distinct features, promoting a healthier, more authentic form of self-love.

5. Coping with Eating Disorders and Promoting Healthy Living

[43:00 – 48:17]

The sisters open up about their struggles with eating disorders, providing a candid look into how comparison and societal pressures can lead to unhealthy behaviors. Ashton shares her battle with binge eating, detailing how restrictive eating patterns led to loss of control: "I had a binge eating disorder, like so bad" ([42:35]). Alix relates by discussing her own issues with food restriction and subsequent bingeing, highlighting the cyclical nature of these disorders.

They emphasize the importance of balanced eating and mental health, advising listeners to "balance and be healthy" ([43:12]) and to "listen to your body" ([17:56]). Alix recounts her journey towards healthier eating habits, stating, "I've never felt better about myself in my life" ([39:42]), while Ashton encourages embracing well-rounded meals to improve overall well-being.

6. The Psychological Toll of Physical Alterations

[32:17 – 36:48]

Alix and Ashton explore the psychological implications of physical alterations, such as plastic surgery and cosmetic enhancements. Alix reflects on her experience with chin implants, sharing her internal conflict: "I was like, 'I don't care...'" ([15:55]). She warns against pursuing such changes for the wrong reasons, emphasizing the importance of doing it for oneself rather than succumbing to trends.

Ashton complements this by discussing her own choices, like opting for lip fillers to address personal insecurities: "I was like, thank you for being on this" ([36:33]). They both agree that while minor alterations can boost confidence, major surgeries should be approached with caution and personal conviction.

7. Strategies for Building Self-Confidence

[48:01 – 48:17]

In their concluding remarks, Alix and Ashton reinforce the episode's central themes of self-love and individuality. Alix offers actionable advice: "Next time you're feeling a little insecure about something, ask yourself why?" ([46:14]). They encourage listeners to set personal goals that foster well-being without falling into the trap of comparison.

Ashton echoes this sentiment, advocating for embracing one's unique qualities and rejecting societal pressures to conform. The sisters conclude by urging a collective return to individuality in 2025, stating, "Follow the same trends. Yes, be yourself and love yourself" ([48:15]).

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Notable Quotes

• Alix Earle: "You can strive to be the best version of yourself, but you can't strive to be the best version of somebody else." [05:08]
• Ashton: "Every single person is different for a reason... there's no specific rules for being beautiful." [44:31]
• Alix Earle: "Next time you're feeling a little insecure about something, ask yourself why?" [46:14]

Key Takeaways

• Self-Comparison is Detrimental: Comparing oneself to others, especially on social media, can lead to severe insecurities and unhealthy behaviors.
• Embrace Individuality: Celebrating unique traits fosters genuine self-love and confidence.
• Balance is Crucial: Maintaining a balanced approach to health and wellness prevents the pitfalls of restrictive diets and overtraining.
• Mindful Decisions on Physical Alterations: Any physical changes should stem from personal conviction rather than societal trends.
• Support Systems Matter: Communities and supportive relationships play a vital role in overcoming personal challenges.

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Hot Mess with Alix Earle offers an honest and heartfelt exploration of confidence, comparison, and body image. Through personal stories and sisterly banter, Alix and Ashton provide valuable insights into overcoming insecurities and embracing one's unique self amidst the pressures of modern life.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

I wish I went.

[A]

I. It was terrible. Honestly. I, like, couldn't do anything. It was so hard that I couldn't do anything. And I got off the machine, my leg was like. And now my leg. Me and my arm shaking and I can't hold this.

[B]

Do you want me to hold your microphone for you?

[A]

Honestly, like, yeah, you might have to, because I. I don't think I can pick it up. But I feel like this is a good segue into our topic, our hot topic of the week, which I wanted to talk about, because I feel like it's the new year and everyone's like, setting their goals and wants to be in shape and feeling good and feeling healthy. And although that's great, I feel like we can compare ourselves to a lot of. I mean.

[B]

No, I know what you're saying.

[A]

I feel like, guys, my brain's not working after this Pilates class.

[B]

No, everyone wants to be on their health and wellness for the new year, but I feel like Sometimes people say that, but they're doing it for the wrong reasons. And they want. They're like, it's important to be healthy and take care of yourself. But I feel like a lot of it is people. People see others online, and they're like, oh, I want to look like that. I want a body like that, which is not necessarily the healthiest way to go about life and, like, viewing yourself.

[A]

Well, I feel like I've had a lot of different thoughts on this because I think working on yourself is great. Everyone can strive to be the best version of themselves, but you can't strive to be the best version of someone else. And I feel like that's the tricky part about social media, is we constantly compare ourselves to other people, and I think it brings out so many insecurities. And the more that I've thought about insecurities, because I was spending some time thinking about. I wanted to do, like, a podcast episode on this and kind of just, like, confidence in general, because you guys always bring this up. And I was doing some reflecting on things, like, maybe I'm insecure about or why I'm insecure about them. And what I've come to realize is, like, yeah, maybe there's some stuff where, like, I feel like we grow up kind of insecure. Like, I'm trying to think of, like, what I was really insecure about as a kid.

[B]

No, I think when I was thinking about what makes me insecure, I think it stems from comparison, because I feel like when you're a kid, you just. You don't care really, about anything. And I feel like my first insecurities stemmed from, like, comparing myself to, like, you or when I first started out on social media and, like, how I compared myself to, like, other people I saw or, like, wanted to be like or look like. Like, as a kid, I feel like I was, like, a chubby little kid. And. And, like, you were always, like, you.

[A]

Were the cutest little guy.

[B]

I was, like, a little, like, meatball. Like, I was adorable, and, like, I loved my milkshakes. Like, I just remember there's this one picture of, like, me and you. You're holding a water bottle, and I'm holding a chocolate milkshake. And I was like, yeah, this is literally us, because I was, like, a little meatball, and Alex was, like, the boniest little stick you could ever. I ever seen your entire life.

[A]

Actually, I would get insecure about that when I was little, but I kind of hate when people are like, oh, he's insecure.

[B]

I mean, no, but like, but like.

[A]

I remember Ashton's nickname for my dad was Cuddly Bear. And my nickname was Toothpick because he was like literally hugging you. He's like.

[B]

He like, oh, Ashton. He would be like, oh, Ashton, like, you're so cuddly. You're my cuddly bear. And I was like, yep, that's me. Cuz I was just like a cutesy little girly pop. And then every time, like, Alex was like, dad, I want to cuddle with you. He's like, ow. Like your bones are poking me. Like. And then he would call her Toothpick. But that, like, when I was really young, never bothered me. But then, I don't know when it changed. Like, maybe when I got to middle school, I think was when I started to be like, oh, like I don't look like Alex. Like I'm want to look like her. Like, she's so much skinnier than I am. And then, and then I started to like, be conscious of my body and like, what I looked like. And then I kind of started to care and be like, oh, like I'm chubby, like I'm fat, Which I wasn't. I was just like a little kid chubby, you know, you weren't.

[A]

We just had different bodies. And also then I feel like it was middle school too. You like, sprouted up out of nowhere. So Ashton was like more of like our little meatball.

[B]

Wait, and wait, I actually have a story about being a little meatball in middle school. Okay, do you remember, like, when we were in Wisconsin at the O'Hagan's house and like their neighbor. We both had a crush on him?

[A]

Andrew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I remember this one.

[A]

He gave me a rock.

[B]

Yeah, I still have it. No, I think that's honestly maybe where I started comparing myself to you because we both had a crush on this boy and like, I was in sixth grade and you were.

[A]

I don't remember you having a crush on him.

[B]

No, because it was secret. Because he had a crush on you and he was a grade in between us. I think I forget. Like, maybe I was like, still like not in middle school yet. But I just remember, like, you had a crush on him and he had a crush on you, and I secretly had a crush on him. But I couldn't say that because it was like he was giving you rocks and stuff.

[A]

So he literally picked me a rock from the backyard and I was like.

[B]

But I like, specifically remember this one summer day we were like hanging out in their driveway and I was wearing My like neon yellow tank top from justice. And I was sitting and I had like rolls and I remember I tucked all my roll. I pushed them in with my finger. I tucked all my rolls in. I like hunched over and tucked them into my like. And I would just sit there and I was like, I'm skinny now. And I was like. Then I was like, that's like one of my earliest memories of being like, I'm so insecure about how I look. And it was definitely because I liked a boy and because you're my stick sister.

[A]

I know it's the new year and everyone's feeling very motivated. They have a lot of goals for themselves and personally, something for me, just like insane that happened over the past year was being able to sell this hot mess merch to you guys. We've done that all through Shopify. I actually started using Shopify way back when when I my second job working at a boutique in New Jersey. But Shopify is a commerce platform that allows you to start, grow, manage a business. It can be like a side hustle or a storefront. You can sell online or in person. It's locally, globally, direct wholesale, desktop to mobile. They make it super, super easy. Like trust me, if I'm doing it, you can do it too. And I know we all live on our phones with Shopify so you can like tag and sell your products across all major social media platforms and you can sell wherever your customers are. I personally started using Shopify. Think is this was like my sophomore year of high school and it was always so inspiring to me. The boutique I worked at, I'd always wanted to be able to sell my own sweatsets one day cuz that's what they sold. And being able to do this is just so crazy. With the help of Shopify. So this is your sign to start your journey as an entrepreneur. Head to shopify.com hot mess and see how easy it is to get started. This show is sponsored by Better Help. The New Year's is coming up. We have 2025, which is crazy that it's already 2025, but we have a whole year ahead of us, a blank space slate. I love the New year because I feel like you get to kind of start over, start fresh, set some good goals for yourself. And I think a lot of the times we'll set New Year's resolutions that kind of end up fading by like halfway through January or by the time you get to February, you completely forget about them. But a really, really great way to set resolutions for yourself. And help yourself become a better person. Work on yourself is through therapy. And that's something that I did this past year that I really, really loved. I mean, you can think of therapy as like your editorial partner helping you write new chapters and create the, the meaningful story you deserve to live. And I love Better Help. It is fully online making therapy affordable and convenient. It's serving over 5 million people worldwide. You can access a diverse network of more than 30,000 credentialed therapists with a wide range of specialties. And you can easily switch at any time with no extra cost. Write your story with better help. Visit betterhelp.com hot mess to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. H E L p.com/hot mess. That's really sad. I don't remember that well.

[B]

It's not like I was going around telling people I'm shoving my rolls.

[A]

But then like, I always remember, I feel like sisters are hard too, especially because like, they're so close to you and you have like the same parents. So you're like, wait, why is, why am I. Why is one not like the other? But like, you have always been so tall. And I've always been out of all of our cousins, like, oh my God, Christmas this year was crazy.

[B]

My dad's side of the family, everyone's like five, nine plus, except for Alex.

[A]

And everyone is like five, 11. All the girls, all the longest legs ever. And I always wanted to be like really tall like them. And I never was. And I, I'm literally like the only girl on that side of the family that is so short. And this year at Christmas, I decided to wear ballet flats and everyone, they're.

[B]

Like 6 inches big ass heels.

[A]

And I actually was up to people's belly buttons. And I was like, holy shit. But like, I always was insecure about not being taller. Not like really long legs. And like, it's hard not to compare to your sibling because they're so close to you and it's almost like a wait, how do I not have related to them? And like we, I feel like can pick each other apart all day. But that's, that's the problem, is it? All I feel like comes from comparison. And like when you say something's wrong with you, I'm like, are you kidding me? Like, you look beautiful. And it's like vice versa.

[B]

It's crazy though because like, I've always hated being tall. I was like, I'm a giant. Like, I want to be like cute and tiny and little and Short, because I was just. I don't know. But that was also, like, my ex boyfriend's mom told me that I was. I should be insecure about how tall I am because he was, like, the same height as me. So she was like, maybe, like, you're not bothered by how tall he is, but, like, you're just insecure about how tall you are. And I was like, you're right. I am insecure about how tall I am. And then I didn't wear heels for, like, the next two years.

[A]

I hate when tall girls don't wear heels. I'm like, that's so cool.

[B]

Now I feel like I've gotten so much better with that. I love wearing heels. And I honestly get such a God complex when I go into a room and I'm wearing heels and I'm the tallest one there. I'm like, yeah, I have only experienced.

[A]

This because I love high heels. So, like, when I put on, like, a platform heel where I'm so tall and I walk in the room, I'm like, holy. Like, I love being up here. It's a different world. It's a different stratosphere.

[B]

I met someone this week in Miami, and she was like, we're, like, the same height. She was like. She was saying the same exact thing to me. She was like, I used to be so insecure about my height. She's like, it's so, like, comforting to, like, know you're, like, really tall. Like, me, too. Like, my friends are always like, oh, my God, you're so tall. You're a giant. And I'm like, no, it's the best thing ever. I've come around to it. The crazy thing with. Is, with, like, me and you is we're so opposite in so many ways. And I've come to, like, accept that, which I was harder for me in, like, middle school, high school. But I feel like now I've, like, grown up, and I've realized that, like, we are so different. And I just, like, I'm not going to be, like, the blonde bombshell walking into the room. And, like, I know that's not me. And, like, that used to get to me all the time. I was like, why don't I have blonde hair and blue eyes? But I feel like a lot of, like, overcoming these insecurities is just, like, really knowing yourself and, like, loving who you are. Because, like, yeah, you can do a lot of things to change the way you look if you really want to. But I think the best part is just, like, learning to love Yourself, because you are who you are, and that's all you have in life.

[A]

That's like, going back to what I said in the beginning is, like, you can be the best version of yourself, but, like, you're anatomy. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you're.

[B]

You are not.

[A]

Blonde hair, blue eyes. Like, you're not gonna have blue eyes unless you're getting this.

[B]

Like, I can get contacts and dye my hair blonde, but then it's like, that's just not me.

[A]

I was thinking this, too, with, like, even workouts or stuff. Or like, I used to do, I think, like, early high school. Like, I would do a lot of, like, the Alexis Ren workouts, and I still do.

[B]

But, like, because you're like, I want to have Alexis.

[A]

Yeah, but, like.

[B]

But, like, I.

[A]

Like, I could out every day of my entire life, and I won't look like Alexis Ryan because my bone structure is different. Like, you know what I mean? Like, she has ribs that are one inch long.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just feel like we get so lost in that when we're working on bettering ourselves is like, I want to get to plastic surgery in a minute. But, like, with, like, surgeries or something, if someone's, like, getting a nose job and they, like, bring in a picture of, like, someone else's nose, but it's like, realistically, like, you can strive to make your nose better, but I feel like when people come out looking so crazy is when they, like, pick someone else's little button nose. Like, like, Sally's little nose. You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, if I got that, I would look like a freak.

[A]

You know? I'm like, just, like, you have to accept, like, who you are and you can do things to better yourself or that make you feel better. Because like I said, too, I'm always pro. Like, do what makes you feel good. Get plastic surgery if you want to get plastic surgery. But don't get it because you're comparing yourself or because it's a trend.

[B]

Yeah. You're, like, trying to look like someone else. Like, people always. I see on Tik Tok are commenting on girls posts.

[A]

Like, do a.

[B]

What do you eat in a day? What your workout routine. Like, all this stuff. And honestly, a lot of the skinny girls you see on Tik Tok, it's genetics. Second of all, you can't just, like, blindly copy what someone else does. Like, every routine is specific to who you are as a person and what you need as a person. Like, some people have different dietary restrictions or, like, different things that make Them feel good or worse about themselves. Like, workout routines, everything. Like, don't do Pilates just because everyone's doing.

[A]

Yeah, we see this. Like, I feel like I've found what works best for me. And, like, I will say, like, I've always been pretty genetically blessed that, like, I'm not going to be, like, very big. You know what I mean? Like, I get to eat a lot. And, like, that's just, like, I have a quick metabolism and stuff. And, like.

[B]

Like, as much as we, like, do work out and try to be healthy, like, we're really not like, the epitome of health. Like, this is just kind of like our genetics. Like, this is how we look.

[A]

And I feel like it's tricky because it's hard. You have to find out what works for you. And, like, honestly, like, Ashton eats, like, a salad. And, like, that's. I'm like, she eats a salad.

[B]

I was like, it freaks out when I eat.

[A]

But, like, for me, like, if I can't get full off of a salad, like, I need more substance to whatever I'm eating. Like, when I posted that video of her getting me, like, a lettuce wrap, like, Ashton's, like, this is delicious and, like, whatever, but, like, that just doesn't, like, satisfy me. And, like, my blood sugar will drop and I'll feel like I have to pass out. And, like, you have to do what's best for you. And there's nothing wrong with, like, wanting to better yourself, but you have to, like, be in tune with you and not anyone else.

[B]

Learn how to, like, listen to your body and, like, what works for you. And, like, even, like, certain workouts that I've, like, tried, and people are always like, this is the best workout ever. Like, it's helped me so much and I tried it, and it's just, like, something that's so draining and difficult for me to do. Meanwhile, there's other workouts. Like, like, hot yoga. I love it. You hate it.

[A]

I don't hate it, but, like, I'm not more of a yoga person. I would rather do my own type of thing. But, like, I've. I feel like, throughout the years, too, with, like, working out and you find what works for your body, but just, like, be patient with yourself. And there's, like, no one's saying there's anything wrong with. Like, you want to be in shape, you want to feel toned, like, everyone does. Everyone wants to, like, feel good, but.

[B]

You have to, like, you can't do it.

[A]

Figure it out for yourself.

[B]

Yeah, you can't do it to, like, be like someone else. You just have to really, like, get in the mindset of, like, I want to be the best version of myself, which I know we've said multiple times, but, like, you have to, like, really think about it and be like, I'm not doing this because I want to look like her or him or that person or this thing. You just want to be, like, the best you can possibly be because that's all you can really do for yourself and be healthy.

[A]

Like, feels good.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

When you're in tune with your body and when you're treating your body properly. But, like, I feel like last year I overdid it because, like, I did this. This, like, 30 hard thing because I was like, you know what? I really want to, like, get in shape, start the year off right. And it was just, like, it was too much for my body. It was like, workouts twice a day, like, all this stuff. And, like, personally, for me, it was like, it actually wasn't like, a really a restrictive diet. But, like, when I put myself in those scenarios, like, I. And, like, I had eating problems in high school, and all of that stemmed from comparing, oh, to myself to other girls.

[B]

Even just, like, what other girls were eating at lunch, how they weren't eating anything. You're like, okay, well, now I can't eat anything at lunch.

[A]

And, like, it's. It's so unhealthy when you compare yourself to other people.

[B]

It's just never gonna end well if, like, you're changing things about yourself based off of other people.

[A]

Yeah. And I think there's, like, this trend right now that I keep seeing on my for you page. Girls posting, like, a picture and being like, I hate this photo of myself. I bet you didn't notice that, like, my nose looked big. Like, do you see that? It's like, oh, I hate this photo of myself. I bet you didn't notice, like, the acne on my cheek. And, like, I literally cry every time.

[B]

I watch you because I'm like, yeah, like, so true.

[A]

And, like, Ashton is. Ashton really sometimes has no confidence, especially when it comes, like, I don't of herself.

[B]

I say this to my friends all the time. Like, I think, like, everyone I love in my life is, like, the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Like, they have nothing wrong with them. I just need to learn to, like, really love myself. I'm doing better.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's. Yeah. I'm not saying, like, I don't do this, but I'm very critical I found.

[B]

We all are.

[A]

What was it like? I found some, like, chin implants. I went down like a rabbit hole. I think it was like, after, like, Lindsay Lohan popped out, and I was like, okay, like, what you do? So I started watching, like, plastic surgery. TikToks. I never thought about my chin before. But one time, this guy, I was on a date with him, and he told me I had, like, a butt chin. So for, like, a second, I was, like, looking at the dimple in my chin, and then I was like, wait, I actually don't care. And now you would think I'm a fucking chin specialist. My whole for you page for, like, a week was chins, and I'm looking at people's chins. And now when I'm watching movies, we were watching Wicked, and I was like, look at Ariana Grande's chin. I was like, you're so far. But I'm like, that is something I've literally never thought about chins before. Until someone else. Until you see it. And I'm like, I would pick a million other things to be insecure about before knowing. And that's what is hard about social media, is because you find things, and then all of a sudden, you become obsessed with it. And, like, whenever you're insecure about something, you notice it so much. More like hair. I always had, growing up, really, really long, thick hair. And then, you know, after I. Everyone was like, don't bleach it. Don't bleach it. It's gonna fall out. Don't bleach it so much. Don't bleach it. And it did start to fall out and thin. And now my hair is a lot shorter and it's a lot thinner, and all I look at is the ends of people's hair. And, like, when they have long hair, and I'm like, wow, like, the ends of your hair. But, like, before, like, basically, what I'm trying to say is, no one's paying attention to you. Except for you. Except for you.

[B]

Like, you're your own worst critic. But I do think being on social media is definitely a huge factor in all this comparison. Like, I don't think I would have half the insecurities I do if I wasn't on social media. Like, going back to, like, weird surgery, plastic surgeries that I've never thought of before. Pinning your ears back. Never thought I needed it until I saw a video of it. And then I pulled my hair back and looked dead on in the mirror, and I was like. I was like, bitch, you need to pin your ears back. And I'm like, that's just like, an absurd surgery. My hair is down most of the time anyway. And yes, maybe your ears are perfect.

[A]

You have really little, tiny.

[B]

Mom always says that, but they do stick out a little bit. In my opinion.

[A]

One of. One of my ears is higher than the other. Like, my left ears. Higher Glasses are my sunglasses. And I kept taking my sunglasses back to the stores where I bought them, and I was like, broken Paris. This. This side's higher than this side. And, like, I kept getting them fixed, or they were like, okay, we'll pretend to fix them. And I have no idea. But every pair. And then I was like, wait, something's not adding up, because every pair of sunglasses that I get, like, the left side is higher than the right. And then I realized my left ear is, like, a little higher than my right ear, so my sunglasses are crooked. And that's something that. That's just how my sunglasses.

[B]

But I feel like there's more to say on, like, the social media aspect of all of this. Like, I feel like, especially since we both have a following on social media, there's more, like, random comments of people just, like, saying random things about you. And I have had comments where people, like, bring up my insecurities in my comments, and, like, those are, like, detrimental to me. I will go down a hole. And. Well, it used to be really bad. Like, that used to get to me a lot all the time. But then I feel like I've talked to you about it a little bit, and you're like. You really just, like, can't listen to those people. They're literally, like, user. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. And they're just hiding behind a black screen, and they're really just doing it to tear you down. And that's just something I've had to come to. Like, kind of. I feel like I've gotten a lot more confident because people say horrible things on social media, and I've kind of just had to, like, learn to, like, ignore it and, like, be like, no, I'm better than that. Like, I don't need to listen to what everyone says about me, even though I do care a lot what people think about me. That's my.

[A]

That's why I feel like I contradict myself, because I'm like, it's really don't care what other people think. Don't do that, girls. But then at the same time, I'm like, wait, like, I care or whatever. Whenever I use that, like, what's that blue eyes filter on. Tick tock. It's because I like the way it, like, cinches my nose a little bit and it made my jawline a little bit smaller and it made my hair look a little, like, white. More white blonde. So that's why for like a year and a half and sometimes I still do it, sometimes I still switch it on if I'm like, feeling like I'm having a bad day and like, I'm gonna put this blue eyes filter on and talk and it's. It's great and it's fun, but at the same time, like you.

[B]

So I feel like it's all fine. Like, do whatever you want, but there has to be a point where you know who you truly are and what you truly look like. And like, you should really, like, learn to love or know to love that about yourself at least. Like, even if you have a bad day and you're like, I look like, I hate how I look, we all go through. It's hard.

[A]

This is why this is such a tricky conversation. Because I'm like, here I am contradicting myself because, like, there's times where I'm like, I just want to switch that filter on because it's easy, easier for me and I feel like I'll look better. And I think that's fine.

[B]

But some.

[A]

At other times I'm like, we should embrace and who we are.

[B]

I've really been. No, I've. I've still the most insecure. I'm still. I think I'm way more insecure than you. But something I do to combat that is I post bad pictures of myself. Not like, like, pictures that I don't think I look like, necessarily, like, really pretty in. I'll post them just because I like, they're a fun picture. I'm like, with people I love doing something I love. Like, I do that a lot now just to like, kind of like exposure therapy me. Like, if it's a picture I like, and I'm like, my face looks meh. But I'm like, oh, you know, I don't.

[A]

I think this is only you that thinks you do this. Because I'm like, you post most beautiful pictures.

[B]

No, like my Christmas picture. I'm like, literally like, you look so cute. It's like, it's a cute picture, but it's not like, something where I'm like, I look really good in that picture. I'm gonna post it, you know, which I used to do all the time. Well, which I feel like is like, normal to Be like, I, I'm only gonna post a picture I look really good in. But then I would get so upset sometimes because I was like, I'm not posting pictures that I like because I think I don't look like 100 perfect, like picture perfect, like, compared to all the other IG baddie models out there. And. But I've just had so much more fun with social media. Once I kind of just was like, stop with that, like, trying to be perfect. It's funny because, like, remember when you were like a little IG baddie in high school?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes. You were like a bikini baddie. And no.

[A]

No. This was like, sophomore year of college.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[C]

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[B]

If we're getting into, like, comparing, like, me and you, like, remember when I was, like, coming into high school, like, as a freshman? Everyone's like, oh, my God, Alex Earl's sister. And like, everyone, like, just knew who I was because of you. Because all your friends were little shits. And that was always like, everyone's like. And then all the people in my grade that knew who you were, like, the boys, they'd be like, oh, like, your sister's so hot. Your sister's so hot. And I was like, ugh, I know my sister's so hot.

[A]

But, like, okay, but that's what everyone says about you all the time.

[B]

No, because you were literally hot anyway.

[A]

I was not.

[B]

This is why we have problems because I'm always like, my whole life I was always like, alex is the hot older sister, and I'm just like the weird, like, ugly little sister.

[A]

And then you're so beautiful. Like, it. I. You don't have. You need more confidence, okay? You need to take some confidence. And. And part of it is just, like, a little bit of, like, delusion. I feel like you just kind of have to be like, whatever.

[B]

I'm so good at, like, instilling confidence in other people because I genuinely think everyone is so perfect and beautiful. If you are like a.

[A]

You know what? I always. I always nitpick is like, podcast clips of us when it switches back from you and then switches to me. And I'm like, why does she look so. I. Because I always say this. I'm like, no, because I always blame it on the cameras. And I'm like, oh, like, you know, the cameras just aren't good. Or, like, the lighting isn't good. Or, like, we don't have, like, really good podcast lights or studio. So I'm like, that's why I look bad. And then it switches to Ashton, and.

[B]

I'm like, wait, no, wait, See, I think the opposite. I'm always like, oh, my God, Ashton. Like, what? Who is that little gremlin on the screen? And I'm like, how does Alex look so good every time?

[A]

No, I swear to God, it's the opposite.

[B]

See, so we're both just insecure.

[A]

But, yeah, I mean, social media is hard. And especially I think, like, something for me that was, like, really scary at first is when. Because it's not really, like, my page as much. Like, yeah, people will, like, say stuff, but it's hidden by all, like, the good comments and all the nice girls. And then when it's like, other or, like, news outlets or, like, something I do an interview or someone else posts a video of me or a clip of me. And like, reading for the first time, people being like, she's so mid, or like, she's so this or she's so that. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. And then I'm realizing, like, I don't need to be like, yeah, I never.

[B]

Claimed I was the most beautiful.

[A]

Yeah, you know what I mean? And then it just. But that's what gets in your head. Because I'm like, wait, like, was I supposed to be like, Margot Robbie? Like, I just, like, I'm literally this, like, normal girl from New Jersey. Like, I don't know.

[B]

There's like, a bunch of comments. They're like, oh, my God, like, she thinks she's hot. Like, all this stuff. Like, she's so ugly. Like, she's so mad. And I'm like, wait, did I ever claim that I thought I was pretty? Like, I don't think I ever made that statement. I'm just. I'm out here doing life.

[A]

I don't know. I mean, social media is like a whole nother beast.

[B]

Social media is also, like, it has.

[A]

Taught me to definitely have thick skin. Yeah, that's for sure. And I feel like it goes the same type of, like, way you deal with it on social media. I feel it can be relayed for, like, you guys listening in real life. And how I deal with it in real life is because, like, sometimes, like, you just have to, like, come to terms with, like, who you are. And I think. And this is like, a newfound thing, but I'm like, I think people's individualities make them so beautiful. And, like, you know when, like, everyone's getting, like, veneers and their teeth are like that, like, they look like perfect teeth, but, like, I. I feel like, natural, like, pretty looking things are. It makes you unique. And it's like, we're all gonna get all this plastic surgery to all.

[B]

We're all gonna look exactly the same, and then no one's gonna be pretty anymore when you all look exactly the same. Yeah, sorry.

[A]

I think. I don't know. I think little things that make you different are so unique. But at the same time, here I am again contradicting myself because I'm like, I love, like, natural noses now. I have been talking about wanting to get a nose job for the past.

[B]

This upsets me because I think Alex has a great nose. And I think things like noses and teeth specifically, I think add so much character and, like, personality to a person that when you perfectly straighten and make your nose mini and perfectly straighten and whiten your teeth, but, like, you don't, like, you lose, like, all the character.

[A]

My thing with my nose is I really was, like, never that. And I was like, yeah, I had. I actually grew up loving the bump on my nose. And it's still not the bump that bothers me. Like, I was always obsessed. I was always, like, I love my bump. I love my bump. Bump. I love my bump.

[B]

Really? I've never heard you say that in my life.

[A]

Really? I always. I used to, like, think it would, like, slay whatever. I loved my bump, okay? And then when I started podcasting and these mother effing cameras is stupid high quality from my bad side, I think my nose looks. My left side I actually really like my nose. My right side is. That's literally a demon over there. I don't know.

[B]

I do have that, too.

[A]

My left side doesn't associate with this side of my face. And if I podcast from, like, the other side, that's why I always hit on this side.

[B]

You guys know, that's why I'm such a good sister. We were setting up our podcast studios, and they were like, do you know which side you want to be on? I was like, I know this is Alex's good side, so I'm going to take the bad side, even though it's also my bad side.

[A]

But why do we have such a good and a bad side? Like, my good side could be a 10 out of 10 on some days, and my bad side is like, a 3 out of 10 on a good day.

[B]

I. Well, it's also just, you know, no one's perfectly proportional. But also it can be like sleeping on. Because, like, especially when you're younger, if you sleep on one side, it can, like, deform. Like, your dog, who told me that?

[A]

Oh, I was just getting.

[B]

I learned it. Yeah.

[A]

She said, like, the right side of your face droops because she was like, how do you sleep?

[B]

And I was like, yeah, that's when I had my internship. They were like, you have to sleep on your back. Like, it causes.

[A]

I can't do that.

[B]

So much wrinkles and, like, deficits and, like, one side of your face and, like, unevenness and, like, sagginess. And I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

Back to my nose job. Job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if I could actually ever go through with it, but I think about it all the time. That's just another thing of. I'm contradicting myself, but that's something I wouldn't do until I'm 100 sure I would want to do it. Like, yeah, I always say don't get plastic surgery for a trend or for anyone else. Because for me, like, I imagine we got bbls. No, but can you imagine?

[B]

I should. I should get one. I want one.

[A]

I got my boobs done. I wanted to have boobs since I think I came out of the womb. And, like, I don't care if boobs are trendy or if boobs are not trendy. Like, I'm so happy, and I'm gonna be happy, but, like, if I did it because there was, like, a trend of everyone getting boob jobs, so I got a boob job and then was like, three months later, like, wait, why did I do that to my body. Because, like, so it's really not that reversible. Like, yeah, you can get them taken out, but it's like, that's a big. Like, surgery is a big thing to get done. And, like, you get your nose done, like, you really can't reverse that. So I feel like I would never do something unless I'm, like, 110 sure that, like, that is what I want for myself. And then I think that's fine doing it. If you want to do it for yourself, do it for yourself, but don't do it for anyone else or. Because it's a trend.

[B]

Yeah. Which I never really thought about my boobs.

[A]

Boobs.

[B]

Because actually, right before you got your boob job, my boobs were bigger because I was on birth control.

[A]

Ashton always had bigger boobs than me, and I was so mad, and I was. I literally was always like, you, you bitch.

[B]

Was yelling at me for having bigger boobs than her. But my boobs used to be bigger, but they're. Yeah, I don't have any anymore. Which now I'm like, maybe I do want boobs, but, like, I don't. But, like, maybe I do.

[A]

You keep saying that. You.

[B]

I know, like, maybe a little boob job, but then I'm like, maybe I'm just caught up because, like, everyone's obsessed with boobs. Like, I don't really care, but I like.

[A]

But you know what? The thing is, is the grass is always greener because now I look at natural boobs and I'm like, damn. Like, why'd I like.

[B]

Oh, no, you love your boobs. Stop it.

[A]

I love my boobs. I love mine, but I'm sometimes, like, I do think the natural looks better. I don't know if I'm making.

[B]

I don't think I've ever personally wanted a boob job besides, like, honestly. No, I want boobs because guys like boobs. Honestly.

[A]

You do?

[B]

Like, yeah. I mean, also, like, they'd look better in, like, certain tops and stuff, but I don't think I would. I don't really care for boobs. Like, I don't want them. Like, I just know, like, I would be hotter if I had boobs.

[A]

No, but you wouldn't. You just think you would.

[B]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, exactly. That's why I would never get a boob job. But also, like, I got lip filler because I didn't have a top lip, and I was always so insecure about that. And I'm really happy that I got lip filler, and that's also something that's like, small and reversible. So that's not as big of a surgery, but that's something I did because I wanted to. And I remember even, like, there were so many people who told me not to except for you. You were like, you need lip filler. And I was like, thank you for being on this.

[A]

I'm pretty sure it took you.

[B]

Yeah. Alex was like, you're getting lip filler. And I was like, thanks, but no. I wanted it so bad. I needed it.

[A]

Well, you didn't need it.

[B]

No, I wanted it for myself. And I've gotten so much more confident. I think weight since I got it.

[A]

But I think, like, the way we talk to ourselves is really big and we have to be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

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[C]

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[A]

We can nitpick ourselves because we want.

[B]

Contradictory conversation we've ever had in our entire lives.

[A]

Nothing in this episode's making sense.

[B]

No, we're just bantering. This is not advice.

[A]

No, it is advice because this is real. This is like, everyone deals with this. Everyone's like, like, oh, I hate something about myself, but, like, oh, that person's perfect. And like, this is how we all are. I. I really think, like, the times I feel my most confident is when I feel good. And like, I don't know if this makes any sense, but, like, say, if I do, like, a little workout, I just feel tighter, brighter, and lighter. I could look the exact same as if I'm not working out, but I just feel like in a better headspace about myself. So that's why I think it's important to do things for yourself that, like, make you feel healthy and feel Good, because you'll be in a better mindset. You don't. You could look the exact one yoga class. You're not gonna all of a sudden lose 45 pounds. But like, you will feel better about yourself because you have your, like, your body in a healthy place and you're doing healthy things for your body. And like, yeah, when you eat healthy or you eat right. I mean, I don't, I don't know. I can't eat like crazy lettuce leaves.

[B]

No. I'm a big advocate of this. Like not you don't have to eat like leaves, but just like eating like a well rounded meal like you toxic. You made fun of me at dinner for ordering like a side of vegetables. I was like. But literally I started trying to eat like well rounded meals and I have had so much more, more energy and like gut health has been better.

[A]

Yeah. And like been learning about, you know.

[B]

Trying to include like vegetables and like protein in every meal and like, you know, proportionate correctly. I have never felt better about myself in my life. And that's just like not even looks wise, which honestly has translated to me like looking more like fit, which I didn't realize. Like I have more energy in workout classes. It's literally just because like I try to eat more like well rounded meals instead of just like, like anything helps so much. Also, you don't have to do it 100 of the time.

[A]

Like my only reason that I like will on you sometimes or question you a lot when you eat healthy is because like I. It's me projecting because I get scared because of the like eating problems I had in high school. So like when I see someone else like eating, like, I just get scared. You know what I mean? I'm just like, wait, are you sure? Like, are you, are you okay? And stuff.

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I've learned like, she just actually like likes to eat that stuff. And I was like, oh, okay.

[B]

Which also, it's like, this is really important for me because this is also not talked about as much as like anorexia or like other eating disorders are. Like, I genuinely had a binge eating disorder, like so bad. I would eat to the point like it was always like when you would get home too, like when no one was around, I would eat everything in the fridge and then I'd like order something, eat it, eat food in bed and like fall asleep with food in bed and wake up and eat it in the morning. And I would eat to a point where I would be so full that I was just like, Heaving, like naturally heaving. And I couldn't throw up so I was just like so full. And then I would still like be picking up food and putting it in my mouth, which like I get like, which is why I get like upset when not like you, but people are like, oh, like eat more, eat more. And I'm like, I'm full. Like I really like have worked so hard to be like, I'm full, I don't need to keep eating. So I get like triggered sometimes when people do that because it's obviously like glorified to talk about like anorexia but not like the other end of the.

[A]

Spectrum when you restrict yourself so much. There would be nights I would like ravage through the kitchen. And it's crazy though, like mom didn't really realize what was happening because like.

[B]

I feel like our family is more like, oh, like eat more.

[A]

Like we never grew up. We like that's the one thing is our household.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Never talked about weight or yeah, food or like mom is great to eat.

[B]

Mom's always pusher.

[A]

She's not like an almond mom.

[B]

Yeah. Like every second of every day she's like, eat something. Did you eat giving us food?

[A]

Because I also went through phases where like when you restrict yourself so much, then you also go crazy and you binge. And I would do it too and be in the kitchen, I would be literally opening cans.

[B]

You just like blindly like claw it.

[A]

Like shut your mind like shuts off. Like I would eat things. Like I would never eat. Like I would open like a can of like just like anything, Anything I could just keep putting in my body. Cuz you restrict your body so much, which is why it's important to like balance and be healthy. And it's like if you're out, if you're going out on a Friday night and whatever and you're out with your friends and you want to go and have Taco Bell after or pizza after or whatever. Do it, eat it. Because if you don't, you are going to sit there and be like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And.

[B]

Or if you're that person, eat all day. And then you do that, you're going to eat, eat 300 times as more than you would have normally ate if you ate throughout the entire day.

[A]

Yeah, sorry.

[B]

I feel like this wasn't the point was to talk about eating disorders.

[A]

No, it's not the point.

[B]

But that is a big part of.

[A]

Like the point of being healthy and not restricting yourself and also just not.

[B]

Comparing yourself to Other people. Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you guys. I love you.

[A]

Like, I.

[B]

There's just so much.

[A]

What did I say in the beginning of the episode? I thought it was really profound. You can strive to be the best version of yourself, but you can't strive to be the best version of anybody else because you're gonna completely lose yourself in that. And that's the beauty of being individuals and being yourself and loving yourself. Like, you are never gonna be anyone else. I'm never gonna be her. She's never gonna be me. And like, the best versions of ourselves still aren't going to look like each other. And there is no best version of anyone. It's just what makes you feel good. And you taking care of yourself and your body and your mind and being healthy is what's overall going to work out best for you.

[B]

Yeah. And with that, I was thinking about this, which I was like, that is such a profound thought. And then I was like, no, it's not. That's. Literally, everyone knows that. But I was like, literally every single person is different for a reason. Like, and that's what's crazy to me. Like, there's so many beautiful people in this world where you're like, they're beautiful and not a single one of them looks exactly the same. There's no specific rules for being beautiful. Like, it's just. It's also like how you are as a person. Like, makes you beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you know, it's not really about looks, but there's just so many different people that even, like, celebrities that you think are gorgeous and stunning and hot, not a single one of them looks the same or looks like anyone else in this world. They all are different. So, like, it's just crazy. Like, there's no.

[A]

I always think about that too, because, like, you can hyper fixate on, like, a girl or maybe it's like, like.

[B]

A specific person that you like, really want to look like, but like, like.

[A]

An ex girlfriend or something. My cheeks don't look like her cheeks or like my arms don't look like her arms. And then you're like, wait, like there's room for, like someone else's beauty doesn't take away from your own. You know what I mean? Like, there's room for.

[B]

Every single person is completely different. And I just think that's like, so, so like, cute and beautiful on its own. That like, like beauty can be found in so many different forms and aspects. And like, I don't know.

[A]

I love it and I think it Is, like, it seems shallow maybe from this episode that, like, we're talking about, like, physical appearance.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And looks. Because being a good human and being a beautiful person is so much more than that. But realistically, we deal realistically everyone and nitpicks themselves. And that's why I think it's important to talk about. I'm not, like, dismissing the fact that that's.

[B]

No, but genuinely, you should care about. I like all the people I love in my life. I think they're all. I'm, like, gorgeous and stunning and beautiful and perfect. The only people that I. I don't even think, like, anyone's ugly, but the only people I think I've ever been like, they're ugly is someone who's been, like, disgustingly mean to me and, like, a bad person. Like, I don't actually think there's any ugly people in this world unless you have, like, an ugly personality about you as well. Yeah.

[A]

So I think next time you're feeling a little insecure about something, I think ask yourself why? And, like, where did that stem from? You know? Like, why are you insecure about that one little thing? And, you know, I think it's okay that we want to work on ourselves this year and the top of the new year. Everyone wants to be healthy and work out and eat clean and feel good, and that's good.

[B]

But just don't do it for the wrong reasons.

[A]

Don't do it for the wrong reasons. Make yourself feel good. And, yeah, next time you're feeling, like, down about yourself, realize, like, whatever it is about you that is making you individual makes you beautiful, and it's part of who you are. And, like, beauty does not come in one shape, size, color, form. It's. I just a million different things.

[B]

Like, you know, just, like, art and everything. Like, everything's so different. And it. There's so many things that can be so amazing and beautiful and stunning, but none of them are the same.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That just is really amazing and awesome to me. And it makes me so emotion because it's like. Yeah. Like, everything's so different and can still have the capacity to be perfect and beautiful and amazing.

[A]

And I feel like I see this, too with, like, having little sisters now who are, like, younger and they're growing up, and I'm like. I just want to make sure, like. Like, we're teaching them the right things and we're taking care of them, and, like, even I'll see them, like, compare themselves to each other's at points. And I'm like, I just think it's so important to, like, have these honest conversations because I feel like sometimes people are like, well, you just, like, be confident and, like, fake it till you make it. And it's like, okay.

[B]

No, like, we all.

[A]

We all stare at ourselves in the mirror at points and we're like, oh. But, like, you have to realize, like, everyone does that. Everyone has their own thing and we have to love ourselves and we can healthily work on ourselves realistically.

[B]

And yes, let's bring back individuality in 2025 and stop all trying to look like the same person. Follow the same trends. Yes, be yourself and love yourself.

[A]

Okay, Ashton's gonna miss her flight.

[B]

I am gonna miss my flight.

[A]

Okay, love you. I will see you guys next week for another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earl. Don't forget to subscribe, listen, follow, tune in. We love you. And we'll see. Wait, did I just turn that off? How do I get that back on? I'm a hot mess. Netcredit is here to say yes to a personal loan or line of credit. When other lenders say no, apply in minutes and get a decision as soon as the same day. If approved, applications are typically funded the next business day or sooner. Loans offered by Netcredit or lending partner banks and serviced by Netcredit Applications subject to review and approval. Learn [e-mail] partners netcredit credit to the people.