Podcast Summary: How to Be a Better Human

Episode: How to find small delights in an uncontrollable world (w/ Sarah Kay)
Host: Chris Duffy (TED)
Guest: Sarah Kay (Poet & Educator)
Date: December 1, 2025

Overview

In this heartfelt and uplifting episode, comedian and host Chris Duffy reunites with acclaimed poet and educator Sarah Kay for a deep conversation on finding delight and meaning amid chaos and uncertainty. Sarah shares stories from her poetic journey, the power of community, presence, and the small gestures that build human connection. Through personal anecdotes, philosophical reflection, and one of her signature poems, Sarah offers listeners both inspiration and practical wisdom for noticing and nurturing everyday beauty—even when the world feels overwhelming.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Power of Poetry and Presence

• Poetry as Attention: Sarah opens with a moving reading of her poem “Miles from Any Shoreline”, setting the tone for the conversation about paying attention to the world’s small wonders ([02:18]).
• Community and Connection: She recounts how poetry, first experienced as a solitary love, became communal in the electric atmosphere of NYC’s Bowery Poetry Club. This shifted her sense of poetry to something collective, healing, and “otherworldly” ([16:05]).
• Effort and Care: Chris highlights Sarah’s remarkable gift for presence and creating spaces—onstage or in friendship—where people feel genuinely seen ([19:51]).

  “You have this ability to shine the spotlight of our ... momentary presence and attention onto another person and say, like, I'm really here and I really see you.” —Chris Duffy ([19:51])

2. The Importance of Small, Deliberate Action

• Translating Care into Action: Sarah explains how she learned the importance of demonstrating care—moving from internal thought to tangible action, even a small message or a joke just for one person ([20:41]).
  • “If I want that feeling to make it to somebody else, I have to convert it into behavior. Action can be in very small units.” ([20:41])
• Joy in Effort: Both reflect on the hilarity and love embedded in small, high-effort gestures, like maintaining inside jokes for years. These signal deep attention and affection—for no one’s benefit but the recipient ([27:13]):
  • “Immense effort for a very small payoff is one of the funniest things... What greater gift is there?” —Sarah Kay ([27:13])

3. Place, Memory, and Belonging

• Shaped by New York City: Sarah discusses how growing up in the city shaped her, making her notice both the vibrancy she belongs to and the city’s indifference to her as an individual ([11:01]).
  • “I can belong somewhere or try to belong somewhere and know that it does not belong to me.” ([11:01])
• Community by Choice: Their visit to Hanif Abdurraqib in Columbus, Ohio highlights intentional community-building and the joys of rootedness. Hanif speaks about feeling a responsibility in a smaller city, offering a model for tangible, neighborly connection ([32:14]).

4. Navigating Overwhelm and Finding Delight

• The Weight of the World: Chris shares his struggles with feeling overwhelmed by global suffering and the futility of tiny individual effort ([17:13]).
• Sarah’s Strategy: She recommends focusing attention and curiosity on nearby people, art, and even others’ mundane burdens, countering isolation with simple acts of presence ([18:10]).
  • “Anytime we're feeling like we're alone or isolated, there's somebody on the other side of a door... If there's a way to get to them... then we're doing it together instead of alone.” ([18:10])
• Openness vs. Cynicism: Chris invokes Sarah’s philosophy of “walking with arms open”—choosing to be impacted, rather than appearing cool and closed off ([38:18]).
  • “What you try and do is to instead take your arms and uncross them and leave them open to catch what is thrown your way…” —Chris Duffy ([38:18])

5. The Art & Discipline of Lingering with Delight

• On Starfish and Attention: The image of a starfish found miles from any shoreline becomes a metaphor for rare, inexplicable delight. Sarah emphasizes lingering as an act of devotion:
  • “Whatever we decide to linger on, that's what we've given our time to, that we can't get back.” —Sarah Kay ([40:15])
  • The classic starfish story is recontextualized: even small, single actions can make all the difference, echoing core episode themes.
• Let Yourself Be Delighted: The conversation ends with an invitation to seek and share what amazes or delights you—even the smallest, silliest things. Such moments of joy don’t need external validation; they refuel us for the harder realities ([42:41]).
  • “We are surrounded by miraculous phenomena... Sometimes they're very small and seem silly to others, and that's okay. They don't have to impress anybody but you.” ([42:41])

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• Poetry as Opportunity for Presence
  “When I write a poem, in some ways it's me pouring my attention in a direction ... and by virtue of trying to find language for it, I am suggesting that this is worth my attention and your attention for a moment.” —Sarah Kay ([20:41])

• On Joyful, Small Gestures
  “Putting in an immense amount of effort to make a joke for one person... what greater gift is there?” —Sarah Kay ([27:13])

• On Being Impacted by the World
  “I want to have, be a part of my life... walking with my arms open, rather than my arms crossed...” —Chris Duffy ([38:18])

• The Choice to Linger
  “Lingering on something and on someone is... it's everything. Because we only have so much time. And so whatever we decide to linger on, that's what we've given our time to, that we can't get back.” —Sarah Kay ([40:15])

Key Segments & Timestamps

• Sarah Kay recites “Miles from Any Shoreline” ([02:18]–[06:01])
• On how place shapes identity ([11:01])
• Discovering poetry, community, and the Bowery Poetry Club ([12:42]–[16:05])
• The importance of deliberate, small acts of caring ([20:41])
• On the art of effortful inside jokes ([27:13]–[28:16])
• Hanif Abdurraqib and building intentional community ([32:14]–[36:37])
• Strategies for dealing with overwhelm & walking with arms open ([38:18])
• The starfish story and the power of lingering ([40:15])

Memorable Moments

• Sarah’s evocative sunset poem, painting loneliness and delight as companions.
• The loving lampooning of inside jokes carried on for decades—proof of personalized care.
• The imagery and philosophy of the ‘starfish’ as a symbol of small-but-meaningful acts.
• The encouragement (and modeling) of radical openness and the willingness to be delighted by everyday phenomena, rather than numbed by cynicism.
• Tribute to Hanif Abdurraqib’s way of helping his community: “He loves the elders that live on his block. He loves the high school students that he mentors and who mentor him back. He loves the guys who work at the record store...” ([33:04])

Takeaways

• Small delights and local actions are not merely distractions—they are sources of meaning and resilience.
• Attention, presence, and personalized gestures build true connection in a chaotic world.
• Being deliberately open to experience—“walking with arms open”—invites both pain and joy, but is essential for a full life.
• Communities are built and sustained through small efforts of care and noticing, not grand gestures.

This episode is a resonant guide for anyone seeking beauty, connection, or hope amid uncertainty.
Recommended: Listen to Sarah Kay’s poem at [02:18] and the discussion on starfish and attention at [40:15] for moments of poetic clarity and inspiration.