Matinee Monday: The Knight Before Christmas (w/ Jessica St. Clair)

Summary

Episode Summary: Matinee Monday: The Knight Before Christmas (w/ Jessica St. Clair)

Release Date: December 23, 2024

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Introduction

In this festive episode of "How Did This Get Made?", hosts Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, and Jason Mantzoukas delve into the convoluted antics of the 2019 Netflix film "A Night Before Christmas". Joined by special guest Jessica St. Clair, the trio dissects the movie's plot, character dynamics, and numerous inconsistencies with their signature comedic flair.

Overview of "A Night Before Christmas"

"A Night Before Christmas" centers around a medieval knight from the 1300s who mysteriously time-travels to modern-day Ohio during the Christmas season. His mission? To win the heart of a college teacher, portrayed by Vanessa Hudgens, who astonishingly resembles a high school student. The film attempts to blend elements of romance, fantasy, and holiday cheer but falls into a labyrinth of plot holes and questionable narrative choices.

Plot and Character Analysis

Time-Travel Conundrums

One of the primary points of contention among the hosts is the knight's seamless adaptation to the 21st century. Jason Mantzoukas (04:23) laments, "Why is he completely unfazed by time travel?" while Paul Scheer (05:15) adds, "A knight from the 1300s doesn't have a Social Security number. How does he survive?" The hosts highlight the lack of logic in how the knight navigates modern society without any apparent challenges.

Character Dynamics and Relationships

The chemistry between Vanessa Hudgens' character and the knight is scrutinized for its lack of depth and believability. June Diane Raphael (12:32) notes, "Her chemistry with the knight felt off the charts," yet she expresses disappointment over not being part of the project. Paul Scheer (14:24) points out inconsistencies in character relationships, questioning how Vanessa's character could seamlessly interact within the Netflix Christmas Cinematic Universe.

Setting and Production Choices

The hosts commend the film's costumes and setting but remain critical of certain production choices. Jessica St. Clair (29:20) praises the attire, saying, "I loved Shariki's costumes. They were heads and shoulders above last week's outfits." However, they question the practicality of certain elements, such as the Christmas tree lot (47:22), where trees appear fully grown and ready for cutting without the natural time required for growth.

Guest Insights: Jessica St. Clair

Jessica St. Clair brings a fresh perspective to the discussion, offering both praise and critique. She appreciates the film's whimsical elements but doesn't shy away from highlighting its flaws. For instance, she mentions the "crone" character (35:28), suggesting a more rugged portrayal could have enhanced authenticity. Jessica also shares personal anecdotes that parallel the movie's themes, adding depth to the conversation.

Critical Reception and Audience Feedback

The episode touches upon the movie's Rotten Tomatoes score, with Paul Scheer (65:04) inquiring, "Do you think it's okay that they put that child in that wig?" The hosts reference fictional reviews boasting high ratings, humorously undermining the film's actual reception. Jason Mantzoukas (65:19) humorously states, "If we're rating it on a Christmas movie scale, then 70. Yes, 100." This satirical take emphasizes the hosts' disdain for the film's perceived shortcomings.

Notable Quotes

• Jason Mantzoukas (04:31): "I've got takes for days. Why aren't we letting any of these people..."

• Paul Scheer (05:26): "All these characters are coming here spending money willy nilly..."

• June Diane Raphael (12:32): "Did she actually bone that guy? I thought their chemistry was off the charts."

• Jessica St. Clair (35:26): "She's wearing, like, a tablecloth. I would have put her in animal skins if it was me."

• Jason Mantzoukas (65:08): "Comparing it to real regular movies? No, of course not. But in its category, this is certainly better than 'Holiday in Handcuffs' and 'The Thing.'"

Conclusion and Recommendations

Despite the myriad of issues, the hosts acknowledge that "A Night Before Christmas" may find its niche among fans of niche holiday movies seeking something unconventional. Jason Mantzoukas (87:25) concludes, "I recommend this movie, especially if you are in..." suggesting it as a quirky addition to one's holiday watchlist, albeit with reservations.

Final Thoughts

"How Did This Get Made?" delivers a thorough and humorous critique of "A Night Before Christmas", blending sharp observations with personal anecdotes. With Jessica St. Clair's insightful participation, the episode offers listeners a comprehensive understanding of why this particular Netflix offering falls into the "best of the worst" category, all while maintaining an engaging and entertaining discussion.

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Note: Times are referenced in (MM:SS) format based on the provided transcript.

Transcript

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

Now it's time for.

[June Diane Raphael]

And failure.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Not just be a hater catch.

[Paul Scheer]

You know you wonder how did this remain?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Let's wallow in the mediocrity of subpar art. Perhaps we'll find the answer to the question how did this get made?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, hello people of Virtual Earth, and welcome to a How did this get made? Live show coming at you wherever you are. In your living rooms, in your houses, in your ears. We are so excited that you have stayed up late with us or you're at the right time. I don't know where you are, but we are excited that you are here because we are talking about a Netflix film that really made some People very angry at us. And other people said, I don't know how you could talk badly about this movie. It made me cry. It is the 2019 film A Night Before Christmas starring Vanessa Hudgens. And this is part of the. We'll get into this part of the Netflix ccmu, the Christmas Cinematic Universe. I guess the M is not necessary. Anyway, what do you need to know about this? Well, it's kind of like elf. It's kind of like splash. A. A knight from, from medieval times comes to Ohio to woo a college teacher who looks like a high school student. And. And you know what? Good things happen. It all has to happen around Christmas. There's a lot of questions about why any of this stuff happens. We're going to get into it all and we have an amazing panel because when we do Christmas movies, we actually bring on one of our favorite extra special guests. We'll bring her out in a second. But please welcome my co host, Mr. Jason Manzoukas.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Boom. What's up, jerks?

[Paul Scheer]

Jason. Jason. Jason.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Boy, we really did it, didn't we? We really. We really did it.

[Paul Scheer]

We. We really have really plumbed the depths of where these Christmas movies have gone.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm gonna say I have. I'm coming in hot with the hottest of takes. Paul. Yes, audience. I love this movie. Wow. I loved this movie. Kaboom.

[Paul Scheer]

Huge reveal right out of the gate. He is just laying down hard, cold facts.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I've got takes for days, guys. I've got notes. I've got takes for days. Vanessa Hudgens. Yes. British guy. Why not? But guys, let them fuck. Please let them fuck. Why aren't we letting any of these people fucking? I'm genuinely nervous.

[Paul Scheer]

Christmas. Christmas movies are so puritanical. It's wired. What if you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What if all of this buildup, all of this story, all of this mystery and it's like bad sex. What do you do then? It's over, baby. It's like, see you later. And meanwhile, if it's bad sex, this motherfucker is trapped in the. In 500 years or whatever. When is he from? I don't.

[Paul Scheer]

I forget. Like 1300. I think this guy's stone cold.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way, this guy doesn't have a Social Security number. How does he survive?

[Paul Scheer]

All these characters are coming here spending money willy nilly. I'm going to say something to you, Jason, that I thought was interesting about this as well. Isn't this the not having sex? Isn't that part of the buildup of Christmas? Like what's in the Box. What am I going to get for Christmas? It's the excitement of opening.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you saying what's in the box? Like seven.

[Paul Scheer]

Like what's in the box?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you think the end of seven that Gwyneth Paltrow's head in the box is a Christmas present? Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

It's romantic, right?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You might want to look into that. You should rewatch that movie.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought Kevin Spacey was Secret Santa and that was his gift to Brad Pitt's character.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Also, I don't mean to correct you straight out of the gate, Paul, but there is absolutely no way that Vanessa Hudgens is a college professor. Which is what you said earlier.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, sorry. You know, she's a high school kids.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Those kids are kids. Those are little kids.

[Paul Scheer]

I thought she was a college. But you're right, you know, the campus looks so advanced that I assume this. So we'll get into all that. But please, please welcome a co host who's going to have so much to say that I know is going to be against what Jason has already stated about this film. Please welcome Miss June Diane Rayfield. Welcome, June.

[June Diane Raphael]

Hi. Hi, everyone. Hi, Jason. Hi, Paul.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hello, June.

[June Diane Raphael]

You know, I'm shocked at what I've heard so far. I know this movie, as Paul knows, under the best circumstances.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is that?

[June Diane Raphael]

In my sauna bed sweating my little a off. Losing water. Losing water weight by the minute and feeling great. And I, you know that honestly it's the best. Watching movies that way is the best for me because I can't like look at my phone. A lot of times I get really distracted during movies. I have to think to myself like, June, watch. Watch what? Watch the scenes. But it's hard.

[Paul Scheer]

But by the way, I see nary with never with a phone out when you were watching like a documentary or anything like that. If someone's been murdered and you're watching like you're. Yeah, that phone is off to the side.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. But when we're watching the how this campaign movies my mind tends to wander.

[Paul Scheer]

You are deep in the tiktoks.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Being in the sauna bed, I have to. I have to lie with both hands trapped like a little burrito.

[Paul Scheer]

I've never seen her sounds awful. I've never seen her in. And I. And I respect my wife too much too see her in the sauna bed.

[June Diane Raphael]

Thank you.

[Paul Scheer]

I want to bring in someone who, who probably can help us find what is right about this because she's a person who, you know, enjoys a coconut from one of those roadside coconut stands. She's a person who likes to eat the clams that are closed. She's a person who's an expert on Christmas movies and a hater of trash can fires. Please welcome Jessica Sinclair.

[June Diane Raphael]

Where is she?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Hello. Just a bone to pick. I actually charged up my wireless headphones, and then we were told by Paul I couldn't use them.

[Paul Scheer]

Hold on.

[June Diane Raphael]

Now you have to wear these.

[Paul Scheer]

I was only telling you you couldn't wear them because you were doing your microphone in it so it sounded like you were talking into a tin can.

[Jessica Sinclair]

What's the difference?

[June Diane Raphael]

Jessica? We're eight months into this quarantine. If you haven't figured that out by now, I don't know what to tell you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We were in the tech for 30 minutes. You could have figured it out. What is going on?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Trying to heat up one of my new hot tools.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You're the one that said now. You're the one that said I look best in cans. I'm wearing the can.

[Paul Scheer]

You said the cans are part of me, and I am the part of the cans.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You said I am cans. Hear me.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Couple things. Couple things. I have heard you talk about that same passenger, Jason, who went into the bathroom without her shoes on, socks on, like, multiple times. So we need to recycle. We got to get a new story. Like they air filled, filter now. Like they filter the air. So it's new on these planes. I need a new.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm not telling Noah, just telling stories for you. You're my friend. There's thousands.

[June Diane Raphael]

If anything's gonna touch that ground. Honestly, I'd prefer it with feet because I feel like that skin is really rough and like, not absorb a lot through your feet.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You're not like, getting pretty much like, skin socks. That's right.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So now you guys are advocating instead of we socks into the bathroom, just wear bare feet socks.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Put on your skin socks.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's going to be one of our.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Our pro.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I would have. I would have asked for two plastic bags, I would have tied them around my feet, and I would have gone into the bathroom like that.

[Jessica Sinclair]

All I'm telling you is I don't want you talking about this on a first date if you ever see another human being again.

[Paul Scheer]

I want to talk about a couple things here because last week some people said, hey, are they ever going to talk about the movie?

[June Diane Raphael]

What I was going to say. Paul, I'm sorry to interrupt. What I was going to say is I watched this movie in the best conditions possible for me alone and sweating profusely, and I didn't Enjoy it at all. I thought it was really quite terrible.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And I loved every single minute, every single second of it. And I knew that Jason was gonna love it. Sometimes we're on opposite sides, but sometimes we intersect. Wow.

[June Diane Raphael]

Don't make that hand gesture ever again. Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I are just scissoring ourselves.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Loving a romance. I will say I had some problem. I had. Listen, I've got notes. I've got lots.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Of course I have notes.

[June Diane Raphael]

As a woman, I found. I found the night to be so unappealing. Well, guys, before his curls were too defined.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Careful, careful.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, wow. So, June, you didn't like the curls? I will also say there was something about his look that felt very present.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't like a man is like one color, you know, where you can't see any definition. And I. I just. I. He didn't do it for me. I thought Vanessa Hodgkins was Hudgin. Hudgens was wonderful. Like, she was a discover. I mean, I loved her in Spring Breakers. I've never seen the High School Musical.

[Paul Scheer]

Great. Like, I'm all in. I also feel like she brings an energy that is, like, a little bit more like she. Like, we talked about how these movies are a little bit puritanical. Like, I feel like she's down to bone.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, there's, like, an energy when she.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Gives him that, like, sideways look when he's, like, fresh from the shower. Yeah, she's, like. She's, like, hungry for it. You know why? I was like, let's go there. Let's let them.

[June Diane Raphael]

Not in a Christmas movie.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Is she currently. Because I didn't have time. Because I finished it right at the. Right before we get on. Is she currently in a relationship? And did. Was she actually boning that guy? Because I thought their chemistry was off the charts.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, let me tell you what. What? Nate, Kylie. Nate, Kylie found this out, and I thought this was a great little factoid. Nick. Kylie does so much hard work when we have to sign him movies that no one is talking about, like this one. And he found out. He goes. The studio, Netflix wanted to really get their chemistry going, so they. They booked them a trip for a week away together where they could actually bond. But at the last minute, Vanessa Hudgens couldn't make it, so he just went by himself.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Why are we getting those type of roles where they're going to pay June and I to go away and try to, like, get into.

[June Diane Raphael]

I am tech avail.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

First of all, saying, this is for. This is for the Netflix people or the Lifetime people or the Hallmark people, whoever's watching and whoever's gonna finance the four of us into one of these movies, send us somewhere. But by the way, into these characters.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

Just so you know, I mentioned this in the beginning of the show. Netflix has a Christmas cinematic universe. All their Christmas movies exist in the same world. So, for example, when the knight is watching tv, he is watching a Netflix movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And then I was going to ask that with. With Kristen Davis.

[Paul Scheer]

And then, and then when Vanessa.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Very weird.

[Paul Scheer]

When Vanessa Hudgens talks about this ornament that her parents gave her that is from another Vanessa Hudgens Christmas movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. That doesn't make sense. So. So they don't exist in the same universe. Vanessa Hudgens's character can't find Kristen Davis's character. They just live in a world in which Lifetime movies or Netflix or Lifetime movies exist.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, but here. Yes and no.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's not like she's two towns over from. From Kristen Davis. Right.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, look. So Kristen.

[June Diane Raphael]

David, can I just say that Christmas village looked a lot like the Christmas village that Melissa Joan Hart went to as well.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But it looked better.

[Jessica Sinclair]

But by the way, better hair and makeup. I mean, better outfits.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sure, partially.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I liked it probably more because it looked better. It was obviously like dressed better. Like it had a little bit. And. And I will say, I thought she was dynamite.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Love the sister. Love the sister.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sister.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Love the sister.

[June Diane Raphael]

Loved the sister. Love those hoops.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is there faith? Is this underwritten by. Is this a faith based movie?

[Paul Scheer]

It's not, it's. She does. She does a lot of movies. Like, the other movie that she's famously in is a movie where she plays dual roles. And in this. And then. And they actually. And they actually now just did a sequel to it where she plays three roles.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I've seen it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, there you go. Yeah. She basically works like there's a queen in a foreign country. That's where the ornament is from. And. And then there's like a. Like, I guess like she works in the department store. And they look alike and they go. And they switch boyfriends.

[Jessica Sinclair]

That's why when they are decorating the tree, the sister goes, it's from Belgrovia or whatever. And I thought to myself, that's where she lived. That's where the princess is in her other movie.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, as we were talking about this, why does the knight go from Norwich, England to Ohio?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, and why is he completely. He is from the 1300s and is unfazed by time travel, doesn't care. This dude is like, oh, I guess I'm here now. The crone sent me here. By the way, if you're drinking at home, if. Here are the drinking games, the number of times we say crone or crone. The crone is talked about. I think you have to drink when he is just grabbing older women and screaming crone in their face. Really very funny, by the way.

[Paul Scheer]

He also can read, which I. Maybe I'm being a little bit.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wow, That's.

[Jessica Sinclair]

That's really taking it to the history books, Paul.

[Paul Scheer]

I just don't feel like a knight is, like, able to read a regular diner menu.

[Jessica Sinclair]

No, the monks were doing the writing.

[Paul Scheer]

Monks are doing the writing. Knights are not out there, like, looking at menus, like.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I feel like the problem I had with him, but the problem I had with him as a knight is like, for me, there's. There's, like, a very, like, sexy British man, but then there's a British man that's too British, and he tipped over into two British characters. He was just too British for me.

[Paul Scheer]

He didn't look dirty enough to me. Everything.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm like, well, he should have been. Please don't start with tea. I. Because I'm about to brew. I'm about to.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, Jason, I want to let you know that there's been a lot of response about the tea, and many a woman. Many a woman has said they would love to be in bed drinking tea with you. There's a lot of librarians who listen to the show. A lot of women love your tea drink.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I hope they know he's going to be sipping some tea while he's taking a drop in a big deuce while you're sitting on the.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, I want to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I want this on record. I do not eat or drink in the bathroom.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Stuff up to the room. So many rules. Are you ready for those rules, ladies?

[Paul Scheer]

I'm gonna set one through.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Are you ready for those rules, ladies? Put that to the. Are you ready for some football song? Are you ready for some rules?

[Paul Scheer]

I will say that the highest donation that we got, we actually, all four of us and more, played a charity game of Among Us, which was complete chaos and so much fun. And the highest donation was $1,500, and it was from a woman who said that she wanted to drink tea with you. So that's it. So these people have a lot of money and a good taste.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I love these librarians have that disposable income to Just throw around.

[June Diane Raphael]

Speaking of. Of civil servants and income. So she's a teacher at a high school? Yeah, she's a teacher at, like, a.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Local high school, not a college, as Paul said.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, she looks like she could also be in high school. Like, she looks no different than High School Musical.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know if I let these people age.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You know, I had a moment where I was like, I can't believe that Vanessa Hudgens, who I conceive of as from, like, the Disney high school era, is now old enough to be one of the teachers. But of course she is, because I'm 48, so a thousand years have passed.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, she also, like, has, like, too many deep conversations with these kids. I mean, that first conversation. Can I play that clip? Because it's such a crazy clip. I think it's. I think it's clip two. Yeah. This is clip two, where she. By the way, she's 32 years old.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Hudgins, I want to know what you think.

[Paul Scheer]

What's great? 32.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And I have to say on her back.

[Paul Scheer]

32. She's awesome. All right. Her birthday is 12 14, just a couple days ago. So she just.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Happy birthday, Vanessa Hudgens. We're Sagittarius together.

[Paul Scheer]

Badging it up.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sag it up.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, here we go. This is too much of a deep. This is a deep conversation. We could talk about it. Here we go. Take a. Take a look. Grayson broke up with me.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I thought he was my one true love.

[June Diane Raphael]

My prince. Glenn said he turned out just to be a frog. There seems to almost be an epidemic of those types around here lately. You know, we all grow up fantasizing.

[Jessica Sinclair]

About being a princess and finding true.

[June Diane Raphael]

Love with a knight in shining armor and living.

[Paul Scheer]

Pause for one second when we watch. The thing is, when we watch this, June turned to me and said, I didn't. Never did.

[June Diane Raphael]

Never. Not a one.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What's amazing is she right here. And then maybe five minutes later the night, both tell other characters the exact plot of this movie, as if the audience is not able to follow it.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, also, people in the chat right now are like, talk about the wig.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I feel upset about that because it's a child, but that wig is so disturbing. But I feel bad. I don't know. They did her dirty, and I don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Guys, I need everybody to stop for one second. If you look behind Vanessa Hudgens's shoulder at the date that is on the blackboard.

[June Diane Raphael]

2019.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

December 18, 2019.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God. It's one year ago today, your birthday. This conversation was happening last year.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

On my birthday. What is happening?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Are you gonna be Transported back to 1333?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Am I gonna be magically transported into this movie to fall in love with Vanessa Hudgens? I mean, yes, please. Where is the crone?

[Paul Scheer]

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[June Diane Raphael]

Well, I want to talk about something that happened last night while we were watching the movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh.

[June Diane Raphael]

And as I said, I watch most of it in a sauna bed, but I watched like the first 15 minutes.

[Paul Scheer]

No more. You watch. There's 40 minutes left and you say, I'm. I gotta go. I gotta get.

[June Diane Raphael]

I gotta go.

[Paul Scheer]

I gotta take.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I gotta take this to the sweats.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Sweat this one out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I gotta sweat this movie out of my pores.

[June Diane Raphael]

I really did. I did detox this movie. So I like, look over at Paul. I just happened to look over and he's. I said something and he was googling it, and I see that he has Safari on his phone in incognito mode.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Interesting.

[Jessica Sinclair]

A lot of secrets with him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And did you? Did you. All right, all right.

[Paul Scheer]

You know what? Sometimes I go on Bagel and Locks.com, which is a really great.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Coffee meets bagel.

[Jessica Sinclair]

What were you looking at?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I didn't.

[Paul Scheer]

I didn't. Okay.

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't even know your password to your phone. I mean, I guess I do, but.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't know my path. You can look at anything in my incognito mode. I don't know why. You know, I think, no, you can't, because it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's. You can say that all you want after the fact. Oh, isn't that. Isn't that the. The. The. You seem like you're willing to share, but of course. Oh, but it's impossible.

[Paul Scheer]

I. Maybe I was looking at miracle grow and. And the other kind of.

[June Diane Raphael]

There we go. Here we go.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Interesting.

[June Diane Raphael]

It is interesting, Jessica. And I just want it known you.

[Paul Scheer]

Were so upset that I had incognito mode on.

[June Diane Raphael]

I've never heard of incognito, by the way.

[Paul Scheer]

What do you mean you never heard of it? You literally looked over my phone. You said, why is it on incognito mode? That was.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I didn't even know.

[Paul Scheer]

Like, it was so.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Like, when a woman has almost been murdered by their own husband, you have to get to know the ways that you would hide things here's.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The thing. The first thing the private investigator or security expert is going to tell you is clock everything he's doing on his phone and computer. Because. Because that is going to be the trail. Yeah, those. That is going to be the trail of how to. By the way, look around, June, for other phones.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, don't look at the toilet.

[Paul Scheer]

Don't look in the toilet.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Don't look in the toilet. In the toilet. Because he knows you guys don't do bathrooms.

[Paul Scheer]

But by the way, here's the thing that, you know, like, we'll joke around and Juno, like, oh, I don't have a time to have an affair. I'm just too busy like that. Their only reason is he's too tired to have an affair.

[June Diane Raphael]

So that is a little more energy.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You know, trapped inside the home.

[June Diane Raphael]

I was saying that, like, you can rest. You can. You can go to sleep at night and rest your head. Because I just don't have the energy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wow. Well, that might. You might. Frankly, you might.

[Jessica Sinclair]

People are making a movie about you two. What I want to see are these two falling in love.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

You might just be dehydrated.

[June Diane Raphael]

I might be dehydrated.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, listen, you. You have a legitimate glow about you, but you, you might be very severely dehydrated from the sauna bed.

[Paul Scheer]

Can I also talk about this? Like, Vanessa Hudgens is a high school teacher who lives in Off.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's what I was gonna say.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay.

[June Diane Raphael]

I think, Max, she's making, I don't know, $36,000 a year.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Guys, they left it to her. Her parents are Deadsville. Both of them died.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's her parents home.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can I ask you guys a question? Did anybody else notice that every single building in small town Ohio has castle like stonework inside the house? Her house.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Every doorway has stone archwork. Or look at. That's her home.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow. It's like straight up adult family.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They're trying to connect. I think they're trying to connect his castle in 1300 England to here.

[June Diane Raphael]

What's that frame on the fridge? Just still life. But by the way, I mean, just the landscape.

[Paul Scheer]

This is a guest house. The guest house has two fucking doors.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like it's decorated for Christmas. Like hardcore.

[June Diane Raphael]

And yet, can I just say, I did like the costumes in this movie. And I really loved Emmanuel.

[Paul Scheer]

Cheeky, cheeky, cheeky, cheeky.

[June Diane Raphael]

I loved Shariki. I loved her costumes. Loved her look.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I love those bangs.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

We have some of those with the. With the exception. Well, even whatever. I thought everybody's costumes, frankly, Were. Were heads and shoulders above last week's. All of last week's outfit.

[Paul Scheer]

Cares.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Everybody seemed like they were living in the real world, I guess, is more what it seemed like. Everybody seemed like they were dressed. Not like, not like some weird thing.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You know, felt like these people had been lit and showed up onto a set as opposed to a home video shot, you know, even when, by the.

[Paul Scheer]

Way, probably Amazon is paying for it. Amazon probably is like, hey, we'll give you more lights if you just give us a couple more beauty shots of that Alexa, which the Alexa makes. The Alexa is like the fourth character in this movie. I mean, after Emmanuel, by the way.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

There was a fake Alexa in last week's movie. Yeah. So, like, that's a.

[Paul Scheer]

Another.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's another trope now that we're seeing in all of these. Like, there. There's so much overlap because this. This movie also has Small Town bakery inside of the movie.

[Paul Scheer]

You're right. Now, let's look at some of these outfits here. I wanted to. We have a bunch of outfits. You guys can stop as we go, but this is like, oh, guys, you keep us.

[June Diane Raphael]

Okay, I want to talk about the outfits for one second. Did anyone else know that Vanessa had seven coats?

[Paul Scheer]

She definitely wore a different coat coat once a day, every day.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And I. I thought that the fur one was very medieval inspired thought was going into these things. Do you know what I'm saying? They're doing extra thought.

[June Diane Raphael]

A woman doesn't have that many coats to be rotating in and out. I mean, how many winter coats do you have? Even when you lived in New York? I made maybe two.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Maybe two.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Here's what I'll say. Here's what I'll say. I'm not going to begrudge her her coats. She's working hard for a living. Maybe she. Maybe the. She's. There's a Burlington Coat Factory, and she, you know, got them at a good deal. I don't know. But, like, Ohio.

[Paul Scheer]

Most women in Ohio have four to nine coats. That is a. That is a fact you can look up in a farmer's almanac. Four to nine coats.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I don't grudge her. This is that. This is the Gilmore Girls of it, all right? Lorelei had no fewer than 41 coats, and I didn't begrudge her that because they were giving me a fantasy. And that's what I want when I tune into a film like this.

[June Diane Raphael]

That was what was delivered.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The rule on Gilmore Girls. I know this was the rule on Gilmore Girls was Lorelai has in her closet, as many coats as Amy Sherman Palladino has hats.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's a lot.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And by the end of the show, Lorelei had 4,000.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, people in the chat are wondering, is this a crossover between Gilmore Girls? There was a lot of. There was a lot of. There was a lot of shared universe between this and Gilmore Girls. Jason. People were.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, this felt. This felt similar to last week. The small townie elements felt very Stars Hollow. So, you know.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Did you see this question on the screen? This movie mostly takes place in Bracebridge, Ohio. Any connection or correlation between this and Gilmore Girls is Brace Bridge Diner.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Where's the Bracebridge Diner? In. In. That's not Luke's, obviously.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know what. That might be a place that they order from, but we never go to. Although I'm not sure.

[Paul Scheer]

It happened in season two, episode 10.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Wow. I'm gonna dive in again.

[June Diane Raphael]

This episode. This episode. Jesus. This. What are these things that we're watching this movie in the last one that redheads seem to show up and. And, you know.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Every time they show up on screen, I'm like. Like, oh, in the.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

In the lexicon. In the lexicon of these movies, a.

[Paul Scheer]

Redhead is dangerous trouble redhead. And by the way, I will say that this redhead was a kindly redhead, because when she does approach him at, like, that Christmas Eve dinner, she's a kindly Reddit, because she goes. She really throws out the sex at him. And when she. When he feels like, hey, look, I gotta take it, she's like, you know it.

[June Diane Raphael]

I know, but that's so funny, because to me, I. To me, when I think of redheads, Jessica Sinclair, you'll appreciate this. I think of Anne of Green Gables. You know, to me, is a woman who's been like.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I mean, unless you're thinking about Jessica Rabbit.

[June Diane Raphael]

Right.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Isn't she a redhead?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, I feel like there.

[Paul Scheer]

Have you ever seen my hover hand on her?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

The what?

[Paul Scheer]

My hover hand on Jessica Rabbit.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't know what three of those words are.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

Go back to incognito.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I don't even know what my hover. Are we about to. Are you about to go incognito mode on us right now?

[Paul Scheer]

I. All right, so I just. Because you brought it up, I got to see if I can pull it up. But. So when I went to.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Please don't pull it up. We're live.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Please.

[Paul Scheer]

When I went. When I went to. When I went to Jessica Rabbit. Well, you know what? Now I don't even Know if I'll be able to find it. But when I went to Orlando, Florida, to MGM studios before it changed over to Hollywood studios, they had a whole Roger Rabbit like, area, and they had, like, a standee with Jessica Rabbit. And I am there with my white socks pulled up almost to my knees, my white pants, my Batman shirt, and. And I have my arm around the standee of Jessica Rabbit, but I have a hover hand because I don't want to touch her bottom. I don't want to put my hand too much around her waist. I'm being respectful.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Touch her bottom. God, that's the dirtiest thing you've ever.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, my God. Great job, guys.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Help us.

[Paul Scheer]

There it is. There.

[June Diane Raphael]

I. I do love you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Look at how respectful you're being. You're being so respectful of a standing.

[June Diane Raphael]

I do love this, man.

[Jessica Sinclair]

It's like you were about to hit the tennis courts in. In your tennis whites. What is this outfit?

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, too cute.

[Paul Scheer]

This is me and my dad just hanging out in Orlando. Just doing. Doing it up.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Oh, God, I love your dad so much.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That is fabulous.

[June Diane Raphael]

Phenomenal.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Can we talk a little bit about the crone and her hair? Because.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Style is a beachy wave when we. When we encounter in the 1300s, like, literally, like, I would try to achieve that.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. The crone has not been in the wilderness for too long. She looks great.

[Jessica Sinclair]

She's wearing, like, a tablecloth. I would have put her in animal skins if it was me. If I was going to go, period.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

And then.

[Jessica Sinclair]

But I feel like the actress. And, June, tell me what you think. I feel like the actress who they cast was much like you. And I total bitchy. Like, I'm gonna wear this hair like I am the crone, but I'm gonna look good.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes, but. But Crohn's can look good. And having to have that conversation with hair and makeup and wardrobe, and that's a tough. By the way, that's a tough conversation to have.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Here's what I'll say, though. Here's what I'll say. I feel like both the crone and the kn. The crone and the knight in olden times. When we see them in olden time, they are just simply, as we said earlier, too clean looking.

[June Diane Raphael]

I wish she was a bit more rugged.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

In the forest. She should be covered in mud, and so should he.

[Paul Scheer]

You know, that's the problem with this whole movie. Everything looks like no one has ever lived. And touching it, like when they take out Vanessa Hudgens's car, like when the knight drives it, that car is okay.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Because that's a Subaru commercial. That. The other half of that movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

When she lets him drive, she is tacitly agreeing to be an accessory. An accessory to vehicular homicide.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Not know how to drive.

[Paul Scheer]

I wanna.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. Take it.

[Paul Scheer]

She.

[June Diane Raphael]

She's.

[Paul Scheer]

She's got a lot of issues, but she's hot for him. I want to just do a little compilation that Avril, our producer, Avril, cut together of the old crone. Take a look at the old crone. The old crone talk. So get ready to drink, because we're gonna get a lot of old cronies here.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Cring your pup.

[Paul Scheer]

Old cr.

[June Diane Raphael]

You just look so sad.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can you maybe stop calling my wife an old chrome?

[Paul Scheer]

Can you stop calling my wife? It is, by the way, this.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This movie had, like, actual funny jokes in it. I will say this movie had actual man. Maybe it is. Maybe it is. The juxtaposition of last week to this week just made me, like, this one more. But this. This one had jokes that, for me, worked. And so, like, this runner of Crone, also. Paul, do you have. And I don't know if you do.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Any of. There are multiple scenes in which the knight and Vanessa Hudgens have some sort of interaction or whatever. And the actual crone is, like, in the background.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah. Just in the background, checking it out.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, straight into limbs. Like.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, no.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I wish I cast you, Jason. If you can get a crone, I would have cast you, like, just covered in. In, like, a bear suit.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Mandukas for Crone.

[Paul Scheer]

But by the way, here's what I felt bad about.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Rolls away from old women. That's what I'm here for.

[Paul Scheer]

The woman who had to play, not the old crone, is the one I feel the worst for because I felt like she really got done dirty because she let herself.

[Jessica Sinclair]

That's the point. She had under eye bags. Those can be concealed, but you gotta push it.

[Paul Scheer]

The chat.

[June Diane Raphael]

You have to say, like, you have to. You have to be willing to say to hair, makeup and wardrobe, like, do you want the director to come down and hear from me? Me, by the way, do you want me to go out there unhappy?

[Jessica Sinclair]

You can say, I'm gonna act like an old crone. I'm gonna lack it. I don't need to look like it. Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wardrobes to be crony.

[Paul Scheer]

Can we just show. I know we've. We've been very respectful of the makeup, but can we talk about this Santa? The worst.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, this is where the Curly hair is a problem. This curious hair, as far as I'm concerned, Santa does not have curls. Not my Santa.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Here's my theory. He was probably told to keep it down, but he inched it up to give himself a fringe surrey with the fringe on top. He just.

[June Diane Raphael]

Because that looks like it was all him.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Why would you just put a little bit of bang? Why. Why have bangs?

[Paul Scheer]

Why are you trying to be a sexy Santa when. This is not about sexy Santa. This is about sexy nights. Knights.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Many people look like Santas in this world. It's got to be easy hanging out.

[Paul Scheer]

At that village 24 7. Like, at one point, he has a conversation with Vanessa Hudgins or the night. And then he's like, I gotta go. Hey, kids, wear your list. It's like he's like a wandering Santa. Like, what is that?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Here's what I would have been into. Instead of him being like, hey, will you stop calling my wife a crone? If he would be like, hey, I'm about to go to the Crone zone, right?

[Jessica Sinclair]

How long are you sitting on that.

[Paul Scheer]

One, by the way?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I've been percolating that one. Hey, what do we say? What do you say we take this to the Crone zone?

[Paul Scheer]

Can I ask the women?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's my next relationship. My next relationship begins with that sentence. Go ahead.

[Paul Scheer]

Let me ask the women a question here.

[June Diane Raphael]

One year. You're one year closer to the Crone zone today. Jason.

[Paul Scheer]

I have noticed a couple things here in these Christmas movies, and I would say a great Christmas movie, like, Elf has a similar thing. And I want to ask you both and very serious about this. Do women want to. A complete child dummy? Like, because I feel like. Because it's like, look, an elf.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like, is that what you were searching in incognito mode?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. No, because it's like there's something funny. It's like you have. Like, you have Zooey Deschanel.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Women wanna small boys.

[Paul Scheer]

But it's like. It's a weird. It's a weird thing. It's a thing that.

[June Diane Raphael]

Remember big?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Remember?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. It's a weird. There's a weird thing where it's like, women want a man who is me is definitely attractive, but they like. But his mind is childish. Elf, the Nutcracker. This.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's like, why women were like, Beatlemania was based on the premise of, like, these are safe boys that almost look like girls. And so they're safe to us. And so we can sort of like young, young teens can Girls can explore their sexuality.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Well, that's the same with. That's like the Teeny Bopper. The Justin. The original Justin Bieber.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Grown women. I cannot. I cannot claim. I cannot claim these women who.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Who are as future Crohn's.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would say I'm a Cronin training has CIT's.

[Paul Scheer]

CIT. Cronin training might be the shirt. You have a couple shirts in training.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Crone in training.

[Paul Scheer]

Crone zone.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I would say that we could do.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A series of Crone based shirts and.

[Paul Scheer]

Then they would sell out immediately.

[Jessica Sinclair]

That part of him is not attractive to me. But what is and. And what consistently got me going on the downstairs.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, you're a grown ass Crone.

[June Diane Raphael]

For.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Me was any time he was protecting her valor and you know, honor and he was like, I'm gonna kill that guy. Like the fact that he was gonna like put a sword through that piece of. Who by the way, seems to be stalking her. Everywhere she is, he's there. The ex.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Once again, a grown man is allowed to wander a small town with a deadly weapon and be like, sword threat. Threaten people with it. Threaten. He. He holds that sword to a man's throat and says, should I kill him him? And people are like, no, you shouldn't, but you can keep the sword. Like this is a. This is a mentally ill person. That cop should be arrested for. For in public endangerment. Leave with the sword.

[Paul Scheer]

I know that we talked about this earlier, but the idea that like, well, that was her parents house or her dad was a cop in a small town so he could afford a giant house. Also like this cop was like. She's like. He's like, Ohio real estate, I guess. Ohio real estate. So she says, I did look at Austin real estate one time in incognito and I was like, wow.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Somebody else.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wait, I'm sorry.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Wait, somebody else.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can I ask who is this?

[Jessica Sinclair]

I will not rest until June murder my life.

[Paul Scheer]

I love my wife and I'm so sad that she passed so young.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

This is weird. I just googled that. And Austin real estate is a pornhex. That's his name game.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Huh.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She has an only fans account that has only one subscriber.

[June Diane Raphael]

I honestly, I don't know.

[Paul Scheer]

I don't what you're doing.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I'm fine for all of it to stay incognito. Like the last thing I want is to. For it to actually come to light. Like I keep it incognito. It's okay.

[Paul Scheer]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

People bring their own axes, right?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Okay, there are kids running around hereby chopping.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

People are chopping their own trees down in this town, inside the the town it feels like. So. So they're just there's an area of town where they have, like, a forest of trees that every year can be cut into Christmas. It made zero sense.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. My dad used to plant Christmas trees in our backyard.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, great.

[June Diane Raphael]

They do take years and years.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, yeah. To get to a certain height. Of course.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's why there are Christmas tree farms. Literally.

[June Diane Raphael]

Right, of course. So. But all of those Christmas trees were full grown and seemed to be in the spot that was like, oh, this is where we sell them.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's almost like a place where the parking lot where you go to buy to get a tree during Christmas. Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

And it seemed like. It seemed like everyone was given an ax and. No, it was like. It felt like a little bit of a novelty place. Like, we'll give you the ax. You could go do it, but you don't have to actually go into the forest to do it. And, like, that one guy like it. It felt like a little bit like you pay actually even more money to get cut down a tree, but you're not really doing anything. I feel like that's okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

So that should have been what it was. What it should have been is that the knight misunderstood, thought he was gonna have to cut the dream.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Took his sword out and started chopping at it. And Vanessa Hudgins should have been like, oh, no, no, no. All we need to do is pick it out. It's already been cut down.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Because he put it on top of the car without any problem.

[Jessica Sinclair]

But his.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

He whacks it, and it goes down. And then the other guy is like, oh, I see how to do it. You got to do that. And then you are like, wait a minute. So by the logic of this, these are actual real trees that everybody in town.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

So you're right. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

After Christmas, in the town center, just a barren area of stumps, and then.

[June Diane Raphael]

They start planting again. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That didn't make any sense.

[Paul Scheer]

They have to plant them years ahead of time. June.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Maybe that's how you do it in Ohio. I don't know.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, look. They look, they fly planes low in Ohio because at one point, when they do that, insert shot of, like, a plane overhead. You know how loud it would have been in that area if the plane flew overhead that low in Ohio. Like, when he first cuts to Ohio, by the way, somebody in the chat saying that they use miracle grow.

[Jessica Sinclair]

The funny until June.

[Paul Scheer]

Can I just show you another?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I will say another. Like last week, another movie in which.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Gets put to bed.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What's that?

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, I thought you were Gonna say.

[Jessica Sinclair]

The woman falls asleep and gets put to bed.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, but. But yes, but it was related to that. Another story in which a young woman immediately brings a. A stranger what should appear to her. A. A stranger having a mental illness episode, to live inside her house with her.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. The cop is like the company. Hey, we would wait until he gets his memory back. And she's like, I'll take him until he gets.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'll just take him to my house. Wait.

[June Diane Raphael]

Make sure he has his sword.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Does he still have his broad sword? Great. He can come to my house. What?

[Jessica Sinclair]

It's. It's sending a message that we should be concerned about to young women.

[June Diane Raphael]

For sure.

[Jessica Sinclair]

For Crohn.

[June Diane Raphael]

Sending the right message.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Crohn's gotta take whatever they can.

[June Diane Raphael]

Whatever shows up on your door and you're crone. And you gotta open the door up and let him in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Here's my pitch. Lifetime or Netflix or whoever let us make a holiday movie about Crohn's. It's called the Crone Zone. Or it's called. It's. I don't know what it is yet.

[June Diane Raphael]

They are suffering from Crohn's disease.

[Paul Scheer]

Can I ask you both. Well, I know June's answer on this one, but just. Did Dan ever speak for her?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Don't speak.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm not speaking for her. Has Dan ever put you to bed? Has he ever carried you to bed?

[June Diane Raphael]

Never.

[Jessica Sinclair]

First of all, he's a grown person. When I try to take my 7 year old from my bed to hers, I can barely hold her. So I. I mean, I don't know if you're very.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm always asking Paul to pick me up because I do. You have.

[Jessica Sinclair]

In what sense?

[Paul Scheer]

Helped her undress and get her to bed and get her tucked in and everything. They have to do the whole thing.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, he has. He has. He hasn't, like, lifted me up like a baby and brought me away from her.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is it like when you. Is it like when you fall asleep in the car? He comes around and picks you out of there and without waking you, brings you into.

[Paul Scheer]

When we got married. Back when we got married, I carried her over the threshold. Come on, guys.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's appropriate. That's like a tradition.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's very romantic.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. And I did one time lock Paul out of our home. And I found him, unfortunately. That's so terrible.

[Paul Scheer]

I wish it was in the Pacifica, though. I wish it had so much more room.

[June Diane Raphael]

I had a panic attack. I woke up and it was. Was seven in the morning. Eight in the morning. Before we had kids. And he hadn't called, he hadn't texted.

[Paul Scheer]

No, I did, I did call, but.

[June Diane Raphael]

I couldn't find my phone. And I was panicked. I'm like, paul, Paul, where is he? And there was a three bedroom apartment. I can't find him. I can't find him. And then I see a series of texts that have come in and phone calls. And the last text said, I'm in the car and I was sleeping in the parade outside. And I Prius, Jason. I run outside to the driveway and you know the Prius has that like slanted.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. Back.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I see that Paul Sheer is sleeping. Sleeping huddled up with like a blanket, like a beach blanket. And he's like sleeping on a cooler and sweatshirt over him. And that is a tight space.

[Paul Scheer]

I may do. I may do in the moment. And I wish it was in the Pacifica because I would had so much more room. I will tell you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I mean, I would love it if somebody would do fan art of just that image.

[Paul Scheer]

Beautiful fan art. Like, really classy. Yeah, Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

I say that because I'm a very, very heavy sleeper.

[Paul Scheer]

You're not though. You yelled at me this week about being a drug addict. You tell you you woke up, I came into the room, room, and you're like, it's like being married to a drug addict. Because I was like going to bed at like 2:30 in the morning.

[June Diane Raphael]

You go to bed very late. You go into incognito mode and I don't know what you're doing. Okay.

[Paul Scheer]

I have a player. We're in the playoffs. It's no big deal.

[June Diane Raphael]

Don't most couples, like, go to bed together? Like you go to bed at seven reading books side by side.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's not true, is it?

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't know. I don't. I don't know.

[Paul Scheer]

Every night we go to bed sometimes together.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Never. People are trying to carve out. Not Jason, of course, because he's in a fortress of solitude. But you're trying to carve out a tiny.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm doing it on purpose for yourself.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Aren't you though? Don't you feel like you need an hour or two by yourself? I mean, I'm waking up. No, no, Paul.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes.

[Jessica Sinclair]

The only time you're alone.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah. I do feel like at night there is a nice moment when the kids are asleep and I would love to be with my wife, but I also just want to have like a moment where no one is asking anything of me and I can just really be zoning out. And I'm normally folding Laundry while I'm doing that. But that's okay. That, that's fine.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is that what you call incognito mold folding?

[Paul Scheer]

Why don't you roll your eyes at that, June? Like you rolled your eyes? Like, like I do.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I like. I like that part of your self alone time is also making sure that I just know I'm doing chores. Most of it. Most of it. I'm like pretty much doing laundry cleaning.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I appreciate it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What if folding towels and stuff was just. You were doing it in virtual reality in a game.

[Paul Scheer]

You were just like a Sims.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

A game called Chores.

[June Diane Raphael]

But there is a compulsion to doing laundry. Like what? We've gone away on vacation and like day one, before we've arrived, he's like, should we put a load in him?

[Paul Scheer]

Wait, no, no, I do, I do. Like, look, if we have. If we have a laundry machine there, why not put it in and get it cleaned and ready to go?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, so I'm, I'm with Paul on this one. Because that means. What that means is I can bring fewer things.

[Paul Scheer]

Exactly. Jason.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wash them while I'm there.

[June Diane Raphael]

I want to relax. Listen, Vacation for me is incognito mode. I want to divorce myself from chores and let someone else do it all. Like, I don't want of it. And Paul's immediately like doing loads, getting loads in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I really don't. I think we guys, I think we need to stop using loads.

[Paul Scheer]

Doing loads.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Doing loads.

[June Diane Raphael]

Do you want that shirt cleaned? I'm like, I'm wearing it.

[Paul Scheer]

No, that. Don't say that. I don't do that. I don't do that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Hang on. That's. He's just trying to. He's just trying to take you to the crone zone.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, get that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Trying to get you out of that shit shirt.

[Paul Scheer]

So I don't. I don't understand. I don't understand exactly what the curse is. Because the curse is lifted when he kisses her but not falls in love. I don't know. But I wanted to show this kiss. This is slide number 11. Because I want to look at Vanessa Hudgens hand. This is sent to us by one of our listeners. Take a look at this where her hand is here.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Huh?

[Paul Scheer]

No, it looks like a doctor pimple popper or something getting in there. It's a little bizarre.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I wonder.

[Jessica Sinclair]

She's hanging on. She's hanging on to the chain mail and I think she's doesn't know where else to put the finger.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can I ask a question? Is her nail polish metallic?

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah, it looks like It.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, that's a nice detail.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

They're tying them together just like the stone work in all the houses in the castles.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, as a person always at Coachella, like, I feel like I'm always seeing pictures of her in, like, string shirts.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And, like, Isabel Moran boot. Yeah, yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, she's always at Coachella. So I feel like those nails may.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Have been a left picture for a second. Can we go back?

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, let's go back to picture June.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

To your point from earlier and also to our Santa point. This guy's bangs, this is. This should not be happening. Happening. His hair should not be peeking out of his chain mail. This just the same way that Santa's wig shouldn't have been peeking out of guys. No peeking. How many times do I have to say it?

[Paul Scheer]

We're saying a wispy bang. It's a wispy bang. We don't like a wispy bank. And let's go to our. Our audience here. Let's see what the chat has to say. All right. Steve Shappy writes, wouldn't it make more sense if Vanessa Hudgens was a history teacher? Science teacher.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes. Yes.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Because there was one line where she said something like, oh, hold on. The king was blah, blah, blah in the 1300s. This just go like, incog and like, Google that.

[Paul Scheer]

You know, why wouldn't they make it a change? Because there's nothing that she does that's any bit about science. She doesn't have to help him get back. She's not Doc Browning it.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And it could have been something that really brought them together. They could have had shared, like, if she knew about specifically his era or even his.

[Paul Scheer]

His.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Like the. The. The. The. His period of. Of like, knighthood. You know, it was. That would. That would have given them a connection that frankly, the movie. I mean, the only connection the movie gives them is she hits him with her car and then is kind of like dreamy over him.

[June Diane Raphael]

Can we talk? We haven't even mentioned the dad with four kids.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Oh, my God.

[Paul Scheer]

But by the way, that's like. That's like the opposite of the Sarah, the Melissa Joan Hart movie. Whereas the mother with five kids.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yes. Now, I don't know if she was sing. Was she a single?

[Paul Scheer]

She was single.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yes, she was single.

[June Diane Raphael]

She was a redhead, so.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And she was a redhead.

[Paul Scheer]

Well, people want to know is Megan. Merry Christmas. It was a sister of turkey sub, which is a reference to on the line. Yeah, it was.

[June Diane Raphael]

I actually love the relationship between Hudgens.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

It was like, I felt that they had something, the two actresses, and there was a natural chemistry between the two of them. And the sister wasn't. I mean, I was upset. I had. Wasn't offered the role. Didn't get a chance to audition or show what I might do. But, you know, so that was hurtful. Is where I play.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. I did read for the Crone.

[Paul Scheer]

I will say that the. The sister losing her daughter. The sister losing the daughter in the forest, which I just am remembering right now. And then the husband coming home. I didn't like the husband for her. I didn't think.

[June Diane Raphael]

I was surprised.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And I liked it.

[Paul Scheer]

I liked it better.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Almost died and he was absent.

[June Diane Raphael]

So that was the only time I was attracted to the night, was when he was telling that little girl to snail over. I do like men. Safe children.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Let me ask you a question. I felt like. I felt like that in the movie. They did that scene in a way almost as if. If it was a public service announcement about what to do.

[June Diane Raphael]

Will you ever forget it, Jason? Will you ever forget it?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It was so step by step, though.

[Paul Scheer]

That's why.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Okay, A number of times I wrote down. Is this a faith based movie? Because I feel like in certain instances they like the man with the dead wife and the four children, they really dug into like weird stories or things that to me felt like hopeful or educational.

[Paul Scheer]

Like when. When they gave the. When they gave the single dad those gifts. That was a very religious moments. The town chipped in and we honor you, you know. Yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

It was inappropriate to have to have him publicly like receive that.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Like, I would have had it wrapped up and put it under their tree as if.

[June Diane Raphael]

Absolutely. Let them experience that in private. Like the pageantry of it. I'm like, you all really revealed yourselves and what your charity is all about.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Felt like they were patting themselves on the back rather than. Why not let him have this with.

[June Diane Raphael]

His children's wife has died and he has four kids on his own. He's got two jobs.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But there's a scene in which Vanessa Hudgens and her sister and maybe the night are all talking about that guy Dave, I think is his name. Where for like a minute and a half they're talking about. And you know what? He still finds time to volunteer because it's important for him to show what service. That service is important. And I was like, who is this for? What is this?

[June Diane Raphael]

I don't. I. I thought we were supposed to con. I mean, I don't.

[Paul Scheer]

Boxes that you check.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like. Yeah, he was. He kept on trying to figure out how to fulfill his quest.

[Paul Scheer]

But. But I guess to me, what I think is more to the point is, like, a Christmas movie needs to check certain boxes. Like, you did an active service, and we're showing, like, Home Alone even has these things where you're like, we're showing community, we're showing family, we're showing this. Like, so you need to, like, kind of hit these, like, Hallmarks.

[June Diane Raphael]

But it was weird, though. There. There were jumps the movie makes where sometimes I'm like, like, what the is going on here? Because she says the reason why they have that event is because her parents, who are both deceased. That's sometimes why I hate saying both of my parents are deceased. Because it feels like such a movie moment. Like, both really. Wow. And so soon, one after the other. Like, it just. It feels insane. But. And it's felt insane in this movie. But her parents. Parents who are both deceased have had this Christmas party for people who didn't have anywhere to go on Christmas. Like, okay, well, that's something I thought we were going to replicate. No, what we're now doing is hosting with the same spirit, an event where everyone can come, and we sell tickets, and then the proceeds and profits from the tickets go to family. Families not who are alone, but in need. It was such a strange journey to get there.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It also was. It also came up. And maybe it was. Forgive me if it was mentioned earlier, and I just didn't clock it, but it's at minute 47 that she says, I might need your help pulling off this holiday feast. And I was like, what holiday feast?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

This is what we're driving, by the.

[Paul Scheer]

Way, this movie in, they do a lot of weird stuff. Like, there's a moment, too, where, I mean, I had an issue with this where, like, they're decorating the tree on Christmas Eve, but yet she has a whole nother house that's fully decorated. Like, she, like, saved the tree until I. I just. I don't understand that. That conceit that you would. You would decorate the tree the night before. Martin Morrow. Lee from Recipe. Oh, this is Lee. Oh, wow. So thank you, Marty.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Huge reveal. Huge reveal.

[Paul Scheer]

We'll talk about Recipe for seduction or a little bit. Cole came from the year 1334, but liked oranges. How was this possible if oranges weren't introduced to Europe until the 16th century?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Because everybody was getting the scurvy. That's why they were all getting scurvy.

[Paul Scheer]

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Jessica Sinclair]

People are bringing to these movies. And I really.

[Paul Scheer]

That's what I really appreciate, like, that's what I kind of wanted, a recipe for seduction. Next question. What do we got? Oh, yeah. Oh, go ahead.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, no, no.

[Paul Scheer]

Nancy, do you agree with the film's 70? Rotten Tomatoes.

[Jessica Sinclair]

It's so good.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's good.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

If we're rating it on a scale of Christmas movie, I mean, like holiday TV movies, like what we're talking about, then 70. Yes, 100.

[Jessica Sinclair]

But if we're comparing it to like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Comparing it to like real regular movies. No, you like then of course not. Right. But like, in its category, this is certainly better than Holiday in Handcuffs and the Thing.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah. The least. Navi. Dad. Melissa Joan Hart's new movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, well, I. I can't speak to that because I haven't seen it yet.

[Paul Scheer]

It is a movie that was shot in COVID protocols.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Snow dad is better than no dad. But listen, for guys, let's remember that this movie to me, I don't know, maybe I just. Again, maybe it was just because last week was a rougher slog. This one went down like a cold, like, I'm sorry. A hot glass of hot cocoa.

[Paul Scheer]

Me too.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I wish I was with Jason while.

[Jessica Sinclair]

We were watching that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my God.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Wouldn't that have been a dream?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It would have been a dream, but then it would allow. Then it would have meant that I would have had to have tell you where I live, which I'd rather not.

[Paul Scheer]

Next question.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Where he lives?

[Paul Scheer]

Balcony Monster 2020 Baby writes, Where did the dog come from? Great question. Great question. This dog just straight up appears. I also think this falls into the category of the niece. Not even having a name, just referred to as niece. There are a couple of magic.

[June Diane Raphael]

I never get a puppy. Never get a puppy.

[Paul Scheer]

By the way, that's. You've changed. You've changed your opinion on that. By the way.

[June Diane Raphael]

Keep your coffee bean down, sir. Never get a puppy. I mean, I guess puppies, certain puppies do need somewhere to go, but really feel like you can handle it. It's too hard. You can't handle it.

[Jessica Sinclair]

It almost broke me. Thank God.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I think that one of the other things this movie doesn't figure out is that is this Ma. The magical element of the movie, like, clearly the Knight and the Crone and the magic of Christmas gave the niece the puppy. But they don't give you any. In a movie that is full of inexplicable rules, they don't give you any. And they don't. They don't line it up enough that you're like, oh, that's cool.

[Paul Scheer]

I still think the biggest problem. The biggest problem that they had was they had the title A Night Before Christmas, and they did. No, they did no jet. They had no journey to be. Like, how do we get this guy from Norwich, England, to the States? Like, there's no logic.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Not hard either. Like, Outlander again, as I told you, pile drive, etc.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, you should read it to a number of times.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You should read it, my friend.

[June Diane Raphael]

Incognito, though.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Well, yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

By yourself, I'm sure.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Sweating it out. Sweat it out and read that. But they touch a. She touches a stone. Like a mega. Like one of those monoliths, and then it just transforms her back in. It's not that hard to come up with a reason that there's. There's a tear in the time space continuum. But just give me a reason. Give me where it is.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, but he also, like. He also is like, well, I guess I'm here. Cool. What are we doing? I guess I'll try and drive that car. I'll wear these clothes. I'll do this. I'll do that. Yes.

[Paul Scheer]

An American person in Norwich, England. Like, like, there's no real. You didn't need to, like, you know, you didn't need to get that. Yeah, yeah.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's like Holiday. Love that movie. Love.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is it?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Holiday.

[June Diane Raphael]

Holiday.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What is. Isn't there a movie where. Isn't there a movie where Hugh. Hugh. No. Where somebody is a knight from olden days and comes and finds Meg Ryan.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yes. Yes.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, yes.

[Paul Scheer]

That's Jackman.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Right.

[Paul Scheer]

And it's called Hugh Jackman.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's what it is.

[Paul Scheer]

Yes, it was.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Isn't that this movie but not Christmas.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yes, but they deal a lot more with his confusion. One of the things that isn't that fun is to watch someone for. For an hour and a half, be like, what's happening to me? Like, you want to, like, quickly get to, like. And I'm in your house and I. Right.

[June Diane Raphael]

And I'm dealing with the Alexa. Yes. And I'm.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And I'm in a towel.

[Paul Scheer]

I'm getting the vote out for Georgia. I'm just doing it. I'm just in the mix.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Maybe. Maybe that's our movie. Our movie is.

[Paul Scheer]

Our movie is by time travel.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah. People who are constantly moving through time but are completely unfazed by it.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, June is left. Gina's left the picture. Kate is a movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Did I say something? Was that.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, she really. Yeah, she really. I wonder where she's going. Going. All right. Our last Question here. Our last question. Krista writes. My question is, do we think it's okay that one, they put that child in that wig, and two, that her teacher was deeply invested in her teenage love life because, by the way, she really comes into it. And then the end scene, which we also have too, that's, that's the other video that we have, video number seven, where she kind of wraps it up for her. Here we go.

[June Diane Raphael]

Oh, he's getting a sleepy time.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, it's not sleepy.

[June Diane Raphael]

Never believe what happened. Grayson is begging me to take him back.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Oh, right.

[June Diane Raphael]

I told him to forget it because.

[Paul Scheer]

True love only exists in fairy tales.

[June Diane Raphael]

And from now on, I'm only focusing on my goals.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Paige, I was wrong.

[Paul Scheer]

But, but you said.

[Jessica Sinclair]

No, it's not about your goals.

[June Diane Raphael]

That's good. But about true love. It does exist. Really?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No.

[June Diane Raphael]

It may not come around that often, but when it does, you'll recognize it. When someone loves you completely for who you are, and you want what's best for them too, even, Even if it means it's not with you.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, sorry.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's okay. Okay, okay, lady.

[Paul Scheer]

She's like, okay, yeah, you just had a future crone Cronus training.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

When you're like, that's when you're like, oh, guys, I saw Mrs. I saw Mrs. Hudgens out the other night and she said some up.

[Paul Scheer]

She's crazy.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Guys, I had. This is not that funny, but I'm just remembering that my, my junior year soccer teacher, my teacher called me into his off his classroom once. No, he was the soccer coach. And he was like, what are you doing messing around with that guy? Couldn't you think, you know, isn't there someone better? And I was like, huh, interesting. But that just like a buried memory just came back to me.

[Paul Scheer]

Wow.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Unearthed by Vanessa Hudgens.

[Paul Scheer]

Anyway, I, I, I had, I had a similar thing where a teacher brought me in. A teacher brought me into the room and she said to me, she's like, you know that kid David? She's like, he's a real, he's real bully. And you know, if he ever does anything again, I think it would be fine if you just punched him. Oh, and, and, and I, and she gave me permission to, to fight this kid, this kid in sixth grade. So the next time he did something, I was like, no, my teacher said I could do it. I was like, bam. And yeah, it was a pretty. Yeah, I really.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What did you, did you go to the teacher afterwards and be like, I did what you said?

[Paul Scheer]

I did say to my Parents that the teacher did give me the okay, but they didn't really hold water because the parents did try to sue us. They did, yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

God. This is another chapter in the harrowing childhood.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, that was. That was a real. That was. Yeah.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You need to do your own Angela's Ashes.

[June Diane Raphael]

But it takes really quite a. Oh, my God.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That's incredible.

[June Diane Raphael]

That scene made me think. Clearly, it made all of us think. And I really credit hats off to Vanessa Hudgens and her performance. She is easy on screen and I'm excited. Goes. But I will say, like, it made me think, actually, what if I had. When our children are teenagers and Jessica, you have a daughter. But, like, I don't know that I'll be telling them, like, oh, yeah, I think I will be downplaying love and, you know, falling in love at that age because.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, at that age.

[June Diane Raphael]

At that age, because mom made me.

[Paul Scheer]

Buy a diamond ring for a girl I was dating in sixth grade. I mean, like a fake diamond.

[Jessica Sinclair]

That's a story. Unlike Jason's story about going to the bathroom in the airplane. I want to hear that story over and over and over.

[June Diane Raphael]

Over and over and over.

[Paul Scheer]

If you like her, buy her a nice ring. And they went to Macy's. And then. Yeah. Oh, yeah, we went to Macy's.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Bananas.

[Paul Scheer]

I didn't even know what I was doing. Now I think about it like, mom, what were you thinking?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But did you get married in high school?

[Paul Scheer]

No. Sixth grade.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Wife.

[Paul Scheer]

Sixth grade.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Sixth grade. I'm sorry. Junior high school. Is that junior high school for you?

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, I guess, yeah. My God. I mean, I'm so embarrassed by it now that I think about it. I gave a girl, like, a fake diamond ring. She's dead now. No, I just joke. I'm just joking.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Is it a cold case? I mean, I think we. I think we might have a suspect.

[June Diane Raphael]

Jesus Christ.

[Jessica Sinclair]

She's in your attic.

[Paul Scheer]

People are asking the chat. Is that the girl that I. That I kissed at the musical? Yes, it was the girl I kissed. The musical.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Wait, when did. What age were you when you had your first girlfriend, Paul?

[Paul Scheer]

Like fifth or sixth grade?

[June Diane Raphael]

I wish.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Begging for someone to give it to me. No one would.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Jesus Christ.

[Paul Scheer]

We have a lot of opinions here, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It's now time for a second opinion. Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Way this movie suck. But five stars all the way. He was sent here from Medieval Times just to not fuck Vanessa Hutchins. There. Very wholesome. I'll give five star Second opinions?

[Paul Scheer]

Yes. Great grouping of things. There are no, there are no Amazon reviews for this movie. These are from IMDb but they are. They're 10 star reviews. Nate. Kylie did all the research here. Put these together. 10 stars. This is written by DG KT4 for. It was wonderful. I love it so much. It was wonderful. It was really interesting and dreamy. It could be longer though. I wish they would make a sequel. And then this one from Joey Amore. 10 stars. Goes better than a Hallmark. Sweet film with a few flaws. Excellent, fun movie. Fairly accurate in the medieval aspects. Don't let the naysayers turn you from watching it. I highly recommend. Recommend. 10 stars right there. This is another one from Perry. Perry writes, can't believe the negativity. This is a great movie. Josh Whitehouse is fantastic. Extremely likable and very funny. I love that in this time travel movie the driving force isn't how confused and freaked out the traveler is over and over again. Cole is clearly a Renaissance man looking for his mission as a knight. He keenly observes everything and learns quickly. From his observations, it's clear he doesn't spend too much time questioning what he doesn't know or understand and is open to the fact that just because something can't be logically explained doesn't mean it's not possible. Instead, he focuses on the moment and what matters and being kind and compassionate and level headed. I also like that Brooke is accepting and accommodating. Vanessa did a great job too. 10 stars.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Every single one of these reviews.

[Paul Scheer]

These are great. And then this is. This is from Ewok. Ewok writes, honestly, the main draw for this Yub nub.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yubnub.

[Paul Scheer]

Yubnub. Yub.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Nope, nope, nope nope.

[Paul Scheer]

Writes honestly, the main draw for this film had to be the fact that I am from Norwich in England. It's a bit more than a castle in a barn now, but I'll and but all in all I enjoyed the film. 10 stars.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Cute.

[Paul Scheer]

From modern day Norwich. And then this one. This is from E.O. elmo. Elmo Blade. Elmo Blade writes, what a wonderful movie that was made. I watch a lot of movies, especially a lot of medieval movies. There's a lot of Christmas movies out there, but none like this. This one. And they made a wonderful Christmas movie by adding a medieval night. I wish they would make a second one where she goes to the castle and then they make a series. If y'all watch it and like the medieval stuff, you'll be happy and you'll feel the same way that I did 10 stars a must watch. I love it all. Let's. We have one more thing to talk about which is the. The KFC movie. But anything that we missed, anything we want to chat about here before we get into whether or not we would recommend this movie. Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I had a couple of lines that I wrote down just because I was like. There was a lot of stuff in here that I was. Oh, the, the kissing was very chaste. I loved when he was just riding around the woods screaming, crone, crone, crone.

[Paul Scheer]

I also thought his name was problematic. Sir Cole just sounded always like circle. And that was a rough. No one like said it out loud until it was too late.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I felt like I loved when she said, you're telling me that single handedly stopping a thief isn't quest worthy. This is. Again, I want to congratulate Vanessa Hudgens for selling lines that are so tough. These are.

[Paul Scheer]

She essentially is the. The universe. The the. And Netflix Christmas cinematic universe.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

She is it constantly having to give exposition. She's constantly trying to sell. She's doing an incredible job. Sorry. There was a bunch of stuff that I was just like, oh, the. All the stuff about mead, which is an alcoholic drink, but then in the real world again, it's hot chocolate in the movie last week. There is no alcohol of people in these. In these movies. They don't. They're not allowed to drink alcohol or have sex. No, but no, it doesn't. Adults can do either of those, which I thought.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I. One thing I found extremely disturbing was when.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, wow. What a great way to get her out. Wow. Wow.

[June Diane Raphael]

I had honestly had just found the right level for her. Like after Jason finished, I was like, oh, Jessica's starting. And I just found like just the right level that was right for Jess but right for everyone else.

[Paul Scheer]

Do you think that you did not have a computer plugged in? Like, that's definitely.

[June Diane Raphael]

It just died. She was riding on like 8%.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

What do you like? What's the likelihood she's still talking at her computer right now?

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, yeah. She does not know that she's off. She's talking to a black mirror. She's like right in there. I. I started following Vanessa Hudgins on Instagram after this because I'm like, she's up to fun stuff. No, not incognito. I showed you the video of her covered in blood, like licking her fingers and stuff. She's like, yeah, doing some crazy.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I liked that. I liked that she had an ex boyfriend. I liked that all of the dynamics Worked better for me than the dynamics. Again, I keep comparing it to last week's movie, but they just worked. It made more sense, this movie. Now, that being said, what didn't make sense is, like, Emmanuel Shariki's daughter comes very close to dying. Like, they're supposed to go out and have a sword fight, and instead they walk all the way down to the river and are standing on top of.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, why did she go out there? She didn't see that type of kid.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah, it's like her friends convinced her. Her friend. Like, she said, my friends went all out here and we got lost. We got to. We went too far up.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Hey.

[Paul Scheer]

Welcome back. What happened? Welcome back. What happened?

[Jessica Sinclair]

I really want to know.

[June Diane Raphael]

Was it. Well, so I assumed you just ran out of battery. It wasn't. Is it ever.

[Paul Scheer]

I wasn't plugged in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I'm sorry.

[Paul Scheer]

You were so happy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Happy.

[Paul Scheer]

You texted me this week and you're like, I found the plugs in my computer.

[June Diane Raphael]

I want to read the text, Paul, that came in from Jessica this week. Because I was actually, like. It really made me.

[Paul Scheer]

You do need those cans. Jessica, put those cans back on.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my God.

[June Diane Raphael]

Get settled into the wrong thing. I can't get it all. And I, like, received a. A text from Jessica this week that actually, like, it concerned me because I was like, oh, did she think were upset with her? I really was worried. And then this. Okay, wait. So let me find the text. Paul, do you have it with you?

[Paul Scheer]

I have everything off like I told. What? You don't know.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

S. The timing couldn't have been better. The timing was incredible.

[Jessica Sinclair]

The cans aren't plugged into anything.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But.

[Paul Scheer]

What do you mean?

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Can you hear it us?

[June Diane Raphael]

No, you can't hear us.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Why are you saying us?

[Paul Scheer]

She just wrote. She wrote.

[June Diane Raphael]

Wait, wait, wait. I think I got it. Paul. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay. Okay. I hate myself so much. Okay, so. So Paul and I get a text from Jessica and what's playing right now?

[Paul Scheer]

I don't know. June, what's on their computer? I don't. I don't know computers. Everything's open.

[June Diane Raphael]

It's me. What is that? Do you hear those birds?

[Paul Scheer]

Probably YouTube. Just close YouTube.

[June Diane Raphael]

Does anyone hear those bird noises or. It's just me.

[Paul Scheer]

I love that you're like. And then you're also doing.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I know.

[June Diane Raphael]

So Jessica wrote. Is it okay to say this, Jessica?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Sure.

[June Diane Raphael]

I'm losing my I. Yesterday at 1:07pm, Paul and I get a text. Now, we had also done, as Paul mentioned, a live Charity show me Jessica, Jason, Casey, Danielle, a bunch of different people. And there were also, like, everybody was on and Jessica wasn't on yet. And there was some concern. I sent my obligatory, like, we're all here text.

[Paul Scheer]

I sent a text to you, too.

[June Diane Raphael]

Yeah. And then I get. So the next day, we get a text from Jess yesterday. Guys, to me and Paul, I just want to say thank you so much for including me in these fun Zoom shows and an apology for being late to tech of each one of the hot mess. Upon reflection, I think they've been in resistance to anything that has to do with organization during this pandemic. I've decided to get my shit together. So I just wanted to say sorry. I love you. I found the cord to my computer and downloaded Google Chrome. Love you.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I know, but can I say something? Can I say I think the T.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Shirt, all the things he had me order don't fit into my computer. That's your computer, June. It's the same one I bought, the same one you had. Okay.

[June Diane Raphael]

My husband was trying to help you, Jessica. Okay.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

For this show. The T shirt for this show. One of the T shirts for the show should just be a transcription of Jessica's text. Just text of what you just read. I think, people. I would like audience members to send us dramatic readings of Jessica Sinclair's text to the group.

[June Diane Raphael]

I would love to make you feel terribly because people, like, really need to understand that Paul and I didn't say. We didn't say boo. I was just like, I love. I love Jessica. She can come.

[Paul Scheer]

We were so happy to have you here always.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, I accept you, everything about you.

[Paul Scheer]

And with that, I ask you all, would you recommend this movie? Jess, it goes to you first. Would you recommend this movie?

[June Diane Raphael]

What were you gonna say before you. And didn't you see?

[Jessica Sinclair]

Didn't you see.

[June Diane Raphael]

Just last question, Jessica, didn't you see, like, oh, I'm at 8%. I'm at 7%. Like.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Didn'T a window come up that says you're running out of battery?

[Jessica Sinclair]

No. You know why? Guys, I live in a moment. Just like that actor who plays the knight who's given you eyes and Vanessa Hudgens taking it minute to minute and moments. Okay, I'm here with you. I'm not checking my phone.

[Paul Scheer]

Okay, the question is this. Would you recommend this movie? Sinclair. Okay, June. No. Jessica 100.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Yes. Yes. Just like I would recommend Emily in Paris.

[Paul Scheer]

Emily and Paris. That's what it's supposed to be pronounced as. It's supposed to rhyme. Emily and Party.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Please. Please don't ever do that again.

[Paul Scheer]

Emily. Emp.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Please.

[Paul Scheer]

June.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

June, we know about. We know how you feel about men drinking tea. How do you feel about men speaking in accentuated French accent I loved that.

[June Diane Raphael]

I loved every second of it.

[Paul Scheer]

I love my love.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

No, I say yes. I recommend this movie, especially if you are in. If you're searching for a holiday movie of right now, blah, blah, blah. I mean, listen, I would go with some of the others. I would go with your nuts.

[Paul Scheer]

Very controversial. Very controversial.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Clea and Mary Holland's movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Oh, the happiest season, which is really fun.

[June Diane Raphael]

Holiday. The holiday I would watch first.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

But I will say this movie, totally worthwhile watching.

[Paul Scheer]

It makes me want to get into the Netflix Christmas world. I'm like, this is kind of a. This is like maybe a com. A competition. Lifetime, in a good way, put us.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

In the Netflix world. We're. We're ready. We're already in it.

[June Diane Raphael]

I mean, I'm not in the Christmas Netflix world.

[Paul Scheer]

Are you telling me, June, that Vanessa Hudgens character didn't watch Grace and Frankie? I dare say she did.

[June Diane Raphael]

You're absolutely right. You're absolutely.

[Paul Scheer]

I mean, they're already watching Netflix on this thing. I would recommend it. I really like it. I like Vanessa Hudgins. I loved her in Spring Breakers. I've seen High school musical. She's 32, so I feel okay saying that. I think that she is, you know, she's doing a great job. She's doing a great, great job.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You said Spring Breakers a couple different times.

[Paul Scheer]

Which did believe. Are said it. Yeah, it was June.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I just thought maybe there was a.

[June Diane Raphael]

Definitely has some incognito feelings for Vanessa Hudgins. I saw positive about it, and it's okay. Listen, I've got enough confidence in myself. It's fine.

[Paul Scheer]

You should. You're a beautiful woman. You're a beautiful woman. You are. You are. You are three times of Vanessa Hudgins.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Listen.

[June Diane Raphael]

Almost crone. But that.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Do you think when you are. When you are swaddled in your sauna bed, is Paul just like incognito, searching to his heart's delight because he knows you're. You're trapped.

[June Diane Raphael]

I am trapped now. The best. See, here's the tough thing. Like, actually, the best way to get in your sauna bed is to have someone else put you in. Like, put you kind of put you to bed.

[Paul Scheer]

I'll do that. I'll do that for your birthday. For your birthday. I will. I'll tuck you in.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

That is weird. I think I think that's weird. Adults. As I drink my tea, I will say adults. Putting adults to bed is weird.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Do you remember what you did to me? I don't think I've told the story before on this. When we were flying to Los Angeles, there was a Lifetime movie called May I Take youe Order? About a person who was abducting women from who were, like, doing the, you know, may I take your order? That he would, like, take them and then. And then do bad things to them. And Jason said, I don't think you can handle this movie. I would not suggest you watch it. And I said, don't tell me what to do. Like I would. I'm a big girl. I'm gonna watch this movie.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

By the way. By the way, first, first insinuation that you might not be a big girl is when you refer to yourself as a big girl.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And then this is how truly psychotic is. Then we went to the place. We were house sitting.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

I was right. You shouldn't have watched that movie.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Waited until I felt asleep in the other room. He kept himself up. Then he crawled into the.

[June Diane Raphael]

Is wrong with you? Jason crawled into the room.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

It's so good.

[Jessica Sinclair]

And whispered in my ear as I was in a deep sleep. May I take your order? Which I almost had a heart attack. Do you know how psychotic that is?

[June Diane Raphael]

That's really disturbed and demented.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Here's what I'll say. You have told that story multiple times, including on this podcast. So you were shaming earlier. You were shaming me earlier for repeatedly telling stories. And here you are repeated a same story. But I will say that story is 100% true. I tried to be a good friend to you on the plane and said, don't watch this movie. You're going to be scared. And then. And then I was like, if you're gonna.

[Paul Scheer]

You're gonna make sure that you're scared.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Yeah, listen, I'm. I'm here to help.

[Paul Scheer]

Look, I've done that, too. I mean, look, I had to promise my wife that wouldn't put her on scare tactics in our wedding vows. So I understand. I understand not trying to scare a person that is close to you. Holy.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, my God. This has been a delight.

[Paul Scheer]

We have two things to hit, which is. All right, let's talk about this Kentucky Fried Chicken headache.

[June Diane Raphael]

Like, I have, like a.

[Paul Scheer]

So before. Before we play this clip. So actually pull out the clip for one second. So the Kentucky Fried Chicken movie. A recipe for seduction. I know only a few of us have seen it, and it's a 15 minute mini movie movie that is essentially like a hidden ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken. Right. That, that, that's, you know, it's like in the style of a Lifetime movie. And I know that everyone was like, you gotta do it. You gotta do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Because they thought it was real then it wasn't real. And it's only 15 minutes. Thoughts, anyone want to talk about? I can jump in first and say I thought it was fine. It was neither ridiculous to the point where I wanted it to be, nor was it as serious to be dissected. That's kind of where I felt about it. It was neither here nor there.

[Jessica Sinclair]

I don't like it when people who aren't actually funny try to do funny things. Yeah.

[Paul Scheer]

I just feel like you got to commit one way or the other. Like when Will Ferrell and, and, and Kristen Wiig did that Lifetime movie.

[June Diane Raphael]

It was so, it was so perfect. I want to rewatch that. That was so perfect. And they played that so beautifully, the two of them.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Because this content, it, it was neither. Nor they just. That neither could they make go after hard jokes and kind of do a send up of a Lifetime movie.

[Paul Scheer]

Yeah.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Nor. Nor was it like what you're saying, Paul. Nor did it take itself serious enough that it would be fun for us to dig into women in the Ann.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Taylor loft suit blazers coming up with the idea. Now that being said, all I watched was a trailer, so. And my computer ran out of power.

[Paul Scheer]

I will say this, I will say this, that everyone in the film is. Everyone's doing a great job. It just sort of is like it, it. The best part is what we have right here, which is our producer Avril Haley cut together this montage of the amount of times they said Harland, which is Harland Sanders in a 15 minute movie. And it's shocking. Here we go.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Harlan.

[Paul Scheer]

Harland. Harland.

[June Diane Raphael]

Harland.

[Paul Scheer]

Harland.

[June Diane Raphael]

Harland. Harland.

[Paul Scheer]

Harland. Harlan.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Harland. Harlan.

[Paul Scheer]

Harland.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Harland.

[Paul Scheer]

Harlan.

[June Diane Raphael]

Harlan.

[Paul Scheer]

Harland. Harland.

[June Diane Raphael]

Harland. Yes.

[Jessica Sinclair]

Harland.

[Paul Scheer]

That is the. That is a lot of Harlan's for only 15 minutes of content. That is. Yeah. So that's that. You know, you can watch it. It's on YouTube. God bless. And I just want to go around the horn and give everyone a chance to talk about what they want people to know about. And I'm just going to lead off with one thing that's not for me. But our engineer Devin, who is just one of the best he has this 52 track album, it's a charity box set that he wrote and recorded from 2003 to 2018. It's available for 15 bucks on band Camp and every penny goes to Girls Rock Chicago and she Rock She Rock in Minnesota. Rock Camp, nonprofit supporting girls, women, trans, non binary musicians with equipment, resources and opportunities to make their own music. You can check it out on Bandcamp if you don't want to spend that 15. You can also check it out on Spotify, which is also there, but it's called the Beginner's Guide to birds. It's a 52 track charity album. So definitely I just want to plug that and go check that out. It's great. It's really, really good. And supporting Devin is supporting some awesome, awesome organizations there. But now I'll go around to all of you.

[June Diane Raphael]

Gosh. Well, Devin, that sounds incredible. And yeah, I hope everybody checks set out. And just a special shout out to all of the, all of our listeners who are quarantining alone and following the rules and doing the right thing to keep us all safe and, and handling the holidays alone in their houses and apartments. It's so hard. It's just so hard. And yeah, just a special shout out to everybody who's, who's staying at home for the next, you know, for the next month or so.

[Paul Scheer]

Jess, you want to give some text?

[June Diane Raphael]

Happy birthday, Jason.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Oh, thank you so much.

[Jessica Sinclair]

You know, today I did something that made me feel happy, which is an emotion that we don't feel as much these days. This organization, Baby two Baby and Baby and then the number two baby does all this incredible stuff. But one thing you do is like adopt. You can adopt a family or a kid who, you know, wouldn't get presents from Santa and you get their profile, you go out and you go nuts and buy them all the things that they want, you know. And I gotta tell you, it was like Supermarket Sweep. I'm buying for a 12 year old boy. And it was just like I remembered, like, oh, that's what makes us feel better in times of, of, you know, strife. It's to help other people. People. I haven't done enough of that. So anyway, if you guys were thinking of something you wanted to do, they, they need diapers and all sorts of things and yeah, just go on their website, Baby2Baby. But I'm telling you, it's a rush. It's a rush.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

And to that, to that end I'll say, you know, thank you to all of the people on the front lines, working in hospitals, working in putting your lives in service of helping sick people get through this. This is absolutely a terrifying time. We are experiencing an unprecedented amount of loss and grief in this country and around the world. And so thank you to all of you people, everybody who. Who are genuinely, selflessly putting yourselves out there.

[Paul Scheer]

I just want to say thank you again for everyone tuning in. This has been such a fun thing for us. I know that seeing your reactions online line have been, I don't know, there's a. There's an energy here that I never thought that we would actually be able to get and I'm so happy that we are able to get that and share this in. And if you missed the first week show or you want to tell other people about it, we're going to actually open up and extend the videos for about a week as a little bit of a Christmas special. You can kind of go and revisit these episodes if you've not seen the video versions of them because as you know, they are a little bit longer and a little bit different than our audio episodes. And I also want to say that yes, in addition, addition to Feeding America, I belong or not belong, but I support this organization called DonorsChoose. And DonorsChoose supports classrooms all across the country and it really helps teachers. They basically any teacher anywhere in the country, you can put in the zip code that you want. They'll say like, hey, I need this for my classroom and you can go and support that. And I have an ongoing donation there and it's really kind of what Jessica was saying. You can really support certain classes and help them achieve a goal or play a part in the goal. And it's a great organization. Organization. I want to give a huge, huge shout out to Cody Fisher, who is our producer here, who does so much work for this show. It's not technically her job. And I appreciate her and I appreciate all the work that she does all year long. And I say the same thing to Molly, who is my amazing assistant mvp, helps me get through the entire thing and is just absolutely wonderful. A big shout out to our producer. Avril Halley pulls these films and these clips and makes these trailers and works her ass off to to supply us with such great stuff. Nate Kiley does all this amazing research, of course, the ghost of Craig T. Nelson, who designed all these amazing posters that you saw on Instagram, and Kyle Waldron as well. And finally, I know we already talked about Devin, but Devin, who doesn't even work so much in so many ways on all your favorite shows, and he is just a plus in my book. People, we love you. Thank you for being here. Happy happy birthday Jason. Thank you and good night. Thank you for being here. Bye for now.

[June Diane Raphael]

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[Paul Scheer]

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[June Diane Raphael]

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[Jessica Sinclair]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

Bring your business to Ohio and join.

[June Diane Raphael]

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[Jason Mantzoukas]

Get started [e-mail] TWAS the nights before Christmas.

[Paul Scheer]

Despite last minute stress, few were delivering except warm Walmart Express. Stockings were hung by the fire knowing in about an hour suppers would soon be there. Onto the rogue Walmart Express Delivery. We went chug full of wondrous things.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

In the Saint Nick of time scent. Let's go get Express Delivery in as.

[Paul Scheer]

Fast as an hour even on Christmas Eve. Orders must be placed by 4pm local time on 1224, subject to availability, fees and restrictions apply.

[Jason Mantzoukas]

Express Delivery to y'all and to all a good night.

[Paul Scheer]

Welcome to your Walmart.