Podcast Summary: "How To Fail with Elizabeth Day – Erin Doherty: 'Lean Into Your Truth'"

Date: March 12, 2025
Host: Elizabeth Day
Guest: Erin Doherty (Actor - The Crown, Chloe, A Thousand Blows)
Production: Elizabeth Day & Sony Music Entertainment

Episode Overview

In this intimate and insightful episode, Elizabeth Day sits down with actor Erin Doherty to explore the failures that have shaped her path. Together, they delve into Erin's journey from aspiring footballer to acclaimed stage and screen performer, unpacking lessons learned through rejection, evolving friendships, and personal identity. With humor, vulnerability, and wisdom, Erin reflects on the interconnectedness of creativity, relationships, and staying true to oneself—even, or especially, when failing.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Nature of Acting and Self-Expression

• Escapism & Confidence:
  Erin describes acting as a lifeboat, allowing her to channel complex feelings and overcome social anxiety:

  "For me, it's 100% a form of escapism. There's something really freeing about portraying someone else... If that wasn't there, I think I would just—I don't know how I'd get it out. So yeah, it's always kind of been a lifeboat for me in that sense." (04:43, Erin Doherty)

• Learning from Roles:
  Each character becomes a mirror, offering life lessons and self-discovery:

  "...once you've embodied someone for a year sometimes...they stay with you and you get to really learn things from them...it's a really gorgeous opportunity to just try things." (05:23, Erin Doherty)

2. Key Roles and Their Life Lessons

• Mary Carr in 'A Thousand Blows'
  Erin relished playing such a grounded, real character, exploring historical female criminality and drawing psychological depth from limited sources:

  "...knowing that I could be this woman who, on the page, she's so grounded and just earthy—I'd give my right arm to play someone like that." (07:29, Erin Doherty)

• Princess Anne in 'The Crown'
  This role taught Erin the value of unvarnished honesty:

  "What she gave me was this kind of resilience at just needing to be honest...she wouldn't compromise...particularly as a woman, I found that really empowering." (08:40, Erin Doherty)

3. Personal Reflections on Failure

First Failure: Musical Theatre and Drama School Auditions

• On Early Rejection:
  Multiple failed auditions led to heartbreak but ultimately clarified Erin’s path:

  "I didn't get in anywhere...it was still really heartbreaking because someone's telling you no." (14:36, Erin Doherty)

• Resilience and Drive:
  Perseverance was rooted in having "no other option":

  "...It's nothing to do with, I will be successful at this thing. I just don't know how I get to—I'm gonna live my life without this as a part of who I am...So I'll just keep going." (16:19, Erin Doherty)

• Rejection as a Teacher:
  Erin reframes rejection as necessary fuel:

  "...I've learned to really love rejection and really use it as a positive thing. When someone says no, you have to lean in times ten." (17:07, Erin Doherty)

[Failure Segment Starts: 14:20]

Second Failure: Keeping Friends

• Transient Friendships:
  Erin talks candidly about her struggle to maintain long-term friendships, often feeling like an outsider or "perfectionist" who avoids labeling relationships to escape pressure:

  "I'm a perfectionist. I hate the idea of being a really awful friend, so I'll just be the person you can meet for coffee every now and then." (24:19, Erin Doherty)

• Different Metrics for Friendship:
  Elizabeth and Erin discuss generosity of spirit and that true connection can exist without constant contact:

  "For me, in friendship...the most important metric I look for...is generosity of spirit. We don't have to talk often, but we hit relational depth quickly." (25:35, Elizabeth Day)

• Romantic vs. Platonic Attachment:
  Erin’s experience with love is "all in," yet friendships are looser and more forgiving of distance:

  "Romantic wise, I'm all in. Like, it's everything to me. But at the same time, I have to really, really work on that idea of people can come and go..." (27:22, Erin Doherty)

[Second Failure Segment Starts: 22:29]

Third Failure: Big Social Gatherings

• Social Anxiety:
  Erin confides how large groups overwhelm her, preferring intense one-on-one interactions:

  "I'm awful, awful at [big gatherings]... I love one on one. That's my thing...I crave that kind of communication. You never get them in big social gatherings." (39:09, Erin Doherty)

• Connection through Art:
  Paradoxically, performing on stage or screen feels less exhausting than mingling at parties:

  "...if you've done your job correctly, people will watch this thing and they'll connect...but I'm not as exhausted by the process." (40:42, Erin Doherty)

[Third Failure Segment Starts: 38:59]

4. Personal Identity: Coming Out and Sexuality

• Journey to Embracing Her Identity:
  Erin shares the belated realization and immense relief in finally accepting her sexuality:

  "...it took me a really, really long time to finally get to the point where I was like, oh, I'm gay...But I think...no one in my life had shown me that that was an option, so I just never applied it to myself." (30:12, Erin Doherty)

  "I was 24, 25 before my first relationship with a woman...and it felt like I had come home." (31:38, Erin Doherty)

  "Just lean into your truth. Because there was something so monumental about that moment of going, whoa, this is me..." (32:05, Erin Doherty)

[Identity Segment: 30:05–32:40]

5. The Work Ethic and Roots of Resilience

• Family Influence:
  Erin credits her father and her experience of parental divorce for her outlook:

  "...we would always talk about my next step and my next step. I've not questioned that. You just—you work and you work and you work until you get to where you want to be." (17:59, Erin Doherty)

  "...when you watch something break down and you've experienced it, you kind of go, all right. People can go, but it doesn't mean they don't love you." (18:41, Erin Doherty)

6. Relationships with Roles and Others

• Intensity in Work and Love:
  Erin confesses to pouring herself obsessively into roles and relationships:

  "...the addiction and commitment to honing in on one person and wanting to do it justice...when characters come into my life, I have to give it all—my body and soul and heart and guts and blood and everything." (37:45–38:51, Erin Doherty)

• Role Models in the Industry:
  Admiration for actors like Olivia Colman and Stephen Graham, who "smash it" with authenticity and groundedness:

  "...if you always come back to your why, you'll be safe. And [Stephen Graham] kind of—he's driven that home for me." (44:06–45:02, Erin Doherty)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Coming Out:

  "There was something so monumental about that moment of going, whoa, this is me. And just embracing it and not applying anything else to it. I just think we all deserve that."
  (32:05, Erin Doherty)

• On Friendship:

  "The one person I have is my sister."
  (24:19, Erin Doherty)

• On Role Intensity:

  "I fall in love with them. My girlfriend will attest to this. The minute anything comes into my sphere, the blinkers go on."
  (37:19, Erin Doherty)

• On Failure and Rejection:

  "When someone says no, you have to lean in times 10...If you're not going to be your own cheerleader, no one else is going to be."
  (17:07, Erin Doherty)

• On Sexual Identity:

  "I just hope that I get to offer that to other women or men...just lean into your truth."
  (32:05, Erin Doherty)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [04:43] – Acting and Social Anxiety
• [07:09] – Discovering Mary Carr and 'A Thousand Blows'
• [08:40] – Lessons from Princess Anne
• [14:20] – First Major Failure: Drama School Auditions
• [17:07] – Learning from Rejection
• [22:29] – Second Major Failure: Keeping Friends
• [27:22] – Romance vs. Friendship Attachment
• [30:05] – Identity and Coming Out
• [38:59] – Third Major Failure: Social Gatherings
• [45:02] – Navigating Fame and Industry Role Models

Tone & Atmosphere

The conversation is warm, honest, and full of gentle humor. Erin's humility, introspection, and authenticity shine as she and Elizabeth foster an atmosphere of mutual respect and curiosity. Even in discussing loneliness, anxiety, or mistakes, Erin’s persistent optimism and empathy pervade, making the episode both relatable and uplifting.

Summary

Erin Doherty’s appearance on "How to Fail" is a compelling exploration of how failure, identity, and creative passion interweave. By “leaning into her truth,” Erin models the courage and self-acceptance that the podcast so joyously champions. This episode will resonate with anyone seeking comfort, solidarity, and inspiration on their own imperfect path.

For more: Listen to "How to Fail with Elizabeth Day" wherever you get your podcasts.