How to Fail with Elizabeth Day

Episode: Amy Jackson Westwick – "I Was a Magnet for Narcissists"

Release Date: April 1, 2026

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt and revealing episode, Elizabeth Day welcomes British-Indian actress, model, and podcast host Amy Jackson Westwick. With over a decade of experience as a crossover star in Bollywood and a growing presence as a podcast host and advocate, Amy reflects on her most formative failures. The candid conversation explores her journey from a working-class childhood in Liverpool, through the pressures of early fame, to relationships, motherhood, and the essential inner work of finding oneself. The episode is structured around Amy’s three chosen “failures,” yielding deep insights into boundaries, people-pleasing, romanticization, and self-trust—all delivered with warmth, humor, and compassion.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Chasing Security, Not Fame

• Elizabeth spotlights Amy’s remark:
  "You're not chasing fame, you're chasing security." (03:53)
• Amy feels secure for the first time at age 34, crediting her peace of mind to years of personal growth and lessons learned from past failures.

  "If you don't have peace of mind, that security goes out the window. So I finally feel peaceful—not all the time, I've got two boys!—but that security comes hand in hand with a bit of peace." (05:37)

2. Failure One: Growing Up Too Fast

• Amy describes her early home life—her parents’ separation, her close relationship with her mum and grandmother, and the longing for more.
• She reveals her yearning for independence, which led her into modeling and, eventually, beauty pageants—driven, unexpectedly, by pettiness after her first boyfriend dated a Miss Liverpool.

  "I was a petty cow… It was pure pettiness. I thought, 'Right, what is this?'... and I found something... Miss Teen World." (14:26)

• The whirlwind that followed—winning Miss Teen World, getting scouted for Bollywood—launched her into adulthood at warp speed.
• The cultural shock and the pressure of performing in India as a teenager led to masking anxiety and losing track of herself:

  "For many years, even offscreen, there was a bit of performance going on... You lose yourself along the way because you actually don't know who you are." (06:56)

• Chilling lesson: The absence of boundaries and constant guidance from others (agents, directors) led to disconnect from herself.
• Memorable moment: Acting alongside Bollywood legend Rajinikanth—he gives Amy sage advice about mindfulness and not losing herself in the industry’s rush.

  "He really made me take a step back, breathe… enjoying it. And I think that was something I wasn't doing at the time." (26:28)

3. Failure Two: Romanticizing the "Perfect" Family Dynamic

• Amy traces her desire for a traditional, nuclear family to her parents’ divorce and the "lack"—not of love, but of unity.
• She owned the "hopeless romantic" label, clinging to the fantasy of domestic perfection and pouring herself into relationships, to her detriment:

  "I think I put so much emphasis on a relationship and I think that blindsided me a lot when it came to the idea of love and what love actually is." (29:28)

• Discussion on people-pleasing: Amy shares her therapist's insight that relentless people-pleasing can be a form of manipulation—an attempt to manage others’ responses and keep the peace.

  "She actually told me it's actually a form of manipulation... If I know that, then I'm just going to do and say as I please and see how that works." (30:40)

• Magnetic Attraction to Narcissists: Amy reflects on why she was repeatedly drawn to controlling, narcissistic partners—a mix of lacking self-worth and boundaries.

  "If I could just get hold of her, I’d say, 'Come on, you’ve got this. Where are your boundaries?' I didn’t know what that word actually meant... the red flags were on fire. What were you doing?" (32:28-33:04)

• The breakthrough came through motherhood—leaving a long-term relationship, not for herself, but for her son's wellbeing.

  "I wasn’t able to leave for myself. It was my son and having him at the forefront of my mind. But it was because I wanted to be a whole person, a whole mum for him." (35:24-36:09)

• Memo: The family she’s built now, though blended, is the healthiest it’s ever been for everyone involved—a real antidote to the "perfect" myth.

4. Failure Three: Not Listening to Yourself (Mind, Body, Soul!!!)

• Amy realizes in adulthood that she spent years disconnected from her body, emotions, and inner voice—largely due to people-pleasing and external pressure.
• She discusses the importance of tuning in to intuition, emphasizing the value of trusting one’s gut:

  "If it doesn't feel right, then it’s not right. And then you can communicate that… If only I used my voice more when I felt something niggling inside me." (54:32)

• Both Amy and Elizabeth note that societal conditioning teaches women not to trust themselves or even understand their own bodies (from menstrual cycle to menopause).
• Amy’s advice to her younger self and other people-pleasers: Pause, check in, and don’t be afraid to use your voice.

Other Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Amy on performance vs. reality:

  "There was a bit of a mask, best foot forward… but the anxiety within my body that I wasn’t allowing out—it was a lot." (21:09)

• On the industry whirlwind:

  "There would easily be about 300–400 people on set. I must admit—if I’m honest with myself—the anxiety within my body... On the inside, it was a lot." (21:04-21:09)

• Amy on blended families and step-parenting:

  "My son is, I'm not gonna lie, my main priority… Ed wasn’t scared by that." (45:39)
  "With blended family... my little boy, he is very strong. You know, they say kids are resilient. He has resilience through and through him." (39:37)

• Humor and humility in setbacks:

  "I am not good with a basin and sink. That was an absolute disaster. I lasted all of a day there, Elizabeth." (12:32)

• Elizabeth’s affirmation:

  "The Amy that I have been lucky enough to meet is so likable, so loveable. We adore you all the more for your honesty and your realness and what you perceive as your imperfections." (55:56)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Intro & Amy’s Career Recap: 02:39–04:32
• Chasing Security Over Fame: 05:09–05:52
• Failure 1: Growing Up Too Fast (childhood, pageants, Bollywood): 08:15–23:24
• Rajinikanth & Bollywood Surprises: 24:37–26:53
• Failure 2: Romanticizing the Perfect Family (relationships, people-pleasing, narcissists): 27:01–40:26
• Blended Family & Step-Parenting: 44:35–49:56
• Failure 3: Not Listening to Yourself (trusting intuition, self-knowledge): 51:45–55:56
• Closing Affirmation & Goodbye: 55:56–56:18

Tone & Language

Throughout the episode, both Amy and Elizabeth maintain a warm, candid, and slightly self-deprecating tone. Humor and humility thread through the toughest confessions, and both hosts share vulnerability in the service of connection and growth.

For Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In

This episode is a rich resource for anyone grappling with boundaries, people-pleasing, self-discovery, or family dynamics—especially those with non-traditional or blended families. Amy's journey offers reassurance that failures, far from being endpoints, are waymarkers to deeper clarity, healthier relationships, and a truer sense of self. Her reflections (often shared in a Scouse lilt usually hidden from the screen) are both relatable and inspiring, offering actionable wisdom, reassurance, and a few well-earned laughs.

“If it doesn't feel right, then it’s not right. Use your voice. Don’t be afraid to.”
—Amy Jackson Westwick (54:32)

For more, follow "How to Fail with Elizabeth Day" wherever you get your podcasts!