
Fire up your Suzuki Sidekicks 'cause Paul, Jason, and June are covering the 1986 made-for-TV Christmas musical Babes in Toyland starring Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore. LIVE from Largo for the first time post-pandemic, Jason puts Cincinnati on blast, Paul digs into the Georgie Porgie mythos, and we have a very special Second Opinions guest that blows June’s mind. (Ep. #283 Originally Released 12/30/2021)
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Paul Scheer
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Paul Scheer
Tighten the hatches on your Jeep's soft top because kids are going flying we saw babes in Toyland so you know what that. Burlesque show with Nick Crow and take a photo speed to hitting cruise control chain man Big Paul in the beautiful Jewel gonna take you from the groove all the way to the room Renegade the street fighter help to blow off steam Just a sucker punch the eye light for Timothy's brain shot we staying alive they calling him the badass and he's on the line cranking 58 minutes cuz they cool as ice cuz they bad gym funny looking kind and nice Paul is June getting literal Jason is getting laid June is making sure all the monkey shots get the pain they just a bunch of movies while they making the grade Here's a real question for you. How did this get paid?
Jason Mantzoukas
Hello people of Earth. Hello people of Los Angeles.
Paul Scheer
We are back. We are back live at Largo. Holy shit. It has been far too long and we cannot wait to talk about tonight's movie, which is the biggest piece of Cincinnati propaganda ever produced. Leni Riefenstahl would look at this and say, wow, how can I get on this train? This movie, Babes in Toyland, Keanu Reeves, Drew Barrymore, Richard Mulligan, Ellen Burstyn all came together for a TV movie in 1986. That real Ellen Brennan. But it should have been Ellen Burstyn. Eileen. Eileen Brennan. And that was a trick because I want to see. You saw the fucking movie and you proved to me that you are worth being the first live audience we've had back. So if I did that at home on one of our Zoom recordings, I would have gone in, I would have snipped it out, I would look smart here. I will look dumb. I'll still cut that out. But you got to see me vulnerable. What is Babes in Toyland about if you've not seen Babes in Toyland? It's simple. It's the wizard of Oz, kind of with like a weird adult men wanting to marry teenage girls creatures and Pat Morita. It's hard to really parse. But we will try our best to break it down. And I can't think of two people to break it down better than my co host. So please welcome Mr. Jason Mantzoukas. What's up, jerks?
Jason Mantzoukas
How are we doing, Los Angeles? I missed you, but boy, do I wish we weren't here.
Paul Scheer
Together in the same room.
Jason Mantzoukas
Because I don't know what you've been doing, but I suspect it's risky.
Paul Scheer
I will let you know. Most of the audience are players for the Chicago Bulls, so that is tricky. A lot of them are in quarantine. That's why they're here tonight.
Jason Mantzoukas
Huge stuff, guys. Holy shit. This is nuts.
Paul Scheer
Jason, I don't know if you noticed, but when I even did my pre show ritual, I went over to your chair and then immediately realized and didn't touch a thing. Thank you. I'm so excited to have you back, Jason, but we could not do this show without my other co hosts. Please welcome to the stage Miss June Diane Rayfio.
June Diane Raphael
Wow.
Paul Scheer
How are you, June?
June Diane Raphael
I'm doing well. How are you, Paul?
Paul Scheer
I'm doing fine. Thank you so much for asking.
June Diane Raphael
I'd just like to say at that live show that Jason's talking about, he was so sick.
Jason Mantzoukas
So sick.
June Diane Raphael
So sick that I said, I will not be sharing a hotel room with you.
Jason Mantzoukas
And so June and I had to share a hotel room.
June Diane Raphael
Didn't see another way. I didn't see another solution.
Paul Scheer
I slept Great. So.
June Diane Raphael
Okay, let me just say this is really overwhelming. And I may cry.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. So it's very emotional.
June Diane Raphael
Just so everybody is comfortable with that. Yeah. I just might cry a few times.
Jason Mantzoukas
I know. I hate every single one of you.
June Diane Raphael
I don't like it here, and I don't want to be here. But I still.
Jason Mantzoukas
I am thrilled you're here, and I love every single one of you.
Paul Scheer
We are so happy, so happy to be back. And I will say that, June, I know how you watch this movie. Would you like to share with the audience where you watched it?
June Diane Raphael
Well, I have a bone to pick.
Paul Scheer
Okay.
June Diane Raphael
So I don't. I never know what the movie's gonna be until literally moments before my eyes fall on it. Now, I did ask this morning.
Paul Scheer
She came to me as the credits are rolling. She's like, what is this?
June Diane Raphael
That's my process. And this morning I said to Paul, what are we watching? And with sort of like, oh, God, what do I have to do? That kind of tone. And you said, oh, you're gonna love it. It's a Christmas movie.
Paul Scheer
Amen. I stand by that comment.
June Diane Raphael
This is not a Christmas movie. This is not a Christmas movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
It is. This is a Christmas nightmare.
June Diane Raphael
This is.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is like a haunting fable of. I mean, like, I'm almost positive in the opening scene, Drew Barrymer's character perishes.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Paul Scheer
I mean, if there was ever a time for a Jacob's Ladder scenario, I mean, this is it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I hesitated to say it, but it is absolutely. This movie is 100% a Jacob's ladder scenario. Here's. I just want to correct one thing that, Paul, you said earlier and that Keanu Reeves, my dear, dear friend from John. Chapter three. Parabellum. Tick tock, Mr. Wick. Tick tock, Mr. Wick. TikTok misidentified. He says he has a Jeep. You said he has a Jeep. This motherfucker's driving a Suzuki Sidekick.
Paul Scheer
Wow.
Jason Mantzoukas
Now, if you're wondering why Drew Barrymore plummets out the back of the Sidekick, it's because it's a Suzuki Sidekick.
Paul Scheer
You still have not a real car to buckle up, but back in 86, they didn't care about seatbelts. As long as you had a sled in the car, you were fine.
Jason Mantzoukas
Thank God for that sled.
June Diane Raphael
Imagine. Thank God. Imagine that sled.
Jason Mantzoukas
If she just plummeted out the back. No sled.
Paul Scheer
I will say this rip. This movie is a TV movie. A made for TV film.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, okay.
Paul Scheer
And it starts off in every, I think every shitty diner painting that I've ever seen.
Jason Mantzoukas
For me, I will say for me, it started with me going to the website for toy. For toys in Babeland.
Paul Scheer
Well, that is gonna give you some difference.
June Diane Raphael
Which was a very different thing.
Jason Mantzoukas
I bought a bunch of dildos. No.
June Diane Raphael
Okay. Well, I.
Paul Scheer
Were they made by the toy maker?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yep. Pat Morita.
Paul Scheer
Pat Marita. Eyes on it. There's some eyes on that dildo.
Jason Mantzoukas
All the dildos and vibrators have eyes. And if you crank them, they do stuff.
June Diane Raphael
And he signs them like a Cabbage Patch Kid. That's nice.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
So I. So I watched this movie. So I said to Paul, it's. Oh. And I got really excited. I thought, oh, it's a Christmas movie. I mean, I'm an actor in a Christmas movie, so that's eight bit Christmas.
Paul Scheer
Hbo, Max.
June Diane Raphael
Right now I'm a holiday actor, so I can connect.
Jason Mantzoukas
By the way, congrats.
June Diane Raphael
Thank you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, again, we've stated it before and we'll state it again. We want access.
Paul Scheer
Give us the keys to the kingdom in there.
Jason Mantzoukas
Let us make a Christmas movie.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah. As a holiday actor, I felt like, oh, this is my genre. And it's a genre I love. Love, love, love, love. So I was looking forward to it.
Paul Scheer
You and I are watching these on our free time for fun.
June Diane Raphael
Absolutely. And put on a Christmas movie every night.
Jason Mantzoukas
About one that I was like, do we need to switch the movie for what you're telling me?
Paul Scheer
I knew that we shouldn't because you all have prepared properly, but the movie that we watched was with Melissa Joan Hart as a podcaster and she runs into Luke Perry.
June Diane Raphael
No, that was almost as rip. And that was almost as bad as Ellen Burston yesterday.
Paul Scheer
That doesn't mean that Luke Perry was.
June Diane Raphael
Doing this Jason Priestley. And listen, Jason Priestly as a Jason.
Paul Scheer
Ellen Burst and Jason Priestley.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, I let Ellen Burst in both June, and I recoiled.
June Diane Raphael
I love them both. But I mean, that's Aileen Brennan.
Jason Mantzoukas
All I can think of is Ellen Burst in Private Benjamin.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, my God. What a different movie. But, well, also as a Jason Priestley gal myself, I always preferred him to Luke Perry. That just hurts.
Paul Scheer
Got it.
June Diane Raphael
You know, that just hurts for all of us.
Jason Mantzoukas
You loved the priest.
June Diane Raphael
Yes, yes. But so I. I said to Paul, okay, it's a Christmas movie. I'm excited to see it. And then I had to take our oldest son to a basketball game practice. And we drop him off, him and his friend. And now I go back to the car. Now the only spot I had was at the entrance of the Bass. Like every parent, every person has to walk through. And it's brightly lit where I'm parked and I have to watch this movie on an iPad. And I'm sitting in the front seat watching this movie and it's propped up against the wheel and I'm furiously taking notes. And I thought, I'm gonna be reported to the authorities. There's no way that I get out of this without someone putting me on some sort of a list. Oh, and rightfully so.
Jason Mantzoukas
Absolutely. Can you imagine if it was me? Imagine me in my car with something that we all know contains a camera pointing out the windshield while I furiously take notes in my.
Paul Scheer
I will still say that I watched.
June Diane Raphael
Paus writing, pausing, writing.
Paul Scheer
I. I still live in fear. From the time that I. We were on tour in New York. I had to watch Master Disguise, the great Dana Carvey vehicle. And I was watching the Turtle Club in a children's museum while my children played with their grandfather. I was in the corner with a laptop watching a Dana Carvey movie. Like, ah, yes. Like, what is this?
Jason Mantzoukas
What's particularly weird is you could get away with watching that movie with your kids and look normal.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
But to be in a children's environment without kids.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, that sounds so wrong.
Jason Mantzoukas
Watching a kid's movie is a lure.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Paul Scheer
Hey, come on over.
Jason Mantzoukas
What's over here? Well, the other thing for me, Skyz family.
June Diane Raphael
Yes. Is I was facing the auditorium, so all the other parents are propped up watching their kids play except for me. And I look like I'm making the choice. Like, oh, I don't wanna watch my K. I want to be here with this.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. And if somebody were to walk and see what you might be like, what's going on? And you're like, before it get. I gotta watch the Succession finale or whatever.
June Diane Raphael
Not the finale of the Succession finale, but to be.
Jason Mantzoukas
If someone were to walk around and be like, what the fuck are you watching?
Paul Scheer
It's only 10 more days till Christmas. I gotta get my Christmas on. Gotta get through these.
Jason Mantzoukas
Are you watching the car chase of them driving in circles? I agree. You'd be like, have you. Have you seen what she's watched?
Paul Scheer
Get a load of this.
Jason Mantzoukas
You know, the other people there are like, get a load of this.
June Diane Raphael
I felt truly insane.
Paul Scheer
Well, this movie is. This movie surprised me in many levels because not me. I.
Jason Mantzoukas
First of all, start to finish, I was like, I get it. Makes total sense. Why are we even doing it?
Paul Scheer
When I saw Pat Morita as the toy master, I was like, that's a movie. I do want to see. And that could be a horror movie. I'm down for an evil Pat Morita, but no, he's a lovely man in this film.
Jason Mantzoukas
What made you think he was evil?
Paul Scheer
Just a toy master. Sounded very evil.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like the name the toy.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, like, oh, I make a jack in the box.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's a drill. Or the toy maker.
June Diane Raphael
Toy master.
Paul Scheer
He was master.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, okay.
Paul Scheer
One thing I got right about this credits.
Jason Mantzoukas
I just had a super quick question. Where was Drew Barrymore's family from?
Paul Scheer
Oh, I don't have that in my notes. Maybe Nate Kiley gave some notes.
Jason Mantzoukas
You helped me understand the movie. If I understood via both dialogue and maybe even original song.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, no.
Paul Scheer
You know what?
Jason Mantzoukas
Where these motherfuckers were from, I think.
Paul Scheer
I might have something here to help us. This is a clip from the movie. Let's see if this helps.
June Diane Raphael
This is gonna be the best Christmas.
Drew Barrymore
In the history of the world.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's not right here in Cincinnati. Welcome to glorious Cincinnati. Nope. The queen of Ohio's alpine ski resort. No, I come from C I N C I N N A T I Cincinnati the best town in ei Ohio.
Drew Barrymore
Sa at first they called it Cincy.
June Diane Raphael
But since Cincy is so natty, they named it Cincinnati.
Jason Mantzoukas
Suzuki sidekick the girls are pretty, pretty in this gritty little city the fellas.
June Diane Raphael
Are the feistiest I've seen Lock it.
Paul Scheer
Down they come so baldy the red.
Jason Mantzoukas
And the bengal small.
June Diane Raphael
I mean truth.
Jason Mantzoukas
Are these indefensible the facts are called invensible disinfecting what? Another verse?
Paul Scheer
Now, here's the thing about that, that number.
Jason Mantzoukas
What more the city doesn't warran that many verses.
Paul Scheer
I have a thing with Philadelphia. We now have a thing with Cincinnati. Jason, you have just put Cincinnati on blast.
Jason Mantzoukas
Listen, I'm putting Cincinnati and all of Canada on blast. Not interested.
Paul Scheer
There is a moment though, in that thing and re watching it, where first of all, the driving in this movie is amazing because not only are they driving like the worst fake driving, where it's like left, right, left, right, left, but they're also pushing the car back and forth like a Star Trek episode. So if a car was driving like this, it would be in an accident.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, also during a blizzard. And he keeps going up through the st. He's driving a manual drive up through the gears. He should be in second gear. Going so slow right now. But as the song picks up tempo, he's like, gotta drive faster. Gotta drive faster. Driving so fast that the little girl dies. Driving so fast I can't Stop the.
Paul Scheer
Most dead kids that's the fact. Look it up.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's because of the song that we sing while we drive. This is what's killing all our children.
June Diane Raphael
It does seem cuz they have all those looks to each other in that scene like we're going to do this, we're going to finish the song.
Paul Scheer
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I love it.
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Jason Mantzoukas
Because he does lose control.
Paul Scheer
But in that moment, why? I guess he had one more verse before she could shoot out. I mean this.
Jason Mantzoukas
And I'll be honest with you. And I. Cause much like June, I had zero reference. I had no idea. I just was given a title and a link. Boom.
Paul Scheer
Knew Ellen burst and was in it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I was like, burst, baby, burst. Give it to me.
Paul Scheer
I heard it's a prequel for Requiem.
Jason Mantzoukas
I was like, wait, are you telling me the star of Empty nest and Golden Girls is in this? I'm hardcore in. Anyway, regardless, I put it on and I'm watching the movie and then this happens. And I'm like. I write in my notes, hang on, is this a fucking musical? And then I watch the rest of the movie and I'm not sure. Yeah, this movie has too few songs to be a musical, but too many songs to be a movie. There is, okay, like, three and a half songs.
Paul Scheer
The original cut of the movie was 145 minutes.
Jason Mantzoukas
How long is this?
Paul Scheer
94.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, so, okay, wow. The rest was songs, clearly. The rest was songs that they were like, we gotta get rid of this.
Paul Scheer
Well, by the way, the biggest mistake of this movie was they hired people that were terrible singers. Like, there's not, like, even.
June Diane Raphael
Well, the sister was a good singer. I mean, what's concerning about that? I don't think the sister's dub, but everybody else's. But concerning about that his singing is.
Paul Scheer
But by a bad singer.
June Diane Raphael
Well, I don't think.
Jason Mantzoukas
When you said TV movie, I think that answers your question.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, but it's concerning. Cause it makes me think, like, oh, they left. These are the best songs that they left in.
Jason Mantzoukas
Can you imagine?
June Diane Raphael
This is what we had to keep.
Jason Mantzoukas
Can you imagine what was cut from this movie?
Paul Scheer
Two songs. One song called it's the Feeling and another song called We'll Think of Something.
Jason Mantzoukas
Which might as well be. That is like, the truth. That is speaking truth inside of the.
Paul Scheer
Movie, by the way.
Jason Mantzoukas
Also, what's the movie? I don't know. We'll Think of Something.
Paul Scheer
I mean, by the way, this movie was shot all in Germany, but also.
Jason Mantzoukas
All the songs written by Stephen Sondheim.
Paul Scheer
RIP but it is based on a 1903 operetta. Babes in Toyland is an opera. Opera.
June Diane Raphael
And there isn't another movie called Babes and Twitter?
Paul Scheer
No other movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
No.
Paul Scheer
I'm just joking, of course.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. Like, in that. In that version, are all of those songs in there?
Paul Scheer
Well, this seems to be, like, a take on it. Like, it's like, this isn't like, a.
Jason Mantzoukas
Remake of that movie. Or is it remake? It is. Okay, I didn't know that. I think Toy Soul shared a title.
Paul Scheer
Here's something I don't know anything about, but I'm gonna be very actively saying that. I do. I think toy soldiers are definitely in the other Babes in Toyland, but I don't think, like, Mother Hubbard's shoe is in that. I feel like they might be.
Jason Mantzoukas
So you think everything's the same but the shoe? Well, everything's the same, but the shoe is not in.
Paul Scheer
What they did was they moved in, like, some.
Jason Mantzoukas
I think they.
Paul Scheer
Am I right in this? That they moved in the fairy tales, like the Humpty Dumpty and stuff like that? Or is that in the old one, too?
June Diane Raphael
It's in the old one.
Paul Scheer
That has all of that same crap.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, by. So apparently. Escort that man out.
Paul Scheer
Apparently, there's a movie with Laurel and Hardy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Escort that man out, please.
June Diane Raphael
Well, what's so disappointing about this? I mean, this isn't wizard of Oz. Because what's so disappointing is that the Characters that we meet in the beginning and their character traits have nothing to do with the fairy tale characters. Honestly, with the exception of the woman in the shoe and her lists, they have nothing to do.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, the only relation that I didn't truly did not understand until the very end of the movie is that Drew Barrymore's character is meant to have kind of renounced childhood. And so.
Paul Scheer
Right. Cooking Toyland.
Jason Mantzoukas
She's making dinner. Don't worry, I'm making dinner. She's taking care of the. She has kind of renounced childhood and is living as a. Like an adult. An adult life. Real commentary on the actual Drew Barrymore's life.
June Diane Raphael
It is.
Paul Scheer
Well, I mean, that was. Yeah, that was interesting, like. But I felt like they didn't really state it that much. Cause she was acting like a kid. But.
Jason Mantzoukas
But that's why I feel like Toyland was this. This, you know, this also gave me real for comic book nerds here. Fables, Bill. Bill Lyhem's Fables. This was like very. In that world that I was like, ooh, a world that you go to where the fables are actually exist, where all the kind of storybook characters live together in a town.
Paul Scheer
But she seemingly didn't know any of those stories. It wasn't like, oh, my God, Humpty Dumpty. They just introduced her to people. This motherfucker.
Jason Mantzoukas
Humpty Dumpty. You don't put a giant egg in a movie, okay. Unless he's gonna fall off that wall.
Paul Scheer
He needed him.
Jason Mantzoukas
And crash, they show him twice. Yeah, he never falls.
June Diane Raphael
I thought for sure in the fight sequence at the end, we were gonna.
Jason Mantzoukas
Watch him and all the king's soldiers and all the king's men would try and put him back together. No, I want that egg.
Paul Scheer
45 minute long version. That's a 30 minute sequence.
Jason Mantzoukas
Maybe that's what they cut.
June Diane Raphael
Here's what's so weird, though, about the. The basic premise of the movie. So, yeah, it is about this girl who. Who is sort of a little mother in the house and doesn't have any interest in toys and doesn't want this sled that her older sister's getting her for Christmas because she doesn't really know how to play with it.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, no, I think she doesn't want kids stuff. Oh, I was like.
Paul Scheer
I was like, wouldn't want to sled either.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's just like, you're not gonna like it because. Or she says something like, you're not gonna like it because it's fun or something like that.
Paul Scheer
Oh, I Thought she was like, I got you. It was like the equivalent of like, socks box.
June Diane Raphael
I don't think so. I think.
Paul Scheer
Who wants a sled?
Jason Mantzoukas
What? Like, I want a sled. I like a sled right now.
Paul Scheer
You want, like, as a kid, you're like, here's a sled.
June Diane Raphael
Yes, Paul, you need to go to Toyland.
Jason Mantzoukas
What are you talking about? Yeah, of course. What did you want? A typewriter? What are you talking about?
Paul Scheer
Sled is a gift that you. That you get, like the normal part of the year. Don't give that to me as a gift.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're getting gifts during the normal part of the. Wow.
Paul Scheer
Hey, I'm so bought in a sled. We'll go sledding. A sled is like. You don't go like, here's your Christmas gift is a sled.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'll be honest.
June Diane Raphael
What.
Jason Mantzoukas
I am blown away right now.
June Diane Raphael
There's actually, like, nothing that's more fun and childlike and free more of the season.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, if you're. Especially where we all grew up.
June Diane Raphael
You want to get one in summertime.
Jason Mantzoukas
There'S snow on the ground. Oh, here's your Fourth of July sledding. It's like America's independence.
Paul Scheer
It's like getting a pool floaty for Christmas. Like, no, it's not.
Jason Mantzoukas
Come on. You could.
June Diane Raphael
It's not at all blizzard in this town. You could literally go outside.
Jason Mantzoukas
What are you talking about? The sled is immediate use. You can use it. She didn't know it.
Paul Scheer
She didn't know it.
Jason Mantzoukas
She didn't know what a slide was.
Paul Scheer
No. She didn't know there was going to be a big storm. It was a fantastic baby.
Jason Mantzoukas
Of course, there is possibly all that. And then there should be a lyric.
Paul Scheer
Cause cincy is so snowy. You need a big old fucking sled. You know? Like, they should have that line.
June Diane Raphael
I think, honestly, this pandemic has affected us all in different ways.
Jason Mantzoukas
And of all the things you could disagree with a sled, being a good Christmas present is the worst take of all. 86.
Paul Scheer
Get me one of those Nintendo robots that drop the discs and do the fucking thing. Get me that Robey robot.
Jason Mantzoukas
Get you a Robey. Wow, look at you. Because you're like, I can get a sled anyway anytime I want.
Paul Scheer
Oh, big deal. You got me a sled. Thank you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Whoa.
June Diane Raphael
I feel like you're talking about a sled as though it's like hardware or something.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes. It's like a vacuum. I got you. I got you a Dustbuster.
Paul Scheer
Here's the deal, people here's the deal.
June Diane Raphael
About the premise of the movie. So I think we are. We are in the. The world of the movie. We're supposed to think that Sled is a great joyful gift for a child.
Jason Mantzoukas
A child that is predisposed to think. In Paul's thinking, it's not that good of a gift.
June Diane Raphael
Yes, right.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's what the sister is saying.
Paul Scheer
I share some similarities with Drew Barrymore's character.
June Diane Raphael
Well, I know. And this is gonna get real dark, so get ready.
Jason Mantzoukas
By the way, two harrowing childhoods.
June Diane Raphael
Yes. The details will haunt you.
Jason Mantzoukas
That is a shock.
June Diane Raphael
They will haunt you.
Jason Mantzoukas
That is a. I want that. I will come and sit right there for you and Drew Barrymer on this stage, trading childhood. Childhood stories. That's the show.
June Diane Raphael
But my point is, it's just got.
Jason Mantzoukas
Picked up by Quibi.
June Diane Raphael
The RIP just found out Quibby doesn't exist anymore. Rip. By the way, I only realized halfway through the pandemic that it stood for Quick bites. That was. And when that realization hit.
Paul Scheer
Well, I mean, I gotta. If we talk about it, I gotta just say the original name was Omakasa, which to me is such. Like, can you imagine?
June Diane Raphael
Can you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Are you watching that new show on Omakasa? What?
Paul Scheer
Oh, yeah, I'm.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm.
Paul Scheer
And yeah. Oh, the. Oh, the sushi sampler platter that the chef makes. Chef's choice of sushi.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay.
June Diane Raphael
Just to go back to the movie. So we are. We are meant to believe that she doesn't. She doesn't really experience joy within with toys. And she's not really. She's really big on telling people she's 11, she's not a kid anymore.
Jason Mantzoukas
And then she answers the phone, she's making dinner.
June Diane Raphael
But then at the end, she's lit.
Paul Scheer
Like a noir film. There's one moment where you see her.
Jason Mantzoukas
Where just like, this isn't unspooled.
June Diane Raphael
Okay, Not Amy Nicholson.
Jason Mantzoukas
We don't need to hear about noir. Oh, the lighting was just like a.
Paul Scheer
Noir film of Double Indemnity now in color. Rian Johnson.
Jason Mantzoukas
I think when Howard Hawks.
June Diane Raphael
By the end of the movie, you know, the lesson is that she has to believe in toys again and believe in the magic of childhood. Okay, but my issue with that is, like. Well, the fact that she doesn't and the fact that she's older for her age, inappropriately so. And called on to be this adult. Is that bad in the house? Is that even.
Paul Scheer
Is that too old?
June Diane Raphael
Paul, you're gonna reveal too much about yourself.
Paul Scheer
I mean, I thought that is not That. I mean, that's pretty old.
June Diane Raphael
That's an indictment on the parents in the home.
Jason Mantzoukas
Absolutely.
June Diane Raphael
That is not her fault.
Paul Scheer
Applaud for that.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, no, that's.
June Diane Raphael
Applaud.
Jason Mantzoukas
No.
June Diane Raphael
Applaud. Applaud.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, I think I.
June Diane Raphael
Where's the dad?
Jason Mantzoukas
You're absolutely right. The dad is absentee. I assumed they were divorced or that he was dead. But the dad is sled not present. The mom is. Is not engaged, though. Sister has to go to work and Drew is doing the lion's share of.
Paul Scheer
Work when sister, happily.
June Diane Raphael
Sister.
Paul Scheer
Walks out of the house into a fucking blizzard with just a neon fucking killer outfit.
June Diane Raphael
Okay. Oh, yeah. We need to carve out the next.
Jason Mantzoukas
Do we have a picture of her outfit? It's like a beret. It's a pink jacket. It's nuts level stuff.
June Diane Raphael
It's a square.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
It's the widest jacket I've ever seen in my life.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's a jacket that looks like a vagina with her head as the clitoris.
Paul Scheer
And it's also. And then the plastic that might have.
Jason Mantzoukas
Been on the toys and Babeland site. Sorry, I might have been looking at a different.
Paul Scheer
I got confused. But the sister works seemingly, like, at a five and dime, Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's called a five and dime, but it also says toys outside. So it seemed like a five and dime toy store.
Paul Scheer
I mean, my favorite moment is Richard Mulgen, who I think is a great actor.
Jason Mantzoukas
So funny.
Paul Scheer
He comes in, he's like, I told you to push the bears. And she's like, I work in customer service.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, he's like. He's in a mammoth. Like, he's doing mammoth. He was doing. Yeah. He's like, push the fucking bears. The motherfucking bears is what you need to push.
Paul Scheer
I gave you the bear leads. Sell these fucking bears.
Jason Mantzoukas
Sell these bears.
Paul Scheer
I couldn't tell if it was Christmas Eve.
June Diane Raphael
It was Christmas Eve. I mean, I was so shocked. My entire personality is pretty much based on Golden Girls and Empty Nest. Those two shows I've been created from. I watch them every night back to back.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, obsessed.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, what about Love Boat, which came on next?
June Diane Raphael
I don't think I could stay up for that. So I only needed.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm older than you, so I could. Because I watched those as well. Straight into Love Boat.
Paul Scheer
I could not go to Love Boat.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, I stopped there. But I loved him so much. I love that character so much. To see him this way was pretty shocking for me.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, I mean, he is lecherous, don't get me wrong.
Paul Scheer
He is doing.
Jason Mantzoukas
And.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. And for somebody who's not a great singer, I appreciated his song.
June Diane Raphael
What was his song?
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, yeah.
Paul Scheer
Let's time. Well, here we go. Refresher.
Jason Mantzoukas
A monster piece.
Paul Scheer
Here we go. It's like a. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, yeah.
Paul Scheer
Here we go. Here we go.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is very dark crystal to share.
Paul Scheer
With you, dear boy. Evil scheme that it fills my heart with joy. Its evil theme will never cease. Cause I have created a monster piece. I put in years of toil and strife. It feels like the music isn't even sure it's a song. Like, I agree. The people that are playing are like. Like, I guess he's singing. Okay, we're going to.
June Diane Raphael
There's never like. It never opens up.
Jason Mantzoukas
The songs never do not further the plot at all. Which all musical songs should. They should give you more access more. I mean, we basically get a song that is just about Cincinnati and then monster piece and then that and then the other. There's another one that I don't even remember.
June Diane Raphael
They're all kind of talked like they're. They never start.
Paul Scheer
Well, when they go to dub, like, to go back to Pat Morita when they go to dub his singing voice, I'm like, well, now it will be a good one. And it felt like someone doing an impression of a bad Pat Morita singing voice is like, oh, yeah, I bet she's not a good singer. I'll do that. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Nobody. I mean, I felt like everybody. I don't. I mean, I'm not even sure that was his singing voice, to be quite honest.
Paul Scheer
I don't feel like.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right. I don't know. I assumed everybody was dubbed in this just because so many people seem to be being dubbed. Keanu is dubbed for sure.
Paul Scheer
When he thinks, yes, Drew Barrymore is definitely dubbed. I mean. I mean, they go to this world. I mean, I want to talk about this world because we've been talking about Toyland. Toyland, which is the most monstrous place that you could ever possibly go.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, like a wizard of. Like you said, it's the wizard of Oz, except that instead of going to a fantastical world of Oz, she goes into a nightmarescape of toys of storybook characters come to life, which are just this.
Paul Scheer
And by the way, this is like a bear out of Wicker Man. This bear is scary.
Jason Mantzoukas
Everybody's wearing, like, Sesame street level costumes. You can frequently see the seams between their necks. You can frequently see human necks. It is.
Paul Scheer
There's a lot of law enforcement in this town that don't seem to be doing much.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is frog chilling.
June Diane Raphael
We just saw before, too. Like, some of the characters are giving the physicality of, like, bears, and then others are just walking around.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. I mean, people with the costume.
Paul Scheer
I mean, clearly built the frog head with the pipe in it, because I think it's Sherlock frog, the classic fairy tale character.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's got a Sherlock funk.
Paul Scheer
Sherlock frog.
June Diane Raphael
That's raggedy.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's raggedy. But who is the lion with a football jersey? When they would cut. When they would cut to a group shot, that.
Paul Scheer
There's the.
Jason Mantzoukas
There. That. There he is. Oh, this fucking guy's trying to. I saw this, and I was like, this guy's trying to get me.
Paul Scheer
But here's the thing. While there are fully costumed characters, they're not going the cats route where it's a human, like, dressed as. Like an animal. Then they're just regular people that look like pilgrims or like, they.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are all storybook characters. They are.
Paul Scheer
We hope.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, you know, they're all. I think they are all, you know, meant to be from stories. You know, they are introduced as such.
Paul Scheer
I mean, you know, this classic scoring book character.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's the owl from the Tootsie Pop commercial. Right. Old people like that joke.
Paul Scheer
I mean, it's such a bizarre world. And there's the lion in the football jersey. The toy soldiers do come out to play, which makes it interesting.
Jason Mantzoukas
There's a lady. Oh, look at him.
June Diane Raphael
There he is.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, look. Look at him. Oh, shit.
June Diane Raphael
It.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, no matter. I mean.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, no.
Jason Mantzoukas
Get him out of here. Get him out of there.
Paul Scheer
I see you, Jason.
Jason Mantzoukas
That is. That is haunting. That is. That is the sc. Oh, that. That.
Paul Scheer
That.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's. That is haunting.
June Diane Raphael
That's the mailman.
Paul Scheer
Closest thing that we could get to seeing Wes Anderson's nightmares.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes.
Paul Scheer
Like, this feels like when Wes Anderson dreams he sees this town and it scares him. Yeah, they're cute.
June Diane Raphael
It's so crazy, too, because nobody ever asks her, like, how'd you get here?
Paul Scheer
Yeah, well, by the way, I mean, she gets there. She doesn't seem to have many questions.
June Diane Raphael
And, like, even when do they really.
Paul Scheer
Even at a point where she gets her driver's license. It's just a cookie. She gets her driver's license right here.
Jason Mantzoukas
I just want to show you. Stop it right here. That wooden soldier is crying.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Paul Scheer
Now, does that mean the sweat has come out of the actors through the costume?
Jason Mantzoukas
Is it SAP, or do the wooden soldiers have tear ducts? Like, what is this?
Paul Scheer
Well, here's my other question. We see these wooden soldiers displayed in the town square. Later on in the film, the toy master says, oh, what's in that closet? And he opens it up. They're all covered in dust and cobwebs. And he goes, they're my greatest. My greatest joy. So did the cobwebs. Are they in a place where cobwebs form very quickly? Did these escape? Are there different?
June Diane Raphael
Something happened, and I was trying to follow it. Something happened where the wooden soldiers couldn't be released until there was.
Jason Mantzoukas
Until someone believed.
June Diane Raphael
Someone believed in the toys.
Paul Scheer
But these wooden soldiers are.
June Diane Raphael
Okay, well, this is the end of the movie. I believe this is.
Paul Scheer
I thought this is the beginning of the movie. Is it?
Jason Mantzoukas
I know.
June Diane Raphael
I think when. Definitely when the tier comes out. Is it towards the end of the movie?
Jason Mantzoukas
Who is that? Who is that lion? Who's that football player? What story is that from?
Paul Scheer
I'm Tick Butkus. I was a character creator for Dip Buckis, a cartoon show, when the Chicago Bears.
Jason Mantzoukas
I genuinely was like, what the fuck is this guy doing here?
Paul Scheer
And he's crying. And some animals in this movie do. Do like. Like. Like. Like a clench fist to eyeballs.
Jason Mantzoukas
I feel like they had a. I feel like they had a bunch of costumes. And then they were like, can we just find other costumes? And so, like, there's a bunch of mascots just, like, blended in.
June Diane Raphael
Now, I will say I watched this. So I watched half of the movie in a parking lot.
Paul Scheer
Parking lot.
Jason Mantzoukas
You were asked to leave a beautiful sports.
June Diane Raphael
And then I watched the other half with our youngest son.
Paul Scheer
Oh, wow.
June Diane Raphael
And that was a different experience. He loved all of this. He loved it. And when he saw the cookies coming out of that guy's hat, he said, I wish I could have a cookie in my hat. And then immediately after, I wish I had a hat.
Paul Scheer
So.
June Diane Raphael
And loved Drew Barrymore. Loved her, loved her, loved her. And then our older son came in, too, and also loved every second of it. So this movie has an audience.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
I'm here to report the movie has an audience.
Jason Mantzoukas
Huge Pete Rose fan.
June Diane Raphael
That's true.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, let him in the hall of fame.
Paul Scheer
This movie glorifies Pete Rose. And I'll tell you what this movie doesn't like. This movie does not like people who are overweight because there are so many.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, so many fatty jokes.
Paul Scheer
So many fatty jokes. And here's a thing. This guy, Gooby, Gooey, whatever his name is, Goie, saves Keanu Reeves from a. There's a jailbreak in this movie. A straight up jailbreak. And in this moment, like, Googie saves him and he's like. He said. I wrote it down. He says, like, do you mean Georgie Porgy? Well, his name is Googie in the real world, right?
June Diane Raphael
Is it?
Jason Mantzoukas
Is it? Yeah. There's a character in this movie named Googie.
Paul Scheer
Googie. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
So if his. If his. If his storybook character is going to be Georgie Porgy, why not have his name in the real world be George?
Paul Scheer
His real name is Googie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, the actor's name is Googie? You know what? That's it.
June Diane Raphael
Thanks so much, guys. It was a great night. Thanks for watching it.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's not worth it. Last episode of the podcast Googie Grass is his name. What? We're done. Wrap it.
June Diane Raphael
What?
Paul Scheer
Gooey Grass. Goo gass.
Jason Mantzoukas
Goo ghrest.
Paul Scheer
Googie Grass plays Georgia.
June Diane Raphael
Hold on, I gotta go back. Goo as in G O o G.
Paul Scheer
I O O G Y. Gooey.
Jason Mantzoukas
Gooey, like the movie Gooey.
June Diane Raphael
Okay. And then the last name is Gress.
Paul Scheer
Gooey. Gress. G R E.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm done. I have nothing to say for the ever. That's it. Gooey Grass. You know, Gooey grass, Right?
June Diane Raphael
Wow. And that's an actor. It's like, if anyone can sort of change their name, is it possible to get away with it?
Jason Mantzoukas
Is it possible that it's Gucci?
Paul Scheer
I thought Googie Grass was actually the actor who played the friend and Teen Wolf, not the MTV show, the Michael J. Fox movie. But it's not. Oh, no, that's a different guy. Well, maybe it's not. He. No, he was Francis. Yeah, Francis.
June Diane Raphael
You thought his. His real life name was Googie.
Paul Scheer
His real life name is Googie.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, Georgie Porgy.
Paul Scheer
Georgie Porgy.
Jason Mantzoukas
So in Georgie the movie.
June Diane Raphael
The. In the real world, in the movie is Georgie. It is Georgie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay.
Paul Scheer
And then Georgie Porgie. And so when Georgie rescues Keanu in the fake world, he goes, wow, you're the size of three heroes now. It's like, motherfucker just rescued you. You call him fat. Like, just be like, thank you. You're a hero. Like, you don't have to, like, make a.
Jason Mantzoukas
Isn't that kind of Georgie Porgy's thing? What's the Georgie Porgy story?
Paul Scheer
Put his finger in some pie.
June Diane Raphael
Wait, but what else happened after that?
Jason Mantzoukas
What happened after that?
Paul Scheer
Georgie Way said 17 and a half stone with a waist of 50 inches. And he's a constant source.
Jason Mantzoukas
Are you a British Wikipedia?
Paul Scheer
It is. It's historic uk.com.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why are you measuring in stone? We're in America, baby, where we can't stop dying.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Too dark.
June Diane Raphael
Too dark?
Jason Mantzoukas
Really?
Paul Scheer
Oh, wait. Despite his larger size, George also established for himself a rather poor reputation for his lusty romps with the fairer sex that involved several mistresses, leaving a string of illegitimate children when he was 20.
Jason Mantzoukas
What are you talking about? How.
Paul Scheer
How is this story Georgie is based on a real person.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh. Oh, oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, I get it now.
Paul Scheer
Okay, yeah, okay. So I guess he was based on Edward the First.
Jason Mantzoukas
George.
Paul Scheer
Edward the First. Okay, anyway. Or. Or King George iv. I can't get into this British Wikipedia. It's too complicated.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm.
Paul Scheer
Everything's left to right.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm not gonna lie. I still haven't recovered from Googie. I will never still. I'm thinking about it.
June Diane Raphael
Take off my blazer.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm not present.
June Diane Raphael
God.
Paul Scheer
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June Diane Raphael
Now, I will say I. I do want to talk about Eileen Brennan's performance. And I was hurt that you thought it was on Burson, because I was obsessed with her performance.
Jason Mantzoukas
So good.
June Diane Raphael
She's so obsessed with it.
Jason Mantzoukas
And until she said she would, in hard times, sell some of the children.
June Diane Raphael
That made me laugh.
Paul Scheer
So, I mean. Yeah, I got it right here.
June Diane Raphael
Hilarious.
Paul Scheer
I mean. Yeah, she really, like, lays it down.
June Diane Raphael
Like, she's so good.
Jason Mantzoukas
And to be clear, if you haven't seen Private Benjamin, do yourselves a goddamn favor and watch Private Benjamin. Goldie Hawn, Eileen Brennan, next level. Go ahead.
Paul Scheer
When she says there's a great line in here, too, where she says, like. Like, my mom had too many. My mom had too many kids. So they grew out of the. The boots.
Jason Mantzoukas
Sorry, let me out of the shoe and into a pair of boots.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, I thought that was very funny.
Jason Mantzoukas
You just have a list of jokes.
Paul Scheer
You liked at a certain point. I was enjoying the movie. I was just like my children. I was enjoying every moment of it. I was like, that's fun. I would like to go to that jail. I mean, by the way, this other thing about Toyland is it is also a Hollow Earth movie because everything in this movie, there's so much underground passage, so much tunnels, so many tunnels.
Jason Mantzoukas
I had a question, though. Were the tunnels? Was that. Okay?
Paul Scheer
So.
Jason Mantzoukas
So. So the bad guy, Barnaby Barnacle, lives in a bowling ball. Is that a story?
Paul Scheer
No, I don't think Barnaby Barnacle is a thing.
Jason Mantzoukas
I want to make sure. Okay. Because I was.
June Diane Raphael
I loved that, though. That was. I thought that was crazy.
Jason Mantzoukas
I liked the look of somehow an ominous giant house.
June Diane Raphael
Wish it had rolled down at some point.
Paul Scheer
Well, by the way they threaten it, they say sometimes it does roll down and crash houses. And then I guess it goes back.
Jason Mantzoukas
That was Chekhov's bowling ball house. You don't put A bowling ball at.
June Diane Raphael
The top of the hill.
Jason Mantzoukas
Unless. Because it's gonna roll down.
Paul Scheer
You want to see that bowling ball take out those cars at the end instead of that one character suiciding himself.
Jason Mantzoukas
What I couldn't understand was they seemed to establish two different places of evil, which is the underground caverns that they seem to exist in and the dark forest beyond.
Paul Scheer
Right. But we never really get to the dark.
June Diane Raphael
I kind of felt like. Well, I felt like the dark forest beyond. Why aren't they the same, actually? Well, I thought. I don't think there is a dark forest.
Jason Mantzoukas
Now this is interesting.
June Diane Raphael
I don't think there is elaborate. I think that he was using that as a way of sort of keeping everyone there. But I don't think there was actually. There were just gates.
Paul Scheer
June, let me ask you this. Where is Pat Morita getting all that evil from?
June Diane Raphael
I don't know. I mean, that's the thing.
Paul Scheer
Pat Morita is a collector of evil.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, I have a theory.
Paul Scheer
Yeah?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes, I have a theory. At the end of the movie, it seems to posit that Pat Morita, the toy master, is in fact Santa Claus.
Paul Scheer
Who is wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit. No judgment.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Paul Scheer
Just need to find that. That was the choice.
June Diane Raphael
Where's his hat? I was like, well, I don't know. It's not there.
Jason Mantzoukas
So you think that's a Mrs. Claus?
June Diane Raphael
That's definitely a Mrs. Claus.
Jason Mantzoukas
It is.
Paul Scheer
I thought, very forward thinking, very cool, gender neutral Santa I'm into.
Jason Mantzoukas
I fully believed that was Santa. Cause I'll be honest, if I'm Santa, why would I ever wear a hat? It's gonna blow off. Hood all the way, baby.
Paul Scheer
I gotta tell you this. Santa's a little too hands on for me. Because his little minions. Everyone's got minions in this town. His minions are like, toy maker, how do we fix this doll? He's like, oh, you gotta put eyes on it. If they don't know the basics, like, if Santa's gotta put eyes on all the dolls, like, shit's gone south. He has not taught them the right thing. Yeah, but Santa. But he is the toy. He is Santa masquerading as a toy maker.
Jason Mantzoukas
I think he's both.
June Diane Raphael
I don't know.
Jason Mantzoukas
I think he is what the.
Paul Scheer
The. To the world, he's like, I'm toy maker. But then he's like, but I'm also saying, like, I feel like it's like his. Like, it's like. It would almost be like if. If. If Superman was also the Flash. It's like my secret Identity is Superman, but I'm the Flash. It's like, wait.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, no, because he's. They say earlier that he's making all the toys for Santa. Right. So that would imply that the fr. The Flash works for Superman.
Paul Scheer
Well, I. Yeah. I'm not going to get into the specifics of the DC universe, but I'm going to say this.
Jason Mantzoukas
I would love to listen. I'd love to drill down on this.
June Diane Raphael
I don't want to believe that Santa has a collection of evil things in a.
Paul Scheer
Well, yes, sorry, sorry. Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's what I was going to say is in his experiences as Santa, he comes in contact with evil, takes it and puts it in the urn.
Paul Scheer
Hold on.
June Diane Raphael
How to kill the world in there.
Jason Mantzoukas
Because he goes into the real world. He goes into our world. He says, I've heard of Cincinnati. You know how I go there and I deliver presents. And so in our world, he encounters evil and so he bottles it up.
Paul Scheer
Wait, wait, but how does he encounter evil? Like, because it's like, does he go out and crime fight? Or is he just like. Does he just have an urn open? Like, capture, like, let me drive around here.
Jason Mantzoukas
Give me that movie. Give me that movie.
Paul Scheer
Let me hang out at the. Like. Because there is some. That's why I'm saying that's a different movie. Pat Morita is the toy Master. He has a collection of evil ready to unleash.
Jason Mantzoukas
It is a good question. Have other people. Because nobody seems phased when Drew Barrymore, a human child, arrives in To Toyland. Nobody seems like, what are you? Or who are you? Or where are you from? Or whatever. Even though she is from Cincinnati, there isn't an idea of good or bad until we reveal that. How is Barnaby Barnacle evil? Also, shouldn't this movie end with him being redeemed?
Paul Scheer
It's like the Grinch, but he doesn't win.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes, he's like the Grinch or the villain of the story, but for it to be a Christmas movie, he should be filled with. He should be. He should be redeemed and not banished to the Bad Forest with all of his demons.
June Diane Raphael
Or he's banished in that world, but in real life, he's learned his lesson at the five and Dime. And in.
Jason Mantzoukas
We don't get that either.
June Diane Raphael
We don't get that.
Paul Scheer
Wait, but hold on now. I need to ask you a question that I may have missed. She didn't really shoot out the back of that jeep.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes, she did.
Paul Scheer
Oh, she did. Okay.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, definitely.
Jason Mantzoukas
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, all Right.
Paul Scheer
Well, here's.
Jason Mantzoukas
What did you think happened?
Paul Scheer
Okay. I thought that she was cooking by stirring that pot. And then she fell asleep and imagined everything on her couch.
Jason Mantzoukas
So you imagine. You don't. You don't think she left the house? Yeah. No.
June Diane Raphael
So you thought. I thought it was like when static. You thought when this static wasn't involved.
Jason Mantzoukas
She'S in a tornado.
Paul Scheer
Yes, but it wasn't like. Yes, but wait.
Jason Mantzoukas
It has spots. Well, hold on. Do you agree, Paul, that in the wizard of Oz.
Paul Scheer
I do.
Jason Mantzoukas
Dorothy is in a tornado?
Paul Scheer
Yes, but here's my thought is that she was in, like, a winter storm and the power went out in her house and she, like, the antenna fell or like, we don't know what the reason is, but she conked herself out. She had this vision of her going to her sister's door.
Jason Mantzoukas
We saw her conk herself out by jumping out of the back of a Suzuki Sidekick on a sled, then wait. And hitting a tree.
Paul Scheer
But then we're like, at the end of the movie. Okay, this is the end. Okay, this is my thought. Sorry. I mean, I know I'm wrong. I don't know why I'm fighting it, but I will.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is shocking, huh?
Paul Scheer
Because I just thought that, like, the.
Jason Mantzoukas
Movie is very much about child endangerment.
Paul Scheer
Well, okay, but, like, so she, like. Okay, there's Santa. Oh, wait.
Jason Mantzoukas
Drew Barrymore. This is the age where Drew Barrymore would only star in movies. Movies in which something flies in front of the moon.
Paul Scheer
They were like, we gotta get that E.T. shot. We gotta get that E.T. shot in here. Well, I guess in my thought was like, when she wakes up on the couch, she's not bruised, she's not bandaged, she's not in a hospital. This child flew out of the back of a Jeep.
Jason Mantzoukas
She is concussed. Well, at a bare minimum, you should.
Paul Scheer
Be like, oh, my God, I flew out of the back of the Jeep. I only got concussions. Like, that would be like.
June Diane Raphael
You know what my thought was, because I was concerned about that, too. They are worried about her. The mom says that we are really.
Paul Scheer
Worried about you, but is googie.
June Diane Raphael
That.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is there. But the little brother's in bed. They took the time to put the brother in bed. They should be in the hospital.
June Diane Raphael
She should be a blizzard. They're not supposed to be driving, like.
Paul Scheer
So they went and found her body also. They brought it back to the house.
June Diane Raphael
I think they were close.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, I want it. Here's what I want to say. Say, so when Drew Barrymore again, 11 years old left home alone on Christmas Eve. Okay. Maybe that's the world we're living in. Okay.
Paul Scheer
Where mom's getting changed in the town.
Jason Mantzoukas
Telephone line goes down and the.
Paul Scheer
The antenna falls off and the antenna for the tv.
Jason Mantzoukas
The electricity doesn't go out. The TV and the phone. She puts on her winter coat and walks to the toy store where her sister lives. So they are in walking distance.
Paul Scheer
Lives.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, he's working, he's working, he's working. You know what I mean?
Paul Scheer
But she's also.
Jason Mantzoukas
She just walks there. An 11 year old can walk there. So then if Keanu Reeves is like, I'll drive you guys home, it must be like right there. It must. Why do they drive so long?
June Diane Raphael
Why so many verses?
Jason Mantzoukas
So many verses of the song.
Paul Scheer
They shouldn't.
Jason Mantzoukas
They should be able to see. I and I were here.
Paul Scheer
Here's the thing. Suzuki Samurai can only make right choice. So it does take a longer time.
June Diane Raphael
I thought. I thought they were setting up that she walked a really long time to get to that 5 and 9 store because that's how much of a little adult she is.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's. That would make sense. I. In my mind, I was like, oh, it's small town America. They. She lives 10 minutes from the store or something. You know, the equivalent of.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, she never left that house.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's an absurd statement.
June Diane Raphael
So you think.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, wait, you think that's an absurd. She had a.
Paul Scheer
So a concussion fantasy is different than like I fell asleep on the couch.
Jason Mantzoukas
In the wizard of Oz, but the same thing in the wizard of Oz. She doesn't just like concuss herself at home. The house flies away. She flies.
Paul Scheer
So you say the concussion is creating the fantasy not to sleep. Nah. I mean.
Jason Mantzoukas
Or she's dead. We got it. We got it. Jacob's ladder scenario.
Paul Scheer
All right, all right. So all right, all right. Let me ask you guys. This, this. What did you think about the big fix? When they're all getting poisoned by gas? And. And they say.
June Diane Raphael
Cannot believe. We haven't even talked about that.
Paul Scheer
They're getting poisoned by gas. And the. What they.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is. This, this is nuts.
Paul Scheer
They. They say, don't breathe it in.
Jason Mantzoukas
And if you breathe it in, the. The gas is the personification of evil. So to breathe it in will turn them into ghouls or the minions of Barnaby Barnacle. Right?
Paul Scheer
Those furatus that he can get to.
June Diane Raphael
See those monsters later on. But the crazy thing is they're all yelling at each other to not breathe it in.
Jason Mantzoukas
Correct. In doing so are just breathing it in, much like all of us in here tonight.
Paul Scheer
And then Drew Barrymore's solution is, hey, if we can't breathe it in, let's all sing because I'm from Cincinnati and Cincinnati. Like she says, I'm immune to the evil gases. Immediately she goes, cause I'm from Cincinnati, not like. Cause I'm not from your world. Not. It was like, not. It was just because I am from Cincinnati.
Jason Mantzoukas
Then she goes on the movie because Barnaby Barnacle is also obsessed with her. He only calls her. What is it like.
Paul Scheer
Mm.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cinsawatzki. Thank you. He only calls her Cinci Wutski. She's constantly saying Cincinnati. It's as if Cincinnati is a protective barrier or in another way of saying it, a good thing, which I have an issue with. Now.
Paul Scheer
What she has to do here to save them is not only have them breathe in more poison gas, but also teach them the song.
June Diane Raphael
They already know it. They know it in their hearts. Yeah, they know it in their hearts.
Jason Mantzoukas
Just don't breathe it. Just fight it.
Paul Scheer
You must.
Jason Mantzoukas
Me too, Lisa.
June Diane Raphael
Nothing's happening to me. I guess I'm immune because I'm from.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cincinnati yes, Cincinnati Think you could all be.
June Diane Raphael
It'll help keep your mind straight. Come from C I N C I N N A T I Cincinnati the best tongue in Ohio Ohio, USA.
Jason Mantzoukas
Come.
Paul Scheer
On, join us each other with good.
Jason Mantzoukas
People all of us hold on to the good inside Cincinnati the name gets Cincinnati so they say. How does he know the lyrics?
June Diane Raphael
I'm sorry. Every actor in the that scene deserves an Oscar.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes.
Paul Scheer
A win.
Jason Mantzoukas
What must have it been like to shoot this movie on a process level? You're sitting in your chair, you're waiting. Everybody's dressed up in their weird costumes and you're like, do you know all the lyrics to this Cincinnati song?
Paul Scheer
Let's rehearse it one more time.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm still working.
June Diane Raphael
I'm also like trying to figure out like, what level of monster are you going for?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
June Diane Raphael
So like we're in the same movie, you know, we all have to like, like figure out what that's going to be. And by the way, they did.
Paul Scheer
They did. I mean, when he goes.
Jason Mantzoukas
And the sister, the sister does it.
June Diane Raphael
It's the same thing.
Jason Mantzoukas
He even goes harder into turning into.
June Diane Raphael
Evil and then so does Goy.
Paul Scheer
Googie does it the best. Cuz Goie is the one that there. You think he's going to lose it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Somehow. I don't know what it is yet, but somehow. Somehow Goy is the T shirt. I don't know.
Paul Scheer
It's just that guy's face. Just Gooey. That's it.
June Diane Raphael
I'm also like, give me that Googie. Okay, I'm. Googie's not on the birth certificate. So what? I'm like, my mind is racing. Like, what. What is his Christian name? Like what?
Jason Mantzoukas
It's Greg.
June Diane Raphael
Frank.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hold on. Somebody said it here.
Paul Scheer
What?
Jason Mantzoukas
It's Frank. It's Frank.
Paul Scheer
You're right, Frank. No, it's Francis Googie Grass. Born as. As Francis Gress Jr is Googie a.
Jason Mantzoukas
Common nickname that we've just never heard? Does anyone in this room know a Gooey?
Paul Scheer
He was on the show Charmed.
June Diane Raphael
Is there a Googie here?
Jason Mantzoukas
He was on Charmed.
Paul Scheer
He was on Charmed.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is Googie here, ladies and gentlemen?
Paul Scheer
Googie. Googie. All right, guys, I have how it came up. Francis Grest Jr. Was born in Brooklyn, New York. And as an infant his father called him his Goo Goo baby. That became Goo Gee. And he was raised in Connecticut where there is a state law that if you have a stupid nickname, it stuck. That's what he says in interviews and. Yeah, that's it.
June Diane Raphael
Holy cow. Introduce yourself that way. All right.
Jason Mantzoukas
That'S.
Paul Scheer
Wow.
Jason Mantzoukas
That is like.
Paul Scheer
He lives here in Los Angeles. Let's get him.
Jason Mantzoukas
Let's get Googie. Find. Find Googie. Bring him to us.
Paul Scheer
Wolf have to fight off his wife and three kids. Clara, Frank and Gus. But besides that, we can get him. Yes, he's married to the love of his life, Clarinda Laros. But we can get him.
Jason Mantzoukas
We will raise those child as our own. Those children as our own.
Paul Scheer
You know what? Let's see if anyone has some questions. This audience has a lot of information about Googie, A lot of questions about the movie. So if you have a question, raise your hand and by the look of you, I'll say see?
Jason Mantzoukas
All right.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, right down here. You raise your hand first. What's your question? Hi. This is great. Okay, so I'm going to repeat it just because there's no mic there. Is there like a weird innuendo that we're getting about child brides? I would go so far as to.
Jason Mantzoukas
Say it is not an innuendo at all.
June Diane Raphael
It's plain facts.
Jason Mantzoukas
Let me be clear. It is not subtext. It is text.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
The text of this movie is old men want to younger man marry young girls.
Paul Scheer
Child brides. I mean, let's. I mean, now I know we teased it. I just feel like we have to play has this lecherous scene. I think the only reason why it's so fun is because he's so good. Hi there, beautiful. I've been watching you with the teddy bears. What do you think of running here at Charity Bazaar?
Drew Barrymore
Merchandise was spawned, there was no refund. The customer took a punching bag in exchange and was quite satisfied.
Paul Scheer
One thing I can say for you, Angela, is your personal merchandise is by no means faulty. But when I say push the teddy bears, I mean push the teddy bears. Clear.
Drew Barrymore
I'm not a salesperson, Mr. Barney. I'm customer service. And I was doing my job.
Paul Scheer
Doing your job is pleasing me, which in your case would not be difficult. You know what I mean?
Drew Barrymore
No, I don't.
Paul Scheer
You know, for a smart looking girl, you're really pretty dumb. Don't you know it's better business to be nice to the boss than to some pretty stock boy with his fingers in the tail?
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow.
Paul Scheer
I didn't like how he said fingers in the tail.
Jason Mantzoukas
Ooh, what a villain. What a villain.
Paul Scheer
All right, anybody else? Anybody else? Yeah, right here. Yes.
June Diane Raphael
The movie was shot in West Germany in 1986, and at one point they built a wall. And then the trolls.
Paul Scheer
Great question, great question.
Jason Mantzoukas
There is.
Paul Scheer
Let me repeat it just so we have it. Cuz it's so good.
June Diane Raphael
I mean, is that why Humpty Dumpty didn't fall off? Oh.
Paul Scheer
Oh. You know, in 1986, this movie was filmed in Germany, and in the film they burst through a wall. Did this movie predict the fall of the Berlin Wall?
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, that's why Georgie Porgy at one point said, Mr. Barnacle, tear down this wall.
Paul Scheer
It was weird that they shot that lion in. In a. In an NFL jersey as he tried to run past the wall? All right. Anybody? Yeah. Okay. Yes, yes.
June Diane Raphael
Did you hear the implication when Mary Contrary said that it's always daylight in Hawaii and they only seem to eat cookies and cakes?
Paul Scheer
Okay, what was the first part of that?
Jason Mantzoukas
It's always daylight.
Paul Scheer
But you said something before that. Right, okay, got it. Yeah. So what is the implication of it always being daylight? I wrote that down, too. That doesn't seem like a pleasant thing. That seems like what you like a torturous thing.
June Diane Raphael
Hell on earth.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, I'm assuming that for the storybook characters, it doesn't matter, but for. For Drew Barrymore's character, she needs to sleep.
Paul Scheer
It's like insomnia, that Robin Williams remake. But here's the thing also, she said that cookies are everything. Cookies are currency. They're also cookies and they're also driver's licenses. So, like, how do you know if.
Jason Mantzoukas
You'Re eating a cookie, cookies are everything in this world. Cookies are.
Paul Scheer
Except for cakes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cookies are currency. Cookies are driving. It's everything.
Paul Scheer
And the cakes that they're making. We lost six months of cakes. But it doesn't seem like cakes would have that long of a shelf life.
June Diane Raphael
It shouldn't be out there for six months.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. It doesn't look like a refrigerated area at all. No, I would agree with that.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, let's be very clear. The cookie factory is not up to code at all.
Paul Scheer
The cookie factory seems to be making cakes. Yeah. Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Also, so many trap doors. Every building. Building is hollow, dripping in trapdoors. Don't touch him. You'll point at me.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
There was a roach. Like, the end of a joint.
Paul Scheer
Like a real roach.
June Diane Raphael
There was a roach in the cookie factory.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Oh, so.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
So we're worried. Yes, we saw that. There's actually. There's an actual roach in the movie. An actual roach.
Jason Mantzoukas
I didn't realize you were saying I was right. I agree with you. I am right.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Over here. Yeah. What do you got for the two actors that look like riffraff with a hunchback? Yes. Both of those actors audition for the same part.
Jason Mantzoukas
And the director was like, I just.
Paul Scheer
Gotta have them both. It is interesting. So Richard Mulligan's character is surrounded by. I call them two Nosferatus. Like, they're. They're on either side of Nosferatu. They.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are Nosferatus.
Paul Scheer
They are identical. They don't do anything different. Except for the one suicides himself in the car chase, which is. He jumps out of the car like dumb in Fast and the Furious, but to no end, just to the ground. I don't know why.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's $10,000 for those two characters to be in fast and furious 10 without any explanation or explanation.
Paul Scheer
That's the Toretto brothers.
Jason Mantzoukas
They come out of Toyland Fast and Furious 10 goes to Toyland. They get in those little cars, they drive around, and then they bring them into the real world.
June Diane Raphael
I'm still shocked. Like, it's one. It's one thing seeing, like, Drew Barrymore in a little car. She's so young. But to see Richard Mulligan in a little car that sounds.
Paul Scheer
In that little car that sounds like bubbles and like. Like old. Like Hannah Barbera.
Jason Mantzoukas
It definitely had Banana Splits vibes.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. And they're all driving around a town square like there's nowhere to escape. Even when can escapes from the jail, he's not under any disguise. He just drives right through the center of town. And at the end when they're all racing, it seems like they're just racing through, like a block. They're just like, you know, it's like there's not much ground to cover. Like, just get out of your car and you'll catch them.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, just walk.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, yeah, well, yeah, the cars don't go fast and they're being driven by children. And the other thing is the car chase. Our heroes all drive away and what's left is Richard Mulligan and the Nosferatus just are driving in circles around a building at each other over and over and over until they crash.
Paul Scheer
So wait, no, let me just say something because now I'm realizing something. So the moral, like, there's a lot of morals to Christmas movies, right? There's, you know, like, whether it's like the most eight bit Christmas, the most important part of the holidays, not the gift. It's about. It's about spending time with the people that you love. You know, whether it's, you know, the Grinch love.
Jason Mantzoukas
Actually it's about your wife getting a Joni Mitchell CD instead of the thing, or trying to steal your best friend's wife, or going to America and sleeping with a bunch of random people. All the love.
Paul Scheer
Actually, great holidays, all the great bits. But like here the moral is, hey, kids, don't grow up too fast.
June Diane Raphael
Which is, by the way. But that's a fine, like, Toy Story. Like there, that. That's a fine moral. My prop. Well, but my problem.
Jason Mantzoukas
80S divorce, kids. That's what this movie is about. I feel like 80s divorced, totally.
June Diane Raphael
But my problem is, like, I don't know that this is by choice. I don't know that she wants to be this little adult mother figure in her home.
Jason Mantzoukas
She very much believes, I believe she.
June Diane Raphael
Has to be to survive.
Jason Mantzoukas
Quote, I always wanted to be a kid.
June Diane Raphael
That's devastating.
Jason Mantzoukas
What?
June Diane Raphael
That's devastating.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's a line. Drew Barrymore at 11 years old, crushes.
June Diane Raphael
Yes, it does.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's a devastating. I always wanted to be a kid at 11. I understood that. Do you want to believe Lisa?
June Diane Raphael
Yes, I do.
Drew Barrymore
More than anything. I guess life just made me grow up too fast.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh.
June Diane Raphael
Although I do still have my teddy. I kept teddy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Did you hear that, everybody? She kept her teddy.
June Diane Raphael
Yes, I kept my teddy. Now what I really needed to see was when we were back in present day, I really needed to see that mom, like, clock this. All of it, all of it, and think, like, I'm gonna make a few different choices.
Jason Mantzoukas
Change needed the change of what happened in Toyland needed to be established in the coda when she wakes up. Right? That we would then understand. Her life would be made better. She would be allowed to be a child.
Paul Scheer
But hold on one second. I'm looking at this and going, she doesn't even get to be the hero of the story, really. I mean, she helps. She helps, but it's like, it's not her story. Like, it's like, well, I guess maybe that's wizard of Oz too, right?
June Diane Raphael
I mean, there's a world in which she comes back and says, like, hey, Mom, I need help. I mean, honestly, where's dad?
Paul Scheer
And then the mom hugs her. Like Good Will Hunting says, not your fault. It's not your fault.
Jason Mantzoukas
Or it's something like the bare minimum we get in the movie is that she wakes up, they have a saying, bear.
Paul Scheer
Like the least. Not the bear. Like a furry bear. There's a lot of bears in the bed.
Jason Mantzoukas
She looks past and there's a wooden soldier as one of the gifts on the thing, and it salutes her or whatever. And that's basically it. It's like she still has a little bit of, like, the magic of these toys come to life or whatever.
Paul Scheer
I'm just saying that she is the adult. She is ultimately the adult in toilet.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, it might as well have been all adult toys. She wakes up on the couch, and her mom's like, I thought dinner was gonna be ready.
Paul Scheer
What were you mixing? Because you didn't clean the dishes.
Jason Mantzoukas
What's this I heard you fell out of the back of the. Of a Suzuki Sidekick.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Your father's going to be very upset when he finds us.
Paul Scheer
I.
Jason Mantzoukas
He's coming back. Trust me.
Paul Scheer
I wish I went to toilet.
Jason Mantzoukas
If only you would be more responsible, your father would come back.
June Diane Raphael
It's also interesting, though. What's interesting to me is that they make her the middle child, the mediator. Yeah. Because she's not like, oldest daughter's powerful force in the world and usually take on that sort of mother, like, energy in the household, but she's actually the middle child taking care of her older sister and making dinner for her younger brother.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right. Well, her first question when she wakes up from a couch coma is, where's Johnny? Where's the little boy? I can't remember what his name is. Where's Johnny?
Paul Scheer
She just woke up from a coma and is remembering because that wasn't even part of the. They weren't trying to find Johnny in the beginning. Like, Johnny was with the mom. Mom was getting Chains on her tires. That was fine. The mom was like, hey, look, I know it's snowing. I got a couple more errands to run. I'll be back soon. Like, the mom is not coming home. But, you know, maybe what we're talking about is, do we need hospital?
Jason Mantzoukas
But Again, it's the 80s. It's the 80s. They basically were like, walk it off.
Paul Scheer
Pat Morita, Karate Kid just slapped his hands again.
Jason Mantzoukas
This weren't a real thing.
Paul Scheer
You could get a couple of those. All right, another question from the back. Anybody in from the back? Yeah. Great. Yeah, you can say that. Is there any way where this traumatizes Keanu to basically develop the cloning technology and rapid. Great idea? So people are hypothesizing. Is this character the Keanu plays a prequel to what we saw in replicas where he must replicate his family? You know, I mean, I don't want to get too deep in the car accidents.
Jason Mantzoukas
No.
Paul Scheer
Over there in the back. Yeah, right there. Yeah. Yep.
June Diane Raphael
Ok. Two quick things.
Paul Scheer
Sure.
June Diane Raphael
I'm from Ohio. Cincinnati sucks.
Paul Scheer
A woman from Ohio says, Cincinnati sucks.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. Cincinnati sucks. That's going in the podcast. Devin, keep it in. I hope we never put Cincinnati.
June Diane Raphael
So your whole argument that a sled is not this, like, influence, special and amazing gift for her child. One word. Rosebud.
Paul Scheer
Okay, so someone's coming after me.
Jason Mantzoukas
This isn't unspoiled.
June Diane Raphael
Not unspoiled, folks.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is that Amy Nicholson?
June Diane Raphael
But that's not Amy Nicholson.
Paul Scheer
Thank you, Amy Nicholson, for that. So she. She brings up. Now I have. I have an answer for that. You said, repeat the question. They're going to repeat the question. She said.
Jason Mantzoukas
Said.
Paul Scheer
Paul, you say that. You know, a sled is not influential. Citizen Kane. Rosebud. She said Rosebud. Citizen Kane reference. Here's what I'll say about that. When was citizen Kane made? 1942. How. How old was Citizen Kane? When. Charles Foster Kane. When he died? How old? When was he born? When was he born?
June Diane Raphael
What's happening right now?
Paul Scheer
Let's just. Let's just say.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why are you condescending to our body?
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, they're.
Paul Scheer
Let's just say this.
June Diane Raphael
They're here in math.
Paul Scheer
Let's just say this.
June Diane Raphael
Watching us. Why are you yelling at me?
Paul Scheer
Let's just say this. In 1911, a sled would be a big fucking deal. So I agree with you. Yes. If in 1911 I was 10 years old and I got a sled, I'd be like, oh, my God. The only thing for entertainment Is newspapers. Yeah, it would be the fucking best. This is 86. We're talking Goonies in the movie theater. Nintendo's on our screen. Sylvester Stallone is killing Russians. You're giving me a fucking. Fuck you and your sled.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow.
Paul Scheer
Give me a Nerf gun. Give me laser tag. Give me a gift.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow. Paul Scheer, the spirit of Christmas. Gimme, gimme, gimme. Wow.
June Diane Raphael
Did you ever. Did you ever go.
Paul Scheer
Yes, I went sledding. And guess what? The other kids have sleds. And you take turns.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, so you're a. So you're.
June Diane Raphael
Wait a second. So you never got one. So you never had one.
Paul Scheer
I had a sled. I had a sled. It doesn't register with me.
June Diane Raphael
Cuz it's not the.
Paul Scheer
That big a deal.
Jason Mantzoukas
You were. You were sledless. You were one of those sledless kids who's like, can I get a ride on your sled? Can I. Can I get a ride on you? Hey, I got next on your sled.
Paul Scheer
Get ready. I'll drop this on you. I had a horse drawn carriage. We bring that out in the winter. And I didn't give a. About.
Jason Mantzoukas
Slept with the horses. You had a. Oh, that's right. You. You had horses.
Paul Scheer
So we would put on the fucking.
Jason Mantzoukas
Skis on the horse drawn carrot put skis on horses. That's on the carriage. That's not a sled. On the carriage. That's not a sled.
Paul Scheer
I'm just saying. I got winter toys.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's not a toy. It's not a toy of giant mammoth. This is insanity.
June Diane Raphael
I'm really upset. I'm really upset. And I'm. I'm parenting with this person. Okay? We're the stewards of childhoods. And this is very scary.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm like, I. That is. This is wild. These are wild takes, Paul. Anybody else got a question?
Paul Scheer
Yeah, right over here.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, I went here. But you go there.
Paul Scheer
Were you hoping that TR would burst out of the truck?
Jason Mantzoukas
I gotta talk about this character. All right, repeat the legend. Trollog. This is like a dark crystal kind of character. A Henson esque Muppet that is a Cyclops bird whose giant main eye is also a tv.
Paul Scheer
And looks dead.
Jason Mantzoukas
And looks dead. Like it is unsettling.
Paul Scheer
It's like the difference between creating a Muppet and a statue with one moving part is light years.
Jason Mantzoukas
But the thing is. And Richard Mulligan continues to use it in order to spy on Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves and the heroes of the story. So that's how he's staying ahead of them. But every frame in the movie, you're looking at the gross cloudy eye of this puppet. And then like a TV screen is kind of superimposed onto it. It's disgusting.
June Diane Raphael
It really is.
Jason Mantzoukas
And bizarre and really. And this is where I was like, oh, I kind of am into this in a. I wish this had like a dark crystally. I wish these characters were more sketchies, more scary, more creatures. But they're not. They see again. You see all the seams and all the weirdness. And yes, you're right. They put them in a box. They put them away. Of course, Trollog should come back and maybe even help defeat his owner or his.
Paul Scheer
That's not about it. It's not about turning the tide. It's just about.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's not about that. It's just about him being banished. Nobody gets converted in a Christmas movie into feeling the power of Christmas or believing in toys like Barnaby Barnacle should be. It should be him that believes in toys again so that the movie can resolve. It doesn't need to be Drew Barrymore, because he is. He is the equivalent of someone who's not interested, who doesn't want.
Paul Scheer
I agree.
Jason Mantzoukas
He's the villain.
Paul Scheer
Oh, actually, I just had a thought about something.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is it about sleds are awesome?
Paul Scheer
Well, June, your movie eight bit Christmas. Does the kid from that movie want a sled.
Jason Mantzoukas
Doubling down?
June Diane Raphael
No.
Paul Scheer
What does he want?
June Diane Raphael
A Nintendo.
Paul Scheer
Nintendo 1986. Here's some of the toys that came out in 1986. Fucking Nintendo. That's a toy. My pet monster had it. That's a toy. Paul, can I ask my buddy had it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hey, Paul.
Paul Scheer
That's a toy and a frame.
Jason Mantzoukas
Quick question. Quick question for you, Paul.
Paul Scheer
Omnibot 2000.
Jason Mantzoukas
Had it. Do you think that Mary working at the five and Dime can afford a fucking Nintendo? She's a baby of Ford Photons. She gives the Genera Photon was a.
Paul Scheer
Generic toy to laser tag. It was cheaper than laser tag and I had photon. Anyway, I had a lot of these 1986 toys.
Jason Mantzoukas
Now, are you just using this to flex Teddy Ruxpin?
Paul Scheer
Had it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I had it. I had a phone. This is Sass. This is so Sasser costume.
Drew Barrymore
Had it.
Paul Scheer
Wanted it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why do you have that bookmarked? Why is that so exciting, accessible to you? That list of toys you had in 86.
June Diane Raphael
And I'm not breaking. What I'm not gonna do tonight is I'm not gonna go back on thinking sleds are cool. Okay? I do. I think sleds are Great and awesome and a lovely gift. What I also gonna say though is that this is her sister. This is her older sister. This isn't. She's not gonna get like the. The thing of her dreams necessarily.
Jason Mantzoukas
She works at the five and dime.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
And this is a love lovely thing for an older sister to get. A younger sister.
Jason Mantzoukas
Especially a younger sister who she feels like is behaving too responsibly. She wants to give her a house. She wants to give her a toy. Something to have fun with. Something to exactly leave the house.
Paul Scheer
Easy bake Oven. Say come on. Whoa.
Jason Mantzoukas
Now we see. Now we see. Put her in the kitchen cuz she understands.
June Diane Raphael
Double her.
Jason Mantzoukas
Don't let her have an adventure toy. Give her a practice oven for her future.
June Diane Raphael
An easy Bake oven.
Paul Scheer
I was like let's get her a toy so she can make more food for the family. Not because she's. Not because. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow. Wow.
Paul Scheer
They need to eat.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is. This, this is rusty. Like really clearly I'm right.
Paul Scheer
When there's other opinions out there, it is the truth for second opinion. All right, we have placed this microphone down here on stage. We have had two people coming up here. What's your name?
June Diane Raphael
My name's Anna.
Paul Scheer
Anna, welcome.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hi Anna.
Paul Scheer
All right, here we go. It is now time. Time for second opinions.
June Diane Raphael
Drew Barrymore wakes up in Toyland where she teams up with friends and family to overthrow Barnaby. 5.4 out of 10 stars on IMDb. Does it sound forgetful? Well, it was made for TV. Mulligan, Brennan and Reeves. Lets go Largo Christmas show. Pat Morita has the toys ready to go. Giddy up, giddy up. Sickin opinions thrive on. How did this get made Live babes in Toyland 2021 and we made it out alive.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yes. Beautiful. Amazing.
Paul Scheer
And a nice amazing first person back. Hit it out of the park. Absolutely stunning. Thank you so much.
Jason Mantzoukas
Next one coming up.
Paul Scheer
Greyberg.
June Diane Raphael
Beautiful voice. My God.
Paul Scheer
All right, what's your name? I'm Natalie. Natalie, welcome. That's great. Where you were saying was perfect. I love your stellar skateboard shirt. All right, Natalie, take us away. It is now time for second opinions.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm dreaming of a crap movie Just like the ones I used to watch where the humpty dumpies don't fall. Tell me what's the point of it all?
Paul Scheer
Thank you so much. That was amazing. Wow.
June Diane Raphael
I've got some voices tonight, guys.
Paul Scheer
I just, just had a moment of panic that I was like, oh, am I recording this? Because we've been doing it at home on Zoom so much. It's like I didn't. I don't think I hit record.
Jason Mantzoukas
I don't think I hit record on QuickTime.
Paul Scheer
I literally had that. We have our amazing. Our amazing Devin up there in the booth. Devin up in the booth.
Jason Mantzoukas
It was just to be clear. Devin, are you recording this?
Paul Scheer
Jason and June, I normally do second opinions.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, what is this? Are you okay? Are you about to propose?
Paul Scheer
I just want you to know, and this is for everybody in the audience and for you both know you don't know what's about to happen.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, I'm scared. I don't like surprises. Paul, what did you do?
Paul Scheer
But I'm not gonna do second opinions today. I am not gonna do second opinions today. I have a very special cameo. I have a very special guest doing our second opinion. So here we go. Take it away. Drew Barrymore.
Drew Barrymore
Oh, hello, June, Jason and Paul. How are you guys? I'm so excited to do this with you. Let's read some reviews, shall we, for the obscure masterpiece Babes in Toyland. By the way, Keanu Reeves was just here and he sends you all his best. All right. Lynn M. Hanson writes subject line. Drew Barrymore. That's right, Drew Barrymore. Drew Barrymore does a great job in this remake of Babes in Toyland. It is not my favorite, but it is very good. And then five stars. I think that's where that review was going, but okay. Ben writes, I remember being scared of this movie when I was a kid. Those creatures and those two evil sidekick dudes really creeped me out. So I just watched it again about 30 years since seeing it as a kid. And I'm happy to report that it's just as creepy as I remembered. I will update my review in another 30 years when I watch it again to see if it's still as terrifying.
Jason Mantzoukas
5 stars.
Drew Barrymore
J. Pencean writes, I absolutely love this movie. I absolutely love this movie to death. But it's only on vhs. It's one of the best versions of. Of Babes in Toyland in my opinion. If anyone knows how to get this in DVD form, let me know. I'd do anything to find it. Let me know. It would really make my holiday and year. And if you haven't seen this movie and still have a VHS, buy it ASAP. Why are you still reading buy it now?
June Diane Raphael
5 stars?
Drew Barrymore
I'm gonna go on record and say I had no idea that anyone knew about this movie. It's exciting to see that anybody gave it a five star review. And I bet there are A lot of one star reviews out there of it as well. And I'd be interested in seeing those too. But as the person who was in this movie, when I was 11 years old, we shot it in Munich, Germany for six months. And we did just had the best time ever. It was actually really fun. And I don't know, all I can say is that I give you guys, June and Paul and Jason, five star.
June Diane Raphael
Oh my God, I love her so much.
Paul Scheer
Drew Barrymore.
Jason Mantzoukas
Incredible.
June Diane Raphael
What was the surprise?
Jason Mantzoukas
Incredible.
Paul Scheer
My Christmas is gift to you both.
June Diane Raphael
Thank you so much. Okay. I love her so much. And I just. I just love her so much. And that is watching this movie, I was like, God, she's so winning and so is Keanu. Like watching the two, those two child faces in this movie, it really does make it so watchable.
Paul Scheer
And I just said something too. I just wanted to like. I spent all of yesterday writing a script for Drew and Keanu because they were going to do it together. Their interview ran too long and he had to run to another event. So at the last second, like he had signed off on it. He had done it. We had them going back and forth with different reviews, but they were both. The fact that they are both still like that, like into it and having. And friendship.
June Diane Raphael
I love them both.
Jason Mantzoukas
And that they're both still thriving.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, God, are they.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are thriving.
June Diane Raphael
God, are they ever.
Jason Mantzoukas
Tick tock, Mr. Wick. They are both thriving. And what's. And, and, and I will say this like the movie is the movie. I mean, the movie is just absurd and an absolute cavalcade of nonsense. But it's watchable because they are so good. As is Pat Morita. As is. And I'm forgetting the actress who plays Mary, her sister, who's pregnant, as is Ellen Burstyn. Ellen. As is Jerry Orbach. As is. Nobody puts baby in the corner. But listen, that's what makes the movie work. Because if it didn't, it would be unwatchable. And as it is, it is delightfully unwatchable. Because you're like, what the fuck? Six months.
Paul Scheer
Six months in Germany doing what?
June Diane Raphael
Six miles?
Jason Mantzoukas
The whole movie takes place on a pile of dirt.
Paul Scheer
45 minutes. That's 2 hours and 25 minutes. That was the original cut. Now here's the thing you were.
June Diane Raphael
People were talking about, oh, thank you, Paul. That was a real treat.
Jason Mantzoukas
That was real.
June Diane Raphael
That was a surprise and a real treat.
Jason Mantzoukas
June and I. No idea. Just so you guys know, justice and Prize.
June Diane Raphael
I was terrified.
Jason Mantzoukas
Loved it.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. I would not. Surprise.
Jason Mantzoukas
And now Ladies and gentlemen, Googie.
Paul Scheer
But I will say this. People are saying, you know, is this a prequel to Keanu Reeves character in replicas? It's not. But it is responsible for Keanu Reeves learning how to ride a motorcycle. He did not know how to do it. He wanted to learn. He paid a woman there in Munich.
June Diane Raphael
To ride a motorcycle in this.
Paul Scheer
No, he just.
Jason Mantzoukas
While. Just while he was there, the six.
Paul Scheer
Months that he was there.
Jason Mantzoukas
He now owns a motorcycle company.
Paul Scheer
Yes. This movie literally started that love of motorcycles. He liked motorcycles. But he learned. And when he came back from this movie, his first purchase was a motorcycle.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow.
Paul Scheer
And like we said, this movie came out in 1986. It's rated G. It's rated G. But.
Jason Mantzoukas
There is at the end, a Saving Private Ryan level of violence.
June Diane Raphael
It's the wooden soldier come out with.
Jason Mantzoukas
Guns and cannons that don't shoot like Silly String or something Fun and story timey. They shoot bullets and cannonballs.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, you got it. I mean, look, there are some harsh realities here. And that also speaks to Drew's character's mind. She wasn't gonna envision funny confetti. True bullets.
Jason Mantzoukas
True. The tagline of this movie, a commentary on the Vietnam, the quagmire of Toyland.
Paul Scheer
The tagline is kind of a clunker. You must truly believe in toys. Which kind of gives away the ending, if that's your tagline. But whatever.
Jason Mantzoukas
My question about that is the idea that belief in toys.
Paul Scheer
Toys. Not toys.
Jason Mantzoukas
Humanity. Not exactly. Not the Christmas spirit.
June Diane Raphael
Also not here's. It's like Toy Story is. It is about the toys and it isn't. You know, it's also about imagination. And that's also what they're missing here, which is the idea that you just believe in an inanimate object. Like, that's not what we are believing in. We're believing in what children can make up in their own minds.
Jason Mantzoukas
And stories. We can tell stories is almost more what it would be the belief of the Christian Christmas spirit or the story of Christmas or the generosity or the whatever. Not that the toys themselves.
Paul Scheer
She doesn't leave with an actionable thing. Like she doesn't go back. Like she goes back home or awakes from her coma, however you want to view it and says, I now believe in toys. Which I don't think that's gonna change the day to day. No, it's not like I still think that the monster. We need food on the table. I gotta go run some more errands with your little brother. He wants to be a commercial actor. We gotta get him out there for auditioning.
Jason Mantzoukas
Did you really, like, did you feel like for you, you connected with her character a lot as having not had a real childhood?
Paul Scheer
I will say this. When you were. And I mean, this is a very sincere way, when you were talking about that wasn't normal, like her answering the phone and cooking dinner, I was like, like really like that. Like, that didn't seem like. That didn't seem bizarre. Like none of that stuff read weird. It was like, yeah, yeah, she's just a kid. Like, so that she's just a kid.
Jason Mantzoukas
Who'S gotta get dinner done on time and make sure the little brother's taken care of. And.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, I mean, yeah, that stuff seemed.
Jason Mantzoukas
She also does that thing where she's like, ring, ring, ring. Hi, Mom. Hi, how are you? Like, where she just immediately launches into conversation. Conversation.
Paul Scheer
Top three movies. 86. Top Gun, Crocodile Dundee, the Karate Kid Part 2. The other movies from 86, from how did this Get Made? Cobra, Howard the Duck and Maximum Overdrive. And Rad. So it's a big year for how did this Get Made? Would you recommend people see Babes in Toyland?
June Diane Raphael
I would.
Paul Scheer
I would too.
Jason Mantzoukas
I absolutely would.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, I think so. It's wild.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's. It's wild. I would argue that, like, I. Not only do I want people to see, but I want people to see it in a volume that demands that we get the longer cut.
Paul Scheer
The 145.
Jason Mantzoukas
I want the 145 in the same way that I want Peter Jackson's 15 hour cut of Get Back.
Paul Scheer
The video is on YouTube. The 145 is on YouTube. And he's like, yes, hold on.
June Diane Raphael
By the way, that's why it's a six month. It was a six month shoot.
Paul Scheer
145, 2 hours and 20 minutes. And they had, you know, and.
Jason Mantzoukas
But they were all for one second. Did anybody here watch the 145? Raise your hand. Don't go crazy. Crazy.
Paul Scheer
No, you're rational people, okay? You're people from la. You have other things to do. That's why Quippy was invented.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm just curious if someone had what I was curious, what was. What did they see?
Paul Scheer
Well, basically, there's a couple reviews that I read where people were a little bit more excited about there's some better songs. They felt like the better songs were left on the cutting room floor.
June Diane Raphael
Interesting.
Paul Scheer
But again, those are people leaving five star reviews for Babes in Thailand. So I'm not really judging their taste as an arbiter of mine, but I will say this much. What I love about this movie is. And we talked about this before, like, whether it's like, Valerian and a Thousand Planets or Jupiter Ascending, whatever, we watch her. It's like, I like fucking weird. Like. Like, this is a kids movie. Like, they will never make, like, a movie this weird. You'll never have the peering Humpty Dumpty. Like, yay.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, by the way, just while we're at it, someone go home. Make that gif.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, gif, gif, gif, gif.
Jason Mantzoukas
Make that gif. I want that gif of Humpty Dumpty peering out. Put it up on the whatever.
Paul Scheer
Well, we have done it. It's our first live show back.
June Diane Raphael
Felt great.
Paul Scheer
Jason June. I'm Tall John.
Jason Mantzoukas
Holy shit.
Paul Scheer
A big thank you to Devin up in the booth, our producer Molly Reynolds, our producer Cody Fisher, all the people who make this work. Avril Halley for finding this movie and sticking with it for three years. Nate Kiley, who does all of our amazing research. And now I will say this. Jason And July Diaz. July Diaz, who is our mvp, our person who listens through the whole thing, always getting Kyle Waldron. And of course, Zach McAleese, who's a ghost of Craig T. Nelson on Instagram. He does all of our art. Jason June. What do we want to promote? What do we want to talk about?
June Diane Raphael
I don't need to plug anything. I just want to say I'm just so happy to be here and thank you for wearing your masks and coming out. And I'm just thrilled to be at a live show.
Jason Mantzoukas
I was going to say the exact same thing. I was just going to say thank you, the live audience, for coming to this show and welcoming us back. Because I'll be honest, there is nothing, literally nothing that I have missed more than standing on, sitting on stage with you guys, talking to you fucking idiots about some piece of nonsense.
June Diane Raphael
True.
Paul Scheer
It is.
Jason Mantzoukas
And so this is incredible.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Thank you for making this happen.
Paul Scheer
And I want to. I want to add. I want to add one more thing to that, which is I want to thank the amazing staff here at Largo who run such an amazing theater. They put on.
June Diane Raphael
I want to say one thing.
Paul Scheer
They take care of people.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
June Diane Raphael
Because one of my big fears when the pandemic happened and we talked about Flanny and Largo so much, because I was so. We were so terrified about what was gonna happen to this space, and they just run a beautiful theater here. And I am so. I walked in and I wanted to cry because I'm so thrilled that they're here and encourage you all to continue to support the other shows that are here. I'm sure you do, but please check them out.
Paul Scheer
It's a miracle environment.
June Diane Raphael
So glad that they're still here.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is our home, so please support our home.
Paul Scheer
Be nice to all these people. Come back and see shows. Like we said, Jason and I, we perform improv here. You can check it out. It's dinosaur. But thank you for being here. Thank you for coming.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Paul Scheer
And thank you for. For being you babes in Toyland forever. We will now pose for a picture. Okay, we'll give you a picture. Your co worker's eating mystery leftovers again. But you, you respect your lunchbox. Grab a new toasted pizza sandwich from Jimmy John's. Yeah, toasted. Try the Sicilian salami capicolo ham, rich marinara gooey mozzarella and oregano basil. All on golden french bread. Or go cheese mode with a three cheese parmesan provolone mozzarella dripping with marinara and herbs. Hot, melty, seriously satisfying. Order one pronto. Jimmy John's new toasted pizza sandwiches. Oh, that's good. At participating locations for a limited time while supplies last.
Jason Mantzoukas
Gas gifts, tolls. This holiday trip is draining my wallet.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, but we'll get to see all our family Y you're festive. What's your deal? What's my deal?
Drew Barrymore
Holiday savings at Metro.
June Diane Raphael
I got one line of 5G for.
Drew Barrymore
Just $25 per month and I kept the phone I love and no activation.
June Diane Raphael
Fees and a five year price guarantee on my talk text and data detour to Metro it is.
Jason Mantzoukas
Get that more for your money peeling.
June Diane Raphael
Only at Metro by T Mobile.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's $30 your first month or without Auto pay price guarantee exclusion supply.
June Diane Raphael
See cipher details.
Date: December 23, 2025
Hosts: Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas
Location: Live at Largo, Los Angeles
In this special live episode, Paul, June, and Jason reunite at Largo (their first live show back) to dissect the 1986 made-for-TV fever dream Babes in Toyland, starring a young Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore. Exploring its Cincinnati propaganda, musical missteps, terrifying costumes, and the existential crisis at its core, the trio delivers their trademark blend of sharp analysis and off-the-rails hilarity. The episode also features live audience Q&A, a surprise cameo from Drew Barrymore herself, and a deep dive into why a sled may or may not be the ultimate Christmas present.
| Timestamp | Segment | |-------------|------------------------------------------------| | 02:24 | Opening banter, intro to Babes in Toyland | | 07:17 | June's confusion, not a Christmas movie | | 15:35 | "Cincinnati" song and city boosterism | | 22:00 | Musical/not musical? Runtime antics | | 27:20–30:00 | The Sled Debate | | 36:54 | Toyland’s costumes and uncanny valley | | 42:15 | June’s kids love the movie | | 65:16 | Audience segment: child brides, wall metaphors | | 88:49 | Drew Barrymore cameo on Second Opinions | | 97:26 | Should you watch? Recommendation round-up |
The episode is overflowing with the irreverent, joke-heavy, self-deprecating banter the HDTGM hosts are known for: affectionate ribbing, deep-dive pop culture digressions, and delight at cinematic chaos. No punches are pulled; when the movie veers into creepiness or nonsense, the trio call it out—often with an incredulous laugh or deadpan zinger.
“I like fucking weird. Like, this is a kids movie…they will never make a movie this weird again.”
— Paul Scheer ([98:27])
“The movie is absurd and an absolute cavalcade of nonsense. But it’s watchable because they are so good.”
— Jason Mantzoukas ([92:13])
Verdict: WATCH IT—but only if you’re ready for holiday cheer gone totally off the rails.