Podcast Summary: "How to Keep Close Friendships" with Aminatou Sow

Episode Title: How to Keep Close Friendships
Host: Chris Duffy
Guest: Aminatou Sow
Release Date: August 4, 2025

1. Introduction to the Episode

In this enriching episode of "How to Be a Better Human," host Chris Duffy engages in a profound conversation with Aminatou Sow, a renowned writer, podcaster, and advocate for authentic relationships. Sow brings her extensive experience from her book "Big Friendship," her podcast "Call Your Girlfriend," and her acclaimed newsletter "Creme de la Creme" to explore the intricacies of maintaining close friendships in an ever-evolving world.

2. Aminatou Sow's Journey and Works

Aminatou Sow introduces herself as a multifaceted creative, sharing her roles as a writer, interviewer, and collaborator. She highlights her collaborative efforts with Ann Friedman, particularly their joint book "Big Friendship," which delves into the dynamics of sustaining long-term platonic relationships. Sow reflects on her podcasting journey, emphasizing the blend of humor and honesty that characterized "Call Your Girlfriend."

Aminatou Sow [04:43]: "We were the co-host of a podcast called Call Your Girlfriend, and in 2020 we published this book that was a joint account of our friendship told by the both of us."

3. The Importance of Honest Communication in Friendships

Central to Sow's philosophy is the power of honest communication. She posits that articulating one's feelings and challenges is paramount not just in romantic relationships but equally in friendships. This transparency fosters deeper connections and mutual understanding.

Aminatou Sow [09:03]: "No two friendships are the same in the same way that no two relationships are the same. Communicating with that person... takes care of like, most of the anxiety."

4. Navigating Friendships Through Life's Changes and the Pandemic

Sow discusses the unique challenges posed by the COVID-19 pandemic, noting that while many struggled with maintaining connections, her experience was somewhat buffered by her existing long-distance friendships. However, she asserts that all relationships face their own set of challenges, whether they stem from career shifts or personal circumstances.

Aminatou Sow [07:24]: "All relationships face challenges... Part of growing in a friendship is learning how to stretch with them and find ways to overcome them."

5. Practical Strategies for Maintaining Friendships

Sow offers actionable advice for listeners seeking to sustain their friendships:

• Open Communication: Initiate conversations about the state of the friendship and express personal feelings.

  Aminatou Sow [09:03]: "Hey, I feel like we're challenged with time... communicating is more than 60% of the battle."

• Small Acts of Presence: Engage in thoughtful gestures that signify care and attention, such as sending postcards.

  Aminatou Sow [09:03]: "With Ann, we're big on writing mail. It’s not just bills in my mailbox; someone is thinking about me."

6. Exploring "Creme de la Creme"

Discussing her newsletter, Sow describes "Creme de la Creme" as a reflection of her varied interests, blending humor, seriousness, and personal musings. She aims to recreate an "older Internet" vibe—an unfiltered, authentic space where she can share her eclectic thoughts without constraints.

Aminatou Sow [10:56]: "It's a newsletter about things I'm interested in... It’s an insight into how my brain works."

7. Challenging the Self-Improvement Culture

Sow critiques the pervasive self-improvement culture, expressing skepticism towards its laborious nature and its roots in Western, particularly white, notions. Instead, she emphasizes a philosophical exploration of self-identity and one's place in the world.

Aminatou Sow [12:07]: "I'm not interested in that kind of labor, but I am interested in the philosophical question of who am I and where do I fit in the world."

8. Balancing Public and Private Life

Sow delves into the delicate balance between public sharing and personal privacy. She shares her experience of publicly disclosing her battle with cancer, highlighting the generosity in sharing personal struggles to aid others, while also maintaining boundaries to protect her private life.

Aminatou Sow [29:36]: "I only share things that don't feel precious to me. If it's in service to a greater conversation, then I'm happy to let it go."

9. Dealing with Grief and Building Community

Grief emerges as a significant theme, with Sow reflecting on how the loss of her mother deepened her understanding of universal suffering. She underscores the importance of community and mutual support in navigating personal grief and challenges.

Aminatou Sow [34:29]: "Find someone else who's trying to survive. You're not the only person with this question. You're not the only person that's suffering."

10. Career Guidance for Young Creatives

Addressing career dilemmas, Sow provides candid advice to young creatives: prioritize financial stability over purely artistic pursuits. She acknowledges the shifting landscape of media and the intensified pressures of modern capitalism, encouraging young people to find sustainable ways to support their art.

Aminatou Sow [35:50]: "Find a way to support yourself that is more important than suffering."

11. The Intersection of Art and Life

Sow reflects on how her creative endeavors—writing, podcasting, and interviewing—serve as tools for understanding and connecting with the world. She emphasizes that genuine conversation and curiosity are foundational to building meaningful relationships and communities.

Aminatou Sow [42:56]: "Whatever the smallest human tether is to understand someone else... every single person is important and the questions they have are important."

12. Conclusion

The episode culminates with Sow and Duffy acknowledging the complexity of being authentic in a world rife with competition, expectations, and superficial connections. Sow reiterates the value of humility, thoughtful questioning, and genuine engagement in fostering lasting friendships.

Aminatou Sow [43:20]: "A lot of the art of conversation is being humble... if you don’t know something, you should just ask."

Chris Duffy closes the episode by expressing his appreciation for Sow's insights and her candidness, highlighting the mutual respect and understanding cultivated throughout their dialogue.

Key Takeaways:

• Honest Communication: Essential for sustaining meaningful friendships.
• Adaptability: Friendships must evolve with life's changes and challenges.
• Small Gestures: Simple acts can significantly strengthen bonds.
• Authenticity Over Self-Improvement: Embrace self-identity rather than conforming to external expectations.
• Community and Support: Vital for personal survival and dealing with grief.
• Career Balance: Financial stability should complement creative aspirations.
• Respecting Boundaries: Balancing public sharing with personal privacy fosters healthier relationships.

Aminatou Sow's heartfelt and insightful perspectives offer listeners practical strategies and philosophical musings on cultivating and maintaining close friendships, ultimately guiding them toward becoming better, more connected humans.