
Paul, June, and Jason break down the 2016 alien flick The Great Wall starring Matt Damon, Pedro Pascal, Willem Dafoe, and Tian Jing. LIVE from the Chevalier Theatre in Boston, they cover the space dogs, Matt Damon's many accents, all the beards and rattails, magnets, and so much more. (Originally Released 03/26/2020)
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When the fate of the world is at hand, you don't need an army. You just need a dude from Boston to fix things wicked fucking quick. We saw the Great Wall, so you know what that means.
Paul Scheer
Hey everybody. Now it's time for.
Jason Mantzoukas
H E D.
Paul Scheer
T G M.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hey everybody.
Paul Scheer
Hey everybo. Now it's time for hello people of Earth and hello people of Boston.
Jason Mantzoukas
We are here in Medford, just a jaunt, a trafficky jaunt away from Boston to talk about a local Massachusetts legend. That's right, Matt Damon. Matt Damon in a movie about the Great Wall of China and some fucking weird ass aliens that are attacking the wall in an attempt to take over the world because of greed. That's all you need to know. It's a period piece. I'll tell you one other fact that might answer a lot of your questions. It's the most expensive movie China has ever produced. $135 million budget. And we'll get into how that all worked out in a little bit. Ladies and gentlemen, to talk about this movie, I need the expertise of my two amazing co hosts. Please welcome to the stage, Mr. Jason Mantzoukas.
Paul Scheer
What's up, jerks? How we doing, Boston? How we feeling? Late show, balcony. What's up. Ooh, Late show is rowdy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Jason, The Great Wall of China is the location. The movie is just simply the Great Wall. Thoughts?
Paul Scheer
I watched this movie today on the train from New York to Boston.
Jason Mantzoukas
The way it's meant to be watched.
Paul Scheer
Yep. And when I saw that it was as long as it was, I almost started crying. For those of you who were at the earlier show, you might have heard this. We're in the middle of a tour, and I have lost my mind. I don't understand time, place, anything. What I definitely didn't want was to watch two hours of this nonsense. This was this. I'm gonna just straight up say, we cannot do subtitled movies on this podcast anymore. I have to be able to look away. You can't look away when you're reading it. And I was like, fuck. God damn it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Jason. Would it surprise you if I told you this movie is not two hours?
Paul Scheer
How long is it?
Jason Mantzoukas
An hour 40?
Paul Scheer
No.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yep. And I would say easily. Easily nine minutes of that are credits. So it's an hour 30 film.
Paul Scheer
It's okay.
Jason Mantzoukas
T2B.
Paul Scheer
It's no good. It felt very long. I blame Matt Damon. How do you like them apples? Question mark? Yeah, no, it was. It was. It was a movie. I will say this. I will say this. There were. You know, you mentioned the. How much it cost earlier. It is huge in scale and scope, and there is a lot of very impressive practical effects and set pieces that are, like, kind of cool that I enjoyed. But the movie, for me, space dogs eating up the Great Wall of China in the past, it is an opportunity. This is what this movie is about. Beards and accents. Boom.
Jason Mantzoukas
And they both change.
Paul Scheer
Everybody gets both in different versions.
Jason Mantzoukas
I would also say that this movie rings to the sense of, like, a parent coaching a kid on how to be precocious. It's like, yeah, you're hitting all the right things, but it doesn't feel authentic in any way. It feels planned. I know it's a very hard, like, metaphor to put together, but that's what it feels like to me. It feels like a parent off to the side of the stage during, like, a high school production of Oliver going, more, more. May I have more, please? Like, you know, it's like the kid's not bringing his own instincts to it. It's the late show I would love. And that's as clear as I'm going to get for the rest of the night.
Paul Scheer
This is going to be a weird one. I can. I can feel it already. I can feel it Already. If you told me right now it was 2 o' clock in the afternoon on Sunday, I'd be like, sure, why not? Don't know. Don't know, won't know. I will say, if you told me this, if you told me we were no longer in Boston, but were in fact on the Great Wall of China, I would believe you. It's over, baby. I'm done.
Jason Mantzoukas
So we are part of the annual China Podcast Festival. Marc Maron just played before us. We are now here.
Paul Scheer
Every mile on the wall is a.
Jason Mantzoukas
Different podcast and oddly, every podcast in existence fits. So it's a real fun thing. Ladies and gentlemen, there was one person I truly felt bad subjecting this film to, and she is my other co host. Please welcome the lovely, talented June Diane Rayf. Welcome. Welcome, June.
June Diane Raphael
Hello, Paul. How are you?
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm good. How are you?
June Diane Raphael
I'm okay, period.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm gonna take a wild stab.
Paul Scheer
We're just doing vocalized punctuation now.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm gonna take a wild stab here and say that you kind of like this movie.
June Diane Raphael
There were a lot of things I enjoyed about this movie. Number one, Matt Damon number actually, also number one, Pedro Pascal.
Paul Scheer
Great. He was great.
June Diane Raphael
He was great. He is great. I love him in narcos. I think he's amazing.
Jason Mantzoukas
Did not recognize him as Pedro Pascal until the beard came off. I literally.
June Diane Raphael
That good.
Jason Mantzoukas
I was like, whoa, Pedro Pascal. We really, really. Yeah. I did not know.
Paul Scheer
I was so excited because I was like, all right, cool. The Red Viper's in here. I like that. I'll take that. Another movie that has a lot of Game of Thrones, like, imagery, a lot of Game of Thrones story elements, a lot of Game of Thrones, A Game of Thrones actor. I don't know. That's it. I told you it was gonna be a weird one.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, this is gonna be really weird. I can feel it as well.
Paul Scheer
Willem Dafoe's in this movie, you know? You know, it's weird when he's creeping around. Like when.
Jason Mantzoukas
When we first. When we first meet Willem Dafoe, he's.
Paul Scheer
Like.
Jason Mantzoukas
When we first meet Willem Dafoe, it's as if he was on set and the director's like, just get a shot of him real quick. We'll put him in the movie.
Paul Scheer
As if he was just visiting set.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, because he just was peeking around a corner like a coquettish cat.
June Diane Raphael
Right. He also didn't look totally in costume. Like, everybody at that time, everybody had a ton of hair except for him. Like, he just seemed like he had walked from crafty out and just peaked in.
Paul Scheer
If you told me that he was the star of a time travel movie where contemporary Willem Dafoe is transported to this time.
Jason Mantzoukas
By the way, Willem Dafoe is a timeless actor because you could really plop him in here. He didn't feel of the now. He never feels of the now or of the past. He just feels of the right.
Paul Scheer
You can plop him anywhere.
June Diane Raphael
Plop them here, plop them there, Plop them there.
Paul Scheer
We did a movie that he was in recently and someone. Was it you that revealed that the director, some director said that he had a confusingly large penis. He showed his penis in a movie. In Body of Evidence. He showed his penis in a movie and they had to use a penis double because his penis was confusingly large.
June Diane Raphael
It was actually confused, founded the mind.
Paul Scheer
Which like, to look at it, caused visual dissonance.
Jason Mantzoukas
It was actually for, I believe, the passion of the Christ, which makes it even weirder because you're like, jesus had.
Paul Scheer
That big dick energy. B, D, E. Christ.
June Diane Raphael
Well, the other crazy thing about his character is I couldn't tell if he was a prisoner or not. He seemed to walk about. He was like very freely.
Paul Scheer
He was. He was not a prisoner, but I don't think he was. They were not letting him leave.
Jason Mantzoukas
The only reason.
June Diane Raphael
Is he the definition of prisoner?
Jason Mantzoukas
No. It's sort of like he wanted to be there. It was more like Stockholm syndrome.
Paul Scheer
He.
Jason Mantzoukas
I feel like he's only there to free them at that point in the movie where Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal are seemingly for no reason, brought up to the command center of the Great Wall. Like, remember those guys that were trying to steal our whatever, bring them up and let them watch the fight?
Paul Scheer
Not even like, they were like, we found these two guys outside the wall, right? Should we let him talk to the most important people we got? Yeah, they're foreigners. Let's let them talk to whoever they want to talk to.
Jason Mantzoukas
And we wasted most of our arrows, oddly circling them with arrows. There was about 100 of us, and we all shot a tremendous amount of arrows.
Paul Scheer
I wish they had been killed instantly.
Jason Mantzoukas
Credits. This is how the movie starts. I just want to read you the title. It says, the Great Wall has stood for centuries as one of mankind's most enduring wonders. It spans over 5,500 miles and it took more than 1,700 years to build. It's protected from many dangers. Some are known. Some are a legend. This is one of those legends. It's weird because are you Telling me it's false. Right. At the. Like, don't believe this movie.
Paul Scheer
Wait, do you think this is based on truth?
Jason Mantzoukas
If you didn't put it there, I don't know that much about Chinese history. I bet maybe that. Maybe.
Paul Scheer
Are you one of the people that thinks Game of Thrones takes place in the 1300s?
Jason Mantzoukas
It does. Before. After Pangea. Right.
June Diane Raphael
Even when I saw those words, saw the word legend, even after I saw Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal hold the arm of that Creech, I was still so stunned to see the first one flying out like that.
Jason Mantzoukas
In this movie, when you see them, you're like. Because the movie is so period that you're like, what?
Paul Scheer
What the.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's what. I did not know that this movie had that kind of an element in it.
Paul Scheer
I was like. I did.
Jason Mantzoukas
How did you know?
Paul Scheer
I knew that there was space dogs in it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay. I was like, first of all, I was happy that the dogs from Ghostbusters got some work. They haven't worked for quite some for quite some time. But it. Jaw dropping.
June Diane Raphael
I was shocked when the tow ties showed up. I. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I couldn't believe in my mind when I saw.
Jason Mantzoukas
We say tower ties again. You said it so casually, as if, like, it was such a.
June Diane Raphael
When the Tao ties showed up. Hi. Because I thought we were about to watch a movie of, like, different tribal groups fighting each other and having to fight over land or. Or some such, and the Tao ties were a shockaroo.
Jason Mantzoukas
Tao ties were as shocking as the army that was trained in bungee jumping. Okay. We got 60 years to train. What do we got? Okay, so they jump in this hoop, and then a bunch of guys lower. But we whip it up real quick, and we try to stab them in the head. We do have arrows, and we do have flaming balls. We do have, like.
Paul Scheer
We have gunpowder straight away. Start using the black powder.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, just.
Paul Scheer
Boom. Here we go. You know what to do. Landmines, you know, they're coming at you. Put landmines of gunpowder out. Surrounding. They're gonna come in, kaboom. Blow the whole thing up.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cirque du Soleil, first thing. Give me that circle.
June Diane Raphael
So let's put all the ladies out first. First line of defense.
Paul Scheer
I liked that women were at the forefront of protecting the wall.
June Diane Raphael
They were sacrificial lambs.
Paul Scheer
No, they were kicking ass. Commander Lee was a total badass.
June Diane Raphael
But I was troubled by how willing they were to sacrifice all the women.
Paul Scheer
You think they should have been taken off the battlefield and put like, in the kitchen.
June Diane Raphael
No, but, Jason, do you know how many women died immediately?
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, you saw those bloody rings. Like, they're. Another one died.
Paul Scheer
It really was like, you do you see a collection of bloody rings?
June Diane Raphael
It was brutal. That shot was brutal.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Highly ineffective fighting. Again, it's when you have too much time on your hands. Like, if you said, space dogs are coming, no one would say, let's kind of invent a bizarro version of the bungee. And then give them spears. You'd be like, let's just fucking shoot arrows at them here. They had too much time. They're like, well, hear me out. Bungee cords. Go on, go on.
Paul Scheer
I liked. That's part of the stuff I did. Like, I liked all the weird. Oh, yeah. Like, I liked the bungee jumping thing. I liked when they opened up the walls and scissors came out.
June Diane Raphael
I loved that.
Paul Scheer
I was like, fuck, yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
I want all of this innovation. I love the marble, the flaming marbles. They were shooting out like a big pinball machine. By the way, that would be a great pinball machine. The Great Wall pinball machine. Flaming balls flying around, weird accents coming out.
Paul Scheer
You got it.
Jason Mantzoukas
You got it, you got it.
Paul Scheer
Matt Damon's accent. Where is he from? Well, where is William I from?
Jason Mantzoukas
I wanted to do this with you both because I feel like his accent changes about five times in this one scene. So why don't we just play it?
June Diane Raphael
America does not. He doesn't have an American accent because Europeans haven't colonized the land.
Paul Scheer
I feel like trying to do some sort of Irish accent.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's what I wrote down. Is he Irish? But I thought. This is what I thought. He is acting like an actor is not comfortable in his accent. So he's quiet and clipped. Yes. No accent. Like, it's like. It's like. It's like everything he says in the beginning, it's like he's trying to hide. I am doing an accent, but you can't tell. Like, it's very weird.
Paul Scheer
It has a lilt to it that ha. That feels to me like that it's meant to be Irish, but almost as if. I guess maybe it's true. He was like. I feel like he would be like, well, he was born in Ireland, but he's a mercenary, so he's been all over the world. So he's lost that accent.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, look, let's go through it.
Paul Scheer
And instead is from Boston.
Jason Mantzoukas
These are all the accents throughout the film. We don't have to comment on them, but just sit back, relax and listen to all the accents and let's see what we find.
Paul Scheer
Remember why you're here. You speak English. We came looking for black powder. In here. Tell him there's no better weapon here. Well, that's all well and good, but I'm not jumping. I'm alive today because I trust my. Hunt them like a whale to fight. Is there a chance we have one black powder weapon left? Give me the spear. I've been a fool.
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm done with it.
Paul Scheer
So how's life without me?
Jason Mantzoukas
Believe me, I'm already thinking about trading.
Paul Scheer
Him back for the powder. I could take the black powder. Of course I do. I just don't trust you to make it out of here alone. Who taught you English?
Jason Mantzoukas
The one that comes back a lot is this one here. It's a little. It's almost American. It's a little. I mean, sometimes it's Matt Damon, sometimes it's John Wayne, sometimes it's Scottish, sometimes it's Irish. Accents are fucking hard, man. Today's podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. Whether you're starting out or scaling up your business, Squarespace is the all in one website platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online. I am a giant fan of Squarespace. I use it for many different websites unspooled. How did this get made? Dark web and my own. Each one completely different. And why do I love it so much? Well, because Squarespace gives you. Gives you everything you need for your specific product. Every one of these websites is completely different. And right now they offer services that help you get paid. That's right, get paid on time with professional on brand invoices and online payments. Plus streamline your workflow with built in appointment scheduling and email marketing tools. Every dream needs a domain. Squarespace Domains makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all inclusive price. No hidden fees or add ons required. Head to squarespace.combonkers for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code bonkers to save 10% on your first purchase of a website or domain. Tron Ares has arrived.
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Jason Mantzoukas
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Paul Scheer
The.
June Diane Raphael
The strange thing about Damon to William is that he's. He has a line in the beginning, I think, when he's being surrounded where he says, I can take out the guards and the perimeter with my bow. And that's not possible. He's.
Paul Scheer
He doesn't have his bow and he's tied up.
June Diane Raphael
He's tied up. And also there's a hundred people around him.
Paul Scheer
He's basically like, I can take those seven. You can. You can take those guys. And then what about the 3,000 other people?
Jason Mantzoukas
He also seemingly understands Mandarin because everyone around him is speaking Mandarin. And then when he's finally free, he's like, okay, get him in the eyes. How does he know? He's never even seen these creatures and yet he is running tactical plays. Like, the only way he would have known that is if he also spoke Mandarin. And then he's doing these fucking Hawkeye, like sliding.
Paul Scheer
He's straight up Legolasing this. He. He cannot miss.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cannot miss.
Paul Scheer
He arrives and he can. He. They. The. What are they called? The guards of the.
Jason Mantzoukas
Of the.
June Diane Raphael
The Nameless Order.
Paul Scheer
The Nameless Order. Thank you.
June Diane Raphael
I got it.
Paul Scheer
The Nameless Order. The Nameless Order have been here guarding this wall for centuries. I guess they are incredibly well trained. They're an incredibly well trained army. And yet they're like, how did you kill this? We are blown away.
Jason Mantzoukas
But now my question is, were they always under attack or is it the first time?
Paul Scheer
Because every 60 years.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right, but it was at the first. First time in 60 years when they happened to be captured.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
So that was the. They are relatively. Their shit is together for the first time seeing these space dogs.
June Diane Raphael
It isn't. It isn't. And that's why I think. I think that's why they do capture these two foreigners. It's not just that they're, you know, interesting to them, it's because they have that space dog leg. And so. So they know we've got to bring them up to the higher ups here. Because the space dogs are here much earlier than we thought, by the way.
Paul Scheer
Nine days. Nine days.
June Diane Raphael
But that's huge.
Paul Scheer
But by the way, you're right, back then, nine days was like 900 years.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah. And I guess my point is, Paul, sorry to interrupt. Is that they are so on point, ready for the touties that nine days early means something's a fucking miss. It means they are getting smarter. They're evolving. Something's off. They're here earlier.
Paul Scheer
Well, that's what the Chief Strategist is basically saying.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is the Chief strategist.
Paul Scheer
You agree with the Chief strategist?
Jason Mantzoukas
Is the Chief strategist the one.
June Diane Raphael
That's why you guys. You both didn't understand that that's. That's why they had to bring them up. Something major has happened.
Jason Mantzoukas
Chief Strategist is too busy making his hologram PowerPoint to. To be too concerned about it.
Paul Scheer
I don't remember that.
Jason Mantzoukas
You don't remember the PowerPoint?
June Diane Raphael
No.
Jason Mantzoukas
What's up, guys?
Paul Scheer
I'm telling you, I watched this movie in what felt like an active blackout. I felt unwell.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, this is the PowerPoint I was referring to. Where do they come from?
Paul Scheer
About 20 centuries ago, there was an emperor whose greed brought deep suffering to all of China. The heavens sent a meteor that struck Golden Mountain, turning it green and releasing the Tao Tie. From that day on, the Tao Tie rise to every 60 years to scourge the north of China. They come to remind us of what happens when greed is unchecked. They eat anything, alive or dead, and take food to their queen. She depends on her soldiers to feed her. Only with the food they provide is she able to multiply. The capital and its 2 million people is only 800 li away. If the Tao t ever had that much nourishment, no corner of the world would be safe you can't hunt them. Men try. They disappear. We never find their bones. Whoa.
Jason Mantzoukas
The ancient art of PowerPoint. That's right. If you didn't. If you're just listening to that, that was all on a screen that he pulled down that became completely animated.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, yeah. So this movie is like anti capitalist, right?
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, here's the thing. Spoiler alert. They defeat them, so they. They kill them. So greed is good. Wall street. Wall Street 2. Money never sleeps. No big deal. All ties together. But I mean, I mean, what, like, if they defeat. This is a thing. Read and check.
Paul Scheer
Why do the space dogs. Why do the space dogs symbolize cleansing the country of greed?
Jason Mantzoukas
Because. Because if you. If. And because the. In the building.
Paul Scheer
Like, like that, that, that PowerPoint, he's basically like, you know, there was a guy and he was so greedy that space dogs came and they were like, bro, we got to keep this guy in check. How do we do it? Munch, munch, munch. We're space dogs. We love food.
June Diane Raphael
I mean, right? I think that. I think that what's probably happened here is the Tao tie are always going to come out after 60 years. Like that's their nature. And I think these people have started to tell themselves a story because of their own anxieties about capitalism and the strain it puts on the basic goodness of humanity.
Jason Mantzoukas
The Tao ties. Because the difference of that story is in the version that they're telling, it would be like. And they come to town, they look around if you built any big buildings. No. Okay, everyone's like, sharing wealth. Okay, we'll go back to our cave. No, they just fucking eat everything. Like, they're not like the Tao ties are not registering. If people are greedy, they're just.
Paul Scheer
They are senseless or not senseless. They. They are gaining in intelligence, I guess. Killing machines. They are, you know, they are just out.
June Diane Raphael
You guys are just animals.
Paul Scheer
They're aliens.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why not?
June Diane Raphael
They're just.
Paul Scheer
Oh, boy. What do you mean they're not aliens?
June Diane Raphael
I mean, they're not aliens. And aliens in that they. I don't think they have thoughts or intuitions. And they are just animals. And they're.
Paul Scheer
They make a plan. They make plans and they do. They do trap. They set traps for them. And you know, they're. They're. They're not. They super intelligent, right?
June Diane Raphael
They're smart animals, but they're animals.
Paul Scheer
In that. In that they are aliens.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are an alien race hell bent on destroying. Like the way that you would think. The predator is also an animal. That is.
Paul Scheer
I don't know about that. He's a biped.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, well, right. Okay, okay. Okay. Well, this is interesting. It's opening up.
Paul Scheer
Listen, listen.
Jason Mantzoukas
So the xenomorph. The xenomorph is. Is also a biped.
Paul Scheer
Really?
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, when they get to be the. Yeah, right.
Paul Scheer
Okay. I mean, well, these are all aliens, regardless. I just don't know if they're animals.
Jason Mantzoukas
Look, I agree with you, June, that they are. I think that. Why are they even here? I think that they're. I mean, their planet or their comet. I mean, it was a spaceship that crashed.
Paul Scheer
No, it was an asteroid.
Jason Mantzoukas
I know, but what were they doing on an asteroid?
Paul Scheer
Stone cold chilling, bro.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, you don't ride an asteroid. But I would also say this. The Tao tie. They. They are.
Paul Scheer
They also. There are multiple. There are at least three different types of a Tao tie. And that's interesting. So there are like, the. The foot soldier, like the.
Jason Mantzoukas
The.
Paul Scheer
The. The. You know, the first wave attack dogs. Then there are the. The ones that I love that have the fan out heads or whatever. Yeah, I love those that, like, protect heads. And then the. The queen is in the middle. I liked that there was a. I liked that it wasn't just a hoard of the same thing. I like that there was steps involved in what they were.
June Diane Raphael
See, I didn't realize they were all different. I thought that the ones who were protecting the queen and making that little beehive around her were just using their bodies in that way. I didn't realize they were different tow ties.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, they were different creatures.
Paul Scheer
They were bigger and had, like, some other element.
Jason Mantzoukas
They had a weird head thing. The other ones didn't have, like, that head thing.
June Diane Raphael
Listen, I'll say something about the Tao tie.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
June Diane Raphael
What was interesting about them was the Tao tie. And this is where I really related to them. They have to.
Jason Mantzoukas
You related to the Tao tie?
June Diane Raphael
I did. They have to, like, go back home.
Paul Scheer
What?
June Diane Raphael
And they have to, like, keep on going. But they come out, they fight, they fight, they fight. And then they go back and they sort of collect themselves and they meet. What's that?
Jason Mantzoukas
Queen is full.
June Diane Raphael
The queen is full. Right. But they seem to need a lot of respite in this film. And they're. We never know when they're gonna come back.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right.
June Diane Raphael
And I appreciated that about them, that they valued rest and relaxation.
Paul Scheer
They are basically the white woman walkers and the whites. Right.
June Diane Raphael
I don't watch.
Paul Scheer
So, like, Game of Thrones logic. The smaller Tao tie are the whites, just the zombie attack. Zombies. And then Then you have, like, a little bit of, like, a hierarchical structure of larger and more intelligent Tao ties that are like the white walkers or the night King right now. All right, that's true.
Jason Mantzoukas
I just have one more question.
Paul Scheer
The same thing. If you kill the queen, Boom, Everybody's done so.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right. But my question is this is, are they just attacking that small section of the wall or the Tao tie up and down wall?
Paul Scheer
What we find out later is that they've been attacking that section of the wall as a distract. As a diversion while they dig that tunnel. Why couldn't they dig a tunnel in.
Jason Mantzoukas
The middle of the night? It seems like three or four Tao ties could dig that tunnel.
June Diane Raphael
Three or four?
Paul Scheer
Wow. Do you know how much work. Wow. You really would pile that much work on three or four Sao ties. Let me guess. No breaks.
Jason Mantzoukas
They do simple 14 hour shifts. They do a French lunch, which means they eat while they work.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, if you do. I mean, listen, the Tao ties, they work hard, but then they play hard.
Paul Scheer
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're fun because you know what they're doing. You know, they take their dead, they drag them off, they toss them in the queen's mouth, and then they.
Jason Mantzoukas
Fudgeing rage.
June Diane Raphael
They do.
Jason Mantzoukas
Should one of the shirts for tonight's show be like, a Club Med for.
Paul Scheer
Tao ties or, like, a Tao tie, like, a party shirt from, like, a Tao tie, like, frat house? Reminds me, it's a Tao tied doing a keg stand when I went to. To.
June Diane Raphael
Sorry for this digression, but when I went to Cozumel with my family on a cruise, my mom bought us all T shirts at, like, a little stand on the side of the road. We all wore them, me and my sisters, and then realized they were all those lizards in, like, pornographic sexual positions.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wow. Oh, my God. So it was, like, all the positions.
June Diane Raphael
Great. And, like, looking at my sister and being like, wait, what is that? And then looking at my own shirt. How about we make that shirt all fucking each other?
Jason Mantzoukas
And we need to make that with Tao ties.
Paul Scheer
Yes, that's the shirt.
Jason Mantzoukas
Here's what I realized. Fight scenes are amazing. When you see a fight in John Wick, you're like, whoa.
Paul Scheer
This is John Wick. Chapter three. Parabellum. Tick tock. Mr. Sheer. Wow. We did that joke at the same time. Black it out. Show's over.
Jason Mantzoukas
And there's something so visceral about it, so exciting. And when you watch people doing, like, moves around CGI creatures, it's so stupid. It's so stupid. Like, it's like they're not hitting anything. There's no fight. They're just on a grand green screen in a studio somewhere. And that's what this movie made me, like, laugh. It's like they're just fighting nothing. And they're like. It's like. It's just like dancing around in your bedroom. Like, take a picture of us.
Paul Scheer
Is that how you dance around in your bedroom?
Jason Mantzoukas
I do. Here, somebody take a picture of this in just CGI and tata. It's like, I look. I would look amazing. Like, you put the fucking Tao tie in the tip of my spear and I'm done.
June Diane Raphael
But that was a little better than that, Pop.
Paul Scheer
That was. The thing that's tough about it is they. Even when they knew that the eyes were the weak spot, they still mostly did not attack the eyes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, the eyes were, like, on the shoulders.
Paul Scheer
Yes. Why were the eyes on the shoulders? You know, they say the eyes are the shoulders. Shoulders of the soul.
Jason Mantzoukas
Do you think the magnets pulled the eyes away from the socket?
Paul Scheer
Interesting. Yeah, yeah. Isn't it wild that magnets just scrambled their brains enough and made them deaf?
Jason Mantzoukas
And it was a small magnet. It was not a giant magnet.
Paul Scheer
Mustn't they be able to find more magnets? By the way, guess what? Like. Like, put. Instead of putting, like, dynamite on all the arrows, put magnets on all the arrows. Shoot them out there. Everybody goes to sleep. Come by. Shoulder, eye stab. Shoulder, eye stab. Shoulder, eye stab. Shoulder, eye stab. We can have this thing, boom, wrapped up again.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's the first level idea. You sit with us for 60 years, all of a sudden we're going to come up with this bungee cord thing.
Paul Scheer
If you're going to. If you're going to bungee jump, your best female warriors, government magnets, by the.
Jason Mantzoukas
Way, just drop a magnet down.
June Diane Raphael
This is the weird. This is the weird thing about how they want to test these magnets. Like, why not just put them on those ladies? Because worse comes to worse, it doesn't work, but maybe it will.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, a second ago, you were saying all the death of these women.
June Diane Raphael
No, I still think I have a problem with the fact that the women are on the very. They're basically sent to die. They are in such a vulnerable, Vulnerable position on those bungee cords. But I.
Jason Mantzoukas
But how do you. Why do you live after you can play the drums that good?
Paul Scheer
That's true. I loved all of the drumming.
June Diane Raphael
Drumming was amazing.
Paul Scheer
I loved all of the drumming and.
Jason Mantzoukas
I love their output. Very 2001. Like, they were very, like, sleek, not dusty. Outfits. I thought they were very futuristic in a way.
Paul Scheer
You were worried they would be wearing dusty outfits. That was a concern of yours in the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
I just feel like you're like, if.
Paul Scheer
I watch another dusty outfit movie, I would like it if everybody was, like, clean and pressed and everything looked real good.
Jason Mantzoukas
It just feels like we're in the middle of the desert.
June Diane Raphael
No, I know it. You mean, like, the colors were vibrant and I appreciated that, too.
Jason Mantzoukas
Maybe it's just the Chinese army knows how to, like, dress to impress.
June Diane Raphael
They look put together. Did anyone have any thoughts on the big transformation of Matt Damon's hair in the movie?
Paul Scheer
Oh, you mean when there was, like, when the door opened and it was, like, hunk alert and they came walking in and Matt Damon had a rat tail?
Jason Mantzoukas
I will say I prefer the bearded hair. Matt Damon.
June Diane Raphael
What?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, I just thought there was something about him. Like, why wouldn't you have a chance to take a bath? Would you be like, well, I'll lose my style? Like, you know, it wasn't like he was dirty. He just smelled a little. Put some shampoo in there, put some style to get some mousse.
Paul Scheer
I also liked. I don't think that was a real beard. I would have liked it if he'd had a real beard, you know, and kept it, you know, not because. Because here's the thing. To clean up doesn't mean you have to get rid of your beard. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
I take showers a lot. I took two showers today. I didn't get rid of my beard.
Paul Scheer
Cool flex, bro.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, no big deal. By the way, that shower scene is my favorite dialogue in the whole movie. They cover so many bases here. Like, this is.
Paul Scheer
What are you doing here? We came looking for black powder. I bet you did. I came with mercenaries for the same thing 25 years ago. And did you find it? Finding it and living with it alive are two different things. You smell like animals. Thank you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Exposition dropped by. Like, that's such a credit. And. Oh, and then there's.
Paul Scheer
Clean up and they'll feed you. Take, like, take your time. Willow, let's go again. Take your time. Take it, like, stretch it out. Then why is he still here? He needs help getting out.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right?
Paul Scheer
We play our part, take the powder and go home. I didn't sign up for this. Which part? Well, all of it, but mostly the monsters. There's a lot of them. We really do smell.
Jason Mantzoukas
That was my favorite line. There's a lot of them. We really do smell. It's almost like. Like, I think the director's supposed to call Cut. When Willem Dafoe left the room. We'll just keep on going in character. You want to go. You're in character. We'll go in character. We'll have fun with it. Just reiterating. There's a lot of them. Yeah, man. That's more things than these two people have ever seen.
Paul Scheer
They're they own. When Willem Dafoe walks in, here's all they should say. What the fuck was that? What the fuck just happened? I need you to tell us everything about what the fuck is going on.
Jason Mantzoukas
Because immediately, Matt Damon gets the cuffs off and fucking pulls out like he's in the fight. And again, you're trying to find this arc of this character. What's the arc? We are told he's a bad guy. We don't ever see him being a bad guy. The first moment that we really see him capture is like, free me so I can help fight. And he never retreats from that position.
June Diane Raphael
I think what we. What his journey is is just that he's been out for himself his whole life and for his own survival. Well, we do see him early on.
Paul Scheer
I think he's meant to be Han Solo in that sense. I agree.
Jason Mantzoukas
But we never see him want to escape. We never see. But he always, always like, well, let's help him out, figure it out. He's like, well, you have to, you know, shoot arrows into the wall and put a bowl there for dinner. All right, let's do it. Let's do it.
June Diane Raphael
Come on. I think what he's really drawn to, ultimately, is the family structure of this great wall community and that they're all together, and it's a real.
Paul Scheer
He just lonely.
June Diane Raphael
He's lonely, Absolutely. Like, at the beginning of the movie.
Paul Scheer
We see all of his friends get killed, except. Except for Pedro. And so at that point, he's just like. He's a lonely guy. And he sees an organization that he's like, I wouldn't mind getting into this.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's like Scientology.
Paul Scheer
But yet I'm here looking for Shelly Miscavige. Is she here at the wall?
June Diane Raphael
No, she was sent on that bungee cord first.
Jason Mantzoukas
She was the first one off the wall. She was eager to by a space dog. Here's the thing, though. When given the opportunity to stay with his new family, June. He does not. And he goes off with this guy who really him over in a tremendous way.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, but now he's got a different attitude.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, but Pedro Pascal does it.
Jason Mantzoukas
But Pedro Pascal doesn't. He'll screw over again.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. But there he's an incorrigible scene camp.
Jason Mantzoukas
All right, I'm in. I'm in. I just, I. I was hoping it would be to a sequel. Maybe we will get that sequel.
Paul Scheer
Oh well, yeah. Yes. The Greater Wall.
Jason Mantzoukas
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Paul Scheer
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Jason Mantzoukas
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Jason Mantzoukas
Adam Pally here and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the hosts of the TV show 101 Places to Party before you die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show Staying Alive.
Paul Scheer
We'll have guests like our friend, actor.
Jason Mantzoukas
Jerry O', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Scheer, Ego Wodem, Gillian Bell, Dr. Dolittle. Staying alive with Jon Gabris and Adam Pally is out right now.
Paul Scheer
Get them a week early and ad.
Jason Mantzoukas
Free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts. Let's talk about the end battle scene when they find out that they are building a tunnel to get to the big pagoda city with the little boy emperor and what goes on here at the end is crazy to me because the end of this movie is essentially trying to shoot like a basketball into a hoop. Right? I mean, that's all their final move is. Yes, they're trained archers. They're amazing, but they kind of just zip line down and like. Like, it's like. It's like trash can garbage.
June Diane Raphael
I couldn't believe that Matt Damon's skills weren't really used for that last.
Paul Scheer
Well, here's what I think. I think that this. I think Commander Lee. Right. Yes. Or at this stage, generally, in order for. Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
She did get upgraded.
Paul Scheer
Yes, she is. She, you know, da, da, da, da, da. You've heard of her in history, generally from the Dukes of General Lee. I think at this stage, generally, like, she has to. She has to listen. These Duke boys are in a whole heap of trouble, by the way.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are the Duke boys.
Paul Scheer
I think because this is a Chinese movie. She has to win. Like, it cannot be the, you know, outsider who. Who saves the day. That's why I think he. His skills are.
Jason Mantzoukas
But again, shouldn't it have been more than just like, like. I mean, it really is a. It's like, it's. It's like a one.
Paul Scheer
It's a real shot.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
It'S like.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's like Damian Lillard all over again. It's like this last shot.
Paul Scheer
It works. It works, works.
June Diane Raphael
And they save the day against all odds.
Paul Scheer
Against all odds. Yeah. And now we will sing against all odds.
June Diane Raphael
Here's what. Okay, here's a question I have. When Willem Dafoe leaves, doesn't he say. Doesn't he tell Pedro Pascal that he's. He's stored supplies and food along the route? Okay, so why hasn't he left before?
Paul Scheer
I think he needs their help because I think he is. It's too dangerous, I suspect, for him to be alone out there, which he then finds out immediately.
Jason Mantzoukas
And then everyone starts tossing around baby grenades. It's a great scene.
Paul Scheer
That was like, very funny.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, what the fuck is so stupid.
Paul Scheer
They called it a grenade. They said, hand me a grenade. Not in that scene. In the later scene, he's. When they're in the. I will say this, I loved the hot air balloons.
June Diane Raphael
Loved them.
Paul Scheer
I loved that. I loved that they first established the idea of the lanterns when the first general dies. So they. They show them releasing the lanterns into the sky. Really great. And then you see macro versions of those lanterns are hot air balloons. And so, so many of them are failing. I mean, what is the name of the group Again, the Nameless.
June Diane Raphael
The Nameless order.
Paul Scheer
The Nameless order loses almost everybody.
Jason Mantzoukas
They're extremely flammable, Jason. They are like lighting a match under a sheet of paper.
Paul Scheer
They are careening out of the sky on fire. It is wild.
June Diane Raphael
But that's where the movie. There's things about this movie I really loved, and that was one of them that. That detail of, like, some of them. Some of them are going to take off and some of them ain't.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
Oh, no. I thought it was great. So I loved it too, when the person. They were like, will, we can use the balloons? The chief strategist says we can use the balloons. And somebody's like, we can. They failed in every test. Literally, they failed in every test. Well, we gotta do it. The tow ties are loose, baby.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, that is the thing this movie does get right. The costumes, the pageantry, the set design. Like, it is fun to watch.
Paul Scheer
And that's where that money is. Because a lot of this is practical. These are when they're. When you're looking at those shots, and it's what looks like to me, thousands of people. I believe there are thousands. Like, this is absolutely. I think they did a lot of this practically.
June Diane Raphael
And then they could not afford a dialect coach.
Paul Scheer
No, there was adr.
June Diane Raphael
There was just no money left over for it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I love that the filmmakers went to China and said, hey, can we actually shoot this on the Great Wall? And China was like, no, absolutely not. This is blasphemous. You're talking about space dogs.
Paul Scheer
And I loved that the space dogs whole thing was, like, just doing the World War Z horde until they get there, and then they just build on top of each other to get over.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's very much like. What was that zombie movie like?
Paul Scheer
I feel War Z. Oh, yeah. Guys, we're not with it.
June Diane Raphael
We're not.
Paul Scheer
We are unwell. We are not good. We are bad.
June Diane Raphael
And honestly, I want to apologize, but also, it's because of all of you.
Paul Scheer
You made us do this.
June Diane Raphael
Okay.
Jason Mantzoukas
We don't want to.
Paul Scheer
This is your fault.
Jason Mantzoukas
Whoa.
Paul Scheer
But look at this. I blame you. Boston. The.
Jason Mantzoukas
The guy who wrote this story is Max Brooks. The. The writer of World War Z. Yeah. So I guess he has a thing for a. A bunch of people climbing on top of.
Paul Scheer
I thought this was based on. I thought this was based on a legend.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, I heard that. I heard that. I heard that a Tao tie told his story and someone bought it and turned it into a book.
Paul Scheer
Really?
Jason Mantzoukas
A ghostwriter in a Tao Ti wrote the book. My Father.
Paul Scheer
I heard you bought that Tao Ti story.
Jason Mantzoukas
These Tao ties.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, these t. I'll tell you what, The. The Tao Ti move at a clip. They really. I. I found that scary. The. The pace at which they moved. I thought. Listen, I was scared of the Tao ties. I thought they were very effectively drawn.
Paul Scheer
And even with their shoulder eyes.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
They didn't look like just like kind of a grab bag of every CGI creature you've ever seen.
Paul Scheer
They look like the mutant dogs from Fallout 4.
Jason Mantzoukas
It just feels like. It feels like the first 90 creatures we ever created in CGI were like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then now it's like, put the eyes on the shoulder, make the kneecaps bigger, give them short arms and heads that look like balls. Got it. That's our new animal.
Paul Scheer
And I love when they. And they do. It's the same again. And I'm so sorry, Boston, to keep harping on Game of Thrones, but it's the same thing. They're like, we gotta capture one of these to send it to the emperor so they can see what's up. And that's the same thing that happened, the same dumb idea that happens in Game of Thrones. And they fucking get the Tao tie and they send it to the emperor, and the emperor treats it like, oh, cool, I got a Tao tie. I'm gonna, like, make it my friend. And then chaos. And then he's like, hey, man, Tao ties are here in the city. They're eating, like, everybody, bruh. What are we doing?
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, I just. I couldn't even focus on that scene because I was like, what a waste of meat. Wasted all that meat on that Tao tie.
Paul Scheer
Well, they needed. Wow. They needed to get the boy. I'm not even going to explain it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I was like, they could have just had a real good barbecue. Ladies and gentlemen, we have talked a lot about these Tao ties, and now it's a chance for us to talk to you with your questions about this movie. Ma', am, your name, and I want you to say it in your best Matt Damon accent so that means any which way you want to do it. And your question?
June Diane Raphael
My name is Amy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Great.
June Diane Raphael
Why did they make that one guy that, like, maybe saved Matt Damon from being betrayed by his friends or whatever, wash dishes in his armor?
Paul Scheer
Well, he was. Didn't he have a moment of cowardice? And so he was, like, sent back to the kitchen. But, yeah, you're right, I guess, you know, they were like. And you know what? You might have to fight at any moment, so keep your Armor on, but here's an apron.
June Diane Raphael
I couldn't understand when. When that guy originally, in that first moment, couldn't find the keys to their prison cell was. Is it possible that the key just wasn't there?
Paul Scheer
What do you mean?
June Diane Raphael
I mean, was it really his fault?
Paul Scheer
I think so.
June Diane Raphael
I just didn't know what we were supposed to read from that. Was he trying to help them? Was he.
Paul Scheer
Oh, no, I think he was just.
June Diane Raphael
Fumbling over a bunch of keys.
Paul Scheer
I think they were trying to show us that he maybe is incompetent.
Jason Mantzoukas
So.
Paul Scheer
That he could have like a heroic moment later. He can. I. I don't know.
June Diane Raphael
I just thought maybe the key wasn't actually there.
Paul Scheer
I'll be honest, I don't remember any of the parts of this movie. I have full blown mementoed myself.
Jason Mantzoukas
What you are describing, I have no memory of. Sir, your name in the Best Happen.
June Diane Raphael
Now I'm worried. I made it up and you're.
Paul Scheer
My name is Michael. So do the space dogs need to attack this city specifically? Because if they're so smart and their ultimate objective is to take over the world and the wall's the only thing keeping them out, can't they just go the other way around the.
Jason Mantzoukas
Again? I don't know much about geography, but it sounds sound.
Paul Scheer
The mountain they live in is green. Like, that's crazy to look out on the horizon and see a glowing green mountain. You know, Tao Ties live there. You know where they are? They're in the green mountain. Guess what? Go get gunpowder. Blow up the green mountain. Boom.
Jason Mantzoukas
Or just bring a bunch of fridge magnets to it.
Paul Scheer
Yes. Put fridge magnets on the whole outside. They won't leave the mountain at all.
Jason Mantzoukas
Sir, my name is Patrick.
Paul Scheer
We still haven't talked about the moment where Pedro Pascal becomes a matador. Yes. Yes. And they. Pedro Pascal and Matt Damon are calling out fight plays to each other like they're on a football field, like, deciding what to do. They. They. The way they talk, the familiarity with which they say what to do next in life and death situations. And it's so casual.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, when he says die, well, brother, it is thrown away, like. And I thought beautifully. So I'm obsessed with Pedro Pascal.
Paul Scheer
He's great.
Jason Mantzoukas
So good.
Paul Scheer
He's great.
Jason Mantzoukas
All right, sir, your name and your best accent and your question. My name is Alex. And in the beginning of the movie, they talk about how this is one of the legends. I just wanted to ask you guys, what do you think the other legends were like?
June Diane Raphael
I mean, my God.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, my God. What a great way to do sequels to this movie. The same characters as different legends.
Paul Scheer
I mean. Yeah, White walkers.
June Diane Raphael
I mean, that is a really crazy idea that the Tao ties are simply one of the legends.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. One of the many legends is space dogs. Well, you know why they built the wall, right? Why? Well, legend has it space dogs, you've of course heard of the Tao tie, right?
June Diane Raphael
Oh, man, yeah.
Paul Scheer
No, I mean, here's the thing that I do think we're all gonna find soon enough. When we get the Tao taisexual positions t shirts, we're gonna really see how you make a Tao tie.
June Diane Raphael
So the Tao tie reproduce just by their queen is just asexually producing eggs. Laying eggs. Okay, so.
Paul Scheer
Or maybe giving birth. I don't know. I don't know if. I don't know if she has to have sex in order to. I don't know if they're. Are they mammals?
June Diane Raphael
From the PowerPoint presentation, it seemed that as long as she's fed, she can produce more tao ti.
Paul Scheer
She's just crapping them out, I think. So that's what. That's what they do. They go back to the green mountain and she farts up a couple thousand more Tau ties. Next thing you know, they're. They're scampering on down. 60 years later, they're scampering on down.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. We really had some fun in the audience tonight. I don't think anything got definitively answered, but we. We went out there anyway. It's been great to talk about the this movie and we certainly have an opinion about it, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions. There you go.
Paul Scheer
It shook my nerves and it rattled my brains. This movie is driving me insane. Oh, baby. This shit's crazy. Goodness gracious. Great Wall got five stars, Randy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Give it up for Randy. It is now time for second opinions.
Paul Scheer
When Matt Damon arrived with that accent as varied as the flags he used to serve, he saw the need of magnets early on. Choice. So great. Got a raid on Amazon. It's time for second opinions.
June Diane Raphael
Compelled to defend this awesome plot.
Paul Scheer
And if they just believe in Matt's skill with a bow, it all makes sense.
June Diane Raphael
Sense that maybe Willem Dafoe, He's a.
Paul Scheer
White savior on his best behavior to become a hero and choose his friend Pedro. All the black powder. This deserves five star second opinions on Amazon.
Jason Mantzoukas
Give it up for Fiona. Holy cow. That was amazing. This movie has 894 reviews and 38% of them are five stars. They're all culled from Amazon. And I'll start off with this one from Kongji Jin. Actually a good movie. I was skeptical when my hubby and kids wanted me to see see it. What I liked about it was that there was no kissy face, sex scenes or much profanity. The movie spoke for itself, as movies should go. See it. Five stars.
June Diane Raphael
I mean, I actually did like. They didn't go for a romance between Matt Damon and generally.
Paul Scheer
I agree.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah. I mean, we're sort of walking that line. Or I thought we were headed there at some point, but I think they made the right choice there.
Jason Mantzoukas
They respected themselves as warriors.
June Diane Raphael
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
And I guess it makes sense that that's why he did go with Pedro. He wasn't in love with her to stay there.
June Diane Raphael
Not at all.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
I think they fucked. What?
Jason Mantzoukas
After that big battle sequence when all the space. You know. Because they have to also clean those space dogs out of the pagoda area.
Paul Scheer
They've got so many space dog corpses to get rid of.
Jason Mantzoukas
Push it out into the sea.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Where do you get rid of all those? Just burn them. Just burn the space dog corpses.
Paul Scheer
I mean, probably eat them.
Jason Mantzoukas
Ooh, right? Yeah. Like Ronto. Roasters.
June Diane Raphael
Sequel.
Paul Scheer
Sequel. Everybody. Everybody's roasting in that Tao tie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Just like a big barbecue movie. It kind of becomes like a funny.
Paul Scheer
Like, it's like Matrix 2 with the rave. It's just a barbecue.
Jason Mantzoukas
Zidlaw M. I promised myself never to watch Matt Damon movies because I can't stand his leftist politicking. But then I watched this one and I loved it. It is a really very good movie. It combines great Chinese movie tricks that we know from many other movies of theirs with a riveting story and a horde of toothy alien creatures only a mother could love. Matt Damon is disappointingly for me. Good. He slashes the monsters very professionally, which is his job. Now, other than fighting and slashing, there is not much else in the film to recommend. But hey, this is more than enough for an hour and a half of great entertainment. Five stars.
Paul Scheer
Wow.
June Diane Raphael
Wow. What a ride that was.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. This is from Grady Padgett.
June Diane Raphael
And.
Jason Mantzoukas
The title is not your average monsters at war movie. Not at all. I'm gonna just jump in midstream this movie. I will add this movie to my collection. This will be a great flick to have my friends over for a night showing in the barn. We put up a big white sheet on the wall. We use the Sony projector and pass around the popcorn. The kids will scream. Which kind of projector the Sony projector.
Paul Scheer
Did they buy that on Amazon?
Jason Mantzoukas
Maybe. The kids will scream and love every minute of it. Matt makes a great hero.
Paul Scheer
Matt.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yep.
June Diane Raphael
Awfully familiar.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, I know. Very. I also love that the kids will scream every minute of the film. I actually like to watch the movie that way.
Paul Scheer
Matt makes a great long screams until they pass out. Matt, just a bunch of unconscious kids on the floor of a barn somewhere covered in popcorn. You get it?
Jason Mantzoukas
Matt makes a great hero, proving that tigers can change their stripes. Thank you all for a job well done. And please, there's just a peak of a chance for a sequel where Matt might come back for his. Only to find her. The nation deeply embroiled in another race against time, fighting a new implacable foe that he must contend with. Oh, yeah. Five stars.
June Diane Raphael
Wow. I miss.
Paul Scheer
People are really, like, going in on these. They are invested.
June Diane Raphael
I mean, can you imagine watching this movie on a white sheet?
Paul Scheer
In a white sheet. I think it's on a white.
June Diane Raphael
I said on a white sheet.
Paul Scheer
Oh, I thought you were. I thought you were saying it was a KKK rally where they were what? Where they were screening. The Great Wall.
June Diane Raphael
Is that a Tao tie?
Paul Scheer
It's a tow tie, guys. No. I don't want to freak anyone out. There's a Tao tie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Do not bring your tow ties to the theater. You had to shut off your cell phones and keep your tow ties in the parking lot. This last one is from Kitty. It was written in July.
Paul Scheer
Kitty Dukakis.
Jason Mantzoukas
Kitty Dukakis. Well, when I read it, it might very well be from Kitty Dukakis.
Paul Scheer
Oh, no.
Jason Mantzoukas
This is written in 2017 when my.
Paul Scheer
Husband Michael ran for president.
Jason Mantzoukas
You'll see why in a second. I'm a senior. But I was incredibly drunk, so I thought I was watching Jason Bourne fight mutated cockroaches. Very exciting. Five stars. Now, when I read that, I said drunk because I thought you needed to hear it that way. But the way it's written is I was Incredibly drink. I was Incredibly Drink. And the title is mistake to watch. But I was Incredibly Drink. And those are some of the reviews of the Great Wall. Now, the Great Wall came out in 2017. Its budget. I'm sorry, was $150 million. And its opening weekend, it made 18 million domestic.
Paul Scheer
Yes, that's here. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
But worldwide, 350 million. 334 million. That's 289 million foreign. This movie is a huge hit. It came in 59th in the United States out of all the movies made in 2017. Star wars last Jedi, Beauty and the Beast, and Wonder Woman were the top three. This movie was beaten by Fate of the Future Furious. This movie beat the return of Xander Cage, Valerian Geostorm, the Disaster Artist and the Snowman. What can you do, people?
Paul Scheer
You gotta be quicker on that.
Jason Mantzoukas
So interesting. It is. It's a hit. And one little fun fact is that Andy Lau, who is the strategist, the guy who shows the PowerPoint, and Matt Damon both played the same role of an undercover gang member working on a police force in Infernal Affairs. And, yeah, so they. They shared a role. Jason June, would you recommend people who watch this movie?
June Diane Raphael
It would be hard to do that.
Paul Scheer
I would say yes, but if you're gonna watch the. If you're gonna do the podcast, I would say. I would say watch it. But fast forward through sections until it looks like something. Some big spectacle is happening, then watch that.
Jason Mantzoukas
All right. I like that.
Paul Scheer
I would watch it. I would watch the set pieces.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah. I mean, there is a lot of pieces of this movie that I enjoyed, but it's hard. It doesn't, you know, it doesn't. It doesn't amount to anything, of course, but there was a lot that I did enjoy.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's a very simple plot. And I think if you don't know their space dogs, that, to me, is the moment where, like, I haven't felt a shock like that.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, I was stunned.
Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, it really was like. Like, it really got me.
June Diane Raphael
I don't think I'd seen the poster or anything. Are there Tao ties on the poster?
Jason Mantzoukas
No, there is a Tao tie poster. It's just an eye. It looks very much like how to Train youn Dragon, a movie that Jason loves.
Paul Scheer
Love it. I love all three of them, but. I love all three of them.
Jason Mantzoukas
What? I will say Toothless, come on. Maybe what you should do is bring this movie over to a friend's house. Like, oh, it's a beautiful historical picture. And you set it up. Then you can get to watch their natural reaction to the Tao ties. That's the best way to kind of watch it.
Paul Scheer
That's a great. That's a great proposal. Do the great wall prank on your friends.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, we want to start, like, our own Jimmy Kimmel style video pranks. Tape your friends watching it to see what they react to when they see a Tao tie.
Paul Scheer
And then, like, then, like, throw a dead tow tie at them.
Jason Mantzoukas
I think this is a good. Like, you're cleaning your house, your apartment, vacuuming movie. It's on. In the background, you see a flaming Marble. You're like, oh, cool. You see a balloon, like, you don't have to get into it as much as we did. It's interesting on some level.
June Diane Raphael
Don't meet us here.
Paul Scheer
Don't. Don't live our lives.
June Diane Raphael
Yeah, it's.
Paul Scheer
These are great over here.
Jason Mantzoukas
Now, did anyone get the inside joke in the movie?
June Diane Raphael
Come again?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yep. This guy got it. All right. So when Matt Damon was asked if he'd been left behind before, he replied, yes, twice before. And it didn't end well for them. This is an homage to Interstellar and the Martian in both. He was. Was left behind on other planets when an expedition went wrong, but I would say born too, right? I mean, well, I guess he wasn't left behind, but he was left for dead. Saving Private Ryan. So he's been left. Maybe this is a fake joke.
Paul Scheer
People abandon Matt Damon. That is the lesson here. People are like, gotta get away from this guy.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, my goodness, Boston, you have been an amazing crowd.
Paul Scheer
You did it, Boston. You did it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Thank you so much for coming. Happy birthday, Matthew.
Paul Scheer
So I was just parking my car, and then I saw you. The Gecko.
June Diane Raphael
Huge fan.
Paul Scheer
I'm always honored to meet fans out in the wild. The honor is mine.
June Diane Raphael
I just love being able to file.
Paul Scheer
A claim in under two minutes with the Geico app. Well, the Geico app is top notch.
June Diane Raphael
I know you get asked this all.
Paul Scheer
The time, but could you sign it? Sign what?
June Diane Raphael
The app.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, sure. Oh, that means so much.
June Diane Raphael
Oh, it rubbed off the screen when I touched it.
Paul Scheer
Could you sign it again? Anything to help, I suppose. You're the best. Get more than just savings. Get more with Geico.
Jason Mantzoukas
Adam Pally here, and I'm John Gabris. We're a couple actors and best friends who you may know as the host of the TV show 101 Places to Party before youe Die. Now we're bringing you a comedic look at health and wellness with our new show, Staying Alive.
Paul Scheer
We'll have guests like our friend, actor.
Jason Mantzoukas
Jerry o', Connell, ketamine therapist Dr. Stephen Radowitz, Paul Shear, Ego Wodem Jillian Bell, Dr. Doolittle. Staying Alive with John Gabrison. Adam Pally is out right now.
Paul Scheer
Get them a week early and ad.
Jason Mantzoukas
Free with SiriusXM podcast plus on Apple Podcasts.
Podcast: How Did This Get Made?
Hosts: Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas
Recorded: Medford, MA, September 9, 2025
Movie: The Great Wall (2016)
In this raucous live episode, Paul, June, and Jason break down "The Great Wall," a wildly expensive, genre-mashing, Matt Damon-starring action movie—the most expensive ever produced by China, notable for its misfiring accents, outlandish space-dog monsters, baffling plot choices, and accidental camp. The hosts dig into what makes this film so entertainingly bad, riff on its wildest choices, and interact with a rowdy Massachusetts audience intent on holding their own Matt Damon pride. If you haven’t seen the film, the hosts firmly assure you: that’s okay—they endured it for you.
Q – Why kitchen duty in armor?
Q – Could the monsters just go around the Wall?
Q – What other ‘legends’ could the Wall be protecting against?
(61:55+)
| Timestamp | Segment/Quote |
|-----------|----------------------------|
| 02:29 | Introduction/Boston Pride, Matt Damon context
| 04:29 | Subtitles complaint (Paul)
| 05:33 | First reactions to scale, effects, and “space dogs”
| 09:00 | June’s surprising enjoyment and Pedro Pascal
| 10:23 | Willem Dafoe’s entrance = “coquettish cat”
| 13:19 | Questioning movie’s “legend” premise
| 15:05 | Shock at monster reveal (June)
| 16:44 | Debate over women as frontline bungee warriors
| 18:22 | Matt Damon's accent montage
| 28:29 | Anti-capitalist/greed allegory
| 36:32 | Fight scenes w/CGI vs. real action
| 38:12 | Magnet logic for killing Tao Tie
| 40:21 | Matt Damon hair/beard and “hunk alert”
| 50:43 | Hot air balloon set piece
| 55:00 | Tao Tie design compared to Fallout 4
| 56:13 | Audience Q&A: kitchen duty in armor
| 61:55 | Musical “Second Opinions” & Amazon reviews
| 72:06 | Would they recommend?
| 73:17 | “Great Wall prank” suggestion
The episode brims with irreverent energy, affectionate roasting, and increasingly delirious tangents as the hosts dissect every bonkers aspect of "The Great Wall." They ultimately affirm the film is a must-see only as a shared, shocked “what the hell just happened?” experience—ideally involving pranks and popcorn. The episode is a love letter to bad movies everywhere, packed with inside jokes, lively audience participation, and the trio’s signature chemistry.
For fans of the podcast and connoisseurs of cinematic disasters, this episode both skewers and celebrates the marvelously misguided spectacle that is The Great Wall.