Hudson Hawk w/ Emily Gordon (HDTGM Matinee)

Summary

How Did This Get Made? | Hudson Hawk (w/ Emily Gordon) – Detailed Episode Summary

Podcast: How Did This Get Made?
Hosts: Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas
Guest: Emily Gordon
Episode: Hudson Hawk (HDTGM Matinee)
Date: August 26, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features the HDTGM crew—Paul, June, and Jason—joined by comedian and podcaster Emily Gordon, as they attempt to unravel and mock the 1991 Bruce Willis passion project, Hudson Hawk. Known for its baffling tone, outlandish plot, and infamous box office failure, Hudson Hawk becomes the perfect target for the hosts’ signature blend of comedic outrage and genuine confusion. The panel debates what kind of film Hudson Hawk is, questions Bruce Willis’s artistic choices, and highlights the movie’s most absurd and unforgettable moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is Hudson Hawk? – The Tone and Intention

• The hosts immediately struggle to categorize the movie.
  • "What the hell is it? Is it a comedy? Is it a mystery? Is it an action movie, a drama, a musical?" – Paul (03:11)
• Jason: "I think it's a cartoon that is just... with real people in it." (03:22)
• The film’s Looney Tunes-level gags and violence clash with its moments of brutal violence.
  • "Never in Three Stooges do you see someone get their heads cut off." – Paul (08:12)
• The group considers the possibility that Bruce Willis wanted an action vehicle that also let him sing (in line with his real-life band).

2. Vanity Project Gone Awry

• Everyone agrees this is a classic "vanity project."
  • "Everything about this movie is like a vanity project gone horribly wrong." – Paul (04:15)
• The cast (esp. Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernhard, James Coburn) are 100% committed, though seemingly in different films.

3. Plot “Logic” and Absurdities

• Candy Bar-Codenamed CIA Agents: The CIA is full of agents named after candy bars, who also eat their name-sake snacks during undercover missions.
  • "Guess what you don't do? Pull out store-bought candy and start chomping on it like you're goddamn asshole Lindor Truffles." – June (05:41)
• Kit Kat’s 'Mimic' Abilities: David Caruso’s character mimics other characters, sometimes in impossible situations (e.g., turning up in Andy MacDowell's identical red dress).
  • "What is this movie?" – June (07:01)
• Heists That Defy Logic: The heist scenes ignore basic time, planning, and physical reality.
  • "All he has to do is put a lock pick three inches from a lock and the door is, like, open." – June (12:05)

4. Music and Musical Numbers

• Hudson Hawk is literally based on a song Bruce Willis and Robert Kraft wrote.
• The film uses musical numbers as heist timers.
  • "Cool premise that they know the beats... but then Bruce Willis is the sloppiest cat burglar..." – Paul (10:50)
• The panel riffs endlessly on the silliness (“Swinging on a Star” heist), with June, Jason, and Emily agreeing it was bizarrely charming yet nonsensical.

5. Historic and Scientific Gibberish

• The villain plot revolves around Da Vinci’s alchemy machine to turn lead into gold for world domination.
  • "They put a piece of gold and a piece of lead in Bruce Willis’ hand... they’re not the same. Gold is 70% denser." – Paul (17:50; 18:05)
• Opening scenes set in Da Vinci’s lab introduce nested bad-movie tropes (old inventors wearing sunglasses, skateboard gags, freeze-frames that turn into drawings).

6. Iconic Andie MacDowell Nun Reveal

• MacDowell is revealed as an undercover (nun-dercover!) Vatican agent only late in the film.
  • "She’s an undercover nun. She's nundercover." – Paul & June (28:42)
• The panel brainstorms a new film concept: Nundercover.

7. Overabundance of Factions

• There are at least four competing secret organizations—CIA, Vatican secret agents, the Mayflowers (crazy villains), and others.
  • "There’s CIA, there’s Vatican CIA. Then there's the other bad guys, but then Mayflowers. So I guess that's just three things." – Paul (30:31)
• The host's confusion mirrors the audience's typical experience watching the film.

8. Bruce Willis’s Comedy—Jokes and Tone

• One line: "Guess we won’t see him at the hat convention in July." – Paul, quoting Willis (32:13)
• Willis’s New Jersey wiseguy persona pops up in places it doesn’t fit, and the hosts note how it undercuts action or emotional stakes.

9. Action Sequences and Logic

• Scenes like the gurney-ambulance bridge scene gain some respect for their commitment to cartoon physics ("how am I driving?" (33:28)).
• But much of the film’s action is “deeply flawed” (June), with logistics and continuity tossed aside.

10. The Video Game Tie-In

• The group learns there was a Hudson Hawk NES game, leading to a riff on weird early-90s movie tie-in games.
  • "What kid is going like, 'I love the movie, I want to play the game.'" – Paul (26:39)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Tone

• Paul: "It feels like they were writing this movie on set." (08:30)
• Jason: "My theory of the movie is that Bruce Willis ... wanted to make a movie where he could sing and yet not have it be a quote unquote fruity musical." (08:43)
• June: "Cat burglars should be... audibly singing." (08:36)

On Character Absurdity

• June: "Their introduction is—he looks around and notices there are five people eating candy bars in an auction..." (05:09)
• Jason: "It’s like there are pieces of this movie that have a Toys-like logic toward the movie that is completely unfounded and unwarranted." (07:30)

On the Villains

• June: "I enjoyed their performances. I really enjoyed Sandra [Bernhard]. So good. Really, really couldn't take my eyes off them." (45:07)

On Plot Holes

• Paul: "Every theft in this movie is done with no grace or intelligence or strategy." (27:08)
• June: "The Papal service... There's no... yeah, there's no trouble. And his list of things he needs are like, olive oil, a bunch of stamps..." (27:31)

On Bruce Willis's Take

• Paul: "Satire is him and Danny Aiello singing... That's not satire." (48:01)
• Jason: "He made this earnestly. He didn't make this ironically." (48:14)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:11]: “What is Hudson Hawk?” Unpacking the film’s genre(s)
• [05:05]: Candy-bar CIA agents
• [07:01]: Kit Kat’s mimic scene
• [10:37]: Playing the “Swing on a Star” musical heist scene
• [12:05]: Ridiculous heist “planning”
• [17:50–18:28]: Gold vs. lead, and science gibberish
• [28:42]: Andie MacDowell’s nun reveal and “Nundercover”
• [32:13]: "Hat convention" joke—classic Bruce Willis banter
• [33:28]: Iconic gurney-ambulance bridge scene
• [39:23]: Problematic lines and the “read your book” scene
• [44:20]: Richard E. Grant & Sandra Bernhard villain clip
• [48:01]: Bruce Willis interview excerpt, “nobody got the satire”
• [50:09]: Budget and box office bomb recap
• [51:03]: Andie MacDowell’s dolphin impression scene
• [53:06]: Frank Stallone and Mario Brothers shoutouts
• [54:27]: Five-star Amazon reviews
• [57:40]: Danny Aiello’s fake-out death and return
• [59:48]: Fat jokes targeted at Danny Aiello

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Final Thoughts / Recommendations

• Is it worth watching?

  • “I think it’s a fun party movie. If you like...” – Jason (61:29)
  • “Watch it, but be willing to fast forward.” – June (61:35)
  • “Definitely watch all the Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernhard stuff.” – June (61:41)

• Everyone agrees the film is a mess, but for connoisseurs of cinematic oddities or group viewing, there’s enough sheer ridiculousness to make it an event.

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Callback Gags and Concepts

• “Nundercover”: The idea of an undercover nun movie, spun off from MacDowell’s twist.
• “Mailing yourself in boxes”: One of Hudson Hawk's inexplicable running moves.

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Takeaway

Hudson Hawk is, in the words of the HDTGM crew, one of Hollywood’s great, inexplicable messes. It’s baffling, totally singular—and totally worth dissecting, especially if you love movies that seem to have been made because one superstar simply willed them into existence. From candy-bar CIA agents to unhinged villain performances, to Bruce Willis’s dream of being an action-crooning wiseguy, this episode is a hilarious deep-dive into a film that truly prompts the titular question: How did this get made?

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Listen for:

• Even if you haven’t seen Hudson Hawk, the episode is a masterclass in affectionate, bewildered comedy criticism—a perfect example of why the HDTGM format works best with maximal Hollywood absurdity.

Transcript

[Jason Mantzoukas]

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[Paul Scheer]

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[June Diane Raphael]

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[Paul Scheer]

Remember that time Bruce Willis used to wear five earrings? We do. We saw Hudson Hawk. So you know what that means.

[June Diane Raphael]

Now it's time for how to discover. We're gonna have a good time, Celebrate.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Some failure not just be a hater.

[June Diane Raphael]

Cause you know you wonder how to discriminate. Let's wallow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the.

[Paul Scheer]

Question how did this get made? Hello people of Earth, and welcome to.

[Emily Gordon]

How did this get Made?

[Paul Scheer]

I am Paul Scheer, joined as always by my two co hosts. Joining Jason Manzoukas. How are you, Jason?

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm good, Paul. How are you?

[Paul Scheer]

Very good. And Ms. June Diane Rafael. Am I getting that right?

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, that's correct.

[Paul Scheer]

Thanks. Okay, great. As always, we have a very special guest with us.

[June Diane Raphael]

Ms. Ms. June Diana.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, just like her Twitter handle, Ms.

[June Diane Raphael]

You got that right.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, cool, cool.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm just sussing that up for myself.

[Paul Scheer]

We have a very special guest today. You know her from her podcast and the indoor kids all about video games. It's awesome.

[Emily Gordon]

Please welcome Emily Gordon.

[Paul Scheer]

Welcome, Emily.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hello. Hi, everybody.

[Emily Gordon]

Welcome.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like the one hand clap.

[Paul Scheer]

I know it was right there.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you're here.

[Paul Scheer]

You gotta clap. You gotta.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yay.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'll say this. Very few claps ever happen.

[Paul Scheer]

We never give a clap.

[June Diane Raphael]

It wasn't like. Not a clap.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You didn't make a conscious joke.

[Paul Scheer]

No, that was the most that anyone's got, a clap.

[June Diane Raphael]

It really was like. You should appreciate that Paul had an involuntary response, which was to applaud your being here and that Jude. And I looked at him and said, what are you doing? No.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. No.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

They were not going to give it up.

[June Diane Raphael]

We don't want you to get too cocky.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. I'd be like, I love la. How's LA doing tonight? Anybody smoke weed? And then just see what I can get from that. I love cheap guys.

[Paul Scheer]

Let's talk about this movie because, first of all, what the hell is it? Is it a comedy? Is it a mystery? Is it an action movie, a drama, a musical?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think it's a cartoon that is just. With real people in it. That's. That's what.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's lots of, like, very Looney Tunes. Like, head bonks and, like, whenever stuff, like, punches and stuff. It's very, like. The sound effects are crazy.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's a bit much.

[Paul Scheer]

I couldn't quite tell, though, if that was the decision made before, like, after the movie was shot because, like.

[June Diane Raphael]

Or did Bruce Willis write them in because he wrote this movie?

Yes, they were already in. Because if you'll remember, the scene where, by the way, I have no idea what happens in this movie. I just wrote down words like Mario Brothers, Mayflowers, Da Vinci. Like, I do not know the plot of this movie, but there's one scene where someone punches him and he sort of folds in two.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

And then he comes back up and then he folds again.

Oh, yeah. And like the paralysis scene. There's a lot of physical comedy that is very kind of.

So I think that's the tone they were going.

I think so, too.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I agree.

[Paul Scheer]

I will say that everything about this movie is like a vanity project gone horribly wrong.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't think anyone was on the same page. I feel like Bruce Willis was doing something and everyone else was doing something, too. And we were talking about this before this started, like, I think everyone was committing 100%.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, yeah. Everybody tried really hard.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. Everybody, I felt like, was like, you know what? We're really nailing it. I felt like every. I felt like Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernard. I felt like James Coburn. I felt like everybody was like, you know what?

[Paul Scheer]

We're fucking killing this Caruso.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Killed it so hard.

[June Diane Raphael]

Caruso was unbelievable. And by that I mean he was horrible.

[Paul Scheer]

David Caruso plays a mute named Kit Kat who is working for the CIA. All the CIA characters have candy bar names. We can get into that later or.

[June Diane Raphael]

Not, because who gives a fuck?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think that's it. I think that's all you need to hear.

[Paul Scheer]

I keep on going.

[June Diane Raphael]

Not only do they have candy bar names, but they are all eating the candy bars they are named after constantly at the auction. Their introduction before they are named, they. Their introduction is. He looks around and notices there are five people eating candy bars in an auction where there are also like five shakes.

But I thought that that's how they got their names.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, they had other names before and.

[June Diane Raphael]

Then they had other names, so you might be right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Maybe that's cause it's their preference of candy.

[Paul Scheer]

Exactly.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like my.

[June Diane Raphael]

But then they still have to eat them.

They don't have favorites. They're just like, that's the candy they like.

Guess what? If you're an undercover CIA agent at an incredibly fancy hundred million dollar auction, guess what you don't do? Pull out store bought candy and start chomping on it like you're goddamn asshole Lindor Truffles.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you've got to be Lindor Truffle.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, yeah, like a Ferrero Sherreff.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The goddamn candy.

[Paul Scheer]

I love that.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's the fanciest candy in the world to us.

[Paul Scheer]

That and Toblerone, the classic candy.

[June Diane Raphael]

Those are the candies that like your parents brought you back from like the duty free shop when they went on an international trip.

[Paul Scheer]

And sometimes an Andy's Mint. But let me ask you a question about KitKat. Because Kit Kat's defining CIA trait is that he dresses up as.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He's a mimic. Yeah, a mimic, but he's not a good.

[June Diane Raphael]

He doesn't look. He's not only a mimic, but he's an incidental mimic. Like he just incidentally arrives on the scene wearing exactly what one of the two people in the scene is wearing. Either Bruce Willis or. The one that truly blew my mind is when he was dressed as Andie MacDonald.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

When he shows up when he escorts her out in Italy in a matching red dress and a wig like hers. How could he have known? What is this movie?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The CIA is like, so are you gonna be Andie MacDowell at any point?

[June Diane Raphael]

No.

[Paul Scheer]

He's like, oh, this will be fun. I'll dress up like the people we're working with. But I'm not gonna use that to any advantage.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Tactical A.

[June Diane Raphael]

None of it. The only thing he does to any advantage is say. Is say to Bruce Willis via card. Cause he doesn't speak. Watch out for the blue wire.

[Paul Scheer]

Right. And by. So he has to communicate through business cards. But the business cards are so utterly specific.

[June Diane Raphael]

They're pre typed.

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You guys. That's the bit. That's the bit.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's so much in this movie that like. It's like there are pieces of this movie that have a toys like logic towards the movie that is completely unfounded and unwarranted. Like toys lived in a fantasy world and everything obeyed that reality.

When they fall out of the. They land on chairs.

Yes. 1. Or when they fall. When they jump off of like a two story building and land on a marble. Marble slab.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really hard. It looks really hard.

[June Diane Raphael]

Really hard. They're just totally fine.

[Paul Scheer]

But it's juxtaposed with scenes of brutal violence.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yep.

[Paul Scheer]

People getting shot in the head, necks cut off.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep.

[Paul Scheer]

So it's like they didn't stick that landing. Like, I'm okay with a Three Stooges movie, but never in the Three Stooges do you see someone get their heads cut off.

[June Diane Raphael]

I felt like Bruce Willis was like, let's do die hard with Three Stooges plus Bugs Bunny plus Da Vinci plus the Vatican. Andie MacDowell's a nun and I get to sing a song.

[Paul Scheer]

It feels like they were writing this movie on set. Like we'll sing a song now. Put it in new script pages. New script pages.

[June Diane Raphael]

Because guess what cat burglars should be doing while they're robbing auction house. Audibly singing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is my theory. My theory of the movie is that Bruce Willis has a band called Bruce Willis and the Accelerators.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, I had the album, thank you very much. When I was a kid.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, the return of. The Return of Bruno.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. And my theory is that he wanted to make a movie where he could sing and yet not have it be like a quote unquote fruity musical. And so he was like, I need to make an action movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

But there's humor in enough singing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I agree. I could have used more.

[Paul Scheer]

Did you guys.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'll tell you what, I enjoyed that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Scene, the first one.

[June Diane Raphael]

Swing on the Star.

Oh, really?

Swing on a star.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. It actually was quite enjoyable even though it didn't make any sense whatsoever.

[June Diane Raphael]

But I did think, here's the thing. And I did. I enjoyed the concept that they would time the robbery because they knew the length of certain songs.

[Paul Scheer]

I agree with you on this, but I'm gonna just throw one wrench into this that would require them to sing the entire time.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

Together.

[June Diane Raphael]

Which they don't do.

[Paul Scheer]

They stop for harmonies or they stop for solos. So if I'm in another side of the museum and I'm.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're still counting at that point?

[June Diane Raphael]

I think they're still counting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They're still counting.

[June Diane Raphael]

Regardless, though. It would be one thing if they both put on a little transistor radio headset and listened to the song. But they are singing out loud while cat burgling and dancing. Oh, and dancing.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, I'm gonna say one thing before I play this clip of them actually singing. Cause I think you need to hear it. This movie is based on a song.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Come again?

[Paul Scheer]

Bruce Willis wrote this movie. It was based on a song that him and this guy, I believe Robert Kraft is his name. They wrote a song together called Hunting Crafty. Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, called Hudson Hawk.

[Paul Scheer]

Called Hudson Hawk.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Cause it's the one that plays over the end credits.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

So basically that song bred this movie. Now here's a song. Now here's them singing. Let's take a listen.

[June Diane Raphael]

Would you like to swing on a star?

He does have one.

I sing.

[Emily Gordon]

He does.

[June Diane Raphael]

If you like someone whispering a song.

I do.

I do.

I guess I do, too.

[Paul Scheer]

And so they do this long musical. They do this long, long sequence. Now, here's my issue with that sequence. It was a kind of, again, I agree, cool premise that they know the beats and everything like that. But then Bruce Willis is the sloppiest cat burglar because not only does he rob the safe, but then he leaves everything open and really unattended.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Very unattended.

[Paul Scheer]

Very unattended. There's no.

[June Diane Raphael]

Which robbery are you talking about? The first robbery.

[Paul Scheer]

Got it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, by the way, they're robbing a place that they're robbing a gallery that behind their famous paintings they have a safe, which I thought was a weird touch.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Paintings are. They just are covers for safe museums.

[June Diane Raphael]

They were painting and then most museums. Most museums have upwards of 2,000 safes in the walls.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's all. And it's just.

[June Diane Raphael]

Because it's just behind every painting is a safe.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's like a safety deposit box, but it's an arty deposit box.

[June Diane Raphael]

There may not be anything in them, but always.

[Paul Scheer]

They're always there.

[June Diane Raphael]

He is. They are. The action in this movie is so, like, deeply flawed. Like, I mean, the action, like, the heist specifics. Like, he seems so able to do everything needed in a Heist within no time at all.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. Within seconds.

[June Diane Raphael]

He gets from the basement to the roof, from the roof to the gallery. He opens this. All he has to do is put a lock pick three inches from a lock and the door is, like, open. It's like. It is very bizarre how easy it is to rob the most complex organizations.

[Paul Scheer]

He robs the Vatican at one point.

[Emily Gordon]

Spoiler alert.

[Paul Scheer]

And with ease. He was in there for roughly three to four minutes.

[June Diane Raphael]

And he had roughly an hour of prep. Like, he got to Italy. He woke up in a giant suitcase. Excuse me? He woke up in a giant suitcase stuffed with peanuts. Shipped to Italy. Why? Why did they need to ship him to Italy in a box?

[Paul Scheer]

Because he would have fought.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He would have fought the whole way.

[June Diane Raphael]

Why not knock him out?

Passed out?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

But I'm assuming they put him in cargo.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, for sure.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Because he was in the peanuts. He was in the packing peanuts, guys.

[June Diane Raphael]

What?

There were so many eyebrows would have been raised if they tried to, like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Get him to a knocked out Bruce Willis. You're not gonna get that. You're not gonna get that.

[June Diane Raphael]

He and Danny Aiella were singing that song. He gets the horse. Then they start singing it, just full throated.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then they come together and they're.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, job well done. We did this.

[June Diane Raphael]

They come together and they're laughing and they're dancing and they're instant. They're still in the auction house.

[Paul Scheer]

They're in the middle of the robbery. Like, he decides.

[June Diane Raphael]

They're not at the end. No, they're in the middle, but are celebrating. The fuck.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You have to get out of there. They don't know that. They knew.

[Paul Scheer]

They had a very short time interval to get out and they had no problem leaving the safe. Everything about, like. Also, the whole plan was that this video thing would be on a loop and at the end of two minutes or whatever, it would reveal itself.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's not unlike in Toys, when Robin Williams makes the music video, which is also a very flooding reference. We just watched it recently and it's.

[Paul Scheer]

So full of so many amazing moments. Junu's unfortunately not there.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait, you didn't see it, though?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She doesn't feel like she's unfortunate at all.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, June. It's really not good.

[Paul Scheer]

But you would think, like, the idea would be, we need to rob this place. And so when the video monitors come back on, everything will be back to normal, but they make a giant mess of that mess. Yeah, it's.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, there's also, like, a complete disregard for time. Oh, okay. So, like, for example, just in this example alone, Danny Aiello goes, I need five minutes. And they go, perfect. Here's the song. Whatever. Bing, bang, boom. Now they all start singing. Okay, five minutes does not. I mean, like, the time is Danny Aiello fucks up the VCRs.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, whatever it is, he's the dubbing of the. Of the footage. You know, he's mistakenly done that. He's made a mess of that. And then later, when the guy sets the bomb to go off in two minutes, the bomb goes off in 35 seconds.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

35 seconds. 100%.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's counting down, like two minutes, you know, 141, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And then, boom, it explodes.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, the bomb logic in this movie is insane, as one person gets a bomb stuck to their head later in the movie, and it's just by a big suction cup and he could not get that off. Yeah, that would be something that you could get off of that.

[June Diane Raphael]

By the way, if you shot that thing at his head with that amount of volume, his head would have exploded.

[Paul Scheer]

Instantly or just broken his neck. I mean, the force of.

[June Diane Raphael]

The force of the pound thing.

Here's the weird.

It's a gun that shoots bombs. If anybody's wondering what we're talking about.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Bomb, gun.

[June Diane Raphael]

The bad guys have one of the sets of. Bad guys have. We haven't explained this movie at all. We haven't talked about da Vinci. We haven't talked about.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You are great at da Vinci, by the way.

[Paul Scheer]

Movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

How dare you? How dare you.

[Paul Scheer]

A lot of people wrote in that you look exactly like da Vinci. We'll post a picture on the website so you can see it there.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know what, audience? I do not care for this. You will respect me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I will from now on.

[June Diane Raphael]

From now on. Wait, what? Let me see it.

[Paul Scheer]

Here it is. It is an amazing, amazing life.

[June Diane Raphael]

Son of a bitch.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, by the way, da Vinci does one of those things in this movie. I'm gonna talk about this a couple times. I think it does these things that. Bad movie tropes. And one of the things that always gets me is old characters putting on sunglasses. Great skateboards.

[June Diane Raphael]

Skateboards are always adorable.

[Paul Scheer]

Definitely in there. I wrote down another one in here, too. We'll get to it.

[June Diane Raphael]

But one of mine was.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, okay, got it.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, no, no, please. Freeze frame.

[Paul Scheer]

Which turns into drawing.

[June Diane Raphael]

I love that.

[Paul Scheer]

Which is then a book. Like. Yes. So those are three things that I feel like if you ever see those, you know you are watching. Oh, and. And. And.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sorry.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, no, that's in the next movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We'Re doing when a movie opens in like 1300, whatever. When it opens on that and it just looks like something like the corner of a Spencer Gifts that they somehow. I'm like, oh, I'm on board. I'm ready for a movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

How about this? How about when da Vinci enters his lab and cracks his knuckles? He like extends it. He like crack like, let's get to where.

Oh, and by the way, purpose of that device for da Vinci to make gold.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He wants to make gold. Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Alchemy.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, if you guys are guessing, this movie is about alchemy.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay. But cut to present day. What were they using it for exactly?

[Paul Scheer]

Alchemy. No, the same thing. They want to turn lead into gold.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait, the Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernard. Yeah, yeah. They wanted to turn lead into gold so that they could. World domination.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, world domination.

[June Diane Raphael]

Just control currencies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's exactly. It wasn't even. That's what I loved. It wasn't even like, then we'll have a lot of gold. We can sell it.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's what I wouldn't understand.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

It was like to control currency and like to start sort of mass chaos.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, I'm assuming. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, maybe having that much gold would.

[Paul Scheer]

I wanna. I wanna get it. First of all, their plan is terrible plan. And I don't think even anyone knows what their plan is. I will say that Sandra Bernhard and Richard E. Grant, who are the villains in this movie, don't know a lot about gold and lead. Or either. The scriptwriter didn't either because there's a scene where they put a piece of gold and a piece of lead in Bruce Willis hand.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

And they go, you need to tell us the difference. They're exactly the same. How would you tell the difference? They're not the same. The gold bar they had would weigh around 30 pounds and the piece of lead would be about one pound. So that would be amazing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's how strong Bruce Willis is.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, see?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And it doesn't mean anything to him.

[Paul Scheer]

Gold is 70% denser than lead. And they also say there's only one molecule of difference between gold and lead. That is also not true. That's three protons and seven neutrons difference. So even the research on this movie is terrible. Bare bones bad. That's easy. The difference between gold and lead, we've.

[June Diane Raphael]

Seen in the past the da Vinci opening scene where you walk through da Vinci's lab and they've got the gold machine spinning and Da Vinci's working on.

[Paul Scheer]

Everything that he's done simultaneously.

[June Diane Raphael]

The Mona Lisa is almost done. Wait a second. Okay, hang on. We all saw that the Mona Lisa's bad teeth were also in that police officer in the present day, right?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, I did not. I did not.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, so, so, okay, so I thought.

[Paul Scheer]

They have a thing about bad teeth.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's funny because, like, they did it twice within the first five minutes, but never again. Never again. Anyway, okay, so I wanted to mention that, but they're in the past.

[Paul Scheer]

But finally we know why. I mean, that's a funny joke.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, it's hilarious.

[Paul Scheer]

We know why Mona Lisa is not smiling.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm assuming Willis was like, hey, we still got those fucking Mona Lisa teether on. Throw them in this guy's mouth. This is gonna be hilarious. Anyway, so in the past, they've got the gold machine spinning and the thing zaps the whatever and then they crack open the thing and everybody's like, oh. And everybody's speaking Italian. Everybody's speaking non subtitled Italian. And somebody goes, oh, gold. And I was like, that's what was.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's the America.

[June Diane Raphael]

There is no way that somebody in the fucking 13.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, gold.

[June Diane Raphael]

It made me so mad.

[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

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[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

You know, Our producer Scott switched to.

[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

The opening scene is just to basically set up the final scene which is like oh, and this room has everything that you'll need for our characters to play with, including a flying machine which comes in very handy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was really excited about seeing that scene.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'd forgotten all about it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, yeah. I was like I can't wait for this to come. And when he Spots it.

[Paul Scheer]

I was like, oh, this is gonna be it.

[June Diane Raphael]

I saw this movie on a date in high school.

Wow.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, wow.

[June Diane Raphael]

And that was the only part of the movie I remember was them flying out of the exploding building.

[Paul Scheer]

That is amazing. I also.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I remembered hating it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

How did that date go? Was the date good?

[June Diane Raphael]

Not very well. No. No. Actually, the date went totally fine. The date went fine. But it was like. We both were like, fuck this movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is one of my mom's favorite movies.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, you were saying that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, my mom has great taste in movies and also very bad taste. So she'll watch a lot of, like, really interesting indie movies. Like, have you seen the flower of Dr. Nobody? And I'm like, no, I haven't seen that one yet. And she's like, oh, you haven't seen.

[June Diane Raphael]

Flower of Dr. Nobody?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, not yet. Oh, dude, I know, I know. It's playing at the end. Whatever. But she also loves this movie and also Saving Silverman, which is a fine movie. Those are two of her favorite movies.

[June Diane Raphael]

Why does she love it?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I cannot. I cannot get an answer.

[June Diane Raphael]

Does she love Bruce Willis?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She. I mean, she loved Moonlighting.

[Paul Scheer]

We used to watch Moonlighting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Amazing, too. Yeah, I loved it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, I love Moonlighting.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way. I was just to sidetrack on a tangent here, like, how I met your mother this week again, we have a little rivalry with how I met your mother.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know what? You know what?

[Paul Scheer]

Fuck those guys.

[June Diane Raphael]

Uh.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, how I met your mother this week were like. They did a rhyming episode, and they're like, it's never been done before. And I was like, no, Moonlighting did it. They did the iambic picture, the Shakespeare episode.

[June Diane Raphael]

The Taming of the Shrew episode.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. So I just wanted to break that down for a second.

[June Diane Raphael]

So guess what? How I met your mother. You guys fucked up again.

[Paul Scheer]

The feud continues.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know the deal. Meet us in the parking lot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I want to watch this. I want to watch this.

[Paul Scheer]

Hy I m meets hdg. Whatever.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm just realizing, too, like, when they are. When they do that first robbery and they're so casual about it and taking so much time. He hasn't done a heist like this in a decade.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Many years.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, at least 10 years.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We played Nintendo. He's not even playing Nintendo.

[Paul Scheer]

Let's get into the Nintendo run. The video game runner of this movie is insane because he's also a young guy. Like, you imagine that Bruce Willis did this movie at, like, 32, 33. I mean, it was in 1990.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

1.

[Paul Scheer]

So I feel like that's, you know, I don't know. I'm not gonna do the math of how. All right, what head.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait. Weird is. Actually, I didn't.

[Paul Scheer]

Right after Die Hard 2.

[June Diane Raphael]

Thank you.

[Paul Scheer]

So he, like, you know, so he's still a young man, but he plays up that he's been in jail for such a long.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Centuries. Centuries.

[Paul Scheer]

Like 10 years on this. And he goes, I don't even know what Nintendo is. And Nintendo comes in.

[Emily Gordon]

Mario Brothers comes in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, there was a Hudson Hawk video game.

[Paul Scheer]

That's exactly what I found out today.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was a really terrible Hudson Hawk video game. But they pushed it a lot. It was for Nintendo, right?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, it was for Nintendo.

[June Diane Raphael]

After the movie was out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. To go along with the movie, it was gonna be this huge thing.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's why you're here. That's why you're here. Because we knew that about video games.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. It was released for the Commodore 64, Amiga, ZX Spectrum and Atari, as well as the NES and Game Boy. And it's like, by the way, what kid is going like, I love the movie. I want to play the game.

[June Diane Raphael]

I want to. And what is it? Wait, in the game, do you activate things? Let me rob, rob, rob. Vatican.

[Paul Scheer]

According here, you play as Hawke, and you must steal the Storza and the Codex from the auction house and the Vatican, respectively. Then Castle da Vinci has to be infiltrated in order to steal the mirrored crystal that needs to power the gold machine. On his journey, Hawk must face many oddball adversaries, including dachshunds that try to throw him off the roof of the auction house. Janitors, photographers, killer nuns and a tennis player, presumably Darwin Mayflower.

[June Diane Raphael]

That is the really weird thing about this movie. Like, none of the theft is done with any grace or intelligence or strategy.

Or, like, no, like versus, like Ocean's Eleven, where half of the movie is planning.

So satisfying.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Amazing to watch. I love it.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is like he wakes up in the suitcase, day of, and they give him one tour of the Vatican.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

And they're like, oh, and you're robbing it tonight.

The Papal service.

[Paul Scheer]

There's no. Yeah, there's no trouble.

[June Diane Raphael]

And his list of things he needs are like, olive oil, a bunch of stamps. Wait, what did he do with the stamps?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, he mailed himself into the Vatican. Remember he was in that big box.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, I wanna. This is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Again, second time he got mailed.

[Paul Scheer]

I love mailing himself.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's like his fucking mood.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He liked it. He liked it.

[Paul Scheer]

He liked it. I do wanna bring up one of the things again why I couldn't figure out how long he's been in jail. He doesn't know what Nintendo is. I buy that.

[June Diane Raphael]

He hadn't seen E.T.

[Paul Scheer]

That'S it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Never saw E.T.

[June Diane Raphael]

Cause E.T. is what, 82?

[Paul Scheer]

I. Oh. Or maybe. All right, so E.T. came out in 82. Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay.

[Paul Scheer]

That works. Yeah, that works.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. For 10 years. For 10 years, then, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

All right. There we go.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, if he's so great at doing this stuff, why didn't he break out of jail? That's number one.

[June Diane Raphael]

Andy McDowell is a nun. That happens in the. She is the romantic lead in the movie. She keeps flirting and going after him. Three quarters of the way through the movie, it is revealed by virtue of a wardrobe change by putting her in a nun's habit that she is a nun.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are they allowed to dress sexy on their off time?

[Paul Scheer]

Well, that means she's an under.

[June Diane Raphael]

She's also undercover.

She's an undercover nun. She's none. Undercover guys.

[Paul Scheer]

Undercover. Make the poster. Make the poster. By the way, that is a movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

That is a movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Why has this not been done? We have to make Undercover Nunder cover.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm just.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, that shouldn't.

[June Diane Raphael]

I almost want us to cut this out of the podcast so we. I register this before Jason undercover. Oh, God, I need to leave right now. I have to start writing.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hey, can I. She'll be in the habit of busting all the crimes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah, that's okay.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow. Wow. Really shot you down.

[June Diane Raphael]

Busting crimes is her habit.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, I like that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, you just took my idea and moved it around a little bit. I get that.

[June Diane Raphael]

I get that. You know what? You know what? You can control the Virginia video game. None to cover the video game.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It'll be a really sexy one.

[June Diane Raphael]

By the way. None of that. Wow. That. You know what? Those kind of moments, they don't come along all the time. You have to really respect it.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way.

[June Diane Raphael]

I feel great.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a lawyer, but if anyone.

[June Diane Raphael]

You're not a lawyer.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm not a lawyer, but if anyone writes that, I think we can see you. We have the baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you write that you're timestamped.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You've been timestamped.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay. She's a nun.

[June Diane Raphael]

She's a nun who communicates through a talking light up. Jesus.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nothing scares me. That really frightened me.

[June Diane Raphael]

That was really weird.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Uncomfortable to look at.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, there's four organizations of Secret people in this. There's like.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's what's so confusing. And I know I did just get a flu shot today. So I watched it. I was a little out of it. Well, I was very confused.

[Paul Scheer]

I also got the same flu shot and it did not temper my brain power.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is not very confused about who was CIA.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, there's CIA, there's Vatican CIA.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Vatican CIA. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Then there's the other bad guys, but then Mayflowers. So I guess that's just three things.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, then the problem. The problem really was that they at various times were teaming up and were double crossing each other.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

So that was what was confusing to me.

KitKat was double crossing.

Who?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Kit Kat.

[June Diane Raphael]

Kuruma?

No, the Mayflowers killed him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, right.

[June Diane Raphael]

Because he was.

[Paul Scheer]

Daniello was double crossing. But then he wasn't double crossing.

[June Diane Raphael]

But I thought KitKat was Kit Kat himself.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

These are words we're saying out loud. I thought Kit Kat was.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought KITKAT was. They found out that he was double crossing the Mayflowers. The Mayflowers found that out?

No, the Mayflowers just decided to kill the CIA team. They also shot the Butterfinger.

Oh, boy.

What am I talking about? Snickers. They killed Snickers. You know, like they decided and then they say, why are you killing them? And she says we're greedy. Or something to that effect. More like she basically says, we want it all for ourselves.

[Paul Scheer]

Don't try to make sense of the plot because I don't think that they even did that service.

[June Diane Raphael]

I think Kit Kat, his dying words written on a note were, I always liked you shown to Andy McDowell.

So I guess he knew he was.

He was dressed as a statue. Well, here's as a statue.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's not the way to go. You don't want to go out dressed as a statue.

[Paul Scheer]

Who the fuck was that? I once heard Bruce Willis in an interview say the reason why people like dialogue hard is because of the New Jersey comedy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. He said the reason why people connect to that movie is because they like seeing a guy from New Jersey cracking wise.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is what happened. This is why we got this movie.

[Paul Scheer]

And this is why we got a movie where like, literally a guy gets his head cut off. And the line that Bruce Willis says, I know it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I know it. I guess we won't see him at the hat convention in July.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, guess we won't see that guy attending the hat convention in July. Like, and it's like, well, that's.

[June Diane Raphael]

It makes me think there is a real hat convention that takes place.

By the way, it would not surprise me if Bruce Willis was a guy who goes to hat conventions.

[Paul Scheer]

But by the way, come on, this is a guy losing his head. There's a million jokes like, oh, I guess he lost his head.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know, there's also one where he says, how's my driving? 1-800.

Oh, that's the line I was just trying to look for. That was. That scene is amazing that he says. Wait a second, he says that line. Bruce Willis is right after he. Right after a car pulls up next to him. Bruce Willis, yes. This is my favorite line. Bruce Willis has fallen out of. He's in an ambulance connected only by a gurney on wheels, connected by a bed sheet to the ambulance going over the bridge. Yeah, the Verranzano Bridge or like a big New York bridge. Anyway, and he's careening all over the place and a convertible pulls up next to him and some pretty girls go, hey, mister, are you gonna die? Like, that's what they say. Like so like, hahaha. It's crazy, crazy.

[Paul Scheer]

This man is bleeding from a. Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

And this is. You are going to watch someone die. And then he, then he says, you're the line. You just said, how am I driving 1 800, I'm gonna die.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then also.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then he goes to a toll.

[Paul Scheer]

Booth and pull that exact change.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The exact change. The cigarette that a woman tosses out of her window catches and says, ugh. Menthol.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yep. Yes, great joke. Are you kidding me?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is my favorite scene in the.

[Paul Scheer]

Movie and that is my favorite scene. And then there's all these like, I guess, like, to me it's like, all right, I buy that scene because that scene at least felt like it was.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Tonally, they made a choice appropriate.

[Paul Scheer]

But the rest of the movie doesn't go that way. But then you have these moments where it's like you pass by some security guards and he's like, hey, can you believe it? There's so many Wongs in the phone.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh my God.

[Paul Scheer]

And he goes, oh, so many Wong numbers.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then he goes, look up chin. That's it.

[Paul Scheer]

These are like jokes like that people make at a cigar club. And like everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's funny, that's funny. Like, and it's like, oh yeah, well, when they're eating pasta in Italy, they put in a thermos.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's a joke, here's a joke that I wasn't clear on. What was the point of this? When James Coburn, who's the bad guy. CIA agent.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

He's all mad and he goes. He said something. I can't remember what he says. But then he goes, we blow up space shuttles for breakfast.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was like, whoa, man, I'm gonna use that one.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hey, man, that's not cool.

[Paul Scheer]

That was too. That was too soon.

[June Diane Raphael]

Too soon, bro. Like, what are you talking about? So, wait, you guys blew up the space shuttle? Yeah, that's true.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's only been, at that point a couple of years since.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm looking right now. That was in 1986. So that was, like, only five years. Five or six years older, guys.

[June Diane Raphael]

Too soon for this movie. Not cool.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Not cool, guys. Although I do like that line.

[Paul Scheer]

It's a good line. I did think that was a bold one I mentioned in the opening. Bruce Willis does have five earrings like a pirate, which was a very interesting choice.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought that he can't get a cup of coffee to save his life.

[Paul Scheer]

That is. That is.

[June Diane Raphael]

That is a real running gag.

[Paul Scheer]

All he wants is a cappuccino. So, again, making the character super accessible. He's a. He's a safecracker with a heart of gold who only wants a cappuccino, but he gets pulled into an elaborate alchemy plot and things.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sorry.

[Paul Scheer]

Please go ahead.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sorry. Please continue. No, I was looking at my notes, and I just saw something.

[Paul Scheer]

I want to talk about the relationship between him and Andie MacDowell. Two scenes in particular. One, Andie MacDowell's genuine, like, amusement at this guy. Like, he flies off of a building, lands in a chair. Again, I buy the Looney Tunes aspect of that. Coughs out feathers, like, full on. Like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, he's a clown.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, he's a clown. And Andie MacDowell sits there, like, charmed, charmed, charmed.

[June Diane Raphael]

And they're there for, like, all of. A guy comes up and he goes, what do you want? And he goes, sir, I'm the waiter. And he goes, okay, I guess you are. And they order. And he wants ketchup for his pasta.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, that's the other thing, too. There's a thing about, like, Italian food being bad. Like, it's like, I want ketchup. Like, no, no, no. You're in Italy and you're Italian and you're from New Jersey. Like, this shouldn't. You should be listening.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This should be wonderful for you.

[June Diane Raphael]

And you've been in jail for 10.

[Paul Scheer]

Years, and you want a cappuccino. You have a refined taste. You don't want ketchup.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Also, Ketchup and a cappuccino. You can't want both things.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. And then cut to Kit. Not Kit Kat, but Butterfinger, the big doofy guy who's like, he just wants French fries, thick burger. Give me his.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay. The one joke I really laughed at with Butterfinger was when he was in the back of the car. They're. I think they're not seeking out the restaurant, but someplace. And he's. He's saying something. And the guy in front of him goes, here, just read a book.

Read your book.

Read your book. And then he starts reading a children's book.

He starts reading Green Eggs and Ham. Yeah, he starts reading Green Eggs and Ham. And they go. They go to yourself. He's like, I felt bad for him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, I felt bad for him.

[June Diane Raphael]

He was a real dumb.

[Paul Scheer]

Just for the fans of the show, I think this is interesting to mention that the screenplay was. How did this get made? All star mash up. It was written by Steven d', Souza, who wrote Street Fighter Amazing and Judge Dredd, and also co written by Daniel Waters, who wrote Demolition man and Batman Returns.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, my God.

[Paul Scheer]

So these guys were heavy hitters. Yeah, really heavy hitters.

[June Diane Raphael]

Anyone else notice that at the Vatican, in the postal subway, there was a. A cross that had been packaged and was just behind them at one point when Andie MacDowell is walking through the subway.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's a giant, like a crucifix that's just in brown, like UPS packaging.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So weird. Well, how else are you gonna move them? I mean, I guess so. How else do you move across?

[Paul Scheer]

I guess now that we know that Andie MacDowell is a nun, I can answer this question. But Andie MacDowell gives him a shirtless.

[June Diane Raphael]

Shirtless massage.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. And like, he goes to kiss.

[June Diane Raphael]

I thought this was post coital. I thought they had sex and they were in bed because she. He's. He's, I guess, just shirtless. And she's rubbing his back and asking about his tattoos, blah, blah, blah. And she is wearing all of her clothes. And I was like, are they done? What is.

[Paul Scheer]

And they go to kiss. And she goes, I can't do this.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Wait, wait, wait. But you can give a guy a shirtless bag. I mean, it was very sexual. And then.

[June Diane Raphael]

But now we know why she's confused about. Is what exactly her plan was. Like, what was she trying to do?

[Paul Scheer]

She was seducing him.

[June Diane Raphael]

She already knew what he was going to do.

[Paul Scheer]

She wanted to stop him from stealing the Codex because they need to protect the Toast.

[June Diane Raphael]

Did she ever really try to do that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, no.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, yeah, she was trying to get close to him to figure out his plan, but then she realized he was just being used.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He's a nice guy because the Vatican.

[June Diane Raphael]

Thought he was the threat.

[Paul Scheer]

Right. But he was being forced to do this or he'd go back to jail.

[June Diane Raphael]

Or they'd kill his Danny Aiello, etc.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was actually supposed to be Isabella Rossellini in that role, by the way.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, it was something I read.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And Annie MacDowell.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She's like a Southern girl. Like, Amy McDowell is, like, not an Italian.

[Paul Scheer]

She was actually the third choice. It was. Isabella Rossellini was originally cast, and then they recast Marusha Detmers, but then she had to leave because she had back problems. And then they brought in Andie MacDowell. Now, I will bring up this one disturbing moment. I don't know if any of you caught it, but the Butterfinger, the big, messy. That guy goes, oh, I know.

[June Diane Raphael]

I know what you're asking, what you're talking about.

[Paul Scheer]

There's a moment where they're, like, spying on them and they're trying to come up with what their plan is. And he writes, should we rape them?

[June Diane Raphael]

He says, or roughly, that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Why do we have to do this in movies?

[June Diane Raphael]

He says it out loud.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Early 90s. Why do we have to do this movie? Can I ask you?

[June Diane Raphael]

This is right. This is when they then say, read your book. It's the same scene.

It's the same scene.

It's the same scene now. Okay. I really struggled with this because I was like, did he.

Even though I laughed a second, did.

He really just say, should I rape her?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

No, Them, Them. He did say them, them.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So that's helpful.

[Paul Scheer]

That makes me feel better that he would. Yeah, he's a monster. He will rape anything. Yes, he will rape anybody.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm willing to bet he's saying something else, but that we heard. Is it possible now?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, that it got dubbed.

[June Diane Raphael]

That he's saying, like, yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What else could he have said that that's the better version?

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know, because I know he.

[Paul Scheer]

Definitely.

[June Diane Raphael]

Tell you what it was. It was just a heightening. Like, this guy is a complete animal.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Even though he's reading a children's book.

[June Diane Raphael]

And so, like, the idea being, like, our next move here strategically might be just me raping them because, I mean, for what purpose?

Is a question he asked. Asks a lot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Every mission.

[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

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[Paul Scheer]

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[Paul Scheer]

Right.

[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

You will love it.

[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

All right, let's get into our villains because Richard E. Gray Grant and. And Sandra Bullard. Sorry, not Bullock. Sandra Bernard.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really swinging for the fences.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Let's play a clip of them. You can get a sense of what their performances are like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This isn't a fantasy. It is a reality. Oh, yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

If da Vinci was alive today, he'd be eating microwave sushi naked in the.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Back of a Cadillac with the both of us.

[Paul Scheer]

Is it safe on the cell? So that's a little sense of what they are. Bombastic, crazy characters playing tennis indoors. That's how you show people are crazy. And I don't again, know exactly what their plan is, but to control the world.

[June Diane Raphael]

World domination.

[Paul Scheer]

He says world domination. Richard E. Grant did write in his book With Nails that this movie was just replotted during the actual days of filming.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Really?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. That's cool. Yes. So, I mean. I mean, any thoughts on these people?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like their dog.

[June Diane Raphael]

I enjoyed that.

I enjoyed their performances. I really enjoyed Sandra Burnham.

So good.

Really, really couldn't take my eyes off of them.

Both of them, I thought were terrific. Like, they were just scenery.

[Paul Scheer]

I feel like they were also on tone. Like they were like, okay, this is what it is.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's as if in Dan Aykroyd terrible movie.

Nothing but Trouble.

Nothing but Trouble. The Brazilians were the villains of the movie. Like, that's what it's like. Remember the Brazilians?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

The brother and sister. Like, they were those type. Like, they were just like incredibly bombastic characters. Weirdly sexual. Like really weirdos. And I enjoyed it.

Me too.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought that they are the same.

[June Diane Raphael]

I didn't enjoy. Was that dog.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The dog was. I didn't like the dog rooting around and Bruce Willis crotch. I was like, come on. Did we really?

[June Diane Raphael]

And then the fact that they threw the dog out the window at the end.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, the dog was trying to attack Andie MacDowell. What are you gonna.

[Paul Scheer]

They.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know, the dog had it coming, to be honest.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The dog was evil at the end. You could tell the dog, like, wanted. The dog seemed actually more evil than either of its owners.

[June Diane Raphael]

Well, that's. I was gonna say. Did anybody else think that the dog was the boss of them?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, they were just probably doing the dog's.

[Paul Scheer]

They're like the Son of Sam.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I love that first time you see Sam.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, he was the big evil.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. He's the big guy that. She's just thinking, I've got the power. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, the tone.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That was good.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sitting on a conference table.

We could have watched that.

What was that a conference table of? Because there was a small Indian boy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A lot of ethnicities. A lot of ethnicities happening.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, were they, like, the bad? Was this the. Like, the legal. The Legion of Doom or something? Like, were they all bad guys?

They were all, like.

[Paul Scheer]

They were working for a company. Like, their company was at M Corporation or whatever.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, but that's like, one of them was a child. One of the people at that table was a child.

[Paul Scheer]

You don't get it, Jason. You don't get the comedy of.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm not like, some Temple of Doom stuff, like the maharaja guy. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

I think you need to hear Bruce Willis explain why you don't get the jokes here. Can you play that clip of Bruce Willis talking about this movie?

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, geez.

[Paul Scheer]

There's a half an hour interview about Bruce Willis defending this movie on YouTube in three parts. You just. Bruce Willis talks. Hudson Hawk. You'll find it. Here we go. Here's a clip, you know, looking at how it kind of became this cult film. And what people, you know, come up and say to me on the street.

[June Diane Raphael]

About it is, is, take your time, Bruce.

[Paul Scheer]

They, you know, dig the fact that it was making fun of itself and that it was satire. And I don't think anybody got that when it came out. They thought they didn't know what to make of it. You know, me and Danny Aiello singing in a movie was just unheard of. And they were. Is that satire? Is that considered satire or something? Like, they were mad that we were trying to make them laugh.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He's. Tommy was sewing this, rewriting history.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is riveting.

[Paul Scheer]

It's amazing. The interview itself is amazing. But blaming people for not getting satire, but then hearing him to say that satire is him and Danny Aiello singing is. That's not satire. I don't understand.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He made this earnestly. He didn't make this.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, no, he thought this was gonna be fucking Indiana Jones. He thought this was gonna be James.

[Paul Scheer]

Bond or his man Flint or Austin Power.

[June Diane Raphael]

I think he was like, this is gonna be Die Hard. Plus, you know, it's gonna be the action and the adventure of Die Hard, but with better jokes, New Jersey. And more like swashbuckle.

[Paul Scheer]

Just. By the way, just. If you're wondering what the definition of satire is, I'll tell you that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, hello.

[Paul Scheer]

The use of humor to ridicule, expose, or criticize people's stupidity of vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I've actually never heard that definition.

[Paul Scheer]

So that. I mean, you know. So I don't know if that movie falls into that. The alchemy. He really took down the alchemy committee. But the movie's original catchphrase was, catch the excitement, catch the adventure, catch the hawk. But when they realized it wasn't really an action movie, they changed it for the home video release, which was catch the excitement, catch the laughter, catch the Hawk.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's very telling. That's. Yeah, they knew. They were like, we gotta figure out some other way to package this thing. This is not working out.

[Paul Scheer]

Bruce Willis does not. Bruce Willis gets so defensive on this movie. When you hear. He goes, people criticize this movie. I have so much money, I could just sit by a lake and skip stones. What do I care? Not his response. That's funny to me. His responses are like, no, no, we tried something. He's like, fuck you. I don't need it. I don't need you to like anything. I'm rich.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I did this for me. I didn't even do this for you.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm rich as shit.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Which he is. I was actually. I was looking at his IMDb that, Man, I've been working forever.

[June Diane Raphael]

He has so much money. I also. I do think probably this falls into the category that we are now. Like, I hate to say it again, but Toysing. I'll bring up toys again. I believe this to be a project that, because of his power, box office power, Bruce Willis was able to get this movie made.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know, this was a passion project for Bruce Willis. Not like, they didn't. He wrote this movie. It is built for him.

[Paul Scheer]

With a budget of $70 million in 1991.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow.

[Paul Scheer]

It brought in a total of $17.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Million, which is a. I mean, that's some money. It didn't. Oh, I guess it.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, it definitely bombed. I mean, that's a. Like, this is one of those movies that is a bomb that you forget about, like, people talk about Ishtar.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

But they don't talk about Hudson Hawk. I mean, and I was excited. I remember seeing this and knowing that Bruce Willis is in a movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's gonna be great.

[Paul Scheer]

It's gonna be amazing.

[June Diane Raphael]

And it looked awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know, this was an era when, like, between, like, Die Hard and Indiana Jones, but also, like a time when, like, Romancing the Stone was a big movie to me. Yeah. And that movie is amazing. Like a real adventure romance. And this had that, like. That's why I went to a date, you know, I went to a date to this because it looked like it was gonna be awesome the way Romancing the Stone was. And instead it was worse than romancing the stone. 2. Jewel of the Nile. Of the Nile.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like Jewel of the Nile.

[June Diane Raphael]

We haven't even talked about Anna Andy McDowell's dolphin.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was just gonna say that the dolphin sounds were amazing. I don't. And I remember looking away for a minute and then looking back at the movie and going, wait, what is she doing?

[June Diane Raphael]

What is she doing? She was doing voices. She was doing shtick. She was like. She was like. They were like. They double crossed her or whatever. And then she was like, I'm not a she. You think I'm a damsel in distress. And then she goes, you know, I can't pay the rent. You must pay the rent. I can't pay the rent. And, like, started doing, like, dolphin noises.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She trying to intimidate them or she.

[June Diane Raphael]

Was just trying to show them that she was. Wasn't scared of them, I think was the bit like.

[Paul Scheer]

But no, but she could do bits. No, no, no. She was under some sort of drug. Right.

[June Diane Raphael]

But the drug was what they were saying that she must still be, like, coming off of the paralyzing drug. Yeah, but that wasn't.

[Paul Scheer]

No, that had to be a side.

[June Diane Raphael]

Effect of the drug because Bruce Willis and Danny Ayeo had never.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They were being just as silly as they always are.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, they're guys from New Jersey.

[June Diane Raphael]

Just a couple of pies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They always.

[June Diane Raphael]

By the way, to see Andie MacDowell do those dolphin noises, I mean, I didn't know what to do with that.

[Paul Scheer]

So you were won over by that performance, the dolphin noises.

[June Diane Raphael]

I didn't know she had that in her.

[Paul Scheer]

Let me ask you a question. Isabella Rossellini, could she have done those dolphin noises?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's a great question.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's a great question.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She would have sold it a bit more.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, maybe.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, like Blue Velvet era Isabella Rossellini.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, I know we already talked about it, but I'm gonna say it again. She plays an Italian nun.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Italian nun.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's crazy.

[Paul Scheer]

I didn't even really put that all together.

[June Diane Raphael]

But she's American. She's American playing Italian. She's not. Yeah, she's American.

[Paul Scheer]

But she'.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes, she should be Italian. I'm sure if Isabella Rossellini had played it, she would have been Italian.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, that would have made sense. We want to talk about Frank Stallone, who was part of the Mario Brothers. The Mario Brothers. Amazing. Frank Stallone. Give it up for Frank Stallone.

[June Diane Raphael]

So much more glass. This is like the. When they play the old Howard Stern tapes and everybody's clapping for no good reason.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like a good clap.

[Paul Scheer]

See, they make some subtle digs at Stallone, too. Sly Stone. We have a clip of that. We just play a clip of Frank Stone. There's a quick one here.

[June Diane Raphael]

There's a safe on the seventh floor.

[Paul Scheer]

You take their thingy and you put.

[June Diane Raphael]

It in this thing directions even your brother could understand.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, shots. Little did he know that they'd be opening a Planet Hollywood just months later.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, wait, but he's talking about the brother that's sitting right next to it.

[Paul Scheer]

But we all know what he. By the way, the beginning of the movie, like, he's gonna eat a cap, drink a cappuccino, and a guy pulls out a gun in the middle of a crowded restaurant, shoots the cappuccino glass. No one moves.

[June Diane Raphael]

No one moves.

[Paul Scheer]

And he's bullet with a gun. Not hidden.

[June Diane Raphael]

The gun has a silencer.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

So it's like, you know, but like every. It's a crowded bar and nobody flinches. Nobody seems to notice.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then Danny Aiello hits a guy on the head with a wine bottle. A few minutes later, shatters, and two people look over.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, this is where.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is a weird bar. That's.

[Paul Scheer]

You know what?

[June Diane Raphael]

Fuck this movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Obviously, we had an opinion about this mo, but there are certain people who have a better opinion. Now it's time for five star reviews from Amazon. These are five star reviews. You guys can comment on these as you see fit. Here we go. This is titled for a true movie fan, I've probably watched this movie round a hundred times, and I can practically.

[June Diane Raphael]

Round a round of times. Is there an apostrophe before round?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think my mom wrote this review.

[Paul Scheer]

Around a hundred times and can practically quote it from start to finish. I certainly wouldn't have done that if this movie was bad.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, my God.

[Paul Scheer]

Five stars. Oh my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

I do agree with you, Jason though, like the apostrophe.

What's the point? It's one letter.

One letter one.

[Paul Scheer]

You've already done it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Taking the place of that apostrophe.

There is the same number of characters in that word.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. Here's another one.

[June Diane Raphael]

And the colloquialism of it, that's not the casualness of it doesn't matter. That word doesn't matter. And I know, I'm sure I used colloquialism wrong. So everybody shut the fuck up. Everybody relax.

[Paul Scheer]

You're going to get you stop saying.

[June Diane Raphael]

I look like da Vinci.

[Paul Scheer]

This one is titled Boom. Side by Side. Boom, boom. You'll be rolling on the floor laughing, but be careful and not die laughing too hard.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What did Danny Aiello write that?

[Paul Scheer]

I think that was a five star review.

[June Diane Raphael]

I have had some experiences with Side by Sides. I just want to say that Bruce is a riot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm worried about it.

[Paul Scheer]

This is what I get. A lot of the Hudson Hawk reviews attack critics for being bad. So this one, I think movie reviewers underappreciate a good comedy. Most are stuffy, overweight, under educated, film studied dorks.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Uh oh, I agree with that. I agree with the first sentence of that for sure. Yeah, they don't appreciate comedies.

[Paul Scheer]

Who are these critics? Who cares? These are the same critics that think that Gandhi is one of the best things to happen to film. Which just goes to show you what they know. This movie is about fun and entertainment and not meant to be scrutinized, analyzed or otherwise. Watch and enjoy. 5 stars.

[June Diane Raphael]

I love that guy.

[Paul Scheer]

And this is my favorite review of all time by Yellow Defender. I thought the storyline was great. It was a little boring, but it kept me on my toes. My favorite parts were when the dog bunny goes flying out the window and when Bruce gets out of jail and throws the key into the mop thing and he adjusts his hat. He had me in. He had me try cappuccino too. And it's pretty good. I think this is one of Bruce's best movies, even if he doesn't think so.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So he turned them onto cappuccinos.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's huge.

One of his favorite parts was the hat.

[Paul Scheer]

When he adjusts his hat. This is also again another non joke joke. Bruce Willis steals a guy's keys and then tosses his keys in a dirty mop bucket. He's like, hey, just adjusts the hat.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's a cool, it's a non moment.

[Paul Scheer]

It's a non moment moment. But it's also like, he's so cool. Hudson Hawkins.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's what I think this guy was responding to. Like, he.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He.

[June Diane Raphael]

He does it to his hat. He drinks cappuccinos.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He throws dogs out of a window.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. He's like, the. I think it's. Yeah, he definitely appeals to, like, the. The. I want to hang out and have a beer with that guy, you know, which.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He does that in his other movies that are better also.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yeah, this movie is terrible. He's great in a million movies.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Die Hard. Are you kidding me?

[Paul Scheer]

We think that Danny Aiello has died in this movie. Movie. Only to realize that he is come back and we want to just play the. Denny. Danny Aiello's comeback moment. Here we go.

[June Diane Raphael]

No way. Yes way. Did I miss anything? Did you miss anything? You're supposed to be all crashed up at the bottom of the hill.

[Paul Scheer]

Can you believe it?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunk of flesh.

[Paul Scheer]

Sprinkler system set up in the back.

[June Diane Raphael]

Can you believe it? Yeah, that's probably what happened.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Thank you. Cappuccino.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hey, drink your coffee.

[Paul Scheer]

He gets his cappuccino.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, thank God.

[Paul Scheer]

And a moment before he gets his girl to play Nintendo with him, she agrees to play Nintendo with him.

[June Diane Raphael]

They play the Hudson Hot game. Danny Aiello pulls up to that scene riding a donkey.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

I just want to say he is on the. He is just riding the donkey into town. Because they have also just flown in da Vinci's original flying machine, which still.

[Paul Scheer]

Works and was not updated at all.

[June Diane Raphael]

What?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. I love that scene of them. The two of them, like, just having a blast. I like to think of that day of filming that. They were like, all right, just get on my back. We're gonna go ahead.

[Paul Scheer]

And that's the one thing I do feel like the two of them were, like, fun. But there's a scene in the movie where they just both grab their balls when they hear an explosion.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh.

[Paul Scheer]

It's like. I feel like they're like, yeah, we'll do this. And this is good. It's like, moments.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Or how about, like, when they're hanging off the side of a castle? They save. They've somehow. He and Danny Aiello have scaled a castle. They are hanging off the edge. They're luring the guards to come so they can punch them out. And Bruce Willis goes, hey, how do I look? And he goes, what are we gonna do with this right now? No, I just wanna know how do I look? What are you talking about? We're scared. We're hanging off the edge of a castle.

[Paul Scheer]

Who.

[June Diane Raphael]

Are you asking me how. Yeah, how do I look? And then the guards come up in and they're like, punch, punch. You look pretty good. You look pretty good. That's the kind of bullshit this movie is full of.

[Paul Scheer]

It's like. It's like if the guys who hung around Tony Soprano wrote a movie, that.

[June Diane Raphael]

Is what you're Christopher's movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, this is. Yeah, this is Christopher.

[June Diane Raphael]

If you. If you told me Christopher Moltisanto Santi wrote this movie, I would be like, okay, I get it. And it's not that bad.

[Paul Scheer]

Then also there. They make a lot about the one thing I want to say just before we wrap up too. And if you have any final points. But they make a big deal about Danny Aiello being fat.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I had to say that too. He's not that fat. Yeah, yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

Like in their.

[June Diane Raphael]

Neither. Well, here's the thing. Bruce Willis, his figure is also not the slender figure of like a thief or a cat burglar.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, that's true.

[June Diane Raphael]

He's a graceful. Or not.

Just for the. For the listeners. June is doing cat like motions with her hands.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like a cat.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like.

I'm gonna rob you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Meow.

[June Diane Raphael]

Guess what? You consider yourself robbed.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You'd be a great cat.

[Paul Scheer]

Would you like to be in undercover as a cat burglar that robs a church?

[June Diane Raphael]

You know what? You know what? I'm gonna need to see you in the habit. I'm gonna see you in the habit.

[Paul Scheer]

No, no. She's a burglar. She's the enemy.

[June Diane Raphael]

So she's a cat burglar. Oh, no. But the nun has to go undercover as a cat burglar. As a cat burglar undercover. Or is it a cat burglar that goes undercover as a nun?

[Paul Scheer]

Guys, this is amazing.

[June Diane Raphael]

I want to assure everybody this will be not even remotely similar to Sister. Not even remotely similar.

[Paul Scheer]

It'll have. It'll have moments of miscongeniality. I think in thematically.

[June Diane Raphael]

Possibly. Possibly.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Maybe the second one Sister act is.

[June Diane Raphael]

She witnesses a murder and has to go hide out in a convent.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She's a soul singer.

[Paul Scheer]

Will it be anything like nuns?

[June Diane Raphael]

But that is all about getting the convent to sing.

Yes, exactly. Exactly.

[Paul Scheer]

Will it be anything like Nuns on the Run?

[June Diane Raphael]

No, it won't be like Nuns on the Run.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nuns on the Run.

[Paul Scheer]

Irish guy and somebody else.

[June Diane Raphael]

Irish guy. Irish guy and the other one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, oh, yeah, that one. I'm sorry.

[June Diane Raphael]

Irish guy and the other one.

[Paul Scheer]

Eric Idol and Robbie Coltrane.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's great.

[Paul Scheer]

Any final thoughts? Anybody have any final thoughts?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Go see it. Five stars.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Would you guys see it? Would you? I would recommend. You should watch it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Maybe It's a fun party movie. I think it's a fun party movie. If you like.

[Paul Scheer]

It's crazy enough. There's crazy enough moments in it.

[June Diane Raphael]

Watch it. But be willing to fast forward.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Absolutely.

[June Diane Raphael]

Cause you don't, you know, who cares?

[Paul Scheer]

It is dumb.

[June Diane Raphael]

But definitely watch all the Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernard stuff.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh my gosh.

[June Diane Raphael]

That shit's awesome.

[Paul Scheer]

And I will say I watched most of it, but the three part interview series with Bruce Willis and Robert Kraft as they sit around and Bruce Willis just goes into getting very defensive about the movie. Explaining the movie and talking about the song. They play the song, they sing the song. It's a three part thing on YouTube. Bruce Willis talks. Hudson Hawk. I think you will enjoy it.

[June Diane Raphael]

I think I won't.

[Paul Scheer]

I think you will love it.

[June Diane Raphael]

So.

[Paul Scheer]

All right, so just once again, Emily, your podcast is on the nerdist channel. They can get it. The indoor kids. It's you and Kamau. It's awesome. I've done it. It's great. You should do the Hudson Hawk game. Maybe we should do a Tyler. That's actually a good idea.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I gotta track.

[Paul Scheer]

Have you guys ever done the movie to video game?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We have. We have done it. And actually that one didn't come up in the episode that we did. But we did a lot of the Godzilla games that have come out. Like a lot of the ET1.

[June Diane Raphael]

That new Godzilla trailer is fucking awesome.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I haven't seen it yet. I'm pretty excited.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's fucking awes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Saving it.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's just like Oppenheimer talking about like the.

[Paul Scheer]

It's really neat.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

All right, cool.

[Paul Scheer]

If you are looking at pictures of me from this podcast, you'll notice I have a mustache. It's because I just came from the Arsenio hall show where I just played Arshirio Paul. That happened already. But I'm sure you can find me as Arshiro Paul on Arsenio Hall's website or anywhere else. So definitely check that out. You can follow me, Paul Shear on Twitter. Oh, and what are you?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm theginamite. Oh yeah, that's right.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm missmsjunedian Jason.

[Paul Scheer]

Just checking in on your Twitter.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, yeah, no, not on Twitter, guys. Okay, great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Still not on Twitter.

[June Diane Raphael]

On Twitter.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know what? It's good. You probably have more time to do stuff in your day.

[June Diane Raphael]

So much time. So much jerking. Off.

Just Undercover.

I gotta write an undercover now. Thank God I'm not on Twitter. Thank God I'm not on Twitter because now I have time to write an underwater. So I do actually want to plug my upcoming film project, undercover, because by the time this airs, I suspect I will have already sold it. Oh, maybe look on Kickstarter. Maybe I should Kickstarter Nundercover.

[Paul Scheer]

I would get behind it. I would tweet that link out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And you should get a hat. You should get the Twitter account for an undercover. I'm sure nobody's.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, get this, by the way.

[June Diane Raphael]

I gotta get it before this comes out.

[Paul Scheer]

Set up your website.

[June Diane Raphael]

We gotta do all this before this episode drops. Shit.

[Paul Scheer]

You got some time. You gotta some time. And also a big thanks to everyone who helps us out here at the show. Our lead engineer, Frank Cappello. Thank you so much, Frank. You're always amazing. And our clip puller, who's always suggesting great stuff. Avril Halley. And Nate Kiley, who's doing all of our research. He's amazing. And the fantastic Katie Dyer, who does our Twitter account. You can follow us on Twitter alwaysdtgm. She also does our Facebook page page. Leanna Waldron does all of our cool art. Check us out in the earwolf store. We got cups. We got new shirts. Do it, guys. We did it. Hudson Hawk. We caught the adventure. We caught the hawk.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We caught the laughter for sure.

[Paul Scheer]

Thank you so much for joining us, Emily. We'll talk to you later. Bye bye. Your new beginning starts now. Now Dr. Horton has new construction homes available in Ellensburg and throughout the greater Seattle area. With spacious floor plans, flexible living spaces and home technology packages, you can enjoy more cozy moments and sweet memories in your beautiful new home. With new home communities opening in Ellensburg and throughout the Seattle area, Dr. Horton has the ideal home for you. Learn [e-mail] Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder.

[June Diane Raphael]

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[Emily Gordon]

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[Paul Scheer]

Cool.

[June Diane Raphael]

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[Paul Scheer]

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