
The Doughboys Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell join Paul and Jason to cover the 2006 Milla Jovovich sci-fi action flick Ultraviolet. LIVE from Largo in Los Angeles, they talk about vampire diseases, dreads in a fight, changing hair and outfit color at will, and much more. Plus, the gang go off on a tangent about Josh Gad's inappropriate relationship with Q*bert in the movie Pixels. (Ep. #175 Originally Released 11/10/2017)
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Paul Scheer
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Jason Mantzoukas
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Paul Scheer
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Jason Mantzoukas
Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is in US cellular stores.
Paul Scheer
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Nick Wiger
Taxes and fees vary.
Paul Scheer
Savings with three plus lines include third.
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Nick Wiger
We've all been there. You hold on to a coupon hoping to cash it in at the store.
Paul Scheer
But then you forget about it and.
Nick Wiger
Suddenly you've got a mountain of useless expired coupons.
Mike Mitchell
Do you think this one's still good?
Paul Scheer
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Nick Wiger
Oh mate, that expired in 1993.
Paul Scheer
Dang it. Fortunately, there are better ways to save money.
Nick Wiger
Like by switching to Geico. You could save about $900 on car insurance without ever touching a coupon.
Mike Mitchell
Ooh, how about this one? Half off floppy disks.
Nick Wiger
Now you should try a bit of spring cleaning.
Mike Mitchell
It feels good to save big it feels good to Geico for the first.
Paul Scheer
Time in how did this get made history? I can honestly say I'm not sure if this is actually a movie. We saw Ultraviolet so you know what that means. How did Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly? Rock a rhinestone vest while ripping just in the Kelly or maybe see a burlesque show with Nick Crowe and take a boat with speed to hitting cruise control J Man Big Paul in the Beautiful June Gonna take you from the goob all the way to the room Ran the games in Street Fighter Hope to blow off steam just to sucker punch the odd life of Timothy Green Sharpnado the birdemic how we staying alive they call it in the badass and he's on the line cranking 88 minutes cause they cool as ice cause the bad Jim Barney looking kind and nice. Paul and June getting literal. Jason is getting laid.
Mike Mitchell
June is making sure all the monkey shots gettin.
Paul Scheer
They judge a bunch of movies while.
Mike Mitchell
They making the grade.
Paul Scheer
Here's a real question for you. How did this get made? Hello people of Earth and hello people of Largo. We are live at the Largo at the Coronet Theater in Los Angeles, our LA home. And we are so happy to be here at this amazing theater. If you're ever in la, please come by, check it out.
We're.
We may not be here, but there are great shows here all the time. We have a very interesting show. I'm just gonna come out and admit it. I think this is the first Milla Jovovich movie I've ever seen. So maybe you're with me in that camp. Besides Dazed and Confused, this is. I mean, I'm talking about like post 2000 mila. But to help me dissect this and get to the bottom of it, my co host, Jason Mantzoukas.
Jason Mantzoukas
What's up, jerks?
Paul Scheer
Jason. Jason, how are ya?
Jason Mantzoukas
You know Paul. Doing great. Doing great. Watch this movie. Did not care for it. I felt watching this movie as if I was a video game. Poorly.
Paul Scheer
Like the points to actually play the game never happened.
Jason Mantzoukas
You just watch it. I was missing a couple of buttons.
Paul Scheer
I felt like I was watching like one of those Sega CD games. I was like, hey, Corey Haim's in it and it's a video game. But not really.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like as if one of the buttons I keep pushing just changes her outfit. And that's apparently one of the buttons that it works the best. Oh, I think I hit that button again.
Paul Scheer
I will just. I will ask this question because I realized watching it, I said it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Please, please, Paul, ask the questions that you want to ask.
Paul Scheer
Have you seen a lot of Milla Jovovich movies?
Jason Mantzoukas
No, I can't say that I have.
Paul Scheer
I've never seen like Resident Evil, Fifth Element. Right, right. Fifth Element.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, okay, creeps. There was a lot of like. Yeah, yeah, he said the one that. Cause she's almost naked in it. Remember, this is a podcast recording. Right, creeps?
Paul Scheer
So tonight is how did this get made All Stars? Which means we bring a guest from the past. We also bring a new guest. But tonight what we're doing is something a little bit different. I will introduce them together only because it is a official podcast crossover episode here right now. You know these guys as connoisseurs of fine fast food. They are together, the Doughboys, but individually, Nick Weiger, Mike Mitchell, welcome them right now.
Jason Mantzoukas
Welcome, welcome, gentlemen, welcome. Nice.
Nick Wiger
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
But I also know that you guys are, you know, you like nerdy shit and, like, I do, and. And this movie is trying for so many things in that world, and it's not there to me. First of all, the first thing I did is the minute this movie opens and you see these almost like a comic book opening, I'm like, oh, is this based on a comic?
Nick Wiger
Right?
Paul Scheer
It's not.
Jason Mantzoukas
No.
Nick Wiger
Not an adaptation. And also, too, on the comic book covers, I wrote down the very first one. This movie came out in 2006. The first comic book cover says, enjoy the Amazing Japanimation starring Milla Jovovich. Were people saying Japanimation in 2006? Doesn't that feel like a quaint, like, 20th century term?
Mike Mitchell
I still use it. Is it bad?
Jason Mantzoukas
And this is not Japanimation.
Nick Wiger
No, it's not.
Paul Scheer
No.
Jason Mantzoukas
And nor is it, I believe, based on anything that.
Paul Scheer
No, it's based on nothing. The reason why the comic book thing.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is there because I was partially like, did Rob Liefeld trick us into this somehow?
Paul Scheer
There's a great. He goes. The opening credits are a comic book montage because the director always wanted to make a comic book movie. And that, by the way, is why this movie is on this show. Because that mentality is throughout. Like, because you think, like, oh, they're aping some sort of style, like, because it's very blown out, and it's very, like, almost like it's shitty cgi, right?
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, yeah.
Mike Mitchell
The shittiest CGI I've ever seen. I think when you guys are saying, like, Sega cd, we were talking backstage. It's like, it looks like a cut scene.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
And I don't know. I don't know if it's intentional.
Nick Wiger
They got the team behind the General TV commercials.
Jason Mantzoukas
But by the way, I'm. I would be more on board if the General and Shaq were in this movie. Oh, man.
Nick Wiger
A General Shaq, buddy comedy would be, like, an A plus next to this and the movie.
Paul Scheer
You know, this movie is. I'm. I guess this is what I feel like, too. Like, I'm always like, I want. You know, I don't. Why do any backstory? I just want to jump in, like, give me this. The thing. And then this movie does exactly that. I'm like, whoa, whoa. Give me backstory. I need, like, back it up, slow it down.
Nick Wiger
Right.
Paul Scheer
Deal it out a lot slower.
Nick Wiger
Yeah. Maybe those. Those scenes where S.H.I.E.L.D. is just, like, having a conversation in a conference room aren't that bad? Because it kind of gives you some context for the world you're seeing.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Like, I just need to understand why a motorcycle can drive on the side.
Jason Mantzoukas
Of a building and why everything is radioactive.
Nick Wiger
Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why is everything radioactive? Or in the insignia of radioactivity that I couldn't figure out.
Paul Scheer
I don't even know who these characters are. There's some that are vampires, some that are not vampires.
Jason Mantzoukas
Vampires. Are they really vampires, Jason?
Nick Wiger
No, they're not vampires. They're Hemophages.
Jason Mantzoukas
Thank you, Nick.
Paul Scheer
Some have teeth. Like, vampire teeth?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
Nikki doesn't have vampire teeth.
Nick Wiger
But she does.
Mike Mitchell
But she does.
Paul Scheer
Oh, okay.
Mike Mitchell
At 4620 into the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, Mitch, just to be clear, you keep a Mr. Skin style website that is strictly where vampire teeth. Where vampire teeth appear in movies, right?
Mike Mitchell
I'm a vamp nut, and I. At 4620, I was like, it's a fucking vampire movie. I did not know for 46 minutes.
Paul Scheer
That's what I wrote down. I wrote vampire.
Mike Mitchell
And Garth. Garth has the. Garth. You see Garth, he first, he says vampire, right?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Yes. And it was. It blew my mind. I had no idea it was a. I thought it was like a. Like a. This is a tale about HIV and how we shouldn't be afraid of people who have aids. I truly thought it was.
Jason Mantzoukas
That was an AIDS allegory.
Mike Mitchell
It was an AIDS allegory. They're throwing the blood at each other.
Nick Wiger
You are mentally putting this in the same category as, like, Philadelphia. This is like a morality tale.
Jason Mantzoukas
Angels in America. Ultra violet.
Paul Scheer
And the movie does something like, right off the bat, which is such a fuck you. It's like, hey, I live in a world that you won't understand.
Nick Wiger
Right?
Paul Scheer
It's like. That's the biggest cheat I've ever seen.
Nick Wiger
Yes. It's. It's. It's delivered in vo. Yes. I was born into a world you may find hard to understand. And my reaction was, yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
Very confused.
Jason Mantzoukas
Barely explains it, right? The world is almost never explained what it is.
Nick Wiger
Well, see, so there. There's the flashback, right? Where she was pregnant with a kid, and then she got the virus that turns you into a vampire. She had a. She miscarried. I guess her husband died. And then. And now this world, like. But that was like our reality.
Jason Mantzoukas
Was that what it was like, an ascent?
Nick Wiger
Was it? Here's. Here's what I'm saying.
Jason Mantzoukas
Nick. Nick. Someone out there. Hold on.
Paul Scheer
Someone really took you to task.
Jason Mantzoukas
Who is mad at you?
Nick Wiger
Ma'?
Jason Mantzoukas
Am? Ma', am, are you okay? Do you have a problem with.
Nick Wiger
I don't know if I said something problematic. Let me, Let me just take it back.
Jason Mantzoukas
Single voice.
Paul Scheer
What with such.
Jason Mantzoukas
Such.
Paul Scheer
By the way, she understood it more than anyone else. Everyone else. He's right. She's like, no.
Jason Mantzoukas
Ladies and gentlemen, Mila Jovic.
Paul Scheer
She found out about the show, came here.
Nick Wiger
But no, what I. What I meant by that is it felt like it was. Saying it was basically the flashback. Felt like it was kind of in our reality. Like it was kind of like. Like what we consider present day. Yeah. And then we flash forward to the future and I couldn't tell. So it's like so much happened in.
Paul Scheer
Like 10 years then it's like a. I mean, it's like a blood holocaust, Right? I mean, it's like. So they take all the people with bad blood and they kind of put them in these like camps and then they get killed or something like that. Or they're trying to capture them and eliminate this race of bad blooded people.
Nick Wiger
Sure.
Paul Scheer
But then there are these good blooded people that have like the nose purifiers and the weird masks.
Jason Mantzoukas
We find out spoiler at the end. What we find out is that he is himself a hemophage.
Paul Scheer
Right.
Nick Wiger
So why.
Jason Mantzoukas
So why is he even wearing the nose plugs?
Paul Scheer
And by the way, let's. Let's just even. Let's even just show you.
Mike Mitchell
He's gonna be uncomfortable.
Jason Mantzoukas
I feel like by the way, he. I guarantee he was like, you want me to wait? What am I wearing? Wait. But only in like one scene when I'm outside or something. All the scenes like this.
Paul Scheer
Are you sure this is like the type?
Jason Mantzoukas
Is that from the comic book? It's not based on a comic book. Wait, what. What is this?
Paul Scheer
I thought I was doing Aeon Flux. Right, Right here. This is like just the kind of shitty, bad future dialogue that is throughout. Well, I shouldn't say throughout because I think if you put all the dialogue together, it's like what, eight, nine minutes maybe.
Nick Wiger
Right?
Paul Scheer
Here we go.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hemophages.
Paul Scheer
No surprise.
Nick Wiger
Flat space technology. Dimension compressing.
Paul Scheer
Very rare.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's.
Paul Scheer
What was their exit strategy? How'd they expect to transport the blood out of here? Unless there was no exit strategy. Then what's the point?
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, what if they didn't come to take the blood out?
Nick Wiger
What if they came to infect it?
Paul Scheer
My God, Ross.
Mike Mitchell
Poor bastard.
Paul Scheer
That's the opening scene of the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
They are able to hypothesize plot points. That would be almost impossible.
Mike Mitchell
You never see Lewyn Davis ever again. He's gone. He just. That is the only thing.
Paul Scheer
He's Oscar Isaac.
Mike Mitchell
Is he in this and that. He goes away for the entire movie. You don't see after that point where he says, the poor bastard, he's gone.
Paul Scheer
It literally. I don't even like watching that again. It's like, oh, yeah, that wasn't the beginning of the movie. And it's not that the movie is long. It's not, it's like an hour and 22 minutes. But that scene seems so inconsequential to.
Jason Mantzoukas
Me and it seems to induce important people, I would think.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
You know? Nope, I don't. Here's the thing. I don't know what or who Milla Jovovich works for, period.
Paul Scheer
Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
I don't know what she's.
Paul Scheer
Does she work for those dreadlock dudes?
Nick Wiger
No, no. Well, yes, she did.
Jason Mantzoukas
She works and raised them.
Nick Wiger
I think so, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Does she work for William Fickner?
Paul Scheer
No, William Fickner is like her cue in James Bond. Like he has her weapons, but she produces the weapons out of thin air.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
Don't understand why he has flats.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's interdimensional technology. It's very rare apparently.
Paul Scheer
So.
Nick Wiger
I mean, this had, this movie had some big ideas. Fitbits that generate guns was a big idea.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why not generate a gun that is loaded?
Nick Wiger
Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why does the Fitbit also have to load it single bullet at a time?
Nick Wiger
Right.
Mike Mitchell
You see, you see her like moving, putting her wrists, like filling the gun with bullets from her wrist. So many times.
Jason Mantzoukas
So many times.
Mike Mitchell
It's just, it's not. Yeah, it's. I, I today practical. Yeah, it was, it's very impractical. And I, I was getting a, I got a recumbent bicycle. I don't mean to brag.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, yeah, an exercise or an outdoor exercise.
Mike Mitchell
Recumbent bicycle.
Jason Mantzoukas
Just for. So people know that's a sit down bike.
Mike Mitchell
It's, it's a, it's, it's, it's a sit down bike. It's just, it's the laziest exercise bike that there is.
Jason Mantzoukas
Sure, sure.
Mike Mitchell
I think you gain. We work out on it.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's also the kind of bike that when you're riding it out in the world, people are like, what an.
Nick Wiger
Oh, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
You might as well be the guy that's walking around like a snake on your shoulders.
Paul Scheer
Is this sitting in your house? So this is like. So this is like exercise in the house?
Mike Mitchell
So, yeah, it's an exercise bike in the house. So I got this and a guy was Setting it up today and Ultravio.
Jason Mantzoukas
You've got a exercise bike guy?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, I got.
Jason Mantzoukas
Sets up all your exercise.
Mike Mitchell
It's an option where you can get a guy to come over and he'll fix up the bike for you. If you're a pathetic man who can't put it together.
Jason Mantzoukas
Mitch, are you lonely?
Mike Mitchell
I am. That's besides the point. But this guy came over and Ultraviolet was on pause and he said, what are you watching? And I lied.
Jason Mantzoukas
Because you didn't want to be judged.
Mike Mitchell
I didn't want to be.
Jason Mantzoukas
Exercise bike, Set her upper.
Mike Mitchell
That I was going to get on my exercise bike and watch Ultraviolet. I was just like, oh, it's just something. I turned it on. I don't know. I lied. Even though it was Apple tv, it was very clear.
Paul Scheer
That's Ultraviolet. This movie is going to change your life, man.
Jason Mantzoukas
He's like, man, you're at the beginning too. Fire it up.
Mike Mitchell
I'll hang out.
Paul Scheer
All the routines are like. You do one rotation of Ultraviolet, then you get. And you watch. Just until the pinball guys get in. And then that's a workout right there.
Jason Mantzoukas
Those pinball guys were amazing.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why? Made out of bad guys. Yeah. Were they real glass chest plates, but.
Paul Scheer
That seemed to break them.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. I was confused because I was like, are they vampire? Why are they exploding? Because they're not like humans.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
And then the ball technology. They have ball. They have ball technology where they fly around in a ball.
Paul Scheer
They're literally shot out of. They're shot out of a spaceship that has like a. A pinball machine. Kind of like steel bar. Like, and there's shot kind of like.
Jason Mantzoukas
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
Paul Scheer
And that I will say that that opening sequence was kind of. I was like, oh, this is interesting.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, you are wrong.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, but I like the pinball guys. But then again, you don't know. There's no stakes because they don't even understand what the world is.
Jason Mantzoukas
I didn't understand, not until the police said it, that they might have been there to contaminate the blood or that they. The blood, because. And again, vampires don't come in by name until much later. Blah, blah, blah. And nobody ever seemed to want to. None of like Milla Jovovich or the rest of them wanted to drink blood or is that not part of this version of vampires mythology? They just need.
Nick Wiger
I couldn't tell because they also talk about at one point, she doesn't have the mutation to see in the dark. Like that becomes a plot Point.
Jason Mantzoukas
And she can go out in the light.
Nick Wiger
And she can go out in the light.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
So what was the. But she has that one thing where it goes inside her ear or what was that? Like that one moment when everyone's on the roof gonna shoot at her.
Nick Wiger
Oh, yeah.
Paul Scheer
And it was like. Did it. Was it like.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, you're talking about the sunglasses scene.
Paul Scheer
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what? Like she had some power there. But it was as an audience member. I don't know what it was.
Jason Mantzoukas
I felt like it was super listening.
Paul Scheer
Oh.
Jason Mantzoukas
I felt like she was listening to, like where everybody was in the geography.
Paul Scheer
So she had some good powers and not.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
Is that a vampire specific?
Jason Mantzoukas
That's the thing. Is a bat.
Paul Scheer
A bat can heal.
Nick Wiger
Oh, a bat can. Okay. That's what it is.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is that it Were her powers?
Paul Scheer
We're guessing.
Jason Mantzoukas
We're guessing is her powers is what makes her a badass. Her power set. Vampire related or training related or what's the deal?
Nick Wiger
I think what makes her a badass is that all of her enemies like to stand around her in a circle always and then just set up their firing lines where they can take each.
Jason Mantzoukas
Other out, by the way, that's all they do is shoot each other in every fight.
Paul Scheer
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Jason Mantzoukas
To 20 versus Verizon by getting built.
Paul Scheer
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Jason Mantzoukas
Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is in US cellular stores.
Paul Scheer
Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the.
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Taxes and fees vary.
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Qualifying credit required. I will also say that the interesting thing about this movie is that there's never a challenge to anyone that she's fighting. Whether it's 700 people or like or a dozen of them on the roof. She seems to equally dispatch them all with it's not like oh shit how am I gonna get out of this one? It's like all right let's do just.
Jason Mantzoukas
Seems well that's why it felt to me like I was playing a video game.
Mike Mitchell
Sure.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like it's all lateral fights. There's no I guess there's a boss battle at the end. But even that is also why did there were the whole time there were swords in the gun hilts the whole time. She only used it in that one fight I'd be using I'd be activating sword hilt immediately. Why is everybody using swords too?
Paul Scheer
I'm sorry Nick, did I cut you off about the vampire? So she misses that one mutation but do we Know anything else about.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, I don't know what her liability. Like, I know she. Apparently she's dying, but I don't know what her liabilities are in terms of, like, what she loses from being dying, though.
Paul Scheer
Because everyone has a 12 year, like, life sentence when you get this. Right. That was one thing I remember. I think I remember hearing that once you get this bad blood, you got 12 years and then you're done.
Nick Wiger
So it is kind of an AIDS thing. Mitch was right.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, I knew it. I knew it was an AIDS thing. And it's kind of good if you think about it that way.
Paul Scheer
I'm just thinking about this other thing, like when they tell her not to look in the package because she's got. She sneaks into this place and gets a package under false pretenses. We can get into that, too.
Jason Mantzoukas
But by the way, I thought the real courier looked like a way bigger badass. Yeah. Than Milla Jovovich.
Paul Scheer
I would've liked to seen her do some fight scenes. She opens up the case and there's like a torso of a digital boy.
Jason Mantzoukas
In there and then looks like a very small book bag.
Paul Scheer
Yes. Well, by the way, not a book bag. A briefcase.
Yes.
And, like, because it's small and. And then the boy is out of it. But it seemed, at a point, it seemed like he was like, digital. Right. It didn't seem like that was a real boy. Right.
Mike Mitchell
But he really was in there. I think he. Right. I mean, I don't know.
Jason Mantzoukas
He definitely came out of there. Wait, I don't mean.
Paul Scheer
I don't mean like, in the future, can you put real people in flat, like, in. In the size of, like, a computer laptop? It would be like putting me in there. It would be like. Like that. That is like, they don't describe, like, anything about that. You could put people like Jetsons.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, I feel like this movie does a thing which is. It establishes a bunch of, like, future tech and future stuff, but explains none of it, which is what movie? It's like. It's like the opposite of world building. It's like they don't build a world that you understand the rules of. They're just like, this is there. And also this.
Paul Scheer
Don't stress it, but I would argue that without even having seen it, if you were to walk into that new Avengers movie that's gonna come out, Infinity wars, which is the culmination of 20 Marvel movies, you would go like, I get what's going on here. I understand on some level. Right. That's the hero that person can fly. That person can shoot lasers. That's a green dude. Like, you would. On a base level, you'd understand it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Here, understanding of the Avengers. I'm thinking if you've never seen any.
Paul Scheer
I'm saying, if you're a person who's ever seen any of them, you would under. Like, this felt like, I'm up for it. Like, I don't need that much rope. Just give me a little. Like, let me come with you a little bit. And they don't do anything.
Nick Wiger
It was like you were watching, like, the seventh and final part of a series, and you hadn't seen the previous six movies, so you didn't have any context for what was happening.
Jason Mantzoukas
And also, it's a bad series of movies.
Nick Wiger
Right, Right.
Paul Scheer
And a lot of the series in between, it's. As Ted talks about the technology in.
Mike Mitchell
The next series, not only did it not describe new tech, but then it also confused, like, vampire. Like, the vampire world. Because the thing about vampires is they're immortal. And I was like, why were you afraid? Like, they're afraid of bullets. I don't understand why they're afraid of bullets.
Nick Wiger
Yeah. It seems like the vampires can be killed as easily as a man.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
So, yeah, why even be a vampire?
Jason Mantzoukas
And also, what's the problem with the vampires, exactly? They don't seem to be attacking people or feasting on human blood or any of that. It seems like they just maybe want to tamper with the blood supply also. What's the blood supply? Why is there a building wherein all of our blood is kept?
Paul Scheer
The clean blood?
Jason Mantzoukas
Federal Blood Reserves.
Paul Scheer
Why would you need blood if you had clean blood? Why would you need clean blood?
Jason Mantzoukas
Why do we need that?
Paul Scheer
Because it doesn't seem like you could uninfect yourself. Right.
Nick Wiger
You have to receive continual transfusions to not catch the virus. Is that kind of thing then that.
Paul Scheer
I was gonna say that that guy should get it, but that guy was like, no, I need to become a vampire to become a super great scientist. I don't know. I did write down, just to write down this thing, that scene that we played earlier where they talked there. I would say that's the most dialogue you're gonna get for 25 solid minutes. I wrote it down. Like, when dialogue continued again, it was 25 minutes into a movie. And if a movie has an hour and 22 minutes, that's bold to almost go a half hour without any dialogue.
Jason Mantzoukas
I wonder if they sh. Shot dialogue scenes. And we're like, this isn't working. You know what's working the very slow, plotting fight scenes.
Paul Scheer
I do have some. Some information about it. Oh, thank God.
So.
The studio did not like the first version of the film.
Jason Mantzoukas
I would argue I did not like the final version of the film.
Paul Scheer
The studio. The studio said the.
Jason Mantzoukas
I am in agreement with the studio.
Paul Scheer
The original version was too emotional and they wanted more action. So they took a 120 minute movie and cut it down to 88 minutes and. Yeah, and that's what we do know. There was a 120 minute cut. And then they reached a compromise, which was an extended version of the film which added five minutes.
Mike Mitchell
What studio was this?
Jason Mantzoukas
Screen Gems.
Paul Scheer
It's Green Gems.
Mike Mitchell
Screen Gems.
Paul Scheer
I mean, there's a lot of, I think a lot of interesting things here. The director of this movie created something called Gunkata, which is not a real thing. It's a unique blend of fighting with guns and martial arts. And that's what he developed. And that's. And apparently, like, he didn't think that Mila was bringing it and so he wanted to. He's like, you got to show me your intensity. So she just punched him in the face. And he directed with a black eye for quite some time. So that's a little background of what was going on.
Nick Wiger
So wait, is he saying. Because when I think of Gunkata like that, to me sounds like that's probably something that originated like, in Hong Kong in the 90s and then it was brought stateside in like the Matrix. Right? Like, is he claiming credit for that?
Paul Scheer
He says he has created Gunkata.
Nick Wiger
Oh, so he's saying in this movie, this is something new.
Paul Scheer
He.
Well, he directed another film called Equilibrium.
Nick Wiger
Okay.
Paul Scheer
The one with Christian Braille, with kung fu and guns. So he's like, gunkata, I've created this. Even though the Matrix has been out.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right after this movie, this person made more movies. You're telling me that Christian Bale watched this movie and I was like, yeah, I'll do the next one. I'm in.
Paul Scheer
Well, this guy has written a lot of movies and I'll give you the rundown of them. Sphere, Thomas Crown Affair, the Recruit Law Abiding, Citizen, Salt, Total Recall, Point Break, the new one, and a movie called Double Trouble, which I remember as a kid starring the Barbarian brothers. Do you remember the Barbarian brothers?
Mike Mitchell
Did he do the new. Oh, yes. Verhoeven did the old one.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
So these are all the ones he basically reboots. He does all the reboots of these movies.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, they're all bad. That makes sense.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Yeah. I Mean boy.
Mike Mitchell
I was just. I was thinking of that little kid and I was six. Yeah. And I was just like, remember how, like, hard it was for, like, Jake Lloyd with, like, episode one or something? I just can't imagine what world this boy lives in now, being six from this movie. Like, do you think that would, like, fuck with you, or do you just not care at all that you were in this movie?
Jason Mantzoukas
There were times where I felt as though she was about to kiss him. Anybody else with me on that? Didn't you feel like this is like she's about to make out with this kid? And I felt like the kid knew it.
Nick Wiger
Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
Do you think that would really mess with you?
Paul Scheer
Do you think that she confused, like, when they're like, you love him like a mother. She's like. Like, love him, like, kiss him.
Jason Mantzoukas
I love him like that.
Paul Scheer
She just couldn't get that, like, that subtle distinction. All right.
Nick Wiger
This is a romantic thing.
Paul Scheer
Got it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is that what they meant, like, too emotional in the two hour cut? Because there were sex scenes.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, my God.
Nick Wiger
Jesus Christ.
Jason Mantzoukas
Did I. Did I lose you guys?
Mike Mitchell
I honestly, it would be interesting if they did hook up. Kind of. There was nothing going. Like, they sell. They give a boy in a suitcase in the beginning, and then he almost killed. He commit. He almost commits suicide.
Jason Mantzoukas
He's standing on a round railing. Yes, he's just, like, standing upright on a round railing. I was like, does the kid have superpowers?
Paul Scheer
Well, the kid is revealed to have nothing at the end of the day.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, remember when she walks away from the kid in, like, the mall or whatever, and then she hears a single gunshot? She comes back and they're scanning a dead kid body that looks like him. They're like, it's not him.
Paul Scheer
So did he kill a kid?
Nick Wiger
Did he kill a random kid?
Jason Mantzoukas
A kid who looks exactly like him?
Nick Wiger
No, I think someone else. I think another kid was given the coat that he had. Cause the coat was taken off.
Paul Scheer
Right.
Nick Wiger
And then that kid was mistaken as the kid by security. Security. And security killed him.
Jason Mantzoukas
But they got an innocent child.
Nick Wiger
Innocent child was killed. Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
I. I cared more for the kid who was killed.
Nick Wiger
I know weirdo for him.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
I wanted the weirdo kid to die before the innocent boy. They.
Nick Wiger
I don't think it was tough to tell what Mila's position was on whether the kid lived or died because she. She saved him from the suicide attempt. But then she abandons him in the store. And then at one point. Or in the mall. And then at one point, she turns to him and says to the bull boy, she's protecting. If we're cornered, I will kill you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, it's like, wait, you're gonna.
Nick Wiger
We're protect. You're escorting this guy to keep him from being captured. You're gonna kill him instead of handing him over.
Paul Scheer
And again, I want to just parse out the plot as I understand it. Please correct me where I'm wrong. She infiltrates the. The company that is trying to eliminate people like her. Right. The home Hemophages.
Jason Mantzoukas
I am going to disagree for a moment. I don't know that it's a company. I think it's the government.
Nick Wiger
I think it is. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
But I think it is religious in. Because it is, like, almost like papal. And it's like. It's like the Vatican in its modeling.
Nick Wiger
There's a very subtle thing you may have missed, where the architecture of the building is constructed in the shape of a crucifix, which, yeah, I think gives some. Some credence to your theory.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something.
Paul Scheer
It feels coincidental. I feel like that I think you guys are reading into it already.
Jason Mantzoukas
And there's also a moment near the end where she gets stigmata in front of a glowing cross. I was like, what the fuck is this movie doing?
Paul Scheer
All right, so she is. Well, basically, we can all agree. Because let's try to walk it through and see it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
We can all agree that she is. She is going there to stop the government from releasing this. A weapon.
Jason Mantzoukas
A weapon is all she knows.
Paul Scheer
A weapon that will kill all the people like her infected with the Hemophages.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
So that's the first part of it. She gets it. She opens it up, realizes a boy.
Jason Mantzoukas
They tell her, under no circumstances is she to open the package, right? Which she does immediately.
Paul Scheer
She sees the boy, and then she's like, oh, this reminds me of the son that I never had. Because when I was pregnant, I got this and I lost my baby. So then she's like, you're gonna be my son. Now, that's a.
Jason Mantzoukas
These are not lines of dialogue.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
I mean, this is an easier to understand version of the film.
Paul Scheer
So she's like, that's her runner. So then she goes back to her bosses, and she's like, I'm not giving you this kid, because what were her bosses gonna do?
Nick Wiger
Her bosses were the dreadlock vampires, right?
Jason Mantzoukas
So they were gonna kill the handsome man who drops down from the vent at one point and gets the kid, like, perfectly, right. So they knew the kid would be, like, wandering by that one spot where he could be like, boo, Boo.
Paul Scheer
Sometimes I wanted to. To see, like, that movie where it's like, all right, so I'll go up in the vent and I'll wait. Just try to get the kid, like, roughly in this area, and I'll drop. And then he's up there waiting. I think I hear him.
Mike Mitchell
I think.
Paul Scheer
But all right, so she's like, I'm not going to give him to my bosses because they're going to kill him. Okay. So then the government is chasing after her to get him back because they want to kill everybody. But then the head bad guys, like, don't kill him. He's my clone.
Nick Wiger
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
And it's the opposite of what you thought.
Paul Scheer
Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's not going to kill all the vampires. It's going to kill all the humans unless they get. They line up to buy the antidote that we have made.
Paul Scheer
Right?
Nick Wiger
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
From the baby boy.
Mike Mitchell
Also, it is an AIDS parable. It is in a lot of ways.
Paul Scheer
But she's often.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is she Martin. Is the government Martin Shkreli, who's jacking up the price of an anti AIDS drug?
Paul Scheer
This movie is really ahead of its time. Did you guys see that testimony this week? So he's on trial, and they were interviewing jurors, and they're like, oh, what do you know about that guy? And they're like, oh, I know he jacked up the price of the Wu Tang album. And they're like, could you judge this guy fairly? It's like, I don't know. He looks like a dick. Like one of the jurors.
Jason Mantzoukas
That is a fair assessment.
Mike Mitchell
There is. There is some, like, weird, like, like Trumpian. Like, she's like, I could never give you this world. And they're looking, like, at, like, a 1950s picture. Do you know what I'm talking about? Right. It's like a 1950s, like, old fort. I'm like, what? Why do they care about. I don't know how far in the future is, but why do they want to go back to a time when, like, it was like. Like there were Model Ts and. And like, sock hops. It seems like that world is so far removed from what they want.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, they're in a CGI world.
Mike Mitchell
They're in a CGI world. Like, 1950s is where they want to go back. It doesn't. It didn't make any sense.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why do they go to the playground.
Mike Mitchell
And then they go to a playground. They ride a merry Go round.
Paul Scheer
I thought off for sure that was a fantasy sequence. I thought it was a fantasy. They're really in a playground, like on a. On a Tilta Whirl or whatever it.
Jason Mantzoukas
Is, which is very romantic.
Mike Mitchell
He falls off and she, like, falls on top of him.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. Tussles his hair.
Nick Wiger
I thought it was a flashback. I thought it was a flashback to a scene that they had decided to cut from the movie. Like, they were just, like, trying to flat, like, flashback. By implication, this happened earlier, but it's like, no, wait, this is crying a lot. Logically is this is in sequence. So then how did they get to this playground? There's. I couldn't figure it out.
Paul Scheer
It didn't seem like that was a world where playgrounds even happened. Right. I didn't see any green grass areas.
Mike Mitchell
They were, I think, on top of a building. It zooms out and they're on top of a building.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, on the playground?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. Isn't. Isn't the playground on top of a building?
Jason Mantzoukas
Is that right? It might.
Mike Mitchell
I think it was on top of. I think it was, like, a building.
Jason Mantzoukas
I don't understand what this was.
Paul Scheer
Wait, guys, I just looked at one of my notes. We haven't even talked about the Blood Chinois or.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, yeah, people applaud for the Blood Chinois.
Paul Scheer
So there is.
Jason Mantzoukas
They control the top 10 floors of this building from what? What do you mean? That building is basically a gangster's building. Hemophages on the first few floors and the Blood Chinois above. What's happening?
Paul Scheer
And Blood Chinois are different than Hemophages.
Nick Wiger
Right.
Paul Scheer
And not all Hemophages are vampires. Right. I feel like there is some, because they were like, you're not like us. So I don't.
Mike Mitchell
She seems. She seems to kind of like them. Like, she's like, don't do, like. She's kind of like, don't do this.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. She doesn't want to kill the Blood Chinois.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
And then she does, and she kills all of them, right?
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
They're just all dead and that's it.
Paul Scheer
I mean, again, you pointed it out. Their formation was shit. They literally got in a circle and.
Jason Mantzoukas
All started firing dances in the middle of a party circle.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
While they all try and shoot her and shoot each other. So it's like a dance at a bar mitzvah, only she's, like, jumping around in the middle and they're all like, bang. Oh, no.
Paul Scheer
I feel like this movie is, like, people trying to read. Like, oh, what is that?
Jason Mantzoukas
That.
Paul Scheer
That all everyone like, reads that book that he wrote, Infinite Chest. Yeah. Infinite Chest. Yes. I feel like. And everyone's like, I get it. But no one, no one wants to admit, like, I don't. I don't know what I just said. And everyone's like, I'll do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Blood Chinois, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm mad at them.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, I'm.
Paul Scheer
I mean, to them. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. I get.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one wanted to look stupid on set. So we're always like, oh, yeah, okay.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, it's really.
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Mike Mitchell
The blood chinois comes up again too. Like right. They come back. The blood chinois the most they're just mentioned thing.
Nick Wiger
They're mentioned on the subway at one point there's blood chinois but I think that's the only other they just mentioned on the subway.
Mike Mitchell
I think so a passerby or does like who mentions them? It's just a. I see the blood.
Paul Scheer
Chinois game last night.
Mike Mitchell
That was my favorite. The head of the blood chinois stands there and she moves out of the way and he screams and gets shot in the face.
Paul Scheer
By the way, that was my favorite thing about this movie. When people got killed. It was so like they were all upset about it. They're like, oh, it was so like they really took in their death. Like they're like fuck. Like it was really. You really felt like it was. They were upset. It was not their times. They were abrupt and reactionary.
Jason Mantzoukas
She's body count in this movie. Cause a number of times they tell us how many soldiers are on site.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
And she appears to kill everyone. I'm gonna guess her. She is responsible for 1500 deaths in this movie.
Paul Scheer
Well, doesn't she go like this? Like, she goes, if you're gonna come here, you gotta fight 700 guards. And she's like, all right.
Jason Mantzoukas
She's like. She's like, I'm on my way. Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
She gets there, and they're. She's like, it's too many guards. And then a minute later, she's like, no, I'll do it.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
There's zero tension about any of that because she's just invincible. She just got God Mode turned on.
Jason Mantzoukas
And I don't know why. That's the thing is, I never could figure out why she was invincible. What was making her better at fighting than any of the other people.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, she didn't seem to have. She wasn't like, the One.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. She wasn't like, Neo or something. She didn't have access to a greater consciousness or a greater understanding of or better fight programming. I don't know what.
Mike Mitchell
Can I go to bat for one thing in the movie?
Paul Scheer
Yeah, please.
Mike Mitchell
The paper phones were kind of cool.
Paul Scheer
I love that.
Mike Mitchell
The paper phones were nice, and I feel like they could be something someday.
Paul Scheer
Or the paper phone was really cool. And what I really liked in the paper phone was, like, when she could talk to people, if you're talking to them, you could pull your own zoom. So she's talking to a guy. He's normal size. And then, like, the guy clearly hit a button on his end, and his face was like, ram. And.
Nick Wiger
Right.
Paul Scheer
A giant face. Like, it could be a little bit more intimidating. And I was like, oh, I like that.
Mike Mitchell
That was. That was head villain Daxis that. His head got very big, but he could tell.
Paul Scheer
He was like, oh, yeah, I'll hit this for emphasis. That's a good moment. It was like, yeah.
Mike Mitchell
It was a Force Awakens. Like, we. Nick and I have argued in Force Awakens. There's a bad guy named Snoke.
Paul Scheer
Yes. I was gonna say it's Snow.
Mike Mitchell
Like, it's Snoke. Like, and. And we don't know if Snoke is big or small, which I think will be revealed in the newest one.
Paul Scheer
I realized after I sent it to you, I should have, like, maybe told you it could have been. Spoiler.
Nick Wiger
Oh, I don't care.
Paul Scheer
But there was a new toy released where they put Snoke next to a few different people, and he just seems to be, like, 8ft tall.
Nick Wiger
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Like, yeah.
Nick Wiger
Just, like, above average.
Mike Mitchell
Eight feet tall.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
That's the worst. That's the worst answer of all.
Nick Wiger
It's kind of the. It's kind of the least interesting choice I was using.
Jason Mantzoukas
It would be fun.
Mike Mitchell
He was tiny or like legitimately 8 inches tall.
Paul Scheer
I wanted him to be tiny, too. I wanted him to be a little.
Jason Mantzoukas
That would be amazing if he's like super, super uncomfortable about how tiny he is. That's why in Force Awakens. He's gigantic.
Paul Scheer
Oh, there was one thing I wanted to play here.
Jason Mantzoukas
Was it the ponytail dreadlocks fight?
Paul Scheer
Yes. Oh, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Here's the thing. If you're gonna be some sort of martial arts, like, Hemophage fighter, like, keep your hair in check.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Dreads are not good in a fight. So this is.
Mike Mitchell
We're as fast as you.
Paul Scheer
We're as strong as you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, but.
Mike Mitchell
Are you 1 10th as pissed off as I am?
Paul Scheer
That was the sound of opponent. That was a sound of dreadlocks being ripped out of someone's head after she took someone else's, like, rat tail and choked them with it.
Jason Mantzoukas
You know, the screenwriter is like, I fucking nailed it to you.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
Right?
Jason Mantzoukas
Babe, babe, you gotta read these pages I wrote today. This is fucking great shit.
Mike Mitchell
It's. It's also. It seemed like the. The dreadlock man was trying to whip his dreadlocks at her as if.
Jason Mantzoukas
As if it was a weapon of some kind.
Nick Wiger
Right.
Paul Scheer
I just realized her superpowers. She's pissed off off, right? Because like, we're as fast as you and she's like, yeah, but you're not as pissed. So, like, that's. That's her. She's a pissed off vampire.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why does everybody know who she is? She's like the. She's like. Everybody calls her Violet or V. Everybody knows her by name. Some people call her her full name, which is like four different names.
Paul Scheer
Violet, Song, Jet Sheriff.
Jason Mantzoukas
Great.
Mike Mitchell
That's her full name. Song Jet.
Paul Scheer
Song, Jet Sheriff of.
Jason Mantzoukas
Everybody seems to know her. But why? What? Why what? What role or place does she hold in this society?
Paul Scheer
She doesn't. Seeming like she should have been like, the one. Like, she should have been, like, working. We should have just established she worked for the government. She killed like Hemophages and now she's.
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, against them or she's sure herself is a Hemophage.
Nick Wiger
She's kind of established as like this chameleon. Like, she can change her hair color and clothes color at will. And then she goes. She info. I don't know. I don't know.
Jason Mantzoukas
What?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah. It doesn't make sense.
Nick Wiger
I don't know.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why can she do that?
Nick Wiger
I. She Can. I don't know.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, there's no reason. Well, she changes, like, her form the same way like in the X Men. You know, it's like. Like, why am I forgetting that character's name?
Mystique.
Mystique, yeah. Like, and that's interesting because she could be Professor Xavier. She could be Wolverine, but she doesn't, like, Mystique doesn't just go, like, from. From blue to, like, purple or to pink hair. That would be the answer.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's all hair and clothes.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's not her skin. She can't look like anybody else. She always has her bangs, and she always has the same format of hair and clothing. It just changes color. I really did not care for this.
Paul Scheer
Let's go to the audience here and see if you guys have any questions. All right, let's see. All right, sir, your name and your question. Go ahead.
Jason Mantzoukas
My name is Andrew.
Paul Scheer
Okay. Checks out.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. So my big question is just like. Okay, so the guy, like, he cuts.
Paul Scheer
His hand on the thing.
Jason Mantzoukas
How is this disease, like, transmitted? Because none of the protective equipment makes any sense in this movie. The dude has, like, the nose.
Paul Scheer
That would be, like, an air thing, right?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, but he's breathing through his mouth, right? If it's airborne, he's getting it. Yeah, but, Andrew, I think you're forgetting the nose thing is cool. Question mark. Oh, oh, and it's from the comic book. But even then. Okay, yeah, even then. There's that one guy with. With the Sizzler fucking sneeze guard thing.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
No news thing. He's just breathing in whatever's there.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. It lives in a world where oxygen can be blocked by, like, plastic. That's not necessarily, like.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, well, I feel like what you don't want is to get the blood on you, but. Okay, yeah, here's the thing. Don't point at me. I apologize. I don't know what podcast you think you're at. Do not point at me, Andrew.
Paul Scheer
Sorry.
Jason Mantzoukas
If they're afraid of, like, the blood thing, why do they make her sign in blood to pick up the package and then, like, you know, stab a garden hose? That was a really wide thing they shoved into both of her wrists. Yeah.
Paul Scheer
After having things shoved into her eyeball, they're basically, like, sticking her. Like they're sucking blood out.
Jason Mantzoukas
They're basically like clockwork, oranging her. But if it's, like, it's all blood transmitted, why would you sign in blood for things? Why not just. I think that's the point. They want access to your blood so they can tell you're not a hemophage.
Paul Scheer
But when that other guy has, like a little bit of blood, they shoot him in the head.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Why would you ever be like.
Paul Scheer
I mean, it's. It's like, you bet, you better sign a contract or get shot. Like that's it. Like, that's the only two. There's no contracts around. You're gonna get killed.
Nick Wiger
I think Andrew's point. Yeah. If you had, you would think that a company or organization that has a building in the shape of a biohazard symbol would know what a biohazard suit was.
Mike Mitchell
They might have had the guard. They might have had the nose guards in the mouth, like in their throats. Because we never see inside their mouths. To be fair. We never see inside their mouth.
Paul Scheer
So say. I could honestly say that we. That's true for most movies.
Jason Mantzoukas
I love, I love that you are giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Mike Mitchell
This movie specifically, you don't see inside anyone's mouth. And there could be a throat. There could be a throat filter of some sort. Like the nose filter. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, fuck you, Andrew.
Paul Scheer
All right. Your name, your question.
Jason Mantzoukas
My name is Anna. And I was kind of confused as to why the briefcase was so important, but they were gonna blow it up in nine hours, right.
Paul Scheer
So I guess they needed to bring the briefcase to a place, but if it didn't get there, it would've blown up.
Jason Mantzoukas
This reminded me a little bit of Escape from la. Like the. When they give him the flu or whatever and it's like. Well, it seems like an arbitrary clock on this. Wait, is the kid gonna die?
Nick Wiger
The kid is gonna die. They do, they do say Wilk Victor says that. And he says it in a way because this is a.
Mike Mitchell
He's.
Nick Wiger
He's revealing the news that this child is going to die in eight hours. So like, just like the, like gravest emotional card you can play in a work of fiction. And the way he says it, the line he says to deliver this news to Ultraviolet is, kids toast. To be. This nine year old boy is going to die in eight hours. Kids toast.
Mike Mitchell
V, can I quickly go back to the hair fight for a second?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, of course.
Mike Mitchell
I just thought it was. So it's the first. It's a heavily Jamaican accent Jamaican man.
Jason Mantzoukas
And there was.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, no, no, this is a good point.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cut his mic, get rid of him.
Mike Mitchell
We had never met a Jamaican man before. Right. In the movie. And then it's a heavily accent Jamaican man just so they can have the dreadlocks Fight. I feel like never before. Like, you never meet a Jamaican man, and then he's like, v. And then, of course, it's a dreadlock. I just thought it was kind of racially insensitive, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.
Jason Mantzoukas
I agree. I agree. I agree.
Paul Scheer
All right, sir, your name? Your question.
Mike Mitchell
My name's Jonathan. I was kind of alluding to what they were saying. Is this movie supposed to take place in the span of, like, nine hours.
Paul Scheer
Or something like that?
Jason Mantzoukas
Like, generally, she built a bond with this kid. And, like, all this stuff happened is.
Paul Scheer
Flashbacks, all this weird shit happening.
Mike Mitchell
And it's like, nine hours.
Jason Mantzoukas
You built this bond.
Mike Mitchell
All this happened in nine hours.
Jason Mantzoukas
She kills 1500 people. There was no nighttime.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, no nighttime pass. Like, they never.
Mike Mitchell
Like, the kids slept for, like, two hours.
Paul Scheer
Right.
Mike Mitchell
That cuts down on the time.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's like, what are they doing?
Paul Scheer
Like, I feel like she's like a psycho mom. Like, she's like, you're my child now. Like, and. And. And it. And I guess, like, if I was to just give it one small note, I would say she should have had a child that looked like this kid, and then at least you could understand, like, oh, she's, like, putting that on it. But she was just pregnant. She never even.
Jason Mantzoukas
I thought it was gonna be revealed to be her kid. Anybody else think that?
Mike Mitchell
Oh, man. So badly.
Jason Mantzoukas
I thought that was gonna be the reveal was that somehow she had given birth to this very important child and they had told her that it had died and they had given her this disease and blah, blah, blah. That's structurally worked for me. But that's not what this was. No. And you could argue that she should have let him jump off of the railing. The kid's life would have been easier.
Paul Scheer
But yet they're just gonna keep on going, and that's how the movie ends. Like, we're gonna continue to fight.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, the kid dies.
Paul Scheer
I thought the kid.
Wait, does he die?
Nick Wiger
I thought he lived.
Jason Mantzoukas
He dies. But then she goes back. Remember, the Draxus is about to saw into the kid's head.
Nick Wiger
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
But because her tear dripped on him, she turned him into a hemophage, which.
Mike Mitchell
Apparently does make you immortal in some way.
Jason Mantzoukas
Somehow allows him to be, quote, unquote, reborn. And on the third day, he rose.
Paul Scheer
There's a typical Christmas aid story. Yes. Who had the question here?
Jason Mantzoukas
Matt?
Paul Scheer
Good question.
Jason Mantzoukas
I feel like every scene was from a different movie. Every scene followed different rules. And my main point is, when they were fighting the blood Chinois, she could Avoid every bullet. And then a few scenes later, she's in a mall and bumping into people left and right. Whichever way she walked in the mall, all foot traffic was going the opposite way. A, B, she is the only person in this society not wearing a face mask. C, she is the only person wearing sunglasses. She's visible constantly, no matter what she changes about her hair or her clothing color.
Paul Scheer
Oh, no, she's just a girl with orange hair. We were going after a girl with peach hair.
Jason Mantzoukas
Look for the woman in sunglasses. There she is.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. Your name, your question?
Jason Mantzoukas
My name's Lauren. My question is, is half of this movie, like, out of focus?
Paul Scheer
Everyone?
Jason Mantzoukas
It looks like a melting wax figure the whole time. Like she doesn't have a nose for half the movie.
Paul Scheer
It is a good point. I wrote down like it felt like someone saw Sin City and was like, I want to do that, but I'll worse. Yeah, like, but it feels like it was a choice. But it was like they didn't have the technology right. Or something. It's airbrushed. That's what it feels like. Right.
Jason Mantzoukas
They made it.
Mike Mitchell
They made a really strong choice. When she catches the rope and then rope burn. Like fire comes out of her hand. Yeah, her hand. Like, like that doesn't happen, does it?
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, it would.
Mike Mitchell
The smoke. The smoke comes out of your hand like that.
Jason Mantzoukas
No, no, I just think blood and flesh would shoot out.
Nick Wiger
Also an. Also an indoor well.
Mike Mitchell
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, that's the future for you.
Nick Wiger
Yeah. There's a stained glass room with a well inside.
Jason Mantzoukas
A well that is incredibly deep.
Paul Scheer
Alright, sir, your name? Your question?
Jason Mantzoukas
My name is Tom. Jason's. Kind of right. About Six. Fuck yeah, I am. According to Kurt Wimmer. I'd like to share a little trivia. He has stated the film was directed in such a way as to allow for an alternative theory about the story. In this theory, the character of Six is actually Violet from the future who comes back after a cure for hemophagia has been developed. This explains how Six has has the cure and nobody else does. It also explains why Violet is so adamant about protecting a human, despite her goal in life being to kill them all. From the trailer.
Mike Mitchell
What?
Jason Mantzoukas
The theory also explains why Six often disobeys Violet and leads where they go being violent. From the future. Yes. Six remembers how things happen in the original timeline and can prevent them from occurring this time around.
Mike Mitchell
Six is very much a boy. Right.
Paul Scheer
Wow, that's a real.
Nick Wiger
Wait, does that presuppose that Daxus is lying when he says it's his Clone or that Daxus is mistaken.
Paul Scheer
I think that Daxus is always lying. I think this boy just show if that's true, this boy showed up from the future. What? Fuck.
Jason Mantzoukas
Now listen, believe me, you had me at Jason was right. But, but where you lost me was everything you said afterwards.
Paul Scheer
But by the way, he's just reading. I like that it said like the director says, open to interpretation. This fucking giant theory that's so complex. It's like, it's not like, like oh yeah, in Breaking Bad like maybe Walter White died when the keys came down from the thing at the end. No, it's like that, that's like a small moment. This is like oh yeah. If you just, just revamped the whole thing and fan fictioned it, it could be something.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, that's like the director being like, oh no. There are people who have theories that make sense of this nonsense. And I left the movie purposefully open to that by making it make no sense.
Paul Scheer
Your name and your question.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hi, I'm Carly. So you were wondering why when he was taken out of the suitcase, why he was all like pixely or whatever. She had put like a projector thing on him like for safe. Then when she ran out and grabbed him, I was like, what?
Paul Scheer
And she goes, I'm taking you with me. Don't think about it.
Jason Mantzoukas
And then, and I felt like she was saying that to the audience just like.
Paul Scheer
But that's okay.
Jason Mantzoukas
See, I felt like that, I felt like that in the exact, in the scene, a couple of scenes earlier where she says, you might as well turn this off.
Paul Scheer
Stop watching this movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Don't bother.
Paul Scheer
No, but I, I hear what you're saying. But she did open it before she brought it to the bad guys and he was pixelated there.
Jason Mantzoukas
Right. So do you remember earlier when they were taking the sword out of that guy, it was all kind of pixely as it was coming out. So maybe when things are like in the dimensional compression or whatever, they're pixelated.
Paul Scheer
Got it. I, I had a. I, I know the movie is also open to a shared interpretation that it's a shared universe. Universe with the Adam Sandler movie. Pixels.
Jason Mantzoukas
Sure.
Paul Scheer
And so there is a little thing like a big giant pac man running around.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, that explains the post credit scene where Josh Gad Qbert. It happens in pixels. See pixels for that.
Mike Mitchell
Josh Gad bucks Cuber in pixels and then he has like, he has Qbert baby. They have Cubert babies.
Jason Mantzoukas
So wait, they are genetically compatible.
Mike Mitchell
Cubert Hubert takes on the form of a woman.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, go Ahead, Cubert takes on the form of a, of a sexy video game babe. And then.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, what? Cuz, cuz wait a minute. Cubert is also already sexy as. So he's becomes even sexier. Or she.
Mike Mitchell
He becomes like a blonde babe, like warrior lady.
Jason Mantzoukas
Cubert does.
Mike Mitchell
Cubert does like as a gift for Josh Gaffer, helping like defeat the aliens. Why would the aliens help him? Whatever. And then, then Qbert changes into this woman and they get, I guess get married and they have Qbert babies together. Like, the weird thing is, is that when they fuck, the babies that come out of the woman.
Paul Scheer
Wait, they come out immediately?
Jason Mantzoukas
Do you watch them fuck?
Mike Mitchell
You don't want to fuck.
Nick Wiger
It's implied.
Mike Mitchell
It's implied.
Paul Scheer
And I'm sorry. And not to. Not to beat a dead horse here, but Q Bert is still in the shape of Qbert.
Mike Mitchell
So the babies look like Q Bert.
Nick Wiger
The babies are half Q bad.
Jason Mantzoukas
Looks like a hot lid.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, Qbert.
Mike Mitchell
Okay, so no, wait, that's not real, is it?
Nick Wiger
Cubert, Hubert has the genetic. Qbert is in the physical form of a hot lady, but still has the genetic material.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hubert, size wise, Qbert is little.
Nick Wiger
He's like Qbert size versus human proportions, but can like grows to giant size.
Jason Mantzoukas
So guys, Hubert, he's somebody of equal stature.
Nick Wiger
He's a lady that's the same size as him.
Paul Scheer
Is that a cameo or is it just a attractive lady?
Mike Mitchell
It's just. It's just an attractive lady.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, but it's still an.
Mike Mitchell
Hubert is the cameo.
Nick Wiger
No, it's a. It's a Cuban actor.
Paul Scheer
And so, so he has sex with a normal lady and then she immediately like gives birth to Cubert baby.
Nick Wiger
There's a. There's a time jump.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're saying the gestation period for a Gad Kubert baby is moments?
Paul Scheer
Well, there's a time jump there. Time jump.
Mike Mitchell
I want to discuss Qbert and at. Until everyone just leaves the theater.
Paul Scheer
Oh my God, I gotta watch Pixels.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, she was in the script and people were like, we're gonna make this. We get. You guys have to come back when we do that movie.
Mike Mitchell
They all. And the Cuberts are wearing diapers, right?
Nick Wiger
Yeah, they're like baby Cuberts.
Mike Mitchell
They're baby Q Berts. So she kept this DNA of Q Bert, which is weird if you think about it, because then, like, he is fucking cute. Like, it is Cubert.
Paul Scheer
It's just Q Bert in disguise.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, does Gad fall in love with Q Bert? No, no.
Nick Wiger
He's attracted to the video game leash.
Mike Mitchell
He falls in Love with the video game leash. She gets killed and then they win. Like, they beat the Pixel aliens. And then as a gift, they transferred Qbert, who was kind of like the funny sidekick this entire time, into the form of that attractive woman so that.
Jason Mantzoukas
Gad can get his dick wet.
Mike Mitchell
And then Gadget, I guess, marries her, has sex with her, and has gives birth to Q. Bert babies.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's troubling on many. Does Qbert want any of this? What? The picture you.
Paul Scheer
Oh, yeah, you're right. I didn't even think about that.
Jason Mantzoukas
Aliens come down and are like, you're a lady now. He loves the lady. You gotta do this, Qbert. Like, is this. Does Qbert want any part of this?
Mike Mitchell
You can actually. I don't know. That's a great question.
Nick Wiger
I don't know what Qbert's agency is exactly.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, he might be stuck in, like, a hell where Josh Gad is him.
Nick Wiger
Do you think they. Like, how many different video game companies do you think they went to to make that? Ask, like, do they start with, like, Donkey Kong? And they're like, like, oh, yeah, we're open to it. Okay, he turns into a lady. And then Gad, Donkey Kong's like, no.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wait, what? Okay, Sonic the Hedgehog starts to. Sonic.
Paul Scheer
The makers of Joust are even like, you know what? We want to keep Joust pure.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, we're gonna. We're pretty proud of the burger Time Chef. He's off the table for this.
Mike Mitchell
Was that. Is it Namco? Is that.
Jason Mantzoukas
He came this close to getting dig dug, but we lost him at the last minute.
Mike Mitchell
Let us guess.
Paul Scheer
Gad's gonna figure out get his dick past that. That very airtight costume that he's wearing in Dick Duck.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wasn't Qbert also like a homeless degenerate in Wreck It Ralph?
Nick Wiger
Oh, right.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, that's right.
What?
Qbert.
Jason Mantzoukas
Qbert.
Paul Scheer
In all.
Jason Mantzoukas
All senses of like, like representation, Cubert lives a harrowing existence.
Paul Scheer
Like I was going to say, Cubert is like the Vanilla Ice of the video game where, like, yeah, I'll do it. Home Improvement Joe, you got it. What do you got?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, I'm pretty sure there is a scene where Vanilla Ice and Cubert are probably in frame together in the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Really?
Mike Mitchell
I. I think Vanilla Ice is in it, right?
Paul Scheer
I think Vanilla Ice and more Sandler movies.
Jason Mantzoukas
What's happening, sir?
Paul Scheer
Your name, your name and your question.
Jason Mantzoukas
Okay, Luke, So in movie, it explains that Daxus is the Vice cardinal. Where's the cardinal? Interesting. Like, are they. Are they setting up for a sequel?
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
Oh, they clearly are setting up for a sequel. I mean, and that the one thing about this, like, movie poster is it looks like all of her movies too. Like, they're like. She's been in a lot of movies, I feel like, where she's just got swords or guns.
Jason Mantzoukas
She's. Final Death. No, not final.
Paul Scheer
Resident Evil.
Jason Mantzoukas
Resident Evil. Thank you. I love all of those Resident Evil movies.
Paul Scheer
Cool, man.
Jason Mantzoukas
What's happening right now? Are we just hanging out now? Are we just having, Having a cool. Are we broing out?
Paul Scheer
What's happen?
Jason Mantzoukas
Nothing.
Paul Scheer
So maybe that's a good call. That is a good. That is a good call. There might be a, A.
Jason Mantzoukas
What else are you up to, bro?
Mike Mitchell
I, I kind, I kind of like the Resident Evil movies too. I'm with you.
Paul Scheer
I've never seen one. I, I, I mean, they're not great.
Mike Mitchell
They're bad, but they're, they're so much better than Ultraviolet. They, I mean, they're fun. They're fun.
Nick Wiger
It's easier to wrap your mind around because there's at least an existing property you can kind of like. Okay. Even though this doesn't have much to do with the video games. Umbrella Corporation, Resident Evil. This is like something I know. This is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Paul Scheer
Well, I would even, I would even, like, hearken to guess that there's like, a plot, like, these things are out and she's got to kill him, and then it'll be okay, right? Like, like, like here. I don't even know what. I don't even really understand what's going on. We, we tried to, like, go from A to B. I don't know. I don't know what's happening here.
Mike Mitchell
I. On. On the way to the theater tonight, I ran a stop sign and I almost got into a terrible car accident. And I didn't tell you this before the show because I wanted to surprise you that I nearly died.
Nick Wiger
Cool. Thanks.
Mike Mitchell
And literally the last thing I would have done has, was to see Ultra.
Paul Scheer
Violet on the recumbent bike.
Mike Mitchell
On a recumbent bike. That didn't work. The guy put the seat on upside down.
Jason Mantzoukas
What?
Mike Mitchell
He put, he put the, he put the back of the seat on upside down. Yeah, he put it on upside down. Also. I paused this movie so many times. It's 120. It's an hour and 20 minutes. And I paused it so many times. I finished right before I left. And I would have. The last thing I. You would have to lie to my mom or something and tell her I was doing something different.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, he was he died jacking off.
Mike Mitchell
That's less embarrassing.
Paul Scheer
I. I fell asleep five times in the. In. In the final 10 minutes. Like, I was like, what is going on with me? Like, I was like, once the lights went out and they got into, like, the flaming swords, I was like. And I was like, oh, who cares? I couldn't keep my eyes open. And it was early. Like, June was having some sort of meeting in the living room. And I'm watching it, and I'm like. And I'm like, I feel like it was like 8:30.
Nick Wiger
I watched it in the morning. I watched it Friday morning. And when I got up and I was. I was kind of like. When you told me what the movie was, I was like, oh, this. You know what?
Jason Mantzoukas
It's.
Nick Wiger
I like dumb action movies.
Mike Mitchell
This will be.
Nick Wiger
I like Mila Jovic. This will be fun. And eight minutes in, I said aloud to nobody, this movie sucks.
Paul Scheer
Well, let's hear what the actors have to say about it. This is. This is, I think, will give us a little bit of insight on this. Here we go. Who's this guy? I think this is the inventor of gunkata. The writer can't think of a better person to direct the movie because it.
Mike Mitchell
Clearly is so in his head.
Paul Scheer
From the beginning to end, Kurt managed.
Mike Mitchell
To combine the underlying story, which has multiple things.
Jason Mantzoukas
And he did it in.
Mike Mitchell
In a way which breaks the convention of the genre.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's all in his vision. Just everything, Every set piece, costume, everything.
Paul Scheer
I mean, you wrote it. It's very specific of what.
Jason Mantzoukas
What it is, what his intention is.
Paul Scheer
The story that he wants to tell. I heard that Kurt actually wrote the script for me, which was really flattering and exciting. So it was like, you know, shook.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hands and said, all right, see you in Shanghai.
Paul Scheer
So it's been over a year now that I've been preparing.
Nick Wiger
The way William Fichner was describing that of, like, it's all. His vision was so clearly placing the blame on him.
Paul Scheer
He's like, yeah. And even the producers, like, you know, he's got it in his head. Everything is in his head. And we were improvy to it. Please, please. I feel like everyone makes a gamble on people like this because they're like, could be the next Matrix. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Like, you know, everyone thinks that they have the next Matrix when they can't understand it. But what you forget to realize is the Matrix made total sense. Like, it was cool ideas, very simple storytelling, you know, with the cool ideas around it. It was never like, Wait, so the baby and what. And the. But like, it's like, it's. You can describe the Matrix so simply.
Jason Mantzoukas
Matrix one.
Paul Scheer
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, Matrix two and three. Once we get to the rave. I genuinely don't know up from down. What.
Nick Wiger
What happens at the test screening of a movie like this. Like, do they test it?
Paul Scheer
And that's. That's when they went from 120 minutes to 88.
Nick Wiger
So that's all the notes of the comment cards they were getting back or is, like, too easy to follow. Makes too much sense.
Paul Scheer
Whatever. Shoot a frame of this to make sense. Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
No, I show her reloading more.
Jason Mantzoukas
And also shooting a gun. Like she's throwing stuff.
Paul Scheer
This is.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're not throwing the bullets out of the gun.
Paul Scheer
This is another little thing here that I thought was interesting. The film creates a fictional Asian race that speaks a fictional language called Thalandi, which is just Vietnamese.
Jason Mantzoukas
These. So it. It's a fictional language that is only the actual language. Vietnamese.
Paul Scheer
Yep.
Jason Mantzoukas
Which.
Mike Mitchell
Which people speak that.
Paul Scheer
I think that may be the.
Mike Mitchell
Okay.
Paul Scheer
But that, to me is the shittiest thing of all time. Like. Yeah, it's a fictional language.
Jason Mantzoukas
I would like a prequel movie. I want a prequel movie that is just the blood Chinois.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, wait, there's one thing I just remembered.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Is there. Does. Does she have inner dialogue just once in the entire movie when she drops.
Jason Mantzoukas
The end as well.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, okay. Halfway through the movie.
Jason Mantzoukas
Over at the end, too, Right?
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Because when she drops off the kid in the mall, she's like, wait, what am I doing? And you're like, what? I was. I had to be like, did her mouth move or.
Jason Mantzoukas
Am I having a stroke on this recumbent bike?
Paul Scheer
Obviously, we had an opinion about.
Jason Mantzoukas
Are you. Were you upset that you would die on the. Die in your car wreck and instead of at the hands of Nick Weger?
Mike Mitchell
I'd much rather have Weger kill me at some point. Which you will.
Nick Wiger
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
I went easy on you tonight. I was going to talk about how you would have loved those briefcases that had children in them and stuff.
Nick Wiger
Jesus Christ.
Mike Mitchell
You would.
Jason Mantzoukas
As an easy way to transport a little.
Mike Mitchell
Speak a little boy around. I went easy on you specifically to not say that.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Nick Wiger
I would. I was going to say this to say thank you.
Jason Mantzoukas
Thanks, Mitch.
Mike Mitchell
I was. I was gonna try to be like. I was gonna try to be like, the movie's actually good, but the movie's so bad and I'm mad you could. Like. It was like. I try. I, like, would try to go find the. I Try to find the good. There's no. There's l no good in it. It is such garbage. It's the worst. It's. It is, like, maybe the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.
Jason Mantzoukas
You're welcome.
Paul Scheer
Obviously, we have opinions about this movie, but there are people out there with a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions, as sung by our friend Ted.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hey, I have an opinion, and you have one too. Let's go to Amazon for a second opinion review.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, give it up for Ted.
Jason Mantzoukas
Great work, Ted.
Paul Scheer
Great work. Well, I will say these are some of the best second opinions I've ever read. I had a very, very hard time cutting them down, so I'm gonna read a couple of them. I will say that it is amazing to read these because they all share one thing, which is is people are hot and horny for Milla Jojovich. Like, and it comes through in these reviews. And then. All right, so this one is like, this one just. All right. Oh, man, where should I start? This one is easy from Dave T. I haven't watched it yet, but anything Milla Jovovich is in has to be good. She's generally a tough girl, but she's not the villain. Not sure, though, about Resident Evil. Haven't seen that one either. Five stars. This one from John N. Yup. Body. Okay. She's just hot. Five stars.
Jason Mantzoukas
She's one of those people. Even we saw it or heard it earlier tonight. That just brings out the creeping guy.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. This one from Mike. People seem to be pretty divided about how they like this movie, but I liked it. Mila is so, so pretty, and it was so nice to see her all the time. She really helps this movie a lot. But I guess it helps if a person is a guy and single that that means they're really gonna enjoy this movie. There was good photography, good sets, and good music. I like it when a movie has good music, and I like the way it didn't become night whenever there was a battle scene. There's plenty of light so people could see what was going on. Five stars. Wow.
Mike Mitchell
As a single guy.
Paul Scheer
This one is from Forward observer, and the title is Runway modeling in our 21st century. And I'm just picking up in the middle here because that's had to do with a couple of these. They're long. We are sometimes lulled and more often enlivened by the sensuous and sultry sound of her voice. Ew. Mesmerized and transfixed by the resolute regard of her eyes, her mouth, and her face. Face I don't like. And alerted and attracted to her youthful grace, her confident pop and all else. The amazing martial arts, the exceptional motorcycle stunts, the thoroughly surprising architectural elements of Shanghai, China, and the ever more alluring sequence of lush costumes and lavish sets. Though beautifully choreographed, vibrantly hued and fascinatingly textured.
Jason Mantzoukas
Whoa.
Paul Scheer
It's really reassuring to know such a creature as Mila inhabits our planet. Five stars.
Mike Mitchell
Creature. Oh, God.
Jason Mantzoukas
There's also something about reading these with that frozen image behind, right? As if she doesn't like it.
Paul Scheer
She's like, this is. This is from Lori. I love this movie so much. So much that I had to rent it twice. Then I bought it, and now it's going on my ipod. If you watch it from the beginning, don't be high. Pay attention.
Mike Mitchell
What?
Jason Mantzoukas
But if you're watching it from the end, be high as you are.
Paul Scheer
It's got a cool, futuristic lifestyle going on, and I like that. I mean, who knows where our future will bring us? I wonder about stuff like that a lot. I mean, is it possible for some of these things to happen one day? I don't know. Watch it and be prepared for pure entertainment. Five stars. And then I will go to the last two. This one short one from Stephanie E. Who we've read before, where Jason said that you thought this woman was pretty horny. She said, is that the same person? Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
How are we trapped?
Paul Scheer
That's Nate. This is Nate Kiley's research. He has a good memory. Okay, what do we got? I wish I could change my hair color that easy. Five stars.
Jason Mantzoukas
Still sounds horny.
Paul Scheer
All right, so this one's a little long. Just bear with me because I think it's interesting. Okay, It's Michael, and the title is what you may not know about Mila Jojovich. Okay, I'm reviewing another movie featuring the phenomenal Ms. Judgevich because beside the fact that I thought this was another killer movie by mj, but also because of the trivia I read going along with this one, I always knew MJ was bad to the bone, but I had no idea what she accomplished at this point. And far earlier in her career, this lady was modeling, acting, dancing, and an established fashion designer. She's immensely wealthy before she was even in her teens. Throughout her early life, where most child prodigies crash and burn, she created an empire and drove forward the market herself onto an astonishing, successful, and extremely wealthy individual. Her workout regimen is uncompromising and would kill a lesser person. By the time she became by the time she began acting more or less full time, she could speak a dozen languages. Her IQ is off the charts. She amassed a huge fortune while most young adults, adults are still struggling to quote unquote, find themselves.
Jason Mantzoukas
She's 415 years old. She invented fireworks.
Paul Scheer
She can act as well as perform her own superhuman stunts. Yes, folks, she does her own stunts. Though Ultraviolet didn't do as well at the box office, some of her more popular films, like Fifth Element, it's an amazing accomplishment nonetheless. And the list keeps growing.
Mike Mitchell
Wow.
Paul Scheer
Five stars.
Jason Mantzoukas
I feel like that review could grant her a restraining order.
Paul Scheer
I don't know who he's fighting. Like, who, Like, I mean, that is like a, that's like a biography that you would read in like a fifth grade class.
Jason Mantzoukas
Before she was in her teens, she was one of the most well respected fashion designers in the world. She speaks high Valerian.
Paul Scheer
There are literally pages and pages and I'm not gonna bore you with it, they're fascinating. Just backstory on IMDb, trivia about all the technology in the movie that it feels that the director got on there and was like, let me lay it out for you in very long wordy passages. I mean, it's a sort of like, you know. The technology mainly takes form of an easily overlooked wristband, although 1 inch scabbards holding 42 inch swords are also seen. Handguns with 18 inch bayonets are also stored in the 6 inch grips. And ammunition is also hidden in this manner. The bolts flying from the wristbands into the magazines on command. And it's like, it's like the technology is also used to create, create habitable pocket dimensions such as a briefcase, backpack. Oh, that's what it is. Okay. Yeah, so there it is.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, now it makes sense.
Paul Scheer
Yeah. And like Garth's whole research lab is just in a different dimension. Yeah, we didn't know any of that.
Mike Mitchell
Wait, Garth is in another dimension the entire movie? Really?
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, that's why his truck can be like a big giant lab, I guess. Oh. Cause it's like, it's kind of like Hermione's purse.
Paul Scheer
Oh, okay.
Jason Mantzoukas
Or it's like the tents in Harry Potter. Like it might look like a little pup tent, but when you get in, it's like a whole big thing.
Nick Wiger
So that, so the final shot, which is the red Mack truck coming at the camera, that's his lab.
Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. Okay. So when they're inside his world, they're inside his truck. It's just enormous because it's in a pocket dimension.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
So where's the little boy when he's in the backpack, suitcase? What. What dimension is he in?
Jason Mantzoukas
Who knows, man?
Paul Scheer
He's in some dimension. He's. With the bullets. He's like. All these bullets.
Jason Mantzoukas
Just clanging around in here.
Paul Scheer
Bayonets are stabbing. Get out of here. Well, before. Before. Before I ask you guys if you'd recommend this movie, because I think it's a real question. Here's what the end vo is.
Mike Mitchell
Yes, I was born into a world.
Paul Scheer
You might not understand, but a world has a turn.
Jason Mantzoukas
That's a romantic shot.
Paul Scheer
And my body. Would Garth be able to fix the.
Mike Mitchell
Way another had cured my soul?
Paul Scheer
Maybe, maybe not.
Mike Mitchell
But this I do know.
Paul Scheer
All those still out there who spread oppression, injustice, and hatred, they better hope not. The end.
It's.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's even comic book font, which is annoying.
Paul Scheer
There should have been a question mark at the end there, too.
Jason Mantzoukas
I thought for sure there was gonna be a post credit. Sequen. Nothing.
Nick Wiger
Yeah, nothing really puts an exclamation point on a film like Bold Comic Sans.
Paul Scheer
Oh, man. Well, Jason, would you recommend.
Jason Mantzoukas
No. No. This movie is legitimately bad, and it's not fun enough to get to. Worth it for me, I don't think.
Paul Scheer
No, it's not.
Mike Mitchell
No.
Paul Scheer
I'm glad that we watch it and this conversation is better than the movie, but you shouldn't subject yourself to that, Nick.
Nick Wiger
No. Fuck, no. I mean, it's. It's joyless. That's the thing. There's. There's some. You know, like a bad movie song is like, oh, this is fun. You guys know, sometimes there's. It's a blast. There's nothing fun about this. It's just a slog. And. And the fact that it makes no sense makes it feel. It's 88 minutes and it feels interminable.
Paul Scheer
Yeah, it really.
And it.
I feel like there was. It's almost like an overloading of ideas in a way, because it's like, oh, these are all. Any of these things would be interesting if it wasn't all just jammed in there. It was like just closing that closet door. Enjoy. It was almost like, if there's enough stuff, you'll like it, but it just. Yeah, it just falls apart. Mike, I know you like this.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, I liked it. No, I mean, I think it is maybe one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life. I'm not even kidding around. I thought I was going to try to be contrarian in some way, but. But Force Awakens is much better than it Every. Any movie is much better than. I think Nick's right. It's just is. It's. It's like. It doesn't do bad fun. Like, there's no. Like, you can't have fun with the badness of it. Like, what was the truck at the end? It wasn't. I don't even know what the truck was. And the truck is coming out. It doesn't make any sense.
Paul Scheer
I mean, Basically the last 40 seconds of this movie is all CGI. Like, shitty, shitty CGI.
Mike Mitchell
And she doesn't even seem to care. She's like, will I get fixed? Maybe. Maybe. No. And you're like, well, if you, like.
Jason Mantzoukas
Happy with the fact that she turned that kid into a vampire. Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Which is 12 years. He'll be dead when he's like, 16 or he's not 4, but he'll be.
Paul Scheer
Well, I mean, she won't because he won't be dead because he's her.
Mike Mitchell
Oh, but he's a. He is a. He is a. He's a little boy. Right?
Paul Scheer
Happens, man.
Mike Mitchell
But, yeah. No, yeah, no, it's. It's bad. It's. Yeah, it was depressingly bad.
Paul Scheer
Well, I. I feel the exact same way. I echo everything that everybody says. It was interesting that a movie that seemingly like. That seems like it cost a lot of money would be like, no one stopped it.
Jason Mantzoukas
How much did it. I'm curious how much it cost.
Paul Scheer
It was. Oh, not that bad. See, that's why I feel like she's the biggest.
Jason Mantzoukas
It's all cgi, so I feel like. And it's not well done, so I'm gonna say like, 22 million.
Paul Scheer
Okay, anybody else want to take any guesses on the budget of the movie?
Nick Wiger
40 million.
Mike Mitchell
Okay, I'm going to say. God, 15 million. I'll go low.
Paul Scheer
All right, it's $30 million. Budget opening weekend was $9 million. In the United States, it made 18 million, and in the world, it made $31 million. So it made back its money and.
Jason Mantzoukas
Well, we don't know what they spent.
Paul Scheer
On the rest, but, yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right. The P and A on this is probably 50 cents.
Jason Mantzoukas
Wasn't there some sort of. Wasn't Ultraviolet the name of some sort of other DVD thing they were doing?
Paul Scheer
Oh, it was a Blu Ray HD dvd. But, oh, yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Somebody explained it very quickly. Quick year. Digital code.
Paul Scheer
Oh, right. It was the digital code. Like the. Like, you would get the. You could put the thing in.
Jason Mantzoukas
But was it named after this movie?
Paul Scheer
ITunes. Right. Free download when you bought the DVD, free download. When you. Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Was it based on this movie? No, no. I mean, like, was it related to this movie somehow?
Paul Scheer
Well, I will tell you the one interesting spinoff of this movie was it made a. He finally did get to make a comic or a cartoon because it was spun off into an animated series two years later called. It was called. Sorry, I'm finding it right here.
Jason Mantzoukas
Family Guy.
Nick Wiger
Yes.
Jason Mantzoukas
It was turned into the show Bob's.
Paul Scheer
Burger is for family. It's called ultraviolet code 44. So if you guys want to find ultraviolet code 44, you get deeper into the world, you can get your answers about the Grandmaster, whoever that person was, the Archduke, whatever his name was. So that's that. And let me just say, just so I can plug it so you guys don't have to. The Doughboys is one of my favorite podcasts.
Jason Mantzoukas
I will second that.
Nick Wiger
God bless you. Thank you.
Paul Scheer
Every. Every week, you guys go to a different chain restaurant. Whether it's something as simple as a Starbucks to a Red Lobster to In n Out. And you're connoisseurs of this food.
Mike Mitchell
Can we counter you? Yeah, it's bad. It's really bad.
Paul Scheer
It's terrible.
Jason Mantzoukas
Here's what I like about it, because, yes, it is. It is. You guys. And a guest reviewing and talking about a meal you've had at a fast food restaurant, you ranking the restaurants, et cetera. For me, it is a story of two men who are growing to loathe each other. It is a journey from friendship to murder suicide. And that's what I find compelling, for sure.
Paul Scheer
Well, and I will then jump on that. And I think I understand, though, why it's happening because I have done one of these episodes. You feel physically ill after doing the episode because the food you're eating is bad. And I feel like you guys are poisoning yourselves. And then that's it.
Jason Mantzoukas
I texted John Gabris when you guys did the thing where he ate a hundred chicken wings or something.
Mike Mitchell
He ate a hundred chicken.
Nick Wiger
He ate 100 chicken McNuggets.
Mike Mitchell
Two chicken nuggets. Yeah.
Nick Wiger
60 chicken McNuggets.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Jason Mantzoukas
Oh, 60 died. I was like, I'm concerned for his safety.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah, yeah. No, that's why I got this recumbent bicycle.
Jason Mantzoukas
Good. Cause this show is killing.
Mike Mitchell
It's killing us.
Paul Scheer
I did. I did a high end restaurant with you guys. We did a tie in with had at this game. Maybe we did the Bubba Gump restaurant. And I thought that was going to be fine. And I wasn't even.
Mike Mitchell
That was really bad. Yeah, no, we're going to die at some point soon. But we kind of both.
Nick Wiger
We welcome death.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
And. And Mike, when is love coming back up?
Mike Mitchell
Love comes back in February, I think around Valentine's Day. Season three comes out.
Paul Scheer
Yeah.
Mike Mitchell
Tune in.
Paul Scheer
Very good.
Mike Mitchell
Yeah.
Paul Scheer
Nick, anything else you want to plug?
Nick Wiger
Nah, I'm good.
Paul Scheer
Jason?
Jason Mantzoukas
I'm okay, thanks. There's a fucking bug plugging that bug.
Paul Scheer
And I will just plug Wet out. American Summer 10 years later on Netflix. I have a small part in that. And then this movie opening night that I did also. That's, I think, is that actually pretty funny? Also on Netflix. And there's two. Watch the one that looks like I would be in it. All right, big thanks to Avril Halley, who cut all these clips. Nate Kiley did all of her research. Kelly Alto, who puts this whole thing together. July Diaz up in the booth. Alec up in the booth. Everybody here at Largo, thank you guys so much for coming out.
Mike Mitchell
Bubba Wallace here from 23 Xi Racing. You know what's slower than a pace car waiting at the car wash? That's when I fire up Chumba Casino. It turns these slow minutes into fast fun. With new games every week, you'll never get bored. Next time you're stuck in the slow.
Paul Scheer
Lane, speed up with Chumba.
Mike Mitchell
Play now@chumbacasino.com let's Chumba. No purchase necessary VGW group void where prohibited by law.
Paul Scheer
CTC's 21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.
Jason Mantzoukas
Ted Danson here to let you know about a special episode of where everybody.
Paul Scheer
Knows your name Name. This week we are visited by the.
Jason Mantzoukas
Hilarious one of a kind, Jason Mantzoukas.
Paul Scheer
I love working with Jason.
Jason Mantzoukas
I loved working with him in the Good Place. And most recently on season two of.
Paul Scheer
A Man on the Inside, which is.
Jason Mantzoukas
Out now, by the way.
Paul Scheer
You're going to hear all about it and more.
Mike Mitchell
So don't wait. Listen to this episode of Where Everybody.
Paul Scheer
Knows yous Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. Sometimes, wherever you get your podcasts.
Release Date: January 6, 2026
Hosts: Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, Jason Mantzoukas
Guests: Nick Wiger & Mike Mitchell (The Doughboys)
In this live Largo episode, Paul Scheer, Jason Mantzoukas, and guest hosts Nick Wiger and Mike Mitchell (of the Doughboys podcast) take on the 2006 Milla Jovovich sci-fi disaster, Ultraviolet. With their trademark comedic bewilderment, the panel attempts to untangle its confounding plot, lambaste its shoddy CGI, and parse its failed world-building—while reveling in the collective confusion that makes such bad movies worth celebrating.
| Timestamp | Segment | Highlights | |-----------|----------------------------------------|----------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:00 | Opening thoughts on Milla Jovovich | Hosts’ unfamiliarity, intro of guests | | 07:06 | Comic book montage critique | Not a real adaptation; “shitty CGI” | | 09:29 | "Vampire" realization | Mike’s delayed discovery of the film’s premise | | 13:02 | Lack of Dialogue | “Put all the dialogue together…eight, nine minutes, maybe.” | | 25:13 | World-building confusion | “It’s the opposite of world-building.” | | 28:24 | Dialogue drought | Nearly 25 minutes without significant dialogue | | 31:48 | Ultraviolet's relationship with the boy| “She was about to kiss him…” | | 39:49 | “Blood Chinois” discussion | Gang/caste with unclear role | | 51:58 | Audience Q&A | Rules of transmission, logic holes | | 59:00 | Every scene from a different movie | Montage of inconsistencies | | 64:13 | Pixels / Q*Bert tangent | Hilarious non-sequitur riff on video game babies | | 88:49 | Final recommendations | Unanimous “Do not watch!” |
Throughout the episode, the cast mixes deadpan incredulity with sharp, exasperated wit. Inside jokes and recurring bits (Mike’s recumbent bike, Nick and Mike’s self-loathing on Doughboys, audience Q&A chaos) mix with direct readings of baffling Amazon user reviews—emphasizing just how incomprehensible yet compellingly awful Ultraviolet is as a “bad movie night” misfire.
All panelists strongly advise against watching Ultraviolet, branding it “joyless,” “confusing,” and “not even fun-bad.” The episode, however, stands as a celebration of befuddling, failed cinema and the camaraderie of figuring out how, exactly, this got made.
For more off-the-rails movie breakdowns, subscribe to “How Did This Get Made?” and check out the Doughboys for their chain-restaurant misadventures.