How To Fail With Elizabeth Day
Episode: Chris Appleton - ‘I Felt Shame Before I Felt Love’
Release Date: March 25, 2026
Guest: Chris Appleton, Celebrity Hairstylist & Author
Host: Elizabeth Day
Episode Overview
In this powerful and candid episode, Elizabeth Day sits down with Chris Appleton—globally acclaimed hairstylist to stars like Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez—to discuss his journey from bullied schoolboy in Leicester to Hollywood icon. True to the podcast's ethos, Chris explores three major personal failures and the deep lessons learned from each: the destructive power of shame, the myth that success heals all wounds, and the pitfalls of comparison. Chris’s vulnerability shines as he talks about coming out, battling suicidal thoughts, parenting through family crisis, and ultimately, learning to love himself.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Shame and Early Life Struggles
[12:55-21:12]
- Chris recounts growing up as the middle child in a family of five, struggling with undiagnosed dyslexia and relentless bullying due to his passion for hair.
- He describes being shamed before understanding love or acceptance:
“I think I've probably experienced and felt shame before I felt love in a way.” (Chris, 13:53)
- His coming out at 26 was fraught with inner turmoil and societal pressure, leading to a breakdown:
“I felt like it would be better for them to have a dad that was dead than gay because… there was so much shame around it.” (Chris, 15:32)
- Chris shares the darkest point where shame nearly ended his life, and the process of returning to himself:
“I realized then I'd made a career out of people looking in the mirror… I just never allowed myself to look in the mirror. I think I was just too afraid.” (Chris, 16:44)
- Kate, his former partner, is credited with “saving his life many times” through deep unselfishness and love.
2. Healing, Parenting, and Self-Love
[21:12-24:44]
- Chris now focuses on self-love and emotional boundaries, crediting therapy and inner work with helping him heal:
“Self love is very peaceful. It just means you don't get into relationships you shouldn't.” (Chris, 18:56)
- Describes his close, functional co-parenting relationship with Kate and their two adult children, emphasizing that love “is not a failure simply because it ends or evolves.”
- Chris’s pride in his children shines, especially when his daughter Kitty sets a healthy personal boundary with a family member:
“I was so inspired… I think we did a good job.” (Chris, 25:06)
3. The Limitations of Success
[27:36-33:05]
- Chris addresses his second failure: believing that fame, money, or recognition would heal old wounds:
“You can externally, like, excite yourself and, you know, feel like you've had a win. But if you're not aligned internally, you still have that sad feeling.” (Chris, 27:50)
- He credits therapy and “inner child work” for helping him realize he had abandoned his true self for years:
“I just couldn't stop crying... realized how mean I'd been to myself… how I'd abandoned myself.” (Chris, 29:10)
- Observing celebrity clients like Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner, he was more inspired than envious, choosing to learn from their resilience in the face of failure.
4. Navigating Setbacks, Celebrity, and Resilience
[33:05-37:06]
- On what he’s learned from top-tier clients about setbacks:
“Failure happens to everyone. But I think you have a choice in what you do with failure... [it] can be the beginning of something new and exciting.” (Chris, 33:49)
- Shares anecdotes about working with Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian, exploring the power of changing one’s identity through hair.
- Emotional story of Kris Jenner trusting him to try a new look, and how “being seen” is transformative even for icons:
“She actually got emotional… said, ‘for someone to see you different… that was just so refreshing.’” (Chris, 35:36)
5. The Role of Hair and Identity
[07:26-10:40, 37:14-39:23]
- Articulates how hair is central to self-expression and identity—citing examples from Monroe to Gaga to the Kardashians.
“Hair is just such a big part of people's identity. And in celebrity culture… it's the power of reinvention.” (Chris, 07:31)
- Talks humorously about industry mishaps, the truth behind celebrity hair secrets, and the emotional impact of styling for cancer patients.
“I knew that when I did cancer patients… these women would say to me, they'd rather lose their breasts than their hair.” (Chris, 36:22)
6. The Trap of Comparison & Social Media
[39:56-43:03]
- Highlights the toxicity of comparing oneself to others, especially in the social media age:
“Comparing your chapter two to someone else's chapter twelve.” (Elizabeth, 40:06) “There is the element where you're flicking and constantly consuming so much… it's so easy to go envious and feel smaller.” (Chris, 40:14)
- Now, Chris brings compassion to himself when triggered, and strives to authentically share his craft with the public.
7. Closing: Defining Himself & Lessons Learned
[43:40-45:41]
- If he were a hairstyle?
“A bombshell blowout… bouncy, fun, sexy… has life and ambition.” (Chris, 43:45) “My motto is to die with memories, not dreams.”
- On the challenge and reward of writing his memoir, “Your Roots Don’t Define You,” and the importance of staying connected to one’s emotions:
“I hope I never lose that because it shows, you know, your connection to those emotions. That's good, you know, I don't ever want to become numb to any of it.” (Chris, 45:26)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
- “I treat every job like it's the first time I've done it.” – Chris Appleton [04:51]
- “The ultimate shame… which kind of led me to maybe my darkest time in my life… was when I came out.”
– Chris Appleton [13:53] - "Self-love is very peaceful… it just means you don't get into relationships you shouldn't."
– Chris Appleton [18:56] - “No one gets a get out of jail free card. Sometimes the bigger your life is, the bigger the problems.”
– Chris Appleton [34:21] - “You're only as good as your last job.”
– Chris Appleton [05:15] - “My motto is to die with memories, not dreams.”
– Chris Appleton [43:52]
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [04:46] — Chris discusses imposter syndrome and professional pressure
- [13:04] — Chris’s first memory of shame and early bullying
- [15:00-17:52] — The process and consequences of coming out; suicide attempt
- [18:56] — Reflection on self-love, boundaries, and healing
- [21:30] — On love "not being a failure because it ends or evolves"
- [24:22] — Parenting adult children, healthy boundaries
- [27:41] — Success not healing past wounds & therapy insights
- [33:34] — Lessons learned from observing failure and resilience in celebrities
- [35:36] — Kris Jenner’s emotional response to feeling seen
- [39:56] — The problem of comparison and social media’s impact
- [43:45] — “If you had to define yourself as a hairstyle…” (Bombshell blowout)
- [45:26] — On staying connected to emotions and the legacy of his memoir
Tone & Style
The conversation is honest, introspective, and often humorous. Chris’s empathy, humility, and wit bring levity even to heavy topics. Elizabeth Day guides with warmth, curiosity, and insight, ensuring the discussion is accessible, comforting, and motivational.
For New Listeners
This episode is an emotional masterclass in self-acceptance, the limits of external achievement, and the courage it takes to share your truth. Chris Appleton’s journey resonates far beyond the world of celebrity hair—offering hope to anyone who’s ever felt less than, left out, or lost.