How I Died – S4 E09: "We've Only Just Begun"

Release Date: October 22, 2025
Podcast by: Audiohm Media

Episode Overview

In this riveting, reality-bending episode, forensic pathologist Dr. John Spacer navigates a surreal landscape of memories, dreams, and philosophical revelations about death, consciousness, and haunted truths. As bodies continue to pile up in the mysterious town of Springfield, Jonathan’s supernatural secret—his ability to talk to the dead—proves both a curse and a lifeline. The episode masterfully weaves together existential science, personal trauma, and the complex bonds between the living and the dead, setting the stage for seismic revelations.

Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdown

1. Disorienting Awakening & Flashbacks (01:08–05:38)

• John wakes up confused and out of time. Luan tries to wake him in the on-call room, referencing stressful shifts and Dr. Michaels’ impatience.

  • Luan (01:12): “If you're gonna survive as a doctor, you gotta get used to sleeping light in the on call room. Now scoot out. Michaels is already pissed.”

• John struggles to place himself—hospital names are unfamiliar, people reference events he can't recall.

  • Dr. Kida questions John’s memory and abilities during "grand rounds" at Hopkins, highlighting mounting professional pressure and John's frayed sense of reality.

2. Slipping Between Realities (05:38–08:18)

• Conversations with Lon (colleague/friend) evoke John's emotional confusion and grief.

  • Lon notes that John used to be passionate, suggesting he's changed:
    • Lon (06:12): “But, Dr. Spacer, you just don't have the same passion.”
  • John reveals, in his “dream,” Lon was dead, unveiling deep fears and the blurry line between memory and premonition.

• Reality fractures: people flicker between living and dead, pushing John to question what's real.

  • Alex Mendez, previously thought dead, appears and identifies himself as a ghost:
    • Alex (08:05): “I'm a ghost.”

3. The Confrontation with Death & Guilt (08:18–09:34)

• Existential threats escalate, with characters caught between life and death.
  • Luan and Lon's fates seem determined by a shadowy interference. Luan ominously states:
    • Luan (09:19): “I'm scared, Johnny. I have to kill everybody else before there's another storm coming.”

4. Return to the Lab—Aftermath & Tension (11:54–13:41)

• John wakes, recovering from an attack—Amelia injected him with a mysterious serum.

  • Dr. Iris and Alex explain the circumstances and check John’s cognitive and physical state.
  • The fate of Amelia (“under lock and key”) is revealed, emphasizing the high-stakes lab intrigue.

• A tense conversation with Alex reveals personal connections and overlapping deceptions.

  • John realizes Alex Mendez is related to Deputy Mendez (14:06):
    • John: “Deputy Mendez is your brother.”

5. Existential Sci-Fi: Quantum Immortality & Multiverse Theory (15:27–21:41)

• Alex delivers the episode’s philosophical linchpin—a revelation about death, energy, and reality.

  • Alex explains quantum immortality:
    • Alex (15:55): “Have you heard of quantum immortality?”
  • He recounts trauma from living through the “storm” and experiences of reality “restarting” after death.

• Alternate realities and never-ending loops:

  • Alex describes a cycle—deaths, conscious reboots, and the inability to break free.
    • Alex (20:02): “That's why I'm fucking bundled up in a turtleneck in the middle of spring. That didn't seem weird to you? You did that to yourself 645 times. Every time, I either wake up … or I roll back to the day in the bunker and it was all just a bad dream.”
  • The significance: John may exist in one of many split realities, and the “ghosts” he talks to may be experiencing their own overlapping versions.

6. Identity, Desperation, and the Morality of Knowing (21:41–21:55)

• Alex’s desperate request: He wants John’s supernatural abilities to help him “die for real,” to break the cycle.

  • Alex (21:02): “To tell me I'm dead as a ghost? In the hopes that at least one version of me can die for real.”
  • John pushes back, suggesting Alex could choose a normal life, but Alex insists, in two days, he’ll die again in this reality.

• Closing tension:

  • With John’s consciousness—the border between life, death, and memory—shaken even further, the philosophical and emotional stakes are raised for all.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On John’s Loss of Passion

  • Lon (06:12): “But, Dr. Spacer, you just don't have the same passion.”

• On Quantum Immortality

  • Alex (15:55): “Have you heard of quantum immortality?”
  • Alex (18:18): “Either your brain keeps the narrative going, or you wake back up at a previous point with this vague recollection, that vague feeling of deja vu, like you've been there before. Because you have, your brain is just keeping you alive.”
  • Alex (20:02): “That's why I'm fucking bundled up in a turtleneck in the middle of spring. That didn't seem weird to you? You did that to yourself 645 times. Every time, I either wake up, miraculously saved and keep going, or I roll back to the day in the bunker and it was all just a bad dream.”

• On Fate and Agency in Death

  • Dr. John Spacer (14:32): “Just be straight with me already. Are these people… are you Springfield Corps?”
  • Alex (14:56): “I have to.”

• Episode's Existential Climax

  • Alex (21:02): “To tell me I'm dead as a ghost? In the hopes that at least one version of me can die for real.”
  • Dr. John Spacer (21:09): “Can't you just. Can't you just live your life? What life?”

Timestamps of Key Segments

• 01:08 — John’s disorienting wake-up; “grand rounds” confusion
• 05:29 — John confides in Lon about his haunting dream
• 08:05 — Alex reveals he's a ghost; reality breaks down
• 11:54 — John awakens from being injected; status update from Dr. Iris and Alex
• 14:06 — John learns Alex's connection to Deputy Mendez
• 15:27 — Alex launches into the quantum immortality explanation
• 20:02 — Alex reveals self-harm and the reality-repetition cycle
• 21:02 — The episode’s emotional and philosophical crux: Alex’s desperate hope that John can finally lay him to rest

Tone & Atmosphere

Throughout, the tone is tense, melancholic, and laced with dark humor. Characters speak candidly—sometimes harshly—about trauma, regret, and metaphysical mysteries. Lon’s warm teasing and Alex’s raw admissions contrast starkly with Spacer’s confusion and isolation, underscoring the show’s core themes of connection, loss, and seeking truth among the dead.

Summary

Episode 9 is a mind-bending, emotional journey that pushes Jonathan Spacer—and listeners—through layers of psychological and supernatural ambiguity. Key revelations about quantum immortality and Alex’s looping existence dramatically shift the stakes, recasting John's journey through Springfield as not just a mystery to solve, but a struggle to reconcile with mortality, guilt, and the blurred lines between life and death. The episode ends with more questions than answers, setting up a tense and possibly transformative confrontation for all involved.